


Maybe Today, Maybe Forever [Collection]

by freedomatsea



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Angst, Bath Sex, Bathroom Sex, Blow Jobs, Childbirth, Cock Warming, Come Eating, Comeplay, Consensual Somnophilia, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Daddy!Javi, Domestic Fluff, Double Penetration, F/M, Female Ejaculation, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Internalized Misogyny, Kink Negotiation, Masturbation, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Multiple Orgasms, Name-Calling, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Parenthood, Pegging, Period-Typical Sexism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Pregnant Sex, References to Depression, Roleplay, Rough Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Seizures, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Spanking, Tantric Sex, Teasing, Therapy, Tumblr Prompt, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators, Voyeurism, Wordcount: Over 200.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 152
Words: 426,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23501908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: A collection of interconnected fics originally posted on Tumblr. This universe follows Javier and his partner (Reader) as they navigate becoming parents following a one night stand after Steve Murphy left the DEA. It’s an angsty, sexy, fluffy universe chockfull of smut and toothrottingly sweet Daddy!Javi.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 56
Kudos: 372





	1. Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Looking for everything you need to know about _Maybe Today, Maybe Forever_? Well, look no further. [Click here to find links to the Timeline and Release Order posts, Pinterest boards, character face claims, houses, and more. ](https://mtmf.carrd.co/)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I’m keeping it. With or without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Lots of language, name-calling, miscommunication, everyone’s an asshole, ANGST, so much angst, pregnant!reader

You had been in a lot of difficult situations throughout the course of your career — shootouts, drug busts, asshole bosses paired with the government’s blind eye towards rampant sexism in the workplace. You had faced a lot of shit, but none of it had prepared you for the fallout of sleeping with your partner.  


It all started the weekend after Escobar died. Murphy announced he was heading back to America now that the hunt for Escobar was finished taking both you and Javier by surprise. Escobar hadn’t been the only narcos on the DEA’s radar and you had both anticipated that he’d stay on to go after the next cartel. It was Javier’s idea to have a going away party for Steve, but in the end it was less about the party and more about you and Javi closing out the bar at two in the morning. Murphy and Connie left at a reasonable hour, leaving the two of you to drink your cares away. 

Without Murphy there as a buffer, you and Javier were _fucked_. Literally. 

As you stood in your bathroom, staring at your towel-clad reflection in the mirror, the irony wasn’t lost on you. This whole mess had started in a bathroom and now, as you stood with a pregnancy test sitting on your bathroom sink, it was becoming a reality in a bathroom too. Nothing good ever came to fruition in a bathroom. 

Just last week, Javier had been bragging with one of the newer agents about having to bang another hooker-informant. What happened between the two of you had meant _nothing_ and with each passing day of awkward glances and short conversations, you realized Murphy had been the glue holding your friendship together. 

You and Javier were nothing but partners and fucking him had ruined any chance of being friends. Now a positive pregnancy test would ruin any chance of remaining partners with him. 

For a week you debated whether or not you would even tell him. It was none of his business really — you’d be fine if the entire department thought some wayward one night stand had knocked you up. But the guilt of keeping him in the dark eventually ate at you. You had to tell him, regardless of his reaction. 

The worst-case scenario would be that he wanted to get reassigned a new partner and given how awkward he’d made things since Murphy’s going away party — you wouldn’t actually be against it. A little distance would probably do you some good. 

It was probably a mistake to tell him while he was driving. 

He’d actually been in a decent mood as the pair of you set out to stake out the house of one of the cartel members. The whole morning had felt like you were walking through a vivid waking dream. Hell, you hardly even remembered a word your boss had said during the briefing. 

You slid into the passenger seat beside Javier and stared at him as he pushed his aviator’s up the bridge of his nose, watching his mouth as he silently sang along to whatever was playing over the car’s grainy radio. 

He’d been in a good mood right up until the moment you said—

“I’m pregnant.” 

Javier’s foot hit the break a little too harshly at the next red light, his fingers curling tightly around the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. 

“Why are you telling me?”

You pushed your fingers through your hair and stared out the window to your right. “Why do you think I’m telling you?”

He slammed his fist into the center of the steering wheel, the car horn making you nearly jump out of your skin. “ _Goddammit_.” He hissed out as he drove the car down an alley and put it into park. 

“I’m keeping it.” You told him quietly. “With or without you.” 

He pulled his aviators off and tossed them onto the dashboard. You watched as he dragged his hands over his face, his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths, before he turned his anger in your direction. “Were you going to fucking tell me? It’s been three fucking months since Murphy fucked off back to the states. _Three months_!” 

“I wanted to tell you sooner,” You started, keeping your voice steady. “But I didn’t know how you’d react.” Your brows rose upwards as you met his heated gaze. “You’ve been a real jackass ever since that night. This,” You gestured to the current situation. “is about what I expected.” 

“No shit.” Javier snapped. “You should’ve fucking told me sooner.” 

“So I could subject myself to _this_ sooner?” You questioned, your own anger boiling to the surface. “I mean, I guess I could’ve pulled you aside last week after you got done telling Tom about the hooker you’d fucked. But that seemed like a bro moment and I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

The color seemed to drain out of his face as he stared at you. The silence was more unnerving than his shouting. “You weren’t there when I woke up.” 

You swallowed thickly as you held his gaze. “Did you want me to be there? I mean I know you, Javi. I know how you operate.” You shook your head. “I left to spare myself the awkward morning after.” 

He sank back against his seat, hitting his head against the headrest twice before he finally found his words. “You can sit there and call me a jackass all you want, but you’ve been a bitch to me ever since that night. I tried. I _fucking_ tried.”

“You _tried_?” You laughed harshly, shaking your head. “How the fuck did you _try,_ Peña?” 

“I brought you coffee.” 

You stared at him, your mouth going dry. He had brought you coffee that Monday after. He’d left it sitting on your desk for you. He was already in meetings by the time you rolled into the office, but you had known it was from him. “I thought you were just… I don’t know.” Your shoulders sagged. “I thought it was like an olive branch.” 

“I tried to get you to go out with me. You shot me down.”

“When?” 

“A week after, maybe two. Fuck if I remember we were swamped with paperwork.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, staring out the driver’s side window. “It was late, eight or nine. I asked if you wanted to grab a drink and you laughed at me.” 

Your heart clenched as you recalled that precise encounter. “Shit.” You breathed out and covered your face. “I had just puked my guts out in the bathroom. I was just trying to get you out of the office before I puked again.” 

Javi let out a near-hysterical laugh as he turned his head to look at you. “I thought you were blowing me off. I gave up then. I figured you’d regretted that night and I had to stop chasing you like a dumbass.” 

“I didn’t realize.” You chewed on your bottom lip, feeling a surge of raw emotion come over you. “I _hate_ hormones.” You lamented as you covered your face to hide the tears that were now spilling from your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No, baby. Don’t apologize.” Javier drawled out as he reached across the car and squeezed your leg. “I should’ve said something.” 

You shook your head, wiping at your tears. “What were you going to say? What was I going to say? We’re both fucking idiots.”

“It’s all gone to shit without Murphy.” 

“ _Yeah_.” You said weakly as you sniffed, staring out your window. 

Javier kept his hand on your thigh, his fingertips drawing little circles against your pant leg. It was kind of annoying, but you knew he was just trying to be comforting. 

“I don’t expect you to be involved.” You finally spoke again. “I wouldn’t blame you. I don’t want or need your money.” You held up your hand when he started to interrupt you. “No one has to ever know who the baby’s father is.” 

“Are you going back to the states?”

You shook your head. “I don’t plan to. I’m sure they’ll try to hassle me into going back, but I’m not. I’ll take desk duty if I have to.” 

“So you’d just… _What_?” Javier’s grip on your thigh tightened. “Make me sit across the office from you, watching our kid grow and… pretend it’s not mine? I don’t know what kind of person you think I am, but—”

“You left your highschool sweetheart at the altar, Javi. You’re the kind of man who has one night stands and fucks hookers. You’re the perpetual bachelor and that’s fine.” New anger was brewing in your words. “I respect you enough to not want to ruin your M.O.” 

“How many times are you going to throw who I fuck in my face?” 

You laughed harshly. 

“Are you jealous?” He continued. 

“Am I jealous of the women you pay to fuck? No. I can’t say I am.” You stared at him pointedly. 

“You broke my goddamn heart when I woke up and you weren’t there.” Javier admitted with a deadly serious tone. “I thought we’d finally figured this out. But instead I woke up alone and confused.” 

“You have a heart?” Now you were just being mean for the sake of being mean. 

“Fuck you.” He snapped, pulling his hand away from your thigh. 

“That’s what got us into this situation.” 

“This isn’t a _fucking_ game.” Javier snarled. “I don’t want to just be some deadbeat dad. Do you get that?”

“So you want to be involved?”

“With you.” He raked his fingers over his face, pressing his palms against his eyes as he let out a frustrated sound. “I want to be involved with you. Not just ‘cause you’re knocked up either. You and me? We can figure this out.” 

You stared at him like he was speaking a foreign language. You couldn’t believe Javier Peña was admitting that he wanted to be with you. You. 

“You don’t have to say that.” You stated. “If this is just because I’m pregnant, if this is some white knight bullshit. I don’t want it, Javi. I don’t want to put myself through it and I damn well don’t want to put our kid through it.” 

“For fuck’s sake.” He stared up at the roof of the car. “Am I not making sense? Have I not made it clear enough that I wanted you.” 

“But I know how you are, Javi.” You frowned as you stared at him. “You have this whole little life of yours—”

“I’m lonely.” Javier confessed, his voice actually cracking. “So fucking lonely.” He slowly turned to look at you, his dark gaze full of emotion. “I’ve spent the last three months feeling like I’m going crazy. I lost Murphy and then I thought I was losing you.” 

“ _Javi_ —”

“Don’t, ‘Javi’ me.” He snapped. “Do you want this?”

You stared at him, breathless, for what felt like a small eternity. “Yes.” 

His seatbelt snapped against the side of the car as he hastily undid it, surging across the center console. He cupped your cheek, dragging you into a surprisingly gentle kiss that stood in stark contrast with the anger that had flared between you.

Maybe it was a mistake. You were both volatile people, you always had been. Maybe it would end in flames in a week or a month or twenty years down the line. But maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe it would work out. Maybe you and Javi were going to be alright. 


	2. Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set a year after maybe, Javier and Reader come to terms with their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, rough sex (shower sex, biting, unprotected), lots of fluff, parenthood, blood.

The morning sun still managed to get through your opaque curtains, cutting harsh shadows across your bedroom as it shone brightly past the vinyl blinds. You nestled a little deeper into your pillow, trying to cling to those last few precious moments of sleep. Any second now your daughter would start crying — the new normal for your daily sunrises. 

Javier, however, seemed determined to find a new morning ritual. 

Now that you were awake, the possessive arm that he always kept wrapped around you had started to move downwards. Fingertips trailing over your stomach, tracing over the stretchmarks there, worshipping your soft flesh. You sighed softly as his hand moved lower beneath the waistband of your sleep shorts, slipping between your thighs. 

“Morning,” He whispered as he pressed his lips to your shoulder as he dragged his fingers between your folds. You had lost count of how many mornings he had tried, in vain, to initiate sex. You could feel his stiff cock straining through his boxers and pressing against the back of your thigh as he curled close behind you. 

You reached behind you, pushing your fingers through his hair as you parted your thighs for him. As much as you wanted him, you knew it wasn’t meant to be. Like clockwork your daughter would start crying — ruining any chance for waking up in your favorite fashion. 

Three. Two. One. 

Javier pressed his face into the crook of your neck and groaned, “Every damn morning.” He complained, pulling his hand out from between your thighs, releasing you so you could go to her. 

It had been months. You had still been pregnant the last time you had Javier between your thighs. You missed it — desperately — but there just wasn’t any time. 

No one at the DEA knew who the father was. You had both decided, early on, that it was for the best. Sure, some of the guys treated you like a two-bit whore when you said you didn’t know who the father was, but at least they weren’t trying to edge you out of the department because you were fucking your partner. 

By the time you emerged from the nursery with a freshly changed and fed baby, Javier was already showered and dressed, sitting at your kitchen table nursing a cup of black coffee. You gave him a sympathetic smile, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Maybe tonight?”

Javier pursed his lips and shook his head. “I got stuck on the stakeout.” He took a sip of his coffee, before sitting it further up on the table so he could take Josie from you. He held her up in the air, much to her enjoyment. She adored him, almost as much as he adored her. 

“I just fed her,” You warned him, running your hand over his shoulders before you headed towards the fridge to retrieve milk for your cereal. 

“I don’t know how people do it,” Javier remarked, glancing back over his shoulder at you. “I had friends back home in Texas who had kids stacked up.” 

You laughed as you moved to settle down beside him at the table. “Yeah...I have no idea how people have Irish twins.” You made a face. “If she’s not screaming, we’re both too tired...” 

“I can’t believe I’m admitting this aloud, but I’m getting fucking tired of my own hand.” He complained, before showering his daughter with kisses as he bounced her on his lap. 

“Her first word is going to be fucking if you’re not careful,” You teased. “Which is ironic, all things considered.” 

Javier gave you a dirty look, though his lips still quirked upwards with amusement. “She’s going to be four months old in a week.” He reminded you. 

“I know.” You propped your chin up on your palm as you watched him with her. No one at the office knew what he was like within the safety of your apartment. “How late do you think it’ll be tonight?”

“Probably late enough that I’ll just go take a shower and head into the office.”

You nodded, scooping up some cereal then. “I figured.”

“You do still want—“

“Yes.” You answered before he could even finish the sentence. “I keep hoping one morning she won’t interrupt us.”

“Knowing us, we’d just worry about why she wasn’t crying.” Javier rolled his eyes, before talking in a teasing voice to her. “Little Miss Josie enjoys interrupting mommy and daddy. Don’t you?” He tickled her sides and she squealed and giggled. He glanced up at you, “You’re sure…?”

“Javi.” You laughed, your cheeks turning red. “Trust me, I miss it just as much as you do.” 

He smirked. “You’re driving me crazy, baby.” Javier snorted, glancing down at his daughter. “You too, Josie.” 

“Luckily it’s a short drive.” You taunted with a self-satisfied grin, finishing off the last of your cereal and holding your hands out for her. “Good luck tonight, in case we don’t get a moment alone at work.” 

Javier rose to his feet, settling his hand at your hip as he looked between you and Josie. “I’m gonna miss my girls tonight.” 

“We’re going to miss you too.” You tilted your chin, smiling up at him as he leaned down to kiss you. Josie squawked over not being the center of attention, her chubby little hands grabbing at your faces. 

“And I’ll see you tomorrow, lil’ miss.” He took her from you once more, playfully lifting Josie up in the air just to make her giggle. Javier grinned at you as he cradled her against his chest. Despite all of his initial hesitations about parenthood — he’d become an incredible father. You were fairly certain Josie was well on her way to being a daddy’s girl, just from how her sweet face lit up whenever he was around. 

* * *

The rest of the day went by in a blur. 

You dropped Josie off at the sitter down the hall from your apartment, a sweet older woman who you were certain Josie would grow up to call her abuelita. The nice part was that she had zero connections with the DEA, which meant both you and Javier were listed as her emergency contacts. One of the few places he was free to be acknowledged as her father. 

Work dragged on for an eternity. Javier spent most of the day in and out of meetings in preparation for the stakeout, looking more stressed than usual. Especially when the CIA showed up for one of the late-afternoon briefings. 

“Seems like a shit show,” You remarked to Javi as he came back from the break room with a styrofoam cup of stale coffee. 

He grunted his response as he sank down at his desk across from you, glowering in your direction. “You have no idea.” 

You weren’t alone in the bullpen of desks. 

Chris, one of the lower level DEA agents, chimed in. “I guess every stakeout can’t be at a brothel. Eh, Peña?” He laughed, like it was the funniest damn thing he’d ever said. 

“Damn shame.” Javier offered with a blasé tone, sipping at his coffee. Even though you’d lowered your gaze back to the mounting stack of papers on your desk, you knew he was watching you. 

You’d managed to keep the charade in place for a year now, but sometimes it felt like the universe was testing your patience. Mostly it was just Chris, trying desperately to seem like he fit in around the office. He was obviously supposed to fill the void that Murphy left behind, but instead, he just became the gopher for whatever task Javier wasn’t in the mood to put up with. 

“How’s the kiddo?” Chris asked as he leaned back in his seat and propped his legs up on his desk. 

“She’s fine.” You answered crisply, offering a faint smile before shuffling your papers like you were busy. 

“My girl’s been nagging me about kids. I told her — I don’t know if that’s for me. You know?” He wadded up a piece of paper and chucked it across the room, where it joined a pile of crumpled papers that hadn’t made it into the bin. “When’d you decide kids weren’t for you, Peña?”

Javier snorted, “I ain’t dead yet.” 

Dissatisfied with Javier’s answer, Chris turned his attention back to you. “Well, I think it’s real modern of you to be a working mom. “I think Van Ness was raised by a single mom. He turned out okay.” 

“I’m sure Josie will turn out just like her mom,” Javier interjected, getting up from his desk to throw Chris’ paper mess away in the bin. He passed behind your desk and gave your shoulder a friendly squeeze, though you knew exactly what those three little squeezes meant. “I hate to abandon this riveting conversation, but I gotta head out.” He nodded his head towards Chris, before leaving with a lingering look in your direction. 

——

The little chain attached to your bedside lamp clinked against the metal base as it swung freely. The warm golden light cut through the darkness of your bedroom, casting ominous shadows across Javier’s face as he stood in the doorway. You were relieved, at first, to see him — until you took account of the dark stains that colored his pale blue shirt. The crimson that was smeared across his cheek.

“Javi—” You started, throwing your covers back as you moved towards him. “What the hell happened?” Your eyes raked over him, looking for the source of the blood. “Are you hurt?”

“Daniel.” He answered lowly, “He got shot.” 

Javier flinched when you reached out to touch him, his hand flying up to grab your wrists. He squeezed it tightly, just this side of pain. You could feel the tension radiating off of him, the barely contained rage flowing through him. The after-effects of a firefight. 

“Don’t.” Javier warned as you started to reach out for him with the hand that wasn’t caught in his vice-like grip. 

“Tell me what happened.” 

He looked away, brows furrowed and his jaw working tightly. “The intel was bad. Shit was a setup.” He loosened his hold on your wrist, letting his arms drop down by his sides. “He’ll live. Barely.” 

“Good.” Your heart was still racing from the alarm of being awoken in the middle of the night. Javier was lucky you recognized his footsteps, otherwise, you would’ve been forced to use the gun in your nightstand. “You didn’t answer me.” 

“I’m fine.” He gritted out, but you knew that wasn’t the case. Maybe he was physically unharmed, but his demeanor told another story. He’d been through hell and back and his first instinct was to come home to you. Bloodied and brooding, you were the person he sought out when nothing made sense. 

Javier didn’t pull away when you reached for him again. You brushed your fingertips over his forehead, trailing them down along the rise of his cheekbone. His expression softened subtly as he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. “Let me take care of you.” You whispered, taking his hand into yours. “You need a shower.” Not only was he covered in blood, but you could smell the adrenaline-fueled sweat clinging to his skin. 

He nodded stiffly and let you guide him out of your bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. His clothes came off easily, his ruined shirt abandoned on the floor, joined moments later by his dark denim jeans that were darkened in spots by Daniel’s blood. 

Neither of you spoke as you helped him undress. Words just weren’t necessary as you turned the shower on and watched him step behind the sliding glass door. Nothing even needed to be said when you followed him in, still dressed in your sleep shorts and a tank top. 

The warm water washed the blood off his skin, turning the water red around your bare feet. You dragged a washcloth over his neck and jaw, wiping away what the water couldn’t claim. Your soft touches couldn’t ease all of the tension in his body. He was holding it all in, desperate to keep control of his emotions. 

Javier crowded you back against the wall of the shower, breathing raggedly as he stared down at you — like a predator with its prey. Something snapped; the tension, the desire, the rush of emotions. His fingers clawed at your sleep shorts, dragging the damp fabric down your hips. You surged up to kiss him, fingers curling around the back of his neck as your mouth slanted against his. A clash of teeth, a twist of tongues, desperate and bruising and fueled by a need. 

He tore at your tank top, freeing one breast and roughly palming at it. It had been months since you’d been touched like this. Any attempt at intimacy had come from early morning interrupted fumbles and half-asleep groping that inevitably ended in snoring. 

“Please.” You hissed out, fingernails dragging down the back of his neck, pressing close to him. His rigid cock was trapped between your bellies and you groaned at the mere thought of having him in you again. 

Javier’s teeth dragged over your bottom lip with just enough pressure that you were certain your lip would be swollen tomorrow. You didn’t care. You’d wear the marks he gave you, in trade for the ones he wore that were beneath the skin. 

His fingers twisted in your hair, a harsh grip as he turned you around to face the wall. Your tender breasts pressed against the cool tile, a shiver racing down your spine. He kissed the back of your neck, tongue tracing water droplets that cling to your shoulder. His teeth found purchase on a tender spot of skin where your neck became your shoulder and you tried not to cry out. 

You wanted Josie to stay asleep. You needed Javier too much to stop. 

His fingers grabbed at your thigh, fingers pressing into soft flesh harshly enough to bruise. He used his knee to nudge your legs apart wider, positioning you just right. 

Javier released his grip on your hair, using his hand to cover your mouth. Your teeth scraped against his palm, finding purchase in the skin to muffle the moan that escaped you as he guided his cock into you. He pressed in until your ass was pressed against his hips — filling you completely. 

You pried his hand off your mouth, panting out his name. He wasn’t moving and you desperately needed him to move. You clenched around him, trying to spur him on and it worked. 

He fucked you like his life depended on it. All of that tension he’d balled up inside of himself came flooding out of him with every brutal snap of his hips. You were trapped between the wall and his cock — fingers grabbed at the forearm he had securely wrapped around your waist, keeping you pinned against him. 

His other hand was wedged between your thighs, roughly stroking at your clit in time with his pace. It almost hurt, how hard you came apart for him. Your body bowed back against his chest, hands uselessly grabbing at the wet shower wall for support. 

Javier’s teeth left a mark on your shoulder as he followed behind you. All it took was two sharp thrusts and you felt him spill within you, his cock throbbing as you clenched around him desperately. The water had gone cold above you, but that wasn’t the only reason you were trembling. Despite how roughly he had handled you, in the aftermath he lavished your tender skin with soft kisses and touches, trying to ease the pain he’d caused.

It wasn’t until Javier’s cock slid out of you and you were able to turn around to face him that you saw how red his eyes were. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve mistaken his tears for the water droplets flowing down his cheeks from the showerhead. But you knew him. Better than anyone else did.

Javier wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. You didn’t care how cold the water got above you, you played with his hair and held him while he sobbed into your shoulder. 

——

When the first light of morning crept in through your windows, you were surprised to find the bed empty beside you. Instinctively, you got out of bed and made your way down the hall to the nursery. Your heart clenched as you pushed the door open and found Javier inside. 

He was sound asleep on the floor beside Josie’s crib, his hand wedged between the gap in the bars. Josie had fallen asleep with her little hand wrapped around his fingers. You quietly stepped further inside, leaving the door partially open so the sound of the door shutting wouldn’t disturb them. You moved towards the rocking chair in the corner of the room, taking the blanket off the arm. As you turned back around, Javier stirred — blinking groggily up at you. 

You pressed a finger to your lips to keep him quiet as you sat down on the floor beside him. You unfolded the blanket over your laps, settling yourself into his side, resting your cheek against his chest. 

Javier kissed the top of your head, curling his arm around your shoulders. “I want to tell them.” He whispered into your hair. 

You shifted beside him so you could cup his cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. “Then we’ll tell them today.” 

Daniel getting shot had broken something within him. He hadn’t said it, but you knew. You understood it. That fear. Now that you had a kid, the DEA didn’t put you into as many dangerous situations — but Javi was still out there getting shot at, playing Russian Roulette with his life. It could’ve easily been Javier who had gotten shot last night and you wouldn’t have known until you walked into work and read a report. 

“Javi,” You started, tracing your fingertips over his collarbone as you watched him. 

  
“Mhm?”

“I want you to move in.” 

Javier grinned back at you, his fingers squeezing your shoulder three short times. “Thought you’d never ask, baby.” 

Josie whimpered softly in her crib and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I was wondering when that was going to happen.”

Javier got up to get her before joining you on the floor again, leaning back against the crib. “You’re going to get so sick of me.” He said in a teasing voice to Josie as he propped her up against his bent knees. “Daddy’s going to be here all the time now.”

You scooted close, resting your head on his shoulder. “I don’t think she could ever get sick of you.” 

“What about you?”

“Jury’s out on that one.” You pulled back a little to look at him, lips pursed together thoughtfully. “There’s always the potential.” 

The morning felt like any other. 

Javier dressed while Josie nursed. He had coffee made and on the table when you came into the kitchen. He entertained the baby while you made yourself a bowl of cereal. 

But today he didn’t leave before you. 

Today, your car didn’t leave the parking lot. 

Today, Javi drove to work with his hand on your thigh, rubbing those annoying little circles of his into your leg. 

Today, you stole a kiss from him in the elevator. 

Today, you didn’t care what anyone thought. 

Today, Javier wasn’t just your partner — he was Josie’s father. 


	3. Maybe Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks after “today” Javi and Reader make plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut (unprotected, blowjob/oral sex (m receiving), fingering, mild angst, fluff, daddy!javi

Javier sat a stack of papers down on the coffee table in front of you as he peeled off his black leather jacket. “She already asleep?” He questioned, nodding his head down the hallway towards Josie’s bedroom. 

You nodded, taking the last pull from your bottle of beer as you stood up. “The sitter had her nephew there today and I think all the excitement wore her out. She was out like a light, seconds after I put her down.” 

“Of course she did,” Javier shook his head, scratching at the back of his neck as he sank down on the sofa, stretching his legs out to rest on the coffee table. “I bet you if I had come home early, she’d still be wide awake.”   


“ _Always_.” You laughed, heading towards the fridge for another beer. “You want one?”   


“If you don’t mind, baby.” Javier answered, already engrossed in his paperwork when you got back to the sofa. You settled down beside him, curling your legs beneath you as you watched him work. The situation with the Cali Cartel had led to a surprising amount of paperwork — between the DEA, CIA, and the Columbian authorities Javier was constantly having to file a stack of paperwork for every decision he made on the case.   


“Do you want me to stay out here?” You questioned, turning the volume on the TV down so it wouldn’t distract him.   


He didn’t look up from the page he was reviewing, reaching over and giving your thigh a squeeze. “ _Yeah_. I could use the company.” 

You sat your bottle down on the coffee table, leaning towards him so you could play your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “Don’t work yourself too hard, Javi. You can finish it up at the office tomorrow.” 

“Then I’ll just have another fucking stack to deal with ontop of this bullshit.” He complained, reaching for his bottle and taking a swig. “Look how many fucking trees we’ve killed trying to shut down the cartel.” 

“Throw a stack on my desk tomorrow. I’ll help.” You offered, stroking your fingers through his hair. 

“I appreciate that,” He drawled out warmly, sitting the stack of papers down on the coffee table before he turned to look at you. Javier rested his hand on your bare thigh, his fingers splaying out across your warm skin. “How are you?” 

“Better now that you’re home.” You answered with a smirk, shifting closer to him. 

“Yeah?” A brow quirked upwards as he ran his tongue over the edge of his teeth. “Why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap while I keep working a little bit longer.” He offered. 

Who were you to say ‘no’?

“Don’t you think I’ll _distract_ you?” You questioned, dancing your fingertips down the back of his neck. You moved to straddle his lap, your knees pressing into the sofa on either side of his thighs. “Like this?” 

Javier slid his hands down your back, giving your ass a playful tap. “Just a few more pages, baby. Then I’m all yours.” He promised, his mustache tickling you as he pressed a row of kisses along your jawline. He hesitated, sighing heavily. “It still hasn’t faded.” 

Your hand went instinctively to the bruise he’d left on you nearly two weeks ago. It had been a lot worse looking at the start. “It’s almost gone.” You brushed your fingertips down the column of his throat, smoothing them over the skin where his chest was exposed. “Don’t worry about it Javi.”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it.” He confessed, sinking back against the sofa with a heavy sigh. “It could’ve been me.” He dragged his hands along your legs where they were draped over his thighs, before he curled them around your hips. 

“But it wasn’t.” You played with the hair that had fallen against his forehead, ruffling it back as you leaned forward to kiss him. Your breath danced over his lips as you pulled back enough to speak. “And now everyone knows about _us_.” 

Javier’s hand made its way up your side, winding through your hair as he cradled the back of your head. “They’re gonna get sick of hearing me brag about how perfect Josie is.” He smirked, nipping at your bottom lip.   


“I think Chris already is.” You laughed, bumping your nose against his. 

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “He’s just pissed that he can’t keep shaming you for being a single mom.” He squeezed your hip, his thumb brushing over your hip bone through your cotton shorts. “I should’ve done that sooner.” 

“We _both_ thought that keeping this,” You gestured between you. “Quiet was a good idea.” Admittedly, it had been hell. Especially in the beginning — in those weeks and months after you both agreed to give a relationship a try. He was still getting intel out of hookers, he just wasn’t actually _fucking_ them. The entire office thought he was, of course. But he wasn’t. The only person warming his bed had been _you_. 

Javier had barely controlled himself when the guys in the office started making thinly veiled sexist comments about your predicament. ‘ _I don’t blame your baby daddy for hightailing it out of here. Who wants to be saddled with a kid in this hellhole?’_ and _‘You don’t even know who the father is? Wouldn’t have pegged you for that kind of lady.’_ He defended your honor, as much as someone who was _just_ your partner would. 

No one knew that he was the one holding you at night when the hormones had gotten the best of you and you cried like a baby. Well, _now_ they knew. 

You shifted your hips forward on his lap so you were settled directly atop his bulge. “Do you still want to work on the files?” You questioned, slowly grinding down against him. 

He dragged his hands up your bare thighs, his breath hot against your lips as he tilted his head. “I really _should_ , baby.” 

Despite his words, you undid two more buttons on his shirt. “Are you sure?” You questioned, rocking your hips again. You ghosted your lips over his, before you made the motion to get off his lap. “If you insist.”

Javier’s hands tightened around your hips. “Where do you think you’re going, baby?” He questioned, bucking his hips up beneath you, his denim clad cock dragging against the soft fabric of your shorts. 

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. 

“You like that?” Javi questioned roughly, holding your hips steady as he moved beneath you. 

Your lips parted with a soft moan and you nodded your head in response. That wasn’t good enough, though. He stilled beneath you, fingers gripping your hips tightly. “Use your words, baby.” 

“Don’t be a _dick_ , Javi.” You hissed out, scraping your nails over his scalp as you dragged them through his hair. “I want to come.” 

Javier chuckled. “Was that so hard?”

“I dunno.” You smirked. “You’re awfully _hard_.” 

He snapped the waistband of your shorts. “Get these off.” 

You didn’t need to be told twice. You slid off his lap, shimmying out of your shorts and underwear, never taking your eyes off his face. Instead of returning to your spot on his lap, you pushed the coffee table out of the way and knelt down on the floor in front of him.

“ _Baby_ —” 

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips as you looked up at him, sliding your hands along his inner thighs. “You’ve been _so_ stressed lately, Javi.” You said sweetly, reaching up to unbuckle his belt, dragging it out of the loops and tossing it aside. “Let me take care of you.” 

Javier brushed his fingers over your cheek, his lips parting with a crooked grin. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

You grinned back at him with a shrug, “I’ve wondered about that myself.” You teased as you popped the button of his jeans. You kept your eyes on his as you slowly dragged the zipper down, fingers delving into his pants. 

Rising up on your knees, you leaned forward and trailed your mouth over his cock through his boxers. His fingers tangled in your hair, gathering it up so he could watch you. You were just teasing him, letting your hot breath play over his hardening cock. 

You reached up and started fumbling with the last three buttons of his shirt, never ceasing your teasing. Your hands roamed over his newly bared skin, nails lightly scraping over his stomach as you traveled downwards, hooking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers. Javier’s hips lifted up off the sofa to help you, but you pressed your palms flat against his thighs. “Keep the jeans on.” 

Javier’s lips parted as he stared down at you, “Goddammit.” He breathed out, rubbing at his neck. 

You smirked up at him as you curled your fingers around the base of his cock, holding him steady as you wrapped your lips around him. You took him in slowly, your tongue swirling around him until he hit the back of your throat. 

His fingers tightened in your hair, enough to make you moan at the hot mix of pain and pleasure that rushed through your veins. “You look so pretty like that, baby.” He drawled out, his voice rough with desire. 

Encouraged by his praise, you started moving your mouth along his length. _God_ , the sounds he made as you lavished him with attention made your cunt throb. Between the increasing pressure at work with the Cali Cartel, Javier moving into the apartment, and Josie — you hadn’t had much of a chance to enjoy your time with him. Not since the shower. 

You pulled back nearly completely, keeping your lips wrapped around the head of his cock. You sucked lightly, before releasing him with a wet _pop_. You grinned up at him, your lips glistening with saliva, before sweeping your tongue over the tip of him. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier groaned, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he looked down at you. “Get up here.” 

Defying him, your lips parted and you took him back into your mouth once more. His fingers tightened in your hair, dragging you off his cock. “Did you hear me?”

You swept your tongue out over your bottom lip, batting your eyes as you looked up at him with your best look of innocence. “I did.” 

“Get. Up. Here.” He punctuated each word with a clench of his fingers in your hair. You moaned at the rush of arousal you felt between your thighs and you didn’t resist this time. Planting your hands on his thighs, you stood up on unsteady legs — straddling him once more. 

Javier’s mouth crashed against yours. The hand that he’d had tangled in your hair grabbed at the back of your neck. You rose up on your knees, reaching between you to grab his cock, but he caught your wrist. “ _Wait_.” He panted out, scraping his teeth over your bottom lip. 

You blinked at him, eyes burning with desire as you held his gaze. 

“Look how wet you got, just from sucking my cock.” Javier taunted as he dragged two fingers between your slick folds. Your eyes fell closed as you savored the sensation of _finally_ being touched. “Look at me, baby. Wanna see your eyes.” 

You nodded your head at his request, lashes fluttering as you met his dark eyes. “I’ve missed it.”

“I could tell,” He brushed your hair back behind your ears, playing with the strands that were stuck to your sweat-damp skin. “We’ve got to do this more.” Javier marveled at you, soft words spilling from his lips as he pressed two fingers into you. “I miss you all the damn time, baby.” 

Leaning forward, you cupped his cheek as you kissed him. Your tongue played over his bottom lip, a moan caught between your mouths. He languidly worked his fingers in and out of you, his thumb ghosting over your clit with never enough pressure to push you over the edge. 

You trailed your hand from his cheek, letting it rest at the curve of his neck. Breathing raggedly, you pulled back from the kiss, your lips still brushing against his as you spoke. “I need you, Javi.” 

Beyond words, he gave a quiet grunt in response. He barely gave you a chance to mourn the loss of his fingers, before his cock was pressing into you. You clenched around him, rolling your hips downwards. 

Javier held you steady as he thrust his hips upwards, driving into you. You had missed being with him like this. The intimacy of it. As much as you had loved the way he’d taken you in the shower — you had wanted this. You had _needed_ this. The way he cradled your cheek in his palm, the way he kissed you like he never wanted it to end, the way he promised that he loved you in between every touch of his lips. 

You clung to him desperately as your body tightened around him, your orgasm milking his own release from him. He groaned out your name, hips still rocking upwards as you both came down from your high. 

Sometime after you’d regained control of your breathing, you carefully slid off his lap and collapsed lengthways on the sofa beside him. Javier gave your leg a squeeze before getting up off the sofa. He tucked his cock back into his boxers, doing up his jeans as you wandered down the hallway to the bathroom.

You reached for your long-forgotten beer, taking a swig off it as you watched Javi return with two damp washcloths in his hand. “What are you doing?” 

“Taking care of you,” He answered with an affectionate smile. 

Javier used the first cloth to wipe at your face, cleaning away the mascara that had run down your cheeks, and the mess of saliva that had dried to your chin and lips from sucking his cock. 

You stole a kiss once he was done, smiling back at him. “Now you’ve got me wondering what I did to deserve _you_.” You pushed your fingers through his messy hair, playing with it idly as he used the second damp cloth between your thighs, wiping away the mix of your arousals. 

“Probably too damn much.” He remarked, brushing his fingers over the yellowing bruises on your hips. Javier met your eyes, “I love you.” You swore your heart skipped a beat.

“I love you too.” 

* * *

“You shouldn’t have said ‘no’.” You stated as you stood at the stove, stirring the simmering pot of pasta sauce. “They’re just going to throw a bitchfit on Monday.” 

Javier shrugged as you looked over your shoulder at him. “You can’t blame a man for wanting to spend his weekend at home.” He remarked, cradling Josie to his chest as he sat at the kitchen table with her.   


You arched a brow at him.   


“Baby, it’s not a situation I wanna be put in anymore. Chris can handle it.” He held Josie up so her feet were resting on his legs, trying to stand on her own and failing. He supported her securely, letting her bounce and giggle.   


“I just don’t want there to be any issues.” You sighed, lips drawn into a thin line as you turned another burner on to start the pasta. As it was, you hadn’t been assigned outside of the office since the pair of you had come clean with the talking heads above you.   


“Look,” He started, pausing so he could shower Josie with kisses — making her squeal and babble with joy. “I’m burning the candle at both ends at the office. I just wanna be home with my girls this weekend. _Shit_ , you’re acting like this is a bad thing. Did you have other plans or something?”   


You cracked the pasta in half and dumped into the water, putting the sauce on a lower heat setting before you walked over to the table. “It’s _not_ a bad thing. I just don’t want you screwing up and getting heat for it.” You ran your hand over his broad shoulders, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “We’re both glad you’re here.”   


Josie grabbed at you, blowing raspberries.   


“Are you teaching your daughter bad manners again?” You arched a brow, pretending to be disappointed in him.   


Javi chuckled. “What can I say? I’m a bad influence.” He winked at you before looking back at Josie, his expression faltering after a minute. “We’re good. Right?”  


Your heart clenched and you quietly admitted, “I just don’t want you to resent us.”  


“That’s not gonna happen.” Javier sighed.   


Josie squealed, seeking attention. She reached out, tugging at Javi’s mustache before descending into a fit of giggles. 

You leaned down and kissed the top of her head, before you headed back over to the stove to tend to the pasta, not wanting it to stick. You could feel his eyes on you as you kept your back to him as you finished working on dinner. 

“I want out.” 

“ _What_?”

“Of the DEA.” He clarified. “Once this shit with the cartel is sorted out, I wanna get out.” 

Your brows furrowed together as you looked back at him, “Okay.” 

“Do you—”

“Yeah, I do.” You strained the pasta out over the sink, sitting the strainer aside to cool. “Where will we go? Back to the states?” 

“Maybe Miami.” He suggested. “We can go annoy the shit out of Murphy.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “I see what this is all about.” You teased. “You just want to partner up with Steve again.”

“You caught me!” Javier got up from the table, nestling Josie into one arm as he walked over to the fridge to get the bottle of wine out for you. He was good at helping around the apartment, which had honestly shocked you. 

“I think I’d like that.” You chewed on your bottom lip, brows still furrowed as you continued working on platting up the spaghetti. “It’ll be a change.”

“Hey,” He drawled out, hooking a finger in your belt loop to pull you close. 

“Hmm?” You tilted your chin to look at him, your lips quirking upwards at the corners. 

“I’m trying to do right by you and Josie, alright?” Javi’s hand curled around your hip, keeping you there. “I don’t wanna get caught in crossfire and I sure as hell don’t want to go undercover and fuc — _flirt_ — with hookers all weekend. I want this. I’m all in.” 

You smiled up at him, “I want it too.” Rising up on your toes, you pressed a kiss to his lips before turning your attention to Josie who was making gurgling sounds to get attention. “I know things started out rocky,” You took her out of his holding, cradling her in your arms so she was facing him. “But I don’t want to lose this.” 

“You’re not.” Javi assured you, leaning down to press kisses to Josie’s forehead and cheeks, before planting one on your lips too. “You’re stuck with me, baby.” 

“I can’t think of a better person to get stuck with.” 

At the start you’d worried that maybe you’d only get to keep him for a month, maybe six. You’d worried yourself to death that he’d wake up one morning and realize he didn’t want this — Josie, you, this life. You could’ve done it all on your own, but you didn’t want to. You wanted _him_. You wanted this. 

The baby, the partner, the condo in Miami; taking Josie to the Everglades National Park to see alligators, ice cream on the beach. Or anywhere. You’d go wherever you had to, just to have a fraction of that. 

Javier gave your ass a playful swat as he stepped around you, “Let’s have dinner. The sooner we eat, the sooner we can get her down for the night.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I should’ve known you had ulterior motives.” Bouncing Josie in your arms, you watched him help himself to the pasta and sauce, fixing your plate too. “I bet I could convince _abuelita_ to watch her for a couple hours tomorrow.” 

He smirked. “I love the way you think.” He plucked out a piece of pasta from the strainer, tilting his head back to slurp it into his mouth — all for show for Josie. 

“Your daddy’s silly, isn’t he?” You kissed the top of her head and smiled brightly. This was the man no one at the DEA got to see. This was the Javier only _you_ knew. The goofball, the adoring father.... the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. 


	4. A Dance Owed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months later, Javier and Reader go to Danny’s wedding in Laredo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None. Pure, tooth-rotting, fluff.

Josie was entirely captivated by the red plastic flower Javier had plucked out of the table arrangement to give to her. She kept bouncing in your lap, waving the flower around — mostly to get her daddy’s attention. You brushed your fingers over the top of her head, smoothing her hair down before you pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“The last time I saw Danny,” Javier remarked to his father who was sat beside him. “He was riding the big wheel down the sidewalk.” He reached over and gave your knee a squeeze beneath the white table cloth. 

“It means a lot to your _tia_ that you’re here,” The elder Peña remarked, before looking at you and Josie. “And it’s real nice that you finally brought your girls up here to let us meet them.” 

Josie squealed and babbled, keenly aware that she was now the topic of conversation. She bounced in your lap, tossing her flower on the floor as she grabbed at the table cloth, trying to stand herself up. 

“Here,” Javi said, plucking the flower up off the floor and tossing it back on the table, before he swept her out of your arms. “You should get something to eat while you can.” He told you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“Those tamales look good,” You peered across the table at Chucho’s plate. 

“Javier’s _tia_ makes the best.”

You scooted your chair back, resting your hand on Javi’s shoulder as you stood up, giving it three quick squeezes before you headed towards the row of tables that were still filled with food. The party was in full swing — guests laughing and dancing; eating to their heart’s content. Most of the children had already escaped out the side door to play outside, but some were still running around. It was hard to believe that in a few short years, Josie would be running around like them. 

You picked up a plate at the end of the table, looking over the options. 

“If you like chili, you should try the _puntas_.” 

You glanced up from spooning some rice onto your plate, offering the blonde woman across from you a kind smile. “I don’t eat beef, but thank you. It looks delicious, nevertheless.” You took a few steps further down the table, using the tongs to pick up two tamales. She followed you.

“So you and Javi…” 

You looked up again, lips drawn into a thin line. “Yes?”

“It’s just,” She wistfully looked past you and you followed her line of sight over your shoulder. Javier was in the midst of showing Josie off to one of his cousins, holding her up on his thighs so she could pretend to stand. “I never thought he was the type to settle down.” 

“You’re Lorraine, aren’t you?” You questioned with an arched brow. Javier had warned you that his ex-fiancé would be at the wedding, considering she was still close to his family. 

“Oh, yes.” She flustered, brushing her hair behind her shoulders with a nod. “It’s nice to meet you.” Lorraine offered politely. 

“Likewise.” You continued down the line of food, keenly aware of the fact that Lorraine was shadowing you from across the table. 

“It was just a surprise, you know.” She started when you paused to spoon some mole onto your rice. “Even his father didn’t know until two weeks ago.” 

Your brows furrowed together, “And?” 

Lorraine shrugged, “Everyone in town has been speculating about it. Why keep it a secret?”

“Don’t you have a husband and two kids to worry about, Lorraine?” You questioned with an edge to your voice, “I don’t give a _shit_ what the bored people of Laredo have been saying about my relationship with Javi. Some of us have jobs that require us to keep our private lives _private_.” 

Instead of giving Lorraine the chance to respond, you offered her a curt smile before heading back over to the table with Javier. 

“You good?” He questioned as you settled back into your seat beside him. 

Smoothing your hands over your cotton sundress, “At least I don’t look like nursing home curtains.” 

Javier chuckled, draping his arm over the back of your chair, fingers trailing over the curve of your shoulder. “That’s my girl.” 

You shrugged, cutting into your tamales and taking a bite. “I don’t know what she was aiming to do. I get it, I’m sure she’s got some lingering resentment or whatever but…” You rolled your eyes. 

He scooted his chair closer to yours, leaning in to press a kiss to your bare shoulder, “I’m gonna go talk to her, alright? Clear the air and all that shit.” 

“Don’t be gone too long, I expect a dance.” You told him, brushing your fingers over his cheek. 

Javier curled his fingers around your hand, holding it in place as he turned to press a kiss to the center of your palm. “You’ll get your dance.” He promised, before looking towards his father and Josie. “And keep an eye on Pops, he’ll have Josie drinking Bud if we’re not careful.” 

“Get out of here,” Chucho laughed, waving Javier off. 

Unsurprisingly, Josie had her abuela eating out of the palm of her hand, just like she had Javier wrapped around her little fingers. Chucho was enamoured with her from the first moment the pair met. 

You hated that Lorraine had gotten under your skin, even a little bit. Yeah, it was true that Javi hadn’t told his father about Josie until right before you made the trip to Laredo. She was almost five months old, with her first tooth starting to come in — but her grandfather hadn’t known she even existed until two weeks ago. Chucho had been surprised enough to find out that his son was bringing his girlfriend to the wedding. He’d openly wept when he met his mother’s namesake, little miss Joséfina. 

“Are you having fun?” Chucho asked you as he tried to keep Josie from prying his hat off his head. She was bound and determined to pull it off, probably just to put it in her mouth. 

You nodded, wiping your mouth off with your napkin. “Everyone’s been so welcoming. And the wedding was _gorgeous_.” Josie turned her attention back to you, blowing raspberries at you — you could kill Javi for teaching her that. 

“Manners, little lady.” You laughed, sliding over into Javier’s seat so you could wipe her mouth off. She giggled, trying to stick the napkin in her mouth. “Are you good to keep her for a little while longer?” You asked. 

Chucho nodded, tickling her sides to get her attention. “We’ve still got to make the rounds so I can brag about having the prettiest granddaughter.” 

“She is pretty damn cute.” You grinned at her, brushing your fingertips over her cheek before bopping her in the nose. “Don’t give her any Bud.” You teased with a wink, before you headed across the dance hall to where Javier was still engrossed in a tense conversation with Lorraine. 

“Hey baby,” Javier’s eyes lit up when he saw you coming and he rose to his feet, wrapping an arm around your waist. “We were just talking about you.” 

“My ears _were_ burning,” You remarked, brows rising upwards curiously. “All good things I hope.” 

Javier bumped his nose against your cheek before planting a kiss there. “Of course.” He promised, looking between you and Lorraine then. 

“I was telling him that it’s probably for the best that we didn’t end up married.” Lorriane stated. “I think we ended up where we’re supposed to be.” She laughed breezily, shaking her head. “I still just can’t wrap my head around the idea of Jav being a father.” 

“He’s a really good one too.” You answered, resting your hand on his chest. “But don’t be deceived, he’s still an asshole.” 

“ _Baby_.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head. 

You grinned up at him, your fingertips toying with the bit of skin peeping out of his shirt. “You know it’s true.” 

His hand slid from your waist, giving your ass a quick squeeze. “I owe you a dance, come on.” Javier looked back at Lorraine, “Give Randy my best.”

“Good luck to both of you.” Lorraine smiled politely. “Josie’s a beautiful little girl.” 

Javier took your hand into his, guiding you out onto the dance floor. “I haven’t danced in _years_.” He confessed as he settled one hand at your waist, the other holding your hand against his chest. 

“That seemed like a tense conversation.” 

“Ten years later and she’s still sore about me leaving her at the altar,” Javier chewed at the piece of gum in his mouth a little more harshly then. “It’s good though, baby. Water under the bridge.” 

You curled your other hand around the back of his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “What did you tell her about Josie?”

“I told her we were dealing with some deep shit in Columbia and for her safety we kept it quiet.” He shrugged. “It’s not too far from the truth.” 

“She’s got your father wrapped around her finger.” You mused, watching as Chucho carried Josie around the room, introducing her to the long list of relatives and friends that were there. 

“Everyone adores her,” Javier told you with a warm smile. “And you.” 

You laughed, “ _Really_?” 

“Mhm.” He hummed with a nod, swaying a lot to the music with you. 

“I think they’re just shocked.” You teased. “You go to Columbia, take down Pablo Escobar, and then come back with a baby and me.” Everyone had been _so_ kind to you. His _tia_ had spent a good twenty minutes getting to know you, his cousin’s new bride had been friendly — inviting you along to brunch with some of the other women in the family. 

Javier attempted to spin you around, before he gave up and pulled you back against his chest, both of you laughing at just how _bad_ you both were at dancing. “Do you want all of this?” He questioned, glancing around the room. 

“So you and Lorraine _did_ talk about more than just Josie and the past.” You weren’t exactly surprised about that. You chewed on your bottom lip and shook your head. “No. The only thing I want out of this is your aunt’s tamale recipe.” You quipped. 

“You’re sure?” He pressed, running his hand up and down the length of your back. “I always thought all little girls dreamed of getting married.” 

You draped your arms over his shoulders, rising up on your toes to press a kiss to his lips. “No, Javi. I _didn’t_ sit around imagining myself getting married.” You rolled your eyes. “What did she say?” 

“Shit about how she figured I’d pull the same stunt on you.” His shoulders tensed. “Told me I was afraid of commitment — acted like not telling Pops about Josie was part of it.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh, “I hope you told her she was wrong.” 

“Course I did.” Javier chewed his gum with some force, his eyes flickering away from your face guiltily. 

“You’re such a dumbass.” You huffed, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck. “Do _you_ want to get married, Javi?”

“No.” 

“Neither do I.” 

“Good.” Javier sighed heavily. 

Your lips parted, ready to say something else, but Chucho interrupted you — holding Josie out in front of him. “Someone’s had an accident.”

She squirmed and giggled, seeming entirely unphased by the fact that she was a stinky little thing. 

“I’ll get her bag,” Javier said, pressing a kiss to your cheek before he headed towards the table. 

“You are so _stinky_ ,” You complained to Josie in a playful voice, holding her carefully as you gave her grandfather a sympathetic smile. “Sorry.”

“It happens,” He shrugged, looking towards Javier. “You’re good for him, you know.” Chucho told you. “Javier was a good kid, but he always wanted out of here. Never seemed content with anything.” He shook his head slowly. 

A faint smile spread over your lips as he stared at Chucho. “We’re just taking it one day at a time.” 

“That’s all any of us can do,” He said wisely, nodding his head towards Josie. “When the two of you decide to give her a sibling, you better tell me before they’re half a year old.”

Javier stopped abruptly beside you, looking confused. “What?”

Chucho gave Javi’s shoulder a squeeze. “I was just telling your pretty lady that you’d best tell me next time you have a kid. Preferably _before_ they’ve got teeth coming in.”

“I’m going to go change her,” You told Javier, dipping out of _that_ conversation. You couldn’t blame everyone for being curious about your relationship. Marriage, babies, a future. That’s all they cared about, especially given that you were at a celebration — not a funeral. Even Danny’s new bride had probed you for information when you’d joined her for brunch. 

You and Javier? Didn’t do conventional. All that mattered was that you loved each other and loved Josie. Everything else? _Eh_. It didn’t matter.


	5. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later, Reader and Javier go out to dinner with the Murphys and their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mild angst, smut (oral sex f receiving, non-explicit sex), fluff, Daddy!Javi

“So how did you guys meet?” Tracy asked as she held onto the straw in her fruity cocktail and sucked at it, looking between you and Javier. To her left, her husband Jeff was wedged into the booth beside her, peering over his thick-rimmed glasses. 

They were friends with Steve and Connie — mostly Connie, since Tracy and her worked the same shifts at the hospital. But so far Steve and Connie were running late for dinner, which meant painfully tense conversation with a couple that were a little too “Florida” for you and Javi. 

“Work.” Javier answered shortly, lifting his bottle of beer and taking a sip. You glanced at him, smirking when you saw the way his eyes were scanning the front of the restaurant — _glorified Tiki Bar_ — for any signs of the Murphys. 

Jeff snapped his fingers, “That’s right you worked with Steve in Columbia.” He turned to his wife, “Sweetie, Javier and Steve took down Pablo Escobar.” The way he said ‘ _Javier’_ was really starting to grate on your nerves. 

Javier’s beer bottle clinked against the top of the table with a little more effort, brows furrowed. “It wasn’t just Steve and me—”

“I was there too.” You asserted, giving Javier’s thigh a squeeze beneath the table. “I think we’re both glad to be out though.”  


Javier nodded, reaching beneath the table to give your hand a squeeze. “It feels good to be back in the states.”  


You curled your fingers around your beer bottle and took a swig, rolling your wrist to slosh the beer around inside the bottle. “I think Florida’s heat could almost rival Bogotá.”   


Javi nodded, glancing towards the door again. “So what do you do, Jeff?”  


Jeff sat up straighter, adjusting his glasses. “I work at NASA. Been there for about a decade now. It’s an absolute honor.”   


“Cool shit,” Javi hummed. “We took Josie to watch the _Columbia_ launch back in March. I’ve never been bitten by so many goddamn mosqu-“ He shifted, leaning out of the booth to wave at Steve as he and Connie entered the bar.  


_Finally_.   


The six of you settled into the round booth, ordering another round of drinks and — at Jeff’s insisting — a basket of gator bites for the table.   


“So what did _you_ do at the DEA?” Jeff questioned you, wagging a finger in your direction. “Secretary? Typist?”  


Connie leaned close to you and whispered, “Sexist.” She masked it well, coughing politely. 

“I worked with Javi and Steve.” You corrected, “Field agent.”

“Oh wow!” Tracy gawked. “That must’ve been _so_ dangerous.”

“I got shot twice.” You said flatly, leaning into Javi as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “I lived it though.”

Steve took a drink of his beer before he added, “She was a damn good agent. Kept us in line, well mostly kept Javi in line. I _never_ got into trouble.”

You rolled your eyes, “That’s because you’re not a dumbass like Javier.”

“ _Baby.”_ Javier drawled out with a laugh, squeezing your shoulder. 

“How old is your daughter?” Tracy questioned. 

“She turned one last month.” Javier answered, reaching into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. Inside he had a whole fold out plastic sleeve of pictures of her. “That one,” He pointed at the most recent photo. “My pops came over from Texas to celebrate.” It was a picture of the two men holding her hands as they helped her up over a curb. “Never did crawl, rolled right over and started running.”

“That’s because every chance you got, you were trying to teach her how to walk.” You nudged him the ribs. “She’s got him wrapped around her finger.” 

“Wasn’t her first word _daddy_?” Steve questioned. 

“How could it be anything else?” You laughed, pressing a kiss to Javi’s cheek. “She’s your biggest fan.”

Steve gestured at you with his beer bottle, “Have you decided if we get to be her godparents? Seeing as I’m basically the reason she even exists.”

“Fuck off, Murphy.” Javi quipped as he took a drink. 

“ _Steve_.” Connie chastised. 

“What? It’s the truth.” He shrugged. 

“This sounds like a story.” Jeff said with a jovial laugh. 

Javi flipped Steve off, “It’s not much of a story.” He ran his hand over your back, flashing you a charming grin. “Steve leaving was the kick in the ass I needed to realize how I felt.” 

“Oh, is _that_ the story you’re sticking with?” Steve teased and you quickly interrupted before Javi had the chance to ring his neck. 

“These gator bites were better than I expected,” You remarked, gesturing to the half-eaten basket of food. “They taste like chicken.” 

Javi squeezed your shoulder. “The sauce was good.” He finished off his beer and sat it down, looking around for the waitress. She was _very_ attentive every time Javier called her to the table, which you weren’t the least bit surprised by. 

“So,” Jeff started, trying to keep the conversation alive while the table waited for the entrees. “What are you doing now that you’re out of the DEA?”

“I’ve been working at the local PD off and on.” You answered with a shrug, popping another gator bite into your mouth, wiping your fingers off on the napkin your beer had been sat on. “Consulting, mostly. There’s a pretty big drug scene in Miami, so I’m lending my knowledge.” 

Javier’s hand found yours beneath the table, his fingers curling around yours. He took another swig of beer before answering, “I’m in talks with the DEA. They’ve got an office down the road from our condos, but I haven’t made my mind up.” 

Steve clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I’m sure they’re ready to welcome you back with open arms.” 

He clenched his jaw, which prompted you to squeeze his hand under the table. “I’m sure they’re chomping at the bit.” 

The conversation didn’t make it much further than that, with the waitress bringing the food over. 

“And I brought _you_ some more of the sriracha sauce,” The waitress told Javi with a grin and a too-obvious flutter of her lashes. “I heard you say that you liked it.” 

Javier seemed absolutely oblivious, however. “Uh, thanks.” He looked at the little container of sauce, giving you a sideways look. “What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Put it on my burger?” He questioned you.

You couldn’t help but laugh, nudging him in the ribs. “She was flirting with you.” You plucked the sauce off his plate, sitting in your basket of fried shrimp. “But I can use it.” 

His brows furrowed together as he looked at you, head cocked to the side. “That _would_ explain the prompt service.” 

“The only reason I got a refill was because you waved her down,” Connie remarked with a laugh. 

“I’ve got to say it,” Steve started, shoving a fry into his mouth before using another to gesture between you and Javier. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day that Javier wouldn’t catch on that some chick was hitting on him.” 

Javier flipped Steve off as he bit into his burger. 

Jeff cleared his throat, “So what was Columbia like? We considered going there for our honeymoon, but went to Paris instead.” 

Your brows shot upwards and you tried hard to resist the urge to _laugh_. That, right there, summed up the two WASPS that the Murphys had invited to dinner. There was no chance in _hell_ that they’d considered Columbia for their honeymoon.

Steve shoved another fry into his mouth, “Hot as shit.” 

You nodded in agreement, “Almost as hot as Florida. Not quite as sticky.” 

“We had fun though, didn’t we Javi?” Steve peered around you and Connie to look at Javi. “Looking forward to getting back at it.”

“ _Yeah_.” Javier seemed tense beside you and you arched a curious brow at him. He’d only finished half of his burger and didn’t seem particularly keen to finish it. 

“You good?” You whispered, giving his knee a squeeze beneath the table.

He gave a short nod of his head, sighing heavily. “Anyone got a light?” 

Jeff, of course, produced one — passing it across the table. Javier snatched it from him and slid out of the booth promptly. 

“I thought he stopp—” Connie started.

“He did.” You slid out after him. In fact, you knew he didn’t even have a cigarette on him.

“Gotta make sure that waitress doesn’t follow after him. Right?” Jeff remarked to the table and only Tracy laughed as you left. 

You followed Javier out the backdoor of the bar to a patio area that was used for shitty outdoor seating during the summer. They’d gone a little heavy-handed with the tiki theme, but that was over half of the bars in Florida. 

“Don’t worry,” Javier remarked as he turned around to face you, hands on his hips. “I’m not smoking. I just needed some _goddamn_ air.” 

“Columbia?” You questioned, folding your arms across your chest as you approached him.

“I fucking hate talking about it.” He flexed his jaw, staring down at the ground. 

“I know.” You stopped in front of him, reaching up to brush your fingers over his jaw. “Steve means well.”

Javier sighed, turning his face so he could kiss your palm. “Yeah, he does. I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want back in.”

“You just tell him that.”

“It’s not that easy, baby.” He reached out and rested a hand on your waist, squeezing gently. “I know he wants us to be partners again. Just like _old times_.” Javi shook his head. “So much shit happened in Columbia that I’m not proud of.”

You nodded your head understandingly. “You’re going to have to tell him.”

“I know.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, shaking his head slowly. “ _Shit_.” 

“It doesn’t have to be a hard no.” You suggested gently. “Maybe in a couple of months you’ll decide you do want back in.” You traced your fingertips along his jaw, scratching lightly at the scruff that had started to grow in there. “He knows how much you enjoy staying home with Josie.” 

“I’m in a good place, you know?” Javier questioned you, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he glanced away. “The DEA expects _so_ much out of a person.” He let out an incredulous chuckle. “Went down there for that meeting and they were going on and on about my _record_. How I’d do _anything_ for the case down there.” He looked back at you then. “I’ve got you and Josie to worry about now. I don’t want to sell my soul just to bag another drug lord.” 

You reached out and took his hand into yours as you stepped closer to him. “It’s a shame the sitter just paged us.” You suggested with a faint smirk on your lips. 

Javier glanced down at the pager on his hip before his eyes slowly lifted to meet yours again, a brow arching upwards curiously. “We’ve still got to pay Melissa if we go back early.” 

“I didn’t say we were going home.” 

He brushed a lock of hair behind your ear, grinning down at you. “Goddamn, I love you.” 

You leaned up and kissed him, your fingers curling around the back of his neck as you let it linger longer than necessary. 

“Everything alright out here?”

It was the waitress. Of _course_ it was the waitress. 

“We’re good,” You answered, looping your arm around Javier’s waist. 

“Smoke break.” Javier added, flicking the zippo on for show. “Ready to go back in?” He glanced down at you.

“Yep.” You kept his hand in yours as you made your way back to the table. Steve looked a little paler than he had when you left, giving you and Javi a wary look like _maybe_ Connie had told him off for pushing at the DEA thing. You’d already mentioned to Connie that you didn’t think Javier was ready to get back into the DEA — which you had hoped she’d relay back to Steve in that way wives (or _partners_ ) did to get the point across. 

“Unfortunately,” Javier started as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. “Melissa’s having a hell of a time putting Miss Josie back to sleep after a nightmare.”

“Oh no!” Tracy said — like she actually cared. “That’s so terrible.” 

“So, we’re going to head out.” You explained as Javier threw down money to cover your meals and the tip. 

“Don’t forget your share of the gator bites.” Jeff reminded Javier and he glowered as he tossed another couple bucks down on the table.

Connie slid out of the booth and hugged you goodbye. “Are we good?”

You nodded as you pulled back. “It’ll be fine.” 

She let out a breath of relief. “Thank God.” 

“You know, Javi.” You shrugged. 

Jeff dug around in his wallet for a business card, passing it to Javi with an offer to hang out and play golf someday soon. The business card ended up in the first trashcan you passed on the way back to the car. 

“How the _hell_ do the Murphys put up with them?” He lamented as he settled into the driver’s seat, shutting off the music just as some country singer started to croon. 

You laughed, “I have no idea. Maybe Tracy’s cooler away from her husband.” 

“Are you cooler away from me?” He questioned, one hand on the steering wheel on the other on your thigh. It still annoyed the shit out of you when he traced those little circles against your leg, but you never brought it up. 

You considered the question for a moment, humming thoughtfully. “I don’t know. You’re not a pocket protector, so I don’t think your presence affects _my_ coolness.” 

Javier chuckled, glancing at you as he rolled up to the stop sign. “So, we’ve got about an hour to kill… What’d you have planned?”

Pushing your fingers through your hair, you looked out the window. “Think the ice cream place on the boardwalk is still open?”

Javier glanced at his wristwatch, “If we head over there now I think you’re in luck, baby.” He squeezed your leg and started in that direction. 

“Needless to say,” You started, settling down onto the bench beside Javi, licking a drop of ice cream off your fingers as they curled around your cone. “I think we narrowly dodged a lifetime of Bunko weekends.”

“Bunko and golf.” He dramatically shuddered, nudging your leg with his. “Can you imagine me golfing?” He snorted. 

You made a face, “I’d have to check to see if you were an alien.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, before sweeping his tongue over his ice cream. Which you watched, with rapt attention. “Was that waitress _really_ flirting with me?”

You tilted your head back and laughed. “It was obnoxious.” You licked at your ice cream before adding, “After she seated us, her shirt got about four inches lower.” 

“It didn’t even phase me.” He admitted with a shrug of his shoulders.

“ _Awww_ ,” You said teasingly. “Javi, do you _love_ me?”

“Shut up,” He rolled his eyes and slapped your leg playfully. 

“If you make me drop my ice cream—“

“You’ll what?” He leaned over and licked your ice cream. 

“Son of a bitch!”

Javier chuckled. “Such _loving_ words.”

You started to offer him a bit of turn about, but he got you in the nose with his ice cream instead. “Jackass.” You groused, wiping your nose off. 

He shrugged and laughed. “If the shoe fits.”

“You’re lucky you're handsome.” You said dryly. “Even though _everyone_ makes it obvious.” 

“As long as you think I’m handsome, I think I’m good.” Javier remarked, patting your leg. “This was nice.”

You nodded, “Much better than tiki bar chic.” Your eyes flickered towards his face, lingering on his lips. “I really hope Josie stays asleep when we get home.”

“Me too.” Javier’s fingers danced along your inner thigh through your jeans. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “We’ve got to get the sitter more often.”

“For _more_ than just nights out with Steve and Connie.” You scooted closer to him, resting your cheek on his shoulder. The sun had dipped below the horizon hours ago, but the constant ebb and flow of the ocean as it met the coastline could be heard through darkness. 

Javier draped his arm over your shoulders, fingers curling around your shoulder and giving it three little squeezes. “Florida’s not so bad.” He remarked, scratching at his jaw as he stared out into the darkness beyond the boardwalk. 

“It feels like home.” You mused. 

“Anywhere with you and Josie feels like home, baby.” He kissed the top of your head. 

* * *

You tiptoed down the hallway from Josie’s nursery, giving Javier a thumbs up as he stood outside of the bedroom. “Out cold, with her thumb still in her mouth.” You whispered, stopping in front of him, you breathe a little shaky as you looked up at him.

“ _Good_.” He brushed his fingertips over your forehead, pushing hair back behind your ears. Javier hooked his fingers into your belt loops, pulling you close as he leaned down to catch your lips. 

You curled a hand around the back of his neck, your other hand working at the buttons of his shirt. 

Javi groaned against your lips, walking backwards further into the bedroom. You managed to get the shirt unbuttoned, shoving it down his arms and abandoning it on the floor. 

You nipped lightly on his bottom lip, moving forward until the backs of his legs hit the edge of the bed. 

He reluctantly stopped kissing you, sitting back onto the bed as his eyes raked over you in the dim light of your bedroom, illuminated only by the bedside lamp. 

You peeled off your shirt, tossing it aside as you stood between his legs. 

“You are fucking gorgeous,” Javier drawled out as he leaned in to press a kiss a path down your stomach, his hands smoothing over your sides. He bit at the soft flesh of your stomach, his teeth scraping lightly before his tongue soothed over it. Heat pooled between your thighs and a moan escaped you as he slid one hand up to roughly palm at your breast through your bra. 

Javier pulled you close, dragging down you onto the bed with him and you couldn’t help but giggle as he rolled you over, caging you beneath him. He covered your mouth, shushing you with a wry grin and you stuck your tongue out and licked his palm. You reached down to work at getting his pants off, but he caught your hand and pinned it to the bed above your head. “ _Javi_.” 

“I have plans.” He told you, dipping down to kiss you. “Keep your hands right there.” Javier started kissing down your throat as he unclasped the front of your bra, cupping your breasts.

You drew in a ragged breath as you kept your hands above your head, fingers grabbing at the blanket beneath you as he kept kissing lower and _lower_. He peeled off your jeans and underwear off — tossing them over the side of the bed. 

His mouth descended upon your slick cunt, his tongue delving between your folds. It killed you to not be able to thread your fingers through his hair as he ate you out. You bit down on your bottom lip, trying not to cry out as he sucked lightly at your clit. The last thing you wanted was to accidentally wake Josie up — not when you were _so_ close. 

“ _Fuck_.” You breathed out, ignoring his request as you reached down to grab at his hair. Your inner walls were already starting to pulse around nothing as he lavished you sensitive little bud with attention. You rolled your hips, desperate for _more_. He stopped abruptly. 

Javier pulled back, his lips glistening with your arousal. “Didn’t I tell you to keep your hands above your head?”

“Javier.” You said sharply, tugging at his hair. “Don’t tease.” 

He dipped down and pressed a kiss to each of your thighs, before he sat back on his knees. You leaned up on your elbows, chewing on your bottom lip as you watched him get off the bed to take off his jeans and boxers. You still had to marvel at the fact that Javier Peña was yours.

If someone had told you five years ago when you started in Columbia that you would end up the mother of Javier Peña’s daughter and become the woman who went to sleep beside him every night… you would have laughed your ass off. The very fact that he now seemed oblivious to the women flirting with him was even more hilarious. You had seen him in action at bars before, you knew exactly how he operated. But now he was all yours and he’d changed — on his own — for the better. Who knew fatherhood was what he’d needed to get his act together. 

Javier kissed his way back up your body, hands gripping at your hips as he settled between your thighs. Your back arched as he slid into you — clenching around his cock. He grunted out something that sounded like your name, his face pressed into the crook of your neck. “So good, _baby_.”

You wrapped one leg around him, rolling your hips to urge him on. There was no real urgency in the way you moved or the languid way he thrust into you. It was the perfect way to close out the day. 

* * *

Javier was already out of bed by the time you woke up — later than you usually did, but you were thankful for the few extra minutes of sleep. You grabbed your housecoat off the back of the door, heading into the kitchen to find him.

He was at the stove flipping pancakes as he hummed along to _Fields of Gold_ as it played over the radio above the sink. Josie was contentedly sitting in her high chair, playing with the small pancake he’d already made for her, pretending to flip it with her plastic spatula. Always trying to be like daddy.

“Morning.” You said warmly as you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against the flat of his shoulder.

He squeezed your hand, “Morning, baby.” Javier turned in your arms, wrapping his own around you. “You sleep well?”

You nodded and grinned. “Did you?”

“Like a rock.” He kissed your forehead before turning his attention back to the pancakes. “Hungry?”

“Starving.” You answered, going over to scoop Josie out of her high chair. She giggled and babbled, mostly making sense in her attempt to tell you that daddy was making pancakes.

“You’re going to need a bath,” You told her, kissing her little palm. “You’re gonna be so _sticky_.”

“What can she say? She enjoys her food.” He remarked, popping his head over your shoulder — much to Josie’s amusement. “Someone was trying to escape her crib this morning.”

“Oh, Lord.” You made a face at your daughter. “Every day you’re just a new surprise, aren’t you? 

“Da-da-daddy.” She clenched her hands in his direction 

“Here.” You passed her off to him, “I’ll finish the pancakes.” You kissed his cheek as you stepped around him. 

Javier showed Josie in kisses, before he carried her over to the table to sit on his lap while he drank his coffee. “I think I’m gonna call Steve today.”

“Yeah?” You glanced back at him with an arched brow.

“I’m just gonna tell him I’m not ready.” He answered, bouncing Josie on his knee. “Like you said. Maybe in a couple months I’ll want to get back in.” He rubbed at the side of his neck, shrugging. “Might take him out for drinks. Smooth things over.”

“Probably a good idea.” You agreed. 

“No. That’s not for you.” Javier chuckled as he sat his coffee cup further out of Josie’s reach. “I know I was an a-s-s last night.” He told you, spelling out since Josie was there. 

“I mean,” You shrugged a shoulder. “Steve was too. He was definitely baiting to get a rise out of you.” 

Josie crawled her way back up Javi’s lap, nestling against his stomach with her cheek on his chest. He rubbed her back gently, playing with the soft dark curls at the nape of her neck. She had a head of hair not dissimilar from her father’s. 

You shut off the stovetop, before carrying the plates of pancakes over to the table. “Just talk to him, I’m sure he’ll understand.” 

“ _Talk_?” Javier chuckled. “Now, you know we can’t do that.”

“Oh, right.” You laughed as you took Josie out of his arms, putting her back in her highchair. “You’ll just sit at a bar and grunt occasionally. It’ll solve everything.”

“Hey,” He started, gesturing towards Josie. “A lot can come out of a bar. 

You rolled your eyes. “We _did_ make it back to your apartment.” 

Javier grinned at you, “I’m just saying.” 

“You’re ridiculous.” You quipped, looking towards Josie as you cut a piece of pancake for her. “Daddy’s ridiculous, isn’t he? Can you say _ridiculous_?” 

Josie beamed at you, “Redick-dick.” 

You cringed. “Nope. We’re _not_ going to say that. 

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, “I mean, that’s pretty fuc-... _freaking_ cute.” 

You flipped him off behind Josie’s highchair. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

He grinned at you. 


	6. Eyes For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader spend a Saturday afternoon out drinking with Connie and Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, not my best dirty talk, vaguely voyeuristic, sex in a public space)

Javi ran his hand down the length of your bare leg, before sliding back up so his fingertips rested just beneath your shorts. “Having fun?” He questioned, his voice raised to combat with the noisy bar around you. 

You nodded, bringing your beer bottle to your lips as your eyes lingered on his face. He caught the way his gaze dropped to your mouth as you tipped the bottle back. Just for him, you let your tongue trace the rim of the bottle before you sat it back on the table. You were warm — comfortably so. You had already finished three beers and the fourth had gone down just as easily. Several abandoned shot glasses littered the table in front of you. You had lost track of which ones had been yours and which had been ordered by Javi, Steve, and Connie. 

“Yeah.” You answered, before you started to move out of the booth. “I’m getting another beer.” 

Javier caught one of your belt loops, keeping you from going much further. “I’m coming too.” His words slurred together, but he had no problem sliding out of the booth and following after you to the bar. 

You leaned heavily on the bar, ordering a glass of water and another beer. Javier ordered himself a whiskey neat, wrapping his arm around your waist. You pressed close to him, catching the way several of the women in the bar had been looking at Javier — not that he seemed the least bit aware of their attention. “You’re very handsy today.”

He chuckled, giving your hip a squeeze, “You’re _very_ attractive today.” 

“And you’re drunk.” You teased, curling your arm around him and giving his ass a playful squeeze. “But so am I, so.” 

“Here you go.” The bartender stated, sitting your drinks down in front of you. 

“Thanks.” Javier answered, but his eyes never left your face. Neither of you were truly drunk, more _blissfully_ tipsy if anything. 

You felt your chest flush hot under his heated gaze, goose pimples rising on your skin. “ _Javi_.” You whispered, a half second before his mouth crashed into yours. You gasped, lips parting just enough for his tongue to invade your mouth. Your fingers curled around the back of his neck, your other hand grabbing at his shirt to keep yourself steady as you sank into the kiss. It didn’t matter that you were standing in the middle of a bar — all eyes on you. All that mattered was sating the need you felt for him.

“Easy there kids,” Steve taunted, clapping you both on the shoulders as he joined you at the bar. “There’s a motel down the road.” 

Javier pulled back and muttered, “Fuck off Steve.” 

You blushed even hotter than before, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before grabbing your water and beer off the bar and heading back over to the table with Connie. She arched a brow at you which prompted you to laugh, “ _Don’t_.” 

“I have to admit, I’m a little _jealous_.” Connie remarked as she sipped at her rum runner. “Ever since we adopted Olivia, things have simmered out.”

You took a drink from your beer and folded your arms on the table. “It took us four months to get back to normal.” Your eyes drifted back towards the bar, catching Javier staring at you while Steve tried to talk to him. “Not that we really had a _normal_. I was already three months along by the time we got together.” 

Connie grinned, “You’ve never have really discussed how you two got together.” 

“Aside from getting drunk at a bar,” You gestured around you and shrugged. “It just happened, I guess. We were partners for years and we worked well together.” It was hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened — especially with the fog of alcohol filling your head. “The first three months were hell and then… I don’t know.” You laughed nervously. “The dumbass started sleeping at my apartment and he just never left.” 

“You two really go together.” Connie remarked as she took a sip of her drink. 

You curled your fingers around your beer, tapping it against the table lightly. “Just strike while the iron is hot. If Olivia’s down for a nap or you’re both awake in the middle of the night.” 

“Thanks.”

“You and Steve are good together too. For the record.” You looked back towards the bar, catching Javi’s gaze again. The heat in his eyes made your heart flutter and your legs clench together instinctively. 

As your eyes focused back on Connie, you caught sight of a woman who was very clearly sizing Javi up at the bar. She had a cute little sundress on and was daintily sucking at her fruity drink while she was making eyes at him from further down the bar. Not that he seemed aware. 

“Sorry Connie,” You said as you started to scoot out of the booth. “Only one of our guys has a ring.” You quipped, before you headed back towards the bar, beer bottle in hand. You put a little extra sway in your hips as you approached him, intercepting the sundress girl before she even had a chance. “ _Hi_.” You breathed out with a smirk. 

“Hey baby.” Javier murmured, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and drawing you into his side. “I was hoping you’d come back over here.” 

“You were about to have company,” You nodded your head vaguely in the girl’s direction, which prompted Javi to laugh. 

“How the _hell_ do I never notice?” He gave your shoulder three little squeezes as he kept you close. 

“A person might think you’ve been _tamed_ , Peña.” Steve quipped, snatching up his glass of whiskey off the bar. “See ya back at the table.”

You sat your beer down on the bar, before sitting down on the stool that was now accessible without Steve standing there. “Let’s give them a couple minutes.” 

Javier ran his hand down the length of your back, setting alight a new fire between your thighs just from the mere touch of him. “They good?”

You nodded your head. “Connie’s just looking to _reignite_ things.” You wiggled your brows suggestively, before letting your eyes rake over him. 

“Good for them.” He quipped, resting his hand on your bare thigh. “I can’t blame them.”

You crooked a finger at him, tilting your face so you could kiss him. It wasn’t quite as needy as the last kiss had been, his tongue didn’t thrust it’s way into your mouth — but that didn’t stop the spike of lust that coursed through you. 

Javier’s hand slid further up your thigh, teasingly brushing his thumb against the apex of your thighs, the seam pressing just right. You caught his wrist abruptly, eyes burning as you met his gaze. “Not _at_ the bar.” 

“No sense of adventure,” He pouted, before kissing you again. Javier pulled back, bumping his nose against yours. “ _Ah_ , now I see who you were talking about.” 

You looked back over your shoulder and barely stifled a laugh as you caught sundress girl quickly averting her gaze. “She’s not your type anyways.”

“Yeah? And what’s my _type_?” He cocked his head to the side. “I’m curious.”

“ _Javier_ ,” You rested your hand on his chest, fingertips playing with the exposed skin where his buttons dipped low. “I’ve played wingwoman for you before.”

Javi made a face, “Don’t remind me.” He crowded close to you and rested his chin on your shoulder. “Should’ve been you all along, baby.”

“You’re so sweet when you’re tipsy.” You grinned at him, letting your hand trail down over his stomach, before daringly tapping at his belt buckle. You could clearly make out the strain of his hardening cock through jeans and it made you clench your thighs subconsciously. “ _Javi_?”

“Yeah, baby?” He questioned, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “What is it?”

You brushed your fingers through his hair, drawing him in close so you could whisper in his ear, “I think we should go see if the bathroom is vacant.” Your tongue swept out over your bottom lip as you pulled back, watching him. 

His brows shot upwards and an easy grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “ _Fuck_ yes.” He breathed out. “Want me to head there first?”

You nodded, “I’ll be there in a second.” 

“ _This_ ,” Javier started as he stole a kiss. “Is why I love you.” 

You shoved him in the chest playfully, “ _Go_.” 

You turned back to face the bar, your heart hammering in your chest as you counted in your head. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. You grabbed your beer, drinking down the rest of it before you slid off the stool. You made your way towards the back of the bar, down the short hallway where the bathroom was tucked away. Javier was nowhere to be found — which suggested that the bathroom _had_ been vacant. Just like you’d hoped. 

You knocked lightly on the door. There was a pause, before the door cracked open. It was just like Columbia — the memory of that night burned into your mind forever. You glanced behind you, just to make sure no one was watching, before you slid inside. 

The second the door was locked, Javier descended upon you. His lips slanted over yours, his tongue finding its way into your mouth, sweeping over the roof of your mouth, twisting against yours. Your hands were quick to work at the buttons of his shirt, pushing it open and greedily touching every inch of skin you could reach. 

You should’ve been embarrassed by just how wet you were, but you’d spent the better part of the last two hours trying to ignore how much you wanted Javier. Blame it on the beer or the way his hand kept stroking your inner thigh — you’d had _him_ on your mind. Then he had to go and kiss you and you’d thought you’d lose it right then and there. 

Javier dragged his mouth away from yours, pressing a row of kisses along your jaw as he worked to shove your jeans down your hips. “Your ass has looked so _fucking_ good in these today.” He told you, his hands sliding around to palm at your ass cheeks as he looked down at you, breathing heavily. “Thought you were trying to make me lose it every time you sauntered over to the bar.”

“I _was_.” You breathed out, surging up to kiss him again. You reached down and forcefully worked his belt open, your hand snaking into his jeans to stroke his cock through his boxers. 

He caught your risk swiftly, dragging it away from him. “ _No_.” Javi said firmly, holding your gaze. “Take your panties off for me and go stand in front of the mirror.” 

You swore your heart skipped a beat. Slowly, you shimmied out of your panties, before tossing them aside with your abandoned shorts. You found his eyes in the mirror, lips curving into a smirk as you watched his predatory reflection. 

“Don’t make me wait, Javi.” You taunted, leaning forward as you widened your stance — leaving yourself _wide_ open for him. 

Javier stalked forward, one hand coming to curl around your throat and drawing you back against his chest. “ _Watch_.” He rasped out close to your ear, as his other hand found its way between your thighs. “Fuck.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, keeping your eyes locked on his eyes as he ran a finger between your thighs, feeling for himself just how slick you were. “I told you. I was thinking about your cock.” You smirked at him, rolling your hips downwards. 

“I can _tell_ ,” He pressed two fingers into you, his thumb ghosting over your clit. “I want you to come for me. Can you do that?” Javier tightened his fingers around your throat, not enough to leave a mark but enough to momentarily make you gasp for a breath.

“Yes.” You breathed out, nodding your head. You didn’t trust your words — not when he had his fingers dragging in and out of your cunt. Your fingers squeezed at his forearm, holding onto it for support as your legs wobbled. You could hear the slick sound of his fingers every time they pressed into you, the feel of his breath hot against your neck. 

“You look so _fucking_ good like this.” Javier told you, tightening his hold on your throat again as he stared down your reflection. “I can’t wait to fuck you.”

You clenched around his fingers in response to his words. 

“That’s right, _baby._ ” He chuckled, pressing his nose against the crook of your neck, breathing in deeply. “Are you going to let me come _in_ you?” Javier asked, nipping at your earlobe. 

“Yes!” You gasped out, rocking down in time with the movements of his fingers. “ _Please_.” 

“I knew you’d like that,” He smirked at you. “Sitting there with our friends while I leak out of you.” His fingers pressed into you, reaching a spot that made you see stars. 

You moaned, louder than you should’ve considering where you were. His voice, in tandem with his fingers, pushed you over the edge. You arched back against him, grabbing at the sink for support as your body convulsed around his fingers. 

“ _Fuck_ , I love watching you come.” Javier panted out as he pulled his fingers out of you. 

You caught ahold of his wrist before he had the chance to wipe his fingers off. You brought them up to your mouth, wrapping your lips around them. Your tongue swirled around the digits, tasting yourself on them, before you released them with a wet _pop_. 

Javier didn’t hesitate after that. He grabbed you by your hips, fingers digging into your soft flesh as he held you steady. His dark gaze found yours in the mirror and for a second you could’ve sworn it was two years ago — a different bathroom, a different country, but that same deep-seated need. 

You reached behind you, fingers seeking purchase in his hair, clinging to the back of his neck as he pounded into you. It was quick paced, like sex had to be in a bar bathroom. There was no time for tendering touches, languid kisses, savoring thrusts. All there was time for was his cock driving into you, his hips snapping as he _slammed_ into you. 

“That’s it baby.” He panted out, “You feel so fucking good.” 

“ _Javi_.” You clenched around him, a second release starting to build right behind the first he’d coaxed out of you. 

His pace faltered and he grunted out something that sounded like your name as his gripped tightened at your hip, holding you steady as he filled you — his cock throbbing within you as his own release washed over him. 

“Come for me,” He urged, stroking at your clit to try to bring you over the edge. “Come on.” Javier’s mouth found your pulse point, tongue sweeping over your skin time with the stroke of his finger.

Your eyes screwed shut and you clamped your lips closed to keep from crying out as your release tore through you, your inner walls pulsing around his cock, milking every last drop out of him. 

There wasn’t much time to bask in the _after_. Javier reluctantly pulled out of you, tucking himself away before kneeling down to help you put your panties back on. He kissed your thighs lazily in the golden haze of your pleasure, looking up at you with such adoration you actually felt tears prickle in your eyes. 

You caught your reflection in the mirror and blushed at how thoroughly fucked you looked. Little red spots had started to form on your neck from the way he’d curled his fingers around your throat, the scrape of his mustache against your skin.

But you both managed to keep your composure as you went back out to rejoin Connie and Steve at the table. You let Javi go first, heading to the bar to get new drinks, before sliding into the booth beside him.

Steve rubbed at the back of his neck and laughed as he looked between the two of you. “Trying for kid number two?”

“Fuck off, Murphy.” Javier countered, flipping him off as he took a drink of his beer. 

Your chest was flushed red with embarrassment, but you didn’t let it show on your face. You shrugged your shoulders, leaning into Javier’s side. “Sometimes you just have to seize the moment.” 

“I am _so_ glad you two decided to start this _after_ I left.” Steve pointed a finger between you. “You would’ve been _impossible_ at the office.”

“Hey,” Javier sat his beer down. “I’ll have you know we kept it _very_ professional after we were together. No one even knew until we told them.” 

Steve pursed his lips and nodded. “I’m impressed.” 

“You’re only young once,” You remarked, giving Steve a stern look. “Have some fun. Fuck in a bathroom.”

Connie hid her face in her hands and laughed nervously, rubbing at her bright red cheeks. “Oh my God.” 

Javi wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you in close so he could press a kiss to your temple. “You good?”

You nodded your head, wrapping your arm around behind him. “I’m perfect.” You told him as you rested your cheek against his shoulder. You were warm and content and it had nothing to do with the beer or the bathroom sex. It had everything to do with the man beside you. Being in a similar place with him — reflecting on that not-so-distant night from two years ago…. You were goddamn lucky. Who would’ve ever thought that the lonely man who fucked up everything he touched would end up being your better half. That the habitual bachelor, the perpetual flirt, the sometimes sleazy romancer would have your undivided attention. Because the girl in the sundress had _very_ much been his type — but he only had eyes for you. 

“Hey.” You nudged his leg under the table and he pulled his attention away from whatever Steve was discussing with Connie.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” You whispered, smiling at him. 

Sometimes he still looked so surprised to hear those words come from you, “I love you too.” He responded, leaning to press a sweet kiss against your lips. 


	7. Used to be Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after “maybe” Javier comes to a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, sexism, pregnancy talk.

You felt like _shit_. The worst of the morning sickness had passed as you entered your fourth month, but that didn’t mean you magically felt _good_. You weren’t sleeping terribly well at night and not being able to drink coffee was torture. Work was… _fine_. 

You’d had to tell your superiors about your ‘delicate condition’ and they hadn’t taken it well. Their first reaction had been to send you back to the states — which had been your worst fear. If you went back to your states, you knew that whatever you had with Javier would come to an abrupt end. Every day was a give and take, trying to find your place together. It wouldn’t survive distance and you wouldn’t let him leave with you if it came to that. 

Luckily they came around and put you on indefinite desk duty. You could live with that, even if it meant spending less time with Javier in the office. You were like two ships passing in the night most days. You’d get into the office, just as he was heading out on assignment and he’d return as you were heading home. 

Sometimes he’d ride the elevator with you, even though he was headed in the opposite direction, just so he could steal a few minutes alone with you. Four stories was never enough time. He’d rest his hand on the swell of your stomach, press a kiss to your temple before the opening doors would force him to pull away. Fleeting moments that convinced you that this could be something. Something that would linger long after the baby was born.   


You pinched at the bridge of your nose as you rested your elbows on your desk. The caffeine migraines wouldn’t give you a break. Every time you caught the scent of a fresh pot brewing in the breakroom, your body craved it. And Chris seemed to make a fresh pot every hour — just to torture you. 

“Hey Peña,” Chris started, tossing a crumpled up paper onto Javier’s desk to get his attention. “How’s things out in the field?”

“ _Fine_.” He lifted his gaze and gave Chris a questioning look. 

Chris shrugged, “You know I was just wondering if things might be easier for you now.” 

You frowned, but kept your focus on the report you were typing. 

“Why would it be easier?” Javier questioned. You glanced at him, catching the way his teeth were clenched together, his jaw set hard. You both hated Chris. Nothing good _ever_ came from his idle wondering. 

“Well, you know.” Chris threw another piece of paper towards the garbage can against the wall, missing it by a mile. “Without having a chick in tow. No offense,” He offered disingenuously when you glared at him. “You get to deal with all Colombia’s _finest_ informants and I can’t imagine having a female partner helped you.” 

You drew in a deep breath, counting to ten instead of picking up your stapler and beating him to death. Though the mere thought of it was wholly satisfying. You exhaled slowly, flexing your fingers before you continued typing. Chris’ sexism didn’t even warrant a reply from you. No one gave a shit and it wasn’t a hill you wanted to die on. 

“Fuck off.” Javier bit out. “She was a damn good field agent and a _competent_ one too.” That dig made you smirk. He’d been paired with Chris a half dozen times since you got stuck on desk duty and he always looked pissed as hell when he got back. Chris was a decent agent, but he was only there because he had a drinking buddy among the higher ups. 

You glanced up again, catching Javi’s eyes on you. You could never quite tell what that look meant — sometimes it felt like he was looking into your soul and other times like he was looking straight through you. But you knew Javier better than anyone else knew him — save for Steve. You had spent the better part of your past five years in Colombia at his side, day in and day out. But sometimes you just couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Especially when it came to you. 

“Don’t waste your breath on him, Peña.” You remarked, pulling the finished report out of the typewriter. “He’s just jealous that he didn’t get _my_ job.” Javier had been insistent that they hold the spot open until after you delivered. He’d have to work with Chris and Daniel, but neither of them would be his official new partner. 

“Damn straight I am,” Chris scoffed. “It’s not like you’re going to be fit to go back in the field.” He vaguely gestured to his stomach. “You’re already getting _fat_.” 

“I’m having a _baby._ ” You snapped as you stood up. “What’s your excuse?” You didn’t give him a chance to respond, heading out of the bullpen and down the hallway towards the bathroom. You didn’t trust yourself not to cry. Your hormones were all over the place and the prickly burning in your eyes suggested that he’d struck a nerve. 

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, splashing a little water on your face to soothe the flush that was starting to spread across your skin. You looked as good as you felt, which was shit. There were dark circles under your eyes, revealing just how little sleep you were getting. 

Someone knocked at the door.

“Occupied!” You called back.

“It’s me.” 

Your brows furrowed together as you turned back to the door, you unlocked it and pulled it open a crack. “What are you doing?” You questioned as you stared at Javier, your eyes flickering up and down the hall to make sure no one else was around. 

“Just checking on you.” He murmured, his expression soft as he looked at you. “You okay?”

“Just trying to prevent a murder.” You quipped, letting out a humorless laugh. 

Javier reached through the cracked door and took ahold of your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “We could probably get away with it, if we put some effort into the planning.” He said lightly. “Can I come in?”

You nodded your head slowly, pulling the door open wider. “This is risky.” You warned him as he stepped inside and locked the door shut. 

“Just a man checking on his partner,” Javier chewed on his bottom lip with his hands on his hips. 

You frowned, resting your hand on your stomach. “That’s a ‘bad news’ look.” 

He gave a stiff nod, his jaw rocking as he stared at you. “I’ve got to meet with an informant tonight.” 

“Okay.” You said calmly, even though you felt your pulse jump in your throat.

“ _Okay_?” Javier’s head cocked to the side, like he was expecting another answer out of you. 

“Yeah.” You shrugged. “It’s your job, Javi.” 

He blinked slowly, before looking away with an incredulous laugh. “You could at least tell me that you’re hurt.” 

“By you doing your _job_?” You shot back, staring at him. “I don’t know what response you were expecting.” 

“Yeah,” He shook his head, his voice cutting to the bone. “I don’t fucking know what I was expecting either.” 

“I’m not in a position to be jealous, Javier.” You told him, biting down on the inside of your bottom lip. “This,” You gestured between you. “Is held together with a shoestring and the allusion of trust. 

“The _allusion_ of trust?”

“Javier,” You crossed your arms across your chest. “Can we not do this?”

“I trust you with my _life_.” Javier breathed out, his eyes darting over your face. “So fuck that.”

You sighed heavily, “I trust you with my life too, but I don’t trust you with my heart.” You admitted, your lashes fluttering as you looked away. “Look, I need to get back out there before Chris comes up with a conspiracy story that neither of us need right now.” 

“Wait.” Javier urged and you turned back around to look at him. “Can I come over tonight? _After_?”

You gave a faint nod of your head, “I’d like that.” 

* * *

Despite your best attempts at falling asleep, you were still wide awake on your sofa watching late-night reruns of a telenovela well past midnight. Javier hadn’t shown up, which you weren’t entirely surprised about. Disappointed? _Maybe_. But you knew how things went. You hadn’t gone into this with your eyes closed. You knew Javier, you knew what being with him meant. You didn’t let it get under your skin. Or at least, you didn’t acknowledge it when it did bother you. 

Sometime near one, there was a knock at your apartment door. You hauled yourself off the sofa, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders as you went to open the door. “Hey.” You smiled softly as your gaze settled on his face. 

“I didn’t know if you’d still be up.” Javier stated, hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket as he shifted anxiously on his feet. “Can I—?”

“Yeah, come in.” You pushed the door open wider, stepping aside to let him in. You drew in a shaky breath, taking your time as you pulled the door closed, latching the security chain back. “How’d the meeting go?”

Javier pushed his fingers through his hair as you looked back at him. He shook his head, “I didn’t get anything out of her.” 

“Oh.” You pulled the blanket around you tighter as you walked back towards the sofa. “I’m sorry to hear that.” You curled up on the sofa, peering over the back of it at him. “Are you going to sit down?”

“Does it not bother you?” He questioned, staying rooted in one spot. 

You sank back against the arm of the sofa, rubbing at your forehead. “I just compartmentalize it, Javier. I don’t really have the privilege to be worried about it.” Your eyes flickered towards him, “I’d rather have you most of the time, than none of the time. If that’s my two options.” 

Javier’s shoulders sagged. “I see.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, before he moved around the sofa, settling down on the opposite side of it. He stared straight ahead at the T.V., but you knew he wasn’t watching it. His jaw was clenched, lips moving slightly like he was trying to formulate what to say.

The silence was smothering as it lingered between the two of you, oppressive like the thick heat of Colombia. 

“I didn’t fuck her.” 

Your brows shot upwards. You curled your feet beneath you as you sat up, staring down the length of the sofa at him. “Is that why you didn’t get the information?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t care.” 

“Javier, it’s your _job_.” 

“Fuck that.” He snapped, fingers curled into tight fists on his lap. “I’m done with that shit.” Javier turned to look at you, looking more wounded than you’d ever seen him before. “It’s not _just_ work. Don’t you get that?” 

You blinked slowly, before looking away from him because you couldn’t take the pain in his eyes. “I do. But I also know…” You shook your head. “It’s not a game, Javier. This is our job, our livelihood. We can’t let whatever this is get in the way.”

“ _Whatever this is_.” He scoffed, sinking back against the sofa and staring up at the ceiling. “You can be such a bitch sometimes, baby.” 

“Yeah, well you’re a jackass _all_ the time so I think we’re even.” You bit back, throwing your blanket off as you stood up. “I’m going to bed. You can sit out here and sulk or whatever, be my guest.” 

“I love you.”

You stopped dead in your tracks. 

“What did you say?” 

“You heard me.”

“No.” You turned to stare at him. “What did you say?”

“I love you.” 

“Javier, we’ve been together for a month.” 

“No shit,” He dragged his hands over his face before he stood up and stalked towards you. “We didn’t just meet last month.” 

Everything felt like it was closing in on you. The telenovela sounded like white noise in the background, blending into the thrumming of your pulse in your ears, the steady flow of air through your nose. “You can’t just say that, Javier. You can’t just tell me you love me if you don’t _really_ mean it.” 

“I do.” 

“ _How_?”

“You’re all I think about.” Javier admitted, reaching out to grab your hands, holding you in front of him. 

“Is that why you couldn’t?” 

He nodded. “Yeah.”

You swallowed thickly, “Wow.” 

“I tried.” He admitted. 

“I figured.” You laughed a little, uncertain how to _feel_. “You smell like cheap perfume.” 

He chuckled. “I’ll shower.” 

You shook your head, “It’s fine.” You took a step closer to him, looking up at him with a quiet smile. “I swear to God, if you break my heart Javi.” 

“Are you going to say it back?”

You brushed your fingers along the curve of his jaw, “ _No_.” You said lightly. “I’m going to make you wait.” Your hands settled at his shoulders as his own hands found your hips. “You’re going to have to work for it.” 

“I can live with that.” He smirked, leaning down to brush his lips against yours. His nose bumped against yours as he pulled back. “Just don’t make me wait too long” 

“You won’t.” You promised him, giving his shoulders three little squeezes. 

Javier inhaled sharply, looking down at you quizzically. You smiled a little more broadly nodding your head to confirm his suspicions. Your fingers found their way to the back of his neck and you drew him down to kiss him again. 

You let the kiss linger, your tongue teasing over his bottom lip. “I lied. Go take a shower.” You shoved him playfully in the chest. “I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

He stole another kiss, before he headed for your bathroom, glancing back over his shoulder at you.

You were already half asleep when Javi slid beneath the covers beside you. It wasn’t the first time he’d spent the night since you’d started your relationship, but it was the first time it felt like that was where he truly _belonged_. He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, his arm wrapped around you, his palm spread out over your stomach. 

You used to be lonely too. 

But now, in Javier’s arms… there was a hope in your heart that maybe neither of you would have to feel lonely again. 


	8. Stress Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier finally snaps at the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Period-Typical Sexism, Smut (f receiving oral sex, fingering, cock warming if you squint, unprotected sex, discussion of blowjobs).

“I still don’t get it.” Chris remarked, squeezing his stress ball aggressively as he kicked back in his chair, the wheels groaning under the pressure. He looked between you and Javier, brows furrowed together. “Peña, you’re not holding out on the good ladies of the night now, are you?”

Javier was _trying_ to ignore Chris, his fingers tapping against the keys of his typewriter as he worked on a report. You could tell from the way his jaw was clenched that he was hearing _every_ word that was coming out of the blowhard. 

Chris tossed the stress ball between his hands, “I don’t know if I could do it. Give all _that_ up just ‘cause I didn’t pull out.” He shook his head, before looking in your direction. “Her tits weren’t even all that.”   


“I am _right_ here.” You gritted out, glaring back at your co-worker.   


“Taking up space.” Chris shot back, giving you a pointed look before looking towards Javier. “I mean, why stick around?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. “I never took you for the kind of guy who’d give it all up. At least not for someone like _her_.”   


You hit the ‘enter’ key with a little more force than necessary and your typewriter snapped to the next line. “Honestly, Chris? Fuck off.”   


He tsked at you, “Now, now. You’re already on thin ice.” Chris picked his coffee mug up, shaking it in your direction, “How about you be a good _girl_ and get me a refill?”  


“Let me check the supply closet for rat poison first.” You snapped.   


“Is that a threat?” 

Javier abruptly rose to his feet, his chair rolling backwards a few feet with the motion. “Do you _ever_ shut the fuck up?”   


Chris leaned back in his chair, looking utterly amused with the fact that he’d gotten a rise out of Javier. “Did I hit a nerve?” He questioned, tossing the stress ball up in the air and catching it. “I mean, come on _Jav_ , you’ve got to see the humor in this.” He drew a line in the air between the two of you. “You’ve settled.” He gave you a scathing look, “Though with the mouth she’s got on her, I guess I see the merit for getting her to shut u—”  


He didn’t get a chance to finish what he was about to say, though it was clear enough where he was going. Javier had cleared the short distance between them, grabbed him by the collar and hauled him out of his chair. “I don’t care who’s _dick_ you're sucking, Chris — enough is _enough_.”   


Chris worked to pry Javier’s hands off his collar and you couldn’t help but sit back in your seat and enjoy the show. You’d seen Javi snap a dozen or more times in the field. He had remarkable patience when he tried, but when it finally bubbled over? It wasn’t something you got away from unscathed.   


“You’re going to apologize to her.” Javier shook him. “For every _fucking_ thing you’ve said for the past year.” His knuckles went white as he gripped the fabric. “If you don’t, you’re not going to have to _worry_ about ‘ _pulling out_ ’.” He released his hold on Chris and he stumbled to catch himself on the chair behind him.  


“Jesus—fucking—Christ.” Chris rubbed at the back of his neck where his shirt had dug into his skin. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”  


Javier’s hands were on his hips and he glared down at Chris. “I’m waiting.”   


You had never loved him more than you did in that moment. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle it on your own — mostly by ignoring Chris, which got under _his_ skin — but there was something about seeing Javier get rough with someone in your defense… that really got you attention.   


Chris’ ego was deflated as he looked towards you, “I’m sorry.”   


You smirked back at him, “For?” 

“This is _bullshit_.” He complained, turning back to Javier. 

Javier’s brows shot upwards expectantly. “She asked you a question.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and jerked his head in your direction. “ _Apologize_.” 

“Fine. Whatever. Sorry I gave you a hard time.” 

You knew he didn’t mean it, but you still fixed him with a fake smile. “Thanks, Chris.” 

Javier raked his hand over his face, turning back towards his own desk — but he stopped before he reached it, turning to stare at Chris. “You know… I pity your girlfriend. You’re a pig.” He scratched at his jaw, grinding his teeth together. “The shit you’ve said for the past year... “ He shook his head. 

“How was I supposed to know that you’re the one who knocked her up?” 

“She’s your co-worker. It doesn’t matter _who_ she had a kid with. You treat her with some goddamn respect. She’s leagues above you.” Javier lowered his voice. “Are you jealous?” He accused him. “That she’s still twice the agent you are?”

A speckled flush spread over Chris’ already ruddy cheeks. He straightened his tie and looked down at his desk. “I have work to do.” He muttered, shuffling papers on his desk, pretending to look busy.

Javier laughed harshly. “I figured.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “You’re a real piece of work Feistl.” His eyes lifted briefly to look at you, before they snapped back towards Chris. He leaned down, slapping a palm onto a stack of papers he was trying to shuffle through. “This is how it’s going to go. You’re not going to say another damn word about _my_ baby girl or her mother. Got it?”

“Yeah.” 

“I didn’t hear you.”

“Fuck. _Fine_.” Chris sank back in his chair and threw his hands up in the air. “You’ve got your point across, Peña. I won’t say shit.” 

Javier stood up straight and gave Chris a condescending pat on the shoulder. “Excellent. Glad we’re agreed.” He looked across the office at you, lips drawn upwards into a smirk as his eyes lit on yours. 

* * *

“She’s _finally_ asleep.” You told Javier, keeping your voice low as you padded barefoot towards the kitchen table where he was sitting, fingers curled around a nearly empty bottle of beer. “You good?” You questioned with an arched brow as you made note of the way his brows were drawn together. 

He gave a stiff nod, taking a swig of beer before he turned to look at you. “Yeah, baby. Just thinking about whether there’s gonna be blow back with Chris.” He rubbed at the back of his neck with a heavy sigh, before he clarified. “I don’t give a shit if they come after me.” 

You stepped around him, placing your hands on his shoulders, pressing your thumbs into his tense muscles. “I’ve never really been into grand displays of testosterone, but…” You leaned down and let your lips brush against the shell of his ear. “It was hot.” 

Javier swallowed thickly, “Yeah?” He turned his head towards you, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip. 

“ _Yeah_.” You nodded your head slowly, one hand sliding from his shoulder down over his chest as you leaned over him. “That edge to your voice…” You chewed on your bottom lip, your pulse spiking in your veins. 

A quiet groan escaped him as your hand slid lower, cupping him through his blue jeans. You palmed him slowly, feeling him stiffen beneath your touch. His breathing was shallow as he leaned back in the chair, giving you more room. 

You smirked as you pressed a kiss against his jaw, your mouth trailing down the column of his throat. You sucked lightly at his pulse point, not hard enough to leave a mark. With deft fingers, you worked his jeans open, dragging the zipper downwards. You reached inside, wrapping your fingers around him through his boxers. “You have no idea how badly I wanted you.” You told him, feeling victorious as he lifted his hips to press into your touch. 

“Why don’t you tell me,” He urged you, his voice a little rougher than usual. 

“You want to hear about how I spent an _hour_ thinking about crawling under your desk and wrapping my lips around your cock?” You questioned as you slid your hand beneath the waistband of his boxers, fingers wrapping around his cock. “Because I did.” You peppered kisses along his jaw, nipping at his skin. “You’re very hot when you’re angry.” 

Javier moved swiftly, fingers sinking into your hair as he turned around so he could crash his mouth against yours. Lust spiked through your veins, pooling hot between your thighs as he tightened his hold on your hair. 

You whimpered against his lips, releasing your hold on his cock so you could grab at the curve of his neck as you kissed him back with the same frenzied need. Javier’s free hand wrapped around your upper thigh, fingers moving up beneath the leg of your shorts until they found their intended destination. He dragged one finger over the damp crotch of your underwear, not paying enough attention to your sensitive flesh to give you any _real_ pleasure. 

“Is that all for me?” Javier questioned, dragging his teeth over your bottom lip before he released it, sitting back in the chair. 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, your heart hammering in your chest. “Javier—” 

Javier gave your inner thigh a swift swat, before jerking his head towards the table. “Take it off and sit down.” 

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders as you tried to regain your composure. Your eyes lingered on his face before you shimmied out of your shorts, followed by your underwear abandoning them on the floor beside his chair. You grabbed his beer bottle off the table, sitting it on the floor out of the way. The last thing you wanted was for it to fall off and shatter — waking Josie up. 

You swallowed thickly as you all but straddled him to sit down on the edge of the table in front of him. The heat in his eyes as he swept them over your naked flesh fanned the flames of desire between your thighs. He reached out, resting his hands on your knees as he met your eyes. His hands traveled over the tops of your legs, dipping them inwards along your inner thighs. You curled your fingers around the edge of the table to hold yourself steady as he nudged your legs apart. 

“ _Fuck_ , baby.” Javier drawled out as he swept his thumb between your slick folds. “Goddamn, you’re gorgeous.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of your leg as he circled his thumb over your clit. 

You bit down on your bottom lip as his hot breath danced over your leg, your fingers delving into his hair, tugging at the shorts strands. There was no way in hell you’d ever be able to look at the kitchen table the same way again. 

“This is what _I_ thought about.” Javier told you hotly as he sank a single finger into you, dragging it in and out slowly, before he added a second. Your back arched and you bit down on your bottom lip to keep from crying out. The attention was fleeting, his fingers abandoning you as he scooted his chair forward. 

“ _Javi_.” You complained, lifting your hips up off the table trying to entice him back to you. 

He pressed an open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, sinking his fingers back into you, curling them just right — forcing a muffled gasp out of you. You released your hold on his head, gripping the table again for support. His mouth felt like heaven as it worked in tandem with his fingers. His tongue circled your clit as he worked his fingers in and out of you. You were already so worked up, desire coiled tightly within you, just waiting to snap. 

Javier must’ve known how close you were, the way your inner walls fluttered around his fingers in anticipation for your release. Without warning he abandoned you, fingers sliding from your slick center, clit throbbing in the wake of his mouth. 

He sat back in his chair with a smug grin, his mustache and lips glistening with your arousal. He brought his thumb to his mouth, never breaking eye contact with you as his tongue darted out over it. 

“You’re such a _bastard_.” You hissed out, lowering your gaze to his cock. “I think I know a way to solve both of our problems.” 

“C’mere.” Javier whispered, curling his hands around the backs of your thighs as you moved off the table and onto his lap. You loved the way his jeans were rough against your skin, the contrast of sensations.

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, kissing him needily as you lowered yourself onto his cock. You moaned against his lips as you clenched around him, with the distant beginnings of your near-orgasm. 

Javier was breathing heavily as he broke away from the kiss, his fingers tangled in your hair as he cradled the back of your head. “You feel so fucking good, baby.” He rocked his hips upwards, but made no real effort to move just yet. He tilted his head, his nose brushing against yours. “Are you going to come for me?”

You nodded your head slowly as he reached down to where you were both joined, his thumb seeking out that little bundle of nerves. He held your gaze as he stroked you, circling your clit again and again until your cunt clenched around his cock, your release rippling through you. A soft cry escaped you as you came apart, wrapped around the thick length of his cock buried within you. 

His eyes flickered closed briefly as he savored the sensation, his hips rocking upwards, pressing into you. 

“I wanna feel you, Javi.” You murmured as you traced your fingertips down the column of his throat. “ _Please_.” You rolled your hips, trying to encourage him to move. 

He grabbed a hold of your hips, holding you steady as he fucked up into you. Again and again. Javier barely drew out of you before he was slamming back home into you. You clung to his shoulders for support, letting him cradle you on his lap as he steadily picked up the pace of his movements. 

Your nails bit into his skin as you felt a second release starting to build within you, spurred on by the way he felt — the drag of his cock in and out of you. Your release crested, inner walls clamping down around him as he found his own release. You felt the throb of him as he spilled into you, your body milking every drop out of him until you were both sated. 

“ _Fuck_.” You groaned as you sank forward against him, pressing your face into the crook of his neck as you basked in the warm glow of your release. He was still buried within you, even as he was softening — your cunt still fluttering around him with the dull pulses of your waning release. 

Javier chuckled, dragging his hand down the length of your back. “Look at us,” He mused quietly, curling his arm around your waist. “Making time for each other.” 

You laughed, nuzzling at his throat. “And I was just planning to your suck your cock.” 

“Was this better?”

“Much.” You sat back on his lap then, tilting your head as you looked at his face. “For the record, I don’t care if there’s blow back with Chris. They can fire me and I’ll still come out the winner.”

His brows furrowed with confusion.

“I have you.” You traced your thumb down the curve of his nose, before you pressed a kiss to his lips. “They can’t take away our family.” 

Javier curled his hand around the back of your head, keeping you close so he could steal another kiss. “Ready for bed?”

You nodded, “Yeah, my legs are cramping.” 

He gave your ass a playful swat as you carefully climbed off of his lap, your inner thighs burning from the strain. And it had been worth every single twinge of pain.


	9. All Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set towards the end of Reader's pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, pregnancy stuff (braxton hix), and fluff.

Javier was snoring beside you, not frustratingly _loud_ snoring, but rather the sort of snoring that just made you envious that he could sleep. And peacefully. You missed sleep. You missed a lot of things that came with not being pregnant. You missed being able to sleep on your side, you missed beer, you missed seeing your feet, you missed wearing clothes that weren’t made like sacks, and you even missed sex. Despite the occasional passing desire, you had been far too miserable the past month to summon the energy to enjoy anything related to sex. 

You missed a lot of things that came with not being pregnant. You missed being able to sleep on your side, you missed beer, you missed seeing your feet, you missed wearing clothes that weren’t made like sacks, and you even missed sex. Despite the occasional passing desire, you had been far too miserable the past month to summon the energy to enjoy anything related to sex. 

You winced as the baby’s foot once again found your bladder. You readjusted and sighed heavily as you tried to find a position that didn’t put pressure on your back. Everything hurt. All the time. 

* * *

You rubbed your hand over your swollen belly, trying to soothe the baby back to sleep. You just needed an _hour_ of sleep. One hour and you could function like a human tomorrow. 

Javier stirred beside you, his foot brushed against yours as he stretched out before he rolled over to face you. “Why are you still awake?”

“ _Your_ baby is rambunctious tonight.” You complained, bunching your pillow up under your head as you settled. “If you can’t sleep, the sofa isn't terrible.”

Javier arched a brow at you, “I’m not sleeping on the sofa.” He grumbled, shaking his head slowly as he reached out to rest his palm on your stomach, running his fingers over your skin. “You need to settle down little girl, your mommy is trying to sleep.”

Javier threw back his covers and moved to lay down beside your stomach. He propped himself up on one elbow, his other hand still resting against your belly right where the baby was kicking. “Does it hurt?” 

You pursed your lips and shrugged. “It’s uncomfortable, mostly.” You reached down and lazily played with his hair. “You should go back to sleep, Javi. You’ve got the meeting at the embassy tomorrow.”

“I’m fine.” Javier promised you as he pressed a kiss to your stomach, before his gaze lifted to yours. “Did you put the cocoa butter back in the bathroom?” 

“Yeah.” You stifled an exhausted yawn as Javier climbed out of the bed. “What are you doing?”

He walked around to your side of the bed, his expression still soft and warm from the sleep he was pulled from. “Just relax, baby.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss you. “I’ve got you.”

Javier returned a few minutes later with the tub of cocoa butter you used on your stretch marks. He turned his bedside lamp on, the room now lit in soft golden hues as he joined you in bed again. 

“ _Javi_.”

“Let me do this for you.” 

Javier shot you a look as he unscrewed the cocoa butter container, sitting the lid aside on the bedside table. He sat the tub down on the comforter as he leaned over to push your tank top out of his way. He ran his fingers over your rounded stomach, with an adoration in his eyes that made your heart flutter. 

You grabbed another pillow and stuffed it behind you, propping yourself up enough to watch him. He dipped two fingers into the butter, scooping up a decent amount and smearing it into his other palm. He dabbed up a little, smearing it over the curve of your stomach. The cocoa butter was cool at the first touch, enough so that a little shiver of delight went through you. But Javier’s touch warmed the chill away, sensing a different type of contentment through you. 

“Do you like that?” He questioned, a grin tugging at his lips as he met your heated gaze. 

“ _Yeah_.” You whispered with a weary smile as your lashes fluttered. You sank back into your pillows and let yourself get lost in the sensation. 

“You need sleep too,” Javier whispered as he leaned down to press a kiss to your stomach. 

His hands curled around the sides of your stomach, fingertips drawing tiny patterns into your skin as he applied the cocoa butter. It was the most entrancing sensation, soothing away the stress and tension that you’d carried with you all week. 

His touch didn’t just comfort you — the baby seemed to calm beneath his hands, her swift kicks transforming into the faint flutters of movement. 

You relaxed, letting your eyes slip closed as you focused on the shapes he drew with the butter. They reminded you of the ones he always drew against your thigh. “This is better than sex,” You muttered as you gave into the pull of sleep. 

* * *

It was unfair how good Javier Peña looked in a suit. Especially when he was just _this_ side of being pissed off after a meeting with the Embassy. They were riding his ass about overspending this quarter, which wasn’t a surprise considering how the mission had been going. The Cali Cartel weren’t as easy to crack down on. 

You had the perfect vantage point from your desk, looking straight through into the glass wall of the conference room where Javier sat getting his ass handed to him. 

But you couldn’t keep staring at him, not without Chris or Daniel getting suspicious. You loaded a new piece of paper into the typewriter, before you got up from your desk to retrieve a file from one of the banker boxes that sat on Javier’s desk. 

You took a step and grimaced, a faint cramp playing across the front of your stomach. You hesitated, rubbing your stomach cautiously. “ _Shit_.” You breathed out. 

You ignored the sensation, reaching for the box and pulling the lid off. 

The pain returned, more severe this time. It felt like a rubberband drawn across your stomach, followed by a short contraction. 

_ No. No. No.  _

Your eyes flickered towards the conference room, hoping to catch Javier’s attention, but he was fuming over something that had been said to him. 

Focused on your breathing, you returned to your desk to snatch up your purse. “I’ll be back.” You offered in response Chris' curious look, before you headed straight for the elevator. 

Contractions. 

You were having contractions and Javier was trapped in a pointless meeting. 

By the time you got down to your car your hands were trembling, your keys shaking between your fingers as you tried to unlock your car. It took you three tries before you slotted the key into the lock. 

You hadn’t felt the sensation again since you started walking. The twinge of pain that had come with the strange cramp was still there, but not nearly as insistent as it first was. 

You drew in a shaky breath as you settled into the driver’s seat, starting up the car to turn the radio on low. You weren’t going to go to the hospital just yet. If they were contractions, they were far enough apart that you didn’t need to rush. 

There wasn’t even a plan. 

You had meant to discuss it with Javier, but it just hadn’t happened yet. 

What would happen when the baby was born?

Would you just drive yourself to the hospital?

Handle everything alone?

Would Javier sit at work and pretend he didn’t care? 

With each passing day, things seemed bleaker. You were impressed is it was that you’d managed to be with Javier for nearly half a year. The years of being his partner seemed like training for spending days-in and days-out with him. Your personalities clashed frequently, too similar in your rationale to let it fester for long. 

Your entire relationship was nothing more than stolen moments, late night conversations, and a deep seated need to make it work. _Together_. It isn’t easy. The path forward is a difficult one.   


Would it always be like that?

You inhaled sharply as another burst of tension shot across the front of your stomach, a faint flutter of a contraction making you grit your teeth. 

_ Not now. Please not now.  _

You startled at the sound of someone tapping at your car window, pulled out of your focused breathing. 

It’s Javi. 

You cranked the window down, shutting off the radio. “What are you doing out here?”

He tapped the bottom of a pack of cigarettes in the palm of his hand. “Smoke break.” Javier said, clicking his tongue against his teeth. 

“Oh.”

Javier pulled a cigarette out of the pack, clenching it between his lips as he tucks them back into his breast pocket. “Chris said you left abruptly.” He glanced around the parking lot warily, pulling his aviators down to peer in the window at you. “You good?”

You swallowed thickly and turned your gaze out the windshield. “I thought I was having contractions.”

“ _Shit_.” He clicked the lighter off, not bothering to light his cigarette. “I’m taking my fifteen in your car, unlock it.”

Javier tucked his aviators into the front of his shirt, walking around the front of your car to slide into your passenger seat. “Javi, it’s fine. Go back inside.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” Javier spit out as he turned to face you. “What’s wrong?”

“I told you, I thought I was having contractions… I’m fine.” You ran your hand over your stomach, breathing in shakily. “It was just a twinge of pain. It’s fine.”

His eyes flickered around the parking lot cautiously, before he reached over and stroked your stomach. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

You shook your head. “No. I’m fine.” Against better judgment, you rested your hand over his. It was risky, considering you were sitting in the middle of the parking lot in broad daylight. “It’s going to be okay, Javi.”

“Scared the shit out of me.” Javier remarked as his fingers spread out over your stomach. “I looked up during the meeting and saw you were gone.” 

“I could’ve been in the bathroom.”

“Chris made some smartass comment about you leaving the office.” Javier slid his hand out from under yours so he could wrap his fingers around it. 

“You can’t do this here, Javi.” You warned, twisting your hand out of his grasp. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Javier reeled his hand back in like you had struck him and the look on his face stings. “So, what? You just want me to head back inside and pretend that you’re not _potentially_ going into labor?” He scoffed and stuck the cigarette back in his mouth, clamping his lips down around it as he stared out the window. “ _Unbelievable_.” 

“I’m _not_ going into labor.” You retorted. “These things happen.” You rubbed at your eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I’m fine, I promise you. If something happens, I’ll page you.”

“Partners are allowed to give a shit.” He snapped. “No one is going to be suspicious of me taking a smoke break in your car. No one gives a fuck if I care about you giving birth. We’re fucking _friends_.”

“I know.” You pinched the bridge of your nose and exhaled. “I don’t want to lose my job, Javi. I’m already on thin ice because I’m pregnant, I don’t need _our_ secret to ruin my entire career.” 

Javier’s jaw clenched tightly as he glared out the windshield, “This is _bullshit_.” He pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, forcing the one he’d pulled out back into the carton. “No one batted a _goddamn_ eye when we hung out before. You, me, Steve… knocking back drinks after work. Now I so much as look in your direction and you’re convinced our cover’s been blown.” 

“ _Javier_.” You snapped, rubbing your hand over your face as you tried to keep your ire under control. “Do you have any idea how fucking stressful this is for me? I walk into work every morning expecting to get handed the pink slip. I am trying to keep the focus off of me.” 

He dragged his fingers through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I hate this.” 

“Me too.” You bit down on your bottom lip as you watched him. “It’s not the ideal situation, but it’s the best we can do. If I get fired, immigration will terminate my visa and I’ll have to go back to the states.” Hesitantly you reached across the center console and took his hand into yours. Even if someone walked by, you figured they wouldn’t be able to see where your hand was. “And I don’t think either of us want that.” 

Javier shook his head slowly. “No.” He squeezed your hand tightly, interlacing his fingers with yours. He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, his eyes still focused straight ahead. “Can I come over tonight?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.” You retorted, trying to make light of the tension between you. 

His lips twitched into a faint smile and he glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes, “I”m sorry.”

“ _Don’t_.” You squeezed his hand.

“No, baby. I was a jackass.” Javier rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. “This situation is fucking bullshit.” He turned to look out the window beside him. “But you’ve got it worse. Shit, you got all of three hours of sleep last night.” 

You chuckled softly, “ I was only anticipating one hour.” You tensed as you spotted a pair of agents walking through the parking lot. You quickly released your hold on Javier’s hand, playing with the radio. 

“I should probably head back inside,” Javier said reluctantly, raking his fingers through his hair. “You’re sure you’re okay?” 

You nodded and assured him, “I haven’t felt the cramping again. I think I’m going to go rest.” You ran your hand over your stomach, smiling when you felt the faint press of the baby’s hand or foot. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

Javier reached over and rested his palm against your belly, “I’ll see you both at home.” He told you with a serious tone, before he pushed the car door open and headed back into the office. 

_Home_. 

Your brows furrowed as you considered the word. 

You couldn’t remember hearing him refer to your apartment as _home_ before. Sure, he spent more nights in your bed, than he did his own. When he picked up groceries, they usually ended up in your refrigerator, except for the beer that went back to his. Hell, he even kept a suit alongside his spare clothes in your hall closet. 

He had all but moved into your apartment. 

For someone who had been so nervous about whether Javier _could_ settle down, you’d somehow overlooked the fact that he had. A year ago you wouldn’t have believed that Javi was the type of guy who would stay up to rub cocoa butter over your skin. Or the type of guy to just… move in. You had been convinced that you knew him well. Somehow you’d missed that all of the bravado, the charm, the long list of one night fucks were just a mask. 

Javier had fallen into this pattern of domesticity with surprising ease. 

You knew it wasn’t easy for him either. He couldn’t truly savor the experience of becoming a father. He had to swallow his pride when Chris made snide comments while theorizing who the father was. He had to look at a photo of your sonogram, rather than sit beside you in the room. You knew he wanted more. You could see it in the way his gaze got distant when you discussed your appointments or the way he’d find a reason to touch you throughout the workday. 

He _wanted_ to be a father, to be a lover, to be a partner, to be more than a cog in the DEA’s wheel. 

* * *

“Javi, do you think you could drive me to my appointment on Monday?” You questioned as you reclined back on the sofa, watching Javier as he tried to put the baby’s crib together. The pieces were scattered across the floor, with seemingly far _too_ many pieces for one solitary crib. He kept swearing under his breath and glaring at the instructions. 

“Yeah.” Javier glanced up at you. “It should only take about an hour, right?” 

You nodded, “And there’s no reason for you to stay in the car.”

His jaw tensed as he exhaled through his nose. “You want me to go in with you?” 

“I would.” 

“ _Baby_ —” 

“I want you to come in with me.” You said firmly, giving him no room to argue with you. “I know how badly you want to see the sonogram.” 

Javier pushed his fingers through his hair, dragging his hand down over the back of his neck as he sat back on his ass. He propped a leg up, resting his elbow against his knee as he stared at you. “I’ve got that print out stuck to my bathroom mirror.” 

You smiled adoringly at him, “Of course you do.” Carefully you sat up, tucking a pillow behind your back. “I was thinking about yesterday,” You started and you caught the way his expression faltered. “I’m aware that this—” You gestured between the two of you, “Has been one sided.” 

He scratched at his jaw and shrugged, though his eyes flickered towards the ground. “You’re the one doing all the work.” Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he kept his gaze low. “I’m not trying to push this.” 

“Javi, I’ve kept you at an arm’s length and it’s _okay_ for you to be pissed about it.” 

“I’m not _pissed_.” He ground out, shaking his head. “I’m not gonna pretend I sat around thinking about having kids someday.” Javier ran his tongue over his teeth and sighed. “Because I _didn’t_. But I always thought I’d have one twice as hard to handle as I was for my pops.” He grabbed onto the edge of the coffee table as he pulled himself up off the floor. 

You patted the sofa beside you, your other hand resting against the curve of your stomach. You kept your eyes fixed to his face, brows furrowed together as you studied his expression. “It’ll get easier once she’s born.” You promised and you hoped that was true. 

“Will it?” He sighed as he sank down onto the sofa beside you, propping one foot up on the coffee table in front of him. 

“I want you here.” You reached out and took his hand into yours. “Despite the fact that you hog the covers, I’ve gotten used to you sleeping in my bed.” 

Javier huffed a short laugh. “I have too.” 

“I wish it could be different,” You said quietly. “I know you want _more_.” 

“I don’t want more.” Javier flexed his jaw. “I just want something. _Anything_.” 

You lifted his hand to your lips, kissing each knuckle. “I know.” You whispered as he leaned close and brushed his lips against your temple. “That’s why I want you there on Monday. It’s my last sonogram before we get into the homestretch. You belong there with me.” 

Javier’s shoulders relaxed, “Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me, it’s just the truth.” You reached out to cup his cheek, drawing him close so you could kiss him. “I know at work this baby’s just _mine_ , but it’s yours too.” 

“It’s _ours_.” Javi corrected you. “She’s all ours.” 


	10. The Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader go to Steve and Connie's daughter's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff & Angst

“Please don’t let Javi convince you that he can grill,” You warned Steve as you readjusted Josie on your hip. She was getting fussy about not being able to wander around at her own leisure, but the goldfish you were feeding her kept her mostly occupied. The girl loved her snacks.

“Duly noted.” Steve let out a huff of laughter as he peered at you over the rim of his sunglasses. “How the _hell_ is it possible that he can’t grill? He’s from Texas.”  


* * *

You shrugged a shoulder, passing Josie another goldfish. “Take it up with his father when he gets here this weekend.” You glanced back towards where Javier had been helping Connie set up the colorful pennants, frowning when you didn’t see him there anymore. “ _Shit_.” You swore under your breath as you spotted him across the park.  


You passed Josie another goldfish, bouncing her on your hip as you walked across the park to the charcoal grill that Javier was currently lighting up. “ _Javi_.”   


“I’m not gonna burn it, baby.” He remarked, pointing the tongs at you. “It was one damned time. You gonna hold that against me for the rest of my life?” Javier’s gaze flickered towards Josie, flashing her a goofy face that made her squeal and giggle. “Are those good, Miss Josie? Do you like your goldfish?” He sucked his cheeks, mimicking a fish which _really_ set Josie off into a fit of giggles. She threw herself backwards against your arm, face upturned to the sky as she laughed.  


You hoisted her up in your arms, readjusting her so she was leaning back against your chest secured by your arms. “Do you want to risk having to listen to Jeff gripe about burnt burgers?” You arched a brow at him, before fixing Josie’s hat as she tried to pull it off her head.   


Javier blanched at that. “Give me the baby.” 

You passed Josie off to him, smiling at both of them. “I thought you’d see things my way.” 

“I usually come around,” Javi quipped with a smirk, leaning in to plant a kiss on your lips. Josie was having none of that and she squabled for attention, swatting at her father’s face. “Any trouble?”

You made a pained expression, “Oh, we were invited to Bunko.”   


“I think I have something that day.” Javier drawled out, pursuing his lips thoughtfully. “Definitely got something that day.”  


You tickled Josie as you leaned in and stole another kiss from Javi, “I think I’ll be busy too.”  


“Do we _look_ like Bunko people?” Javier questioned with an arched brow. “Florida might’ve been a bad move” He said lightly.   


You opened your mouth to say something, but caught Tracy’s rapid approach from the corner of your eye. _Fuck_.   


“How are you lovebirds doing?” Tracy questioned, clasping her hands together as she looked between the two of you.   


“ _Great_!” You answered with a fake smile, leaning into Javier’s side as he curled an arm around you. Mostly to hold you back from throttling Tracy. In a matter of a few short months, she and Jeff had become the bane of your existence. They weren’t necessarily _bad_ people, not by a long stretch, but they were _horrible_ people.   


At least Tracy said Javier’s name like she wasn’t trying to show off a third grade level competency in Spanish. Jeff, on the other hand, tried to throw the occasional Spanish word into conversation just to “spice things up.”  


Only in America.   


Home of the brave and stupid.   


“She is just getting _so_ big!” She put her hands on her hips and looked at Josie. “Goodness, she does look like her father, doesn’t she? No mistaking who her daddy is.”  


You glared and Javier tightened his grip on your hip. “She’s lucky she didn’t get my nose.” He countered with a chuckle.  


Josie shyly hid her face in the crook of his neck, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt and clenching it in her first. “ _Daddy_.” She urged.  


“I’ve got you Miss Josie.” He soothed, stroking her back. “Want some more goldfish?”  


You shot him a look as he started away from the conversation with Tracy. Josie really was the best excuse in any situation. “How have you been, Tracy?” You asked, trying to act friendly with her. For Connie’s sake.   


“So _busy_.” Tracy’s shoulders sagged a little, her eyes flickering towards where Jeff stood talking Steve’s ear off. “We’re planning on trying for a second child and that means extra shifts at the hospital to save up for it.” She admitted to you, keeping it hush-hush.   


“Save for it?” You tilted your head. “I mean, saving for the expenses _is_ smart. I can’t blame you for that.” You hadn’t had to deal with the costs of childbirth in America when you had Josie, but you had heard stories from friends.   


Tracy shook her head, “No, we’re doing IVF. It’s expensive, but it is _so_ worth it,” She explained. “That’s how we ended up with Timmy.” Her attention turned towards Connie who was playing bean bag toss with Olivia, Timmy, and a couple of other kids that you didn’t know. They were _not_ very good at the game, but their laughter and clapping proved that they were at least having fun. “Jeff’s not very keen on adopting like I had hoped he would be. It’s _so_ nice what the Murphys did for that little girl.”  


“It was a difficult situation,” You folded your arms across your chest, smiling as you watched the children playing. “She’s a lucky girl to be with the Murphys.” Your gaze wandered across the park towards Javier, who had taken Josie away from the hustle and bustle of the party to show her the flowers that were in bloom.   


It warmed your heart to see how he was with her. Even still. If it was possible to fall even more in love with someone every day, you did with Javier every day.  


“Are you and Javier thinking about having another?” Tracy questioned.  


That hadn’t actually been a topic of conversation between the two of you. With everything that had soured the experience of your pregnancy with Josie… Javier could pretend otherwise, but you knew it had been a point of contention for him.   


What would Javier be like if he could freely and proudly experience your pregnancy alongside you? You shook that thought from your mind.  


Your gaze drifted back towards Tracy and you shook your head, “Josie’s a handful. I think we’re good with just the three of us.” You didn’t know how Javier would manage having more than one little one demanding all of his attention.  


Tracy grinned back at you, “She was a _surprise_ wasn’t she?”   


“Aren’t _all_ babies a surprise?” You countered, taking off your sunglasses and cleaning the lenses with the hem of your shirt as a distraction.   


God, she was nosey.   


And it wasn’t even the first time she’d tried to weasel that information out of you or Javier. “I’m gonna go see if Josie needs anything. It’s been really great talking to you, Tracy.” You gave her a brief pat on the shoulder, before you started across the park towards Javier and Josie.   


You both tried to protect that part of your life from public knowledge. It wasn’t that either of you were _ashamed_ of how your relationship had begun, but you didn’t want it to ever affect Josie. People were idiots and you didn’t need their judgement being cast on Josie.   


You had met at work, you fell in love, you had a baby together. No one needed to know the order of that path.   


“Mommy looks frazzled, doesn’t she?” Javier questioned Josie, bouncing her in his arms as you approached them.   


“Uh-oh!” She covered her mouth, her little eyes going wide with her own version of mock-surprise.   


You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, even as you laughed, “The things you’ve taught her…”   


Javi shrugged a shoulder, “She’s very entertaining though, isn’t she?” He pressed a kiss to the top of her hat-covered head. “How was Tracy?”  


“ _Nosey_. But, what’s new?” You let your gaze settle on Javier’s for a moment, meeting his warm dark eyes. Josie was _only_ eighteen months old. There was no reason to even consider having another one.   


“What?”  


“Nothing.” You shook your head, before you crouched down to pick a buttercup that was growing close to your foot. You stood back up and held it up in front of Josie. “Did Daddy teach you about these yet?”  


She eyed the flower with a scrunched up nose.   


“Daddy did _not_.” Javier arched a brow at you with confusion. “What are you doing?”  


“This is a buttercup,” You explained to Josie, “And it’s _magic_.” You held it up under Javier’s chin, pointing a finger at the golden yellow shadow that was cast on his skin. “See, that means that daddy _really_ loves butter.” You tilted your own chin back and held it up, showing the same golden shadow on your own skin.  


“Wow!” Josie clapped her hands enthusiastically, before making grabby hands so she could hold onto the flower.   


Javier chuckled, “Nice trick.”   


“Thanks,” You shrugged a shoulder. “You want to get out of here after we eat?”  


He clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded, “I thought you’d never ask.”  


“I feel bad for ditching, but… I can’t stand much more of them.” You admitted, fixing Javi with a pained expression before you looked down at Josie. “And this one is going to need a nap soon.”  


Josie was _well_ aware of that word and she threw herself back against Javier’s chest like a starfish and shook her head. “I no nap!” She shouted.   


“Not now silly,” You tapped her nose. “Later.”   


“Besides,” Javier started. “We’ve got my pops as an excuse. We’ve got the condo to straighten up before he gets here.” He bounced Josie, “Are you excited about your _abuelo_ coming to visit?”  


Josie clapped her hands.   


“You are going to be even more rotten after he’s visited.” You teased Josie, leaning in to press a kiss to each of her cheeks. “These Peña men love to spoil you.”  


Javier grinned and shrugged. “She makes it easy to spoil her.”  


“I know.”  


“Hey!” Connie called out from a few yards away. “Are you guys coming back over here?”  


You turned, shielding your eyes from the sun as you looked across the park. “Sorry,” You called back to her, “we’re coming!”   


“I guess we couldn’t avoid _mingling_ forever,” Javier grumbled as he took your hand into his, meandering back over to the party. Steve was tending the barbecue, while Jeff boisterously instructed him on how to grill the _perfect_ burger.  


“Thank you.” Javi murmured close to your ear and you couldn’t help but snort.   


“I told you.” You smirked. “Want a beer?”  


“Yeah.” He gave your ass a playful swat, seeing you off as he made his way back over to where your lawn chairs were set up. Josie had her own lawn chair, lime green with purple stripes, and she was beside herself with it. Despite her limited vocabulary, she’d already shown it off to the other kids — who frankly didn’t care.   


You watched her as she settled back in the lawn chair, sitting just like Javier did. The kid was bound to be a complete daddy’s girl when she grew up and you couldn’t think of a better influence on her. Despite his past mistakes and shortcomings, Javier was something else.   


“Is that one yours?” One of the other moms — _Lisa_ , you think — asked as she stood beside the picnic table, waiting for you to finish using the bottle opener. 

“ _Yeah_.” You nodded, taking a sip of your beer, before popping the top off Javier’s beer. “Which one’s yours?”

“That one.” She pointed to a little girl about Josie’s age who was sound asleep on the father’s lap. 

“She’s cute.” 

“Thanks.” Lisa smiled, taking the bottle opener from you. “You guys should bring your chairs over to where ours are.” She gave a pointed look towards Tracy who was currently trying to get Timmy to stop melting down over God only knows what. “I think we both could use some _sane_ conversation.” 

You took another sip of your beer and smiled, “Yeah, sure. I’ll tell Javi.” 

As it turned out, Lisa and Tripp were actually pretty decent people. Tripp was in the Air Force, stationed over at the Homestead ARB. He was a friend of Steve’s which endeared Javier to him pretty quickly. Lisa had been enlisted as well, but she did her ten years and got out — just in time to have their daughter Rachel. 

“It was a _nightmare_ ,” Lisa recalled, barely getting her words out through her laughter. “We were both deathly ill the next day from the seafood and _everyone_ figured it out.” 

“ _Shit_.” Javier rubbed at the side of his neck, shaking his head. “You get chewed out?”

Tripp made a face, “ _Ohhhh_ , yeah. I got a dressing down for _fraternizing_ with an E-3.” He reached over and rested his hand on Lisa’s, “Worth it.” 

Lisa grinned at her husband, before her gaze settled on you. “So, what was your first date with this one?” She nodded her head towards Javier. 

You blinked back at her momentarily. As far as you recalled, you hadn’t _actually_ been on a date with Javier. Nothing about your relationship, in the beginning, was conventional. You were three months pregnant and still trying to process how to navigate a romantic relationship with Javier. You would hardly consider the nights he spent in your bed as _dates_. 

“His cousin’s wedding.” You answered, brushing over the fact that it was only a few months ago. 

“Wow!” Tripp’s brows rose upwards as he looked towards Javier, “You just dive in headfirst, don’t you? Taking her to a family event. _Ballsy_.” 

Javier’s brows furrowed together as he stared at you. His expression was unreadable, but it was clear he hadn’t been expecting _that_ answer. But it was true, more or less. Danny’s wedding had been the first time Javier had _invited_ you somewhere. It was the closest thing you’d had to a date with him. 

“Yeah,” He snapped out of his thoughts, looking towards Tripp. “Diving headfirst has been a bit of a trend for our relationship. Hasn’t it?” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he gave you a look. 

You nodded with a laugh. “Yeah, that’s pretty accurate.” You shifted in your seat, running your hand over Josie’s back as she nestled against your breast, sound asleep. Despite your plans to leave in time for her nap, you and Javier had gotten caught up in the conversation with Lisa and Tripp. 

“The four of us should go down to the shooting range some weekend.” Tripp suggested.

Javier took a sip of his beer, “We’ve got to invite Steve too.” 

“Hell yeah,” Tripp nodded. “Think we could convince Connie to watch the kids?” 

You laughed, “Connie is going to _kill_ us.” 

“She owes us one,” Lisa quipped, nodding her head in the direction of Tracy and Jeff. “I get that they work together, but…” She shuddered dramatically. “They’re too damn much.” 

“I’m just relieved you didn’t ask me to go _fucking_ golfing.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair as he sat his empty bottle of beer back on the ground, giving his watch a subtle glance. 

Tripp pointed at Javier, “Did he get you with the golfing too?” 

“I _lost_ his number.” Javi shrugged, his eyes flickering towards you. He was still looking at you with a funny sort of look that you couldn’t quite figure out. Was he pissed that you had said that your first date was his cousin’s wedding? Were you supposed to just make one? 

“Lucky bastard.” Tripp downed the rest of his beer and leaned forward. “I would’ve rather sat and watched the grass grow than golf with him.” 

“It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Lisa quipped. 

“You weren’t there!” Tripp laughed, shaking his head. 

Josie mumbled in her sleep, trying to find a more comfortable position on your chest. “ _Shh_.” You whispered, kissing her forehead as she sniffled, her bottom lip trembling. “You’re okay, princess.” 

“You ready to head home?” Javier questioned, pushing his aviator’s further up the bridge of his nose. 

“Yeah, before she gets fussier.” You answered, slowly peeling yourself out of your lawn chair, keeping Josie cradled against your chest. She had drifted back to sleep, but you knew she’d be wide awake once you got her in the car. 

* * *

You spent the rest of the afternoon and into the evening anticipating that Javier would bring up your comment about your first date, but he never did. He was tense, which told you he _wanted_ to bring it up. You caught him staring at you from across the family room while you ordered pizza over the phone, but when you mouthed ‘ _what_ ’ he just shrugged and busied himself with Josie. 

Even after Josie went to bed, the topic wasn’t broached. You spent two hours nestled into his side on the sofa while you watched the movie you’d rented from Blockbuster — _The Last of the Mohicans_ — but he didn’t say a word. You knew it was on his mind, because he was quiet. He’d pulled this same shit when you were pregnant, whenever he was frustrated about the situation but he didn’t want to burden you with it. He drew into himself, rather than expressing his feelings. It was bullshit, but it was just who he was. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You whispered as you settled beneath the covers beside him after the movie had finished. “You’re not mad at me are you?” 

“No.” He answered, but he kept his back to you as he sighed heavily. 

You rolled your eyes, scooting closer to him. You draped your arm over his waist, pressing a kiss to the flat of his shoulder. “Well, you’re acting like you are.” 

Javier placed his hand over yours where it rested against his stomach. “I’m not mad at you.” He half-heartedly reassured you. 

“I didn’t know what else to say,” You said, lips brushing against his skin as you spoke. “We _haven’t_ actually been on a date.” 

He rolled onto his back then, staring up at the ceiling. You propped yourself up on your elbow, watching as he dragged his hands over his face, pressing the heels of his palm against his eyes. “I’m pissed at myself.” 

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Javier.” You reached out and brushed your fingers along his jaw, making him look at you. The bedroom was mostly dark, but you could see him clearly enough. “I think we’ve done perfectly fine without stupid first dates.” 

“Why’d you pick Danny’s wedding?”

You chewed on your bottom lip, “It was the first time you asked me to go somewhere _with_ you. I mean, yeah we still went to work after we fessed up to everything, but the wedding was the first time I felt… you know.” 

“I don’t.”

You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip as you held his gaze in the darkness, “It was the first time _this_ felt real.” You traced your fingertips down the column of his throat. “There was no hiding our relationship, no DEA breathing down our necks.” 

“It didn’t feel _real_ before that?”

“It did.” You answered quickly and sighed. “I’m not explaining this well.” 

“ _Try_.” Javier urged, reaching out to tuck your hair behind your ear. 

“I know I’ve never said it before, not in so many words, but… I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. Everything about our relationship was secret for _so_ long and I just… I kept waiting for you to wake up one morning and realize you didn’t want this. But then I was there with you and your family and I just felt… like I _finally_ had you.” 

Javier stared at you, his fingers ghosting over your cheekbone. “I didn’t know that’s how you felt.”

You shrugged a little. “It was a _me_ issue, you didn’t need to know.” You leaned into his touch.

“Baby,” He whispered, “You wanna go to dinner with me?”

“Right now?” You teased lightly, pushing at his chest playfully. 

“When my pop’s here. He can watch Josie and I can take you out.” Javier leaned in to kiss you, “I might even put a suit on.”

You laughed brightly. “As much as I love to see you in a suit, please don’t.” You kissed him again, “It doesn’t have to be fancy, Javi.” 

“Maybe I _want_ it to be fancy, baby. You’ve got that one dress...” He ran his hand down your arm, your waist, before slipping around to grab your ass to pull you closer. “You haven’t said ‘yes’ yet.” 

You curled your hand around the back of his neck and pulled him in so you could kiss him, “Yes, Javi. I’ll go on a _date_ with you.” 

Javier brushed his nose against yours, before stealing another kiss. “ _Good_.” 

Neither of you were very good at expressing yourselves. The origins of your relationship hadn’t really made it easy to discuss how you felt. But you couldn’t keep doing that, not if you wanted this thing to last. And you knew that you both wanted it to. 


	11. Merry Christmas, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Christmas time in Colombia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Period-typical sexism, smut (pregnancy sex, fingering, *squint* cock warming, girl-on-top), fluff.

Holidays were _weird_. Particularly gift-giving holidays like Christmas. The unfortunate holiday that was looming right around the corner. It was made all the more difficult by the fact that you were five months pregnant with your partner’s baby and you spent most of the day pretending to have a merely _casual_ friendship. You were still trying to figure out what _normal_ was for the two of you. 

Sometimes he would steal a kiss from you when you both ended up on the elevator together, with just enough fervor to leave you reeling for the rest of the day. Other times, it would be three days before he turned up at your apartment looking to spend the night with you.

You still hadn’t told him that you loved him too. You said it all the time, without so many words. Something about _saying_ it terrified you. You still couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that _he_ had been the one to say it first. You had loved him for a while; first as a partner, then as a friend, and now… as whatever he was. He wasn’t your boyfriend — that seemed far too juvenile for your taste. Lover sounded ridiculous, but it at least suited the situation well enough. 

“So,” Chris mused — which was _never_ a good thing. “What are you doing for Christmas? Sit at home and wonder why the baby daddy didn’t stick around?”

You felt a flush creep across your chest and you glared across the office at him. “None of your business. Get the report done so I can send it off.”

“Hey Peña,” Chris ignored you completely. “Don’t you think she’d be less of a bitch if she were still getting some?”

“Why the fuck would I be thinking about that?” Javier snarled, “Get your mind out of the gutter Feistle.”

“I’m just saying.” Chris shrugged. “That’s how I keep my lady pleasant.”

“Fuck off.” You snapped, flipping him off before you started furiously typing. 

“You are a walking HR disaster.” Javier quipped, rising from his desk to bring the stack of his completed paperwork to you. He lingered, resting his hand on your shoulder. “Just breathe.” He squeezed your shoulder three times. 

You looked up at him and smiled softly. “Thanks.” Unwillingly you let Chris read anything into the encounter, you snatched the top file off the stack and skimmed over it. “Your ribbons need to be replaced.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He waved his hand dismissively as he made his way back over to his desk. “I’ll get to it.”

“Peña what are _your_ Christmas plans?” 

“Dunno.”

“Are you spending it alone?”

Javier shrugged. “I guess it depends on how things go.”

Chris leaned forward, suddenly interested, “One of your _lovely_ ladies?”

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Feistle.” Javier dragged his hand over the back of his neck. “This isn’t work.”

“They get expensed as work.”

Javier flipped him off. “We’re not going to be having a Christmas break if you don’t get your fucking reports in.” He glanced up at you, brows furrowed with a sympathetic smile.

You shrugged. There wasn’t much to be done about Chris’ antics. You couldn’t exactly file a report against him for the harassment, because they’d just let you go to cover their own asses. It was a pain in the ass to be the only female agent currently on the job. With Escobar handled, Messina had long since headed back to the states. 

You never had an issue with Javier or Steve. They had treated you like part of the team from day one, Javier especially. He’d always been especially encouraging about your efforts whenever you got briefed on the case. 

If you hadn’t gotten knocked up…

Javier wouldn’t be anything more than your friend and colleague. You’d still be hitting bars with him after work, helping him snag whatever woman had caught his eye that night. He hadn’t been a half-bad wingman himself, though sometimes he definitely set you up to fail.

Which, in light of recent events, made you wonder. 

You blinked as a wad of paper was thrown at your face. “I’m talking to you.” Chris said dryly. “Pregnancy brain?”

“I was contemplating how much effort it would take to put a human male into the paper shredder.” You countered with a smirk. “What did you need now?”

Chris stared at you. “You _really_ need to get laid.” 

“That’s what you needed to tell me?”

“ _No_.” He rolled his eyes. “I forgot what I was going to say now.”

“Of course you did.” You muttered under your breath. “Get the report done, Feistle. The sooner it’s in, the sooner we’re out of here.” 

* * *

Javier was a hard man to shop for. He didn’t _need_ much, which was made apparent by the fact that he could spend three consecutive days at your apartment without needing to get anything from his, except for a clean shirt on the way to work in the morning. You had considered getting him a fancy engraved cigarette case, but he was _trying_ to quit. He didn’t need another pair of aviators and a money clip seemed like a tacky gift. 

You ended up stumbling upon the perfect gift down in a street market near your apartment a week before Christmas. An antique edition of _Don Quixote._ Javier wasn’t exactly one to settle down for the evening with a nice book, but you recalled a brief conversation you’d had with him last year where he had offhandedly mentioned that it was a story that he and his father had bonded over. 

On the front page of the book, you wrote a short note. You only felt a little guilty for _ruining_ an antique edition. 

> _ To Javi,  _
> 
> _Long before I knew that you would become the father of my child, you mentioned how much you loved bonding over this story with your father. Now that you are about to become a father yourself, I thought you might enjoy your own edition to share with our child. May she take away as many fond memories with you, as you did with your father. I still remember the way you lit up when you mentioned it and maybe, even then, I was falling in love with you._   
> 
> 
> _I love you._

“You mean it?” Javier questioned as he traced his fingers over the words you had written. 

“Yeah.” You smiled softly at him. “Do you like it?”

“Baby, I love it.” Javier reached over and gave your thigh a squeeze. “Now I feel like my gift isn’t nearly as sentimental.” 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” You assured him, resting your hand over his. “I’d settle for a back massage.” 

“I _did_ get you something.” Javier leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, before he got up off the sofa and grabbed his leather jacket off the back of a chair in the kitchen. He presented you with a package wrapped in bright red Christmas paper. “I hope you like it.” 

You peeled back the paper to reveal an empty photo album, “ _Javi_.” 

“The camera will get here next week. The shop couldn’t get it in time.” Javier explained as he perched on the arm of the sofa, watching you with a furrowed brow. “It seemed like a nice way to document things… for _us_.” 

“Thank you.” You gestured for him to come closer. “This…” You looked down at the empty album, flipping through a few pages as you imagined it filled with pictures. You and Javi, the baby, a lifetime of firsts and memories to be made. You hadn’t even considered documenting your pregnancy — your relationship. You blinked quickly as tears slid down your cheeks. “ _Goddammit_ Javi.” 

“Baby, don't cry.” Javier brushed his fingers over your hair. “C’mere.”

You scooted closer to him, sniffling. “They’re happy tears. _Promise_.” You assured him. “And you thought this gift wasn’t sentimental.” You had never been much of a crier, but ever since your hormones had been put to the test with your pregnancy, you cried over _everything_. 

“Well without the camera, I figured a blank album didn’t seem like much of a gift.”

You swept another tear off your cheek. “It’s perfect, Javi.” You tilted your face to look up at him with a smile. It wasn’t just a blank album, it was the promise of filling the pages. “Javier,” You started, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip as you stared at him. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, baby.” Javier drawled out, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead, before dipping down to press a kiss to your lips.

Your fingers trailed around to cradle the back of his neck, playing with the soft hair at the nape of his neck. You didn’t let him pull back from the kiss, your tongue sweeping out over his bottom lip. He groaned against your mouth, lips parting enough to give you access. 

Javier curled his arm around your waist and hauled you onto his lap, his hands settling on your hips as you straddled him. Reluctantly he pulled away and leaned back against the sofa, searching your face. “You good for this?” 

You brushed your hair back behind your ears as you held his gaze. “Would you judge me if I told you I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday?” 

He arched a brow, a smirk playing over his lips. “ _Oh_?” He rubbed his thumbs against your hip bones, before trailing them up along your sides. “Tell me more.”

“Well,” You bit down on your bottom lip, trying to feign a look of innocence as you rested your hands on his shoulders. “I had to take matters into my own hands last night, since someone _didn’t_ come over.” You arched a brow. “ _Asshole_.” 

Javier leaned in and kissed you, “I planned on coming over, but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa.” 

“A likely story.” You teased, dragging your fingers through his hair, letting your nails scrape lightly against his scalp. “You realize falling asleep on the sofa is an _old man_ thing. God, you’re already turning into a father.”

He grumbled, “Oh, fuck off. You know I’ve been keeping God awful hours this week.” His hands returned to your hips, giving them a squeeze. 

“I know.” You tilted your head to the side as you met his eyes, “We can just sleep if you’d prefer.” You said softly as you trailed your fingers down the column of his throat. 

Javier shook his head. “And leave you to take matters into your own hands again?” He caught your hand and brought to his lips, kissing your palm. “Tell me.”

You felt a blush rise across your cheeks and you shifted forward in his lap until you were pressed against the hardened length of his cock. “I thought about your mouth.” You told him, dropping your voice into a low whisper. You traced your thumb over his lips, a shiver running down your spine as his tongue flicked out against your finger. “Is it bad that I started thinking about it at work?”

“Did Feistle’s line of questioning get you thinking?” He ran a hand up the length of your spine, before he rolled his hips beneath you, his cock grinding up against you and sparking heat low in your belly. 

You gave a short nod of your head as you rock downwards, a soft moan slipping past your lips as the movement caught against your clit. “I guess we can thank him for _that_.” You whispered as you leaned forward and kissed him, your lips slanting needily over his. You dragged your teeth over his bottom lip, your fingers dragging through his hair as you pulled back. 

“You should’ve called me.” Javier drawled out, tracing his pinky along the line of your cheekbone. You should’ve — you actually considered it, but ultimately you hadn’t wanted to seem _desperate_. Especially considering Javier had already planned to spend Christmas with you. 

“Well, you’re here now.” You smirked at him as you moved to slide off his lap. You didn’t feel particularly sexy in your current state, but the way that Javier looked at you had you convinced that at least _he_ thought you were. 

You hooked your fingers in the waistband of your sleep pants, pushing them down your hips, before letting them slip down your legs, before shimmying out of your underwear. Your breath caught in the back of your throat as you watched Javier palm himself through his jeans, his eyes raking over your naked flesh. You peeled your shirt off, letting it join your discarded clothes.

Javier shifted forward to perch on the edge of the sofa as he smoothed his hands over the curve of your stomach. He dipped down and pressed a soft kiss to your skin, as one of his hands slid lower. “Did you think about this too, baby?” He questioned as he ghosted his fingers along your inner thigh.

You grabbed ahold of his shoulders to keep yourself steady as he dragged his fingers between your slick folds. “ _Fuck_.” You widened your stance, drawing in an unsteady breath. “Don’t tease me Javi.” 

“No?” He brushed his thumb over your clit, but it wasn’t enough. 

“No.” You shook your head. “It’s not—” Whatever you were about to say died on your lips as Javier pressed two fingers into you slowly. Your eyes fell closed and your lips parted with a breathy moan. Though your second trimester was still fraught with the occasional upset stomach, it had done wonders for your libido. And Javier had been more than willing to give into your needs, despite his own hesitancy about doing something _wrong_. 

“Love the way you look.” Javier drawled out, his voice rough with his own desire as he watched your face. “So _fucking_ pretty.” He dragged his fingers out of you before pressing back into you again, building a slow pace that was driving you wild. “Are you going to come for me, baby?” He questioned as his thumb rubbed tight circles over your clit. 

“Fuck, yes.” You told him, biting down on your bottom lip as you tightened your hold on his shoulders. “ _Javi_.” 

“Just let go, baby.” Javier urged, pressing a kiss to your stomach as he looked up at you. He twisted his fingers, pressing them directly against that sweet spot within you. That was all it took to set you off, his name tumbling from your lips as your body clenched around his fingers. “That’s it.” 

He dragged every second of pleasure he could from you, working his fingers in and out of you until you weren’t certain you could keep upright. Javier guided you back onto the sofa to straddle him. You curled your fingers around the back of his head, kissing him like your life depended upon it as he worked to get his pants open. 

You lifted up on your knees, reaching down to curl your fingers around his cock to hold him steady as you settled down onto him. “ _Oh_.” You breathed out as he gripped at your hips to keep you seated atop him. You were still so sensitive from the orgasm he’d pulled from you, your inner walls clenching around him. 

Javier tangled his fingers in your hair, tightening it just enough to make the pain merge with the pleasure of being filled with him. “You feel so fucking good.” He whispered close to your ear as he kissed a path down your throat. He rolled his hips beneath you, holding you close to him. The movement kept him buried within you, the slow grind of his movements making you moan. 

“You really love me?” Javier breathed out against your lips and all you could do was grin back at him. 

You brushed your nose against his, laughing softly. “Yes, dumbass. I love _you_.” Pointedly you rolled your hips, smirking when he groaned in response. 

“ _Dumbass_?” Javier grabbed at your ass, holding you steady as he thrust up into you. “Awfully rude for someone wanting me to fuck them.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Are you going to stop?”

“No.” 

“I thought so.” You grinned, brushing your fingers through his hair as you met his eyes. “But if you don’t start moving, I’m going to have to _kill_ you.” 

Javi chuckled, slowly rolling his hips beneath you. There was nothing hasty about his movements, he took his time — drawing out the pleasure until you were both trembling messes. His thumb found your clit, stroking it until you shattered around him, coaxing him over the edge. You pressed your face into the crook of his neck, breathing heavily as you came down from your high, his cock softening within you. 

“Merry Christmas, baby.” Javier whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple as he cradled you against his chest. 

For a fleeting moment you wondered what next Christmas would be like. Would the photo album be filled up with photos of the three of you? Would you set the timer to pose with your baby in front of a Christmas or would Javier be there to take it? The future was cast in shadows of uncertainty. You knew what you wanted. You were willing to settle if you had to. You’d do what you had to do to protect your baby’s future, but you _wanted_ Javier there beside you along the way.

“Merry Christmas, Javi.” You said as you pulled back to look at him. Leaning in you pressed a soft kiss to his lips, letting it linger. “I love you.” 

“I’m gonna need you to keep saying that this weekend.” He smirked. 

“If you’re _lucky_ I might say it for a long time.” 

“Luck has rarely been on my side,” He mused, smoothing his hands along your side. “But I’m hoping it might be this time.” 

“Me too.” 


	12. His Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Javi's POV.  
> Warnings: Angst w/ Fluff

He wanted to call Steve. 

He wanted to call his father. 

The phone was right _there_. Screaming at him. Mocking him.  


With each methodic tick of the clock on the wall above the door, he felt like the room was closing in on him. 

Javier rested his elbows against his thighs as he leaned forward, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at a scuff mark on the linoleum floor.

It had been two hours since the nurse had ushered him out of her room. Two hours since the door shut behind him and he was sent to wait in a waiting room meant for friends and extended family members. Two hours of watching grandparents waiting for their grandchildren to be born, friends waiting to see their new godchildren. He was the only father anxiously waiting to meet his child. 

It was bullshit. He’d had half a year to prepare for this moment but it hurt like a son of a bitch. More than he’d expected. He should’ve been in there with her. Holding her hand, kissing her brow. But instead, he was alone.

So was she. 

He just wanted to call someone — anyone. He wanted to vent, to yell, to point every fucking injustice he’d suffered during this whole goddamn process.

So he paced instead. Up and down the hall until a nurse snapped at him to go wait in the waiting room.

What _if_ he called Steve?

_ “Hey man, hope Miami’s treating you like shit. Why the fuck did you have to leave? If you hadn’t fucking left, none of this would be happening.” _

But he couldn’t even humor a world where he wasn’t about to become a father. She wasn’t even born yet, but that little girl and her mother were his whole goddamn life. He’d suffer it all again, just to end up right there in that waiting room.

Javier scrubbed his hands over his face, sighing heavily. He wanted a fucking cigarette. He hadn’t touched them in months, thanks to _her_ , but he needed one. Just one. 

He bummed one off one of the grandfathers sitting in the waiting room. He seemed thrilled to offer Javier something to get him to stop pacing around the small room. 

He sank back in the seat that had become the bane of his existence, smoking that cigarette like it might just offer him salvation.

This situation had to be punishment. He made that decision as the clock on the wall reminded him that it had been three hours. He was being punished for all the shit he pulled. The hookers, the people he killed, the people he let down. 

He put the cigarette out in the ashtray on the side table, already itching for another to calm his nerves. 

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands as they slid between his fingers. He should’ve been in there with her. She shouldn’t have to be going through childbirth _alone_. What a fucking shitty way to bring a new life into the world.

Once he had his daughter in his arms, he decided, he was never letting her go. Or her mother, for that matter. He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. Him — a _father_. He’d kept attaching that noun to himself and it still just didn’t feel real.

Made worse by the fact that he was on the outside looking in.

He’d never tell her how hard it had been for him, because it seemed like a jackass move considering she was the one who had been throwing up, losing sleep, and suffering while carrying their baby. He’d tried, in recent weeks, to at least voice his frustrations, but it wasn’t everything. There was a wound that was festering within him and he was willing to just wait it out until it healed.

He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes before he pried himself out of the chair in search of shitty vending machine coffee. It was down the hall, closer to the maternity ward — closer to where new fathers who didn’t _want_ to be in the room waited. Those assholes didn’t know what they were missing out on. What he wouldn’t give to be in there, with her. 

Javier had never really done emotions. If he had, he likely wouldn’t have hauled ass when it came down to his own wedding. Commitment used to feel like a four-letter word. When he was a young buck who didn’t want to get tied down in Texas. Hell, half the reason he ended up in the DEA was because it meant he wouldn’t have to settle. Different assignments across the country — across the world. Never in one place for too long… until Colombia.

Until _her_. 

He figured he must’ve known when she first started working at the DEA. She wasn’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with him. She’d given him hell within her first week in the office. She didn’t let a damn thing slide and she wasn’t afraid to call him out on shit. God, she’d been a breath of fresh air. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed Steve’s company. But she was different — one of the _guys_. Except she was more than that. 

He’d fancied her for a long time. Longer than he’d likely ever admit to another living soul. 

_Fuck_. He still remembered that rush of excitement he’d felt after Steve and Connie dipped out of their farewell hurrah. She’d looked so fucking good sitting beside him at the table. They’d both been throwing playful jabs at each other and he’d spent the better part of the evening wondering what her lips would taste like. He finally had the _chance_ to make a move. Both of them just tipsy enough to forget about all the reasons they shouldn’t. That night had led them to this moment. 

“Señor Peña?” A nurse stood in the threshold of the waiting room, calling for him. She turned, just as he approached, “Señor Peña?”

“ _Si_.” Javier breathed out, fingers gripping his styrofoam coffee cup more tightly. “Mi nombre es Javier Peña.” 

She was ready to see him. 

Javier wasn’t entirely certain what was said to him after that. It was all a blur as he was finally led through the maternity ward doors, the sound of them swinging closed behind him nearly deafening — which he realized was ridiculous. The nurse ushered him back into the room he’d vacated four hours ago, when he’d first returned from the DEA. 

The whole afternoon had been bullshit. 

She’d gone into labor just after lunch and he’d dropped her off at the hospital and returned to work. Was she going to have their daughter while he was working on compiling a report? Would she remember to page him — or would she be too caught up in holding their daughter for the first time? He got fuck-all done that afternoon, watching the minute hand tick down until he was free to leave. 

They let him visit with her briefly before the time came. Before they were pulled apart because he was _just_ a friend. He knew it was coming, he’d prepared for it to come, but it had felt like getting shot. To deny that he had any hand in conceiving that little miracle.

His heart felt like it was going to explode as his gaze fell upon the bundle in her arms. “ _Holy shit_.” He swallowed thickly. Javier drew in a shaky breath as he took a step forward, fingers clenching and unclenching at his side.   


Where had his coffee gone? _Fuck_. Everything about the last five minutes was a blur. 

“Is she…” 

“She’s beautiful, Javi.” She smiled at him and he felt a rush of pride go through him. His feet carried him towards the bedside, trembling fingers brushing over her forehead as he pressed a kiss there. His fingers moved to her shoulder, giving her three short squeezes as he peered down at their daughter. 

She was gorgeous. Far more gorgeous than she had any right to be, given that she was partly made out of him. 

“Can I—”

“ _Please_.” She sat up slowly, keeping the baby cradled to her chest before she carefully passed her into his arms. “Hold her head, just like that.” She squeezed Javier’s forearm, still smiling up at him. “Isn’t she beautiful?” 

“She’s gorgeous.” Javier blinked, feeling his eyes burn before a tear rolled down his cheek. His chest felt so tight as he stared down at her. He couldn’t fathom how he deserved to be holding something so tiny and pure. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, laughing breathlessly as her little eyes opened to look up at him. “Hi, baby girl.” 

“I still want to go with your grandmother’s name.” 

Javier looked up at her, offering her a watery smile. “Yeah?”

“She seems like a _Josie_ , doesn’t she?”

“She seems like she’s perfect.” Javier looked back down at the baby in his arms, grinning at the way she was staring up at him. “Josie.” He breathed out, cradling her to him gently. Javi looked back towards the bed, brows furrowed. “How did you do?”

She shrugged, gesturing to Josie. “I gave birth.” Javier knew her well enough to know that she was tamping down her own feelings about the matter. 

“Baby, I wish I could’ve been here.” 

“Me too.” She said sadly. “Once we’re home, everything will be easier.” 

Only, he knew it wouldn’t. He still had to go to work tomorrow and pretend that his daughter hadn’t just been born. He’d have to come up with excuses for his exhaustion. None of it was _easy_. Worth it, but not easy. 

All of it was worth this moment. Holding his daughter in his arms. His flesh and blood. More than he ever deserved. 

“I was thinking about burning through a couple of my vacation days—”

“ _Javi_.”

“I know.” 

“You can’t.”

“I want to.” 

She sighed, “It would be too coincidental.” 

He stared down at his daughter, his brow furrowing. “I don’t wanna miss out on anything.”

“You can’t argue with me, Javi. I just pushed _that_ watermelon out of my vagina.” 

He shot her a look. “ _Fuck_. I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t _want_ to be there.” 

“It’ll get easier.” 

It wouldn’t. But he was willing to take what he got. 

“How do you feel?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Exhausted.” 

Javier shuffled closer to her bed, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips. “You did such a good job, baby.” He whispered. He wished he could’ve been there with her, been there to hold her hand. But there was no point wishing for something that was never meant to be his. 

She reached up and cupped his cheek, “She was worth all the pain.” 

“Yeah she was,” Javier said quietly. 

* * *

Leaving the hospital when visiting hours came to an end hurt worse than Javier had expected it would. Walking away from the woman he loved and their baby felt like a strange brand of torture. Made worse by the fact he went home to an apartment that hadn’t felt like home since he started spending nights with her. His bed felt too small, tainted with memories he’d traded for a better life. His apartment didn’t have nursery he’d painted, it didn’t have the crib he’d put together. It was merely a place he slept, not the place he lived. 

She paged him around eleven in the morning to let him know she was being discharged. He was out of the office on a stakeout with Daniel — not free to take her home. When he got back to the office late in the afternoon, she’d called and left a message on his desk phone. The hospital helped her get a taxi and she and baby Josie were both safely home.

_Home_. Where he should’ve been. 

Weren’t fathers supposed to be there when their kids came home?

“You look like shit.” Chris remarked, kicking back in his chair as he looked across the office at Javier. “What’s your problem?”

“Didn’t sleep last night.” Javier rubbed at his eyes, perching an elbow on his desk. He was counting the minutes until he got to leave. 

“Oh, yeah?” Chris wiggled his brows suggestively. 

Javier glared at him. “Fuck off.” 

“That bad, huh?”

“I couldn’t fucking sleep. End of story.” 

Chris fell silent for a few minutes, right up until the moment he jerked his head towards the empty desk across from you. “At least we’ve got a good month free of her. Something to look forward to.” He squished a stress ball in his hand. “Could be longer. Never know with these bitches when they become mothers. They get all sentimental.” 

Javier felt heat rising up the back of his neck, fingers curling into fists atop his desk. “Watch your fucking mouth.” 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Javier gritted out. 

“I don’t get how you’re friends with her.” Chris shrugged and dropped the subject. 

The last couple hours of work dragged. They tried to get Javier to head up an overnight mission, but he offered it to Chris and Daniel instead. He had somewhere he needed to be and that was _not_ sitting in the back of a van getting bullshit intel. 

* * *

“Baby, you didn’t have to cook.” Javier complained as he looked towards the kitchen before his gaze flickered back towards where she was resting on the sofa. “I could’ve eaten anything out of the fridge.” 

She laughed softly, “I needed _something_ to do. I did not like being here all day.” She sat up gingerly, paining creasing across her features.

“Hey, hey. Stay sitting.” Javier urged her, moving to join her on the sofa. “How do you feel?”

She made a face, “I’m going to spare you the details.” 

Javier drew her into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I wish I could’ve been here today.” 

She interlaced her fingers with his, squeezing tightly. “Me too. But I also wish I’d been able to go to work today. I don’t know if I can handle ten weeks of this.” 

“Let me take a couple days off. I’ll say I have to go see my pops or something.” Javier suggested, hoping she’d take him up on that offer. 

She relaxed back against his chest, tilting her head so she could look up at him. “ _Javi_.” 

“I know.” He sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck. “But this is gonna kill me. Just a couple days.” 

“Javier, we have to play this safe. You taking off is going to look suspicious.” 

“No, it’s _not_.” Javier gritted out. “No one would suspect us. No one is going to think me taking a couple days off to see my pops has anything to do with you being on maternity leave.” 

“No, no.’ She shook her head. “You can’t say you’re going to Texas, they can double-check that shit.”

“So what do you _want_ me to say?” Javier questioned. She hadn’t said _‘no’_ full stop that time. 

“Say…” She hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. “Say you’re visiting someone. Someone who might have intel.”   


“Fine.” Javier shifted so he could meet her eyes. “Five days. The weekend and three vacation days.”  


She sighed and considered it. “ _Fine_.” A faint smile played over her lips. “Please eat. She’s going to be up again soon to eat and I’d like some company.”  


Javier pressed a kiss to the top of her head before he slowly peeled himself out from behind her. He could handle five days. Five days wasn’t quite ten weeks getting to bond with his daughter and help his partner through her own healing process — but it was _something_.   


Now he just had to hope it got approved. He’d come up with some story, some hooker, some shadow of his past. He could probably get something out of one of them to corroborate his story. 

* * *

“I’ll get her,” Javier whispered as he groggily sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes. 

“She’ll want to eat.”  


“Just rest, baby.” He urged her as he slid out of bed and padded blearily across the bedroom to the bassinet. Josie was fussing, soft little mewl-like cries that were the start of a much louder cry. “ _Shh_.” He lifted her into his arms carefully, his palm resting against the back of her head. “Daddy’s got you.”  


He carried her carefully, settling back down onto the bed. He had Josie nestled against his chest, his heart beating faster as she nestled her little cheek against his skin and quieted. “She’s so tiny.” Javier marveled. 

“She is.” She answered as she turned on the bedside lamp, “And enjoying the skin-to-skin.” Javi watched as she pulled the pillows up behind her so she could recline more comfortably. “ _What_?”

“Can’t believe we made her.” Javier mused as he reluctantly passed Josie off to her mother. He knew she needed to eat, but he just wanted to hold her a little bit longer. It had only been a day, but already there was this deep seated fear that he would blink and miss _everything_. That he’d go to work and come home a stranger in his daughter’s eyes. 

Javier settled onto the bed beside her as she worked to get Josie to latch on to her breast. That was his whole world right there. None of the other shit mattered. Everything that came before _this_ … irrelevant. 

It felt like just yesterday that she’d told him she was pregnant. Just yesterday, that his entire life narrowed down to just these two people. 

He had never actually envisioned what being a father would he like. His own father used to tell him that once he settled down and met someone he could commit to — everything would change. He’d thought it was bullshit until it happened to him. Until he realized he had to grow the fuck up and be a man worthy of being a father to her child. 

“Hey,” Javier whispered, his fingers spreading out over her stomach as he looked up at her.

“Yeah, Javi?”

“I love you.”

She smiled, “We love you too.”

One day, he hoped he wouldn’t have to hide this. To never have to pretend to have only a passing interest in their lives, when in reality, he was counting the seconds until he could be alone with them again. Where this was the woman that he loved and his daughter. 

Where this was _his_ family.


	13. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, Smut (fingering, teasing, sex from behind, unprotected sex, if you squint there’s a bit of a praise kink and smidge of orgasm delay)

You lingered in the doorway of your bedroom, leaning against the doorframe as you listened to the conversation taking place down the hallway — the way that _maybe_ you weren’t supposed to hear. But the condo wasn’t very large and despite Josie’s giggles and squeals as she played with the new Barbie her abuelo had brought her, you could clearly hear Javi and Chucho.

“We missed out on a lot,” Javier remarked. A sentiment you were all too familiar with. He’d gotten better at discussing the things that got under his skin. You’d always known him to be the type to repress his feelings, bottle it all up until it exploded one day. 

You thought of the night that changed everything, that set you both forward on a path that had led you here. The wild-eyed look as he stood in your bedroom, covered in Daniel’s blood. The haunted look he wore until the bruises faded from your skin — the way he _still_ sometimes traced over the invisible marks he remembered. 

“You’re here now, when it matters.” Chucho offered wisely. “You can’t keep dwelling on what could’ve been.” He chuckled. “You could’ve been married to Loriane

Javier huffed at that, “Fuck that.”

“ _Javier._ ” His father hissed. 

“She’s heard it before.” Javier countered and he must’ve made a face at Josie because she was giggling at something. “It’s not like that. I’m not dwelling on the past, I’m just trying to figure out how to make up for it all now.”

“The best things in life are often the things we didn’t plan for.”

Javi sighed. “Yeah.” 

Your heart ached a little, listening to them. You knew how much it weighed on Javi. He tried to keep it from you, but you knew. It hadn’t been easy for you either. 

“I get caught up thinking sometimes, pops. About what might’ve been. If Josie hadn’t happened. If it had been a one-off thing between us and she brushed me off afterwards.” 

You couldn’t blame him, you had thought about that too. More than you wanted to admit. You knew you cared about Javier — you had for a long time. But Josie had been the _reason_...

“She was seeing this guy for a bit. Early on.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Nice guy; CIA, straightlaced, take-home-to-ma-type. I couldn’t fucking stand the guy.” 

_Lance_. Javier's description of him was spot on. He’d been a great boyfriend and a _great_ distraction about a year into Colombia. 

Javier continued, “It had nothing to do with me. We were just partners then — _friends_. But I hated that guy. Never understood why until recently.”

“You know,” Chucho quipped. “I think you might’ve finally grown up, Javier. I always worried about you. Who you would have when I was gone.” 

“ _Pop_ —”

“No. Listen to me.” He said firmly. “I _never_ thought you and Lorraine had a shot in hell. She wanted the picket fence life and you wanted… hell if I ever knew.” Chucho sighed heavily, “Something you couldn’t find in Laredo. I ain’t never seen you look at someone the way you look at the woman in there.” 

You retreated a little further into the bedroom, afraid they’d see you lingering in the doorway. You missed whatever Javier said after that, his voice muffled by the door as you walked over to grab your jacket off the bed. You shouldn’t have been listening to begin with. 

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, smoothing your hands over the front of your dress. Javier had insisted that you dress up for the date — which felt ridiculous, all things considered. He’d found a fancy Cuban restaurant in Coral Gables with authentic food from an up and coming chef. Yuca was all the craze in downtown Miami. You’d read a dozen articles in the Herald about it. 

The dress was your color and it draped across your curves in all the right ways. You hadn’t actually worn the dress yet; it had been purchased in Colombia while you were still pregnant with Josie as a motivation to get back to where you once were physically. You looked _hot_ and really, wasn’t that the whole reason for getting dressed up for a date?

You hadn’t actually been on a date since… _fuck_. The irony of him bringing up Lance. He was the last guy you’d been on an honest-to-God date with. After him, you threw yourself into work and guys whose names you didn’t bother to remember. 

You pushed the bedroom door open, heading down the hallway towards the living room. Chucho and Javier both turned to look at you and you _wished_ you had a camera to take a snap of Javi’s face. His eyes warmed as they swept over you, his lips drawing into a grin. “You ready, baby?” Javier ran his hands over the tops of his legs before he slowly rose to his feet. 

Despite his insistence that he wanted to wear a suit, you had convinced him otherwise. Settling somewhere in the middle, Javier was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a button-up shirt with his aviator’s tucked into the front of them. 

“I’m ready if you are.’

You knelt down next to Josie, grinning as she toddled over to you and draped herself over your knees. “Are you going to be a good little girl for your abuelo?

“Yes!” She said excitedly, looking up at you with the sweetest face. 

“I somehow don’t believe that.” You brushed your fingers through her dark curls, looking towards Chucho, “Thank you for this.” 

“Any time.” He smiled, looking between you and Javi. “Don’t be late for your reservations.” Chucho gave Javier a look. “Make good choices.” 

Javier chuckled. “I can’t guarantee that. Thanks again, Pops. For everything.” He remarked as he grabbed his leather Member’s Only jacket off the coat rack. “Let’s get out of here.” 

“You know what’s stupid?” You questioned as you took Javier’s hand into yours, walking alongside him down to the car. 

“What?”

“I’m so fucking nervous.” 

Javier’s shoulders sagged with relief, “Thank God it’s not just me.” He led you down to the car, unlocking the passenger door and holding it open for you. “We’ve been doing this for two years.”

“ _Right_?” You rolled your eyes. “Two years and a kid later and I would love to know why my stomach’s in knots.” 

Javier slid into the driver’s seat, turning to look at you. “I dunno, but I _do_ know that you’re gonna be the prettiest girl at the restaurant tonight.” He leaned over the center console and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. 

“Damn, I was hoping for the _hottest_. I have to go change.” You acted like you were going to get out of the car, but Javier curled his hand around her leg.

“I was going to say _sexiest,_ but this is our first date. Remember?” He smirked. 

Yuca was exactly what you anticipated. A bustling restaurant that fully embraced the Cuban experience of Little Havana. You ended up ordering something called Cuban Corvina — a fish fillet with tomato fondue and coconut rice; while Javier ended up with a carne frita style pork shank. Far fancier than anything either of you made at home. In fact, the most adventurous food you’d tried was a toss-up — off-brand oatmeal that featured hatching dinosaur eggs _or_ the dinosaur-shaped chicken that Josie was obsessed with. Everything had been dinosaurs with Josie ever since you picked _Jurassic Park_ up at Blockbuster a couple months back. 

Javier grinned at you from across the table, before he grabbed the bottle of wine and refilled your glass. “Are you enjoying tonight so far?”

You nodded, a faint smile playing over your lips. “It’s a pretty nice first date.” 

“Just _nice_?” He pretended to be wounded by that. “I’m glad we made this happen.” Javi ran his thumb over his bottom lip, leaning back in his chair as he watched you. “We’ve got to do this more often.” 

“It doesn’t always have to be fancy, you know.” You suggested, leaning an elbow on the table as you picked up your wine, taking a sip. “I’m perfectly fine with a night out at a bar. Like old times.” 

“Like old times?” He cocked his head to the side, a brow arching upwards. 

“Yeah.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “We’re on this date because we’re both trying to make up for lost time. But we’ve _never_ been fancy restaurant people.” You gave him a look. “This is nice once in awhile.” 

He scratched at his jaw and tapped his foot against your ankle beneath the table. “You’re not wrong.” He met your eyes, something _almost_ sad lurking in his gaze. “But we’re good, right?”

“Of course we are.” You nudged his foot back beneath the table, before you confessed. “I heard you and your dad talking.” 

Javier blinked at you, before his brows furrowed together with a worried line between them. “ _Ah_.” 

You nervously tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, leaning forward against the table. “I wouldn’t have. For the record. If Josie hadn’t happened, but that night did… I wouldn’t have blown you off.” 

A small smile played over his lips as he rubbed at the back of his neck, letting his hand rest against the side of it. “Does everyone else worry about the _‘what ifs_ ’?” He questioned, glancing around the restaurant then. “Does that couple over there worry about what happened two years ago?’ 

“Probably.” You laughed softly, mostly because of nerves. Nothing about this conversation was humorous. “I mean, I get it. I worry too. All the time.” You met his gaze. “I worry that we’re too much alike and completely different in the same breath. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but… I used to worry that Josie was the only reason you were still here.”

“ _No_ —”

“I know. Just like you know. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t worry. That I don’t.” You reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “Javi, I just want to be with _you_.” He tightened his grip on your hand. “Even though having Josie was horribly traumatic for both of us, I even… I can’t even believe I’ve thought about it, but… I even want to have another kid with you someday. Not right now, but one day.” 

“Don’t panic.” Javier said quietly as he reached into his jacket pocket. 

“Okay.” You arched a curious brow. “It’s not what it looks like, alright. I mean there’s a heavy implication, but…” He sighed heavily as he sat a jewelry box down on the table between you. “It’s not a ring.” Javier assured you.

You released your hold on his hand and reached out to pick it up. It was an older jewelry box, worn around the edges, and the hinge creaked as you opened it. Inside was a silver teardrop necklace with a turquoise stone inlay with a pair of earrings flanking it, similar in style. 

“It was my mother’s.” Javier told you, shifting awkwardly in his seat. “Part of the reason why my pops came to visit. He wasn’t about to mail it to me.” He smiled at you, though his anxiety was clear to see in his eyes. “I wasn’t going to make a big fucking deal about it. I was just going to give it to you, but this—” He gestured around the restaurant. “Seemed like a good place.”

“It’s beautiful.” You breathed out, not quite trusting your voice as you brushed your fingers over the stone. “ _Javier_.” 

“She would’ve loved you.” Javier told you earnestly and you swore he looked like he might cry. “She would’ve loved Josie.” 

“I wish I’d worn something that went with turquoise.” You said lightly, sniffing a little. Brushing your hair aside, you unclasped the necklace you had been wearing, carefully putting his mother’s necklace on in its place. You curled your fingers around the teardrop setting, smiling across the table at him. “I’m so fucking glad it wasn’t a ring.”

“You and me both.” He laughed, tapping his foot against yours. “You're stuck with me, baby.” 

“Good.” You grinned at him, before you dropped your voice to a teasing tone. “Now, I want to know more about this thing about you hating Lance.”

He groaned, dragging his hands over his face. “Don’t fucking do that to me.” He shook his head. “ _Fuck_.” 

“Inquiring minds want to know.” You batted your eyes at him. “Oh, come on Javi.” 

Javier rocked his jaw as he glared at you. “You and I both know, you would’ve been bored as hell with him after awhile.”

“Oh, I was.” You shrugged. “When I broke up with him, he wanted to _stay friends_. He took it so well.” You stuck out your tongue, before taking a sip of your wine. “Not that I think you and I are ever going to break up, but… I want some screaming, a couple doors slammed, and then I want you to try to win me back.”

“Damn, first date and you’re already planning our break up.” Javier said lightly, his lips quirking upwards at the corners. 

“Just think of the make-up sex,” You mused, curling your fingers around the pendant around your neck. That was the closest you’d ever come to being proposed to. It was, within the parameters of your relationship with Javi, exactly that. You had his mother’s necklace now — neither of you were going anywhere. 

“You have me _interested_ there.” Javier swept his thumb over his bottom lip, brows drawn together thoughtfully. 

You smirked. “I thought that would catch your attention.” 

* * *

“ _Shhh_.” You whispered, pressing a finger to your lips as you closed the front door quietly. Javier groped at your ass and you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you — louder than it should’ve been considering Chucho and Josie were asleep in the house. 

He was quick to clamp a hand over your mouth, pressing you back against the front door with a wicked grin playing over his lips. “ _Shh_.” Javi drawled out, taunting you. His lips moved close to your ear as he shushed you again, his breath causing you to shiver in response. 

“Javi!” You curled your fingers around the back of his neck as you looked up into his eyes. It was dark, but not too dark that you couldn’t see enough of him. 

“How do you feel about _fucking_ on the first date?” He questioned, leaning in to catch your bottom lip between his teeth. 

“I feel like we are not _alone_ in the house.” You whispered, playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck. 

“Then we better be _quiet_.” Javier smirked as his hand slipped beneath the hem of your dress, dragging up along your inner thigh. He leaned in to kiss you, swallowing up the sound that rose up in your throat as his fingers skimmed over the damp crotch of your panties. You pressed your shoulders back against the door, rocking your hips forward into his touch. 

Your mouth slanted over his, your tongue playing over his bottom lip before he granted you access. His tongue slid out to meet yours, tilting his head as he deepened the kiss. You moaned wantonly against his lips as he pushed aside your panties, pressing two thick fingers into you. It was a fleeting sensation, he pumped his fingers in and out of you — just enough to make you burn, before he abandoned you. 

“ _Javier_.” You seethed as you slumped back against the door, watching the way he brought his fingers to his lips and made a show of tasting them. “You’re such a bastard.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, smirking at you. “And you love me for it.” Javier jerked his head in the direction of your bedroom, holding his hand out for you. 

You let him guide you down the hallway to the bedroom, trying to keep your steps quiet as you crept past Josie bedroom. Fortunately, she’d gotten better at sleeping through the night. But she was still a _light_ sleeper. 

Javier was on you the second he got the bedroom door shut and locked. Guiding you back towards the bed with a series of desperate touches. He dragged your jacket down your arms while you kicked your shoes off beneath the bottom of the bed. Your hands pried his belt off, sliding the belt through the loops, before ghosting your fingertips over his hardened length beneath his jeans. 

His hand slid around behind you, dragging the zipper of your dress down your sides. He unwrapped you, abandoning the dress to the floor beside the bed. “ _Fuck_.” Javier swore through his teeth as he stared down at you. 

He brushed his fingertips over your collarbone before trailing downwards, running them between the valley of your breasts. “Look at you, baby.” He rasped out as he cupped your breasts through your bra, palming them roughly. 

You moaned quietly, gripping tightly at the fabric of his shirt. “I bought it just for _you_.” You had. Most of your wardrobe was practical, but you’d slipped away to the mall to buy something _nice_ just for the date. 

Javier pressed his knee between your thighs on the mattress as he draped himself over you. “Aren’t I a lucky man?” He muttered as he leaned down to brush his lips over the swell of your right breast, dragging his thumb over the pebbled peak of your left nipple. You arched your back, grinding down against his leg — needing friction. Needing _more_. 

Another moan escaped you and Javier was quick to press his hand over your mouth to stifle the sound. His eyes flashed to meet yours, dark and clouded with lust. “You’ve got to be quiet, baby.” He warned you, pinching both of your nipples through your bra. Desire lanced through you hotly and you bucked against his knee. Your panties clung to your slick cunt, the fabric not enough as it dragged against your throbbing clit. 

“Are you going to be quiet for me?” Javier questioned as he removed his hand from your mouth, fingers sliding down to lightly wrap around your throat. “I know you can be a _good girl_.” His praise made you whimper against his hand. He must’ve known how badly you needed to be touched. He removed his knee from between your thighs and replaced it with his hand. He peeled your panties down your thighs, tossing them aside. He released his hold on your throat, taking a step back to look down at you. 

Javier ran his hands along your inner thighs, parting your legs wider as he trailed them higher. You bit down on your bottom lip, resisting the urge to cry out as he pressed two fingers into you. “Answer me, baby.” He drawled out, “Are you going to be quiet?”

“ _Yes_.” You gasped out, chest heaving as you tried to keep your breathing steady. But it was hard to focus on anything other than the way he curved his fingers within you, the way he dragged them over that sweet spot within you. You trembled, looking up at him. “Javier, please don’t tease.” 

He leaned over you and caught your lips, kissing you fiercely with his fingers still buried within you. He pulsed them in and out of you twice more before he abandoned you yet again. “Roll over.” He ordered softly, brushing his slick finger over your bottom lip. “Please, baby?” 

You nodded breathlessly. Your heart was hammering in your chest as you rolled over onto your stomach. Javier pulled you towards him, helping you steady yourself on your feet as you leaned over the foot of the bed. He stroked his hands down your back, over your hips, before he took a step back to divest himself of the rest of his clothes.

“You look so fucking gorgeous.” Javier drawled out. You glanced back over your shoulder, your eyes sweeping over his bared flesh. Desire pooled hot between your thighs as your gaze fell to his erection resting hard against his belly. 

You curled your fingers, twisting the bedspread beneath you. Javier’s hands found you again, gripping tightly at your hips as he guided his cock to your center. He didn’t tease you, he spared you both that torment. 

“ _Javi_.” You moaned quietly, hips rocking back against him as the full length of his cock settled into you. You clenched around him, urging him to move. 

Javier’s grip tightened at your hip, his other hand finding purchase in your hair. He drew out nearly completely before thrusting back into you, picking up the pace of his movements. His cock driving into you again and _again_. 

You pressed your face against the blanket, muffling the sounds that threatened to escape you. The moans, the whimpers, the soft cries of pleasure. He had you careening towards the edge, your body tightening around him. Right as you reached the precipice of your release, he withdrew — leaving you empty. Your cunt throbbed, desire coiling hotly in your belly.

He didn’t give you a chance to protest, gathering you up in his arms. Javier rolled you over, keeping an arm wrapped around you to draw you in towards his chest, holding you to him as he reached between you, guiding his cock back into you. 

It took two thrusts before your orgasm took hold of you, your cunt clenching around his cock, dragging out his own release from him. He sank his fingers into your hair, cradling the back of your head as his lips found yours, kissing you like his life depended upon it. 

In the wake of your pleasure, you both managed to find your way to the top of the bed, sinking in beneath the covers. You curled into his side, cheek resting against his chest, your arm draped over his stomach. 

Javier’s fingers played with your hair, traced fingers over your bare back. “Think you might go on a second date?” He mused quietly.

You tilted your head to look up at him with a grin, “I’ll have to check my schedule.” You teased lightly, brushing your fingers over his jawline before you leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. “I hear there’s a great place that serves dinosaur chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.” You whispered against his lips. “It’s close too.”

Javier hummed thoughtfully. “I’ll have to make us a reservation.” His fingers ghosted over the necklace where it laid against your chest. 

“I’d like that,” You reached up and dragged your fingers through his hair, kissing him again. “Hey.” 

“Yeah?”

You brushed your nose against his, stealing another kiss. “I love you.” 

Javier curled both of his arms around you and pulled you in close. “Love you too, baby.” 

Maybe you would both keep trying to make up for lost time, maybe that was just part of what your relationship would always be. But something about tonight had you convinced that you _could_ move forward. That his mother’s necklace was the symbol, the token, the unofficial proposal that harkened the beginning of letting go of the past. You would always wear the wounds like invisible scars — but you didn’t have to let them define your relationship. Neither of you could let your self-inflicted damage keep you from moving forward. Together. 


	14. Ballet Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how to summarize this because it’s just fluff and amusement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None. All fluff.

“ _Mommy_ , my hair’s falling down.” Josie pouted as she tugged at the loose strands that she’d slowly worked out of her bun over the course of the fifteen-minute car ride to the dance studio. You sighed heavily, gesturing for her to come closer. “Thank you mommy.”

“Of course, baby doll.” You said affectionately, pulling a bobby pin loose and tucking it between your lips as you started to pull apart your efforts. Whoever thought getting a three year old to sit still long enough to get their hair slicked back into a bun had lost their damn mind. 

“You good?” Javier questioned, running his hand over the length of your back as he settled into the seat beside you. 

“ _Yeah_.” You nodded with a smile. “Hun, you’ve got to hold still.” 

Josie stiffened at your words, “I’m sorry mommy.” 

“It’s okay sweetheart.” You offered, tucking another bobby pin between your lips. Javier gave your shoulder three little squeezes — a gesture that never failed to make your heart flutter. It had been _years_ since the first time he silently reminded you of his love with the subtlest of touches. Something that used to get you through the hardest days of work when Josie hadn’t even been born yet. 

“I’m gonna hit the restroom,” Javier told you, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your temple before he headed down the hallway to the bathroom. You were keenly aware of the way the other mothers in the room watched him leave. You had to admit, the jeans made his ass look great. But they were also _relentless_ women, despite the fact you were sitting right there. 

And it wasn’t as though Javier didn’t make it known that he was with you. If he didn’t have his arm slung around your shoulders, he had his hand on your knee, or his fingers interlaced with yours. Javi took full advantage of the fact that nothing about your relationship had to be kept under wraps anymore. 

“Hold still.” You reminded Josie as she started wiggling — never able to stay in one spot for very long. “Almost done.” You mumbled through the bobby pins as you peeled the hairnet off, resting it on your leg as you pinned her hair back down. 

When Javier returned from the bathroom the seat beside him was no longer vacant. One of the mothers — _Missy_ — had uprooted her belongings across the room to slide into the spot next to him. You had met her husband once, at one of the girls’ recitals. Typical military type, and easy on the eyes himself. You had no idea why she was constantly in hot pursuit of Javi, except for the fact that Javi was… well, _aloof_ was the best word for it.

You didn’t know anything for certain, but you sometimes wondered if the other mothers had some unspoken bet in place. Which one of them would manage to snatch up the _Hot Dad_ at their daughter's dance class? A couple of them had caught you off-guard a few months back at the cookie table during one of the in-class recitals. They wanted to know all about why the pair of you weren’t married. Was there trouble? All sorts of bullshit no one had _any_ right to ask another person when they just wanted to enjoy their Snickerdoodles. 

“Don’t you look pretty,” Javier told Josie as she showed off her new bun. “Now don’t you pull it down again. You’re driving mommy crazy.” He gave her cheek a playful pinch and she giggled and hugged at his legs. 

“Remember to work on your balance like we practiced.” You reminded her, leaning forward to press a kiss to the top of her head. She scampered off towards the studio with two of the other little girls that had been waiting for her. 

Javier leaned back in the chair, resting his foot on the top of his thigh as he crossed his legs. “I can’t believe how big she’s getting.” He remarked, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at you. “Feels like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms.”

You nudged at his arm, “It probably _was_ just yesterday. You’re _always_ carrying her around.” 

“Touché.” He chuckled, rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip before he reached over and rested his hand on your thigh, giving it a squeeze. 

“I think it’s just _darling_ how you are with her,” Missy remarked, but Javier didn’t seem to realize she was talking at him just yet. “It’s just _so_ important for little girls to have bonds with their daddys like that.”

You covered your mouth as you stifled a laugh, rubbing your lips together as you met Javier’s gaze. Your brows rose upwards as you nodded your head towards Missy. “She’s talking to you.” You whispered. 

Javier glanced over his shoulder at Missy, his shoulders growing tense as he turned to speak to her. “Yeah, it is. She makes it easy though.” 

“She’s just the sweetest little girl.” Missy seemed _elated_ to have his attention. “My Lily has been dying to have her over. Maybe you could bring her over for lunch one day.” She looked at you then, “Such a shame _you_ work. I’d invite you, but I guess _Javi_ will just have to bring her himself.” 

“ _Actually_ ,” He slid his hand up your leg to grab ahold of your hand, interlacing your fingers as he turned to meet your gaze. “You're free this Wednesday aren’t you, baby?”

“Yeah.” You grinned at him, before regarding Missy. “I actually only work a couple days a week, Missy. I’d love to bring Josie over.” 

“Oh,” She pursed her lips, folding her arms across her chest. “I’ll have to see if I’m free on Wednesday. How does Thursday look for you, Javier?”

Javi squeezed your hand, looking back at you again. “You’re off then, aren’t you?”

“I am.” You rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand. “Missy, give me a call on Sunday and we’ll set the playdate up.”

Missy frowned before quickly plastering on a fake smile, “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

“Are they _all_ that bad?” Javier questioned once Josie was loaded into the backseat and he started down the road towards home. 

“Hmm?”

“The moms.”

You snorted, “Oh, they’re ruthless.” 

“ _Jesus Christ_.” He shook his head slowly. 

“I personally don’t get the _appeal_.” You quipped, leaning across the center console to steal his aviators off his shirt and putting them on. The evening sun was catching you right in the eyes through the passenger window. 

“Of me?”

“Mhm.” You smirked at him. “I mean, have you _seen_ Missy’s husband?”

“ _Baby_.” He huffed. 

You let his aviator’s slide down the bridge of your nose, peering over the top at him as he stopped at a light. “What?”

“That’s not fair.” 

“I’m just saying.” You shrugged a shoulder, barely able to keep from laughing. “And Tonya’s husband,” You pretended to fan yourself. “Yet she was all over me for information about _you_ last week.” You cleared your throat, before imitating the woman’s nasally voice, “Where does _Javi_ work? How did you meet _Javi_?” 

“I get it.” 

“Oh, wait.” You held up a hand. “What was it she said? It’s so nice of you to care for Javier’s daughter like she’s yours.” You gave him a droll expression. “As if that head didn’t come out of me.” You pushed the aviators back up to the bridge of your nose, looking between Javier and Josie, who had already fallen dead asleep in her carseat. “I mean she does look a lot like you.” 

“Nah, she’s got all her mama’s good looks.” Javier drawled out, glancing back in the rearview window. “Let’s rewind to what you were saying about Missy’s husband.” 

You laughed, sinking back in your seat. “He’s not _really_ my type.” 

“What’s your type?”

You tapped your finger against your chin as you thought for a long moment. “I’m a sucker for dark hair and dark eyes.” You mused, chewing at the inside of your bottom lip. “A little grey is nice too.” You glanced over at him, a grin spreading over your lips. “A mustache. Very kissable lips.” 

“Sounds like a lucky guy.” 

“Just as lucky as I am.” 

* * *

You leaned against the threshold of Josie’s bedroom, watching as Javier laid beside Josie on her little twin bed, reading her a bedtime story. You had been insistent that she still needed a toddler bed, but Javier had convinced you that she was ready for a “big girl bed” Mostly so he could lay in bed with her and read to her. 

_Don Quixote_ had proven to be a little daunting for a three-year-old, so he’d recently branched out into Read Along books — mostly _Lion King,_ which Josie had recently become obsessed with. You had to admit, Javier did a _killer_ Scar impersonation that would’ve put Jeremy Irons to shame. He did anything he could to keep Josie entertained and he was fortunate because _everything_ he did became her new favorite thing. 

“You know, I was thinking...” You whispered as he closed Josie’s door shut behind him, lingering in the hallway in front of you. 

“Yeah?” His brows drew together. 

“I think I’m ready.” 

“For?” 

You sighed softly, “To try to have another baby.”

“Is this because Tonya thought Josie wasn’t yours?” He questioned, folding his arms across his chest. 

You had both discussed the potential of having another kid in roundabout ways over the years. Steve and Connie had adopted another little girl from Colombia last year — which had sparked a quiet desire to have two of your own. To have it all; the doting partner, the adoring father, the baby showers, the doctor’s visits. All the little things your pregnancy with Josie had been robbed of. 

You shook your head. “No, it’s not. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile.”

“So have I.” He admitted, pushing his fingers through his hair and curling his hand around the back of his neck. “I think we could handle a four-year-old and a newborn.” 

A laugh escaped you, “Yeah. I think we could too.” 

“And you promise this isn’t because of those dumbass women at ballet?”

“Oh, I mean…” You shrugged your shoulders. “I fully intend to flaunt it.” You gave him a sweeping look, “Because you’re all _mine_ to have a family with.” You reached out and traced your fingers over the exposed skin where his shirt was partially buttoned. 

Javier let out a slow and shaky breath, one that seemed like he’d been holding it in for a while. “So this is happening?”

You nodded. “I’d like to try.” 

“Me too.” He looped his fingers into your belt loops, pulling you in to him so he could plant a kiss on your lips. “It’s going to be so different.” 

“I know.” You brushed your fingers along the column of his throat, leaning up to kiss him again. “I can’t wait to see how absolutely _atrocious_ you’re going to be in public.” 

“Oh, it’s going to be bad.” He drawled out with a grin, bumping his nose against yours. “I’m going to drive you crazy, baby.”

“I expect nothing less.” You kissed him once more, letting your lips linger against his. “I bet you’re excited that you can talk to Steve about everything this time.” 

“Best damn part of this.” He teased, his hands curling around your hips. “Aside from the baby part.” 

“Just when I finally get back into shape.” You huffed, draping your arms over his shoulders. 

“You’re not going to hear any complaints from me.” Javier quipped, looking down at you. “I thought you were gorgeous when you were pregnant with Josie. Think you’re gorgeous all the time.” 

You ran your hand up the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Josie’s going to be so excited when it happens.”

“You think?” Javier chuckled. “Though she might lose her mind over the thought of not being daddy’s only little girl.”

“It might be a boy.” You pointed out. 

“Steve will expect us to name him after him. It’s got to be a girl.” Javier made a disgruntled face. 

You laughed, slowly winding your arms around him and pressing your face into his chest. “I’ll stop taking my birth control tomorrow. It’ll take a couple weeks for the hormones to clear out of my system and then…”

Javier wrapped his arms around you tightly, leaning down to press his face into the crook of your neck. Who would’ve thought, way back when, that this was the man that would change your life forever. That made every day an adventure. Which wasn’t to say that he wasn’t an absolute _asshole_ somedays, but you were well aware of the fact that you could also drive him up the wall too. You were perfect counterweights to one another. 

It was crazy to think that in just ten months you might have another baby in the house. 

Colombia felt like a lifetime ago already. The trauma of Josie’s birth — simply a whisper of the past. It wouldn’t be like that this time. This new baby would proudly be a Peña from the moment he or she was born. Javier wouldn’t have to hide his elation, miss out on the sonograms or the heartbeats. He wouldn’t have to slide out of your bed and leave you in the mornings or come home to you late at night.

You were stuck with him. Right where you wanted him. 


	15. Summer Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV during the summer of 1995.

Steve settled down into the lawn chair beside Javier, clinking beer bottles with him before he took a swig. “Fatherhood suits you.” He quipped, stretching his legs out in front of him as he watched the girls playing across the yard. 

“You getting sentimental on me, Murphy?” Javier countered, taking a drink with a shake of his head. He leaned back in the chair, crossing his legs. “You’re not half bad at this shit either.”   


“We’re not talking about _me_ , Javi.” He pointed at him with the beer bottle, “We’re talking about _you_ going soft.” Steve chuckled, “Never thought you had it in you. You were a real piece of work in Colombia.” 

“Oh, fuck off.” Javier rolled his jaw, staring across the yard at the kids as they ran through the sprinkler. He dragged his hand over his face and sighed, “Colombia wasn’t my finest time.” 

“But look what you got out of it,” Steve pointed out, nodding his head towards the women who had just stepped out onto the patio. They were both wrapped up in some conversations, nursing their own bottles of beer. Probably thrilled that he and Javi were watching the girls so they could relax.

“She and Josie are the only bright spot from Colombia.” 

“Yeah?” Steve arched a brow, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “You never have talked about it. The two of you.” He took a drink of his beer, tucking the bottle into the cup holder in the arm of the chair. 

Javier sighed heavily, scratching at his jaw. “Why the fuck is everyone up my ass about it?” He shook his head. “You were there, Murphy. You know how she and I were before you _abandoned_ us.” 

Steve snorted. “Oh, I remember how you two were always at each other’s throats. I was almost jealous.” He taunted lightly, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “There was a time I thought you had it bad for her.”

Javier seemed surprised by that, “Really?”

He nodded. “When she was seeing the CIA suit.” Steve recalled, tipping his beer back for another swig. 

“Lance.” He grumbled. 

“First time she had him in tow when we all went out for drinks. You were an asshole.” 

“I’m _always_ an asshole.” 

“Nah, you were worse than usual.” Steve laughed, shaking his head at the memory. “I felt the third wheel the next day at work. You were both so snippy. Goddamn, Javi. How long have you been crazy about her?”

He sank back in the chair and sighed. “A long fucking time.” He pulled his aviators up and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “You’ve got no idea how many times I thought about calling you. It was a _fucking_ nightmare.”

“So tell me about it now.”

Javier rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, his gaze flickering towards the patio as the women laughed over something. “She waited three months to tell. I felt like a fucking idiot. After… what happened, I tried. Me. Fucking chasing after her like a stupid schoolboy.”

“Damn, Peña.”

“Yeah.” He shook his head. “Blew me off. I know _why_ now. We’ve hashed it all out. Figured out why we couldn’t meet each other halfway back then. But then? Felt like a knife to the heart.” He knocked back the rest of his beer, letting the bottle rest in the grass beside his chair. 

“You mean she made you work for it?” Steve questioned. “That’s what you needed, Javi. Someone who made you _work_ for what you wanted. This shit — marriage, relationships, parenthood — its a lot of fucking work.”

“I know that.” Javier gritted out through his teeth. “I figured it was all punishment. You know?”

“No, I don’t. What do you mean?”

Javier shifted uncomfortably. “All the shit I had to do. For the DEA. For the greater good. Giving up little parts of myself because fuck if anyone cared about _me_. You can cry me a river over that _goddamn_ car, but I left a lot of myself in Colombia.” He sighed heavily, sinking into the chair. “They’re both worth it all. But there’s a lot of fucking baggage when it comes to the DEA.”

“Is that why you don’t want to get back in?”

He nodded stiffly. “I don’t want to be _that_ guy again. I don’t have a reason to keep myself busy just to forget how fucking miserable I am.” 

“Look, man.” Steve started quietly. “If I had known it was eating at you, I wouldn’t have pressured you.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged a shoulder. “She knows. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m getting _good_ at expressing myself.”

“You mean you don’t beat your chest and go caveman anymore? Damn.” He shook his head and chuckled. “I’m proud of you Javi. You’ve done good.”

“Always room for improvement.” Javier ran his hands over the tops of his legs before he stood up. “You want another beer?”

“Yeah.” Steve gave a nod and finished off his beer. He watched Javier as he walked across to the patio, pulling two beers out of the cooler. She got up from where she’d been sitting with Connie, settling into Javi’s side. How had he missed the way she looked at Javier? He’d seen that look back in Colombia — the way her eyes lit up as she smiled up at him.

They’d always been good together. Some of his best years at the DEA had come out of her time as their partner. In so many ways she actually reminded him of Javier — how they found the female equivalent to him was beyond Steve. 

Steve smirked as he watched Javier kiss her. He was a different man. In subtle ways. He pulled off the doting partner better than he’d expected. And that little girl adored him. Olivia too — she was always too excited for Uncle Javi to visit. 

“Thanks,” Steve offered as Javier returned with beers. “You know I was thinking.”

“Uh oh.”

“Why _didn’t_ you ever call and tell me? I was back in the states. What could’ve happened?”

Javier shrugged, “She was nervous. I still feel guilty that I’m part of the reason she had to quit. They came down hard on her on every front. I couldn’t care less, I was already done with their bullshit. But she loved it. I know she misses it, but they screwed her.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Don’t take it personally. My pops didn’t even know till we showed up in Texas. I just told him I had someone I wanted him to meet.”

Steve snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, well. You called and told me that ‘we’re coming to Miami next week, let’s meet for dinner’. No fucking indication on the _we_.” He leaned forward. “I was surprised enough to see you sitting there with your arm around her.” He took a sip. “I figured you’d probably get into her pants eventually, you were crazy about her.”

“Yeah.” Javi sighed. “I respected her too much to try it. Thought about it plenty. I could’ve blown it all that night. I had already lost you, then I spent three months trying to figure out how to cope if I had lost her too.”

“I’m flattered that losing me is right up there with her.”

“Fuck off Steve.” He flipped him off. 

“This is all a good look on you.” Steve drew a line between Josie and her mother. “Domestic bliss.”

Javier smiled. “I’m the fucking luckiest man alive.” He watched the patio with a warmth in his gaze. “Never knew I could love someone like I love her.”

“And you used to mock me over Connie.”

“Yeah, well. You _deserved_ it.” Javier rolled his eyes, though the grin lingered on his lips. 

“I like this new and improved Javier. Who knew you had it in you.”

Javier tapped the beer bottle against his lips. “I don’t know if I would've gotten here without that little girl.” He watched Josie. “I hate to think I might still be miserable in Colombia otherwise.”

“You miss the hookers?” Steve taunted. 

“Fuck no.” Javier took a swig of beer, shoving it into the cup holder. “Have you seen _her_?”

Steve laughed and nodded, “Yeah. But I don’t know what she sees in _you_.” 

Javier flicked him off. “Goddamn. Why did I ever miss you?”

“My rugged good looks.” Steve offered. “I would miss me too.”

Javier scoffed. “I’m getting the sprinkler, you better run.”

“And ruin their fun?”

“Oh, they’ll enjoy it too.” Javier rolled up his sleeves before falling out to them, “Hey girls, who wants to get uncle Steve?”

Olivia was _all_ too excited to douse him down with the hose. 


	16. Missing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier returns after three days in the field. Set shortly before Used to Be Lonely, from Javier's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst.

Javier barely knew which way was up as he made his way into the embassy. Three days out in the field in Bucaramanga and all he’d gotten in return was three sleepless nights and a headache. It was a fruitless endeavor riddled with dead ends and he’d ended up pissed off that he’d been assigned it at all.

Six months ago it would’ve been fun. Him, Steve, _her._ It almost felt like she was with him this time around because he couldn’t stop thinking about her. About the future. About their baby. 

He was terrified. Of being a father, of being a partner, of being a man worthy of either. 

Of walking into work one day to be met with an empty desk, a somber voicemail, broken promises. She didn’t owe him a damn thing. He knew that. He beat himself up over it. She had every right to get on a plane and leave. If she tried hard enough, she could make it impossible for him to find her again.   


Javier’s heart skipped a beat as he spotted her walking off the elevator. “Hey!”  


“Hey.” She smiled a little. “Just getting in?”  


“Yeah.” He nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Where are you headed?”  


“I have a doctor’s appointment.”

_“Oh_.” Javier swallowed thickly. “Well, uh… good luck?”

She bit down on her bottom lip, tilting her head towards the elevator. “I forgot something at my desk if you want to ride up with me.”

“That would be great.” He answered, trying to temper his excitement. Life had tempered it enough, but he tried to enjoy every moment he got alone with her.

They waited side-by-side for the elevator to return, patiently waiting for it to clear out before they were alone inside it. 

“I should be finding out the gender today.” She told him, shifting anxiously as she leaned back against the wall. “Do you… do you want to know?”

Javier tried to mask his emotions. Goddamn, he wanted to be there. Weren’t fathers supposed to be there for that? But he wasn’t — not really. He was the father only when they were alone, within the safety of elevators or apartments. 

“I’d love to know, baby.” He breathed out, hesitantly resting his hand on the soft curve of her belly. She seemed bigger already — the swell more noticeable than he recalled before he’d left. Even in three days he’d missed things. “How have you been?”

“Good.” She rested her hand over his and tilted her face towards him. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” He whispered, leaning down to steal a too-brief kiss. It was still all so new. Being intimate with someone on a long term basis. To grow comfortable with another person like this. 

Just another change in his life. Her bed had become as much his own as the one he’d all but abandoned. 

“Can I…” He pulled away swiftly when the elevator dinged, one of the agents from the floor beneath them joining them on the elevator. 

“Yeah, Peña. Sounds like a plan.” She remarked, answering the question she knew well. 

Javier stared straight ahead at the elevator doors, glaring at the back of the agent’s head. He glanced sideways, risking it all to grab at her hand.

She shot him a look, but she still squeezed back. 

He loved her. 

With each passing day it became more apparent to him. Maybe he wasn’t ready to say it yet — but he knew. _Fuck_ , he knew it. He’d never felt it before her. Not even back in the day when he’d almost gotten married. 

She was all he thought about. All he saw for himself. He missed her the second she was gone and looked forward to the next moment they got alone. _That_ wasn’t who Javier Peña used to be. 

With her constantly on his mind, he didn’t feel that dreadful sense of loneliness anymore. 

When was the last time he’d slept beside someone just to _sleep_ beside them? Had that _ever_ happened before her? 

Sometimes he wished he could call Steve. To prove to him that he _did_ have a heart — one that was capable of loving someone. But he couldn’t. There was no one for him to call and bitch about being robbed of the chance to see his own baby’s sonogram. In that regard, he was still alone.

* * *

Javier ended up calling it an early day and headed home to catch some much needed shut-eye. So much so that it was late in the evening when hunger woke him up. He rolled over and stared at the clock by his bedside table, his heart clenching when he realised just how late it was. 

He grabbed the phone off the table, hastily dialing her number before he pressed the receiver to his ear. _Please pick up. Please pick up._

On the fourth ring she answered. 

“Hello?”

“ _Shit._ I woke you up. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“I fell asleep on the sofa. It’s fine, Javi.” She assured him with a stifled yawn. “Your bags had bags this afternoon. I’m not surprised.”

“But I promised you.”

“It’s _okay_.” She sighed heavily. “Do you feel better?”

“No, I feel like shit because I didn't wake up.” Javier dragged his hand over his face and sank back against his pillows. “What did the doctor say?”

“I’ll come over.” She offered and Javier could hear her moving around on the other side of the line. “I’m still dressed. I can be over in ten.”

“ _Baby_ —“

“I’ll be over in _ten_.”

The call went dead and Javier placed it back in the cradle. 

He dragged himself out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. Somehow finding out the gender of your baby while shirtless and in boxers seemed like a bleak alternative. 

She hadn’t actually been over to his apartment since their relationship started. Or whatever it was. There were no labels involved with this _thing_ they were trying. The thing that had him in knots daily because he was waiting for the other shoe to fall.

He couldn’t blame her. He knew how he was. He’d cut and run too. 

She arrived promptly ten minutes after their phone call ended. Still wearing her work clothes. He was so used to seeing her in the evenings in nothing but sleep shorts and tank tops.

“Hope you didn’t clean up just for me.” She quipped, her eyes flickering towards the empty beer bottles stacked on his coffee table. “I thought you kept things neat for when you _entertained_.”

Javier huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “I haven’t _entertained_ here since… you.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “What about the hooker you told Tom about?”

His throat went dry. “Her place.” If he could go back in time and take that back he would. He’d felt like shit that entire night. It wasn’t her. There was no one like _her_.

“ _Ah_.” She nodded her head slowly, her gaze still sweeping over his apartment, but her shoulders relaxed a little. “You’ve still got bags under your eyes.” She pointed out, closing the distance between them. “And you need to shave.”

“Not into a little scruff?” He questioned, rubbing at his jaw. “Tomorrow. _Promise_.”

She smirked. “Atleast I like your mustache.”

He reached out and rested his hand on her hip, rubbing soft circles there with his fingers. Javier slowly leaned down and kissed her, masking a smile against her mouth as her fingers curled around the back of his neck. 

She drew back from the kiss slowly, stroking her fingers down the back of his neck. “Do you want to see the sonogram?”

“ _Yes_.” Javier breathed out, answering far too quickly. “Did you find out what we— _you’re_ having?”

She reached into her jacket pocket and produced a small rectangular image. “Do you want to guess what _we’re_ having?”

The image trembled as he held it, his fingers shaking a little as he focused on the image. It was one thing to know that she was pregnant, that the curve of her stomach was a child, but it was another thing to see them. A little button nose, ten fingers, two legs. Something they made together.

Javier took a few steps backward, sinking down onto the sofa as he stared at the image. He’d done that. He’d help make that. Something so tiny, fragile, and perfect.

“Is it… is it a girl?”

She bit down on her bottom lip and grinned, “It’s a girl! We’re having a girl.”

Javier laughed breathlessly, looking up at her. “We’re having a girl!” 

She sat down on the sofa beside him, her leg pressed close to his as she pointed at the photo. “Look at her. Look at that little face.” She looped her arm through his, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “She’s _perfect_.” 

“Can I… Can I keep this?”

“It was for the father.” She ran her hand over his forearm, turning her head to press a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be there to hear her little heartbeat.” 

The words stuck in the back of his throat. He would’ve given anything to be there. To see their baby girl moving around. To hear her heartbeat. But that wasn’t something he could have. And that was a bitter pill to swallow. 

Javier shifted so he could wrap his arm around her, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I’ll be right back, baby.” He whispered, before he moved off the sofa to go put the sonogram picture in a safe place. That single image would get him through the next few months. 

That was _his_ baby. 

He wandered back out into the living room, his eyes drawn to where she stood in his kitchen, looking through his refrigerator. “Can I help you?”

“Do you live on _beer_ when you’re not with me?”

He grimaced and shrugged. “I make a mean grilled cheese.”

“Your cheese could walk out of this apartment.” She shut the fridge slowly, turning around to face him with a look in her eyes that caught his attention. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not craving _food_ right now.”

“And what _are_ you craving?” He arched a brow as she moved towards him. 

“ _You_.” She breathed out, running her hand up his chest, fingers trailing along the column of his throat. “The doctor said it’s perfectly safe.” 

“Well, if the doctor says it’s safe...” He smirked, leaning down to kiss her. “Anything I should be worried about, baby?” Despite the amount of times he’d ended up in her bed of the last few weeks, most of his time had been spent trying to soothe her through discomfort and nausea. 

“Do _not_ touch my breasts.” She warned him sternly, brushing her thumb along the hollow of his throat. 

“Noted.” He nodded, winding his arms around her. “Anything else?”

“I haven’t… not since.” She gestured around the apartment. 

Javier brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, before he skimmed his knuckles over her cheek. “I’ll go easy on you.” He teased lightly, leaning in to kiss her. He let his mouth slant over hers, his tongue sweeping out to find hers. 

She curled her hand around the back of his neck, dragging her fingers through his hair. Her other hand snaked its way down between them, palming him through his trousers. 

“ _Where_?” He breathed out, his voice a little rougher as he tried to ignore just how good her hand felt teasing him. 

“Bed?” She suggested. “I have a couple _really_ good memories from that bed. Maybe we could add a few more to it.” She said, smirking up at him. 

Javier stiffened. The memories of the night had been _great_ , but the morning after… the days after. How many times had he laid in that bed and wondered what he did wrong? How he misread the connection between them. How many nights did he wonder what he could’ve done to keep her in his bed long enough to wake up beside her. 

His grip tightened on her, “Don’t leave.”

“What?” Her smile faltered. 

“This time.” Javier ran his hand along her side. “Don’t leave me.”

“I don’t have any clothes here.”

“Then wake up early.” His voice wavered. “Or just tell me…”

She frowned a little, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I won’t leave.” She promised, “This isn’t like before, Javi.”

“I know baby, but…” He released his hold on her and took a step back, dragging his hands over his face. He couldn’t. The moment had slipped between their fingers. 

“Maybe we should just sleep.” She suggested quietly. “Do you have something I could wear?”

“ _Yeah_.” He nodded and held out his hand for her. “C’mere.” She curled her fingers around his and he led her into his bedroom. The last she had been there, things had been different. 

That night already felt like a lifetime ago. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she nestled into his bed and he curled around behind her. 

“Don’t.” He pressed his lips to the back of her neck, sliding his hand beneath the hem of the shirt she wore. His tee short hung loosely on her, dwarfing her — just like the boxer shorts she’d had to roll up at her hips to make them fit. 

There was something he liked about her wearing his clothes. She’d pulled on a couple of his buttons up at her own apartment. But there was something about her laying in his bed, dressed in his clothes, that sparked something deep within him.

Beyond these walls he had no claim to her. Out there she was just his co-worker. But within the safety of his bed, she was his. _All his_. Draped in his clothes, curled close to him, drowsy in his arms. 

Javier’s fingers spread out across the swell of her stomach. “You’ve grown since I left.” He whispered, pressing his face into the crook of her neck as he smoothed his hand over her skin. 

“Don’t remind me.” She huffed quietly, leaning back against him. “I’ll probably grow out of my trousers by the end of next week. And let me tell you, they _don’t_ have the best line of maternity clothes here Bogotá.”

He chuckled, tracing his fingers over the curve. “Our little girl is growing.” He whispered, a smile spreading over his lips as she rested her hand over his. 

She turned a little in his arms so she could kiss the underside of his jaw. “I wish you could’ve been there to see her.” She squeezed the back of his hand. 

Javier nodded his head slowly, rather than putting words to the ache in his chest. There was so much he was missing out on. So many little things he had never known he _wanted_. But he would take what he could get from her. He was in no position to ask for more. 

The last time he’d held her in his arms in this bed, he hadn’t held on tight enough. She’d slipped away at the first glimpse of dappled light. He hadn’t known that one night would change their lives forever. If he had, he would’ve told her then. He wouldn’t have let her go. 


	17. The Three of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader have not had the success they hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: discussions of pregnancy planning, angst, heartache.

Maybe Josie had been a fluke. 

Your doctor had given you a full bill of health — _both_ times you visited the doctor. There was no reason for why nothing had taken hold. Five months. Four negative tests. Four periods. Even Javier had visited the doctor, just to make sure his swimmers were in working order. They were. Everything was _right_ and yet…  


You swallowed thickly as you pushed the bathroom door open, eyes lowered to the floor as you shook your head. Another unsuccessful month had slipped by. 

“C’mere.” Javier murmured, holding his hand out and gesturing for you to join him at the foot of the bed. “It’ll happen.” He reassured you. 

“Yeah.” You almost wished you hadn’t decided you were ready to try. To actually plan on having another kid. 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, drawing you into his side. “It’s okay baby.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“I just thought that this time…” You shifted, laying back on the bed and bringing him down with you. You stared up at the ceiling, brows furrowed. “I was two days late and I was _certain_.”

“I know.” He slid his arm out from under you, rolling onto his side. You could feel his eyes on your face, “Hey.”

You glanced at him out of the corner of your eyes. “Hmm?”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s neither of our faults.” You said a little quickly. You were both healthy, but _you_ were the one that wasn’t pregnant. You had been so certain this time around. For a fleeting few days you had felt _different_. Maybe you had been, maybe it ended before it even began.

“We’ll just keep trying.” Javier draped his arm over your middle, giving your waist a reassuring squeeze. “If you want to.”

“I do.” You sighed heavily. “I just didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.” Your eyes drifted back up to the ceiling. Josie had been easy — one night was all it took to give life to a beautiful baby girl. Sure, it had been sheer hell, but she had been _easy_. 

This time, you were actually _trying_ and nothing was working. 

“I’ll go back over the calendars the doctor gave us. Maybe we’re off by a day.” You scrubbed your hands over your face, before you looked at him. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby, you haven’t got a damn thing to apologize for.” He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over the rise of your cheekbone. “And as much as it pains me to leave you right now…”

“Get to work, _Professor_.” You teased, trying to put on the emotions you would rather be feeling. You were depressed. But you didn’t want to ruin his first day back in the job force. 

“I am _just_ a teacher.” Javier countered, “And it’s just orientation.”

You curled your fingers around his tie, pulling him in closer so you could kiss him. “But _Professor_ sounds sexy.”

Javier bumped his nose against yours. “I love you.” He whispered, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. “Are you going in today?”

You pursed your lips thoughtfully. “Probably. It would be a nice distraction.” You forced yourself to smile. You needed the distraction, otherwise you’d spend the day in sweatpants with a bottle of wine trying to forget your inadequacies. 

“I’ll pick up dinner on the way home so you won’t have to worry.” Javier told you as he pulled back, straightening his tie. “Pizza?”

“Sounds nice.” You nodded, peeling yourself off the bed. “Good luck today, Javi.”

“Thanks baby.” He murmured and you could feel his eyes on you as you moved around the bed room to get ready for work. You knew he was hurting too — maybe not the same way as you were. But he wanted this baby as badly as you did. Each month that slipped by killed you. At one point in your life you had prayed for a negative test, but now it was all you saw. 

* * *

Your 1 PM meeting took you by surprise. Not the meeting itself; but the person leaving the meeting ahead of yours. 

“ _Lance Collier._ ” You remarked, stopping dead in your tracks. “What are you doing here.”

He held his hand out to shake yours, “Working with the local law enforcement on a case. How the hell have you been?”

“I actually have a meeting.” You glanced at your wristwatch. “It’ll be about forty five minutes.”

“I’ll wait.”

“Great.” Lance nodded. “Hope they don’t bore you to death.” 

“Chances are slim.” You quipped, before you headed into the conference room. He certainly was a welcome distraction from the thoughts weighing on your mind. And one of the last people you expected to see from your time in Colombia. Second maybe only to Chris. 

* * *

It was surreal to have Lance Collier standing in your little office with an obscured view of Dodge Island. The last time you had seen him was the night you broke up with him and promised to call him in a week or two. You hadn’t. 

“Niece?” Lance questioned, nodding to a picture of Josie you had framed on your desk. 

“ _Daughter_.”

His brows shot upwards, “Wow. When did _that_ happen?” You couldn’t exactly blame him for being surprised. He’d actually mentioned having kids with you when you dated and you had been pretty against the idea. You had a whole career you were building. 

“She was born in ‘93.” 

“And who’s the lucky father?”

You arched a brow, “Would you believe me if I told you I’m with Javier.” You turned one of the pictures on your desk towards him — a family shot Connie had taken for you in their backyard at Easter. Josie was clutching a stuffed rabbit, nestled in between you and Javier. 

Lance’s jaw dropped. “Peña? What the hell did I miss after I left Colombia? I figured you must’ve moved on — you never called.”

You grimaced. “It didn’t feel fair to string you along, Lance. It’s not like I moved on to Javi right after we broke up. Far from it, actually. I just wasn’t—“

“There’s no hard feelings.” Lance cut you off. “I’m getting married next month.”

“Oh, wow! Congratulations.” You smiled at him. ”So what has the CIA poking around here?”

“Clearing up soon loose ends from Medellín. We received intel that La Oficina de Envigado was laundering money out of Miami. Due diligence, really.” He lowered his voice, pointing at Josie’s pictures. “Is she why you’re _persona non grata_ with DEA? I was down at the embassy a year ago and—“ He whistled as he shook his head. “They’re not fond of you.” 

You shrugged a shoulder. “Javi and I lied about our relationship for a year. I was already on thin ice for being pregnant and…” You made a face. “Straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“Jeeze, I’m sorry.” He gestured around the office. “But check this place out.”

You laughed. “Yeah, who knew Miami had the budget to give consultants offices with windows?”

Lance shook his head, staring at the family picture on your desk. “I can’t say I’m surprised, but… I just can’t picture Peña as a father.”

“He’s amazing.” You told him, your eyes drawn to the picture. “Josie is a complete daddy’s girl.” You glanced back at Lance then, “What do you mean you’re _not_ surprised?”

He gave you a look. “Do you remember the first time you brought me along to drinks with him and Steve?” You nodded. “I realized pretty quickly that night that he was my competition.” 

“ _Really_?” Your brows furrowed together. “I just remember him being a dick that night.” Then again, he always got pissy whenever Lance turned up with you. 

He was going to lose his shit knowing that Lance was in town. 

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Lance told you with a genuine smile. “That’s all I wanted for you.” 

“Thank you.” You sank back in your seat, “I mean, look at us. You’re getting married next month and I’ve got a family.” 

“With Javier Peña no less.” 

A laugh bubbled out of you, “ _Right_? I’m still waiting for the pigs to fly.” 

“Any wedding bells in _your_ future?”

“Not our thing.” You shook your head, “But we’re good. He’s started teaching a criminal justice course at the university. I’ve got this.” You gestured to your office. “Life is good. Miami was the right move for us.” 

Lance pursed his lips and nodded in agreement. “You deserve it.” He glanced towards your office door, “I should probably get going. I’ve got a deposition to sit in on later.” 

“It was good to see you Lance.” You offered with a warm smile, watching him leave. Once upon a time you probably would’ve settled for him. But there was nothing about Lance that made your heart skip a beat — even back then. That would’ve been an easy path. Everything with Javier had been difficult. It still _was_ difficult. 

But all that difficulty made the quiet moments worth it. The uphill battle was justified every time Josie roped Javier into wearing a princess crown and attending tea at her make believe restaurant. 

You couldn’t imagine a life where you didn’t have both of them. And maybe it was okay that you weren’t having any luck. Maybe it was meant to be just the three of you. 

* * *

“I don’t know why we bother trying to expand her dietary options,” You remarked as you picked a piece of cut up pizza off her abandoned plate as you took it to the trash to throw away. “She’s always going to just want chicken nuggets.” 

“In futile hope that she’ll kick her chicken addiction.” Javier remarked from the living room, where he was fastforwarding through the trailers on the VHS he’d rented. _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ seemed like the right kind of movie to unwind to. 

You grabbed two beers out of the fridge, gripping them in one hand as you snatched up the pizza box off the counter and headed into the living room to join him. “I wish it were that easy. I think she’s hooked, Javi. Our baby’s a chicken addict.”

Javier looked back at you over his shoulder, a grin spreading over his lips. “Guess there’s worse things she could be hooked on.” He settled down onto the sofa, loosening his tie. “I’ve got a full class. I guess everyone wants to meet the guy who helped bring down Pablo Escobar.” He swept his fingers through his hair, before taking a beer from you.

“They’re going to love you.” You said as you took a swig of beer before sitting it down on the coffee table. “You’ll never guess who I saw today.” 

“Who?” His brows drew together. 

“ _Lance_.”

Javier huffed, “Really?”

You nodded, leaning back on the sofa. “He’s still chasing down money launders from Escobar’s predecessors.” You explained. “Still a CIA suit.”

Javier gave you a wary look, before he leaned forward to grab a slice of pizza. “That’s good.” He said before taking a bite.

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip, heart pounding a little quicker as you stared at him. “Are you going to be an asshole about this?”

“No.”

“Our entire conversation basically revolved around _you_.” You told him, lips drawn into a faint smile. “It was a nice distraction from everything else.”

Javier grabbed the remote and paused the movie. “I’m not going to be an asshole about this, but I just never liked the guy.”

“I know.” You reached out and stroked his cheek, before sliding your fingers into his hair. “He wasn’t _surprised_ that I was with you.”

His jaw rocked tensely before he relaxed under your touch. “What? Did he tell you about the time I pulled him aside and told him he better take care of you?” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth.

You shook your head and tilted your face to look up at him. “When did you—“

“You had just started seeing him.”

“Well, _that_ explains everything.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest. You could easily picture Javier pulling that shit. He had been in fine form that evening from the second that Lance sat down at the table. It was a miracle it hadn’t run the poor man off then and there. You had a sneaking suspicion that he had said a lot more than just _‘take care of her’_. Everything had been so new back then — Colombia, Javier and Steve, your outlook on the future. Maybe things didn’t turn out how you had planned, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Javier gave your shoulder three little squeezes, pulling you in close to his side. “Is he going to be around for awhile?” He questioned as he picked up the remote with his free hand, loosely holding onto it.

“I didn’t ask, but probably not.” You reached out and took the remote out of his hand, sitting it aside. “We should talk about this morning. 

He exhaled heavily, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “I’d planned for us to talk about everything _but_ that.” 

A nervous laugh escaped you as you interlaced your fingers with his. “I know.” You swallowed thickly. “It’s not _bad_ … it’s just—” You squeezed his hand tightly. “I think we should try for another month and then I think it’s time to accept that it’s just the three of us.” 

Javier lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to it. “The three of us are _perfect_ , baby.” 

“Yeah.” You whispered, sinking into his side feeling defeated. You wished you could make it happen. That tomorrow you’d magically wake up pregnant. The thought of both of you being able to enjoy this from the _start_ seemed like a vain wish now. “Are you excited to start teaching?”

He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, “I met a couple of the students this afternoon and they seem keen. We’ll see.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “They even gave me an office with a window.”

“We both ended up with windows,” You mused.

Javier chuckled. “I wanna bring you and Josie by later this week so you can see it.” 

“That reminds me.” You squeezed his hand before you got up off the sofa. You headed down the hallway to the bedroom to get the gift you’d wrapped and hidden on your side of the closet. You returned, holding it out to him. “I meant to give this to you this morning, but…”

Javier took the parcel from you, unwrapping it slowly. “Baby, you shouldn’t have.” 

You had taken the negatives of the photos from Colombia and had duplicates made to be framed. Four photos that captured so many memories from that era of your lives. Josie resting on Javier’s chest, both of them fast asleep a few days after you had brought her home; you and Javier kissing, a slightly blurry photo you’d relied on the timer for; Josie’s first bath; and a photo of the three of you when Josie was still so tiny. 

“I thought you might like taking us to work with you.” You smiled at him as you settled down onto the sofa beside him. 

“Maybe we should stop now.” Javier suggested as he looked up at you. “I hate how much this is stressing you out, baby.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, “Maybe we can just try to see if it’ll happen naturally.” You still weren’t ready to call it quits. Not entirely. 

He nodded his head, staring down at the frame. “We’re good as three, aren’t we?” 

“We are.” You leaned into his side. Part of you regretted that you had started this whole endeavor. You had thought it would be easy, free of heartache. But you had been wrong. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was the planning and the stress that was causing it to fail. 


	18. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: These two idiots go on vacation, have sex and argue some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst (arguments, bickering) and TWO Smut scenes (Rough Sex, Fingerfucking, F Recieving Oral Sex, Handjob, Masturbation, Teasing)

“Not a half-bad view,” You mused as you pulled open the shade, looking out over the balcony at the view from your hotel room. In the distance you could see the park — just as Connie had assured you, you’d be able to see the fireworks from the comfort of your hotel room without having to brave the crowds. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I think it’s a _gorgeous_ view.” You glanced back at him and smirked when you caught the sweeping way his eyes raked over you. “It’s just the truth, baby.” 

You turned away from the window, putting just a little sway in your hips as you approached him. “We don’t have anywhere to be for—“ You glanced at your watch, “Three hours.”

At first, leaving Josie with Connie and Steve had seemed like a daunting task. She had never been anywhere without you since she was born. Javier had actually seemed far more devastated about leaving her with the Murphys than you had and he had spent numerous nights without her in the beginning. But you and Javi hadn’t had a night where it was just the two of you. Three days, just the pair of you, seemed like the perfect remedy. 

Javier was two months into teaching at the university, which occupied his evenings with preparing his transparencies and grading reports. You were balancing a few extra days at the police department, splitting your time between two offices as the city’s new drug policies impacted things differently. Frankly, you both had needed a break since 1993. 

“There’s a lot we could do in three hours,” Javier drawled out, hooking his fingers into the belt loops of your shorts and drawing you in close. 

You tilted your chin upwards, your eyes meeting his with an easy smirk playing over your lips. “Care to share with the class?”

Javier brushed his fingers over your jaw, cradling your cheek as he leaned down to kiss you. It was feather-light at first, before his mouth slanted desperately over yours. One kiss was all it took to stoke a flame of desire in your lower belly.

He dragged his teeth over your bottom lip, before sweeping his tongue out over it. “I plan to see how many times I can make you come.” Javi rasped out, catching the hem of your shirt and drawing it up over your head. 

“Sounds like fun.” You said lowly, tugging his shirt out of his jeans, fingers greedily seeking his bared skin. 

Javier guided you back onto the bed, working your shorts down your hips and tossing them to the floor. He pressed his knee between your thighs as he leaned over you, his mouth claiming yours again. 

You ran your hands up his back, nails scraping lightly over his skin. A groan rose up in the back of his throat, caught between your lips. One hand slid into his hair, tugging at the soft strands as they slipped through your fingers. 

He slid his knee up, pressing it against your already aching core. You rocked your hips, feeling the hardened length of his cock against your leg. “ _Javi_.” You breathed out as you worked at the front of his jeans but he brushed your hands away, catching them and drawing them up over your head. 

“No.”

You whine, grinding against his knee again. You flex your hands in his grasp, arching your back in a vain attempt to get closer to him. “Come on, Javi.”

He dipped down and pressed a kiss to your collarbone, his mustache tickling your skin. “Keep your hands to yourself right now, baby.”

“But it’s _hard_.” You smirked, moving your leg so you could grind it against his cock. 

Javier shifted lower, keeping you from being able to grind against him anymore. He unclasped your bra, tossing it aside as he started kissing his way down your body. His rough hands grasped at your bras, palming them as his mouth skimmed down your stomach. 

A soft moan escaped you as he peeled your underwear off, lips brushing along your lower belly. His hands abandoned your breasts, instead moving to part your thighs as he settled between them. “ _Fuck_.” He swore as he looked up at you.

“An even better view?” You teased, wiggling your hips as you spread them a little wider for him. 

“You read my mind.” He smirked, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh, his tongue sweeping out over your skin. “So wet.” Javier whispered as he dragged a finger between your slick folds. “Is that all for me?”

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, your head falling back against the mattress as he pressed his finger into you. It wasn’t enough, but the way he dragged it through you made your breath catch. “Don’t tease, Javi. We only have _three_ hours.” 

He roughly bit at your inner thigh, high enough up that your shorts would hide the mark. “Patience, baby.” He warned you as he pressed a second finger into you, twisting them within you. His thumb brushed over your clit, merely teasing you. 

“You know I’m not good at being patient.” You reminded him, reaching down to drag your fingers through his hair. 

Javier’s teeth pressed into your soft flesh, before soothing the twinge of pain with his tongue. “Didn’t I tell you to keep your hands to yourself?” He circled his thumb over your clit, dragging his fingers in and out of you.

“Fuck off.” You hissed out, bucking your hips pointedly. He grabbed at your hip tightly, pressing you back down against the bed. “Come on, Javi.” You urged, trying to egg him on. 

Javier curved his fingers within you, pressing them against that sweet little spot within you that had pleasure unfurling within you. Your back arched up off the bed and you squirmed as he lowered his mouth to your cunt, his tongue sweeping out over your clit. You pressed your feet into the mattress, fingers gripping at the sheets for support as he forced you over the edge with skilled ease. 

You grabbed at his shoulder, fingernails digging into his skin as he didn’t relent. “Holy shit.” You panted out, the waves of your release refusing to subside as he kept twisting his fingers in and out of you, his lips wrapped around that little bundle of nerves, merciless in his teasing.

He _had_ promised to see how many times he could make you come, after all. 

“ _Please_!” The word came out cracked and broken as a moan escaped from you. You didn’t even know what you were begging for, but you needed it.

Javier drew back, fingers slipping from your trembling core. “I could do that all day, baby.” He whispered, licking his lips as his eyes met yours. He moved back up the bed and laid down beside you, “Just breathe.” 

“Easier,” You swallowed thickly as you tilted your head to look at him. “—said than done.” You reached for his hand, bringing it to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around the fingers he had just had buried within you, dragging your tongue over them.

“ _Goddamn_.” Javier swore, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip as he drew his fingers out of your mouth. “What’d I ever do to deserve you?”

“Still trying to figure that one out.” You teased, nipping at his thumb. “I mean, I still don’t know what I did to get both you _and_ Josie.” You admitted, which was the honest truth. Maybe you hadn’t fucked up as much as Javier had — you certainly _never_ left someone at the altar — but you’d done your fair share of shitty things. 

“You deserve it all, baby.” He grinned at you, brushing your hair back behind your ear. 

You arched a brow, running your hand down his chest, nails scraping over the patch of hair that led lower, “You know what I _deserve_ right now?” 

“Bet I can guess.” Javier bumped his nose against yours, lips lingering close to your lips. “But I wasn’t _done_.” He slid his hand between your thighs, dragging his fingers up your thigh until they found your still-throbbing center. “One more?”

“You’re going to _kill_ me.” You breathed out, even as you parted your legs for him. “I’d rather die with your _cock_ in me.” You fumbled with the zipper of his jeans, but you managed to get them open enough to slip your hand into them. “How do you want me?” 

Javier groaned as you stroked him through his boxers. “Hands and knees.” He dragged your hand away before he rolled over to get off the bed. He pulled his jeans off, followed by his boxers — his eyes fixed on your face with a heated gaze as he watched you position yourself on the bed. “You look so pretty like that.” 

You rolled your eyes and a short laugh that escaped you. “I could be laying here like a fish and you’d say I was _pretty_.” You teased him, pushing your hair back over your shoulder as you watched him move back onto the bed. 

“Well, maybe I just think you’re _pretty_.” He drawled out as he traced his fingers down your spine, grabbing at your hips and pulling you back flush against him. You rocked backwards, grinding against his cock. 

“I’m glad I still do it for you,” You taunted him and it _worked_. Javier wrapped his arm around your middle, hauling you back against his chest. You loved it when he was rough with you. “ _Fuck_.” 

Javier reached down between you, guiding his cock into you. You gasped, eyes clenching closed as you sank back against his chest. He roughly grasped at your breast, his thumb dragging over the pebbled peak of your nipple. 

You reached around behind you, fingers dragging through his hair, settling as they curled around the back of his neck. “Fuck. _Fuck_.” You moved with him as he started to roll his hips. You had almost forgotten how good it could be when you weren’t hyper fixating on doing everything right to get pregnant. Not that it had been bad — but scheduling out the perfect time to have sex was a lot less fun than _this_. 

“You feel so fucking good baby,” Javier breathed out close to your ear, before he used your hair to guide you forward. You grabbed at the blankets beneath you for support as he started to pick up the pace of his movements. Every snap of his hips had your lips parting with a silent cry. 

You were already so sensitive, strung out from the first two orgasms he’d pulled from you — you were practically helpless to the third that washed over you. Your body clenched at him, pulsing around him every time he slammed into you. The grip he had in your hair only added to your pleasure, the twinge of pain mixing with the intense pleasure coursing through you.

His name was the only sound that made sense as your back arched and you shattered around him. Javier followed right behind you, his pace faltering before he pressed into you and you felt him spill within you. 

Your legs gave out on you and you ended up face down on the mattress with Javier draped atop you. “You’ve gone and killed me, Javi.” You mumbled, turning your face to the side so your cheek was resting against the mattress. He pressed his face into the crook of your neck and laughed. “Don’t! I’m not kidding.” 

Javier lightly scraped his teeth over your shoulder. “Then I’ve accomplished my mission.” He curled his arm around your waist and pulled you with him as he rolled onto his side. 

You shoved him playfully in the chest, before he curled in close to him, “I love you.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his chest. 

“I love you too baby.” He drawled out as he kissed the top of your head, curling his arm around you possessively. “You excited about tomorrow?”

“Mhm.” You hummed as you nodded your head. 

* * *

“I hope that picture turns out. Josie would’ve lost her mind seeing that animatronic dinosaur.” Javier remarked as he adjusted the camera where it sat against his chest. “You have the bag, right?”

You shot him a look over the edge of the program you were looking at, “ _Yes_ , Javier I have the bag.” It was the third time he’d asked you in less than twenty minutes. “Do you want to eat over in Mexico? The Cantina de San Angel sounds nice.” You pointed it out on the map to him. “Or do you want to try another country? We could try poutine in Canada.” 

Javier arched a brow, “I don’t know if I trust them to pull off Mexican food well.”

“Do you want to try poutine then?” You questioned. 

“What else is there?”

You sighed heavily and shielded your eyes from the sun as you looked down at the map again, “We could eat in China. We both like Chinese food. We can find something we’ll both like.” 

Javier squinted as he looked down at the page, “What about that place?” 

You gave him a droll look, “The Rose and Crown? _Really_? Pub food?” 

“I’m hot and I could really use a beer right now.” Javier shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets. 

“Then let’s stop in and get a beer and then we can eat somewhere else.” 

“We can just eat there, I’m sure they have good food.” 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you glared at him. Could you get away with murder in the middle of Epcot? Would Mickey Mouse leap out of somewhere to distract from the bloodshed. “Fine.” You shoved the map back into your crossbody and started in the direction of the World Showcase. 

Javier must’ve finally realized he’d pissed you off because he caught a hold of your arm and pulled you back towards him, “Did you want to eat somewhere else, baby?”

You shook your arm loose of his hold, rolling your eyes. “No, it’s fine. We can’t eat at the Rose.” 

“You keep saying ‘ _fine’_.” Javier pointed out. “That’s bit me in the ass before.” 

“Oh, really?”

“ _Mhm_.” He gave you a look, shoulders sagging. “Where do you want to eat?” 

“I don’t care.” You said dryly, pressing your lips together firmly as you stared him down. Despite years of working in the field with Javier and _years_ of living with him — vacation had proved that neither of you approached vacation the same way. He wandered aimlessly through the park, whereas you’d gone over the maps and programs to plot out your main interests. 

“You say that, but I _know_ you care.” 

You clenched your jaw together tightly. “You’re driving me crazy.” 

He huffed, “Yeah, well you haven’t been a ray of sunshine yourself.” 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes again. “Let’s just go eat.” 

“Where?”

“I don’t care anymore.” 

“What was the name of the place in Mexico?”

You exhaled heavily, resisting the urge to snap. “We’ll just eat at the Rose.” 

Javier swept his fingers through his hair, looking away from you then. “We don’t have to.” 

“ _Javi_.” You stepped close to him, tilting your head as you looked up at him. “I _really_ don’t want to fight with you.” You reached up and gently brushed your fingers against his cheek, before grasping his jaw as you held his gaze. “If you ask me about the _bag_ one more time…” 

Javier swallowed thickly. “I won’t.” 

“We can have a beer at the Wine & Food Festival.” You told him, tracing your tongue over your bottom lip as you kept your eyes locked on his. “I want _food_.” 

He nodded his head slowly, “Whatever you want, baby.” 

“I love you.” You reminded him with a warm smile. “But you and I are approaching this whole vacation thing from two very different angles.” 

“I know.” Javi sighed, reaching down to take your hand into his. “I didn’t expect you to plan everything out. I thought we’d just wing it.”

“Did we ever wing a single mission we went on together?”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. “No. But do you consider this a mission?”

“ _Yeah_.” You shrugged. “We have an objective, a game plan, variables” 

“Baby, we’re not at work.” He laughed. “Can’t believe I’m the one reminding you that you can have _fun_.” 

You squeezed his hand, “I just don’t want to miss out on anything. Who knows when we’ll get back here.”

“We do live in Florida. We can come back whenever.” 

“And we _could_ have two kids in tow.” 

Javier rocked his jaw, “Are you still thinking about that?”

“ _Constantly_.” You sighed. “Every time we walk past a family with a baby.”

“Me too.” He admitted. Javier leaned down and kissed you softly. “Let’s go to Mexico and check out how wildly inaccurate the food is.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle. “Do you have the bag?”

You shoved him in the chest, but you couldn’t help but laugh. “You are such a jackass.” 

“And you love me for it.” 

“Sad but true.” You deadpanned, before you rose up on your toes to press another kiss to his lips. “Beer?” 

“Beer.” 

You held the bag up in between the two of you and shook it. “And I have this.” You couldn’t blame Javier for being so obsessive about the bag. He’d promised Josie that he’d find her a dinosaur and they’d found one. You kind of regretted not having Josie with you — but the thought of the added stress that came along with her made your skin crawl. Javier was more than enough work. 

And you _definitely_ couldn’t do all the things you wanted to do to him _later_ if you had Josie with you. Connie had been smart to suggest that you guys needed a vacation. It was the first time you’d been truly _alone_ with Javier since the start of your relationship. 

* * *

After the success of the lingerie you’d purchased for your firstdate with Javier, you splurged on another set especially for vacation. Not to mention it was _basically_ your anniversary, of sorts. In a few days it would be four years since the fateful night at the bar. Sure, it wasn’t for another three months before you both figured your shit out — but it was the night that started it all. 

You had never really been the lingerie type, but the way the lace felt where it crossed against your skin made you feel sexier than you had any right to be. 

The rest of the day had been fun. Mexico was unsurprisingly a bit of a caricature, which had set Javi off on an hour-long rant — which you fully agreed with. Epcot was exciting; new technology, glimpses into what the future might hold. And you both tried to lay off annoying the shit out of each other. 

After watching the fireworks from the comfort of your hotel room, Javier had gone to take a shower which gave you ample time to change into your lingerie and freshen up. 

You waited for him, lounging back on the white sheets, fingers trailing over the texture of the lace. You shivered a little as you lit upon a particularly sensitive patch of skin on your lower belly, before idly reaching your hand down between your legs.

Little finger-shaped bruises dotted your hips and thighs from yesterday. You loved it when Javier got rough with you — it was typically few and far between, but you could always coax it out of him. 

A soft moan escaped your lips as you dragged your fingers over the crotch of the lace panties, revealing just how slick you were with anticipation. You palmed your breast through the lace, scraping your nail over your hardened nipple. 

“Starting without me?” Javier quipped as he stepped out of the bathroom with his towel sling around his hips.

“ _Hi_.” You breathed out as you leaned up on your elbows to look down at him. “I didn’t plan to.” You told him, spreading your legs to give him a better view of the way you were brushing your fingers over yourself through the lace. “I started thinking about yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “And as much fun as that was… I have other plans for today.” You closed your legs and set up, tucking them beneath you. “Come here.” You patted the bed beside you.

Javier dragged his fingers through his damp hair, discarding his towel as he joined you on the bed. “What do you have in mind?”

“You drove me _crazy_ today.” You told him as you brushed your fingers over the ‘V’ of his hip bones. “And I thought… maybe I should drive Javi crazy.”

He swallowed thickly. “How so?”

You scraped your nails through the soft patch of hair that led downwards, fingers _slowly_ wrapping around the base of his hardening cock. “I thought you might enjoy being _teased…_ I know I will.” You dragged your hand over his length. “I don’t know if you will.”

Javier licked his lips as he looked at you, his desire as evident in his gaze as it was in his hardening cock. “Then why don’t you do something we’ll _both_ enjoy?” 

You leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, lingering as you spoke to him. “Do you not enjoy this?” You questioned, sitting back and gesturing to yourself with the hand you had been stroking him with. 

“ _Baby_.”

You moved to straddle him, careful not to sit where he wanted you. Instead sitting on his thighs so you could curl your fingers around his cock again. “You know you’re enjoying this, Javi.” You smirked up at him.

His hips lifted up off the bed again, “Is this how you work your frustrations out now?” Javier questioned; 

“Oh, yes.” You twisted your fist over him, watching the way his expression faltered and his eyes fell closed. “You look so _pretty_ , Javi.” You taunted. 

He caught your wrist, “Fuck off.”

You couldn’t resist. You started to get off him, smiling sweetly at him. “ _Alright_.” 

He grabbed your hips and dragged you back down, this time pulling you down against his cock.

“So,” You started as you leaned forward and traced your finger over his nose. “ _Pretty_.”

Javier surged up and caught your mouth, fingers curling around the back of your head as he kissed you like his life depended upon it. If there was any man in the world worth burning your entire career to the ground for — he had to kiss like this. Four years ago a kiss like that had sparked a fire that had yet to be extinguished. 

You rocked your hips against him as you met his desire with the desperation of your own. Your fingers trailed down the column of his throat, your thumb brushing over his Adam’s apple.

His fingers found the tie at your hip, making quick work of the scrap of fabric that separated the two of you. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out against his lips as you rose up on your knees, _slowly_ lowering yourself onto his cock. 

“Fuck, _baby_.” He hissed, dragging his teeth over your bottom lip as he pulled you down against his chest and thrust up into you.

The angle felt like fucking _heaven_. Every time he ground against you, it hit all the right spots. “Close.” You warned him, feeling the way your body was already tightening, ready to snap.

He ran his hands down your back, grabbing at your ass to hold you steady as he rocked into you, driving clear over the edge. A strangled cry escaped him and he kept wildly rocking his hips beneath you until he found his own release. 

“I had plans…” You laughed breathlessly as you slumped atop him, still coasting through the flow of your releases 

“Yeah?” Javier snorted out a laugh. “What was it?

You pressed your cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “Ask me when my brain isn’t blissed out.”

It was nice to _forget_. It was nice to accept that things didn’t always go as planned. But your mind still wandered back to the afternoon — to the way Javier’s face lit up when the baby in line in front of you had taken an interest in him. He tried not to bring it up. You knew he was trying to _protect_ you in his own way. He knew how defeated you felt. 

“Maybe we could get a dog.”

Javier wrapped his arms around you, “What are you talking about, baby?”

“If we can’t have another baby, maybe we could get a dog. Josie would love it.” 

He gave your side a squeeze, “We _could_ …” Javier pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “I still think…” He sighed. “I’m not ready to give up hope.”

“I know.” You tilted your head to look at him, “I love you.” 

Javier ran his hand up the length of your back, “I love you too.” He played his fingers through your hair, his eyes searching yours. “I’m sorry if I was an ass today.”

You laughed and shook your head. “You’re _always_ an ass, but it’s fine.” You moved to roll onto the bed beside him, burrowing under the covers. “This is the first time it’s ever just been _us_.” 

“We _have_ been alone before.” He pointed out as he pulled back the covers and joined you beneath them. 

“And we were usually at each other’s throats.” You reminded him, curling into his side. “So today wasn’t a surprise.” You curled your arm around him, resting your head on his shoulder. “Can you believe it’s been four years?” 

Javi took your hand into his and interlaced your fingers, “It’s fucking insane.” He shook his head. “The longest I’ve ever been with someone.” 

“Me too.” You squeezed his hand, rubbing your thumb over the back of it. “Do you ever regret it?”

“Regret _us_?” You nodded. “Fuck, no.” Javier breathed out, dragging his hand over his face before he looked at you with an arched brow, “Do you?”

“No.” You smiled at him. “You and Josie are my whole world.” You couldn’t even picture a life without them. It would’ve been a lot bleaker. Would you still be in Colombia? It wasn’t as though there was much upward mobility for you there. Would Javier have left?

You hated even thinking about what _could_ have happened. What did happen wasn’t perfect, but it was your brand of perfect with Javier. If he wasn’t willing to fully give up hope that there was still a chance after _six_ months — then you wouldn’t either. 


	19. Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has exciting new for Javier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, just fluff.

You were three days late when you decided to purchase a pregnancy test on your lunch break. You didn’t take it. Too afraid that it would be negative — just like the time you were two days late. But then three days became four and four days became five. And suddenly you were a _week_ late. A week was good. A week _warranted_ taking a test. 

You waited until you Javier was at the university and you had the afternoon off from work before you took it. Everything about it reminded you of the test you took to confirm that you were pregnant with Josie. Standing alone, wearing a towel in the bathroom, anxiously staring at a test. Only this time you were praying for a positive. You had seen so many negatives in the span of a year and you just _needed_ this. 

You perched on the edge of the bathtub, glancing at your watch as you waited to look. Now that you thought about it, you had been a little more exhausted lately. But that was to be expected when you had a three year old that was pushing thirteen. 

One more minute. 

Were your breasts tender? You palmed one, trying to decipher whether that tenderness was because you were pregnant or because two days ago Javier had pinned you against the shower wall and left a kaleidoscope of bruises on your skin. 

Rising to your feet, you approached the sink. You stared at your own reflection for a long moment, silently reassuring yourself that it was _okay_ if it was negative again. Negative didn’t take _anything_ away from you. You still had Javi and Josie and things were—

Positive. 

A rush of emotions overcame you, blurring your vision as you stared down at the confirmation that your late period wasn’t just from stress. That six months of _trying_ hadn’t been in vain. That the heartache had been worth it. You sank down onto the edge of the tub, gripping the test in your hand as you stared at it in utter disbelief. 

How were you supposed to wait until Javier came home to tell him? He had class in two hours and then an academic mixer he had to attend. Maybe he could get out of the mixer… You debated calling him, but you really didn’t want to accidentally blurt it out over the phone. Because you would. The excitement bubbling in your chest wouldn’t be able to stay contained.

You knew how badly he wanted this. He tried to downplay it, especially when each new month slipped by. But he wanted it. He wanted all the little things he missed out on with Josie. He was such a good father and you couldn’t wait to see that pride shine through everywhere you went. No part of this had to be a secret now. 

You got dressed quickly, not even bothering to dry your hair before you drove over to the university. You retraced a familiar route to the Sociology Department, where Javier’s office was. You made your way through students as classes let out and they filled the halls — feeling like you were floating on air. You were convinced it might actually be a dream. Instead of dread, you were filled with the warmth of elation. 

You were pregnant. _Finally_. 

There was a small waiting room outside of his office. He had office hours currently, the door was shut and you could hear his voice as he talked through some assignment with two students that were sitting inside. He was so passionate about whatever he was discussing, you could hear them enthusiasm in his cadence.

One of the other professors stepped out of their office, checking to see if you needed anything. 

Just Javi. 

You probably looked like a mess. Your hair freshly washed, damp and unbrushed, and your mascara running under your eyes from the tears you’d shed on the way over. 

The door opened as Javier ushered the students out of his office, still talking to them. “There’s no reason to stress about the essay. Just pick a recent congressional action and thoroughly research the impetus. There’s always a money tra—” Javier’s voice faulted as he spotted you sitting in the waiting room. “If you’ll both excuse me.” 

You stood up and moved towards him, “I’m sorry. I know you’re at work, but…” 

“It’s okay!” One of the students offered you sympathetically. “Thanks for the help, Professor.” 

“See you in class, Professor Peña.”

Javier’s attention was solely on you as he ushered you into his office and shut the door behind you. “Baby, what’s wrong? Is it Josie?” He didn’t even wait for you to answer before he pulled you into his chest and held you tightly. 

You melted against him, fresh tears spilling from you. There was absolutely no doubt in your mind _now_ that you were pregnant. The only time you’d cried like a baby was when you were pregnant with Josie. _Everything_ made you cry then. 

“ _Shh_.” He whispered, stroking his hand up and down your back as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Hey. _Hey_. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, baby? You’re scaring me.” 

“Nothing’s wrong.” You mumbled, pulling back and wiping the tears away. You sniffled, blinking as you looked up at him. “It’s actually _really_ good, Javi.” You smiled softly. 

Javier sat back against the edge of his desk, his eyes searching your face. “You’re saying it’s good, but you’re giving me a heart attack with all those tears, baby.” He cocked his head to the side, swallowing thickly. “What is it?”

“I—” You laughed as a little sob made your voice crack. “Just give me a second.” You inhaled a steadying breath before exhaling slowly. “I’m pregnant.” 

His jaw dropped as you stared at you, his eyes going wide. “ _What_?”

“I’m pregnant.” 

Javier stood up slowly, moving towards you. “Really?” He grabbed either side of your face and kissed you soundly on the lips, before one arm wrapped around your waist and he pulled you into him. “ _Fuck_. You’re sure? Jesus- _fucking-_ Christ.” He muttered as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck and you felt his tears falling onto your skin. 

You curled your hand around the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as you both stood there — suspended by the moment. Javier’s tears brought on a fresh wave of your own, especially as the hand he had pressed to the small of your back slid around to span out over your stomach. 

It was so different from the last time. There was no fear over how Javier would respond. You knew that this news would reduce the grumpy old man you loved into tears and he hadn’t disappointed you. 

He kept his hand pressed against your stomach as he pulled back to look at you. “I can’t believe…” Javier whispered, shaking his head. “You’re positive?”

You nodded your head slowly, lips spreading into a broad grin. “It’s still early, so please… I’m not ready to tell anyone else okay?” You knew he’d want to tell Steve. 

“Of course.” He cupped your cheek and leaned in to kiss you. Javier gently brushed his thumbs under your eyes to wipe away the smeared mascara and tears. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to teach class now.” 

You tilted your head back and laughed, sniffling again. “I was going to wait. But I knew you had the mixer afterwards and I didn’t… I really wanted to tell you.”

“No, no. I’m glad you did, baby.” He stroked his hand over your stomach, a look of sheer adoration in his eyes. “I’m so fucking glad.” Javier shook his head slowly. “How far along do you think you are?”

“I was a week late,” You explained, chewing on your bottom lip. “So probably right at a month.” 

“A month.” Javi laughed softly. “Baby, are we going to have another May kid?” 

You blinked at him before you started laughing too, “Oh my God.” You covered your mouth as you tilted your head back and laughed heartily. “Goddammit, Javi. We did it again.” 

“Disney lived up to their motto.”

“Huh?”

“It’s where dreams come true.” Javier winked at you. 

“Was this your dream?” You questioned, stepping closer to him and tracing your fingertips over his cheek. “Don’t lie, I know it is.” 

He grinned at you as he leaned in to kiss him again, “It was. One of a few.” 

“What are your other dreams?” You questioned, bumping your nose against his. 

Javier gave your shoulder three little squeezes. “They’re all about you, baby. And Josie.”

Your brows rose upwards, “Are you going to share them with me, _Professor_?” You teased as you straightened his skewed tie. 

“Nope.” He smirked and shook his head. “It’ll reveal far too much about how soft you two have made me.” Javier glanced down at your stomach. “The _three_ of you.” 

“If you hadn’t included the children, that was _ripe_ for a smartass comment.” You pursed your lips and shook your head. “Robbing me of dirty things to say.”

“I _am_ at work.” 

You rolled your eyes. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’m going to cancel class.”

“ _Javi_!” 

He ignored your protest, “I’ll be right back, baby.” Javier gave your hip a squeeze as he passed by you towards the door. “It’s fine. _Promise_.” 

You moved to sit down in Javi’s office chair. You’d gifted him with it when he got the job, recalling all the _years_ he spent complaining about the desk chair he had at the DEA. This one was nice, a classic high back executive chair with mahogany and real leather. 

Your hand ghosted over your stomach as you looked at the pictures Javi had on his desk. It was bittersweet to remember those fragile, stolen moments you shared with him in Colombia. One of you was always on the other side of the camera, with attempts at family photos taken with timers and shaky hands. They stood in stark contrast with recent ones — moments captured by Steve or Connie. Pictures of _both_ of you with friends.

“You are going to be so loved.” You whispered, your eyes flickering downwards to where your hand rested on your stomach. “So you have to stay. Because I don’t think mommy or daddy could handle losing you.” 

“Class is cancelled,” Javier announced as he breezed back into the office. “Making yourself at home?”

You smirked, “Yeah. I was just having a chat with our baby.” 

Javier moved around his desk, kneeling down on the floor beside you. “And what were you discussing?” He questioned, resting his hand on the top of your leg and giving it a squeeze. 

“Sit.” You told him as you got out of the chair and moved to perch on the edge of his desk. 

“I’m fine.”

“I know your knees bother you.”

“You are trying to age me before my time.” He huffed, sinking down into his chair and stretching his legs out beneath his desk — because they clearly hurt from crouching. Javi reached out to rest his hand against your stomach, his fingers spreading out to stroke you. “I can’t wait until we can tell people, baby.”

“That’s what we were talking about.” You rested your hand over his. “I was telling this little one that they have to stay. That neither of us can stand to lose them.” You wiped your thumb over your cheek, swiping a tear away. “I’m just so scared.”

“I know, baby.” Javier leaned forward and pressed a kiss against your stomach, his hand sliding over it. “I can’t wait to hold you little one. Your big sister is already so good with her baby dolls.” 

You pushed your fingers through Javi’s hair, “Only because you’ve been so good at teaching her how to handle them.” You smiled adoringly down at him. “I can’t wait to see how overboard you get.” 

“ _Me_?”

You laughed, “Tell our baby how _insane_ you’re going to be.” You nudged his leg with your foot. “I can’t wait.” 

“Me neither.” Javier drawled out, pressing another kiss to your stomach before he sank back in his seat. He dragged a hand over his face, before sweeping it through his hair. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a father again.” 

“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” You chewed on your bottom lip as you stared at him. “I still feel like I’m dreaming.”

“Nah, I’m definitely the one dreaming, baby.” He folded his hands against his chest as his gaze wandered over you. “I’m probably asleep in the back of the car on a stake out in fucking Bucaramanga.”

“ _Probably_.” You smirked, “But fear not I’m probably five seconds away from waking you up.” He nudged his knee with your foot. “By the time this one comes we’ll have been together for almost five years.” 

“Fuck.” He rubbed at his eyes, “ _Ten years_.” 

“Yep.” You pursed your lips and chuckled. “It’s crazy. 

Javier grinned at you, “And you’re still the biggest pain in the ass.”

“You’re the one who is _literally_ in the dictionary under ‘jackass’.” You gave him a look. 

“You weren’t complaining about me being a _jackass_ the other day,” He countered, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “

“Who knew that was going to have to tie me over for the next few weeks.” You folded your arms across your chest and canted your head to the side. “Though they do say I might not get as sick with number two. I haven’t actually felt any morning sickness, whereas I was sick pretty soon after with Josie.” 

“At least you won’t have to do it alone this time.” Javier said quietly, leaning forward to rest his hands on your knees. 

You nodded slowly, covering his hands with yours. “What do you hope it is? Boy or girl?”

“A healthy baby.” He answered, squeezing your hands. “And a healthy mother.” Javier rolled his shoulders. “I can’t wait until you start showing.”

You groaned, “Such a man.” 

“Oh, fuck off.” He rolled his eyes and huffed, looking away. “I just…” Javier clenched his jaw and shook his head. “I wanna savor it.”

You leaned forward and ruffled your fingers through his hair, before pressing a kiss to his forehead, “So, _Professor_. What are your students missing out on today?”

Javier sat up a little straighter, “Boring shit about how congress will dick you over in favor of whatever shady deal they’ve got cooked up.”

“Oh,” You grinned. “They let you teach that?”

“If they’ve got a problem with it, they can bite my ass.” Javier ran his tongue along the front of his teeth. “Students are eating it up though. I’ve used a couple of the examples from Colombia as well as some of the shit that got out from Guadalajara. Fucking suits only out for themselves. They don’t give a shit how many people die, as long they’ve got a big fucking house.”

“I’ve decided what you’re going to be doing for me during the pregnancy.”

He arched a brow at you. “What?”

“I want you to teach me everything you’re teaching them because this,” You gestured to him. “is hot.”

“ _Really_?”

“You know, I had this really hot history professor when I was in college.” You mused, trying to contain your smirk. “Nearly convinced me to swap majors.” You met his eyes. “Do you have a lot of women in your class?”

Javier snorted, “Yeah. About seventy-five percent.” 

“Guess I’m going to have come visit you more often as things progress,” You pointed at your stomach. “To remind them you are _very_ taken.” You leaned over and grinned as he met you halfway with a kiss. 

He reached out and picked up the pendant that laid against your chest. You’d made sure to put it on as you left the house. It seemed right to wear something so special on such a momentous day. “Not that I think I have a problem with the co-eds, but… maybe I could wear a ring.” You started to protest, but he cut you off. “I’m not talking about getting married, because _fuck_ that.” He gave you a look. “Maybe something with our birthdates and the kids’ when this one comes.” 

“That sounds really nice.” You took his hand into yours, bringing it up so you could kiss his ring finger. “Christmas _is_ coming up. Maybe you’ll get lucky.” 

“I’m already the luckiest man alive.” 

“Yeah, you are.” You winked at him. 

But you were lucky too. 

It was hard to believe that nearly ten years ago you had taken the assignment in Colombia. You almost hadn’t gone. The department was underfunded there, the situation was fraught with risk, and the idea of being the only female agent had been a little daunting. But you’d taken it all in stride and abandoned your life in the states for Colombia. You hadn’t anticipated that the life you would find there would be the one you couldn’t live without. 

You interlaced your fingers with Javi’s. “Do you remember what you said?”

“Hmm?”

“My first day of work.”

Javier made a face, “I’m sure I said a lot of shit.” 

“You shook my hand and said, ‘ _You’ve got a good handshake, I guess we’ll keep you’_.”

“Well, I kept you. Didn’t I?” He teased.

You slid off the desk and moved to sit in his lap, leaning against his chest. “And to think, a weak handshake might have ruined everything.”

He curled his arm around your shoulders, cradling you to him. “Ten years.” He mused with a shake of his head, his fingers giving your shoulder three little squeezes. “Still feels like yesterday.” 

You tilted your head to press a kiss under his jaw. “You ready to go home, _Professor_?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, dragging his fingers through his hair as he sat up a little straighter. “You sure I can’t tell Steve?”

“ _Javier_.” 


	20. Take a Hike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader brings Lance to hang with Javier and Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set in 1988, Reader has been with the DEA for a year. This was originally supposed to be only Reader’s POV, but guess what? You get Javi’s too.

Your fingers curled around your bottle of beer, your thumb sweeping through the condensation that was dripping down the neck of it. Back in the states, you used to be really cautious about keeping work and your personal life separate. But here in Colombia, your work friends were your _only_ friends. 

At least _you_ considered them your friends. Steve definitely was, considering he and Connie had been kind enough to invite you over to dinner at least once a week. Javier… was a different story. He was difficult to read on the best days. He respected you — which was almost better than being confident that he was a friend. He saw you as a peer, where others at the DEA rarely did. 

But he had been weird the last few weeks. Kind of distant, not quite as cocky. Steve assured you he was just dealing with some shit, but it was hard not to take it personally when he was only _off_ with you.

“Hey sweetheart,” Lance said as he slid into the booth beside you. “Why the long face?”

You blinked, shaking yourself from your thoughts. “Just a long day.” You explained, taking a sip of your beer. “And the assholes are late.” 

“They didn’t strike me as the type to be on time.” He chuckled, draping his arms over your shoulders and you leaned into his side. Lance was a _great_ distraction — though you had a feeling he didn’t _realize_ he was a distraction. 

He had been working in coordination with the DEA for the past two months. He’d started flirting with you halfway through the first month and by the start of the second the two of you were dating. He was funny and sweet — a breath of fresh air in comparison to someone like Javier. Not that there was a comparison between the two. You weren’t sure why you even had compared them. 

“Steve’s usually better than this,” You said as you glanced at your watch, before taking a swig of your beer. “How was your day?”

He shrugged, loosening his tie. “Bureaucratic red tape, you know how it is.” 

Lance was a _good_ boyfriend. You’d had a decent number of shitty ones back in college and high school, but this one was one of the _good_ ones. A little boring, but he made up for it in other areas. He was tall and handsome and had blue eyes that reminded you of the ocean at the Santa Marta beach.

You sat up a little straighter when you spotted Steve and Javier strolling into the bar. Steve was saying something to Javier, but they were too far away from you to read their lips. He had his hand on Javier’s shoulder and he was quick to shrug it off — clearly pissed off by whatever Murphy had said to him. 

Javier’s eyes found yours across the room and you felt yourself shrink under his gaze. Steve caught him by the arm again and steered him towards the bar to get a drink. 

“Tweedledee and Tweedledum have arrived.” You remarked, taking a pull from your bottle, before setting it aside. The knot of anxiety had returned tenfold and even the gentle way that Lance played with your hair didn’t help it subside. 

“Sorry for the delay, we got caught up in some shit.” Steve explained as he slid into the booth across from you. “How are you doing, man?” He questioned, shaking Lance’s hand across the table. 

“Good. _Good_. Looking forward to the weekend.” Lance explained, taking a drink of his beer. “We’re planning on going up to Quebrada La Vieja. You and Connie have any plans?”

Steve thought for a second and shook his head, “Nah. I’ll see if she’s up for a hike.” 

“That would be nice.” You smiled, taking another drink of beer as your eyes flickered towards the bar. Javier had his back turned to the table, but even from his posture, you could tell he was in a real bitch of a mood. “What the hell happened?” You blurted out, looking back at Steve. 

He shrugged, leaning back. “It’s not worth rehashing.” Steve turned his attention back to Lance. “You a dog man or a cat man?”

Lance laughed, “Cat.” 

“ _Really_?” You turned to look at him. 

“They’re self-sufficient.” He explained. “Dogs need too much work.” 

Javier sat his beer bottle down on the table with unnecessary force, before he slid into the booth beside Steve. “What are we talking about?”

“Lance is a cat man.” You quipped, smirking as you took a swig of beer. 

He gave Lance a once over, “Yeah I see that.” His brows furrowed together as he looked towards you briefly with a short shake of his head. “So Lance, you and your other suits have any luck this week? Heard you had a big intelligence sting.”

Lance draped his arm over your shoulders again and you leaned into his side. “No luck. Fell apart before we could get boots on the ground. Some of the players involved have deep roots, so we have to tread lightly.” He brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip. “Do you hike, Peña?”

Steve was quick to answer for him, “Javi’s idea of a relaxing weekend is definitely not _hiking_.”

Javier shrugged, his eyes flickering towards you again as he took a drink. “I’ve got plans. If that’s what you’re getting at.” He settled Lance with a look. “Who the _fuck_ stands outside in this heat and thinks ‘ _let’s hike_ ’.” He shook his head, lips drawn into a thin line. 

Lance chuckled, seemingly unphased by the dark cloud hanging over Javier. “I’d rather be outside hiking, instead of cooped up inside with an overworked air conditioner.” He gave you a nudge, “You want another beer?”

You glanced down at your bottle and nodded your head, “That would be nice,” You smiled at him, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” 

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” He grabbed your empty bottle and his own and slid out of the booth. 

“Javier, are you okay?” You questioned, taking Lance’s absence as an opportunity to figure out what your partner’s problem was. You only hoped it resolved itself over the weekend because Monday was going to be _hell_ otherwise. 

“Do I seem like I’m not okay?”

“If you had other plans, you didn’t have to come tonight.” You told him with an edge to your voice. “I know this is a standing thing, but…” You folded your arms across your chest. “Go get laid and see if the stick up your ass falls out.”

“Fuck you,” He gritted out, snatching up his bottle and sliding out of the booth. “I’ll be back.” Javier told Steve, his eyes lingered on you for a split second before he was walking away from the table

“What the actual _fuck_?” You questioned as you looked at Steve, an incredulous laugh escaping you. “Is there something I should know? He has been in a rotten mood for weeks now and it’s really starting to piss me off.”

Steve shrugged. “It’ll blow over.” He tapped his fingers against the top of the table. “The hike sounds fun though. Connie’s off this weekend and I’m sure she’d like to get out of the house.” He nodded his head in the direction of Lance, “You happy?”

“He’s great.” You answered, a little too quickly. “A little… _boring_.” You admitted with a laugh. “But at least he’s not an asshole like some people.” 

“He’s just dealing with some shit.” Steve clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. 

“Clearly.” You glanced towards the bar, watching as Lance conversed with the bartender, but your gaze was pulled towards Javier as he headed back towards the booth. His eyes were on you once again, lips drawn into a paper-thin line. Your heart clenched as you held his gaze, wondering if you had somehow pissed him off. But he was being weird with Steve too. Or at least you’d assumed as much given the words they’d had when they got to the bar. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You started as he sat down. You wanted to apologize, but there was nothing to apologize _for_. You hadn’t done anything. You lowered your gaze to the table, studying the grain as you scraped your nail against it. “Are you looking forward to the stakeout Tuesday night?” You questioned. “You’ll never guess what I managed to track down.” 

“What?” He questioned with a whisper of a smile on his lips, the scowl fading from his features. 

You grinned at him, “Sour Cream and Onion chips.”

“You’re _shitting_ me!” Javier matched your grin with one of his own, though it was gone the moment Lance sat back down beside you and all traces of that smile vanished without a trace. But he still knocked his knuckles against the table and offered you a quiet, “ _Thanks_.”

You took the bottle from Lance, taking a sip of the beer. Maybe he didn’t like Lance. Maybe _that_ was the issue. You couldn’t exactly blame him. With the CIA breathing down the agency’s neck — things had been a bit bullshit. But still, the hostility took you by surprise.

Javier was typically a difficult person, but you were rarely on the receiving end of his coldness. 

Maybe it was just because you were dating Lance now and you weren’t just ‘ _one of the guys_ ’ anymore. Whatever it was, you hated it.

Maybe you could track down another bag of chips before Tuesday. Endearing yourself with food always worked with Javi. 

* * *

“When are you going to knock this shit off, Javi?” Steve questioned, catching him by the arm just short of the door. “It’s not fair to her.”

“He’s fucking CIA.” Javier seethed, jerking his arm out of Steve’s grasp. “We’ve already got Messina breathing down our necks. Now she’s got one of the CIA suits in her bed.”

“Don’t you fucking _dare_ go in there saying this shit, Javier.” Steve snapped, keeping him from getting any closer to the door. 

“I wasn’t going to.” He said defeatedly, rolling his shoulders as he fixed him with a look. “Thought you knew me better than that.”

“With your current attitude? I don’t know.” Steve admitted, tucking his hands into his jacket pocket. “You can’t control her, Jav. She’s free to do whatever she pleases. _Who_ —“

Javier had had enough of this conversation. He shouldered past Steve and pulled the door open, stepping inside. Steve grabbed him by the shoulder again. “Knock it off, Murphy.”

“Just go easy on her.” Steve warned him. “Lance seems like a decent guy. Hell, maybe she’ll get the CIA off of our asses.”

Somehow that made it worse. He wrenched his shoulder out of Murphy’s grasp, eyes flickering around the bar until they settled on her. The same seat they’d called their own for the past year. A couple days a week the three of them would drown the day’s troubles away with cheap beer and good laughs. 

Now fucking Lance Collier was sitting in his seat. 

He started forward, but Steve grabbed him again. “Let’s get a beer.” He urged and Javier didn’t protest. Maybe a drink _would_ soften the blow. The blow. Like this was that deep under his skin. 

He just didn’t like Lance. He didn’t like that _he_ was who she’d chosen. It didn’t make any fucking sense. 

When had she ever seemed interested in high and tights? None of it made any sense. Then again nothing made sense anymore, where she was involved.

He dragged a hand over his face as he leaned against the bar. He wished he hadn’t come. But he hadn’t wanted to disappoint her. Javier was sure he’d somehow he’d find a different way to.

“I’m gonna over to the table.” Steve told him, before he was left alone at the bar to wait on the drinks. He wanted to look back — to try to figure out _what_ she saw in him. But he could feel her eyes on him. 

Steve had a point. If he kept acting like an ass about this, he was going to lose her as a friend. He actually valued her friendship — more than even Murphy’s. Not that they were friends. She certainly didn’t judge him for his own endeavors, so why couldn’t he just get over the Lance thing?

Javier pushed his fingers through his hair with a sigh before he thanked the bartender for the drinks and headed to the table. He caught the tail end of the conversation — nothing of real importance, but he tried to act _included_. 

“What are we talking about?” He questioned, taking a swig of beer as he folded his arm atop the table.

“Lance is a cat man,” She remarked and he couldn’t help the little twinge of amusement. He knew her well enough to know she was judging her boyfriend for that answer. 

His eyes flickered towards Lance, wondering yet again how that dumbass had landed _her_. “Yeah, I see that.” Javier looked back at hers with an incredulous shake of his head. How could someone who loved dogs as much as she did end up with _him_? 

He wouldn’t get her. There was no way a stiff suit like Lance could appreciate her 

“So Lance, you and your other suits have any luck this week?” He had heard that it was an epic failure. Mostly because some suit like Lance hadn’t dotted the _i’s_. “Heard you had a big intelligence sting.”

Javier gripped his beer bottle tighter as he watched Lance drape his arm over her shoulder and his stomach twisted into knots when she settled into his side. He didn’t get it.

“No luck. Fell apart before we could get boots on the ground. Some of the players involved have deep roots, so we have to tread lightly.” He brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip. “Do you hike, Peña?”

_Oh, for fuck’s sake._ Javier could only think of one reason to take a hike and that was to get rid of a body. 

Steve didn’t give him a chance to answer, which was smart. Thinly veiled threats of murder never went over well in mixed company. “Javi’s idea of a relaxing weekend is definitely not _hiking_.” 

Javier shrugged his shoulders as his gaze flickered towards her, his eyes meeting hers as he took a drink. He couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. “I’ve got plans. If that’s what you’re getting at.” He narrowed his eyes as he glared at Lance, “Who the _fuck_ stands outside in this heat and thinks ‘ _let’s hike_ ’?”

Lance let out a good-natured chuckle, “I’d rather be outside hiking, instead of cooped up inside with an overworked air conditioner.” He turned towards her, “You want another beer?”

“That would be nice.” She smiled and kissed him and Javier forced himself to look away. He couldn’t figure out why the fuck this bothered him so goddamn much. He just _hated_ it. She deserved better than some jackass like Lance. 

He didn’t even seem like the type who would get her off-color jokes. How was he not driving her mad? 

“Javier, are you okay?” 

He stared back at her, brows furrowed. “Do I seem like I’m _not_ okay?” He bit back and he caught the way Steve cleared his throat. 

“If you had other plans, you didn’t have to come tonight.” She matched his tone with ease, “I know this is a standing thing, but… Go get _laid_ and see if the stick up your ass falls out.”

Javier felt something snap within him and he briefly considered sending his beer bottle careening across the bar. But he thought better of it. Opting to hurl words instead of bottles. Something his father had taught him once — don’t make messes you don’t want to clean up while you’re pissed. 

“Fuck you,” 

His gaze turned towards the bar, watching the back of Lance’s head before he decided what he was going to do. “I’ll be back.” Javier told Steve before he left the booth before he could stop him. 

Javier headed for the bar. It was stupid. Real fucking stupid. He shooed away a patron so he could settle into the spot beside Lance. Leaning against the bar he sighed heavily. “Do you realize what you have?”

Lance turned to stare at him, “What?”

“With her.” He jerked his head back towards the table. “I don’t like you”

“Yeah, I figured that one out.”

“But _she_ likes you. So I’m gonna tolerate you.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “She’s one of the good ones. A better agent than she’ll ever be recognized for. If you screw her over—“

“I’m not that kind of guy.” And the worst part was that Javier _knew_ he wasn’t. 

“Not that she needs _anyone_ , but you better fucking take care of her.” He warned him. “If you hurt her…” Javier shook his head slowly. 

Lance stared back at him, flinching when Javier clapped him on the shoulder. 

“Good talk.” He quipped, before he turned and headed back for the table. Of course she was staring at him — not at Lance. He caught her gaze the second he turned and he hated the way it made his heart clench. Why the fuck had she gotten under his skin?

“ _Javi_ ,” She started as he slid back into the booth. Her lips moved like she was trying to find her words and he found his gaze lingering on them for too long. “Are you looking forward to the stakeout Tuesday night?” 

Javier shrugged. 

“You’ll never guess what I managed to track down.” 

“ _What_?” He questioned, a smile playing over his lips as he watched the flicker of joy in her eyes. Work was a safe topic, work didn’t make him feel like his skin was crawling. 

She beamed at him, “Sour Cream and Onion chips.”

_ Fuck.  _

How the hell had she remembered that? Half a year ago he’d mourned the lack of good junk food available for stakeouts. An off-handed comment about Sour Cream and Onion chips and she had _fucking_ remembered.

Lance didn’t deserve her. 

“You’re _shitting_ me!” Javier’s heart pounded in his chest as he smiled back at her. He missed this — the easiness. But it was a short-lived moment. 

Lance returned, as if he’d sensed what was happening. 

Javier looked back towards her, holding onto the fleeting seconds of her smile. It was gone, much like his own. He knocked his knuckles against the table and offered her a faint “ _Thanks_.” He wished he could’ve said more.

But Steve was there and none of it deserved to be said. 

Javier knew the only way to get past this was to forget whatever stupid thought he’d had. She was his partner, his friend. Would it help to go to the brothel? To get lost in someone that vaguely reminded him of _her_. To work whatever this was out of his system before he ruined everything.

He respected her too much. 

As much as it pained him to think it — she actually _did_ deserve someone like Lance. Someone that would treat her right and be there for her. He could only be that person during working hours. And even then, he knew he was shit.

Why did it have to be _her_? 

Of all the women that passed through his life, it just had to be the one that was too good for him. The one that challenged him, laughed with him, the one he trusted. 

The one that used to rest her head on his shoulder just like she was doing with Lance, making snarky comments as Steve bored them to death with some trivial story about Connie or when he was in Miami. 

That used to be _his_ seat. As a friend. As a partner. Nothing more.


	21. Secret Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier is not very good at keeping secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, just fluff!

“You’re in a good mood today,” Javier remarked as he loosened his tie and moved to greet you at the stove. He rested his hand against your still-flat stomach, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. 

You _were_ in a good mood — mostly because it was mid-December and you hadn’t experienced any of the horrific nausea you had with Josie. The smell of tamales cooking didn’t even make you grimace like it used to when you were pregnant before. 

But you were also in a good mood, just so you could lull Javier into a false sense of security, because you had _words_ to have with him.

“I got a nap in mid-day and I kept down everything I ate.” You told him as you pulled the tamales out of the stockpot, laying them out on the towel by the stove. 

You had even made one of his _favorite_ dishes. 

“Can I help?” Javier questioned, resting his hands on your shoulders and giving them three little squeezes. 

“Can you get the applesauce out of the fridge for her?” You questioned, peeling each tamales out of the corn husk. You had finally perfected your recipe, the masa pulled away from the husk just perfectly. 

“You don’t think she’ll want to try the tamales?” Javi questioned as he grabbed the applesauce for you. As you walked away from the stove, he grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the pan of chicken nuggets out. 

“If the option is between tamales and chicken, which do you think she’s going to want?”

“We should’ve bought stock in chicken.” Javier rolled his eyes and shook his head, moving to grab a plate to fix for Josie. 

He must’ve known you were annoyed with him because he was being _too_ helpful. Sure, he pulled his weight around the condo, but he was being too pointed about it tonight. 

“How was work?”

“Good.” Javier answered, picking up a piece of masa that was stuck to a husk and popping it into his mouth. “I’ve got a mountain of papers to grade this weekend. Remind me again why I assigned an 8-page paper to a class of sixty.”

“I can help.” You offered with an easy smile. “I happen to know a thing or two about the subject.”

“You’d do that for me, baby?” You nodded as he gave your ass a playful swat, “I’m gonna get the kid.” He pressed a quick kiss to your temple, before vanishing down the hallway.

He knew exactly what he’d done, but he was _definitely_ going to make you bring it up. _Bastard._

Josie broke her daddy’s heart by refusing to even try the tamales. She was far more content with applesauce and chicken nuggets, despite Javi’s repeated attempts to lure her into trying a tamale. Every time she’d turn her nose up and tell him that he was being silly. 

You waited until Javier had gotten Josie to sleep and you were both comfortably curled up on the sofa watching a rerun of _NYPD Blue_ to finally spring your annoyance onto him. 

“ _Javi_.” You said quietly, turning to look at him.

“Yeah, baby?” He questioned as he curled his arm around your waist and stroked his hand over your stomach. 

“I know what you did.”

Javier blinked. “What?”

“You told Steve.”

“Now, wait a minute—“

“I told you we were going to _wait_.” You widened your eyes dramatically at him. 

Javier dragged his hand over his face and sighed. “I fucking knew this was coming. You were being too sweet.”

“I’m _always_ sweet.”

“As sweet as a lemon.” Javier countered and gave you a look. “In my defense he _guessed_.”

“Did he?”

“He did.” He tilted his head forward to rest against your shoulder. “I told him not to tell anyone.”

“He told Connie.” 

“For fuck’s sake.” Javier sighed, “And they wonder why we told _no one_ about Joise.” He pulled you into his side, “I’m sorry baby. I really am.”

“I’m just scared.” You admitted, covering his hand with your own as he smoothed his fingers over your stomach. “I _want_ to tell everyone, but I want to be in the clear.” 

He kissed the top of your head and sighed, “I know.” Javier shifted back so he could look at you. “I really didn’t mean to let it slip out,” He rocked his jaw. “He asked how things were going. They knew we were trying. My fucking face betrayed me.”

You reached up and cupped his cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. You traced your thumb along the curve of his jaw, where scruff was starting to grow in, “You _also_ told the Dean of Sociology.”

Javier groaned, “He wanted to know why I cancelled class. How the fuck—“

“He sent a congratulations card.” You told him, lifting his arm so you could get off the sofa. You had tucked the card into the _TV Guide_ by the television. You pulled it out, brandishing it like evidence. “I can’t even be mad. But _who_ else have you told?”

Javier rubbed the back of his neck and sank back on the sofa. “Steve, the Dean, the barista on campus, some science professor at a meeting, my class…”

“ _Javi_!”

“I’m _excited_!” He laughed, grinning at you. “Do you see now how hard it was for me with Josie?”

“I’m truly shocked you’ve _ever_ kept a secret.” You quipped as you shook your head. “I just don’t want to jinx this.” You rested your hand on your stomach, brows furrowed. “Everything’s going so well so far and I just worry that something will go wrong.” 

“Maybe we’ve just lucked out.” Javier patted the sofa beside him, “Maybe after all the struggle with Josie we get to just _enjoy_ a nice smooth pregnancy.” 

You settled back down beside him, stretching your feet out in front of you and resting them on the coffee table. 

Javier reached over and peeled the hem of your shirt up, resting his hand against your bare skin. “I think you’re starting to show, just a little.” He stated as he stared at your stomach. It was a faint change, the subtlest curve. 

“They’re about the size of a kidney bean,” You told him, resting your hand over his. “It’s so different this time.” 

“It is,” Javier drew soft circles with his fingers as he shifted closer to you. “I’m sorry I told people.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’m just so _fucking_ excited.” 

“I know you are.” You smiled at him, turning your face so you could kiss him, your lips brushing against his. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He bumped his nose against yours, before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your stomach. “And I love you, little bean.” 

You laughed, pushing your fingers through his hair as he showered your stomach with kisses. “Is that what we’re going to call them?”

“You said they’re the size of a kidney bean.” He pointed out, sitting back against the sofa. “I think _little bean_ is a good nickname.” 

“Your daddy wants to call you _little legume_.” You teased as you rested your hand on your stomach, grinning at Javier.

“Mommy?”

_Shit_.

You pulled your shirt down and sat up straight, “Hey babydoll, what’s wrong?”

“I had a nightmare.” Josie pouted as she climbed over the side of the sofa and Javier was quick to sweep her into his arms before she had the chance to climb over your stomach. 

“C’mere _princessa_.” Javier pressed a kiss to the top of her curly head, pulling her into his chest. “You want to stay out here with us?” He questioned, giving you a look over the top of her head. 

“Do you want some hot chocolate, sweetie?” You questioned, reaching over to give her little hand a squeeze. “It’ll chase all your bad dream monsters away.”

Josie nodded and smiled at you, before she quietly spoke. “Mommy, do you have a baby in your tummy?” 

You had wanted to wait — just a _little_ longer — to have this conversation with her. After all the months of trying, you were so hesitant to get attached to this. Just in case. But she had heard you and Javier talking clearly, and you weren’t a fan of lying to her. 

“Well,” You swallowed thickly and met Javier’s eyes, “Yes, sweetheart. There is a baby in my tummy.” Your hand went to your stomach and you sighed softly. “But it’s _really_ tiny right now.” 

“But it’s growing?” She questioned, curling her hand around Javier’s fingers as she leaned against his chest. 

Javier rested his chin on the top of her head. “It _is_ , sweetheart. You might get to become a big sister for your birthday next year.” 

“Wow!” She pulled away from Javier and moved towards you. “Hot chocolate, mama?”

You laughed, leaning over to kiss her forehead. “Of course.” You gave Javier a look as you started to get up. 

“You’ve gotta love where her priorities are.” 

“Well, she is _your_ daughter.” You quipped with a chuckle. “You’re pretty motivated by food yourself.” You had learned that about him pretty early on. “I guess we can start telling people.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You nodded as you moved around the kitchen to fix her hot chocolate. “I’m sure Lisa and Tripp would like to hear that we’ve had success.” You sprinkled a little cinnamon into the hot cocoa mix, before you poured the warm milk into the sippy cup. “But let’s avoid Tracy and Jeff for as long as possible.”

“I might’ve already casually mentioned it to Tripp.”

“ _Javier_!” You turned around and stared at him as he peaked over the back of the sofa. “You are a terrible secret keeper!” You laughed, shaking your head. “How did you ever keep your mouth shut with _her_?”

“A man can be easily motivated by the fear of losing the woman he loves.” Javier answered and your heart clenched. With each passing year it was getting harder to remember just how difficult things had been back then. The delicate balance of feigning disinterest and keeping distance. The way you lived for moments where your hands brushed while exchanging files or you rode the elevator with him. You took for granted the fact that he was in your bed every night now, forgetting the days you’d lay awake wishing he’d be there beside you. That he’d been there the first time Josie kicked. 

“You wouldn’t have lost me, Javi. I probably would’ve been pissed for a minute, but… I love you and I have for a long time.” You told him as you walked back over to the sofa to give Josie her sippy cup of hot chocolate. “You are _so_ sleepy, aren’t you?” 

Josie pursed her lips and nodded dramatically as she took the cup from you and sank back against Javi as she sipped at it. “I stay up with you?”

Javier’s brows rose upwards, looking to you for the answer. You knew his answer would be that she could stay up and do whatever she wanted. But her sleepy little pout was just as hard to say no to for you as it was for him.

“Of course, sweetheart. But how about we go to bed?” You smiled at her. “The big bed is much more comfortable.” 

Josie clung to Javier as he picked her up and carried her back to your bedroom. You shut off the TV and turned off the lights before following after them. 

“Let’s not spill that in bed, princessa” Javier warned her as she tossed her sippy cup aside and he carefully sat it on the bedside table. She flopped back onto the bed, right in the middle — wiggling around like a little girl who was fighting off sleep. 

You pulled back the covers and laid down on your side of the bed, laughing as Josie did a full roll so she could get closer to you. “Hi, baby.” You laughed, pushing her hair off her face as she giggled. “You’re being silly, aren’t you?”

“No! You’re silly!” She reached up and tickled your chin. Josie squinted, scrunching up her little face as she sat up and peered at the underside of your jaw. 

“What are you doing, Josie?” Javier questioned as he rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. 

“Looking for butter.”

You laughed, “Butter?”

Josie nodded emphatically. “You don’t like butter.”

“Baby, she’s talking about the buttercups.” 

“Oh!” You caught Josie’s hand and kissed her palms. “You were so little then.” 

She giggled, poking at your face. “Does daddy like butter?” She questioned.

“We’re not going to be able to know until we find us some buttercups.” You told her, grinning at Javier. “We can go to the park tomorrow and look for some.” Even though you knew there weren’t any in bloom right now, she’d atleast enjoy the promise of an adventure. “Think you can spare an hour or two from grading, Professor?”

Javi rolled his eyes. “For my girls? _Always_.” 

You gestured to your stomach, “Hey, this one might not be a girl.”

Javier snorted, shaking his head. “For my _family_ then.” 


	22. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Bathroom sex, miscommunication, angst, some casual internalized slut shaming, just internalized shaming in general, the pain is still with me a solid day after writing this)

“Do you think they’ll miss us?” You questioned, leaning your cheek against Javier’s shoulder as you stared at the door, watching it swing as Steve and Connie vanished through it.

“You know Murphy’s a sap.” Javier chuckled and his shoulder shook a little with the effort. “They’ll trade us in for a new bunch of assholes and forget our names.”

“Who am I going to have dinner with now?” You sighed and grabbed your bottle, bringing it to your lips. “Five years of home-cooked meals.”

He tilted his head to look at you, “I’m not half bad.”

“I’ve seen your kitchen.” You said dryly, rolling your eyes. “Go get more beer.” You told him, nudging him in the ribs.

“Alright. _Alright_.” He grabbed your empty bottle from you, his fingertips lightly grazing yours, before he headed towards the bar.

You stared down at your fingers where he’d briefly touched you, your pulse pounding in your ears. You touched Javier all the time and yet, tonight you kept thinking about how much you wanted him to _touch_ you. Maybe you were mourning the loss of a partner, the loss of friends — or maybe you’d realized that you wanted more out of what you had with Javier. Before you lost him too. 

Why not burn it all to the ground in an act of spite? Escobar was dead. The Murphys were gone. You wanted your partner to fuck you. Just the mere thought made you squirm a little in your seat.

The issue was who your partner happened to be. Javier Peña — the man who frequented brothels, hit on any pair of tits, and had fucked his way through half of Bogotá. Did you really want to become another notch in his bedpost.

Everything else was falling apart. Why not destroy the rest in the process? 

Javier had also been your best friend for the past five years. He was rough around the edges, but he got you. His asshole tendencies hadn’t run you away yet. _But sleeping with him would_.

You knew how he operated. He didn’t _see_ the women he fucked again, which would definitely make work on Monday a living nightmare. But you’d had just enough beer to consider it a good idea. A _really_ good idea.

Javier slid back into the booth beside you, sitting both beer bottles on the table. “There you go, _baby_.” He drawled out, his hand curling around your leg beneath the table. He’d touched you like that a hundred times, but this time it lingered. His hand remained, even after he picked up his beer with his other hand and took a swig.

You stared at him, chest tight as you considered the implication. He had matched you drink-for-drink all night. He was as far gone as you were. “ _Thanks_.” You whispered, barely trusting your voice. 

Javier was staring at your lips, you were certain of it. You had seen that look before — you knew how he was when he was trying to draw someone in. But this time, you were the target of his attention. 

You shifted beside him, shuffling closer to him. Your leg pressed against his and his hand remained there, drawing patterns into your jeans. Was that what he did with everyone? Some little gesture to make your blood burn hotter?

It was actually _really_ fucking annoying and it made your leg twitch in response. Instead of pulling away, he held your gaze and let his fingers slide over your inner thigh.

_ This was happening.  _

“Javi.” You whispered, tilting your face towards his until you felt the brush of his breath against your mouth. “I’m _sad_ , do you think you can help with that?” God, he was _so_ close. So close you could lean closer and kiss him if you wanted to.

And you wanted to. 

“I bet I know a surefire way to make both of us very _happy_.” Javier flashed you a charming grin, his hand sliding higher. 

“You’re such a bastard.” You laughed softly, your legs parting beneath the table as his fingers moved to press against the seam of your pants. “ _Fuck_.”

There was no coming back from this. 

How would he treat you after this? You weren’t a one night stand he could just forget. He knew your name, he knew your weaknesses, he knew how you took your coffee, and your favorite book. 

And you knew the same. You knew him. He couldn’t become a man whose number you never called again. Whose name you filed away.

Javier Peña was an immovable part of your life.

You tried to maintain your composure as you brought your beer bottle to your lips, suppressing the sounds that wanted to escape you as he kept the pressure right on your clit through your jeans. The seam was pressed right against it and every time he rolled his finger over it you—

“ _Shhh_.” Javier smirked as you moaned softly. 

“Then _kiss_ me.” You hissed out, leaning towards him. He met you halfway with a kiss that robbed you of oxygen. His mouth slanted hungrily over yours, like he’d been waiting for this. Like you had been waiting for this. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, sliding them up into his hair. You moaned into his mouth as he drummed his finger against the seam again. This son of a bastard. 

He was too good. 

You let your hand slide from the back of his neck, back around to trail over the exposed skin thanks to his unbuttoned shirt. How many times had you thought about this? About kissing Javier.

Late nights during stakeouts when you’d kick back your seats as far as they’d go and talk about life back in the states. About college. About how many times you’d pulled something off with the DEA and a man got credit for it. For all the shit Javier did, he never put up with that. Not for a minute.

How many times had his passionate rants made you want to lean across the console and kiss him like a madwoman?

“Javi.” You breathed out as you drew back from the kiss, keeping close to him. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“So do I.” He grinned, dragging his hand away from you. 

You both took another sip of beer before you abandoned the booth in favour of the dark and dank bathroom at the back of the bar. You had no idea how you both managed to win the fight with each other’s zippers, but you were victorious.

Javier pressed you back against the wall, his hand curled around your hip as he kissed you. The man knew how to kiss, how to sweep his tongue over yours. How to make you forget everything that wasn’t him.

Javier dragged your underwear down your thighs until they caught on your jeans at your knees. His fingers slid between your thighs and he groaned against your lips as he found you slick and wanting. “That all for me?”

“Fuck you, Javi.” You groaned out as he pressed a finger into you and you sank back against the wall. He hadn’t been wrong — this made you _very_ happy. How many stupid dreams had you woken up from that were like this? Javier and his mouth, his fingers, his cock.

Who could blame you for lusting over him? He was everything you wanted and couldn’t have. Except you could. You could have him right there.

Javier worked his finger in and out of you, mouth trailing kisses along your throat and jaw. He moved swiftly, ushering you towards the mirror so you could watch. So you could grip at the counter and stare into your own eyes as he slid into you. 

Your back arched as his cock sank into you, “ _Yes_!” You gasped out, grinding back into him as he stayed perfectly still within you — the length of him stretching you just right. “Fuck, Javi—“

You caught his gaze in the reflection of the mirror, watched as he brushed your hair aside and pressed a soft kiss to the neck of your neck. His hands wandered along your sides, grasping at your breasts, holding you steady as he started to move. 

You had expected hard and fast, yet Javier was _slowly_ pressing into you. Taking his time to bury the full length of his cock within you, before pulling out. Repeating the motion again and again until he found a rhythm. You tried to spur him on, to clench your inner walls around him — but he fucked into you at the same leisurely pace. Like he was savoring every second. 

His hand snaked down to where you were joined, rubbing tight circles over your clit until he had you panting for more. You could feel your desire starting to build, the deep throb of a release threatening to overtake you. 

You reached back behind you, grabbing at the back of his neck as you turned your face as much as you could. Javier took the hint, lips claiming yours as he pushed you over the edge. You clenched tightly around him, your cunt pulsing as pleasure coursed through your veins. 

Javier started to pull out of you, but you weren’t ready to lose the sensation. “Need you.” You panted out. “Don’t stop.”

He grunted out something that sounded like your name against the flat of your shoulder. Javier’s cock slipped out of you, but before he gave you the opportunity to complain he’d turned you around and lifted you up onto the edge of the counter.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him as he pressed back into you. You trembled, inner walls fluttering around the solid length of him. Your back arched and you rocked against him, rolling your hips until you felt his pace falter. Your name was on his tongue again as he came apart, buried within you and spilling into you. 

“Birth control.” You promised him as you leaned forward and pressed your forehead against his shoulder. “ _Fuck_.”

Javier curled his arm around you, keeping you cradled to him as he rolled his hips until every second of pleasure had been drawn out of both of you. “You feel so good.” He mumbled, pressing a lazy kiss to your clothed shoulder. 

A bubble of laughter escaped you, “I didn’t take you for a cuddler.” You teased as he wrapped his arm around you tighter. “I’m _impressed_.”

His lips moved like he wanted to say something, but instead he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. He brushed your hair out of your face as he drew back and met your eyes. “Come back to mine?”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared back at him. “I—“ You swallowed thickly and nodded your head. “Sure.” At least he wasn’t pulling away and sending you out into the night alone. 

His apartment wasn’t new to you. You had dropped by for beer and pizza many times — but Steve had been there too. It was different when it was just you and Javier sitting on his sofa, drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey. 

Javier was more of a _toucher_ than you had anticipated. Which made your heart ache for a future where all of these tender touches and his warm embrace were _yours_ alone. But you knew better than that. You were both just sad, come Monday he’d become the asshole you accidentally fucked. 

He guided you back onto the sofa, draping himself over you as he kissed you. His mouth slanted over yours and his fingers played through your hair. You hooked a leg over his hips, pulling him down between your thighs. You could still feel him leaking out of you, but you wanted more. If this was all you ever got with him, you wanted it _all_. 

You tugged at the snap closures of his shirt, prying the fabric off his sweat-slick skin. You traced your fingers over the lines of the muscles on his back, nails lightly dragging over his skin. You could easily get lost in his kiss and the spike of lust it ignited within you.

Javier fucked you again right there on his sofa, your legs wrapped around his hips as he rolled into you again and _again_. He kissed you, fondled you, like he was savoring this. It made your heart hurt. Maybe he was savoring this too — because he knew as well as you did what Monday would bring. 

After another handful of whiskey shots, Javier easily convinced you to join him in his bed. He was sloppier this time, but so were you. Limbs weighed down by liquor and exhaustion, your body burning for more of him. More of what you had only for now. It physically pained you as he spooned you in the aftermath, an arm draped around your waist and his face pressed into the crook of your neck. 

If this was what he was like with the women he fucked, you didn’t blame anyone for falling hook line and sinker for him. You had expected him to be rough, to get what he wanted and move on… but he hadn’t and _that_ made it worse. Because there was a promise in the way he held you, one that would be broken. He whispered promises into your skin with every brush of his lips and every tender caress. 

He was drunk, you were drunk, and you were both pathetically sad about Murphy leaving. This didn’t mean anything — and it wasn’t fair that it felt like it was. Monday morning would be hell. You had been such a _fucking_ idiot. You should’ve gone home. Alone. 

How did you come back from this? What was the protocol? Because neither of you were big on seeing people again, but there was no way out of seeing each at work. You could probably avoid him for a week if you tried hard. They had bumped Daniel and Chris up to field agents and they needed training. At least it would put space between the two of you.

You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes. You had ruined everything. 

You were awake when the first traces of sunrise started to reveal itself through his bedroom window. You had been laying awake for an hour contemplating every mistake you had ever made. All of which were rooted in the foolish crush you’d harbored for him since the beginning.

He was your _co-work_. At least for now.

You carefully escaped his grasp, watching him as he grumbled and buried his face in his pillow as he fell back asleep. You tiptoed out of the bedroom, looking for the clothes you had discarded in the living room.

You needed a shower. You could still feel his lips on your skin and his come dried on your thighs. You had never expected to make a walk of shame from Javier’s place — and it _was_ a walk of shame. He was your _partner_! 

You had been an idiot. It was bad enough that you fucked him in the bathroom, but then to go home with him? To let him hold you as you both slept. To let yourself _feel_ something as he pressed soft kisses into your skin. You had only hurt yourself. 

Because he was just drunk and overly friendly — it meant nothing. Maybe it did for you, but it wasn’t like that for him. You were just a willing cunt for him to lose himself in. 

And the worst part was that you _really_ liked him. You had for a while now, even longer if you were truthful with yourself. He was easily your favorite person to spend time with and now… it would never be the same.

Would he hate you? Would he trade the tender kisses he’d given you for harsh words? You wouldn’t blame him. Honestly, you deserved it. 

You were a giant fucking hypocrite. 

You teased him over the nameless women he slept with and now — you were one of them. 


	23. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier visit the obstetrician.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Light descriptions of medical procedures related to pregnancy.

Javier was more anxious than the heavily pregnant women sitting around the waiting room. He hated waiting rooms and you couldn’t blame him. It had taken him awhile to talk to you about the day Josie was born — you hadn’t known that the hospital had separate waiting rooms, that they’d added insult to injury. Waiting rooms took him back to Colombia and with that came a lot of baggage he hadn’t fully unpacked yet. 

“Peña?” You hadn’t taken his name and you had no plans to at the moment — but the baby was. 

“That’s us.” You nudged Javier, taking his hand into yours. 

Everything in your life was under your own surname — your diploma, your certificates, and everything else. But you knew how much it ate him up inside that Josie hadn’t carried _his_ name until you moved back to the states. You didn’t want this pregnancy to carry the same trauma. 

Javier’s brows drew together as the nurse guided you down the hallway to the room. “Why—“

“Because I asked.” You told him, squeezing his hand tightly before you released it to sit down on the edge of the examination table. 

The nurse went through your medical records; checked your blood pressure and temperature, took blood for testing, all before leaving you to change into a gown. 

“You did all of this alone with Josie?” Javier questioned as he draped your clothes over the back of the chair he was sitting in, moving to help you with the closure of your gown.

You nodded slowly, “I’m glad you’re here this time.” You whispered, brushing your fingers over his cheek before stealing a quick kiss. “Maybe we’ll find out what we’re having today.”

“Are you far enough along for that?”

“I think so.” You smiled at him, stroking your hand over your belly before you resumed your position on the examination table. “When the doctor gets here, there’s a few other tests they’ll do.” You explained to him. “But then they’ll do the sonogram.”

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair and sank back into his seat. “Thank you.” He offered softly.

“Hmm?”

“For the little things.” His lips twitched upwards at the corners. You knew exactly what he was talking about. _Peña_. You wanted to make this easier for him this time around. To let him enjoy every little part of your pregnancy. 

You smiled at him, “You’re welcome.”

The doctor arrived shortly after, going over your chart with you and everything the nurse had written down. Your blood pressure was a little high, but the doctor wasn’t too concerned considering that you were at the doctor’s office. Despite having had no issues with Josie, the doctor recommended a transvaginal ultrasound, just to ensure that everything was in working order. Mostly because you had struggled to conceive this time around. Just to rule out potential complications.

Javier stood beside you, gripping at your hand as he watched the monitor. “Is that—“

“A very healthy little baby.” The doctor answered, readjusting the device within you until the monitor displayed the baby clearly. 

You watched Javier’s face, the way his bottom lip trembled as the doctor adjusted the settings and the soft and steady lub-dub of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. He sniffed, trying his best not to cry.

“First time father?” The doctor questioned, as she took a few notes. 

“No.” Javier shook his head. “I missed a lot with our first.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he stared at the monitor. “Is it too soon to find out what we’re having?” He looked at you, “You want to know?”

You nodded, looking towards the monitor then. 

“It’s a little early, we typically check at around twenty weeks.” She adjusted the ultrasound wand, trying to get a better picture on the monitor. “You’re right at around fifteen weeks. Let’s see what we can find out from a sonogram.” She withdrew the device. “Relax while I get it set up.”

Javier reached out and brushed a lock of hair off your forehead, fingers playing over your cheek. “That was… I feel like a fucking idiot calling it magical.”

You laughed, wiping at your eyes as you felt tears burning there. “Your face was everything.” You beckoned him closer for a kiss. “I think I fell a little more in love with you, Javi.” 

“How long have you two been together?” The doctor questioned as she flipped through your notes, before pulling the sonogram towards the bed, hooking up all the wires into the monitor. 

“We’ve known each other for ten years.” You offered, resting your hand on your stomach. “Our daughter will be five in May.” 

“How exciting.” She smiled at both of you. “Based on fetal size, it looks like you’ll be having another baby in May.” 

Javier chuckled, “It’s a good month.” He interlaced his fingers with yours, eyes drawn back to the monitor as the doctor smeared the jelly on your stomach and pressed the wand against your skin. The sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room again and his grip tightened on you. 

“Everything looks _very_ good for your baby. Healthy development.” She pointed at the monitor. “They’re a little shy.” 

“Look at their hand!” Javier’s eyes lit up and it was hard for you to look at the sonogram when he was beside you. You wondered if he would’ve been like this with Josie. There were so many wounded feelings back then, would it have tempered his enthusiasm? But despite the things that held you back, he had been all in from the start. 

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Peña, it looks like you’re having another little girl.” The doctor informed you, pointing to something on the monitor that indicated what you were having. You didn’t even mind that she had mistakenly considered the two of you married — it probably had to do with the ring he wore from Christmas. “Congratulations.” 

“Another little girl, baby.” Javier lifted your hand to his lips, kissing the back of your hand. 

“Your future is full of princess dresses, Javi.” You laughed, blinking back tears of joy. “Poor Steve!”

“You know he’ll just tell us to call her Stephanie.”

“No!” You snorted, shaking your head. 

The doctor cleaned your stomach off and left to give you privacy to change back into your clothes. “The nurse will give you the images on the way out.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” Javier told you as he helped you change.

You felt a faint blush spread over your cheeks under his praise. “What? For giving you another little girl to spoil?” 

Javier combed his fingers through his hair. “You’re stronger than anyone has ever given you credit for.” He sat back down in the chair, rubbing at the back of his neck. “You did all of this alone. And you never… you never complained.” 

“You did everything alone too.” You reminded him. 

“But I wasn’t the one carrying life in me.” He shrugged and laughed a little. “Baby, I’m just in awe of you.” 

“You’re going to make me cry.” You scolded him lightly, shaking your head as you sniffled. “Come on, let’s go. I promised Josie ice cream.”

“You promised yourself ice cream.” Javier laughed, dragging his hand over his mouth. “I think it’s finally set in that we’re having another kid.”

You gestured to your stomach, “You couldn’t tell?”

“You’re _pregnant_?” Javier feigned surprise and you groaned and rolled your eyes. 

“You’re such an asshole.” You smacked his arm as you walked down the hallway. “Why do I love you again?”

“I’m still trying to figure that one out.” Javier shrugged. “Why _do_ you?”

You thanked the nurse as you checked out and passed the sonogram pictures to Javier to hold onto. “I think it might have something to do with the fact that you’re an asshole, actually.” You took his hand into yours as you headed for the parking lot. “I think I might be a bit of a masochist.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “ _Really_?” He moved to open the passenger door for you, “I’m a little disappointed to find this out while you’re—”

“Still perfectly capable of kicking your ass?”

“That is _sadism_.” 

“Damn.” You grinned at him, “I knew it was an - _ism_.” 

“You think Josie’s going to be excited that she’s getting a baby sister?” 

You rested your hand on your stomach, smiling at Javi. “She _did_ ask Santa for a baby sister.” 

“She got everything she asked for.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

You reached across and stole his aviator’s off his shirt. “Lucky kid, a Buzz Lightyear action figure, a baby sister, _and_ a PlayStation that has suspiciously not been played by the kid yet.” You gave him a look over the aviators before you pushed them up the bridge of your nose. 

“Crash is a fun game.” Javier shrugged, reaching over to give your leg a squeeze. “Pretty sure someone else has been playing Tomb Raider… Who could that be?”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes, rubbing your hand over your stomach. “It’s relaxing.” You sank back against your seat and glanced out the window, your fingers idly playing with the necklace around your neck. “I want to name her after your mother.”

“ _Baby_ ,” He reached and gave your leg another squeeze. “What about your side? Josie’s already named for my abuela.” 

You rested your hand over his and turned to look at him with a warm smile, “You talk about her all the time with Josie.” You reminded him, swallowing around the lump in your throat. “I was already thinking about this _months_ ago, when the likelihood felt bleak. But I was really hoping we would have a girl.” You took his hand off your leg and rested it against your stomach, “Aside from not wanting a son named Steve, it just felt like the right thing. Sofía is a beautiful name.” 

Javier pulled the car up to a stoplight and turned to meet your eyes. “You never cease to amaze me.” 

You screwed your face up and brushed his hand away, laughing as you feigned disgust. “You’re being a sap. Is _this_ what I missed out on for three months?”

“You have no idea.” Javier shook his head, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. 

You watched him with a smirk quirking at the corners of your lips. “So when were you going to tell me about the glasses?”

“What?” Javier swallowed nervously.

“The glasses, _old man_.” You raised your brows. “You have dents in your nose that don’t fit your aviators.”

“You’re not allowed to be that observant.”

“It’s literally my job to be observant.” You snorted, clicking your tongue against your teeth twice. “ _So_.”

Javier huffed and shook his head. “They're for reading.” He glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes. “And I wasn’t keeping it a secret.”

“We’ve already established that you’re a _terrible_ secret keeper.” You teased, rubbing your hand over your stomach as you chuckled. “Are you going to let me see them?”

“They make me look old.”

“ _Javi_ , neither of us are getting any younger.” You reminded him, reaching out to give his shoulder three little squeezes. “Show me later?”

He worked his jaw slowly before sighing, “Sure.”

“Have your students seen you in them?”

“Maybe.” His brows drew together as he gave you a pointed look. “They’re just glasses, baby.”

“I know they are, but I’m a _little_ offended that you weren’t going to let me see them. And don’t argue, I’m pregnant. I’m allowed to be offended.” 

“I’m still impressed you figured out that I _had_ glasses.” Javier shook his head with a short laugh. 

“You’ve been squinting for the past six months.” You shrugged a shoulder. “And then there’s the dents on your nose.” You reached across the center console and brushed your thumb over one of the faint marks. Javi caught your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing your palm. 

“Are you watching me, _Mrs. Peña_?” Javier quipped as he put the car into park on the street outside of Steve and Connie’s townhome. 

“Don’t even.” You grinned at him. “I figured since Josie was almost one when she finally became _your_ daughter, that you’d appreciate it from the beginning this time.” 

“I did.” And given the look on his face, you had a feeling that acknowledgment ran even deeper for him. Joséfina and Sofía were both lucky little girls to have him as their father. After everything that went down in Colombia — this was the life you both deserved. 

Javier got out of the car first, walking around to open your door and help you out (even though you didn’t really _need_ help). “You know,” You started as you looked towards Javi with a slightly teasing grin, “Since it seems like this _thing_ between us is going to last…”

“Just now realizing that?” Javi gave your ass a playful swat, before he caught your hand. “What is it?”

“I _really_ like the idea of having our own yard.” You gestured to the front of the Murphy’s townhome. The sidewalk leading to the front door was covered his chalkart from Olivia, Emily and Josie. 

His brows rose upwards as he turned to look at you, “Before or after the baby comes?”

“We could start looking.” You shrugged a shoulder. “See if anything feels like home.”

Javier curled his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side. “You know where home is for me.” 

“Such a _sap._ ” You swatted his chest playfully. “I love you.” 

He pressed a kiss to your temple, his hand moving to your stomach. “I love you both.”


	24. Let it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier finally discuss everything between them from Colombia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: SO MUCH ANGST oh, and Smut (oral F receiving, unprotected sex)

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me?” You fumed as you sat down the file you had been reading, abandoning the sofa before you were tempted to flip the table over in your annoyance. 

“What’s wrong?” Javier questioned as he came back into the family room with two beers. “What is it baby?”   


You laughed bitterly and shook your head, “Look at the file.” You folded your arms across your chest and paced away from the sofa. “They just can’t let it go.”  


Javier’s brows furrowed as he sat down on the sofa and picked up the discarded file. You watched him as his eyes scanned over the page, “What am I looking at?”  


“The P.D. requested files from the DEA about Escobar’s ventures here.” You explained, your tone still dripping with venom. “They struck my name from every _fucking_ file.”   


“What?” Javier’s jaw rocked, his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek as he glared at the documents, shuffling through the other files sitting on the table. “I see Murphy and Peña everywhere in these files, but I don’t see—”

“Me.” You gritted your teeth. “Carefully omitted from a crucial part of DEA history.” You dragged your fingers through your hair, fingers curling into fists at your side. “Never underestimate the lengths that men will go to really prove what pieces of shit they are.” You gave him a look. “No offense. You’re not like them.” 

Javi rubbed at the back of his neck, shaking his head. “I don't get a free pass. I’ve done enough shit in my life that I don’t get one.” He gestured to the files. “But this is… what the _fuck_?” 

“I just love that _you_ are still there.” You pointed out, looking away then. “I mean goddamn, they could’ve just rewritten history and wiped our whole team off the mission.” You laughed again, “I mean at least they didn’t replace me with fucking _Chris_.” 

“Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” You shook your head. “They understand the situation at the P.D., it doesn’t fucking matter. It just… _five_ goddamn years.” You lowered your gaze, lips pursed together. “I’m gonna go make sure Josie didn’t get woken up.”

You couldn’t actually handle being there with Javier right then. You didn’t want to keep exploding and you felt like you were about to erupt with everything you’d kept a tight cork on. There was so much about Colombia that you wore like a scar. Maybe a festering wound that you kept patching up and hoping would just go away. 

But he had his own trauma and it seemed rotten to unload on him. 

Maybe he could’ve done more. Maybe he didn’t fight hard enough in the end when everyone found out. Maybe _you_ shouldn’t have forced him to keep it a secret.

But you hadn’t wanted to give up your career. You’d worked so hard to get there. In the end, your choice were causing everything you tried to protect to be erased.

Josie was out cold in her bed, her little fingers wrapped around the edge of her favorite blanket. You leaned against the doorframe, trying your best not to cry. 

She was worth it. _Wasn’t_ she?

There were so many things you wished you’d done differently. Your hindsight on Colombia kept you up at night sometimes. If you had come around to your feelings for Javier sooner — if it hadn’t been _that_ night. Josie might not be Josie. You might not even be with Javi. 

Everything worked out the way it was meant to. But then little things like the report came out and it made you hurt. You gave so much of yourself, only to have it all stripped away because you dared to have a child. And Javier was still _right there_! It wasn’t fucking fair.

“Can we talk?” Javier questioned as he lingered behind you in the hallway.

Your stomach dropped. _Talks_ were never a good sign. 

“Yeah.” You swallowed thickly and pulled Josie’s door closed, turning to face him. “I’m just stressed.”

“I know.”

You blinked slowly, eyes holding his gaze until he turned away. “I wasn’t blowing up about you.”

“I know.”

You followed him back into the family room, sinking down onto the sofa and tucking your legs beneath you. “You’re very…” You gestured to him. “I don’t know.”

“Neither do I.” Javier admitted as he picked up his beer and took a sip. “I honestly don’t know what to say, baby. It’s fucked up and you have every reason to be pissed off but,” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and looked away. “Do you…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Do you ever regret it?”

You shifted how you were sitting, bringing your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. “I don’t.” You told him honestly. “Sometimes I wonder… if things had been different.” You had just looked at your daughter and questioned whether you regretted _her_. 

You let out a frustrated sound and pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes. “Sometimes maybe I do. Regret isn’t the right word. I don’t regret either of you. I regret the situation… and the one I helped create.” You gestured to the files on the table. “They came down hardest because I lied. I sat in front of the ambassador and the director and I lied to them.”

“What _did_ you tell them?”

You bit down on your bottom lip until you tasted blood, your eyes fixed on his face. “They asked me if the baby was yours.” Swallowing thickly you looked away, your jaw clenched tight. “I told them no. I came up with some story… I met someone in a bar. I never saw them again. You know…” You laughed a little, nerves making your hands shake. “I should’ve told them, but… I just had this feeling that if they found out that it was you that they’d send me back to the states. Maybe they wouldn’t have.” You glanced back at him. “I was afraid that if I wasn’t there…” 

Javier stared at you and it was hard to read what he was thinking, “What?” 

“I thought if I wasn’t there, if I got sent back to the states…” You gestured between you. “That it would be too much work for you. I was wrong because staying was _considerably_ more work for you.”

“Yeah.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded in agreement. “I didn’t know they asked if it was me…”

You rubbed your lips together before you spoke, “It was three days after I told you and I didn’t… I didn’t know how to believe you were all in. I wanted to, God, I wanted to. But I just…” You rested your chin on your knees. “I was so afraid.” 

“So was I.” Javier said so quietly, you weren’t sure you were supposed to hear it. Your expression fell and he stared back at you. “You put me through hell, baby.” 

Thank _fuck_ , he was going to finally bring it up. You knew it was there, lurking under every conversation. Three years, it had sat there like the elephant in the room and _neither_ of you had touched it. 

“I know I did.” You told him, holding his gaze. “And we can’t ever move past it if we don’t discuss it. It hurts like hell, but we can’t fix this until we stop _fucking_ hiding everything.” You dragged your hands over your face. “It’s always going to weigh us down and—”

“I had no one.” Javier interrupted you, his face flushing red with the emotions he was _still_ holding back. “And I get it. Even better now that I know that they even _thought_ Josie was mine… but I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t call my pops, I didn’t have Steve…” He laughed bitterly. “I had you, which was worth it, but… There was _so_ much I couldn’t say to you.” 

“Then say it to me now.” 

“No, because none of it _matters_ now.” Javier raised his voice slightly, but caught himself. “You might have let me into your apartment and into your bed, but you kept me at an arm’s length for the rest of the time we spent in Colombia. And I couldn’t be mad at you because I was afraid of doing the wrong thing… and then you’d both be gone.” 

“Because I refused to let myself believe that you _wanted_ any of this.” You gestured around the condo. “We talked all the time and you never — _ever_ — expressed an interest in having a family or having even a fraction of this.”

“Well neither did you.” Javier pushed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head as he looked away. “I thought everything else was all I would ever get.” He confessed. “After the bullshit I pulled with Loraine, I just figured… ship had sailed. I didn’t want it anyways.” He gave an incredulous laugh. “And then you came along and…” 

“You were the best part of that move to Colombia. I was so nervous and _terrified_.” You shook your head. “That first week working with you and Murphy just felt right.” You smiled at him, “You felt right.” 

Javier rubbed at the bridge of his nose with a heavy exhale. “I don’t do this shit. You’re not a fucking therapist and Steve has already been burdened with this goddamn baggage, but… I hate the man I was in Colombia. I still have nightmares—”

“I know you do,” You reached out and he took your hand. “I never meant to isolate you. I was so afraid that I wasn’t going to lose you.” 

“You weren’t and you aren’t.” Javi told you with the faintest smile. “This wasn’t the life I ever pictured for myself, but it’s the only life I want now. But there is so much shit and resentment.” 

You swallowed thickly and nodded. “So much.” You laughed bitterly. “I’m sorry I left you.” You wiped away a stray tear. “I spend so much time thinking about that morning. How peaceful you looked, the way your arm felt around me.”

“You broke fucking heart. Didn’t even know I had one.” Javier squeezed your hand. “Why _did_ you leave?”

“Shame.” You questioned, turning to look at him. “Fear.” 

“Fear?”

You nodded slowly. “I thought I was going to be another stupid girl who fucked Javier Peña.” You stared at him, “And caught feels. You were so passionate and—”

“Because I _finally_ had you.”

“I know now.” You shook your head, half-embarrassed. “I didn’t then. I thought that was just what you did. I thought it was all false promises and… I couldn’t cope.”

Javier pulled you into his side and you willingly let him, “I should’ve said something.” 

“I should’ve too.” 

You curled your arm around his middle and sank into his side. “I love you, Javi.” 

“I love you too, baby.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “We need to… do this more often.” 

“Is there _more_?” You laughed and tilted your head to look at him, your brows furrowed together. 

Javier gave you a look, “I’m sure I can dredge up something.” 

“Oh God.” You rolled your eyes. “Can we please just go back to what dicks the DEA are?”

“That’s a whole different conversation.” Javier said with an edge to his voice, shaking his head. “I fucking hate them.” 

“Me too.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you stared at the TV. Whatever you’d been watching had transitioned into late night programming and David Letterman was running his mouth — a strange form of white noise as the background of your conversation with Javi. 

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

“This wasn’t a fight.”

“I know that, but I just mean… I don’t want this to become something we fight about.” You tilted your head to look at him. “You know?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, brushing his fingers over your cheek. Javier held your gaze for a moment, before he leaned in to kiss you. 

_Oh_. 

You curled your hand around the back of his neck as you leaned into the kiss, letting your mouth slant over his with a little more need. He met your need with his own, his tongue sweeping out over your bottom lip. Your lips parted, granting him entrance.

He used the arm he had wrapped around his waist to pull you onto his lap. You straddled him, resting your hands on his shoulders. “Is this—” You pulled back and inhaled shakily. “How we’re handling this?”

Javier arched a brow and shrugged a shoulder, “If you’re up for it.”

“Bed.” You told him, leaning in to steal another lingering kiss before you removed yourself from his lap. “I don’t want to fuck you with David Letterman in the background.”

Javier followed you into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him before he joined you on the bed. He laid on his back first, before turning onto his side to face you. “We still good?”

“Javi, we’ve been good.” You reached out to touch his cheek. “But at least we’ve addressed the elephant in the room.” You scooted closer and kissed him. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

He rested his hand on your hip as he pulled you closer. “Me too.” Javier brushed his nose against yours before he kissed you. 

You let his hair slide between your fingers and you groaned softly, hooking your leg over his hip in an attempt to get closer. 

He rolled you over, pinning you beneath him as he settled between your thighs. His sleep pants were thin and so were your shorts, the fabric leaving _nothing_ to be imagined. At least you weren’t the only who had _reacted_ to the situation.

“ _Javi_.” You begged quietly, fingernails digging into his skin through the soft cotton shirt he wore. You grabbed at it, dragging up and over his head. His mouth was on yours again a second later, teeth dragging over your bottom lip.

You hated that it had reached a fever pitch, but it had been a long time coming. You were both terrible at communicating with each other. You used to be better — even if you said a lot without saying anything. When you were just _friends_ it was easy to share what was on your mind, without risk of hurting the other person. But you never did share the most _important_ things. 

Javier sat back on his knees and peeled your shorts and underwear down your thighs. He tossed them aside, watching as you tugged your shirt off. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, baby.”

“Shut up.” You laughed, nudging his leg with your foot as you looked up at him, a faint blush spreading across your chest. Javier caught your foot, fingers curling around your ankle as he held your gaze before he trailed his hand up your leg. He moved forward, settling between your thighs. 

“I’ve been thinking about this all day.” Javi drawled out as he pressed a kiss to your inner thigh, before he lifted your legs and settled them over his shoulders. He dipped down, his tongue delving between your sensitive folds. His hands trailed over your legs, holding you steady as you squirmed beneath his ministrations. 

Your lips parted with a breathy moan as your head fell back against the bed beneath you. “ _Javi_.” You breathed as you pushed your fingers into your hair. He released one hip, sliding his hand over your stomach, grasping at your breast. 

He swirled his tongue around your clit, lips wrapping around that little bundle of nerves and forcing you even closer to the edge. Your back arched and you rolled your hips against his mouth. His grip tightened at your hip, holding you down as his other hand roughly palmed at your breast, scraping thumb over your nipple. 

Your release caught you by surprise, your legs trembling as the rush of pleasure coursed through you. Javier pulled back abruptly, but only briefly. He pulled your legs around your hips as he settled over you, shoving his sleep pants and boxers down until his cock was free. 

“ _Please_.” You whispered as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck and dragged him down for a kiss, tasting yourself on his mouth. A moan got lost between your lips as he pressed into you. The aftershocks of your release left you clenching around the length of him. He barely drew out before pressing back into you, hip-to-hip and you rocked into him. 

Javier kept one hand at your hip, his other tangling in your hair as he cradled the back of your head. He kissed you desperately, leaving open-mouthed kisses down your throat and along your collarbone, before catching your mouth once more. 

Your nails bit into his shoulders, his arms, wherever you could cling to him as a second release built on the wake of the first. Your back bowed up off the bed and you let yourself get lost in the sensation. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, your name on his lips as his own orgasm claimed him. His hips stuttered, the length of him buried within you as you felt his release spill. You didn’t let him pull away when he started to, your legs tightening around him as you held him close. The weight of him pressing you into the bed, right where you wanted him. His hand found yours, interlacing your fingers together. He had always been so good at the little touches, the little efforts that revealed the depth of his emotions. He had, ever since that night. 

Maybe you should have held onto him _that_ night... when you hadn’t. You had been so afraid to believe that he meant all those little things. He had. But you could hold onto him now. And now that you had him, you had no intention of _ever_ letting him go. 


	25. Moving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier moves in. Set September 1993. This should've been posted earlier, but I missed it. Whoops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None, aside from angst. Javi POV.

Ever since he left Laredo, Javier had lived alone. 

There had been plenty of women who had crossed through his threshold, but none of them had stayed past the night. And for a long time, that had been fine by him. Until the one woman he _wanted_ to stay hadn’t. 

For a brief three month period after _that_ night, his relationship with his apartment changed. It didn’t feel right to let an interloper into the space — to let someone else lay where she had laid. To see someone else’s hair fanned out across his sheets. 

When the DEA hoodwinked him into fucking another informant for vital and ultimately _useless_ information — he’d convinced her to take him back to hers. Because he didn’t want to tarnish the memory he had preserved in his apartment. For a very fleeting moment he had _finally_ had what he wanted. The woman who had plagued his thoughts for years. 

The reason his apartment no longer felt like home. His furniture remained there, but everything else had been shifted into her apartment. Sure, he _had_ an apartment to keep up the ruse with the DEA — but his _home_ was in an apartment with his girls.

There was no way of knowing if it would last. He wanted it to, _desperately_ , but he was cautious to push his luck. Relationships had never been an area he excelled at and it was the one thing he had to sort out on his feet. Screw the DEA and the demands that came with a pound of flesh — he had all he needed between her and Josie. 

And now they _knew_. 

Now there was no mystery behind the identity of the father of her baby. The veil had been pulled back, revealing a year's worth of lies that left the director enraged. 

Javier didn’t mind being chewed up and spit out, he lived to be a thorn in the DEA’s side — but he hated how they came down on her. 

“I can unpack for you tomorrow.” She offered quietly as she held the door open as he brought up another load from the Jeep. “I don’t have anything else to do.”

Javier worked his jaw as he looked at her. “It’s not fucking fair.” He ground out, leaving a box on the counter. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow. It’s not _right_ that they’re not coming down on us equally.”

“Don’t push it, Javi.” She warned. “I’ve still got my job. It’s just a few days.”

“A few days _without_ pay.”

She shrugged, “It'll be nice to spend a couple days with Josie.”

He narrowed his eyes, hands going to his hips. “It’s bullshit and you know it is.”

“Javi, don’t pull any shit.” She pointed at him. “They’ll up and reassign me and then what?”

“Then I’ll quit and go wherever you are.”

“ _Javi_.”

“You don’t expect me to just fuck off back to my apartment and keep playing this game with the DEA. Do you?” He accused her quietly. He wouldn’t blame her — _honestly_. “Baby, come on… after the shit they pulled today, I’m not real keen on them.”

She shook her head. “I took this job _knowing_ that this would be the sort of petty shit they’d pull. I’m a woman in a male-dominated field. Don’t screw yourself over to play the chivalry card, Javi. I don’t need a white knight.”

“I’m not—“ Javier shook his head and turned away. “I’m not doing this,” He huffed before he headed out of the apartment to get another load from the car. 

He didn’t want to argue with her. His first evening officially _living_ with her and he had already started a fight with her. Or the beginnings of one. And he wasn’t even trying to play the white knight or whatever bullshit she thought he was trying. He just didn’t care for the way the DEA had handled things. 

Javier was already jaded about them as it was. 

When he returned, she was unloading the milk crate filled with liquor he’d brought in earlier. “So thankful to inherit this lot.” She grinned at him, loosening the top of a whiskey bottle and taking a swig. 

Javier chuckled, lips drawn into an appreciative grin. “C’mere, I want a drink.” He gestured to her and watched the way she put a little sway in her hips. 

She took the top off again and passed it to him. Javier curled his fingers around the bottle, swallowing a mouthful, before he hooked a finger in her belt loop. “ _What_?” 

“I’m just looking out for you, baby.” Javier drawled out. “Like a _partner_ does.”

“Isn’t _Chris_ your partner?”

“I’ll fucking ring his neck if I have to sit through another stakeout with him.” Javier kept his fingers curled around her belt loop as he sat the bottle aside. “I’m talking about _you_. The only partner aside from Steve that I give a shit about.” He curled his hand around her hip. “You’re a better agent than all of them.”

She shrugged and pursed her lips as she looked up at him, “It’s the curse of being a woman. I will _never_ be a better agent than _any_ of them on paper. They already knocked me back to desk duty when I got pregnant. It’s just three days. I’ll be back.” 

“How long are we going to do _this_?” Javier questioned, brushing his thumb over the flash of skin that peeked out from above her jeans. “How long are we going to let them lord over our relationship and career?” 

“I don’t know.” She retreated, grabbing the bottle off the counter and took another drink. 

Javier sighed heavily, dragging his fingers through his hair before rubbing at the back of his neck. “Well, let me know when you know. I’ll be ready when you’re ready.” The DEA had already taken everything he was willing to give them, maybe _more_ than he was willing to give. But there was so much shit he didn’t know how to tell her about. Even with her, he kept up appearances — everything was _status quo_. But it wasn’t. He was so fucking tired of asking how high, whenever the DEA told him to jump. 

He wasn’t the man that came to Colombia. He was older now, physically and prematurely. Crushed under the weight of the shit he’d seen, the people he’d killed, the people he’d lost. He had a family now — he had a little girl who he had to think about. He couldn’t run headfirst into a firefight without _thinking_ about what he might lose. 

“Baby,” He reached out and curled his fingers around her forearm, trailing them down until he could brush his thumb over the faint green bruise that was left on her skin from where he’d held her too tightly after Daniel had been shot. “I want to think about the future. You, me, Josie…” 

“I never thought I’d see the day that you’d be thinking about your future.” She said lightly, brushing her fingers over his cheek. “You’ve always been very ‘ _live for today_ ’.” 

“ _Yeah_.” He nodded slowly. The words he wanted to say to her got stuck in the back of his throat. They were words that carried grief and regret. Pain that she had never meant to saddle him with. “I just know it’s with you.”

Her lashes fluttered and her expression sobered. “I know it’s with you too.” She whispered, her hand falling away from his cheek to squeeze his shoulder three times. “If I can, I want to see this through. We’ve started going after the Cali Cartel and I want to see them stopped.” 

“It’s the long game, baby.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “And I don’t see either of us sticking around that long.” He gestured vaguely towards the window. “Is Colombia _really_ where you want to raise Josie?”

“No.” She wrapped her arms around herself and turned her back to him. “I’m not ready for this conversation, Javi. Not yet.” She glanced back over her shoulder at him, “We _just_ told everyone about us. You’re moving in. Let’s take this one step at a time.”

Javier set his jaw hard and nodded. His eyes flickered towards the boxes that still needed to be unpacked. “Wanna go to bed?” He questioned. 

She nodded slowly, “Yeah. I’m tired.” 

* * *

By the time the sun was streaming through the bedroom window, Javier was already out of the bed and getting dressed for work. He could hear her and singing to Josie in the kitchen while she worked on breakfast and it made his heart clench in his chest. This was the life he wanted. It was just a little hard to remind himself that it was the life he _deserved_. 

Javier tucked his sunglasses into the front of his shirt as he strolled out of the bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen. “There’s my girls.” He drawled out, stepping in behind her to press a quick kiss to her cheek, before he moved towards Josie, scooping her out of her carrier. 

“I thought you were going to sleep past your alarm,” She remarked as she sat a plate of biscuits down on the table. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I noticed.” Javier sighed, before he showered Josie with kisses, reveling in the little gurgles and giggles that escaped her. “You okay?”

“Couldn’t shut my brain off last night.” She shrugged a shoulder as she sat down across from him at the table. “I’m sorry about everything…”

“You haven’t got a damn thing to apologize for.” Javier gritted out, before softening his expression as he looked down at Josie. “It’s just three days, right?” He glanced up at her, catching the flicker of emotion she tried to mask. “ _Baby_ —”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “I don’t regret it. Telling them.” A faint smile played over her lips. “We don’t have to hide what we have anymore.” 

Javier nodded slowly, nestling Josie against his chest as he reached for a biscuit. He tore off a piece, popping it into his mouth. “I’ll try to get off early.”

Her lips parted like she intended to fight him on it, but she thought better of it. “Thank you, Javi. I really am looking forward to spending the whole day with her.” 

“You’re pissed off, aren’t you?”

“ _So_ pissed off.” She laughed. “I thought if I slept on it, I wouldn’t be so pissed off, but…” She shook her head. “Those sons of bitches.” She pushed her hair back and huffed. “Putting me in time out for three days like a naughty toddler.” 

Javier smirked a little as he took another bite of his biscuit. “Your mommy was downplaying her feelings last night,” He remarked to Josie as she blinked up at him, watching him eat. “I bet you’re going to hear all sorts of rants today.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she knows you’re one of the few good men out there.” She quipped, smiling fondly at him. He made a face at that. “Don’t argue with me.” She warned. 

He held his free hand up in mock-surrender. “I had no plans to.” Even though he rarely felt like one of the _good_ ones. Hell, even she had waited three months to even tell him she was pregnant because she had been convinced that he _wasn’t_ one of the good ones. Maybe he was getting there, but he wasn’t there yet. 

“Hey, Javi—”

“Hmm?” He looked up from Josie, staring across the table. “What is it baby?”

“I love you.”

His heart still fluttered at those words. “I love you too.” Javier knew he didn’t deserve her love, but he was greedy and he needed it. He needed both of them. This little life he’d managed to carve out of pain and hell was _all_ that he needed.


	26. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Connie see their old friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: No warnings! Just Steve POV

“And he didn’t say _who_ the ‘we’ was?” Connie questioned as she pulled her sweater on before she got out of the car. 

Steve popped a Tic Tac into his mouth before pocketing the container, “He was pretty fucking cryptic.” He took Connie’s hand, heading up the sandy path that led to the restaurant from the parking lot. 

Javier had picked one that wasn’t far from where Connie and Steve lived, but hadn’t given much indication as to where he — of _they_ — were staying. He’d always been a bit cagey, but this was new. Hadn’t heard word one from him since he’d left Colombia. 

Steve pressed the Tic Tac between his back molars, cracking down on it as they walked into the restaurant. It wasn’t as garishly decorated as some of the seafood restaurants down by the boardwalk, but they still had a crocodile proudly on display and a series of shark heads racked up on the walls.

“Peña.” He told the waitress, who guided them back towards a booth near the back of the restaurant. 

Steve recognized the back of Javier’s head instantly, but it took him a second to realize who was sitting beside him. Of all the people he expected to be with Javi — he should’ve known it would be her. 

He had his arm draped over her shoulders, a gesture that seemed far too familiar to be a _new_ thing. 

“You son of a bitch.” Steve said lightly as he and Connie stopped beside the table. 

Javier slid out of the booth and hugged him, “Is that how you greet an old friend?” He chastised him, pulling back with a rare grin. Though — maybe it wasn’t _rare_ anymore. 

“Oh my God!” Connie’s voice cut through whatever he’d planned to barb Javier with next. “She’s precious!”

“Almost one.” Javier stated, hands on his hips as he turned back towards the table.

“Her name’s Josie,” She explained, picking up the baby and showing her off to Connie. “Don’t be offended if she doesn’t take to you — Javi’s her favorite person.”

Connie laughed incredulously, “When did this—“

“You had a kid?” Steve stared at Javier, eyes flickering between the family of three. “What the fuck?”

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck before he slid back into the booth, waiting for Steve and Connie to sit before he answered. “The night you left.”

Steve dragged a hand over his face and laughed, “I should’ve fucking known.” He turned towards Connie, “I told you—“

“You did.” She laughed, blowing a kiss at Josie. “She’s gorgeous.”

“I might be biased, but I think she’s the prettiest baby around.” Javier smiled proudly at the little girl as she wrestled out of her mother’s arms and into his lap. She grabbed at a crayon on the table, scribbling all over Javier’s napkin.

“Is she why I didn’t hear anything from either of you?” Steve questioned, looking between the two of you. “Because I thought I’d hear _something_.” He looked at her then, “You even promised.” 

“A lot happened.” She shrugged, reaching over to brush her fingers through Josie’s curls. “Josie happened. 

“And you’re _together_?” Connie questioned.

Javier chuckled, “Yeah.” 

Steve let out a huff of laughter, shaking his head. “I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.” 

Josie seemed fed up with her crayon, chucking it across the table at Connie. 

“You can’t throw things, Josie.” Javier warned her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

Javier _fucking_ Peña had a daughter. 

“So,” Steve started, gesturing between the two of them. “What is _this_? Are you dating?”

Javier shrugged, “We don’t really have a label for it.”

“Partners. I guess.” She passed Josie a blue crayon, which promptly went into her mouth. “I know you’re hungry, baby. You’ll get some food soon.” 

Steve gave Connie a sideways look. Trust the pair of them to choose not _define_ their relationship. “Just partners?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “Are you asking if we…” He cleared his throat, gesturing to Josie. 

“Not in front of the kid.” She warned sternly, before leveling Steve with a look. “Frequently and often.” 

“Alrighty then.” Steve laughed, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “Sounds like we need a round of beers.” He flagged down the waitress, ordering a round for the table. 

“She’ll take another cup of milk and can we order a plate of fries?” She asked the waitress. 

“Ketchup too.” Javier cut in, wrestling the soggy crayon out of her mouth. 

“Is she yours?” The waitress questioned Javier, hands on her hips and doing that _thing_ women always seemed to do around Javi. At least that wasn’t just a Colombian special. The man was still a magnet for attention. 

“She is.” Javier beamed proudly, “Do you have another one of those coloring sheets?” He didn’t even seem aware of the fact that the waitress was practically shoving her tits in his direction. 

Steve shook his head. He never thought he’d live to see the day that Javier wouldn’t notice a woman flirting with him. 

“Baby, do you think we should go ahead and get her the mac and cheese?” Javier questioned, turning towards her with an arched brow. 

She stifled a laugh, looking towards the clearly annoyed waitress. “Get the apple sauce too, she needs to eat something other than just starch.” 

Javier passed the kids' menu back to the waitress, “Did you get all of that?”

Despite her annoyance, she flashed him a flirtatious grin that wasn’t reciprocated. “Sure thing.” 

Connie laughed. “ _Wow_.” 

“Happens all the time.” She rolled her eyes, taking Josie from Javier. “Women see a hot guy with a baby and lose their shit.”

“What?” Javier’s brows furrowed and he looked towards Steve. “Am I missing something?”

“I’m glad you’ve found someone to love, Javi.” Steve told him with a nod of his head, before glancing at her. “You _could_ do better.” 

She leaned her head against Javier’s shoulder, in a gesture Steve was _very_ familiar with, when it came to them. “Nah, I lucked out.” 

“I still can’t believe it.” Steve remarked, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. They had always been glued at the hip. From the moment she had joined their team, Javier had taken a liking to her. He just hadn’t expected him to ever cross that line. “Is this why you aren’t with the DEA?”

Javier worked his jaw and sighed. “Yeah, they don’t take kindly to this.” He gestured to Josie and her mother. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

Steve watched the way she rested her hand on Javier’s shoulder, squeezing it. “So are you… moving to Miami? Just passing through?”

“We’re renting in the southern end of Coral Gables.”

Connie’s eyes widened, “You’ve already moved in?”

She nodded. “We got in last week. It was nice to celebrate New Year’s in our first place together.” 

Javier tilted his head, “We celebrated at your place last year.” 

“I was pregnant and miserable. _You_ celebrated, you asshole.” She retorted with a roll of her eyes. 

He gestured at Josie. “The kid?”

“She’s heard me call you an asshole before.” She shot back, before putting on a too-sweet smile as the waitress returned. “Look, Josie… _fries_!” She plucked one out of the basket and waved them in front of the little girl’s face. 

“If you need _anything_ ,” The waitress said pointedly to Javier. “I’ll be right over there.” 

“We’re good.” Javier said shortly, passing the ketchup towards Josie. “I know what you’re going to want.”

Steve looked towards Connie, “Can you believe it?”

“Yes and no.” She laughed, “I’m shocked it didn’t happen sooner.” 

“Me too.” Steve shrugged and sipped at his beer. He looked back towards Javier and her, “So, house warming party?” 

“Sure.” 

Javier made a face. “Is it a _must_?”

Connie grinned, “It would help you meet some of our friends.”

Javier glanced to his left, before acquiescing. “ _Fine_.” Josie tried to fling herself in Javier’s direction, nearly taking her milk cup out with her. “Easy there princesa.” He scooped her up and cradled her to his chest, bouncing her. “Are you going to settle down and eat when your food gets here?”

“Da-dadd-a.” She blew a raspberry directly into his face. 

“She’s going through a phase.”

“That Javi encouraged.” 

“I bet you Olivia will love having a new friend to play with.” Connie suggested. 

“She needs some friends.” She remarked, “Javier thinks he’s all she needs.”

“Well, it’s true.” 

“So do you both have jobs lined up?”

“I do.” She answered. “I got a nice gig lined up consulting with Miami P.D. and Javier’s gonna do the stay-at-home thing.”

Steve stared at him. “ _Really_?”

He shrugged a shoulder, lips pursed. “Yeah. I missed out on alot when she was little and I don’t want to miss out on anything else.” He picked up his beer, keeping it out of Josie’s reach. “Not looking for anything at the present.” 

“I’ll be damned.” Steve leaned across the table to cheers with Javier. “Never thought you’d be the stay-at-home dad type.” 

“People change.” Javier pressed a kiss to the top of Josie’s head, before looking to his left. “We’ve got a good thing going right now.”

She turned and smiled and Steve could tell just how much they adored one another. It had been a long time coming, but he hadn’t expected either one of them to finally give in. Apparently all it took was him and Connie saying _adios_ to Colombia. 

“So are we the godparents?” He questioned, nodding towards Josie.

Javier flipped him off. 


	27. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst and fluff.

He had been here before. Fingers curled around the front of his bulletproof vest, lungs dragging in desperate gulps of air. The smell of gunfire and blood leaving a coppery tang on his tongue.

Javier had replayed this night a hundred times. His mind taking him back to a moment where his life flipped on its head. He couldn’t keep doing things the way he had been. He couldn’t keep letting the DEA rule his life. 

They asked for more than he could give anymore. He had a _family_ now. He wasn’t just some yes-man that would jump at the opportunity to throw himself in front of a bullet — and for what?

For the DEA to risk his neck again next week? They treated everyone like expendable pawns for the benefit of congress. Great old fucks in suits, sitting in fancy houses in Washington. They didn’t care what happened to their agents far afield. 

And Daniel’s blood wouldn’t wipe off. No matter how many times he scrubbed at his hands, no matter how much water he soaked them in.

The blood had stained his skin. 

But it wasn’t just his blood. It was their blood. Informants he’d fucked and promised protection — only to find them battered and bruised and _dead_ because his promises were hollow. It was only a matter of time before her blood was on his hands.

He couldn’t protect her. He couldn’t protect anyone. 

The clock on the wall wouldn’t stop mocking him. Tick. Alone. Tick. Alone. Tick. 

Javier pitched forward violently, coming awake in an unfamiliar room. The shadows cast on the wall felt like prison bars — slatted shades illuminated by pale street lights. “Where am I—“

“Baby, wake up.” She soothed, the bedside lamp flickering on a beat before her fingers trailed over his back. “Shh.” She whispered, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s okay.”

Javier gulped, trying to catch his breath as he focused on the sound of her voice. It had all felt so real — so vivid. Even still his eyes darted around the room, searching for blood, searching for bodies, searching for the past.

“Just relax, Javi.” Her voice was soft, warm like the blanket she draped over his shoulders. “It was just a nightmare.”

Javier let her pull him down towards her, a quiet groan escaping him as she pulled him to her chest and he rested against the cushion of her breast. “Where am I?”

“Our condo.” She reminded him.

That’s why it was unfamiliar. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t.” Her fingers dragged through his hair. “Are you okay?”

Javier’s lips parted like he meant to answer her, but he thought better of it. Eyes clenched closed he nodded. He didn’t know how to explain it all to her. She had been there for a lot of it — the hookers, the death, she had seen the fallout of Daniel. 

Everything changed that night, but he still couldn’t forgive himself for how he had been. He had used her to ground himself, to remind himself that he was alive. She had taken it all in stride, but he’d locked it away in a box already weighed down with his guilt. 

The bruises had faded months and months ago, but he could still retrace their exact spots on her skin. It didn’t bother her — but it bothered him. 

Javier pulled away from her and sank back against the bed, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “It was just a nightmare.”

“Do you want to—“

“No.”

“ _Javier_.” She rolled onto her side and stared at him. “It might help.”

“It’s the _same_ one.” He snapped. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine.” She sat back up again without another word and turned the light off. As she sank back down onto the bed beside him, his heart clenched at how tensely she was laying there.

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, Javi.” Slowly she rolled to face away from him. “Just go back to sleep.”

Javier’s brows furrowed and he slowly moved onto his side. “C’mere.”

“I’m sleeping.” She sighed. 

“I didn’t mean to snap, baby.” Javier said quietly. “It’s just this goddamn nightmare… I’ve got to deal with it myself.”

“You’ve done _so_ well.”

“That’s not fair.” He gritted out, curling his arm around her waist as he nestled himself behind her. “I’m sorry, baby.”

She sank back against him, resting her hand over his. “It’s really okay.”

Javier pressed his lips to the back of her neck. “I thought moving would help. With the nightmares.”

She squeezed his hand. “Talking about it might help.”

“It’s…” Javier swallowed thickly. “It’s a lot of different things.” 

“Tell me.” She turned her head a little, enough that she could press a kiss to his nose. “If you want to.”

“A lot of shit happened.” A heavy sigh escaped him and he started to pull away from her. “I’m going to go check on Josie.”

“Bring her back to bed with you.”

“What if I have another nightmare.”

“I don’t think you will.” She assured him, turning the bedside light on again. “She’ll be fine.”

Javier nodded his head slowly, wiping sleep from his eyes as he headed down the hall to Josie’s room. She was sound asleep and he almost — _almost_ — hated to wake her up. 

“Come here, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she sleepily cuddled against his chest as he held her close. “Daddy needs some you time.” He whispered, picking up her blanket before he headed back to their bedroom. 

“There’s my two favourite people.” She smiled at him, patting the bed beside her. “I’ve fixed the pillow to keep her from rolling down the bed.”

“Perfect.” He pulled the covers back and moved to slide under them, laying her on her back between them. Her eyes fluttered open, blearily looking between them. “Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

“I’ll feed her.” She murmured, stifling a yawn before she peeled her tank top down, revealing one of her breasts. 

Javier propped himself up on his elbow, watching her as she scooped Josie up and brought her to her chest. The marvel of it still hadn’t worn off on him — the things she was capable of doing to care for their baby, while also being a complete badass? Yeah, he was a touch proud of her. 

And still _a little_ disappointed that her breasts were mostly off limits still. While Josie was content with the bottle most of the time, a habit made out of spending her early months with a sitter — she had insisted that she try to breastfeed Josie for as long as she could. 

“Look at my girls,” Javier murmured, reaching over for Josie’s hand, smiling as she curled her fingers around one of his fingers. 

She turned and smiled at him, eyes filled with warmth. “Are the nightmares worth this?” She questioned softly, “Because mine are.”

He nodded. “I’d do it all again to end up right here.” Javier brushed his thumb over Josie’s tiny fingers. “Do you want to talk about _your_ nightmares?”

“I don’t.” She responded with a wry smirk, before the expression was marred with a wince. “That first tooth is a menace.”

“ _Sorry_.”

She played with Josie’s soft curls with a sigh. “It just means our baby girl is getting older.”

“I can’t believe it.” He said with a stifled yawn, carefully prying his finger out of Josie’s hold as he wrapped an arm around her mother. “I feel like I’m gonna blink and she’ll be a teenager.”

“ _Jesus Christ._ I’m not ready for that.” She smiled at him, “I want her to stay little like this.” Carefully she sat up and burped her, before passing her back off to Javier to get her settled in between them. 

Josie flopped back on her back, already half asleep. She snuffled quietly and Javier kept close to her, rubbing her belly. “Good night, sweetheart.”

“You’ll sleep better now, Javi.” She promised, reaching over to brush her fingers over his cheek, lightly playing with his hair. He really didn’t deserve her. 

A faint smile played over his lips as he caught her gaze. “We’re good, aren’t we?” Javier questioned, his voice barely louder than a whisper. The nightmare had shaken him — had _reminded_ him. 

She stared back at him and shook her head, eyes soft and understanding as she held his gaze. “Go to sleep, Javi.” She shifted slightly, reaching around above Josie’s head to grab his hand. She squeezed it tightly, before interlacing their fingers. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I love you.” 

She squeezed his hand three times, before she released it to turn off the bedside lamp. Once she had settled back down, her hand found his again and Javier _finally_ let himself relax. It was just a nightmare. Colombia was behind them, the future wasn’t marred with death and trauma. 


	28. Professor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader spice things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (praise kink, roleplay, fingering, unprotected sex, pregnant sex, on a desk)

You glanced at your wrist, frowning when you realized that another fifteen minutes had slipped by and Javier _still_ wasn’t there. You sighed, shifting in your seat. They were uncomfortable on a good day. 

“How far along are you?” Asked the mother beside you — _Chelly_ , you think. 

“Almost four months.” You answered, instinctively resting your hand on your stomach. 

“You’re Javier’s…?” 

“Yes, I’m Javier’s…” You countered, leaving the same pregnant pause after his name. The women at Josie’s dance class were _notoriously_ nosey. Chelly was newer, but she had been quickly inducted into the ‘catch the hot dad’ club.

“I rarely see the two of you apart.”

“He has work.” You answered crisply, glancing at your watch again. 

“Oh, that’s right!” Chelly said far too cheerily. “He’s a Professor now, isn’t he? I’m sure he has all the co-eds swooning over him.”

“Jealous _you_ can’t swoon over him?” You accused, glaring at Chelly. 

She was entirely undeterred, “I just know I’d be at his office _all_ the time if he were my… whatever you call him.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m sorry you don’t trust your—” You glanced at her left hand. “ _Husband_.” 

Chelly huffed.

“ _What_? You’re the one going on and on about someone else’s partner. Maybe your husband should be worried about what you’re up to.” You rarely engaged with the mothers at dance — but you were pregnant and more than a little pissed off now.

“I’m married, not dead. I’m perfectly capable of looking at a man and appreciating that he’s good looking and charming.” She smirked. “But you wouldn’t understand that, would you?”

Your lips parted to shoot back something equally as scathing, but you spotted a frazzled looking Javier walking through the front door of the dance studio. You caught his gaze and smiled when he smiled back. 

“Hey, baby.” Javier drawled out as he settled into the seat beside you, arm curling around your shoulders as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “I’m sorry. Traffic was a nightmare.” He gave your shoulder three short squeezes, before sweeping his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t miss her, did I?”

You rested your hand on his knee and shook your head, “She goes on in a few.” 

“It’s good to see you again, _Javier_.” Chelly remarked as she leaned forward to look around you. “I hear you’re teaching now. How exciting!” 

Javier’s brows furrowed as he glanced around you, “Uh, yeah. If grading papers can be considered _exciting_.” 

“Your students are _so_ lucky.” She continued, her brand of enthusiasm making you consider murder. They were all so fucking shamless. “If you were my professor back when I was in college, I would’ve always been in your office.” Chelly smirked. “Do you give _extra_ credit?” 

“Only if the situation calls for it.” Javier answered, entirely unphased by the insinuation Chelly had just doled out. “I’ve got a couple students that are balancing a career on top of education, so I’m a little more lenient with them.” 

You turned to look at Javier, watching as he loosened his tie. He caught your gaze, arching a curious brow as you subtly tilted your head towards Chelly. With a wiggle of your brows, he caught on to what you were indicating. This mother was just like the rest of the women who — _for some reason_ — couldn’t get enough of Javi. Would they feel the same way if they knew he hogged the covers? Frequently forgot to put the seat down? Slowly drove you crazy?

You loved him, but he was _not_ the man they put him on the pedestal as. It had to be because he was so effortlessly devoted to both you and Josie. He was aloof to their flirting and that only made them try harder. 

Javier leaned close to press a quick kiss to your lips, resting his hand on your swollen belly. “How have my three favorite girls been today?” He questioned, smiling warmly at you. 

“Josie and I drove around to look at townhomes.” You told him, chewing on your bottom lip. “We ended up finding a gorgeous little three-bedroom craftsman in Coconut Grove.” 

“I hadn’t taken you for Grovites.” Chelly interjected and Javier glared at her. “What? It’s very bohemian.”

You sighed heavily, “ _Anyways_. It has a better backyard than the townhomes.” 

“Wanna set up an appointment to look at it?”

“I wrote the relator’s information down.” You told him with a grin, resting your hand over his on your stomach. “Josie saw an iguana and decided that’s where we have to live.” 

He chuckled, “Of course she did.”

The teacher pulled everyone’s attention to the front of the studio, dimming the lights as the little girls and boys came out to perform the dance they had been working on for weeks. Josie was such a good little ballerina. You were impressed with how dedicated she was to practicing at home — you had _never_ been that dedicated to anything when you were little. Then again, you had a feeling that Javier’s constant praise was a big motivator. Josie was bound and determined to make him proud. 

And given the grin on his face, she had succeeded. 

After the recital, everyone made their way into another room where drinks and snacks and been set up. Josie was running around playing make-believe with some of her classmates while you and Javier made small talk with the other parents. 

“What was Chelly up to?” Javier questioned as he took a sip of lemonade, arching a brow over the rim of the plastic cup as he looked at you. 

“For someone who had half of Colombia’s _finest_ eating out of the palm of your hand…” You laughed and shook your head at just how offended he looked by that statement. “Javi, you rambled about being lenient to working students, when Chelly was referencing the kind of extra credit you earn from a—” You lowered your voice, slipping your hand into his as you stepped into his side. “— _blowjob_.” 

“For fuck’s sake.” Javier worked his jaw. “What kind of man do these women take me for?”

You shrugged a shoulder, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I don’t get it.” 

“You’re _pregnant_!” 

“Better reason to find yourself a hot co-ed?” You suggested with a roll of your eyes. Sliding your fingers through Javier’s where they were interlaced, you turned to look at him. “Speaking of office hours… do you have any tomorrow?”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he met your eyes. “Are your grades slipping?”

You smirked and nodded your head, “It’s just been _so_ hard.” 

“I can only imagine,” He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. “I’m sure I could come up with extra credit for you.”

“I’m sure you’ll rise to the occasion.” You retorted, sweeping your tongue along your bottom lip, catching Javier’s attention. “I’m _serious_.”

“I was hoping you were.” He said lowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “One to three.”

You nodded your head, “I’ll see you then, _Professor_.” You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, before you caught sight of one of the mothers veering towards you. “Missy incoming.”

“It is just so good to see you!” She said, mooning over Javier before glancing at you. “ _Both_ of you.” Missy clasped her hands together. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

You rested your hand against your stomach. “Josie is _very_ excited about being a big sister.”

Missy seemed confused momentarily, “Oh. Right! _Yes_.”

Javier frowned, “What were you congratulating us for?”

“I heard you got married.”

You laughed. “ _No_.”

“This is just our birth dates.” Javier explained, gesturing to the ring he wore. “Christmas gift.”

Missy’s hands went to her hips, “That’s… _modern_.” 

“It’s to deter women who can’t seem to catch the hint.” You said bluntly. 

“Marriage would certainly handle that.”

Javier curled his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. “So does having two children. Excuse me.” He looked to you then, “You ready to find Josie and go home?”

“I’d love that.” You could feel your pulse drumming in your ears with your annoyance. “I’m so fucking tired of these women.” You muttered as Javier guided you away from Missy.

“I thought you were going to start swinging.” Javier chuckled, petting his hand over your hair before pressing a kiss to your temple. “Ice cream?”

“Hell yes.” 

* * *

Despite the cool weather that had swept through Florida you still opted for a sundress, smartly paired with a sweater and your knee-length jacket. It was one of the few dresses you had kept from when you were pregnant with Josie, handmade by the woman down the hall that ended up watching her when you went back to work. Back in Colombia you rarely had an excuse to wear a nice dress — if you were at work you were dressing to conceal your pregnancy as best as possible, clinging to your professional wear until you had to buy new clothes from catalogues and hope that they were safely delivered to the embassy. 

It was far from ideal.

But now you were able to truly enjoy your pregnancy. A nice sundress seemed like the perfect thing to wear to visit Javier at the university. 

You made your way across the campus to Javier’s office-quad. The halls were quiet save for the murmured voices from behind closed doors as lectures took place. You glanced at your watch, it was just after one. And just as Javi had promised you — the other professors weren’t in their offices. 

Sweeping your fingers through your hair, you drew in a deep breath before you approached his office door and knocked three times. You could hear the shuffle of paper, the creak of his chair as he got up. Your heart skipped a beat as he pulled the door open. Okay, _maybe_ you got why everyone was trying to chase him down for themselves. 

He hated suits, but he looked hot as fuck in one. And those glasses… why had he hid them from you for so long? 

“Hi.” You breathed out, scraping your teeth over your bottom lip as you looked up at him. “I was hoping I might talk to you about getting my grades up… _Professor_.” 

Javier smirked at you, opening his door a little wider. “I’m certain we can figure out some way to help you _excel_ in my class.” He drawled out. 

You brushed past him closer than necessary, grinning when you caught his sharp inhale. This was something you had only ever discussed from the comfort of your bed. It was risky, but everything about your relationship had been filled with _risk_. 

He moved to lean against his desk, hands curled around the edge as he stared at you. “Why do you think you’ve been struggling in class?” Javier gestured to the seat in front of him.

You peeled off your coat as you sat down slowly, your hand resting on your stomach as you stared at him. “I think some of the material is just _hard_ to understand.” You answered, wetting your lips as you met his gaze. “But I’m willing to do anything to bring my grade up, Professor.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” He swallowed thickly as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “ _Holy shit_.”

“Breaking character already?” You teased, your eyes flickering to the notable bulge in his trousers. “We don’t _have_ to do this, Javi.” 

“I want to.” He assured you quickly, following your line of sight downwards. “How are your _oral_ skills?”

Your cheeks flushed red and you started laughing. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You covered your face, descending into a fit of giggles. “Do people really say this shit? I can’t.” 

“C’mere.” Javier held his hand out and you took it, letting him pull you towards him. “I don’t really want to pretend you’re my student.” He said softly, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip as he met your gaze. “I don’t want to pretend with you.” 

“Me neither.” You whispered, your fingers curling around the side of his neck as you leaned in to kiss him. You let the kiss linger, before you pulled back just enough to speak. “But I’m not leaving until you _fuck_ me.” 

Javier groaned and kissed you again, his mouth slanting over yours as his hand creeped up your thigh, sliding beneath the hem of your skirt. You smirked against his lips as you waited for him to discover that you had opted to go without one _very_ crucial garment. “ _Baby_.” 

“I came here with one mission.” You grinned, bumping your nose against his. “Surprise.” 

“I love you.” Javier kissed you again as his fingers trailed over the bar skin of your hip, before he dipped his hand down between your thighs. 

You moaned softly against his mouth as he stroked his fingers between your slick folds. It wasn’t nearly enough stimulation, but you were _so_ sensitive — every nerve in your body seemingly focused on the desire that made you throb. Your tongue darted out over his bottom lip, seeking entrance as his lips parted. 

Javier’s fingers twisted in your hair, cradling the back of your head as he kissed you back with the same desperate need you offered. He pressed a single finger into you, your inner walls clenching around the intrusion. 

“ _Fuck_.” You swore, gasping for a breath as he pressed a second finger into you. He drew them out of you slowly, his thumb brushing over your clit. “Javi.” You practically wined, grabbing at his shoulders for support. 

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” He questioned. Javier still had his fingers tangled in your hair, holding you so he could stare into your eyes as he worked his fingers in and out of you. “Come on, baby… I asked you a question.” 

“Yes!” You bit out as he started circling your clit, the rough sweep of his thumb making your desire spike. “I’m… _fuck_ … Javier, please.” You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, nails biting into his skin as you clung to him. Your legs nearly gave out on you as your release overtook you, your inner walls clenching around his fingers as he kept working his fingers into you. 

“That’s a _good girl_ ,” Javier murmured, pushing your hair away from your face as he pressed a row of kisses along your jaw. He kept a tight grip on your hip to hold you steady as he drew his fingers away from you. You felt heat rise in your cheeks as you watched him bring them to his lips, licking away your arousal that clung to them.

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out, grabbing at his hand and bringing it to your own mouth. You wrapped your lips around his fingers, swirling your tongue around them. You released your grasp on his shoulder, reaching down to palm him through his trousers. 

“Fuck.” He grunted, swatting your hand away as he stood up. You shuffled back, eyes on his. “Hop up here.” Javier told you, patting the spot where he had been sitting.

You carefully perched yourself on the edge of your desk, biting down on your bottom lip as you lifted your dress up, revealing your thighs as you settled backwards. As much as you’d prefer it if he would just bend you over his desk and have his way with you — your stomach posed a slight challenge. 

Javier unbuckled his trousers, slighting the belt out of the loops and letting it drop to the ground. His trousers went next, zipped drawn down and the fabric shoved down his hips. “I have no fucking clue how I’m going to meet with students.” He gestured to you. “This is all I’m going to see.”

“Good.” You whispered, spreading your legs apart wider for him. “Tell me I’m a good girl again.” 

His brows shot upwards, “You like that?”

“I’ve always enjoyed it.” 

“ _Huh_.” Javier pursed his lips as he rested his hands atop your thighs, fingers spanning out over your skin. 

“I don’t exactly _advertise_ it.” You told him, holding his gaze as you reached down to stroke your fingers between your sensitive folds. “Don’t make me wait, Javi. We don’t have a lot of time.” 

“I’m a fucking lucky man.” Javier said lowly as he loosened his tie. He started to take his glasses off but you stopped him. 

“I want them on.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Suit yourself.” Javier freed his cock from his boxers, giving himself a sure stroke before he stepped towards you. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, willing yourself not to be too loud as he pressed into you. He started with just the tip of him, pressing in and then dragging himself through your folds. “ _Tease_.” You hooked your leg around his hip, trying to draw him closer. 

“Be a _good girl_ for me,” Javier tried, though the tone he used made you stifle a giggle. “Fuck off.” 

“Just _fuck_ me, Javi.” You rolled your hips, groaning as he pressed forward — filling you in one swift movement. “Oh, fuck.” 

He grabbed at your hips, holding you steady as he started to move. A pen rolled off his desk behind your head and you didn’t even care what else he lost in the effort. Your hands gripped at his where they rested at your hips. 

“Feel so fucking good.” Javier managed, nearly pulling free of you entirely before he was slamming back home. Your bottom lip was going to be swollen by the time you were done with it, biting at it in an attempt to keep from crying out as he kept driving into that sweet spot within you.

“So do you.” You hissed out. “Just like that. _Fuck_.” 

Javier gripped at your hip tightly, holding you steady as he kept slamming into you. You curled your hand around the back of his neck, lifting up off the desk to kiss him. Your mouth slanted over his, your moans caught against his lips. The slight change of angle had you tensing, your release overtaking you as you started to clench around him. 

His grip tightened on your hip, clinging to you as he followed you over the proverbial cliff. His hips pressed into your, grinding against you as he came apart within you. You let yourself sink back against the desk, knocking papers off as you did. 

“ _Fuck_.” He swore, rolling his hips twice more before he pulled out of you. Javier swallowed thickly as he looked down, “You are… _damn_.”

You moaned softly, pushing your hair off your clammy cheeks. “Holy shit.”

Javier leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your thigh, his breath hot against your skin. “Didn’t know I could possibly love you anymore than I already did.”

You laughed and teased him lightly. “I _do_ love how you get after you come.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I was having a moment.”

You gave him a look. “So was I.” You nudged his shoulder with your foot. “My underwear are in my left coat pocket.”

“ _Clever_.”

You smirked. “As much fun as it sounds to walk around campus sans-panties after this…” You gestured downwards. “I am _not_ in college anymore.”

Javier narrowed his eyes. 

“You’re _not_ allowed to be jealous, Javi.” You quipped as he slid your underwear up your thighs. You scooted off the desk, laying your dress back down. “That was fun.” You told him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips as you helped him tuck himself back into his boxers and slacks. 

“I can’t believe we finally did it.” He brushed his fingers over your cheek, kissing you again. “You were such a _good girl_.” 

“I’m a sucker for your praise.” You whispered, tilting your chin up as you looked up at him as you straightened his tie. “I love you.” 

“I lov—” A knock interrupted him. “ _Shit_.” 

You quickly sat back down in the chair across from his desk, watching as Javier quickly picked up the paper and pens that had been scattered across the floor. He cleared his throat — not _inconspicuously_ at all. “Come in.”

The door opened slowly, “I’m so sorry for interrupting Professor Peña.” The young woman’s eyes flickered towards you. “It’s good to see you again.” She was the same student that had been there the day you came to tell Javier that you were pregnant. “Congratulations.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled, rubbing your thumb over your bottom lip. You’d certainly done a number on it. 

“It’s fine Monica. What is it?”

“I can come back.” The blush on her cheeks and her inability to look Javier in the eye made you suspect that it was plainly obvious as to what she’d just walked in on. 

“What did you need?” Javier questioned with a slight edge to his voice. 

“I was hoping you might look over the report I’m working on. You mentioned you’d be willing to make sure we were on the right track and… I can drop it off later.” 

You cleared your throat, “I can check it over for you.” You offered, holding your hand out. “He usually farms things off to me anyways.” 

Monica smiled and passed the paper to you. “Thank you. I don’t know if he tells you how much he talks about you in class, but… we all think you’re a badass.” 

With a laugh you smiled at her. “If you ask the DEA, I didn’t do jackshit in Colombia, but I’m glad Javier’s keeping my efforts alive.” You looked towards him, your eyes shining with adoration for him. You weren’t the least bit surprised that he talked about you. Even when you weren’t _with_ him, he had always been one of the few people on your side of the ring. 

“When the timing is better, do you think we could get coffee… or _tea_.” Monica smiled hopefully at you. “I don’t really know what I want to do after college, but I do want to pursue law enforcement in some capacity.” 

“Of course.” You leaned forward and grabbed a piece of paper off Javier’s desk, jotting your number down. “Give me a call this weekend and we can set it up.” 

“Thank you.” Monica looked between the two of you, before she excused herself. 

“She definitely knows what we were just doing, doesn’t she?” Javier questioned, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the edge of the desk beside you. 

You nodded your head with a laugh. “Oh, without a doubt.” You grinned at him. “You talk about me?”

“All the time. I’m surprised they’re not bored as shit.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Think Connie would mind watching Josie a little longer today?”

“Why?”

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck. “You want to come to my lecture at five?”

“I’d love to.” You grinned at him as you stood up. “You call her and I’m going to go clean up.” 

He caught your arm, shaking his head slowly. “Don’t.”

You smirked, “You are such a jackass.” You slowly draped your arms over his chest, leaning up to kiss him.” 

“And you love me for it.” Javier drawled out, letting his hand slip beneath your dress so he could grab your ass. “ _Please_?” 

“I don’t know…” You said coyly. 

“I thought you were a _good girl_.” 

“Don’t wear it out.” You shot back, bumping your nose against his. “ _Fine_.” 


	29. Christmas in Laredo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader head to Laredo for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings. Set in December 1996. Starts with Javi POV but goes back to Reader.

Javier headed out of the house towards the old beat up pick-up truck Chucho used for driving around the ranch’s acreage. The same old hunk of junk he’d had since he had been a teen. Not much had changed on the ranch. His childhood home was still decorated exactly as it had been in the sixties, save for a handful of updates he’d helped with before he left for Colombia. 

“They’ll probably both be out for an hour or two.” Javier explained as he settled into the passenger seat, glancing at his watch. “I don’t think she feels well.” He continued, brows furrowed as he glanced back at the house as Chucho started down the dirt road. “I don’t want her having to deal with Josie alone.” 

Chucho chuckled quietly, drumming his thumbs against the steering wheel. “I’m proud of you son.”

Javier swallowed thickly, “Don’t get sappy on me.” He said gruffly, looking out the window. 

“After all the shit you pulled as a young man, you’ve finally got it all figured out.” He shook his head. “The two of you are good for each other.” 

“Nah,” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “She’s way too good for me.” Javier sighed a little, picking at a piece of lint on his jeans. “I worry I’m gonna wake up one day and be back in Colombia. That all of this — _my family_ — was a dream.” 

His father hummed thoughtfully, “And what would you do if that were the case?” 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, “Go back to sleep?” He shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know pops. I’ve been hung up on her for a long time.” 

“I know you have.” Chucho reached over and patted his shoulder. “You don’t still beat yourself up over Colombia, do you?”

Javier clenched his jaw and shrugged again. “I try not to. But it took a toll on me and I can’t just… It’s not something you just let go of.” He stared out the window. “I’m just trying to focus on the future. You know?”

“ _Mhm_.” Chucho nodded. “You excited about the new baby?”

“So _fucking_ excited, pops.” Javier grinned, turning to look at his father. “We were starting to lose hope. Almost six months of disappointment and then…” He shook his head. “I get to be there this time around.” 

“If you need help with Josie when _chiquita_ goes into labor, you do know my number, right?” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “Yeah. _Yeah_.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to call you the first time around, pops. Get advice, all that shit. But…” He shook his head. “It’ll be better this time.” He looked towards Chucho then, “I’ll have to talk to her, but it would be nice to have you in Miami when the time comes.” 

“When’s she due exactly?”

“Mid-May.” Javier smirked. “Probably a week after Josie’s birthday.” 

Chucho chuckled and a comfortable silence settled between them. He’d spent so many days throughout his childhood riding shotgun down dusty gravel roads; skin tanned by the afternoon sun, hands calloused from hauling fence posts and cutting wire. 

Back then he’d never pictured that he’d come back with a partner, a daughter, and one on the way. The future was never something he thought about back then. He never thought he’d have a fraction of what his parents had as a couple. As a boy, Javier always looked forward to the long rides in the pick-up with his father. That was when Chucho would talk about her, telling stories from when he was just a baby — stories from before he was born. She had died when he was only thirteen. 

“She’d be proud of you.” 

“I know she would.” Javier swallowed thickly. “I think about her all the time.” 

“Sofía would’ve loved your lady too.” Chucho chuckled. “She doesn’t let you get away with anything, does she?”

Javier huffed and shook his head. “Never has. First day we met she called me out on my bullshit before she’d gotten her desk unpacked.” 

“That’s what you needed.” Chucho told him, veering off the main road and down a worn path towards the far end of the ranch. “I never had a problem with Lorraine, nice girl… but not right for you.” 

“I didn’t love Lorraine.” Javier admitted. “Not like I love her. We realized the other day that we’ve been together for ten years. Five as partners and five as… _partners_.” 

Chucho looked at him, “You ever think about marriage?”

He shook his head, “Neither of us want that.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “It’s better this way. We don’t need some church or piece of paper telling us what we have. We know. We always have.”

“I really am proud of you, son. You finally got your shit figured out.”

Javier smiled as he looked towards his father. “Yeah. I have.” 

* * *

“Here _chiquita_ , try this.” Chucho said as he sat down a small container of candied ginger on the coffee table beside you. “Sofía swore by them when she was pregnant with Javier.” He tapped the top of the container. 

“Thank you.” You smiled as you sat up slowly, rubbing your stomach. “It’s not as bad as it was with Josie. I was miserable.” You peeled the top of the container and fished out a piece of ginger. “I hate being down for the count.” 

“You’re _pregnant_ , you’re allowed to be down for the count.” He settled down on the chair across the living room, sinking back. “Javi’s got Josie out visiting with the horses. Figured you could use a break.” 

“I appreciate it.” You offered, grabbing another piece of ginger. “These are good.” 

“I keep them around for heartburn.” Chucho explained, “Gets worse the older you get.” 

“Doesn’t everything?” You laughed softly, getting comfortable on the sofa. “Thank you again for letting us come out here for Christmas. I know Josie’s enjoying seeing her abuelo again. She talks about you all the time.”

“She’s a good girl.” He offered with anod. “You and Javier did good with her.” 

“Thank you.” You popped another piece of ginger into your mouth. The sweet and tangy combination was more than a little addictive. “She’s a really good kid. I don’t know how that happened, considering Javi and I are who we are.” 

Chucho sighed heavily, “Javier only got rebellious after Sofía passed.” 

“He showed me pictures of her yesterday,” You smiled softly. “She was beautiful. I think Josie looks like her.”

“Uncharacteristically.” Chucho grinned. “I see it in her eyes.” 

You rubbed your hand over your stomach as you stared across the room at Chucho, “If we have another girl… I want to name her after your wife. I have no idea if Javi and I will have more after this.” You weren’t certain you could endure another six months of struggling to conceive. 

“She would’ve loved that,” Chucho answered. “But I’m warning you, don’t name a son after me.” He teased. “I don’t trust those _gringos_ not to butcher it.”

You laughed heartily, rolling your eyes. “They can hardly pronounce Javi’s name.” You grabbed another piece of ginger. “We haven’t discussed names yet. I think we’re waiting until we find out what we’re having.”

“What do you _think_ you’re having?”

“I don’t know,” You started. “When we were in Colombia, I was told my morning sickness was a sign that I was having a girl. And that was right.” You glanced down at the small curve of your stomach. “

“What do you _feel_ like you’re having?” Chucho questioned again, “What does your intuition tell you?”

“A girl.” You answered. 

Chucho nodded his head slowly and smiled warmly. “Another little girl to have Javi wrapped around her finger.”

“He’s a fantastic father.” You mused, “Must’ve learned from the best.” 

He waved his hand dismissively. “I think it had to do with _other_ influences.” 

Your cheeks warmed, “He was all in, right from the beginning.” You chewed on another piece of ginger. “Did you two talk?”

He shrugged, “You know how Javier is. He’ll talk when he’s ready to talk.” 

You definitely understood that aspect of Javier’s personality. Neither of you were very good at talking, unless you reached the boiling point. But you were trying to be better. “I know he’s excited about being part of it this time. From the start. Did he tell you he told everyone he ran into?”

“And still didn’t call me.” Chucho shook his head slowly. “That boy just can’t call his father.” 

You snorted. “I promise I told him to!” 

The backdoor opened and closed and you heard Javier’s voice as he fussed at Josie to remember to take her boots off. 

“But I wanna wear them!” 

“I’ll be back.” You sat the ginger aside and peeled yourself off the sofa, wandering out of the living room towards the backdoor in the kitchen. “You can’t wear your cowgirl boots in the house, sweetheart.” 

“Momma!” She whined, sticking out her bottom lip. 

“Were you out with the horses?”

“Yes.” 

“Do we let the horses in the house?”

“We _could_.”

Both of you laughed. 

Javier shook his head, “You’ve got to leave them off for right now. I’ll clean them and you can wear them this evening.”

Josie sighed dramatically before she flopped onto the floor to pull her boots off. 

“How was your nap?” Javi questioned, smiling warmly at you.

“Good.” You leaned into him as he wrapped an arm around you and kissed your forehead. “Your father gave me some ginger. It’s helped with the nausea.” 

Javier rested his palm against your stomach, stroking his fingers over your shirt lightly. “I’m sorry, baby.” 

“Momma,” Josie said as she kicked her boots off. “Are you feeling yucky?”

You crouched down to her height, “Your little brother or sister is making me have a tummy ache.”

She threw her arms around you and you laughed, curling one around her. “Get daddy to kiss it and make it better.” Josie urged, pulling back to show you a little scratch she had on her hand. “He made this all better.” 

“Did he?” You looked at her hand. “I don’t know, I think it needs another kiss.” She giggled as you pressed a kiss to the spot. “Better?”

“Much!”

Javier offered you his hand to help you stand back up. “Hey princesa, why don’t you go see if your abeulo needs help with something.” 

Josie didn’t need to be told twice, she was already off in hot pursuit of her grandfather. You laughed softly, leaning into Javier’s side again. “She never wears out, does she?”

“Never.” He stroked your back. “You good, baby?”

You smiled at him, “Chucho and I were talking about you.”

“Oh God.” He groaned, dragging a hand over his face. “Should I be worried?”

“No!” You shook your head as you laughed. “We were talking about what a good father you are.” 

“Well, that’s a relief.” He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your lips. “He took me out to the other end of the ranch to mend the fence. Not nearly as bad as he made it out to be.”

“I think he just wanted some time with his son.” You told him softly. “There’s still a few things we need to get from S-A-N-T-A. Do you want to run to the store with me while he keeps her occupied?”

Javier nodded, “Sure.”

* * *

“They didn’t have places like this when I was a kid,” Javier grumbled as you wandered down another aisle. 

“Yes, well… Josie isn’t living in the Dark Ages. She doesn’t have to play with rocks for entertainment now.”

“It was sticks.” 

You rolled your eyes. “It’s the last thing that was on her list.” Your gaze scanned up and down the aisle, before you spotted the action figure she had asked for. “We’ll probably live to regret this.” After all, it had _multiple_ different sounds, buttons, and buzzers that would keep her entertained. 

“Hey,” He started, running his hand down your back. “They didn’t have this over in the ridiculously _pink_ aisle.” Javier pointed to a play pretend cop outfit. 

You fixed him with a look, “I wonder why.” You pulled it off the hook, flipping it over to look at what all came with the set. “I don’t know if Santa should bring this.”

“ _What_? You don’t want her pretending she’s like you?” 

“I’m pretty sure she wants to be a princess. Unicorns and all.” You tossed it into the cart anyways. It would make a decent stocking stuffer. 

“Princess Police Force?”

“I’d watch it.” 

Javier continued pushing the cart forward as you stared at the rest of the _Toy Story_ toys that were on display. Josie had taken a liking to Buzz, but you were tempted to get her the matching Woody toy as well. Especially since she was obsessed with the boots Chucho got her. 

“Javi, do you think she’d like to have both?” You questioned as you rounded the corner. “It also makes noise, but we could take the batteries out.” 

Javier took it from you, brows furrowed as he read over the back of the box. “There’s only five phrases.” He sat it in the cart with everything else. Neither of you were very good at saying no to spoiling her. “She’ll get a kick out of matching Woody.” 

You stopped abruptly as you rounded the corner, spotting a familiar face down the next aisle. Of all the people you could possibly run into in Laredo, it just had to be _Lorraine_. 

She turned, eyes going wide as she stared at Javier. “Fancy seeing you here!” Lorraine said lightly, her smile faltering slightly as she looked towards you. You were fairly certain she was even more surprised to see you, than she was to see Javi. “Are you spending Christmas at Chucho’s?”

“No, we drove all the way from Miami to shop at Toys”R”Us.” You remarked with no small amount of sass. “How are you Lorraine?”

“Last minute Christmas shopping.” She smiled, avoiding your rather hostile comment. It was pretty obvious why you were in Laredo — as if _everyone_ didn’t already know everything. It was a small town and everyone talked. “How is your daughter, Javi?”

“A handful.” Javier answered, his hand sliding over your shoulders before he slid it down to settle at the small of your back. “She keeps us on our toes.” 

“How old is she now?”

“She’ll be four in May.” You said as your hand went instinctively towards your stomach, rubbing over the slight curve there. 

“ _Oh_.” Lorraine laughed awkwardly, her eyes following the path of your hand. “Are you…” 

You nodded. “I am.” 

“Another happy accident?” Lorraine questioned. 

Javier looked between the two of you, lips drawn into a thin line. There wasn’t really any _animosity_ between the two of you, but there was certainly an awkward tension. It had been three years since you had talked to her at the wedding and you still hadn’t forgotten how she’d gotten under your skin with her blatant judgment.

He cleared his throat, his hand snaking around to rest at your hip. “Actually, no.” Javier shook his head. “We’ve been trying.” 

Lorraine flustered at that, “Wow. Look at you Javi. Really embracing being in the family way.” She folded her arms across her chest and looked towards you. “I’m impressed.” 

“How is your husband?” You questioned, crisply, your brows rising upwards as you stared at her.

“Randy’s great. Just got a big promotion at work.” She looked to Javier then. “Are you still with the DEA? I heard a rumor you got a new job.” 

“No. I’m teaching at the University of Miami.” He pulled you a little closer, not entirely oblivious to the way you had tensed up beside him. “This one is still kicking ass and taking names.” 

You laughed a little, rolling your eyes at Javier’s praise. “I’m just consulting for the Miami Police Department. It’s much nicer than working for the federal government.” 

“I’m so glad I didn’t _have_ to work while I was pregnant.” Lorraine sighed. “Especially with my second. I felt like I needed to be _home_. You know?”

“I can’t relate. There is _no_ way I could stay stuck at home during this.” You made a face. “I have to keep busy.” Your eyes flickered towards Javier, “He makes a much better stay-at-home parent.”

“ _Really_?” Lorraine’s brows drew together as she turned to look at Javier. “I honestly didn’t think this would last. No offense,” She offered to you, “But I know how Javi is.” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, before clicking it against his teeth. “I hate to break it to you Lor, but you really _don’t_ know me.” He shook his head slowly. “Not the same guy who left you at the altar.” He pointedly looked at his watch. “Shit, pops is going to want to start cooking. We need to go relieve him of Josie-duty.” 

“It was _so_ good to see you Lorraine.” You said with a too-cheery grin. “Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas.” She offered in return, matching your cheer with a faux-cheer of her own. 

* * *

You stretched out on the bed, sinking into the mattress as you ran your hand over the curve of your belly. Your mind wandered back to the toy store encounter with Lorraine. You understood her — she had been left at the altar by someone she had loved more than they loved her. But it was _years_ ago and you hated that she still had Javier pegged for being _that_ guy. Even over the course of the ten years you had known him, he had grown and evolved.

Even from just last year he had changed. 

He wasn’t trying to outrun himself anymore. 

Javier walked into the bedroom wearing just a pair of boxers and a white tee shirt that was see-through in spots from where his chest had still been wet after the shower. 

“I thought you’d be asleep.” 

“That nap did _not_ help.” You scooted further up on the bed, tucking your legs beneath the covers. “And I keep thinking about the whole Lorraine weirdness.” You admitted. You were _trying_ to be better about communicating. “I hate how everyone just assumes they understand our relationship.” 

“I know.” He pulled back the covers and slid under them. “I don’t get the weirdness. She said there were no hard feelings.”

“You’re _precious_.” You teased with a snort of laughter. “You left that woman at the altar… there will be hard feelings until the day she dies.” You shoved him in the arm playfully. “Why did you even get engaged?”

“We were fresh out of high school and it seemed like the logical next step.” He shrugged a shoulder, sinking back into the pillows beneath him. “Everyone put a lot of pressure on me to do it. We’d been sweethearts through high school, you know how it goes.” 

“You really don’t do well with pressure do you?”

Javier huffed and dragged his hand over his face. “Fuck no. I wanna have a choice. A say.” 

You scooted closer to him, draping your arm over his chest, tracing your fingers over his collarbones. “I’m sorry I took that choice away from you when it came to a lot of stuff with Josie. I know you hated keeping it a secret.” 

He squeezed your arm, before he ran his hand down the length of it. “That was different. You gave more of a shit about the DEA than I did. That was _your_ dream and… Sometimes you’ve got to make sacrifices in a relationship.” 

You tilted your head and smiled at him. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment. “You wanna wait for Christmas to do gifts?”

“I told you not to get me anything.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “I know what you’re getting me. I had to get you something.” 

“I like surprises.” You met his gaze and smiled, “How about we open them tomorrow. After everyone goes to sleep?”

“I suppose that’ll do.” Javier reached down to stroke your stomach. “How are you feeling?”

“That ginger your father gave me really worked.” You smiled at him, brushing your thumb over his cheekbone. “I love you.” You whispered, feeling particularly affectionate in your exhaustion. 

His lips twitched at the corners as he smiled back, “I love you too, baby.” He turned to kiss the center of your palm. “Let’s get some sleep.”

Javier shut the light off as you rolled onto your side beneath the covers. He scooted close and pressed a kiss to the back of your neck as he curled behind you, an arm wrapped securely around your middle. People could assume that they understood your relationship, but only the two of you understood it. 


	30. Old Parr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier grapples with his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in June 1989. Javier POV. No warnings, aside from angst.

Steve stopped in front of Javier’s desk with his arms folded across his chest and cleared his throat. 

“What?”

“Fair warning,” Steve started. “She’s in a bad mood this morning.”

Javier anticipated seeing Messina stroll around the corner at any second, but instead he saw _her_ sweep into the office like a bat out of hell. She wasn’t exactly a morning person — but she was typically in better spirits than this. 

“Who pissed in your Cheerios?” Javier questioned and Steve shot him a scolding look. 

“I’m not in the mood, Peña.” She groused as she sank down into her office chair, leaning forward to rest her forehead against her arms on the desk. 

Javier looked towards Steve briefly, before he looked back to her with furrowed brows. “You okay?” 

She sat up, sighing heavily. “I broke up with Lance.”

“ _Really_? I’m sorry to hear that.” His enthusiasm was barely contained and she seized on it.

“Oh, fuck off Javier.” Her gaze flashed between both of them. “I know you both hated him.”

“Hate is a strong word—“ Steve started. 

“I mean, I hated him.” 

Steve shot Javier another look, but he just shrugged in response. 

“If you broke up with him, why the sour mood?” Javier questioned, a brow arching upwards. 

“I know you’re unfamiliar with the art of _being in a relationship_ Peña,” She shot back. “But breaking up with someone fucking blows. Especially when they clearly care for you.”

Steve chuckled, “Javier’s modus operandi is leaving ladies at the altar.”

Javier flipped him off, turning his attention back to her. “What happened?”

She dragged her fingers through her hair and stared at him as she sank back in her chair. “He wanted me to go back to the states with him.”

“The fuck?”

“ _Yeah_.” She chewed on her bottom lip, looking towards the clock on the wall. “Is breakfast beer a thing?”

Javier snorted and kicked at the bottom draw of his desk. “I’ve got a bottle of Old Parr.” 

Her eyes lit up and Javier hated how quickly his heart jumped to life at her expression. “I think the three of us need to visit the record room.”

“I’m not getting involved in this.” Steve drew a line in the air between them. “Nope.”

“You’re gonna play lookout.” Javier told him, grabbing the bottle out of his bottom draw and tucking it under his arm beneath his leather jacket. “Come on.”

Steve glared at him, “You’re both terrible influences. It’s not even ten o’clock.”

“It’s cathartic.” Javier insisted, following behind her down the hallway. 

“What Javi said.” She led them around the corner, through the stairwell door, and down two flights to where the record room was. 

“Morning Janice.” Steve said smoothly to the older woman sitting at the desk. “Need to pull some records on the expats from last week.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Murphy.” Janice answered, before turning her attention back to her typewriter. 

Javier followed her deeper into the record room, where there was less of a chance of being caught drinking whisky during the workday. 

“Just get it over with.” Steve huffed, glaring at both of them. 

“Are you really not going to partake, Murph?” She questioned, reaching into Javier’s jacket to pull the bottle out. She brandished, grinning broadly. “Come on.” 

Javier couldn’t help the way he stared at her, but he was quick to turn his attention to the bottle of liquor instead. “I propose a toast.”

“To what? Kicking the CIA out of my bed?” She questioned, twisting the top off the bottle. She took a quick sip, before coughing. “Shit, that’s strong.”

“I thought you had game.”

“Fuck off, Javier.”

“Time is of the essence.” Steve reminded them. 

Javier took the bottle from her and took a swig. “To staying in Colombia and catching Pablo Escobar.”

She smiled at him, “To staying where I belong.” 

Javier felt his breath catch somewhere in the back of his throat. _Shit_. 

“Give me the bottle.” Steve held his hand out and she took the bottle from Javier, taking another drink before passing it off. “Jesus Christ, Javi. Where’d you find this stuff?”

“You’re both weak.” Javier shook his head. “So how did Lance take the break up?”

“Oh, he wanted to stay friends. It was painfully cordial.” She shuddered. 

“He wanted to stay friends?” Javier scoffed. “He probably just thought that was his way back into your bed.”

She sighed heavily. “I wouldn’t be as frustrated if that were the case. I think he genuinely wants to stay friends.” She grabbed the bottle from Murphy, taking another drink. “I’m going out tonight.”

“Need company?” Javier questioned, leaning back against the file cabinet casually. 

“I thought you had plans tonight.” Steve reminded him. 

“They’re floating.” He bit back.

She laughed. “Aw, Javi. You’d shirk DEA _business_ for me?”

“Can’t let you rebound with just anyone. Now can I?” Javi countered, taking another shot before screwing the lid back on. “The brothel will still be there tomorrow.” _Unfortunately._

Steve narrowed his eyes. “I’ll see if Connie doesn’t mind. I’m keen to see how this goes.”

She took the bottle from him and took another swig, looking between the two of them. 

It was probably wise to have Steve there. The last thing Javier wanted to do was to make a _serious_ mistake. She was clearly torn up about Lance. And he wasn’t about to let her rebound be him.

Not that he’d even considered it. 

“Are you finding what you’re looking for?” Janice called back to them. 

“Yeah!” She shouted back, quickly screwing the lid back on. She invaded Javier’s personal space, pulling his jacket out so she could tuck the bottle back under his arm. “Thank you.” She whispered, lingering as she tilted her head to look up at him.

“Any time.” He breathed out, hyper-aware of just how close she was to him. _God damn_. Javier hesitantly let his hand rest at her hip, giving it the briefest squeeze before he turned around and pulled the filing cabinet open. 

Steve’s brows rose upwards as he stared at him. “It’s Joplin. In case you forgot.”

“I know the _fucking_ last name.” Javier ground out. His head might be swimming with several _not_ work appropriate thoughts currently, but he remembered the damn expat’s name. He snatched the file out of the cabinet, not that they even _needed_ it. 

It was just a ruse to make her feel better. 

* * *

Javier brought the beer bottle to his lips as he watched her across the bar. She had abandoned the booth half an hour ago, choosing to go it alone at the bar in an attempt to lure in the lucky bastard that got to go home with her. He tried not to watch. But he failed. Every time she tossed her hair over her shoulders, his gaze flickered towards her. Every time he caught the sound of her laugh over the buzz of the bar — he turned his attention on her. 

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, Javi.” Steve drawled out, his brows rising upwards as Javier turned back to stare at him. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Just making sure she doesn’t go home with someone from the Medellin cartel.” He answered dryly, taking another swig of beer. “Don’t give me that look. I know she can handle her own.” 

“Well, she’s not going to find anyone with you staring them down.” Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “Ease up Javi. She knows what she’s doing.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Yeah.” He sat the beer bottle back down on the table, rolling it between his fingers as his gaze flickered towards the bar. She must’ve sensed his eyes on her because she turned back and smiled at him. “I need a smoke.”

He slid out of the booth, pulling the pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. He walked across the bar and shouldered the door open as he pulled one out and gripped it between his lips. He could’ve just sat in there and smoked, but he needed some fucking air. 

Lighting the cigarette, he took a drag and sank back against the building, watching cars as they drove by. 

It was bullshit that he cared as much as he did. He tried not to. He _really_ did. But sometimes the littlest things set him off. The way she’d smile at him. The casual ways she’d touch him. Nothing had changed — she was still exactly how she’d always been. But he’d stupidly gone and decided he _cared_ about her… more than a coworker ought to care about someone they work with.

“Hey,” Her voice cut through his thoughts and he coughed on the next exhale. “Sorry!”

“ _Shit_. Announce yourself, woman.” He laughed, turning to look at her. “What’s up?”

“I bought us shots.” She smiled, holding two shot glasses out in front of her. “Steve’s reading a book, by the way. Did we force him to come tonight?”

Javier shrugged a shoulder, reaching for one of the shot glasses. “I think he’s babysitting us.” 

She laughed softly, “We do always manage to get into trouble.”

Javier watched as she plucked the cigarette out from between his lips and took a drag from it. “Did you ask?” 

“Fuck off.” She countered with a roll of her eyes, leaning back against the wall beside him. “There’s two government contractors drinking in there. One seems like a possibility. He’s only here for a week… _So._ ” 

“So he won’t be trying to convince you to go back to the states with him?” Javier teased lightly, taking his cigarette back. “What are the shots for?”

“To thank you.” A small smirk tugged at the corners of her lips. “I appreciated the distraction this morning. You’re good at the little things. You might actually have a heart after all, Peña.”

“Don’t let Steve find out.” Javier answered in a conspiratorial whisper. 

She held up her shot glass, eyes meeting his. “To the little things.” 

He hoped the shot would numb the ache he felt in his chest. Javier knew he had to shake this… whatever it was. He worked with her every goddamn day and he _couldn’t_. He had to box up that feeling and put it out of reach. He respected her too fucking much to go down this path. He’d treaded similar paths before and he knew how they ended. 

“What’s his name?”

She rubbed her lips together thoughtfully. “Hank. No.. Henry.” Her nose scrunched. “Hector? Harris?” She shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think it really matters. He didn’t exactly ask for mine.” 

He took another drag of his cigarette before passing it to her. “I’d say be careful, but…” 

“Yeah.” She brandished her fist as she took the cigarette from him, inhaling deeply. “You know… I thought you’d crow a bit more about Lance.”

“I’m waiting until you’re completely over him.” Javier admitted, looking away then. “I’m not going to kick you while you’re down.” 

“I appreciate that.” She passed the cigarette back, pushing away from the wall. “Lance was a really good guy, but he… wasn’t _it_. You know? The one.”

“Can’t say that I do.” 

She glanced down at her feet. “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t.” 

Javier took one last drag from the cigarette before putting it out on the wall behind him. “Have fun. You deserve it.” 

“Are you coming back in?”

“Just to tell Murphy I’m hitting the road.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, before moving towards the door to hold it open for her. She dipped under his arm, flashing him a faint smile before they parted ways. 

He watched her as he headed back towards the booth, eyes following her as she went back to the bar to the guys she had been hanging out with. The lucky bastard seemed thrilled to have her return to him. But Javi knew he didn’t realize just how lucky he was. What he wouldn’t give…

“I’m out.” He told Steve, knocking his knuckles against the edge of the table as he turned his attention back to his friend. “She’s good.” 

Steve tucked his book back into his pocket and down the last swig of beer in his bottle. “Thank God.” He muttered, sliding out of the booth. Murphy glanced at the bar and laughed, “I can’t believe there’s two of you out here with that same stupid fucking mustache.” 

“Fuck off, Murphy.” Javier gritted out, resisting the urge to look back towards the bar. He had to let this go. Whatever it was. He couldn’t keep beating himself up over something that was never going to happen. 

She deserved better. 

Javier glanced at his watch as he followed Steve out of the bar. It wasn’t that late. His informant was probably still up. Maybe that could get her off his mind. 


	31. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader tells Javier something he’s not thrilled about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female receiving oral, interrupted sex, sex) and slight angst. Set in late January 1995.

You dipped the knife into the butter container and spread it over your piece of toast. “I’m probably going to be late Friday.” You informed Javier. All week you had been planning on telling him, but you kept putting it off. Saturday became Sunday, Sunday became Monday and now it was Wednesday. 

“What have they got you doing?”

You took a bite of your bread, though it tasted like sandpaper as you considered how to tell him. 

The Miami PD has hired you to be a consultant. Which was, for all intents and purposes, a cozy little desk job. But they also knew your area of specialty laid outside of the office. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation in front of Josie.” You said as you sat your toast down on your plate. 

“ _Goddammit._ ” Javier swore under his breath, his jaw working as he averted his gaze. 

You sighed heavily as you watched him, trying to read his nearly unreadable expression. 

“It’s just a one-time thing.”

He pushed his fingers through his hair and sank back in his seat, shaking his head. “How dangerous is it?”

You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip, “It’s a sting.”

Javier set his jaw hard and stared at you. “ _Fine_.” He swallowed and looked away again, staring at a spot on the floor.

“Fine?” You questioned warily. “Don’t one-word answer me Javi, i know you’re pissed.”

“I’m _not_ pissed.” He admitted. “I’m not about to stand in the way of your career, baby. But I don’t _f-u-c-k-ing_ like it.”

“It’s just this one time.” You promised him. “They need someone with the knowledge on Friday night. I can handle a sting.”

“Just be safe.” Javier shook his head, looking towards Josie then. “Not just for me, but for her too.”

You swallowed thickly. “I’m always safe.” You got up slowly, walking around the table to him. “ _Javi_.”

He curled his arm around your hips, pulling you towards his chair. Javier leaned forward and pressed his forehead against your upper stomach. 

“You’re allowed to be upset,” You told him as you combed your fingers through his hair. “But I _am_ doing this. I’ve been dying to get back in the field since I was pregnant with Josie.” Some part of you had withered up and died while you were stuck on desk duty. 

“I want to know everything. When, where, who.” He tilted his head to look up at you, his chin resting against you. “Not that I don’t trust the Miami PD, but…”

“They’re not _you_.” You brushed your fingertips over his forehead, playing with the hair that fell there. “I’ll bring the files home tonight and let you review everything. They’re good at their jobs. Crime rates have been falling steadily.” You rubbed your thumb over the worry line between his brows. “And you know I’m good.” 

“I know baby.” Javier gave the back of your leg a squeeze where he was holding you, before he leaned back in the chair. “You should eat.”

You leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, letting your forehead rest against the side of his head before he retreated back to your seat. You knew he was pissed, you could see it in the way his shoulders were tense, the way his fingers were curled into a fist. But neither of those things deterred you from doing what you loved. 

* * *

Javier rubbed at the side of his neck as he sifted through the stack of files you had brought home. He sighed heavily, jaw clenched tightly as he glanced across the table at you. “I don’t like it. These guys seem capable of anything.” He shuffled another file. “And the _Sun Gym Gang_? For fuck’s sake.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, chewing on your bottom lip. “It all started with a gym—”

“I get it.” He cut you off. “But I don’t like it.” Javier leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “What they did to this Schiller guy? Baby…” He shook his head slowly. 

“ _Javier_ ,” You started firmly. “I went undercover with the Medellín Cartel, I think I can handle a couple of roid-rage bodybuilders.” 

“What does this have to do with _anything_ you were hired to consult on?” 

“Schiller is from Colombia.” You raked your fingers through your hair as you sighed. “And the gang is currently impersonating service members.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head slowly. “I get that, but…” He lifted his gaze to meet your eyes. “I don’t blame them for wanting you to get involved. You’re probably the best goddamn asset they’ve got.” 

You pressed your lips together, exhaling slowly as you shrugged. I’ve gone headfirst into dangerous situations before. They know what I’m capable of.” You leaned across the table then, grabbing the rolled-up blueprint. You unfurled it, using the salt and pepper shakers to keep the corners held down. 

“Look.” You gestured for him, standing along the side of the table and pointing at the plans. “We’ll have police here and here.” You pointed to the houses on either side of Lugo’s house. “The houses have been emptied throughout the week.” 

Javier stood beside you, tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek. “Do you have cover here?” He questioned, pointing to a narrow strip of land behind the property. 

“There should be someone posted up along the back road, but I can get cover there.” You nodded, still chewing at your bottom lip as you watched him out of the corner of your eyes. “I should only be in there for less than a minute.” 

“You’ve got your bases covered.” Javier’s shoulders sank then and he turned to look at you. “I don’t know how I feel about you playing a _call girl_ , but you’ve got this planned out.” 

“We are _just_ trying to get proof that Lugo and his accomplices are there.” You turned around and leaned against the table. “I should be home by midnight.” 

Javier rolled the blueprints up, twisting the rubber band around it to hold them in place. “I’ll be up.” He told you, his eyes lingering on your face. He reached out, curling his hand around your hip, “I don’t like you being out there without me.” 

“I know.” You whispered, cupping his cheek as you looked up at him. “If you ever decide you want back in the field…” You trailed off as he shook his head. “I know.” You ran your thumb down the curve of his cheekbone and then along his bottom lip. “Thank you for not trying to take this away from me.”

He kissed the pad of your thumb, “I would _never_ do that.” Javier promised. “This is what you’re good at. What you love.” He shook his head. “I’m an asshole, but I’m _not_ that kind of asshole.”

“But you hate this.”

“So _fucking_ much, baby.” He laughed bitterly, his hands settling at your hips. “But this is _your_ thing. So I’m gonna support you.” Javier’s eyes flickered towards your lips briefly. There was a heat there, stoked by his barely concealed frustration. 

You curled your hand around the back of his neck, drawing him downwards so you could kiss him. It was hesitant at first, lips brushing against his, before he deepened the kiss. His grip tightened at your hip and he pressed close to you. 

A soft moan escaped you as your fingers moved to work at the buttons of his shirt, tugging the hem out of his jeans as you forced the fabric down his arms. He lifted you up, sitting you on the edge of the table. You hooked a leg around his, pulling him closer. 

Javier’s teeth dragged over your bottom lip, his fingers delving into your hair as his other hand roamed along your side. He roughly palmed at your breast through the thin fabric of your tank top, your nipple pebbling beneath his touch. Your back arched, pressing against him. 

Your nails scraped over the back of his neck, as you reached down between you to work his belt out of his jeans. Javier pulled back from the kiss, both of you breathing heavily as he took a step back to push his jeans down his hips. 

You licked your lips as your eyes swept over him, watching as he shoved his boxers off after his jeans. You followed suit, sliding off the table to shimmy out of your pajama bottoms and underwear. 

“ _Baby_.” Javier breathed out as he moved towards you once more. He lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his hips as your arms slid over his shoulders. His mouth slanted over yours, tongue delving past your lips to tangle with yours.

You reached downwards, fingers curling around his cock to guide him to your center. His hand tightened at your hip, holding you steady as he thrust forward. You gasped against his lips as he drew back and pressed into you again. 

“ _Shh_.” Javier reminded you, lips brushing against yours.. 

“You feel…” You whispered, breath coming out in soft puffs against his lips as you clung to his shoulders. “—so _good_.” You dragged your fingers through his hair, nails scraping against his scalp. 

He held your gaze as his grip loosened at your hip. His hand skimmed up your side, before his fingers came to rest against your throat. “Good?” 

You swallowed thickly and nodded your head. “Yes.” You murmured, lashes fluttering as his fingers loosely curled around your throat, sliding up to grasp your jaw. “ _Javi_.” 

“That’s it baby.” Javier held your gaze, “Keep your eyes on me.” 

A shiver ran down your spine and heat pooled in your lower belly as you held his gaze. “Please.” You whispered, rolling your hips — trying to urge him on. He tightened his grip on your hip, keeping you from moving them again. “Don’t tease, Javi.” You hissed, clenching around him in retaliation. 

Javier ran his thumb down the center of your throat, your breath trembling past your lips as he applied the faintest amount of pressure. He pulled back, his cock nearly slipping free of you before he slammed back into you. Your lips parted as a cry rose up the back of your throat, but he was quick to crush his mouth to yours, fingers gripping at your jaw as he kissed you. 

Your eyes fell closed briefly and Javier was quick to swat your hip. “Eyes on me.” He reminded you as he started to build a rhythm, thrusting into you again and again. 

A quiet moan escaped you as you kept your eyes locked on his. You curled your hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss but you paused, lashes fluttering as you tried to focus on a sound down the hallway. _Shit_. 

“Well, fuck.” Javier muttered as he heard it too. He gave your leg a little squeeze as he pulled out of you. “Go. I’ll clean up out here.” 

You nodded, slowly sliding off the table. “She has impeccable timing.” You remarked, grimacing a little as Josie’s cries got a little louder. “Mommy’s coming!” You called out to her as you pulled your underwear and sleep pants back on. 

“Or not.” Javier quipped and you slapped his arm. 

“Shut it.” 

You tugged the hair tie off your wrist with your teeth, quickly tying your hair back as you headed down the hallway to Josie’s room. “Shh, shh.” You hushed as you pushed the door open and quickly turned the light on. “What’s wrong baby?” You questioned softly as you scooped her up out of her bed. 

She threw her arms around your neck and clung to you desperately. “Scary clown.” 

“Oh, poor baby.” You kissed her temple. “Did you have a nightmare?” 

You moved towards the rocking chair in the corner, keeping her nestled to your chest as you sat down. “It was just a bad dream, babydoll.” You assured her, slowly rocking the chair. 

Josie whimpered quietly, “It scary!” 

“I know, pumpkin. I know.” You rubbed her back. “But it was just a bad dream. It wasn’t real.” 

“Did someone have a nightmare?” Javier questioned as he appeared in the door, his shirt very clearly hastily tucked into his jeans. 

You nodded your head. “I told you not to leave that VHS laying around.” 

“I thought _it_ was out of her reach.” Javier made a face, tucking his hands into his jean pockets as he leaned against the doorframe. 

“Daddy!” Josie made grabby hands for him and he made his way over to kneel beside the rocking chair. “You don’t have to worry about your nightmares, princesa, because mommy and daddy are here to keep you safe.” He promised her.

You reached out and brushed your fingers over his mussed hair, smiling softly at him. “Your daddy has nightmares too.”

“Of clownies?” 

Javier nodded slowly, a small smile creasing at the corners of his lips. “Yes, of _clownies_.” He took Josie’s hand into his, leaning forward to press a kiss to the back of it. “Sometimes I have bad dreams that clowns are trying to hurt you and mommy, but then I wake up… and it was just a bad dream.” 

Josie’s bottom lip trembled a little and you rubbed her back. “You know, Josie… Sometimes when you have bad dreams you can make them better. All you have to do is think about things you love. Like mommy and daddy… or playing with Olivia.” 

“And Unca Steve?” 

Javi rolled his eyes. “Nah, he’s afraid of clowns.” 

You nudged him with your foot. “ _Or_ Aunt Connie and Uncle Steve. Anything that makes you happy.” 

“Tea parties?” 

“ _Exactly_.” You said as you kissed the top of her head. “You just have to think _really_ hard about good memories and it’ll chase the bad dreams away.” 

“You wanna try going back to sleep, sweetheart?” Javier questioned, holding his arms out to take her from you. She cuddled against his chest, sucking on her thumb as he bounced her softly. 

“Mhm.” Josie mumbled, already fighting the urge to go back to sleep. Her face was streaked with the tears she’d shed waiting for you to come get her and she looked _exhausted_. 

You rose to your feet, following them towards her bed. “You’re a big girl, Josie.” You told her as Javi laid her down in bed. “I know you can fight off those scary dreams.” You leaned down and played with her soft curls. “Love you baby girl.” You whispered, kissing her forehead. 

“Ni-night.” She said, dramatically waving her hand at both of you.

“Sleep well, princesa.” Javier said softly, moving towards the door and waiting for you to step out before he shut off the light and closed the door. 

He swept his fingers through his hair as he turned to look at you, “Well that was… “ He laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck as he shook his head. 

You folded your arms across your chest and leaned against the wall, “I’m going to be careful, okay?” 

His smile faltered and he gave a stiff nod. “I know you will.” 

“And I’ll be home in time to tuck _you_ in,” You promised with a teasing tone, pushing off the wall and reaching for him. “So you don’t have any nightmares of clowns.” You tilted your head to look up at him. 

Javi huffed quietly, his eyes flickering over your face. “Has the moment passed?” 

You rubbed your lips together thoughtfully. “It _could_ be reclaimed…” 

He stole a quick kiss before he curled his fingers around your hand and led you down the hallway to your bedroom. 

There was a reverence in the way he guided you onto the bed, in the way his hands stroked over your bared skin as he peeled your tank and pants off. In the way he knelt at the foot of the bed and pulled you to the edge. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out, fingers grabbing at his hair, clinging to him as his mouth descended upon your slick folds. He pulled your legs over his shoulders, your thighs framing his cheeks as his tongue circled your clit and made you clench around nothing. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your thighs, bound to leave little marks there. 

Your hand spread out against the duvet as your back arched up off the bed, your fingers tightened in the fabric — needing purchase in something as his mouth effortless pushed you over the edge you’d been teetering on. But he didn’t relent there.

Javier’s hand flattened out across your lower stomach, holding you down as he worked his tongue into you, dragging it through your aching flesh, before it returned to tease your clit. He was so _fucking_ thorough. He knew exactly how to drive you mad. 

He left you trembling as he pulled back, his lips and mustache glistening with your arousal as he shot you a wicked grin. “Look at you.” Javi drawled out as he licked his lips. He held your gaze as his hand slipped down between your thighs and he pressed a single finger into you, his thumb sweeping over that throbbing bundle of nerves he’d already worked. 

“You’re going to kill me.” You laughed breathlessly, catching his wrist and pulling it away. “And you are _far_ too dressed.” You pressed your palm against his chest, pushing him back as you sat up on the edge of the bed.

Javier tenderly brushed his fingers over your cheek, looking down at you as you unfastened his jeans and pushed them down his hips. “ _Goddamn_.” He breathed out as you curled your fingers around his cock. 

You trailed your tongue over your bottom lip as you looked up at him. “You want me to keep my eyes on you, again?” You questioned, dragging your fingers along the length of him. 

“I want you to lay back on the bed.” He told you, pushing his fingers through your hair, twisting the strands between them. 

You inhaled sharply, grinning up at him. “You’re such a bastard, Javi.” You retorted, defying him as you leaned forward and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. 

He pulled at your hair, grabbing at your hip as he moved swiftly to push you back onto the bed. “Didn’t you hear me, baby?”

You smirked up at him as he pulled your legs around his hips. “You think I listen to you, _baby_?” You countered, mimicking his tone. It got you exactly the response you wanted, he reached down and guided his cock into you. 

Javier leaned over you, dipping down to catch your lips. Your fingers dragged through his hair, resting at the back of his neck as you kissed him back with equal fervor. Your legs wrapped around his hips, holding him close as he bucked into you. 

He nipped at your bottom lip, before he trailed a line of kisses along your jawline and down your throat. He caught hold of your free hand, interlacing your fingers and pressing it back against the mattress beside your head.

“ _Javier_.” You panted out, your hips rolling in time with his. You were already so sensitive from his mouth, you could feel the beginning flutters of your release, your body clenching tightly around his cock. 

“Let go, baby.” Javier rasped out, his lips close to your ears as his hips snapped forward. He pressed the full length of his cock into you, grinding his hips against yours. He squeezed your hand tightly, three short squeezes as his mouth reclaimed yours. 

You couldn’t have held back if you wanted to. His words set off your release, pleasure slamming into you — your back bowing up off the bed. Your nails scraped down his back, certain to leave angry red marks in your wake. You could mark him too. 

Javier pressed his forehead against yours, his breath coming out in heavy puffs against your lips. “Fuck, you feel so good, baby.” He murmured. You couldn’t help but watch him, to take in the look on his face as he pressed into you one last time as he came apart. The way his lashes fluttered, his lips parted, and finally the way his eyes opened and he stared down at you with a look of sheer adoration. 

A long time ago you had mistaken that look for something else. You had taken for granted the way he stroked your hair, the way he brushed his nose against yours. You had mistaken his tenderness for false affection. But it was all yours. It had never faltered, not even when it should’ve. 

You let go of him reluctantly, already missing the weight of his body against yours. Javier sank back onto the bed and you moved to join him, nestling in close beside him. “I promise I’ll be safe.” You told him, pressing kisses along his jaw as you stroked your hand over his chest.

Javier trailed his fingers down the length of your back, “I don’t want to lose you.” He admitted quietly. 

“You’re not.” You kissed his neck. “Did I ever take risks before?”

“You have been shot.”

“ _Once_.” You gave him a look as you brushed your fingers over his jaw. “I have you and Josie to come home to. I’m not taking risks. I trust my team.”

He swallowed thickly and relented. “I trust you.” 

You draped your leg over his, settling your cheek against his chest. “I’ll page you before and after I go in.” 

“Thank you.” He said as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

You knew he was thinking about Daniel. About the last time _he_ went on a stakeout. You knew _his_ nightmares as well as you knew your own. And you weren’t about to make them become a reality. 


	32. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader’s first day with the DEA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in March of 1987. Also, side note…. I’m playing fast and loose with Steve and Javier’s backstories. Similar but timelines adjusted a smidge.

You stared at your reflection in the poorly-lit bathroom mirror. The U.S. Embassy was about what you expected it to be. A building made of concrete and tinted glass, fashioned into an imposing structure — which stood in a sea of equally ugly hideous brutalist buildings. 

Your nerves had gotten the best of you. After a meeting with your supervisors, you’d ducked into the bathroom for a breather… rather than heading straight for your new office. You had done as much research as possible on the two men you were going to be working alongside of for the foreseeable future. 

Stephen Murphy had been raised in West Virginia and had attended university for criminal justice in the middle-of-nowhere… _honestly_ , who knew they had universities in Bluefield, West Virginia? He had gone straight to Miami after graduation, diving headfirst into cocaine and the city’s rampant crime. God were you glad you weren’t stuck in that hell hole. After enough success the DEA had thrown him at Colombia, in hopes that it would stick. As far as you could tell he was newly married to a nurse who had followed him to Colombia. 

Javier Peña had taken a different route to Colombia. He had a flouncy psychology degree from one of the best schools in Texas. Straight out of college he somehow landed himself a job as a Sheriff’s Deputy, before the DEA recruited him to play special agent in Austin, Texas. He had actually _volunteered_ for Colombia… which you couldn’t say much about, considering you had technically volunteered too. 

You wanted upward mobility and if you had stayed in the states — your career would’ve hit a brick wall. At least in Colombia you had a chance to make a name for yourself. No one gave a shit about the country, but the shit going on… one day, it would end up in the history books. And you wanted your name alongside it.

“You’ve got this.” You told yourself in the mirror, before you headed out of the bathroom and down the long hallway that led towards the DEA’s office. 

“Good morning, _gentlemen_.” You said with as much enthusiasm as your nerves would allow you to summon.

“You don’t have any shit for your desk?” Asked the dark-haired one, looking up at you from over the file he was reading. 

You blinked, looking towards the light-haired man who was chuckling at his desk. At your expense? The glare you shot him cut his amusement short and he quickly got out from behind his desk and approached you. “Steve Murphy.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” You offered with a smile as you shook his hand. You glanced out of the corner of your eye, before you turned to look at the other man. “Which makes you—”

“Javier Peña.” He drawled out with a too-charming smile, reaching across the desk to shake your hand. 

“Of course.” You said with a slight edge to your voice as you shook his hand. 

“You’ve got a good handshake, I guess we’ll keep you.” He remarked, before he leaned back in his seat and fixed you with a sweeping look. “Why the hell are you in Colombia?”

“Why are _you_?” You shot back, moving towards your desk. Maybe you should’ve brought your own shit. Aside from the typewriter and a file sorter with a few _used_ manila folders — it wasn’t much to write home about.

You glanced in the direction of Javier, catching him staring at you before he pretended like he _wasn’t_. You rolled your eyes and prayed he wasn’t going to be one of _those_ guys. You’d had enough of them in the past. 

“Here.” Steve said, offering you a styrofoam cup that had a couple pencils and pens in it. “You’re going to need these.” 

“Thank you,” You said with a genuine smile, sitting the cup down on your desk next to the file rack. “I probably should’ve brought some supplies, but that’s what tomorrow’s for — right?”

Javier snorted, “Tomorrow we’re headed for Facatativá.” He got up from his desk and threw a folder down on your desk. “You want in on it?”

You picked the folder up, flipping through the first couple of pages of typed notes. “Is this your chicken scratch?” You questioned as you eyed notes in the margins.”

“You get used to it.” Steve assured you. “Escobar’s allegedly attending a party hosted by a few of _accomplices_.”

“Celebrating that _Forbes_ article?” You questioned with a short laugh. “I’m in. We leaving at o’dark?” Your eyes flickered towards Javier, deeply amused by the impressed look he wore. 

“Diving in headfirst, huh?” He questioned, pursing his lips with a nod. “We’ll be heading out about this time tomorrow morning.” Javier explained, glancing at the clock on the wall across the office. “It’s an hour’s ride out, we’ll settle.” 

You nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” 

He steepled his fingers, leaning his elbows against the desk. “Let’s see how you do.” 

“Underestimating me already, Peña?” You questioned, cocking your head to the side. “Didn’t see that in your file.” 

Steve laughed, “She read your file.”

You turned to look at him, “Slow down there _wild and wonderful_. I’ve read _both_ of your files.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Find out anything good?” 

“You think I’d tell you what I know?”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “That tells me you don’t know shit.” 

“Webb County Sheriff’s Office, Laredo, Texas.” You stated with a smirk. “You must’ve had some balls going home after college, all things considered.” The juiciest morsel that you’d found in his record had been an engagement announcement in the _Laredo Morning Times_. No mention of the fiancé afterwards, however. “I’m good at what I do, Peña. Don’t underestimate me.” 

“Duly noted.” He mirrored your smirk, before he looked towards Steve then. “I’m replacing you. This one’s my new number one.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” You told him with a roll of your eyes. “Whatever this charm thing is you keep trying… will probably work on Murphy before it works on me.” 

“Hey!”

“Sorry.” 

Javier grinned at you. “I… was dreading this whole change.” He gestured between the three of you. “But you can hold your own. I’m impressed.” 

“Well, I didn’t come here to impress you. I came here to take down Pablo Escobar.” 

Steve approached your desk with a stack of files, “I pulled the records on known accomplices, there’s a few mugshots, newspaper clippings… good shit to familiarize yourself with.”

“Thank you.” 

“Also, my wife cooks a _mean_ meatloaf and she’s dying for friends that don’t work at the hospital.” 

“You never invite me over dinner.” Javier complained, flipping Steve off. 

You rolled your eyes and smiled politely, “I would love to come over, but I don’t eat beef.” 

“She can cook other food.” Steve laughed. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

* * *

The Murphy’s had a nice apartment — it felt lived in, which you couldn’t say for your own apartment. In your defense, you had only lived there for a week and you had never been particularly sentimental. You’d only brought two suitcases and shipped a box of personal effects to the embassy — everything was locked away in a storage facility back in the states. 

“Connie, dinner was delicious.” You said as you wiped your lips off with a napkin. “I felt like I was back home.”

“I’m glad Steve invited you,” She said with a smile. “I don’t know how you can do it. I hear the stories he tells.”

You say up a little straighter, “As soon as I found out they were looking for a new agent, I jumped. This was the break I have been hoping for.”

“So what _are_ your plans?” Steve questioned, leaning against the table. “Off the record.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, “Easy answer is take down Pablo Escobar, but…” You shrugged your shoulders. “It’s hard as hell to make a name for yourself in this field. A _good_ name.” You reached for your beer and took a swig. “And that’s what I want. What I _really_ want.”

Connie and Steve exchanged a look. 

“Sounds like you’ve got it all mapped out,” Steve said with an approving nod. “You want to be someone kids can look up to?”

“No one believed I could make it here.” You pressed. “But I did. I want girls like me to know they can go _farther_.” 

“Then stay away from Javi,” Connie warned as she got up from the table and cleaned up the dinner plates. “I’ll get dessert.”

Your brows furrowed as you stared at Steve. “What does she mean?”

He shrugged a shoulder and scratched at his jaw. “Javi’s a good guy.” He assured you. “But he’s got a bit of _reputation_.”

You laughed, crossing your arms across your chest. “Was that what _this_ was about? Maybe he’s not able to keep things professional, but I can.” You gritted out. “Rule number one is — don’t shit where you eat.” Not to mention Javier was _not_ your type. Sure, he was handsome, but he was also… a typical government agent. 

He’d made his assumptions about you before he had even met you.

“I’m flattered that you’re concerned,” You told Steve. “But I’m _good_. He can make a fool out of himself, but… no.”

“I’m just warning you.” Steve said with a small smile. “I know how he is.”

“And I’ve worked with a dozen like him.” You said dryly. “And surprisingly haven’t fallen for their charm. Peña is no exception.”

“I made trifle.” Connie announced as she returned. 

* * *

“Is that a fucking cactus?” Javier questioned, staring at the small potted cactus you had brought to put on your desk. 

“No, it’s a sequoia.” You shot back with a roll of your eyes. “Come on Peña, don’t just say shit to get a redundant response.”

He stared at you, jaw clenched. “I’d flip you off, but that doesn’t seem appropriate.” 

You turned your cactus carefully, gesturing towards the little growth sprouting up. “My cactus doesn’t mind flipping you off.”

“Real cute.” Javier huffed, moving across the office to grab the banker box off Murphy’s desk. “You smoke?”

“Not really.” You shrugged. “I’ve got to be in the mood.”

“And what gets you in the _mood_?”

Steve cleared his throat as he walked into the conversation, giving you a pointed look — which you disregarded. 

“It’s an _after_ sex thing.” You said with a shrug. “Or when I’m bored.” You looked towards Steve, “Problem?”

“There’s _two_ of you.” He raked a hand over his face. “I’m never going to get a moment of peace again, am I?”

“This is purgatory, Steve. Didn’t you read the handbook?” You teased. 

You couldn’t help but grin at Javier when he looked in your direction. You weren’t an idiot — you would gladly heed Steve’s warning, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to play along with Peña’s stupidity, just a little bit. You never turned down good banter. 

* * *

“I should’ve brought sunglasses.” You groused, shielding your eyes as you looked through the windshield at the house you were watching. 

“Here.” Javier pulled his aviators off and offered them to you. 

“What about you?”

He shrugged, “You need ‘em.” 

“Thanks.” You smiled, taking them from him and putting them on. You pushed them up the bridge of your nose as you settled back against the seat. 

“Hey,” Murphy started, leaning in between your seats. “Javier, did you bring the junk food?”

“Trunk.” He answered shortly, waiting until Steve had turned around in the backseat to look for the junk food.

Javier nudged your arm, smirking as he opened the center console to reveal two bags of Sour Cream and Onion. “My favorite.”

“A good choice.” You laughed, glancing back at Steve who had looted a bag of Goldfish that looked like it had much seen better days. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll share with you.”

“We’ve moved from flattery to _bribery_ now.” You grabbed a bag out and tore it open, popping a chip into your mouth.

Steve cranked the back window down, “Javi, you got a light?”

Javier reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter, passing it back to Steve.

“Make sure you don’t leave a pile of butts outside the window.” You warned Steve as you turned around to look at him, “It’s a sure fire way to find out that someone’s been watching you all day.” 

“Touché.” He nodded, taking a puff from the cigarette as he passed the lighter back to Javier. 

“Want one?” Javier questioned you, pulling his pack out of his jacket pocket and tapping it against his wrist. 

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip as you stared at him, “Sure, why not.” You relented, shrugging a shoulder as you held your hand out. 

Javier didn’t give you the cigarette straight away, instead he made a show of lighting it for you, before he offered it to you. 

“Thanks, Javi.” You said lightly, wrapping your lips around the cigarette and taking a drag. You leaned back in your seat as you drew the cigarette away from your lips on an exhaled. Your eyes flickered out the window, watching as more people made their way into the house. “Isn’t that Carlos Lehder?” You questioned, sitting your cigarette down in the ashtray before you grabbed your binoculars. 

Sure enough, it _was_ Lehder. He had walked out of the house, still yucking it up with another man who you didn’t recognize. 

He had all of his bank accounts frozen, didn’t he? I’m surprised he’s still showing his face.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “We’re gonna follow him.”

“That’s not the plan.” Steve slapped the back of Javier’s seat. “We’re watching for Escobar.” 

“And Lehder hasn’t shown his face in three years.” Javier pointed out. 

You followed him with the binoculars, “ _Look_! He’s leaving.” 

“We need to trail him.” Javier put his cigarette out and turned the car on. “Put them down.” He told you, grabbing the string of your binoculars and tugging lightly. 

“I am, I am.” You assured him, tucking them back under your seat. Your heart was hammering in your chest. It looked like your first day in the field was going to be an exciting one. 

* * *

“Now, don’t get _cocky_.” Javier told you as he took a sip of his beer, angling himself in the booth so he was facing you. “Every day is not going to be that exciting at the DEA.”

“You mean I’m not going to bag one of the top three guys the U.S. wanted extradited out of Colombia _every_ day?” You deadpanned, shaking your head solemnly. “Damn.” 

Steve laughed and pointed at you with his beer bottle. “You didn’t do it alone.” 

Javier waved his hand, “Oh, fuck off Murphy. Neither of us had eyes on the door.” He nudged you in the arm. “This one and her research.”

“I’m good with faces.” You shrugged, before you confessed. “And I might’ve made index cards.” 

He snorted, “ _What_? Studying for a test?”

You flipped him off, smirking as you downed the last of your beer. “Did it work?”

“Yeah, it worked.” Javier grinned at you. “You’re good.” 

You rolled the base of your beer bottle on the edge of the table, glancing towards the bar. You had noticed a man at the bar eyeing you for the past half hour. He was nice looking and after the day you’d had…

You looked between Steve and Javier then, “If I’m not at work in the morning… that guy at the bar probably killed me.” You nodded your head in the direction of the man, watching Javier as he looked towards the bar. 

“Is there a problem?” He questioned, his shoulders tensing. 

“No. I’m getting _laid_ tonight.” You laughed, scooting closer to Javier so you could reach into his jacket pocket. You pulled out the pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. “For later.” 

“Have fun.” 

Steve’s brows drew together as he looked at you. “Page us if you have any problems.” 

You took Javier’s sunglasses off your shirt and passed them back to him. “Have a good night guys, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Your eyes lingered briefly on Javier’s face, before you turned away and headed for the bar. He had an entirely unreadable expression written on it. You didn’t know him well enough to figure him out yet. Maybe you would one day. 


	33. Sunflowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in Februrary 1997. 
> 
> Here is a link to the house that’s described and the dress she’s wearing. https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2560-Inagua-Ave-Miami-FL-33133/43856449_zpid/?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (pregnancy sex, fingering, cuninglus, they’re so raunchy)

“I can’t wait until we have our own backyard.” You mused as you joined Javier on the porch swing. You had always coveted the Murphy’s backyard, which was ironic considering you had only ever pictured yourself living in an apartment. 

The idea of a house — a real _home_ had never crossed your thoughts. 

You grinned at Javier as you stole the sunglasses off his face, lifting the hem of your sundress to clean them off. You turned to meet his gaze as you pushed them up the bridge of your nose. Sure, you could get your own sunglasses… but where was the fun in that?

Javier slid his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. “Hopefully those assholes don’t outbid us again.” He sighed, curling his hand around your hip and giving it a squeeze. 

“Maybe we should let them know who they’re bidding against.” You quipped as you rested your head against his shoulder, watching Josie as she played with Olive and Emily across the yard. They seemed to be in hot pursuit of an iguana or some other Florida-fauna. Steve was keeping a close eye on them. 

You closed your eyes as you tilted your face upwards, enjoying the warmth of the sun on your skin. “I’m glad the weather held out today. There’s definitely something to be said about seventy degree days in February.” 

“So am I.” Javier reached across to rest his hand on your stomach, his fingers sprawling out over the curve. “I like this dress.”

“Of course you do,” You rolled your eyes and swatted at his leg playfully. 

It was one of your favorite sundresses. You had worn it frequently last summer, but it definitely _wasn’t_ made to be a maternity dress. The hem fell just below your mid-thigh, shorter now that your stomach had claimed extra fabric. And the sunflower pattern was stretched out where the soft fabric clung to your rounded belly. 

You _despised_ the frumpy clothes that all the stores thought pregnant women wanted to wear. When you already feel like you’re becoming a beached whale, why would you want to wear a potato sack? 

This dress was cute… and your boobs looked amazing in it. Which was an added perk to the outfit. 

“ _What_?” Javier feigned innocence as he tilted his head to look at you. 

“Nothing. _Nothing_.” You laughed and shook your head. You knew exactly where his mind had gone, given the way he was gripping at your hip. “I’m going to go see if Connie needs any help in the kitchen.” You told him as you pressed a quick kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“Hey,” Javier grabbed your hand as you started to get up, “I’ll come too, baby.” 

You interlaced your fingers with his, squeezing lightly as you headed through the glass sliding that led into the Murphy’s kitchen. 

You and Javier had _always_ been very physical people. You had never shied away from touching him, even years ago when you were both just friends. But today, you were certain he was being extra touchy. It had started at the condo — he’d held you from behind while you brushed your teeth in the bathroom, followed by his hand on your knee for the duration of the drive over to their house. And now you were certain he hadn’t taken his hands off of you since you arrived. 

“Something smells good,” You remarked as you released his hand and moved towards the stove to look at what Connie was making. You pulled Javi’s sunglasses off and tucked them into the front of your dress. 

“I’m trying out this new recipe for stovetop enchiladas.” Connie explained, gesturing to the cast iron skillet on the stove. “One of the nurses on the floor gave me the recipe. I’m not sold on it yet.” She smiled at you, “How are you handling spicy food?”

You shrugged a shoulder, “Surprisingly it’s not as much of a trigger as it was with Josie.” You glanced back at Javier, who had his arms folded across his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counters. And his eyes were very much on your ass. 

_Oh_. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You started with a too-sweet voice, smirking when he met your gaze. He knew you caught him staring. “What do you think of this?” You gestured for him to come closer. 

He pushed off the counter and walked towards the stove, hands on his hips. “Hmm.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head as he looked at the skillet. “I wouldn’t call these enchiladas.” He offered Connie a sympathetic smile. “But it smells good.”

Connie sighed, “Let’s just hope it tastes good too.” She laughed a little as she moved towards the other side of the kitchen to finish working on the bowl of guacamole. 

Javier’s hand moved to rest at the small of your back briefly, smoothing his fingers over your back for he trailed them lower. You bit your lip when he gave your ass a light squeeze. “Hopefully we get the new place.” He remarked, looking towards Connie as his hand lingered on your ass. “We’re looking forward to entertaining.”

“Everyone _except_ Tracy and Jeff.” You added with a laugh. “There’s _so_ much room. I don’t think I’ve ever lived anywhere with that much square footage.”

He nodded in agreement, “I think pop’s ranch is the only place I’ve been that compares.” Javier walker back towards the counter he’d been holding up before, staring across the kitchen at you. 

“I mean I love the condo, but…” You made a face. “I can’t imagine the four of us living in it comfortably.” Your hand went to your stomach. “Plus Josie deserves her own room.”

“And the master walks out to the patio.”

“It also has a _massive_ bathroom.” You pointed out. “That tub would change my life. I haven’t had a bathtub since my first place out of college.” 

Connie shot you a look, “You’re making me jealous! I can’t wait to see it when you have a housewarming party. Because you’re getting it.” 

“Don’t be too jealous.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, “It doesn’t have nearly half the backyard you and Steve have.” 

“We traded indoor space for outdoor space.” Connie said as she grabbed something from the fridge. “Luckily the girls don’t mind sharing a room.” 

“If ours decide they want to sleep together, then we’ll have a guest room.” You remarked as you walked over to where Javier was. “There’s plenty of space.” 

Javier shifted closer to you, draping his around your shoulders. “It’ll be nice to have something that’s fully ours. I’ve never bought a house before.” 

“It’s surreal.” You leaned into him, sighing softly. “Hopefully the owners don’t make us wait much longer. I’d like to be able to move in before I look like a beach ball.” 

“You look _beautiful_ ,” Javier whispered as he pressed a kiss to the spot just beneath your ear. The way that his breath danced over your skin had goosebumps forming. 

If this was how he was going to handle things two could certainly play _that_ game. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, tilting your head to look up at him. “You’re _sweet_ , Javi.” You said slowly, tracing your fingertips over the patch of skin where his shirt was unbuttoned. “Go see if Steve needs help with the girls.” 

His lips parted, “But—”

You cut him off with a kiss. 

Connie had her back turned towards you both as she tended to the skillet on the stove. And you were just bold enough, thanks to him, to slip your hand a little lower. You lightly grazed your fingers over the slight bulge in his jeans. 

“ _Later_.” You promised, grinning up at him as you pulled away. “Hey Con, do you need any help?”

“Could you get the cheese out?” She requested. “Do you think it would be best to put it in a bowl? That way everyone can choose how much they want.” 

“That sounds like a plan.” You answered as you headed for the fridge.

Javier hadn’t budged from the spot you had left him in and you were fully aware of the fact that he was watching you.

You bent over to get the bad of shredded cheese out of the bottom drawer, knowing that your skirt had risen up the backs of your thighs. 

The glass door slid shut harshly as Javier ducked out of the kitchen quickly. 

* * *

“What are you _doing_?” You questioned as you stepped out of the bathroom and found Javier lingering in the hallway. 

“I was waiting for you.” Javier answered before he closed the short distance between the two of you. He pressed you back against the wall. 

You pushed your fingers through his hair, looking up at him as your heart hammered in your chest. “You’re full of yourself today.”

“Baby, you’ve been driving me crazy all day.” He dragged his hands over your hips. Javier leaned in and kissed you and you melted from the intensity of it. 

Your fingers curled around the back of his neck, nipping lightly at his bottom lip as you pulled back. “We can’t do this here, Javi.” You breathed, brushing your nose against his. 

“They’re teaching the girls badminton,” Javier whispered, kissing you again. “They’re _busy_.” He ran his hand along your side. “You’ve been driving me crazy all day, baby.”

“ _Javier_.” You warned softly, even as you dragged your fingers through his hair. “What has gotten into you?”

“That dress is _really_ doing it for me.” Javier told you, sighing heavily as he took a step backwards heeding your warning.

“I wore it all of last summer.” You grinned at him, cocking your head to the side. “What changed?”

He pointed looked downwards at your stomach and you couldn’t help but laugh. “ _What_?”

“You’re such a man.” Your hands went to your hips as you shook your head at him. “You wouldn’t be this _horny_ if I had on one of those hideous maternity dresses.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “You could be dressed in one of those potato sacks and I’d still want you, baby. You look… _gorgeous_.”

You smiled warmly at him, taking a step towards him. You brushed your fingers over the column of his throat as you leaned up to kiss him again. “You’re such a jackass.” You muttered against his lips as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss. 

Javier’s hands trailed from your waist to your hips as he pressed you up against the wall again. His tongue swept out over your lips as they parted, seeking entrance. His hand slid lower, rough fingers dragging over the smooth skin of your upper thigh, just beneath the hem of your dress. 

The sound of the glass door in the kitchen sliding closed jerked you out of the moment. You pushed at his chest gently, slipping out from between him and the wall. While neither Connie nor Steve would be _surprised_ by the two of you making out — you really didn’t want to be that person. As tempting as it was.

You quietly retreated back into the bathroom, pulling the door shut as quietly as possible. You turned the sink on, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Your cheeks were flushed with desire he’d started to stoke within you. 

You couldn’t blame him… you did look hot in the dress. 

“What are you doing Javi?” Steve questioned from the other side of the door. You bit your lip to keep from laughing. 

“Waiting for her.” Javier answered. “Morning sickness.” 

You coughed quietly, before shutting the water off. “It wasn’t the enchiladas!” You called out through the door. “Don’t worry Connie about it.” 

“I learned a _long_ time ago not to comment on the cooking,” Steve retorted with a laugh. “I hope you feel better. I just came in to get some water.” 

You pulled the door open a crack, “Hey Javi, do you mind coming in here?” 

“Sure thing, baby.” Javier stepped inside and smirked once the door closed behind him. 

“Don’t get _any_ ideas.” You warned him, even as your eyes swept over the length of him. It wasn’t fair how easily he could get you wound up. “We’re not doing this _here_.” Your hands went to your hips, staring him down. “But you are going to take me home. Sooner, rather than later.” 

Javier reached out and traced his fingertips over your cheekbone as he leaned in to kiss you. “You’ve given us the perfect excuse to leave early.” 

You grinned up at him. “I think fast on my feet.” 

“One of the _many_ reasons I love you.” Javier pulled you close and kissed you softly.

“God, you’re such a _fucking_ sap.” You let your arms drape over his shoulders, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “You’re lucky I like this sappy shit most of the time.” You brushed your nose against his, “Take me home, Javi.” 

“All I can think about is ripping this dress off of you.” 

* * *

“Is it just the _dress_ that flipped your switch?” You questioned as Javier pulled into the parking spot behind the condo building. 

Javier’s tongue darted out over his bottom lip as he tilted his head to look at you out of the corner of his eyes. “It’s just… _you_. The dress is just the icing on the cake.”

Your cheeks burned hotly as you unbuckled your seatbelt. “Well we don’t have to pick Josie up until eleven tomorrow so…” You looked over the roof of the car at Javier. “I’m tempted to tell you to do your worst.”

“I already planned to.”

“You _did_ attempt to fuck me at the Murphy’s… why am I surprised?” You rolled your eyes, resting your hand on your stomach as you walked around the car to join Javier. 

“We had the bathroom to ourselves.”

You shot him a look, “What is it with us and bathrooms?”

He shrugged a shoulder, slipping his hand into yours. “I dunno, baby. But all I’m thinking about right now is getting you into _bed_.”

Your breath caught in your throat at the specific tone he took. You had once jokingly called it a ‘panty dropper voice’ and… you weren’t mistaken. 

It was a sheer miracle that you both managed to get into the condo and back to the bedroom with most of your clothing still on. 

Javier was _good_ at making you feel worshipped. He had been the same way when you were pregnant with Josie — the reverent ways that he would stroke your belly, the way he’d kiss you like you were _everything_. 

He always seemed to know exactly when you weren’t feeling particularly confident about your body. For the man he used to be, he was remarkably skilled at being _tender_. 

“This is what set you off, isn’t it?” You questioned as you laid back on the bed and stroked a hand over your still-covered stomach. “ _What_? Does it appeal to your caveman sensibilities?” 

Javier climbed onto the bed, carefully situating himself above you so he wasn’t putting pressure on your stomach. “That’s only part of it.” He smirked, sliding his hand over the soft cotton that rested against your stomach. “You’re so fucking _gorgeous_ , baby.”

You bit down on your bottom lip as you looked up at him. You reached up and curled your hand around the back of his neck. “You make me feel gorgeous.”

Javier leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to your lips, before he trailed a line of kisses down your throat, his tongue sweeping out over your skin. 

He moved lower, kissing along your collarbone before he sat back and started to peel your dress up your hips. “You’ve got to wear this again, baby.”

“Trust me. I _will_.” You laughed softly as you sat up and pulled it off over your head. 

Javier climbed off the bed, fumbling with his belt buckle, before he worked his jeans off, followed by his shirt. 

He rejoined you on the bed, laying down beside you. “C’mere.” Javier rasped out, his fingers curling around your thigh as he pulled you close. He pressed a kiss to your cheek, his nose brushing against you as his hand slipped between your thighs. “Relax, _baby_.”

You leaned against him, half fitted into his side as you let your legs fall open for him. He had his other arm curled around you, his palm resting against the curve of your stomach. 

You drew in a shaky breath as he brushed his fingers over you through your underwear. He groaned as he discovered just how slick you were. The heated looks he’d been giving you all day had you aching for him. 

“Is that all for _me_?” Javier questioned and you turned your head to kiss him, rather than answer. He drew a tight circle around that little bundle of nerves, making you moan against his mouth. 

Your hand trailed down his bare chest, nails gently scraping before you followed the path of hair that led beneath his boxers. You pulled back from the kiss, eyes on his face as you ghosted your hand over the outline of his cock, “Is _that_ for me?” You mimicked his tone. 

Javier smirked at you, “What do you think?”

Your lashes fluttered as he slid his fingers under your underwear, working them through your sensitive folds. “I think you better not _tease_ me.”

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and tore them down your hips. You wiggled to get them off, kicking the fabric down the bed. “I hate to disappoint you, baby. But I plan to take my time with you.”

Your lips parted with a breathy moan as he gave your cunt a swift swat. “ _Bastard_.” You hissed out. 

“And you love it.” Javier retorted, pressing two fingers into you and hooking them just right. “Are you going to be a _good girl_ for me, baby?” 

Your heart skipped a beat. You should’ve _never_ told him how much you enjoyed it. “Javi, please.”

“Please _what_?”

You swallowed thickly and tilted your head to look at him. “Don’t stop.”

He drew his hand away from your stomach, fingers playing with your hair. “I won’t.” Javier promised you, his fingers slowly moving in and out of you. He pressed his lips against your temple as his thumb circled your clit. 

Your hips rocked upwards, your heels digging into the mattress as you reacted to his touch. “Fuck.. _fuck_.” He hissed out through clenched teeth. You reached down and rested your hand against his cock through his boxers, stroking him slowly. “I’m so close Javi,” You told him, tilting your head lazily to look up at him through your lashes. “Don’t stop.” 

And the bastard stopped _abruptly_. 

You keened, hips rocking upwards — chasing after his touch. “ _Javier_.” You snapped, fingers tightening on around his cock. “I told you not to tease me.” 

Javier dragged your hand away from his cock, fingers curling around your wrist as he met your gaze with a wry smirk. “I have plans, baby. Don’t worry.” He released his hold on your wrist, reaching up the bed to grab a pillow. He lifted you up and placed the pillow beneath your head, dipping down to kiss you.

You relaxed back against the pillow and watched Javi as he started moving downwards. Your fingers played through his hair as he peppered your skin with kisses, a soft moan rising up in your throat as he ran his hands along your waist in his downwards pursuit. He settled between your thighs. 

“Goddamn,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Do you have any idea how fucking hot you look like this?” He questioned, running his hands along your inner thighs. “You’re a mess.” 

You lifted your hips up off the bed, rolling them towards him. “I wonder why.” You shot back, glaring down at him, but it was hard to keep a straight face when he leaned forward and swept his tongue over you.

This time, Javier didn’t tease.

* * *

“It’s surreal to think that this time next month we might be in our new bedroom.” You mused as you intertwined your fingers with Javier’s, your cheek pressed against his bare chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

“I know.” He chuckled, squeezing your shoulder, before he ran his hand down your arm and rested it against your stomach. “I’m the fucking luckiest man in the world.”

You laughed, “I’ve heard that a time or two.”

“Because it’s true.” He kissed your shoulder. “I did a lot of shit in Colombia that I’m not proud of, baby. And I feel like I shouldn’t get all this good shit because of it.”

“Didn’t we all do things we regret?” You questioned, tilting your head to look at him as you squeezed his hand. “But if we hadn’t, we wouldn’t have Josie or Sofía.” 

“I know.” You watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. 

“You’re allowed to be happy, Javi.” You brushed your fingers over the column of his throat. 

Javier pulled you in close. “I _am_ happy, baby.” He pressed his lips to your temple. “I’m so fucking happy. And sometimes it doesn’t feel real. How good I’ve got it with you.”

“It is.” You promised him, “And I’ll keep telling you how much you deserve all of this if you go make me a grilled cheese and bring me a bowl of ice cream.”

Javier gave your hip a squeeze, “Anything you want, baby.”


	34. Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in Februrary 1997.

Something felt off from the moment Javier woke up. Or at least… it felt like he had woken up. But the sky seemed to blur and the grass seemed too green and…

He was in Texas. Living out of the same apartment he’d lived in _before_ Colombia. A space devoid of life — a place that wasn’t _home_. No matter where he looked, he couldn’t find a trace of her… of Josie. 

The spare room was filled with junk, his closet held only his own clothes. There were no sippy cups in the sink, no red wine in the refrigerator. 

He tore the place up looking for something — anything that would give him a clue. Her number was nowhere to be found, there were no crayon-scribble pictures proudly pinned up on display. 

The three most important people in his life seemed to have vanished without a trace. 

So he called Murphy. It took two tries before he finally answered.

“How the hell have you been, Javi? It’s been a minute.”

“It has?”

“At least a year.”

“Right.”

“You okay?”

“Where are you at?” Javier questioned, flipping through a number book beside the receiver. There was an address scribbled down under Steve’s name. “Miami?”

“ _Yeah_ , same place we’ve been for the past five years.” Steve chuckled. “You good, man?” 

“I don’t know.” Javier admitted, sinking down into the chair at his desk. “Where is—“

Steve cut him off, “How about you come out here and visit? Change of scenery might do you some good.”

Javier exhaled heavily, dragging his fingers through his hair. “ _Sure_. Yeah.” 

Something shifted, the edges of his apartment blurring around him. He was dreaming — he knew it now. But that didn’t help shake the sinking feeling he felt, like the darkness around him was trying to get a hold of him. 

“What the fuck?” Javier muttered, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes before he looked up — faced now with a familiar place. 

The Murphy’s townhouse. He could hear Olivia and Emily giggling down the hallway and his heart clenched as he waited… _prayed_ … But he never heard her. It was just two little girls — not three. 

“You look rough man.” Steve said as he sat a beer down on the table in front of him. “You had me worried. I know coming back from Colombia was a difficult transition.”

Javier took a greedy swig of beer, but it didn’t quench his thirst. He sat it down heavily and rubbed at his temples. “I don’t understand what’s going on, Murphy. Something is _wrong_.” 

“What’s wrong?”

“Where is she?”

“Where is who?”

Javier blinked. “Who do you think?”

Steve shrugged, “I mean, there’s a pretty long line of _she_ s, Javi. You can’t expect me to know every one of them.”

He shook his head slowly, sitting back in his chair defeated. “This has to be a nightmare.” He muttered, glancing out the window. Just the other day he’d been sitting in that swing with her — dreaming about their new house. Talking about the future. Josie… the baby. 

“Javi, you’re gonna have to talk if you want to get past this.” Steve told him, leaning forward in his seat. 

Javier looked towards Steve then, but something caught his attention past his ear. Something hanging on the refrigerator. “ _Josie_.” He breathed out as he got up and walked across the kitchen — eyes fixed on the picture of his daughter. She looked a little older. Her curly hair was longer, now resting against her shoulders as she sat for her kindergarten class photo. She had an apple in one hand and a slateboard with her grade propped up at her feet. 

“Javier?” Steve questioned, following after him. “Who’s Josie?”

Javier felt like he was going to be sick. “My—“

Steve reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “That’s Alexis.” He shrugged a shoulder. “They’re doing really good from what I hear. Such a shame what happened.”

“What happened?”

Steve stared at him. “She only told Connie a little. Don’t you remember? The same week she found out that she had gotten knocked up, she got relieved of her duty with DEA. No idea what happened, but bad timing.” He folded his arms across his chest. 

“Where is she now?”

“I think she and Lance live in Washington.” He arched a brow at Javier 

_ Lance. _

Javier’s fingers trembled as he took the picture off the fridge, turning it over. 

** ALEXIS COLLIER, AGE 5 **

“This is wrong. This is all wrong.” 

“Javier, what the fuck is going on?” Steve grabbed his arm. “ _What_ is wrong?”

Javier turned towards Steve, the colour draining from his face. “This is my daughter.” He held the picture of Josie up in front of Steve’s face. “She’s _mine_.” 

“You’re not funny.”

“We fucked when you and Connie left and—”

Steve’s hands went to his hips and he stared at Javier, jaw set hard. “So you’re the asshole who wouldn’t own up? Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised... “ He shook his head slowly. “Shit, Javi.” 

“But I did.” Javier stared down at the picture. “I did everything she wanted. I was there for her. I don’t understand.” His eyes burned with unshed tears. “We had everything. A life, a home, another baby on the way.”

“Yeah, well… I don’t think that’s the case.” Steve took the picture away from Javier, sticking it back up on the fridge. “She’s happy, Javier. They came down for Christmas a few months back and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy. Whatever you think you had, it’s not real.” 

_ Wake up.  _

_ Wake up.  _

Javier clenched his eyes closed, trying to will himself to wake up. But all he could hear was the ticking of the cat clock that hung on the Murphy’s kitchen wall. 

The dream morphed again. Steve faded away as Javier’s surroundings shifted — the house giving way to the inside of his car. He dragged his hands over his face, leaning forward against the steering wheel.

He knew he was having a nightmare, but his brain wouldn’t let him wake up. 

Javier looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was sitting outside of an elementary school — the one Olivia went to kindergarten, only he could see the Washington Monument in the distance. He was in D.C. 

_Shit_. 

Children streamed out of the front doors of the school and his heart clenched as he spotted them. God, she looked beautiful. Walking hand-in-hand with Josie down the stairs… right towards Lance. Josie shouted out ‘ _Daddy_ ’ loud enough for him to hear inside the car. But she ran towards Lance — not him. 

“Javier!” 

He blinked.

“Javier!”

The dream surrounded him, dragging him into an inky darkness. 

Someone was shaking him. 

“Wake up.” 

Javier mumbled something unintelligible, blinking as he stared up into the darkness. He could make out a shape, a face, staring down at him. “Baby?”

“I’m right here.” She whispered, brushing her fingers over his forehead and pushing his hair back. “Are you awake now?” 

“I—.” Javier swallowed thickly, reaching up to touch her face, to feel the warmth of her skin beneath his fingertips. “Is this real?”

Her laugh felt like a breath of fresh air. “Yes, it’s real.” She assured him, pinching his side. “You were having a nightmare.” She leaned over him, pressing a hand against the bed beside his head as she reached to turn the bedside light on.

His eyes flickered around the bedroom, taking in the familiar surroundings. He was _home_. He wasn’t back in Austin, miserable and alone. He hated how easily a dream had been able to recreate that feeling. _Loneliness_. 

It had been years since that ache had taken up residence in his chest. 

She moved to straddle his stomach, looking down at him. “Are you going to tell me about the dream?” She questioned, reaching down to cup his cheeks. “You kept saying my name.” Her thumb brushed a tear away from his skin. “And not in a good way.”

Javier ran his hands up her legs, welcoming the warm reality of her. Everything had felt so cold in his nightmare. Cold and distant and unforgiving. False memories conjured up by a self-deprecating brain. 

“We weren’t together.” Javier’s voice wavered, leaning into her touch. “I don’t know… I think I fucked up.” 

“It was just a nightmare.” She reassured him, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m right here.” 

“You were with Lance.”

She laughed softly, “That would never happen.”

“I think… I think I got you fired. You went back to the states and…”

Her brows furrowed together as a frown set over her features. “Was Josie…”

“You named her Alexis.” He brushed his thumb over the top of her thigh through her sleep pants. “I think Lance adopted her. You were… happy.”

“Lance would’ve bored me to death.” She shook her head. “It was just a nightmare.” She stroked the backs of her fingers against his cheek. “You have us.” 

“I was miserable.” 

“Well if you got me fired, I would hope you were miserable.” She said seriously. “But you didn’t and you’re not… right?” She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “You’re not miserable.” 

Javier sat up then, curling his arms around her as he bent his knees behind her. “I’m far from miserable, baby.” He pressed his forehead against her chest. “I’ve never been happier. You and Josie and…” He reached down and rest his hand against her stomach. “Sofía.”

She combed her fingers through his hair, cradling him to her. “Nightmares are usually trying to tell you something, Javi.”

“I don’t know what this one was trying to tell me.” Javier ran his hands over her stomach. “Why the hell was Lance even in my dream?”

“That’s between you and your brain.” She kissed the top of his head. “Are you still afraid of losing me?”

“Every day.” Javier admitted quietly. “It scares the shit out of me.”

“And I keep telling you that you’re stuck with me.” She tugged at his hair lightly, making him look at her. “We’re buying a house, Javi. We’re _those_ people now.” She brushed her thumb over his bottom lip. “Is it that? Your nightmares were bad after we moved to Miami.” 

“Change, maybe?” He shrugged his shoulders, raking a hand over his face. “Steve — in my dream — told me something about… talking about it. I don’t know what.” 

She chewed on her bottom lip again. “We’re better at talking now… If there is anything—“

“There isn’t.” Javier admitted quietly. “I don’t know what else needs to be said.”

Of course there were still plenty of things about Colombia he kept tightly packed away. They all got boxed up during the first move into her apartment, then sealed away even tighter when they moved to Miami. 

“Well, if you ever decide that there _is_ more to be said…” She tilted his chin, smiling softly at him. “I’m here.” Her fingers brushed the stray curls off his forehead. 

“They took so much from me.” Javier said quietly, closing his eyes. “It’s fucking stupid.” He shook his head. “Fucking grown-ass man worried he doesn’t have enough emotional bandwidth left for his own family. It’s bullshit that the DEA can still find a way to fuck with me.”

“Hey, hey.” She whispered, cupping his cheeks. “Is that what this is about?” 

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if that’s a can of worms I want to open,” She whispered. “I know you’ve put in the requests and made the contacts… but, if it’s going to dredge all of this up for you…”

“You had a dream, baby. They took it all away.” 

“Yeah, but my dream seems to be _your_ nightmare.” She kissed him gently, brushing her fingers over his cheeks. “I’m not going to pour salt in wounds that haven’t healed.” 

Javier sank back on the mattress, rubbing at his eyes. “I don’t want to do this right now. I don’t…” He shook his head slowly, staring up at the ceiling.

She slid off his lap, kneeling on the bed beside him. “I’m going to go get Josie.” 

“Don’t wake her up because of me.” 

“I’m going to go get Josie.” She repeated with an edge to her voice. 

Javier watched her as she got off the bed and slipped out the door. He really _didn’t_ deserve her. She put up with so much shit because of him. They had both put each other through hell in very different ways. 

He couldn’t shake the way he’d felt seeing her with Lance in the dream. She’d seemed so happy — a smile that had only ever been reserved for _him_ had been given to that fucking suit. And Josie… that was a perfectly crafted twist that felt like a shot to the chest. 

The truth was, he felt guilty for how things played out for her. There were so many _ifs_. What if he’d admitted to his feelings years before? What if he’d convinced her to come clean with the DEA from the start? What if. _What if_. 

Javier raked his fingers through his hair, sitting up as she returned with a sleepy Josie in her arms. _This_ was his life. This beautiful, badass of a woman had given him not one but _two_ daughters. And more understanding and love than he’d _ever_ expected. 

“C’mere.” Javier held his arms out as she deposited Josie on the bed, she crawled up the covers and nestled into his hold. “Did mommy wake you up?”

Josie nodded. “She said you had a nightmare, daddy.” She put her little hands on either side of his cheeks. “I fight them for you.”

Javier wrapped his arms around her and laughed, scrunching up his nose as he looked up at her. “Just the three of you being here with me has fought them off.” 

Josie mimicked his expression, scrunching up her nose as she leaned down and knocked her forehead against his. “Love you daddy!” She said sweetly, kissing his cheeks. 

“She’s capable of chasing all nightmares away. Isn’t she?” Javier grinned as he watched her climb into bed beside them. He shifted so he could curl an arm around her shoulders and pull her in close to his side as Josie stretched out on his chest. 

She laughed softly, pressing a kiss against his arm. “She certainly is.” She reached out and played with Josie’s curls, “I’m so glad she has your hair.” 

“In my dream her hair was longer.” Javier recalled, rubbing Josie’s back as she quieted. “It was a school photo.” 

“Already dreading sending our baby girl to kindergarten?” She teased lightly, reaching up to brush her fingers against his cheek. “It was just a nightmare, Javi. You’ve got us. And you know I don’t let go of anything easily.” 

“Momma _shhh_.”Josie waved her hand at her mother. “Daddy’s sleeping.” 

“Are you sleeping, Javi?” 

He nodded his head with a grin. “I am.” 

She reached out and brushed her thumb down his nose, before rubbing it over his bottom lip. “Goodnight, Javi.”  


“Goodnight, baby.”

“Night-night daddy.” Josie whispered. 

Javier moved to turn the light off on the nightstand, before settling back onto the bed. He wrapped his arm around her, keeping her nestled close to his side. He gave her shoulder three short squeezes and he felt her smile as she pressed her lips against his chest. 

He didn’t think sleep would easily return to him, but at least he could listen to them breathe and remember what he had. Maybe he needed to talk to Steve again, hash out all the shit that happened in Colombia that he didn’t want to burden her with. 


	35. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in March 1997. Full disclosure this idea was brought on by an anon two nights ago. I had actually humored going this route at one point, but the anon tipped me over the edge. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. Our couple is solid 100%. Fear not. This will resolve itself over the course of 3-4 updates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (whatever you read just know that it will ALL BE OKAY) and Smut (bath sex, fingering, masturbation, stuff)

Javier had a funny look on his face when he got home from work. You could tell something was bothering him, given the deep crease between his brows, and the way his jaw worked occasionally like he was trying to figure out _what_ he was going to say. After dinner he worked on unboxing the rest of the kitchen items — instead of helping you with Josie’s bedtime like he typically did. 

By the time you had convinced Josie that it was bedtime and _not_ playtime, Javier was still in the kitchen tinkering with putting together the spice rack you had purchased at Ikea. You watched him watching you out of the corner of your eye as you busied yourself with making a mug of tea beside.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” You questioned as you turned the kettle on to boil, “Or am I going to have to guess?”

Javier’s shoulders sank as he sat the little metal wrench down on the counter. “Some shit’s going on at work.” He admitted, the muscles in his jaw clenched so hard you could see a tick in it. “Baby, with your blood pressure…”

You crossed your arms across your chest and gave him a look. “My blood pressure will _only_ get worse if you keep sulking around the house like you are.” You met his eyes. “What’s going on?” As far as you knew, he was doing well at the university… he likely _wasn’t_ going to get laid off. That would fucking suck, considering you had just bought the house. But you both had savings, given the time in Colombia was nearly expense-free. 

“There is a rumor…” Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed thickly. “That I am _involved_ with a student.” He couldn’t have timed the answer better, given the high pitch whistle of the kettle as the water reached boiling.

You laughed. “Well, that’s bullshit.” 

“You don’t—”

“No, of course I don’t believe it.” You rolled your eyes and shoved him out of your way to grab the canister of teabags. You knew Javier better than that. You couldn’t even _humor_ the idea of him doing anything remotely inappropriate with any of his students. Maybe before… in the beginning, but now? 

“Baby, I…” 

You looped the label of the teabag around the handle of your mug, pouring the water into it. You grabbed a small plate and sat it on the top, turning back around to look at him. “Javier, I trust. I have for a long time. I know you’re not an idiot… If you pulled that shit you’d be buried in our brand new backyard with so much lye there won’t even be a stain left.” 

Javier lifted his hands and raked his fingers through his hair. “It’s fucking awful.” He bit down on his bottom lip as he looked at you. “And I have no fucking clue who is running around spreading this rumor. The dean clearly knew…” 

“Is this _serious_?” You questioned, your brows furrowed as you stared at him. 

“I don’t know. The dean called me into his office mid-day… just to ‘let me know’ what was going on.” He laughed bitterly, turning away then. “All over a fucking rumor.” 

“God, I hope the women at ballet don’t ever catch wind of this.” You shook your head as you turned back towards the counter, taking the plate off your tea and straining out the teabag. 

Javier moved towards you, reaching into the cabinet above your head to grab the honey out for you. “And you believe me? You’re not just _pretending_?”

You turned to look at him, “Do I have a reason _not_ to believe you?”

“ _No_.” 

“Well there you go.” You took the honey from him, squeezing some into your tea. “It’s probably just a stupid rumor. If the moms at ballet are any indication… you’re a catch Peña.” You gave him a once over. “Still figuring out why.”

Javier moved to stand behind you, resting his chin against your shoulder as he smoothed his hand over your stomach. “I was dreading this conversation all evening…” He admitted quietly. 

You leaned back against him and took a small sip of your tea before sitting it back down on the counter. “Your daughter wanted you to read her a story.” You told him, reaching back to stroke his cheek. “But I didn’t want to impose on whatever this mood was about.”

“I was scared…” Javier breathed out. “I thought… I really fucking thought you’d believe it. With everything… before.” 

You tilted your head back to rest against his shoulder so you could look at him from that angle. “Javi, that was a long time ago…” You brushed your fingers over the faint scruff that was growing on his jaw. “There is no part of me that is concerned about _that_.” You turned then, draping your arms over his shoulders. “You’re also oblivious to women’s advances, so I find it hard to believe that anyone tempted you to go astray.” 

“No one tempted me to go astray, baby.” He insisted and you could tell from the way the corners of his eyes creased that it was tearing him up inside. “I hate this.”

“It’s just a rumor,” You reminded him, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s just someone who has their wires crossed. It’ll blow over.” You chewed on your bottom lip, holding his gaze. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not going to murder me in my sleep?” He questioned with feigned humor. 

“Only if you steal the covers.” You leaned up and brushed your nose against his while giving his shoulder three little squeezes. “I’m going to drink my tea before it gets cold.” 

“Sit with me?” Javier questioned, his hold tightening at your hip. “The sun’s about to set.” 

You smiled a little, “You’re being ominous again.” 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, “This day’s been hell and I just want to relax with you.” 

“Alright.” You picked up your mug and nodded your head towards the back door. He took your hand into his, leading you out onto the patio. 

“I’m looking forward to summer evenings out here.” Javier mused as he settled down on one of the picnic table chairs. 

You took a sip of your tea, watching him for a moment before you looked out over the yard. The evening sky was awash with golden yellows, oranges, and reds. The haze of night starting to cast everything with shadows. “Me too.” You sat your cup down on the table, pulling out the chair beside him. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head slowly. “We’ve got some fucking luck.” 

“Hmm?”

“The doctor says you’ve got high blood pressure—“

“It’s not _that_ high.”

“I’ve got these stupid _fucking_ rumors to deal with.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Baby, I’m mad.”

You picked up your tea and took a slow sip of the hot liquid. Now you understood why he wanted to go outside. It had nothing to do with the sunset and everything to do with not waking Josie. 

“And who are you mad at?”

“Fate. The world. God. Take your pick.” He seethed, slapping the tops of his legs as he sank back. 

“Do you still feel like you’re being punished?”

Javier huffed, “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me.”

“ _Well_?”

“Yeah.” He gritted out. “Of course I think I’m being punished. This shit? This rumor… The fucking irony of it all.” Javier’s shoulders shook with a humorless laugh. “You knew me in Colombia, you knew how I was—”

“Yep.”

“The happy perpetual bachelor.” He dragged his fingers through his hair, the strands falling loosely across his forehead. “I finally found ‘ _the one_ ’ and now I have to deal with this shit?” He looked towards you then, his lips drawn into a thin line. “Baby, you believe me. Don’t you?” 

You picked up your tea and took a sip, before sitting it back on the table. “If I didn’t believe you I wouldn’t be sitting here, Javi.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. You really did believe him. You had no reason _not to believe_ him. You knew exactly who Javier Peña was, but you also knew he wasn’t stupid enough to fuck a student. 

You, Josie, and his unborn baby would be gone before he could even say your name. 

If this had been ten years ago, you would’ve believed it. The man you first met wouldn’t have hesitated to get involved with some hot little co-ed, but ten years ago you probably would’ve encouraged him to. But the man sitting beside you wasn’t _that_ Javier. 

“Javi,” You said softly, scooting your chair closer to his so you could reach out and brush your fingers through his hair. He had flecks of grey in his hair now, a sign of the years that had passed since that first time you met him. There were laugh lines around his eyes, etched into his skin from five years of laughter and love with you and Josie. 

You stroked the back of your knuckles against his cheek, “I love you.” He relaxed ever-so-slightly, his shoulders sinking as some of the tension eased from his body. “I trust you. _Implicitly_. There is no person in this world that I trust as much as I trust you.” You smiled at him when you turned to meet your gaze. “I trust you with my life, my body, my heart.” 

Javier’s jaw rocked and he dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “I still remember the way you looked.” 

“What?” Your brows furrowed. 

“After Steve left… after _everything_.” He took your hand into his, squeezing it gently. “It was weeks later, I had already given up hope.” Javier looked away, shaking his head. “The informant. The one I slept with. You came into the office that morning and heard the tail end of my conversation with Tom and…” 

You couldn’t look at his face, you lowered your gaze to stare at your joined hands. You remembered the way you had spent the rest of the morning wondering if you had been no better than that woman — if you were just another fuck for him to brag about. 

“I felt like shit,” Javier admitted quietly. “Didn’t get any fucking information either.” He huffed, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “It made me realize how much I wanted you and I didn’t think I ever would.” He squeezed your hand. “I wouldn’t do anything to lose this.” 

“I know.” You brought his hand to your lips and brushed them against each knuckle, before pressing a kiss to the spot just above the ring on his finger. “This will blow over, Javi. You can’t beat yourself up about something you didn’t do.” 

Javier reached over and cupped your cheek, rubbing his thumb over the rise of your cheekbone. “I thought you’d look at me like that again.” 

You closed your eyes for a moment, leaning into his touch. “I misunderstood the situation, Javier. We both did. I thought I was no better than your informants, your hookers… Just another warm body to help you forget that you were alone.” You turned and kissed his palm, before you sat back and stared at him. “We both fucked up in Colombia, but there’s nothing we can do about that.” 

Javier nodded solemnly, “It’s all just fucking bullshit.” 

“What if I come to class tomorrow?” You questioned, chewing on your bottom lip. “I bet I can figure out who started the rumor.” You wiggled your brows, trying to offer a moment of levity. “Nothing’s more intimidating than an angry pregnant woman.” 

Javier laughed a little, shaking his head. “I’ll handle it.” 

“I wonder if Monica knows.” You pursed your lips thoughtfully. “I could get her to fish around for information.” The girl owed you, you had helped her get an internship at the Miami PD. 

“What if it’s her?”

You frowned. “Do you think it is?”

“The dean wouldn’t tell me who.” Javier shrugged. 

“Well, if it _is_ Monica she’s a fucking idiot.” You gritted out. “You don’t bite the hand that’s given you an internship of your dreams.” You folded your arms across your chest, shaking your head. “I hope it’s not.”

“I hope this just goes away.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck. “You ready for bed, baby?” 

“I think I’m going to take a bath.” You took another sip of your tea, before downing the lukewarm liquid. “You’re welcome to join me.”

Javier arched a brow, a faint smirk playing over his lips. “Go run the water, I’ll grab a beer.” 

“You’re not gonna get in?” You questioned with a playful pout as you stood up. 

“I might,” Javier stood, resting his hand on your stomach. He held your gaze as he stroked his hand along your side. “Thank you for believing me.” 

You reached up and stroked the back of his neck. “There’s no question about trusting you.” You assured him, drawing him down so you could kiss him. Your lips moved gently against his, fingertips playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you, Javi.” 

“I love you too.” He brushed his nose against yours, his shoulders relaxing as you ran your hands over them. “I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

You nodded your head, before you headed in through the doorway that led from the patio into your bedroom, while he headed through the doors that led back towards the kitchen. There were still a few boxes in the corner of the bedroom — you were slowly making your way through unpacking. 

Did it count if you had mentally unpacked already? 

Maybe tomorrow you’d feel differently about this situation. Tomorrow you’d probably spend the day plotting the demise of whoever had started the rumors. Right now, you just wanted to relax. The doctor had, after all, recommended that you take things easy. It wasn’t good for you. 

You sank down into the warm water, slipping beneath the water to get your hair wet before reemerging. You sank back against the bath cushion, lifting your foot out of the water to turn the faucet off. 

“That bathtub’s the whole reason you wanted this place, isn’t it?” Javier questioned as he stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He lifted the beer bottle to his lips, taking a pull before he moved to sit on the edge of the tub.

“You’ve learned my devious plans.” You laughed, stretching out comfortably beneath the water. “It’s relaxing. Especially now.” You rubbed your hand over your stomach, smiling at him. “Are you really not going to join me?”

Javier shook his head slowly, “I’m good right here, baby.” He sat the beer bottle on the floor, turning a little to look down at you. He popped the first three buttons of his shirt, sweeping his fingers through his hair. “Today was a fucking day.” 

You reached up and rested your hand on his knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s probably going to get harder before it gets easier.” You cautioned him, “But I’m here for you.” 

“I know you are.” Javier rested his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. He picked the beer bottle up, taking another swig. “You look good in the water.” 

“ _Yeah_?” You laughed, chewing on your bottom lip. You watched the way Javi’s eyes raked over your naked flesh and smirked as he followed the path of your hand downwards. “If you’re just going to sit there… maybe you’d enjoy a show.” 

He took another sip of beer and arched a brow. “You’re going to make me regret not getting in there with you.”

“There’s still _plenty_ of time,” You told him, breath catching in the back of your throat as your hand-dipped between your thighs beneath the water. 

Javier’s tongue darted out over his bottom lip as he sat the beer bottle back down, his attention solely on you now. “Is that good, baby?” He questioned, his voice dropping an octave lower as he watched you. 

“Not as good as you.” You countered, moaning softly as you rubbed a tight circle over your clit. “ _Javi_.” You whispered, lashes fluttering as you looked up at him. God, the way he looked at _you_. 

He unbuttoned his cuff, rolling the sleeve up his forearm. “Do you have any idea how fucking pretty you are?” Javier questioned, “And all mine.” 

You traced your fingertips along your inner thigh, letting your legs fall apart wider as you held his gaze. He braced himself on the tub with one hand, while he reached down and cupped you beneath the water, stroking his middle finger between your inner folds. 

“Are _you_ all mine?” You questioned, mimicking his tone. Your fingers curled around his forearm, moaning quietly as he pressed two fingers into you. 

“What do you think?” Javier questioned, his thumb circling your clit. 

You let out a breathless laugh, your nails digging into his arm. “I think you need to remind me.” You urged him. “I didn’t want this big bathtub just for me.” 

Javier leaned down and kissed you, his mouth slanting against yours. The kiss was fleeting, he pulled back and stood up. “You drive a hard bargain, baby.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth as he pulled his belt from the belt loops. 

He didn’t even bother taking his shirt off, just his pants and his boxers. 

You all but crawled into his lap, legs resting on either side of his hips beneath the water. Javier’s hands slid up your back, one hand tangling in your damp hair, while the other settled at your hip. Your mouth found his, tongue delving past his lips. 

Maybe there was a fear, deep down. One you weren’t going to address. You had been so afraid, since the very beginning. But the distance, the years, since then had lessened that intrinsic fear. 

_ A leopard never changes its spots.  _

But Javier had. 

Your fingers gripped at the fabric of his now wet shirt as he shifted beneath you, the hand at your hip guiding you downwards. Your moan was caught between your lips, lost in the dance of your tongue against his as he rocked up — his cock pressing into you.

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out as you moved above him, sliding down the length of him before rising up on your knees. 

Javier lavished your skin with open-mouthed kisses, teeth lightly scraping over your collarbone, before his tongue swept over the marks left. 

Your fingers gripped at his hair, a wanton moan slipping past your lips as he gingerly cupped your breasts, thumbs brushing over the hardened peaks of your nipples. You tugged at his hair, meeting his eyes. “Fuck, yes.” Javier grunted out, his hands sliding down your waist, grasping at your hips as he rocked up into you.

The water sloshed in the tub as your bodies moved together. There was no doubt in your mind when it came to Javier. He was _yours_ and you were his. No one could come in between the two of you. They could try, but they would fail. 

You pressed your forehead against his, overwhelmed by the sound of your name on his lips. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to him as close as he could given the swell of your stomach. 

“I love you.” You whispered, fingers cupping his cheeks as you kissed him. 

The slow grind of his hips sent you careening over the edge, clenching around his cock as the pleasure rippled through you. Javier followed right behind you, body tensing as he came apart deep within you. 

Javier smiled lazily at you as he leaned back against the tub. He pushed your wet hair off your cheeks, his eyes alight with adoration as he looked up at you. “I love you too, baby. You know that, right? You’re it for me.” 

“I know I am.” You kissed his forehead. “We’re going to get through this. Whatever happens.” 

There was so much going on. The move, your pregnancy, pressure at work, this new crisis with Javi, the drama involved with reaching out to the press about everything that happened in Colombia. There was no wonder that your blood pressure was high. Nothing seemed to go _easily_ for either of you. 

But you’d get through it. Together. 


	36. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader considers the gift Javier gave her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in January 1997. This is part of the “big angst” that will be covered over the next two chapters.

“Do I really want to open this can of worms?” You questioned, running your hand over the subtle curve of your stomach. “I think your daddy really wants me to.” You sighed heavily and sank back in your office chair. Your gaze flickered towards the stack of manila envelopes sitting on top of your file sorter. They had been sitting, right there, since your first day back after Laredo. 

You had gotten Javier an engraved ring; the day you met, your birthdate, his, Josie’s, and enough room for the new baby’s birthdate. Javier had gotten you a stack of FOIA’d files from the DEA. Every mention of your name on the Pablo Escobar case. Every contribution you made to the Cali Cartel investigation. Buried within that bundle of files was also, as Javier had explained, incriminating evidence that the DEA had intentionally concealed your efforts. 

Swallowing thickly, you pulled one of the files off the sorter. You bent the metal clasp straight and pulled it open. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip as you stared down at the painfully familiar letter heading.

Colombia felt like a lifetime ago. 

That last year with the DEA had been a living hell. 

Working for the Miami PD had been a breath of fresh air. You had a team that supported you, supervisors who respected you and valued you… You never had that with the DEA. Javier and Steve had been the only two at the DEA who seemed to give a shit what you said. You spent your entire career working five times harder than every man, only to get an eighth of the credit. 

Or none.

You got up out of your chair, heading over to shut the door to your office, pulling the blinds shut on the little glass window. You sank back down in your seat, staring at the stack of neatly stacked papers that had been tucked into the folder.

Five folders symbolized the culmination of _years_ of effort. From 1987 to 1993. 

You leaned forward and pressed the speaker button on your desk phone, before clicking the speed dial button for Javier’s office. It rang once before he picked up, his voice exactly what you needed to hear right then. “Hello?”

“Hey, Javi.” 

“Hey baby, I was just thinking about you.” Javier said warmly. “What’s up?”

“I finally opened the files and... “ You laughed quietly, “I guess I’m a little hormonal right now.” You rubbed under your eyes as you looked down at the top sheet of paper. “Just seeing my name and the DEA is… blast from the past.”

“You were the best goddamn agent they ever had in Colombia. And you know it.” 

“Of _course_ I know it.” You rolled your eyes. “I had to put up with you and Murph. I had to be good.”

“You took down Carlos Lehder on your second day, baby. Do you have any idea how many years that asshole spent evading US forces? Second day and you fucking bag him. How many years has it been? Cause I’m still proud of you for that.”

You felt your cheeks warm under his praise. Your fingers trembled as you flipped through the pages. “What were you thinking that night?”

“Hmm?”

“At the bar. I still remember this look you had… I couldn’t figure it out.” You recalled, brows furrowed as you flipped to a page of reports that had Javier’s horrible handwriting printed between the margins. 

“You really wanna know?”

“Sure.” You looked towards the phone. “Was it good?”

“Well, _yeah_.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and chuckled. “What do you _think_ I was thinking about, baby?”

“I figured as much.” You grinned, rubbing at the back of your neck as you settled back in your chair. “ _Damn_ … jealous since day one. Javier, have you _always_ had a heart?” 

“If you hadn’t been so fucking… _you_.” Javi huffed softly. 

A comfortable silence fell between you as you shuffled through the pages, you could hear the soft inhale and exhales coming from him on the other side of the line. You wished he were there with you, flipping through years of work together. But he’d gifted them to you to do with as _you_ wished. 

“You trust this journalist?”

“He uncovered the whole Tailhook Convention scandal.” Javier sighed heavily. “And that was a shit show.”

“Yeah. I remember reading about it.” Trust the Pentagon to try to cover up a massive sexual assault scandal among their good ole boys. “So he’s good. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, but… is my story even _that_ important?”

“ _Baby_ …” 

“I’m just one agent that got royally fucked over by the DEA. Doesn’t it seem a little narcissistic to think I’m so important that I need to have my name printed?” 

“Steve told me.”

“Told you what?”

Your heart sank. 

Javier sighed. “After you left the bar that night. I didn’t realize what he was doing, but in hindsight… I get it now.” He was silent for a moment, before he continued. “You wanted to make a name for yourself. That’s what you told him, right?”

“I mean… _Yeah_.” You tucked the files back into the folder and reached for the second, peeling it open and dumping them out. There was a stack of square photos with a rubber band wrapped around them. Pictures from stakeouts, late nights… Steve was always documenting everything. He loved that goddamn camera. 

They always had to go into the case files, except for a few you had stolen. “I mean… that’s why I volunteered for Colombia. No one else was crazy enough to go there and I thought… _that’s my shot_.” 

“And it was. You could’ve had it all, baby. But I—”

“Were the best partner a girl could ask for, Javi. You and Steve were _so_ good at your jobs.” You smiled wistfully down at a picture of the three of you. You had Javier’s aviators on and were wedged in between the two of them. “I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything. I don’t need my name in the history books.” 

“But what about everyone else? What about Josie and the baby? What if they want to follow in their mother’s footsteps.” 

“God, I hope they don’t want to be DEA.” You laughed, “Good parents don’t let their kids grow up to be feds.” 

“You’re avoiding the topic.” 

“If we start this, we have no idea where it’ll go, Javi. An article like this… it’ll have ramifications.” You cautioned. “Everything with the DEA comes at a cost.” 

“This was your dream.” Javier pressed. “They cut you out. Completely. You know it, I know it, Steve knows it…” He sighed heavily. “Just call the guy. See where he wants to take this. He already knows the jist of this shit.” 

“I know.” You sat the photos aside and went through a stack of neatly typed notes that you had taken towards the end of the case. Some of the last stakeouts the three of you went on together. Good memories. _Really_ good memories. 

“What do we do, Javi? Do we tell them everything? You, me… the kids? There’s a lot more to this story than just me being cut out.” You pushed your fingers through your hair. “And Steve…”

“Knows what I got you for Christmas. He helped me get them FOIA’d.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and you _wished_ you could see his face. “He’s willing to burn the place down, baby. Just say the word.”

“What is he going to do?” You questioned. “They’ve got two little girls.” 

“He’s got plans to open his own consulting firm. He’s playing it by ear.” Javier told you, “He’s not thrilled with the DEA either.” He sighed heavily, “I’ve got this faculty meeting in a couple minutes, but… Do you want to meet for lunch at Demetrio?”

You tucked the files back away in the envelope, picking up the business card with the journalist’s name on it. “Yeah. Lunch sounds like a good idea. I think I’m gonna call this guy…”

“I’m proud of you.”

“I know you are.”

* * *

You passed your menu to the waiter, offering him a polite smile, “I’ll just do the omelet. You can put the sausage on a side plate for him.”

“Something besides water?”

“Hot tea. Breakfast.” You looked towards Javier who was still mulling over the menu. “You know you like their Monte Cristo, just order that.”

“I’m not sure if I want sweet.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck. 

“The spicy eggs were good.” You recalled, taking the menu from him and looking it over. “Spicy Morning.” You pointed it out to Javier. “Something like that?” You gave the waiter a sympathetic smile. 

“I’ll do the empanada special.” Javier finally decided, “Coffee instead of tea.” 

You rolled your eyes after the waiter left, “ _Really_? I thought you hate how their empanadas were made.” 

He shrugged, scratching at his jaw. “I’m willing to give them a second chance.” Javier looked towards you then, “Are we going to do this?” 

“I think I’m ready.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I called him. We spoke a little and… I felt good about it?” 

Javier held your gaze, “You can stop at any time.” 

“I know I can, but… I do think this is the right thing to do. Someone has to stop it, right? And I mean… They’ve got assholes like Chris working for them, but me? I get the ax? It’s bullshit.” You squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, “So it was a good Christmas gift?”

You laughed, “I know I didn’t seem very appreciative.” You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “But I am.” 

God were you glad he had suggested exchanging gifts in private. Opening a box to find a stack of manila envelopes containing the sum of your efforts in Colombia had _not_ been your ideal gift. It was one of the few times you’d raised your voice — and you couldn’t really do that with Chucho sleeping down the hall. 

It wasn’t until Javier gave you the chance to calm down that you realized just how profound the gift had been. Two years ago you had come completely unglued because of the DEA. Finding out that your name had been struck from every file had been a painful realization. Javier had listened to you, remembered it, and worked to find a way to rectify it. 

If you had any doubts about how he felt about you, that gift would’ve made it abundantly clear. But you knew how he felt about you, about the life you shared with him. It had been a remarkably thoughtful gift. 

“I’m just scared.” You admitted to him, rubbing your lips together thoughtfully. “We both know what happens when you go up against the government. They are ruthless.” 

“I know, baby.” Javi squeezed your hand three times, before you both had to make room for the waiter’s return with the drinks. He sat Javier’s coffee down in front of him and your tea in front of you. 

“Thanks.”

“Can I get you anything else?”

“We’re good, thank you.” You smiled, before looking back to Javier. “You know, when I got into the government — the DEA — I never pictured myself going down this path. Calling journalists, setting up tell-alls.” You curled your fingers around your mug, 

“When I went to Colombia, I didn’t think I’d come home with a family.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck as he took a sip of coffee. 

You nudge his foot under the table. “Me neither.” You shook your head with a laugh. “We should fuck with them next Christmas. Send the Bogotá office a Christmas card with the four of us.” You stroked the curve of your belly. “The reporter had a lot of questions about _us_.”

“Really?”

You nodded with a sheepish grin. “I guess the human interest side of the story has some appeal.” You tapped your foot against his ankle. “I’m sure there will be scrutiny about us. We work together for _what_? Five years? Did _nothing_ really happen before Steve left?” You rolled your eyes.

“We had tremendous self-control.” Javier chuckled, shaking his head as he scratched at the side of his jaw. “You don’t think they’d believe that?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “The thought of living in a fishbowl is a little terrifying. I already had the DEA turning over every aspect of my life.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, looking away. 

“How bad _did_ it get?”

“Oh, they looked to see if I had any impropriety prior to Colombia. But,” You snapped your fingers and shot finger guns at Javier. “You were the only partner I was ever involved with… well, I mean Lance was working with the DEA. Does he count?”

Javier rocked his jaw and huffed. “I don’t think he counts.” 

“That’s because you don’t like thinking about me with him.” You raised your brows, giving him a look. “I should probably call him and tell him about this article.”

“Do you talk?”

You shook your head, “Not since that day he was at the office. But I don’t want him blindsided.” You brushed the topic aside. “Are we really ready to face Colombia like this, Javi? I mean, this isn’t something small. This is _The Washington Post_ … front page.”

“I’m ready if you’re ready, baby.” 

“I think I am.” 


	37. The Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader follows her gut. Set in March 1997. Part two in the “big angst arc”. There’s a POV switch midway through for obvious reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst. Medical Triggers ( loss of consciousness and discussion about pre-eclampsia, etc.)

At noon you made your way down to the records room where Lieutenant Ableman had put the intern. Javier had been hesitant about you asking Monica what she knew about the rumor, but… you _had_ to know. If the rumor was loud enough to make its way to the dean’s office, then it was loud enough for the students to be fully aware of it. 

“You know,” You started, leaning against the doorframe as you watched Monica sort through a stack of files and put each one into the appropriate banker boxes. “I had a sweet gig when I was sixteen helping process evidence at my town’s tiny ass police department.” 

Monica startled a little, dropping the folder she was holding. “ _Shit_! Hey! How long have you been there?”

“Couple minutes.” You laughed. “Just thinking.”

“How have you’ve been?” Monica asked with a hesitant smile. “You’re due soon, right?”

You shrugged a shoulder as you rested your hand on your stomach, “Still got a few months to go.” You walked further into the record’s room, leaning down to pick up a stray file that had fallen. “How are your classes going?”

“I’m in this finite math class that is killing me.” Monica answered, making a face. “I was told it would be easier, but… C means _complete_ , right?”

You chuckled, “I’ve heard that somewhere.” You moved to sit down, feeling the slightest inertia from bending over. That was happening _far_ too often lately. “I’ve heard a lot of things lately.”

“Oh?”

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to ignore the sensation of being able to feel the world spinning around you. “A couple weeks ago I heard about this _crazy_ rumor at the university.”

“What was it?” Monica stared at you, looking a little nervous.

“Oh, just that Javier was cheating on me with a student, which…” You laughed humorlessly. “Is hilarious, because I have that man by the balls.” 

“I—.” Monica shook her head. “I haven’t heard anything about that. I think the whole class knows that Javier loves you. I mean his office is practically a shrine to you.”

“I know.”

Monica swallowed thickly. “I should… I have a lot to finish before my night classes.”

You weren’t about the let up, “Why are you so nervous, Monica?”

“I’m not nervous.” She shot back too quickly. “Look, I’m really sorry about this rumor or whatever… I’m sure it’ll blow over.”

“Or Javier will lose his job.” You rubbed at the center of your forehead, trying to soothe the throbbing headache forming there. “I mean, a rumor like that could _destroy_ someone’s career.”

Monica put the cardboard lid on the banker box with a little more force than necessary. “I really… I haven’t heard _anything_.” She didn’t meet your eyes. 

“Look, you’re a nice kid Monica…” You offered her a small smile. “I’m not accusing you. I just want to know what _you_ know. And I think you know more than you’re telling me.”

You started to stand back up, fingers gripping at the filing cabinet beside you for support. _Shit_. 

Your pulse was _throbbing_ in your ears. You could feel it in your throat, down your arms. 

_Fuck_.

“Monica…”

“Hey. Hey.” She grabbed your arm to support you. “I’m here.”

You clenched your eyes closed, trying to ignore the way that the world was closing in on you. Everything felt like it was in a tunnel. Voices — distant and kind of tinny sounding. Your lips felt numb, your words slurred and mouth full of cotton. It felt like pins and needles up and down your body. 

“Call Javi.” You managed to think or maybe say… just before everything stopped. 

* * *

Everything stopped the moment Javier got the call. He wasn’t even entirely certain how he ended up at the hospital — the period between the phone call and arriving at the hospital was a blur. He vaguely remembered swearing at a red light for lasting too long — he _definitely_ went through it. 

“Mr. Peña, right this way.” A nurse said as she guided him through the emergency room, back to her room. “The doctor will be with you both shortly.” 

Javier’s heart clenched as he looked at the hospital bed, meeting her eyes. She looked _awful_. They had her hooked up to oxygen and she had an IV. “Hey baby.” 

“Hi, Javi.” She said quietly, his voice half of what it usually was. 

His gaze flickered to the woman sitting beside her bed. _Monica_. She jumped up quickly, gesturing to the chair she’d been sitting in. “Here, Professor Peña… I’m so…” She looked between the two of them. “I’ll just go.” 

“I have questions.” Javier said, his jaw clenched tight. “Do you mind waiting in the waiting room?”

Monica clasped her hands together. “Of course… Yeah.” She looked towards the hospital bed. “I’m so… I’m so sorry.” 

“What are _you_ —”

“Just let her go, Javi.” She whispered, gesturing for Monica to leave. 

“What the _hell_ is going on?” Javier questioned, his hands on his hips. Before he grabbed the chair and pulled it closer to her bedside. “Baby… you gave me a fucking heartattack.” 

“You and me both.” She breathed out, reaching out for his hand. “I was terrified.” 

Javier squeezed her hand tightly, lifting it to his lips. “Have the doctors talked to you?”

“A little.” She sank back against the bed. “They took some blood.” She said, lifting her arm to show off the bandage. “I guess they need to check kidney and liver function.” 

Javier stood up, leaning over the bed to press a kiss to her forehead. “It’s your blood pressure, isn’t it?” He questioned, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. “ _Baby_.” 

“Yeah.” She grimaced a little. “I’m actually fortunate I was down in records with Monica. She… saved me.” She swallowed thickly. “She knows something. I don’t know what, but… that girl is guilty.” 

“I told you _not_ to.” Javier shook his head, trying to keep his voice steady. “You’re supposed to be keeping your stress levels low. And what? You decided to start questioning my students about this bullshit rumor and now you’re in the fucking hospital.” 

“ _Javier_.” She shot him a look. “I passed out. It happens.” 

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, taking a step away from the bed and turning his back on her. He was so fucking pissed and he didn’t know who to be pissed out. He couldn’t be pissed at her — even though she’d done exactly what he had told her _not_ to do. He wanted to be pissed at Monica if she was behind the fucking rumor. He’d been so lenient with her — late work, missed classes… 

His fingers curled into fists at his side and he shook his head slowly. He so fucking angry. 

“Javi.” She whispered. “Come here.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I’m the one in the hospital bed, I get to call the shots. Come here.” 

Javier’s shoulders sank as he turned around to face her. “I thought I was going to lose you.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“I get a call that you’re in the hospital unconscious and you don’t think I’m going to lose my mind, baby?” He dragged a hand over his face and looked away. “I can’t fucking lose you. I can’t.” 

“You’re not going to lose me.” 

Javier paced the short distance he could in the room. “What the _fuck_ does she know?” He questioned, stopping at the foot of the bed. “Is she the one spreading the rumors? I swear to God if it is—”

The door opened slowly and the doctor stepped inside. “Bad time?”

She sat up in bed and shook her head slowly. “My partner’s under a lot of stress at work.”

“Stress that seems to be rubbing off on you,” The doctor’s brows raised suggestively. “I’m Dr. Smith,” She offered, shaking both of their hands. “If you’d like to sit Mr. Peña we can talk about what happened and how we can prevent this from getting worse.”

“Of course.” Javier mumbled, ducking his head as he moved to sit back down in the chair beside her bed. He reached for her hand, interlacing their fingers. “Is she going home today?”

“She is.” Dr. Smith smiled warmly. “With a number of changes, however. Fetal heartbeat is strong, I’m not concerned about the baby's health right now. Mom’s health is my primary concern. You came in here with a blood pressure that was 150/90. That’s a dangerous level for _anyone_ , but especially while pregnant.” 

“So, what do we do?” Javier questioned.

“A whole lot of nothing.” Dr. Smith answered with a levity-offering chuckle. “You’re going to have to stay at home. I’m prescribing you to remain on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy.”

“Are you fucking serious?” She grumbled, sinking back against the pillows. 

“Yes. I know it’s inconvenient, but it’s necessary. If your blood pressure remains high, you’re at much higher risk for strokes, seizures, and placental abruption. The last thing we want to do is have to induce labor early. Everything looks great with baby, it’s just _you_ we’re worried about right now.”

“When will we get the results back from the tests? You took blood, right?” Javier questioned.

“In a few hours. We’re just going to keep her for observation for a few more hours. Get that blood pressure down. You’ll be home tonight.” Dr. Smith answered, offering both of them a small smile. “Do you have any questions?”

“Will the delivery be more difficult?” She questioned, rubbing her stomach. “I didn’t have any problems with Josie.” 

“I’m not going to rule that out,” The doctor explained. “Your obstetrician will be best able to answer that. Where did you deliver?”

“In Colombia.” She answered. “But I didn’t have any issues like this and that… was stressful.” 

Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he looked between the doctor and her. The mere mention of Colombia had his own blood pressure spiking. This was all his fault. She was laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to wires all because of him.

“I need to…” Javier drew in a shaky breath. “Shit. Josie... “ He raked his hand over his face as he stood up suddenly. “Daycare. I need to call Steve.”

“Are you alright, Mr. Peña?”

It was all his fault. 

“I need to call someone to pick up our daughter.” Javier looked towards her then. God, she looked so weak. So pale. 

The doctor said something to him as he left the hospital room, but he was gone before he could make it out. He headed down the corridor, retracing the path the nurse had led him along, heading out the double doors that led to the waiting room.

He headed for the payphone, fishing a couple quarters out of his pocket. 

Steve offered to pick her up and bring her to the hospital. They both figured Josie might make her mother feel a little better. She was a cuddle monster whenever she knew someone wasn’t feeling well. 

It was his fault she wasn’t feeling well. 

He was the stupid fucking selfish idiot who had wanted another try. He was the one that had wanted another kid to make up for all of the shit he missed out on in Colombia. 

Javier slammed the phone back into the cradle before bringing his fist down against the top of the box. He was so _fucking_ angry at himself. They had Josie — why couldn’t she be enough for him? Why had he wanted to have another child? To put her at risk. 

And she was at risk. 

“Professor Peña?”

He tensed, slowly turning to look at Monica. “Why are you still here?”

“She asked… I can go?”

“Don’t you have classes?”

Monica swallowed thickly and lowered her gaze to the ground. “I feel awful about what happened. She just… she was asking me about the rumors and…” She shook her head. “I didn’t know she was having trouble with her pregnancy. I didn’t know.”

Javier narrowed his eyes. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” She looked up then. “I didn’t… mean to. But it was so much money and…”

“ _What_?”

Monica glanced over her shoulder warily. “After work one day. The internship.” She gulped a little, looking like she was actually about to cry. “He had a badge.”

His jaw rocked as he stared her down. “Who had a badge?”

“Someone with the Drug Enforcement Administration.” Her cheeks flushed with shame and she stared at the ground. “I’m so sorry. But it was so much money and I…” 

It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice on him. 

The _motherfucking_ DEA?

“What the fuck did they tell you to do?”

Monica took a step back, “To start the rumor.” 

“ _Why_?” Javier questioned, fingers clenched at his sides. 

“I don’t know.” Monica admitted. “It was _ten thousand_ dollars. You have no idea how much I needed it… I couldn’t say ‘ _no_ ’.”

He took a step backwards. 

The article. It all had to do with that goddamn article. _His_ idea. 

“I need…” Javier bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste blood. “I need to go sit with her. I need to…” He flexed his jaw, turning away then. “I can’t fucking do this right now.” He didn’t even look back at her, he headed straight back into the emergency room, back to her room, back to her bedside. 

She was asleep. Whatever they’d given her to help calm down had clearly knocked her out. She needed the rest. He knew she hadn’t been sleeping well — not since the start of the rumor. Not since he gave her those five fucking envelopes. 

All of it. All of this. 

It was all _his_ fault. 

There was a clock on the wall that was ticking. Each second growing louder. 

This _was_ his punishment. 

All those people. The people he failed. People who died. The people he wasn’t able to save. 

“Javi.” She whispered beside him, reaching out to touch his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Just rest, baby.” He pleaded quietly. 

“You look like you need to be admitted too.” She smiled at him. “Babe, I’m fine. My blood pressure is just high. I fainted. I’ll be home in a few hours.”

“But what if you’re not fine? What if this…” He clenched his jaw and shook his head. 

“And what if _you_ got shot in Colombia? Don’t treat me like a fucking flower over ‘ _what ifs’_ , Javier.” She pulled her hand away from his face and rubbed at her forehead. “You know how much I hate being treated like an invalid.” 

“I don’t want to do this right now.” Javier shook his head. “I want to get you home and then… we can talk about everything. What we’re going to do…” 

“It was Monica wasn’t it? My gut was right, wasn’t it?”

Javier stared at her, before nodding his head slowly. “Yeah.” He laughed bitterly. “It wasn’t just Monica… it was the fucking DEA.”

Something beeped on one of her monitors.

“Just my pulse. It slipped off my finger.” She assured him, readjusting the clip on her forefinger. “What do you mean it was the DEA?”

“You need to relax, baby.” Javier reached out and rested his hand on her stomach, his other reaching for her hand. “We can talk about this at home. When you’re not… hooked up to fucking wires.” He sat back and pressed the heel of his palm against his forehead. “This is fucking bullshit.” 

“ _Javi_.” 

“We’re not doing this.” He stood up, hands on his hips. “I’m not losing you.” 

She held her hand out, “Come back here. You have to keep your shit together for Josie, Javier. You can’t be freaking out like this.” 

“It’s all my fault.” Javier let the words slip out of his mouth.

There was a knock on the door before it opened to reveal Dr. Smith on the other side again. “Good news.” She said with a hesitant smile. “Your organs look good, but we are still concerned with your blood pressure. We can bring it down if you keep your stress levels down—” She gave Javier a pointed look. He knew he was red in the face, still fuming from _everything_. “I’m going to send you home with a prescription for anticonvulsants.” 

“What does that do?” Javier questioned.

“It’ll stave off seizures. She hasn’t had one yet, that we know of. But with her blood pressure range, it's potential. They help prevent them. But rest will be best.” The doctor looked towards her bed then. “We can get a letter sent to your office.”

“I’ll handle it.” She promised. “Or Javi will. Whoever. They’ll understand.” She laughed bitterly. “I’m a walking worker’s comp claim.” 

“And the baby’s fine?”

The doctor nodded. “Both of them should be fine if her environment is kept _calm_.” 

“We’ve been going through a lot.” Javier admitted, staring at the floor. 

“We just moved.” She explained. “And some stuff from our past has been giving us issues. It’s nothing that we can’t resolve.”

“After you give birth.” The doctor reminded her. “I’ll start the discharge process within the hour. Good luck.” 

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Don’t blame yourself.” She sank back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “Don’t lash out at her.”

“Who?”

“Monica. She’s just a kid, Javi.” 

Javier sighed heavily. “I wanna fucking punch a wall.” 

“Try not to make a mess.” She quipped dryly. “And I can’t exactly help you hide the body like this.” 

“You’re going to bed when we get home.”

She made a face. “Sounds like the bed is going to be my new home.” She tilted her head to grin at him, wiggling her brows. “Sounds like fun, yeah?”

Javier glared back at her. “How can you make jokes?”

“Because if I don’t I’m going to fucking lose my shit.” She shot back. “I was so scared.” 

“I know, baby.” He took her hand into his and leaned down to kiss each knuckle. “I’ve got you though, okay? I’m going to take care of you and Josie and the baby.” 

“Bean.” 

“What?”

“You called her bean. Remember?” 

Javier cracked a small smile. “It was _little legume_ , I believe.”

She grinned at him, “We’re going to be okay, Javi. I promise you.”

“That’s just the medicine talking.” He leaned down and cupped her cheek, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. “Steve should be here with Josie soon… then the three of us can go home.” 

“That sounds nice.” Her lashes fluttered. “I need a nap.”

“Yeah you do.” He laughed softly, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. He hated seeing her like this. Weak. Exhausted. Not her typical fiery self. 

She could say it wasn’t his fault, but he knew it was. And he fucking hated it. 


	38. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monica tells her truth. Set in March 1997. Part three in the “big angst arc”. Both Javier and Reader’s POVs are reflected in this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst. (Potential Triggers: mentions of period-typical homophobia and child abuse)

“You gonna talk or am I paying long distance to listen to you breathe, son?”

Javier sighed heavily, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “I don’t fucking know what to say, pops. It’s been a shit show and…”

“And?”

He raked his fingers through his hair, “And I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“How so?”

“How could it _not_ be?” Javier questioned. “We should’ve stopped trying. She wanted to, but I… I wasn’t ready to give up hope. She didn’t want to disappoint me.”

“Who’s idea was it?”

“Who’s idea was _what_?”

Chucho chuckled, “To have another kid. Since you’re _fretting_ about that.”

“I’m not _fretting_. She nearly died because of me.”

“Who suggested having another child?”

“She did.” Javier chewed on his bottom lip. “But she wanted to stop trying and I know… she kept trying because of me.” He sank back in the chair, keeping the phone pressed to his ear. “That’s not even half of it. All this bullshit stress is my doing too.”

“Yeah?”

Javier hesitated to tell his father about the stress factors in their lives. Despite how much he had changed over the years — he doubted his father would be as quick to believe him as she was. And he didn’t want to get into it. To explain everything that happened with the DEA. 

“There’s just been a lot going on and…” Javier sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “I never wanna see her like that again.” He shook his head slowly. “They had her hooked up to all these wires and monitors and… I fucking hated it, pops.” 

“Javier, how’s she doing now?” 

“She’s resting. Josie’s curled up with her in bed. I’m glad she didn’t have to see her mother like that.” Javier dragged a hand over his face. “I could’ve lost both of them. Her and the baby.” 

“But you didn’t.” 

“I still _could._ ” Javier pressed. 

“Have you talked to her?”

“Today? No. She needs rest. I’m not stressing her out further about any of this bullshit.” Javier tucked the phone against his ear as he reached for the bottle of beer he’d been nursing, downing the rest of it with a quiet hiss. 

“You should go sleep, Javier.” 

“I’m good, pops.” Javier shrugged his shoulders. His plan was to crash on the sofa. She needed her rest and if he knew Josie — she’d taken over his side of the bed already. He didn’t want to wake either of them up. 

“Talk to her.” Chucho said firmly. “I’m not going to claim to know her as well as you do. I’ve spent all of a month with her over the past few years, but… she’s a good one. Whatever you’re going through, don’t let it fuck this up.” 

“Nothing’s going to fuck this up.” 

His father chuckled, “You don’t do well under pressure.”

“ _No_.” He shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere. That’s not… It’s not like that.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, brows furrowed together. “I thought I could fix something. Something that I was partially complicit in.” 

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. Not really.” Javier clenched his fists. “Colombia still has her hooks in us. I should’ve cut the line, but…” 

“Javi?”

He tensed, glancing back over his shoulder to see her standing in the doorway. “Pops, I’ll call you tomorrow. I’ve gotta go.” 

“Love you son.” 

“Love you too.” Javier hung the phone up, staring at it for a moment as he raked his fingers through his hair and steadied himself. “You should be in bed.” He said softly as he looked back at her. 

“Josie snores like you.” She folded her arms across her chest, smiling at him. “I couldn’t sleep.” 

Javier moved towards her slowly, his heart hammering in his chest. “How long have you been out here?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes flickering over his face. “Long enough.” 

“I just needed to vent,” He explained, swallowing thickly. “Pops is worried about you.” 

“I’ll call him tomorrow.” She smiled a little sadly, resting her hand against her stomach. He hated seeing the ugly bruising on the top of her hand from where she’d had the IV. “Are _we_ going to talk? Before you worry yourself into an early grave.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, looking away. “It’s been a long day. A long week.”

She moved towards him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Look at me, Javi.” She whispered and he complied. “It’s not your fault.” She squeezed his shoulders three times, before she trailed her fingers up his neck and cupped his cheeks. “None of it is and I refuse to let you beat yourself up over it. Okay?”

“ _Baby—_ ”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “Fine.”

“I appreciate your willingness to take up my problems, but… it’s not your cross to bear.” She smiled up at him, rubbing her thumbs over his cheekbones. “And I know what you’re thinking… we should back off the DEA article, remove one area of stress—“

“It was them.” Javier admitted. “Monica said someone from the DEA offered to pay her a pretty sizeable chunk of money to start the rumor.”

“Sons of bastards.” She swore, laughing humorlessly. “Well, fuck them. I’m not backing off this.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head. “You are something else baby.”

“I’m not going to let them win. Do I look like someone who is going to slink back into the shadows and let them win?”

“You need to relax.” Javier curled his arm around her waist and drew her into his chest. “But you have to let me carry some of this weight. Let me handle Monica. We’ll resolve this whole rumor bullshit.”

She clung to him, curling a hand around the back of his neck as she pressed her face against his chest. She pulled back a little, looking up at him. “We’re doing this together.” 

Javier sighed heavily, giving her hip a squeeze. “I don’t want to see you in the hospital again. Not like that.” He shook his head. “I can’t do it.” 

She rose up on her toes and kissed him gently. “I’ll take it easy, Javi. I really don’t want to end up in the hospital again either.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “But I’m not going to lay in bed until I give birth. I will lose my _fucking_ mind.” 

He nodded his head slowly, understandingly. “I’ve never known you to be able to keep still for very long.” 

“Case in point.” She gestured to them and laughed. “A normal person would probably be in bed right now.” She made a face.

Javier pulled her towards him and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, before he swept her off her feet, cradling her in his arms. “If Josie’s taken over our bed, I guess we’ll just have to move to the sofa.” He remarked as he carried her out of the kitchen and into the family room. 

He settled back onto the sofa and she rearranged herself more comfortably in his lap. She rested her face against his shoulder, brushing her nose against his neck. “Don’t be angry with her.”

“Who?”

“ _Monica_.” She pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw, before pulling back. “She’s just a kid and…” She chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, shaking her head slowly. “I wanna hear her side of the story.” 

Javier gave her hip a gentle pat, before he slid his hand over her leg reassuringly. “What do you wanna do, then?”

“Let’s invite her over.” She said with a small smile. “That way it’s low stress for me… and we can figure out what’s going on.” She reached out and played with the hair that fell against his forehead. “And how we’re going to stop it. I’m not… I’m not ready to let go of this thing with the DEA. If they think they can play dirty, well…”

“You are an unstoppable force.” He grinned at her. “But you have to take care of you first, baby. I should’ve never started this whole mess while you were pregnant.”

“When did you submit the FOIA requests?”

“Before.” His shoulders sagged. “But I should’ve realized they’d retaliate.”

She shook her head. “No blaming yourself.” she leaned forward and rested her forehead against his. “We’re going to get through this.”

* * *

“Is this the part where you guys kill me?” Monica questioned, rocking nervously from the balls of her feet to her heels as she looked between them. 

You shook your head slowly. “We really just want answers, Monica. The claims you made—“

“They were just rumors! I told a few people and just let it get around. I didn’t…” Monica raked her fingers through her hair. “I didn’t mean for all of this to happen.”

“But it _did_ happen.” Javier said sharply as he steepled his fingers and he leaned his elbows against the table. “If you have plans to work in law enforcement, you should realize this. The choices you make — even ones that seem minor — cause reactions.” He shook his head. “But you took a bribe.”

“Ten thousand dollars. Really?” You questioned, lips drawn into a thin line. “That’s all it took to turn against us?”

“You have no idea how much I needed the money.” Monica whispered, staring at the table. “I don’t know how they knew.” She dragged her fingers through her hair and pressed her hands against her forehead. 

“What did they know?” You looked towards Javier, brows furrowed. “Is there more to this story, Monica?”

She sniffled quietly, before looking up at you, tears in her eyes. “I’m in a really bad situation right now.” Her eyes flickered briefly towards Javier, but his unreadable expression turned her gaze back to you. “And I don’t say this for sympathy. I don’t deserve any sympathy right now, but…” 

You reached across the table and took her hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re a good kid, Monica. If you’re in trouble, you can tell us.” You kicked Javier under the table, encouraging him to say something as well. 

Javier cleared his throat, rocking his jaw slowly as he stared at her. “I know something’s been going on… the missed classes, the late work… What is it?”

Monica rubbed the sleeve of her sweatshirt under her nose, before wiping away a stray tear. “At the end of last semester, my parents cut financial ties with me.” She admitted. “I… wasn’t in a good situation with them, but…” She shook her head slowly and looked away. “It’s complicated.” 

“Is that why you needed the money?”

“The _irony_ of the rumor.” Monica started, her voice wavering. “I’m just going to say this… I’m just…” She nervously rubbed at her lips before she sank back in her seat, somehow managing to make herself seem smaller. “I’m gay.”

“Is that why your parents kicked you out?” You questioned, your heart aching for this poor kid. You couldn’t even _imagine_ that situation. 

“Oh, Monica…” Javier said quietly, shaking his head. 

Monica nodded her head slowly. “I told them over the holidays and…” She wrung her hands. “It had been years since they hurt me. But I couldn’t keep living a lie.” She wiped at her eyes again, looking at you then. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.” Javier said quickly. “I should’ve realized something was going on with you. You’ve been off all semester.” He dragged his fingers through his hair and exhaled heavily. “Are you in a safe place now?”

She shook her head. “I’m in a hostel right now. I’m trying to find somewhere to live. The money… I’ll give it back.” 

You shook your head. “No. You’re not giving the money back.You did what they told you to do. That money’s yours.” You looked towards Javier then, trying to read his pensive expression. “What is it?”

“I’m trying to think how to help her.” He gestured towards Monica. “Look, first thing Monday morning we’re talking to the dean. We’ll get the rumor brushed aside and explain it’s the fucking DEA playing games.” Javier looked at you then, brows furrowed. “You think Connie might know someone?”

You shrugged, “Yeah. I mean… Connie knows everyone.” You looked towards Monica then, a small smile playing over your lips. “We’ll help you.”

“Why?”

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, stretching his back as he readjusted in his seat. “Because we’re good people, Monica. And you’ve gotten caught up in our shit.” 

Monica looked between the two of you, her bottom lip trembling before a flood of tears overwhelmed her. She sobbed into her hands, making absolutely no coherent sense with her words. 

“Go get her some tissues,” You told Javier as you got up from your seat and moved around the table to pull a chair up close to her. “Monica, look… I know this situation really sucks, but you’re going to get through it okay?”

“I shouldn’t have taken the money.” 

“ _No_. You shouldn’t have.” You weren’t going to sugar coat it. “But people make mistakes. Especially when they’re going through things.” You looked up at Javier as he held out the box of tissues. “Here.” You passed her the box.

Javier rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently and you reached up to squeeze it. “Monica you’re a smart kid. I’ve read your papers, you know your shit. But you can’t… taking money from the DEA…” You shook your head. 

She wiped at her nose, looking up at you. Her shoulders shook as she tried to control another sob of emotion. “I regretted it the second I did it. The moment I opened my mouth and started the rumor…” She looked towards Javier then. “You’ve been so good to me Professor Peña. Both of you. I just needed the money so I can have somewhere to live… somewhere safe from my parents.” She wiped at her eyes furiously. “I wanted… I wanted to help kids like me, but I… I’m going to lose everything.”

You shook your head, “No. No. Monica. You’re not.” You reached out and stroked the back of her shoulders gently. “I’m not a bitch, contrary to whatever Javier might say.”

“He’s _never_ said that.” Monica said quickly with a short laugh.

You smiled a little, glad that it made her laugh. “Your internship isn’t going anywhere, kid.”

“ _Really_?”

“But you are going to have to help me.” You told her, arching a brow. “This shit with the DEA just proves they need to have a come to Jesus meeting.” You looked back at Javier then, your heart fluttering a little at the look in his eyes as he stared at you. “I’m not stopping.” Your gaze fell back on Monica. “I can’t do a lot right now, but _you_ can.”

“How?”

“I need someone to help do some research for this article.” Your head canted to the side. “Think you can do that for me?”

“I’ll do anything.” Monica sniffed. 

Javier leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, before he moved back around the table to sit down. “Monday morning we go to the dean’s office. We clear this up.” He looked to you then.

“How much do you make at your jobs?”

“Like five and a half dollars an hour.” Monica answered, her brows furrowing together. 

“Josie can be a handful and I’m probably going to need help. We usually pay the sitter eight an hour.” You looked towards Javier, smiling when he nodded his head in agreement with your plan. “I could use the help.” 

“Are you serious?”

“Yep.” Javier said with a shrug. “And I’ll see what Connie can do about finding you a safe place to live. I’d offer you a room here, but… We already have it set up for the baby.” 

Monica shook her head, “No. I wouldn’t want to impose. I have enough saved for like three hundred and fifty a month…”

“We’ll figure it out.” Javier said with an understanding nod. “Now, you mentioned your parents… _hurting_ you?” He leaned against the table, staring at her. “Are you in danger?”

She shook her head. “I’m not. I didn’t… they don’t know where I am.” Monica hugged her arms around herself. “They know where I go to school, but they don’t… They wouldn’t come here.” 

You rubbed her back reassuringly. “If you need _anything_.” 

You couldn’t wrap your head around how someone could _hurt_ their child. You knew it happened. You had seen the results of it, but… it just made you think of Josie. The thought of making that little girl even cry by saying ‘no’ made your heart ache. “You’re going to be okay, Monica.” 

“Thank you.” She wiped at her eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie again. 

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

Monica shook her head, “I have work tonight.”

“Any time.” You told her, offering her a kind smile. 

“How are you doing?” Monica asked, sniffling a little. 

You shrugged, rubbing at your stomach. “I’m pregnant, I have high blood pressure, and my partner would be happy to see me never leave bed.” You looked towards Javier with a grin. “And not even in the _fun_ way.” 

Monica laughed, looking between the two of you. “I wish my parents had been like you guys. Your daughters are lucky.”

“It’s not always sunshine and puppy dogs.” You rolled your eyes. “Speaking of puppy dogs…” You shot Javier a look. “I’m dropping hints.” 

“I think I’m going to go…” Monica said quietly. “I need to decompress before work.” 

“I know the feeling.” You squeezed her arm, before you got up from your seat. “If you need anything you have my number.”

“Thank you. Thank you both.” Monica stepped towards you and hugged you tightly. You wrapped your arms around her and held her. “I’m proud of you, kid.” 

Monica’s smile was thanks enough. 

You headed down the hallway to Josie’s room, while Javier walked Monica out. 

Josie was sound asleep, clutching at her stuffed animal. Her curly hair peeking out from above the edge of her blanket. She loved burrowing under the blankets. You just couldn’t understand it… how could someone _hurt_ their own flesh and blood.

Javier wrapped his arms around you as he came up behind you. “That was… an interesting conversation.” He remarked, kissing your neck. “That poor kid.”

“I knew there had to be more to her story.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “She knew a lot about the emergency room. It seemed like a nervous habit, the way she told me about every little thing in the room.”

“You’re too damn observant.” 

You laughed and leaned back against him. “I am _good_ at what I do, Javi.” You tensed a little, rubbing at your stomach. “Your daughter has an incredibly strong kick.”

Javier rested his hand over your stomach just below where your hand was, “Where?”

You curled your hand around the back of his, sliding it up to where the baby was kicking. It was a faint flutter at first, but then a swift movement followed. 

“Damn.” Javier whispered, keeping his hand pressed there. Hoping to feel it again. “You know… I never fucking expected someone to sit in front of me and say they _wished_ I was their parent.” 

You tilted your head to look at him at him with a grin. “I think we just gained a third daughter.” 

“Oh, did we?” He snorted. “I didn’t sign any papers.” 

“It was a silent thing.” You teased, reaching back to stroke his cheek. “She needs a support system.”

“Steve and Connie like adopting.” 

“ _Javi_.” 

“She’s also nineteen.” 

“Minor detail.” You laughed softly, pulling Josie’s room closed. “What do you think they’ll do next?”

“The DEA?” He questioned and you nodded. “Fuck if I know, but… we’re taking them down.” 

A chill ran down your spine. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“Nothing _good_ ever is.” Javier reminded you. 


	39. To Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader realizes that it was only inevitable. Set November 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst and Smut (Hurt/Comfort Sex, Rough Sex, Hairpulling)

Javier knocked his fingers against your desk, getting your attention. You glanced up from the file you were reading, a faint smile playing over your lips as you met his gaze. “They’ve got me driving over to Champinero.” 

“ _Okay_.” You said with a nod, smiling a little at him. “Do you think you’ll be late?”

He shook his head and glanced around the office. Chris and Daniel were both on assignment. The place was a ghost town. “Director Bonnor is here.” Well, that explained why he wasn’t returning your smile. 

A chill ran down your spine. _Shit_. You had known this day would eventually come, but… You had thought you could hold on just a little longer. They had already iced you out of most of the Cali Cartel investigation — it stung, but you had taken it all in stride. 

“Great.” You dragged your fingers through your hair, tossing the file back on your desk. “I guess I should clean my desk out?”

Javier moved around your desk, placing his hands on your shoulders as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your head. “I wish I could be in there with you.”

“Maybe it’s not…” You trailed off because you _knew_ the answer. Director Bonnor didn’t just come to Colombia — in fact, the man _hated_ coming down to the embassy. If he was there… and they intentionally planned for everyone to be out of the office — you knew what was going to happen. 

He squeezed your shoulders three short times, before he leaned down and whispered into your ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Your voice wavered and you inhaled deeply to gather yourself. All of your dreams, your plans, your expectations were slipping out of your grasp.

But you had Josie, you had Javi. They were enough, weren’t they?

“You should go before you get in trouble too.” You warned him, shrugging his hands off your shoulders. 

“Baby—“

“I’ve got it, Javi. I can handle this.” You rubbed at your cheeks as you propped your elbows up on your desk. 

“I’ll see you at home.” Javier rubbed your back before he headed for his own desk. He glanced back at you, smiling sadly. “You’ve got this, baby.”

You looked around the office slowly. There were so many memories that had been made in this dingy little room. You could still hear the echo of the laughter you shared with Javier and Steve. 

How nervous you were on your first day. 

Looking across the room at Javier as he packed up the files he needed for his assignment, you realized that he’d always been a little more than _just_ a partner. 

You still remembered the quiet anxiety of sitting four feet from the man who had fathered your child and not _knowing_ how he would handle that news. 

You stared at the photo you had framed on your desk. It was three of you — Javier and Steve — sitting on the back of a pick-up truck. You had your arms wrapped around their shoulders, but your head was resting on Javier’s shoulder. 

He had always been _the one_. 

You just hoped he’d remain _the one_ , because you had single-handedly self-destructed your entire career for him. 

Steve had been right — if you had wanted a career in the DEA you should’ve stayed clear of Javier Peña. But you hadn’t. And you weren’t sorry for it. 

* * *

Javier was quiet when he arrived home. You were in the kitchen, working on dinner — and the cactus that had sat on your desk since 1987 was sat in the center of the kitchen table. 

He didn’t say a word about it. He didn’t mention his assignment, your dismissal, the DEA. But admittedly, neither did you. Instead, he talked about his father, how much you’d like Laredo. 

There was a wedding next month in Texas — his cousin. It was the first time Javier had ever invited you to _anything_. It would mark a change… for both of you. It would be the first time you would be out and about as a _couple_. Which was still surreal. 

Javier wanted out of the DEA and now that you weren’t employed by them, you’d have to leave soon. You had two weeks before your visa expired. It still hadn’t officially sunk in. That life in Colombia was _over_. 

Josie was fighting the urge to sleep. She’d been a terror after dinner. “Come on, sweetheart.” You urged gently as you settled her in your arms, relaxing back onto the sofa. “You’ve got to sleep.” 

“She giving you trouble?” Javier questioned as he settled down onto the sofa beside you with a beer. He took a drink, tilting his head to look at you.

“When is she not?” You laughed a little, pulling your shirt up to reveal your breast, hoping that nursing might put her at ease. Josie was quick to latch on, never one to turn down milk. “I got the paperwork today,” You told him casually.

“Paperwork for what?” He questioned.

“To correct her birth certificate. I want to do that before we leave.” You looked down at Josie, brushing your fingers over her soft curls. 

Javier nodded slowly, propping his foot on the edge. He raked his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. “I’m probably going to do it tomorrow.”

_Quit_. He didn’t have to say it. You knew exactly what he planned to do. 

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you. Javier drank his beer, watching as you fed Josie. She fussed a few more times, but eventually started to give in to the lure of sleep. _Finally_. 

“You’re not going to resent us, are you?” You questioned as you tucked your breast away, cradling her against your chest and burping her gently. 

“Why would I?” Javier reached over and played his fingers through your hair before pressing a quick kiss to your temple and then the top of Josie’s head. “Let me put her down for you.” 

You let him take her, watching him walk down the hallway to the nursery. So many memories had been made in this apartment. Once upon a time, it had just been a place you slept, but now… it was your home. The thought of leaving it all behind made your heart feel like it was going to break right out of your chest. 

You had come to Colombia with so many hopes and plans… none of which had come to fruition. But you had found something better… Even if it stung. 

It fucking sucked. 

Maybe you should’ve been more concerned with your _own_ resentment. 

You leaned forward and grabbed Javier’s beer, taking a drink of it. You could hear him down the hallway singing Josie to sleep. He was such a _good_ father. A good partner. A good man. 

Would your relationship survive a move back to the states? Not so long ago you had feared the mere idea of going stateside. Colombia might’ve been the spell that bound you together. In Texas… in Florida — wherever you ended up, it might not be enough. 

Javier was _Javier_ after all. You had worked beside him long enough to _know_ who he was. 

“Did you steal my beer?” Javier questioned as he rejoined you on the sofa. 

You blinked and shook your head, pulling yourself from your thoughts. “There’s more in the fridge.” You quipped, summoning a faint smirk as you took another sip, finishing it off. 

He scooted closer to you, draping his arm around your shoulders. “You okay, baby?” He questioned, rubbing his hand over your arm.

“It’s been a day.” You offered a little numbly, settling into his side. “There’s so much I have to do before we leave.” You rested your cheek against his shoulder. “I wonder how Josie will handle the flight.” 

Javier squeezed your arm, rubbing his thumb over your skin. “We should book the flights tomorrow.” He turned and kissed the top of your head. “San Antonio is the closest airport to Laredo.”

You nodded your head slowly, staring straight ahead as the words slipped past your lips. “I wanted to be the one to quit.” 

The fact that you had been dismissed was a tough pill to swallow. And Director Bonnor had been _so_ nice about it. He had actually seemed regretful that the decision had come down to that. He’d only been in the position for three years. He was probably one of the _good_ ones, but you’d never know now.

“I know, baby.” 

You swallowed thickly as you peeled yourself out of his grasp, rising from the sofa. “Today feels like a really bad dream.” You admitted, keeping your back to Javier for a long moment before you turned and looked down at him.

Javier stood slowly, his eyes flickering over your face. “What do you need?” He questioned, reaching out to trace his fingertips over your cheekbone, dragging them along the curve of your jaw. 

You tilted your chin up and met his eyes, “To forget.”

“I can do that.” He said lowly, his gaze dropping to your lips. They parted, drawing in a shaky breath as he leaned down and bridged the distance. 

Your fingers curled around the back of his neck, clinging to him as you kissed him back with a greedy desperation. You just wanted to get lost in this — in how he made you feel. Losing your job felt like a devastating blow, the loss of _years_ of hard work and determination. 

But you had this. You had him. 

Javier’s hands trailed down your spine, moving down to grasp at your ass and pull you closer. You moaned against his mouth, your tongue sweeping out to find his. 

You could feel him, his cock hardening against your leg. 

Hasty fingers started working at the buttons of his shirt, pushing them through the holes, before practically tearing the last button off to get it out of his pants. 

“ _Baby_ ,” He breathed out as he pulled back, eyes searching your face as you looked up at him. “Out here or bedroom?”

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, considering his question. “I don’t care.”

“Hey, hey.” Javier whispered as he pushed your hair back, tucking it behind your ears as he snaked an arm around your waist. “Are you okay?” He questioned, holding your gaze.

“I—.” You swallowed thickly as you stared back. “I just need…” You scraped your fingers through his hair as you leaned in close, brushing your nose against his. “Javi, I want you to fuck me.”

He hesitated for just the _briefest_ second. You were prepared to beg him to give you what you wanted, but it wasn’t necessary. 

This was _easier_ than admitting how you felt. How fucking pathetic it felt to sit there in front of the director’s desk and get told _why_ you were being “dismissed”. It wasn’t even fired — not really. You were just no longer needed in Colombia. Or the states. 

You weren’t needed in the DEA period… all because you’d fucked Javier Peña and lied about it. 

And they couldn’t just reassign you. What if you did the same thing at your next assignment? Oh, the fucking humanity. They could turn a blind eye on Javier fucking informants on the bankroll, but you? You make one fucking mistake…

Javier’s mouth crashed into yours, lips hungrily slanting over yours. You raked your nails down the back of his neck, down his back — leaving your mark. 

His hands made desperate attempts to rid you of your clothes. Forcing your pajama bottoms down your hips, pushing your underwear down with them. 

You moaned, your tongue tangling with his as you kissed him like your life depended upon it. And maybe it did. Maybe all you needed to survive was the reminder of what the two of you shared. 

Javier pulled back from the kiss, breathing raggedly as he met your gaze. “Is this what you want, baby?”

“Don’t be gentle, Javi.” You told him, catching his bottom lip between your teeth and tugging at it lightly. “ _Please_.”

He nodded slowly, brushing a tender kiss to your forehead just as his fingers caught your hair and grasped at the back of your head. 

“You have to be quiet for me.” Javier told you, his breath hot against your lips. “Can you do that?”

You tried to nod, but his hold on your hair was too tight. “ _Yes_.”

“Good girl.” He breathed out as his hand slipped down between your thighs. You felt like you should’ve been ashamed by how swiftly he’d managed to wind you up. He slid his fingers between your folds, all the while keeping a firm grip on your hair.

“ _Javi._ ” You breathed out as he circled your clit for the briefest second, before he abandoned you. 

“Shh, baby.” He whispered, brushing his lips over yours as he delivered a swift swat to your inner thigh. 

You canted your hips forward, moaning softly. “ _Please._ ”

“Please what?” He smirked at you, his fingers ghosting over your cunt then. “Use your words.”

“You can’t tell me to hush and then make me tell you to fuck me, Javier.” He bit out, mirroring his cocky smirk with your own. You reached downwards, grabbing him through his jeans. “Am I going to have to do all the work?”

He caught your wrist with a vice-like grip. “Turn around.”

Something hot spiked through you. The tone of his voice coupled with the lust in his eyes nearly did you in. “Thank you.” You whispered, leaning up to steal a kiss despite yourself. 

You knelt forward on the edge of the sofa, hands grasping at the back of it for support. 

“You’re so _goddamn_ beautiful,” Javier told you, playing his fingers through your hair and gripping at it once more. 

A moan slipped past your lips as you listened to the rustle of his jeans being pushed down his hips. He paused, rubbing at your hip before giving it a playful swat. “Are you going to be nice and quiet for me?”

You nodded your head, biting down on your bottom lip. 

“Look at you.” Javier mused, fingers finding their way to your aching center, teasing you lightly before he pressed two fingers into you. “You’re so fucking wet, baby.”

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out as he started sliding his fingers in and out of you. It felt like heaven to _feel_ something. To feel lust and desire and love. 

“ _Fucking_ perfect.” He whispered, dragging his fingers out of you. Before you had a chance to complain about the loss of contact, Javier slammed the full length of his cock into you.

Your head fell forward and you grunted out his name or something close to it. You clenched around him. 

God, it felt good. 

Javier’s fingers gripped tightly at your hair, drawing you back as he held at your hip for support. “I’m not going to go easy on you, baby. Can you handle that?”

“Yes.” You promised him. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder, “Tell me if it’s too much.” Javier whispered close to your ear — it was so hard to focus on anything other than the length of his cock buried within you. 

“I trust you.” You reached back with one hand to play with his hair. “ _Please_.”

Javier’s grip tightened in your hair, just this side of pleasure and pain. Coupled with the way he slammed into you, filling you fully before retreating — it helped. You had something to focus on other than _leaving_ Colombian. 

You had the slide of his cock to focus on. The grip of his hand at your hip, the burn of his fingers in your hair. You just wanted to sink into that sensation and forget everything else. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out, reaching for the sofa cushions, knuckles going white with how tight you gripped them. The angle was fucking perfect. “Fuck.” You hissed, rolling your hips backwards into every thrust. 

His hand slipped from your hip, moving between your thighs. He teased you, circling that little bundle of nerves as he slid into you again and again. You couldn’t hold back, you couldn’t fight it. Your back bowed as you ground back against him, your inner walls clenching around him as your release washed through you. 

Javier pulled you up by your hair, curling his arm around your middle to keep you pressed against him. “That’s it baby.” He rasped out, kissing at the crook of your neck. He groaned out your name, his own release taking hold. He bucked his hips into you, his cock spilling within you. 

Fuck. It felt so good to just… _forget_ for a minute. 

You sank back against him, unable to do much else as you basked in the afterglow of your release. Javier maneuvered both of you down onto the sofa. 

You let out a soft sound of protest as he slipped from you. He pulled you into his lap and you rested your cheek against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Don’t.” He shook his head, running his hand along the length of your side as he pulled you in close to him. 

You tilted your head and kissed his cheek, nuzzling your nose against the soft scruff that had grown there after a long day. “I needed that.”

“You can be upset, baby. I’m not gonna blame you for being pissed at the DE—“

You reached up and pressed your palm to his mouth. “I _don’t_ want to talk about it.” You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip. 

Javier nodded slowly, reaching behind him to grab the throw off the back of the sofa. He pulled it down and draped it around your bare legs and his own. “I love you.” He whispered, and you still couldn’t get over how freely he said those three little words. 

“I love you too.” You smiled at him, cupping his cheek as you leaned in to kiss him. 

And you did… you had for a long time. You loved him that first night, the one that changed _everything_. How different things would’ve been if you had trusted that little flicker of hope — that the way he held you wasn’t just for show. He still held you that way. 

He was holding you like that right there on the sofa. 

If you hadn’t lied. If you hadn’t been _ashamed_ of yourself, things might’ve been different. You had no idea what Miami would become. If there even was a future there for you as a family. 

“Javi,” You started quietly, pulling back enough to meet his eyes. You brushed your fingers over his cheek, trailing them upwards to play through his hair. 

“What is it, baby?” He questioned, brows furrowed as he leaned into your touch. 

You shook your head slowly, “It’s a conversation for another day.” You whispered, leaning in to brush your lips over his. “Just hold me right now.” 

How could you express the ache you felt? The deep-seated fear that you had destroyed your career for a man who might very well leave you brokenhearted. He was _so_ involved. And that was what terrified you… that he might leave a hole in your life that couldn’t be mended. Because you no longer loved him cautiously, you loved him with everything you had to give. 

But you couldn’t really dwell on that fear. You had to think about Josie and what was best for her. What was best for your _family_.


	40. Mr. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier goes to the grocery store. Javier POV set in late March 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst, but mostly FLUFF.

“What’s his name, daddy?” Josie questioned as she held up the stuffed dog that Javier had given her to occupy her interests while he tried to shop for groceries. If she didn’t have _something_ to do she was prone to ask a million questions about everything he bought. 

The first trip to the grocery store had _not_ been a success. He was used to going alone or having both of them there to play interference with her. 

“Let me see.” Javier said as he took the toy from her, he flipped open the red heart ear tag, “Doby. Doby the Doberman.” He passed the toy back to her. “If you behave for me, I’ll let you take him home.” 

“Did you know mommy wants a puppy? I can give it to her!” She cheered a little, pretending to walk the dog along the handle. 

He chuckled. “Ah, she’s gotten to you as well.” 

Javier couldn’t blame her. She was stuck at home _all_ day while he was at the university. Josie was a handful to keep entertained, but she had to be lonely. He’d never known her to just sit around and do nothing and now she had to. 

_Shit_. 

He still remembered how despondent she had been in the short period of time after she’d been let go by the DEA. Numb. That was the best way to describe her. She hadn’t really snapped out of it until Danny’s wedding. 

Javier pushed the cart down the aisle, eyeing the shelves as he looked for some of their favorite easy-to-make meals. He didn’t want her having to stress about what she was going to make them for lunch or dinner. He didn’t want her to stress at _all_. 

That guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders. 

“Do you like Spaghetti-O's, JoJo?” Javier questioned, brushing his fingers over her hair to get her attention.

She looked up, scrunching her nose as she looked at the cans to her left. “Dinosaurs!” Josie squealed as she spotted the set of cans that had a dinosaur on them. “Daddy, please!” She stuck out her bottom lip. 

“I hear you.” He assured her, reaching down to pick up a couple cans. “You’re going to eat all of these and spare your mother having to make you mac and cheese for lunch every day.” 

“Okay!” She clapped, before her attention went back to the toy. “Doby says he loves you, daddy.” 

“Does he now?”

She nodded empathically. 

“Well tell him I love him too, _princesa_.” He smiled adoringly at her, before he started pushing the cart further down the aisle. Javier paused, grabbing a few cans of diced tomatoes off the shelf. 

“No licey beans.” Josie warned him.

“I’m _not_ getting lima beans, Josie.” He assured her, even as he put two cans in the cart. She hated almost all things bean-related if they were green. It was a problem. 

“Okay daddy.” She smiled at him before she started whispering to the stuffed animal. “He’s gonna get them still, Doby.” 

Javier rolled his eyes and started further down the cart. She had certainly acquired her mother’s keen sense of observation. Did that mean the next one would be more like him? Saints preserve the kid that ended up like him. 

He grabbed two boxes of donuts off the end of an aisle as he made his way towards the cold food section to grab a few pizzas. They could just throw them in the oven and make them without much fuss. _And_ she could always reheat the leftovers for lunch the next day. 

“Oh, Javier!”

_Fuck_. 

He recognized that shrill tone from dance class. Could he not have _one_ moment of peace?

“It’s Miss Missy!” Josie pointed, rather dramatically, before lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper for Doby. “Mommy doesn’t like her.” 

“ _Josie_.” Javier gave her a warning look and she scrunched up her nose. 

“Sorry daddy!” 

“Look at you, playing _Mr. Mom_.” Missy remarked as she approached his cart. He noted the way she put a little extra sway in her step. Ever since it had been pointed out to him that the mother’s at ballet had it out for him, he noticed how they often acted around him. Well, _most_ of the time, otherwise he tried to avoid them.

Javier arched a brow, “I’m fairly certain I’m just being a father.” He opened the freezer door up, grabbing a box of pizza bites out. He hated when people made comments like that. Or that he was ‘babysitting’ his own kid. “How are you, Missy?” He questioned, realizing that the woman had no intention of _leaving_ yet. 

“Oh, you know... “ She offered with an attempt at a charming grin. “We’ve missed seeing Josie at ballet.” Missy looked at him then, looking him up and down. “And more importantly, we’ve missed seeing _you_.” 

“Yeah,” Javier shrugged a shoulder. “We’ve had a lot going on with the move and everything.” He tried to move the cart forward, but she had a rather tight grip on the side of the cart. 

“How _is_ the new house? Coconut Grove, right?”

He nodded stiffly. “It’s great. We’re excited about finally having a place that’s our own.” 

Missy tossed her hair over her shoulder, before looking around cautiously. “I heard about what you are going through at the university and I just wanted to let you know that I… _understand_.” She tilted her head and smiled sweetly. “And it’s okay… it’s not like the two of you are married. If you ever need to blow off steam—”

How _dare_ she. 

“This conversation is over.” He snapped, pushing the cart forward with enough force that Missy had to let go of it. 

“Javier, _wait_! I didn’t mean any offense by it. _Really_. I was just trying to commiserate with you.” 

“ _Commiserate.”_ He exhaled heavily, fingers gripping at the cart handle until they turned white. “Look.” He started with a sharp tone, turning around to face the woman. “The woman I _love_ is laid up in bed with a high-risk pregnancy right now… and you’re going to stand here — in front of my daughter, mind you — and say this shit? You’ve got some fucking nerve lady.” 

“Swear jar!” Josie called out, before descending into giggles.

It was hard not to laugh at Josie. She was rather committed to the bit she and her mother had started. 

But Javier was _pissed_ off and not in the mood. 

“Don’t get me wrong… It really _is_ sad, what she’s going through.” Missy offered with little to no actual sympathy. “Which is why I would understand… if the _stress_ got to you.” 

He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, rocking his jaw. “Are you _fucking_ kidding me?” Javier shook his head. “You live in a glasshouse, don’t you? Judging my relationship because we aren’t married. When you and the other bitc— _mothers_ are married and trying to get in my pants. Don’t speak to me again.”

Missy opened and closed her mouth twice, before she took a step backwards. “Oh. I’m…”  


“I don’t want to hear it.” He snarled, before he turned back to Josie and attempted to compose himself. “Tell Miss Missy bye.” Javier told her, brushing his fingers over her curls. 

“I’m okay.” Josie shrugged, her attention solely focused on Doby. 

* * *

“We’re home!” Javier called out as he pushed the door open, letting Josie in ahead of him as he hauled the grocery bags into the house. It was still surreal to come _home_ — to a place that didn’t have a flight of stairs or a parking lot filled with other people. To a house with a “Welcome Home” mat out front and a mailbox.

“I’m watching _Romeo + Juliet._ Don’t interrupt.” She called out from the family room, but Josie was already on her way to interrupt. 

“I got a dog!”

“That is a stuffed animal.”

Josie blew a raspberry. “I got him for you.” 

Javier laughed as he listened to the conversation, heading into the kitchen. 

“You got him for me?”

“Uh-hu.” Josie answered. “He will keep you safe while you’re in bed.” 

“That’s very sweet of you, sweetheart.” 

Javier sat the groceries down before he looked around the corner into the family room. “How are you feeling?” 

Josie was showering her in kisses, via Doby. 

“I’ve been better. I had a headache for a little while.” She offered a faint smile, pulling Josie onto her lap. “I think it’s the Lamictal.” 

“I’m sorry.” Javier wished there was something _he_ could do to help her. The most he could do was handle things with Josie when he was home. At least they had Monica to help when she wasn’t in class, but he knew she was still under a lot of stress. 

“Did you get me Poptarts?”

“Yeah, you want one?”

She smiled at him, “Two, please.” 

“Is she an angel?” Josie questioned, pointing at the tv screen. 

“No.” She answered, kissing the top of her head. “Her name’s Juliet.” 

“Who’s he?”

“That’s Romeo.”

“Romeo-Sphagettio.” Josie giggled, flopping onto the sofa beside her mother. “We saw Miss Missy at the store.”

Javier folded his arms across his chest and frowned. “I owe the swear jar a few quarters.”

“Three.” 

She laughed, looking between the two of them. “What the _heck_ happened?”

He shrugged. “Apparently the _rumor_ has got around at ballet. I’m honestly surprised the DEA hasn’t cooked up a story that I’m _sleeping_ with one of them.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Missy was running her mouth and I went off on her. Enough said.” 

“Oh, _Javi_.” She laughed softly, settling back on the sofa with a sigh. “Put up the groceries, make me a Poptart, and come join me.” 

“So bossy.” Javier arched a brow at her. “Maybe I will take Missy up on her offer.” He would never.

“Are you _trying_ to stress me out?” She stuck out her bottom lip, doing her best attempt at a pout. 

“I think Josie could teach you a thing or two about that look.” Javier chuckled, pushing off the wall and heading back into the kitchen. He enjoyed listening to Josie asking her mother a dozen questions about the movie, while he put up the groceries. 

Josie was out like a light by the time he finished putting everything up in the kitchen. 

“I’ll put her to bed,” He whispered, passing her the plate of Poptarts before he picked Josie up carefully. She snuffled as she woke up, but she was quick to fall back to sleep when he tucked her in.

“How’s your Poptart, baby?” Javier questioned as he headed back out into the family room. 

“Exactly what I wanted.” She grinned at him. He loved the fact that a smile like that could still make his heart skip a beat. “And you remembered that I like the ones without icing.” 

Javier leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before he collapsed onto the sofa beside her. He dragged his hand over his face and down his neck as he sighed. “We’ve got to find her a new dance studio.” 

She gave him a look, “What _did_ you say?”

“Not nearly enough. If I hadn’t had Josie…” He shook his head. “I’m glad you’re not like them.” 

“I _could_ be.” She teased, giving him a look. “I’ve tried to look elsewhere, but…. for some reason I’m _really_ attracted to you.” 

Javier glared at her. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s hilarious.” 

“ _Is_ it?” He arched a brow.

She shrugged, popping the last of her Poptart into her mouth. “I think it is. I mean… we both had a bit of a reputation back in Colombia.” 

He grumbled, “I don’t want to talk about Colombia.” 

“I’m just saying…” She narrowed her eyes at him, before gesturing at the tv. “Sometimes you meet someone you’re willing to throw it all away from.”

Javier looked at the screen. “Aren’t they like thirteen?” He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “And they fucking _die_.” 

“You know exactly what I’m saying.” She moved in closer to him, resting her cheek against his shoulder, wedging her arm in between his back and the sofa cushion. “I knew what I was doing, Javi…” She whispered. “I’m just as guilty in this as you are… stop letting the guilt eat at you.” 

“It’s hard.” He admitted quietly, swallowing the lump in the back of his throat. 

“I know it is. But at this rate you _will_ be grey when our daughter is born.” She told him, reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair. “We can’t both have high blood pressure.”

“I can’t lose you, baby.” 

“And I can’t lose _you_.” She kissed his cheek. “So quit worrying.” She traced her finger up his nose, pressing her fingertip against the line between his brows. “This could be the Mariana Trench.”

“You’re so weird.” He gave her leg a squeeze, before he looked under the pillow for the remote. “Let’s finish watching this. It’s due back tomorrow.” 

“I wish there was a way we could just watch these on the TV.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, like… a channel just to watch whatever movie you wanted to watch.” 

Javier huffed. “There’d be too many channels.” 

“Look, I’m spending a lot of time watching movies. I have ideas.” She rolled her eyes, chewing on her bottom lip. “Can you pick up _From Dusk Til Dawn_ and _Desperado_ tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll look for them. _Balto_ for Josie, right?”

“Yep.” She grabbed one of the sofa pillows and rested it on his lap, before she settled down lengthwise and rested her head on it. “I hate being stuck at home—”

“ _Baby_.” 

“— but _this_ is nice.” 

He smiled as he brushed his fingers through her hair. “I wish I could be here more often.” 

“Someone’s gotta pay the mortgage.” She pointed out. “Ow.” She winced a little, readjusting how she was laying on her side. “Your daughter is kicking again.” 

“Yeah?” Javier grinned as he looked down to where she was rubbing her stomach. “May I?”

“Of course you can.” She grinned up at him, though it was tinged with a slight look of discomfort. 

He reached down and rubbed his hand over her side, before he slid it around to rest against her stomach. It took a moment before he felt the fluttering movement of the baby beneath his palm. 

“She's quite the kicker.”

“It’s hard to stay seated all day when she's kicking at my bladder.”

Javier played with her hair. “You’ll have me all weekend… except when I have lesson planning for next week.”

“I’m really okay.” She promised him. “And it’s nice having Monica to help. I made her unpack my clothes.” 

“Yeah?” Javier questioned, half-heartedly watching the movie. 

“It’s going to take me _forever_ to get back in shape.” She complained quietly, resting her hand on her stomach. “I feel bigger than I was with Josie.”

“Remember what the doctor mentioned.”

“I know.” She sighed. 

“Baby, you’re perfect just like this.” He promised her. “And you'll be perfect after.”

She huffed and laughed. “You just like having proof that you got me knocked up twice.”

Javier chuckled, brushing his fingers over her temple. “Isn’t that what the kids are for?”

“Touché.” She rubbed at her forehead. 

“Headache?”

“A little. I’m fine.” She sighed heavily, staring at the TV. “Do you think she’ll look like Josie?”

“Who?”

“The puppy. Obviously, I’m talking about Sofía.” She reached for his hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss her palm. “Speaking of which… I’d prefer a mature dog.”

“You really want one don’t you?”

“I almost adopted one in Colombia.”

“ _Really_?”

She nodded. “It was when I was with Lance. He was super great about it, not being a dog person, but ultimately he drove home the idea that I’d probably have to leave them behind if I ever went back to the states.”

“Are you trying to guilt me into getting you a dog?”

“They’re great for stress relief.” She rolled onto her back, looking up at him. “And we’ve got a fenced in backyard.” 

“ _Maybe_.”

“We could get Monica to watch Josie.” She suggested. “The shelter is open on the weekends.”

“Are you sure it won’t add to your stress?”

“That’s why we should get an older dog. They might be more settled with the change.” She smiled hopefully. “We can name the dog Steve and torture him.”

“I like the way you think.” Javier smirked, leaning down to kiss her lips gently. “They’re not sleeping in our bed.”

“Famous last words.”

He rolled his eyes. 

How the hell had he become _this_ man so easily? Colombia either felt like a lifetime ago or just yesterday. But it was still hard to fathom how naturally this life had been built up around him. 

He was a man with a badass partner, a daughter and another on the way. They had the house with a yard and no white picket fences in sight. A Jeep Grand Cherokee parked in the driveway that had stickers baked onto the inside of the back windows. 

And now… he’d been convinced to get a family dog. 

Everything he’d once run from. 

Now he couldn’t stand the mere thought of losing it. Of losing her. 


	41. Between the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader visits Javier, but he isn’t alone. Set in 1992 between Missing Out and Used to be Lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, poor communication, a little name-calling, smut (fingering, f receiving oral, sex while pregnant, unprotected sex).

You probably should’ve stayed home. 

Javier hadn’t answered the phone the three times you tried calling him, which likely meant he was passed out on the sofa. It had been a long day. You barely had two minutes alone with him at the office and… frankly you _needed_ him. The thought of going home and falling asleep alone had been a bleak prospect. You wanted something only he could provide and you had been willing to make the short drive to his place to get it. 

As hard as you tried to keep an emotional distance from Javi, it was a struggle. He had _always_ been there with you. Since the beginning. And it wasn’t as though you had anyone else to lean on. There was no one for you to call, no one for you to go to. 

You were isolated and Javi was the only one you could turn to. 

Your knuckles hovered over his apartment door, posed to knock, but a sound from inside gave you pause. You could hear Javier’s voice… and the soft lilt of a woman’s laugh. 

_That son of a bitch_. 

You recoiled, taking a step back.

You should leave. Let him do whatever the fuck he was doing… maybe you could catch him tomorrow in the elevator and chew him out. _Or_ ignore him. The thought of putting that wall back up between you made your heart ache. 

This should’ve been something you expected. You should have _known_ that it would eventually happen. 

It was one thing if the DEA had set him up to get information… but as far as you knew, they hadn’t. He’d promised you that he would _tell_ you if that happened. Before it happened.

He had seemed _so_ sincere, just last week. When you laid in his bed and he held you in his arms. You had believed him… like an idiot. How could you be so fucking naive? What? Were you not enough? You couldn’t actually blame him.

You had gone into this knowing exactly who Javier was.

You stared at the door — _debating_. 

You should go home. You should go home and pretend that none of this had happened. That you hadn’t come to his apartment, that you hadn’t heard him inside with someone that wasn’t you. Hell, you should just pretend that you don’t even know him — because he’s clearly not the man you hoped he could be. 

Before you had a chance to decide the door opened. 

Javier’s eyes widened as he met your gaze and it felt like time was suspended for a moment. Everything unsaid between you frozen in the air between you.

“It’s not what it looks like.” He assured you lowly, opening the door wider to let the woman step out of his apartment. 

She smiled at you, before looking at Javier. “Is this your lucky _friend_?” She sashayed past you, “Have fun, lucky girl.”

“I don’t feel very _lucky_.” You said sharply, fingers curled into fists at your side. Javier met your gaze and you couldn’t take it anymore. “See you tomorrow.” You muttered, turning to walk away. 

“Baby, wait—” 

“I don’t want to do this, Javier.” You snapped back, but you didn’t get very far. Javier was down the hallway after you, grabbing at your arm to stop you. “Peña, please just let me go home. It was a mistake to come here.” 

“It’s _not_ what it looks like.” Javier repeated, his eyes flickering over your face. “Please, baby…” 

“So that _wasn’t_ a hooker in your apartment?” You questioned, jerking your arm out of his grasp. “Because that’s what it looked like to me.” You folded your arms across your chest, looking him up and down. He didn’t _look_ like someone who had just been fucking around with a hooker. 

His hair was still perfectly swept across his brow. His shirt was buttoned straight and neatly tucked into his dark jeans. 

You met his eyes. “What _was_ it?”

Javier rocked his jaw, sighing heavily. “She came over with information.” He kept his voice low, glancing up and down the hallway. “I told her that’s not what I want.” He shook his head, lowering his gaze to the floor. “I ended up telling her… I found someone.” 

“You _told_ her?” You were fuming now. “I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut about this, Javier.”

“Who the _fuck_ is she going to tell?” He raised his voice, glaring at you. “I didn’t give names.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, “But then there you were standing outside my apartment. You outed yourself there, baby.” 

“You didn’t answer when I called.”

“I’m sorry.” Javier sighed heavily. “I was busy.” 

“I bet you were.” 

“Don’t you fucking dare.” 

“Oh, I _dare_.” You shot back, laughing bitterly.

“Why are you such a _bitch_ sometimes?”

You took a step towards him, standing toe-to-toe with him. “I’m a _bitch_?” You questioned, holding his gaze. 

“You’re acting like one.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry… did I _not_ just show up here and find you with a hooker? Was that someone else?” You cocked your head to the side. “Javier, you’re either in or you’re out. I’m not doing this anymore.” 

“I’m _in_.” He gritted out. “You don’t believe me?”

“I don’t know.” You admitted quietly, lowering your gaze to the floor. 

This thing between you was so fragile. The faintest wind could send it all tumbling to the ground. 

Javier reached out to touch your cheek, a hesitant touch that grew more certain when you leaned into it. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “I came over here expecting you to have fallen asleep like last time and…” 

“Yeah.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I thought she was you when she knocked. It just fucking snowballed from there.”

“Get any information?”

“A little.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Mostly just explained to her that I wasn’t doing this shit anymore. Not unless the DEA is forcing me to.”

You could stomach what he _had_ to do. You hated it, but you could swallow your pride if it was purely for work. That he wasn’t seeking out comfort from someone else. 

“I didn’t mean to call you a bitch.” Javier said gently, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip. “Shit, I’m sorry, baby.”

“I mean, I am a self-proclaimed one.” You jested lightly. “But that was a jackass move. Even for you, Javi.” 

“Think you can forgive me?” He arched a brow, hesitantly curling his hand around your hip to draw you closer.

You smirked a little, tilting your chin to look up at him. “I might be able to.” You rose up on your toes and kissed him, fingers snaking around the back of his neck. You pulled back, lips brushing his as you spoke, “Just to be clear… I didn’t come over here to talk.” 

Javier’s brows drew together and for a fleeting moment, you thought he might pull away from you and a tell you to leave. He tilted his head, lips sliding over yours slowly. “What _did_ you come over here for?”

“ _You_.” 

With that confession, you pulled yourself out of his grasp, moving towards his apartment door. You nudged it open with your shoulder, glancing back at him with a smirk. It was easier to just… do this. Easier to get what you came there for, rather than addressing the elephant in the room. 

The second he entered the apartment behind you, he had you pinned back against the wall beside the door. His mouth claimed yours as he reached up behind you to latch the door closed. This was better. This was better than talking. Better than your own attempts to get yourself off.

It wasn’t the first time he’d had you pinned against that wall. You still had hazy memories of that _first_ night — the way he had kissed you like he never intended to _stop_. The night that would be with you for the rest of your life. 

The fear that you were no better than the woman that you had just found in his apartment tonight was still fresh.

Your fingers raked through his hair as he kissed down the curve of your throat, his tongue sweeping out to taste your skin. His hands worked at the front of your pants, before shoving them down your hips. 

Javier slowly lowered himself in front of you, lips brushing over the curve of your stomach through your shirt, as he knelt to the ground before you. He pressed a kiss to your hip as he hooked his fingers in the waistband and peeled them down your thighs. 

“You’re so _fucking_ gorgeous.” Javier whispered, looking up at you. He curled his hand around the back of your thigh, lifting it up as he brushed his lips over your skin. You loved the way his mustache tickled against you. “Is this what you came over here for?” He questioned. 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you stared down at him. You played your fingers through his hair, brushing it off his forehead. “Even if it weren’t, I’m not going say no to you on your knees between my thighs, Javi.” 

“Want to make it up to you.” Javier murmured. He ran his hand up along your inner thigh, before he reached where you wanted him most. You leaned back against the wall, canting your hips forward to give him better access. He dragged two fingers between your folds, a groan rising up in the back of his throat. “ _Fuck_.” 

Your fingers tightened in his hair as you rocked your hips into his touch. “Just like that.” You whispered, lashes fluttering as he leaned up and swept his tongue over your clit. “ _Javier_.” You breathed out. 

He pressed two fingers into you, curling them just right. A ripple of pure pleasure went through you, your inner walls clenching around his fingers as he lapped at your clit. He pulled back, licking his lips as he looked up at you. “Do you have any idea how sexy you look right now, baby?” 

You laughed breathlessly, tugging at his hair. “I’d look even sexier if you made me come.” 

Javier pumped his fingers into you, pressing them against a sweet spot within you — making you keen. But it wasn’t until his tongue returned, in earnest, that you felt like you were going to lose track of what your name was. 

_Fuck_. He was good at that. Better than anything you could’ve been able to give yourself if you’d stayed at home. 

“ _Close_.” You panted out as you rocked your hips, grinding against his fingers. The way he was twisting them in and out of you in tandem with the way he wrapped his lips around that little bundle of sensitive nerves set you careening over the edge.

He grabbed at your hips with his freehand, pressing you back against the wall as your legs started to give out on you. He didn’t miss a beat, though. He kept dragging his fingers over that sweet spot within you, coaxing you through every last second of your orgasm. 

Javier pressed a kiss to your inner thigh as he drew back. “You taste so fucking good.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to the lower curve of your stomach before he sat back on his knees and brought his fingers to his lips.

You held his gaze as you watched him clean your arousal from his fingers, even as it clung wetly to his lips and mustache. 

He rose to his feet, his dark gaze raking over your face as he crowded close to you. “Is that _all_ you wanted?” Javier questioned, his nose brushing against yours. 

“You don’t have any more _company_ coming over, do you?” You breathed out, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. Before he had a chance to answer, you surged forward and kissed him. You could taste yourself on his lips, on his tongue as it slid into your mouth. 

Javier guided you backwards, pulling you down onto the plush leather sofa you knew well. Your fingers started unsnapping the buttons of his shirt, greedy for to find bare skin. “I plan on keeping you _all_ night.” He told you as you kissed his collarbone. 

“I brought a bag. It’s out in my car.” You told him, pushing your fingers through his hair as you sat back on the sofa. 

“ _Good_.” He said lowly as you pulled him towards you as you laid back on the sofa. Javier reached down between the two of you, pulling his belt from the loops, before you worked to shove them down his hips. “Still no breasts?” 

Your brows furrowed at his question, before you remembered last week. At least he remembered. “ _Gently_.” You cautioned him, taking hold of his hand and bringing it to your left breast. He palmed you carefully through your shirt, drawing a moan from you. 

Javier had one hand pressed against the sofa beside your head as he leaned over you, dipping down to suck at your bottom lip. You shifted beneath him, hooking a leg around his hips. “This sofa is the most uncomfortable piece of shit.” You grumbled, wiggling to try to get comfortable. 

“I’d say I’ve never had any complaints—” You grabbed at his hair to cut him off. “From you…” Javier corrected himself. You didn’t want to think about anyone else who had been on the sofa before you.

You made a face. “I was too tipsy to care.” 

Javier had an unreadable expression as he looked down at you, fingers playing over your cheek. “I wish…” 

“Don’t.” You pleaded gently, turning to kiss the center of his palm. You didn’t want to think about that night or the promises he said without words. Those promises were still there in his dark gaze as he stared down at you. They were burned into your skin. 

You loved him, but you were _afraid_ to let yourself truly feel that warmth in your soul. 

“Do you still…” You gestured between the two of you.

“Yeah.” He dipped down and kissed you, his hand moving down to curl around your hip. Javier pulled back, “Do _you_?”

You nodded, using the leg you had wrapped around him as leverage as you reached down between them and grasped at his cock. You led it to your center, teasing the head of his cock against your slick core. 

Javier’s fingertips dug into your hip as he surged forward — burying the length of his cock within you. Your body clenched around him in response, still sensitive from his mouth. That was _one_ perk to the whole stupid pregnancy thing… you couldn’t remember ever being quite so sensitive before. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, breathing heavily as he rolled his hips into you. Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving crescent-shaped marks on his tanned skin. “Feel like fucking heaven.” He rasped out. “So _fucking_ good, baby.” 

You moaned as he shifted the angle of his thrusts. You curled a hand around the back of his neck, brushing over the hair at the nape of his neck. His tongue swept out against your pulse point, lips trailing over your skin wherever he could reach. 

Three little words danced at the forefront of your mind. You _loved_ Javier Peña. Against all rational and better judgement. 

Rather than letting those words find their way past your lips, you tugged at his hair urging him to pull back so you could kiss him. Trapping the words between your mouths. You couldn’t say them, it was too soon, it was too foolish. He could be _gone_ by the new year — how could you even trust that he wouldn’t be gone by tomorrow? 

You wanted to be greedy. You wanted to lay claim to everything he had to offer. But you knew that wasn’t the case. He was still only _half_ yours. And maybe he would only ever be half yours. And maybe that had to be enough. 

Javier dragged his mouth over yours with a slow, needy kiss, before he pepped a line of kisses along your jaw. His teeth caught your chin, his tongue sweeping out over your skin. You clenched around him, something building off the first release his mouth had given you. 

“Are you going to come for me?” He questioned, catching hold of the hand you had in his hair and pinning it back against the sofa beside your head. His fingers slotted between yours. “Come on, baby. Let go for me. Wanna feel you come on my cock.” 

How could you say ‘no’?

Your back arched as your body obeyed. You cried out his name as your orgasm took hold of you, pulsing around his cock as he slammed into you again and again. Your release pulled his own from him, his pace stuttering as he crushed his hips into yours. You felt him throb within you as he came apart and your body milked every drop of his seed from him. 

“Holy shit.” You laughed breathlessly as you ran your hand down his sweat-slick back. “I thought it might’ve been a fluke, but…” You grinned up at him, amused by how _boyish_ he surprisingly looked in the afterglow of his release. 

“Not a fluke.” He mumbled, squeezing the hand he had tightly pinned to the sofa. “You really gonna stay the night?” 

You nodded your head, winding your fingers through his hair. “You can get my shit from the car in the morning.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I’m not done making up for earlier.” 

You laughed and dragged your fingers through his hair. “I _love_ the way you think.” You whispered, leaning up to kiss him. Between the lines, you told him how you felt.


	42. The Addition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally gets what she wants. Set in March 1997.

“You’re lucky I’m homebound,” You remarked as you settled into the chair beside Javier in the little doggie playroom. “I’d be here every day trying to adopt another one.” 

“We haven’t adopted this one yet.” 

“She’s perfect.” You looped your arm through his, leaning towards him to rest your cheek on his shoulder. “I hope she loves us.” 

“A little younger than we intended to get.” He pointed out, looking down at the little information card the man had given him to review while they got the dog ready to visit with them. “Two is still a puppy.” 

“Two is a full-grown dog.” You took the card from him and looked it over. “She’s supposed to be great with kids and calm.” 

“Two is still going to require exercise.” Javier gave you a look, a brow quirking upwards. 

“I can sit outside and drink my tea and let her run around the yard.” You waved your hand dismissively, “That’s the reason we have Josie. She can help her burn energy.”

“Is _that_ why we have Josie?”

You nodded. “It was all a scheme to get a dog. Lance shot down the idea of getting one in Colombia so I went through a multi-year plan to have a baby with you, move to Florida, all so I could get a dog.” 

Javier snorted. “I wouldn’t put it past you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, rubbing his hand over your shoulders. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” You knew he was worried, but he was slowly driving you crazy with asking you how you felt every thirty minutes. Pass out once and end up in the hospital… 

The door opened and the young man who had been helping the two of you entered with the beautiful dog at the end of a red leash. “We’ve been calling her Sasha, but she doesn’t really respond to it.” He explained to you.

The dog was a little skittish at first, keeping close to — you think his name was Owen — as she sniffed at the floor. 

“She’s beautiful.” You smiled, leaning forward and holding out your hand. “Any idea what she is?”

“Most likely a mutt.” He explained. “She was an owner surrender. They got reassigned out of the country.”

“Poor thing.” You clicked your tongue against your teeth. “Come here, sweetheart.”

Javier was watching you, his eyes flickering between you and the dog. “Looks like a mountain dog.”

“With some poodle, most likely.” Owen offered. “She won’t get much bigger. The vet’s checked her out and she’s done growing.”

“Good.” Javier, ran his hands over his legs before he shifted forward and held out his hand, much the same way you were.

The dog tugged at the lead, seeming far more keen now that both of you were interested in her. 

“Is she house trained?” Javier questioned. 

“And doesn’t pull when she goes on a walk.” Owen let go of the leash, letting her sniff her way closer to the pair of you. 

“Come here, girl.” You cooed, your smile broadening as she bounded towards you. She shoved her cool nose against your palm, licking at you curiously. 

Javier reached out and petted her back. “You’re a soft girl, aren't you?”

She wagged her tail, flopping onto her side and showing her belly to both of you.

“I think she likes you.” You teased, nudging Javier in the ribs. You looked up at Owen, grinning. “I think she’s the one.”

“Easy there,” Javier told you. “Isn’t there more we should do?”

Owen shook his head. “If you feel comfortable with her, we can start the outtake paperwork.”

You looked at Javier, pursing your lips. “Please? I mean, I’m coming back and getting her Monday even if you say ‘no’.”

“I am not going to say ‘no’.” He huffed, rolling his eyes with a shake of his head. “Like I’m about to deny a pregnant woman what she wants.” He muttered under his breath. 

“I’ll stay with her, if you want to start on the papers.” You told Javier with a grin. 

“Alicia will help you at the front desk.” Owen told Javier. 

The dog jumped up when Javier stopped petting her, propping herself up to rest her paws on his knees. 

“I’m _screwed_.” Javier laughed. “There’s three of you pulling this look now.”

You chuckled heartily. “Pretty soon you’ll be outnumbered four-to-one.”

“I was outnumbered when it was just you.” He kissed your cheek before he scooted the dog off his legs and got up. “Thanks.” Javier patted Owen on the shoulder as he walked past and headed out to the front desk.

“You’ve got yourself a new home, pretty girl.” You told the dog, scratching behind her ear. She was the absolute doppiest dog, lolling her head to the side with her tongue hanging out. 

“Any ideas on names?” Owen questioned you.

You glanced up, “Stevie.”

“Like Nicks?”

“Yeah, actually.” You laughed, looking back at the dog. “Are you a Stevie?”

She barked softly. 

“None of that.” You scrunched up your nose, rubbing at her head. “Javi will kill us both if you’re a barker.”

“Only when she gets excited.”

“We have an almost four-year-old who is much the same.” You laughed softly, patting your knees. 

Stevie jumped up and put her paws on your legs, leaning up to lick at your face. “You’re just so loving, aren't you?”

“When are you due?” Owen questioned. 

“Mid-to-late May.” You answered, glancing up at him. “I know it’s crazy to get a dog right before having a baby, but… I’m desperate.” 

“Is _he_ not around a lot?” He nodded his head towards the door. 

“He’s around all the time,” You shrugged. “I just want a dog.” You scratched behind both of Stevie’s ears. “You’re going to be spoiled rotten.” 

“Ah, I see.” Owen leaned back against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. “I was going to suggest I could help you train her, if you were _lonely_.”

Your eyes snapped up. “Are you trying to come onto me?” Your head tilted back and you laughed — _loudly_. “Kid, he and I could find a dozen and a half ways to kill you with the dog toys in this room alone. I’m flattered, but no.” 

Color flooded his face. “I wasn’t… I’m sorry.” 

The door popped open and Javier emerged, “Well, baby. You’re the proud owner of a dog.” 

“Did you hear that, Stevie? You’re going home with us!” The dog barked again excitedly, her tail thumping against the floor. 

* * *

Stevie alternated between being stretched out on the backseat of the Jeep and bouncing back and forth to look out the windows.

“Didn’t he say she was calm?”

“She’s been cooped up in a kennel for who knows how long, Javi. Let her be excited.” You rolled your eyes at him, laughing quietly. “He also tried to hit on me while you were gone.”

“Excuse me?” Javier cocked his head to the side as he stopped at a light. “He did _what_?”

“I’m impressed that this,” You gestured to your stomach. “isn’t an instant detractor.” 

“I keep telling you, you look _good_.” He reached over and gave your knee a squeeze, fingers playing little patterns there. Some things never changed. “What’d you say?”

You caught his hand, bringing it to your stomach to stop the patterns he was drawing on your leg. “I told him I could kill him a dozen different ways.” 

“ _Baby_!” Javier laughed, pushing his sunglasses up his brow. “You can’t just threaten to kill people.” 

“Has it ever stopped me before?” You questioned, sliding his hand to the spot where the baby was kicking. “I also said you’d kill him. I find murder tends to distract from attempts to hit on someone.” 

Javier rubbed his thumb over your stomach. “Someone’s excited.” You quipped, keeping his hand there as he started through the intersection. “You know, baby.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I always thought your threats of violence were a turn on.” 

“Really?” You rolled your eyes. “That makes perfect sense with _you_ , Javier.” You glanced over your shoulder to the backseat, pleased to see that Stevie had settled down. “I mean, we have established I’m a sadist.” 

“The truth comes out.” He reluctantly pulled his hand away so he could turn the corner. Once it was safe, he reached back over, letting you guide his hand back to the right spot. She had quieted a little, but that didn’t dissuade him from keeping his hand there. Just in case. 

“Thank you for agreeing to Stevie.” 

“You did get Josie in on the plan.” He quipped with a chuckle. “It’s all good, baby. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve a dog.” He gave her leg a squeeze, before gripping at the steering wheel. 

* * *

“Like Uncle Steve?” Josie questioned as she laid on the floor, on her back, beside Stevie. You were pleased with how quickly the two had bonded with each other. One hour at home and Stevie was sprawled out on the floor beside her human-sibling. 

“Yep.” Javier confirmed with a nod as he cracked open a bottle of beer, taking a swig before he moved to join you on the sofa. “Just like Uncle Steve.”

“ _Technically,_ Stevie Nicks…” You corrected. “But mostly to torture Steve.” 

Monica laughed as she looked up from the book she was reading. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who named their dog to spite their best friend.” She looked at Javier pointedly.

“I don’t know what heinous lies the Murphys have fed you, but… I don’t know if I’d call him my _best friend_.” Javier protested with a roll of his eyes, sipping at his beer. 

“Ignore him.” You remarked, stretching out lengthwise on the sofa and stretching your legs over his. “We moved all the way to Miami just so he could hang out with Steve.” 

“Wait, really?” Monica’s brows rose upwards. “I don’t think you ever mentioned this in class.”

Javier dragged his hand over his face, before scratching at the back of his neck. “I knew it was a half-decent place to raise a family.” He squeezed your calf. “And I liked the prospect of Josie having a readymade friend in Olivia.”

“And Emily, daddy.” Josie reminded him, rolling onto her side to pet Stevie. She lifted her head, looking towards her. The dog sighed contentedly and shuffled on the floor closer to Josie. 

“Emily wasn’t here yet, Josie.” He took another swig of beer before he sat the bottle aside. “If I’d known Miami would be hot as fuck like Colombia—”

“ _Fuck_!” Josie shouted, causing you to jerk upright, turning to stare at her. 

“ _Joséfina Selina Peña_!” You raised your voice slightly and instantly regretted it when you saw Monica flinch in reaction to it. Stevie started barking, bouncing around confusedly as Josie scrambled towards the sofa.

“Mommy! I didn’t mean to say it.” Josie flashed you her best attempt at a charming grin. “I’m sorry mommy!” 

Javier picked her up and settled her onto the sofa between the two of you. “JoJo, you can’t be saying those words.”

She hid her face in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey.” You played with her curls. “It’s okay, babydoll. I’m not mad. You just can’t be saying that.” 

“But daddy says it.”

You swatted him in the arm. “And he’s been told not to. Haven’t you, Javier?”

He rocked his jaw and sighed. “Yeah. Josie, you can’t say that, okay?”

“But why?”

“They’re grown-up words.”

“Like grown-up drinks?” She looked at you then. “Why don’t you drink grown-up drinks?”

“Because they’re _bad_ for babies. Like you and your sister.” You rested your hand on your stomach. “I’m not mad at you, Josie. But we have a swear jar for a reason.”

“It sounded funny when daddy said it.” 

“Daddy shouldn’t have said it around you.” Javier sighed heavily and pulled Josie into his lap. “Try not to say it again, okay?” He kissed the top of her head.

“Okay.” Josie turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Can I please play with Stevie now?”

“Yes, baby. You can play with Stevie.” You leaned over and kissed her cheek, rubbing your nose against it. “Just watch your mouth.” 

She made a dramatic kissing sound as she returned the kiss. She wiggled out of Javier’s arms and moved to slide off the sofa. She crawled, on her hands and knees, towards Stevie who already seemed _very_ amused. 

“You guys are good parents.” Monica remarked, looking between the two of you. “Josie and the baby are lucky to have perfect parents.”

Javier draped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “We’re certainly _not_ perfect.” He squeezed your shoulder three times.

“We’re just two people trying to do right by our kids.” 

“Which includes you.” Javier told Monica, letting go of you so he could grab his beer, taking a drink. He crossed his leg over his knee and rested the beer on his ankle as he sank back against the sofa. 

Monica’s brows furrowed, “What?”

You laughed softly, patting Javier’s leg. “I decided that we’ve unofficially adopted you. Your parents might have brought you into the world, but we’re going to make sure you thrive in it.” 

She stared at you. “I really don’t deserve that.”

“You’re a good kid, Monica.” You smiled at her. “You deserve a good life.” 

“Thank you.” Monica rubbed the sleeve of her sweatshirt under her nose. “You’re going to make me cry again.”

Stevie jumped up suddenly and started barking. 

“Hush!” Javier clapped his hands, sitting his beer aside as he got up off the sofa. “What is it?” He questioned, kneeling down in front of Stevie. She bounced a little, barking again as the doorbell sounded. 

“I’ll get it,” You sighed, peeling yourself off the sofa and making your way towards the front of the house. You peered through the window, looking to see who was at the door. “Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Of course, it just _had_ to be one of the moms from ballet. Javier was right, you were leaving that studio as soon as you got back out into the world. 

You pulled the door open, hands on your hips. “Can I help you Chelly?”

“Oh.” She laughed nervously, giving you a wary look. “I was just dropping off this beef casserole. Missy mentioned seeing Javier at the grocery store and I thought…” She tilted her head. “She made it sound like you weren’t up and about.”

You glared at the woman, “Missy is prone to overdramatizing situations.” 

“Baby, who is it?” Javier called out from the family room. Stevie was still barking and now, given from what you could hear, Josie had decided to join in. 

“Chelly.”

“Who?” He questioned. 

“From dance.” You called back to him, before you turned your attention back to the woman. God, these women needed a fucking hobby that was something other than chasing after Javier’s cock. “I appreciate the casserole, but Javier has dinner covered.” You fixed her with a faux-smile. “And I don’t eat beef.”

“You shouldn’t make him work so hard,” She told you with a tone that made you want to throttle her. “I’m sure he’d appreciate this casserole.” 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, staring at her as you considered your plan of action here. You stepped out onto the brick stoop, pulling the door closed behind you. “I’m only going to say this one time, Chelly so listen. And you can take this back to your little friends and tell them what a horrid bitch I am.” You crossed your arms across your chest, “I _know_ what you’re doing. You heard I was in the hospital — smelt blood in the water. This vulture act is going to stop. _Now_. If I catch another one of you sniffing around my family, I’m going to make you regret it.”

“It’s just a casserole—”

“It’s not.” You snapped, fingers curled into fists. “I’m _not_ an idiot.” You narrowed your eyes. “I didn’t put up with six years of bullshit working for the DEA to put up with this shit from a bunch of high strung, horny, dance moms.” 

“I don’t—”

“I guess I _should_ thank you,” You said snidely, a slight smirk playing over your lips. “Last time I saw you, you thought you were clever by insinuating that Javier was fucking his students.” Oh, the irony of the current situation. “It inspired a rather fun afternoon fuck for us. So thanks, Chelly.” 

She looked mortified and it really only seemed to fuel you. 

“So take your casserole and fuck off.” 

Chelly started to say something, but you were quick to cut her off. 

“I don’t want to hear your voice” You snapped, taking a step forward. The door opened behind you and you turned around to meet Javier’s eyes. “I have it handled.” 

“Alright, baby.” He said with a faint smile, before he closed the door back.

You looked back at Chelly. “Why are you still here?”

“I’m… _so_ sorry.” 

“Yeah, it’s a little late for that.” Your brows rose upwards. “And tell your friends they can fuck off too.” With that you, headed back inside — nearly crashing into Javier who had been, unsurprisingly, waiting right on the other side of the door. “ _Hi._ ”

“You’re a fucking force, baby.” He grinned at you, that look of sheer adoration making your heart ache in the best of ways. 

“We don’t have to deal with them anymore.” You told him with a resolute nod. “Where are the kids?”

“Monica took Stevie and Josie out back.” He grinned at you, “Did you really just tell her to fuck off?”

“This door is surprisingly thin, apparently.” You laughed as you stepped towards him. You reached up, tracing your fingers over his cheek and the soft scruff there. “Yeah. I did. It was pretty spectacular. She might cry in her minivan.” 

Javier leaned down and kissed you. “I love you.” 

You brushed your nose against his. “Right back at you, babe.” 


	43. New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader rings in the New Year with the Murphys and Javier. Set New Year's Eve 1991.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst (PTSD, mentions of blood and injury, and PINING)

Getting shot was _not_ a pleasant experience. You were actually really fucking lucky. A few inches over and the bullet would’ve hit some fairly vital arteries in your leg. As it was, the doctors had lauded Javier for his fast thinking. His belt had made a _handy_ tourniquet. Things could’ve been a lot worse if you hadn’t been with him.

You hissed a little as you sat down at the table, propping your leg up on the chair beside you. “Thank you again for inviting me. I had all these plans to go down to the bar and ring in the New Year getting drunk, but…” You gestured to your leg. “I can’t drink _much_ with the meds they have me on.”

Connie stopped what she was doing, turning to give you a look. “You shouldn’t be drinking _at all_ on those meds.”

“A beer or two isn’t going to kill me.” Your brows raised upwards with a playful challenge. “It’s a holiday, Connie. I’m going to drink.” You looked towards Steve then, chewing on your bottom lip. “Did Javi say if he was coming?”

“Who knows with him,” He shrugged as he sat down at the table across from you. “I’m sure he’s got plans of his own.” 

Javier probably _did_ have plans. And while you couldn’t blame him for wanting to ring in the New Year having fun somewhere, there was a part of you that was a little disappointed at the prospect of not seeing him. You hadn’t seen much of him since the shooting. Sure, he’d come to the hospital while you were stuck there — but aside from that, he’d been scarce. 

“Well, he would be wise not to rub it in.” You quipped, before a grimace marred your expression as you readjusted your leg. “Steve, I’m telling you… don’t get shot.”

“Steve better not get shot.” Connie said as she approached the table with a bowl of salad. She playfully swatted the back of Steve’s head, before leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. Steve curled his arm around her hips and pulled her in close so he could press a quick kiss to her lips. 

The Murphys could be sickeningly sweet, even if you knew the truth. Connie was miserable in Colombia and you were certain that a part of her deeply resented Steve for dragging her along into this mess. Things were definitely strained between the two of them. Adopting Oliva hadn’t eased that tension. 

A knock at the front door stirred you from your thoughts. “That’ll probably be Javier.” Steve remarked as he rose to his feet and vanished around the corner. 

Your heart beat a little faster, but you tempered yourself. “I wish I could help, Connie. I feel like a slug on a rock right now.”

“That’s _certainly_ an interesting comparison.” She laughed, sitting a trivet down on the table before returning with a hot plate of vegetables.

You laughed brightly, “I couldn’t think of a better one.” You turned when you heard Javier’s voice. He and Steve were just around the corner, all hushed voices and whispers. “Are you guys going to lurk or join us?” You questioned. 

Javier appeared around the corner, brows furrowed with annoyance over whatever he and Steve had been discussing. “ _Sorry_. Sorry. I’m here.” He approached the table, stopping beside your chair. He hesitated, fingers clenching and unclenching, before he reached out and curled his fingers around the back of your chair. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I got shot.” You deadpanned, a faint smirk playing over your lips as you looked up at him. “And Connie’s trying to deny me alcohol.”

“You’re on pain medication.” She chided.

You rolled your eyes and Javier chuckled quietly. He released his hold on the back of your chair, offering a fleeting touch to your shoulder that left you feeling warm all over. “You look good.” He told you. 

“Thanks.” Your eyes flickered towards Steve who was holding a bottle of Old Parr. “You brought it!” You slapped Javier’s arm, grinning up at him. 

“I brought it to ring in the New Year.” He grumbled, jaw clenched tightly as he shot Steve a look.

He took a step away from you, peeling off his leather jacket. He pulled the carton of cigarettes out of his pocket and tossed them down on the table. Javier draped the jacket over the back of the chair beside you. You caught the look he gave Steve, before he busied himself with prying a cigarette out and lighting it up. 

Sometimes you couldn’t tell if the pair of them actually liked each other or were seconds away from murder. 

If it came to blows, your bets were on Javier. You had seen, firsthand, what he had done to the guy who shot you. He could take on anyone. 

“I got cleared to start back at the office next week. But I won’t be approved for fieldwork until mid-January at the earliest.” You stated, breaking through the awkward tension that was hanging in the air of the kitchen. 

“Good.” Steve said with a slight nod. “The office has been a lot less fun without you around.”

“I’m flattered.” You said with a mock bow. “Honestly though, I’m losing my fucking mind being stuck at home.” 

Javier sank down into the chair beside you, blowing out a puff of smoke. “I’m just a call away.” 

“Calling you? Do you _want_ me to go crazy?” You teased, taking in the way he was watching you. Sometimes you thought you knew what he was thinking, but other times… maybe you were afraid to know. “I have a phone too. I think you know the number.” 

Steve cleared his throat. “Speaking of calling people, Javi…. Connie mentioned that Mariana hasn’t heard from you.” 

“ _Ohhh_.” You whistled teasingly. “So, who is Mariana?” You questioned, looking between Steve and Javier curiously. 

Javier looked pissed off. “Some fucking nurse Connie’s been trying to set me up with.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I dunno, Murphy. She doesn’t sound like my type.”

“Is Connie trying to set you up with her co-workers too?” You let your head fall back as you laughed. “She had me all set up to go out with a doctor before this happened.” You gestured to your leg.

Connie shot you a look. “He’s a _very_ nice man. And a good doctor.” She shook her head. “Plus, he has no plans to leave Colombia so you won’t have to bow out at the first mention of going stateside.”

You huffed. “That wasn’t the only reason I broke up with Lance.” 

“You were too good for Lance.” Javier said pointedly as he took another drag from his cigarette. He’d leaned back in his seat, an arm slung coolly over the back of the chair. 

“I wouldn’t go _that_ far.” You laughed. “I mean, he was squeaky clean and that is just not my type.” Lance had been a wonderful partner, but you both wanted different things from that relationship. Different people. 

“ _And_ he was CIA.” Javier smirked at you, before looking towards Connie. “Not _everyone_ is meant to be in a relationship, Connie.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “That’s just the excuse you use, Javi.”

“I actually thought about inviting Mariana.” Connie remarked as she sat down beside Steve. 

You tensed, suddenly dreading the prospect that you were about to become the third — er, fifth — wheel. The thought of them inviting some woman to hang all over Javier for the evening made your stomach turn. 

Javier’s jaw clenched. “You _didn’t_.”

“Jesus, Javi.” Steve laughed, shaking his head. “No. We didn’t. I figured it wasn’t fair to Mariana.”

You relaxed a little, rubbing at your leg just above the bandage. The thought of ringing in the New Year while the Murphys tried to fix Javier up with some woman did _not_ sound like fun. And given the way Javier relaxed — it hadn’t sounded like a good evening to him either. 

“You should’ve invited her,” You remarked despite yourself, just to piss Javier off. “Look, Connie. You’ve got to let me pre-screen these women. They’ve got to have the intestinal fortitude to put up with his bullshit.”

He flipped you off, but it was offset with a glint of mischief in his dark eyes. “You want a shot?” Javier questioned. 

You nodded, coloring rising to your cheeks. 

Javier passed his cigarette to you as he got up and you took it from him. You inhaled a puff, letting it rest between your lips for a moment before snuffing it out in the ashtray in front of you. 

“You really _shouldn’t_ be drinking.” Connie tsked. 

“One shot isn’t going to kill me.”

Javier returned to the table with two shot glasses that he’d scrounged out of the Murphy’s cabinets. He grabbed the bottle of Old Parr off the counter, twisting the top off and pouring you both a shot. 

“What are we toasting to?” You questioned with a grin, picking up your glass. 

Javier rubbed his lips together thoughtfully. “Ah, I’ve got it.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “To not being set up by Connie and Steve in the New Year.”

“Real funny.” Steve remarked and you snorted as you laughed.

“To that.” You clinked your glass against Javi’s and knocked it back with a satisfied hiss. “Speaking of being set up,” You started, looking up at Javier. You weren’t done tormenting him yet. “When are you going to tell me the story of that _fiancé_ of yours in Laredo.”

Javier groaned, “Come on. You gonna break my heart like this, baby?” He sank down into the seat beside you, rubbing at the back of his neck. “It’s ancient history.”

“I’m just impressed that someone got you _that_ close to the altar.” He ran your finger around the rim of your shot glass, eyes fixed on his face. You had tried to get the story out of him for years. You had little pieces of it — her name, that he’d left her the morning of the wedding. But outside of that, you knew very little. 

Javier glared at you, dragging his tongue over his teeth before he shrugged. “I was young and stupid. Not making that mistake again.”

“Marriage isn’t the _worst_ thing in the world.” Connie remarked, shaking her head. “Both of you are the worst commitment-phobes.”

“I am _not_ afraid of committing.” You snapped, shooting her a look. You weren’t. Lance had been a testament to that. You’d made it a year with him, before you finally threw in the towel. 

“You ran the second Lance suggested—“

You cut her off. “I ran the second he suggested I _leave_ my job.” You corrected her, rubbing at your forehead out of frustration. “I’m in it for the long haul here. My job is infinitely more important to me than some stupid man.”

“You started this,” Javier reminded you, flashing you a smug grin as he got up again. “You got any beer, Murph?”

“In the fridge.”

Connie folded her arms against the table and stared at you, “Can’t you _try_ to find someone? Consider it a New Year’s resolution, maybe?”

“If she doesn’t want to find someone, why push her?” Javier questioned as he returned, sitting a beer down in front of you. You hadn’t even needed to ask for it. 

“Thanks.”

“You would say that, Javi.” Steve remarked, laughing a little as he leaned forward to pick up some of the salad with the salad tongs.

“I’m just focused on work.” You insisted. “I don’t _need_ someone.” Your eyes flickered towards Javier, keenly aware of the way he was staring at you. Again, impossible to read. “Lance was fun and all-“

“ _Was_ he?”

You snorted. “ _No_. He was boring, but the point is… I tried the whole relationship thing. It just doesn’t work with where I see my future.” You shrugged. “You guys work,” You gestured between Steve and Connie. “But it’s just not that easy for the rest of us.”

Javier nodded his agreement. 

You reached for your beer and took a swig, sloshing it around in your mouth before you swallowed. “This was a long-winded way of telling you _not_ to set me up with anymore doctors or contractors or whoever you think is _perfect_ for me.” 

Connie sighed heavily. “ _Fine_.”

“Thank you.” You smiled at her, before changing the topic. “How is Olivia settling in to life as a Murphy?”

“She’s good.” Steve shrugged. “She’ll make an appearance before the fireworks, I’m sure. Her sleep schedule is off this week with Connie’s work schedule.” 

“She can’t miss her first New Year’s with us.” Connie added. “My parents sent the cutest little headband with the new year on it.”

“Cute.” You grinned. “Take lots of pictures. I hear they grow up fast.”

* * *

“We should be able to see the fireworks from here.” Steve remarked as he pulled back the sliding curtains and slid the glass doors open to lead out onto the balcony. You were a little envious of their view of the city. Your apartment wasn’t terrible, but you had a glorious view of a carpark. 

From the sofa, where you had your leg propped up, you could see straight out into the inky darkness of the city. There were a few street lights glowing below, but the sky was dark and perfect for fireworks.

“Three minutes!” Connie cheered, offering Steve a flute of champagne as she joined him out on the balcony. You could tell she was _really_ trying to make this a special moment for both of them. They deserved something good. 

You tilted your head, glancing towards Javier where he was perched on the arm of the sofa at the other end. “You know, I had plans to be ringing in the New Year down at the bar. Instead I get this.”

Javier looked your way, “Is this better or worse?”

You hummed thoughtfully, rubbing your lips together. “I dunno. I _guess_ you guys are fun.” You couldn’t help but grin at him. “Steve didn’t think you were going to come tonight.”

He shrugged, “I debated not coming. But I figured _you_ could use the company.” 

“Thanks.” You smiled, taking a sip of your beer before leaning forward to put it on the coffee table.

“One minute!” Connie shouted in from the balcony. 

You rolled your eyes, lips parted to say something snide to Javier but the sudden crash of the fireworks bursting across the sky caught you off guard. Your heart raced, panic gripping tightly at your throat. 

The sound made you nearly jump out of your skin as the colorful lights danced across the sky. Connie and Steve seemed enamored with the lightshow, but for you — it sounded like a gunshot.

It sounded like pain. The flash of red fireworks, reminding you of watching your blood spill across hot pavement. The night sky was an eerie reminder of the darkness that had encroached, trying to take you with it. 

“ _Shit_.” You muttered, blinking blearily as you realized that you had knocked your beer off the coffee table. Had really you reacted that severely to the fireworks?

The Murphys were entirely oblivious out on the balcony, but Javier was at your side. “Hey, easy there.” He reassured you as he crouched down beside the sofa. He looked up at you, brows furrowed with worry, before he used the fist full of napkins he had snatched off the coffee table to clean up the spilled beer. “You okay?”

You flinched again as another round of fireworks lit up the sky. 

You were very much _not_ okay. You could hear your pulse drumming in your ears.

“Yeah.” You offered with uncertainty. 

Javier reached out and squeezed your shoulder, “Hey, just focus on me.” 

You blinked slowly, jerking again as another crack of fireworks illuminated the night. “I’m focusing on you.” You whispered, meeting his eyes. 

You had never been particularly drawn to dark eyes, but there was something about his that made you want to get lost in them. There was a lot about Javier that made you want to get lost in him. For awhile now. 

He gripped at your forearm tightly, “It’s okay. Just focus on me. They’re _just_ fireworks. They can’t hurt you.”

You swallowed thickly and nodded. “It sounded like gunfire.”

“Yeah.” He frowned. “I was there too.”

You looked down at where he was holding your arm, frowning. “You’re bleeding.” You caught the sight of the glimmer of red on your arm where he was holding you. 

“The bottle broke.” Javier explained, pulling his hand away and wiping it off on his jeans. “It’s alright.” He glanced down at the ground. “I’m gonna clean this up.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He gave your good leg a light pat before he pulled himself up off the ground. 

You swept your fingers through your hair and sank back on the sofa, sighing heavily. You could still feel the burn of adrenaline in your veins — fight or flight driving you. Every boom of the fireworks made your pulse quicken, but you tried to focus on your breathing, on Javier, on _anything_ that wasn’t the flash of color in the night sky. 

“I need another beer.” You mumbled, dragging yourself off the sofa. What you needed was to get away from the open door. So you retreated into the kitchen after Javier. 

You were hobbling, gingerly putting weight down on your bad leg as you limped your way towards the fridge. 

“I could’ve gotten that for you.” He quipped, rinsing his hand off in the sink. 

“I am _perfectly_ capable of getting my own beer.” You told him, grabbing a new beer out of the fridge. You snatched the bottle opener magnet off the refrigerator door, popping the top off. 

You hated how fucking stupid all of it was. You got shot and now you couldn’t even enjoy fireworks because they sounded like gunfire. You couldn’t just ignore it, like you did with everything else. 

The nightmares. The cold sweats when a car backfired. _Fucking fireworks_.

“I thought I was fine.” You admitted quietly. 

“It takes a minute.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Don’t give yourself a hard time.”

“Yeah.” You sighed, taking a sip of your beer. The fireworks were still loud outside of the apartment, but they were less jarring without an open door in front of you. “I fucking hate this, Javi.” You whispered. “Everyone treats me like I’m a fuck up because I got shot.”

“You’re not.” He moved towards you, stopping right in front of you. You could feel the warmth radiating from him, from just how close he was. “We were _both_ blindsided by that asshole.” Javier rested his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. Okay?”

You shook your head slowly, before lifting your gaze to meet his. “It’s just _bullshit._ ” 

“No. The fact that they all underestimate you _is_ bullshit. But you've never been one to let them know that they’re getting to you.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, holding your gaze. “Just don’t rush back into the field. Take it easy. I’ll chew ‘em out if I’ve got to.”

You smiled at him, “Thank you Javi.” You took a step forward, curling an arm around his waist. “You’re a good friend.” You whispered. 

He rubbed his hand over the small of your back, letting you linger against his chest. It was nice to be held — even if it was a fleeting moment. You could hear his heart beating beneath your cheek, the scent of his cologne clinging to his shirt. It was nice.

You pulled back, looking up at him. Without really thinking it through, you rose up on your toes and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Happy New Year, Javi.” You whispered, brushing your thumb over his cheek to wipe away the dusty pink lipstick that had been left behind. 

“It’s _fucking_ 1992.” He huffed and laughed, giving your waist a brief squeeze before he retreated across the kitchen to grab a paper towel to wrap around his hand where it was still bleeding. You couldn’t blame him for putting distance between the two of you. “Can you believe that?”

“ _Insanity_.” You laughed, taking another drink from your beer before you hobbled over to the table, sitting down and stretching your leg out in front of you. You’d put far too much weight on it. It hurt like a son of a bitch.

Your brows furrowed as you caught him rubbing at his cheek where you’d kissed him. Had you gone too far? Neither of you had ever had any issues with being affectionate with one another — but a little flicker of worry still managed to work its way into your mind. Maybe it was too much. 

What was that silly superstition? Was it that the first person you kissed on New Years would be the same person you kissed on the following New Year’s Eve? You’d never really put much stock in those stupid superstitions… and it was Javier after all. 

Could you lay the blame at the foot of drinking while taking pain medication?

You hated yourself for harboring _any_ feelings for him, outside of being your coworker and friend. But it was hard to ignore the way your heart fluttered sometimes around him. There was something there, but you tried to avoid acknowledging it. 

“The three of us are hitting the bar the second this leg heals.” You remarked, wanting to move on from the stupid mistake you’d made. “I can’t take much more of this.” 

“What? Don’t want to be hop-along?”

You flipped him off. 

“You sure you don’t want to go out with Dr. Wonderful instead?”

You pretended to puke. 

“Only if you go out with Mariah? Mary Anne?”

“Mariana.” Javier rubbed at the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, that’s not happening.” He approached the table, pulling a chair out and turning it around so he was straddling it as he sat down. “I’ll let you in on a secret.”

“Oh?” You grinned as you took a sip of beer. 

“I’m pretty sure Mariana was looking for more than I was interested in.” He raised his brows suggestively. 

“ _Javier_!” You laughed, rolling your eyes. “You already fucked her? _Seriously_? Come on man.”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I _did_ call her, but… she was looking for something I don’t think I’m made for giving.”

You pushed your fingers through your hair and leaned an elbow against the table. “I get that.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “No wonder you looked like you were going to crawl out of your skin when they mentioned inviting her.”

“I would’ve shit a brick.” He laughed, pulling the paper towel off his hand to examine the wound. 

“Did it stop bleeding?” You questioned. 

“It was just a knick.” He waved it off. “Hell of a way to ring in the new year.”

You chuckled, taking a sip of your beer. “I really hope 1992 isn’t as crazy as 1991 was. Let getting shot be the worst thing the 90s have planned for me.”

“We can only hope.” Javier said quietly as he stared at you. 

“What’s _that_ look for?” You questioned. 

“ _Nothing_.” He raked his hands over his face and sighed. “I should probably get out of here. You need a ride?”

You shook your head slowly, “They offered up the guest room.”

“Nice.” Javier swallowed thickly and your eyes were drawn to the bob of his Adam’s apple. Had he been hoping for a different answer? The same one you wanted to give him?

What _would_ happen if he drove you home? Your mind wandered down an interesting path — a path that led nowhere good. Going home with Javier Peña was a terrible idea. Even if the temptation was real. 

Just seconds ago he had told you that he had fucked some nice little nurse friend of Connie’s, with no intention of ever seeing her again. And you were — _what_? Thinking it would somehow be different for you?

You worked with him. You couldn’t just do that shit. Even if you wanted to. 

“Thanks again, Javi.” You smiled softly at him. “For the Old Parr, cleaning up my mess… keeping me alive.”

He winked at you. “I only saved you ‘cause I couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck with just Murphy in the office again.”

You tilted your head back and laughed. “It all has to do with Steve, doesn’t it?” Your shoulders shook as you laughed. “Get out of here, Javier. Drive safe.” 

“Happy New Year.” He offered, hauling himself out of the chair reluctantly. He stepped around the table to give your shoulder a squeeze. “Get some sleep.” 

“See you next week. _Hopefully_.” 

“I have no doubt that you’ll be there Monday morning, raring to get back into the field.” 

He wasn’t wrong. 

Work was a great distraction. 

You’d clearly had too many days stuck in your apartment. That was the only explanation for your bullshit. Of all the men at the DEA, it just had be Javier-fucking-Peña, didn’t it? The one man that absolutely had to be off-limits. 

But it was hard not to harbor feelings for him. The way that he had looked down at you after you had been shot was still burned into mind. The way he held your hand on the ride to the hospital. The gentle way he brushed his fingers over your forehead and begged you to stay with _him_. And for a fleeting second, you had been convinced that maybe your stupid infatuation wasn’t one-sided. 

“Where’d Javi go?” Steve questioned as he strolled into the kitchen with their two empty champagne flutes. 

You chewed on your bottom lip briefly, before taking a sip of beer. “Home.” 

Steve frowned, looking truly concerned then. “Are you okay? Did Javier say something to you?”

You arched a brow. “Was he supposed to?”

His shoulders sank and he shook his head. “No, you’ve just got a funny look on your face and we both know he’s an asshole.”

You laughed, looking down at the table. “Nah. I’m the stupid one here. Fireworks triggered me.”

“ _Shit_.”

“It’s fine.” You held up a hand to stop him. “I’m just gonna sleep, I think.” 

“You sure nothing happened with Javier?”

You hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“Didn’t he seem off tonight?” 

“Probably had something to do with Connie joking about inviting the woman he didn’t call back after fucking.” You grabbed onto the side of the table to help yourself stand. “You definitely spared Mariana.” 

Steve’s hands went to his hips as he shook his head. “He’s a jackass.” 

“Yep.” You nodded in agreement, downing your beer and throwing the bottle away. Why had Steve thought Javier had said something to you? Goddammit, if they’d gotten themselves in trouble with the DEA in the brief period of time you’d been off — you’d kill them.

As it was, without you they only had half a brain cell to share between them. 

That _had_ to be what they were all hush-hush about. 


	44. Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier’s POV of the night that changed everything. If you’ve read Promises then you know how this evening goes... but now you get to experience Javier’s side of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, Pining and Smut (Drunk Sex, Unprotected Sex)

The reality of Steve leaving Colombia hadn’t really hit Javier until he was sitting across the booth from him and Connie, listening to them discuss the condo they found in Miami. What sort of bullshit was that? Sure, Pablo Escobar was dead — things were changing at the office, but Steve’s departure had seemed like a far off thing. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, Javier knew Connie was miserable. Her agitation with life in Colombia had been growing more and more apparent since Christmas. 

If Escobar hadn’t died, Steve still would’ve left. Javier understood why, but it didn’t make it any easier. Why couldn’t Connie take the kid and just go back to the states and live with her mother or whatever? Why did she have to ruin a good thing? 

Apparently, that was what happened when you were in a relationship. You had to make concessions to keep the peace. Fucking stupid, if you asked him. Then again, he’d never been particularly good at that. Meeting someone halfway. 

Well, that wasn’t entirelytrue. 

Steve had warned him. _Repeatedly_. Not always in a straightforward manner, but it was always implied. Don’t fuck it up with the only other person in the world that could put up with Javier Peña. Steve made a great buffer, running interference between them. Without him, he was bound to self-destruct. 

She leaned against him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “Do you think they’ll miss us?” 

He hoped they would. 

“You know Murphy’s a sap.” Javier gave a short chuckle, “They’ll trade us in for a new bunch of assholes and forget our names.”

Now it was just the two of them. 

They’d spent nights at the bar together before, but it was different now. There was no Steve to hold him accountable. To be the constant reminder for why _this_ was a terrible idea. He never knew just how deep of an issue it was for Javier. Not really. He kept that bottled up inside. 

She wasn’t just some woman he wanted to fuck, not the way Steve thought. 

“Who am I going to have dinner with now?” She questioned and his eyes were drawn to the way her lips rested against the mouth of her beer bottle. “Five years of home-cooked meals.”

Javier forced himself to stop staring at her lips. “I’m not half bad.”

“I’ve seen your kitchen.” She shot back with a roll of her eyes. “Go get more beer.” She urged, nudging him in the ribs. Had she noticed the way he was staring at her? Was his want that obvious? Sometimes it felt like he’d put up a neon sign announcing just how bad he had it for her. 

“Alright. _Alright_.” He grabbed the empty bottle from her. His first mistake. He’d misjudged where her hand was on the bottle, his fingertips brushing against hers. God, he was a fucking idiot. They touched each other _all_ the time and he was going to feel all warm and tingly over touching her fingers?

Javier slid out of the bar, thankful for the space between them. 

He needed to get his head on straight before he made a decision he’d come to regret for the rest of his life. Losing Steve hurt like a son of a bitch, but losing her? That was a bleak fucking outlook. 

If he was going to lose her too, why _couldn’t_ he give in to that desire? Everything else was falling apart, maybe he’d luck out. Maybe this thing with her wouldn’t end in ruin. There had been so many little moments where he’d thought… maybe she was just as terrified of ruining this thing they had as he was. 

Javier ordered himself a shot of whiskey, knocking it back before he headed back to the table with their beers. He slid into the booth beside her. _Maybe_ he could push his luck. See where it led him. See if she picked up what he was putting down.

“Here you go, baby.” He drawled out, letting the pet name curl on his tongue. Javier gave her leg a squeeze — he’d touched her like that a dozen times. But there was an added weight to his touch this time. An unspoken question as he let it linger there. 

He drew his bottle to his lips, taking a swig. 

_Fuck_. 

She shuffled closer, her leg pressed against his. He felt that warmth spread all the way to his chest — and his cock. 

He sat the beer bottle down, turning his head to look at her. She looked _gorgeous_ sitting there. Color had risen to her cheeks and he doubted it was just from the alcohol. He wanted nothing more than to sink his fingers into her hair and kiss her. 

Javier drew faint patterns against her leg, no rhyme or reason to them, aside from the way he hesitantly drew them towards her inner thigh. She hadn’t pulled away, she hadn’t told him to stop. 

“ _Javi_.” She whispered, lashes fluttering as she met his gaze. Here it came… she was going to tell him to stop. Wasn’t she? No. _No_. Instead, she leaned closer, so close that he could feel her breath against his lips. 

“I’m _sad_ , do you think you can help with that?”

_Fuck_. 

His cock throbbed in his jeans. 

Javier had seen her work her magic before. The way she chewed on her bottom lip and fluttered her lashes and drew men to her. And here he was, letting her pull him into her web. _Happily_. This was a moment five years in the making.

If he had been a worse man than he already was, he would’ve fucked her that first night. She’d had his attention from the first time she put him in his place. And right now, his place was between her thighs. 

“I bet I know a surefire way to make _both_ of us very happy.” Javier said lowly, flashing a charming grin to offset the rush of nerves that flooded his senses. He was playing a dangerous game. He couldn’t remember ever being this worried about fucking someone. He didn’t want to fuck this up. 

“You’re such a bastard.” She taunted him, her legs parting beneath the table to give his hand better access. Who was he to deny her what she wanted? He’d give her everything he had to give, if he could. 

Javier ran his fingers along her inner thigh, sliding up until he reached the seam of her jeans. He could feel the heat radiating from her cunt through the fabric and he felt his pulse quicken when her lips parted and she swore in response. 

She was so _fucking_ perfect. The way she tried to remain composed, bringing her bottle to her lips and drinking even as he stroked his thumb over her. He shifted closer to her, eyes fixed to her face. Watching the way her lips parted, the way new color burned at her cheeks.

“ _Shhh_.” He crooned as he circled that little bundle of nerves through her jeans. He’d found it, he knew he had because her lips parted and she moaned. A sound he never wanted her to make for anyone else. He wanted to be greedy. To finally claim what he’d been dying to claim.

“Then kiss me.” She hissed out, eyes flashing to his. 

Javier practically pounced. He had been waiting for this moment, waiting to know that she wanted him too. 

Her fingers curled around the back of his neck, holding him to her as their mouths moved together. He felt like a fucking idiot for waiting _this_ long to kiss her. She tasted like heaven on his tongue. Her mouth was just as perfect as he’d thought it would be. 

Why had he denied himself for so fucking long?

She drew back first, her name on his lips and her hand still curled around the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I need to go to the bathroom.” 

_Shit_. Fucking finally. 

“So do I.” He rasped out, circling her sensitive flesh through her jeans again before he pulled his hand away. He grabbed his beer, taking a swig, before he slid out of the booth.

She was right behind him, keeping close as they wound their way through the bar, back to the bathroom. Javier could hardly wait to get her alone, pressing her back against the wall the second the door closed. 

He’d waited too long for this. He couldn’t fucking believe that she wanted him too. He had always thought she was made of far finer stuff than he was. That she’d never want him the way he wanted her — but she did. She wanted him. 

Maybe something good would come from Steve leaving. Maybe he could finally be with the woman he couldn’t get out of his head. How many times had he buried himself in some pretty hooker who looked _just_ enough like her that he could pretend for a few fleeting seconds that he was hers?

Javier’s fingers made quick work of her jeans, practically ripping the zipper open as he shoved them down her hips. His hands slid over her hips, greedily taking advantage of newly bared skin. He hooked his finger in her underwear, dragging them down to her knees. 

_Fuck_. She was soaking wet. His fingers slid between her folds, circling that little bundle of nerves he’d already teased. He wanted to taste her, to lose himself between her legs and forget everything else. Javier wanted to prove to her that he could be more than what she’d seen from him over the course of five years. Or maybe just convince her that he was good enough for her. Convince himself too. 

“Is that all for me?” He questioned, lips brushing over hers as he pressed a finger into her. 

“Fuck you, Javi.” She groaned out, sinking back against the wall. Her tits looked fucking fantastic. All of her looked fantastic. 

He met her eyes, swallowing thickly to keep the words he wanted to say from escaping him. He wanted to confess it all. To confess how stupid he’d been for _years_. To beg her not to leave him. To promise her that everything she’d known of him before this moment didn’t matter. He could be hers. 

Instead he latched onto her throat, leaving open-mouthed kisses along the column of her throat as he worked his finger in and out of her, his thumb circling her clit. He wanted to make her come. To feel her twitch and writhe for _him_. He wanted _her_. 

Javier pulled his hand away abruptly, kissing her soundly on the lips before he drew her away from the wall. The bathroom wasn’t very large, it was easy enough to usher them both towards the sink — giving her somewhere to hold on to.

He hardly got his jeans down his thighs, before he was moving behind her. She looked so perfect, lips parted, eyes wide with desire. He gripped at her hip, holding onto her like he never wanted to let her go as he pressed into her. 

“ _Yes_!“ She cried out as her back arched. He buried the length of his cock within her slick heat, savoring how perfect she felt around him. Better than anything he’d ever dreamed of. Better than he pictured as he got himself off with his need for her. 

“ _Fuck,_ Javi—” Her words were cut off by another moan. 

Javier brushed her hair aside, pressing a soft kiss to her neck, tongue sweeping out to tease her skin. He grasped at her breast, palming it roughly through her shirt as his other hand gripped her hip, holding her steady. 

He caught her gaze in the mirror. Her expression was unreadable. He wished he knew what was going through her mind. If this was just a mindless fuck to forget how shitty things were or if this meant something to her. If this had been a long time coming for her too. 

He could’ve rushed it. He could’ve taken her the way he’d taken the women that he pretended were her. It could’ve been hard and fast, desperate for release. But he wanted to savor this. In case this was all he’d ever have. In case she’d slip out of his grasp, another reminder that this sort of shit wasn’t for him. Emotions had no place in his life. 

She clenched around him as his slow pace faltered, her name on his tongue as he kept rolling his hips into her. Holding her gaze. Baring his soul to her through their reflection.

Javier reached downwards, fingers finding her clit once more as he teased her. She made the most glorious faces when he touched her just right. The way she clenched around him, desire running high. 

She reached behind her, grabbing at the back of his neck and he let her pull him towards her. He kissed her, lips slanting over hers. That was all it took. Kissing him set her over the edge, her cunt pulsing around his cock as she came apart. 

He was so close. He could feel the build-up of his own release, the tight clench of her body milking it from him, and he started to pull out, cognisant of the fact that they hadn’t exactly been smart about this. But her fingers tightened around the back of his neck when he started to withdraw. 

“Need you.” She whispered, “Don’t stop.” 

_Fuck_. 

He pressed his lips to the back of her shoulder, teeth scraping over her skin through her shirt as he panted out her name. He wanted more. He wanted her legs wrapped around his hips as he got off. 

Javier pulled back, giving her little time to protest as he turned her around and picked her up to sit on the edge of the sink. 

“Fucking perfect.” He muttered as he lined himself up and pressed back into her. This time he wasn’t as slow, as reverent. He was chasing his release. Chasing the need he had for _her_. She clenched, aftershocks of her release still making her cling to him as he slammed into her again and again. 

His lips threatened to spill his deepest secrets as his cock twitched within her. He came with a grunt of her name, buried within her, lost to the sensation of it all. How had he gone this long without her? Now that he had her, he didn’t want to let go of her. 

“Birth control.” She promised him, resting her forehead against his shoulder — where she always rested her cheek. “ _Fuck_.” The lightness in her voice made his heart ache. 

Javier wrapped his arms around her, not just to support her where she was perched, but to draw her closer to him. “You feel so good.” He mumbled, lips pressed against her shoulder. 

“I didn’t take you for a cuddler,” She laughed, warm and bright and _everything_ he needed. _Fuck_ — he was definitely just this side of tipsy. Drunk on her. And the pleasure warm in his veins didn’t help. “I’m impressed.” She teased and he held her a little tighter. 

He pulled back, just enough to look at her. She was perfect. Hair clinging to her cheeks, just begging for him to push back behind her ears. How was he supposed to walk away from this? To go back to a life where he didn’t know how good it felt to be with her? 

Years of verbal foreplay had led them to this moment and he didn’t want it to end.

“Come back to mine?” God, she’d break his heart if she shot him down. 

“ _Sure_.” She whispered, brows furrowed with an uncertainty that made his heart clench. 

* * *

That uncertainty was gone by the time they reached his apartment. She had joined him on his sofa with the bottle of whiskey she’d stolen from his liquor cabinet. 

“I’d suggest a shot glass…” She had drawled out, taking a drink straight from the bottle. “But I don’t think we’re very worried about _germs_ right now.” She passed the bottle to him, practically straddling his lap in her pursuit to kiss him. 

He held the back of her neck with one hand, kissing her back with equal fervor, before he pulled back to take a drink. “Can’t be too worried about germs.” Javier drawled out, raking a hungry look over her. “Am I leaking out of you right now, baby?” He questioned, hand moving between her thighs to cup her cunt through her jeans.

“Fuck off, Javi.” She breathed out, even as she kissed him again. 

This was what he wanted. The banter, the sex, the way she made his heart ache. He wanted this woman. He wanted every part of her. Not just for tonight.

Javier took another gulp of whiskey, offering the bottle back to her. “Always wondered what you looked like.” He remarked, running his hand up over her torso to grasp her breast as she rocked against his lap again. 

“Hmm?” She questioned, licking her bottom lip as she swallowed. “How I looked?”

He shook his head. Did he really want to admit that he’d spent years wondering what she’d look like coming for him? Did he really want to push his fragile brush with luck? He’d already fucked things up seven ways to Sunday, but that seemed like an admission he should hold back on. There was a lot better left unsaid. 

“Nothing.” He grinned at her. Javier ran his thumb over her collarbone, before he leaned towards her and kissed her again. It was a slow kiss, lips sliding over her lips, their tongues hesitantly finding each other. But the kiss grew, taking on a life of its own. Desperate and needy, fueled by the warmth of the whiskey in their veins. 

Javier peeled her shirt off as he guided her back onto the sofa. Her bra followed seconds later. He kissed his way down her throat, tongue tracing a line down the valley of her breast as he grabbed ahold of them. He relished the way she moaned beneath them, the way she rocked her hips upwards, grinding against his cock as he mouthed at her breast. 

He wanted to live in this moment forever.

She forced open the snaps of his shirt, fingers mapping out a path over his bare skin. Her fingers burned everywhere she touched him. Javier had no idea how they managed to get each other’s pants off, but they did. 

She stroked him teasingly as she guided him between her thighs, legs wrapped around his hips. He was nearly certain that he could die a happy man, now that he knew what it felt like to be _in_ her. He clung to her, desperate to make it so he never had to let her go. He tried to prove to her that he wasn’t like the man she thought he was. She knew him better than anyone else, even Steve. She knew what a fuck up he was, but now — _here_ — he wanted to convince her that it wasn’t the case. 

He could change. He could try. 

The bottle of whiskey was finished off before they found their way into his bed.

Proof enough that he wasn’t a changed man. 

Because the man she knew best was definitely a man who would get shitfaced and fuck his partner. _That_ was the Javier Peña she loved to hate. 

But he still tried to convince her. Tried to promise parts of himself that he didn’t think he actually had. But he could try. Maybe he could pull it together. She was certainly motivation enough. The DEA had taken so much of him, but maybe he had just enough left to give her. 

He just couldn’t fucking believe that he had her. That she was there, in his bed, in his arms. She fit so perfectly against him. Warm and real and his… for the moment. Javier pressed his face into the crook of her neck, arm wrapped around her waist as he let exhaustion start to pull him under. 

Tomorrow. 

He’d make her breakfast in the morning and tell her everything tomorrow. He was too fucking drunk and blissed out to put together coherent thoughts tonight. Otherwise, he’d tell her then. He’d tell her what he needed to tomorrow. He’d spill his guts and pull his shit together then. 

But morning came. 

The bright sun streaming through his window seemed to mock the bleakness that had taken up residence in his bedroom. He knew the moment he woke up that she was gone. Not just because she wasn’t in his arms, but because he felt the absence of her presence. She was gone and _maybe_ for good.

Could he blame her? How many women had she seen him go home with over the past five years? From the same bar she’d come home with him from. How many stories about hookers and informants had she been privy to? Not that she hadn’t done the same before. He’d watched her flirt with men in that same bar. Let her freely talk about everything the day after. Nothing had ever been a secret between them…

Except for his feelings for her. 

None of the women had ever been her. No one had made him feel the stupid fucking things she made him feel. 

Steve had tried to warn him. Maybe not in so many words, but he’d tried to prevent this from happening. He’d tried to keep Javier from getting his heartbroken, not that anyone would believe he had a heart. He’d buried his emotions pretty fucking well. But he hadn’t shielded himself from her.

He had been such a fucking idiot. 

Somehow, she had seen through him. Realized he had nothing to give but heartbreak. 

He was bound to fuck up. Better to lose her now, than lose her to his own faults and failures. 

There were so many _almosts_. 

He had almost told her how he felt six months ago. When her blood was still staining his hands. A confession that would’ve been set to a backdrop of a heart monitor and the frantic voices of doctors as they rushed to stop the bleeding. 

But the moment faded as easily as her blood had washed off his hands. 

Javier pulled himself out of bed and found a new bottle of whiskey to crack into. Hair of the dog to chase away his hangover. Except it wasn’t whiskey that had left him hurting. 


	45. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a very good dream. Set April 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (some reluctance on Javier’s part, vibrator, pregnancy sex)

“ _Javi_.” You whispered as you slid your arm around his waist, pressing as close to him as you could given your current state. You brushed a kiss to the flat of his shoulder, rubbing your hand over his stomach. “Are you awake?”

“Seems like you’re _trying_ to wake me up.” He remarked, his voice low and heavy with sleep. “What’s wrong, baby?” Javier questioned, catching ahold of your hand as it started sliding lower, following the line of dark hair that dipped beneath the waistband of his sleep pants. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” You said innocently, twisting your hand out of his grasp. Your fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, resting against his warm skin. “Technically, I _was_ asleep… but I had this really good dream.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm.” You pressed kisses along his clothed shoulder, before planting a kiss against the back of his neck. “It was a very _intense_ dream…” Your hand started moving downwards again, brushing through the soft trail of hair — but he caught your hand again and pulled it away. “ _Javi_.” You whined. 

“Go back to sleep.” Javier warned you, trying to shift away from you. 

You rolled onto your back and sighed heavily. “For fuck’s sake Javier.” 

“You need your rest.” He rolled over to face you, rubbing at his eyes. Your bedroom was mostly dark, but there was a band of light slipping in through the closed shades that illuminated his features. 

“ _You_ go back to sleep.” You shot back, more than a little agitated now. It had been a _month_ — a whole fucking month since he’d last touched you. The dream had been cruelly vivid. You could feel the way your underwear clung to you, slick with a want he clearly wasn’t going to sate. 

You understood why he was cautious — but the doctor _hadn’t_ warned either you off of sex. 

“ _Baby_ ,” Javier reached for you and you swatted his hand away. 

“Nope.” You turned to glare at him. “You don’t get to touch me now.” 

“You’re being _ridiculous_.” He grumbled, raking his fingers through his hair. “I’m only thinking about your health here.”

“And I’m thinking about my _sanity_ here, Javi.” You bit out, rolling onto your side to face away from him. “You have been avoiding my advances for a month—”  
  
“Do you have any idea how _fucking_ terrifying it was to see you in the hospital?” Javier questioned, you could practically hear the way his jaw was clenched tight. If the light was on, you were certain you’d be able to see the tick of his muscle. 

“I’m on _bed rest_ , not pelvic rest.” You threw back the covers and started to get up. “And this is precisely why I have a vibrator. Regardless of what you think, I’m entirely certain an orgasm will do wonders for my stress levels.” 

“Wait.” Javier said as he reached out to catch your arm. His fingers were loosely curled around you, easy enough to escape from if you wanted to.

But _did_ you want to? You were pissed off, but you still hoped this would turn out the way you wanted it to. 

“What?” You looked back over your shoulder at him. 

“Get it and bring it back to bed.” He traced his fingertips up your arms. “I can—“

You cut him off, “You can _what_ , Javi?”

He moved towards you, kneeling on the bed behind you. “I’m not trying to start a fight, baby.”

“Neither am I.”

“I’m just scared shitless that something is going to happen to you and it’ll end being my fault.” He pressed a kiss to your bare shoulder. “But if this is what you want…”

You turned slightly, cupping his cheek as you drew him in for a kiss. “I want you.” You told him, pressing your forehead against his. “Dream you was fun, but it has been a _month_ since you kissed me for longer than a few seconds.” And it was starting to get to you.

He brushed his nose against yours. “I know. I just don’t wanna do something wrong.” Javier curled his arm around your middle, rubbing his hand over the curve of your stomach. “Go get the toy.” 

You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before you escaped his hold, heading into the bathroom to get the box out of the drawer. You had it tucked out of the way of Josie’s mischievous reach. 

When you returned to the bedroom, Javier had turned the bedside lamp on _and_ removed his shirt. “Look at you.” You teased lightly, chewing on your bottom lip as you eyed him. You just wanted to climb onto his lap and kiss every inch of bare skin. “All we need is some cheesy romantic music. 

“ _Really_?” 

“You _have_ to relax, Javi.” You said gently as you moved to join him on the bed. You shuffled out of your sleep pants, leaving your underwear on as you settled onto the bed beside him. You held the box up, smirking at him. “Fresh batteries too.”

“And you’re _sure_ about this, baby?” He questioned as he took the box from you, pulling out the hot pink toy. 

“Very sure.” You smirked at him, tracing your fingertips over his collarbone as you crowded close to him. “ _Please_?”

Javier nodded slowly and relented. “Alright.” He sat the box aside on the nightstand, letting the vibrator rest on the bed beside him. “But if anything feels off—“

“It’s going to be fine.” You promised him, catching his lips with a needy kiss, sucking at his bottom lip. You pulled back, meeting his eyes, before he drew you back towards him and kissed you. _Really_ kissed you. His tongue swept along your lips, before you granted him entrance. 

You moaned against his lips, as you sank into the kiss. You had missed this so fucking much. The dream had been so vivid, but it hadn’t been nearly as good as the reality. 

His hands wandered along your sides, grabbing at your soft hip and thigh as he pressed close to you. It was quite clear that he had _missed_ this as much as you had. You could feel the hard press of his cock against your leg and it took everything within your power not to reach down and grope him.

Instead, you curled your fingers around the side of his neck, trailing up to cup his cheek as you kissed him. 

Javier pulled back first, chest heaving as he caught his breath. He met your gaze, “ _Fuck_.”

“I wish you would.” You smirked, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. “How do you want to do this?”

“Here.” Javier scooted back on the bed, propped up against the headboard. “Sit right here.” He patted the bed between his thighs and you moved to sit there. 

You sank back against his chest, giving a little wiggle to grind your ass back against his straining erection. The groan you earned from him was well worth it. 

“ _Behave_.” Javier warned, giving your hip a playful swat as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. His hand moved from your hip, sliding along your inner thigh. “Is that all for me?” He questioned as he traced his pointer finger over the damp crotch of your underwear. “Fuck, baby.”

“It was for _dream_ you,” You taunted him playfully, lifting your hips off the bed to lean into his touch. “Who was _very_ good at eating me—“ Your voice caught in the back of your throat when he dragged his thumb over your clit through your underwear.

“Is this for _me_?” 

“Yes!” You gasped out, lashes fluttering as you closed your eyes — basking in how good it felt to finally be touched by him. 

“You’ve ruined these, baby.” Javier drawled out, hooking his fingers in the fabric of your underwear, fitting his hand inside them. “What was I doing in the dream that got you so worked up?”

“You made me _come_.” You answered a little more breathily than normal. You reached behind you, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “Your mouth, your fingers, your cock.” 

Javier groaned, teeth scraping against your shoulder before his tongue soothed the pain. He pulled his hand away and you wanted to protest — but he reached for the vibrator. 

“ _Javi_.” You panted out, watching his hand as his fingers curled around the oblong toy. He hit the button at the base and the faint sound of buzzing filled the relative silence of your bedroom. 

“Is this what you want?”

“I want your _cock_ , but I’m settling.” You told him bluntly, looking back over your shoulder at him. 

Javier pointedly shut the vibrator off. “In that case…”

You elbowed him in the ribs. “Why are you _torturing_ me?”

Javier brushed your hair aside and pressed a kiss to the back of your neck, “Do you want me to stop?” He asked sincerely.

You shook your head, “No. You’re fine.” You played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s fun.” You assured him, spreading your legs a little wider. 

Javier kissed your shoulder, lips trailing over your skin. “Do you have any idea how good you look, baby?” He asked as he turned the vibrator on and brought it between your legs. You twitched, back arching as the faint vibration of the toy trailed over your sensitive flesh through your underwear.

“ _Yes_.” You rasped out, tilting your head to kiss his jaw and throat. 

His hand ran over your stomach, while the other remained between your legs. The low setting of the toy wasn’t enough to get you off, but it was enough to make you ache with want. “Is this what you wanted, baby?” He questioned, lifting his hand to play his fingers through your hair. 

You groaned softly as he dragged the tip of the toy over that little bundle of nerves. “ _More_.” You begged, rocking your hips. “Javi, please.” 

Javier brushed his fingers over the curve of your breast, trailing down your side. The soft caress making you tremble. He pulled the toy away, leaving you wanting. Your lips parted to protest, but he was quick to interrupt you. “I’m not stopping.” He promised you, sitting the toy aside as he shifted to push your underwear down your hips.

You sat up, shimmying the fabric down your thighs until you could kick your underwear off the bed. You chewed on your bottom lip as you turned to look at him, your eyes flickering down his chest, following the line of hair until you stared at the outline of his cock straining in his pants. “I think you’re enjoying this as much as I am.” You teased, reaching out to stroke him. 

The look on his face was _everything_. The way his lips parted and he groaned, the way his eyelashes fluttered. You rose up on your knees, moving to straddle his thigh so you could kiss him again. You curled your hand around the back of his neck, while your other hand continued to stroke him.

Javier didn’t stop you, hands cupping your cheeks as he kissed you in return. His mouth slanted needily over yours, deepening the kiss as his tongue dragged over yours. You pulled back, nose brushing against his as you spoke. “If I lie on my side, you can do all the work.” You whispered. 

His eyes opened to meet yours. You steeled yourself for disappointment. You could settle for him getting him off with the vibrator — but it didn’t soften the blow of him turning you down.

“ _Alright_.” Javier whispered as he brushed his fingers through your hair, tracing his fingers down your spine. “Roll over, baby.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. 

Javier curled in close behind you, his hand running down the length of your side, before smoothing over the curve of your stomach. “It’s been hell this past month,” He drawled out, lips brushing over your shoulder. “You’re so _fucking_ gorgeous.” His hand slid lower, fingers teasing between your slick folds. “Driving me crazy.” 

A breathless laugh escaped you and you reached back to play your fingers through his hair. “Show me how gorgeous I am, then.” You rocked your hips into his touch, grinding back against his cock. “ _Please_.” 

Javier pulled his hand away, working to shove his pants down his hips to free his cock. He shifted behind you, lining himself up. Your fingers gripped at the sheets in front of you, knuckles going white. There was no way to fight back the moan that escaped you as Javi pressed into you. _Finally_. Your back arched, shoulders pressed against his chest. Your inner walls clenched around him in anticipation for more. 

“Fucking perfect.” Javier’s breath was hot against your neck, lips dragging over your skin as he kissed behind your ear. He rolled his hips, shallow thrusts as he filled you. “You feel like _fucking_ heaven, baby.” 

He released his hold on your hip, reaching behind him to grab the vibrator again. Javier clicked it three times and pressed it against your clit. 

You swore, teeth clenched as your body reacted. Little waves of pleasure washing through you. He rocked his hips into you — not really thrusting into you, but rather grinding into you. The length of his cock settled within you. 

There was absolutely nothing you could do to hold back the way your release crashed over you, robbing you of your senses momentarily as you clenched around the thick length of him. You moaned and trembled in his grasp. That was what you had _needed_.

He pulled the vibrator away, shutting it off as he moved slowly behind you. The little aftershocks left in the wake of your release made you clench around him, still desperate for more everytime he pressed into you.

Javier’s fingers curled loosely around your throat, lips pressed to the crook of your neck as he whispered your name. “Was that what you needed, baby? Did you need to come for me, just like that?”

You nodded your head. “Come on, Javi.” You breathed out, reaching behind and scraped your fingers through his hair. “I wanna feel you. You’re so tense. _Let go_.”

Javier’s mustache tickled your shoulder as he pressed his face against your skin and groaned. He bucked his hips, shallowly moving within you. You took his hand from your throat, interlacing your fingers with his. 

“ _Fuck_.” He hissed out, tightening his hold on your hand as he finally succumbed to his own pleasure. You could feel the way he twitched within you, his release spilling out. Your body clenched around him, not wanting to lose that connection.

You relaxed back against him, feeling rather content with yourself as you basked in the afterglow of your own release. That had been _precisely_ what you had needed. You understood why he was so hesitant — but just because you were on ‘stress free’ bed rest, didn’t mean you didn’t have other needs. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, bringing his hand up to your lips. You pressed a kiss to each knuckle. A quiet sigh escaped you as he pepped kisses along your shoulder blade. 

“You good?” He questioned, squeezing your hand. 

“Better than good.” You laughed softly, wiggling your hips. 

“ _Baby_.” He said gruffly, releasing his hold on your hand to grab at your hip as he slid out of you. “You trying to kill me?”

“Maybe.” You rolled onto your back, keeping close to him. “But that would be awfully counterproductive for both of us.” You grinned, leaning up to press a kiss to his chin. “I love you.” 

He brushed his thumb over the rise of your cheekbone, “I love you too.” 

You stole a kiss before you started to get up with a little extra effort. “I’m going to go clean up and then I promise you, I’ll go to sleep.” 

“Might beat you to it.” He quipped, sitting up slowly and rolling his shoulders. “You wore me out, baby.” Javier said dryly, rubbing at his eyes as he stifled a yawn. 

“That’s because you’re old.” You teased as you grabbed the vibrator off the bed and the box off the nightstand. “I recall a time where _someone_ could go two or three rounds in a night.” You shot him a look. 

“Ouch.” He laughed, feigning injury. “Cruel words from someone who just got what she wanted.” 

“I already _had_ what I wanted.” You had him, after all. “I just also really wanted to get laid.” You shot him a finger gun before ducking into the en suite. 


	46. What Ifs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier enjoy a night out. Set April 1996.

You had no idea why you were so _fucking_ nervous, but you were. There were no bars in Miami that bore any resemblance to the one you knew so well back in Colombia, but if you squinted your eyes and tilted your head to the left — _no._ You’d have to be shitfaced to see anything familiar in the bar you were currently sitting in. 

You were surrounded by painfully Floridian decorations and a hoard of perky tourists who had flocked to the beach at the first sign of good weather. 

Javier was somewhere… You could feel his eyes on you. You weren’t _supposed_ to know where he was. It was all part of the game. An attempt to spice up an already spicy relationship. A ridiculous idea that came to the pair of you while drinking with Steve and Connie. 

Connie had been more than happy to watch Josie for the two of you, giving you a chance to _pretend_ you were strangers. 

But you weren’t very good at these games. Impatience ran rampant as you nursed your second fruity cocktail. You had already fielded off a half-drunk man who looked like he idolised Jimmy Buffet and the bartender had now mentioned _twice_ that he got off at ten. 

You glanced around the bar, brows furrowed as you tried to find Javier. You spotted him towards the back of the bar, sitting at a high top table, fingers curled around a bottle of beer. 

He had been watching the entire thing. 

Your eyes met his, lips twitching upwards into a smirk. You turned back towards the bar, swirling the little umbrella in your drink. But still he didn’t approach you. 

Was he trying to test your patience? Because that was a sure-fire way to piss you off instead. Then again, your patience had lasted five years before it snapped before. 

It wasn’t until another man — younger than you, handsome, and sporting a high and tight — approached you, that Javier’s own patience snapped. 

Javier stepped in between you and the Marine, his hand curling possessively around your leg. “Where are you from, baby?”

You sat up a little straighter, leaning towards him. “That’s _need to know_ information.” You teased, resting your hand over his. “Jealous?”

Javier quirked a brow upwards. “ _Never_.” He rubbed his thumb over your bare leg. 

The bartender cleared his throat. “You know this guy?” He questioned, eyeing Javier suspiciously. 

“I hope so.” You laughed, looking between Javier and the bartender. “I have a kid with him after all.”

“Thought we were playing a game.” Javier squeezed your leg, brows furrowed. 

“You left me sitting here for _an hour_ , Javi.” You tilted your head, searching his eyes. “Did you enjoy watching me fend off would-be suitors?”

Javier huffed, “No.”

You reached out and brushed your fingers over the bare skin exposed by his undone buttons. “Then why were you way over there?”

“it got me thinking.”

“Oh?” You frowned. “Should I be worried?”

He shook his head, “ _Nah_. You’re good.” He rubbed his thumb over your skin, before he leaned in and kissed your forehead. “It made me think about Colombia.”

You sighed heavily and stared down at your drink, your stomach feeling a little sour now. “That’s never a good path to go down.”

“No.” With the Marine now long gone, Javier pulled the bar stool beside him closer to you, sinking down onto it. “There were so many times I thought — that should be me.” He took your hand into his and rubbed this thumb over your knuckles.

“I promise you, you weren’t alone in that feeling.” You confessed, squeezing his fingers. “We got here eventually.”

“The long way.” He reached for your cocktail, taking a sip. “Rum?”

“I was trying to be adventurous.” You laughed, releasing your hold on his hand and resting it instead on his knee. “Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened?”

“I consider a lot of alternatives.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Which one are we discussing?”

“If this had happened sooner. I mean, there were plenty of opportunities.” You stared at him, chewing on your bottom lip. 

“ _Plenty_.” He scratched at his jaw and shrugged. “Josie wouldn’t have happened.”

“I know.” You swallowed thickly. “And I can’t imagine life without her.”

“I can’t fucking believe she’s _three_.” Javier’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “But, yeah… I _do_ think about it.”

You reached for your drink and took a sip of it, before pushing it towards him to finish. It was still hard to talk about Colombia — you had both aired your hurt feelings, but there was still more. There would always be more. “Do you remember when I broke up with Lance?” He nodded. “There was this part of me that had… stupidly hoped you wanted me—“

“I did.”

“But we would’ve both brushed it off as a rebound one-night stand and this,” You gestured between the two of you. “Wouldn’t have happened.”

He nodded his agreement, finishing off your drink with a sigh. “Trust me. I _considered_ it. But you were upset—“

“Was I?”

“You were pretending you weren’t.” Javier clenched his jaw. “And I didn’t want to be _that_ guy.”

Which was saying something for him. There was even a part of you, a part that you hadn’t fully acknowledged, that had hoped that he would by _that_ guy. 

“How long?”

He glanced at you from the corner of his eyes, “Long fucking time.”

You grinned. “Well, at least we were on the same page there.” You leaned towards him and rested your cheek against his shoulder. “If we had done things differently, we wouldn’t have Josie… but I still think about the ‘what if’ of it all.”

Javier rubbed his hand down the length of your back. “Me too, baby.” He gave your hip a squeeze, keeping you steady on your barstool. “What happened to our plan for the night?”

“Turns out I don’t want to sleep with a _stranger_ , I want to sleep with some asshole who has been following me around since ‘87.”

Javier huffed, laughing quietly. “Sounds like a real loser, baby. Want me to get rid of him?”

You pursed your lips thoughtfully, “I dunno. He’s weirdly endearing.” You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, before you slid off the bar stool. “The bar next door has dancing. Come on.”

“Did I agree to dancing?” Javier questioned as he followed after you. 

“You can sit and watch if you’d prefer.” You shot over your shoulder. “But somehow, I don’t think you’d like that.”

A little further down the boardwalk, music spilled out from the bar’s open windows. You turned and grinned at Javier. “I _know_ you’ve got moves.” 

Javier snorted, shaking his head. “I’m gonna need more liquor if you expect _moves_.” He took your hand into his, guiding you into the bar, weaving through the crowd towards the bar. 

“Caribbean Punch.” You told the bartender.

“Is that the rum thing, baby?” Javier questioned, his hand settling at the small of your back. You nodded, leaning into him as he ordered one for himself. 

“Did you like it?”

“Rum’s not my go-to.” He shrugged his shoulders, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Look at you, living a little.” You teased, rubbing your hand over his chest as you waited for the bartender to return with your drinks. 

“Thanks.” Javier told the bartender, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket and throwing money down to cover your drinks. 

You stirred the small red stirring straw around the glass, before sipping at it. It was a little more potent than the drink at the bar you’d started at. 

Javier’s hand settled at the small of your back, before he trailed downwards to the curve of your ass. You tilted your head to look at him, feeling warm under his heated gaze. “What’s that look for?”

His lips twitched upwards at the corner, a smirk playing over his features. “Just thinking.” Javier told you, giving your ass a squeeze as you leaned in to him. 

“About?”

“How lucky I am.”

You tilted your head to press a kiss to his lips. “You’re being gross and sappy, Javi.” You brushed your fingers over his forehead, playing with the hair that rested there. 

“That’s what happens when you’ve got me drinking this fucking fruity drinks.”

You snorted. “If only I had convinced you to drink these back in Colombia.” You brushed your nose against his before reaching for your glass, taking another sip. 

Javier rocked his jaw as he scratched at his cheek where his 5 o’clock shadow was coming in. He shook his head slowly as he curled his fingers around his glass, bringing it to his lips. 

“What is it?” You questioned, brushing your fingers through his hair, tucking it behind his ear. “Hey, we promised we’d be better at this.” You gestured between the two of you. 

He shook his head slowly as he focused his eyes on you, “It isn’t that, baby.” 

“You sure?”

He finished his drink and reached towards you to give your hip a squeeze. “You wanted to dance. Come on.” Javier took your hand into his, as he guided you towards the crowded dance floor — where couples swayed to the music together. 

You searched his eyes as he drew you in towards him, trying to read that unreadable expression of his. “Are you going to say what’s on your mind, babe?” You questioned, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as your hand rested there. 

His hands were at your waist, keeping you pressed close as you moved together to the slow rhythm of the song. “ _Later_.” He promised, leaning down to press a kiss to yo it lips. “Right now I wanna dance with the prettiest girl in this bar.”

“Someone wants to get laid.” You teased, kissing him again. You were willing to let go whatever it was that was on his mind — maybe you didn’t want to know. 

“Think a guy like me might be able to pick you up?” He smirked down at you. 

A brow quirked upwards, “ _Maybe_.” You lowered your voice. “If you’re lucky, I’ll invite you back to my hotel room.” You teased. 

“Let me show you my moves first, baby.” Javier drawled out, swaying to the music with you. 

Your arms draped over his shoulders as you pressed close to him, your cheek resting against his chest. You could hear his heart bearing beneath your ear, despite the steady drum of the music around you. 

You couldn’t picture a world without him. 

“Hey,” You pulled back and smiled up at Javi. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Big words for someone you just _met_.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, grinning at you.

“Shut up.” You rose up on your toes and kissed him again, your fingers curling around the back of his neck. “Take me home, Javi.”

* * *

You fell asleep in the back of the cab, head nestled into the crook of Javier’s shoulder. You vaguely recalled waking up — his lips brushing against your ear as he coaxed you awake with warm words. 

You were fairly certain he carried your ass from the front door to the bedroom. _That_ you were actually a hundred percent certain about. 

_Apparently_ you were a light-weight now. You fully placed the blame on the fact that it had been nearly four years since you’d had anything close to the amount you used to consume in Colombia. 

There was always plenty of beer and wine in your life — but liquor? Not the best drink of choice with a rambunctious kid running around the house. The temptation was certainly _always_ there. 

You woke up in the morning with your face pressed against his chest, one leg sprawled over his legs and your arm draped across his stomach. And you were both still fully dressed in the clothes you’d gone out in. The nice lingerie you’d worn entirely wasted. 

Javier had his arm curled around you, his hand resting at your waist. He was snoring loudly — which made you feel less terrible about the dark spot on his shirt from where you’d drooled in your sleep. 

“Javi.” You rubbed your hand over his stomach as you sank back down against him. “We’re officially a boring old couple.” 

“Hmm?” He hummed, rubbing your side as he shifted beneath you. He opened an eye briefly, before closing it again. “What time is it?”

You glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “A little after seven.”

“ _Shit._ ” Javier chuckled, lifting his other hand to drag it through his hair. “Eleven right?”

“Yeah,” You nodded as you sat up, rubbing at the back of your neck. You had an awful crick from the way you had fallen asleep. “Connie has work and we promised Steve.” 

Steve already had his hands full with their two girls — Josie would probably tip him over the edge. There was a part of you that was actually a little jealous that they had two kids now. Which was _insane_ considering you had never really envisioned yourself as a mother of _one_ child, let alone two. 

“You know,” He started as he stretched out on the bed. “I definitely thought last night was going to go a different direction.” 

You laughed softly as you got out of bed, combing your fingers through your messy hair. “Me too.” You glanced back at him as you started across the bedroom. You smirked at Javi. “You missed out on some really _nice_ lingerie.” 

“I’m not the one who fell asleep in the back of a cab.” 

“Fair point.” You feigned offense and rolled your eyes. “I’ll have to keep it for the next time we get to escape.” 

“ _Or_ …” He scooted back against the headboard, propping himself up on two pillows. “I could get a preview.”

You turned around with your hands on your hips, giving him a skeptical look. “If we had a cat, I look like something it would’ve dragged in from the dumpster.” You glanced to your left, catching your reflection in the wardrobe mirror. You weren’t wrong. Your hair was standing at odd-angles, there was definitely dried drool on your chin. “And what exactly is the appeal here?” You questioned, gesturing to your rumpled clothes.

Javier arched a brow at you. “You could be wearing a potato sack, baby.” 

“Aw.” You drawled out as you moved back towards the bed, all but leaping back into it with him. Ignoring the fact that you really did need to get up, eat, shower, and get ready to pick up Josie. “Javi, I think you might _actually_ love me.” You teased him, tracing your finger along his jawline as you leaned in to kiss him. 

“Was there a doubt?” He mumbled against your lips as he sank his fingers into your hair and cradled the back of your head. Javier nipped lightly at your bottom lip. 

You brushed your nose against his. “You were being weird last night.” 

Javier rolled his eyes, sighing heavily as he sank back against the pillows. He scrubbed his hands over his face, before pulling them away to look at you. “It wasn’t that, baby.”

“Hey.” Your brows furrowed together as you reached out to cup his cheeks. “What is it?”

“You think we would’ve ended up here? If Josie hadn’t happened?”

“Maybe not Miami.” You shrugged your shoulders, holding his gaze. “I always cared about you, Javi. I can’t promise you that it would’ve been easy…” This was heavy shit to be dealing with while nursing a lite hangover. 

“I don’t know. It would’ve never been ‘ _normal_ ’ again. Once you fuck your partner in a bathroom, things are going to be a little awkward afterwards.” You tried to play off your own unease. “I felt stupid. Like I’d played myself.” You _didn’t_ judge hookers for their path in life, but you had felt like you were one of them when you slipped out of Javier’s apartment that morning. 

Javier drew you down towards him, “But you don’t regret it?”

“My life is better because I have _you_.” You promised him, leaning in to kiss him again. “If this was a weird way to get me out of this dress… You’re gonna have to wait babe.” You kissed him again before you pulled away. “I’ll think about putting it back on for your birthday.”

A hearty laugh escaped him, “ _October_?”

You got off the bed again reluctantly. “Maybe sooner if you’re _good_.” You teased him, tossing him a look over your shoulder as you headed out of the bedroom to make breakfast. 


	47. Adjusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier start to figure out their relationship. Set October 1992.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (brief mention of abortions), Period Typical Sexism (Chris is at it again), and Poor Communication.

“You’re going to break your teeth out if you keep clenching your jaw like that.” You warned Javier as you stood beside his desk with a stack of folders. “Stop. It’s _fine_.”

“He’s a son of a bitch.” Javier gritted out, taking the folders from you and shoving them forcefully into the file sorter on his desk. His eyes were fixed at the corner that led around to the breakroom, where Chris had headed for to get coffee. 

“You’re going to give yourself a headache.” You reached out and squeezed his shoulder. It was a fleeting touch, but he still reached up and curled his fingers around your hand. 

Things were _weird_. Navigating this situation was more difficult than you had anticipated. Were you actually _with_ Javier? You weren’t entirely certain. You certainly weren’t just partners and friends anymore. The little human growing within you had guaranteed _that_ , but… Javi had fallen asleep in your bed last night. 

_Just_ slept. 

Which might’ve been a first for Javier Peña.

You just felt guilty, because two days ago you had sat in front of the director and a panel of your superiors and lied through your teeth.

_ “Is the father Javier Peña?”  _

_ “No.”  _

There was no doubt in your mind that if you had answered ‘ _yes_ ’ to that question you would’ve been sent back to the states right then and there. Good agents don’t sleep with their partners. It would have just reinforced all of the shit you had heard about _why_ women shouldn’t be put in the field. It’s a boys club. Let the boys fuck the locals and keep your own legs crossed. 

“Here’s my report on Chepe,” You said crisply, keeping a very professional voice as you caught Chris returning from the breakroom out of the corner of your eye. “A week ago, one of my informants let drop that he’s starting to hire hitmen again. He’s making moves with the remaining assholes from Medellín—”

“Is _that_ who you fucked?” Chris questioned as he took a sip of his coffee, sweeping a lecherous look over you. 

“Excuse me?” You folded your arms across your chest as you turned to face him. 

“Your informant.” He smirked at you, sitting down on the edge of his desk as he stared at you. “There’s no _shame_ in that, sweetheart.” 

“Oh, fuck off Chris.” You huffed and turned back to Javier. “As I was saying, you’re going to need to keep an eye on the usual suspects. There’s movement between the two cartels which is alarming.” 

“I heard you don’t know who the father is.” Chris chuckled. “I mean, I figured you were a little slutty, but I didn’t realize you were that fucked up.” 

Javier’s hands curled into fists and his jaw clenched even tighter. Somehow, he was more pissed off than you were. 

“Hey Peña,” He taunted. “Have you ever knocked up any of your lovely ladies?” 

“No.” Javier bit out, leaning forward and looking at the file that was spread out on his desk. Choosing to ignore Chris. “Think your informant will be willing to work with me?” He questioned. “Kinda vital information there.” 

You shrugged, “He might. I’ll have to get it cleared, but I’ll try to make the introduction.” 

“Thanks.” He nodded slowly, shooting a scathing look in Chris’ direction. 

“If you have any questions, I’ll be at that desk for the next six months.” You knocked your fingers against the top of his desk before you headed back for your own. The idea of being stuck on desk duty for the rest of your pregnancy made you want to cry. And that wasn’t just the fault of your hormones. 

You glanced across the office at Javier, your heart doing stupid little somersaults as you caught him staring at you. It had been a _week_ since you had told him. One week since everything changed — technically it had been three months since everything changed. But it was nice to have him back. 

After five years as his partner, three months of ignoring his existence had practically killed you. Especially when you had to be out in the field with him, sitting in awkward silence pretending that you didn’t want to spill your guts. 

You were just glad you had him back in your life. 

“You know,” Chris started, kicking back in his seat and squeezing his stress ball in an obnoxious fashion. “I’m realizing there’s an upside to you getting knocked up.”

“And what’s that?” You questioned dryly, pulling files out of your file sorter. 

“I can fuck you and not have to worry about becoming a baby daddy.”

You pretended to gag. “Would you look at that. I just lost my appetite.” Your eyes flickered towards Javier briefly. You had learned to brush off Chris’ moronic comments, but Javier looked primed to kill. 

“Come on sweetheart,” Chris drawled out with a cruel grin. “I’ve never done it with a pregnant lady.”

“I’m surprised you’ve done it with _any_ women.” You shot back. 

“Real cute.” He snapped, sitting up straighter then. “You should watch yourself. I’ve got friends in high places and you… well, you don’t even know who your kid’s father is.” 

“Was there supposed to be a correlation there?” You questioned, narrowing your eyes at him.

Javier cleared his throat. “Feistl, do you have the report done?” 

“It’ll get done.” 

“Quit running your mouth and it’ll get done sooner.” 

Chris glared at Javier. “I’ll let you take a turn.” 

“ _Wow_. You know what? I am going to take my fifteen now.” You rose to your feet and headed straight for the elevators without looking back. If you looked back, you might lose it. Chris had always been a misogynistic pig ever since he and Daniel got brought in after Steve’s departure, but this was next level bullshit. 

“I’m coming with you.” 

You whipped around to face Javier. “What are you doing?”

“You shouldn’t—”

“Get back to your desk.”

“No.” 

“Do you have any idea how _suspicious_ this looks?” Your hands went to your hips. 

“I’m your friend.” 

“Okay. Then as a _friend_ I’m telling you to go back to your desk.” 

“If I go back to my desk right now, I’m gonna fucking murder him.” Javier gritted out and you believed him. You could see the veins in his neck bulging with ire. 

“Sounds like a good reason to go back to your desk.” You said with a short laugh, looking back at the elevator as the doors swept open. You stepped inside and Javier followed. You wanted to yell at him for being stupid, but there was a part of you that appreciated the fact that he wanted to help. 

“Are you okay, baby?” He questioned, reaching out to lightly curl his fingers around your elbow, before sliding his hand down your arm until his fingers curled around your fingers. 

“Yeah.” You leaned into him, sighing heavily. “He’s a fucking pig.”

Javier pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Where are you going?”

“To sit in my car.” You shrugged, pulling away from him abruptly when the elevator _dinged_ and the doors swept open. “You should go back upstairs.” 

“Smoke break.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Smoke in the breakroom.” 

“Fresh air.”

“ _Javier_.” You turned around and stared at him. It was hard to say no to the compassion in his eyes. You had missed that warmth and adoration. You hadn’t realized how long he’d been looking at you like that, until you were met with icy glares for three months. “Fine. But only this one time.” You warned him, starting for the front door. 

Javier followed you down the ramp and around the corner to the bleak concrete patio that was set up for smokers. It seemed like a lifetime ago since you used to take breaks with Steve and Javier there. Now it felt wrong. Being around Javier at work felt like you’d put up a neon sign announcing that he was the father of your baby. Which was _ridiculous_. 

Despite how close to the two of you were — _are_ — you doubted anyone would actually think he was the father of your baby. Despite what your superiors might think. You still couldn’t believe they asked you. Point blank. It didn’t help that apparently, per Chris’s vomit-of-the-mouth, people at the Embassy thought you were a slut. Which was to be expected, considering the situation. But it still stung. 

You perched on one of the picnic tables, hands resting in your lap as you stared at Javier. You had underestimated how _awkward_ things would be now. For three months you had gotten used to the idea that the two of you would never be back to ‘normal’, that you’d never have the conversations and the laughter you used to have with him. It still wasn’t normal, though. Because four months ago you wouldn’t have known exactly what it felt like to have him between your legs _or_ what it was like to wake up in his arms. Which was nice. 

Strange, but nice. 

Javier pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting up and taking a drag before he spoke. “You don’t deserve that shit.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip and shrugged. “It’s bound to happen.” 

“But it _shouldn’t_ happen.” 

Your eyes met his briefly before you looked away, rubbing your hands together. “My best advice is don’t get knocked up in a male-dominated field.” 

Javier huffed out a humorlessly laugh, shaking his head. “It’s bullshit.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I… “ He trailed off, waiting for you to look at him again. “Tonight?”

“ _Again_?” You smiled a little, before you shook your head. “Javi, I’m not…” 

Javier held up a hand, “I know.” He took another drag of the cigarette before he moved to sit down beside you on the picnic table. “I’m not trying to rush into something you don’t want, baby.” 

“I do want it.” You told him, turning to look at him. “But I really do feel like shit and I’m not really in the mood for—” 

“That’s not…” Javier exhaled another puff of smoke before he put it out in the ashtray behind the two of you. “I’m letting you set the pace, baby. But last night was nice, wasn’t it?”

You nodded, wringing your hands together. “Yeah.” 

“That’s all I want.”

“Who knew Javier Peña was a cuddler.” You teased playfully. “Is _that_ what you’ve been doing with hookers for all these years?”

He looked away, his jaw clenched tightly. “You can just say ‘no’.”

You swallowed thickly. “I mean… it was nice not to be alone last night.” You wanted to reach out and comfort him, but the risk of being caught was far too high. “But just to sleep.”

Javier nodded slowly, “Yeah.”

“Hey, look at me.” You said quietly, your eyes meeting his as he turned to look at you. “I really wish I could kiss you right now.”

The way his eyes light up made your heart ache. “Yeah, me too, baby. Still allowed to kiss you tonight, right?”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

* * *

“Is it weird?”

“Is _what_ weird?” Javier questioned, sitting his beer aside as he angled his body in such a way that you knew he was giving you his full attention. 

“Us.” You gestured between two of you, before dipping your finger into the jar of Peter Pan peanut butter and licking it off your finger. 

“What do you mean?”

He was going to make you do all the work, wasn’t he?

You sighed heavily, contemplating how to explain it as you dipped your finger into the jar again. “I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know what you mean by a question you just fucking asked?” He cocked a brow at you, before he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Then I don’t know either.” 

“Don’t be a dick.” You stretched your leg out on the sofa and kicked his thigh. “Maybe it’s just me then. Everything is weird right now.” You sank back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. “I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that there’s this… _child_ growing inside of me.” 

Javier was quiet, but his eyes were focused on you. 

“They asked me if I had considered having an abortion.” You sat up a little, brows furrowed as you looked at him. “During my hearing or whatever you want to call it. I felt like I was standing trial.” You swallowed thickly. “I hadn’t even considered it. You know? Aside from the fact that I knew the kid was going to be cute—” You gestured to him. “I mean, look at you.” He didn’t seem nearly as amused as you were trying to be. “It never crossed my mind.” 

He rocked his jaw as he nodded slowly. “Yeah.” 

“That wasn’t even what I wanted to say.” You laughed nervously, rubbing at your cheeks as you fixed your gaze back on the ceiling. “It’s just a lot to stomach right now.” Because you didn’t know if he’d actually stick around. You wanted to get used to this — watching shitty telenovelas and cuddling on the sofa after work — but you didn’t know if you could do it. You had never been very good at letting your guard down, except with him, and look where that ended for you. 

“What did you want to say?”

You sat up on your elbows and stared at him. “I spent three months trying to figure out how to forget what you looked like when you came.” You said bluntly, shrugging your shoulders. “Now I get to pretend that I’m not inviting you into my apartment _every_ night. Needless to say, work is weird now.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t _have_ to be weird.” 

“What does that even mean?”

“We could tell them.” 

You laughed sharply. You couldn’t fucking do that. Not after you sat and lied to their faces. You’d get sent back to the states before you had time enough to say your name. And then where would you be? Because Javier sure as hell wasn’t leaving Colombia, not with the Cali Cartel still at large. You’d be all alone then. 

“We can _not_ tell them, Javier.” You swung your legs over the side of the sofa, sitting upright then. “That’s just exactly what I need on my record. Everyone loves an agent with a reputation for fucking her partners.” 

You snatched up the container of peanut butter, getting off the sofa to return it to your kitchen cabinet. 

“But we _did_ sleep together.” 

“Yeah. We _did_.” You shut the cabinet door with a little more force than necessary. 

“Do you want me to go?” Javier questioned and regret flooded your senses. He was already off the sofa with a hand on his leather jacket that was draped over the back of the sofa. 

“No!” You started towards him. “Last night was nice. I want that to keep happening.” There was also a part of you, a part you didn’t want to acknowledge that didn’t want him finding his way back to his usual source of nightly comfort. 

The thought made your already sensitive stomach roil. 

“What do you want from me, baby?” Javier questioned, his shoulders sagging as he stared at you. You were certain you’d ever seen him looking quite so… _lost_ before. Maybe that Monday — when he came out of the meeting and stared at you and your untouched coffee cup. 

How did you meet someone halfway, when you were afraid to? You were terrified to give your heart to him, despite knowing that he already held a sizable chunk just from being his partner for five years. 

“Something?” You offered quietly. “Do I have to give you an answer right now?”

He shook his head slowly as his hands went to his hips. “No. I don’t need an answer right now.”

“Good.” A tremulous smile spread over your lips. “I do know that right now I could use a kiss. Is that enough?”

Javier took another step towards you, his hand curling around your hip as he caged you against the kitchen counter. He tilted his head as he leaned down to bridge the distance between the two of you. 

Your fingers slid around the back of his neck, smiling against his lips as he kissed you. It really was nice to have this sort of intimacy with him. How many times had you thought about kissing him over the years? He had the most kissable lips and now they were yours to kiss.

But not yours alone. 

You pulled back, cautioning yourself from feeling anything more than you already felt.

“You taste like peanut butter.” Javier whispered, his hand moving around to the small of your back. 

“It’s this new thing I’m trying.” You quipped with a grin. “I was thinking… peanut butter perfume next. It’ll be all the rage.” You kissed him again before you slipped out from between him and the counter, giving his arm a squeeze. 

“I’m going to go get ready for bed. Did you still want to…?”

“Yeah. I’ll strip down in the bathroom.”

Last night he’d worn just his boxers. Which admittedly had been a _nice_ sight. But you couldn’t stop thinking about it at work. Which _was_ a problem. 

Eat your heart out DEA. They could take away the things you loved at work, but you still got to take Javier Peña home with you. 


	48. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier grapples with the complications around Sofia’s birth. Set June 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnancy Complications (Ecelempsia, Seizures, lots and lots of medical discussions in this one)

“You’ve got to hold it together, Javi.” Chucho told Javier, his fingers curling around his shoulder tightly. “You’ve got Josie and Sofía. They need their father.”

“ _She_ needs me too.” Javier hissed out, jerking his shoulder out from his father’s grasp. He knew what his father was trying to remind him. He didn’t want to lash out at him, but _fuck_. How was he supposed to think about the girls in a context where they wouldn’t have their mother? He couldn’t let those thoughts get to him.

He raked his fingers through his hair, before he rose to his feet. “Where the fuck is the doctor?”

“She’s gonna be okay, Javi.” Steve assured him, looking up at him from where he was sitting. “When has she ever let something like this bullshit get the best of her?”

Javier swallowed thickly, stopping mid-pace. “After all the shit she’s been through…” He really wanted to punch something. But he couldn’t really risk breaking his fucking hand. That wasn’t going to help with his guilt. _Fuck._ There was so much guilt. So much of the shit that she went through in Colombia had been his fault. 

And the stress. The goddamn stress was all his fault. She wouldn’t be laid up in the hospital if he hadn’t pushed a stressful situation onto her. He should’ve left the DEA shit alone. Somehow he’d managed to fuck up the birth of their second child. _God_ , if he lost her….

The waiting room door opened slowly, a doctor appearing in the doorway. “Mr. Peña?” Javier couldn’t tell if the doctor had grim news or if the son of a bastard was born with that dourer expression. 

Steve stood up, clapping Javier on the shoulder. “We’re here for you.” He said something else, but Javier wasn’t entirely certain what it was. Everything seemed to focus in on the doctor who was waiting for him. Steve and Chucho felt like they were at the far end of a tunnel, the distance obscuring their voices. 

Javier waited for the waiting room door to close behind him before he spoke, “How is she? Can I see her?”

“She’s stable.” The doctor told him calmly, guiding him across the hall to a private room. He’d seen families come out of that same room with _bad_ news. He truly felt like he was going to be sick. 

The doctor waited for Javier to sit, before he continued. “We have her sedated currently. Once we get her settled into her new room, I can take you down to sit with her.” 

He swallowed thickly. “Are we out of the woods?”

The doctor shook his head. “Not yet. Despite our best efforts, there were complications. She suffered a mild seizure, which was to be expected given her condition. Fortunately, the CT scan didn’t show any damage from the episode. We’ll get her scheduled for a MRI and prepped for a PET scan in the coming days.” He offered Javier a sympathetic smile. “As much as I’d love to send the three of you home tomorrow, we’re going to need to keep her for observation for a few more days.” 

Javier nodded slowly, trying to process everything the doctor had just told him. So many scans and the potential for something being _wrong_. Really wrong. “I just want her to come home.”

“She’s a fighter, Mr. Peña.”

“I know she is.” A brief smile spread over his lips. “She’s _fucking_ incredible.”

“And we’re going to make sure she goes home.” The doctor promised him. “We’ve already started her on some hydralazine intravenously. It’s already started getting her blood pressure under control.” 

“Good.” 

“After she’s released she’s going to have to monitor the hypertension. She’ll be prescribed medicine to help stabilize it, but she won’t be able to breastfeed.”

Javier nodded slowly. At least the doctor was talking about the _after_. Going home. That sounded positive. 

“Have you been down to the nursery to see your daughter?”

“No.” He rubbed at his forehead. “My pops went to see her.” Everything had been _perfect._

Sofía was gorgeous. 

They let him cut the umbilical cord. They let him be such an active participant in their daughter’s birth. Everything had been going in the right direction. 

But she didn’t look right. 

She was exhausted, which was understandable, but her coloring was all wrong. She looked _weak_. 

And then the seizure. 

Javier wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to get that memory out of his head. It was worse than watching her bleed out on the ground. 

It had been maybe three hours. Maybe five. 

He hadn’t seen either of them since. 

“When do you think I’ll be able to sit with her?”

The doctor’s brows furrowed as he stared at him. “Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to call down to the nursery and have them bring your daughter up to her room. That might be good for the three of you.”

Javier swallowed thickly and nodded. “Alright.”

“I’ll have a nurse come and get you from the waiting room.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

It was another two hours before the nurse came to get him. 

Steve had gone home to help Connie with the girls and Chucho looked worn out, he wasn’t easily convinced to leave. Eventually, Javier won out because Stevie needed to be let out and he knew Monica had work. 

It felt wrong to care about anything outside of the hospital, but he knew she’d kill him if anything happened to that damned dog. 

But then the nurse came and he was ushered to her room. The floor was eerily quiet — it was after visiting hours, but the doctor had made special arrangements just for him. Even in the worst situation of his life, at least the hospital was treating him like he belonged. 

She looked awful. Hooked up to machines and monitors. Wires running from her hands, little censors stuck to her temples. 

“We’ve started decreasing her sedatives,” The nurse explained to him. “We’re still waiting for the doctor to look at her MRI—“ That must’ve been why it took so long. “But everything is looking really good, Mr. Peña.” 

The nurse gestured to the burgundy vinyl-covered reclining chair in the corner of the room. “We brought this in for you. In case you wanted to stay.”

“I do.” 

Javier looked away from her then, his eyes drawn to the bassinet Sofía was in. He knew he had to focus on her as well. She needed him just as much as her mother did. 

“When was the last time she ate?” He asked the nurse, moving towards the bassinet to pick up the swaddled infant. She cooed softly as she woke up and his heart melted. “It’s alright, daddy’s got you.” He whispered as he cradled her against his chest. 

“Half hour ago.” The nurse smiled. “Do you have other children, Mr. Peña?”

He nodded. “We have another daughter. She just turned four.”

“What a fun age.” She gestured towards Sofía. “If you need any help or if anything happens, there’s a call button on the bed. You’ll get one of us on the floor in here.”

“Thank you.”

Javier kept Sofía cradled against his chest as he moved towards the hospital bed. It broke his fucking heart to see her like this. There was nothing peaceful about being sedated. He had seen peaceful sleep on her and this wasn’t it. 

“You’ve got to wake up for us, baby.” He said gently as he gingerly curled his fingers around her unresponsive hand. “I don’t think you really got to see how beautiful Sofía is. She’s perfect just like her mother.” Javier looked between the two of them. “She reminds me so much of Josie at this age. She’s so little.” 

Javier sniffed quietly, trying not to cry. But he’d been holding it in for hours now. And there was a lump of emotion wedged in the back of his throat. Raw and painful. How was he expected not to cry when the love of his life was fighting for her life? 

He settled Sofía back down in the bassinet, before pulling the rolling stool over to her bedside. “This better be the last time I have to see you laid up like this, baby. I fucking hate it.” He took her hand again, rubbing his thumb over the back of her knuckles. “We’re not doing this again. We’ve got two daughters. We don’t need any more kids.” He lifted her hand up as he leaned over to kiss the back of her hand. “I’ll get the snip tomorrow, if it means never putting you in this position again.” 

Some machine beeped, making Javier jump a little. He glanced up, brows furrowed as he studied the monitors beside her. “They told me they’re decreasing the sedatives they have you on. I think that means you’re going to wake up soon.” Javier told her, squeezing her hand. “I wish I knew if you could hear me.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. 

Javier stood up, leaning over the bed so he could press a kiss to her forehead, his fingers tenderly brushing over her cheek. “You did such an amazing job delivering her, baby. I’m in awe of you. Your strength.” He let his nose brush over her forehead as he sighed. 

He studied her face, hoping to see some flicker of alertness. He knew she was going to wake up — she had to. But he wanted to talk to her now. It had been _hours_. He’d lost track of the time. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. This is all my fault.” He raked his fingers through his hair as he sank back on the stool. “I set all of this into motion. I should’ve known better, starting this shit while you were pregnant…” He shook his head. 

Javier pressed his face into his hands, letting the tears finally fall. It had been such an emotional day. The elation of seeing his daughter born, giving way to the fear of losing the woman he loved. 

The reality of the social worker meeting with him. Going over what his role as her POA meant, ensuring he understood what wishes she had made known in the document. His father had listened, because he hadn’t. He had been in shock. 

He _couldn’t_ lose her. He’d lose his fucking mind if he went home to a house that didn’t have her in it. 

And it would be his fault. 

Sofía started fussing in her bassinet and Javier went to pick her up. “Are you hungry, sweetheart?” He questioned as he looked down at her. She had the longest lashes he’d ever seen on a baby. A nose just like her mother. 

Javier hit the help button on her bed, waiting for a nurse to turn up so he could tell them Sofía needed formula. 

He sat on the rolling stool beside her bed, feeding Sofía and talking to them both. He told his daughter all about how brave her mother was, how good she was. How much he hoped both of his children ended up like their mother. She was far too good for him.

Javier went through the bag of clothes she’d brought with her to go home. Not tomorrow. Not like they had planned. 

“There it is.” He smiled as he saw the stuffed dog that Josie had made certain she had with her. “Baby, if you wake up I’ll get you another dog. I know how much you love having Stevie.” 

He moved back over to the bed. Javier lifted her hand up and tucked the toy into her palm. “Josie wanted to make sure you had this, baby. It’s Bruno.” 

Her fingers twitched faintly and he swore his heart skipped a beat. 

“I’m right here.” He curled his hand around hers, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “I love you, baby. Just rest, okay?” 

Her fingers twitched again, coupled with her lashes fluttering. 

“Hey.” Javier whispered, staring at her face. Looking for a sign that she was waking up. Three short squeezes, weak but there. 

“I love you too, baby.” He smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Her lips parted, inhaling shakily. “W-where is she?” Her voice was hoarse, barely recognisable as her own. 

“She’s sleeping.” Javier brushed his thumb over her cheek. “Do you want to see her?”

“Yeah.” She mumbled, her eyes still closed. “Feel weird.”

“You’ve been through hell the last few hours.” Javier said as he reluctantly left her bedside to pick up Sofía. “She’s beautiful.” He told her as he walked back over to the bedside, brows furrowed as he looked down at her. “You gotta open your eyes, baby.”

“Just wanna… hold her.” She said wearily. 

Javier frowned when she just laid there motionlessly. She was still clearly under the effects of the sedative. 

“I’m just gonna lay her on your chest, okay baby?” 

“ _Yeah_.” 

He carefully maneuvered Sofía, keeping a hand on her back as he laid her against her chest. Sofía opened her eyes, cooing quietly as her little fingers grabbed at the hospital gown beneath her. “That’s your mommy, baby girl.” He whispered. 

“I’m so tired.” She whispered, her lashes fluttered a faint glimpse of her eyes before they fell closed again. 

Javier reached out and took her hand, lifting it up gently to hold it against Sofía’s back. “Do you think you can hold her?” 

Her fingers twitched as she flexed them, spreading them out across her little back. “She’s tiny.” 

“Two ounces smaller than Josie.” He smiled at her as her eyes opened, though they were still heavy and groggy. “You did so good, baby.” 

“Did I?” She blinked slowly, her eyes _very_ unfocused as she looked at him. Her fingers moved again, weakly brushing over the blanket Sofía was wrapped in. “ _Javi_ …”

“I’m right here, baby.” 

“Take her. I don’t want to drop her.”

“Whatever you want, baby.” Javier leaned over the bed to scoop their daughter up, moving to put Sofía back in her bassinet. He stared down at her, fingers brushing over her cheek as she blinked slowly before falling back to sleep. He remembered how much Josie slept the night after she went home that first night. 

“I feel weird.”

He turned back to look at the bed, “Do you want me to call for the nurse.” Javier was already at her bedside, primed to press the call button. 

“They’ll give me more…” She gestured vaguely to her IV. “Wanna stay awake.” 

“You need to rest, baby.” He insisted, reaching out to cup her cheek. “But I don’t want them to sedate you again either. I missed your eyes.” 

She laughed quietly, sinking back into her pillow. “My eyes?” 

Javier nodded slowly. “Yeah. I was afraid you’d never open them again.” 

“And leave you to raise two daughters?” A weak smirk quirked at the corners of her lips. 

“I wouldn’t be able to cope without you.” 

She raised a brow, even as her eyes flickered closed. “Calm down, Romeo.” 

“ _Really_?”

“Really.” She turned her head towards him and grinned as she opened her eyes slowly. She looked down then, picking up the stuffed dog that was still laying in her bed. “Was Josie here?”

“No.” Javier frowned. “She gave it to you to pack, remember?” 

“Right.” She said distantly as she sat the toy back down. 

“Do you not remember that?”

“Everything is a little hazy,” She admitted, reaching up to touch the nasal cannula in her nose. “I fucking hate this shit.”

“Oxygen is good for you.” 

She rolled her eyes. 

“There’s the woman I know and love.” 

“I’d flip you off but….” She taunted, staring at him a little harder then. “You look like shit.” 

“It’s been a fucking awful day, baby.” Javier pushed his fingers through his hair. “But they gave me this hideous chair over there to sleep in.” 

“You should sleep.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He shook his head. “This is about you. You’re the one who scared the shit out of me.” 

“Sorry.” She reached out and curled her fingers around his where they were curled around the side of her bed. 

“Why the _hell_ are you apologizing?”

She shrugged, “I dunno.”

“Well, don’t.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m gonna get the nurse, alright? I think they were waiting for results. MRI? CT scan. One of them.” 

“Did someone let Stevie out?” 

Javier shook his head incredulously, “Yeah, pops went to stay with her.” 

“Good.” She smiled up at him. “I feel worse than I did when I got shot.” 

“You had a seizure.” 

“I did?” Her brows drew together, confusion marring her features. 

Javier nodded. “Is _everything_ hazy?”

She lowered her gaze, picking at a piece of fuzz on her blanket. “Yeah. Tell them not to give me whatever they’re giving me. I feel _really_ weird.” 

“You just have to stay calm. Okay?” Javier reminded her, reaching you press the button to call for the nurse. “That’s the key thing. Okay? If you keep your blood pressure down you’ll get to go home.”

“Home sounds nice.” She smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

Javier glanced at the door as it opened, “She woke up.”

The nurse beamed, “That’s great news, Mr. Peña.” She looked towards the hospital bed then, “How are you feeling?”

“As bad as he looks.” She quipped, looking at him as she reached for his hand. 

He squeezed her hand. “Nurse, she’s having… not memory loss, exactly but… confusion? Is that the medicine?”

The nurse checked her vitals before putting them up on the whiteboard across from the bed. “That may just be the sedation, but there is always the chance that she may also be experiencing side effects from the seizure. The doctor will discuss the postictal phase when he comes down.” 

She looked towards the hospital bed then, “Let’s do a little memory test, shall we?” She tapped the dry erase marker against the board. “Do you know what your daughter’s name is?” 

“Joséfina Peña.” She answered and the nurse frowned. 

“Our older daughter,” Javier explained.

The nurse nodded and wrote the name out on the board. 

“She has an accent above the ‘e’.” She corrected the nurse. “And it’s ‘f’ not ‘ph’.” 

“Do you know your newborn’s name?”

“Sofía.” She rubbed her lips together slowly. “With an ‘f’ and an accent over the ‘i’.” She looked towards Javier there. “We named her after Javi’s mother.” 

“Do you know what day it is?”

She shook her head. “I think… I came in on the thirtieth.”

“Thirty-first.” Javier squeezed her hand, before glancing back at the nurse. 

“It’s June second.” She supplied. 

“ _Shit_.” 

“It’s okay, baby.” 

“When was she born?”

“The first.” 

She laughed quietly. “May first and June first.” 

“Easy to remember.” Javier leaned down and kissed her forehead. “You’re doing so good.” 

“Do you have any pets?” The nurse questioned. 

“A dog. Stevie Nicks.” 

“Very good.” The nurse wrote the names up on the whiteboard before making a big square around ‘PLANS FOR TODAY’. “It looks like the doctor still wants you to get that PET scan today. Once we get that over with you are one step closer to going home. We’ve just got to keep that blood pressure down.”

“How is it?” Javier questioned. 

“Good. Still a little high, but nowhere near as high as it was when she came in.” 

Sofía started crying and she sat up quickly, looking towards the bassinet. “She needs food. She sounds just like Josie when she was hungry.” 

“I know.” Javier cradled her to his chest, but he wasn’t giving her what she wanted. 

The nurse looked a little anxious. “Now, due to the medicine you’re currently on you’re not going to be able to breastfeed for a little while, okay?” 

“Oh.” She sank back against the pillows, “Can I… is there formula?” She questioned, looking around the room. 

“I can get that.” The nurse excused herself from the room then. 

“I know this fucking sucks.” Javier offered as he passed Sofía to her mother. She seemed stronger now, able to hold her without his assistance. “It’s not at all how we planned it…”

“It never is.” She said quietly as she looked down at Sofía, brushing her fingertips against her forehead. “She’s so little. Is she smaller than Josie was?”

“She is.” Javier rested his hand against hers. “She looks so much like her big sister.” 

“I’m sorry.” She glanced up at him. “I know this isn’t… this isn’t what you wanted.” 

“Hey, hey. No.” He reached out and brushed away the stray tear that slid down her cheek. “None of that, baby. No. All I care about is the two of you being healthy. You could’ve given birth in the back of our car and I’d still be the happiest man alive.” 

She inhaled raggedly, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. “Can you take her?” 

“Of course.” Javier cradled the back of her head as he picked Sofía back up, rocking her gently in his arms. “Baby, please don’t cry. I really don’t fucking care about anything except you, okay?” 

“I’m leaking.” She admitted, covering her face ashamedly. “My baby is crying, my breasts are leaking, and I can’t fucking feed her!” 

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is.” She crossed her arms across her chest, trying to hide the damp spots forming. 

The monitor beside the bed started beeping and the nurse appeared seconds later with the formula and a look of concern. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t feed my baby.”

Javier’s heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest. 

“I’m going to need you to calm down.” The nurse said lightly as she passed the formula off to Javier. “You can still feed your baby with the bottle, okay? But I’m going to need you to calm down, otherwise I’m going to have to sedate you again.” 

“Please don’t.” She whispered, hastily wiping away her tears. “Please. I don’t want to feel like that again. Please don’t sedate me.” 

“Are you going to calm down?” 

Javier kinda wanted to yell at the nurse for the vague condescending tone she was speaking to her with. But that wasn’t going to do anyone any good. “Her breasts… are _leaking_.” He told the nurse, trying to intercede for her. “Can you get her a _fucking_ pump or something? Please.” 

The nurse just glared at him, before she backed down. “That’s probably a good idea.” 

Sofía started crying louder, which only seemed to make the dark stain on her mother’s hospital gown grow darker. “Shh. Sweetheart, your mommy’s going to help you. Okay?” 

How would he have done this without her? How could he handle Josie and Sofía on his own? The mere thought made him want to join in with his girls and sob his fucking heart out. 

Once again he helped her take her daughter into her arms, nestled safely against her chest. He passed her the formula, watching as she brought the bottle to her lips and waited for her to latch on to it.

Javier sank down onto the rolling stool, head in his hands while she fed Sofía. He was so fucking tired and so fucking tired of feeling _helpless_. 

If his father and Steve hadn’t been there with him… he would’ve lost his fucking mind. He couldn’t imagine dealing with this in Colombia. There was no way in hell he would’ve been able to go back to the DEA and work, knowing she was incapacitated. She was a fucking fighter and it made him want pull the world apart knowing that she was hurting. There was nothing he could do. The decision _he_ had made had gotten them into this situation. 

It was all his fucking fault. 


	49. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets discharged from the hospital and Javier finally snaps. Set June 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst and discussion of pregnancy complications, allusions to post-partum depression.

“Bruno says he was a little scared.” Josie explained as she pretended to walk the dog up the blanket between them.

“He was scared?” You questioned as you ran your hand down her back, tilting your head to look down at her. “There’s nothing to be scared of, babydoll.”

Javier had been wise to keep Josie out of the hospital with you until after they’d taken you off oxygen and no longer had sensors attached to your head. She didn’t need to see any of that shit. She was still too young to fully understand the situation.

All she knew was that she had a new baby sister.

“Uh-hu.” Josie nodded her little head. “But then he remembered that daddy was big and strong and he didn’t need to be scared.”

Javier was across the room, passing Sofía off to her grandfather. “What was that about daddy?” He questioned, hands on his hips as he approached your bed.

“Bruno was scared, but you’re strong daddy!”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Your mommy is _much_ stronger than I am. If Bruno had something to be afraid of, she’s the one who comforted him.”

“Oh.” Josie said, whispering to Bruno. “Did mommy help too?” She pretended to bark his answer and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Javier reached out and brushed his knuckles against your cheek, his thumb brushing over the rise of your cheekbone. “You look better today.”

“Yeah?” You leaned into his touch, sighing heavily. “I feel better today.”

“You’ve got color in your cheeks.” Javier tilted his head as he studied your face. “And your eyes… still glad to see them.”

Your heart clenched at his words and you lowered your gaze to Josie who was currently walking Bruno up your arm. There was a part of you that was dreading the fact that you were going home. Going home meant having conversations you weren’t ready to have.

Life in the hospital sucked. Monitors beeping, nurses walking in — no one could _rest_ in a hospital. No matter how many times they told you to get some sleep. Javier wasn’t sleeping. The recliner that Chucho was sitting in, feeding Sofía from a bottle, had been left untouched.

It was June third and you were fairly certain Javier had only gotten five hours of sleep since you went into labor. And it showed. There were dark bags under his eyes, his scruff had transformed into a patchy beard, and he looked like the experience had aged him five years. But it wasn’t just _this_ experience weighing on him, you knew the heaviest weight was the guilt he tried to shield you from.

“ _This is my fault_.”

You had heard him.

But the hospital wasn’t the place to confront him about his guilt. Hell, you doubted he’d even humor the conversation once you got home. He looked at you like a man who feared sending the woman he loved to an early grave.

Tomorrow you would be going home. The doctor was pleased with the results of your MRI and the PET scan. The seizure didn’t seem to have caused any lesions or long term issues for you to be worried about. Your blood pressure had stabilized nicely and you had a whole bag full of medicines that would be going home with you.

The doctor had even assured you that you’d likely be able to breastfeed by the end of next week. You just had to keep pumping to keep yourself from drying up. That was one of the many things that was keeping you going. You had breastfed Josie for almost two years and you had been looking forward to having that experience with Sofía too. If she didn’t decide she prefered her father feeding her from a bottle over you.

Not that you could blame her. You hadn’t been there for her.

You clenched your eyes closed, trying to will yourself _not_ to cry. It was stupid. So fucking stupid. What were you supposed to do? You had had a seizure, they had sedated you… It wasn’t something you could just choose to ignore. But still, you felt like you’d failed her.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Javier questioned, taking your hand into his. “Are you hurting?”

You blinked, hastily wiping at your eyes. “I’m fine.” You lied and you knew that he _knew_ that you were lying. You exhaled shakily, glancing around the room. “Where’s the go-bag? You remembered to pack the camera, right?”

Javier frowned. “Yeah. Why?”

“We didn’t take any pictures after Sofía was born.” You reminded him. “Get the camera and my hairbrush out. I’m sure this,” You gestured to your head. “Looks like a rat’s nest.”

“A bit.” He chuckled, reluctantly moving from your bedside to grab the go-bag. It was meant to be everything the two of you would need after Sofía was born, but it had gone largely unused given how things turned out.

“You are _very_ pretty mommy.” Josie told you, reaching up to pat your cheeks with both hands.

“I’ll take your word for it, sweetpea.” You tapped her nose, making her giggle. “I’m going to need you to get up for just a few minutes, okay? You can go help your abuelito feed your sister.”

Javier picked Josie up off the bed. “You sure you don’t want to wait until we get home?” He questioned, brows furrowed as he looked back to you.

“No. I want to do it here.” You insisted as you pulled your covers off and pressed the button to make the bed sit upright. You inhaled and exhaled slowly, before you moved to get out of the bed. You were a little unsteady on your feet at first, but you focused on your center of gravity just like they’d practiced with you in PT.

“Do you need—“

“Nope.” You helped your hand to stop Javier from trying to help. “I’ve got it.” You assured him, reaching for your IV pole and rolling it with you towards the wheelchair. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but you still weren’t completely stable on your feet.

You looked towards him then, offering him a small smile. “You can brush my hair, if you want to.” You offered, pushing your fingers through the mess on top of your head.

“You sure?”

“It’s just like doing Josie’s hair.” You rolled the wheelchair forward, giving him space to wheel the rolling stool over to you.

Javier was gentle as he went to work brushing your hair, and he carefully picked out knots he encountered. It was nice — _relaxing_. Strangely intimate. But he was still treating you like you were breakable… which you hated, even if it was true.

“How does that feel?” He questioned, curling his hands around your shoulders. He squeezed gently, three little squeezes that reminded you of his love for you.

“Like I’m going to make you do that when we get home.” You quipped, turning your head to look back at him. “But do you know what the first thing I’m going to do when I get home?”

“Take a bath?”

“Very tempting.” You smiled a little. “But no. I’m going to make you go to bed.”

Javier leaned forward, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “There’s so much to do when we get home.” He whispered as you played your fingers through his dark hair.

“Your dad’s staying with us to help with Sofía.” You reminded him, tracing your fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck. “We’ve got Monica to help with Josie.” Your brows drew together as he tilted his head to look at you. “You look rough.”

“I _feel_ rough.” He admitted with a sigh, pulling back then. “Right. We were going to take a picture.” Javier didn’t look back at you as he got up and went back to the go-bag to dig out the camera. “Do you want to hold Sofía?”

“You can hold her. Josie can sit in my lap.”

“The lighting is good by the window,” Chucho supplied as he got up from the recliner to put Sofía back in her bassinet. Your eyes followed him across the room, until you caught Javier staring at you.

There was a lot that needed to be discussed.

Tracking down narcos was easy. Going after Pablo Escobar. Grappling with sexism in the workplace. Getting fucking shot. All of that was _easy_. Telling your partner that you felt like you had failed your daughter before she was even a day old? That wasn’t something that was easily confessed.

You didn’t even want to hold her, even when you did. You were afraid she’d somehow know, innately, that you had done something _wrong_. That you had failed her. And it sucked that you couldn’t get it out of your head. That your self doubt was overshadowing something that should’ve been good.

It didn’t help knowing that Javier felt guilty. You had wanted this to go right this time. To have an experience that wasn’t marred with stress and pain. But somehow the DEA had managed to overshadow everything again. And they’d keep overshadowing your life until you put the spotlight on them.

* * *

Monica and Connie had made a ‘WELCOME HOME’ banner for you. They had it strung across the front door of the house and inside they’d decorated with pink and green balloons — matching the colors you and Javier had painted Sofía’s room.

You put on a happy smile about the pseudo-celebration, but you knew Javier could see straight through it. Not that he seemed particularly thrilled about the surprise either.

He’d torn the banner down the second Connie and Monica left for the night.

“I missed this the most.” You remarked as you sank back onto the bed, sprawled out in the center. The hospital bed had been a fucking nightmare on your back and hips.

Javier was just standing there. Staring at you. Hands on his hips and his expression entirely unreadable.

You sat up on your elbows, brows furrowed as you met his gaze. “Babe, what’s wrong?” You questioned, swallowing thickly around the lump of emotion in your throat. “ _Javi_.”

Something snapped.

His expression crumpled and his knees gave out on him. The weight of it all was too much for him to carry now that you were both together behind a closed door.

The sound of a sob rising up from somewhere deep within his chest made your stomach turn. It was raw, primal… true pain.

Javier had buried his emotions for _so_ many years. Emotions left to fester, grief allowed to bore its hooks into him. Sure, he’d let out little bursts of what he felt, but it was never all of it.

It was never _all_ of the anguish he’d held onto.

You forced yourself off the bed, despite how heavy your limbs felt. You sank down onto the floor beside him, taking him into your arms.

There was nothing to be said. Not yet. Not while his hot tears fell against the skin that the crook of your neck. His hands gripped at you, hard enough to leave bruise — bruises you’d relish over the tapestry of bruises on your hands and arms from IVs and drawn blood.

You had never seen Javier _sob_ like this before. You had seen tears, you had seen him _cry_ , you had seen the aftermath of nightmares… but you had never seen him like this. Inconsolable was the only word for it.

“It’s okay, Javi.” You whispered, running your fingers through his hair as you tried to soothe him. “I love you.” You pressed your lips to his shoulder, fingers balling up the fabric of his shirt at his back. “I have you.”

“I almost… I almost…”

“I know.” You ran your hand down the length of his back, “But you didn’t. And it _isn’t_ your fault, Javi.”

Javier stiffened in your arms. “ _Baby—_ “

“ _No_ , Javier.” You pulled back, shaking his shoulders. “You have to fucking _stop_. You can’t keep doing this.” Your hands cupped his cheeks then, your eyes pleading with him. “This guilt is going to fucking kill _you_.”

“ _You_ almost died!”

“But I _didn’t_.” You snapped. “I didn’t die, Javier. And it wasn’t your fault! This could’ve happened to me, stress or not. My physical therapist had _two_ healthy pregnancies and had preeclampsia with her third. It happens and it’s not your fault.”

Javier took your hands off his face, pulling away from you. “But it _is_ my fault. If I hadn’t stirred up this shit with the DEA—“

“We have a four-year-old. I work for the police department.” You reminded him. “My life is _already_ stressful.” You dragged your hands over your face. “But I can’t keep doing this Javier. I can’t handle knowing that you think you’re responsible for everything that goes wrong in my life.”

Javier stared at you.

You swallowed thickly, wringing your hands together. “I can’t handle it, okay?”

“Okay.” Javier nodded slowly.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” You questioned, reaching out to brush your fingers over his forehead. “None of this is your fault.”

“I _feel_ guilty.”

“I know.” You grimaced a little as you shifted how you were sitting. “The floor is not kind to a body that just gave birth.” You explained with a strained laugh. “We both need to sleep, Javi. It’s been a long fucking week.”

“Longest week of my life.” He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, before he hauled himself onto his feet.

Javier held his hands out to help you up, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Javi.” You shook your head as you looked up at him. “We’re both tired.” You brought his hands up to kiss his them, lips pressing to each knuckle. “No one is at fault for any of this. But I am tired and barely holding it together right now.”

“I know.” He leaned forward and kissed your forehead. “It’s just hard to accept it…” Javier sat down at the foot of the bed, sinking backwards. “That someone isn’t at fault. If it’s me… I can blame myself.”

“That’s not good for _your_ health.” You reminded him, laying down beside him. You shifted close, resting your cheek against his shoulder. “We aren’t as young as we used to be, Javi.”

“No fucking shit.” He huffed, curling his arm around you. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.” You whispered.

There was _so_ much you wanted to discuss. So many emotions you wanted to process but you didn’t know _how_. There was no amount of research you could do to handle this.

All you could do was sleep and hope that tomorrow would be one more better day.


	50. Thought of Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier enjoy the morning alone. Set in 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female recieving oral sex, multiple orgasms, over stimulization, also occurs while half-asleep and fully consenual, also squirting and cock warming if you squint) and also angst, not invovling Reader or Javier (including conversations about adoption, infertility, and miscarriage).

You were still half-asleep when you felt Javier’s lips against the curve of your throat. You enjoyed the slight prickle of his stubble as his tongue darted out to taste your skin. You welcomed the lazy attention, content to dwell in that half-awake-half-asleep state for as long as you could. Josie was with the Murphys enjoying a sleepover with Olivia — you had the entire morning to yourselves. 

You groggily reached for him, winding your fingers through his dark hair with a lopsided grin. “ _Morning_.” You mumbled, already letting sleep pull you back under. But that didn’t deter Javier at all. He knew _exactly_ what you enjoyed and being woken up like this — with him lavishing you with attention? Was the perfect start to a lazy Sunday morning without having to worry about getting up to take care of Josie. 

Javier peeled off your pajama bottoms and underwear, hands dragging along your inner thighs as he moved down between them. You were still mostly asleep; enjoying that hazy peace that came with it. Your lashes barely fluttered when his lips first came in contact with the soft flesh of your thigh, breath hot against your skin. 

A breathy moan slipped past your lips as his mouth trailed higher, his hands nudging your thighs apart wider, broad hands holding you tight as his tongue descended upon you. The first swipe was teasing, his tongue dragging between your folds. The things the man could do with his _mouth_. 

But still you didn’t fully wake up. 

You didn’t wake up as he lapped at you, as he drew the tip of his tongue around your clit. As he grasped at your thighs, needing at your soft flesh as he ate you out. You practically mewled as he coaxed your — _first_ — release from you. The warmth of pleasure coursing through you, your inner walls fluttering around nothing, his tongue unrelenting against you. 

You thought he would stop. You expected the bed to dip with his weight as he climbed back up from beneath the covers. But he didn’t. And he didn’t stop either. 

Instead of his cock, Javier worked two fingers into you. _Slowly_ pressing them into you until he was knuckle deep, and then he hooked them just right, with practiced ease. Your eyes flew open and you swore loudly. You grabbed at the sheets beside you as your back arched, hips grinding into his touch. “ _Fuck yes_.” 

You pulled back the sheets, struck by the way Javier smirked up at you from between your thighs as he repeatedly worked his fingers against that sweet spot within you that made your vision blur at the edges. “Good morning, baby.” _Smug bastard_. 

“Don’t _fucking_ stop Javier.” You gritted out through clenched teeth as your head fell back against your pillow. You could feel a second orgasm building off the first he’d given you. Just out of reach. “ _Please_.” 

His teeth dragged over your thigh before he nipped lightly at the flesh there. It was the sweetest combination of pain and pleasure. But then his mouth returned where you _needed_ it to be. His lips latched onto that little bundle of nerves, working in tandem with the fingers buried within you. It was a dangerous combination. 

You reached down, grabbing at his dark hair. Your fingers twisted in the soft strands of hair, curling around the back of his head as he worked his magic on you. You tightened your grip when you felt him starting to pick up the thrusts of his fingers, driving them into your slick cunt again and again — a mere tease of what you _wanted_. But fuck if it wasn’t enough.

Javier moaned, a throaty sound that reverberated against your clit as he teased you, fueled by the way you were tugging at his hair. He looked _perfect_ between your thighs. He felt perfect between your thighs. 

There was nothing you could do about the way your body bowed up off the bed. Or the way you felt a gush of moisture between your thighs as you shattered for him. But it didn’t deter him. He pulled his fingers from you, grasping at your legs as he drew them apart wider, holding them steady as he worked his tongue between your folds, pressing into your clenching center. 

You let out an unabashedly needy moan, grabbing at the back of his head as you worked yourself against his mouth. You were desperate to hold onto that pleasure, the tremble deep in your core as the rush of your release spread through your system. 

“You look so fucking good like that.” You told him, eyes half-closed as you watched him. The way he palmed at your thighs and your hips, the way his mustache glistened with your arousal as he pulled back from air. 

_Finally_ , he stopped. His already dark gaze seemed even darker with lust as he looked up at you. “Roll over.” Javier commanded, his voice rough and dripping with _pure_ sex. 

Who were you to say no when he’d just given you two incredible orgasms and you were dying for a third?

You rolled onto your stomach, grabbing your pillow to rest your cheek against. 

Javier traced his lips up your spine as he moved above you, stretching out until he had one hand resting on the bed beside your shoulder. “Do you have any idea how fucking gorgeous you are, baby?” He questioned, lips close to your ear as he pressed his knee between yours to nudge them apart. 

“All I care about is how good I _feel_ right now.” You quipped, lips parting with a breathy moan as you felt his cock press against your center. “ _Fuck_.” 

You reached for the hand he had pressed against the bed, nails biting into his skin as he slid into you. You didn’t know if you were just sensitive from him getting you off, or if this angle just _really_ did it for you — but he felt like he was deliciously pushing your limit. 

Javier’s chest pressed against your back, his hand slipping between you and the sheets so he could grab at your breast. 

“Feel so fucking good.” He rasped out, his lips dragging over your cheek, teeth catching the curve of your jaw. 

Your lips parted to say something smartass back at him, but it came out as a strained moan as he rolled into you. You rocked back against him, building the tempo with him. 

Javier’s hand abandoned your breast, fingers gingerly curling around your throat. “Wish I could take a picture of how you look right now.” If you weren’t already flushed, you felt a rush of heat in your cheeks at his words. “You look so _pretty_.” He nipped at your earlobe. “I’m close, baby. I’m gonna full you up. Is that what you want?”

“ _Javi._ ” You gasped out, nodding your head as best as you could. You released the hold you had on his hand, reaching down to tease your over-sensitive clit. You could feel your third release creeping up on you, desperate to reach it before he did. 

This was exactly how you wanted to wake up from now on. If only that were possible. Every time he slammed into you, you were certain you were losing your grip on reality. 

He tightened the hold he had on your throat, “Is that good?”

“ _Yes_.” You croaked out.

That little increased pressure was all it took. Your back arched as the pleasure rocked through you, your inner walls clenching around him, making him feel thicker than he already was. The angle was just right for a mind-numbingly good orgasm. 

Javier grunted out something that sounded like your name. His breathing was heavy as he drew back and slammed into you. One final thrust, the tight pulse of your cunt, and he came apart deep within you. 

Pure. 

Bliss. 

“ _Fuck_.” He breathed out as he sank down atop you, his arm giving out on you. “Sorry.” 

“Stay.” You tilted your head to look back at him, teasingly wiggling your ass back against him. You reached behind you, fingers playing with his hair. “Holy shit.” 

“I’m not crushing you?”

“Oh, _yeah_. My left tit is getting crushed by your weight right now, but… it’s good.” You grinned back at him, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re good.” 

Javier shifted atop you, trying to alleviate the pressure you’d just mentioned. “So you enjoyed that?”

“ _Did I enjoy that_?” You laughed quietly. “If it were possible, this would be the only way I’d ever wake up.” Javier pressed a kiss to your cheek, his breath dancing over your skin. “Special occasion?” 

He pressed a kiss to the flat of your shoulder, “You sleeping with your ass pressed against me.” Javier squeezed your hip, before giving it a quick swat. 

“I’ll have to remember that for next time.” You wiggled your ass back against again, clenching around his softening cock just to tease him. 

Javier groaned, fingers sinking into your hair as he let more of his weight rest atop you. “ _Tease_.”

“And you love me for it.” You stretched out beneath him, trying to get comfortable. “Alright, you’re officially crushing me. Get off.” 

He reluctantly sat back on his knees with a grunt. He regretted the loss of his warmth, almost as much as you missed the feel of his cock as he slid out of you. Javier gave your ass a squeeze before he laid back onto the bed beside you. “Think we can convince the Murphys to have more sleepovers with Josie?”

You tucked your arms under your head, turning to look at him. “I wish.” You laughed softly, “But I doubt it. Especially if they get approved for the adoption.” 

“I’m sure they will. They’re good people.” 

“Connie seems pretty smitten with him. The pictures the agency sent were pretty fucking cute.”

“Hopefully it goes through. Steve really wants to be a t-ball dad.” Javier dragged his hands over his face and sighed heavily. 

You slapped his chest playfully. “Excuse me. He has Olivia. Have you seen that girl’s throwing arm?”

“Don’t kill the messenger.” Javier rubbed at his chest, acting like you actually hurt him.

“Don’t be a baby.” You taunted, moving closer so you could press a kiss to the spot you’d just slapped. “Do you ever think about it?”

“Josie doesn’t really strike me as a t-baller.” 

“No.” You shook your head, lifting your gaze to meet his. “Do you think about trying for another?”

He chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Sometimes.” 

“Me too.” You admitted. “This is a hell of a conversation to have right after we—”

“ _Yeah_.” He chuckled, shifting closer so he could kiss your forehead. “We haven’t broken this one yet. Might be worth it to… have another.” 

“Just not _yet_.” You traced your fingers along his jawline. “I don’t want to screw up this gig with the PD. I don’t think they’re anything like the fucking DEA, but… It’s only been two years since Josie was born.” 

“I don’t mind waiting, baby. You tell me when you’re ready.” 

“I will.” You promised him, pushing up on your hands and knees, stretching out your torso. “But first, I’m going to go take a shower. Which I do not want to take alone.” You crawled close, leaning down to kiss him before you moved to get out of the bed. 

You weren’t the least bit surprised to hear his feet hit the floor a second later. 

* * *

Javier returned from the kitchen with two beers in hand, he passed yours to you as he sat down beside you on the sofa. “What did I miss?”

“More of this.” You teased, resting your hand on his leg as you kept your focus on the girls. Olivia — with Connie’s assistance — had come up with a little play for the girls to put on. Josie could care less — that was plainly apparent on her face every time she gave you a vaguely annoyed look. 

But she was a good sport.

“No, Josie! Like this.” Olivia huffed as she grabbed the toy piano out of Josie’s grasp and showed her how to play it ‘correctly’.

“Never buy noise makers.” Steve warned both of you as he perched on the arm of Connie’s chair. “Come on girls, I think I remember there being a grand finale.”

“Hush daddy! We are not there yet.” Olivia waved her hands and Steve snorted. 

“She gets that from her mother.”

Connie slapped his arm. “Shut up.”

Steve gestured to Connie, looking to Javier for commiseration.

“Not touching that.” He said as he took a sip of his beer, resting his hand over yours. 

“Mommy!” Josie shouted shrilly the second you looked away. “You watch!”

“I am, sweet ‘ems.” You assured her with a warm smile that seemed to be enough for her. You leaned into Javier’s side, resting your cheek against his shoulder as he curled his arm around your waist. 

You caught Connie’s gaze. “What?”

“Did you two have a _good_ night without a kid?”

You smirked, “And a good morning.”

Javier squeezed your waist, “ _Baby_.”

You rolled your eyes. “It’s a sheer miracle no one figured out what was going on in Colombia, babe.” You patted his leg. “You broadcast it.”

“It’s true.” Steve quipped, giving Javier a pointed look. “When are you two watching Olivia for us?”

“Might be nice.” Javier shrugged, looking at you then. You nodded your agreement. If you were both serious about having another one at some point — you might as well get used to balancing two screaming children at once. 

Because Olivia was _melting_ down. 

“She didn’t sleep last night.” Connie explained as she moved to console her daughter. Josie on the other hand just stood there, piano in hand, judging Olivia. 

“ _That_ she got from her mother.” Javier remarked to Steve as he gave your waist another squeeze before he got off the sofa. “Hey JoJo, why don’t you go get your backpack for us?”

“You come with me.” She said, wrapping her hand around his finger as she tugged him out of the family room willingly. 

You finished off your beer, sitting forward on the edge of the sofa as you watched Connie take Olivia down the hallway. You looked towards Steve then, “I was hoping meltdowns would go away once they ended up with full sentences.”

“I hear they go on until they’re teenagers.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth shaking his head.

“Lovely.” 

“We didn’t get him.”

“Who?”

Steve glanced down the hallway and lowered his voice, “Simón. The adoption agency called.” He shook his head slowly.

“Shit,” You frowned. “I’m so sorry. I know how much you both wanted him.”

“I guess the father wanted him too.” He shrugged, rolling his bottle between his hands. “I haven’t told her yet. They called this morning.”

“Steve you have to tell her. You should’ve already.”

He lowered his gaze. “She’s just been floating on cloud nine, you know? She started talking about painting the spare room last night.”

“I’m so sorry.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “If you need _anything_ Steve. You know we’re both here for you.”

“If Javier’s serious about the offer, we could use a night off.”

“Any time.” You nodded your head towards the direction Connie had left in. “How are things? Still rocky?”

“Better.” He shrugged. “I think she’s jealous that we don’t have what you two have.”

You laughed. “And to think I used to be jealous of the two of you.” You shook your head and grinned. “It’s a healthy dose of loathing. That’s what keeps that fire alive.”

“Loathing?” Javier questioned as he returned with Josie and her bag. “Who do we loathe?”

“Oh, I was telling Steve that a healthy dose of loathing is what keeps our relationship fueled.”

“It’s true.” He deadpanned. “I’m still here out of spite.”

“I knew it.” Steve clapped his hands together with a laugh, before he stood up. “Connie will probably call you.”

You nodded, “I’ll keep the line clear for her.”

Javier frowned and looked between the two of you. 

“I’ll tell you in the car.” You grabbed Javier’s leather jacket off the arm of the sofa, pulling it on. “Ready?”

It wasn’t until you were both out of the Murphy’s house, safely tucked into the car with Josie snoring in the backseat that you told him what you knew. 

“They didn’t get Simón.”

“ _Shit_.”

“Yeah. I feel awful for them. They were so close.” You pushed your fingers through your hair and sighed heavily. “So we’re probably going to keep Olivia for a day or two for them. Let them focus on themselves.”

“Whatever they need.” Javier shook his head slowly. “ _Shit_.” He reached over and took your hand into his for a minute, before he curled his hands around the steering wheel again. “They struggled back in Colombia. She had what? Two, three—“

“ _Four_.” You cut him off. “Olivia was a godsend for them. If they hadn’t adopted her, I don’t know if they’d still be married.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck, eyes focused on the road. “I don’t know if it ever got to Steve the way it got to Connie.”

“It did.” Steve had confided in you numerous times — you were a far cry easier to talk to about feelings than Javier was. “But their problems were twofold. She hated Colombia.” You sighed heavily. “But some of that was just because Colombia was the place she found out she couldn’t have children.”

Javier’s brows furrowed, his jaw rocking slowly as he mulled over what you’d said. “Do you think they resent us?”

“I wouldn’t blame them if they did.” You chewed at your bottom lip, tilting your head to look at him. “How many people did they try to set us up with?”

“Too many.” 

“Neither of us wanted anything serious and neither of us _ever_ acted like we wanted kids.” You glanced back in the backseat, smiling as you stared at Josie. She was slumped over in her carseat, out cold and snoring. “Connie hasn’t said anything though.”

“I can’t imagine going through that.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Wanting kids and not being able to have them?”

You nodded your head. “But they have Olivia. She’s just as much their daughter as Josie is ours.” 

“Yeah.” He reached over and squeezed your leg. “Think we can handle two?”

“One day.” You said a smile. “But let’s get through the terrible twos with this one first.” 

“She’s not so terrible.” 

“Because she has you wrapped around her finger.” You reached out and brushed your fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck. “She adores you. I have no idea _why_.” 

“Well, with her mother _loathing_ me, someone’s got to adore me.” Javer teased with a short chuckle, shaking his head. “This thing we’ve got… it’s good, right?” 

“Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me.” And that was the truth. You couldn’t imagine your life without him in some capacity. He’d been the best part of Colombia. Working with him had just made _sense_. Loving him made even more sense. 

“Good answer.” He teased, leaning over to steal a kiss as he stopped at a light. “Now… about this _loathing_ thing.”

“Fuck off, Javier.” You shot back with a laugh. 


	51. Stand Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is reminded yet again about how things go at the DEA. Set in 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (kink negotation, female recieving oral sex, facesitting, fingering, teasing, regular good ole unprotected sex) also Angst and Period Typical Sexism.

“Thanks to the hard work of the DEA the US Customs Service just successfully bagged nearly six thousand kilos of cocaine being smuggled into the US.”

You perked up, “Wait, do you mean we got Raul Marti?” _Holy shit._ You had been pursuing that jackass right up until you went on desk duty. Even then, Javier had been taking your lead and following through. It was a big fucking deal. 

Your supervisor nodded. “We did indeed.” 

Javier looked pleased with himself, “We caught him bright and early this morning.” 

You grinned across the table at him, heart beating a little faster. That explained why he was up and out of the apartment before even Josie had woken up. Sometime after three his pager had gone off, prompting a hushed conversation on the kitchen phone. 

That explained why he’d strolled into the DEA looking like a rockstar. Something you hadn’t seen out of him since Steve was still in Colombia. You wanted to kiss that stupid grin off his face. Marti was one of the last things you had all worked on together and the fact that he had wrapped it up was exhilarating. 

“I couldn’t have done it without—” 

_You_. The word died on his lips as Chris interjected. 

“That son of a bitch got what he deserved.” He leaned forward against the table, slamming his fist down for emphasis. “You should’ve seen that asshole crying like a baby in the back of the car.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Any follow through with Mexico? Guadalajara seemed convinced they’d start pushing through Mexico if the US got cut—”

Chris interrupted you, “Yeah, that’s nice, _sweetheart_. I could use a cup of coffee.” He turned his attention to the supervisor then. The same one you _knew_ was a buddy of his. You’d caught them talking about hitting the shooting range a few weeks back. “I think this warrants a raise.”

“You didn’t do a _fucking_ thing.” Javier snapped, glaring at Chris. “There’s one person in this room who should be praised for apprehending Marti and it’s not _you_.” 

Your cheeks burned hotly as everyone looked at you. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s keeping on a lead.” You rubbed at the back of your neck, glancing down at your hands in your lap. You were buzzing with excitement, but the current situation in the office was robbing you of being able to fully embrace it. “I should call the guys in Mexico.” 

“Sit. Stay.” The supervisor urged in a vaguely condescending tone. “ _Please_.” 

You sank back down into your seat, your eyes flickering towards Javier before looking back towards the supervisor then. 

“Moving forward, I’d like to see Feistle taking the lead on this.” He clasped his hands together. “You’ve certainly done _hard_ work on the case, but this requires—” 

“Let me guess, a man’s touch?” You shook your head and looked away. 

He cleared his throat, “We’re aware that you have duties _beyond_ the DEA. This requires careful attention to detail moving forward and Feistle can handle that.” 

“ _Duties beyond the DEA_?” You raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean my _kid_?”

He simply shrugged, shuffling files. “Gather the files and make sure Feistle has the relevant contacts.” 

“Fine.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Can I get some clarification on those _duties_?” He questioned, staring the supervisor down. “Because we have the same duties outside of the DEA.”

“ _Javi_ don’t.” You held up a hand to stop him from going any further. “Let me get those files together for you Feistle.” You said with a tightlipped smile as you scooted your chair back. 

It wasn’t a fight that was worth fighting. The fact that you had managed to remain part of the case, through everything, was shocking enough. You could do a lot from the comfort of your desk, but apparently even _that_ wasn’t possible anymore. Fucking Feistle.

When you looked through the window into the conference room from your desk, it was clear that Javier hadn’t dropped the topic. He was standing, hands on his hips, heatedly discussing _something_. And given the fact that he was gesturing in the direction of your desk — you knew _who_ he was talking about. 

You didn’t need a fucking white knight… but it was nice to know he _cared_.

No one at the DEA believed he really cared about you. You had heard the bullshit that got spread around after the news broke. 

You and Javier Peña. How pathetic did you have to be to _trap_ a man like him with a baby? What, you couldn’t get your partner to want you so you got yourself knocked? 

Not that any of them would’ve cared to know that you had planned to do it all on your own. That Javier was the one who had consistently wanted to spend the night at your place. That he was the one who confessed that he loved you first.

When the assholes at the DEA looked at Javier they saw some bad boy agent, free to sow his wild seeds on hot Colombian nights. And you ruined that image for them. Who could picture Javier domesticated? None of them would ever be able to reconcile that this was the same man who badly sang _Stayin’ Alive_ to your daughter to entertain her after dinner last night.

And that ate at Javier worse than anything else. 

Which said something. 

He wasn’t the man they wanted him to be. 

——

“You’re angry.” Javier pointed out as he sat down on the side of the bed, glancing back at you. You were tucked in under the covers with a good book and a glass of red wine.

“Not really.” You shrugged as you wet the tip of your finger to turn the page. “I think ‘ _annoyed_ ’ is a better word.” You could feel his eyes boring into you as you skimmed over the page half-heartedly. 

You didn’t _want_ to be mad at Javier. Work was stressful enough. The last thing you wanted was to come home to another evening like this one. Your only conversation all night had revolved around Josie and getting her settled for the evening. 

She was finally starting to sleep through the night and it seemed like a damn shame to waste that. 

“I don’t want to fight—”

“—This is stupid.” 

Both of you laughed. You sat up slowly, sitting your book aside on the nightstand. “Do you remember what I said when I told you I was pregnant?” You questioned, tucking your legs beneath you as you stared at him.

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair and exhaled heavily. “That whole day was a blur.” He admitted. “Everything before and after you told me you were pregnant is a little shaky.” 

“I told you I didn’t need a white knight.” 

He frowned, nodding his head slowly. “Do you want me to sleep on the sofa tonight?”

Your heart clenched. “That’s the last thing I want, Javi.” The bed creaked as you moved towards him, fitting yourself around him from behind. You rested your cheek against his shoulder. “I’m glad you want to protect me, but… I don’t need it. I’ve _never_ needed it.” 

Javier’s shoulders sank. “It’s hypocritical bullshit, baby.” 

“I know.” You sighed, kissing the flat of his shoulder. “It is what it is.”

“I couldn’t bite my tongue. He’s sitting there acting like you’re incapable of doing your job because you’ve got a kid, but she’s mine too. They’re still sending me out in the field.” 

You lifted your hand to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, “Welcome to my life.” You laughed bitterly. “Their opinions aren’t going to change because you get bent out of shape, Javier. I just want to keep my head down and ride this out, alright? I don’t need you sweeping in to try to make things better.” 

Javier reached back to squeeze your thigh, “C’mere.” He urged and you moved to slide into his lap. Your legs wrapped around his hips as you draped your arms over his shoulders. “I’m not doing it to be a white knight or whatever you wanna call it, baby.” He ran his hands along your waist. “I’m doing it because you’re a damn good agent and you deserve to be out in the field.” 

“I know.” You curled your hand around the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “But they’re not going to change, Javi. They’re always going to look at me and see a scarlet letter.” 

“But I—”

“You’re a man, Javier.” You reminded him, looking downwards pointedly. “In case you forgot.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “I haven’t.” 

You fluffed the hair that fell against his forehead, before tracing your fingertip over the crease between his brows. “I appreciate your willingness to fight my battles, but they’re mine to deal with.” 

“I spent _months_ biting my tongue, baby.” Javier squeezed your hips as he searched your eyes. “I fucking hated it.”

“I wasn’t a fan of it either, but… I love my job. Look, we’ll be out of here soon enough. Just…” You shook your head. “You’ve got to listen to me.”

Javier quirked a brow upwards, a faint smirk playing over his lips. “Why don’t you make me?”

_Oh_.

You leaned forward and kissed him. “I have ideas to make _that_ happen.” You grinned as you nipped at his bottom lip. “Wanna hear them?”

“ _Yeah_.” He nodded his head, running his hands over your hips and waist, keeping you seated firmly in his lap. 

“I’m going to use you,” You whispered lowly, tracing your fingertip over his bottom lip. “But I don’t want you to come, okay?” 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in this throat. 

“Remember when I mentioned _handcuffs_?”

“ _Fuck_. Yeah, I recall, baby.” He grinned. “Just remember my right shoulder.”

You rubbed his shoulder, “I remember. I’ll let you have you right hand free, how’s that?” Javier had fucked his shoulder up a few years back and it always bothered him when it rained. 

He pulled you in closer, your chest pressed flush to his as he kissed you. His mouth slanted over yours, a hunger igniting a fire in your own veins. 

Javier was _typically_ the more in-control presence in the bedroom. But there had been discussions… And tonight seemed like the perfect excuse to make them a reality.

Reluctantly you pulled away from the kiss, sliding off his lap. “Strip.” You told him, moving towards the dresser to get your handcuffs out of the top drawer. 

He complied, laying back on the bed in all of his bare glory. _That_ was all yours. Holy shit.

You dangled the handcuffs on your finger, brandishing the key. “You want a safe word? In case you want out?”

“I can just tell you.” He shrugged, tucking his arm behind his head as he curled his fingers around his cock and lazily stroked himself. 

“Have a safe word, Javi.”

“Fine…” He ran his tongue over his teeth. “Raspberry.”

You rolled your eyes. “Alright.” You moved back onto the bed, kneeling beside him. “I’m not cuffing your right hand, but that doesn’t mean you can touch me. Understood?”

He nodded. 

“Good.” You curled your fingers around his as he stroked his cock, before you pried his hand away and slid the handcuff around his wrist. You carefully drew it back towards the headboard, attaching it to the wrung. “How does that feel?”

“It’s fine.” He told you, tugging at it slightly. “It’s not too tight.”

You smiled at him, before you leaned down to kiss him. “I know this isn’t something you’ve ever really done before…”

“I’ve definitely _never_ been the one cuffed.” Javier countered, leaning up just enough to brush his lips against yours. “Do your worst, baby.”

“I love you.” You whispered, bumping your nose against his before you sat back. You let your eyes wander over his bare chest, following the dark path of hair downwards to his cock. 

“As much as I’d love to take advantage of _that_ ,” You started, tilting your head to meet his gaze. “You have to learn to listen first.”

“Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” He countered with no small amount of sass.

You scoffed. “I think you’re proof that you can.”

“ _Touché_.” He grinned, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip. “What’s your plan?”

“I’m not telling you.” You laughed, moving to get off the bed then. 

“Where are you going?”

“Chill, Javi.”

You vanished out of the bedroom to retrieve a chair from the kitchen, returning with it and sitting it beside the bed. 

“I’m going to remind you that I can take _care_ of myself.” You taunted as you slid off your pajama bottoms, followed by your underwear and sat down on the chair. 

“ _Damn_.” Javier whistled quietly, his dark gaze settling between your thighs as you parted your legs for him. “Was this supposed to be punishment, baby? Because you know I love watching you get off.”

You rolled your eyes, “You’re such an ass.” 

“Because I like watching my girl get herself off?” Javier arched a brow at you. 

“Keep talking and I’ll have to find a way to shut you up.” 

“Sounds like a good time.” Javier shot back, grinning at you. 

You held his gaze as you ran your hands along your inner thighs. “This could be you.” You told him, scraping your teeth over your bottom lip as you touched yourself, “I wanted to celebrate _our_ success.” 

“Our success?” 

“How many stakeouts did we go on?” You questioned, a breathy moan escaping you as you circled your clit slowly. “Catching Marti was _our_ success.” 

Javier pulled at the handcuffs as he tried to sit up to get a better view of you. He raked a heated gaze from your face to your cunt, his tongue dragging over his bottom lip as he watched your fingers work over your slick flesh. “So you’re telling me if I hadn’t stood up for you, I could be doing that right now?”

You nodded slowly. “It pays to listen.” 

“I’m enjoying the view.” He drawled out with a nonchalant shrug as he sank back on the bed. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Wish you would.” 

You stopped what you were doing, nearly knocking the chair over in your haste to get up. You climbed back onto the bed, moving to straddle his stomach — which really just denied both of you what you wanted. 

He tucked his hand behind his head to resist the urge to touch you, grinning up at you. “Yes?”

You leaned forward, elbows resting against the bed on either side of his head. “You’ve got one hand. Put it to use.” 

“ _Fuck_.” He swore through his teeth, pulling his hand out from under his head. Javier trailed his fingers down your back, over the curve of your hip, before slipping it into the space between your bodies. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair, letting your lips hover just above his, barely brushing against them. “ _Javi_.” You panted out as he pressed two fingers into you, the angle wasn’t perfect but he made the most of it. 

“Are you going to come for me, baby?” He questioned, trying to lean up to kiss you but you pulled out of his reach. He roughly circled his thumb over your clit in retaliation, working his fingers in and out of you. “You’re so tense.” 

“Don’t push your luck.” You warned him, tugging at his hair roughly before you sat up. You rose up on your knees, giving him better access to your cunt. You leaned back, bracing yourself on his thigh, rolling your hips as he twisted his fingers within you. You were _so_ close but it wasn’t enough… and he could tell. 

“C’mere.” He whispered, withdrawing his fingers from you and curling his hand around your hip. Your brows furrowed, head cocked to the side as you stared down at him. The second he swept his tongue out over his bottom lip, you knew exactly what he was wanting. 

“ _Oh_.” You laughed softly, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I like the way you think.” 

“I figured you would.” Javier teased, grinning up at you as he maneuvered yourself further up his body. The slight stubble on his cheeks prickled against your thighs as they framed his face, his breath hot against your slick folds. 

You gripped at his hair tightly as you lowered yourself to his lips. His tongue swept between your folds, teasing your center with shallow thrusts, before he sought out that little bundle of nerves that was _throbbing_ for attention.

“Like I said,” Your words came out broken and breathy as he sucked at your clit, making your stomach muscles clench. “Creative way to silence you.”

Javier chuckled, the low reverberation going straight through you. 

“You’re never shaving that mustache off.” You told him, tugging at his hair pointedly as he pressed his tongue into you and his mustache dragged over your sensitive clit. “ _Fuck_.” You rolled your hips, grabbing at the headboard for support as you rode his mouth. 

He strained against the handcuffs, reaching up for your arm where you had your fingers curled around the headboard. You interlaced your fingers with his, gripping tightly at his hand as you came apart. He didn’t relent, flattening his tongue out and dragging it between your folds, teasing you until you had to pull away from him — feeling far too sensitive. 

You moved off of him then, flopping back onto the bed beside him. Your eyes flickered downwards, taking in the sight of his cock resting hard against his lower belly. Getting you off had clearly had an effect on him. 

Javier was staring at you, his dark eyes filled with lust and his mustache glistening with your arousal. “ _Baby_.”

You reached out and brushed your fingers over his cheek. “Should I let you out?” You questioned, running your fingertips down his throat, his chest, until you could curl your hand around his cock. 

“You should.”

“I’m not hearing the magic word.”

His brows furrowed. 

“The word is ‘ _please’_.” You told him, pushing your hair behind your shoulders as you sat up. You kept pumping him slowly as you leaned down to kiss him. “Do you want out?”

“Yes, _please_.” He said hotly, surging up to kiss you again, the handcuffs rattling against the headboard. 

You abandoned him long enough to grab the key off the nightstand, freeing his hand. As much as you wanted to tease him a little longer, you much preferred when he was greedily groping at you. He always found an excuse to touch you, to trace your stretch marks and make you feel beautiful. 

Javier roughly pulled you into his lap, his cock dragging between your sensitive folds, before he rolled you onto your back beneath him. 

“Do you have any idea how _fucking_ hot you are when you take control like that?” He questioned, grinding against you. 

“Whatever you say, babe.” You taunted quietly, scrapping your nails down his back. He groaned, his hand fumbling between you as he guided his cock to your center. 

You moaned, a little too loudly, and he kissed you to silence you as his cock pressed into you. You rocked into him, hooking a leg behind him for leverage as you moved with him. 

You were sensitive from his fingers and his mouth, pleasure making you flutter around him as he snapped his hips into you. Sometimes you wondered how the two of you hadn’t fallen into bed _years_ earlier _._ The chemistry had always been there, just waiting for someone to snap. 

And you worked _really_ well together. Not just as partners, or as parents, but as lovers too. 

“F- _fuck_.” Javier grunted out, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. “Gonna come.” He warned you, as if you couldn’t tell he was about to come apart by the way his pace had gotten sloppy. 

You raked your fingers through his hair, nails scratching against his scalp. He shuddered, your name on his tongue as he slammed forward — spilling within you. You moaned, arching your back as you grinned into him, chasing your own release. 

“I’ve got you,” Javier promised, pressing his hands against the mattress as he dragged himself up. He kept his cock buried within you as he wet his thumb and reached down to tease your clit. 

Your toes curled as your release washed through you, hips twitching as your inner walls clenched around his cock. “Holy shit.” You breathed out as you looked up at Javier. 

He snorted, reluctantly slipping from you as he laid back on the bed beside you. “That sums it up.” 

You rolled onto your side, draping your arm over his chest and your leg over his legs. “Fun?”

He curled his arm around you, rubbing at your side. “Always.” 

Both of you were quiet for awhile afterwards, just laying there basking in the afterglow of _really_ good sex. But then Javier spoke, breaking the silence. “For the record… I’m not going to stop.”

“Hmm?” You tilted your head to look at him better. 

“Standing up for you. It’s not because I don’t think you can handle yourself… We both know you could kill Chris and no one would ever find the body—” 

“I know where to get lye.” You confirmed. 

“It’s my fight too, baby. You and Josie… “ He clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head slowly. “I’m gonna stand up for you because that’s what you do for the people you love.” 

You leaned in and kissed him, cupping his cheek. “I love you.” 

Javier bumped his nose against yours, smiling up at you. “We good?”

“I just said ‘I love you’.” 

“I know.” He tilted his head and kissed you again. “Just checking.” 

“We’re good.” You promised. 


	52. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months after their daughter’s birth, Reader and Javier struggle with their relationship. Set in September 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (misunderstandings, poor communication, postpartum depression)

“How are you doing?” Javier questioned, curling his fingers around the back of your chair as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“We’re doing good.” You told him, readjusting Sofía in your arms. “Connie lured Tracy into the kitchen to work on some sort of deeply alarming salad with peas and cheddar cheese.”

“ _What_?” Javier sank down into the lawn chair beside you, resting his elbows on his knees as he tilted his head to look at you. “Did I hear you right?”

You snorted, grinning at him. “Hearing going too, old man?” 

“ _Ouch_.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “No, I’m just wondering who the fuck thought those things go together?”

“White suburbia.” You held your hand out and he pulled his sunglasses off his shirt and passed them to you. “But it’s keeping Tracy occupied.” You pushed the aviators up the bridge of your nose. “I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

Sofía started fussing and you tried to readjust her in your arms. She was fussier than Josie had _ever_ been. 

“Do you want me to take her?” Javier questioned. 

Some irrational part of your brain wanted to snap at him for thinking you weren’t capable of calming your own daughter down — but you knew that wasn’t what he was saying. At all.

“I’m good.” You assured him, cradling the back of her head as you nestled her against your chest. “I’ve got you, sunshine.” You whispered, trying to lull her back to sleep. 

The comparison to Josie wasn’t necessarily fair either. Josie hadn’t really gotten a taste for socializing until she was in Miami. There were no barbecues or overly friendly strangers in Colombia. You couldn’t blame the baby for being overwhelmed. You were too, if you were being honest. Surrounded by people and yet you still felt isolated.

Javier scooted his lawn chair closer to you, his knee brushing against yours. “Hey, I’m going to go check on Josie. You sure you’re good, baby?”

You nodded your head stiffly, keeping your gaze low. “I’m fine.”

He didn’t seem convinced. Javier reached out and touched your cheek gently, nudging your chin up so you had to look at him. “If you want to go home…”

“Go harangue Steve about Stevie.” You retorted, shifting back in your chair to escape his touch. You didn’t need to be comforted. There was no reason to be comforted. 

Javier frowned, “ _Baby…_ ”

“I’m fine. I promise.” You gritted out. He didn’t need to worry about you. You could handle your own three-month-old. Couldn’t you?

Javier squeezed your knee three times before he rose to his feet. He lingered beside you, like he had more to say. But instead of saying it, he retreated to find Josie. 

And Steve. 

You just knew the two of them were probably comparing notes on being with women who suddenly _changed_. Even you wanted an answer about why your brain was constantly at odds with itself. Ever since Sofía had been born, you just… felt like a failure. 

Even at work everything felt like it had lost its shine. 

Frankly, it sucked. 

Nothing felt right. You had really believed that going back to work would help you feel normal again. But maybe _this_ was your new normal. And that was a bleak thought. You had brought it up with your pediatrician when you took Sofía for her check-ups, but they hadn’t seemed overly concerned. Apparently it was _normal_ to feel like this. Hormones and all of that shit, but… it hadn’t been like this with Josie. You remembered being happy, despite the situation. 

You didn’t remember feeling like there was a weight crushing you in the middle of the night. 

There was nothing you hated more than feeling _helpless_. 

You lifted your head, eyes scanning the Murphy’s backyard. You recognized most of the guests — friends of Connie’s from the hospital, a few parents from the girls’ daycare, a couple people you recognized from Steve’s circle at work. 

You spotted Tracy milling around at the far end of the yard with Jeff, which meant the kitchen was safe. You looked towards the porch, relieved to see that Connie was alone as she headed back into the house. 

“Change of scenery, sunshine.” You told Sofía as you started across the yard into the house. “How’d the salad go?” 

Connie gave you a droll expression, “I think it may be the Frankenstein of salads.” She nodded towards the refrigerator. “It’s chilling if you want to steal a bite.”

You made a face, “I’d rather not.” 

“And Tracy wasn’t so terrible.” 

“ _Really_?” You gave her a skeptical look. “The first words out of her mouth were ‘I expected you to have lost your baby weight already’.” 

She grimaced, “She’s blunt.” 

“A bitch, you mean.” You corrected and Connie laughed.

“You’re not wrong.” She wiped her hands off with a dish towel and gestured to Sofía, “Can I hold her?”

You tensed. She had finally settled down, but at the same time… “Sure.” 

Connie carefully took her from you, sweet talking Sofía as she roused from her nap. She was so good with babies. A _natural_. And that made you feel guilty for being so despondent about Sofía. You knew that Connie would do _anything_ to be able to hold her own baby in her arms and you couldn’t muster the same enthusiasm. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” Connie asked, her brows drawn together as she looked at you. 

“I—” You swallowed thickly, shoulders sinking. “I wish I knew.” 

She glanced around the kitchen for a moment, before she looked back at you. “I think everything is almost ready for dinner, let’s go sit in the family room and talk.” 

You wanted to protest. You didn’t need to _talk_. Everything was fine.

But it wasn’t. 

So you followed Connie into the family room. You sat down in the middle of the sofa, watching her as she sat down in the armchair with Sofía cradled in her arms. You chewed on your bottom lip, lowering your gaze to your hands as you wrung them in your lap. “I just wish I knew what was wrong with me.” 

Connie frowned, “You went through a traumatic experience. No one can blame you for taking awhile to get back to normal.” 

“Yeah.” You raked your fingers through your hair as you sank back against the sofa. “I don’t feel like myself anymore. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been replaced by a pod person.” You laughed humorlessly, shaking your head. 

“How are things between you and Javier?” Connie questioned. 

“I’m surprised Steve hasn’t told you everything.” 

“Steve hasn’t been able to get a straight answer out of Javier.” 

“ _Oh_.” You worried at your bottom lip. A part of you had hoped that Javier was talking to Steve — at least then he wouldn’t feel isolated the way he had been after Josie’s birth. But he kept things as close to the chest as you did. “We’re fine. I mean…” You shook your head slowly. “Things have been a little tense.” 

Connie smiled sympathetically, “I noticed. Has something _changed_ …?” 

You were quick to look up then. Just the thought made your heart clench in your chest. “No, _nothing_ has changed. Things have just been tense because of everything that happened with her birth.” You swallowed a lump of emotion that had formed in the back of your throat. “He feels responsible for everything that happened, which is ridiculous, but… I told him he had to stop with this guilt thing and now he’s…” You looked away then. “We’re both just bottling things up.” 

“So you haven’t been _communicating_?”

You shook your head slowly. “I barely know how I feel from one minute to the next.” 

“Have you talked to your doctor?” She questioned, giving you a sympathetic look. 

“About why Javier and I aren’t actually talking? No.”

She arched a brow at you, “You know what I’m talking about.” 

“I mentioned it to the pediatrician. He didn’t seem to think anything of it.” You cleaned off the aviators with the edge of your shirt. “It’s just hormones.” 

“Sweetheart,” Connie said with a serious look, her lips drawn into a thin line as she held your gaze. “You’re depressed.” 

“ _What_? No.” You shook your head. 

“Have you ever heard of postpartum depression? It’s common. Ashley — she’s one of the nurses on my floor — she really suffered after her son was born. A couple months on an antidepressant and counseling and she eventually bounced back.”

You stared at her. 

“Why would I have depression?” You questioned, a sharp edge to your voice. “Okay, sure… I almost died, but I have no reason to be upset. I have two healthy little girls, a supportive partner who I love and—”

“You don’t need a reason.” Connie urged. “And it’s no one’s fault.”

“ _That_ is the problem.” You leaned forward, resting your elbows against your knees. You dragged your hands over your face, sighing heavily. “There’s no one to _blame_. All of this… all of this pain doesn’t have a reason. Javier blames himself and I blame—” You stared at the floor. “It could happen to anyone.”

“Which is why there’s no shame in getting help.” Connie smiled at you. “I could recommend a doctor at the hospital. Maybe you could both see a therapist.”

“I guess.” You shrugged. As much as you hated admiring defeat, you had both gone through a lot that… _maybe_ a professional could help you both get through it. 

“It’ll help.”

“Yeah.” You pushed your fingers through your hair, sitting back. “I’m going to get her carrier out of the car. Do you mind?”

“Not at all. You know I’ll never say no to baby time.”

You smiled a little, moving to get off the sofa. _Depression_. That was such a heavy thing to consider. You wanted to throttle the doctor who had just brushed it off. It made sense. Unfortunately. 

And the last thing you wanted was for this to force a wedge between you and Javier. It was bad enough as it was, with him blaming himself for everything that went wrong in your life. 

You grabbed your keys out of your jacket pocket, unlocking the back door so you could grab the carrier out. It would make eating easier _and_ she could nap far more comfortably than she would in your arms. 

“Holy shit.”

You tensed. ‘ _Holy shit_ ’indeed. You recognized that voice. Months of torment had been delivered by that voice. 

You turned slowly, “What the fuck are you doing here Fiestle?” 

Chris laughed harshly, “Of all the fucking parties to be invited to…” His eyes flickered to the carrier in your hand. “ _What_? Did you trap another unsuspecting agent with an unwanted pregnancy?”

Nope. You weren’t going to cry. 

You had _never_ cried because of this asshole. 

Shit, your eyes were actually burning. 

“Fuck you.” You snarled, “I don’t know who the fuck invited you, but you’re not welcome here. In fact, you’re not welcome in Florida. Period.”

“I’m _shaking_ in my boots.” He laughed, giving you a condescending smile. 

“The only reason this carrier isn’t currently bashing your skull in is because they’re expensive.” You shot back, fingers clenching tightly around the handle. “So consider yourself spared, asshole.”

Who the _fuck_ had invited him?

“Are we _done_ here? I smell burgers.” He nodded his head towards the house, starting up the driveway. “Don’t you have some baby to feed or something?”

“Oh, fuck you.” 

“Your comebacks are lackluster, sweetcheeks. No attack dog anymore?” Chris folded his arms across his chest and gave you a pitying look. “Did Javier finally realize that the ole ball and chain wasn’t for him?” He questioned. “I’m glad he got free of _you_.” 

You caught movement out of the corner of your eye, turning your head to look towards the front door as Javier appeared in it with Steve right behind him. “Speak of the devil.” You remarked, looking back at Chris then. “Has anyone ever told you to _really_ shut the fuck up? You’ve kissed so much ass in your lifetime, it’s no wonder you talk out of yours.” 

“What the _fuck_ is going on out here?” Javier questioned, arms folded across his chest as he walked through the lawn to you. 

“Someone apparently invited this asshole.” You said dryly, glaring at Steve. “Did _you_?”

“I had no idea that either of you knew him. He is in town working on an assignment and I thought it would be nice to invite him over.” He explained, looking at Fiestle then. “I think you should leave.” 

“ _Really_?” Chris huffed. “You’re going to make me leave because some _bitch_ can’t deal with the ugly truth?” 

Javier moved swiftly, grabbing Chris by the front of his shirt and pushing him back against the side of the Jeep. “You’re going to watch your fucking mouth if you have any intention of using it again.” He snapped. “We don’t work together anymore, so I don’t have anything to risk.” 

“I used to have a lot of respect for you Peña.” Chris tried to pry Javier’s hand off his shirt. “You took down Escobar… Had all this clout. You really threw all of that away to play house with _her_?”

Javier shoved him back against the car again, pinning his forearm against the base of his throat. “Shut the fuck up, Fiestle. You’re a fucking worm. If you say another word about her _or_ my daughters… if you so much as _think_ about them, you’re going to be drinking soup for the rest of your goddamn life.” 

He released Chris and took a step back. “Run along.” Javier turned back to look at you, brows drawn together. There was still so much uncertainty between the two of you, but you knew for certain that he would do _anything_ for you. 

“You know what? Fuck you Peña. Fuck you and your little pretend family.” 

Javier rocked his jaw, his tongue tracing the edge of his teeth. You gave a slight nod of your head, watching as he wheeled around and slammed his clenched fist into Chris’ face. He howled in pain, clutching at his freshly bleeding nose.

“I told you to keep my family out of your fucking mouth.” 

“You broke my nose!” Chris swore furiously. “I’m going to call the cops.” 

Steve crossed his arms across his chest, looking towards you and Javier. “I didn’t see anything. Even if I did, I asked you to leave and you refused.” 

“And guess what Chris?” You grinned. “I’m the one with friends in high places now. I work for the police department. So, go ahead… call them. 

“ _Fuck you_!” He snarled before he hauled ass back towards his own car. 

“I am so sorry.” Steve said, turning towards you. “I had no idea you had bad blood with that asshole. I didn’t even think when he mentioned Colombia that—”

“We don’t talk about him.” You reassured him, your gaze flickering towards Javier then. “Steve could you take the carrier in for Connie? We’ll be in in a minute.” You passed it towards him. 

“Sure thing. Take your time.” Steve offered, giving Javier a pat on the shoulder before he headed back into the house. 

“Let me see.” You whispered, reaching for Javier’s hand. You cradled it in your hands, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. “At least you know how to throw a punch.” 

“I wanted to fucking bash his head into the car.”

You laughed, an actual smile spreading over your lips then. “I threatened to bash his head in with the baby carrier. But he’s not worth wasting the money on.”

He grinned back at you, curling his fingers around yours. “That’s my girl.” 

“Let’s take a drive around the neighborhood. I want to talk.” You suggested, squeezing his hand tightly as his expression fell. “It’s good, I promise.” 

“Yeah?” He arched a skeptical brow. 

You rolled your eyes, laughing quietly. “It’s a long overdue conversation, Javi.” You took a step closer to him, tilting your head as you looked up at him. “Terrible timing, I know.” The worry in Javier’s eyes made your heart ache. You curled your fingers around the back of his neck and leaned up to kiss him. “I promise you it’s good.” 

“You’ve been so distant…” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, his expression faltering. “I don’t want to lose you, baby.” 

“You’re not.” You shook your head, brushing your nose against his before you pulled back. “Let’s drive, okay?” 

He nodded, pulling the keys out of his pocket as he walked towards the Jeep. You made your way around to the passenger side, sliding into your seat. Despite your reassurance that the conversation you wanted to have was a _good_ one, you could tell that Javier wasn’t convinced. He wasn’t always as obvious as you were about where your head was, but you knew him well enough to read the worries etched into his face. 

“You are making _me_ nervous.” You told him with a faint smile, reaching across to rest your hand on his leg as he drove. 

“Well you’ve got me _fucking_ terrified.” Javier admitted. “I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells for the past three months. You tell me you can’t keep doing _this_ and then you just…”

“When did I say that?” Your brows furrowed together as you stared at him.

Javier took a hand off the steering wheel, pushing it through his hair. “The night we came home.”

Your mouth went dry. “I didn’t mean _us_. That is the last thing I will _ever_ mean, Javier. That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” He questioned quietly. 

“I meant the guilt…” You pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “You really thought I meant _us_ , Javi?”

“Yeah.” 

You leaned your arm against the window, staring out it for a long, quiet, moment. “Is that why everything has been so weird between us?” You tilted your head to look at him as he nodded. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I meant… Holy shit.” 

“I thought it was just a matter of time.” Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “And you’ve been so up in your head. Hell, I think that Chris shit is the first time I’ve seen you _really_ smile since she was born.”

You blinked back tears, wiping at them furiously as they slid down your cheeks. “It’s just all been too much, Javier. I barely know how I feel most days. But I do know that I love you and the girls. That’s not something I ever doubt.” 

Javier pulled the car over to the curb, putting it into park. “What _is_ wrong?” He questioned, turning in his seat to face you. “You haven’t been yourself.”

“I wish I knew.” A bubble of laughter escaped you. “Honestly, I feel like I’m losing my mind most days.” You admitted. “I feel like everyone is judging me. Including Sofía.”

“No one is judging you, baby.” Javier promised you, reaching you to brush his knuckles against your cheek, wiping a tear away. 

“Connie thinks I should see a therapist.” You told him quietly. “She’s not wrong. I guess it’s not uncommon for women to face these issues after childbirth and… I did _almost_ die.” 

Javier nodded slowly. “Yeah. You did.”

“I think we should both go.” You curled your fingers around his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing each knuckle. They were already bruising from punching Chris. “There’s so much we’ve been through that I don’t think either of us has considered unpacking.”

“It’s not a bad idea.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “It would be nice to get back to where we were… _before_.”

You nodded. “And I know I haven’t really brought it up, but I still want to go after the DEA.” He didn’t interrupt you. “I want to make a change.”

“Whatever you want.” Javier told you, leaning across the center console to press a kiss to your lips. 

“And whatever _you_ want.”

“I just want you and the girls to be happy.” He admitted. “I just spent three months waiting for the other fucking shoe to fall.” Javier sighed heavily. “Jesus- _fucking_ -Christ.”

“I’m _so_ sorry.” You leaned your forehead against his, cupping his cheek. “I was _so_ tired and your guilt was starting to eat at me.” You brushed your nose against his. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“I want you to get better. That’ll be reward enough.”

“I want to get better too.” You agreed. “I want to… feel again. I feel so numb all the time and I hate it.” You brushed your fingers through his hair, tilting your head to kiss him again. “I’m sorry, Javi. I wish you had said something…” 

Javier shook his head. “Don’t apologize, baby. I’m just glad I was wrong. So _fucking_ glad.” 

“Hey, Javi.”

“Hmm?” His brows furrowed. 

“You finally got to punch Chris in the face.” 

He laughed, “Of all the fucking people in the world for Steve to invite.” 

“ _Seriously_.” You sat back with a grin. “You really broke his nose.” 

Javier flexed his hand, “Yeah, this is gonna hurt tomorrow.” 

“We’ll soak it in cold epsom water when we get home.” You stroked your thumb over his knuckles. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders to finally admit that something was _wrong_. “It might be pushing it, but…” You lifted your gaze to meet his. “It’s still _really_ hot when you threaten people for me.” 

Javier snorted. “ _Really_?”

“I’m not saying anything definitively _,_ but I think the inspiration _might_ remain until this evening.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip as you searched his face. “It might be nice to try…”

“I’ll follow your lead on that, baby.”

Maybe things would _finally_ get back to normal. It was a start at least. A start to reclaiming the person you felt like you’d been losing. You missed the way things used to be before everything came crashing down around you. 


	53. Pretty Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader go to therapy and try to work on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (discussions of depression, therapy, etc.) and Smut (Bathtub sex). Set in September late 1997. It starts with Javier POV and jumps to Reader’s.

Javier slowly rocked his lower jaw as he stared at the therapist. The older woman had asked him to ‘talk about what was on his mind’. There was _a lot_ on his mind. How specific did she want him to get? 

He scrubbed his hands over his face, glancing to his left towards the window. It was a gorgeous day outside, it seemed like a damned shame to be trapped inside talking to a shrink. He’d had to talk to therapists before. Psych evaluations were a commonplace when you handled guns for the government. But none of that ever delved into the sort of shit this meeting was supposed to delve into. 

“Whenever you feel ready, Mr. Peña.” 

Javier swallowed thickly, slowly looking back at Nancy. “There’s a lot to say.” He admitted, brows drawn together as he rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip. 

“Let’s start at the beginning, alright? How did the two of you meet?”

“Work.” Javier scratched at his jaw. “She came to Colombia in 1987.” 

Nancy nodded slowly, “And when did your relationship begin?”

“1992.” He sank back on the sofa, rubbing at the back of his neck, letting his hand linger there at the curve of his throat. “Our daughter was born the following year.” 

She wrote something down in her notebook, nodding her head thoughtfully. “And how was that experience for you, Javier?”

There it was. 

“Not great.” Javier admitted, staring at the ground. “It was a fucked up situation for both of us. We kept our relationship a secret for about a year. I wasn’t really involved, at all, during the pregnancy.” 

“Why not?”

“She cared about her job at the DEA more than I did. I mean, her reservations weren’t without cause. They treated her like shit for being pregnant. Knowing what I know now, I don’t blame her.” Javier shifted in his seat. “We’ve hashed all of this out before. It’s a dead horse we keep beating.” 

“What do you mean by _keep beating_? That implies you’ve had this conversation with her more than once.” 

He clenched his teeth together and nodded. “Yeah.” Javier twisted the ring on his left finger nervously. “Look, I know I’m not fucking innocent in all of this. I think I fell in love with her in the summer of ‘89. Or at least realized I was in love with her.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I knew she deserved better than me—”

Nancy interjected, “What do you mean by that?” 

“That she deserves better than me? Exactly what I said.” 

“Why do you think that?”

“You’ve met her.” Javier folded his arms across his chest, feeling defensive. “She’s perfect and I’m… Look, I’ve fucked up a lot. I can own that.” 

“No one is _perfect_ ,” Nancy shook her head slowly. “Do you think that might put a weight on her?”

“What?” Javier frowned. “I _think_ she’s perfect. That’s my personal opinion and that’s not going to change.”

“Isn’t that opinion the reason why you don’t think you’re good enough for her?”

He looked away. “No.”

“Then what _is_ the reason?”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “I don’t know where to begin with that one, Nancy.” He admitted, rubbing at the crease between his brows. “I fucked up a lot before her. Before our relationship.” He exhaled heavily, “She was a damn good agent and I’m the reason she had to leave that behind.” 

“Do you feel guilty about that?”

“So many questions.” He huffed. “ _Yeah_. Of course I feel guilty about it.”

“But you feel responsible for her losing her job?”

Javier swallowed thickly. “Yeah.”

“And why is that?”

“That night was a long time coming, but I shouldn’t… We were both drunk.”

“You were _both_ under the influence.”

“I think we were shot for shot.” He frowned, thinking back to that night. “Yeah, we were. She left before I had the chance to tell her that I didn’t want it to be a one night stand.”

“Do you resent her for that?”

Javier rubbed his thumb over the ring on his finger, nodding slowly. “But I’m just as much at fault. I chose not to confront her for three months. I thought she just didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“And how long has it been since your daughter was born?” Nancy questioned. 

“Josie? She’ll be five in May.”

“No, your newborn.” She made a note in her journal, before flipping back a few pages, humming thoughtfully.

“She’s three months old.”

“I see.” She nodded. “You have a pattern, Javier. Something happens and you wait… What are you waiting for?”

Javier stared at a spot just above Nancy’s head, his jaw clenched tight. “I decided a long time ago that I would rather have some of her, rather than none of her.” He admitted, rubbing at his eyes then. They burned with the pull of emotion he felt. “I love her.”

“There is no question that either of you love each other. You shield each other from your own pain at the detriment of your wellbeing.” She closed her journal, shaking her head. “You understand what your partner is going through, don’t you?”

Javier nodded slowly, “Postpartum depression. I should’ve seen it sooner. She wasn’t herself, but I just _thought_...” 

“That what happened in Colombia was happening again?”

“That she almost died and she realized she didn’t want this.” 

“But that isn’t the case, is it?” 

Javier shook his head. “I checked out a book at the library. I want to figure out how I can help her.” 

“The fact that you’re here is proof enough.” Nancy told him warmly. “I have worked with couples who refused to participate. Husbands — _partners_ — who didn’t think they needed to be involved in this process.” 

“I want to help her.” Javier said resolutely. “I want to help both of us get back to where we were before. Better than we were before.” 

He knew there was shit. Unintentional pain they’d inflicted on each other. And this funky little room with a bonsai tree, miniature fountain, and overstuffed sofa was going to be the place they figured it out. 

Nancy smiled at him, “You both love each other very much, Javier. That is not something you should worry about with her.” 

“Thank you.” He said, rubbing his hands together. “Is there… homework or something?”

“There is.” She laughed softly. “I’m suggesting that both of you engage in intimacy with each other before our next session. It doesn’t have to be anything more than holding each other’s hands or perhaps even a massage. But I want you to listen to each other and speak to each other.” 

“And that’s it?” Javier frowned, leaning forward. “Shouldn’t there be more homework?”

“The issues you’re both facing won’t be solved overnight.” 

“Well, thank you.” Javier glanced at his watch. “I have to go pick the kids up from the sitter.” 

“I’ll see you next week.” 

* * *

Therapy was _weird_. You had spent so many years bottling everything up. For a while you had Connie, Steve, and Javier to vent with, but then the Murphys left and your relationship with Javier changed. And then you had Connie again — but even with her there were issues you didn’t want to burden her with.

So you carried the burden. 

That was something you had identified with Nancy. You and Javier were two _extremely_ similar people. Whether it had always been that way or proximity had guaranteed it — you reacted similarly. 

Which did fuck all when it came to voicing frustrations. 

For three months you slept beside Javier, oblivious to the fact that he thought you’d unofficially ended things with him. Either he was too good at hiding his emotions or you had been too wrapped up in yourself. 

And you had. 

Nancy reassured you that everything you were feeling was valid. Those fears, self-doubts, worries — they weren’t your fault. But you’d have to work to get rid of them. And it might not be easy. 

You weren’t particularly fond of the way she had you reflect on your relationship with Javier. There were sore spots that were still sore and she knew exactly how to salt the wound. 

“Are we allowed to talk about therapy?” You questioned, tucking your legs beneath you as you settled onto the sofa, grabbing the blanket off the back and pulling it around you. “Or is it a secret society?”

Javier hummed thoughtfully, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he settled down onto the sofa beside you. “She didn’t say.” He glanced at you. “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”

You laughed softly, shuffling closer to him so you could sink into his side. “I found it frustrating, but in a good way.”

He readjusted the blanket so it was around both of you, curling his arm around your waist and pulling you in closer. “Yeah. It was rough. I didn’t think it was revolutionary—“

“No!” You shook your head. 

“But it was nice to talk to someone outside of it.” Javier squeezed your arm. “Did she give you homework?”

“A journal.” You answered. “She wants me to write down the good things that happen every day.”

“ _Huh_.”

“What?”

Javier tilted his head to look at you, “She told me to _engage in intimacy_.”

You blushed. “That’s definitely because of my session.” You turned into him, pressing your face against his shoulder to hide the warmth in your cheeks. 

“Now you’re gonna have to tell me, baby.”

You groaned, shaking your head. “It’s so stupid.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.” He rubbed your back. “Tell me.”

You pinched his side lightly. “Shut up.” 

“ _Ow_.” Javier laughed. “I wonder what Nancy will think about _that_.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It’s embarrassing.”

“ _Really_?”

“Javier.” You pursed your lips and attempted to pout, but he was undeterred. Nancy _had_ told you to discuss things after all. “ _Fine_.” You crossed your arms across your chest and sighed. “I don’t even remember what we were discussing, but we got onto the topic of sex and how that area of our life was.”

“Ah.”

“You should’ve realised where this was going.” You scolded him. “We’ve had our dry spells. But you haven’t touched me since April.”

Javier raked his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. “Because I was afraid.”

“I know. But it’s almost October.”

“And with everything you’ve been dealing with—“

“Almost seven months.”

“ _Shit_.” He rubbed at his jaw. “How the hell has it been that long?”

“I’m not breakable.” You reminded him. 

“I know you’re not.” He squeezed your shoulder three short times, before he leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“And sex is good for mental health.” 

“Well then, it’s decided.” He teased lightly, playing his fingers over your hair. 

“Let’s watch the movie and see where the night goes.” You told him, reaching up to brush your fingers over his jawline. “Does that sound like a plan?”

He nodded. 

* * *

“Is thatmovie why you wanted a big bathtub?” Javier questioned, arms folded against his chest as he watched you leaning over the side of the tub to test the temperature.

“ _Maybe_.” You clicked your tongue against your teeth and stood up straight, turning around to face him. “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”

“It was an _interesting_ choice.” He drawled out, pushing away from the wall, taking a step towards you. There was a look in his eyes that had your heart racing. “That piano scene.”

You smirked at him. “ _Right_?” You tilted your head as he drew nearer, your breath wavering as he crowded into your space. “Were you inspired?” Fuck. You hoped the answer was yes. You had missed this — _him_. 

Javier canted his head to the side as he closed the distance between you, his breath was hot against your lips, but he didn’t kiss you. Not yet. 

He ran his hands along your waist dragging them down to your hips. There was a certain reverence to his touch. “I don’t know how he did it. Not kissing her.” He lifted his hand and traced his thumb over your bottom lip. 

“Because it makes for a good movie.” You whispered, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “But don’t make _me_ wait, Javi” 

Javier brushed his lips against yours, hesitantly at first, before he slanted his mouth hungrily over yours. It was the sort of _stoke-your-fire_ kiss that you had been dying for. Even after Sofia, you had just wanted to be kissed like you were _alive_. Passion, need, want. 

But you didn’t dwell on the past. 

You moaned against his mouth, your fingers sliding through his hair. With your other hand, you started to unbutton his shirt, greedily trying to get under the layers that he’d kept between the two of you.

Javier had the same idea, peeling off your sleep pants, fingers hooking into the waistband of your underwear before he stopped. He pulled back, looking downwards. “I haven’t seen these in awhile.” 

“I was hoping the movie might be inspiring.” You whispered, sliding your hand over his chest seductively, before you took a step back to pull off your top, showing off your matching bra. “You like?”

He leaned down to kiss you again, dragging his teeth over your bottom lip. “I love it.” He brushed his nose against yours. “I love _you_.” Javier trailed a row of kisses along your jawline, down your throat, his tongue darting out over your collarbone. 

You reached for the counter behind you, fingers gripping at it for support as Javier’s mouth continued downwards. He pressed open-mouthed kissed over your stomach, leaving no patch of skin untouched. He nipped at you, teeth catching soft skin before his tongue soothed the same spot. 

Javier rose back up to his full height, his hand slipping in between your thighs as his mouth caught yours again. You draped your arms over his shoulders, nails scraping against his back as you rocked into his touch. 

He stroked his fingers over your cunt through your underwear, his thumb expertly finding that little bundle of nerves that had arousal flooding your system. You were already slick with want, you could feel the way your underwear was clinging to you. Feeling his fingers on you was better than _anything_ you could’ve done for yourself. 

You reached down to work on his pants. You fumbled with his belt, forcing it open, before you slid down the zipper and shoved them down his hips. 

Javier took a step back and kicked them off, followed by his boxers. You couldn’t resist leaning back against the counter and raking your eyes over his naked flesh. “Like what you see?” He questioned with a smirk.

“Oh, yeah.” You laughed breathlessly. You moved in close to him, one hand sliding around the back of his neck as you leaned up to kiss him, while your other hand moved downwards and curled around his cock. You stroked him slowly, your thumb dragging along the underside of his cock — before you released him and stepped around him with a teasing grin. “The bath is getting cold.” 

You could feel Javier’s eyes on you as you leaned over the side of the tub and tested the temperature again. He took the bait. He moved towards you, his hands curling around your hips, sliding up your waist. With deft fingers he unclasped the back of your bra, before dragging your underwear down your thighs. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out as you stood back up, leaning back against him. His mouth was at the crook of your neck, his tongue darting out to tease you there. His hand skimmed over your stomach, fingers leaving patterns against your skin. 

“Baby,” Javier whispered. You tilted your head to look at him. “Can I tell you that you’re perfect?”

Your brows furrowed and you laughed. “Yes?” 

“Because you are.” He drawled out, squeezing your hip as you turned around to face him. You ran your hands over his arms, tilting your head as you looked up at him. “You’re _fucking_ perfect to me.” 

You smiled up at him, “Why don’t you get in the bathtub and you can show me how _perfect_ you think I am.”

Javier sank down into the first bathtub first, wet fingers gliding through his dark hair as he settled back against the wall of the tub. Your eyes wandered over him, watching the way the water lapped at his skin as he moved in it. The way his cock jutted upwards from beneath the water. _Fuck_. 

“I missed you.” You whispered as you climbed into the bathtub and settled onto his lap. 

Javier gently trailed his fingers over your breast, his fingers curling around your ribs, “Can I?” He questioned, brushing his thumbs over the skin beneath your breasts. 

You nodded slowly as you leaned in to kiss him. A moan slipped past your lips as he grasped at your breasts, palming them roughly. One time, _years_ ago, you told him not to touch your breasts, and ever since then he still asked you for permission to fondle you. No one could claim he didn’t listen to you. 

You pressed your forehead against his, breathing raggedly as you lifted up on your knees. “Need you.” You mumbled, curling your fingers around his cock as you guided him to your center. 

Javier hissed out your name as you sank down onto his cock, his hips rocking upwards to meet you. You clenched around him as you settled back into his lap. “ _Fuck_.” He leaned back against the tub. “You feel so fucking good, baby.” He ran his hand over your stomach, before he grabbed at your hip tightly.

You arched your back, rolling your hips as you ground yourself against him. Everywhere he touched felt warm — and his hands were _everywhere_. He ran his hands along your sides, gripped at your hips hard enough to leave bruises, and cupped your breasts with both hands. There was no part of you that felt untouched by him. 

Javier drew his knees up behind you, causing you to lean forward. He tangled his fingers in your hair, cradling the back of your head as he drew you back to him so he could kiss you. His tongue slipped past your lips, dragging over your tongue as he kissed you so thoroughly. He started moving beneath you, his cock barely leaving you before his hips met yours once more. 

Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving crescent-shaped marks on his skin. His hand smoothed up your back, clinging to you as you moved together. “ _Close_.” You warned him, your inner walls already starting to flutter around him. 

“I know, baby. Let go.” Javier urged you as you worked his hand in between your bodies, his fingers seeking out that little bundle of nerves that would set you careening over the edge. Your body tensed, pleasure rocketing through you as he pressed into you — filling you up completely as you came apart around him. Your name was on his tongue as you felt him spill within you seconds later. 

You let yourself sink forward, resting against his chest as you basked in the pure pleasure of your release. You had missed _that_. The moment where it felt like the two of you were existing in the same space at the same time. 

“I love you.” You whispered, brushing your nose against his throat, smiling at the way he was running his hand up and down the length of your back. 

“I love you too.” Javier murmured, squeezing your hip. “Nancy might be worth her prices.”

You snorted. “Calm down Richard Gere. Are we going to talk therapy while we bathe?” You pulled back, grinning at him. 

The look of adoration you found in his eyes made your heart ache. “I’ve missed seeing you smile like that.” He lifted his hand and cupped your cheek. 

You leaned into his touch. “We’re not out of the woods yet, Javi. Sadly, I don’t think we can fuck my depression away. Though I’m not opposed to trying.” 

“We can give it a valiant effort.” Javier’s lips curved upwards at the corners. “I want _us_ to get better.”

“Me too.” You sighed, tracing your fingertips over his chest. Reluctantly you rose up on your knees, letting his cock slip out of you so you could readjust yourself, laying back against his chest. 

Javier kissed your shoulder as he curled his arms around your waist. “What’s going in your journal today?” He questioned, nuzzling your shoulder.

“Josie drew me about a dozen pictures while she was with Monica this afternoon.” You pursed your lips as you thought. “There was a breakthrough on a case at work, which was nice. I actually felt pretty excited about that.”

He splashed you playfully. 

“Easy!” You laughed. “I’m getting there. And finally, convincing you to finally watch _Pretty Woman_ with me is my last entry for the day.”

“That’s all?”

“Oh, am I supposed to put sex in my journal?” You tilted your head to grin back at him. 

“That’s my proof that I’m doing _my_ homework.” He teased. 

“Don’t worry, babe. You’re in the journal.” You promised him. 

You knew you weren’t going to suddenly overcome this. But for the first time in _weeks_ you actually did feel good. Maybe it was talking to Nancy, maybe it was finally figuring out why things between you and Javier had been strained. 

But that didn’t change the fact that an unwelcome visitor would still crawl into your mind tonight and try to convince you that you weren’t enough for your family. Tomorrow you would still catch yourself floundering under the weight of your worries. There was no magic switch that made it go away. You had to keep fighting it until one day it wasn’t lurking around the corners of your mind. 

These were the good moments that reminded you of what you were fighting for.


	54. Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader goes to therapy. Set in late September 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Therapy

You settled into the right side of the sofa, leaning against the arm as your eyes flickered around the room. “You got a new bonsai tree.” You pointed out, pointing to the larger tree that sat beside the smaller one that had previously adorned her table. “I didn’t know they bloomed.”

“It’s an azalea. I have a client who enjoys gifting them to people.” Nancy smiled a little at you. “You should see my house.”

You laughed, pushing your hair behind your ears. “At least it’s something lovely.” 

Nancy flipped her notebook open, shuffling through a few pages before making a note. “I thought that today might be a good day to discuss Javier.”

“Oh.” Your brows furrowed together and you shrugged. “Sure.” Honestly, you thought you had covered a lot about him in that first session. 

“Your relationship with Javier was rather unconventional, wasn’t it?”

You nodded. “We’ve definitely done things backwards.” 

“When did you realize you loved him?”

That was an easy enough question to answer. You still remembered the look on his face when you finally admitted what you both already knew. 

“I told him that I loved him the Christmas before Josie was born.” 

She shook her head, “Not when you told him. When did you _realize_?”

Your brows drew together. “Well…” You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, thinking back over the years. It was hard to pinpoint the precise moment you realized you loved him. “I think I realized I had feelings for him when I was still dating Lance. I would catch myself comparing the two of them. I just assumed it was because I spent most of my time with Javi.” 

“But you had another partner too. Did you ever compare Lance with Mr. Murphy?” She questioned, referring to her notes. You watched her as she wrote something down, glancing back at you expectantly. 

“No.” You stared down at the ground. “It was always Javier I compared everyone to. But things were complicated back then. He led this life that I knew I didn’t factor into. I just bottled up those feelings and hid them away.”

“And what sort of life is that?”

“Uh, well…” You swallowed thickly. “I’m fairly certain he knew the name of every hooker in Bogotá.” 

“And how did that make you feel?”

“I didn’t feel anything.” You pushed your fingers through your hair. “Javier was my friend and that was his _thing_. Trust me, I even encouraged it.” 

“Encouraged it?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged. “We both encouraged each other to have a little fun.” Nights out at the bar with Javier had been some of your favorite memories from Colombia.

“But never with each other?”

“We worked together.” You rubbed at the back of your neck, fluffing your hair. “I was content with _just_ being his friend.”

“You were content?”

“I mean… not always. But it was easier to go home with a stranger, rather than screw up a good thing.” You shrugged. “I know it’s hard to believe, but that was never really a problem for either of us. We were both _very_ supportive of our extracurricular activities.” 

“But your opinion changed on that. Didn’t it? What changed?”

“It all happened so fast.” Though, maybe it had been a gradual slide towards _something_. “Steve left Colombia and I felt like my world was falling apart. I figured it was only a matter of time before Javier left too.” You admitted quietly. Reflecting back on that night, you now understood what you were feeling. You were lost and Javier was the only thing that made sense.

“So you slept with him?”

“I think that oversimplifies it. I think it was more like we both realized that life was short and sometimes it changes fast. Why delay the inevitable?” 

“So you believed that your relationship with Javier was inevitable?”

“I believed that we would eventually sleep together, yeah.” You hugged your arms around yourself, feeling exposed to Nancy. “Look, I wanted to stay. I wanted to tell him that I wanted more but… like I said, I knew all about the life he led. He wasn’t the relationship type. He had his hookers and.. I felt like I was no better than a one night stand.”

“But that wasn’t the case. Was it?”

You shook your head slowly. “No. I didn’t know that though. For three months I ran from him. It was fucking unbearable.” You rubbed at your forehead, “To have someone who means the world to you, but you just… you shut them out for your own sanity.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I was afraid.” Your shoulders sank. “I hardly looked at him for three months. And that was a feat. Our desks faced each other. I was fucking terrified that if I looked at him I would see just how little he really cared about me. That I was just some stupid woman that fell into bed with him.”

“ _Stupid_?” Nancy questioned, furiously writing notes. “Why that word choice?”

“Because I felt stupid.” You rubbed at your eyes, sighing heavily. “There was so much love in the way he touched me that night and I just… I assumed it was how he was with everyone. He had a good reputation. Those women _loved_ him. I’m sure I made a few hookers weep when I pulled him off the market.”

“And did he keep up his interactions with them after your relationship began?”

You frowned, sinking back against the sofa as you stared at her. “Yeah. But it was just for work. She was an informant of his. In his defense, we weren’t even _together_. It happened while I was avoiding him.” You shook your head slowly. “But I think that eats at him. You should ask him about it.”

“Why?”

“Because I know how he felt. We’ve discussed that — all of this. This conversation has come up before. And I know that it’s one of the many things he still dwells on.” He dwelled on a lot of things about the past. Things that couldn’t be changed. 

“And why do you think that?”

“I just do.”

“Do you _want_ him to dwell on it?”

“ _No_! I want to move past all of that.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I know you’re trying to find out if I’m jealous, but I’m not.” You told her earnestly. “You can even ask him. When there was this ridiculous rumor about him fucking a student — I knew he never would do that. I didn’t even consider it as truth. He was scared shitless that I would believe it, though. I know he loves me and I know he loves our family. That isn’t something I worry about.” 

“ _Interesting_.” She nodded approvingly, turning the page. “What drew you to Javier?”

“Day one... I felt this kinship with him. He really challenged me, which I appreciated. I think I did the same for him.” You rubbed your hands together slowly. “He was a jackass and he was handsome. It was a fatal combination.”

“Fatal?”

“I just mean…” You laughed. “He was definitely my type.”

“You’ve mentioned your previous relationship before. Was he anything like Javier?”

“Complete opposite. He had a terribly dry sense of humor, he was very straight-laced, and physically night and day with Javier.”

“How was your relationship with him?”

“I was bored.”

“How long were you with him?”

“Nearly a year I guess.” It probably said something about you that you didn’t know how long you dated Lance. “We broke up because he wanted me to leave Colombia with him. I couldn’t even picture it. My life was there. I was happy.”

“Was?”

“I _am_ happy.” You assured her. “Javier and the girls are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Nancy nodded her head slowly. “In our first session you mentioned Javier’s _guilt_. What is it about the way he _dwells_ on things that frustrates you?”

Oh, you hated the way she took everything you said and presented it back to you. 

“Javier has convinced himself that he’s not a good guy. There was a lot of shit went down in Colombia. Stuff I can’t really talk about.” People who died, people who were killed. Shit that weighed heavily on both of you. “But he carries a lot of that with him. _Constantly._ ” You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “And I don’t know how to help him do that. I’ve tried.”

“That didn’t answer my question. _Why_ does that frustrate you?”

You blinked. “Because I _know_ that he’s a good man. He’s an _incredible_ father, the best partner I could ever imagine, and his students adore him despite how hard he is on them. He’s caring, loyal, passionate. He’s always been all in with me. But he lets things get under his skin and eat at him. Anything that goes wrong is instantly his fault. I mean, the garbage disposal could break and somehow he’d rationalize that it's his fault. That he didn’t think of it last week.”

“Why do you think Javier does that?”

“I’m hoping you’ll help him figure that out.”

Nancy’s brows rose upwards as she stared at you. “But this isn’t just about him.”

You dragged your fingers through your hair, sighing heavily. “No, it’s not.” You glanced towards the window, brows furrowed. “I’ve always had this theory… And it’s _just_ a theory.” You glanced back at her then. “His mom died when he was young. Sofía is named after her.”

“I see.”

“I think sometimes that he is overcompensating because he has had such a complicated relationship with women throughout his life. Starting with his mother dying.”

“Why do you think that?”

“This thing we have is the most serious relationship either of us has ever been in. He was engaged once before, back when he was much younger. He left her at the altar.” You grimaced. “I know that there is a part of me that worries that the only reason we ended up in a relationship is because of Josie. That he’s still here because he wants to do right by our girls. But I know that isn’t true. Josie didn’t _make_ us love each other, we already loved each other. She was just the linchpin that made us own up to it.” 

“So why the worry?”

“Because I still catch myself feeling like that stupid girl who did the walk of shame out of the apartment of the man she _loved_. Who felt stupid for weeks and months, even after things were good between us.” You covered your face then. “I think I’m still waiting for the day that he leaves me at the proverbial altar.” 

“And how long haveyou been together?”

“Five years.”

“Has he ever given you a reason to think he’s going to leave you?”

You shook your head. “My only reasons for even thinking that it could happen are my own. He is incredibly committed to our family. He’d do anything for us.”

“Then why do you feel that way?”

You wiped away a tear as it slid down your cheek. “Because I love him and I don’t want to lose him. We have been through so much. And frankly…” You laughed softly. “The thought of doing any of this on my own makes me sick to my stomach. He keeps me grounded. And he has for ten years.”

Nancy nodded slowly. “Why do you think you both struggle to communicate?”

“Because we both want to protect each other.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “And sometimes we are protecting each other from ourselves.”

“An astute observation.” She took a few more notes before closing her notebook and leaning back in her chair. “I think we made progress today.” 

“I thought we’d talk more about _me_.” You admitted, wringing your hands together.

“Is there something that’s on your mind?”

“Not really,” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, brows furrowed. “But you’re right. I felt like I made progress this week.”

Nancy opened her notebook again and wrote something down. “And why do you think that is?”

“Well, writing things down has really helped. It’s nice to have something to reflect on when I feel like everything is falling apart. I mean, I couldn’t get Sofía to settle at all on Thursday. I ended up having to pump because she refused to latch on.” You frowned at the memory. “I felt like shit. But I looked back on Monday and Tuesday which were really _good_ days.”

“You’re not going to have an overnight success. You went through a deeply traumatic experience.” Nancy reminded you with an even voice. “What you’re going through is understandable. We’re going to work together to give you the tools to overcome this.” 

“Also,” You laughed with a roll of your eyes. “Javier wanted to make sure I told you that he’s doing his homework.” 

“And how has that helped _you_?” Nancy arched a brow.

You chewed on your bottom lip, trying to ignore the way you felt heat rush to your cheeks. “I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s not even about the sex. It’s the closeness I crave. The attention.” You laughed nervously. “So thank you for encouraging him to do whatever you encouraged him to do.” 

“Intimacy is a vital part of a relationship.” Nancy explained, “Even if it is as simple as holding hands. It keeps you connected to each other. Keep working on that until your next session. Focus on documenting the good things that happen.” 

* * *

“How did it go?” Javier questioned as you slid into the passenger seat. 

“I think it went well.” You shrugged, glancing into the backseat. “Did you have fun at preschool today, Josie?”

“We did some math today.” She told you with a grimace. 

“She had an issue.” Javier explained, reaching over to give your leg a squeeze. 

“ _Oh no_. What happened, sweetheart?”

“They had us counting with candy!” Josie said excitedly, though her expression faltered. “She had us subtractate-“

“Subtract.” You corrected 

“Subtract three candies.” She stared down at her hands bashfully. “And when she said to put one back I couldn’t.”

Javier whispered, “She ate them.”

You snorted, trying to keep composed. “And then what happened?”

“I cried.”

“I had to talk to the teacher. It’s fine.” He assured you. 

“Did she _say_ you could eat the candies?”

“She didn’t say I couldn’t.”

Javier chuckled, rubbing his thumb over your leg. “She’s your daughter.”

“Always looking for a loophole.” You shrugged. “That’s okay Josie. It happens.”

“I know mommy.” Josie pursed her lips, looking rather dejected about the whole thing. 

You reached back and gave her hand a squeeze. “Now you know not to eat them in the future.” 

She nodded her head and clasped her hands around your hand. “I told sissy not to eat the candies when she goes to school too.”

“And what did she say?”

“She just stared at me.” Josie looked at her sister, brows furrowed. “She doesn’t like to talk yet.” 

“That’s because she’s a little baby, JoJo.” Javier told her, looking back at them in the rearview mirror. “Remember what we talked about?” 

“I remember.” 

“What did you talk about?” You questioned, settling back against your seat as you looked at Javier. 

“Josie was very disappointed that Sofía wasn’t _fun_. She’s used to Olivia and Emily. So we had a nice conversation about how she’s the big sister and she has to help us take care of Sofía until she’s bigger.” 

“Daddy said sissy is like a puppy and I’m a big dog.” 

“You called our daughter a puppy?” You slapped his leg playfully. 

“I had to use terms she understood.” 

You scrunched up your nose, “I suppose that’s excusable.” 

As Javier slowed down for a stoplight, he reached over and took your hand into his, interlacing your fingers. “Did you tell her I was doing my homework.”

You squeezed his hand and laughed. “ _Seriously_?” You grinned at him. “Don’t worry it was discussed. In fact, you were the topic of most of the session.”

“I was?” His brows drew together. 

You nodded your head slowly, “You were indeed.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Should I be worried?”

“No.” You reassured him, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. “It helped me realize some stuff. Crap I’ve been holding onto for too long.” He definitely wasn’t the only one who hauled around shit from the past. “I think we’re going to come out of this better than before.” 

“I hope so.” Javier squeezed your hand three short pulses, before he had to let go to drive the car. “How does ice cream sound?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” You grinned, reaching over to steal the aviators off his face, leaning across the center console to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“ _Thief_.” 

“And proud.” You said smugly, pushing the glasses up the bridge of your nose. 

You definitely had worries about your relationship, worries that you had neatly compartmentalized and tried to pretend them away. And maybe that showed. Maybe that was why it was so easy for Javier to believe you were done with your relationship, because he’d seen the cracks in the facade along the way. 

You had always prided yourself on believing that you didn’t hide anything from Javier, but the truth was you were hiding things from yourself. 


	55. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier celebrates his birthday. Set in October 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Car Sex) and FLUFF (seriously one of my favorite Monica moments)

“You know baby, think it’s illegal to have someone cut the grass on their birthday weekend.” Javier remarked as he rubbed the back of his hand over his sweaty brow, giving you a pointed look. 

“Show me the law.” You remarked, sliding his sunglasses down the bridge of your nose and peering over them at him. 

“I think it’s penal law sixty-nine.” Javier countered, peeling his shirt off and using it to wipe at the back of his neck. 

“I didn’t realize I lived with a fifteen-year-old boy.” You taunted, your eyes raking over his bare chest. “Sixty-nine, really?” 

He shrugged a shoulder, smirking at you. “Like what you see?”

Your brows rose upwards and you laughed, “Nah.” You brought your beer bottle to your lips, making a show of wrapping your lips around it, before you tipped it back and took a drink. “It’s a good thing we’ve got all those palm bushes, otherwise you might cause a traffic accident.” 

“You think?” 

“Not bad for a man pushing fifty.” You teased, chewing on your bottom lip as your eyes swept over him again. 

He huffed. “Don’t remind me.” 

You rose to your feet, moving towards him with a little sway in your step. “The grey hair already gives it away.” 

Javier swept his fingers through his damp hair, “Steve threatened to get me that Just For Men shit for my birthday.”

“Don’t you dare.” You told him firmly, stopping in front of him as you took another sip of beer, before offering it to him. “I like it.” 

“Yeah?” 

You nodded as you watched him bring the bottle to his lips. “I like to think that I’m the cause of sixty percent of these.” You reached out and brushed your fingers through the hair at his temple. 

“Probably seventy-five percent.” Javier took another sip of beer, rolling his shoulders as he looked around the yard. “You satisfied?” 

You licked your lips, shaking your head slowly. 

“ _Really_?” He questioned, arching a brow down at you. 

“Mhm.” You raked your gaze down his chest, following a drop of sweat as it rolled over his skin. 

“Monica is out back with the girls, baby.” He drawled out, curling his finger into the belt loop of your shorts and pulling him closer. 

“It’s your birthday weekend.” You reminded him, tracing your fingers over his collarbone as you tilted your head to look up at him from beneath your lashes. “I think you’re allowed a quickie.” 

“And where do you suppose we do that?” He questioned, leaning down to kiss you.

“You know, I think the lawnmower is out of gas.” You said with a smirk, taking the empty beer bottle as you pulled away, walking backwards towards the front door. “I’ll tell Monica we’re just running down the road to Sunoco.” 

Javier laughed incredulously, “You are something else, baby.” 

“I say strike while the iron is hot. And the iron is _very_ hot.” You parted with a playful wink, heading back inside the house to put the empty beer bottle away in the kitchen, before ducking outside to tell Monica that you’d both be right back. 

Everyone seemed content, so you didn’t feel terribly guilty ducking out for a little _alone_ time. Monica was set up at the picnic table reading through work for class, Josie was playing with Stevie, and Sofía was out cold in the playpen. 

“Hey,” You started as you sat down across from Monica. “Javi’s run out of gas for the mower, we’re going to rundown the road and refuel.”

Monica glanced up from her work. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Fifteen minutes tops.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine.” She shrugged, flipping a page of her textbook. “I think I can hold down the fort.”

“Thanks.” You smiled at her, “Still good for going out to dinner tonight?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Perfect.” You said, before you retreated back into the house to grab the car keys and head back out the front door. “We’re in the clear.”

“No suspicion?” He questioned, taking the keys from you as you both headed towards the Jeep. 

“Nope.” You smirked, sliding into the passenger seat. “You know that dead-end off Day?” You questioned.

Javier nodded, glancing at you. “You think that’s enough cover?”

“No one ever goes down there. I walk Stevie that way all the time.” You explained. “It’s not like we’re camping out down there all day.” Your brows furrowed, “You’re into this, right?”

“Fuck yeah.” Javier snorted. “You can consider this your birthday gift for me.”

You snapped your fingers. “Man, I was looking forward to the ‘wake up blowjob’ I had planned.” 

“That’s _still_ on the table.” Javier said firmly, “But you don’t have to get me anything, baby.”

“Shut up and drive.” You told him, reaching over to rest your hand on his thigh. You stroked your fingers over the rough fabric of his jeans, before you slid your hand up higher. Your touch was light as a feather as you traced the outline of his cock. “I see you like this plan.”

“When have I ever—“

“ _Javier_.” You shot him a look. 

“Touché.” He rolled his eyes.

“You know, back in the day I used to dream about this.”

“Driving down dead-end roads in Miami?”

You have his cock a firm squeeze through his jeans and he groaned in response. “ _No_.” You told him lowly. “I dreamed about us hooking up on a stakeout.”

“ _Really_?”

You nodded, waiting until he had the car put into park before you started unzipping his jeans. “A long frustrating day, sinking into a long _hot_ night. Just the two of us.” You dipped your hand into his pants, cupping him through his boxers. 

“I’m liking this dream.” Javier shifted his seat back, putting more space between him and the steering wheel. “Not gonna lie. I thought about it too.”

You grinned, “What if we were on a stakeout right now?” 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “What’s our target?”

You glanced outside of the car. “House through the woods is a narcos safe house. I got intel from one of my sources that they slip out through the rear. We’ve got eyes on the other side.” It was easy to come up with the scenario, borrowing from the countless stakeouts you’d been on together. “Radio’s been quiet for a few hours. If anyone is in there, they’re not coming out an—“

Javier cut you off, cupping your cheeks and kissing you with a familiar desperation. 

“What are you doing, Peña?” You questioned, fingers grabbing at the front of his t-shirt as you pulled back. 

“Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” He whispered, gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips. In retrospect, how many times had he looked at you just like this and you’d completely ignored it? 

“We can’t.” You urged, even as you leaned towards him. “What will Murphy say?”

“Fuck that.” He breathed out, kissing you again, mumbling against your mouth. “I don’t care what _any_ of them say.”

You curled your hand around the back of his neck, sucking at his bottom lip as he ran his hand down your spine. 

Things would’ve turned out _so_ differently if something like this had actually happened in Bogotá. And there was something wildly appealing about playing out a scenario where it did happen. 

You pulled back, breathing raggedly as you sank back in your seat and started working your shorts and underwear down your hips. “I’ve thought about this,” You confessed to him _in_ _character_. “Remember when Steve and I went undercover?”

“I remember.” Javier said lowly as he met your eyes. “What did you think about?”

“When I left him inside, I thought about coming back to the car and…” You swallowed thickly, his heated gaze making your skin feel warm. “But you were so pissy.”

“Because I was _fucking_ pissed I didn’t get to go in with you.”

“There were too many people inside that knew _you_.” You reminded him as you maneuvered yourself into his lap. It was difficult — cars were _not_ made to fuck in. The base of his seatbelt was digging into your left knee, but it was worth it. 

Javier’s fingers brushed up the back of your neck, before he cradled the back of your head drawing in for a kiss. His mouth moved against yours slowly, his tongue sweeping out over your bottom lip. “It should’ve been me.”

You cupped his cheeks as you pulled back from the kiss, resting your forehead against his. “It’s _always_ you, Javi.” You whispered, before you readjusted atop him, finding a better place to rest your knees so you could rise up on them. You reached down between you, freeing his cock from his boxers. 

Javier ran his hands down your waist, before he roughly grabbed at your hips, helping you sink down onto his cock. “ _Fuck_.” 

A breathy laugh escaped you as you rolled your hips downwards, keeping him pressed into you as you moved. You grabbed at the headrest behind him for leverage, which brought your breasts level with his face.

He ran his hands over your ribs through your tank top, pausing just beneath your breasts and you urged him on. You grabbed his hand, dragging it upwards to cup your breast. That was all the encouragement he needed. Javier peeled your tank top down under your breasts, his mouth hot against the valley between them as he worked to free you from your bra. 

You moaned as his mouth trailed over your newly bared skin, leaving soft bites and nips over the swell of your breast. His tongue soothed every mark he left. 

You raked your fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands as they slid between your fingers. You circled your hips as you rode him, short movements as you rose and fell atop his cock. 

Javier grabbed at your ass, guiding your movements. You were so close, you could feel your inner walls starting to flutter around him. “ _Harder_.” You urged, going rigid as his teeth pressed roughly into the soft skin of your breast — and that was as all it took. 

You cried out, unabashedly loud as your orgasm swept through you. Javier lavished the skin he’d marked, kissing it tenderly to soothe the sting. You kept grinding down on him, riding him until his own release took hold of him. 

Javier pulled you close, his breath hot on your skin as he pressed his forehead against your chest. You could feel the pulse of his cock within you as the rhythmic clench of your cunt drew every drop of pleasure from him. 

“Holy shit.” You murmured as you went lax against him, arms draped over the back of his seat. “Holy- _fucking_ -shit.”

He stroked your back, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” You whispered.

Javier fumbled at the side of his seat, pulling the lever to make it recline.

You yelped as the seat jerked backwards faster than you expected. “I’m stuck!”

“Fuck. _Sorry_.” He said quickly, helping you free your knee from in between the seat and the center console. 

“Ow!” You swore, a bubble of laughter escaping you. “No, it’s fine. It’s good.” You grinned down at him, reaching to grab his arm, turning it over so you could check the time. “I promised Monica fifteen minutes.”

“There was a line at the gas station.” Javier offered, squeezing your hip. 

“She is _not_ going to buy that story.” You tilted your head and gave him a look as you tucked your breasts back into your bra and pulled your tank top back into place. “Did you even remember gas cans?”

“ _Nope_.” 

“Javier!” You laughed. 

He ran his hand down your back, grinning up at you. “What?” 

“Happy birthday.” You whispered, tracing your fingertips over the curve of his jaw before you kissed him softly on the lips. “But I’m getting up now.” He protested and you ignored him, grabbing onto the door and the back of your seat for support as you slid yourself over the center console, back into the passenger seat. 

Javier watched you with a heated look as you pulled your underwear and shorts back on. 

“What?” You questioned, your eyes flickering downwards. “Put that away, Javier.” You teased. 

He huffed, shaking his head as he tucked himself back into his boxers and fastened his jeans closed. “Definitely could’ve used more than fifteen minutes.” Javier remarked, reaching over to give your bare leg a squeeze. 

“Maybe we’ll be lucky tonight.” You offered with a smirk. “Maybe she’ll sleep through the night and we can ring in your birthday with some fun.” 

He raised his brows suggestively, “I have some ideas.” Javier said lowly as he slid his hand higher, his thumb pressing right into the seam of your shorts. 

You caught his wrist, “ _Javi_.” 

“I’ll drive us home, don’t worry.” He drawled out, his tongue tracing over his bottom lip as he held your gaze. “But I need you to be a _good girl_.” 

“Fuck you.” You retorted, lifting your hips off your seat as he drummed his thumb against the seam. It wasn’t enough to really do anything, but just enough to make your blood burn. You knew exactly what he was playing at. 

“Come on, baby.” He taunted, before he pulled his hand away and turned the car back on. 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re such an ass.” You crossed your legs, pressing your thighs together as you turned your head to stare out the window. 

“You know it’s hot.” 

“It is.” You agreed. “But these shorts are too short for that. I’m changing as soon as we get home.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “What a shame.” Javier reached over and rested his hand on your knee, giving it a squeeze. “But fun though, right?”

“Hell yeah.” You nodded, resting your hand over his. “It’s always fun with you.” 

* * *

“Here, draw daddy a picture for his birthday,” You told Josie as you opened the plastic package of crayons and laid them down on the coloring sheet the host had left at the table for her. 

“What should I draw?” She gestured for you to lean down so she could whisper to you, though her whispering was more like quiet shouting. “What does daddy like?”

“Why don’t you draw him a picture of all of us?” You suggested, glancing over her head at Javier. 

“Can I draw Monica too?”

“I think that’s a _great_ idea.” 

“And Stevie?”

You laughed, “I don’t know, do you think daddy loves Stevie too?”

Josie scrunched up her nose and nodded. “Yeah! And Uncle Steve and Aunt Connie.” 

“Don’t forget Olivia and Emily,” You reminded her, playing with her hair. You’d tied it back in two pigtails, her curls standing up at odd angles. 

“This is going to be the best picture.” She mused, starting to draw with the green crayon. “Don’t look daddy!”

“I’m not looking.” He assured her. “Hey, princessa what do you want to eat?” 

She hummed, wiggling in her booster seat. 

You looked to your left at Monica. “I think we all know what she’s going to say.” 

“Chicken nuggets!” Josie cheered, clenching the crayon in her fist as she held her hands up in the air. 

“Do you want mac and cheese too?” You questioned as you flipped the menu over and glanced at the kid’s section. 

“Fries! I want fries mommy!” 

“Alright, sweetheart.” You rolled your eyes with a short chuckle as you looked over the menu. “What are you thinking about getting, Javi?” You questioned. 

“The ribs sound good.” He shrugged, reaching across the table to grab a peanut out of the metal basket. He cracked it between his thumb and forefinger, popping the nut into his mouth and tossing the shells on the floor.

“Mommy, daddy’s making a mess.” Josie tutted. 

“We’re raising a nark.” Javier shot you a look. 

“You’re supposed to throw them on the ground.” You told Josie, “Just keep coloring, sweetheart.” 

Javier grabbed another peanut, cracking it open and letting the nuts fall onto the napkin in front of Josie. “Here.” 

“Oooooh.” She said dramatically as she picked up a nut and popped it into her mouth. “I’m making me peanut butter!”

“How are classes going?” You questioned Monica. 

“I’m taking a finite math class that is kicking my ass.” She explained, “I have no idea why I need a _math_ class.” 

“I hated math.” You scrunched up your nose. “I think I’ve used algebra _once_ in my entire life.” 

“Right?” Monica made a face. “Aside from that, things are going really well I think.”

“She’s passing.” Javier added with a chuckle. 

“Order whatever you want,” You told her, gesturing to the menu. “We’re paying.” 

“You guys...” She looked between both of you.

Javier arched a brow and pointed at her, “That means order a drink and a _real_ entree.” 

“Hey, I like soup and water.” Monica countered, narrowing her eyes. “Fine. I’ll order a _real_ entree.” 

“We should both get margaritas.” You said with a grin. “The prickly pear is _so_ good.” 

“I want a margar…” Josie pressed her tongue to the tip of her teeth. “Margarita!”

Javier snorted. “I didn’t know you were twenty-one, kiddo. I guess it’s time for you to start paying rent.” 

“I don’t have any money, daddy!” Josie complained, dramatically flopping over against Javier’s arm. 

“I didn’t think so.” He rubbed her back. “Monica, you decide? Waitress is coming.” 

“Yep!”

“I am so sorry for the delay,” The young woman said, her hands on her hips. “We are swamped and understaffed tonight. I’m Nadia and I’ll be your server.” 

“It’s all good.” Javier waved off the issue. “It gave us time to figure out what we want.” 

“Chicken nuggets.” Josie announced. 

“Yes, chicken nuggets and fries for this one. And pink lemonade if you’ve got it.” Javier explained. 

“Sure thing.” She jotted that down, “And what will you have? 

“Ribs and a Sam Adams.” He answered, glancing over the menu briefly before he passed it to the waitress. 

“Grilled shrimp, mashed potatoes, and prickly pear margaritas.” 

“Don’t judge,” Monica told you as she ordered. “I’m just going to do iced tea and the club.” 

“ _Monica_.” You laughed, shaking your head. 

“Someone’s got to be the designated driver.” 

“Fair point.” You passed Monica’s menu to Nadia, who lingered. 

“You have a _beautiful_ family,” Nadia told Javier as she glanced around the table. 

“Oh. Thank you.” He smiled. 

“It’s his birthday.” You told her. 

“ _Tomorrow_.” Javier glared at you.

Monica laughed, “So if you’ve got those really embarrassing singers, send them all over here to serenade him.” She told the waitress, who smiled a little brighter when her eyes landed on Monica. 

“Do _not_ send singers to this table.” Javier warned her.

You nodded your head, encouraging Nadia _to_ send singers to the table. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” She gave a mock salute, “But first let me get you all some warm rolls.” 

“Daddy I want more of those!” Josie said, pointing at the metal bucket that was just out of her reach.

Javier grabbed a handful of peanuts, cracking the shells off and dropping them onto Josie’s napkin. “You wanna throw the shells on the ground?”

“Yeah!” She clapped her hands together, she took the shells from Javier and leaned across him to toss them on the floor. 

You stole one off her napkin, popping it into your mouth with a smirk as you looked towards Monica. “For once, I don’t think the waitress is going to flirt with Javier.” 

“What?” 

“She _totally_ made eyes at you.” You told Monica, wiggling your bows. 

“She did not.” Monica covered her face, hiding her embarrassment. 

“She did.” 

Javier chuckled, “You should leave your number.”

“Oh my God.” Monica glared at both of you. “ _Stop_.” She hissed as the waitress returned with two baskets of rolls. “Don’t you _dare_ say a word.” 

“JoJo, you want a roll?” Javier questioned, reaching for one of the small side plates. 

“I love bread.” 

“You’ve got good taste, kid.” The waitress teased, “I’ll be right back with your drinks.” 

You looked between her and Monica, “We’re a family of _good_ taste.” You quipped, but you weren’t certain if Nadia even heard you. 

“I’m going to kill you.” Monica threatened, widening her eyes dramatically. 

“You can’t be single forever.” 

Monica rubbed at her cheeks. “I think I have a fever, I should go home.” 

“You are ridiculous.” You teased, turning your attention back to Nadia as she returned with the drinks. “Thanks.” You nudged Josie, “Say thank you for the lemonade.”

Josie looked up, “Thank you for the lemonade.” She pursed her lips thoughtfully, staring at the waitress questioningly. 

“What’s up?” Nadia questioned, crouching down at the side of the table. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Oh my God.” You cackled, “Josie, _don’t._ ” 

Nadia’s jaw dropped and she laughed. “I don’t. Why?” 

“Out of the mouths of babes.” Javier snorted. 

“ _Josie_!” Monica covered her face and groaned. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I’m not offended.” Nadia assured the table, arching a brow at Monica. “And for the record, I _don’t_ have a girlfriend.” 

“Oh.” Monica’s lips parted as she tried to form words. “Uh… me neither.” 

Nadia pursed her lips and nodded, “ _Nice_. Do you…” She laughed nervously. “Do you ever go to the arcade down on the boardwalk?”

“I have.” Monica sat up a little straighter. 

“I’m off tomorrow.”

“Oh, well I—“

“She’s free tomorrow.” You insisted. 

“It’s Javier’s birthday.”

“ _Go_.” Javier told her. “Jesus Christ, Monica.” He shook his head as he took a swig of beer. 

“Okay fine!” Monica laughed. “I’m free tomorrow, Nadia.”

“Great.” Nadia scribbled her number down on a napkin and passed it to Monica. “Call me in the morning and we can set a time?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

“Great. I’ll, uh… check your orders.” Nadia remarked, before stumbling a bit as she walked backwards — clearly just as flustered as Monica.

“Kid, you _cannot_ be doing that!” Monica told Josie.

She shrugged.

Sofía stirred in her carrier and you started to unfasten her. “ _Shhh_.” You cooed, cradling her against your chest. “Are you hungry, sunshine?” You questioned, picking up her pacifier and holding it to her lips. 

“Here.” Javier reached under the table and grabbed the baby bag, producing a bottle for you. “You good?”

You nodded, giving him a small smile. “Yeah. 

Feeding her was still a sensitive situation for you. She had at least gotten better at letting you breastfeed, but you were still pumping more often than not. 

You adjusted her in your arms, bringing the bottle to her lips. She fussed a little, before she finally decided she was ready to eat. 

Javier reached over Josie’s head, rubbing at Sofía’s foot as she kicked and squirmed. “You’ve gotta drink up so your mama can enjoy her margarita.” He drawled out. 

“And mama can only have one margarita so she doesn’t fall asleep and ruin _birthday_ plans.” 

Monica snorted, “Like _getting gas_.” 

Your cheeks burned. “Yep. Exactly like that.” 

“Neither of you are as slick as you think you are.” Monica raised her eyebrows, reaching for another roll. “Like that day in your office…” She gave Javier a look. 

“You know too many secrets,” You remarked. 

“I figured that’s why you bribe me with food and money.” Monica sat up a little straighter, adjusting her shirt as Nadia approached the table again. 

“Mommy, look.” Josie shook your arm, trying to get your attention.

“Easy princessa, mommy is feeding your sister. Remember what we discussed.” 

“I have to be gentle.” Josie pouted. 

“How’s everything going here?” Nadia asked, smiling as she glanced around the table. 

“It would be going _great_ if I could get two extra hands.” You laughed as you sat the bottle aside and lifted your daughter up to burp her. Javier was quick, grabbing the cloth out of the bag and draping it over your shoulder for you. “Thanks, babe.” 

“Well, entrees should be out soon. If you need anything, just holler.” Nadia assured you. “How old is she?”

“Four months.” You answered as you settled her back into her carrier, smiling down at her as she blearily giggled and gurgled up at you. “And utterly milk drunk.” 

“I’m five.” Josie announced.

“You are _not_.” Javier chuckled, “She just turned four.” 

“Going on fourteen.” Monica interjected lightly. 

Josie stuck her tongue out at Monica. “Meanie!” 

“And for the record,” You pointed out. “I hope it is _very_ clear that I am not old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.” 

“I figured.” Nadia countered with a short laugh. 

“Javier on the other hand…” You teased, leaning over Josie to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“ _Ewwwww_.” Josie complained, shoving at you to push you away from Javier. 

Monica rolled her eyes, “I will give you the lowdown on this situation _tomorrow_.” She gestured around the table. “And now I got stuck with these weirdos.” 

“We keep her entertained.” You remarked as you tore off a piece of roll, dipping it into the butter before eating it. 

“I look forward to hearing all about it.” Nadia said with a warm smile directed at Monica. “Oh, your food’s up! Let me grab that for you all.” 

Javier turned to look at you, “If anyone comes to sing at this table, I’m inviting Tracy and Jeff to the party.”

“That is an act of war.” You stared at him in disbelief. “Fine. I’ll tell her not to. You’re no fun.” 

Javier huffed. “That is not what I would define as _fun_.” 

“Daddy I finished your present!” Josie presented him with her drawing. It was a valiant attempt at capturing all of them. Josie was riding Stevie while carrying her sister. You were holding Javier’s hand and you both had glasses on. “You’ve got daddy’s sunglasses on.” She informed you proudly. “And there’s Uncle Steve and Aunt Connie with Olivia and Emily and…” She pointed at Monica. “I put you here too.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Monica smiled, sipping at her tea. “And what am I doing?”

“You’re playing with Olivia and Emily.” Josie tilted her head to the side as she regarded her work. “You’re coming to play with Stevie and me.” 

“That’s very lovely, sweetheart.” Javier kissed the top of her head. “Thank you. I’m going to frame it and put it in my office.” He carefully tucked it into the baby bag, trying not to wrinkle it. 

“And don’t worry Josie, I’ll make sure he hangs it up.” Monica assured Josie. “I’ll report back.” 

You reached over Josie, brushing your fingers over the back Javier’s neck. “Are you having a good birthday weekend?” 

He nodded, rubbing the mouth of the beer bottle over his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Never really made much of a fuss about my birthday before you.” 

“I’m here to make a fuss over you.” 

“If I had one of those journals like you do now, today would definitely be the highlight of the week, baby.” 

“And the day isn’t over yet.” You grinned, tilting your head as he leaned over to press a kiss to your lips. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.”

“I’m with Josie on the _gross_. Come on guys, I don’t want to lose my stomach.” Monica groused. 

“I’ll remember this when you and Nadia hit it off tomorrow.” You taunted, throwing a shelled peanut at her. 

Today really had been a _good_ day. 


	56. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader makes progress with her daughter and they have a joint session. Set October 1997. This chapter should've been published earlier in the run, but alas. I am a mere mortal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst (Therapy) & Breastfeeding an Infant

You groaned quietly as you pulled yourself out of bed, wiping the sleep from your eyes as you glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside you. 

2:20. 

Without fail, Sofía woke up between 2:00 and 2:30 _every_ morning, regardless of how much she ate before bed. You had even attempted keeping her up later, but that didn’t help the situation. You were just exhausted and awake at two in the morning with a fussy baby.

“Get her and come back in here.” Javier murmured, his voice heavy with sleep as he rolled towards you. 

“Shit, did I wake you up?” You questioned, turning on the bedside lamp.

He shielded his eyes, “No, the screaming did. 

“She’s loud.” You agreed, stepping into your house shoes and shuffling across the hall to retrieve Sofía from the nursery. She quieted once you picked her up, but you knew it was only temporary. It never lasted very long

She was _so_ fucking fussy. You were certain you would’ve lost your mind if Josie had been this fussy in Colombia. Her calm demeanor had been a godsend when everything else was chaotic in your life. 

You made your way back into the bedroom, smiling warmly at Javier as you took in his sleepy expression. “You should go back to sleep.” You urged quietly, cradling Sofía in one arm as you set your pillows up so you could lean back on them. 

“Nah, I’m good baby.” Javier assured you, raking his fingers through his messy hair.

You sank back against the pillows, drawing your knees up so you could recline her back against them while you got yourself situated. Nighttime feedings were the _worst_. Your mind was still your worst enemy and it always seemed worse when you were tired. Like your brain knew to strike while you were already down. 

“I should’ve pumped before bed.” You lamented, “I could just give her a bottle.” 

“You’ve got this.” Javier scooted closer to you, reaching out to brush a piece of hair behind your ear, his knuckles skimming over your cheek. 

You sighed heavily, leaning into his touch. “I’m just tired.” You offered as an excuse. There was a part of you that was convinced you should just stop bothering and get Sofía used to formula, but you didn’t want to admit defeat. You knew there was no shame in it, but it didn’t _help_ you. It was something you had wanted so badly. Your body wanted it to. But Sofía was not as easily convinced. 

You picked her back up, settling her into the curve of your arm as you pulled your breast out of your shirt. You sighed quietly, preparing yourself for disappointment. At least Javier was up, he could try to get Sofía to settle while you pumped. 

No one was going to be getting any sleep tonight.

“Come on Sof,” You whispered, brushing your thumb over her lips, trying to encourage her to latch on. She started whimpering — clearly hungry, but she refused to pay any attention to your actual nipple. 

“Please don’t do this tonight.” You begged, feeling an ache deep inside of you as she refused to latch on. She would start, her little tongue moving like she _wanted_ food, but then she’d pull back and rob you both of the experience. You just wanted to be able to help her. 

“Hey.” Javier curled his arm around your middle, his hand brushing along your waist. “It’s okay, baby.”

“I’m fine.” You insisted, even though you very much _were_ not okay. Why couldn’t you do this _one_ thing? Something so natural that _every_ woman could do except for you. 

Javier pulled himself up leaning on his side against the pillows you were propped up on. “Are you sure you’re fine?” He questioned, his eyes drawn to the damp spot that had formed on your shirt over your covered breast. “Baby.” 

“ _Don’t_.” You said shortly, shifting away from him despite yourself. “I’m fine, Javi. I don’t need your sympathy.”

“Easy,” He said, sounding far more awake now. “Baby, it’s _not_ sympathy.” 

“I didn’t have _any_ trouble with Josie. None.” You wiped at your eyes, sniffling quietly. “I just don’t understand.” 

“I remember.” Javier nodded his head as he leaned forward and kissed your shoulder. “But they’re different babies _and_ things change. You can’t compare the two.” He brushed his fingers over your hair, trying to calm you. “Why don’t you pause for a second? Remember when we used to lay in bed while you fed Josie?”

You glanced up at him, giving him a small nod. “Yeah.” Admitting temporary defeat, you pulled your shirt back down and cradled Sofía to you as you readjusted yourself on the bed. You settled yourself between Javier’s legs, sinking back against his chest. 

“I hate how I feel like I’m failing her.” You whispered, staring down at her in your arms. She was staring right back at you, her dark eyelashes fluttering as she cooed for attention. “I know, sunshine. I know you’re hungry.” 

“Just relax.” Javier advised you, brushing his fingers over the back of your hand where you were cradling Sofía’s head. “You’ve got this, baby.” 

“Do I?” 

“You do.” 

You swallowed thickly around the lump in your throat. You hated how you felt. Like you were failing Sofía and yourself. Your mind trying to convince yourself that you had _failed_. That Javier was only pitying you… even though you knew that wasn’t true. Javi sure as hell didn’t do pity. 

He pressed his lips to your shoulder, his breath tickling your skin as he exhaled. “You’re not failing her.” Javier reassured you, running his hand down your side and giving your hip a squeeze. 

“I feel like I am.” You leaned your head back against his shoulder. “With everything I’ve done? I can take being shot — _twice_. I can handle taking down narcos, putting up with more bullshit than any _one_ person should have to handle, but this? Not being able to feed my baby? That’s what has broken me.” 

“You’re not broken.” Javier shook his head, kissing a spot just behind your ear. “Let’s try again.” He urged quietly, rubbing his hand down your arm. “And if she still won’t latch on, I’ll get the pump for you.” 

You tried to stifle the ache you felt in your chest. Your heart breaking in the best of ways. Javier was _so_ understanding and patient with you. What had you done to deserve him? A lesser man wouldn’t have put up with this for three months, thinking you were done with him. You knew it wasn’t easy for him. It wasn’t easy for either of you. 

“Alright.” You nodded slowly as you took a hold of his arm, guiding it around your middle. “Here.” You situated his arm beneath Sofía. “Just like that.” 

Javier cradled your daughter carefully, his lips still gently brushing against your shoulder. “You’ve got this, baby.” He whispered. 

You ignored the prickle of tears in your eyes as you pulled your shirt up again. Sofía was squirming, quiet little sobs escaping her as she waited to be fed. You both worked to readjust her, trying to find the right position for her. The second she latched on, that well of emotion inside overwhelmed you. 

“You did it baby.” Javier whispered, lifting his hand to smooth his fingers through your hair. “ _Fuck_. Look at you both.” He pressed his cheek against yours. 

“ _Shh_.” You laughed softly, turning your head to kiss his cheek.

“Baby, don’t cry.” 

“They’re happy tears.” You promised as you looked down at her, watching her as she drank from you. You were certain she was just as relieved as you were. 

“I’m proud of you.” 

“Stop, you’re going to make me cry more Javi.” You reached behind you, playing your fingers through his hair. 

“But I _am_ proud of you, baby. Look at this little girl you made.” 

“ _We_.” 

“She’s perfect.” Javier whispered, brushing his lips against the curve of your shoulder. “I know it’s been hard, baby. But you’re doing so incredible.” 

You smiled, leaning your head against his. “Maybe you’re the secret.” You teased. 

He shook his head, “I think you just need to be reminded to _relax_.” His hand kept wandering, reassuringly smoothing down your arm, squeezing your hip to emphasize something he’d said. “You’re so tense every time you have to feed her, baby. You both are.” 

“I just _want_ this so badly.” You admitted. “It was this thing that Josie and I had, thirty minutes to ourselves. There was nothing beyond the apartment that _mattered_. She was so easy.” 

“I know.” He rubbed your side. “Our girls are different and that’s okay.” Javier reminded you. “Sofía’s too much like her old man. Complaining about shit all the time.” 

“Oh, are you _not_ the father?” You laughed. “Because you are the easy one between us.” 

“I am?”

You rolled your eyes. “You are _not_ a complainer, babe. You just bottle it up and then we have to talk about it in therapy.” 

He chuckled, brushing his nose against your neck. “You nervous about today’s _joint_ session?”

“A little.” You admitted, smiling down at Sofía as she stopped sucking for a second. She opened and closed her lips, blinking slowly before she went back in for a second round, latching on all by herself. It really was a _relief_. A tiny victory.

“I guess it means we’re making progress.” Javier sighed softly, rubbing his hand over your side. “I’m proud of you, baby.” 

You tilted your head to smile back at him. “I’m proud of you too.” 

* * *

“I want to remind you both that everything that is said today should be considered with understanding and compassion.” Nancy said with a cautious tone. “I would like to work through anything that comes up today within this safe space.”

You made a face, looking towards Javier then. “Should I be afraid?” You whispered.

He laughed quietly, reaching for your hand. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

You interlaced your fingers, squeezing three times. As far as you knew, there wasn’t anything between the two of you that would warrant that sort of disclaimer. 

Nancy opened her notebook, flipping through a few pages before she settled on one. “During our sessions, I made a note that both of you regarded that three month period of time between your daughter’s conception and the start of your relationship with some contempt.”

“ _Contempt_?” You frowned. “I mean it was a difficult period of time.”

Javier rocked his jaw slowly. “I don’t know if I’d call my emotions _contempt_. It was a fucking nightmare, but I sure as held didn’t regard her with contempt.”

“But did you regard _yourself_ with contempt?” She questioned leadingly. 

Your brows furrowed as you turned to stare at him. “Yeah.” He said quietly. “Did you _really_ call a joint session because of what I said during the last time?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What did you say?”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a short shake of his head. “Nancy thought it would be a good idea to dissect that period of time. I had some baggage I wasn’t really looking to unpack.” 

_Shit_. 

“That’s my fault.” You squeezed his hand. 

“I figured.” 

“Javi, I’m sorry.” You shifted closer to him. “It was just… _Fuck_. I knew you were still holding on to all of that.”

“Yeah, I was.” Javier shrugged. “It’s fine, baby. Don’t get torn up about it.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. “It was bound to come out sooner or later.” 

Nancy looked between the two of you, “You would be correct there, Javier. Regardless of what was recommended to me by your partner, we got to the heart of the matter naturally.” 

He raked his hand over his face, sighing heavily as he sank back against the sofa. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” Javier stared at Nancy. “None of this is news to her. She knows how I felt about that shit.” 

“Your arrangement with _hookers_?” Nancy questioned. 

His jaw set hard. “Yeah.” 

You frowned, looking between the two of them. “I thought I made it clear that there _wasn’t_ an issue there…” You leaned forward, releasing your hold on Javier’s hand. “I mean, maybe I was a little jealous _before_ we got together, but… It’s not an issue.” 

Javier turned to look at you, brows drawn together. “You sure it wasn’t an issue?”

“My only issue was that you were bragging about it to Tom _in front_ of my desk, Javier.” You shot him a pointed look. “I have never wanted to crawl into a hole and die as badly as I did that day. And I already felt like shit that day.” 

“Did I _know_ you were pregnant?”

“No.” You gritted out. “But you were doing it on purpose.” 

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, resting his elbows against his knees as he leaned forward. “Because I wanted to get a reaction out of you.” He admitted, tilting his head just enough to catch your eye. “I felt like shit too, baby. Not for the same reason _you_ did, but I did. I didn’t get any fucking information and there was no amount of water that could wash away how I felt afterwards. And I thought… _Fuck_. If you cared, it would all be worth it. If I got some hint out of you that you were jealous, that maybe there was a chance for us.” 

“ _Javi_.” 

“Even after we got together you were just so ambivalent about everything. I felt like shit about it, but you just kept insisting it was _work_.” He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “You acted like you didn’t care.” 

Your heart clenched as you stared at him, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your gut. “It _was_ an act, Javier. I had to focus on our daughter and do what was right by her. We lived life on a tightrope. I couldn’t _care_ about what you did for the DEA. But I cared _deeply_. I hated every second of it.” You pushed your fingers through your hair, chewing on your bottom lip. “I was so fucking happy when you turned up at the apartment that night. I hated thinking about you being with someone else… I _always_ hated it.”

He turned to look at you then. “Really?”

You nodded slowly. “Every time Connie tried to set you up with someone, I just… I wanted to scream. I was right there.” You rolled your eyes and looked away, hugging your arms around your middle. “And we all know why you hated Lance.” 

Javier huffed. “Shots fired.” 

Your lips twitched upwards at the corners. “And who were your regulars? Freckles… Nessa…”

He widened his eyes, staring at you with an incredulous laugh. “You remember their names?”

You shrugged, pursing your lips. “Better than I remember the names of anyone I ever went home with.” You snorted. 

“And why do you think that is?” Nancy questioned. You had actually forgotten that she was sitting there listening to that entire exchange. 

You laughed awkwardly, “I remember _everything_ Javier has ever brought up.” 

“Really?”

Javier nodded. “She really does. It’s slightly terrifying.” He reached over and gave your leg a squeeze. 

Nancy made a note in her journal, glancing between you. “Let’s circle back to _Lance_.” 

You groaned. 

“Javier, how did that situation make you feel?”

He scratched at his jaw. “Well, he’s CIA so… not great.” Javer clicked his tongue against his teeth and looked at you. “He was good to her, though. As her friend, I mean… I couldn’t complain about that.” 

“He was boring.” You pointed out, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. “He was a great guy, though. I basically broke up with him because I wasn’t as into him as he was into me.” You looked at Javier then, “He wasn’t _you_.” 

“How would you compare your intimacy with Lance to your intimacy with Javier?” 

“ _Wow_.” You rubbed at the back of your neck. “We’re just going to go straight in for the kill.” You kicked off your shoes and curled your legs beneath you on the sofa. “I mean, if we’re being honest here or whatever… There was nothing to complain about in regards to sex with Lance. We had decent chemistry…” You shrugged a shoulder, looking towards Javier then. “He wasn’t super adventurous.” 

“How did it compare to what you have now?”

You laughed, leaning back against the sofa. “There’s no comparison. I’m not just saying this because you’re sitting next to me,” You told Javier, before looking back at Nancy. “I have never had a partner like Javier.”

“I agree.” Javier remarked, reaching over to rest his hand on your thigh. “That’s an area we _aren’t_ having issues in.” 

You rested your hand over his. “Even with communication, I think we’re getting better. I mean, last night Javier helped me get Sofia eating. He talked me through it and helped me keep from getting stuck in my head.” You watched Nancy as she took notes. “What was the purpose of today’s session?” 

“I wanted to see how you react to difficult topics about each other. I was struck by how conscientious you are in our independent sessions. You both try to rationalize for each other.” She tapped her pen against her chin thoughtfully. “Some of my clients are prone to make excuses for their partner, but that’s not what this is.” 

“What _is_ it?” Javier questioned, narrowing his eyes. 

“I think, in part, it’s derived from how your relationship began. You had both already accepted the flaws in one another. Most couples don’t discover those flaws until _years_ into a relationship. What I’m fascinated with is this dynamic.” She gestured between the two of you. “You don’t shield your own flaws from Javier, you shield him from _his_ flaws. And the same can be said about you, Javier. I’ve said it before and I’ll gladly say it again… I have no doubt that the two of you love one another. That is _not_ what I am concerned with.”

You stiffened. “But you _are_ concerned with something?”

Nancy closed her notebook, leaning forward against her desk. “It’s quite clear that you both carry your emotions with you. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and communication issues. We can work through them as we move forward. You mentioned living life on a tightrope,” She looked at you then. “You’re still on that tightrope.”

Javier and you exchanged looks. 

“Javier, you spent three months — in _silence_ — convinced that she was planning to leave you.” Nancy reminded him firmly, before she looked at you. “And you may have convinced yourself that you don’t believe he would ever stray, but deep down you _do_ worry about that.”

You swallowed thickly, but the weight of Javi’s hand on your thigh, squeezing you reassuringly kept you from falling apart. “I don’t… That’s not…” You stared at a spot on the floor. How had she figured that out? You hadn’t even hinted at it… had you? Unintentionally? 

“I wouldn’t—” 

“I know.” You cut him off, “Trust me I know. Just like I would _never_ leave.” 

Nancy shook her head slowly. “That right there is what I’m talking about. Both of those fears are _completely_ normal. You’re allowed to have insecurities in your relationship. It’s _healthy_.” 

You made a face. “I’d rather just repress those fears.” 

“Yep.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

Nancy shook her head. “We’ll keep working on this.” 

“If we have to.” You offered begrudgingly, scooting back to the edge of the sofa and putting your shoes back on. “Is there anything you want us to work on together?” 

Javier ran his hand down your back slowly. “Our current homework regimen seems to be working.” 

You snorted. “No complaints there.” 

“Just keep _listening_ to each other. And don’t be afraid to explore with each other.” Nancy advised.

You raised a brow as you looked at Javier. “I don’t think she thinks we’re _adventurous_.” 

“If only she knew.” Javier quipped with a smirk. “Come on, baby. Let’s go get the girls.” 

“Thanks again, Nancy.” You offered, before you followed Javier out of the office. “Holy shit.” You whispered, once the door was shut behind you. 

“ _Seriously_.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, shaking his head slowly. “Sometimes I come out of there feeling like she _wants_ there to be issues between us. Asking about _Lance_.” He shot you a look, his dark gaze looking particularly stormy. 

“At least that’s an easy answer.” You tugged at his hand, stopping just before the stairwell that led down to the parking lot. “And for the record, I _am_ sorry about how things panned out in Colombia. I was scared... and.” You took both of his hands into yours. “That morning I had planned to tell you that I thought I was pregnant. I didn’t know yet, but I was convinced. 

“Baby…”   
  
“I didn’t realize that you were trying to make me jealous. I _legitimately_ thought that you were trying to drive home just how unremarkable our night was.” 

“ _Shit_.” 

“Yeah.” You squeezed his hands. “We are really bad at assuming the worst in each other.” 

“For the record,” Javier released one of your hands so he could cup your cheek, rubbing his thumb over the rise of your cheekbone. “I love you.” 

You rose up on your toes and kissed him, “I love you too, Javi.” 


	57. Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader can’t stop thinking about Javier. Set in an unspecified period of 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female masturbation, vibrator, multiple orgasms, watching someone masturbate, a hand job of sorts, teasing a cock with a vibrator, actual sex)

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip as you sank back against the pillows. You grabbed one, drawing it to your face and inhaling deeply. You could smell Javier on the pillow; his aftershave, his shampoo, that scent that was very much just _him_. You had started the morning face down in that pillow, trying not to scream while he slammed into you. There were still marks on your hips from how tightly he’d gripped at you. 

It should’ve been enough to satisfy you. It had been the _perfect_ way to start the day. But instead you had sat at work thinking about him all day. You got everything done. Work didn’t suffer because you hadn’t been able to stop fantasizing about Javier pounding you into the mattress. 

Despite _knowing_ that he wouldn’t be home when you got home, you were still disappointed when you came home to an empty condo. It was Friday — Steve was off and the _boys_ spent the afternoon drinking in the Murphy’s backyard. Javier wouldn’t be home until closer to seven. At least Olivia and Josie were having a sleepover. 

You reached beside you on the bed and grabbed the vibrator you’d bought a few months back. It wasn’t Javi, but it would do in a pinch. You just wanted to take the edge off until he got home. You just needed to fucking come and maybe _then_ you could be a productive member of society this weekend. 

You sat the vibrator back down beside you so you could shimmy out of your underwear, tossing them over the side of the bed. You sat up, unclasping your bra and letting it land somewhere on the floor. A content sigh escaped you as you brushed your fingers over your collarbone, eyes fluttering closed as you pictured Javier. 

Who _else_ were you going to picture? 

Fuck, you still remembered the first time Javi had popped into your head in a situation just like this one. Alone in your apartment in Colombia. You could’ve called your _boyfriend_ , but no… it was easier to get yourself off thinking about what Javier’s mustache would feel like between your thighs. 

_Focus_. 

You exhaled deeply as you cupped your breasts, dragging your thumbs over the peaks of your nipples. A quiet moan escaped you, as you thought of Javier’s hands. They were larger than yours, rougher too. You always loved the way they felt against your skin, the way he’d always find a reason to touch you. 

Your right hand abandoned your breast, wandering down your stomach towards your navel. “ _Please_.” You whispered, picturing Javier settling down between your thighs. That shit-eating grin of his as he looked up at you. 

You brushed your fingers along your inner thigh, featherlight touches over the marks he’d left on your skin that morning. You spread your legs wider, arching your back as you parted your slick folds, dragging your finger over your aching flesh. You’d spent _all_ day wanting relief.

Your mind wandered back to the first time you thought of Javier. The way you’d focused in on a memory of him licking his thumb. You really did love his fingers. He was _very_ good at using them. 

Another moan escaped you as you circled your clit, applying just enough pressure to make fire burn in your lower belly. Still, you wished it was Javier between your thighs. You could picture it so clearly — Javier’s breath dancing over your slick cunt, before he leaned in and put that mouth of his to good use. 

You released your breast, fumbling for the vibrator beside you. You switched it on, setting it to the second level before you replaced your finger with the toy. You inhaled sharply, lifting your hips off the mattress as you pressed the toy right against that little bundle of nerves.

You pulled it away, giving yourself a moment before you rested it against your clit again. Your lashes fluttered as you rolled your hips, heels pressing into the mattress “ _Fuck_.” You swore, pulling the vibrator away again just as you got yourself right to the edge. 

You reached up and palmed your breast, arching your back as you twisted the bottom of the toy, cranking the level up to five. You slid it between your folds, teasing yourself and trying to draw out the inevitable. You could feel the coil of desire twisting in your gut. You were winding yourself up, bringing yourself _right_ to the edge. But you didn’t let yourself crest. Not yet. 

A throaty moan escaped you as you let the toy glance against your throbbing clit, a little wave of pleasure washing over you. Your back arched, your shoulders pressing back against the mattress. “ _Javi_.” 

The sound of a low chuckle pulled you right out of your fantasy. “Shit!” 

“Hey, baby. Don’t stop on my account.” 

You blinked as you stared at Javier standing at the foot of the bed. “I didn’t even… When the hell did you get here?”

His brows rose upwards expectantly. “I said _don’t_ stop on my account.” Javier traced his tongue over his bottom lip. His eyes raked downwards, settling between your thighs. “I’m just glad you were thinking of me, baby.” 

“I tried to get Antonio Banderas, but he was busy.” You taunted, picking the vibrator back up. “You sure you don’t want to join in?”

He shook his head, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. “I'm enjoying the show. Is this what I miss out on when I’m not home?”

You laughed, grinning at him. “Not usually.”

“Special occasion?”

You sank back against the mattress, switching the setting to one. A gentle hum of vibration as you slid it between your folds, before circling it over your clit. “I think the occasion is…” You moaned softly. “You fucked me so good, all I could think about was your cock.”

The bed dipped as he sat down at the foot of the bed, his eyes still fixed between your thighs. “Yeah? That good, huh?”

“I don’t know how I got anything done today.” Your voice wavered as you pressed the tip of the vibrator against your clit. 

“Need help with that?” Javier questioned.

You smirked, stretching your leg out to nudge at his leg with your foot. “I’d _love_ for you to help.” 

He leaned forward, adjusting the settings on the vibrator for you. You expected him to just switch it to two or three. What you didn’t expect was for him to switch it up to five and curl his fingers around your hand so you couldn’t pull it away. 

The orgasm you had been skirting around overtook you within seconds. 

You cried out, your back arching off the bed as your release pulsed through you. “Son of a bitch.” You hissed out, trying to pull the vibrator away from your clit, but he kept it securely in place. “ _Javi_.” 

“That’s it, baby.” He drawled out, looking far too pleased with himself as his gaze flickered from between your thighs to your face. “Fuck, you look so good when you come, baby.” Javier bit down on his bottom lip as he looked back down at you.

“Oh my God.” You groaned as he twisted his wrist, moving the toy against your already oversensitive clit. “ _Please_ …” 

“Please, what?”

Your lips parted to answer him, but you definitely weren’t firing on all cylinders as you felt a second release building on the heels of the first. “Don’t… don’t stop.” You managed, rocking your hips up off the bed as you let him take control of the toy. 

Javier rolled onto his stomach, moving in between your thighs with a wicked look in his eyes. “Was this morning not enough, baby?” He questioned, pressing a kiss to the fresh bruise on your thigh he’d left mere hours ago. “Fuck, look at you.” 

“ _Javier.”_ You practically begged as he ghosted two fingers between your folds.

“Touch your tits for me, baby.” Javier urged, nipping at the soft flesh of your inner thigh. “Can you do that for me?” He pressed a kiss to the spot he had just bit, watching you as you fondled your breasts for him. “That’s it, baby.” 

Your eyes rolled back in your head as he pressed those two fingers into you, just as he bared down on your clit with the vibrator. There was absolutely _nothing_ on your mind except for the white-hot pleasure that was coursing through your veins. It was so much pleasure all at once.

Javier had mercy on you, working his fingers in and out of you slowly as he shut off the vibrator and tossed it aside on the bed. “Was that what you needed, baby?” He questioned, keeping his fingers buried within you as he moved up the bed and laid down beside you. 

You threw your arm over your face bashfully, a breathy moan escaping you as he brushed his thumb over that aching bundle of nerves. “You’re going to kill me.” You told him, curling your fingers around his wrist as you pulled his hand away. 

“We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Javier questioned, peppering kisses along your shoulder as you rolled into his embrace. “Imagine my surprise when I get home early and hear _moans_ coming from our bedroom.” 

You groaned, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“Oh, no. You were very caught up in what you were doing.” He ran his hand down your waist, settling at your hip. “That was hot.” 

“You’re hot.” You retorted, fingers already working to unbutton his shirt. “And overdressed.” 

“Well, not all of us can lay around the house naked.” 

“What? You don’t jerk off while I’m at work?” You questioned, cocking your head to the side as you wrestled with a button. 

“I’m usually too occupied keeping up with a two-year-old.” 

“Touché.” You pulled back to meet his eyes. “But said two-year-old isn’t home right now, so…” 

“You want me to jerk off?” He arched a brow, giving your hip a squeeze. 

You laughed and shook your head, “No. I just meant… we’re alone.” You curled your fingers around the side of his neck as you leaned in to kiss him. 

“I’m the fucking luckiest man in the world.” Javier said lowly, his fingers winding into your hair as he kissed you. 

“You are.” You teased, dragging your teeth over his bottom lip as you sat up, looking down at him. “But I’m also pretty lucky.” You grinned, tracing your fingertip down the middle of his newly bared chest down towards his navel, before you followed the line of dark hair downwards and cupped him through his jeans. “Did you like what you saw?”

“It was _inspiring_.” Javier smirked, glancing towards the hot pink vibrator that was still laying on the sheets beside you. “Should I be jealous?”

You rolled your eyes. “Fuck off.” You made quick work of pulling his belt through the loops, tossing it to the floor, before you both worked to divest him of his jeans and his boxers. “ _Better_.” You mused as your gaze raked over him, just as he had been sizing you up. 

“See something you like, baby?”

“I see a whole lot of something I like.” You countered with a grin, before your eyes flickered towards the discarded vibrator. “Javi, do you trust me?”

He arched a brow, cocking his head to the side. “What are you planning?”

“Something I think you might enjoy.” You said in a conspiratorial whisper as you reached for the vibrator, brandishing it as you met his eyes. “Doesn’t have to be just for me.” 

You had no idea what he might’ve gotten up to in Colombia. But the look on his face was definitely one of _surprise_. 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he regarded you. “So I’ve heard.” His tongue darted out over his lips to wet them as he held your gaze. “I trust you, baby.” 

“I thought you would.” You grinned as you straddled his thigh, fingers curling around his hardened cock. You ran your thumb along the underside of his cock, meeting his gaze.

“What’d you think about?” He questioned, his voice a little lower. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, looking up at him from under your lashes. “I thought about how much I enjoy feeling your hands on me.” You glanced back down at his cock, dragging your hand along the length of him twice more before you released him.

“Don’t be shy, babe.” You told him with a smirk as you switched the vibrator on its lowest setting. “I want to hear you.” 

He kept his eyes on you as you slowly lowered the buzzing toy to his cock. The look on his face made your stomach clench. The way his lips parted, the way his lashes fluttered. You’d never seen him look quite like this. 

You glanced down at your work, sliding the toy along the underside of his cock with a little more pressure. 

Javier made a sound that you had _never_ heard him make before. “ _Holy fucking shit_.” He hissed out through clenched teeth as he bucked his hips up off the bed. Every muscle in his legs went stiff. 

“You like?” You questioned with a teasing lilt to your words. 

“Fuck _yes_.” Javier encouraged, his eyes dark with desire as you met them. 

“I thought you might.” You hummed, keeping your eyes locked on his. “I _should_ crank this up to five, just to watch you lose your shit.” 

“ _Baby_.” Javi actually _whined_. 

“But I won’t, because I have plans.” You assured him, dragging the vibrator up the length of his cock, before brushing it over the sensitive head. The look on his face made a new desire pool low in your belly. “This is a _good_ look on you Javi.” 

He tried to say something smart ass back, but the sound got lost in a throaty groan that escaped him as his hips bucked up off the bed again. “Too much.” He warned you, fingers fisting at the sheets beneath him and you quickly pulled the toy away and shut it off. 

You rubbed your hand over his inner thigh, “Think you can handle a little more?” You questioned.

Javier pushed his fingers through his hair, letting out a shaky breath. “Yeah. I can handle it.” 

A smirk played at the corners of your lips as you pressed the vibrator against the head of his cock, circling it over the head slowly. “Do you like that, Javi?”

His response was given in the form of a low moan that rumbled from his chest. 

“I thought so.”

You switched the vibrator up another notch, running it down the length of his cock and _that_ was the tipping point for him. 

Javier grabbed your hand, “ _Stop_.” 

You didn’t hesitate. You shut the toy off and tossed it aside, watching his expression carefully. “You good?” 

He gave a short nod. Javier stretched his legs out, working the tension from them as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’ve never fucking felt like that before.”

“Fun, right?”

Javier smirked.

You leaned down and pressed a kiss to the spot just below his navel. He reached down and played his fingers through your hair as you kissed your way back up to his chest. 

With the vibrator long forgotten, you moved to straddle his hips. “Like I said, I have _plans…_ ” You planted your hands on either side of his head, smiling down at him. 

“Wouldn’t want to ruin those plans.” Javier drawled out as he ran his hands along your waist, settling them at your hips as you straddled him. “What’s got you so wound up tonight, baby?” He questioned, giving your hip a playful swat as you rocked against him. 

“I told you,” You whispered as you dipped down to kiss him. “You fucked me _so_ good this morning, that it was _all_ I could think about.” 

You bumped your nose against his before you sat back, reaching down between the two of you and lining his cock up beneath you. 

You were so slick from getting off that you sank down onto him with ease. A moan escaped you, lost against his mouth at the sensation of him filling you completely. “And _that_ ,” You whispered to him, rolling your hips downwards. “—is why you should never be jealous of my vibrator.” 

Javier snorted. “Can’t beat the real thing?”

“Not even closer.” 

His tongue darted out over his bottom lip as his eyes hungrily roamed over your bare skin. Javier gathered you in his arms and rolled you onto your back without missing a beat. 

Javier drew back, his cock slipping from you briefly before he snapped his hips forward and slammed into you. “Is _that_ what you needed?” He questioned, running his hands over your thighs as you wrapped your legs around his hips. 

“Fuck. _Yes_.” You told him, grabbing at his shoulders for support as you moved beneath him. Your nails digging into his skin.

“You’re so _fucking_ gorgeous, baby.” Javier rasped out as he left a row of open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat. He grasped at your breasts, roughly teasing them. You were right, it was _much_ better to have his hands on you. 

There wasn’t much you could do to delay the release you felt rushing through you, a pleasure like white-hot heat settling into your core as you clenched around him, pulsing around his cock as he slammed into you again and again. 

And _that_ sent him over the edge. 

It was fucking _phenomenal_ to feel him come apart within you. It had been all you could think about all fucking day, like some lovesick puppy dog. Which was _gross_ considering you’d had access to this for _two_ years. 

Javier slumped against you, his breath hot against your skin as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck. “Holy shit, baby.” He murmured. 

“Yeah.” You laughed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“You’ve gotta tell me what the hell I did this morning.” His voice was muffled as he pressed kisses against your neck. 

“I wish I knew.” You snorted, trailing your fingers down the back of his neck. “But it certainly did the trick.” 

He chuckled quietly, pulling back just enough to look at you. His hair was plastered to his forehead and standing up at odd angles at the back. 

You brushed your fingers over his forehead, fluffing the hair that was stuck there. “I had a friend once who called it being _dickmatized_.” 

Javier made a face at that. “We’re _not_ calling it that.” 

“Dick-ma-tized.” You emphasized each syllable. “Suck it up, buttercup. That’s what it is.” 

“We’re finding another word for it.” He groaned and rolled his eyes. 

You grinned up at him. “Whatever it was, it was _really_ good.” 

Javier chuckled, “I don’t think _good_ cuts it.”

You trailed your fingers over the back of his neck, returning to the hair right at his nape. “Did you enjoy that?”

He brushed his nose against yours, “I _uh_ … I did.”

“Have you ever…?” You questioned, your brows drawn together as you looked up at him. 

“Nah.” Javier shook his head. “Never been the opportunity or reason.”

“You mean you haven’t come home to your girl having a little solo time?” You teased. “And then let her use her toy on you?”

“Can’t say that I have.” Javier rolled his eyes. “I’m thinking I need to come home earlier on Fridays.”

“I dunno, I think you enjoy hanging out with Steve.” You dragged your fingers through his hair and tugged lightly. 

He arched a brow, “If my choices are _this_ and drinking cheap beer in Steve’s backyard, I’m _here_ baby.” Javier rolled off of you then, sinking back onto the bed with a small grunt as he rolled his shoulders. 

You stretched out beside him, draping your arm over his stomach. “Good answer.” 

Javier curled his arm around your shoulders, turning to press a kiss to your forehead. “Wanna do delivery for dinner?”

You traced your fingertips over his chest, “Pizza?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. 

“Sounds good to me.” You reluctantly started to sit up, glancing back at him over your shoulder. “Nice and easy so we can end up back in here even sooner.”

He groaned, rubbing at his face as he sat up. “You’re going to _kill_ me, baby.” 

“But what a way to go.” You winked at him, before you moved to get out of the bed. 


	58. New Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader work towards trying something new. Set in late October 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussions of sex, sex toys, etc. annnnd family fluff. A few things to point out: pegging was not coined until 2001, so the use of it in this fic is a bit anachronistic, but alas. That whole portion of the upcoming plot will slowly come out over the next week or so. Also, the location she mentions living near is a famous shop in Philly. This is derived from my personal background for reader.

“If _any_ of my students catch me in here…” Javier told you lowly, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose, before he shoved his hands into his leather jacket. 

“Well you’re drawing attention _to_ yourself.” You told him, giving him a pointed look as he shifted his weight from his heels to the balls of his feet, rocking back and forth as you perused the aisle. “ _Chill_. It’s a sex shop, Javi. It’s not like we’re buying blow.” 

“I’d rather be doing _that_.” He retorted, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he met your gaze. “Do you really think this is what Nancy meant when she told us to be _adventurous_?” He questioned, glancing towards the shelves. 

You rolled your eyes, “She gave me the address.” 

“ _Shit_.” He huffed, crossing his arms across his chest now. “How adventurous are we talking, baby?” Javier questioned, following behind you as you stopped in front of a display of vibrantly colored dildos. 

You pursed your lips as you tilted your head to look at him. “I don’t know. How adventurous do _you_ want to be?” You questioned, turning then and resting your hand on his shoulders. “I want us both to be comfortable.” 

“I dunno,” Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip as he glanced at the display, brows furrowing. “Let’s stick to things that aren’t going to bruise my ego.” You followed his line of sight to a dildo that was _significantly_ larger than he was. 

You tried not to laugh, but failed. “You’re more than enough for me, babe.” You promised him, leaning up on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek. 

Javier huffed, tilting his head to look down at you. “I get the impression you know a lot about this shit.” He gestured vaguely around the shop. 

“A bit.” You shrugged a shoulder. “I can’t say I’ve _tried_ a lot, but I’m _aware_ of it.” You brushed your fingers over the hair that fell against his forehead, before tracing your fingertip over the worry line between his brows. “We don’t _have_ to do anything, Javi. We came, we’ve seen, we can tell Nancy nothing struck our fancy.” 

“Can I help you guys find anything?” Asked the shop employee, who had already introduced himself to you as Rocky when first you came in. 

Javier clenched his teeth and shook his head, “We’re good. Still looking.” 

“Well, if you need any help I’m here.” He offered, looking between the two of you. “The first time in a shop like this can be a little overwhelming.” 

“I actually used to live near The Pleasure Chest,” You told him as you took Javier’s hand into yours, interlacing your fingers. You knew he was uncomfortable. 

“Lucky girl,” Rocky grinned at you. “I’ve ventured north twice to hit that spot. _Worth it_.” He looked towards Javier then. “Your first time?”

Javier made a vaguely disgruntled face as his other hand went to his hip. “Our therapist suggested the place.” 

“ _Trouble_?” He questioned with a frown. 

“No, actually.” You were quick to interject. “But she suggested that we might want to try something _new_ together…” 

Javier truly looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. “I mean, what are we supposed to _try_?” He questioned, shaking his head slowly. “We’ve got two kids. It’s not like we can install that—” He pointed towards a sex swing that was set up at the far end of the aisle. 

Rocky laughed, “Sounds like quite the dilemma. There’s always costumes. Most people enjoy a little roleplay in the bedroom.” He suggested, but you shook your head. 

“We are _terrible_ at that.” 

“Because you break character.” Javier pointed.

You shot him a look. “Oh, so _you_ do like that, _Professor_?”

Javier glared at you. 

“I seem to remember _someone_ didn’t enjoy pretending to be strangers.” You reminded him.

Rocky looked between the two of you, “Have you ever considered pegging?”

“ _Excuse me_?” Javier questioned, his head jerking as he stared back at Rocky. 

You just gaped. _Holy shit_. 

“I’ll take that as a _no_.” Rocky laughed nervously. “Well, I _absolutely_ understand that it’s not something every man is into, I personally think it’s worth a try. You might surprise yourself. A lot of men say they have their best orgasms from the experience. Not to mention, their partners enjoy being in control.”

“I don’t think so.” You offered with a shake of your head. Your face felt like it was on fire and suddenly your throat was _very_ dry. It certainly put an interesting picture in your mind. But Javier would _never_. Though, he never had any argument against letting you take the lead in the bedroom. 

_No_. He would never. 

“Alright, well... I’ll leave the two of you to look around.” Rocky said, before excusing himself. 

Javier looked dumbfounded, hands shoved back into his pockets as he turned to stare at the wall of dildos again. 

“We can leave.” You told him, looping your arm around his as you leaned into his side. “I know you’re uncomfortable.”

He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, as he exhaled heavily. “This is all just outside of my frame of reference.” He admitted. “I think you and I were raised in _very_ different locales.”

You nodded in agreement. “I can’t imagine Texas being _very_ …” You gestured towards the dildos. “And I’ve been to Laredo.” It was a one horse town that had more churches than people. 

Javier cleared his throat, shuffling somewhat awkwardly as he nodded his head towards the display. “Is that what he was talking about?” He questioned, glancing sideways at you.

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip as you nodded. “Yeah, that’s the uh… the _harness_.” You wrapped your arms around your waist nervously, looking between the device and Javier curiously. “Did that actually pique your interest?”

“ _No._ ” He answered a little too quickly, scratching at his jaw. “I don’t know.” 

Your brows shot upwards. “ _Really_? Huh.” 

“Huh?”

You cocked your head to the side, “It’s just… You’re very _in control_.” You gestured to him, tightening your fist to symbolize just how very much in control he was when it came to life. “I can’t really picture you letting me fuc—”

“I get it.” 

You stepped around him and picked up the box containing just the harness, flipping it over to look at the instructions on the back. Your cheeks were burning with a flush that you could feel spreading down your neck and across your chest. Even your ears felt like they were on fire. “ _Really_?” You said again, turning to look at Javier. “I’m definitely _not_ judging, I’m just surprised.” 

“I mean…” He rubbed at the back of his neck, “We couldn’t be accused of _not_ being adventurous if we give this a try.” 

You snorted, “Because that’s _definitely_ the only reason for me to peg you.” You sat the box back on the shelf, turning to face him. “I think it’s something you’re supposed to build up to.” You explained, “We can just get a toy to start.” 

“Smart.” Javier’s brows drew together as his teeth dug into his bottom lip. He looked back towards the display apprehensively. “I could hate it.” 

“You _could_.” You agreed, leaning towards him and resting your cheek against his arm. “Or you could _really_ enjoy it.” 

He curled his arm around your waist, hooking his finger in your belt loop. “Yeah.” 

Your eyes flickered over the offerings on the shelf, before you spotted a slim neon blue toy with a flared base. It wasn’t particularly large and the box advertised that it was _For Beginners_. “What about…” You pointed at it and you felt him stiffen.

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “We take this to the grave.” 

“Oh, babe… I wouldn’t dare.” You snaked your arms around him. “I don’t even know if I want to tell Nancy.” 

He pursed his lips and shook his head. “And we never speak of it again if I hate it.” 

“Agreed.” 

Javier pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “ _Fuck_.” He chuckled, rubbing his hand over the small of your back. 

You pulled away from him as you leaned down to pick up the box, “Do you want to wait outside while I buy it?”

“Yeah.” He scraped his nails against his jaw as he shifted on his feet.

_Apparently_ there were still things left to be learned about Javier. You had assumed that he’d rather die than be into _anything_ of the more taboo nature in the shop, but apparently you were wrong. You couldn’t deny the picture you had in your mind’s eye was a very appealing one. 

“You’re sure about this?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I think it’s worth an attempt.” 

“I’m not going to lie to you, Javi.” You told him, tapping the box against the center of his chest. “The idea of you letting me use this on you is… _very_ appealing.” 

Javier cocked a brow upwards, “Really?”

You nodded, grinning up at him. “What can I say? I love it when you’re at my mercy.”

He hooked his fingers in your belt loops and pulled you towards him. “I’m always at my mercy, baby.” Javier told you, leaning down to kiss you gently. “But we tell _no one_.” 

You crossed your finger across your chest. “To the grave.” 

* * *

You knelt down on your knees in front of Josie, “Please be careful, sweetheart. You have a mouth full of pretty teeth that the tooth fairy isn’t ready to come collect.” You warned her as you tied the laces of her roller skates. 

“I’ll be careful, mommy.” She promised, grinning broadly at you and pointing at her teeth. “I have big girl teeth.”

“Not quite.” You chuckled, shaking your head. Though she did have one loose tooth. You weren’t sure you were ready for your _four-year-old_ to have grown-up teeth. She was still your little baby. 

You stood back up, holding out your hands for her as she slid off the chair and tried to balance on her feet. “Ooo! I can roll!” She squeezed your hands excitedly, slowly sliding her feet back and forth like she was walking. 

Javier returned with two boxes of roller skates, sitting them down on the chair beside Josie’s. “Look at you!” He clapped for her, before he scooped her up into his arms, much to her delight. “Are you going to be safe out there?”

“Yeah!” Josie promised him, throwing her arms around his neck. 

You sat down in the chair and kicked off your shoes, opening the box Javier had brought over to grab your own pair of skates. “I’m going to warn you, it’s been since before Colombia since I’ve skated.” 

Javier gave you a look, “You think I’ve gone skating since we got to Miami?”

“Who knows what you and Steve get up to.” 

“Not this.” He nodded his head towards the rink, where Olivia and the rest of her birthday guests were already darting around on rollerskates. 

“I’m just saying, he’s got rollerblades. He knows what he’s doing.” You shrugged as you started lacing your shoes up. “Are you actually going to get out there?” You questioned, glancing up at him as he tossed Josie into the air, making her giggle and squeal. 

“You’re going to get kicked in the face with skates.” You warned him.

“Yeah.” He laughed, sitting Josie back down on her feet. “And yeah, I guess I’ll give a try.” 

“I’ll give you the same warning I gave her. Don’t break anything.” You looked up at him from under your lashes. “Old man.” 

Javier feigned offense, “Did you hear that, JoJo? Your mom thinks I’m old.” 

She scrunched up her nose and looked up at him. “But you are _old_ daddy!” 

You snorted. “This is what you get for telling her you had a pet dinosaur when you were a kid.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. “I’m surrounded.” 

“Surrounded by what?” Monica questioned as she joined the three of you, already laced into her boots. 

“People who think Javi’s old.” You informed her with a grin. 

Monica laughed, “I’d comment, but I want a good grade in class.” She gestured beside her, “You guys remember Nadia.” 

“Nice to see you again,” Javier gave her a nod as he sank down into the seat beside you, opening up the box of rollerskates. 

“Are you really going to skate?” Monica arched a brow.

Javier pursed his lips, looking between the two of you. “Do you both know something I don’t know? Did my doctor call?” 

You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You already complain about your back, Javi.” 

“I can skate.” He assured you, reaching over to give your knee a squeeze. “And someone’s gotta make sure Josie doesn’t wipe out.” 

Josie put her hands on her hips, “I don’t need help!” She announced, turning to Monica. “I have Monica!” 

“I think Monica and Nadia might want to skate alone, sweetheart.” You told her as you gave her a warning look. You had _tried_ to teach Josie that there were times when Monica wanted to be alone, mostly when she was studying… but sometimes Josie missed the cues. 

“It’s really okay,” Monica assured you, holding her hand out for Josie. 

“Are you sure?” You looked between her and Nadia. 

Nadia shrugged. “I’m the one who agreed to a date at a child’s birthday party.” 

“Have fun, please.” You told Monica, “And send her back if she’s too much.” 

“Will do.” She and Nadia both gave you mock salutes, before they skated off with Josie in between them. 

“At least she’ll have fun.” You remarked as you finished tying your laces, giving Javier a sideways look. “All this teasing and I’m sure I’m going to be the one to bust my ass.” 

“ _Karma_.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shot you a look as he laced up his shoes. “You’re going to give me a complex, baby.” 

“And what kind of complex is that, hmm?” You arched a brow. “Because I noticed two of those mothers sizing you up like a piece of cake.” 

Javier huffed, shaking his head. “Yeah, like the fathers weren’t ogling you.” 

“They just can’t handle how _hot_ we are.” You remarked as you stood up, testing your balance on the skates. “Okay, it is like riding a bike.” You said as you rolled backwards, shifting your weight as you slowly turned in a circle. “And for the record,” You told him, rolling towards him and planting your hands on his shoulders as you leaned forward, lips close to his ear. “You’re _my_ favorite slice of cake.” 

He took your hands as you stood back up, letting you pull him to his feet. He was not quite as steady on his feet as you were, but after a couple minutes of slowly gliding over the carpeted floor outside the rink, he was ready to join the madhouse of children and parents rolling around the skating rink. 

Javier interlaced his fingers with yours as you skated side-by-side around the outside of the rink, maneuvering around slow moving children who were using PVC roller walkers to make their way around the rink. 

Once you both caught up with Monica and Nadia, you traded off with them, letting Josie skate in between you and Javier so they could go off and have a proper date. You were _thrilled_ that she had found someone to spend time with. As much as you loved having her around the house to help (and pay penance for the drama she caused) you mostly just wanted her to be happy. She was a good kid, and you wanted the world for her. Just like you wanted the world for your own flesh and blood. 

“Mommy, I’m thirsty!” Josie complained. 

“We should probably check on Sofia anyways.” You pointed out, guiding the three of you towards the exit point. 

“I’m waiting for Connie to tell us they’re going to try to adopt another kid,” Javier quipped, “I’m afraid Sofia’s given her _baby fever_ all over again.” 

You laughed, “Does _Steve_ want another one?”

“No.” 

“Two is already a lot to handle.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He gave a pointed look down at Josie who was clinging to his hand. 

“Ditto.” You played with Josie’s curls, “Why don’t you go with daddy to get some punch, sweetheart.” 

“Okay.” She nodded, holding both of her arms up in the air, so Javier had to carry her. You were actually impressed that he was able to carry a squirming four-year-old and skate his way around the rink towards where the refreshments were set up. 

You skated over towards Connie who was settled into a booth with Sofia and Emily, who was _not_ interested in skating with her sister. “Having fun?” You questioned as you slid into the booth across from them. 

“Yeah!” Connie nodded. “I’m so glad so many people decided to come out for this. With how close it’s getting to Halloween, I didn’t know how many people wanted to be out with their kids two Fridays in a row.” 

“Josie’s having a blast.” You grinned. “I think everyone’s having fun.” You looked towards Emily. “Except for _someone_.” 

“She’s at the stage where she doesn’t want to do _anything_ her sister wants to.” 

“I’m dreading that.” You admitted, peering across the table at the drawing Emily was working. “What’s that?” You asked her. 

“Hunchback.” 

“Oooh, a coloring book.” You said with feigned enthusiasm. “We just got Josie a Beauty and the Beast one the other day.” 

“I like Belle.” Emily beamed. 

“Josie does too.” You looked towards Connie then. “Have you _seen_ Hunchback? It’s intense for a kid.”

Connie made a face and nodded. “I told Steve to watch it first, but he didn’t listen. Liv was _terrified_. Emily, not so much.” 

You chuckled, “Wildly different kids, huh?”

She nodded, looking towards Emily with a fond smile. “I think this one’s going to end up a politician. I’ve never seen a three-year-old debate the way she does.” 

You shook your head as you laughed, “Tell her to be a lawyer instead. Still corrupt, better pay.” 

“So… _how_ are things?” Connie questioned, folding her arms atop the table as she regarded you with an arched brow. 

You rubbed at the back of your neck, “I mean therapy is definitely helping. Nancy’s really got us working on aspects of our relationship that we didn’t really realize had issues.” 

“Issues?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged. “I mean none of it is really serious, but we’re both… I don’t know, _bad_ at communicating.” 

“ _Really_?”

“I know. Surprise.” You shook your head. “We’ve both shielded each other from a lot of misunderstandings and weird emotions.” You glanced towards the rink, brows furrowed as you sought out Javier amongst the crowd. He had Josie on his shoulders while he chatted with Steve. “I still have bad days,” You admitted to Connie as you looked back at her. “Sofia is _so_ different from Josie. She was such a good baby, but with Sofia it’s just… I don’t know how much of it is actually an issue and how much of it is just my brain telling me its an issue.” 

“Is the medicine helping?” 

You nodded. “Yeah. First week or so it made me super exhausted. But that’s better now.”

“Any other _problems_?”

“None.” You smirked. “I’m fortunate that _those_ side effects didn’t crop up. I would’ve died.”

“I know I didn’t really know Javi that well before you came to Colombia, but…” Connie shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just very impressed with him.” She gestured towards the skating rink, where Steve and Javier were helping their daughters skate backwards. “I never pictured him as the type of man who would go to therapy for his partner.” 

You smiled as you watched him scoop up Josie as she started to fall backwards in her attempt to skate. He bounced her in his arms, before setting her back on her feet and encouraging her to try again. “He’s a better man than he’s willing to accept.” 

“Honestly, I feel like an idiot.” 

“Why?”

Connie gave you a look, “All those times I tried to set him up with someone.” 

You shrugged, “You were just trying to be a good friend.” 

“But you were right there.” 

You nodded your head slowly. “I was, but… things worked out for the best.” 

“If we’re being honest,” Connie lowered her voice. “I used to think Javier would be a _terrible_ influence on Steve. I mean, I never doubted Steve, but when you spend all that time with someone willing to… _you know_.” 

“I know you judged me too.” 

Connie made a face, “Just a little bit of judging.” 

You laughed, shaking your head. “No shame in that.” 

“But I’m glad things have worked out for the two of you.” She told you honestly. “I always wanted the best for both of you, I just didn’t realize the best was _together_.” 

You shrugged, “I mean, neither did we. If you and Steve hadn’t decided to leave, who knows where we’d be right now.” You made a face. “I don’t like any of the alternatives that don’t lead me here.” 

Sofia started fussing in her baby seat and you gestured for Connie to pass the carrier across the table. “Is it too noisy in here for you?” You questioned, as you unstrapped her and picked her up. 

She tried to fit her fist into her mouth, cooing as you sat her on the edge of the table, cradling the back of her head. “She’s started rolling over.” 

“Big milestone.” 

You couldn’t help but smile as Sofia gurgled and waved her slobbery fist at you. “What? You want kisses?” You questioned, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead and then each cheek. “I just can’t believe how fast four months have come and gone.” 

“Almost five.” She pointed out. 

“I can't even believe that Josie is as big as she is. Time’s… moving quickly.” You shook your head slowly. “You’re getting so big.” You scrunched up your nose, leaning in to nuzzle it against her cheek. 

“You’re not bad on those.” Connie quipped and you glanced to your right as Javier rolled towards the table. You scooted over, giving him space to sit down. 

“Worn out?”

“That child can go and go.” He swept his hand over his forehead. “Monica’s got her.” 

“Good.” You leaned towards him and pressed your cheek against his shoulder with a sigh. “We were talking about how big the girls are getting.”

“It’s fuc— _freaking_ crazy.” He corrected himself, glancing towards Emily who was working on deciphering some puzzle on one of the coloring pages. “Though _someone_ seems to think I’m getting crotchety.” 

You snorted, “Well, if you keep using _old man_ words.” 

He squeezed your leg under the table, “Not too old that I’m not willing to learn a few new tricks.” 

Your cheeks burned, but you occupied yourself with your daughter, rather than acknowledging what he’d said. “Just you wait until your father gets you walking early like he did with your sister.” You gave her foot a squeeze as she started kicking them towards you. 

“Gimmie.” Javier held his hands out and you let him take Sofia. “She’s got a strong kick.” He remarked, grimacing a little as her foot knocked into his sternum. “I’m telling you, both of our daughters are going to be soccer players.” 

“How’s Josie enjoying gymnastics?” Connie questioned. 

“Better than ballet.” You rolled your eyes. “The moms aren’t nearly as…”

Javier snorted, “The moms don’t have a pact at gymnastics.” 

“I still _don’t_ get it.” You teased, nudging him in the ribs. 

He turned and pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. “You must see _something_.” 

You lifted your hand and brushed your fingers over his forehead, fluffing his hair as you grinned at him. “Yeah, I guess I see a whole lot of something I like.” You pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.” 

“You’re both disgusting,” Connie remarked with a grin. 

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “Trust me, I know.” You rested your cheek against his shoulder again, watching Javi as he entertained Sofia. 


	59. Undercover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Steve go undercover. Set in August 1989

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

Horacio looked between you and Steve, before settling Javier with a disapproving looking. “We’re sending the gringos?” He questioned, annoyance written on his face. “He can’t even speak the language.” 

Javier cleared his throat, his hands on his hips. “She can speak it pretty damn proficiently.” He nodded his head towards you, a faint smile playing across his lips. 

“Hey now,” Steve huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. “I can understand _enough_ of the language to get by.”

You shot him a look. “Ordering drinks isn’t _enough_ , Steve.”

“Why aren’t they sending _you_?” Horacio questioned, arching a brow at Javier. 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, his gaze flickering towards you briefly. “ _Well_ —“

You interrupted, “We got the intel from one of Javier’s _friends_.”

“What she means is,” Steve started. “One of his hookers.”

“Listen, Elena is a sweet girl in a bad situation.” Javier explained. “She’s in deep with the cartel.”

“Which is how we know about this party,” You explained. “But there’s supposed to be a few of Javier’s _friends_ there. We can’t risk being recognized.”

“They’re used to it.” Javier pointed out with a shrug. “Discretion is a part of their job.” 

“ _Sure_.” You shot him a look, “They’ll be all over you and you know it.”

“Jealous?” Javier shot back. 

You rolled your eyes, “You wish.”

He looked to Steve then, jaw set tight. “How’s _Mrs. Murphy_ gonna feel about this?” Javier questioned, drawing a line between you and Steve. 

“She knows.” Steve batted Javier’s hand away. 

“Oh, fuck off Javi.” You sneered at Javier, stepping past him and moving towards your desk. “Carrillo, just consider this the overture to the _real_ fun. With any luck, Steve and I will glean more information from the guests and we’ll find what Escobar intends to do next.”

“And what’s your cover story?”

Steve tucked his hands into his pockets, “Drug traffickers.”

“We’ve picked up where Jung left off.” You explained, your gaze flickering towards Javier as he watched you tuck a knife into the holster you had strapped to your thigh beneath your dress. You couldn’t carry a gun, but at least you’d have a little protection. “Steve’s cover is Richie Simmons. A name ‘known’ in the trafficking world.”

“Elena’s going to cover for them.” Javier offered, crossing his arms across his chest as he lifted his gaze back to your face. “Verify their story.”

“An old friend of mine.” You explained as you smoothed your hands over your dress, “She’ll corroborate everything.” 

Horacio looked thoroughly unimpressed. “Or we send Search Bloc in—“

“No.” Javier cut him off, jaw clenched tight as he shook his head. “There are _good_ people attending this shit. It’s not worth it.” 

A lot could be said about Javier and his hookers, but one thing that always stood out to you was the fact he wanted to make sure they were _safe_. Elena was risking her wellbeing _and_ livelihood as an informant. One wrong move and it could easily be over for her. 

Horacio’s eyes flickered between the three of you, lips pressed into a thin line. “We’ll have units posted up on the street. First sign of _trouble_ ,” He looked at you then. “You pull out.” 

You nodded your head, moving back towards Javier’s desk where a map of the area was spread out across it. “The extraction point is here.” You pointed to a spot that was a few hundred yards from a dirt road. “If anything goes sideways we’ve got a signal.” 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck as he stepped in beside you, looking down at the map. “Be careful in there.” 

You tilted your head to look at him, “You know I will.” You shifted closer to him, nudging him in the ribs with your elbow. “Want me to tell the girls you say hello?” 

He rolled his eyes. 

Steve clapped his hands together, “Ready to get this show on the road?” 

You crossed your arms across your chest as you turned around to face him. “Whatever you want, _Richie._ ” You said with a teasing lilt, holding your hand out for Steve to take. “Wait five, then follow.” You told Javier. 

“I know what I’m doing.” He shot back, not quite meeting your eyes. He’d been in such a weird mood since the planning began on this mission. It wasn’t a _bad_ mood, but it wasn’t a good mood either. You didn’t let it get under your skin though. Javier had his moments. 

“See you out there.” Steve said, clapping Javier on the shoulder, before the two of you headed for the elevator. 

“Is it just me or does Javi have a weird vibe today?” You questioned as you leaned back against the back of the elevator, arms crossed across your chest. 

Steve shrugged, “You know how he gets whenever we’ve got a joint operation.” 

“Fair point.” You pursed your lips. “At least it’s Carrillo and not the CIA.”

He chuckled, “He’d be spitting venom if that were the case.”

You swept your fingers through your hair, following Steve towards the ‘77 LeBaron. “If I’d known we’d be cruising over in a convertible, I wouldn’t have put an effort into my hair.”

“Gotta arrive in style.” Steve remarked as he started the car up, “Purrs like a kitten.” 

“It’s a damn good car.” You mused as you settled into the passenger's seat, glancing back at the DEA building in the rearview mirror. 

There was a part of you that _wished_ you were going undercover with Javier. You could picture him cruising beside you in the LeBaron, aviators one as you drove west towards the setting sun. 

Though, at least with Steve you’d be focused on the mission at hand. 

* * *

The estate was about an hour outside of Bogotá. You and Steve arrived just as the last light dipped below the horizon. The heavily armed guards at the gate let you in after a brief search of the car and a pat-down to assure that neither of you were armed. 

The LeBaron had been the _perfect_ choice of wheels. It fit in nicely among the other convertibles along the curved drive and it earned both of you a little attention from the other guests. 

Elena was quick to greet you. Hugging you like an old friend despite the fact that you had only met her once a few weeks back in a rundown motel room after a weekend spent with Javier. 

She playfully tried to get you to join her in the solarium with the women, helping you to establish the fact that Steve _didn’t_ speak the language as well as you did. You shared barbs about his incompetence — earning a few amused chuckles from the men who were eavesdropping. 

Steve played the part well. He made a snarky comment about the fact that he assumed you were both talking about him, which you quickly soothed away with playful cajoling. 

Elena introduced you to some of the other guests, making a point to introduce Steve to the ones who at least spoke broken English, if not proficiently. They were all deeply invested in the drug business — and Steve did well at boasting about his own enterprise. Most of the men saw right through his gusto, realizing that _you_ were the brains of the operation. Just as you’d planned. 

Eventually, you had to part ways with Steve as the gentlemen made plans to smoke cigars in the lounge while business was discussed. “Just sit and look pretty.” You teased Steve, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek as you smoothed out the wrinkles in his linen suit, before you followed Elena and the other women into the solarium. 

Most of the women were wives, but as Elena had warned you ahead of time, most of them had been _hired_ for the evening. It never made sense to you why drug lords trusted women who were so easily convinced to become informants — but, they were _men_ after all. You couldn’t trust them to make smart decisions.

Your main focus, however, was Tata Escobar. She rarely made appearances at events like this — kept safe by Pablo — but she was there. Mingling with the other wives. 

You sipped at a glass of champagne, making your way towards where she was seated. You had to be clever about your plan. The last thing you wanted was to spook her. The entire night would fall apart if it did. 

She was quiet, mostly listening to the conversations around her. Offering a few laughs when the opportunity arose. 

Once Elena lured the other women away from Tata, you engaged her in conversation. You teased her for being so quiet, pointing out that she should’ve been the life of the party given who her husband was. 

Tata abandoned her champagne glass on the table beside the armchair she had been sitting in, joining you on the sofa. Your heart broke for her when she curled her fingers around your wrist and asked you if _Richie_ had ever cheated on you. 

It was clear she was trying not to cry as she confessed to you that she had recently learned that Pablo was sleeping with one of the guests in attendance. 

Valeria Velez — a beloved news journalist who had made a name for herself by interviewing Pablo Escobar. You had heard rumors, but never found confirmation that there was more than just a political connection between the two. 

She was the polar opposite of Tata. Mingling with everyone in the solarium; engaging in conversation and making a point of being the center of attention. 

You tried to encourage her. But was there really anything to be said to a woman in her position? When you married someone, you expected them not to stray outside of that marriage. And as far as Tata was led to believe, she had never expected Pablo to take a mistress. 

It wasn’t like she’d married someone like Javier. Who you knew had slept with at least four of the women Elena was talking to currently. Not including her. 

You pushed those thoughts from your mind when you heard the door open at the other end of the solarium, boisterous laughter filling the room as they men rejoined their companions. 

You gave Tata a reassuring squeeze to her shoulder, before you left the sofa and made your way towards Steve. 

“You didn’t bring _me_ a cigar?” You pouted as you stopped in front of him. 

“Not this time, sweetcheeks.” Steve pulled his lighter and a cigarette out of his suit pocket, passing them to you. “Why don’t you take a smoke break.”

What the hell had he heard in there? You hadn’t expected to signal for extraction _this_ soon. Shit. 

You took the cigarette from him, twirling it between your fingers as you met his eyes with an arched brow. “Why don’t you finish up with the boys and join me?” You told him, curling your fingers around his tie as you held the cigarette between your lips. 

Steve nodded, “I’ll be out there.” 

With a lingering look, you headed out onto the back patio. You knew Javier and Carrillo had eyes on the back garden. You just had to get yourself towards the fence line, where they’d be able to spot you lighting up. 

“Headed out so soon?” Elena questioned, following you through the garden. 

“You can’t be out here.” You warned her, flipping the lid closed on your lighter. 

She ignored you, “Did you get what you needed?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “That was Steve’s role in this.” 

Elena nodded her head slowly, “Well, I hope you got what you were looking for.” 

“Me too.” You smiled a little, “And thanks for the help. You really sold it.” 

She shrugged. “I was curious to see what _you_ were all about.” 

“What?”

“Javi speaks very highly of you.” Elena told you with a coy smirk.

“He talks about me? With _you_?” You blinked at her. “He shouldn’t be running his mouth about work.” 

Elena laughed, shaking her head as she looked away. “You certainly didn’t disappoint. Clever and beautiful.” She gave you a once over. “Tell him I said ‘ _hello_ ’.” 

“I’m sure you’ll see him soon enough.” You assured her. 

“No.” She sighed, her gaze turning towards the fenceline, looking out towards Nevado del Ruiz, barely visible in the moonlit night. “He’s one of the few good men out there. We don’t see much of them after we serve our purpose.” She gestured back to the house, hugging her arms around her middle as she looked at you. “Be safe out there.” 

“You too.” You let her hug you, before she headed back for the house. Holding the cigarette between your lips, you lit up — waving the flame to signal that it was time to go. 

* * *

Steve didn’t get much. But he knew that _something_ was coming. 

It seemed like Pablo had a target — _El Espectador_. The oldest paper in the city and a frequent source of bad publicity for his valiant attempts at entering the Colombian political scene. The winter before you had arrived in the city, the newspaper’s editor had been murdered in the parking lot after he printed a campaign to run the drug lords from the city. 

He’d made enemies and they hadn’t forgotten just because he had been sent to an early grave. 

Steve sat in the front seat of the Jeep, trying to decipher what he’d heard with Horacio, while you sat in the back seat with Javier. 

“He can’t speak Spanish for shit.” You muttered to Javier as you listened to Steve try to repeat something he had heard. 

“They were talking about shoeing a horse?” You questioned, leaning forward to slap the back of Steve’s shoulder. “ _Errar_.” 

“What did I say about sending the gringos?” Horacio drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, shaking his head. 

“I resent that remark.” You rolled your eyes, sinking back against your seat, tilting your head to look at Javier who had been suspiciously quiet since the trek back to Bogotá. “You good?”

He nodded stiffly. 

“Elena’s nice.” You offered. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Yeah.” 

Your brows furrowed together as you studied Javier. “Are you sure you’re okay?” You questioned, reaching over and giving his forearm a squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I would’ve rather been in there with you.” You told him quietly, resting your cheek against his shoulder. 

Javier was silent for a long moment before he offered a quiet. “Me too.” 

“We’re good, right?” You questioned, rubbing your thumb over the back of his arm, keeping your fingers curled around his arm. You hated to admit that things had been weird between the two of you, ever since you broke up with Lance. You thought he would’ve been _thrilled_ that you no longer had the CIA in tow, but he wasn’t. 

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Javier questioned, tilting his head to look at you. 

“I don’t know.” You told him honestly, searching his eyes in the darkness as the streetlights shone through the window, providing you with brief glimpses of him. “It’s been a long night.” 

“I won’t tell if you fall asleep.” He assured you, petting his hand over your knee. 

You weren’t tired, but you kept your head nestled against his shoulder for the rest of the ride. He kept his hand on your leg, his thumb occasionally moving against your skin. It was a nice gesture, a nice… _friendly_ gesture. 

Steve was still running his mouth, much to Horacio’s dismay. He started to look back and you and Javier and you were quick to close your eyes, pretending that you had fallen asleep. 

“Elena really helped,” He told Javier. “Hell, the two of them could’ve been sisters.” 

You’d noticed that too. Hell, you’d noticed that two weeks ago when you first met her. You chose to ignore it. _That_ was something no one had time to unpack. 


	60. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family spends some time by the pool and Reader and Javier try something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Family feels and Smut (male recieving oral, male recieving anal play, dildos, disucssion of pegging, and all that fun, also regular old sex)

“Here,” Monica said as she adjusted the large umbrella stand, positioning it over the rather uncomfortable plastic chaise lounge pool chair you were reclined back on. 

“Thank you.” You offered as you adjusted the floppy little hat you had on Sofía. She was out cold against your breast. “You should go swim.” You urged Monica as she wrapped a towel around her middle and moved to lay down on the chaise lounge beside you.

“I’m good here,” Monica assured you as she grabbed a pair of sunglasses from the tote beside her chair. 

“What? You don’t want to go under the water buckets again?” You teased, looking across the pool towards the children’s area where Josie had Javier standing right under the spot where she could pull a lever and dump water on his head. 

She was having a blast and _that_ was all that mattered to you.

Monica laughed softly, tucking her arms under her head. “You caught me.” She tilted her head to look at you, smiling a little. “Thank you for all of this.”

“Josie was convinced you’d enjoy coming to the splash park with us.” You shrugged. “And of course. You need to have fun sometimes. 

“I don’t mean _just_ today.” Monica insisted. “I was talking to Nadia about _everything_ the other day and it just made me realize how lucky I am.”

“How is her situation?”

“She lives with her mother and grandmother. Her mother is accepting, but definitely thinks it’s just a phase.” She shrugged. “And her grandmother chooses to ignore it. They have big dreams for her.”

You frowned, “At least they’re accepting.” You couldn't imagine parents like Monica’s just cutting their daughter off. All you wanted for Josie and Sofía was happiness, however they saw fit. 

“It’s just a little awkward.” Monica admitted. “I was over there the other day after our date and her mother kept calling me her _study buddy_.” She readjusted her towel, rolling onto her stomach and resting her cheek against her folded arms. “At least I have you guys.”

“Speaking of _us_.” You said, glancing down at Sofía as she made a little sound like she might wake up, instead she just sniffled and pressed her face against your chest. “We’re going to Laredo for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh.”

“No. No ‘oh’.” You shook your head. “We’d love to have you come with us. “Chucho was impressed with you when Sofía was born and _asked_ if you’d be joining us.”

“I really don’t want to impose.” Monica rubbed her lips together nervously. “It’s just Thanksgiving.” 

“Yes, the holiday you’re supposed to spend with _family_.” You gave her a pointed look. “You’re one of us, Monica. It’s a month out, you don’t have to decide right now.”

She blinked. “You’re serious?”

You arched a brow, “Why would I be lying? I don’t know what Javier has told the class, but I’m not a _bitch_.”

Monica laughed loudly at that, covering her mouth to stifle the noise. “First off, Javier acts like you can walk on water in class. I think everyone in that class wants a love like yours. Second off, I don't know! I’m just an interloper.”

“And yesterday I told someone that I have three daughters, so.” You gave her a pointed look. “Thanksgiving in Laredo and then Chucho is coming here for Christmas.”

“You guys are way too nice.” Monica smiled at you. “What are the Murphys doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Last I heard, Connie’s parents are coming down and Steve wants to hide in our trunk.”

“Drama?”

“They haven’t forgiven Steve for dragging their daughter to Colombia.” You rolled your eyes. “All I know is that things are always tense. Javi and I were over there a couple years back when they came to visit. Things were… _Tense_.”

“I can only imagine.” 

Your eyes flickered back towards the splash pad, smiling as you spotted Javier and Josie heading back towards you. You kept Sofía cradled against your chest as you sat up and reached for a towel for Josie. 

“Mommy! Did you see me?” Josie questioned, twirling around as you wrapped the towel around her. She pressed her wet little head against your chest, looking at her sister. “Sofía you have to get bigger!”

You kissed the top of her head, “She will. And then both of you will be out there dousing daddy in water.”

Josie giggled, letting go of you and shuffling towards Monica. Monica let her onto the chaise lounge with her, much to Josie's delight. 

You lowered your sunglasses, raking your eyes over Javier as he toweled off. You bit down on your bottom lip, smirking at him. “Hey handsome, you come here often?” You teased, shifting so you could nudge your foot against his knee. “I’d let you swim in _my_ pool.” 

Javier casually flipped you off as he lifted his towel to dry his hair. “I thought I’d make it through the whole day without being leered at by some pool mom.” He teased, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips before he took Sofía from you. 

“I am so much _more_ than a pool mom.” You shot back, shielding your eyes as you looked up at him. “Here, sit down so she doesn’t get too much sun.”

You traded seats with him, moving to sit on the side of the chaise lounge as he reclined. You watched as she pressed her cheek to his chest and sprawled out as she let herself fall back to sleep. “She’s getting so big.” Javier remarked, rubbing her back. 

“I know. It’s crazy.” You shook your head. It didn’t help that those first three months had been spent in a daze. Even her birth remained hazy for you. “I talked to Monica about Thanksgiving.”

Javi looked towards Monica, “You coming with us?”

She nodded and smiled, “Thank you. _Seriously_. This might be the best Thanksgiving yet.”

“Pops is a pretty damn good host.” Javier explained. “Day before we’ll probably go down to the party hall and visit with some of my extended family.” 

“His cousin Danny just had his first son.” You added, resting your hand on Javi’s leg. “You can stay at the ranch if you want to. We’re not going to force you to go with us.” 

“You don’t think they’ll think it’s weird?” Monica questioned, pulling a _Kool-Aid_ out of the cooler for Josie. 

Javier shook his head, “Nah.” 

“They’re used to us showing up with new daughters.” You teased, looking back at Javier with a grin. “They’re good people. I’m sure they’ll love you as much as we do.”

Javier pressed a kiss to the top of Sofía’s head as she started fussing. And you recognized that brand of fussing. He looked towards you with a furrowed brow, “Do you want to try?” 

You made a face, but nodded. “Yeah, I’ll give it a try.” 

He carefully got up with Sofía cradled in his arms, letting you lay back down on the chair. Once he swapped the baby back to you, he helped you adjust the chair so it was sitting up straighter. Javier grabbed the baby bag, pulling out the nursing blanket that was tucked into it. 

You draped the blanket across your chest, making sure you were completely covered before you pulled the top of your swimsuit down. Javier pulled the cooler over, closer to your chair and perched on the top of it. “You’ve got it, baby.” 

“She’s trying.” You bit down on your bottom lip as you waited with bated breath to see whether Sofía was going to latch on. It was always a 50-50 shot. You readjusted her beneath the blanket, silently begging her to just— “She’s on.” 

“That’s my girl.” Javier grinned, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek. He brushed his thumb over the bottom of Sofía’s foot where it was sticking out from under the blanket. 

“She’s getting better at it,” You said with a sigh of relief as you felt suckingly more insistently. “I was worried she’d start refusing me again, now that we’ve been trying baby food.” 

“She might love her sweet potatoes, but she’s not going to miss out on this.” He gestured to you with a smirk. 

Your lips parted as you started to respond to him, but you were cut off by a man passing by, “Come on, lady. There are kids here.” 

Javier’s head snapped towards him, “Fuck off.” He gritted out, his gaze flickering towards the woman who was walking ahead of him, “Take your sanctimonious bullshit and tell your wife no one needs to see that much of her ass. Think of the children.” 

You snorted, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It’s fine, babe.” 

Monica wasn’t ready to drop it however, “Funny you’d bring up kids.” She sat up, wrapping her towel around her tightly. “When she’s literally _feeding_ a child. Quit looking, perv.” 

“Are we going to have a problem?” Javier questioned, staring the man down. 

“Nope.” He held up his hands, taking a step backwards. “No problem.” 

“Then keep walking.” Javier ushered him on. 

“God, I hate men.” Monica mumbled, with a roll of her eyes. Javier gave her a look. “You’re an exception.” 

“I thought so.” He turned back to you then. “You good?”

“I put up with how many months of Chris’ bullshit? I’m fine.” You assured him, beckoning him closer so you could kiss him. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.” 

* * *

You trailed your fingertips along his jaw, sliding them down to curl around the column of his throat, as your lips slanted over his. Your lust was tempered by the knot of anxiety coiling low in your belly. You talked a good game, but you had _never_ done anything like this before. At least there was comfort in the fact that Javier had never done it either. You could both be nervous together. 

His hand snaked up your back, slipping under your shirt. Javier pulled you closer as his tongue delved between your lips, twisting against yours as he deepened the kiss. You moaned against his mouth, arching against him. 

You broke away from the kiss, breathing raggedly as you pressed a row of kisses down his throat, your tongue dipping out against his Adam’s apple as he swallowed thickly. “We can stop whenever you want.” You reminded him, as he sank back against the mattress. 

“I know my safe word.” Javier dragged his hands over his face, exhaling heavily. 

“ _And._ ” 

“Three squeezes if I can’t get the word out.” He answered, reaching out and brushing his knuckles over your cheek. “Think you’re going to render me speechless?” Javier smirked at you.

You shrugged, “Never know.” You sat back on your knees then, looking towards the bedside table at the neon blue toy and the bottle of lube sitting next to it. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” You admitted.

He snorted, “You and me both.” 

Javier scooted up on the pillows, his eyes following yours towards the nightstand. You wish you knew what was going through his head. He kept everything so close to the chest, but that wasn’t really something that worked in _this_ situation. You were both going to have to communicate with each other. And _listen_. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, “You’re certain?”

“We’ve got this far.” He retorted, swallowing thickly. “Just go easy on me.” 

“This _is_ the easy part, Javi.” You told him, brushing your hand over his chest. “Just you wait until I have the whole harness.” You gestured around your pelvis. “There will be no stopping me. Unless you tell me to.” 

He crooked a finger and you leaned down to kiss him. “I trust you.” Javier reminded you, bumping his nose against yours. 

You reached for the toy and lube and laid them on the bed, before you moved downwards. Hooking your fingers in the waistband of his boxers, you peeled them down his hips and tossed them off the bed. “I think the key is making sure you’re relaxed.” You told him, curling your legs beneath you as you sat beside his hips. 

Javier tucked his arm beneath his head, “I’m as relaxed as you’re going to get me.” 

“We’ll see about that.” You grinned, reaching out to rub your hand over his lower stomach, fingertips grazing through the dark hair that led downwards. You lazily curled your fingers around his cock, watching his face as you stroked him. 

You leaned down, pressing a kiss to the head of his cock, sweeping your tongue out to tease over the tip. 

“That’s one way to relax me,” Javier quipped, reaching down to play his fingers through your hair, his eyes drawn to your mouth as you took the head of him between your lips. You were just teasing, trying to get him _ready_. 

It was something new and different for both of you, but this part of it was all about _him_. You wanted him to feel good, otherwise the next part of this _wasn’t_ going to happen.

You flattened your tongue as you swept it down the underside of his cock. You leaned forward, taking the full length of him into your mouth, before you released him with a wet pop, moving to sit between his legs. 

Javier lifted his head, his eyes meeting yours with a glimmer of uncertainty. 

“You good?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” 

You leaned down and pressed a kiss to the spots just above his hip bones before you moved lower, resting on your forearms between thighs. You ran your hands over his inner thighs, grazing your fingernails lightly over the skin as you nudged his legs apart wider. 

“Say the word and I stop, okay?” You reminded him as you pressed your lips to his inner thigh. 

“I’m good, baby.” He assured you, reaching down to stroke the top of your head. 

You reached over and grabbed the bottle of lube, squirting some onto your fingers. “I was assured that this was _warming_.” You told him, rubbing your fingers together to ensure it wasn’t cold. 

With a gentle brush of your thumb, you smeared the lube over him, your eyes never leaving his face. You pressed another kiss to his thigh, reaching for the toy. 

“Just relax,” You whispered as you applied lube to the toy, stroking your finger down the length of it. You smeared the excess lube across him, readying him for what came next. “You ready, Javi?” 

“Yeah.” He said as he exhaled, shifting his legs apart wider to give you better access. 

You reached up with your free hand and curled your fingers around his cock, stroking him slowly as you circled the tip of the toy against his puckered hole. His leg twitched and you glanced back up at him. “Javi—”

“Keep going.” He assured you, tilting his head up to meet your eyes. “I’m good.” 

You applied a little more pressure, letting just the tip of it start to press into him. You loosely pumped your fist over the length of his cock as you kept working the toy against him. “You’re doing so good, babe.” You told him, turning your head to press a kiss to his thigh. “Don’t tense up.” 

“It’s fucking weird.” Javier hissed out through clenched teeth as more of the dildo started to press into him. “Don’t stop.” 

You drew the toy out a fraction, before pressing it forward again, sinking more of it into him. He shifted beneath your touch, his back arching. “You want more?” You questioned, releasing your hold on his cock as your fingers curled around his thigh. Your gaze flickered between his face and where you were working him, enjoying the look of unabashed desire on his face. 

“ _Baby_.” He panted out as you withdrew the toy almost entirely, before sinking it into him further. “Shit. _Fuck_.” 

You rubbed at his hip. “Good?” 

“Good.” He grunted. Javier lifted his hands to cover his face, letting out another string of swears as you started working the toy in and out of him more earnestly. The _sounds_ he made had fire burning between your own thighs. 

“You have no idea how hot this is, Javi.” You told him, pressing another kiss to his inner thigh as you shifted the angle of your thrusts — which was apparently the _right_ choice. 

Javier’s hips arched up off the bed, a low keening sound escaping him as you apparently struck that sweet spot within him. You kept working the toy into that spot, sliding it out and pressing it back into him. 

You were enraptured with the way his stomach muscles tensed, the way his thighs trembled, and the way his knuckles went white as he gripped at the bedsheets beneath him.

And the _sounds_ he made.

“Just let go, Javi.” You urged, curling your fingers around his cock as you worked the full length of the toy into him, before you gripped the flared base and slid it out. “ _Fuck_. Look at you.” 

You could tell that Javier was right on the brink. The sounds coming out of his mouth and the look on his face as his eyes rolled back in his head told you everything you needed to know. He was about to come for you.

Another strained sound escaped him as his thigh muscles twitched, his feet trying to get purchase on the bed. “ _St_ __ _— stop_.” Javier grunted out, grabbing your wrist tightly and squeezing three times. 

You stopped immediately, sliding the toy out of him slowly. Your brows furrowed together as you looked up at him, “Are you okay, Javi?” Had you done something wrong? 

Javier dragged his hand over his face, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he breathed heavily. He was quiet for a long minute as he worked on steadying his breathing, his palm resting over his heart as a breathy chuckle escaped him. “Sorry baby.”

“Don’t apologize.” You ran your hand over the side of his leg, looking up at him nervously. “Are you okay?”

“I, uh…” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Didn’t want to come get.” Javier admitted to you, tilting his head to look at you. “ _Jesus Christ_. That was a _fucking_ lot.”

“Do you want to stop entirely?” You questioned. 

His tongue darted out over his bottom lip as he stared at you. “Yeah.” 

“ _Alright_.” You nodded your head slowly. “Whatever you want.” And you meant it. If he just wanted to roll over and pretend the night didn’t happen — you wouldn’t hold it again still him. 

You moved out from between his thighs, leaning over the side of the bed to grab the washcloth you had prepared before embarking on this adventure. You used it to gingerly clean him off, wiping the cloth off his skin with great care. 

“C’mere.” Javier gestured to you and you climbed back up the bed to lay down beside him. He curled his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into side. 

You brushed your fingers over his jawline, tilting your head as he leaned in to kiss you. You smiled against his lips, ruffling his hair. “So?”

“ _So_.” He ran his hand down your side as he pulled back to meet your eyes, rocking his jaw slowly as he found his words. “It was overwhelming.”

“Good or bad overwhelming?”

“Good.” 

Your brows rose upwards. “ _Really_?” Well, that was a relief. You had worried you had done something wrong. “Why did you want to stop?”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know how to explain it. Felt like I could feel it _everywhere_.” He gave your hip a squeeze. “And call me old fashioned baby, but I wanted _you_.”

You brushed your fingers over his cheek. “Yeah?” 

He rolled you over onto your back, his mouth trailing down your throat. You ran your hand up his back, fingers finding their way into his hair as he kissed lower 

Javier worked to remove your clothes, letting them land somewhere on the floor beside the bed forgotten. His hand wandered down your stomach, slipping down between your thighs. 

You moaned softly as his fingers played over your slick folds. You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, looking up at him as he leaned over you. “ _Javi.”_

“Is this all for _me_ , baby?” He questioned.

“I told you it was hot.” You breathed out, arching your back as you rocked into his touch. “The sounds you made…”

Javier brushed his nose against yours, his breath playing over your lips as he tilted his head and leaned in to kiss you. You protested quietly as he pulled his hand away, but your complaints were short lived as he settled between your thighs — his cock sliding into you. 

You hooked your leg around his hips as he started moving within you. “ _Fuck_.” You breathed out as you grabbed at his biceps, his shoulders, trying to touch him everywhere you could as you rolled your hips in time with his thrusts. “ _Javi_.” 

He gripped at your hip tightly, picking up the pace of his movements, driving into you again and again. “You feel so fucking good, baby.” Javier rasped out, dragging his lips along your jaw, leaving open-mouthed kisses down your throat. 

His hand snaked down in between you, his finger seeking out your clit as he coaxed you over the edge. Your back bowed up off the bed as your release washed through you, your inner walls clenching around him — dragging him down with you. 

Javier groaned out your name as he bucked into you, his pace stuttering as he came apart, his release spilling into you. 

You laughed breathlessly, running your hand up and down the length of his spine as he sank down atop you. “Why be adventurous when we’re _that_ good already?” You teased, earning a snort from him. 

“Too late. We’re being adventurous, baby.” He mumbled, kissing your throat. 

You ruffled your fingers through his hair. “Did you enjoy yourself?” 

Javier hummed approvingly as you pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and you couldn’t help but grin. You definitely understood the appeal — there was something very exciting about trying something completely _new_ with him. Not that you hadn’t already tried the new and exciting venture called a committed long term relationship and parenthood. This was exciting and new and _really_ hot. 

“Won’t Rocky be surprised when I show up later this week to get the _harness_.” You slid your fingers into his hair and tugged lightly. “You really did enjoy it, right?”

Javier pressed his palms against the mattress on either side of your head, pulling up just enough to look down at you. “It was _good_.” He assured you, leaning down to brush his lips over yours. “And I look forward to seeing what _you_ can do.” 

You grinned up at him, “Me too.” 


	61. Lecture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has to take Josie to work with him. Set September 1996.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (thigh riding, teasing, partially clothed sex)

“JoJo, just sit here and draw for me. Okay?” Javier urged as he grabbed the box of crayons out of his briefcase, sitting them on the floor beside the stack of perforated paper he’d stolen from the staff print room. 

Josie stuck out her bottom lip, “Daddy, hold me.” She held her arms up in the air. 

Javier fretted, looking between Josie and his wristwatch. It was less than five minutes before his _early_ students were going to start arriving. There was no way he was going to make it through a three-hour lecture with her if she was already refusing to color.

“Alright, princesa.” Javier sighed, leaning down to pick her up, holding her at his hip as he used his free hand to sort through his projector slides. 

“I like your tie, daddy.” Josie said as she curled her fingers around it. 

He glanced downwards, “You and mommy got it for me.” 

“I know.” Josie said rather proudly, before dramatically pitching to the side so she could try to grab one of his projector slides. 

“If I’m going to hold you, you can’t be grabbing things, sweetheart.” Javier caught her hand and shook his head. “Otherwise you’ve got to color.” 

“I don’t wanna color.” 

He sighed. “You didn’t want to nap, either.” Javier glanced up as the door at the back of the classroom opened, the first of his students starting to mill in. _Shit_. 

“Do we have a guest lecturer today?” Tony questioned as he took his seat in the second row, throwing his bag down in the seat beside him. 

Javier chuckled. “She’s an expert in the field.” 

Monica sat down in the front row, pulling up the desk from the side of the seat and putting her textbook on it. “Ah, is this the infamous Josie?”

“She is indeed.” Javier bounced her on his hip, earning him a giggle from her as she clung to his suit jacket. “Her daycare was closed for a teacher workday.” He explained, “And she’s in meetings all day at the P.D.” He glanced at his watch again. “With any hope she’ll be able to swing by in an hour or so.” 

“You mean your daughter isn’t teaching us about declassified government documents?” Tony questioned, snapping his fingers with a look of disappointment. “Sounded like a good time if you ask me.” 

“Gu’berment.” Josie tried, scrunching up her nose as she reached for the projector slides again. 

“ _Josie_.”

“Daddy.” 

Tony and Monica both laughed. 

“Since you two are here early, you get to pass these out when your classmates get here.” Javier said, laying two manila envelopes down on the table beside the projector. “Try to make it even.” 

Monica slid out of her seat, leaving the desk up as she walked towards the table. She waved to Josie as she bent over backwards against Javier’s arm. “Casefiles?” She questioned as she pulled out the copies, thumbing through them curiously. She walked back to her desk with the other envelope, tossing it back to Tony. 

“One half of the class will be going through the declassified files that came out last summer.” Javier explained, prying his tie out of Josie’s hands. “The other half will be reading _The Baltimore Sun_ exposé and subsequent interviews with the 316 MI Bn members.” 

“ _Holy shit_.” Tony swore as he read through one of the interviews, glancing up and catching Javier’s disapproving look. Looking between the student and Josie. “Sorry.” He laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “This is intense.” 

Monica frowned as she flipped through the declassified files. “The CIA were _torturing_ prisoners with the Honduran Army?”

“I always thought the CIA were the good guys.” Tony quipped. 

Javier shrugged, “There are _no_ good guys in the U.S. government. The sooner you realize that, the better.” Josie started squirming and he sat down the slide sheets he was sorting through so he could toss her up into the air. He caught her and she squealed with delight. 

He sat her back down on the floor, kneeling down to be her height. “I _really_ need you to sit and color for a little while. Okay? I’ll get you ice cream later if you’re good for me.” Javier brushed his fingers over her curly hair, tilting his head to the side with a convincing look. 

“Okay daddy.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, before toddling over to the crayons on paper. She plopped down, trying to peel the hole-punched sides off. 

“What was that about _all_ government agents being bad?” Tony questioned, giving Javier an amused look as he started passing out the copies as more students started to arrive. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “My statement stands.” He flipped the switch on the side of the podium that dimmed the lights, before he moved to turn the projector on. He situated the first slide on the glass lens. 

“I didn’t know it was Take Your Child to Work Day” Sneered one of the students, George, as he sat down in the front row. 

“Ah, perfect.” Javier said with a smirk. “I hope you brought the assigned reading, George. I’ll be needing a volunteer to read through the first three pages of the coursebook.” 

George looked panicked. “It’s my dorm.” He looked to his left towards Monica who had the coursebook sitting on top of her desk. 

Monica looked between Javier and George with a frown. 

“I guess that’s a lesson for you, isn’t it?” Javier said pointedly. “If you have nothing to contribute to class, keep your mouth shut.” 

Several students snickered as George sank down into his seat humiliated. 

Javier did a mental count of the classroom, accounting for each student before he started speaking again. “As you may have noticed, you’ve each been assigned a portion of relevant documents about the Honduran Torture scandal that has been on the news recently. This is still an ongoing investigation. In fact, there are rumors that the DoD will be releasing the CIA Interrogation Manual to the American people. As you’ll read in the _Sun_ article, these manuals—”

“ _Daddy_.” Josie urged in her unconvincing whisper. “Daddy!” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, but controlled himself as he crouched down beside her. “What did we talk about?” 

“Mommy’s here.” 

Javier stood back up, brows furrowed as he peered out into the classroom. With the projector on, they were mostly shrouded in darkness — and he couldn’t make her out among the heads. Besides, it was still too early for her to be there. 

“Where was I?” Javier loosened his tie, before swapping out slides. “The situation is currently under review by the Inspector General and there is mounting pressure in the Clinton administration to fully declassify the documents relevant to the actions taken in Honduras. If you’re with me again next semester, I intend to spend a portion of the semester reviewing the forthcoming releases. In the hands of half of you are the investigative interviews from an intrepid team of reports with the _Baltimore Sun_. Several members of the 316 battalion came forward, exposing the existence of the secret Honduran military unit, which had been under the instruction of the CIA officials who were based out of Honduras. This came on the heels of the Honduran government’s attempts to right the human rights violations they were under fire for.” 

“ _Professor—_ ” 

Javier’s brows shot up as he scanned for the owner of that voice. Apparently, Josie hadn’t been mistaken in her assertion. “Yes?” 

“Would you agree that the CIA makes a habit of inserting themselves into situations they shouldn’t be involved in to begin with?”

“I believe that both personally _and_ professionally. “Javier answered, before clicking the button on the side of his podium, “Class, I would like to introduce you to my significantly _better_ half.” He gestured towards her, beaming with pride as she stood up and acknowledged their applause. 

“Sorry for the interruption. I wrapped things up early and thought I’d make it in before class started.” 

“Mommy!” Josie went running up the ramp towards her, wrapping her arms around her legs. 

She picked her up, settling her onto her hip. “Here, let me just get her stuff and—”

“ _Stay_.” Javier urged, “I know you have _your_ opinions about the CIA.” 

She rolled her eyes. “My biggest gripe with them in Colombia was when they repeatedly released memorandums endorsing Gaviria’s campaign, only to turn around and use that alliance to gather intelligence on them.” 

“Not to mention they undermined _numerous_ efforts in Colombia.” 

She arched a brow at him, before looking towards the class. “He’s still jealous because the CIA picks up the tab on dates.”

Several students laughed, but some seemed hesitant to feed into the banter. 

“Did you date someone from the CIA?” Tony questioned. 

“Yep.” She let the ‘ _p_ ’ pop past her lips as she gave Javier a teasing grin. “Am I derailing your class?” 

“You’re more than welcome to.” 

George cleared his throat, “I don’t know about everyone else, but I paid for a class taught by Javier Peña. Not some chick and a baby.” 

She snorted. “Who knew you were teaching the next generation of Chrises.” She snapped her fingers, getting his attention. “What’s your name?”

He kicked back in his seat and grinned smuggly. “George Sullivan. Remember that name.” 

“Oh, _you’re_ George.” She pursed her lips and nodded, looking towards Javier then. “You should probably remember to cite your sources in the next paper you turn in. Unless you’re not interested in getting a _good_ grade.” 

“Twice in one day.” Monica quipped, shaking her head. “When are you going to learn, George?”

“Glutton for punishment.” George accepted with a shrug. 

“If he says another word about my _family_ , he’s getting an automatic fail.” Javier gritted out as he looked towards her then. “Seriously, stay. You might have some insights on the situation. “

“Sure.” She nodded, sitting Josie back down on the floor, before sitting down beside her. “Why don’t you keep coloring this pretty picture?” 

Javier flicked the light off again, adjusting the slides. “ As I was saying, the United States has made a habit of directly or indirectly contributing to human rights violations and concealing the evidence.” 

* * *

“I could listen to you lecture for _hours_ ,” You mused as you took a sip of your beer, watching Javier as he brooded over a stack of short answer essays. Josie had fallen asleep in his arms during the middle of the lecture and he’d decided that spending the last hour of the class making his students write about governmental overreach abroad was the best answer. 

He had completely underestimated how much chicken scratch he would wind up having to read. “I can’t make heads or tails of this.” Javier huffed, passing the page to you. 

You sat your beer aside, brows furrowed as you read over the page. “After years of reading Steve’s handwriting, I believe this paper is arguing _for_ the US to intercede more often…” You glanced at him. “It’s signed, ‘this is satire, don’t kill me professor’.” You glanced at him. “This would be Tony Dean. No surprise there.”

“Smart kid and smart ass.” He rolled his eyes, taking the paper back from you. “Did you say something?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, “I was alluding to the fact that you’re _really_ sexy when you’re teaching.” 

His brows rose upwards as he looked towards you then. “You should come to more lectures.” 

“I might.” You smirked. “In the right mood, I might be able to come _at_ your lectures.” 

“ _Baby_.” He gave you a scandalized look. 

“You’re going to sit there and tell me you _wouldn’t_ enjoy finding out that you got me off with your voice alone, Javier?” You gave him a pointed look, which worked because he shrugged. “That’s what I thought.”

You reached over and took the papers out of his hands, leaning forward to sit them on the coffee table. “These can wait.”

“You’re gonna help grade them.” He warned you as he unbuttoned his sleeves, rolling the cuffs up to his elbows. 

“I was going to anyways.” You countered with a grin, grabbing at the front of his shirt as you leaned in to kiss him. “And Josie falling asleep on your chest? If we didn’t already have a child, it would’ve made me want to have one with you.” It was easy to jest about it, despite how badly you _wanted_ another one with him. 

Javier cradled the back of your head as he kissed you again, his mouth slanting hungrily over yours as he guided you backwards onto the sofa. He pressed his knee between your thighs as he draped himself over you. 

You combed your fingers through his hair, your fingers sliding down to curl around the back of his neck as you arched up against him. “I can see why your students love you.” You teased, dragging your teeth over his bottom lip with just enough pressure to make him hiss. 

“And why’s that?” Javier questioned, peppering kisses along your jawline and down your throat. 

“ _Well_ ,” You started as you worked loose the buttons of his shirt, dragging your fingertips over his newly bared skin. “You’re intelligent.” You circled your thumb around his nipple before trailing your fingers down his ribs. “And hot. Which should be a crime.” You tilted your head and kissed the underside of his jaw. “And you _care_ about what you're teaching.” 

Javier chuckled lowly as he leaned down to kiss you again, his tongue sweeping out to find yours. You moaned, your own tongue slipping out to slide against his own. You ran your hand down his back, bunching up the fabric of his shirt. 

You rocked your hips, grinding against the press of his knee between your thighs. “ _Javi_.” You breathed out as he drew back from the kiss, looming above you with a look in his eyes that stoked the fire in your belly. “What?”

“Can I try something?” 

“Always.” You nodded, lashes fluttering as you looked up at him. “Am I going to enjoy myself?” 

“I think so.” Javier leaned down to kiss you, a brief brush of his lips that left you wanting more. He ran his hands over your arms, drawing them upwards above your head. He gathered them in one hand, keeping them pinned to the sofa. 

“So far, I’m feeling like I’m going to enjoy this.” You teased as you rolled your hips, pressing yourself against his thigh. You attempted to twist your hands out of his grasp, but he had a tight grip on your wrists. “What are you planning here, Javi?” 

He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip as his dark gaze raked over you. “You should come to more of my lectures, baby.” Javier said in a lower tone, pressing his knee more securely against you. 

You swallowed thickly, staring up at him. “ _Yeah_? You don’t think I’d be distracting?” You ran your foot up the back of his leg, lifting your hips up off the sofa. 

“You’re _always_ distracting.” He told you as he leaned down and brushed his lips down the center of your throat. His breath hot against your skin. “Tell me what got you going today.”

You exhaled shakily, “You were _very_ passionate in your delivery. Not just because you have a vested interest in hating the CIA, but because you _care_.” You told him, grinding against his thigh as you spoke. “And your voice…” 

“Tell me.” He whispered, lips close to your ear as you turned your head, your cheek pressed against the sofa. 

“There’s an _authority_ to your tone. No room for questioning about the facts.” You tried to free your wrists, desperately wanting to touch him. But his grip remained firm. “It’s the same voice I used to love when you’d brief us on our plans at the DEA.”

That caught his interest. 

“Did you ever _think_ about those briefings, baby?” He shifted his knee, giving you just enough friction to make you moan. “You did, didn’t you?”

“ _Yes_.” You admitted, arching your back as you rocked against him. “Javi, I’m _so_ close.” You told him, you could feel your release — it was like you were balancing on a cord that was about to snap. 

Javier kept his lips close to your ear, his voice low and gruff as he spoke. “I want you to come for me, baby. Right like this.”

You let out a frustrated sound. “And I want your _cock_.” You turned your head, catching his lips in a needy kiss before he had a chance to pull away. “Don’t tease.” You gritted out as he started to shift his knee back on the sofa so you couldn’t reach it. 

Javier released his hold on your wrists, his hands moving down to grip your hips as he sat back on the sofa and pulled you into his lap. “Does it feel like I’m teasing?” He questioned, rolling his hips beneath you. 

“No.” You rasped out, curling your fingers around the back of his neck as you kissed him, an edge of desperation to the kiss. “ _Please_.”

“Fuck.” He grunted out as you moved against him, grinding down against his cock. 

You let out a ragged breath as you pressed your forehead against his. “You’re too dressed.” You complained, gripping at the fabric of his shirt as you leaned back, rocking your hips downwards. 

“So are you.” He shot back, hooking his fingers in the fabric of your sleep shorts, tugging at them before letting the fabric snap back against you. 

You shifted back on his legs, reaching down to unbuckle his belt, sliding it through the belt loops and tossing it aside. You cupped him through his trousers, squeezing his erection lightly before you worked his trousers open and reached inside to free him from his boxers. 

Once your sleep shorts were discarded, neither of you even bothered with your underwear. Javier pulled you back onto his lap, fingers twisting the crotch of your underwear aside as you lowered yourself onto his cock. You clenched down around him as you settled atop him, your hands curling around his shoulders. 

“Hi.” You whispered as you tilted your head, your lips barely brushing against his. 

Javier grabbed at your ass, holding onto you tightly as he rocked his hips beneath you. “ _Hi_.” He smirked, licking his lips. “I wish I could grade papers just like… _this_.” He pointedly thrust upwards, making you gasp. 

You ran your hands over his chest, “Bet you wouldn’t get anything done.” You taunted him, clenching tight around him again. “How could you?” 

“ _Fuck_.” He squeezed your hips tightly as you both started to move. “You feel so good, baby.” Javier drawled out, his teeth scraping along your jawline. “Are you going to come for me?”

“Yes!” You gasped out, feeling those beginning flutters start to overtake you. Javier reached downwards, his fingers seeking out that little bundle of nerves just above where he was buried within you. It was like white hot pleasure cresting through you as you came apart for him. 

Javier groaned as he kept thrusting into you, your cunt clenching around his cock as he pressed into you again and again until his own release took hold. You moaned, pressing your face into the crook of his neck as you felt him spill into you. There was still a part of you that wished that _this_ could be the time. 

You had both given up on _trying_ , hoping that it would just happen naturally. Even though hope was wavering with each passing day. But every time you still caught yourself silently wishing that _this_ would be the time. 

“I love you.” You whispered, curling your arms around him as you pressed close to his chest. 

Javier slid his hand up your back as he held you tight. “I love you too.” He kissed your shoulder, his mustache tickling your skin. “I don’t think I’m gonna get grading done tonight.” 

You laughed, nuzzling his neck. “Tomorrow.” 


	62. New Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier try something new. AKA Javi takes the strap. Set October 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female receiving oral, male receiving oral, pegging, and some I guess what’s called come eating(?)) also Family Fluff!

“You sure you’re ready to try this tonight?” You questioned, combing your fingers through Javier’s hair as you straddled his lap. 

He arched a brow upwards, lips drawn into a thin line as he shrugged. “Yeah. As ready as I’ll ever be, baby.”

“Javi, if you don’t want to…” The last thing you wanted to do was make him feel like this was something he _had_ to do. You’d both enjoyed using the toy before, but it didn’t have to go any further if he didn’t want it to.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I wanna give it a go. Or let _you_ give me a go.” Javier gestured towards the harness that was laying on the foot of the bed, accompanied by the neon blue toy and the bottle of lube. 

You traced your thumb down the length of his nose, biting down on your bottom lip as you met his eyes. “I just want to make sure you’re really into this… since we _stopped_ before.”

He settled his hands at your hips and squeezed. “We stopped before because it was… a lot.” Javier explained. He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, glancing away as he got his thoughts together. “And I wasn’t ready to end it all right then and there.” 

You smiled adoringly at him, “Well _don’t_ hold back this time. I want you to come for me, Javi.” You traced your fingertips over his forehead, before you cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. “I want you to let go.” You mumbled against his lips. “I’ve heard it’s supposed to be.. _really_ good.”

“If the build-up was any indication.. _Yeah_.” He widened his eyes dramatically, giving your ass a swat. “But before we get to that… I want to make sure _you_ feel good, baby.”

“Javi, I already told you I don’t mind… Watching you is going to be an award in and of itself.”

He shook his head, “Let me do this, baby.” He brushed a kiss to your chin. “It’ll make _me_ feel better while you’re…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. 

“While I’m _what_?” You questioned, slowly grinding yourself down against him. “I don’t know if I can do it, if you can’t say it.”

He huffed, rolling his eyes as he ran his hands up your sides. “ _Fine_.”

You leaned in and kissed him, nipping at his bottom lip. “Come on, Javi.”

“While you’re _fucking_ me.” He said lowly, his breath hot as it danced against your lips. 

“Damn straight.” You grinned down at him proudly. “I can’t wait.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Yeah, me too.” He admitted, before he leaned forward and brushed a line of kiss along your collarbone. He reached behind you to unclasp your bra, but you caught his arm. “What?”

“Sexy lingerie stays on.” You told him teasingly. 

“Baby, I can’t do what I want with these on.” He drawled out as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your underwear. “As good as they look.”

“These can come off.” You wiggled your hips against him, before moving to lay back on the bed. 

Javier groaned, “ _Goddamn_. You’re a vision.” He peeled your underwear off, tossing them aside as you took on the sight of you. “I’m the fucking luckiest man.” 

The way he looked at you still made your heart flip in your chest. You knew _exactly_ the type of women he used to chase after and they weren’t the type of women that looked like they’d had two children. 

Your fingers played through his hair as he kissed a path from your lips down your stomach, right down between your thighs. He pulled your legs over his shoulders, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs.

Javier worked his tongue between your slick folds, paying close attention to your clit. You tugged at his hair, hips arching up off the bed as he worked two fingers into your aching center. It felt like _heaven_. 

You had honestly expected that you would go straight into the main event. This was the icing on the cake. His scruff dragging against your inner thighs. 

“ _Javier_!” You gasped out as he curled his lips around your clit and sucked at it, just as he crooked his fingers and dragged them over that sweet spot within you. 

That was all it took to send you over the edge. You trembled beneath his ministrations, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. But he didn’t relent, his tongue swirling over that little bundle of nerves until you felt a rush of arousal. “ _Shit_.” You hissed out, melting back against the mattress. 

Javier pulled away with a wicked smirk, glistening with your arousal from his mustache to his chin. “Now _you_ are ready.” He taunted. 

“Fuck off.” You arched your back and maneuvered yourself so you could pull away from him. “I don’t know if my legs are going to work now.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I bet you’ll be just fine, baby.” Javier wiped his mouth off and sank back onto the bed. “So…”

“ _Indeed_.” You pushed your hair over your shoulders, using the hair tie on your wrist to tie it back. “Same rules as before.” You reminded him as you sat on the side of the bed, pulling the harness up your thighs. 

“I can’t believe you got lingerie to match.” Javier remarked with a chuckle, dragging his fingers through his hair. 

You shrugged. “I thought it was a nice touch.” You grabbed the bottle of lubricant, tossing it onto the bed as you moved back towards the center. “This is so weird.”

Javier stared at the bright neon blue toy that hung from between your thighs. “How does it feel?”

“Powerful?” You ventured as you picked up the bottle of lube and squirted some onto your palm, stroking your hand over the length of the toy. “I mean I can’t feel _anything_ which is kinda weird.”

Javier’s brows furrowed together as he nodded. “Yeah, I can imagine.” He chewed on his bottom. “Can’t believe we’re doing this.”

You nodded your head with a short laugh. “I think after this we’re stuck with each other.”

He let out a huff of laughter, raking his hand over his face. “Yeah.” Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip before he sat up. “How do you want me?”

You hummed thoughtfully, “Hands and knees? After all, turnabout’s fair play.”

Javier rolled his eyes, “Like you’re not a fan of that position.”

“One of my favorites.” You winked, rising up on your knees. “You sure you’re ready?”

He sighed heavily, “ _Yeah_.” Javier moved onto his knees, leaning forward onto his hands. 

You swallowed thickly as you took in the sight of him stretched on his hands and knees for you. You grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some onto your hand, before spreading it onto him gently. 

Javier grunted softly as your finger came in contact with him, his legs tensing up. 

“ _Hey_.” You rubbed your hand over his lower back. “Relax, babe.” You reminded him, curling your finger around the toy, guiding it so it brushed against his entrance. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Javier swallowed thickly, relaxing forward onto his forearms. “Just go slow.” He advised you, fingers tightening their grip on the sheets beneath him. 

You grabbed the bottle of lube again, squirting another dollop of it onto the toy. You used the tip of the dildo to smear the extra over him. 

Finally, you hesitantly pressed forward, letting just the tip slide into him. 

A low groan escaped him, a sound that spiked fire through your veins. “That’s it, Javi. I want to hear you.”

You gripped at his hips tightly as you pressed forward with a little more pressure, more of the toy vanishing into him. _Holy shit_.

Javier made another sound, one that rumbled from deep in his chest. “ _Fuck_.” He swore, his head dropping forward against his forearm. 

“Good?” You questioned, rubbing your hand over his lower back as you drew back and pressed forward again. It was surreal to watch an extension of yourself working into him.

And really fucking hot. 

“ _Good_.” Javier rasped out. You rocked forward, sinking nearly the full length into him, before his left leg dipped against the mattress as it gave out on him. “I’m good, baby.” He promised you quickly as you started to withdraw from him. 

“You look so good like this.” You told him, giving his hip a swift pat. “But I want you to roll over for me.” 

Javier let out a desperate sound as the toy slid out of him. “It’s just my fucking knee.” He complained as he pushed himself up on his hands and knees, before he moved to lay back on the bed. 

Your eyes were drawn to his cock, resting hard and erect against his lower belly. “Look at you.” You drawled out as you reached out and curled your fingers around his cock. “Do you like getting _fucked_ , Javi?” You questioned, curling your fingers around the toy that hung from between your thighs. 

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” Your tongue darted out over your bottom lip as you pressed the head of the neon blue toy against his puckered hole again, sliding back in with more ease than before. 

The look on his face made your stomach twist. His lips were parted, eyes darkened with lust, and he looked like a man who knew he was about to be fucked. And the way his face contorted with pleasure as you drew back and slid back into him? _Pure lust_.

You pulled his thighs up over yours, drawing up onto your knees, before you leaned forward. You rested your hands on his chest as you rocked your hips forward. The full length of the toy now pressed into him. Given the face he wore every time you snapped your hips forward — you were hitting _that_ spot. 

But you weren’t ready for it to be over with too soon. You kept your hips still as you sank down and kissed him, your fingers curling around the back of his head as you did. You could feel his cock hard against your stomach, trapped in between you as you rocked forward. 

His jaw dropped as he let out a throaty moan. “Fuck. _Fuck_.” He grabbed at you, his hand running down your back as you moved above him. 

“You’re so hot like this.” You told him, “Bet you feel good too.” You mused, trying to pull inspiration from some of the things he said to you. “Your face…” You shook your head slowly, just marveling at him as you sat back and started to thrust into him more earnestly then. “Tell me how it feels, Javi. Use your words.”

He slapped his hand against the mattress, hips rocking up off the bed as you must’ve hit that spot again. “Feels… _fuck_ … just like that. Just like that baby.” 

“Do you like this, Javi?” You questioned, slowing your movements, sliding the toy out of him right to the tip before sinking back into him. 

“ _Yes_.” He gritted out through clenched teeth. “Fuck!” Javier reached down and curled his fingers around his cock. 

You wrapped your hand around his, mirroring the pace of his strokes with your thrusts. The angle was just right. Every time you pressed into him you felt the muscles in his thighs tense and you could see his breath catch in his chest. 

It was only a matter of time before Javier _writhed_ beneath you as you sent him careening over the edge. He sounded like a madman muttering your name as he came, his seed spilling out across his belly as he worked his fist over his cock. 

You carefully withdrew from him, fumbling with the clasps at your hips that kept the harness in place. It fell off the side of the bed abandoned as you knelt on the bed between his thighs. 

“Wish I could take a picture of how good you look right now.” You told him as you leaned down and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, swirling your tongue around the tip of him. 

His fingers tangled in your hair, tugging lightly as you took the full length of him into your mouth, lavishing his cock with attention. 

“ _Baby.”_ He groaned, tugging a little harder at your hair to pull you off of his sensitive cock. 

You smirked up at him, “What?” You questioned, planting your hands on the bed at his sides as you leaned down and licked up the mess that had been made on his stomach. 

“ _Fuck_.” He swore, a low groan escaping him. “You’re going to kill me.” 

You made a show of licking your lips as you crawled up his body. “You’re not allowed to die.” You told him firmly. 

Javier curled his fingers around the back of your head, pulling you down so he could kiss you. You moaned against his lips as his tongue dipped out to slide over your own tongue. He kissed you _so_ thoroughly, you could feel a fresh burn of desire racing through your veins. 

You pulled back, breathing raggedly as you looked down at him. “ _Goddam_ , Javier.” You breathed out with a short laugh. 

“What?” He questioned with an arched brow. 

You grinned, “That was fun.”

Javier nodded, giving your hip a squeeze. “Yeah. It was.”

You leaned down to kiss him again. “You looked like you enjoyed yourself.”

He ran his tongue over his lips and nodded. “Yeah. It was pretty fucking good.” He drummed his fingers against your skin. “I’m not saying we’re gonna make a habit of it, but…” He raised his brows.

“Whenever you’re ready, babe.” You assured him, cupping his cheek as you leaned down to brush your nose against his. “Say the word and I’ll be ready to _fuck_ you again.”

Javier rolled his eyes, “You like being in control?” He gave both of your ass cheeks as short swat, making you yelp. “You did, didn’t you?”

You shrugged. “I really just enjoyed watching _you_ let go.” You kissed him once more before you moved to get off of him. “As much as I would like to just lay here, we really need to change the sheets before we sleep.”

He groaned as he sat up, grousing about having to get out of bed. “One second you’re let a woman fuck you and the next she’s kicking you out of bed.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You flipped him off as you peeled the covers off the bed. “Did you want to sleep in the middle of this?” 

“ _Nah_.” Javier shook his head, heading into the bathroom to grab fresh sheets out of the closet. “Clean up just fucking kills the mood.”

“I agree.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek as he returned with the sheets. “I’ll clean the toy if you make the bed.”

“Deal.” He gave your ass a playful swat, seeing you off as you headed into the bathroom with the contraption to clean it. 

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror. Yes, you _were_ the woman who just pegged Javier Peña. If only past you could see you now. 

* * *

“I’ve been made aware of the fact that the department is hosting a _Cops and Goblins_ event.” You remarked as you sat a mug of black coffee down in front of Javier at the table. “It’s meant for the families with kids.” You slid your hand over his back, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. 

Javier rubbed his thumb over the worry line between his brows, before he picked up his mug of coffee. “I’m guessing we’re meant to go?” He questioned as he took a sip. 

“I told them we might swing by after we take the girls trick-or-treating.” You told him, moving around the table to tend to Sofía as she kicked her feet and let out a shrill sound from her highchair. “You’re just going to have to wait, sunshine.” You told her, letting her curl her fingers around your hand and try to get it into her mouth. 

“Is this your way of saying we need to get costumes?” Javier questioned, giving you a look across the table. 

“Yeah.” You smirked, smoothing your fingers over Sofía’s hair, before you headed back to get the Toaster Strudel that had popped out of the toaster. “I haven’t decided what yet, however.” It had to be something you could convince Javier to join in on. And somehow you felt that Josie’s suggestion of ‘ _Let’s be the dalmatian family!’_ would be a swing and a miss with Javi.

“ _Josie_!” Javier called out down the hallway, a split second before a head of dark curls came charging down the hallway with Stevie fast on her heels. 

“Mommy don’t forget the icing!” She reminded you as Javier helped her into her booster seat beside him. 

You grabbed the package out of the hot water, massaging it between your fingers. “I’m not going to forget the icing.” You assured her as you tore off the top of the package and poured it onto her Toaster Strudel in the shape of a heart. 

“I wonder who thought _sugar_ for breakfast was a good idea for children.” Javier mused as he took another sip of coffee. He met your eyes as you licked the icing off your thumb. 

“Someone who didn’t have children.” You laughed, sitting the plate down in front of Josie. “Do _you_ want a Toaster Strudel?” You questioned as you moved around behind him, sliding your arms around his neck and letting your hands splay out against his chest. 

“Mommy, I’m eating!” Josie _tsked_ at you as you pressed a kiss to Javier’s cheek. 

“Did you hear that?” Javier teased, trailing his hands over your arms as he turned his head and caught your lips in a brief kiss. “I’ll just do some toast. Thank you, baby.” 

“I told you.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you brushed your fingers over the hair that fell against his forehead. “ _Whatever_ you want today.” 

You didn’t _need_ to dote on him after last night, but you wanted to. Last night had been new and exciting for both of you. If you could’ve had your way, you would’ve spent the entire morning in bed with him. But that wasn’t possible with a rambunctious four-year-old who would’ve saddled the dog and tried to ride around the house on her. 

Javier followed you back to the toaster, his chin resting on your shoulder as he planted his hands on the counter at your sides. “I don’t know how I’m going to get anything done today.” He whispered close to your ear. “I’m going to be thinking about you _all_ day.” 

You leaned back against him as you reached into the bread bag. “I know the feeling.” You turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before rubbing the tip of your nose against his skin. “How are you feeling?”

“ _Good_.” He promised you, knocking his head against yours as he reached into the bag of bread and grabbed two pieces. “Really good.” He added, before he headed to retrieve peanut butter and honey from the cabinet. 

“You sure you don’t want any eggs? Or bacon?”

“ _Baby_.” He laughed, shaking his head as he looked at you. “Toast is _fine_.” Javier huffed quietly as he started working on Josie’s lunch for preschool. 

“We are _only_ going to have Monica for two hours today.” You reminded him as you slotted the bread into the toaster. “She’s got her _date_ with Nadia.” 

“So glad we heckled her at Logan’s.” 

“She owes it all to Josie.” 

“What did I do?” She perked up, looking back at with an inquisitive look. An inquisitive look that was covered in strawberry filling. 

“Did _any_ go in your mouth?” You questioned. 

Josie scrunched up her nose before making an attempt to wipe her tongue over all of the stick spots. “What’d I do, mommy?”

“You helped Miss Monica find a girlfriend.” 

“Oh yeah!” She wiggled in her seat. “She’s happy like you and daddy now.” 

“I don’t know, princesa.” He said as he returned to the table to take a sip of coffee. “Your mommy and I are pretty happy.” 

You grinned to yourself, your back turned towards them. You _were_ happy. There wasn’t even a doubt to that emotion. 


	63. Family You Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving in Laredo. Set November 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Period Typical Sexism and Homophobia (including the use of a slur). But with Family Fluff.

You brought your beer bottle to your lips as you watched Javier across the party hall. He had spent the last couple of hours showing Sofía to his aunts and uncles, while Josie made a valiant vy for attention by wowing her relatives with her ability to sing the alphabet in both English and Spanish. 

Javier seemed so at ease with them. You still remembered the first time he brought you to Laredo. Everything you owned had been shipped from Colombia to a storage facility in San Antonio, then packed into the back of the minivan you’d rented at the airport. It was surreal to think about how Laredo had been the first leg of your journey to Miami. A place that truly felt like _home_ now. 

“When you mentioned his extended family, I think I pictured a couple aunts and uncles, maybe a handful of cousins.” Monica said as she leaned towards you, “This looks like the _entire_ town is here.” 

You glanced around the party hall with a shrug, “This is relatively small.” You admitted as you looked towards her then. “We came here for Christmas last year. A bunch of his mother’s family came up from Mexico and it was _packed_.” You gestured towards the back of the hall, where a line of glass double doors covered the wall. “We had all of those open and the back area was filled with tables. Luckily it was in the upper sixties.” 

“From all the stories told about his childhood, you would never think that Javier has this _huge_ extended family.” Monica grabbed her own bottle of beer, taking a swig as she looked around the room. “Okay, so is _she_ here?”

“Yeah.” You snorted, nodding your head. “Don’t make it obvious.” You told her with a conspiratorial whisper. “Three tables behind me. Teased blonde hair and festive jumper.” 

Monica covered her mouth to keep from laughing as she looked back at you. “I’m sorry, but I can’t picture Javier with her.” She made a face. “She’s even got her husband in a matching sweater!” 

“ _Shhh_.” You warned her, leaning back against your chair as you laughed. “I know exactly where she picked those up too. I taunted Javier with the set at JCPenneys last week.” 

“And how did that go over?”

“He threatened to shave off the mustache.” 

Her brows shot upwards, “No!” 

“He spoils all my fun.” You tsked, shaking your head as you curled your fingers around the beer bottle. “He’d look _terrible_ without the ‘stache.” Your eyes wandered back towards where he was, smirking as you met his gaze. Sofía had been passed off to an older woman who you were fairly certain was one of his second cousins and Josie was sitting in his lap talking up a storm about God _only_ knew. Javier grinned at you, brushing his fingers over the top of Josie’s curly head. 

“Hey,” You turned towards Monica. “Do you think you can hold down the table without me?” 

Monica arched a brow, “I could be convinced.” 

“I’ll bring you back another cupcake.” You offered as you finished off your beer and got up from your seat. 

“Fine. _Fine_.” She urged, waving you off. 

You headed towards the circular table that Javi was seated out, grabbing a chair from the table beside it as you settled down next to him. “Having fun?” You questioned, draping your arm over his shoulders as you leaned towards him. 

“More or less.” He chuckled, gesturing towards Josie. “This one is going to be the life of the party when she gets older.” 

“I have no doubt.” You glanced down at her with a barely concealed grin. “She _clearly_ gets that from me.” You teased, “Sofía’s got that grumpy Peña face.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. 

“Am I _wrong_?”

“No.” He conceded with a shrug. “And she’s got Pops wrapped around her finger, same as Josie.” 

You rested your cheek against his shoulder, “What can I say? My girls like their Peñas.” 

“Mommy!” Josie clapped her hands together as she turned towards you, now that her Great Tía had left the table she needed to entertain _someone_ who would listen to her.

“What’s up, kiddo?” You questioned as you looked down at her. 

“Can I go play with the other kids?” 

You noticed the way Javier tensed at her question. You arched a brow as you exchanged a look with him, “Did daddy already say ‘no’?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “Loraine’s kids were over there playing and…” He shrugged. “I didn’t want to get into it.”

“It’s fine.” You brushed your fingers over the back of his neck. “Josie, you can go play. Just be nice and remember to share.” 

“Okay mommy!” She said as she slid off Javier’s lap. You watched her as she weaved her way through the crowd towards where the kids were playing together. 

You turned back towards Javier with a bemused look, “We _just_ saw her last year. It’s not that weird.” 

“ _Yeah_. I know” He shrugged a shoulder, rocking his jaw slowly as he reached for his bottle of beer. “With everything that’s happened, I just didn’t want there to be any stress for you, baby.” He told you, resting his hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. 

You draped your hand over his, interlacing your fingers. “Loraine is probably the _last_ person to stress me out.” You shook your head, glancing back towards the table you’d left. Chucho had returned with Sofía and was laughing with Monica about something. 

“Ah, there’s a face I haven’t seen for a _long_ time!” You glanced up as a man around Javier’s age approached the table. 

“Felix!” Javier answered with a tight smile, releasing his hold on your knee as he moved to stand up. He hugged the man, “It’s good to see you.” 

“Last time I saw that ugly mug of yours we were taking your pop’s truck for a joyride down that dirt road off 59.” 

“A long damn time ago,” Javier agreed as he clapped Felix on the back and turned back towards you. “Baby, this is Felix. My cousin.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” You said as you shook his hand. “I don’t remember you at Christmas last year.”

“I didn’t come.” Felix gave Javier a look, “But you did?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, before he let out a low whistle of disappointment. “You know Javi, I’d heard the rumors but I hadn’t believed a single one of them.”

_Oh Jesus_. You knew exactly where this was going. Nowhere good. 

“When Javier and I were young bucks,” Felix attempted to regale you. “We had a _hell_ of time in this town.” He looked between a very unamused Javier and you, before holding his hand out towards you. “Let me see it.”

“See what?” You blinked.

“The ring.”

“What ring?” Javier questioned. 

Felix looked confused. “ _The_ ring.”

You snorted. “We’re _not_ married.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Felix pursed his lips as he stared at Javier. “But _you_ have a ring.”

“Yeah, inscribed with our anniversary and our daughters’ birthdays.”

“But it’s not a wedding band?”

“No.” You both answered him. 

His hands went to his hip as he shook his head, “I guess that explains a whole hell of a lot.”

Javier squared off with his cousin, “What the _hell_ does that even mean, Felix?”

Felix dropped his voice, though not low enough that you couldn’t hear him plainly. “You show up here with _her_ and that pretty young thing. I’m impressed, Javier. Never saw you as a bigami—“

“I wouldn’t finish that if I were you.” Javier warned.

“Monica is basically our daughter.” You explained, crossing your arms across your chest as you stared at Felix. “Just because Javier and I aren’t married to each other doesn’t mean there’s anyone else involved in our relationship.” 

“Then why _is_ she here?”

Javier gritted his teeth, “Because her own parents don’t deserve her.”

“So you, what? Adopted a full grown adult?” Felix laughed condescendingly. “The hell happened to you in Colombia, my man?”

You reached for Javier’s partially drunk beer and took a sip. Which was a better option than picking it up and—

“She’s a smart kid who was in a rough situation. Her parents kicked her out and she was gonna lose everything. What was I gonna do, let it happen?” Javier shot back, his jaw clenched so tightly you could see the strain in his neck.

“Why’d they kick her out? Sneaking boys into the house?” He wiggled his brows suggestively at you and you sneered back at him in response. “Weed? Underage drinking?”

Javier glared at him. 

“Wait,” Felix dropped his voice to a whisper, pointing at Javier. “Is she a fag?”

Before you even had a chance to blink, Javier’s fist made contact with Felix’s jaw, sending him reeling several feet backwards as he stumbled. 

“What the _fuck_ , Javier?” Felix grabbed at his face where he’d struck him. “I guess that was the answer then, huh? So your pretend daughter’s a _fag_?”

Javier made to lunge at him, but you grabbed him by the bicep and held him back. He’d already drawn everyone’s attention to the three of you. “If you say another goddamn word about one of my daughters, you’re gonna regret it.”

Felix held his hands up in mock defeat. “I thought it was bad enough when you were getting hitched to Loraine. You were no fun anymore, man. At least you came to your senses But this—“ He pointed to you. “The Javier I used to know wouldn’t be playing house with some woman you picked up in Colombia.”

“ _Some woman I picked up in Colombia_.” Javier repeated, laughing harshly as he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “This goddamn woman took down Carlos Lehder on her _second_ day with the DEA. She was there when Pablo Escobar’s reign of bullshit ended. That’s just scraping the surface. What’ve you done Felix? That’s right. _Nothing_.”

“We don’t need to make a scene about me.” You told Javier, tightening your grip on his arm. 

“No.” He shook his head, his gaze darting towards you. “Because I used to be in his shoes. I get it.” Javier took a step forward, glaring at Felix. “Being alone is _great_ , isn’t it? Going home to an empty apartment, drinking to forget that it’s empty. Hell, maybe it’s not. Maybe you’ve got company with someone whose name you won’t even remember next month.” He pulled his arm from your grip, closing the distance between the two men. “I used to be you. Thinking I was happy, when I was just angry at the world. Get _help_ , Felix.” 

“Fuck you, Javier.” Felix swore, before he turned his back and headed for the exit across the party hall as murmurs grew. 

“Hey,” Chucho started as he approached you with Josie at his side. His brows were furrowed together, clearly worried about the situation he just witnessed. “I don’t know where Monica went. She was trying to settle Sofía the last I saw.”

You scanned the crowd of faces that were all staring at you and Javier, but you failed to spot her among them. “I’ll find her.” You assured him, before turning back to Javier. “Well, _that_ was unexpected.”

“He’s a son of a bitch.” Javier flexed his hand, looking down at it. “ _Fuck_.”

“I’ve seen you punch two men in the past three months,” You remarked, reaching out for his hand to check it over. He hissed when you brushed your thumb over his knuckles. “I can’t tell if I should be terrified or turned on.” 

Javier gave you a scandalized look, “ _Seriously_?”

“Do not judge me, babe.” You shot back. “Put ice on this, it’s going to swell. I’m going to find Monica.” But first, you were going to grab a cupcake from the dessert table because she _deserved_ one. 

Monica was not easily found. 

She wasn’t outside. You searched for her in the women’s bathroom, the family bathroom, and the weird room that was clearly designed for bridal parties without any luck. And she wasn’t hiding in the van. 

You were about to admit defeat, before the familiar sound of a baby fussing drew you towards the coat closet. You pulled open the door, relieved to find Monica sitting against the back wall with Sofía. 

“I hope you see the irony in this.” You remarked as you stepped inside and closed the closet door behind you. 

Monica sniffled as she looked up at you with tear-stained cheeks. “Trust me, it wasn’t lost on me.” She had Sofía resting against her bent knees, letting her bounce on her lap. “She’s tired.”

“Me too.” You admitted as you sank down on the floor beside her, stretching your legs out in front of you. “Here.” You said, holding your arms out for her to pass the baby to you. Sofía squirmed, resistant at first, but you managed to get her to settle down against your chest. 

“This is for you.” 

“Thank you.” Monica grinned as she took the cupcake from you. “Chocolate cures everything.” She mused as she peeled the paper off. 

You glanced down at Sofía, watching her face as she kept waking herself back up every time her eyes closed. “Just sleep, sunshine.” You murmured, kissing the top of her head. 

Monica sniffed quietly, wiping tears off with the sleeve of her sweater. 

“So, how much did you hear?” You questioned.

“I was bringing Sofía over to you,” She explained with a sigh. “I caught the tail end of the conversation when he called me a…” Fresh tears sprang to her eyes and she drew her knees to her chest. “And then Javier called me _his_ daughter and I just ran.”

You reached over and rubbed your hand across her back. “I don’t know what Felix’s story is, but neither of us are going to put up with that shit, Monica. What he said was wrong.”

“I know.” She popped a piece of cupcake into her mouth. “And the way Javier punched him.”

“It was glorious.” You grinned. “I _might_ have a problem.”

“I’d probably swoon if a pretty girl punched someone for me.” She admitted with a quiet laugh as she wiped at her eyes again. “It’s just so stupid. I’ve heard every iteration of that word thrown at me, but… things have just been _so_ good. With you and Javier, Nadia, and then Murphys, and everyone in my circle — I forgot what it felt like.”

“The world sucks.” You glanced downwards at Sofía, relieved to see that she wasn’t fighting the pull to sleep anymore. Her little eyelashes fluttered, as a content sigh escaped from her. “For every couple like Javier and I, there’s some asshole like Felix. Honestly, there’s always going to be _that_ jerk.”

“We have one of those in class.” Monica rolled her eyes. 

“George?”

“Bingo.”

“I figured.” You laughed. “We used to work with this guy named Chris, right after Steve left. A truly _insufferable_ human being. They’re people who don’t have any joy in their lives and when they see happy people and they just want to snuff it out.” You gave her a sympathetic smile. “I’m not a good motivational speaker.”

“You’re good.” She offered as she sank back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “Do you think we could go back to the ranch? I don’t know if I want to go back out there.” 

You nodded, “Of course.” 

“I feel bad to make you guys leave early.”

“Don’t feel bad. We’ve seen everyone that needs to be seen.” You assured her, “Do you want to stay in here while I go get Javi?”

Monica nodded. 

You held Sofía securely to your chest as you got up. “I’ll be back.” You told Monica, before you slipped out the door and headed back into the party hall to find Javier. 

“Did you find her?”

“Yeah, she’s hiding in the coat closet.” You answered as Javier passed the baby carrier to you across the table. “I think it’s time to go home.” 

“Home _home_?” Javier questioned.

“The ranch.” You clarified as you strapped Sofía into the carrier. “Did I miss any more fights?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “The asshole left.” 

“ _Daddy_ ,” Josie urged softly. “You said a bad word.” 

“Yeah, daddy _did_ say a bad word.” Javier admitted with a sigh. “I’ll put a nickel in the swear jar, princesa.” 

“To be young and oblivious.” You remarked with a laugh, shaking your head. “Chucho, I’m _so_ sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for, chica?” Chucho’s brows furrowed together. “The one who should be apologizing has already left.” He gestured vaguely towards the doorway Felix had exited through. “That boy was always trouble.” 

“He was.” Javier agreed with a nod, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Let’s get out of here.” He took Sofía’s carrier from you, meeting your gaze. “What a fucking nightmare.” 

You reached down and curled your fingers around his where he held Sofía’s carrier. “You did the right thing, Javi.” You assured him. “And I think it really meant something to Monica that you didn’t even waver on calling her our kid.”

Javier rocked his jaw slowly, giving a stiff nod. “Well she is. Blood doesn’t mean shit.”

* * *

“Hot chocolate.” You announced as you held the mug out in front of Monica. “Chucho’s special recipe.”

“Should I be afraid?” Monica laughed, curling her legs beneath her as she took the mug from you. 

Javier stretched out on the sofa, tucking an arm beneath his head as he glanced towards the two of you, “He went easy on the chili pepper.”

Monica took a small sip, “That’s different. It’s really creamy.”

“There’s so much heavy cream in it.” You laughed, moving towards the sofa where your own mug was sitting on the coffee table. “Move.” You told Javi, giving his leg a swat as he kept them stretched out. “I will sit _on_ you.”

“Am I supposed to hate that offer?” He shot back, before begrudgingly sitting upright. 

You settled onto the sofa beside him, slipping your arm between his back and the sofa cushion as you sank against him. “I’m sorry about how things went down today.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you looked towards Monica. “I know you didn’t really want to go to the shindig.”

“I had fun,” Monica insisted. “Everyone was _so_ nice and welcoming. Danny and his wife were wonderful. Their baby is _adorable_.” She took another sip of the hot chocolate. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I get that,” Javier nodded his head. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t feel like shit about it. Felix hasn’t come to a family gathering since… hell, probably before I went to Colombia. Bit of a black sheep. I shouldn’t have engaged at all.”

You glanced down at Javier’s hand. Despite the ice, his first two knuckles were already turning a dark shade of purple from making contact with Felix’s jaw bone. A small price to pay. 

He sighed heavily, rubbing at the back of his neck, “All that is to say, you’re part of our family, Monica. And I don’t take kindly to people talking shit about my family.” You rested your cheek against Javier’s shoulder, your fingers trailing over his back slowly. 

“I don’t have words for how much that means to me, Javier.” Monica said as she curled her hands around the mug. “After everything that happened… you’ve both been _so_ good to me. I still don’t know how to thank you.”

“We don’t _need_ gratitude,” You stressed. “We just want the best for you. Same as we want for Josie or Sofía. It’s on your parents for not recognizing that they had a good kid on their hands. Sometimes, parents prove to be the biggest disappointments in our lives.” 

Monica nodded slowly, “You’re not wrong there.” 

“I wish you hadn’t heard his bullshit,” Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. “And Josie saw me punch the fucker.” He huffed, flexing his hand against his leg. “That made for a fun bedtime story.” 

You slid your arm out from behind his back, reaching up to play your fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck. “I think you explained it well.” You leaned forward and grabbed your mug of hot chocolate, taking a sip. “And we promise holidays in Laredo are not generally this exciting.” 

“Honestly, I was hoping for a little excitement.” Monica teased. “Why _is_ your ex-fiance invited to family things?”

Javier grumbled, “Because she’s still close to my family.” He shrugged a shoulder, “It’s a small town and… you get a lot of sympathy when someone leaves you at the altar. Even if it was — _shit,_ nearly thirty years ago.” 

“I have so many questions about _young_ Javier Peña.” You teased him, nudging your elbow into his ribs. 

“Me too.” Monica leaned forward, sipping at her hot chocolate. “What were you like?”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head slowly. “That’s _ancient_ history.” Javier gave you a pointed look. “I’m certain you’ve heard plenty of stories from Pops.” 

“ _So_ many.” You agreed, ruffling your fingers through his hair. “But it doesn’t really matter who any of us were before. It’s about who we are now.” You smiled softly. “Even if I really want to hear about what kind of hell raiser you were as a teenager.” 

“I wouldn’t call it hell-raising.” Javier snorted, shaking his head. “You can’t get away with too much when you live in a small town.” 

“Especially when your family makes up half of the town,” Monica quipped as she finished off her hot chocolate and stood up. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. Do you think Josie will mind if I steal Stevie for the night?”

“Nah, but that does mean you’ll have to take her out in the middle of the night.” Javier told her, scratching at his jawline. 

“I don’t mind.” She shrugged. “Good night guys.” 

“Sleep well, Monica.” You offered. “Don’t forget — bright and early to make pecan pie.” 

She snapped her fingers at you as she walked backwards. “Trust me, I haven’t forgotten pie’o’clock.” 

You laughed, taking another sip of hot chocolate. “Well, today was certainly a day.” You mused, tilting your head to look at Javier. “Quit beating yourself up, Javi.” 

“I’m not—”

“You are.” You tapped his chin, urging him to look at you. “I love you.” 

Javier sighed heavily, “I love you too. I just hate that Josie saw me deck a guy.” 

“Actions have consequences. He said a whole lot of awful shit and…” You gestured to his hand. “He got punched for it.” You pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “It was a good lesson for Josie. Just because Felix is family, doesn’t mean we have to associate with him. Family is the people you choose to keep in your life.” 


	64. The Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier returns to the shop. Set December 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Discussion of sex toys and other sex-related topics, and a heavy dose of smooching and rough sex)

Javier tapped his thumb against the steering wheel as he stared across the street at the shop. He felt like he was sitting on a stakeout, sitting there waiting for someone to come out. But in reality, he was waiting to get the courage to go inside. It hadn’t been so bad when he went in with her. _No_. It had been fucking nervewracking. 

What if one of his students _saw_ him going into a sex shop? How would he ever live that down? 

Christmas was right around the corner and he wanted to get something _new_. And considering what came from the last trip to the sex shop — he had a good feeling about this venture. And this time he wanted more of the focus to be on her. Sure, she was an active participant in the… _pegging_ , but he wanted to do something for her. 

And that was the only reason he managed to get himself out of the car and into the shop. For _her_. 

“Good afternoon sir!” Rocky said cheerily from behind the counter. “How can I help you tod—” He clasped his hands together. “Welcome back! Satisfied with your previous purchase?”

Javier swallowed thickly, shoving his hands into his jacket pocket. “You could say that.” He cleared his throat, looking away nervously. “I’m looking for something for _her_ this time.” 

“I see.” He nodded, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “What are you thinking of?”

Javier glanced towards the door. He could still run. 

“I don’t know.” He admitted with a shrug. “Outside of her, um… vibrator, we haven’t really explored much with.” Javier gestured towards the aisles of toys. 

Rocky crossed his arms across his chest, canting his head to the side as he regarded Javier. “You’re _very_ uncomfortable with all of this, aren’t you?” 

“You could tell?” Javier cracked a faint smile, nodding his head slowly. “Our last purchase was our first real exploring outside of the ‘norm’.” 

“There are no _norms_. It’s about what you’re comfortable with.” Rocky explained, “I don’t want to assume anything about your relationship, but neither of you struck me as the _vanilla_ type.” 

Javier scratched at the back of his neck, “You could say that, I guess.” 

“Come with me,” Rocky waved his hand, urging Javier to follow him down one of the aisles. Javier glanced at the shelves, feeling somewhat scandalized by what he saw. He never had a problem going into brothels in Colombia — but there was something about being in a _sex shop_ that made him want to crawl into a hole and die. 

It was probably that Texas upbringing, like she’d teased. 

“And roleplay is entirely out?” Rocky questioned, nodding his head towards a display of costumes that were clearly designed for sex. 

“Yeah.” Javier nodded. “Not really our thing.” 

“Then I really think toys are going to be your best bet,” He stopped walking, gesturing towards the shelf. 

What the _hell_ was he doing there? 

Javier had stared down the barrel of guns, but there was something truly unsettling about staring at a display of neon on colored dildos styled to look like cocks. Shit, he couldn’t wait to tell her about this. If he didn’t go with something, she wasn’t going to believe he’d actually gone by himself. 

“Personally, I’m not really looking for something to uh,” He gestured to a toy that seemed _obscenely_ large _._ “Compete with.” 

“Understood.” Rocky nodded, looking back at the display then. “Have the two of explored a little _rear_ entry?”

“You gotta say it like that?” Javier huffed, his hands going to his hips. “Yeah. We’ve been doing it for years.” He shrugged. “Why?”

“You could always spice things up,” Rocky pointed to one of the toys that was advertised as a _Booty Rocket_. 

“Jesus Christ.” Javier swore under his breath, rocking from his heels to the balls of his feet. “What did I say about not wanting to _compete_.” 

“Oh, no! No.” He shook his head, “This has the potential to be quite fun for both of you.” He picked up the book and showed it to Javier. “You insert this into—”

“Yep.” Javier cut him off. 

“I have heard from _many_ satisfied couples who have used this, or one of the similar toys, in tandem with regular intercourse. I understand the vibrations are quite pleasurable for both participants.”

Javier blinked slowly, his jaw dropping a little as he realized what Rocky was saying. _Oh_. “I see. Well, you didn’t lead us astray last time.” 

Rocky grinned. “You would not believe how many couples I have helped. I call it a gift.” 

“Yeah, alright.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Wrap it up like one.” He hesitated, “And thank you.” 

“It’s no problem at all.” Rocky assured him as he headed back towards the counter. Javier lingered for a second, his eyes wandering over the display warily with a shake of his head. Things certainly hadn’t been dull since she stepped into his life. 

* * *

“It’s not Christmas yet,” You remarked as you spotted a neatly wrapped box sitting at the foot of the bed. “Javi, what’s this?”

“You’ve got to open it.” Javier smirked as he shut the bedroom door behind him. “Otherwise you’re not going to believe where I was today.” 

“Where _were_ you today?” You questioned, shaking the box curiously. It wasn’t like you didn’t already know what he’d gotten you for Christmas. You had been there when he’d picked the bracelet out at the jewelry store. 

That was going to be the closet you ever got to letting a man pick out a piece of jewelry for you. As it was, the jeweler had been so coy with his remarks about, “Wouldn’t you rather pick out a sparkling diamond ring?” No, you just wanted the platinum bracelet that matched Javier’s ring. And you wanted your daughters’ birthdays engraved into it. 

But that wasn’t this. That gift was already wrapped and under the Christmas tree, alongside the fountain pen Javier had been dying for. Mostly because Connie had gotten Steve a similar one for his birthday a few months back. 

Javier joined you at the foot of the bed, looking far too pleased with himself for it to be any _normal_ type of gift. You gave him a curious look before you started to peel the paper off. 

“Oh my God.” You laughed as you read the name on the box. “Are you serious, Javier?”

“Serious as a heart attack.” Javier retorted. “You would’ve been proud of me.” 

You cupped his cheek, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’m always proud of you, but _holy shit_.” You laughed again, tearing off the rest of the paper and tossing it on the floor. “This is probably the _last_ thing I would’ve expected from you, Javi.” 

Javier shrugged, “I even had a whole conversation with Rocky.” 

“And you didn’t die? The earth didn’t swallow you whole?” You pinched his side.

“Ow! What the fuck?” He rubbed at the spot. 

“Just checking to see if you’re corporeal.” 

“Fuck off.” He rolled his eyes, before gesturing to the toy. “Do you like it?”

You looked back down at the product. “Aside from the name — _Booty Rocket_ , really? — I like it.” Your eyes wandered over the back of the packaging. “Ten speeds? Seven is enough to kill me with my vibe.” You laughed, shaking your head. 

“Rocky seemed to think it would be something we’d both enjoy.” Javier nervously cleared his throat. “He suggested that it could be used during… regular sex.” 

Your brows shot upwards, “Wait, so you _and_ the toy?” You looked back down at the neon purple _rocket_ in your hands, before looking back at Javier. “I am very into that idea.” 

“ _Really_?” He honestly seemed relieved. “After… what we explored, I wanted to try something that was more about you, baby.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, giving you a look. 

You leaned in and kissed him again, letting your lips linger against his. “That sounds like _heaven_ to me.” You whispered, sitting the toy aside on the bed as you slid your fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe you went in there alone, Javi.” You actually giggled against his lips. 

“I nearly left.” He admitted, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you closer. “But I knew if I came home empty-handed, you wouldn’t have believed me.”

You bumped your nose against his, “You’re _not_ wrong.” You never would’ve pictured Javier going into that shop again — with or without you. He had been so painfully uncomfortable the first time, you were certain he was not going to go for _anything_ inside. You had been pleasantly surprised, twice now. 

“I figured.” Javier ran his hand up your back. “Do you really like it, baby?”

“I love it.” You promised him. “And I _love_ that you went back there.” 

He shrugged, “I only went for you.”

“Really?”

Javier nodded. “I wanted to get something where the focus was on _you_.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, “You’re sweet.” 

“Don’t let anyone know.” He teased, resting his hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. 

“I think it might already be out.” You laughed, scooting back on the bed. “Come here.” You nudged at his back with your foot as you sank back against the pillows. He smirked at him as you met his gaze. 

Javier moved up the bed towards you until he was hovering above you. “You think that secret’s out?”

You nodded, running your fingers over his forearms as he pressed his palms into the mattress at your shoulders. “ _Mhm_.” You hummed as you trailed your foot up the back of his leg. “You kiss too many _boo-boos_ to be anything other than sweet, Javi.” You reminded him as you combed your fingers through his hair.

Javier dipped down to kiss you, nipping at your bottom lip before he pulled back to meet your gaze. He brushed his knuckles against your cheek, “What can I say? I love my girls.” 

“And we love you.” You whispered, trailing your fingers down the back of his neck before stroking them over the column of his throat. “I can’t tell what I enjoy more…” You pursed your lips thoughtfully as you looked up at him. “When you punch someone for talking shit about us _or_ when you’ve let Josie put bows in your hair.” 

“Still thinking about Laredo?” He questioned as you brushed your thumb over his Adam’s apple.

You bit down on your bottom lip, nodding your head. “I’m still thinking about when you decked Chris too.” You admitted as your foot skimming over the back of his leg again, before your leg wrapped around his hip. “You get this fiery look in your eyes.” You told him, “It’s _hot_.”

Javier chuckled, tracing his thumb over your bottom lip. “You like that, huh?” He questioned, leaning down to kiss you. His tongue slid over your bottom lip, before he caught it between his teeth with just enough pressure to make you hiss. “You like it when I’m rough. Don’t you baby?” 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, fingers tightening in the fabric of his shirt as you arched up against him. “I love it.” 

He pressed a line of kisses along your jaw, trailing his mouth down your throat, his tongue darting out against your skin. He shifted above you, letting more of his weight press you into the mattress and you relished the closeness. 

You grabbed at the back of his t-shirt, trying to drag it up his back. Fingers greedy for the bare skin that was revealed. A soft moaned escaped you as he nipped at your earlobe, his breath hot against your ear. “ _Javi_.”

Javier rolled his hips forward, the fabric of his jeans rough against your bare thighs where your sleep shorts had road upwards. His gaze flickered in the direction of his recent purchase. “Do you—“ 

“No.” You shook your head, leaning up to kiss him. “I just want you.” 

Need burned straight through you as his tongue slipped past your lips, sweeping against your own as he kissed you. His hand moved to grap at your hip, fingers digging into the soft flesh there. The kiss broke only long enough for you to peel his shirt over his head, before discarding it over the side of the bed. 

His mouth claimed yours again, your fingers curling around the back of his neck as he rocked into you. You could feel his cock straining against the front of his jeans, the hard length of his cock grinding against the thin fabric of your shorts and underwear. But it wasn’t enough. You wanted _more_. 

You tugged at his hair, pulling him back as you drew in ragged breaths. “Are you going to tease me or are you going to _fuck_ me, Javier?” You questioned, baiting him into action. 

Javier caught your jaw roughly, even as his thumb soothed over your cheek. “Roll over.” He ordered you, before he released his hold on you and sat back on his knees. 

You looked up at him with a smirk, “Make me.” 

“ _Now_.” He drawled out as he jerked his belt from its belt loops, tossing it aside. 

“No.” You pressed your shoulders back against the mattress and arched your back, your eyes flickering downwards as you watched him unzip his jeans. 

“You’re really pushing your luck tonight, baby.” Javier said lowly as he grabbed your leg, running his hand up your thigh as he leaned forward again. His mouth slanting against yours far too briefly before he pulled back, “Roll over. _Now_.” 

You huffed, shoving at his chest to give yourself room to move as you submitted to his request. His lips moved to the crook of your neck and you couldn’t help but smile, reaching back to rake your fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to go easy on me, babe.” You reminded him. 

His fingers curled loosely around your throat, his lips close to your ear. “Who said anything about _easy_?” Javier questioned, his fingers splaying out against your throat. “On your knees.” 

You complied, fueled by the way he tightened his grip on your throat when you hesitated. Javier tugged your shorts and underwear down your ass, leaving them bunched around your thighs as he moved above you. “ _Fuck_.” You hissed out as you felt his cock brush against your skin. 

“Is that what you wanted, baby?” He whispered against the shell of your ear as he slid the head of his cock between your slick folds, teasing you. “I wanna hear you say it.” 

A moan rose up in the back of your throat, “ _Yes_.” 

Javier sat back on his knees, curling his arm around the middle for support as he kept his fingers wrapped around your throat, guiding you back against his chest. “You’re so fucking wet, baby.” He drawled out, dragging his cock over your sensitive flesh. “Is this all for me?” He questioned, catching your earlobe and biting down gently as he pressed into you.

“ _Javi_.” You hissed as the angle had his cock hitting all the right spots within you. You reached behind you and curled your fingers around the back of his neck. There was something you had always loved about this — half-dressed and desperate for each other. 

He pressed a tender kiss to the curve of your neck, his breath dancing over your skin as he exhaled. “You feel so _fucking_ good, baby.” Javier said as he rolled his hips, his cock barely slipping from you before he was driving into you again.

Javier released his hold on your throat, his hand sliding down over your breasts through your shirt, before his hands grasped at your hips. He held you steady as he moved, fingers digging into the soft flesh there. 

You reached downwards, seeking out that little bundle of nerves between your thighs. “ _Harder_.” You urged him as you circled your clit, your inner walls already fluttering as you felt your release starting to build. 

You were going to be bruised tomorrow and you were going to love every moment of it. It was winter and sweaters and trousers could hide a variety of sins. “ _Javi_.” You gasped as he kept driving into that sweet spot. Again and again. 

“Come for me, baby.” Javier urged. There was something about the tone of his voice that went straight through you, stoking the flames in your veins. You arched back against his chest, crying out softly as your orgasm took hold. His hand replaced yours between your thighs, stroking his thumb over your clit as he slammed into you. 

Your body clenched around him, milking his own release from him. He stiffened, breathing heavily against your shoulder before he started rocking his hips, his pace uneven as he spilled out within you. 

Javier sat back on his legs, pulling you down onto his lap. His cock still buried within you. You sank against him, your still-clothed back pressed against his bare chest. “Holy shi— _Fuck_.” He muttered, rubbing lazy patterns over the tops of your thighs. 

“ _Ditto_.” You breathed out with a quiet laugh, reaching behind you to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you.”

He slid his hands over your waist, pressing a line of kisses over your clothed shoulder. “I love you too.” Javier muttered, “Never cease to amaze me.”

“That’s just the sex talking,” You teased, shifting in his lap. “Let’s try it this weekend.” 

“Hmm?”

“Your _gift_.” You reminded him, tilting your head to look back at him. “Did you forget?” You questioned, brushing your fingers over his cheek as you turned enough to press a kiss to his lips. 

Javier rubbed his hand over your hip, “I might’ve been distracted.” He mumbled as he nuzzled at your neck. “Sounds like the weekend is gonna be fun,” He said as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“It always is.” You laughed softly as you sank back against him. 


	65. Double Fill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier have a little fun. Set in December 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female receiving oral, over stimulation, hand jobs, anal play, double penetration with a toy and cock, cum play, cum eating, anal sex).

Javier’s fingers curled around your thighs, dragging your ass right to the edge of the bed as his mouth descended upon you. You bit down on your bottom lip to keep from crying out as his tongue parted your slick folds, slipping out to taste you. 

“Look at you,” He mused, pulling back to look up at you, licking at his lips to clean away the arousal that coated them. He released your left thigh, reaching down to work two fingers over your sensitive flesh. Javier held your gaze as he pressed them into your cunt, before he leaned back down and worked his tongue over your clit.

You grabbed at the sheets beneath you, knuckles going white as you fought the urge to cry out as he worked his mouth over you. You knew exactly what he was doing too. He’d thrust his fingers into you, work his tongue over that little bundle of nerves, until you were teetering on the edge of your release and then he’d pull back. He’d edge you closer every time. 

“ _Javi_.” You panted out, practically writhing beneath him as he curled his fingers and dragged them over that sweet spot within you. He had you so _fucking_ close to the edge. With every swirl of his tongue over your throbbing clit you could feel your release building. 

You roughly grabbed at his hair, tugging at the strands as he pulled back — robbing you of that moment again. “I can’t…” 

He looked up at you, rubbing your leg reassuringly. “You want me to stop, baby?”

“No.” You shook your head, tilting your head to meet his eyes. “I just want to come.” 

Javier scrapped his teeth over your inner thigh, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the mark he left in his wake. “But you look so good like this.” He taunted, his eyes raking hungrily over your naked body. You had no doubt that you were a sight to see. You had lost track of how many times he’d brought you right to the edge, only to rob you of an orgasm. You felt more than a little delirious and honestly, you loved it. 

If there was one thing Javier could do well, it was eat pussy. There was something deeply erotic about the way he did it when he _really_ went at it. The scrape of his scruff against the tender skin of your inner thighs, the way he’d crook his fingers within you at just the _right_ moment. He knew your body as well as you knew it yourself. 

He circled his thumb over your clit, his eyes fixed on yours. “You wanna come?” Javier questioned, his voice low and rough just as he pulled his fingers away again. 

“Son of a—“ Your voice broke off into a ragged moan as he dipped back down and worked his tongue over your clit again. You slapped your palm against the mattress, grabbing at the blankets as you felt it starting to build again. You were begging him, needy sounds of desperation falling from your lips as you begged him to let you come. 

You clenched around nothing as the first flutters of your release started to build. Your toes curled, pleasure burning through your lower belly — but it wasn’t meant to be. Javier pulled back with a wicked grin, looking down at you as your legs trembled and your hips rocked as he stole it from you. 

“I hate you so _fucking_ much.” You panted out, clenching your thighs together as you looked down at him. 

“No, you don’t.” Javier shook his head, using the bed for support as he pulled himself off the floor. He leaned over you, eyes searching yours as he stroked his fingers over your cheek. “You good?”

You nodded, chewing on your bottom lip. “I might go crazy before the night is over, but I’m good.” 

“You’re a _mess_.” He told you, slipping his hand between your thighs as he leaned down to kiss you. You could taste yourself on his mouth and there was something heady and arousing about that. “You look so sexy right now.” Javier murmured as his fingers trailed higher, stopping just shy of where you needed the attention. “Always so fucking hot.” 

“When you said you wanted the focus to be on me,” You started with a breathy laugh as he pulled away from you. “I didn’t realize you meant the focus would be on _denying_ me.” Your eyes followed him as he reached for the bottle of lube and the infamous Booty Rocket. 

You shifted back on the bed so you could grab a pillow, sliding back down to the edge of the bed. “Here.” You passed it to him, “For your knees.” 

Javier leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to your lips, “Thank you, baby.” 

“You’re welcome.” You grinned up at him, dragging your fingers through his hair as he brushed his nose against yours. He stole another kiss, before he pulled away. 

Javier knelt back down between your thighs, “You ready?”

“I’m ready to _come_.” You retorted, resting your foot on his shoulder as you lifted your hips off the edge of the mattress. You were wound up tight, need burning in through your core. 

“You will,” He promised you as he stroked his fingers through folds, slipping just the tips of his fingers into you far too briefly. “Look at you.” Javier mused as he dipped his thumb into you, gathering up some of your arousal before brushing his thumb lower, circling it over your asshole. 

“ _Fuck_.” You swore, biting down on your bottom lip as he eased just his thumb into you. You knew what was coming. You heard the tell-tale click of the bottle of lube. His thumb slipped from you, long enough to smear the lube over your puckered hole, before he replaced his thumb with the toy. 

“Tell me if it’s too much, baby.” Javier murmured, pressing his lips to the top of your thigh as he worked the toy into you. Your back arched as you rocked your hips towards him, a moan slipping past your lips as the toy bottomed out, the flared base resting against your ass. “Baby?”

“I’m good.” You promised him, leaning up on your elbows to look down at him. You _were_ good, albeit more than a little overwhelmed. And it was only the beginning. “Do you have the remote?” You questioned and Javier nodded, snatching it up off the floor and showing it to you.

“Wanna try?” 

“Low.” You cautioned, sinking back down against the bed. 

The first setting was a low pulsing vibration that you could feel through your entire pelvis. But it was faint and it wasn’t nearly enough to bring you any real pleasure. It wasn’t what you _really_ needed. 

“ _Javier_.”

He ran his hands over your legs, his lips brushing against the soft flesh of your inner thigh. “You’re doing so good, baby. If you could see yourself right now.” He encouraged you, his breath hot against your skin.

“I want you.” You whispered, rocking your hips towards him. “ _Please_.” 

Javier rose to his feet and peeled off his tee shirt, but your eyes were drawn downwards to the bulge in his boxers. You sat up slowly, a quiet moan rising up in the back of your throat as the motion made the toy shift within you and reach new spots. Your fingers hooked in the waistband of his boxers before you pulled them down his hips. 

“This is what I want.” You told him, looking up at him from beneath your lashes as you curled your fingers around the base of his cock and dragged them up the length of him. “Did you enjoy going down on me, Javi?” You questioned, brushing your thumb over the head of his cock. 

“You _know_ I did, baby.” Javier answered, his voice low and rough as he played his fingers through your hair. He trailed his fingers over your cheek, before he tapped on your chin and urged you to look up at him. “If it’s too much—”

“I’ll use my word.” You released your hold on his cock, your hand traveling up over his stomach and chest, before you curled your fingers around the back of his neck and dragged him downwards so you could kiss him. 

Javier guided you back against the mattress, your legs drawn up around his hips. You moaned against his mouth, the sound lost in the desperation of his kiss, as his cock pressed against your over-sensitive cunt. You were still teetering on the edge, the low pulsing sensation within your merely stoking the fire. 

He reached downwards, his thumb grazing your clit as he guided his cock to your center. 

Your fingers tightened at his shoulders, nails digging into his skin as he started to press into you. It was _tight_ and it felt like pure unadulterated pleasure. “Yes. _Yes_.” You breathed out, your lips still crushed against his as he slid into you all the way to the root. 

Javier grabbed at your hip, fingers pressing into old bruises. “Holy _shit_.” He hissed, pulling out before pressing back into you slowly. “I can feel it.” He marveled. “How do you feel?”

“Full.” You blinked up at him, your fingers trailing over the back of his neck. “Don’t tease me, Javi.” You urged as you leaned up and kissed him again.

He started moving, a slow and steady pace as he worked his cock in and out of you. “You feel so good, baby.” He murmured, his lips brushing over yours as he pressed into you. 

You felt the first flutters of your release, your cunt clenching around his cock and the toy as you started to come undone. Your back arched, hips desperately grinding into his every forward movement. 

“That’s it, let go.” Javier rasped out, his lips close to your ear as he held fast to you. You cried out, trying to contain yourself as the pleasure rocketed through you. It was just the beginning. The pleasure was a mere fraction of the tidal wave you felt building. 

He fumbled for the remote beside you, pressing it into your palm. “Whatever you want.” He told you, brushing his lips over the curve of your throat, before kissing you again. 

One. Two. Three. 

The vibrations grew stronger and you both moaned desperately as new pleasure overwhelmed you. The pulsing sensation, in tandem with the drive of his cock had your legs twitching as you kept them curled around his hips. 

“ _Close._ ” Javier warned you as his pace faltered, fingers palming at the soft flesh of your asscheek as he kept driving into you. 

You brushed your thumb over the remote, hitting the settings up one more notch and that was all it took. You could feel the vibration all the way in the depths of your core and there was nothing left to do but come undone.

Your moans got lost against his lips, swallowing up his own groans. The pleasure was mind-numbing, the kind of deep-seated euphoria that left you feeling boneless. Your inner walls pulsed around him and you felt the flood of your arousal gush from you as he kept slamming his hips into you until he couldn’t. 

Javier tensed, going rigid as he came. His cock twitching inside you, hips grinding against you. You felt the aftershocks of your release or maybe it just hadn’t _stopped_. Your cunt gripping his cock and the toy, milking his own pleasure from him. 

He grabbed the remote from you and shut it off, before taking your hand into his and interlacing your fingers as you both sank against the mattress.

Even off you swore you could still feel the hum of the toy, the pulse of it as it teased _both_ of you. “Oh my god.” You breathed out, but the sound came out far closer to a croak. His cock was still buried within you, the stretch still enough to make you writhe beneath him.

Javier nodded his agreement, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. You knew the position was terrible for him. One knee pressed into the mattress, while his other foot was planted on the ground. But he didn’t complain. Neither of you were willing to unwind yourselves just yet. 

He brushed his nose against your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he let out a ragged sigh. “Damn.” 

You actually giggled at that, a sound of pure joy escaping you as you ran your hand over the length of his back. “Understatement of the year.” You combed your fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to his cheek, before pressing your forehead against his temple. “I love you.”

Javier chuckled, giving your hip a squeeze. “I love you too.” A grunt escaped him as he shifted his weight on the knee he had pressed against the bed. 

“Let’s move.” You murmured, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I’m good.” 

You gave him a pointed look, “Alright, old man.” 

“ _Old man_?” Javier grumbled, giving your hip a playful swat as he reluctantly pulled back, his cock sliding out of you. You felt the wet rush of his release slipping from him. 

He knelt down at the foot of the bed again, “I think I need to remind you of what an _old man_ can do, baby.”

“ _Fuck_.” You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip as Javier curled his hands around your thighs, pulling you to the edge of the bed again. That look in his eyes made you your cunt clench around nothing. 

“Do your worst.”

Javier knelt down, dragging his fingers through your folds, “Wish you knew just how fucking hot it is to see me leaking out of you, baby.” He pressed his fingers into you, pushing it back into you. “So fucking good.” He murmured, dipping down to replace his fingers with his tongue, lapping at the combination of both of you as it dripped out of your cunt. 

You grabbed at the bedsheets beneath you, a moan rising up in the back of your throat as you squirmed in his hold. 

Javier groaned against your folds, the sound reverberating through you as his tongue worked into you before dragging up to swirl around your clit. 

Your thighs trembled as they pressed against his face, framing him so perfectly as he worked his mouth over your sensitive flesh, driving you towards the edge again. You came apart, back bowing up off the mattress as you clenched around the toy still buried within you, your inner walls fluttering around his tongue every time he pressed it into you. 

Javier sat back on his heels, smirking up at you as he ran his thumb over his glistening bottom lip. Despite how _utterly_ boneless you felt, you couldn’t resist sitting up and kissing him. Your tongue traced over his bottom lip before slipping into his mouth. You ran your hand down his chest, slipping downwards to curl your fingers around his newly hardening cock. 

“Did you like that?” You questioned, pressing your forehead against his. “Did we taste good, Javi?” You whispered as you stroked his cock slowly. “You’re so fucking _hard_.”

“Can you handle more?” He questioned, running his fingers along your side, before he tilted his head to kiss you again.

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, pumping your hand over his length. “Please.”

“Roll over for me, baby.” Javier drawled out. 

You stole another kiss before you moved to drape yourself over the foot of the bed, ass up for him.

“You did so _fucking_ good,” He murmured as he stroked his hand over the small of your back. “You’re such a good girl, baby.” Javier added, knowing _exactly_ what he was doing with that praise. “Are you going to be a _good girl_ for me?”

“ _Goddammit_.” You swore, pressing your forehead against your folded arms as he gently worked at the toy within you, teasing you with it before he carefully pulled it out. You couldn’t help the way you trembled or the way you rocked your hips backwards towards him. You wanted _more_. 

Javier roughly palmed at your asscheeks, as he slid his cock between them. “Are you gonna take my cock again, baby? You think you can do that for me?” He questioned as he pressed just the head of his cock into your ass. 

You keened, fingers tightening around the bed sheets as he finally sank into you. Your back arched, grinding back against him. “Jesus — _fucking_ —shit.”

His hand curled around your hip, holding you steady as his other hand moved to rest at the center of your chest guiding you up and back until he had you pressed against his chest. 

Javier nearly slipped from you, before snapping his hips forward, his cock driving into you again and _again_. You let your head fall back against his shoulder, just giving in to everything you were feeling. 

“You feel so good,” Javier murmured. “So _fucking_ good.”

You reached behind you, fingers tugging at his hair. “I _love_ your cock.” You told him, your hips rocking back to meet his every movement. “I think about—“ Your voice cracked, another moan escaping you as his hand moved from your hip and teased at your clit. 

“What do you think about?” He questioned, nipping at the junction where your neck met your shoulder. 

“Your _fucking_ cock.” You gritted out as you felt your body starting to react, a deep burn of pleasure building within you. “Can’t get enough.”

Javier worked two fingers into you, twisting them in tandem with the drive of his cock. It was overwhelming and you were already overwhelmed. 

You curled your fingers around his forearm, nails biting into his skin as the added stimulation set off your orgasm. You tried not to cry out, your teeth drawing blood as you bit down on your bottom lip.It was hard to even think straight. 

His fingers twisted in your hair, an erotic mix of pain and pleasure as he kept driving into you. “Gonna… _fuck_. Baby, I’m gonna come.”

“Yes!” You curled your hands around his as he grabbed at your hips, picking up the pace of his thrusts until he found his own release. 

Your legs gave out on you. He’d managed to turn you into a trembling mess. Javier was quick to wrap his arm around your waist, helping as you sank forward onto the foot of the bed. 

“Holy _shit_.” You breathed out as he slowly slid his cock out of you. “You’ve outdone yourself, Javi.”

“Gonna keep calling me _old_ now, baby?” He teased, slapping his hand against your ass hard enough to make you yelp, only to soothingly rub his hand over the same spot. 

“Check back in tomorrow.” You laughed, stretching your arms out on the bed beneath you. “My brain is just… fuzzy.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Javier murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of your shoulder. “Hey baby, can you turn over?”

“Yeah.” You mumbled, slowly pulling yourself up, before you rolled over and scooted to the edge of the bed, looking up at him. “ _Damn_.” You could feel _every_ spot he’d touched, both on your skin and deep within you.

“C’mere.” Javier said warmly, moving to pick you up. He carried you around to the side of the bed, settling you against the pillows before he joined you. 

You let out a heavy and contented sigh as he curled his arm around your waist. “Did you have fun?” He questioned, brushing his lips against your shoulder. 

“Mhm.” You nodded slowly, shifting closer to him, as if that were even possible. You were already pressed up against him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt _that_ good before.” 

Javier chuckled, “Guess we can thank Rocky.”

You laughed loudly, turning to press your face into the crook of his neck. “We should send him a gift basket.” 

He snorted quietly, brushing his fingers through your hair. “Maybe.” 

You pulled back a little, smiling at him. “Have I mentioned lately just how _much_ I love you?” 

“That’s the sex talking.” Javier retorted, holding your gaze. “But I’m always interested in hearing it, baby.”

“More than anything,” You stroked your fingers over his cheek. “I cannot picture my life without you.”

“I fucked you that good, huh?” He teased, though his eyes revealed just how much your words meant. 

“It was _really_ good.” You agreed. “I might need to sit on a pillow tomorrow.” 

He winked. “As it should be.”

“But I mean it, Javier.” You insisted. “Every part of who I am loves you.” 

Javier pressed a tender kiss to your lips, “I love you too, baby. Always have.” He curled both arms around you, holding you close. “You should rest.”

“For a week.” You whispered quietly, letting yourself give in to the exhaustion you felt. 


	66. Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader joins Javier and Steve at the bar. Set a few weeks before Old Parr in May 1989.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none

Tonight was _supposed_ to be a date night with Lance. You had actually been looking forward to it. He was a decent cook and you always had a good time at his place. But by the time you got dressed up, you weren’t in the mood. It was the tailend of a workweek from hell and frankly, you just wanted to wind down with Steve and Javier. 

Lance didn’t even seem upset with you for canceling. He really was a great guy. So understanding. He’d make a great boyfriend for someone, someday. _Shit_. 

“Look at you,” Steve remarked as you came to a halt beside their table. “Is this how you dress when you’re not stuck with us?”

You rolled your eyes, “You’ve seen me in a dress before, asshole.” You set your gaze on Javier then, waving your hand at him, “Scoot.”

He complied, scooting towards the wall to give you space to sit down on the booth beside him. “Didn’t think we’d see you tonight.” 

“You weren’t supposed to,” You shrugged, drumming your fingers over the top of the table. “I was worried you’d be gone before I got here.” It was said to both of them, but your eyes lingered on Javier longer than necessary. 

“The night is young.” Javier said with a smirk as he knocked back a shot of whiskey. 

“Looks like I need to catch up.” You gestured to the whiskey, “I’ll be back.” You said as you slid out of the booth and headed to order drinks. 

You heard Steve say something about getting refills, before he followed after you, “Did Lance cancel on you?” He questioned as he leaned against the bar beside you. 

“I canceled on him.”

“ _Really_?”

“Yeah,” You shrugged your shoulders, tilting your head to look at him. “I just really wasn’t up for it.” 

“You could’ve invited him out for drinks with us.” Steve suggested. 

“Nah,” You shook your head. “We both know how Javi would’ve reacted to _that_. And I’m really not looking to sit through another pointed rant about the CIA. Even if I agree with him.” 

“Are you and Lance okay?” He questioned, rubbing at the back of his neck as he turned towards you. 

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip. “We’re not _not_ okay.” You hung your head. “I don’t know, Steve. Sometimes I feel like I could _really_ love him. You know? I have this whole list of reasons why I should—“

“You have a list?” Steve shook his head as he chuckled. “Poor guy.” 

“Poor guy is right,” You made a face. “It’s been almost a year and I think… He’s a lot more serious about this than I am.” You glanced back over your shoulder at Javier who was still nursing a bottle of beer. You’d rather be here than over at Lance’s. And you should’ve felt guilty about that. “Can we not talk about this at the table? I don’t wanna hear it from Javier.”

“Of course.” Steve gave your arm a pat. “For what it’s worth, if you have a list of reasons for why you _should_ love someone, do you really love them?”

You slowly shook your head, “Probably not. But he’s a _good_ guy. We always have fun together. We work… well enough.” 

The bartender returned with the orders. 

“It’s just… I always thought it would feel _different_. You know?” Your eyes flickered back towards the booth, only to find it empty. 

“Forget I was here?” Javier remarked, causing your heart to skip a beat as he slung his arms over your shoulders and Steve’s.

“We can’t talk shit about you at the table.” Steve remarked, shaking his arm off. “The drinks just got here, jackass.”

His arm was still casually slung over your shoulders and you tried to ignore just how much you enjoyed it. “Were you really talking shit about me?” Javier questioned as he tapped on the bar and ordered two shots. 

“In a round about way.” You answered, your eyes following Steve as he retreated back to the booth. “See you back at the table.”

Javier caught your arm before you could escape. “This shot has your name on it.” He said, gesturing towards the bartender as he returned with two shots. “You said you wanted to catch up.”

Your tongue traced over your bottom lip, before you relented, sitting your beer back down on the bar as you turned towards him. “Fine.” You crossed your arm with his, before bringing the shot to your lips and knocking it back with a satisfied hiss.

Something about the way the muscles of Javier’s neck showed as he leaned back to drink the whiskey caught your attention. And you tried to ignore the line of thinking that had you picturing your lips trailing over that same skin. 

“So, where’s the suit?” Javier questioned, gesturing towards your dress. “Busy sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong?”

Something burned through you and it wasn’t just the whiskey. “Oh, fuck off Javier.” You snapped, turning on your heels and heading back for the booth.

You hadn’t considered the fact that entering the booth first meant Javier’s body would effectively cage you in. And he sat himself far too close to you as he rejoined you and Steve at the table. 

Not that you hadn’t done the same before. 

“Someone’s acting cagey about the CIA tonight.” Javier remarked lightly, giving you a pointed look.

“Drop it.” Steve said firmly, knocking his knuckles against the top of the table to get Javier’s attention. “Not tonight.” 

You brought your beer bottle to your lips, glancing towards Javi. You watched the way his shoulders tensed as he stared straight ahead at Steve with body language you couldn’t quite read. 

“Did you hear the director’s gonna be at the embassy this week?” Javier questioned, looking between you and Steve then.

“Yeah,” You nodded. “Heard he’s in the city to meet with Barco. Things are going to be heating up over the next couple of months.” You explained, rolling the base of the beer bottle against the table. 

“Escobar?” Steve questioned as he took a sip of beer.

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, giving a short shake of your head. “My sources think Gacha. He’s gone rogue the last couple months. Ever since news broke on the training camps, things have been tense.” 

Javier rocked his jaw thoughtfully, “Your guy’s on the inside, right?”

Your eyes darted around warily, always cautious of who was listening. But the bar was filled with the regulars, familiar faces you’d seen weekly for almost two years. “Yeah. Matias has connections to the Ochoa brothers.” You answered Javier, keeping your voice low. “If we don’t get Gacha first, the Cali Cartel will. There’s a feud there that we could exploit.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth as he nodded in agreement, “Does Lance know about Matias?”

You rubbed your lips together and stared down at your bottle of beer. 

“We didn’t come here to talk shop, Peña.” Murphy must’ve kicked him under the table because Javier jerked in his seat, his leg knocking against yours. “What are your plans for the weekend?”

“I finally got my hands on a copy of _Queen of the Damned_. Only eight months after its release.” You answered, offering Javier a faint smile. “Thanks, by the way.” 

Javier nudged you in the ribs, “Anytime, baby.” 

“How many shots ahead of me, are you?” You questioned, chewing on your bottom lip as you tilted your head to look at him. 

His brows furrowed, “Three. Including the one at the bar.” 

“Jesus Christ, Javi.” You shoved him playfully in the shoulder. “Go get me two.” 

Reluctantly he slid out of the booth, glancing back at you, before he headed for the bar. 

“Steve, I know I said I don’t want to discuss the Lance _thing_ , but I can handle Javier being… _Javier_.” You knew he hated Lance, you were basically immune to his smartass comments at this point. “I appreciate the effort, though.” 

“We both know Javier can take things too far.” 

“I really don’t mind.” You looked towards the bar, watching as Javier laughed over something the bartender had said, before starting back towards the pair of you. “He means well.” You glanced back at Steve then, brows furrowed. “What’s that look for?”

He shook his head, chuckling. “Nothing.” 

You frowned, “Doesn’t look like a _nothing_ look to me.” 

“Nah,” He waved his hand dismissively, before rubbing at the back of his neck. “So what’s the story with the book?”

“It’s been an absolute _bitch_ trying to get non-essential shit through the embassy.” You explained, tapping the base of your bottle against the table, “I guess they don’t think Anne Rice is a need-to-have.” You rolled your eyes. “Anyways, I’d mentioned the issue to Javier and he managed to get his hands on a copy.” You sat up a little straighter as Javier returned with the shots. “Let Connie know she can borrow it when I’ve finished.”

“She loves that shit.” Steve agreed with a nod. “She’ll get a kick out of it.” 

You pushed your beer bottle aside as Javi returned, setting your sights on the two shots of whiskey. “You didn’t have more shots at the bar, did you?” 

Javier shook his head, “We’ll be even after this.” 

You downed both in succession, the glasses clinking against the table as you sat them back down heavily. You blinked, shuttering a little as you felt the warmth of the liquor fan out through you as it slid down your throat. 

“You good?” Javier snorted, trying not to laugh. 

“Are _you_ good?” You countered, narrowing your eyes at him, before you looked back at Steve. “Why aren’t you doing shots?”

“I don’t mix.” He gestured to his bottle of beer. 

“ _Weak_.” 

Steve shrugged, “Probably.” 

God, you were glad you’d decided to show up here, rather than going to Lance’s. You liked the guy, you _really_ did… but you wouldn’t trade anything for this. With Steve and Javier you felt like you _belonged_. And that wasn’t a feeling you were intimately familiar with. 

And maybe in the long run you could love Lance, but you weren’t ready for your relationship to reach that stage. How could you love someone who was loathed by the person who meant the — by the _people_ who meant the world to you. Both of them, not just Javier. 

You swallowed thickly as you rubbed your lips together. 

“What are _you_ doing this weekend, Javier?” Steve questioned. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m working on a new informant.” 

Steve pursed his lips and nodded slowly, “ _Alright_. So work?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

Your eyes followed the path his fingers took as they moved through his hair, unsticking the hair that was sticking against his forehead and behind his ears. You’d never noticed the bluish green mark behind his ear.

“When’d you get a tattoo?” You blurted out. 

“What?” Javier turned to look at you, brows furrowed.

“Your tattoo.” You reached out and brushed your fingers over the spot just behind his ear. “I’ve never noticed it before.”

“ _Shit_ ,” He thought for a moment. “I think I was probably eighteen.” 

You rubbed your thumb over the spot, before you gently played your fingers through his hair there, savoring the soft texture of it beneath your fingertips. 

Steve cleared his throat, “You never noticed that before?”

You shook your head, “You know, Lance hates tattoos.”

“ _Figures_.” Javier huffed, making no attempt to stop your fingers as you played them through his hair more freely. “I’ve got _more_ if you’d ever like a private tour of them.”

“Maybe _._ ” You said coyly, brushing your fingers down the back of his neck before you reached for your beer again. 

Steve looked between the two of you, before shaking his head slowly. “Not that anyone asked, but Connie and I are gonna drive out to Buenaventura. Spend the weekend near the water.” 

You and Javier both gave him a skeptical look. 

“That’s _ten_ hours away, Murphy.” You pointed out. 

“So what?” Javi questioned. “You’re gonna drive ten hours just to stare at the water?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Connie’s missing Miami.” 

“Buenaventura is _not_ Miami.” 

“The _water_.” Murphy insisted. “Look, we just need a getaway.” He leaned his elbows against the table, “Come to think of it, a getaway might do you and Lance some good.”

You caught the way Javier’s head turned, his eyes fixed on your face. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Nope.” You said shortly, bringing your beer bottle to your lips. You kept your gaze fixed straight ahead. “Everything is _just_ fine.” 

He didn’t push it any further than that. 

Another round of beers made its way to the table along with another pair of shots for you and Javier to share. 

Why couldn’t it be _this_ easy with Lance? You had fun with him, sure. But it never felt like _this_. And of course, it just had to be Javier. The last person in the world who would ever reciprocate anything outside of friendship.

And you were lucky you had that. 

You never imagined yourself as the type of woman to _settle_ , but honestly? Lance wasn’t that bad. He was a good man, he was kind and smart and funny. Good at his job. He should’ve been everything and yet...You’d rather be alone and have _this_ than be stuck with someone you had to convince yourself to love. 

_Fuck_. You were going to have to break up with Lance. And you were fairly certain he’d been slowly working towards popping _the_ question with you. 

But it wasn’t fair to _either_ of you to keep playing a game.


	67. Zoo Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and the family go to the zoo. Set January 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Family Fluff

“You know, you _really_ pull this look off.” You teased as you knelt down in front of Javier to pick up the beanie that Sofía had managed to pull off. She giggled and squirmed in her carrier, kicking her feet excitedly as you leaned in and kissed her forehead, making a dramatic kissing sound for her benefit. “You gotta keep this on, squirmy.” You told her as you pulled the hat back on, pulling it down over her ears. 

“Where’s mine?” Javier questioned, clicking his tongue against his teeth as you stood back up. He turned his head, tapping his finger against his cheek 

“Aw, Javi.” You reached up and nudged his chin so he was looking at you. “Do you need _kissies_ too?” You questioned with a playful lilt to your tone, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips and making the same sound you’d made for Sofía. 

“ _Ewww_.” Josie shouted, grabbing at your hand and trying to pull you away from Javier. “Mommy that’s icky.” 

You laughed, kneeling down in front of her. “Is it icky when I kiss _you_ , babydoll?” You questioned, pulling her towards you and smothering her with kisses. 

Josie giggled, throwing her arms around your neck as she hugged you. “Can you carry me?”

“You are getting too big, kiddo.” You said with a frown, poking her in the belly. “But I can push you in the stroller. If you promise to stay belted in.”

“I don’t wanna.” She huffed, throwing her head back very dramatically. “I wanna see the lions.” 

Monica pushed the stroller closer, “I heard only big girls who sit in their strollers get to see the lions.” 

Javier nodded, “ _Mhm_. That’s the truth, princesa. You can’t see the lions if you don’t sit in your stroller.” 

Josie crossed her arms across her chest, “But I’m not a baby.” She moved towards him then, wrapping her arms around his leg. “Daddy, can _you_ carry me?”

“Sweetheart, I’ve got Sofía.” He gestured to the carrier that was strapped to his chest. “Can you sit in the stroller for me?”

“I want you to carry me.” She stomped her foot.

You knelt back down to her height, “ _Josefina_.” 

She pouted. 

“You’re not going to get _Dippin’ Dots_ if you keep acting up.” You warned her, giving her a disappointed look. She had the worst stubborn streak, which could only be blamed on the fact that the two of you were her parents. 

Javier reached down and gave your shoulder a squeeze, “Baby, she can ride on my shoulders.” 

“Javi, your back is going to be _killing_ you tomorrow.” As it was, it was hard enough to get him to admit to having any pain. He already had one bad shoulder and knee pain that he acted like he could just pretend away.

He shrugged, “It’s a small sacrifice.” 

You shook your head, “When you can’t get out of bed tomorrow, remember this.” You remarked, before you picked Josie up and helped her onto his shoulders. She was _thrilled_. “Don’t kick your sister.” 

“Okay, mommy.” Josie beamed, resting her hands on the top of Javier’s head, fingers curling around his hair. “Come on daddy. I wanna see the lions!”

“He’s _not_ a horse.” Monica quipped with a laugh as she took your backpack and tossed it into the stroller. “She always gets what she wants, doesn’t she?”

You rolled your eyes, watching as Javier started ahead of the two of you with both of the girls. “When it comes to them, ‘no’ isn’t in his vocabulary.” You shook your head slowly. “He’s a good dad.” 

Monica nodded, “He really is.” 

You smiled at her, “That sentiment goes for you too.”

She laughed quietly, “I do not need _anything_.”

“What about that stuffed tiger at the front gate?” You questioned teasingly. 

“You both have already done _so_ much for me.” Monica reminded you. “I have a safe place to live, a job, and I’m still in school because of you. There’s _nothing_ more I could want.”

You reached over and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “We just want what’s best for you.” And that was the simple truth. You wanted what was best for all three of _your_ daughters. 

“Don’t get all sappy on me.” She swatted your hand away with a laugh. “How are _you_ doing? We haven’t really talked about everything that happened…”

“I’m good.” You cut her off, “Some days are still challenges.” You shrugged your shoulders, chewing on your bottom lip as you looked straight ahead. There were still some days where it felt like your thoughts were your greatest enemy. Sofía still had days where she refused to breastfeed and it hurt. But she had gotten better and Nancy had helped you find ways to cope with that disappointment. 

“I still feel so bad…”

“Don’t.” You assured her. “I would’ve been stressed regardless of the situation.”

“I know, but—“

“Don’t blame yourself.” You shook your head slowly, “The DEA put you in a difficult situation. I’m not going to judge you for it. It’s fucked up that they targeted you.” 

“It was definitely eye-opening.”

“It’s all water under the bridge, Monica.” You bumped your shoulder into hers, offering her a smile. “And if it hadn’t happened the way it had, I don’t know if Javier and I would’ve ended up in therapy. Which we needed more than either of us wanted to admit.”

There had been so many misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and situations outside of your control. Therapy had really helped mend some of those issues. 

“You know,” She started. “I’m surprised he was so willing to go. Not to generalise, but men never seem that _into_ talking about their problems.”

You laughed, “I don’t think Javier is _into_ it either. But I’m pretty sure he would do just about anything to keep our family together. Even if that means spilling his guts.” A smile spread over your lips as you watched Javier up ahead. He had paused to let Josie look at the giraffes. 

“Is it helping?”

“Therapy?” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. “Oh, yeah. It’s helped us in a _lot_ of ways—“

“I don’t want to know about any of the ways.”

You snorted, “Trust me, I wasn’t planning to go into any details. I’ve been sworn to take things to the grave.” You shook your head slowly, “We’re just trying to focus on _our_ relationship.”

“I’ve noticed the hickies.”

“So judgy.” You teased, before heading towards Javier and the girls. “You’re _almost_ as tall as a giraffe sitting up there, sweetheart.” You told Josie as she watched the zookeepers feeding the giraffes with rapt attention.

“Mommy what’s your favorite amnimal—”

“ _Animal_.” Javier corrected her. 

“What’s your favorite _animal_ , mommy?”

“Good question.” You tapped your finger against your lips as you considered the question. “I have always loved foxes. And Komodo dragons are pretty cool.”

Javier gave you a look. 

“What?”

“I didn’t know that.” He shrugged.

“Well, what’s yours?”

He rocked his jaw slowly, his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek. “Maybe coyotes.” 

You cocked your head to the side, “ _Really_?”

He shrugged, “They used to be a real problem on the ranch when I was a kid. But they’re just trying to take care of their own, in their own way. It’s not like they know what a fence is.”

You looked towards Monica then. “What about you?”

“Koalas.” She turned her backpack around to show you the koala patch she had sewed onto the front of it. “I used to have a koala wallpaper border in my room as a kid.”

“I like lions.” Josie announced, patting the top of Javier’s head. “I wanna be a lion when I grow up.” 

“Then you’ve gotta work on your roar.” Javier told her, curling his hands around her ankles as she kept kicking her heels against his chest. You could tell he was getting frustrated, it was evident in the way he was holding his jaw.

“ _Oh god_.” Monica groaned, covering her face as she knew exactly what was coming next. 

“I’m gonna be a mighty king!” Josie sang out loudly, swaying back and forth on Javier’s shoulders. 

“You’re gonna break your father’s back if you keep at it, JoJo.” Javier warned her. “Sit still, please.”

Josie’s response was to wrap her arms around his head, “But I’m singing, daddy.” She explained, patting his forehead with her whole hand.

“Why don’t you give your old man a break, kiddo?” You suggested, holding your hands up to help her off his shoulders. “Even the cutest lion cubs have to sit in strollers.” 

Josie pouted as you pulled her down and strapped her into the stroller before she could fuss any further. “But I’m a _big_ girl, mommy!”

“And big girls ride in strollers.” You told her, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “You still good with pushing her?” You asked Monica. 

“I don’t mind.” She assured you, readjusting the backpack that had been in the seat of the stroller, shoving into the compartment beneath it. “Just call me a lion tamer.” Monica chuckled. 

“Thank you.” You widened your eyes dramatically, before turning your attention back to your daughter. “Hey Josie?”

“Yes, mommy?”

“We’re almost to the lions.”

“Yay!” She cheered.

Javier rolled his shoulders as he rubbed at his lower back. He was _clearly_ in pain. “Don’t.” He cautioned you as you shot him a pointed look.

“You mean, I shouldn’t say ‘I told you so’?” You questioned, shaking your head. “She’s getting too big to carry around on your shoulders. Especially with Sofía.” You moved his hand aside, rubbing your hand over the spot. “Here?”

He grimaced, “Yeah.” 

You pressed your thumbs into the spot, trying to work out the knot for him. “If you’re lucky, I’ll give you a massage tonight.” You told him, rising up on your toes so you could rest your chin on his shoulder. “Does that sound nice?”

Javier titled his head to look back at you, “I like the way you think.” 

“I thought you might.” You pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder before pulling away. 

“You done?” Monica teased you, wearing an expression not unlike the one Josie was giving you from beneath the canopy of the stroller. 

“The kids are judging us.” You nudged Javier in the ribs, reaching down to take his hand into yours. 

“They’re always judging us, baby.” Javier countered with a smirk, giving your hand three squeezes. 

Josie was _enthralled_ by the lions. She stood and stared at them for almost an hour. She would alternate between getting you, Javier, and Monica to kneel down beside her, while she told you about what she was seeing. “That lion is sleepy!” and “That lion likes his rock.” She was precious.

By the end of the day, she was _more_ than willing to get into the stroller and fall asleep. She’d seen her lions, she was good. 

————

“One down, one to go.” Javier remarked as he walked back into the kitchen with Sofía in his arms. She was _wide_ awake. 

“I don’t know how she managed to sleep at the zoo. It was so noisy.” You chuckled, shaking your head as you wiped the pizza plates off over the garbage can, before putting them away in the dishwasher. 

“Let’s hope she doesn’t stay up all night.” He huffed quietly, looking down at her in his arms. “You know, baby. We made some really beautiful kids.” 

“I wonder if we’ll still be saying that when they’re teenage terrors.” You gave him a look over your shoulder, before you grabbed more dishes out of the sink and loaded them into the dishwasher. “How’s your back?”

Javier grumbled, “It’s been better.” 

“She’s getting too big, babe.” You turned around to face him, arms folded across your chest. 

He shook his head slowly, shoulders sagging. “She’s still my baby girl, though.” 

“I know.” You met his gaze. “But neither of us have been very kind to our bodies over the years. If you want to carry Sofía on your shoulders when she’s older, go easy on yourself now.” 

Sofía fussed in his arms, her little hands grabbing at the front of his shirt. 

“Here,” You offered, moving towards him to take her. “The glasses need to go in.” 

“I’ve got it.” He pressed a quick kiss to your temple as he stepped past you to finish loading the dishwasher. “Think the DEA will reimburse for PT?” Javier questioned with a humorless chuckle. 

You rolled your eyes, “Maybe after we expose their asses.” 

“Have you…” He trailed off. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, cradling Sofía to your chest, trying to lull her to sleep. But she was far more interested in tugging at your hair and making little squabbling babbles. “I said I was going to.” 

“I know.” He sighed. “I just don’t want there to be blowback. We’ve finally got things back to… _normal_.” Javier wiped his hands off on a dishtowel, before throwing it over the side of the sink and turning back to look at you. “I just fucking hate them.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “But I’m not going to stand in your way.”

“Especially since you got the contacts for me.” You reminded him, holding his gaze. “I didn’t realize how much I cared until I started on this path. I’m tired of the bullshit, Javi. Not that I want the girls to follow in my path, but if they did… I don’t want them to deal with the institutionalized bullshit I did. And then there’s Monica. Who _does_ want to follow in our footsteps. What sort of role model would I be if I just gave up?”

You looked down at Sofía, smiling as she cooed up at you. “And I’ve talked about it — at length — with Nancy. She thinks I’m ready to start pursuing it again. I’m better.” 

“And I’m equipped to handle things if you’re _not_ better.” Javier pointed out, folding his arms across his chest as he held your gaze. “I just want you to be happy, baby.” 

You smiled at him, looking between him and Sofía. “Javi, I _am_ happy.”

“I’m happy too.” Javier said as he moved towards you. He wrapped one arm around your waist, his other hand resting against Sofía’s back. “Sometimes I think about what my life would’ve been like if I didn’t have you girls. And it’s bleak.” 

“I do too.” You admitted, shaking your head. “I can’t believe Josie turns five this year. It doesn’t make sense at all.” 

“Sofía is _almost_ one.” 

“She is _only_ six months old, Javi.” You laughed softly, leaning up to press a kiss to the curve of his jaw. “I want her to stay a baby for as long as possible.” You said as you looked down at her, relieved to see that Sofía had _finally_ succumbed to sleep.

“Me too.” Javier agreed with a nod, looking down at her too. “Feels like just yesterday you were putting that _fucking_ cactus on your desk.” 

You stuck out your tongue. “You’re just jealous because I had a cactus that looked like it was flipping you off.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Maybe a little.” 

You leaned up and brushed your nose against his, before you tilted your head to kiss him. It was hard to believe that Josie would be five in a little under five months. That you had started at the DEA almost _eleven_ years ago. Time wasn’t standing still for either of you. 


	68. Massage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gives Javier a massage. Set in January 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

Javier peeled himself out of the armchair with a grimace, his hand going to his lower back as he all but limped his way towards the kitchen. You frowned as your eyes followed him until he was out of the family room. 

“Are you going to let me give you a massage?” You called out, moving onto your knees and looking over the back of the sofa as you waited for him to re-emerge from the kitchen.

“My back’s _fine_ , baby.” Javier assured you unconvincingly, returning with two bottles of beer. 

“You tossed and turned _all_ night.” You reminded him, “You couldn’t get comfortable. Because your _back_ hurts.”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t _uncomfortable_ , I just had a lot on my mind.” Javier sat a bottle down on the coffee table in front of you, before moving back towards the armchair. He tried to mask his pained expression as he sat down, sitting stiffly in the chair. “Might have to replan the entire schedule with all this Clinton bullshit going on.” 

“If your back’s fine then why are you over _there_? Hmm?” Your brows rose upwards, gesturing to the sofa beside you. “Already bored with me?”

He narrowed his eyes, “Can’t a man just sit in a chair?”

You shook your head. God, he was impossible sometimes. “Javier you have _never_ chosen to sit in that chair over curling up on the sofa with me. Have you been abducted by the Pod People? Is there someone else?”

“Oh, for _fuck’s_ sake.” He took a swig of beer before he hauled himself back out of the chair and moved towards the sofa. “Move your feet.”

You reeled them in beneath you, giving him an expectant look as he sank down beside you. You could see the strain in his neck as he slumped back against the soft cushions. “Javier, just admit you’re in pain!” 

“No.” He huffed, arching his back as he tried to alleviate the pressure he was feeling in his lower back. “Son of a bitch.” 

“Alright, we’re going to bed.” You said as you reached over and took the bottle out of his hand. “Come on. Up.” You clapped your hands together as you rose to your feet. 

“ _Baby_.” Javier refused to get up, patting the sofa beside him. “C’mere.” 

You put your hands on your hips, staring down at him. “Don’t make me start counting like I do with Josie.” You warned him. “Come on, Javi. I promise you’ll feel better once I’m done with you.” 

He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “ _Fine_.” Javier relented as he shifted to the edge of the sofa, reaching for his beer again. “I don’t wanna waste these.” 

You picked up your own bottle, taking a drink. “As soon as they’re finished, you’re letting me massage your back.” 

Javier shook his head slowly, “It’s not that bad, baby. I’m just stiff from sitting through student meetings.” 

“And why couldn’t you sleep _last_ night?” You questioned as you took another sip, sitting down beside him.

“Because my back hurt.” 

“That’s what I thought.” You gave him a look, before you shifted closer to him and rested your cheek against his shoulder. “Just _tell_ me, Javier. Please?”

“I know, baby.” He reached over and gave your leg a squeeze, rubbing his thumb against your skin. “I just _fucking_ hate this.” 

You tilted your head and pressed a quick kiss to his jaw, the stubble there tickling your lips. “I know, but I’d much rather _know_ when you’re hurting. I don’t need this macho shit.”

“It’s not _macho shit_ ,” He insisted. “I just hate having limits. You know? I don’t wanna worry about throwing my back out because Josie wants a piggyback ride.” 

A soft laugh escaped you, “She _loved_ riding around on your back when she was younger.” You mused, recalling the numerous times you’d come home to him walking around the condo on his hands and knees. As much as he loved working at the university and making a change in his student’s lives, you had never seen him more happy than he was in that two-year period that he stayed home with Josie. 

“Hey,” You started, fingers ghosting over his jaw as you turned his face towards yours. “You always take care of me and the girls, let me take care of you Javi.” 

Javier leaned forward and pressed his forehead against yours. “Alright, baby.” 

“Thank you,” You kissed him softly, before taking his hand into yours as you started to get up. He reached for the remote and shut off the TV, before he followed you back towards the bedroom. The girls were both out cold, fortunately. Sofía was getting better about sleeping through the night.

“Strip.” You told him, before you vanished into the bathroom to get the small bottle of massage oil from under the counter. Javier had been good about giving you massages when you were trapped in bed during those final months of your pregnancy with Sofía. 

When you returned, Javier had stripped down to his boxers and was laying on his stomach in the middle of the bed. “You think this is going to help my back?” He questioned, folding his arms beneath his head. 

“If it doesn’t,” You whistled quietly as you moved to join him on the bed. “I’m sure Connie can help us find a nice chiropractor for you.” 

“We really going to let everyone know I’m falling apart?”

“They already know it, old man.” You teased, leaning down to press a kiss to the spot between his shoulders. “Where does it hurt the most?” 

“Lower back.” Javier informed you, reaching behind him to show you the spot. 

“I’m getting you a lumbar support for your office chair.” You told him firmly, popping open the bottle of oil and pouring some into the center of your palm. 

“The only person with a lumbar support on their chair is _eighty_.” 

You rolled your eyes, “And did the eighty year old spend the better part of his youth doing what _you_ did?”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought.” You rubbed your hands together before you smeared the oil over his skin, spreading it down the length of his spine. “Not to mention, I’ve seen the work you and Chucho did at the ranch. You grew up putting a hell of a lot of pressure and weight on your body.” 

“Pops gets around just fine.” 

You snorted, “Your pops also smokes weed.”

“ _What_?” 

“Oops.” You pressed the heels of your palms against his shoulder blades, rubbing them in tight circles as you worked them down his back. “You can’t blame him for not telling you.” 

“What the fuck?” Javier started to laugh, but the sound shifted into a groan as your fingers found a particularly stiff part of his back. You worked on that spot, digging your thumbs in as you worked the oil into his skin. “When did that start?”

“Javier!” You laughed, shaking your head. “You really _didn’t_ know? What sort of DEA agent are you?”

“A bad one, clearly.” He shifted beneath your touch, stretching out a little more comfortably. “How did you figure it out?”

“He offered me a joint after Danny’s wedding.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“There’s a reason your father is one of my favorite people.” You grinned as he turned his head to look at you. “For the record, I said no… Seeing as I was breastfeeding still. Don’t be deceived, he’s got plenty of old man pain too.” You teased, working your fingers against the spot he’d pointed out to you.

Javier’s lips parted to respond to you, but instead of words another groan escaped from him. “ _Holy shit_.” 

“I told you it would feel good.” You shook your head, reaching for the bottle of oil and adding a little more to your fingers. You spread it over his lower back, working your knuckles against the tense muscles. “But you have to stop making _those_ sounds.” 

He opened his eyes and peered back at you. “That right there was nearly as good as sex.” 

“And yet you have balked _every_ day about letting me give you a massage.” You pressed your thumb into the same knot again, biting down on your bottom lip as he let out another sound of pleasure. “Do you not remember how much I enjoyed your massages when I was pregnant?” 

“I do.”

“Mostly because it was the only way I could get you to _touch_ me when I was pregnant with Sofía, but…” You shrugged your shoulders. “They feel _really_ good.” 

“I’m coming around to them.” He remarked, shifting again beneath your touch. “I might be a new man tomorrow.” 

“Slow down there, babe.” You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Just because I work the kinks out, does not mean you should get yourself back into this same position in a _day_. Otherwise, you’ll be getting nothing but Bengay by the time it’s your fiftieth birthday.” 

Javier grumbled, “Let’s rewind to this revelation about Chucho.” 

You moved to straddle the backs of his upper thighs, giving yourself more leverage to work on his lower back. “What’s there to say? Your father knows how to manage his pain. It’s natural and it works.”

“It’s _illegal_.” 

“So is a lot of other fun things.” You reminded him, “If you want to follow the law here in Florida, I hate to break it to you babe, but we’ll only be having sex in missionary from here on out.”

Another groan escaped Javier as you pressed your fingers into a sore spot just above his left hip. “Really?” He managed, his fingers tightening in the sheets beside his head. 

“No more toys and our mouths must _only_ be used for kissing.” You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, your breath making the hairs at his nape move. “That doesn’t sound _fun_ , now does it babe?” You questioned. 

Javier reached behind him, his fingers playing through your hair where he could reach. “That doesn’t sound fun at all.” He agreed, “I just can’t believe my father was smoking dope right under my nose.” 

You shrugged, “And to think, you’re the one of us that’s heralded for helping take down Escobar.” You sat back, dragging your hands down the length of his back, before you moved to get off of him. “How’s that feel?”

He stretched his arms out above his head, his forehead pressed to the mattress for a moment. “Remarkably better.” Javier answered as he turned to look at you. “Holy shit.” 

You grinned at him. “I told you. Massages are _magic_.” You wiggled your fingers at him, “I’m gonna go clean my hands off.” 

“Don’t be gone too long,” Javier quipped, rolling onto his back. 

Your tongue darted out over your bottom lip as your eyes raked over his bare chest. You followed the line of dark hair as it dipped beneath his boxers — which showed off the outline of his hardened cock. “Oh, you _really_ enjoyed that massage, huh?” You grinned, your gaze flickering between his cock and his face. “I’ll be right back.”

Javier nodded his head, his hand slipping down to cup himself through the thin fabric of his boxers. “I’ll be here.”

Watching him palm his cock sent a throb of want straight through you. “Don’t have too much fun without me.” You told him, shooting a finger gun at him before you grabbed the bottle of oil off the bed and headed into the bathroom. 

You didn’t even bother putting the bottle back where it belonged, far too focused on cleaning your hands off as quickly as possible so you could get back to Javier. But even with your haste, by the time you made your way back into the bedroom, he’d moved further up the bed and rolled onto his side.

You couldn’t even be mad. He’d been holding all that tension in his back and you’d clearly done good with your work. And he hadn’t slept _at all_ last night.

Carefully you slid into bed beside him and curled your arm around him from behind. 

“Baby?” He mumbled.

“You’re good, Javi. Go to sleep.” You whispered, running your hand over his bare chest as you pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I love you.”

“Mhm.” Javier sighed happily. “Love you too.”


	69. Dinner With Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier host the Murphys for dinner. Set in January 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

“Stevie!” You called out when she started barking loudly — Josie had ensnared her into a game with Olivia and Emily and her patience seemed to be wearing as thin as your own. 

“Did you _really_ have to name her Stevie?”

Steve questioned, shaking his head slowly as he leaned against the kitchen counter and watched you press the button on the top of the lettuce spinner. 

“I _love_ Stevie Nicks.”

He pointed at you, “And _that_ is bullshit.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re just jealous that Sofía isn’t _Stevie_.” 

Steve glared, “Well if it starts with ‘S’.” 

“I’m sorry, do you have an issue with our daughter being named for Javier’s late mother?” You questioned, folding your arms across your chest briefly, before you emptied out the tossed lettuce into a larger bowl. 

“Not when you put it that way.” Steve huffed, shaking his head as he took a swig of beer. “How are… _things_ going?”

You glanced over your shoulder at him, “The drought was quenched almost five months ago. Thank God.” 

Steve blanched, “I don’t need to know about that.”

“You asked.”

He narrowed his eyes, “About how things are going.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. 

You laughed, shrugging your shoulders. “I’m doing better. There’s still difficult days, but I work through them.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “And Javier is good at helping me.”

“He’s always been more than willing to give you a hand.” Steve said with a slow shake of his head. “The two of you were inseparable.”

You felt a faint blush rise to your cheeks. “I know. And we still are.” You grabbed a handful of freshly washed radishes and started cutting them down into smaller pieces for the salad. “He’s still just as stubborn about _everything_.”

“Shit. Isn’t he?” Steve snorted, rocking his head to the side.”I don’t know how you put up with that grumpy son-of—“

“Mommy!” Josie called out from the threshold of the kitchen. “ _Mommmmmy_.”

You sat the knife aside and turned back to look at her, hands on your hips. “What’s up?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Dinner is almost ready.” You assured her. “Why don’t you go check on daddy outside?”

“Okay mommy.” Josie beamed at you. “Does daddy have sissy?”

“Aunt Connie does, rugrat.” Steve told her, “She’s out in the backyard with your father.”

“Thank you.” She said politely before leaving through the back door, followed by Emily and Olivia. 

“She gets away with everything doesn’t she?”

“With Javier? Oh, yeah. I’m the strict parent. _Always_.” You shook your head with a laugh. You didn’t actually mind filling the role of the strict parent, mostly because Javier was a marshmallow of a father.

“I wouldn’t have guessed that.” He remarked as he took a drink of his beer, “You’ve always been the fun one. _Javier_? I didn’t know that _fun_ was in his vocabulary.”

You rolled your eyes, “For the record, he was actually _very_ fun in Colombia.”

“ _Really_?” Steve gave you a skeptical look. “I think that might be the rose colored glasses talking.” He gestured to you with the bottle. “You were the positive influence he needed.” 

“Yeah,” You agreed. “He would’ve worked himself to death, if I hadn’t been there.” You scooped up the radishes you’d cut, tossing them into the bowl of lettuce. “Can you get the croutons out of the oven?”

“Look how fancy you are. Making homemade croutons.” Steve teased as he grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the pan out of the oven. 

“Josie will only eat a salad if there’s croutons in it.” You explained to him. “Javier _hates_ the store bought croutons.” You grabbed the carton of cherry tomatoes, flipping the plastic lid up so you could rinse them off under the sink. 

You glanced back towards the backdoor as it slid open, a parade of tiny humans reemerging, followed by Connie and Javier. 

“Hot food, coming through.” Javier warned, clicking his tongue against his teeth to get the girls to move faster. “Come on kiddos.” He shooed them out from under foot as he veered towards the kitchen counter and sat the two plates of grilled burgers down. “Ever try to keep three girls away from a grill?”

You pursed your lips thoughtfully as you turned to face him, tilting your head to the side. “I tried it once, which is why I sent them out to you.” You grinned at him.

“It’s _fucking_ hard.” He chuckled before he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome.” You used the dish towel and swatted him in the ass with it. He caught you by the belt loop as you stepped past him, pulling you in for another kiss.

“Need any help?” Connie questioned as she cradled Sofía to her chest, looking between the two of you. 

You shook your head, “You brought the potato salad and you’ve kept her occupied so I could get everything else ready.” 

“Do you have ranch?” She questioned as she looked towards the bowl of salad, “It’s the only way we can get Olivia to even humor eating something green.” 

Javier nodded, “Josie likes it on broccoli.” He stepped around you and pulled open the fridge to grab the bottle of ranch, as well as the other salad dressing options. 

“How do you get her to eat raw broccoli?” Connie questioned. “It’s an uphill battle to get anything green into the girls.” 

“Josie likes food.”

You rolled your eyes, “Josie will eat anything Javier asks her to eat.” 

He shrugged, “It’s true.” 

“I wish Steve had that effect on the girls.” Connie laughed softly, “He can get them to eat plenty of candy.”

You snorted. “He _loves_ his Werthers.” 

She widened her eyes dramatically, “I swear to God, every pocket is full of wrappers!” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Should’ve done the patch, rather than going cold turkey.” 

“That would make sense,” Connie made a face. “Oh well.” She bounced Sofía in her arms as she started to wake up, “Did you see California is set to ban smoking inside bars?”

“They’ll just ignore it,” You countered, grabbing a tray and putting the salad and the salad bowls on it. “But it’s progress.” 

The three of you headed into the dining room, where Steve had managed to corral the girls into their chairs. 

“I don’t want a burger, mommy.” Josie complained as Javier sat the plate of burgers down on the table. 

“You’re not eating a burger, babydoll. You’re having a soy one with me.” You promised her, pointing to the second plate that contained two burgers that were considerably thinner than the actual hamburgers. 

“I want chicken.” 

“Princesa, you’re eating what we made for you.” Javier warned her, sitting down beside her, across the table from you. 

“Do we have everything?” 

“French fries?” Olivia questioned.

“Your mother made potato salad,” Steve told her, pointing to the Tupperware tub. 

You sat down beside Connie, taking Sofía from her so you could get her settled into her highchair beside you. You used your fork to grab a potato out of the dish of potato salad, plopping it onto Sofía’s highchair tray. You smashed it up with the fork, “You wanna try a bit of potato?”

Sofía seemed skeptical. She reached down and squished the potato between her fingers. 

You tapped your finger against your lips, “You eat it, sunshine.” 

Sofía gurgled and threw herself back against her seat, smearing the potato all over her face.

“Close enough.” Javier chuckled, shaking his head as he slathered mayonnaise on a bun for Josie. 

“More!” She urged, hanging on his arm. 

“ _Josie_.” You gave her a look across the table. 

Sofía kicked her feet against the highchair as she leaned over and tried to reach the tub of potato salad that was well outside of her reach. “You like that?” You questioned, grabbing another potato and putting it on her tray, smashing it up for her again. 

She dramatically hummed her delight. 

“Look at that, she’s not always a grumpy baby.” Steve remarked with a short laugh. “I worried she was a carbon copy of her father.” 

Javier glared at him, subtly flipping him off so Josie couldn’t catch him.

You worked on fixing your own burger, glancing around the table to make sure everyone had what they needed. You _really_ hated playing host. An ideal situation was a box of pizza thrown in the center of the table for everyone to fend for themselves. But Steve and Connie were such gracious hosts, you felt like you had to do the same. 

Javier had lived on grilled cheese, whiskey, and cigarettes for the majority of his _bachelor_ years. He wasn’t one to complain. He wasn’t actually half bad in the kitchen when he put a little effort into it. 

“How’s things at the hospital?” Javier questioned Connie in between bites of burger. 

Connie grabbed her napkin and wiped her mouth off before answering, “ _Good_. I’m not working as many double shifts as I was there for a while. I’ve actually had days off that felt like days off. No catching up on sleep.” 

“With my transition out of the DEA, it’s been nice to have her around more.” Steve added. “Hun, did you tell her about that lady you’re working with?”

You arched a brow, looking at Connie expectantly. 

“Oh! I totally forgot,” She laughed, taking a sip of water before she continued. “We’ve got a new medical social worker working on the floor that looks _so_ much like you. I did a double take the first time I saw her. Do you have a secret younger sister?”

“Nope.” You shook your head, reaching for your bottle of beer and taking a swig. “Is my doppelgänger nice at least?”

“An absolute sweetheart.” Connie said with a grin, taking another bite of her burger before adding, “She’s actually from Medellín.”

Javier dropped his fork, causing it to clamp against his plate. You shot him a curious look, a brow arching upwards. 

“Colombia?” He questioned, taking a drink of beer to keep from choking on the bite of burger he’d swallowed nearly whole. 

“Is there another one?”

Steve cleared his throat, “You hadn’t mentioned she was from Colombia.” He looked between you and Javier with a knowing look. 

“I believe she came here as a political refugee. I didn’t ask for specifics.” Connie shrugged, “Why?”

The look on Javier’s face made the lightbulb come on. _Holy shit_. 

You leaned an elbow against the table, turning towards Connie. “Her name wouldn’t happen to be Elena, would it?”

Connie’s brows shot upwards, “Yeah! Wait — do you know her?”

“Some of us _better_ than others.” Steve muttered under his breath, much to Javier’s horror. 

“Yeah.” You nodded your head slowly, “She was great. I’m glad she’s gotten herself out of that situation.” You looked towards Javier then, smiling a little. “I guess that promise of safety had follow through.” 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, “I had no idea she was in Miami.” 

“It’s fine, Javi.” You assured him, “It’s a small world.” You watched him as he nodded his head slowly, staring down at his plate of food. Of all the people that the two of you had known in Colombia — the sheer _irony_ that Elena had made her way to Miami was… something else. 

“I feel like I’m missing something.” Connie remarked, looking between the three of you curiously. “What am I missing?”

“Not in front of the kids.” Steve stated with a shake of his head. 

“Daddy, you gotta eat your veggies.” Josie said sweetly, pushing the bowl of salad towards Javier. “Don’t you wanna be big and strong like me?”

“Of course I do, princesa.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Javier, it’s _fine_.” You said firmly, shifting in your seat so you could brush your foot against his leg beneath the table. “Don’t get yourself bent out of shape over this.”

“I’m not getting ‘ _bent out of shape’_.” He shot back, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared at you. “I just can’t believe… of all the cities.” 

“What am I missing?” Connie questioned, nudging you in the arm.

You sighed, chewing on the inside of your bottom lip. “Elena was one of Javi’s informants. When was that?” ‘89 to ‘92?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Steve agreed with you, pushing his potato salad around on his plate. 

Javier was so tense you could see the corded muscles of his throat as he stared straight ahead at you. 

“So she was an _informant_ informant?” Connie questioned, brows furrowed as she looked towards you.

“Yeah.” You nodded, “And it’s not nearly as big of a deal as Javier is acting like it is.” 

Javier raked his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily as he sank back in his chair. He scratched at his lightly scruffy jaw, not quite meeting your gaze as he looked across the table at you. “It’s a big deal to me.” 

Connie looked between the two of you, “I really didn’t mean to start something.” 

“You didn’t.” You assured her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Hey Javi, did you leave the grill on?” 

He gritted his teeth together before he gave a stiff nod, scooting his chair back and getting up from the table. 

“Daddy, where are you going?” Josie asked with her mouth full of her burger.

“Daddy left the grill on.” Javier offered, meeting your gaze as you got up from the table. 

“Uh-oh!” Josie said with a sing-song voice, entirely oblivious to the situation. 

“We’ll hold the fort down,” Steve promised you as you followed Javier through the kitchen and out the backdoor into the yard. 

He walked a few paces ahead of you, before he stopped with his back to you. You considered staying rooted to the spot where you stood, but instead you moved towards him and curled your arms around his middle, resting your cheek against his back. “ _Javi_ ,” You started, trying to keep your voice steady. “This is such a non-issue.” 

“For you.” He retorted, resting his hands over yours. “I feel like every time we take one step forward, something happens that sets us back. Every _fucking_ time, baby.” 

“But it’s a non-issue,” You assured him, squeezing him a little tighter. “I liked Elena the handful of times we worked together. I’m thrilled that she’s thriving. Hell, I’m glad she’s here. Miami isn’t so bad.” 

Javier turned in your embrace, his hands settling at your hips. “I didn’t know she was here.” 

“I didn’t think you did.” You reached up and cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone as you met his gaze. “Look, I know that’s a period of history you’re not particularly fond of, but… It doesn’t bother me. At all.” You tilted your head to the side, “I thought we were working past this.” You gestured between the two of you. “There’s no other shoe waiting to fall.”

His Adam’s bobbed as he looked down at you, “I just can’t fucking believe she’s in _Miami_.” He shook his head slowly. “Of all the goddamn places.”

“I think she had a cousin here.” You recalled, “Shit, that was a long time ago.”

Javier nodded his head in agreement, “Yeah.” He ran his hands over your hips slowly, “Last time I saw her was right after you told me…” 

“Did you tell her?” Your brows furrowed. 

“I did, yeah.” He recalled, “I mean she knew about you…”

“I know she did.” You reached you and played with the hair that sat against his forehead. “I thought you didn’t tell anyone.”

He shrugged a shoulder, “It slipped out. I figured it didn’t really matter that she knew. She was happy for us.”

You smiled fondly, “I think we should meet up with her.”

“ _What_?”

“Catch up, see how she is…”

“Baby—“

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” You raised your eyebrows. “Hell, she might not even want to see either of us.” You shrugged your shoulders. “I just think it’s too ironic that she’s working at the same hospital as Connie.” 

“I’m not going.”

“That’s fine, I’ll go then.” You rose up on your toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You need to stop worrying so much, Javi.” You brushed your nose against his as you raked your fingers through his hair at his temples. “I trust you.” 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him. “What’d I do to deserve you, baby?” 

“Still trying to figure that one out.” You teased, kissing the tip of his nose. “Come on. Connie’s going to be stressing that she’s single-handedly destroyed our relationship if we don’t get back inside.”

“She was mortified.” He chuckled.

“Not nearly as much as you were.”

“I was praying for the earth to open up and swallow me whole.” 

You rolled your eyes. “You felt that way in the sex sho—”

Javier cut you off, covering your mouth with his hand. “ _Don’t_.” He warned you. 

You poked him in the stomach and when he didn’t remove his hand, you swept your tongue over the palm of his hand. _That_ worked. He quickly pulled his hand away, wiping his hand off on the front of his jeans.

“If you want to shut me up, you’re going to have to wait until we’re _alone_.” You told him, putting your hands on your hips, before walking backwards towards the back door. “But until then, we have guests to entertain.” 

“It’s just Steve and Connie.” Javier followed after you, his arms crossed across his chest. 

“Who are _guests_ we’re entertaining.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “And you’re going to finish your food, otherwise Josie is going to believe she can skip dinner too.” 

“ _Fine_.” He huffed quietly, shaking his head as he slid the sliding door shut behind him. “But we’re dropping this conversation. I don’t wanna talk about an informant in front of the girls.” 

You gave a mock salute, “Sure thing.” 

Javier caught you by the belt loop, pulling you towards him. “I mean it.”

“I’m _not_ going to bring it up again.” You promised, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “As much as I love torturing you I’m not _cruel_ , Javier.” 

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Thank you.” 

You smiled up at him, “No ‘ _thank yous’_ needed, babe.” You took his hand into yours, interlacing your fingers as he headed back for the dining room. Steve and Connie had managed to keep the kids entertained in your absence. 

“She’s had about a full little potato.” Connie told you as she gestured to Sofía, “I think most of it got into her mouth.” 

“She gets really into her food.” You chuckled, releasing Javier’s hand as you both returned to your own seats. 

“Where’d you go daddy?” Josie asked, tilting her head to the side as she licked the dressing off a piece of radish, only to dip it into her salad bowl again. 

“Like I told you,” He reached over and smoothed his hand over the top of her head. “I left the grill on.” 

Connie gave you a wary look as you picked up your burger and took a bite. “So…”

“Everything’s fine.” You assured her, looking towards Steve then, “So have you heard any rumors in the DEA about the article?”

“Oh, I have.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and shook his head. “I hope you don’t plan on looking for a job in the federal government.” 

You feigned offense, “If I ever did, you’d know I had been abducted by aliens.” It was still bizarre to consider that you had spent so much of your early adulthood working towards a role in the very institution you wanted to pull down. 

“Baby, you know I have a class of students that would _love_ to see you teaching.” Javier pointed out, beaming with pride. “End of last semester, I had her come in and give a lecture for the department.” 

You rolled your eyes, “It was a fifteen-minute talk.”

“With a forty-minute question and answer section.” Javier insisted, his eyes meeting yours with an adoration that warmed your heart. 

“I would only disappoint them,” You licked a drop of mayonnaise off your thumb as you sat your soy burger back down. “They already think you’re a tyrant when it comes to papers and grading.” 

Steve laughed, “Isn’t that because you do most of the marking for him.”

“And I go easy on them.” You grinned. “My teachers didn’t take any corners with me and I worked my ass off to get here.” 

“I don’t know if I can picture you as a teacher,” Connie said, giving you a once over. “No, I can’t.”

“ _Thankfully_ ,” Javier started with a teasing tone. “They’re college students and not children _._ ”

“And what does _that_ mean?” You questioned, looking in between the two of them. “I am a delight.” 

“You certainly lectured us a lot. Back in the day.” Steve joined in. 

“Was I wrong?” 

“Rarely.” He agreed. 

“Well, we can't all be Professor Peña, now can we?” You quipped, nudging Javier’s foot under the table. 

He scratched at his jaw, shaking his head. “No, we can’t.”

“But I’m always interested in dropping in to torment you _and_ Monica.”

“Do the other students know that you’ve all but adopted her?” Steve questioned.   


You started to answer, but Olivia was quick to announce, “I’m adopted!” 

Josie turned towards Javier, “Am I _adopted_?” 

“No princesa, you weren’t adopted.” Javier assured her as she grabbed at his arm.   


“Was sissy adopted?”  


“No. Remember your mommy grew her in her belly?” Javier reminded her, giving Connie a sympathetic smile, before his eyes flickered towards your face. “Out of the mouths of babes.”   


“Seriously.” You laughed as you shook your head, reaching for your beer. “To answer your question, _no_. They don’t know.”  


“Trying to keep things unbiased.” Javier explained as he scooped Josie into his lap, much to her delight. “She actually earned herself a B- on a test this week she should’ve aced.”  


“You didn’t tell me that.” You frowned. “Why?”  


“Her attentions a little stretched right now.”  


“Of course it is.” You rolled your eyes, “Oh to be young and in love.”   


“Old and in love isn’t too bad, is it?” He countered with a wink.  


You grinned, “It’s pretty good too.” 


	70. A Thing For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader wakes up to Javier talking to their baby. Set February 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (f receiving fingering, pregnancy sex, girl on top, and cock warming if you squint)

“I didn’t know I could love someone without even knowing them yet.” Javier’s voice broke through the silence of your bedroom. 

You had been somewhere in between awake and asleep for a few minutes now, but he didn’t know that. You had been listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing, enjoying the feel of his fingers as he traced them over your stomach. Maybe he had been talking before too — you seemed to remember hearing his voice in your dreams. Quiet murmurs as he spoke to your unborn daughter. 

In the last few weeks, you had really ‘ _popped_ ’. The bump was no longer something you could easily conceal. It had turned into a full-fledged pregnancy belly and none of your trousers fit anymore. You _hated_ going to work wearing the ill-fitting maternity dresses that made you look like an old woman headed to a church potluck. They were _hideous_. 

But Javier seemed to really enjoy the change. Whenever you were alone at home, he’d find reasons to touch you. Even if it was the whisper of a touch as he passed by you in the kitchen. His hands were always on your belly, tracing his fingertips over the newly forming stretch marks that marred your skin.

The way he looked at you made you feel like the sexiest woman in the world. Even at work. 

“I can’t wait to hold you, little one.” Javier murmured, stroking his hand over the bottom of your belly as he shifted to press a kiss to your skin. “But I’m so afraid.” 

Your heart clenched as you listened to him. You should’ve told him you were awake, but he sounded so open and honest with your daughter. You wanted to know what he said when he thought you were asleep. 

“What if you see?” Javier questioned, resting his palm against your stomach. “What if you look up at me and you see that…” His voice wavered, “I’m not a good man. These hands have done _terrible_ things. Don’t know how I’m worthy to ever hold you with them.” He pressed his forehead to the curve of your side. “I don’t deserve either of you.” He whispered, stroking his fingers over your skin again. “I wanna do right by both of you, _princesa_.” 

You tried to remain motionless, to keep up the ruse that you were asleep. You wanted to know these innermost thoughts that Javier kept so close to the chest. 

“I love your mother.” Javier said with a quiet urgency. “What if it isn’t enough? I wouldn’t blame her for leaving me. All these years and she’s seen the shit I’ve done. Knows me better than anyone else.” He sighed heavily. “It would break my heart, but I couldn’t hate her for it. She could leave tomorrow and… I’d miss you both.” He pressed another kiss to your stomach and you tried to repress the well of emotion rising up in the back of your throat. 

You already knew that he feared this. Feared that you’d leave him. You had, after all, left him that morning. But hearing him admit it so _earnestly_ to your baby… It hit differently and it fucking hurt. You wanted to comfort him.

But right now, your daughter was comforting him. 

“It scares the shit out of me,” Javier admitted, keeping his palm pressed to your stomach. His voice had woken her up, the first flutter of a hand or a foot — and then a more steady movement. “Hi, baby girl.” He murmured, his voice so full of affection it made you want to weep. Your emotions were already running so high and he was just driving it home. “I hope you know how much I love you, little one. Almost as much as I love your mother.”

You wanted to wind your fingers through his messy hair, to slide your hand over his back and quietly assure him that you loved him too. That you couldn’t fathom a life without him in it. He’d been such a steady and ever-present figure in your life since you came to Colombia and… you’d always loved him. First as a partner, then as a friend, and now… as the father of your child. 

When you dated Lance, he’d once broached the topic of _children_. He came from a large family. He had a slew of nephews and nieces. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t picture yourself as the mother of his children. Being a mother was already a complicated scenario for you — but somehow, with Javier… you could see it. 

You could picture a baby girl with his warm eyes and dark curls. 

Somehow, deep down, you’d always known he was ‘ _the one_ ’. 

“I’m not a good man,” Javier continued as he rubbed his hand over your stomach, his thumb rubbing little circles against your skin. “But I wanna be better for you and your mother.” The baby kicked again and you couldn’t prevent the way you inhaled sharply at the slight pain that came with the movement. 

You felt Javier tense beside you. “ _Baby_?”

You reached down and dragged your fingers through his hair, “I’m awake, Javi.”

“Did I wake you up?” He questioned. 

“It’s hard to sleep when someone’s kicking your kidney.” You laughed quietly, trailing your fingers over his cheek. “Come here.” 

Javier kept one hand on your stomach as he moved back up the bed and settled down beside you. “Did you…” The words stuck in the back of his throat, his eyes seeking out yours in the dim light that filtered in through the streetlights beyond your bedroom window. 

Rather than admitting to him that you had heard _everything_ he’d confessed to your unborn child, you cupped his cheeks and leaned in to kiss him. It was a soft kiss at first, one meant to offer comfort, but it blossomed into something more. You wanted to _prove_ how much you cared for him. How unfounded his worries were. 

But you had your own. Because he was right — you _did_ know his past. You knew what kind of man he was. He worried that you would cut and run and you feared the same. Relationships weren’t his strong suit. 

Javier nipped at your bottom lip as he drew back, eyes seeking out yours in the darkness. “I love you.” He whispered, his nose brushing against yours as he spoke. 

Those three words still felt so _new_ to you. Javier never failed to remind you that he loved you. It wasn’t always in words, either. Sometimes he said it simply with a gentle touch or in a longing look. In the way he held you. He had said it all along. 

How many times had he looked at you and left you wondering what that look _meant_? Now you knew. 

“I love _you._ ” You told him, surging forward to kiss him again. You pressed yourself as close to him as you could, the swell of your stomach pressed against him. His hand skimmed over your skin, trailing down over your side before he grabbed at your hip. The contrast of his gentle caresses, in tandem with the tight grip of his fingers as he held you made you burn.

Heat blossomed low in your belly, a flush of desire pooling between your thighs. There was _one_ thing to be said about being pregnant… All Javier had to do was look at you just right and you were hot for him. 

“Javi,” You started, breathing raggedly as you broke away from the kiss, pressing your forehead to his. You dragged your fingers through his hair, before you curled them around the back of his neck. “I need you.” 

“Baby, can you roll over for me?” Javier questioned, brushing his lips to yours as he tilted his head to kiss you once more. 

“How do you want me?” You questioned, brows drawn together as he loosened the grip he had on your hip. 

“On your side.” 

You rolled onto your back briefly before you rolled onto your side, facing away from him. Your heart was hammering in your chest as Javier curled in close behind you. You could feel the hardening length of his cock pressed against your ass. 

“I wish you knew how gorgeous you look.” Javier muttered, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he curled his hand around your hip once more, his hand skimming downwards over your bare thigh, just below the hem of your sleep shorts. “So fucking gorgeous, baby.” 

You rocked your ass back against him, grinding against his erection. “I never took you for the type to have a _thing_ for pregnant women.” You teased him, drawing your tee shirt up over your stomach, a quiet moan escaping you as Javier ran his fingers over the swell of your stomach. 

“I have a thing for _you_.” Javier said lowly, nipping at your earlobe as his hands continued to wander over your newly bared skin. “You look like the sort of vision men would lose themselves to _worship_.” 

“I guess it’s a good thing I only want _you_ to worship me then.” You said lowly as you turned your head and caught his lips in a too-brief kiss. The position wasn’t the best for kissing him the way you wanted to kiss him. 

Instead you focused on the way Javier’s hand slid downwards. The path his fingers took over your inner thigh as he slid it beneath the hem of your sleep shorts. With a ghost of a touch his fingertips brushed over the damp crotch of your underwear. He groaned, “Fuck, you’re wet.” His lips traced along the column of your throat. “You’re so _fucking_ wet, baby.” 

Your lips parted to respond, but instead a breathy moan escaped you as he cupped you through the thin fabric of your underwear. He dragged one finger over the seam of your sensitive folds, parting them beneath the fabric. 

Javier’s other hand slid beneath you, fingers loosely curling around your throat as he kept you pressed back against him. “Are you going to come for me, baby?” He questioned, his voice rough with desire as he worked his fingertip over that sensitive little bundle of nerves. The sensation was muted by the barrier of your underwear and yet it made your entire body tingle with desire. 

He knew how sensitive you were like this. 

Your hips rocked into his touch, moaning loudly as you felt your inner walls clench around nothing. It was almost _unfair_ how easily he could make you come. How he could stroke your clit with such a skilled touch. How the rough timber of his voice and the way his fingers curled around your throat made you even _slicker_ with desire. 

Your back arched, your shoulders pressing back against his chest as he kept his finger right on your clit. It was almost _too_ much stimulation. Your cunt clenching desperately around nothing as you shattered for him. And he didn’t let up. He let you grind back against his cock as he pushed you towards a second orgasm, right on the back of your first. 

“ _Javier_.” You hissed out, grabbing at the hand that was curled around your throat. “I wanna ride you. I wanna see you.” 

A groan rose up in the back of his throat as he released his hold on you. 

You felt the bed dip behind you as he moved to rid himself of his boxers as you sat up to turn the bedside lamp on. 

“ _Much_ better.” Javier mused as you were cast in the golden light of the lamp. He moved towards you, his arms snaking around your middle. You leaned back against his chest, lifting your hips up as he worked your sleep shorts and underwear down your hips. “You look so _fucking_ good.” 

A breathless laugh escaped you as you turned to face him, “What a sweet talker,” You teased. “You’re just saying that because you want me on your cock.” 

Javier shook his head, “I’m saying it because you’re _gorgeous_ baby.”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you held his gaze. You knew he was telling the truth. Everything about the way he looked at you told him he was sincere. You might feel self-conscious about the shape of your body, but he was willing to worship every inch of it. “Lay back, Javi.” 

He kissed your shoulder, before he scooted back on the bed, reclining back against the pillows. Your eyes raked over his bare torso, wandering downwards towards his hardened cock as it rested against his stomach, leaking with want. 

“Tell me, Javi. I want to hear you.” You urged as you moved to straddle his thighs, your fingers curling around his cock and languidly stroking him. You watched his face with hunger burning in your eyes. “Tell me.”

His lips parted, a low groan escaping him as he watched you working your fist over his cock. His hands skimmed up your thighs and over your hips. “Baby, I’ve always thought you were gorgeous, but like this? _Fuck_. It’s all I think about at work, baby.” His voice came out low and strained, “You drive me crazy.” 

You smirked at his praise. There was something about the sincerity in his praise that warmed every inch of your skin. “I guess it’s payback for all the times I’m left to take care of my _own_ urges.” You said lowly, rubbing your thumb over the head of his cock, gathering up the pre-cum that leaked from him before bringing it to your lips. 

Javier’s hands tightened at your hips, prompting you to rise up on your knees and move to straddle him fully. You kept your fingers curled around the base of his cock, holding him steady as you sank down onto him. You were practically _dripping_ with your need for him. Your inner walls fluttering around the thick length of him as it finally had something to clench around in the wake of your releases. 

You leaned forward, trying to kiss him, but your stomach was in your way. 

“I’ve got you baby,” Javier drawled out as he sat up slowly, keeping you seated in his lap as he drew his knees up behind you.

You cupped his cheeks as you sat nose-to-nose with him. You searched his eyes, silently conveying the depths of your love for him. You wanted him to know that _you_ thought he was a good man and that was all that mattered. This thing was fresh and new, but you had _always_ known who he was. Even when he couldn’t see it. 

Your fingers curled around the back of his neck, playing with the soft hair at his nape as you kissed him. It started soft, at first, but the desire grew as your mouths slanted against each other, drive by need. You rolled your hips, clenching around his cock as you worked yourself up and down the length of him. There was no haste to your movements as you savored every inch of him. 

His hands skimmed over your back and along the curve of your stomach. There was no part of you that he didn’t touch and _worship_ like he had said. 

“You feel so good.” He breathed out as you broke away from his lips for air. “I fucking love this pussy, baby.” Javier panted, thrusting upwards as you sank down onto him. 

You tugged at his hair as it slipped between your fingers, “ _Yes_.” You hissed out through clenched teeth. “Come on, Javi.” You urged, clenching around him as you slid back down. “I wanna feel you.”

“ _Fuck_.” He grunted, his hands palming roughly at your ass as he guided your movements. “You keep doing that and I’m not gonna last muc—”

You caught his bottom lip between your teeth with just enough pressure to make him groan, a sound that turned even more feral as you tightened around him. You knew he was close, you could see it in his eyes and in the tremble of his thighs beneath your own. Every downward roll of your hips was pushing him closer and closer to the edge. 

“I said I wanna _feel_ you, Javi.” You reminded him, twisting his hair between your fingers as you held his gaze. The look of relief that washed over his face as he came for _you_ made a fresh wave of desire pulse through you. 

He let his head fall forward, his forehead resting against your breastbone as he came down from the high of his release. You clenched around him, milking every drop of pleasure from him as his cock softened within you. 

“Lean back, baby.” Javier murmured as he pressed his lips to the hollow of your throat. He brushed his nose up the column of your throat, “Let me make you feel good too.” 

You dragged your fingers through his ruffled hair once more before you leaned back against his knees. “You always make me feel good, Javi.” You assured him, peeling off your tank the rest of the way. You couldn’t stand your breasts being touched currently, but you knew he enjoyed looking at them. 

His eyes raked over your newly bared skin, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip as his gaze flickered back to your eyes. “You look so pretty sitting on my cock, baby.” He drawled out, shifting his hips beneath you. “So _fucking_ pretty.” He ran his hand over your belly before trailing it lower, seeking out that bundle of nerves just above where his cock was. 

You let your eyes fall closed, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you savored his touch. You were _so_ sensitive. And he was _so_ good at winding you up. “ _Javi_.” You breathed out, lifting your hips slightly, still working yourself over his cock as his thumb circled your clit.

“Come on, baby.” Javier urged quietly. “Wanna feel you come on my cock.” 

His name fell from your lips as you came spiraling apart for him. Your back arching, pressing back against his legs as your release washed through you. You weren’t the least bit ashamed by how vocal you were as a moan rose up from the back of your throat as you rode out your orgasm.

Javier pulled you down with him as he laid back on the bed. As much as you wanted to stay slumped against him, your stomach wouldn’t allow it. You reluctantly let his cock slip from you, mourning the loss of it as you rolled onto your side beside him. 

“Holy shit.” He panted out. 

You actually _giggled_ as you pressed your lips to his shoulder. “What can I say?” You teased softly, trailing your fingers over his chest as you laid there. “I was in the mood.”

“You sure as hell were.” He quipped, raking his hand over his face before he tilted his head to look at you. “You good?”

You nodded your head, “I’m _perfect_.” You promised him, running your finger down the length of his nose. “Javi—”

“Yeah?”

You smiled at him, “We both love you.” 

It was a quiet way of letting him know that you had heard him, without truly making him face his worries. 

“I love both of you too.” He whispered, rolling onto his side to face you so he could rest his hand against your stomach. “So much.” 

“I know.” You smiled at him, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “You’re going to be a _good_ father, Javi.” 

He didn’t respond to that, closing his eyes and leaning forward until your foreheads were pressed together. “You should go back to sleep, baby.” 

“Only if you promise to sleep too.” 

“I will.” He assured you, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. 

“Okay.” You said softly, turning to kiss his palm before you rolled onto your other side so he could curl himself around you with his face pressed into the crook of your neck. Sometimes it hurt your heart just how much you cared about him. How much you had _always_ cared about him. 


	71. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets up with an old acquaintance. Set early February 1998. My personal headcanon for Reader/Annie is Phoebe Tonkin and Elena is Camilla Mendes. They are supposed to look strikingly similar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A brief discussion about abortions.

Elena greeted you with a warm hug, “It’s so good to see you again. It has been such a long time.”

“I know.” You squeezed her back, before you released her and sat down at the table. “You look good.”

“So do you.” Elena assured you as she sat down across from you. “I did not know you and Javier were here in Miami. What a small world.”

You laughed, “When Connie mentioned someone from Colombia who bore a resemblance to me…” You gestured between the two of you, “I was shocked.”

She nodded, “As was I. When Connie found me on Monday and told me about the connection, I was floored.” Elena rested her chin on her palm, propping her elbow on the table. “Of all the people I knew in Colombia.”

“I tried to get Javier to come, but…” You shrugged, chewing on your bottom lip. Javier couldn’t understand why you were so determined to meet with one of his informants — especially since that part of his life was well and truly in the past. But it wasn’t _that_. You had actually liked Elena. There were no hard feelings towards her. 

She deserved better than the situation she was in in Colombia. 

“The last time I saw him, you had just told him you were pregnant.” Elena mused with a slight smirk. “I had never seen Javier _scared_ before. After everything he’d endured, it was the promise of fatherhood that brought him to his knees.”

You smiled wistfully. “It wasn’t the best situation.”

“No,” Elena shook her head slowly. “I told him years before he should’ve acted on his feelings. But he ignored me.”

“ _What_?” Your brows furrowed. 

Elena gestured between the two of you, “The first time I met him, I could’ve sworn he’d seen a ghost.”

A knot coiled in the pit of your belly. You weren’t a fool — you had _known_ that your similarities with Elena were no coincidence. He hadn’t just sought her out for her the information. “I remember walking into that motel room and…” You frowned. 

Years later, you still didn’t know how to explain your feelings on that situation. It wasn’t like you and Elena were _identical_ , but it was close enough that if you squinted the similarities were all there. It had left you with a strange fire in your veins. 

“He _adored_ you.” Elena stated firmly. “I was almost jealous that there was a good man like him left to pine after someone who didn’t want him.”

You shook your head, “I wanted him, I just… You know how Javier was.”

“I do.” She agreed. “I’m _glad_ things worked out for the two of you. Javier was one of the few good men who came through the doors of the brothel. He deserved a happy ending.”

“He’s the best father. Those girls are his everything.” You told her. 

“ _Girls_?”

You laughed and nodded, “We have two daughters now.”

“Connie didn’t mention that.” She laughed. “Javier is a father two times over?”

“Sofía will be one in June.”

“ _Congratulations_.” Elena smiled at you. “What do you do now? I assume you are not with the DEA.”

“Javier teaches,” You explained. “And I’m contracted with the Miami PD to handle narcotics training.”

“Still kicking ass.” Elena brought her coffee cup to her lips and took a sip. “I’m impressed.”

You grabbed your purse off the back of the chair, pulling out your wallet. “This was our family photo for Christmas.” You said as you slid the picture across the table.

“Look at the four of you!” She grinned at you, “You have a beautiful family.”

You beamed, “They're pretty cool, I guess.” Elena passed the picture back to you and you stared down at it. “I can’t believe how big Josie is getting.” 

The photographer had been _so_ frustrated with you. He was determined to get the _classic_ Christmas card picture with the tree in the background and one of the kids holding a present. But that wasn’t your style. You both wanted a picture that represented _your_ family. 

Javier had worn a pair of dark blue slacks with a white shirt. He’d rolled up his sleeves to his elbow and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt beneath a tie Josie had picked out. Neither of you were the Christmas sweater type. You had, however, gotten the girls matching dresses, navy blue with silver snowflakes. And your own silver maxi dress was meant to tie the four of you together. 

You loved all the pictures from the shoot, but the one you carried around was your favorite. Josie was sitting in her father’s lap, cheesing for the camera, while you sat beside him with your cheek against his shoulder as you helped Sofía balance on her feet in front of you. It wasn’t a picture-perfect Christmas card family — but it was all yours. 

“Are you living with your cousin?” You questioned, lifting your gaze back to her as you tucked the photo back into your wallet. 

“You remembered! Santiago lives in Tampa. I lived with him while I went to school, but I’m on my own now.” Elena explained with a polite smile. “He visits when he can.”

“That’s great. I’m glad you have family nearby.”

“He helped a lot when I first arrived.” She shook her head slowly, “I just knew I couldn’t stay in Colombia.”

“I’m glad you got out when you did.” You assured her, “Things were heating up near the end.” 

“I’m sure it was.” She nodded, “What prompted the two of you to leave?”

You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, leaning your elbow against the table as you looked out the window to your right. “The DEA wasn’t exactly _thrilled_ that I was pregnant,” You explained. “They did everything in their power to make me miserable and it worked. After Josie was born, Javier and I came clean about who the father was and I was let go.” You shrugged. “He quit and we left the country.”

Elena rolled her eyes, “I’m not surprised the rest of the DEA are swine.”

“They certainly were.” You laughed, “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m actually working on exposing them.” 

“ _Really_?”

You nodded. “Javier requested all of the files my name was in. It’s a stack of them.” You sank back in your seat, glancing out the window again. “We’ve got a reporter covering it. The first article is supposed to drop in the _Washington Post_ next month.” 

“Holy shit.” She leaned against the table. “You’re _really_ trying to take them down, aren’t you?”

You rubbed at the back of your neck as you looked back at her, “They omitted me entirely from the reports about Escobar. It’s just Steve and Javi.”   


She frowned, “But you were _right_ there.” 

“Yeah.” Your brows furrowed and you shook your head. “They essentially redacted me from the history books, simply because I had Josie.” 

“That’s _bullshit_.” She took another sip of her coffee, staring at you. “You were so dedicated to your job. Not only was that plain to see when we worked together, but Javier…” She pressed her lips together. “He was proud of you.” 

“Did he really talk about me _that_ much?”

Elena shrugged, “I did not expect to see him again after the first time you and I worked together. I don’t know if he realizes how much he said without _really_ saying anything. But it was clear he cared about you more than as just a partner.”

You sat up a little straighter then. “We’ve had a lot of discussions about that period in our lives. It’s just nice to hear from an outside source that I wasn’t alone in my… _feelings_.”

Elena pushed her hair behind her shoulders, smiling a little at you. “I really thought he was an idiot for not saying _something_ to you. I did try to get him to.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Luckily we are better about talking things through. It’s an uphill battle sometimes, but we try.” You leaned against the table. “So, how’d you get into social work?”

“It felt natural. I wanted to do something to give back. Ideally, I would like to work with women who are in difficult situations, but the hospital is a stepping stone to that.” Elena took another sip of coffee. “I’ve been volunteering at a women’s shelter downtown, which has been really fulfilling.” 

You smiled, “I wish I had more time to help the community. Javi’s got a full class schedule this semester and Monica is juggling a lot on her plate.”

“Monica?” Elena questioned with an arched brow. 

“Oh.” You laughed softly as you grabbed your wallet again, shuffling through the pictures before you produced a picture that had been taken at Thanksgiving. “Monica is one of Javier’s students. We’ve essentially adopted her into our family.” 

She gave you a look. 

“Her parents are not… _understanding_. To put it lightly.” You explained, “She’s been helping us with the girls, but she just started dating a really sweet girl and I don’t want her missing out on that.” 

Her eyes widened, “ _A_ h.” 

“Exactly,” You shrugged with a short laugh. “We tried to get her to join us for the family photo at Christmas, but the lure of Nadia was too strong. They have this arcade they go to all the time.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t get the appeal.” 

An incredulous sound escaped Elena as she stared at you, “You really did it, didn’t you?” 

“Did what?” 

“Domesticated Javier Peña.” 

You laughed loudly, much to the annoyance of the older couple sitting at the table behind you. “Sorry.” You offered, before looking back at Elena. “He’s _extremely_ domesticated.” You grinned. “The man has a favorite coffee mug.”

Elena chuckled, “That’s the sort of life both of you deserve.” 

“I appreciate that.” You smiled at her. “Honestly, I thought I’d end up married to my work. Javier and Josie changed my life and I couldn’t be happier.” 

“You’re a stronger woman than I am,” Elena said with a warm smile. “If I had been in your situation, I don’t know if I would’ve chosen the motherhood route.” 

You took a sip of coffee, nodding your head slowly. “I didn’t even consider the alternative.” You admitted quietly, “I was ready and willing to do this alone if Javier didn’t want to be involved. It would’ve broken my heart, I think, but… she was the best accident.” You bit down on your bottom lip, thinking for a minute. “My own childhood wasn’t great.” 

“Really?”

You rubbed your lips together, giving a slight nod. “I overcame it, I came out on top, but… I don’t want my girls to have to work that hard to be loved. No one should have to feel like love is conditional. Monica, Josie, Sofía deserve better than that.” You raked your fingers through your hair. “I think that’s why, with Josie… I didn’t even consider having an abortion. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be the mother I never had.” 

Elena reached across the table and squeezed your hand, “And look at the life you’ve built from that decision.” 

“We should have coffee again sometime,” You suggested. “There’s no reason to be strangers in a city that is _clearly_ small.”

“I would like that,” She patted your hand, before reaching for her coffee cup once more. “And please send Javier my best. He was a good man and he finally has the life he deserves.” 

“He’ll appreciate that.” You finished off the last of your coffee. Your eyes flickered to your wristwatch, “ _Shit_. I need to pick up the kids.” You said as you got up, pulling your purse across your chest. “Thank you again, Elena.” 

“I’m glad we reconnected,” Elena said as she stood up, “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” 

You exchanged a brief hug with her, before you ducked out of the coffee shop and headed for your car. You were relieved that the meeting had gone well — though you had expected it to. You’d worked alongside Elena a handful of times back in Colombia, where it was necessary that you play a part to get intel and she’d always been gracious to you. 

Outside of the first time you met her at the motel room, there was no lingering awkwardness there. Though you had a sneaking suspicion that more of his informants had known about you than _just_ Elena. Considering how bad Javier was at keeping your second pregnancy secret, you figured he’d had a case of loose lips when it came to you. 

This was definitely going to come up with Nancy. If not straight from you, from Javier’s sessions. You were certain, with each passing session, Nancy was finding the two of you more and more unusual. Especially given the fact that Nancy had devoted an entire session to try to work out whether you held resentment towards Javier for sleeping with informants — as if you hadn’t as well. 

It was just never something that _concerned_ you. It didn’t affect your relationship with Javier whatsoever. Sure, Elena bore a striking resemblance to you, but Steve had made you aware of the fact that you’d gone after men that even reminded _him_ of Javier. 

Gotta love a good proxy. 

As you settled into your car your phone started ringing. 

“Hey,” You said after you pulled it free from your purse. “I was _just_ thinking about you.” 

“Oh yeah?” Javier countered with a short chuckle. “I was thinking about you too, baby. You done with coffee?”

“Just got in the car to head over and pick up Josie.” You told him, shouldering the phone so you could buckle your seatbelt. “What’s up?” 

“I just wanted to see how it went.” He cleared his throat and you could practically feel his nerves through the phone. “How… How’d it go?”

“We spent the entire time gossiping about you.” You teased, trying to allay his worries. “We just caught up, Javi. It was nothing deeply profound.” 

Javier grumbled, “But you _did_ talk about me?”

You rolled your eyes, putting your keys into the ignition and starting the car off. The radio came on, blasting Los Del Rio’s hit, and you quickly turned the knob to turn it down. “Of course we talked about you, Javi. Did you think you wouldn’t be brought up?”

“I just…” Javier trailed off and for a second you thought the call had dropped. “I used to tell her a lot more than I should’ve.”

“I gathered this.” You laughed softly. “But I also recall you told _another_ informant that I was pregnant.” 

“Yes.” 

“You were a _terrible_ agent Javier.” You said lightly. “Loose lips sink ships.” 

“I just couldn’t tell the _right_ person.” He remarked, sighing heavily. “At least I’ve made up for it.” 

“Have you?” You countered, chewing on your bottom lip. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

“Working on next week’s slides. Why, baby?”

“We should go out.” You suggested. “We haven’t really had a date since Sof was born. We could give Le Mystere a try.” 

Javier hummed, “The new Mediterranean place off Washington?”

“I know you’ve been dying to try it.” You smiled, “Come on, Javi. We deserve a kid-free night.” 

“I’ll give Steve a call after we get off the phone.” Javier drawled out, “See if I can get us a reservation tomorrow.” 

“I thought you’d jump on this opportunity.” It had been a _long_ time since the two of you had actually had a _real_ date. It was hard to balance two careers, two kids, and still manage to get a decent night of sleep. 

“How could I say ‘no’, baby?” He chuckled. “What’s the occasion?” 

“I love you. Do I need an occasion, Javi?” 

“No, you don’t. But you’ve got me looking forward to the weekend now.” He chuckled, “Alright, lemme get off the phone and get us a reservation.” 

“Perfect. I’m gonna go get the kids.” 

“See you at home, baby.” 

“See you soon.” You smiled as you hung up the phone, tossing it into the passenger seat beside you. 

Sure, you both had been more than willing to try _new_ things, but the old thing — just the two of you — was pretty good too. Dinner out, the house to yourselves… Hopefully this time you won’t accidentally fall asleep after dinner, because you were breaking in the newest lingerie set you’d bought. 


	72. Good Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier have a spicey night out. Set early February 1998. If you wanna see what my headcanon is for what Annie/Reader has on check out this [link](https://66.media.tumblr.com/da9d7dd46bf2ace37bc17977f09ec4d9/784dadb5772bda99-a0/s540x810/ca4f48581f8cfff2f86e9ad02e3c9cee38aa717d.png).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Fingering in public, mild stocking fetish, praise kink, dirty talk, spanking, cock warming, teasing, female orgasm denial, brief female receiving oral sex, and unprotected vaginal sex, lbr they have a kink for each other)

Javier knocked at the partially shut bedroom door, “Am I allowed in yet?” He questioned, the door creaking open a little. 

“I’m dressed.” You answered, raking your fingers through your hair to fluff it as you stared at your reflection in the full length mirror attached to the back of the bathroom door.

You _rarely_ had a reason to dress up anymore. After Sofía was born you’d been thrown back into full-on “mom mode” and then with work — there just wasn’t any time anymore. 

This dress had been one of your options for the Christmas photos, but it had ultimately been too short to sit on the floor with children. It was a dark burgundy satin with a raised velvet flower pattern all over it. It came to an inch or three above your knees — leaving a considerable amount of your legs showing. 

It wasn’t _cold_ in Florida in February, but you still didn’t want that much bare leg showing… which was a perfect excuse to wear a pair of thigh-high black stockings. 

“You like?” You questioned as you turned around to face him, holding your arms out as you showed yourself off to him. 

“Baby, you looking like _that_ makes me not even want to leave the house.” His eyes swept over you, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “Those stockings…”

“I thought you’d like them.” You said as you brushed past him closely, moving to sit on the bed to put your shoes on. “I think you’ll like _everything_ I have on.”

Javier swallowed thickly as he watched you sit down, your dress riding up high enough to show that the stockings weren’t being held up by garters. 

“Or what I _don’t_ have on.” You added as you looked up at him from beneath your eyelashes. You smoothed your hands over your dress after you finished putting your shoes on, “Ready?”

His chest rose and fell as he tried to regain his composure. You knew exactly where his mind had gone — mostly given away by the way he subtly adjusted himself in his slacks under the guise of straightening his suit jacket. 

“Yeah. Cab should be here in a few.”

“ _Good_.” You smiled, putting a little sway in your stride as you moved towards him, stopping in front of him. “I’m looking forward to trying something new.” You said casually as you straightened the collar of his shirt. “Food, that is.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared at you. “I like this.” He said lowly, toying with the charm that hung from the center of the black velvet choker around your throat. 

“Yeah?” You ran your hands over his shoulders. “It came with the teddy.”

“ _Baby_.” Javier said lowly as he took a step backwards and let his eyes wander over you. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“No dying.” You leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, before taking his hand into yours. “I have plans.”

“You gonna share?” He questioned, leaning in to steal another kiss. 

You ran your tongue over the edges of your teeth as you met his gaze. “I think you _know_.” You ran your hand from his chest, down to cup him through his trousers briefly, before you pulled away from him entirely. 

A quiet rose from the back of Javier’s throat, “Maybe we should just stay home.”

You turned back to grin at him, just as a car honked outside of the house, “The cab is here.” You grabbed your purse off the dresser, before ducking out of the bedroom.

Javier followed close behind, making sure the front door was locked before he joined you inside the cab. 

“Washington Avenue.” You told the driver. 

You could feel Javier’s eyes on you — your faces illuminated by the headlights of a passing car. “Yes?” You said softly, turning to face him. Even in the darkness, you could feel the heat of his gaze. 

“ _Shh_.” Javier urged as he shifted closer to you, his hand resting on the top of your leg, fingertips playing with the soft lace at the top of your stockings. 

Your breath wavered as you exhaled, your eyes darting between Javier and the driver. “Are you looking forward to dinner?” You asked him innocently as you let your legs shift apart wider. 

“I’m looking forward to _dessert_.” Javier answered, his voice steady and calm. 

“I’ve heard they have—“ You bit down on your bottom lip as he trailed his fingers higher and discovered for himself what you _weren’t_ wearing. “A nice selection.”

Javier dipped his fingers between your folds, smirking as he found you already slick for him. “I wonder if they’ll have that wine you love.” 

Your hips canted forward towards his touch. “Maybe.” 

“It’s dessert wine you like, isn’t it?”

You swallowed thickly as he circled your clit with a teasing touch. It wasn’t meant to relieve your desire, it was meant to drive you crazy. _Clearly_. “Greek.” You answered, curling your fingers around his wrist. “You should try it.”

“I don’t know if that’s what I _want_ right now.” Javier said pointedly, shaking loose of your grasp and pulling his hand away. He brought his fingers to his lips, making a show of the way he sucked them clean. 

_Fuck_. 

You pressed your thighs together, “What _are_ you in the mood for tonight, Javi?” 

The headlights from another passing car illuminated Javier’s face as he smirked at you, “Something sweeter than wine.” He drawled out as his hand lazily trailed over your stocking clad leg again. His fingers moved higher until they met bare skin, stopping short of where you _really_ wanted them. 

You leaned towards him, brushing your lips over his. “We don’t get many nights out alone. I think we’re both allowed to _indulge_ tonight.” You curled your fingers around his arm, guiding his hand higher beneath the hem of your dress. 

Javier kissed you gently, his tongue darting out over your bottom lip as his fingers moved to the junction of your thighs. His touch was featherlight at first as he delicately teased your sensitive folds. It wasn’t enough to give you any relief, but it made heat blossom low in your belly. 

“ _Javi_.” You whispered as you pulled back from the kiss, letting your nose brush against his as you drew in a shaky breath. 

“I think we’re almost to the restaurant, baby.” Javier informed you with an even tone as he circled his thumb over your clit. Your fingers gripped tightly at the sleeve of his suit jacket, tight enough that the buttons along his wrist were going to leave marks on your palm. 

Javier dragged two fingers between your folds, gathering up your arousal with a _come hither_ gesture, before he sank those same two fingers into you. Your eyes widened and it took every ounce of self restraint you possessed to keep from making a sound in response to him. 

“Perhaps I _will_ try that wine tonight,” He remarked, slowly dragging his fingers in and out of you. It was _obscene_ how good it felt. How the threat of being caught only seemed to heighten the pleasure you got from his touch. It was so risky and yet… from the start of this relationship, you’d both been willing to take the risk. 

You titled your head once more, unable to resist the urge to kiss him. Maybe you should’ve taken him up on the suggestion to stay at home instead of going out. But if you had — would you be about to come in the back of a cab? _No_. 

The driver knocked on the glass, before sliding it open, “Le Mystere?” He questioned as he turned the corner onto Washington Avenue. 

_Shit_. 

You reluctantly pulled back from the kiss, turning to face straight ahead then. “Yes. Thank you.” 

Javier pulled his hand out from between your thighs, leaving you right on the cusp of an orgasm. He leaned towards you and pressed a kiss to your temple, before whispering close to your ear, “Sorry, baby.”

You shook your head, turning to face him. “There’s always later.” You murmured, brushing your fingers over his cheek as the driver pulled the car up in front of the restaurant. 

Javier shifted forward, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket to pay the driver. “I’ve got you, baby.” He told you as he climbed out of the car first, walking around to open the door for you. He held his hand out for you, interlacing his fingers with yours. 

“You really should try the Greek wine.” You told him with a grin as you walked alongside him into the restaurant. 

“Maybe I will.” Javier said with a crooked sort of grin, his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

A short laugh escaped you as you shook your head. “I was _close_.” 

“Guess we _both_ get to suffer.” He said pointedly. 

You rolled your eyes. “Tit-for-tat, hmm?” 

“Welcome to Le Mystere. Do you have a reservation?” The hostess questioned as you approached. 

“Peña.” Javier answered, giving your hand three little squeezes. 

“Right this way Mr. and Mrs. Peña.” The hostess offered, gesturing for the pair of you to follow her back to your table. The restaurant had spared no expense in creating a truly Mediterranean experience. The plastered walls and arches were cast in hues of vibrant blues and warm terra cotta. There were ornate mosaic murals set into the plaster. 

The hostesspassed the menus to you, “Your waitress will be with you soon. Would you like to start with warm bread and hummus?” 

“Of course.” You said with a smile, glancing down at the menu. “Thank you.” 

The hostess excused herself, leaving you and Javier to figure out what you wanted to eat. But food really wasn’t on your mind. You looked across the table at him, chewing on your bottom lip. “This place is really nice.”

He looked over the top of his menu at you, “It _is_ isn’t it?” 

You nodded slowly, “If that cab ride had just been a minute longer…”

Javier smirked, “Still thinking about that?” 

“How can I not?” You shot back, rubbing your thumb over your bottom lip. You were fairly certain you’d chewed your lipstick off in the process. “After the waitress takes our orders, I’m going to freshen up.” 

His brows shot upwards and he leaned forward, elbows resting against the table. “If I have to suffer, baby… do you.” 

“I need to fix my lipstick.” You told him earnestly, though the corners of your lips quirked upwards with a grin. 

Javier gave a short shake of his head, his gaze turning back to the menu, “Is it the Kourtaki wine you like?”

You sighed heavily, toying with the charm at the hollow of your throat. “Starting to think you might’ve been _deliberate_ in your actions now, Javi.” You rolled your eyes. “And yes, that’s the wine.” 

“Do you think it’ll go well with the short ribs?”

You ran your finger over the menu down to the description of the short ribs, “Probably.” 

“Good evening,” The waitress started as she arrived at your table with three bowls of hummus, a dish of olives, and a small basket of warm bread. “Have you had a chance to decide on your drink of choice for the evening?”

“A bottle of the Kourtaki.” Javier ordered. 

“And a whiskey neat,” You added, nudging Javier’s foot beneath the table. “Just in case I’ve led him astray with my preference.”

“Perfect,” The waitress smiled. “Would you like to hear this evening’s specials?” 

“As long as they don’t involve chicken nuggets and mac and cheese,” Javier jested, nudging your foot back. 

“Oh, do you have children?” The waitress questioned as she looked in between the two of you. 

“Yeah, two.” You made a face. “I think this is the first night out alone since last summer.” 

The waitress chuckled, “Rest assured we don’t even have a children’s menu.” She clasped her hands together, “We have a potato gnocchi special. Freshly made potato gnocchi, with locally sourced cauliflower, wild mushrooms, black truffle paste, and sunchoke. Topped with Parmigiano Reggiano.” 

“You’ve won me over.” You sat the menu down on the table and passed it towards her, that’ll be my order.” 

“Oh! Perfect.” She took the menu from you, “And for you, sir?”

“The Tajine short ribs.” 

“Excellent, I’ll put your orders in for you and get your drinks out to you. If you need anything, I’m Ashleigh.”

“Thanks, Ashleigh.” You offered, before turning your gaze back towards Javier. “Definitely a different atmosphere than our typical haunts.” 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, “ _Seriously_.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, reaching out to pick up a piece of bread. He tore off a bit, dipping it into the hummus. “No coloring sheets, no screaming babies…” 

You laughed, grabbing an olive and popping it into your mouth. “Was it Disney? Was that the last time it was just the two of us?”

Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he nodded, “Yeah, I think so.” 

“We should do this more often.” You suggested, eating another olive. 

His brows rose upwards, “Are you going to tell me what part of coffee with Elena inspired this?” 

“It had _nothing_ to do with coffee with her, Javi.” You assured him.

He looked skeptical, reaching across the table to squeeze your hand. 

“I mean, not exactly.” You shook your head, “Listening to Elena talk about how much you cared about _me_ all those years ago made me realize that we should do more of _this_.” You gestured around the restaurant. 

Javier rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. 

The waitress returned then with a shot of whiskey and the bottle of wine, before retreating back towards the kitchen. 

“It’s sweet,” You warned him as he poured the dark red wine into your glasses. You watched him as he picked up his glass and brought it to his lips. He _rarely_ drank wine. If you were drinking it was whiskey or beer — _mostly_ beer lately, given the kids. And when you had twisted his arm to drink wine, he preferred pinot or cab sav.

Javier took a sip, moving it around in his mouth before swallowing it. “Not bad.” 

“Drink your whiskey, Javi. I’ll have no problem finishing this off,” You said as you picked up the bottle of wine, brandishing it with a grin. 

“Baby, we’re not going to have _any_ fun if you drink that entire bottle of wine.” He said as he took another sip, “It’ll grow on me.” Javier sat his glass aside, picking up another piece of bread and dipping it in the hummus. 

You sat the wine bottle aside, bringing your glass to your lips and taking a sip. “And we don’t want _that_.” You ran your tongue over your bottom lip, “And personally, I’m looking forward to you getting me out of this dress.” 

Javier smirked at you, “Me too.” 

You watched him as he shifted in his seat, _clearly_ uncomfortable. You leaned forward and lowered your voice. “Having a problem, Javi?” 

He shot you a look, “Same one I’ve been having since we left the house.” 

“So long as we’re equal.” You said as you brushed your hair behind your shoulders. “The only downside to eating at _nice_ restaurants is that they definitely frown on extracurricular activities in their bathrooms.” 

Javier sighed heavily, “You’re gonna kill me.” 

“I’m just saying,” You started with a smirk. “There’s a reason why _bars_ are our thing.” 

“You’re the one who suggested we get reservations here.” Javier reminded you, grabbing two olives and popping them into his mouth. He held your gaze as he chewed him, before he added. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I was about to remind you that _you_ are the one who enjoys trying new restaurants.” You snorted. “After all, you _are_ the one who reads the _Food & Drink _section, babe.” You curled your fingers around the stem of your glass, taking another sip. 

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Javier said with a conspiratorial tone as he leaned forward. “It makes for good conversation at faculty meetings. Otherwise they’re playing fifty questions on the topic of Colombia.” 

“ _Still_?” You rolled your eyes. “I thought they’d stop hounding you after the first year.” 

He shrugged a shoulder, “You and me both, baby. Figured they’d move on after I proved not to be the man they were expecting me to be.” 

It still cracked you up that his fellow faculty members had expected some rough and tumble field agent who was ready to divulge the juiciest stories about Colombia. Instead they ended up with a man who wanted to single-handedly take down the government and refused to discuss Colombia unless he was under duress. 

“At least you’ll have something to talk about Monday.” You grinned, licking hummus off your thumb as you held his gaze. 

“You’re a tease.”

“And proud.” You winked at him, before your gaze caught sight of the waitress returning. “Oh, dinner’s here.” 

Javier loosened his tie a little, rubbing his fingers under the collar of his shirt as he sat up straighter. “Quicker we eat, quicker we get home.” He reminded you. 

“I thought you wanted dessert.” 

“They only serve my favorite dish at home,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, fixing you with a heated look that was interrupted by the waitress sitting the plates down on the table. 

“Does everything look to your liking?”

“Looks delicious, thank you Ashleigh.” You smiled up at her as you grabbed your napkin and smoothed it over your lap.

“It smells great.” Javier agreed, nodding his head as he stared down at the plate. “Thanks.”

“Let me know if you need anything,” Ashleigh offered before she headed across the restaurant to tend to other guests. 

“Do you have everything _you_ need, Javi?” You questioned with a grin, biting down on your bottom lip as you met his eyes. 

He huffed, “ _Eat_.” 

“You’re no fun,” You teased as you slipped one of your shoes off beneath the table. You took a bite of your gnocchi, watching Javier as he cut into a piece of his ribs. You waited until he’d swallowed the bite and taken a sip of wine, before you slowly slid your foot up his calf.

“Baby—” Javier started, his eyes flashing to meet yours. “What are you doing?”

You lowered your gaze back to your dish, forking up another piece of gnocchi. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said lightly, sliding your foot further up the inside of his leg. “I love a restaurant with a nice tablecloth.” 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he glared at you, “You are playing with fire, baby.” 

“You think I don’t know that?” You laughed, shaking your head as you washed down another bite with more wine. You slid your foot back down to his calf, picking up the bottle of wine and refilling your glass. “But how can I resist?” You asked him, sliding your foot back up towards his thigh. “There’s something about wearing stockings that just _screams_ —”

Javier slipped his hand beneath the table and grabbed your foot. “ _Behave_.” 

“You’re no fun.” You sighed, shaking your head solemnly as you took another sip of wine. 

“Baby,” He started as he leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “It’s bad enough that I’ve gotta sit here thinking about how much I’d rather be buried in that pretty little _pussy_ of yours.” 

You blinked as you stared at him, the heat of his words burning straight through you. “I always forgot how warm this wine makes me.” Your voice wavered as you laughed softly, taking another sip of your wine. “How’s work?”

Javier chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh no, baby… You’re not getting out of this that easily.” He glanced around to ensure that no one was listening to your conversation, before he set his gaze back on you. “The _second_ we get in the cab to go home, I’m gonna make you come.” He drawled out. 

“Sounds fun.” You said, crossing your legs beneath the table. “I thought I wasn’t getting out of this easily.” 

“And that’s the last time I’m going to let you come tonight, unless I say otherwise.” He said firmly, his eyes holding your gaze before his expression softened briefly. “Is that alright?”

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, your fork clattering against your plate as it slipped out of your fingers. Holy shit. You blinked slowly, pushing your fingers through your hair. “Not how I expected the night to go but, you have my attention.” 

“Now, be a _good girl_ and finish eating so we can leave.” Javier said lowly, taking another sip of his wine. 

It was rather hard to focus on eating when you had the promise of the rest of the evening ahead of you. But between the two of you, you managed to finish off the bottle of wine and eat _most_ of your dinners. You loved when Javier took charge of a situation. He did it so _fucking_ well. 

Javier had the waitress call ahead for the cab so it was waiting for you once the bill was paid. He held the door open for you, helping you duck down into the vehicle, before he slid in behind you. 

“Iguana Avenue,” He told the driver, his hand already posessively curling around your knee. 

“Sure thing.” The driver answered and Javier slid the window closed in between the front and the back. 

Javier was on you seconds after the car started down the street. His fingers delving into your hair, cradling the back of your head as he slanted his mouth over yours. You could taste the wine on his tongue, delectably sweet and only proving to further fuel the burn of desire that his words and the wine had stoked. 

A quiet moan rose up in the back of your throat as he ran his hand from your knee, up beneath your dress until he reached your cunt. Your thighs were damp with your arousal, his fingers easily gliding through your slick folds. You rocked into his touch, desperately seeking the release you’d been robbed of before dinner. 

Javier was a man of his words. He sank two fingers into you, working them in and out of you. He broke away from the kiss, his fingers tightening their grip in your hair as he spoke to you, “Are you going to be a good girl for me, baby?”

You nodded as best you could, “Javi, _please_.” 

“No more.” He reminded you as he slid his fingers out of you, cupping your entire cunt, before he used those same two fingers to tease your clit. He roughly rolled that little bundle of nerves between them, working it _just_ right. Your back arched as you worked your hips down to grind against his hand. 

He kissed you again, silencing any sounds that might escape from you as he brought you over the edge. Your body clenched around nothing until he pressed his fingers back into you, twisting them in and out of you as he coaxed you through your release. If he hadn’t been kissing you, you would’ve _sobbed_ from the relief that washed through you. 

And you had a feeling that Javier wasn’t bluffing. He wasn’t going to let you come again, unless he decided otherwise. 

He ran his tongue over your bottom lip once more before he pulled away, staring at you in the darkness of the car. “Did you enjoy _dessert_?” 

You breathed raggedly, “I’m looking forward to another snack before bed.” You told him, boldly reaching out to stroke him through his trousers. “Think _you_ can handle more?” You teased, squeezing him lightly.

Javier caught your wrist, “ _Behave_.” 

“Not in my vocabulary.” You smirked, twisting your hand out of his grasp, bringing his hand up to your lips so you could suck on his fingers, cleaning your arousal from them. That half a bottle of wine had been an _excellent_ decision. 

You released his fingers with a wet pop, biting down on your bottom lip as you looked up at him from beneath your lashes. “Javi?”

“Yeah, baby?” He questioned, giving your knee a squeeze. 

“Don’t be gentle.” You told him, resting your hand over his. “We both know our words.” 

Javier rubbed his lips together, before nodding slowly. “You sure?”

“We don’t have any kids at home to worry about waking up.” You reminded him. “I love when you’re rough, Javi.” 

“I know you do.” He leaned towards you, resting his forehead against the side of your head. “Whatever _you_ want.” Javier assured you. 

Javier was ever the gentleman once the cab stopped in front of your house. Just like he had at the restaurant, he got out first and held the door open for you as he helped you step out of the cab. But there was a haste to his stride as he ushered you inside the house, so you could _finally_ be alone. 

The second the door closed, Javier had you pinned against it. His thigh was pressed in between your thighs, causing your skirt to ride up towards your hips. “These _fucking_ stockings.” He swore, dragging his hands from your hips down to the tops of the stockings. “They stay on.” 

“I wore them for _you,_ Javi.” You whispered, curling your fingers around his tie as you tilted your head to meet his gaze. You felt a flush blossom across your chest and neck under the heat in his eyes. You’d certainly been effective at winding him up. 

Javier pressed his knee upwards, causing you to roll your hips — seeking friction. He clicked his tongue against his teeth, tutting disappointedly. “Now, now, baby. What did I tell you?” He ran his thumb over your bottom lip.

Your lips parted and you nipped at his fingertip. “That I have to be a _good_ girl?” You questioned, fingers tightening around his tie as you drew him towards you. “That I can’t come?” Your breath brushed against his lips. “But I’m a _bad_ girl.” You said as you rolled your hips against his knee again. 

Javier loosened the grasp you held on his tie so he could pull away from you, “Dress off.” 

You swallowed thickly as you rested against the door for a moment, drawing in a shaky breath. “I think you’re going to like what’s underneath.” You smiled at him sweetly as you reached behind you to unzip your dress. You let it slide off your body as you kicked off your shoes. “Do you like?”

“Fuck, yes.” He breathed out as he raked his gaze over you. The teddy was the same coloration as your dress. A sheer black fabric that covered your stomach and settled just at the tops of your thighs, decorated with burgundy lace. The bra was nearly sheer, black with soft burgundy flowers on the cups. 

“How do you want me, Javi?” You questioned, putting a little sway in your step as you walked towards him, tracing a finger from the center of his chest downwards towards his belt. You did the work for him, unbuckling his belt and sliding it out of the belt loops. 

Javier caught your hands as you started to unzip his trousers, shaking his head. “Not yet, baby. I want you to be a _good_ girl and go lean over the side of the sofa for me. Can you do that?” He questioned, tracing his fingers over the curve of your cheekbone before he kissed you. “ _Now_.” 

“Aye aye, captain.” You quipped with a mock salute, before you brushed past him as you walked into the family room. You did as he asked, draping yourself over the arm of the sofa. You grabbed at the cushion in front of you to balance as you waited for whatever he had planned. 

You turned as you caught movement out of the corner of your eye. Watching as Javier casually shucked off his jacket, taking great effort in preventing it from wrinkling as he folded it in half and draped it over the armchair across from you. He loosened his tie, before he worked at unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling them up to his elbows. 

You wondered if Javier knew how much you had _always_ loved that look on him. How many times you’d caught yourself thinking about him after a particularly long meeting at the embassy, when he’d roll his sleeves up at his desk and bitch about how hot it was. He looked good in a suit, but he looked even better half out of one. 

Javier turned then, meeting your eyes. “What were you planning on doing in the restaurant, baby?”  


“Have dinner?” You questioned coyly, pressing your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you stared at him. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“You don’t know what I mean?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I seem to recall your foot getting _frisky_.”

“Oh, that.” You rolled your eyes. “Can’t a girl have fun?”

Your heart skipped a beat as Javier approached you, stepping out of your line of view as he moved around to stand behind you. He brushed a hand down your back, before he grabbed both of your asscheeks and squeezed roughly. 

“You’re a fucking mess.” Javier told you, releasing his hold on your right asscheek as he ran his fingers over your slick folds, “You should see yourself.” He taunted quietly as he slowly worked two fingers into you. You were still so sensitive from the cab, your inner walls instinctively fluttering around his fingers. “You’re just _dripping_.” He abruptly withdrew his fingers, giving your cunt a not-so-gentle swat.

You yelped, fingers tightening the grip on the cushion. His fingers had landed right against your still-throbbing clit, sending a strange mix of pain and pleasure through your senses. “ _Fuck_.” 

He released his hold on you, moving around to crouch beside the sofa. “You good, baby?”

“Did I use my word?” You questioned, pushing your hair out of your face as you turned to look at him. “I told you to be rough.” 

Javier nodded, “Don’t be afraid to use it.” 

You tried to relax your body as he moved back around to where he was standing before, hands palming at the globes of your ass, spreading you apart as he knelt down and slid his tongue between your folds. You keened, unable to resist and _so_ thankful your house was empty. His tongue soothed the tingle of pain his palm had left in its wake. And it felt like _heaven_ as he worked his tongue into your core, lapping at you. 

But the soothing touch of his tongue was quickly replaced by another swift slap against your already aching flesh. You rocked forward, your knees slamming into the side of the sofa as you instinctively tried to escape the pain. “Don’t stop.” You told him, widening your stance for him. 

Instead of spanking your cunt for a third time, Javier’s hand fell against your ass with a little more pressure this time. It burned, but the pain came with a tantalizing pleasure behind it. “ _Javier_.” You moaned, rocking back towards him. 

“You like that, baby?” Javier questioned, his hand striking you a second time on the soft swell of your ass. “Is this what you were hoping for? Is that why you were such a bad girl, baby?” His fingers slid between your folds once more, his thumb circling your clit. “You look so fucking good like this.” He turned his attention to your other asscheek, giving it the same two swift smacks that made you clench down around nothing. 

“Now remember, baby…”Javier said in an almost taunting tone. “You are _not_ allowed to come.” 

You nodded your head. “I rememb—” Your words were cut off by the feel of his cock pressing against your soaked center, just the head slipping into you at first. “ _Fuck_.” You moaned, your head falling forward as Javier sank the full length of his cock into you. 

How the hell were you supposed to resist coming when his cock felt _that_ good? You whimpered, pressing back towards his hips. Javier tightened his grip on you, hard enough to leave bruises to go with the handprints he’d surely left on your ass. “You may _not_ come.” He reminded you once more as he drew back and slammed back into you.

The angle was _perfect_. Every time he filled you his cock pressed right against that sweet spot. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing too. There was no way he didn’t know that every thrust had his cock dragging over your G-spot. 

You stretched your arms out in front of you, gripping at the sofa as he kept _slamming_ into you. It was sheer hell trying to hold back the tidal wave of an orgasm that he was building with his every move. He had you right there, right on the edge. You could feel your body start to reflexively tense — heat blooming through your lower belly.

But he was gone before you had the chance to careen over the edge. He pulled back, leaving you slumped over the side of the sofa as he tucked himself back into his trousers and did up the zipper. 

At least he was torturing himself as much as he was torturing you. 

“How are you doing?” He questioned, leaning forward and petting his fingers over the back of your head. 

“I’d do better if you let me come.” You retorted, pushing up on your hands as you turned to look at him. “I could use some water.” 

“Sure thing.” Javier nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead sweetly before he headed for the kitchen. You didn’t move an inch until he returned with a glass of water for you. Your ass burned as you stood up straight again, pulling at the skin he’d marked with his hand. 

“I’m glad tomorrow’s Sunday.” You remarked, taking two sips of water. “Thank you.” 

Javier took the glass from you, moving to the side table on the opposite side of the sofa. “Good to go?”

“Yeah.” You exhaled slowly. “Still want me here?” 

“You do make such a pretty picture there.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “But I have a better idea. Javier strolled across the room with his hands in his pockets, moving to sit in the armchair across from you. He met your gaze as he unzipped his trousers and freed his cock from their confines. 

“Come here.” He beckoned you, before curling his fingers around his cock. 

You took pride in knowing that he wasn’t getting any relief either. At least he’d been kind enough to let you come in the cab. 

Your legs were unsteady at first, but you walked lightly towards him, stopping at his knees. “Want me to take care of that for you?” You questioned, sliding your hands over your thighs beneath your teddy as you licked your lips. 

He shook his head slowly, “I have something else in mind, baby.” Javier released his hold on his cock, gesturing for you to turn around, which you were quick to do. “Now, take a seat.” 

“ _Fuck_.” You breathed out, dragging your fingers through your hair for a moment as you got control of yourself. While your release had already retreated, you weren’t certain how much longer you could hold it off. Especially if he was buried within you.

But you obeyed him. 

You curled your fingers around his cock to hold him steady as you sank down onto him. The rough texture of his trousers and the bite of the metal zipper hurt against your aching asscheeks, but the bliss of having his cock outweighed the mild discomfort. You leaned back against him, looking quite pleased with yourself as you tilted your head to look at him. 

“Are you still going to be a good girl for me?” Javier questioned, licking his lips as he ran his hands over the tops of your thighs. “Because that pretty little pussy of yours feels so good like this, baby. I want you to sit right here.” 

You couldn’t help but moan, letting your head fall back against his shoulder. “You’re going to kill me.” You told him, a shiver running down your spin as he slid his hands up over your stomach and grasped your breasts through the cups. 

“If it’s too much, use your word.” He reminded you, pressing a tender kiss to your shoulder. “Goddamn, I love feeling the way you clench around me like that.” Javier whispered, “You’re so tight. So wet.” 

You shifted your hips a little, seeking friction, but he was quick to grab your thighs, pushing your legs together. Somehow it made it feel even _fuller_ and you couldn’t help but moan. 

“Just sit still, baby. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” You breathed out, nodding your head slowly as you let yourself relax back against him. His hands wandered, fingers playing over the tops of your stockings, sliding over your thighs, thumbing at your nipples through your teddy. It felt like heaven and hell all rolled into one. 

“Do you like this?” Javier questioned as his hand slid between your thighs and he brushed his thumb over your clit. You jolted slightly, before sinking back against him. 

“I do.” You assured him, tilting your head so you could kiss the underside of his jaw. “I love you.”

“ _Mmm_.” He hummed, slowly circling your clit once more. “I love you too.” Javier pulled his hand away once more, sliding it up over your stomach, the valley between your breasts, before his fingers came up and curled around your throat. “Are you going to be a good girl for me?”

Your body practically throbbed in response to the tone of his voice.

“Did you hear me?” 

“Yes.” You nodded slightly. “I heard you and _yes_ I can be a good girl.” 

“ _Good_.” Javier pressed a kiss to a spot behind your ear, his breath hot against your skin. “I’m feeling generous, so I’m going to let you come. Okay?”

“Thank you.” You breathed out, reaching up to curl your fingers around his forearm. “Thank you, Javi.” 

“But I want you to work for it, baby.” Javier brushed his thumb against your pulse point, before sliding his hand up to grasp at your jaw, turning your head towards him. “You may move now.” 

You didn’t need to be told twice.

Your release was dangling right in front of you and you were going to get it. 

Javier’s hands encircled your hips, guiding your movements as you rode his cock. The zipper was still biting into your tender flesh, but the pain turned swiftly into pleasure as his cock filled you again and again. It was quite clear that both of you had no interest in _waiting_ any longer.

Your shoulders pressed back against his chest, back arching as your pace faltered. Your inner walls clenched around him and your entire body _throbbed_ as your orgasm tore through you. Javier’s hand returned to the junction where you were joined, fingers teasing over your clit as he kept you reeling from your release.

Javier was close behind you, his hips rocking upwards as he drove into you. Your name on his tongue as he came apart, spilling deep within you. You could feel every pulse of him as you clenched around him, your body greedy for him. 

Exhausted, you sank back against his chest. “Holy shit.” 

Javier chuckled, nuzzling at the crook of your neck. “Words… gone.” He told you, curling his arm around your waist. “ _Fuck_.”

You giggled and you weren’t sure if it was due to the wine still running through your veins or the utterly blissful sensation ebbing and flowing through your lower belly. “Oh my _God_ , Javier.” You breathed out, reaching behind you to play with his hair. “I’m not moving.” 

“Wouldn’t think of it.” He muttered, relaxing back into the armchair. “Baby, you’re…” He shook his head. “I’m a lucky man.”

You titled your head, grinning at him. “And a handsome man too.” You teased, tracing your finger down his nose. “Have I ever mentioned… how much I love your nose?” 

He arched a brow, “Are you drunk?”

“On you.” You shot back, squirming in his lap so you could turn enough to kiss his lips. “I’m a little buzzed.” You told him, pressing a kiss to his nose. “But I said what I mean.” You laughed, “You might’ve fucked me silly.” 

Javier grinned at you, “Not a bad thing to do.” 

You shook your head, “Best thing to do.” 

He kissed you again, “Don’t let me forget to grab the lotion.”

Your brows shot upwards, “Did you stick it in the fridge before we left?”

Javier smirked, “I had plans of my own, baby.” 

“Love that you planned to _spank_ me, babe.” You grinned as you pressed your lips to his, “I love you.” 

Instead of breaking the kiss to say the same, Javier gave your hip three squeezes. It amazed you how that _still_ made you warm and tingly from your head to your toes. 


	73. San Antonio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier make their way to Laredo. Set in December 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

“How are you doing, baby?” Javier questioned as he held Josie, letting her bounce on his lap. She was thrilled with the attention and giggling up a storm. 

You reached for your glass of tea and took a sip from the straw. “I’m fine.” You assured him, though it was a half-hearted answer. Truth be told, you _weren’t_ fine. But you weren’t about to let that get to you. “Are you calling your father tomorrow?”

Javier canted his head to the side, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “Yeah.” He stared at you for a long moment, “You nervous about that?”

You sat your glass down and shrugged. “Who wouldn’t be, Javi?”

“Pops knows about _you_ ,” Javier reminded you. “Or at least he knows that I’m not coming to the wedding alone.”

You nodded your head, taking another sip of tea. “What if he hates me?”

His brows drew together, “He’ll love you, baby. And he’ll adore Josie.”

“You aren’t worried about how he’ll react to finding out he has a seven-month-old granddaughter?”

“He’ll be _thrilled_ , baby.” Javier assured you, reaching over to give your leg a squeeze beneath the table. “I mean look at her.” He turned Josie towards you and she grinned broadly as she bounced on his lap, “She’s gonna have him wrapped around his finger.”

“And what about the rest of your family?” You questioned, reaching out to brush your fingers over her forehead, before giving her nose a playful pinch — much to her amusement. She squealed, trying to reach for you. 

“I’m not gonna sit here and pretend they won’t have _opinions_ ,” He scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, before sweeping his tongue over the spot. “Given my past, I don’t think any of them would expect to see me coming home with you _or_ a baby in tow.”

You took Josie from him, smiling as she cuddled into your chest. You ran your hand down her back as you stared at Javier. “I’ve never been taken home to meet someone’s family. Much less their _entire_ family.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, baby. Say the word and we’ll just stay at the ranch.”

“No.” You shook your head. “Then they’ll definitely hate me.” That would _not_ look good. “I’m just anxious. About all of it.”

“The move?”

You nodded. “Can we… Can we not bring up that we quit?”

“I already told pops that I quit.”

You glanced down at Josie as she started pulling on the tie of your dress. “Sweetheart, you can’t eat that.” You warned her, before looking up at Javi. “Just… tell him to keep it quiet for right now. I really don’t want to get into any conversations about what happened in Colombia.”

“I get it.” He slid closer to you on the booth, slinging his arm around your shoulders. “I want this to be a _good_ thing, baby.”

“It is.” You assured him. “It’s just a lot all at once.” You leaned towards him, resting your cheek against his shoulder. 

It wasn’t just losing your job and having to leave behind your life in Colombia that you were fretting about. Hell, it wasn’t just going to a Peña family wedding with his _entire_ extended family. There was the pressure of moving to Miami — signing a contract on a condo neither of you had ever seen. 

Getting a place of your _own_ where the two of you would start a new life together with your daughter.

Beneath it all you were still worried that this wouldn’t last. The entire flight to San Antonio you had dwelled on that fear — the worry that Colombia had been the only thing that kept the two of you together.

“Hey, JoJo.” Javier said, rubbing his hand down Josie’s back as he got her attention. She turned her head, making a series of gurgling sounds in response. “Wanna try a lemon?” 

You rolled your eyes, “Are you torturing our daughter now?”

Josie reached for Javier and he took her back into his lap.

“It’s just a lemon.” Javier grinned at you as he plucked the lemon slice off the rim of your tea glass. He ran his finger over the side of the lemon, before he trailed it over her bottom lip. 

Josie looked perplexed at first, her eyes going wide as she licked at her lips. She looked mildly horrified for a moment and you prepared for tears as she looked at you and then tilted her head to look up at Javier. But her tears never came. 

“You like that?” He questioned as she made grabby hands for the slice of lemon. 

“ _Javi_.” You tsked as he gave Josie the lemon slice and she tried to shove the entire thing, peel and all, into her mouth. 

Javier chuckled, “That’s my girl.” He pulled the lemon away from her, grinning at you as she squealed and chortled trying to reach for the lemon. “See. She loves it.”

“She’d eat _anything_ you gave her.” You shook your head, finishing off the rest of your tea. 

The waitress was quick to come to the table with the pitcher of tea. She’d been a _very_ attentive waitress — which has nothing to do with you. 

“She is just _so_ precious.” The waitress cooed at Josie, sitting the pitcher of tea down on the table as she leaned down to Josie’s height across the table. “Hi, sweetheart! Look at you.”

“We’re ready for the check.” You told her with an insincere smile. 

Javier gave you a curious look, “You ready to go back to the hotel already?” He questioned, reaching over to run his hand over your arm as he kept his hand securely against Josie’s stomach to keep her from squirming off his lap. 

“Is that one or two?” The waitress questioned, a little too hopefully. 

“One.” Javier answered, his eyes still on your face. “You good, baby?”

“I’m just tired,” You explained with a shrug of your shoulders. “We can stop at H-E-B on the way back to the room.” You met his eyes, “See if she likes limes too.”

The waitress lingered, “You know, we’ve got limes here. I can bring you a plate out if you’d like.”

“The check is fine.” Javier told her, glancing at her briefly before turning his attention back to you. “Baby, if this is about going to the wedding…” 

“It’s not.” You assured him, brushing your fingers through your hair. “I’m still jet lagged.”

“It was a five hour flight into the same timezone.” He gave you a pointed look as he reached for his beer and finished it off. 

“Alright,” Your shoulders sagged. “I _am_ nervous about meeting your family.” Javier started to interrupt, but you continued. “That’s not going to keep me from going to the wedding, however. Plus there’s the whole _Lorraine_ situation.”

“It’s _not_ gonna be a _situation_.” He said firmly, shaking his head. “That shit happened a long time ago.” 

“Javier,” You sighed heavily, fixing him with a look. “Your _ex_ -fiancé is still close with your family. So much so that she’s invited to the wedding—”

“It’s a small town.” 

“—which puts pressure on me. _Regardless_ of the size of the town.” You rested your elbow on the table, propping your chin up on your palm. “It’s my _one_ big chance to make a good impression. You only get one first impression.” 

“Baby,” Javier reached out and brushed his fingers over your cheek. “You’re a fucking force to be reckoned with. If they can’t see that from the first time they meet you, that’s on them. Not you.” He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, before leaning towards you and pressing a kiss to your temple. “Don’t stress it.” 

“Easier said than done.” You muttered, turning to face him as he pulled back. “At least I’ll have my girl there,” You remarked, grinning down at Josie as she cooed at you. “You’re going to get everyone to fall in love with you, aren’t you?”

The waitress returned with the receipt, “She really is an adorable baby. How old is she?”

“She was born in May,” You answered, taking the receipt from her and passing it to Javier as you took a hold of Josie so he could pay. 

“So what brings the two of you to San Antonio?” She questioned. 

You let Josie stand on your legs, laughing as she leaned back against you and tried to kick her feet up onto the table, “We’re visiting his family.” 

The waitress grinned, “Oh, how nice!” 

“Should be fun,” Javier remarked with a tight-lipped smile as he passed her the receipt and a tip. 

“Well I hope ya’ll have a good trip. Hope to see you around again.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, though the temptation was strong. 

This was a _new_ situation for you. Back in Colombia — before Josie — it never bothered you when women would flirt with him at the bar or on the job. And after Josie you hadn’t exactly had a nightlife. You couldn’t actually remember the last time the two of you had had dinner at a restaurant. 

Maybe since Steve and Connie left. Well over a year ago. 

Now, the flirtatious giggles and fluttering eyelashes made you want to strangle someone. Javier, to his benefit, seemed oblivious — which hadn’t been the case one upon a time. 

At least there was comfort in that. 

* * *

“Javi,” You started as you sat down on the foot of the bed, reaching behind you to give his leg a squeeze through the covers. “Babe, wake up.”

“Hmm?” He mumbled as he slowly woke up. Javier rubbed at his face, letting out a heavy sigh as he peered down at you. “What’s up, baby?”

“Josie hates this shitty hotel crib.” You explained, extending your foot and nudging the rickety contraption the hotel had given you. “Are you okay if she joins us?”

Javier drew back the covers and rubbed at the empty space beside him, “C’mere.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” You assured Josie, bouncing her gently in your arms, before holding her close to you as you maneuvered yourself onto the bed. “She started fussing and woke me up.”

“Shit. I slept straight through it.” He yawned, scratching at his jaw as he rolled onto his side to face you. “Sorry baby.”

“It’s okay.” You assured him as you settled Josie onto the bed between the two of you. “She’s so sleepy.” You cooed at her, keeping your hand on her stomach as you shifted to turn off the lamp beside the bed. 

The window that was parallel to the bed had the _worst_ curtain you’d ever seen in a hotel. It was sheer and your room was illuminated in the cold blue light of the parking lot fixtures. You could see Javier clearly, his own tired eyes watching you in the darkness. 

“What?”

He shook his head, reaching out to rest his hand over yours on Josie’s belly. “You’re happy, right?”

You didn’t even have to hesitate on that. “So happy.” And you meant it. 

“I know leaving was hard…”

“It was a long time coming,” You told him quietly. “And I don’t regret it.” You slid your foot towards his under the covers, brushing it against his lower calf. “I love you.”

He gave your hand three short little squeezes and smiled at you, “Love you too, baby.” Javier stifled another yawn. “Don’t worry about pops, okay? Once we’re down there, I just know he’s gonna take a liking to you.”

“Why? Because I helped make him an abuelo?” You teased lightly, keeping your voice quiet as you heard Josie let out a sleepy sounding sigh. 

“Yeah, you’ll win big awards for that.” Javier chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. “And he’ll like you cause you make me happy.”

“Thank God for that.” You grinned, “We both know how pissy you get when you’re unhappy.”

“ _Hey_! I was about to dole out more praise.”

“I’m waiting.”

He shook his head, “You witty, clever, and you take no shit. Chucho will wish you were his daughter.”

“A little too incestuous for my taste.” You tsked. 

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” You sighed, pursing your lips. “I’m just still reeling from everything.”

“I know.” He frowned, shifting as close as he could without accidentally waking Josie. “But we’ve got it handled. You and me and JoJo.”

You titled your head to meet his lips, smiling against them. “I’m looking forward to our new life together, Javi. I really am.”

“Me too.” Javier answered, squeezing your hand. “Now sleep, baby. We’ve gotta handle picking up our shit tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me.” You’d been dreading having to go through everything from your storage unit from before your move to Colombia. So much of it was going to be trash you didn’t need. Life had changed since 1987. 

You had your own family now. 


	74. Miami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier christen their new condo. Set in January 1994.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (nipple play, biting/marking, rough sex, dirty talk, teasing, unprotected sex, two different positions) and Fluff.

“I think that’s the last of it,” You called out as you sat the giant box of diapers on the kitchen counter. “One of us is going to have to take the van back to the rental place tomorrow.”

Javier wandered down the hallway, his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth as he answered you, “I’ll handle it baby, don’t worry.”

“Thanks,” You said with a soft smile as you turned around to face him. “I see you’ve made yourself at home.” You teased lightly, brows raising upwards as your eyes raked over his bare chest, down to his bare feet. 

He chuckled, scrubbing at his teeth for a moment. “I’ll be right back.” Javier offered, before he ducked back down the hallway to the bathroom. 

You moved towards the sofa, flopping down and propping your feet up on the coffee table in front of you. Your gaze flickered around the condo — trying to imagine the life the three of you would have in this space. 

Sure, Javier had moved into your apartment in Colombia — but it wasn’t the same as having a place that was yours _together_. This place was actually your home now. 

“You wanna go with me to pick out the new car?” Javier questioned as he joined you on the sofa, reaching over to take your hand. 

“Josie and I will stay here and get things unpacked.” You told him, interlacing your fingers with him. “It’s just the three of us.” You reminded him. 

He nodded, lifting your hand to his lips. “You liked that Tarus didn’t you?”

“Better than that fucking minivan.” You scoffed as you leaned towards him. 

“Not looking to embrace the soccer mom look?” Javier teased as he slid his arm behind your back, fingers curling around your waist as he pulled you in close to him. 

You feigned seriousness as you turned in his arms, hands cupping his cheeks. “If I become a soccer mom, I want you to smother me in my sleep. Do it. It’ll be a mercy killing.”

A grin spread over his features as he laughed. Javier squeezed your side as he pulled you towards him. “I don’t know, baby… I think you could pull the look off.” 

You pressed one knee into the cushion beside him as you moved to straddle him. “Is that what _you_ want, Javi?” You curled your hand around the back of his head, raking your fingers through his hair. “I didn’t take that as your type.” 

Javier ran his hands up your back, tilting his head so he could brush his lips over yours. “If it’s you, then I’m into it, baby.” 

“Yeah?” You questioned, unable to stop the grin that spread across your lips as you looked down at him. You played your fingers through his hair, fluffing the hair that fell across his forehead. “What if I get old?”

He met your eyes, his hands sliding down to settle at your hips. “Kinda hoping we both do.” Javier pressed kisses to the corners of your lips, before he kissed you once more. 

It was easy for you to _know_ that he wanted a future with you, but it wasn’t always easy to believe him. But sometimes he said things like that — or even something as simple as just _talking_ about the future — and it made your heart do somersaults. Because that’s what you wanted too. You wanted a future with him. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck as you leaned down, deepening the kiss. Your tongue slid over his bottom lip, before thrusting into his mouth to play over his. A moan rose up in the back of your throat as Javier moved beneath you, the hands at your hips guiding you so you were sitting atop his hardened cock. 

You ran your free hand down the center of his chest until you reached the line of dark hair that dipped lower beneath the waistband of his sleep pants. You drew back from the kiss, meeting his gaze as you scooted back on his lap. “What’s all this for?” You asked him as you reached down and ghosted your fingers over the outline of his cock. “It was the thought of me as a soccer mom, wasn’t it?”

Javier sank back against the sofa, pushing his fingers through his hair with a ragged laugh. “It’s been a long week.” He quipped, his eyes flickering downwards to where your hand was resting over his cock. 

“You mean our quickie in the shower last week wasn’t enough for you?” You grinned at him. Between staying in a hotel room with Josie in San Antonio, to spending Christmas with his father in Laredo — there hadn’t been a lot of alone time. The shower only happened because Chucho took Josie with him to look at the horses in the pasture near the house and Javier was quick to seize the opportunity to join you in the shower. 

Javier snorted a short laugh, shaking his head. “Baby, I’m already looking around this place picturing all the ways I plan on having you.”

A spike of desire shot through you. “Care to share with the class, Javi?” You questioned as you leaned forward to cup his cheek, stealing another kiss. 

You trailed your mouth down the column of his throat, sucking lightly at his pulse point. 

Javier tangled his fingers in your hair, grip tightening as you kissed lower, your tongue dipping out against his collarbone. “Baby, that kitchen island’s the perfect height to eat your pussy for hours.”

A quiet moan slipped past your lips as you moved lower stil. You slid your hand up from his rib, over his pec — your thumb circling his nipple slowly. “I like the sound of that.” You breathed out, replacing your finger with your tongue. You circled it around the nub, before dragging your flattened tongue over it.

Javier’s bucked beneath you in response, tugging sharply at your hair. Which only sought to fuel you. “Fuck, baby.”

“Tell me more, Javi.” You urged, nipping lightly at the flesh beside his nipple. 

He groaned, “ _Fuck_. Okay.” Javier loosened his hold on your hair. “In the bedroom. I’m gonna fuck that perfect little ass of yours over the side of the bed.”

You palmed at his cock gently as your teeth pressed a little hard into the flesh around his nipple, before soothing the reddened skin with your tongue. “Do you like that?” You questioned, brushing your lips over the center of his chest before you sat back to look at him.

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he nodded. “Fuck yes.” Javier told you, his fingers slipping under the hem of your tank, dragging the fabric up slowly. 

You swatted his hands away so you could pull your tank top off, before you took hold of his hands and brought them to your breasts. “ _Gentle_.” You warned him. Javier carefully brushed his thumbs over your nipples as he leaned forward to kiss each swell, his tongue darting out to taste your skin. 

You shifted your hips forward in his lap so you were sitting astride his cock once more. You could feel the rigid outline of it pressing up against your cunt through the fabric of his pants and your own. You were already slick, your underwear clinging to your folds. The texture of them provided minimal relief as you rocked against him, seeking friction. 

“I fucking love your tits, baby.” Javier drawled out as he palmed them carefully, leaving open-mouthed kisses over them. 

“I had no idea,” You intoned, raking your fingers through his hair. “I bet your cock would look good between them.” 

Javier bit down not-so-gently on the side of your breast and you could hardly control the moan that rose up in the back of your throat and slipped past your lips. You let your head fall back, hips rutting down against his cock. “ _Javier_.” 

His hands slid downwards, grabbing at your hips, fingers digging in hard enough to leave bruises in their wake. “Baby—”

“Two can play that game,” You warned him, tugging at his hair sharply to drag his mouth away from your breasts. You met his darkened gaze with a lust filled look of your own, before you dipped down and caught the soft skin beside his nipple between your teeth. Instead of pulling back, you scraped your teeth roughly over his skin, leaving red marks in your rake. 

You reached down, slipping your hand into his sleep pants to grasp at his cock. His hips bucked upwards, a groan rattling from his chest as you pumped your fist over the length of him “Look how hard you are, Javi.” You taunted, sweeping your thumb over the head of his cock. “Do you have any idea how _hard_ it was for me to sleep next to you every night, feeling this pressed against my ass.” 

Javier groaned, palming at your ass through your shorts as he sank back against the sofa. His breathing was labored, chest rising and falling in uneven breaths as you stroked his cock. “It’s been driving me crazy.” 

“You think it was easy for me?” Javier questioned, his voice rough with a desire that matched the heated look in his eyes. “I’m hooked on you, baby.” He leaned forward, catching your lips in a rough kiss as he grabbed your hands and pulled them away from his cock. 

“Tell me.” You mumbled against his lips, your fingers sinking into his hair. “I wanna hear you.” 

“Thought about waking you up with my head between your thighs. My lips wrapped around your clit.” He breathed out, his nose brushing against yours as he spoke. “But you’re so fucking loud, baby. You don’t stop with those little breathy moans.” 

“Not my fault your mouth feels so good.” You told him, rolling your hips downwards — but there was nothing to grind against. “You should take it as a compliment.”

“Oh, I do.” He smirked, before he caught your bottom lip between his teeth. 

You groaned, eyes falling closed as you grabbed at his shoulders for support. “Let me get up.” You urged, sucking on your bottom lip as he released it. You had a feeling you’d both be wearing your fair share of marks tomorrow. And you were living for it. 

He could go pick up the new car tomorrow looking like the picture of suburbia, while he wore bite marks all around his nipples. The picture of perfection in your book. 

Javier released his hold on you, letting you climb off his lap. “Hope you’re coming back.” He drawled out as he reached down and stroked his cock. 

“I don’t know.” You said coyly with a shrug of your shoulders. “Might finish unpacking.” You took a few steps backwards, sliding your hands up your stomach, before you cupped your breasts. You had Javier’s full and complete attention and you _loved_ it. 

You turned away from him then, hooking your fingers in the waistband of your shorts and sliding them off your hips. You kicked them aside, walking forward towards one of the tall packing boxes sitting by what would _eventually_ become your TV cabinet. 

“Baby, you should take those off too.” He drawled out from the sofa. You could feel his eyes on you as you bent forward, opening up one of the boxes and looking in it. You arched your back just right, making sure he could see the way your arousal had damped the crotch of your underwear. 

Javier groaned and you smirked to yourself. “You gonna come before I’m back over there, Javi?” You questioned, throwing a look over your shoulder, watching his fingers work over the length of his cock. “Then I’d have to take care of myself.” 

“Get your ass back over here,” He ordered and something about his tone made the heat between your thighs burn even hotter. 

“ _Or_?” Your hands went to your hips as you turned around to face him. 

“Now.” Javier said firmly as he pulled his sleep pants and boxers off, kicking them aside on the floor. 

“So bossy.” You snorted, shaking your head. Despite your sassy remark, you returned to him, standing in between his legs. 

“And you love it.”

“I do. Just like you love it from me.” You retorted with a grin as you looked down at him. He scooted to the edge of the sofa, his hands sliding up your thighs to your hips. 

Javier leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your stomach just below your navel as he peeled your underwear down your legs. 

You pushed your fingers through his hair, sliding down to cradle the back of his neck as he kissed lower. He slid his hand in between your thighs, fingers gently parting your slick folds. 

“ _Javi_.”

“Baby, you’re practically dripping for me.” Javier rasped out, all but cupping his palm over your cunt as he worked his middle finger into you. He curled it slowly, dragging it right over that sweet spot within you. 

“Fuck!” You shouted quietly, grabbing at his shoulder for support as your knees threatened to give out on you. 

Javier’s grip tightened at your hip, “You gotta be quiet, baby. We don’t want Josie waking up.” He warned you, holding your gaze as he pressed his finger against that sweet spot again, making your cunt clench around his finger. 

“Please.” You app but whined, rolling your hips downwards, trying to get him to give you _more_. Instead he withdrew his finger, giving you a gentle pat before he sat back on the sofa and grinned up at you. 

“C’mere.” He drawled out, lifting his fingers to his lips and sucking your arousal off of them. 

You moved to straddle his lap again, legs folded on either side of him as your mouth descended upon him. You greedily left hickies along his collarbone, teeth scraping over his chest above his nipple. 

Javier ran his hands up the length of your spine, fingers sinking into your hair as he pulled at it roughly to guide you back so he could meet your eyes. “You trying to make a point, baby? Trying to leave your mark on me?”

You flashed him a crooked grin, “I want to make sure it’s clear who you belong to, Javi.” You whispered. There was raw honesty in that statement. 

“I’m all yours.” He promised you, guiding you towards him for a kiss. 

You curled your arm around the back of his neck, as you rose up on your knees. 

He followed your lead, reaching beneath you to hold his cock steady as you shifted your hips and slowly sank down onto him. Your inner walls fluttered around him as each inch filled you up. 

“Javi,” You whispered, brushing your nose against his as you rolled your hips downwards, grinding against him. Your fingers played over his cheekbones, holding his gaze as you spoke. “I love you.”

“I love _you_.” Javier repeated without hesitation, his hands encircling your hips. 

It was still surreal. To love him and to have his love in return. And to know, despite your doubts, that he was right where he wanted to be. With you and Josie in _fucking_ Miami. 

This was home — right here. 

Javier brushed his fingers over the mark he’d left on the soft flesh of your breast when he’d bit you, his brows drawn together as you arched your back and leaned backwards. 

You used the new angle to lift up slightly, just enough to allow you to sink back down onto him. “You feel so good, Javi. Gotta say I love your cock too.” You smirked at him, clenching around him as you rolled downwards again. 

“You’re so fucking wet, baby.” Javier mumbled, his eyes raking over the bare expanse of skin on display for him, his hand sliding down over your lower belly. “You take my cock so well.”

His hand moved lower, fingers teasing your sensitive folds where his cock was splitting you open. “Look at you.”

You lifted up on your knees until his cock nearly slipped from you. You kept just the tip of you buried within you, clenching around it, before you sank back down — letting the full length of him fill you. 

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out as you rocked your hips, grinding down against him. You leaned down, dragging your tongue over the marks you’d left from his throat down to his collarbone. You ran your hands over his chest, tracing over the red marks you’d left against his tan skin. 

Leaning forward, you cupped his jaw with one hand and kissed him soundly as you scraped your nail over his nipple. It got the exact response you were hoping for. He grunted against your lips and shuttered beneath you as he grabbed at your ass, fingertips digging into your soft flesh. 

“You like that?” You mumbled against his lips, kissing him again as you repeated the action. The way he rocked his hips upwards, driving himself into you made your desire spike through you. You clenched around him, your body slowly working towards the precipice of a release. 

“Don’t… _stop_.” Javier managed to get out. You broke away from the kiss, trailing your mouth down his neck, your tongue soothing over his nipple. “That’s it, baby.” He breathed out, fingers sinking into your hair as you dragged your teeth over his chest, turning your attention to the other nipple then.

You scraped your nails down over his stomach, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest as you drew back. You brushed your fingers over his neck playing your thumb over a mark forming at the hollow of his throat. “I need more.” 

Javier gave a stiff nod, giving your ass a playful swat before he rocked his hips beneath you. “Get up and turn around.” 

You curled your hand around the back of his neck, leaning in to steal another kiss, before you reluctantly climbed out of his lap. Instantly missing the feel of his cock buried within you. 

“Bend over.” He told you as you rose to his feet behind you. You bit down on your bottom lip, brushing your hair to the side as you leaned forward and braced yourself on the coffee table in front of you. 

“Wish you could see yourself, baby.” Javier drawled out, reaching down to stroke his fingers over your cunt. He ran his other hand over your lower back, sliding it down to grasp at your hip firmly. “Is this what you needed? Did you need me to _fuck_ you?”

You bit down on your bottom lip hard enough to taste blood in a vain attempt to keep from crying out as he slowly pressed into you. He was slow at first, sinking in inch-by-inch, before he slammed forward in one swift thrust. 

Javier gripped at your hips, holding you steady as he set the pace. His cock barely slipped from you before he was driving back into you. “You feel so…” A guttural sound rose up in the back of his throat as he bottomed out, your body starting to flutter around him as you perched on the edge of your release. “Fuck, baby. _Fuck_.” 

His fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you back towards his chest as he kept driving into you. Javier’s breath was hot against the back of your neck, your name on his tongue as he reached downwards and teased at your clit.

That was all it took to set you off. You gave a strangled cry as you came apart, intimately aware of the way you felt yourself practically gush around his cock as he continued to slam into you. He was seconds behind you, fingers tight at your hip as you felt his cock throb as he spilled within you. 

A quiet keening sound escaped you as he kept rolling his hips, dragging out your release until neither of you could stay upright any longer. He curled his arm around your stomach, pulling you down into his lap as he sank back onto the sofa. 

“I think,” You started, drawing in a shaky breath. “We’ve thoroughly broken in this spot.”  


Javier chuckled heartily, nuzzling at the crook of your neck. “But we _haven’t_ broken in the sofa yet.” 

“Touché.” You laughed quietly, letting him turn your jaw so he could kiss you. The angle was all wrong, but kissing him was _very_ right. “Hey, Javi—”

“Yeah?” He questioned, trailing his hands over the tops of your thighs slowly. 

“I loved my apartment in Colombia. I loved when you moved in, but…” You turned your head and pressed your forehead against his cheek. “I think we’re home.” 

Javier curled his arms around your middle, “I know I’m home.” 


	75. Conclusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Reader wakes up alone. Set in November 1992.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (fear of abandonment, jumping to conclusions)

Despite how exhausted you were _every_ day, sleep seemed to be a rather difficult pursuit to achieve. A pursuit that seemed to evade you until those last few hours before your alarm clock went off and a new day was forced to begin. Even on the weekends, your body refused to let you get more than a handful of hours of sleep. 

Being pregnant _sucked_. At least you weren’t throwing up quite as frequently as you were in those first few months. 

Recently — _very_ recently — you had discovered that Javier was pretty good at putting you to sleep. Sure, he gave a killer back massage, but his _real_ skills came from his mouth. That first night with him hadn’t given him the opportunity to show off what his mouth could do. 

All Javi had to do was spend an hour or so between your legs, helping you crest over the edge, and in the post-orgasm haze your body finally gave in and let you relax. 

But just because he got you to fall asleep, didn’t mean the baby growing inside you would let you _stay_ asleep. Like clockwork, somewhere around one or two in the morning you’d find yourself wide awake until you finally fell back asleep somewhere around five. It was _torture_. 

The sunlight streaming through your bedroom window was what started to wake you up at first. You stirred, stretching your legs out beneath the covers — seeking a cool spot to keep them as you started to roll over onto your other side.

“What time is it?” You mumbled, eyes still closed as you reached out beside you. Your heart sank as you found the bed beside you empty. 

It was the weekend. Javier always _stayed_ over for the weekend. 

You ran your hand over the sheets beside you, finding them cool to the touch. He hadn’t been laying there for at least an hour. Maybe longer. 

Had he said something about not being able to stay? As far as you knew, he wasn’t on assignment this weekend. Javier tried his best to avoid being thrown into the field over the weekends — it was the only time the two of you could just _be_.

A rush of unbidden emotion flooded your senses. 

What if he had left? What if, at some point last night, he’d decided he didn’t want this. The baby. _You_. 

And that cut you to the core. 

Maybe you deserved it. After all, you’d been the one to leave him first. Was this how he felt the morning after? Confused. _Alone_.

You rolled onto your back, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes in a vain attempt to forestall the tears that you felt brimming in them. You couldn’t fucking stand how emotional you were. You were _never_ one to cry. You’d been through too much shit in your life to sit around and cry about it… but pregnancy?

Everything made you want to cry. 

But this? The sudden rush of fear that Javier had finally had enough of this bullshit, made you want to crawl into a hole and die. You could do this alone, if you had to… but you couldn’t do it in Colombia.

Knowing what it felt like to be _loved_ by him — losing that? You weren’t going to subject yourself to the pain of having to work across an office from him. Maybe they’d let you transfer to another office stateside. 

You could go back to Atlanta, if they’d have you there. You’d left on good terms and given your situation, you’d take a shitty desk job just to stay with the agency. You’d work your way back up from the groundfloor if you had to.

The tears fell freely, trailing down over your temples and dampening your pillow just above your ears. You stared up at the ceiling, willing yourself to stop jumping to _conclusions_. But you were already mapping out a future for you and your baby that didn’t include Javier. And that brought on a fresh wave of tears. 

You could do this on your own. You didn’t _need_ anyone. You were actually really good at living your life alone. Besides, you wouldn’t be alone if you had your daughter. You wouldn’t fail her the way you had been failed. 

Reluctantly you sat up, wiping away the tears as they slid down your cheeks. _Fuck_. What a shitty way to start off a Saturday — crying almost always caused you to suffer through a headache for the rest of the day.

_Thanks Javier_.

You frowned as your eyes flickered to the corner of the room, where Javier’s jeans had been tossed last night. They were still right there, untouched… alongside his boots. _Huh_. While he had plenty of pairs of extra pants stored in your dresser — he only had the one pair of boots.

Somehow you doubted he’d been in such a haste to leave that he’d fled your apartment barefoot.

You looked towards your bedroom door as you heard a shuffling sound on the other side of it, just before it was pushed open slowly and Javier popped his head through the crack. He looked surprised to see you awake, though that surprise quickly shifted into worry as he met your eyes. “Baby, have you been crying?”

“No.” You lied, wiping at your cheeks. 

“Hey…” Javier said gently as he climbed into bed with you. He reached out and took your hands into his, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them. “Baby, what’s wrong?” 

You shook your head as you looked away from him, your eyes fixed on the window. “I feel like a _fucking_ idiot.” You admitted, squeezing his hands tightly, before you pulled your hands from his grasp. “Oh my God.” You covered your face as you brought your knees towards your chest as tears started to fall anew. 

Javier hesitated at first. You couldn’t blame him for being confused. When else had he had to deal with a hormonal pregnant woman? “Baby. _Baby_.” He reached out, running his hand over your back before he moved to sit behind you, pulling you back against his chest. 

You turned, tucking your head under his chin as you let him hold you. “I hate crying.” You complained, sniffling as you wiped away your tears as they slid down your cheeks. “I hate it.” 

“You wanna tell me why you’re crying?” He questioned, playing his fingers through your hair, cradling the back of your neck. 

“It’s stupid.” You admitted. “So _fucking_ stupid.” 

“I bet it isn’t,” He whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

You sighed heavily, your voice wavering as you answered him. “I thought you left.” 

“ _What_?” You felt the way he stiffened beneath you and it made your heart ache. 

“I woke up and you weren’t in bed.” You started, chewing on your bottom. “I immediately jumped to conclusions and assumed you left.”

“Baby, why would you think that?”

“Because I’m _pregnant_.” You shoved him lightly in the chest, pulling back to meet his eyes. 

“All these tears are because you thought I left?” He questioned, arching a brow as he regarded you. 

“I told you it was stupid.” You pulled yourself out of his hold, trying to move away from him. “Let go, I need to pee.” 

Javier’s arms went slack around you, letting you crawl out of the bed and away from him. You ducked out the bedroom door, heading across the hall to the bathroom. 

You _did_ need to pee, but in reality, you just wanted to escape from him. Just for a little while. 

At first, you’d thought the sleepless nights, nausea, and the constant need to pee would be the worst part of pregnancy, but in reality it was the tidal wave of emotions that _constantly_ plagued you. Honestly, the men at work were lucky you hadn’t turned them in eunuchs over the slightest inconvenience. 

Fresh tears started falling again as you sat on the toilet. You hadn’t fully addressed just how much you were afraid of him leaving you. Sure, you’d said as much to him (maybe not in so many words) but the fear was real and ever-present. You didn’t need him, but you wanted him. You desperately wanted him to stay. 

And you still hadn’t even told him that you loved him. Those three little words still lived somewhere deep inside of you, too precious to let loose until you were positive he wasn’t going to break your heart. 

You hadn’t bothered to lock the door in your haste, which meant there was nothing preventing Javier from barrelling straight into the bathroom with you.

“Javier! Get out.” You hissed, grabbing the spare roll of toilet paper and chucking it at him. “We are _not_ at this level yet.” 

“Baby, I held your hair up while you puked up a day’s worth of food three nights ago. You sitting on the toilet isn’t going to sour a goddamn thing.” Javier picked up the roll of toilet paper, sitting it on the sink as he knelt down beside you. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.” 

You rolled your eyes, scoffing quietly as you stared down at the floor in front of you. “Don’t apologize, Javi. You’re allowed to get out of bed,” You grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped at the tear tracks on your cheeks. “I’m just being fucking emotional.” 

He reached out and gave your knee a squeeze, “Look, I don’t know much about pregnancy, but I think it’s pretty normal to be emotional, baby. Don’t beat yourself over this.” 

You clenched your eyes closed for a moment, before you finally focused your gaze on him. “I just hate how quickly I jumped to the conclusion, Javi. I didn’t even consider that you might’ve been—”

“Making breakfast for you?” Javier leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your knee, before he peeled himself up off the floor. “I thought I’d do something nice and make breakfast for you. So you didn’t have to get out of bed yet.”

You sniffled, wiping away another tear as it slid down your cheek. “You didn’t have to make me breakfast in bed, Javi.” You mumbled, chewing on your bottom lip as you felt it tremble. “Now I feel like an even bigger ass.” 

“ _Baby_.” He sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’m not gonna stand here and let you beat yourself up about this.” You stared at him for a long moment, before he clicked his tongue against his teeth and jerked his head towards the door. “Come on. Your tea’s gonna be cold by the time we get back out there.”

You stood up and flushed the toilet, before moving to wash your hands off at the sink. “Are you going to keep watching me?” You questioned, turning to look at him.

“Yeah. I don’t trust you not to lock the door after I walk out of here.” He gave you a pointed look. “C’mere, baby.” Javier held his arms out for you. “I’m not going to judge you for how you react. _Ever_.”

You moved towards him and wrapped your arms around him, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. “I just hated how I felt.” You admitted, looking up at him as you played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He promised you, giving your hips a squeeze as they settled there. “I promise you, you’re stuck with me.” 

“I know.” You sighed, rubbing at the spot between your brows. “Did you say you made tea?”

“You got a headache?”

“Of my own making, unfortunately.” You grumbled. “Maybe a little caffeine from the tea will help it.” 

“I made your favorite,” Javier told you with a soft smile, leaning down to kiss the spot your fingers had just soothed. He pressed a second kiss to your nose and then a third to your lips. “Do you have anything planned for today?”

You shook your head slowly. 

“Good.” He cupped your cheek, rubbing his thumb over your cheekbone. “I think we deserve a day spent in bed.” 

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “I think it might do us both some good.” 

You reached down and interlaced your fingers with his, squeezing three times. How had you let yourself be so easily convinced that he was going to leave you? The way he looked at you — the way he’d _always_ looked at you — was not the look of a man who had plans to abandon you. That sort of adoration was a once in a lifetime thing.

And you’d both been willing to wait for it


	76. Dad I’d Like to F—

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summertime suits Javier the best. Set in the summer of 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (dirty talk, blow jobs, orgasm delay, facesitting, over-stimulation, girl on top, doggy style, squirting, multiple orgasms, and casual cum eating)

“ _Daddy_ ,” Josie tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, before she all but threw herself against his arm as she curled her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. “Do you think there’s buttercups? Sissy hasn’t seen buttercups!”

You grinned at them as you sat with your legs crossed beneath you. Sofía was happily chilling in your lap, leaning back against your stomach as she watched Josie with rapt interest. You hated that you were going to have to disrupt her soon.

If Josie was around, Sofía was watching her. “J-j-o!” She made grabby hands towards Josie, before clapping them together. 

“We’ll find some buttercups for her.” Javier assured her, pressing a kiss to her cheek before he let her go. 

Josie made her way over to you, reaching out to let Sofía take her hand. “You wanna see the flowers, sissy? We don’t know if you like butter!” She looked up at you then. “Do you think she likes butter?”

“If she’s anything like you, she’s going to _love_ butter.” You assured her, tapping your finger against her chin as you scrunched up your nose. “Why don’t you go play, sweetheart? Then we’ll go look for the flowers before I head back to work.” 

Josie grinned brightly at you, before she leaned down and cupped Sofía’s face with both hands and kissed her forehead — knocking her floppy hat off her head. “Oops!”

Sofía tried to mimic her, shrilly expressing her dismay as she pitched forward in your arms and grabbed at her hat.

Javier leaned forward and picked up the hat, putting it back on her head. “You sure you have to go to work?” He questioned, tilting his head to look at you.

“I _wish_ I could stay.” You sighed, reaching out to brush your fingers over his cheek. “Be glad I didn’t have to go in until noon today.”

It was _killing_ you that you had to work, while Javier got to spend all day with the kids. You’d kill to spend the long summer days at the park with the three of them. 

Especially Javier. Summer was treating him _very_ well. A month and a half in and he’d let his hair go — proving exactly where Josie got her soft chestnut curls from. And the scruff? You could get _very_ used to it. 

You loved his mustache, but there was something about that patchy scruff that made your mind wander… You _did_ enjoy how it felt between your thighs. 

_Fuck._ You had to keep focused. You had a three-hour long narcotics seminar to teach to a bunch of fresh-faced idiots who were going to ignore the first hour simply because you were a woman. You had to bring your A-game.

You couldn’t not get caught up thinking about Javier. Despite how good he looked. 

Javier just had to go and look like the hottest man in the park. And you’d looked around — there were some attractive men, but none of them were Javi. 

Javier pressed a quick kiss to your lips, “So I can’t tempt you to stay longer and have a cherry freeze pop?”

“ _Tempting_.” You bumped your nose against his. “Don’t let Josie eat a whole one alone. She’ll be bouncing off the walls tonight and… I have plans.”

“Plans?” He arched a brow as you passed Sofía to him. 

“You know _exactly_ what I’m thinking.” You smirked as you started to stand up, gesturing to him. “Have you looked in the mirror lately, babe?”

Javier laughed as he held onto both of Sofía’s hands to support her as she toddled in front of him on the blanket. “I look like a man whose razor went _mysteriously_ missing.”

“It’s summer — only I have to suffer the blade.” You teased, leaning down to ruffle your fingers through his hair. “Who do I have to bribe to make this your year-round look?”

He grinned as he swatted your hand away. “You like unkempt?”

“I like _you_.” You winked at him, before you looked towards Josie — who was busily gathering buttercups. You loved that she still remembered that innocuous moment. She was so little back then. 

“I’ll make a note that you like it when I let it all go.”

“I particularly like it when you let your _buttons_ go,” You smirked, trailing your fingers down the great expanse of bare skin leading down to the fourth button he had unbuttoned. “Try not to pick up any sexy dog walkers or hot moms.”

“You coming back with Stevie, then?” He shot back, “Cause there’s only _one_ sexy dog walker and hot mom I want.”

You dramatically clutched at your chest, “The things you say that make me swoon, Javi.” You gave his hair a little tug, before you called out to Josie. 

“Are you leaving, mommy?” Josie questioned as she flopped down onto the blanket beside her father. 

“Unfortunately.” You frowned, “Are you going to be good for, daddy? Hold his hand when you’re crossing the street and please, _please_ , help him with your sister.”

“I have buttercups!” She held her fist up to you. “Can we check her butter chin before you go?”

You knelt back down on the blanket, ushering Josie towards Javier as you brought a buttercup up under Sofía’s chin. “ _Look_.”

“She likes butter, mommy! Daddy!” She threw her arms around your shoulders, hugging you tightly. 

“I know, baby doll.” You grinned, looking between her and Javier. You still couldn’t believe that Josie was a few months away from kindergarten. She was a big girl now. A whole five years old. 

Javier tilted his head to look at you, “Knock ‘em dead, baby.”

“You know it.” You leaned forward on your hands and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, “Don’t wear yourself out. I’m going to take advantage of this long hair.” You nipped at his bottom lip, before you pulled back to kiss both of your babies and got up off the blanket. 

“Oh, wait,” You started, moving around behind him, leaning back down to drape your arms over his shoulders. “You need _these_.” You smirked as you carefully placed his aviators back on his face. “I’ll see you this evening.”

Javier curled his fingers around your arm, squeezing it three times. “Looking forward to it, baby.”

* * *

The seminar went about as well as you expected it to. At least Monica had offered up her afternoon to help you administer the relevant materials and keep the session in order. Plus, it all went towards her internship with the department.

“Are you free to watch the girls tomorrow?” You questioned hopefully as you shuffled extra handouts back into an envelope.

“I’m actually heading up to stay with Nadia for the weekend.” Monica offered a slight smile. “Otherwise, I’d say yes.”

You sighed dramatically, “I mean _sure_ … What could possibly be better? Your hot girlfriend or two rambunctious children?”

Monica pursed her lips, laughing as she feigned like she was considering. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the girls — but _hot girlfriend_ is always going to be the right answer.”

You tsked, “Maybe I’m wanting a little alone time with _my_ hot partner?”

She started laughing, “Oh God. Speaking of Javier. I had coffee yesterday with a couple of the girls from the major—“ Monica cut herself off with more laughter. “I guess they saw him at the park on Monday.”

You covered your face and groaned, “Was he doing something stupid?”

“No! He was pushing the girls on the swings.” Monica explained, “Needless to say, my classmates are officially _obsessed_ with him.”

“I can’t blame them.”

“I was _so_ uncomfortable.” Monica made a face. “I just wanted to scream _‘that is my father_!’ at them.”

You grinned, “What were they saying?”

“I believe they referred to him as a ‘DILF’.”

“Is that _dad I’d like to fu—_ “

“Don’t say it!”

“Well,” A slow smirk spread over your lips. “That’s exactly why I’m looking for a sitter. Cause they’re _not_ wrong. He is a dad I’d _very_ much like to fuck.” 

“Ugh. Gross.” Monica scrunched up her nose. “I just ate.” 

“Oh, and what are you and Nadia doing this weekend? Baking cookies?” You gave her an unamused look. 

“It’s bad enough when he comes to class with _very_ obvious hickies.” She retorted, folding her arms across her chest. “There’s just some things I don’t want to know about.” 

You rolled your eyes, “If only you knew some of the things we get up to.”

She grimaced, sticking her fingers in her ears. “I’m not listening.” 

You laughed loudly, shaking your head as you stuffed the envelope into your briefcase. “Okay, but I really want to know what else these students were saying…”

She sighed heavily, “I tried to pretend I wasn’t listening.” Monica admitted to you, screwing up her face as she sat down in the chair across from your desk. “I think they just really enjoyed seeing him in something other than a suit. He’s kinda got a whole uniform thing when he’s teaching.”

You nodded, “He _hates_ wearing suits and yet cannot be convinced to wear anything less than a suit for his lectures.” 

“ _Right_?” Monica rolled her eyes. “I think he had that stupid Hawaiin shirt on. The one Steve got him.”

“Oh God, Javi…”

“I told you we should’ve burned it.”

“I tried.” You deadpanned. 

“ _Apparently_ ,” Monica continued. “He hardly had it buttoned up, which really got their attention.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, “It’s a really good look.” 

“I wouldn’t know.” She pursed her lips and widened her eyes dramatically. “It was bad enough that I had to go along with them. Calling Javier _sexy_ is about the last thing I’d ever want to do. For so many reasons.” 

“I cannot wait to torment him about this tonight.” You snorted, storing your projector slides in the filing cabinet behind you. “ _DILF_. The things that young people will come up with.” 

“There’s a reason his classes are made up of _mostly_ women,” Monica pointed out. “However, I’m pretty sure there’s a couple guys who sign up in hopes that you’ll guest lecture more often.” 

“You know,” You started as you sat down behind your desk. “I’ve considered leaving all of this—” You gestured around your office. “And trying the whole teaching thing. But I don’t know if I’d be any good at it. It’s kinda Javi’s thing.”

“Uh,” Monica’s brows furrowed together. “You just spent three hours absolutely _schooling_ a bunch of dumbass men who think they know all about narcotics because they watched _Miami Vice_ with their parents. The university would be _lucky_ to have you.” 

You shrugged, “Maybe. At least then I’d have more time with my family.” It was something to consider. Working for the Miami PD was only ever supposed to be a temporary thing, but somehow it had transitioned into a 9-5 job. 

It _really_ killed you during the summertime when you just wanted to be home with Javi and the girls. 

Maybe you could convince the Murphys to watch the girls tomorrow. 

“Are you listening to me?”

“Hmm?” You arched a brow. “Shit, sorry.” 

“You were a million miles away.”

“More like five miles.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek. “All this discussion about a certain DILF and my mind… is not on work.” 

Monica rolled her eyes, “I can’t exactly blame you. I’ve been counting the hours until I can drive to Merritt Island.” 

“Honestly, you could leave now.” You told her, “I’ll sign your internship papers and fudge the hours.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up. “You’re the best.”

“Who am I to stand in the way of you getting a little action, Monica?” You grinned. “Have fun. Tell Nadia I said ‘hello’ please.” 

She stepped around your desk to hug you, before she grabbed her backpack and headed out of your office, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

The fact that his students were thirsting over him cracked you up. Javier was _so_ staunchly serious about being a professor and he was entirely oblivious to the fact that he had a gaggle of students that would do just about anything for a good grade. Well, he knew it — given the situation that brought Monica into your lives — but you doubted he understood just how hot-for-teacher his students were. 

And in his current state? 

Summertime Javier was a whole different beast than the man he was during the academic year. Florida’s humidity had his shaggy hair curling at the nape of his neck and over his ears. He didn’t put an ounce of product in it, which meant it was frequently windswept and wild. Just _begging_ for your fingers to play with it. 

You’d always loved his hair. You vividly remembered the first time you wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked — you had only known him for all of a month. 

And then there was his goddamn inability to button his shirts. He might leave the house with only the top two undone, but somehow, every evening, after a day at the park with the girls — he’d turn up with his buttons undone almost to his navel. Always with a sheen of sweat that made his golden skin that just _screamed_ to be touched. 

Not to mention, he was actually _relaxed_. You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen him this relaxed. Except maybe those two years when he stayed at home with Josie. He had been really good at being a stay-at-home father. 

When you put all of that together… he _was_ a DILF. 

Now, what were you going to do to kill the next two hours of work? 

* * *

You were actually pretty surprised that you got home _before_ Javier did. The girls were usually worn out by about two or three in the afternoon. He’d clearly been home — Stevie wasn’t dying to go out and she had a half-eaten bowl of kibble sitting in the kitchen. 

“Shi— _Shoot_.” Javier quickly corrected as he came through the front door with Sofía strapped to his chest and Josie hot on his heels. “I thought I’d beat you home.” 

“Is that pizza I smell?” You questioned as you kicked off your shoes by the sofa, walking towards him to take the pizza boxes out of his hands. 

He grinned at you, “Well, I figured since you had to work hard today, you deserved an easy evening.” 

“I mean, pizza is _always_ the right choice,” You remarked, heading towards the kitchen. “But I appreciate the gesture.”

“Mommy,” Josie said as she followed after you. “Daddy let me eat a _whole_ popsicle!”

“Kid, what did we talk about being a nark?” You arched a brow at her, before you knelt down to her height. “What else did daddy let you do?”

“JoJo, _princesa_ , how dare you betray me?” Javier put on as he leaned against the counter, running his hand over Sofía’s back as she slept against his chest. _Someone_ had clearly had herself a long day. 

“He let me walk Stevie all by myself.” Josie revealed to you, grinning from ear-to-ear. “But she’s strong.” 

“Which is why you’re only allowed to walk her with mommy or daddy.” You reminded her, scrunching up your nose as you took her hands into yours and examined them. “Even if you hadn’t ratted on your father, your hands are bright red Josie. Can you go wash them for me?”

“Okay!” She patted your hands in between hers, before she darted out of the kitchen — Stevie following after her. 

“Seems like you three had fun today,” You arched a brow at Javier as you stood back up, moving to grab paper plates out of the cabinet. “I guess summer is for breaking rules.” 

“She’s too good at getting what she wants.” Javier shook his head. “I think she burned most of the sugar out of her system.” 

“You better hope she did.” You gave him a pointed look, “Because I spent the last two hours thinking about—” You glanced down the hallway, ensuring that Josie was still running water in the bathroom, before you fixed Javier with a heated look. “— your cock.”

Javier swallowed thickly, going rather stiff as he stared back at you. “Is that so?”

You nodded your head slowly. “Mhm.” You turned your back to him then, opening up the pizza box and doling out slices for the two of you and Josie. “Babe, do you want pepperoni?” 

“You can’t just say shit like that and then switch gears on me, baby.” Javier complained, moving to join you at the kitchen island. 

“Oh, but I can.” You grinned, stepping around behind him and giving his ass a playful squeeze. “If I can give a seminar to seventy-odd students, while wishing I was at home sucking your cock… I think you can handle me asking you about pizza toppings.” 

He dragged his fingers through his hair, your eyes watching the path they took as he slid them back and rubbed at the back of his neck. “And what’s got you so worked up today, baby?” Javier questioned, opening up the second box of pizza and throwing a slice of pepperoni onto his plate. 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, a slow grin spreading over your lips. “Same thing that’s got your _students_ hot and bothered.”

He sputtered, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” You met his gaze, chuckling quietly. “Monica met up with some of your other students yesterday and _apparently_ everyone was losing it over this.” You gestured over the length of him. “Something about an unbuttoned Hawaiin shirt and swinging the girls.” 

“And that makes them ‘hot and bothered’?” He seemed scandalized. 

“Never underestimate the appeal of a father with his children.” You gave him a pointed look, your eyes flickering downwards to your daughter who was still sound asleep, her little cheek pressed against his bare chest. “Not to mention, apparently _DILF_ was thrown around.” 

“I don’t know what that is.” 

“It’s an anagram for ‘ _dad I’d like to f—’.”_ You faltered on the word as the water shut off in the bathroom and Josie reemerged, singing “I Won’t Say I’m in Love”at the top of her lungs.

“We came home and rewatched _Hercules_ after you went to work.” Javier admitted with a short laugh, before he looked back at you. “I have _so_ many questions about this anagram. Please tell Monica I _never_ want to know who said it. Never gonna look them in the eyes again.” 

“All I know is that I am the _only_ one who gets to be in on that action.” You said, biting down on your bottom lip as you raked your gaze over him. 

Javier’s tongue darted out over his bottom lip, “I’m… going to go put this one in her crib.”

You snorted, “You’re walking awfully stiff there, babe.” 

He flipped you off, just out of Josie’s line of view as she returned to the kitchen with Stevie. 

“Hey Josie,” You said as you knelt down in front of her. “We’re gonna eat in the family room tonight.” 

“ _Really_?” She grinned brightly. “Can we watch TV?”

“You wanna watch _Hercules and Xena_?” It was almost as ridiculous as the live action series, but she _loved_ it. And it put her to sleep nearly every time she sat down to watch it. 

You stood back up, ushering Josie into the family room. “Once daddy’s back, we’ll eat. Okay?” 

“Okay, mommy.” Josie told you, already entranced by the previews at the start of the tape. Instead of heading back into the kitchen, you headed down the hallway to the nursery just as Javier was emerging from the room. 

“Don’t worry, I fed her before we went to get the pizz—” Javier explained, but you weren’t really interested in talking. You had something else in mind.

You pushed him back against the wall, fingers delving into his hair as you hungrily slanted your mouth over his. A quiet moan escaped you as Javier ran his hand down your back, both of his hands moving to grab at your ass as you pressed close to him. 

With a brief scrape of your teeth over his bottom lip, you pulled out of his hold. “The _second_ she’s asleep.” You warned him, sliding your hand over his exposed chest, before trailing it downwards and cupping the outline of his cock through his khaki shorts. 

“What’s got you all worked up today?” Javier questioned, catching your hand and pulling it away from his hardening erection. 

“There’s just something _really_ hot about a man with his children.” You told him, meeting his gaze. “I’ve been waiting _all_ week for this, Javi.” 

He flashed you a crooked grin, “Then I guess we better eat fast.” He leaned back down, brushing his lips over yours, just enough of a gesture to leave you burning for more. 

* * *

As predicted, after inhaling two and a half pieces of pizza, Josie conked out on the sofa. Javier handled getting her bathed and put to bed, while you put the pizza away and made sure Sofía had a clean diaper and was settled for the evening.

Because you were _not_ getting interrupted tonight. 

Somehow, in the haste of whisking Josie to bed, another button had come loose, leaving Javi’s stupid bright orange shirt held together by only two buttons. Your eyes lingered on the expanse of bare skin exposed to you — just calling out to you to trail kisses over it. 

“I turned the white noise machine on for JoJo.” Javier remarked as he shut the bedroom door behind him. “She played hard today, so I doubt a bomb could wake her up.” 

“ _Good_.” You said with a smirk, rising up off the foot of the bed and moving towards him. “Leave it on.” You told him as he started working at the last buttons of his shirt. 

His brows rose upwards, a lazy grin playing over his lips. “What did you have in mind tonight, baby?” He questioned, tracing his fingers over your cheekbone, sliding them back to curl around the back of your neck. 

“You’re just going to have to trust me, Javi.” You whispered, surging up to press a needy kiss to his lips. Your tongue darted out, sliding between his lips as you sought out his own. A needy sound escaped the back of his throat as your lips parted for a breath. 

You stepped forward, urging him back against the door. “Do you trust me, Javi?” You breathed out, dragging your mouth away from his lips, leaving a trail of kisses along his jaw, down his throat. 

“ _Yes_.” He practically growled as you left your mark at the crook of his neck. Your tongue soothing over the spot where your teeth had bit into his skin. You moved lower, leaving open-mouthed kisses over the tanned skin of his chest. You could taste the salty-tang of sweat on his skin and it only sought to fuel the burning need you felt.

He tasted like summertime. 

Your trailed lower, your tongue dipping out over his navel, before you knelt to your knees in front of him. “This is just the beginning.” You promised him, nimble fingers working to remove his khakis, followed swiftly by his boxers. 

“ _Baby_ —” 

“Shhh.” You urged as you looked up at him with a devious grin. “I’ve been thinking about this all day, Javi.” You told him as you curled your fingers around the base of his cock and dragged them over the length of his hardening erection. 

“Yeah?” He questioned, breathing heavily as he tangled his fingers into your hair. “Let me tell you what, baby… I think about your pretty little mouth all the time.” 

“I bet you do.” You shot back as you ran your thumb over the underside of his cock. Leaning forward, you swept your tongue over the head of his cock, lapping at the pre-cum as it leaked from him. You curled your fingers around the base of his cock, looking up at him from beneath your lashes as you wrapped your lips around the very tip of him. 

Javier’s fingers tightened in your hair, sending a shiver of desire down your spine as you took the length of his cock into your mouth. You released your hold on him, fingers trailing down to cup his balls gently as you moaned around his length as it pressed against the back of your throat. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier swore, his voice breaking as he continued. “I fucking love your mouth.” 

You pulled back, releasing his cock with a wet pop as you looked up at him. “Do you like that, Javi?” You taunted, running your hands over his thighs as you leaned towards him once more, wrapping your lips around the head of his cock and swirling your tongue around it. “Come on, Javi.. You know you want to fuck my mouth. I know how much you love it.” You said as you scraped your fingernails over the soft skin of his inner thighs. 

Javier bit out a strained attempt at your name, his hand curling around the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair as he drew you forward as his hip moved to meet the motion. His cock slid past your lips, dragging heavily over your tongue as he worked it into your mouth. You swallowed around it every time it hit the back of your throat. 

Your jaw was going to kill you tomorrow and it was worth _every_ second of this. 

The way he tenderly swept a tear from your cheek, stood in sharp contrast with the way he was roughly holding your head. And that combination of pain and pleasure made your cunt ache for something more. 

You slid your hand beneath the waistband of your sleep pants and underwear, fingers sweeping through your slick folds, teasing your clit before you used that same hand to fondle his balls. You could tell he was close — not only was he losing his pace, but you could see the tension in his thighs, the way his cock throbbed in your mouth. 

Right as you brought him to the very _edge_ you stopped. You pried his hand off the back of your head and sat back on your legs. You watched his cock twitch as it hung untouched between you, glistening with your spit. 

“What the _fuck_?” Javier hissed out, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides as he slumped back against the door. 

“You said you trusted me.” You reminded him, panting a little as you tried to catch your breath. Your own arousal burned between your thighs and you shifted uncomfortably as your underwear clung to your slick folds. 

“I do.”

“Good.” You smiled up at him, leaning forward onto your knees as you brought yourself eye-level with his cock. You pursed your lips together, blowing a soft puff of air over the head of his cock. 

Javier groaned, “Are you just trying to torture me, baby?”

You shook your head, “Have I ever led you astray, Javi?”

“No.” 

“Then _trust_ me.” You said lightly, brushing your thumb over the tip of his cock, before you loosely curled your fingers around it once more. You _slowly_ pumped your fist over him, keeping your eyes on your face as you brought him towards the edge again.

This time, you didn’t stop. You watched his face as he came apart, lashes fluttering as he watched you in return. The sound he made — the guttural groan that slipped past his lips as he took in the sight of you, your tongue extended to catch him as he spilled. 

You pressed a tender kiss to the head of his cock, before you sat back and licked your lips. “Get on the bed.” You told him, wiping some of his come of your chin with your tongue before licking it clean. 

“Holy shit.” Javier breathed out as he dragged his hands over his face. “ _Fuck_ , baby. You gotta give me a second.” 

“You can take a second _on_ the bed.” You repeated with a firmer tone, your brows raising expectedly. 

“Is that how we’re gonna play it tonight, baby?” He questioned as you rose back to your feet in front of him. 

“It _is_.” You quipped, dragging your hands up his chest as you pressed close to him. “If that’s what you want too.”

Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, huffing quietly. “Of course I want that, baby.” He assured you as he lifted his hand to catch a smear of come you’d missed, wiping it off with his finger. You caught her hand and brought it to your lips, wrapping them around his finger. 

You released his finger with a smirk. Something sparked hot in his eyes a split second before his mouth was on yours. His teeth roughly caught your lip, before his lips slanted against your own. 

That was something you _loved_ about Javier. He didn’t care where your mouth had been. He didn’t care if he could taste himself on your tongue. He kissed you just as thoroughly, just as desperately regardless of whether you’d just had your mouth on his cock. 

You grabbed at the font of his shirt, clinging to him as he guided your backwards towards the bed. You had, after all, told him to get on the bed. His hands worked at your sleep shorts, tearing them down your hips, followed in short order by your underwear. He laid you back against the bed, his hands skimming along your curves as he moved over you. 

“ _Javier_.” You moaned against his mouth, your fingers raking through his hair, fingernails scraping against his scalp as you played with the hair that had been _driving_ you crazy. You pulled at it roughly, dragging his head back as he drew in a ragged breath. “On your back.” You ordered him, “ _Now_.” 

Javier stole another kiss, his tongue invading your mouth in an all too-brief moment, before he rolled onto his back on the bed beside you. “Are you going to let me repay the favor, baby? Am I going to get to eat that _delicious_ cunt of yours?”

You smirked at him triumphantly as you shed your tank top, tossing it aside. “Aren’t you a _good_ boy.” You taunted, using the same tone he used with you when he said the same to you as you moved to straddle his chest.

He took the initiative to move beneath you, his hands curled around your thighs as you sat up on your knees to accommodate him “ _Fuck_. Look at you.” Javier muttered as he drew his thumb over the seam of your sensitive lips, leaning up to drag his tongue between your folds. “Baby, you’re practically _dripping_ for me.”

You reached down and slid your fingers into his hair, grabbing at it roughly. “You _know_ I love your cock.” Your eyes rolled back in your head as his tongue flicked over your clit, a teasing touch before he wrapped his lips around it and sucked at it. Your entire core throbbed, fire burning through your lower belly. “Fuck!” 

Javier pulled back, “Gotta be quiet, baby. Or this is gonna all be over.” He squeezed your soft thighs. He met your gaze, his lips curling into a smirk as he looked up at you from between your thighs. “What?”

“You look good between my thighs.” You told him, tugging at his hair. Not to mention, you loved the scruff prickling against your inner thighs. “But you look even better when your tongue is—” He cut you off, causing a strangled sound to escape you as his mouth returned to your cunt. His hands grabbed at your hips, drawing you downwards. 

You grabbed at his hands, interlacing your fingers as your nails bit into the backs of his hands as his tongue worked into you. He created a tantalizing combination, his tongue thrusting into you, before he’d use just the tip to tease your clit. He ate pussy like a _fucking_ champ. And really — was there anything better than looking down between your thighs and seeing that head of hair between them.

“ _Javi._ ” You moaned, a tremble going through your thighs as he increased the pressure he was doling out against your clit. “Oh God.” 

Javier’s grip on your hips tightened, holding you steady as you rocked downwards, grinding against his mouth. You let his hair slide through your fingers, before you tugged at it hard enough to earn a throaty groan from him — a sound that reverberated straight through you. 

You cried out as quietly as possible, your head thrown back as your release tore through you. It took you by surprise at first, a flutter spreading through you before it washed over you, your inner walls clenching around his tongue as he worked it back into you. 

And still he didn’t relent. He sucked at your clit, circling that little bundle of nerves until you were a trembling mess sitting astride his face. You kept one hand firmly twisted in his hair, as you reached behind you and curled your fingers around his cock. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier hissed out from between your thighs, drawing back for a brief second to catch his breath, before his mouth returned to exploring every sensitive spot he could discover. As if he didn’t have an intimate map of every inch of your body already. 

You shifted, dragging your cunt over his mouth as you worked your hand over his length. Every little sound he made went straight through you as he teased at your clit. You weren’t even certain if your first release had even _stopped_ , before he sent you careening over the edge again. 

“I… I can’t—” You panted out, tugging sharply at his hair as you pulled away from his mouth. Javier’s lips were slick with your arousal, his mustache and scruff glistening with it as you looked down at him.

“Rendered you speechless, baby?” Javier questioned as you repositioned yourself above him so you could lean down to kiss him. He gingerly brushed your hair away from your clammy cheeks, tucking it behind your ears.

“Just a little.” You confirmed with a grin, bumping your nose against his as you brushed your lips over his. “This thing you keep doing… your shirt half-unbuttoned… is a very weird turn on.” You admitted to him, combing your fingers through his hair as you kept yourself nose-to-nose with him.

“ _Really_?” 

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “I’ve always thought you were sexy, Javi… but _this_ is a good look.” 

Javier tilted his head and kissed you again, “Maybe I’ll keep the look, just for you, baby.”

“ _Please_.” You whispered, dragging your fingers through his hair slowly. 

He ran his hand down your spine, giving your ass a squeeze. “Anything you want.” Javier promised you. 

You grinned at him, planting another kiss on his lips before you sat back up. “Right now, I want to fuck you, Javi.” You told him as you reached behind you and curled your fingers around his cock, giving him a short pump. 

“After… _tonight_.” Javier drew in a ragged breath as he watched you rise up on your knees and position his cock between your thighs. 

“ _Hmm_?” You questioned, licking your lips as you looked down at him. 

“I think it might be time for you to _really_ … fuck me again.” He told you as he skimmed his hands over your thighs. 

Your eyes lit up, “Whenever you want me too, Javi.” God, you’d been wanting to pull the strap-on back out again, but you’d been waiting for _him_ to initiate it. It wasn’t something you felt like you could just _propose_ without making him feel pressured. And that was the last thing you wanted out of that situation. 

Javier ran one hand up over your stomach to grasp at your breast as you slowly started to sink down onto his cock, “But right now I want you to ride me, baby. Come on. I wanna feel you come on my cock.” 

You took the full length of his cock into your body, moaning as your hips met his, before you rose back up on your knees and repeated the action over again. One hand slid from your hip, slipping around to grab at your ass as you moved atop him. 

A moan slipped past your lips as you shifted the angle, arching back as you rolled your hips downwards, driving yourself onto his cock again and again. 

Javier’s slapped your ass lightly. Spurred on by the sound that escaped you, his hand fell against your ass with a little more force and you couldn’t help the way you clenched around his cock as you rolled downwards. 

“Fuck, you feel good Javi.” You panted out, grabbing at his thigh for support as you worked yourself onto him. “Touch me. _Please_.” You begged softly, your cunt fluttering once more as his thumb crazed your over-sensitive clit. 

“Baby, I’m close.” He warned you, his brows furrowed as he looked up at you. “ _Fuck_. Come on, baby. Come on.” Javier drawled out. “Can you come for me? Wanna feel you.” His thumb worked hasty circles over your clit, trying to push you over the edge for a third time.

You were almost _too_ sensitive. You were right on the edge, every nerve ending in your body practically _humming_ with your impending release.

Javier stopped teasing you, grabbing at your hips to still you as you sat astride his cock. Both of your chests were _heaving_ from the effort, his eyes blown wide with the sort of lust that made desire coil in your gut. “Get on your knees.” He told you, giving your hips three short squeezes.

Your thighs burned as you climbed off of him, rolling onto your stomach first before you gathered yourself onto your hands and knees before him. 

He stroked his hand over your lower back as he guided his cock to your center. You couldn’t help the groan that escaped you as his cock filled you again. And the near _whine_ that followed as you sank forward on your arms as he all but railed into you.

His hips snapped against you, driving his cock right into that sweet spot within you again and again… until there was nothing left to do but _come_ for him. Just like he’d told you to. Right on the heels of two earth-shattering releases, his cock hitting your G-spot with every thrust — you bit down on the comforter to keep from crying out as your release finally hit. 

Javier’s hands were everywhere. Gripping at your hips, running down your spine, slipping around to tease your _throbbing_ clit as you came apart around his cock. “Oh, _fuck_ baby—” He grunted out as you gushed for him, mere seconds before he spilled into you. You swore you could feel and hear your pulse, throughout your _entire_ body. 

“I think you broke me.” You managed to get out, though your voice was muffled by the way you were laying face-down on the mattress. You nearly whimpered as Javier pulled out of you, your legs finally giving out on you.

“Shit, baby.” Javier murmured, mostly to himself because you were fairly certain you were _dead_. He ran his hands over the backs of your thighs. “Look at you.” He whispered, using his thumb to press his come back inside of you, before he moved to lay down on his back beside you on the bed. 

You turned your head slowly, your cheek pressed against the bed as you watched him stick his thumb in his mouth, flashing you a cocky grin. “ _Hey_.” You smiled at him, eyes half-closed as you met his gaze. 

With a slight wince, he rolled onto his side — the one you knew was his _bad_ shoulder — so he could face you. “Was that what you needed, baby?” He questioned, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. 

“ _Mmm_.” You hummed thoughtfully, wiggling your hips as you felt his come starting to slide out of you, joining the noticeable damp spot you’d left on the bedding beneath you. “That’s what I _wanted_.” You corrected, “All I ever _need_ is you.” 

Javier scooted closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled. “And because I _love_ you so much… I called the Murphys. They’re down for taking the kids to the pool tomorrow so you can have a much deserved day off.” 

“What did I do to deserve you?”

You scrunched up your nose as you let him pull you towards him, draping yourself over his chest as he sank back flat onto the mattress. “I think we’re stuck together until we figure that one out.” 

He kissed your cheek. “Good, because I don’t know if there’s an answer.” 

“Stuck with you sounds like the best alternatively.” You giggled to yourself, before you added. “Who could complain about being stuck with a DILF?” 

Eventually, you’d both have to get up and sleep like _normal_ people in bed. But this, right there — was _perfect_. 


	77. Telenovela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier, Steve, and Reader have to get a motel. Set in 1990.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

“Javier, do you only know where the _shitty_ motels are in this country?” You groused, shielding your eyes from the setting sun as you stared ahead at the dilapidated motel which boasted _FREE AIR CONDITIONING_. That seemed highly unlikely. 

Javier took off his aviators, passing them to you as he looked to Steve in the back seat. “You willing to drive twelve hours back to the city?”

“Uh…”

“That’s what I thought,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving you a lingering look before he climbed out of the car. “I’ll get us the rooms.” 

You arched a brow as you turned around to look at Steve. “I think we don’t have much of a choice.”

“Yeah, I got that vibe too.” He quipped as you both climbed out of the Jeep and followed Javier into the motel office. 

As you anticipated — there was _no_ air conditioning to be found inside. Behind the older gentleman at the front desk sat no less than five fans, all running at the highest setting in an attempt to cool down the room. 

Steve folded his arms across his chest as he stared at the back of Javier’s head as he parsed things out with the motel owner. He turned towards you, “What’s going on?”

“For fuck’s sake, Murphy. Learn. Spanish.” You slapped him playfully in the arm, shaking your head. “Hang on,” You told him before you stepped forward, pulling your badge out of your back pocket and laying it on the desk for Miguel — the owner — to review. 

You turned back towards Steve then, “Unsurprisingly, he didn’t believe Javier when he said we were _just_ three co-workers.” 

“What?” Steve questioned, before his eyes widened. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah.” You rolled your eyes, pocketing your badge. “Optics.” Hell, sometimes you were fairly certain there were people in the DEA that didn’t realize they had a _female_ agent on the team. That you weren’t just a local that had got roped in to working as an informant. 

You glanced back towards Javier and Miguel, throwing in a snarky comment about Steve’s inability to speak Spanish which earned you a grin from Javi. 

Murphy was lucky he had the two of you — otherwise he’d be fucked. 

“Unfortunately,” You explained to him. “They only have one room available for tonight.”

“Fucking typical.”

Miguel filled out the reimbursement form for Javier, passing it back across the counter with two room keys. 

“Gracias!” Steve offered, before he followed you and Javier out of the office and back into the sweltering heat of the early evening. 

The motel room was about what you expected it to be. There was one bed in the center of the room, which fortunately looked like it had clean sheets. But the hideous carpet had several questionable stains, which matched the curtains that covered the window. 

“ _Well_ …” Your brows rose upwards, “I’ll sleep in the chair.” You told them as you stepped into the room. “You boys can have the bed.”

Javier scoffed, “You’re _not_ sleeping on the chair.” 

“I’m not sleeping on the floor.” You protested. “It’s fine, Javi.” You moved towards the chair, sinking down onto it. 

It was _shit_. One of the legs was clearly shorter than the rest and there was no cushion to the pleather seat. 

“See.”

He glared at you, “Steve, you’re sleeping in the chair.”

Murphy gave a short laugh, “Nice try, Peña.” He crossed his arms across his chest, shaking his head. “You can sleep in the chair.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, staring Steve down. There was something unspoken that was exchanged in that look — one you weren’t privy too. “ _Fine_.”

You rose to your feet, looking between the two of them, before your gaze fell to the bed. “It’s a King. I bet it would fit the three of us.” It would be a tight fit — but it would solve whatever _this_ stalemate was. 

“Javier will be _fine_ in the chair.” Steve stated firmly, scratching at the back of his neck. “Right?”

“Yeah.” He rocked his jaw slowly, before looking towards you. “You want anything from the D1?” 

“I’ll come with you.” You suggested, “Murphy can you get our shit out of the Jeep?” You questioned, passing the room key to him. 

“Yeah, sure.”

Javier raked his fingers through his hair, glaring at Steve again. “What do you want?”

“If they have any of that apple stuff…”

“Postobón?” You questioned. “I’m buying you a Spanish textbook for your next birthday.”

“I think he’s just putting on,” Javier suggested. “If he doesn’t _know_ the language, we get to do all the hard work.”

You snorted, “Then he’d know what I said about him in the office.”

Javier grinned at you. “That was a good one.”

“Oh, I know.” You smirked, before looking back towards Steve. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

——

The D1 was a five-minute walk down the road from the motel. The sun had nearly dipped below the horizon by the time you reached it. 

“You gonna tell me what the fuck _that_ was about?” You questioned, shifting the basket from one hand to the other as you grabbed a couple bottles of Postobón, loading the basket.

“What was _what_?” Javier questioned, arching a brow as he looked at you. 

“That look between you and Steve.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “I really don’t mind sleeping in the chair.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged a shoulder. “We’ll get a couple hours of shut-eye and hit the road at first light.”

“ _Alright_.” You studied him as he turned back towards the shelves, grabbing a bag of chips off the shelf and stowing it in his own basket. “What? Are you afraid to sleep in a bed with Steve?” You teased lightly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell the assholes at the embassy.”

He flipped you off.

“I’ll even promise to keep my hands to myself.” You arched a brow, a smirk playing over your lips. “Unless you’re into the alternative.”

Javier nearly dropped the bottle of lemon-flavored Postobón he’d grabbed for himself. “Fuck off.”

You rolled your eyes, “Just a suggestion.”

Something about the look he fixed you with made a shiver run down your spine. It was hard to read _what_ the look meant, to begin with. Did he hate that suggestion that much? Usually he didn’t take much offense to the barbing comments you exchanged with each other. 

But Javier was a hard one to read on a _good_ day, sometimes. 

* * *

You sat in between Steve and Javier on the bed, staring at the TV screen across the room. After thirty minutes of fussing with the antenna, Steve had managed to coax the television into working. 

“One of you is going to have to interpret,” He complained as he settled on a channel that was playing re-runs of _Gallito Ramírez_. Something that both you and Javier were willing to settle on, given that Steve wasn’t going to understand it anyways. 

“Eat your chips and hush.” You quipped as you nudged him in the ribs playfully. “If you watched more telenovelas, you’d likely learn Spanish.” 

“I know _some_ Spanish.” He said as he ate a chip. “Is that guy’s name Javier?”

“Wow.” You snorted. 

Javier met your eyes and chuckled, “At least he knows my name.” 

“Oh, fuck you both.” Steve huffed, taking a sip of his drink. “What’s the synopsis.” 

“It’s stupid.” You answered, “Javier — _Gallito_ — is training to become a boxer. He’s in love with Carmenza, but she’s from a wealthy family above his social class.” 

“She also wants him to quit boxing.” Javier added. 

“Yeah.” You nodded your head, looking towards Steve. “And _then_ there’s this other woman—”

“Diana.” 

“Who he’s also in love with. She’s in the same social class as him.” You stole a chip out of Javier’s bag, taking a moment to eat it before you continued. “But he belongs with Carmenza.” 

Steve tilted his head to look at the two of you, “And you’ve both watched this?”

You nodded, “It ended back in… 1986 or 1987. It’s always on at night.” 

He arched a brow at you, “ _Really_?”

“Get your head out of your ass, Murphy.” Javier snapped. “Neither of us sleep. And this shit’s always on.” 

“I wish I had Margarita’s hair,” You remarked as you leaned towards Javi and rested your cheek against his shoulder. 

“Well, since I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on… I’m going to take a shower.” Steve dusted his hands off on the front of his jeans, before he moved to get out of the bed. “Javier, get _your_ bed sorted out.”

“Real funny.” He sat his drink aside and moved to get out of the bed. You watched him as he moved towards the corner of the room, pulling the chair towards the table. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind sleeping over there?” You questioned, tucking your legs beneath you as you sat up, your eyes drifting back towards the TV as the main characters kissed. “Carlos has the best hair.” 

Javier rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I’m fine sleeping over here. It’s not so bad.” He said as he propped a pillow up on the chair. “See?” 

You looked back at him then, smiling a little. “We’ll see if you think it’s ‘ _not so bad’_ in the morning.” You teased lightly, “Did you know they got married in real life?”

“Hmm?” 

“Carlos and Margarita.”

He pursed his lips, “Not surprised.” Javier nodded his head towards the screen. “No one can _act_ that in love with someone and not really be.” 

“Like _you_ know anything about love.” You scoffed as you climbed out of bed, rolling up the two bags of chips and using the hair tie on your wrist to close them up. 

You caught him staring at you as you looked back at him, but he looked away quickly, his eyes fixed on the TV again. 

Then again — what did _you_ know about love?

* * *

“How are you doing over there?” You questioned, your eyes barely able to make out the outline of Javier in the darkness of the motel room. You could hear him shuffling around in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position. 

He wasn’t going to find one.

“Go to sleep.” He grumbled, huffing again and — from what you could hear — the chair must’ve threatened to tip over on the bed leg as he tried to find a better way to sit. “ _Fuck_.” Javier swore as something that sounded like an arm or a leg hit against the little table that was beside the chair. There was another solid thud, which sounded more like a person hitting the floor. 

“For fuck’s sake, Javier.” Steve hissed out. “What are you doing?” The bed dipped beside you a second before he turned the bedside lamp on.

You tried _hard_ not to laugh as you took in the sight of Javier sprawled out on the floor with the table toppled over on him. “How the fuck did you do that?”

“Piece of shit chair—” He cut himself off as he hauled himself up off the floor. “Goddamn piece of shit knocked itself over.” Javier explained lamely, pushing his fingers through his hair as he looked towards the bed. “I was trying to prop my legs up.” 

“Yeah.” You pursed your lips, fighting the urge to laugh at his plight. “Javier, there’s _plenty_ of room over here.” You gestured at the expanse of real estate between you and Steve. 

“I’m fine.” He insisted, looking towards Steve briefly. You turned to glare at Steve, catching his gaze as he sighed heavily. 

“ _Stephen Murphy_.” You warned him, “I don’t know what your deal is. But let the poor man sleep in the bed. Otherwise we’re both going to be paying for it tomorrow.”

“Jesus Christ.” He raked his hand over his face, sinking back against the bed. “Fine, whatever. Get up here Javier.” 

“The chair isn’t—” 

“I will knock you unconscious with that chair if you don’t get over here and lay the fuck down, Javier.” You seethed. “You’re gonna sit over there, huffing and puffing all night and none of us are gonna get any sleep.”

“Technically,” Steve interrupted. “I was asleep before he fell.” 

You glared at him. “As I was saying,” You settled Javier with his own look. “Get over here and lay down and shut the fuck up. Both of you.” 

_Men_. The great lengths men would go to, just to avoid having to sleep in a bed with each other. Though, Javier had refused to sleep in the bed with just you too. Regardless, they were both being idiots about the situation. 

“We’re going to be twice as tired tomorrow if we don’t get some sleep and _frankly_ , I’d really love it if you two didn’t fight like old women the entire way home back you didn’t get your beauty sleep.”

“For the record,” Javier nodded his head towards Steve. “He needs a hell of a lot more _beauty sleep_ than I do.” 

You snorted, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

Javier feigned offense as he climbed up into the middle of the bed. With both you and Steve on your sides, Javier had plenty of room between the two of you. 

“Better?” Steve asked as he shut off the bedside light, sending the room into darkness once more. 

“Much.” Javier answered him as he reached towards you and rested his hand against your back for a brief moment. “Thank you.” He added and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. 

“ _Whatever_.” Steve mumbled, thinking Javier was thanking him. You swore your back still burned in the wake of his touch and you had to talk yourself down from getting anywhere near _that_ ledge. 

Javier wasn’t _that_ guy. 

This wasn’t some cheesy telenovela.


	78. Weird Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a weird dream about her co-worker. Set in 1989, just before Settling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smutty Dream (oral sex) and discussions of being aroused.

You were _vividly_ aware of the fact that you were dreaming. You had to be dreaming, because in no other world would you be kissing Javier. 

The dream had started out innocently enough. Since coming to Colombia, you’d had your fair share of dreams about being at work. You often spent somewhere between eight and ten hours at work, and given the fact that you spent a lot of your free time in the company of Steve or Javier — work occupied a lot of your mind. 

So did Javier, apparently.

A moan rose up in the back of your throat as Javier’s fingers tangled in your hair, his mouth slanting over yours once. You had to remind yourself that it was _just_ a dream. This was just your mind _torturing_ you with something you could never have. 

Right now, Javier was probably in bed with some pretty hooker who may or may _not_ be able to get him any information. 

And _you_. Fuck, you were laying in bed next to your _boyfriend_! 

Javier’s teeth dragged over your bottom lip, causing you to gasp. “You like that, baby?” He drawled out, rough hands grabbing at your hips as he hauled you to the edge of your desk. “Do you like it rough?”

“ _Yes_.” You whispered, fingers delving into Javier’s hair as his mouth trailed down your throat. How many times had you considered running your fingers through his hair? To find out, for yourself, what it felt like beneath your fingers. 

His hand trailed along your inner thigh, moving higher. God, you loved dreams. There was no fumbling to remove jeans. By the time his fingers reached the junction of your thighs — your jeans and underwear were gone. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier swore, dragging his fingers between your slick folds. “Is that all for me?” 

Instead of answering him, you dragged him back in for another kiss. His lips muffled the keening sound that rose up from the back of your throat as he started to work his fingers into you. He kissed you so thoroughly, desire practically _pulsing_ through your body.

What _would_ it be like to kiss Javier? You’d seen him kiss other women before. There was no doubt in your mind that kissing him would ruin you for everyone else. You were fully aware of the fact that this was a dream — but Lance had _never_ made you feel this good before. 

But it was just a dream. A dream that somehow had every nerve ending in your body burning with need. 

“ _Please_.” You begged quietly, breaking away from the kiss, your chest heaving as you let yourself sink back against your desk. 

Javier’s mouth kissed and licked and bit a path down your body, until he was settled on his knees between your thighs. “You’re so fucking wet, baby. You’re just dripping.” He taunted, his thumb circling your clit as he worked two fingers into your throbbing cunt. 

You moaned, a throaty and needy sound slipping past your lips. You rolled your hips, working yourself onto his fingers as he dragged them in and out of you. It felt like _heaven_. An answer to that burning need that was coiled tight in your gut. 

His tongue made contact with your clit then, threatening to send you over the edge right then and there. He wasn’t wrong — you were _soaked_. You could feel the fabric of your underwear dragging over your sensitive folds. You could feel every pulse of need centered right at your clit.

_Shit_. 

Your eyes flew open as you felt a warm hand curl around your arm. It took you a second to figure out where you were. You weren’t in your apartment. The window was in the wrong location and—

“Hey darling,” Lance said warmly as he tucked his arm beneath his head and gazed at you in the darkness of the bedroom, a dim glint of light shone across the bed from the streetlights outside the window. “You okay?”

You blinked slowly, some part of you wishing you could just fall back to sleep. Sink back into that dream. You had been _so_ close to finding your release. But wasn’t it _wrong_ of you to wish you could fall back into a sex dream with a man that wasn’t your boyfriend?

“I’m good.” You assured him, biting down on your bottom lip as you rolled onto your side to face him. The motion had you intimately aware of the way your underwear was sticking to your cunt, dampened with your arousal. _Shit_. It was just enough friction to make you ache all over again.

“It sounded like you were having a very _good_ dream.” Lance suggested, shifting closer to you, his fingertips trailing over your waist where your shirt had ridden upwards. “You don’t have to dream about me, I’m right here.”

If only _that_ were the case. 

“It wasn’t…” You trailed off as you brushed your fingers over his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. “Just stressed about the stakeout tomorrow.”

And the fact that you’d just been dreaming about your co-workers face between your thighs. Even just _thinking_ about it had you clenching your thighs. 

You had been so fucking close. 

Goddammit. Somehow Javier Peña had managed to torture you from the sanctity of your dreams. 

“What’s got you stressed about tomorrow?” Lance questioned, his hand remaining at your waist. 

You sighed, “Stakeouts always stress me out. There’s always room for error.” 

“I’m sure you’ll handle it like a pro. Can’t say the same for your co-workers.” Lance chuckled quietly, his voice heavy with exhaustion. How much noise _had_ you been making if it had woken him up? 

You lifted his hand off your waist so you could roll over. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I think you’re a better agent than either of them.” He explained, curling his arm around your waist and pulling you back against him. 

“I think they’d agree with you there,” You snorted, resting your hand over his at your waist. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” 

Lance pressed a kiss to your shoulder, “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.” He trailed his hand down to your hip, giving it a small squeeze. “Are you sure you don’t want me to _help_?” He questioned. “Since I’m up.” 

You considered it for a brief second. It _would_ help the quell the need that was still burning through your veins. But there was something morally wrong about taking him up on that offer, when he wasn’t the one who got you worked up in the first place. 

“I’m good.” You assured him quietly, hoping the inflection in your voice made it sound like you were drifting back to sleep. You weren’t — as much as you _wanted_ to be falling back into that dreamworld. 

Work was going to be hell tomorrow. 

* * *

Five in the morning came far too quickly. After your _unfortunate_ dream, you had only managed to grab all of an hour of sleep, before you were up and out of bed. 

Lance was out cold, snoring loudly as you gathered up your belongings and dressed for a new day. Despite his attempts to get you to use the drawer he’d emptied for you — you lived out of a duffle bag that you could stow in the back of your car. 

Having a drawer… was _too_ much for you. It was the same reason why you hadn’t offered up any space for him to occupy your apartment. You liked having your own space that was separate from his. 

Otherwise, you felt vaguely claustrophobic. Which probably said something about your relationship with Lance. 

The drive to Villavicencio was fairly uneventful. Steve drove, Javier rode shotgun, and you camped out in the backseat trying to catch up on the sleep you missed out on last night. But the road to Villavicencio was _shit_ and every time you started to fall asleep, Steve would hit a bump in the road, causing you to jostle awake. 

“What kept you up last night?” Javier questioned, turning in his seat to look back at you. 

_You_. 

“Were you over at Lance’s?” Steve added. 

“Yeah, but he slept fine.” You shrugged, glancing at Javier’s face briefly before you turned to stare out the window. “I just had weird fucking dreams last night.” You answer vaguely. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Good weird or bad weird?” 

Your brows furrowed together, “Just weird.” The correct answer was definitely _bad_ weird. How could dreaming about your coworker eating you out, while you were sleeping beside your boyfriend, be anything other than _bad_? 

You rested your cheek against the window, trying to will yourself back to sleep as you listened to Javier and Steve grumble about working with the CIA. They _hated_ them. You couldn’t blame them either. Despite knowing that Lance was a good guy, you tried to keep conversations about work to a minimum. They CIA pulled shady shit and, while you considered Lance to be a good agent, you knew he wasn’t as clean as you seemed. 

“Fuck.” You swore as Steve hit a pothole and you knocked the side of your forehead against the window harshly. “Can you _try_ to drive, asshole?”

“It was that or go off the motherfucking road.” Steve bit back. 

You rubbed at the side of your face, “Ow.” 

“Here,” Javier started as he peeled off his leather jacket, passing it back to you. “Use it as a pillow.” 

You blinked at him, eyes flickering between him and the jacket. “Thank you.” You offered him a weak smile, trying to ignore the stupid way your heart was beating in your chest. You took the jacket from him, tucking the arms into the center, before neatly folding it into a sort-of square. 

Propping it up against the window, you rested your head against it with a content sigh. “At least now I won’t get a concussion.” You remarked, much to Steve’s annoyance. Between the two of them, you would think Javier was the more reckless driver. But he drove with the precision of a man who learned how to drive on the backroads of his father’s ranch (like he’d told you). 

The jacket smelled like him. Well, it actually smelled like cigarettes, sweat, and something that was purely Javier. You really had to shake this stupid infatuation out of your system. Otherwise, you were going to lose Lance. 

Last night… had been _bad_. 

After all, Javier was both emotionally unavailable _and_ your co-worker. 

“Are you joining us on Friday?” Javier questioned, twisting around in his seat to look back at you.

“Hmm?”

“To the bar.” 

“Oh,” You frowned. “Probably not. I think Lance is cooking dinner.” 

“Ah.” He nodded. “Who knew the CIA could cook.” 

You shoved your knee into the back of his seat, “Fuck off, Javier.” 

“Don’t make me ask for my jacket back.” 

“If you did, you wouldn’t get it back.” You stuck your tongue out at him, “It’s mine now.” 

“First you steal my sunglasses, now you’re stealing my jacket…” He shook his head. “What next?”

“You think I’m just going to _tell_ you what I’m stealing next? What sort of thief do you take me for?” You taunted with a crooked grin as you met his gaze. 

“I’m watching you.” He retorted. 

You snorted, “Enjoy the view.” 

Steve cleared his throat, “Peña eyes on the map.” 

“Murphy, did you not memorize the route?” 

“No. That’s what I keep Javi around for.” Steve glanced back at you, “Weren’t you sleeping?”

“ _Jeeze_.” You rolled your eyes. “I guess I’m not the only one who got up on the wrong side of the bed today.” 

Before Javier turned his attention back to the map, he pointed at his eyes and gestured that he was watching you. God, he was such an idiot. But an idiot that… made you happy. And Steve. Both of them were idiots that made your life a little better


	79. Safe Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier enjoy a day off. Set in 1998, directly after DILF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (consensual somnophilia, female receiving oral sex, anal play, anal toys, anal sex, pegging).

Last night had been a _really_ good night. You had gone to bed feeling utterly sated. So sated, in fact, that even your dreams had been filled with Javier. A weird amalgamation of memories and nonsensical scenes, merged into fever-like dreams. For many years, dreams had been the only thing you had to help you manage the feelings you had for Javier. 

It was surreal to think that you were mere weeks away from celebrating your sixth year together. And your desire for him hadn’t been quelled — not even a little bit. He could fuck you until you couldn’t walk and you’d still beg for _more_. 

There were so many people you knew, mostly because of Steve and Connie, who seemed _bored_ with their relationships. Even the Murphys had their moments — Connie was _very_ open about that. Sometimes it seemed like they were two ships moored far apart. 

Sure, there had been a seven month period where Javier hadn’t touched you. But you were dealing with a high-risk pregnancy, that you both suffered from mentally afterwards. You had a _reason_ for losing interest in each other. Not that you lost anything, because you both fell back together better than ever. 

Was it marriage that killed the mood for people? Was that why everyone made snide comments about their spouse when they weren’t around to hear it? Sure, you made it no secret that Javier was an asshole, but he was the asshole you were madly in love with. He was an asshole that was the _best_ father to your daughters. There was no version of your life where you didn’t want him. 

He had his flaws, but so did you. And you worked with each other to overcome them. Hell, even Nancy had confirmed that aspect of your relationship. 

Was no one else _insatiable_ , when it came to the person they loved?

Javier had fucked you into sheer exhaustion last night, but you still found yourself aching for more. Your dreams filled with blissful images of his head between your thighs. So vivid and real, you swore you could feel the pulses of desire starting to build within you.

You feel it _all_. The rough texture of his scruffy beard, dragging over the soft flesh of your inner thighs as he leisurely lapped at you. His tongue felt like _heaven_. 

You moaned softly, fingers winding through his hair as his lips latched onto your clit and he sucked lightly. The way he circled the tip of his tongue over your clit made your hips rock up off the bed. 

Javier’s hand fanned out over your lower stomach, pressing you back down against the bed.

_Fuck_ — it felt so real. 

Your back arched up off the bed as Javier pressed his tongue into you, thrusting it in and out of you slowly, before he returned to tease your clit. 

“You taste so _fucking_ good.” Javier mumbled, turning his head to press a kiss to your thigh. His hands slid over the tops of your legs, murmuring gentle words as he coaxed you back to sleep. 

You wondered if you could convince him to keep his hair this length. You loved the way the summer humidity made it curl, begging to be touched. It was the perfect length to tangle your fingers in and pull. And _that_ caused a thought to filter through your mind.

Javier on his knees, your fingers in his hair. He had said he wanted _you_ to fuck him again, hadn’t he? You couldn’t wait to take him up on that offer. The _sounds_ he made — you couldn’t get enough of them. You were thrilled that he was willing to try it again. 

You still hadn’t gotten the picture of him — utterly wrecked and _spent_ because of you — out of your mind. 

A breathy moan escaped you as you felt Javier nudge your thighs apart, followed by the warmth of his legs sliding against your inner thighs as he settled above you. It was such a _vivid_ dream. You swore you could feel his cock, rigid and hot against your cunt.

His lips brushed against the shell of your ear, his long hair tickling your cheek as it fell against your skin. He whispered something… maybe your name. You were still wrapped in the comforting darkness of sleep—

—right up until the moment that Javier sank the full length of his cock into you, pulling you straight out of your dreams and into the blissful reality. 

You curled your arms around him, desperately grabbing at his back for support. Hand skimming down his spine, one hand grabbing at his ass as you rocked your hips into his. 

“ _Fuck_!” You hissed out, “Holy shit, Javi.” You met his eyes as you snaked your fingers into his hair. 

“Do you like that, baby?” Javier questioned, bucking forward and driving into you until all you could do was grind against him. 

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “Best way to wake up.” 

“Fuck, baby, you’re so hot around me.” He drawled out, his hands braced on the bed at your sides. You traced your fingers over the outline of a mark you’d left on his shoulder last night. You’d both left your fair share of marks on each other. 

Javier caught your hand, interlacing your fingers before he pressed it back against the mattress. He bucked forward again and you clenched around him, causing a strangled groan to escape him. “That sweet little pussy already came for me. Did you know that, baby?”

You laughed breathlessly, using your free hand to yank at his hair. “That would _explain_ why I feel so fucking good right now.” 

“Fuck, the sounds you made for me.” Javier murmured, pressing his face into the crook of your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he started rolling his hips into you more earnestly. 

You hooked a leg around his hips, rocking to meet his every thrust. “Every… _fucking_ —“ Your words died on your lips as another moan crept up your throat. “—morning. _This_ is how I want to wake up, Javi.”

There was something _so_ insanely good about waking up like this. To be pulled from your dreams, straight into the pure pleasure of Javier’s cock driving into you or his mouth between your thighs.

Javier squeezed your hand, keeping it pressed back against the bed. “I think I can arrange that, baby.” He turned his head, dragging his lips over your jaw before he caught your lips. 

“ _Fuck_!” Your nails bit into the back of his hand as you felt your impending release building. Building on the heels of the release he’d already pulled from you as you slept. “Close. _Shit_.” 

“Come on baby,” Javier urged, grabbing at your hip with his other hand. “Come for me.” 

A ripple of pleasure went through you at the commanding tone of his command. You hooked both of your legs around his hips, clinging desperately to him as you felt your release building. Your inner walls fluttered around him, the beginnings of something more. 

Your fingers tightened their hold in his hair, your eyes meeting his as he looked down at you. That was what pushed you over the edge. The _look_ in his eyes. Your back arched up off the bed, your body clenching around his cock — bringing him over the edge with you. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You whispered as you trailed your fingers from his hair, lightly scraping your fingernails over his scruffy jawline as you watched him. God, you loved the way he looked when he came for you. The way his jaw went slack, the way his lips silently formed your name. 

He rocked into you, once, twice, three more times before he all but collapsed atop you with a throaty groan. “Fuck. _Sorry_.” Javier mumbled, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. 

Even as his cock started to soften with you, you felt so _deliciously_ full. You were still so sensitive that even the faintest shift of his hips had your cunt twitching around him. Even after last night, Javier was able to pull _more_ from you.

Javier loosened his grip on your hand, allowing you to wind your arms around him as he laid atop you. “I love it,” You whispered as you trailed your fingertips down his spine. “And _you_.” You added as you slid your hands down to playfully grab at his ass. 

He groaned, pressing a line of kisses to your neck. “Can you see the clock?” 

You turned your head, craning your neck to look at the glowing red numbers of the alarm clock. “It’s a little after six.” You figured it had to be, given the soft glow streaming in through the windows and patio door. 

“ _Shit_.” Javier grumbled, “The kids are going to be up soon.” 

You pushed your fingers through his hair, keeping your legs wrapped tightly around him. “Not yet.” You whispered, unwilling to let go of him just yet. 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” Javier assured you, snaking his hand beneath you, sliding it over the length of your back. He pulled back a little, pressing kisses along your collarbone, before pulling back just enough to meet your gaze. “When’s Steve picking up the girls?”

“Nine.” You told him, drawing your finger down the length of his nose as you looked up at him. “They’re trying to get over to the pool before it gets too busy.” You leaned up and kissed him. “How do you want to spend the day, Javi?” 

“I suppose I _could_ get up on the roof and clean the gutters out,” Javier suggested with a barely concealed grin. 

“Good idea.” You snorted. “The grass needs to be cut too.” 

“Anything else on your honey-do list, baby?”

“Me.” You smirked. 

He dipped down and kissed you, laughing against your lips. “I figured that was on there.” 

You grinned, cupping his cheek. “I think it should be the _only_ thing on the list today.”

“I think you raise a valid point.” He turned to press a kiss to your palm. “You know what else we could do…” 

“Hmm?” You questioned.

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he met your gaze, his brows rising upwards suggestively. “You could…” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “What we discussed last night.”

You grinned as you ran your fingers through his hair, “Javi, if you can’t _say_ what you want…” You slid your foot down the back of his thigh. “How am I supposed to know what you want me to do?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “What did we _discuss_ last night?”

“How hot you are.” You smirked at him. “That was a _big_ part of last night’s conversation.” You tugged at his hair, “I seem to remember another of the conversation, however… Care to elaborate?”

He groaned, “ _Baby_.” 

You wiggled your hips beneath him, “Use your words, Javi.” You teased, scraping your nails down his back as you moved them downwards to grab at his ass, keeping him pressed close to you. 

Javier met your gaze, lips parted as he drew in a shaky breath. “I want _you_ to fuck me.” 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask me to again, Javi.” You said as you grinned up at him. 

* * *

Despite how badly you wanted to get right to the _fun_ , there were actual things that needed to be taken care of around the house before anything could begin. 

When Steve came to pick up the girls, he ended sitting and talking to Javier for nearly an hour. A small consolation, considering you had sprung the idea of the girls spending the night after a day at the pool. But if you were going to get to fuck Javier again — you didn’t want time constraints to deal with. 

After Steve left, you had to wash the bedding from last night, while Javier cut the grass. You might not live in an HOA, but your neighbours could be real bitches if anyone forgot to cut their grass in a “timely fashion”. Not that you had much to complain about. You _very_ much enjoyed watching him cut the grass through glass doors in the bedroom. Golden tan skin, shining with sweat, and his curly hair sticking to his cheeks and the nape of his neck. 

You were on him the secondhe walked through the doors. 

“Baby, I’m _disgusting_.” He mumbled against your lips as he curled his arms around you and pulled you flush against his chest. 

“You think I care?” You questioned, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck as you leaned up and caught his bottom lip between your teeth. You dragged your teeth over it just hard enough to make him hiss, before you pulled back. 

“Is this your way of convincing me to keep my hair long?” Javier questioned, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of your jean shorts, keeping you right in front of him. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m enjoying the benefits.” 

“And you’ve only scratched the surface,” You grinned up at him as you ran one hand down the center of his chest. “I think we’ve done enough _work_ for the day.” 

Javier nodded slowly, “Yeah, so do I, baby.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth as his fingers curled around the hem of your shirt. You helped him rid you of your shirt, followed in short order by your bra. 

He guided you backwards as he kissed you, his mouth slanting hungrily over yours as his hands roamed over newly bared skin. You pulled away from the kiss when the backs of your legs hit the edge of the bed, your gaze dark with desire as you met his. “ _Javi_ ,” You started, tilting your head as you brushed your nose against his. “I love you.”

“Yeah?” He ran his hands over your curves. 

You bit down on your bottom lip to conceal a grin as you nodded, “I do.” 

“ _Good_.” 

You played your fingers over the trail of hair that dipped beneath the waistband of his khaki shorts as you sat down on the edge of the bed in front of him. “I really am glad you want to do this again, Javi.” You told him quietly, leaning forward to press a kiss just below his navel as you worked to unfasten his pants. 

Javier’s fingers loosely tangled in your hair, his hand curling around the back of your head. “Last time was fun.” He said quietly and you felt his stomach muscles tremble beneath your lips as your hand slipped into his pants to palm his cock. “ _Really_ fun.” 

“I had a feeling you enjoyed it.” You remarked with an impish grin as you looked up at him. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

His brows rose upwards, “Really?”

You gave his cock a light squeeze, before you released your hold on him so you could pull his pants down his hips. “I don’t know how to explain it, but… there was something _so_ sexy about watching you. The way you looked… the sounds you made.” You bit your lip and shook your head. “It almost made up for the fact that I don’t really _get_ anything out of it.” 

Javier brushed his knuckles against your cheek, “What if…” He rubbed his lips together, jaw set hard as his eyes flickered towards the nightstand where your new collection of _toys_ were hidden. “We have the toy from Christmas.”

Your brows shot upwards, “ _Yes_.” 

“I thought you’d enjoy that, baby.” He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, before he leaned down to kiss you. It was an all-too brief kiss. Javier took a step back, kicking off his shorts, before he moved around the side of the bed to retrieve the box from the drawer. 

You removed your own pants, leaving them at the foot of the bed beside his, before you scooted up to the center of the bed. You tucked your legs beneath you, turning to watch Javier as he sat the box on the nightstand and retrieved the lube, toys, and harness from the box. 

“Same rules as last time,” You stated, chewing on your thumb nail as you studied him. “Safe words and three squeezes if you can’t speak.” 

Javier nodded, “Works for me.” 

“Javi?”

He turned to look at you, “Yeah?”

“I think I want you to fuck me first.” Your tongue slipped out to wet your bottom lip as your eyes flickered towards the toy he was holding. “Before we use the _rocket_.”

A lazy smirk spread over his lips, “It’s been awhile.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you nodded, before you released your lip to answer, “It _has_.” 

Javier returned to the bed with the neon purple toy and the bottle of lube, tossing them down on the bed before he laid down beside you. He gathered you in his arms, pulling you towards him as he leaned in to kiss you. It started gently at first, before the intensity of the kiss grew. His mouth trailed from your lips, down the column of your throat, in a downward pursuit. 

“I’m not the only one that summer suits,” Javier remarked as he lingered at the valley between your breasts. He cupped them both, dragging his thumbs over the taut nipples. “Those dresses you wear…” He growled playfully, nipping at the curve of your breast. 

You moaned as he flicked his tongue out over your nipple, his hand smoothing down your stomach, moving to cup your cunt through your underwear. “Fuck, baby. You’re already wet.”

You laughed, tugging at his sweat-damp hair. “What can I say, Javi? Watching you mow the lawn shirtless makes me horny.” 

“Is that what did it?” He taunted, flatting his tongue out as he swept it over your other nipple. Now that you had stopped breastfeeding Sofía, Javier could _finally_ give your breasts the attention you desired. “Or is all of this because you just can’t wait to _fuck_ me?” He dragged his fingers between your folds, pressing the cloth of your underwear against your center. 

Javier moved lower, biting at the soft flesh of your stomach as he hooked his fingers into your underwear and dragged them down your hips. Tossing them aside, he nudged your thighs apart as he took in the sight of your pussy. “Baby, I fucked you last night _and_ this morning and it still doesn’t seem like it was _enough_.” He circled his thumb over your clit. 

“That’s because it’s _never_ enough.” You told him, winding your fingers through his hair as you savored the feeling of his fingers playing over your sensitive folds. “I always want more of you, Javi.” 

He pressed a kiss to your inner thigh as he reached for the bottle of lube. “I guess you’re in luck, baby. Cause I always want _more_ of you.” Javier told you as he squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, before smearing it over your puckered hole. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, tilting your head as you watched him. At first he teased your clit with his other hand, dragging his thumb over the sensitive little bundle of nerves, before rubbing it slowly. Then he started working a finger into you, followed swiftly by a second as he worked to loosen your tightened muscles.

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out, rocking downwards as he squirted more lube onto his fingers, helping to ease the stretch. 

You still remembered the first time you and Javier _broadened_ your horizons. Lube wasn’t exactly the easiest commodity to track down in Colombia, but Javier had his fair share of lubricated condoms which… well, the two of you certainly had a track record for _not_ using them. But they had worked in a pinch for that situation. 

Javier sat back on his knees, pulling his fingers free from you. You leaned up on your elbows, watching as he turned his attention to spreading lube over the length of his cock. “See something you like?” He questioned you with a smirk.

“I see a _lot_ I like.” You shot back.

He gave your hand a gentle swat, lube from his fingers smearing onto your skin. “Roll over.” 

You nudged his thigh with your foot playfully, before you made a show of rolling over for him. You gathered yourself onto your hands and knees, rocking back towards him as you presented yourself to him. 

Jaiver’s fingers rubbed over your asshole, making you clench reflexively as he started to work them back into you. He only teased you for a moment before he replaced his fingers with his cock. 

You gripped at the sheets beneath you, holding steady as the head of his cock breached you. He took you slow, one hand guiding his cock into you, while his other soothingly stroked at your hip. “ _Fuck_ , baby. You feel so fucking good. So tight.” He groaned out as inch-by-inch of him sank into you. 

The angle was _sinful_. Even your cunt clenched in response to how deliciously full you felt with his cock buried within you. His pace was slow, drawing out before he pressed back into you. 

“ _Javier_ ,” You moaned out as you wretched down to tease at your clit, winding yourself up as he started to thrust into you more earnestly. The way he fucked you made you anxious for your own chance to repay the gesture. You pictured him beneath you, the way he writhed and groaned as your toy worked into his ass. 

You arched your back, moving your hips in time with his thrusts. “Oh God.”

He chuckled, rubbing his hand over the small of your back, sliding his hands around to grab at your hips. “My cock looks so fucking good in you, baby.”

You pointedly rocked backwards, “Just wait until _my_ cock is in you, Javi.” You reminded him, swiveling your hips as you kept moving back to meet his thrusts. 

Javier grabbed at your hair, fingers tangling in it as he pulled you backwards until your back was pressed to his chest. The angle didn’t allow him to withdraw very far, his hips snapping into your ass again and _again_. 

Your eyes rolled back in your head as he loosely curled his fingers around your throat, his lips close to your ear. “You should feel the way you clench around me when I’m rough with you, baby. Always so _fucking_ responsive.” He murmured.

You curled your fingers around his wrist, clinging to him as you felt your body starting to react. You could feel it building, a coil of pleasure deep in your gut. Javier loosened his grip on your hip, sliding his hand around to rest against your lower stomach, holding you tight as he kept _slamming_ into you. 

“Is this what you wanted, baby? Did you want me to come in you?” He questioned, his voice already rough with desire as his lips brushed against the shell of your ear. 

“ _Yes_.” You moaned, letting your head fall back against him. “Please. _Please_.” You nearly begged, your entire body trembling as your release swept through you. It was different like this, but so _fucking_ good. 

Javier grunted, words failing him as he kept driving his cock into you until he went rigid. He stiffened behind you, fingers trembling where he held you as he came apart, his cock twitching and throbbing as he spilled within you. He released the hold he had on your throat, letting you sink back down onto the bed beneath him

“ _Holy shit_.” You mumbled, turning your head as you searched beside you for the neon purple toy. 

“You sure?” Javier questioned, trailing his hand soothingly down your back before he took the toy from you. 

You nodded, “ _Yes_.” 

He slowly withdrew from you, readjusting himself behind you as he reached for the bottle of lube again. He coated the toy in a fresh coat, before he worked into you, all the way to the flared base. 

You stretched out on the bed, wiggling your toes as you straightened your legs. “Are _you_ sure you’re up for more, Javi?” You questioned, rising up on your hands and knees, moving to sit up with your legs curled beneath you. 

Javier’s Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat as he nodded slowly. “Yeah, baby. I’m ready.” 

Your brows rose upwards, “I don’t think you’re _ready_ yet.” You told him, leaning towards him to kiss him. You brushed your nose against his. “Remember. Three squeezes.” 

“I remember.” He assured you, cupping your cheek as he kissed you again. 

You brushed your fingers over his forehead, playing with the hair that was stuck against his skin there. “The toy was a _good_ idea.” You told him as you kissed him one more time before you moved to get off the bed. “I’ll be right back.” You told him. 

You grabbed the neon blue toy and harness of the night stand, before ducking into your closet and pulling the door closed. You set everything down on a shelf, before you turned towards the shelves behind you, where your lingerie box was stored. 

It was cheesy, but you _really_ loved the matching lingerie you bought to go with the toy. And you knew that Jaiver appreciated a nice set of lingerie. Not to mention the fact that there was something strangely erotic about wearing lacey lingerie to go with the strap-on. 

You had only just finished strapping the harness on when you felt the toy buried in your ass start to vibrate. You inhaled sharply, biting down on your bottom lip to keep from crying out in response. That _bastard_. 

“ _Fuck_.” You gritted out, reaching for your bra to finish dressing. You pulled it around your chest, fastening it, before you twisted it around and pulled the straps up your arms. 

You pushed open the closet door, reemerging with your hands on your hips as you glared at him. “Care to explain yourself?”

Javier laughed loudly, “ _What_?” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he held up the remote “It’s only on _low_.” 

“You’re such an assho—” Your words were cut off as he switched it up another notch. “ _Javier_!” 

“Do you want me to stop, baby?”

You shook your head. 

“I didn’t think so,” He retorted, switching it back down the lowest setting. Javier traced his tongue over his bottom lip, his eyes flickering from your face downwards to where the neon toy was proudly jutting out from your pelvis. “How do, uh… How do you want me?”

“Just like before.” You told him as you took a few steps towards the bed, your teeth digging into the inside of your bottom lip. “I loved seeing your face.” You stopped in front of him where he sat on the side of the bed. 

Javier pushed his fingers through your hair, cradling the back of your head as he pulled you in for a kiss. His tongue slipped between your lips, dragging over your tongue as your tongues slid against each other. 

A soft groan rose up in the back of your throat as you felt the toy within you stir to life at a higher speed, the low hum of its vibration feeling like it was radiating through your entire core. You ran your hand down his chest, moving downwards until you reached his cock. He was still soft from fucking you, but he started to stir to life as you slowly stroked him.

You pulled back from the kiss, pressing your forehead to his as you gathered your words. “Is this comfortable?” You asked him, opening your eyes to meet his. “Can you lay back like this?” 

Javier’s brows drew together and he nodded. “Yeah. It’s fine.” He assured you, trailing his hands down your sides. “I trust you.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, before he laid back on the bed, his ass perched right on the edge of the bed. 

You took a step back, your hands resting on the tops of his thighs as you took in the sight of him. “Hey, Javi?”

“Hmm?” He lifted his head.

“You always say you’re the luckiest man alive, but… I’m really fucking lucky to have you.” You told him, giving his legs a short squeeze before you leaned over him to grab the bottle of lube that had been left towards the middle of the bed.

“We’re both lucky.” He agreed, leaving the toy on its current setting and leaving the remote laying on the bed beside him. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest as he squirted a little lube onto your fingers, making sure they were coated before you reached down and smeared the jelly over his own puckered asshole. You watched his face carefully, looking for any sign on his face that you needed to stop. 

Javier exhaled heavily, nodding his head slowly. “I’m good, baby.” 

“Okay.” You swallowed thickly, rubbing your thumb over him again. With your other hand you cupped his balls, giving them a gentle squeeze as you ran your finger over his perineum slowly, before returning to tease his asshole. 

You watched him, taking in the subtle ways his face contorted in reaction. The quick inhale of breath, the way his cock twitched with interest, the way you could see his stomach muscles clench. 

You leaned over him, planting one hand on the mattress beside him as you kept the other hand curled around his thigh. You pressed a kiss to the center of his chest, tilting your head to look up at him. “I love you.” You reminded him.

He smiled back at you, “Love you too, baby.” 

You pulled back, grabbing the bottle of lube again to coat the neon blue toy, before lining it up. “Is this what you want, Javi?” You questioned, giving his thigh a short squeeze as you met his eyes. The tip of the toy was resting against him, just ready for you to start sinking into him. 

You couldn’t wait. How many times had you caught yourself fantasizing about taking him again? The _power_. It was an intoxicating thing. 

“ _Yes_.” Javier told you, raking his hands over his face as he sank back against the bed. “You’re fucking hot like this.” He told you, reaching down to idly stroke his cock as it rested against his lower belly. “Love when you’re in control.”

“I had noticed.” You teased, shifting your hips forward so just the very tip of your toy had started to press into him.

He moaned, fingers grabbing at the sheets beneath him. 

“Just relax,” You urged him, rubbing your hands over the tops of his legs. “Just relax, Javi.” Javier did, the tension in his legs seeming to ease up. “That’s it.” You praised, rewarding him as you sank into him further. 

His hips rocked towards you and you obliged by drawing back and sinking back into him — the full length of the neon toy sinking into him. “Fuck, look at you Javi.” You murmured, squeezing his thigh. “ _Fuck_. Is that good?”

Javier’s lips parted, but instead of words a keening sound escaped him. His eyes met yours, holding your gaze as you drew back and thrust back into him. The angle was different this time, but the view was just as good. 

“You’re taking my cock so well,” You told him, drawing his legs up, letting him wrap them around your hips.

He fumbled for the remote beside him, his thumb finding the button to crank the settings up another notch. You moaned loudly, forever thankful that the kids were _not_ at home. Your eyes clenched closed and you tried to focus on _fucking_ him, rather than focusing on the way the toy within you made you weak in the knees. 

You pressed forward, sinking the full length of the toy into him until your hips were pressed flushed to his. Leaning over him, you grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged harshly. “If I weren’t worried about your knees,” You started, staring down at him. “I’d have you bent over this bed, fucking you until you _cried_ , Javi.” 

Javier’s breath caught in the back of his throat and he surged up to kiss you. You were going to file _that_ fantasy away for a rainy day. Not today, though. Today you wanted this — slow and steady. 

You broke away from the kiss, bumping your nose against his as you stood back up straight. You grabbed at his thighs, holding him steady as you started to move again. It really was something else to watch the way his face contorted every time you hit that sweet spot within him. 

“Are you going to come for me, Javi?” You questioned, reaching forward to rub your hand over his lower stomach, just above where his cock rested. 

Javier groaned, breathless and filled with abandon. He was trembling, you could feel it in the muscles of his thighs as you used them for leverage to drive into him. You wanted to reached out and wrap your fingers around his cock. But there was something you loved about the prospect of him spilling over his stomach from your makeshift cock alone. 

“That’s it.” You urged, picking up the pace of your movements. “Look at you. Fuck, you’re so hot like this, Javi.” And he really was. You loved when he relinquished control to you. When he could just _relax_ and enjoy being taken care of. 

“ _Close_.” He warned you, hips rocking into your every thrust. His jaw dropped, head thrown back, and your name on his lips as that ‘ _close_ ’ became ‘ _now_ ’. He grabbed at the sheets beneath him, his back arching as you made him come. He _writhed_ beneath you as his cock twitched against his stomach, his come spilling out over his skin as you kept thrusting into him. You wanted to milk every second of pleasure from him, the same way he always ensured _you_ enjoyed your release to its fullest. 

Javier sank back against the mattress, boneless and sated. With your cock still buried in his tight passage, he fumbled for the remote beside him. “Baby, I want you to come too.” He told you, lifting his head as weary eyes met yours.

You nodded your head, fingers biting into the soft flesh of his thighs as he thumbed at the buttons, cranking it up two more settings. You swore your teeth rattled from the intensity of the setting, pleasure radiating through you, traveling up and down your spine as the steady pulse and vibration set you off like… a _rocket_. 

You came around nothing but the toy in your ass, your body humming with pure pleasure as you coasted over the edge. It was too much. You were too sensitive and—

“Old Parr.” You gasped out and all at once the vibration stopped. 

Javier dropped the remote to the bed, taking it upon himself to slide off your neon blue cock. “Baby, are you okay?” He questioned, cupping your face gently with one hand, while the other was already quickly working to unfasten the harness at your hips. 

“I’m okay.” You promised him, grabbing his hand to stop him. “It was a lot. It was just a lot.” 

He nodded, pressing his forehead against yours. “You should’ve had me stop before then.” 

“Well, it wasn’t too much until it was _too_ much.”

Javier sighed heavily, snaking his arm around your waist. You fanned his hand out over the small of your back, rubbing you soothingly. “As long as you’re okay.”

“I am.” You played your fingers through his hair. 

“That was the first time you’ve ever used your safe word,” Javier pointed out as he sank into his embrace. “Scared the shit out of me, baby.” 

“That’s what they’re for.” You said lightly. “That was _really_ fun though.” 

He slapped your ass lightly, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as he pulled back. “Scaring the shit out of me is fun?”

“I meant the fucking part, but…I’ve been known to enjoy scaring old men.” 

“Oh, fuck you.” He shot back with a grin. 

You stuck your tongue out at him, before taking a step backwards. “I think I’m going to go to the bathroom to take all of this off.” You gestured downwards. “And clean up.” 

Javier’s brows rose upwards, “Would you like a little help?”

You smirked, “Always.” 

“I’m sorry,” Javier offered as he stood up. “I didn’t mean to—”

“It was _really_ good until it wasn’t.” You told him, reaching out to take his hand. “And you stopped when I told you to. There’s no need for apology.” 

“I know.” He sighed, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. You tilted your head towards him, meeting his eyes as he pulled back. “I never want to hurt you.”

“Unless it’s good pain.” You retorted, poking him in the chest. 

“I _never_ have wanted to hurt you.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest. Even when he _had_ hurt you — during those three uncomfortable months — it had been worth it, in the end. Look where you were now? 

“We didn’t have safe words back then.” You teased, playing off how you actually felt about _those_ memories. 

“Wouldn’t that have solved everything?” He chuckled, clearly sensing that you weren’t looking to get serious. But trust Javier to beat himself up about you using your safe word, when he’d tapped out a dozen times with you. 

“It’s been _almost_ six years, Javier. And I’m looking forward to _sixty_ more.”

He snorted, “I’m living to one hundred and seven?”

“Yes.” You rolled your eyes. “And I’m still gonna fuck you then.”

“Of course you are.” He deadpanned, following you into the bathroom.


	80. Elena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier spends the evening with his informant. Set in 1989, directly after Old Parr. Javier POV. I would recommend re-reading Old Parr before reading this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, pining, and allusions to sex.

Javier tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling as he drew in a drag of smoke. He welcomed the way it burned at the back of his throat, filling his lungs, before he exhaled. He watched the hazy smoke as it billowed in front of him. In the haze of the smoke, it was easy to pretend that the woman laying beside him was someone else. 

He still remembered the first time he’d seen Elena at the brothel. One of his other informants — _Freckles_ — had called him over with information. He walked through the backdoor of the house and saw her standing there talking to Freckles. He swore his heart stopped right then and there.

Sure, she wasn’t identical, but there were enough similarities between the two women that he still caught himself doing a double-take. There was something about Elena’s eyes — her smirk and the way she expressed herself. Little mannerisms that reminded him so intimately of _her_. But Elena’s hair was too dark and her voice was all wrong. 

But for an evening, Javier could pretend. 

“ _So_ ,” Elena started, tucking a cigarette between her lips as she leaned forward to light it off of his. “Who is she?” She questioned, drawing in a breath of smoke before exhaling as she laid down on the bed beside him.

“ _What_?” 

“I’m not offended, Javi.” She said lightly with a grin, exhaling another breath of smoke as she tilted her head to look at him. “I’m _quite_ comfortable with being a… Oh, what is it called? _Ah_. A _proxy_.”

Javier huffed, clenching his cigarette between his lips as he spoke around it. “There isn’t…”

Elena laughed, “ _Hmm_. Well, you certainly said _someone’s_ name.”

His heart clenched in his chest and he looked away from her, his eyes drawn towards the window. “I came here for information. What do you know about the cartel?” He questioned, scratching at the back of his neck. 

“So there _is_ someone.” Elena sat up then, tucking her legs beneath her as she turned to face him. 

Javier shot her a look, “It’s not like _that_.” Javier insisted, leaning over to the nightstand to sit his cigarette in the ashtray. He scrubbed his hands over his face, sinking back onto the mattress. 

He had almost made a mistake tonight. For a few minutes he’d actually considered it. If Steve hadn’t been there — if things had been just a little different. He would’ve gone home with her. He would’ve happily been her rebound. But Javier knew better than falling into that shit. 

How was he supposed to roll into work Monday after _that_? 

“I don’t shit where I eat.” Javier said dryly, his eyes flickering towards Elena as he tucked an arm under his head. 

A grin spread over her lips as her brows rose upwards with amusement, “Is Javier Peña in love with his coworker?” She teased as she took another drag from her cigarette. 

“No.”

“It’s okay to admit that you’re deluding yourself, Javi.” Elena told him as she exhaled, “It’s not as though I’m going to _tell_ her.” She leaned forward, draping her bare body across him as she reached to put her smoldering cigarette beside his in the ashtray. 

Javier groaned quietly, scrubbing his hands over his face as she pulled back. “I care about her, alright? But it’s not like that for her.” He rocked his jaw slowly, grinding his teeth together. “She just got out of a year-long relationship with this CIA guy we’d all been working with.”

“So _she_ has no problem shitting where she eats?” Elena retorted with a smirk. “Sounds promising.” 

Javier shook his head, “Nah. It’s not like that.” It _wasn’t_. “It’s been two years since she started working with us. She’s a good fucking agent. Better than Murphy and I combined.” 

“I’m sure that’s _easy_ enough.” Elena teased lightly. 

“Don’t.” Javier warned, shaking his head. He couldn’t do the teasing — that was too much like _her_. The way she’d gently barb him and Steve. He loved that about her. _Shit_. 

Elena sighed and nodded, “Alright.” She reached out and rested her hand on his chest, fingers brushing over his skin lightly. “So why _can’t_ you be with this co-worker of yours?”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “She’s too good for me.” He admitted, looking away again. “You should’ve seen this asshole she was with for a year. He was a real straight-laced, pretty boy. He had that southern charm. He _fucking_ hiked!” 

“But she’s _not_ with him anymore.” Elena pointed out. “Who broke up with who?”

He hesitated, “She broke up with him.” 

“So clearly _that_ wasn’t what she wanted.” She stretched out on the bed beside him, propping her chin up on his shoulder. “Javier, what do you have to lose? If you care about her—”

He cut her off, “It’s not _like_ that. Alright? I work with her. Every _goddamn_ day.” Javier set his jaw hard. “I’d rather be her friend. I’m not gonna lose that just cause I want to fuck her.” He rested his hand over Elena’s, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “It’s not worth it.” 

Elena hummed softly, “Sounds like she means a lot to you.” 

He nodded slowly, dragging his teeth over the inside of his bottom lip. “She’s something else. It’s fucking hilarious too — when they told us this new agent was joining the team, I was fucking pissed. Steve and I had this good thing going, we didn’t need someone cramping our style.” Javier sank back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “But that first day, she just really proved herself. She was fucking remarkable.” 

“So these feelings aren’t _new_?” 

“No,” He turned his head to look at Elena, his brows drawn together. “Truth be told, I don’t know _what_ I feel. I just know I care about her.” 

“You _care_ about her enough to say her name during sex, Javi”

Javier dragged his hand over his face, sighing heavily as he felt his cheeks burn in response to her words. “Yeah. I guess I do.” He conceded, “But in my defense you…”

“What?” Elena arched a brow, “What about _me_?”

“You look like her.” He admitted.

“Excuse me?” She let out an incredulous laugh. “You’re joking, Javi.” 

He pinched at the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. “It’s not a perfect match, but…” Javier lifted her hand off his chest, moving to get out of the bed and find his jeans where they were discarded on the floor.

“You’re going to quickly become my favorite client, Javier.” Elena teased. “This is _fascinating_.” 

Javier snorted, glancing back at her over his shoulder. “Happy to entertain, Elena.” He rolled his eyes as he turned his attention back to his jeans, pulling his wallet out of the back pocket. “This is what she looks like.” He told her, passing her the picture he kept folded into his wallet.

Elena’s brows drew together as she took the picture from him. “Holy shit.” 

“Do you see it?”

She laughed, “Yeah, I see you keep a picture of her in your wallet!” She lifted her gaze to meet his, “She’s pretty.” 

A faint smile spread over his lips. “Yeah, she is.” The picture had been taken about six months after she’d started working with them. They’d wasted the last picture on the roll just to grab a shot of the three of them on their stakeout. She had her arm slung around his shoulders, leaning into his side while Steve fussed with jumping into the frame before the timer on the camera went off. 

Elena held the photo up beside her face, trying to match the expression in the shot. “Well?”

Javier nodded slowly, looking between the two. “It’s not exact, but…” He shrugged his shoulders, reaching out to take the picture back from Elena. He stared down at it, brushing his thumb over her image. “I should’ve told you.” 

“I’m not naive, Javier. I don’t believe that _anyone_ fucks me for me.” She gave him an unamused look, before she moved to drape her arms over his shoulders, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “You’re one of my better clients, as it is.” 

He chuckled quietly, curling his fingers around her arms and rubbing his thumbs over her skin. “ _Still_.” Maybe he was old fashioned, but it felt wrong. “You’re sweet, Elena.” 

She rested her chin on his shoulder, playing her fingers through his hair. “You’re quite _sweet_ yourself, Javier.” Elena told him. “I’m a little jealous this _partner_ of yours has all you wrapped around her finger and doesn’t even know.” 

Javier snorted. “Like I said. I’m not fucking it up with her.” He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Elena’s cheek. “And on that note, perhaps we should discuss what you know…” 

Elena pulled away from him. She repositioned herself on the bed, fluffing her hair so it fanned out neatly beneath her as she sank back onto the pillow. She bit down on her bottom lip, humming thoughtfully. “Trading information is a rather dangerous business, Javi… I might need a little more convincing.” 

He smirked, “Name your price.” 

She ran her thumb over her bottom lip, “Tell me more about this partner of yours.”

“ _Elena_.”

“Who else are you going to talk to about this?” She questioned, batting her lashes at him. “I don’t mind if you pretend I’m her.”

“I’m not going to.” Javier said firmly. “It was a mistake to come here tonight. I almost—“ He hung his head. “I could’ve gone home with her tonight. But I don’t wanna be rebound.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “It would’ve felt predatory. She’s pretending she’s not sad over him, but if you’d seen her… I wasn’t going to take advantage.”

“You’re a good man, Javier.”

“I’m not.”

“If you don’t want to be her _rebound_ , what do you want to be?”

Javier stared at her, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I just wanna be there for her.”

“Even as _just_ a friend?”

He nodded, “Yeah. I meant what I said. I’m not fucking this up.” As much as he _wanted_ her, he knew better than to pursue something. He wasn’t wired for what she deserved. He’d already prepared himself for her to inevitably end up with Lance for the _long_ run, but… clearly he’d misjudged that. 

“She’s lucky to have you then.” Elena said softly. “I hope she realizes how lucky she is.”

“I don’t need her to.” Javier shook his head, chewing on his bottom lip. “I’ll get over it. Whatever this bullshit I feel is.”

“You don’t just get _over_ love, Javier.”

“Yeah, I know.”

And she didn’t feel like the kind of person he could just _get over_ , either. Not when she took up so much space in his brain. Two years and he already defaulted to thinking about conversations he wanted to have with her. What stupid telenovela he’d caught last night. 

He’d missed all of that, while Lance had taken up residency in her life. It was a small victory that he’d have more of her back. God, he was a greedy fuck. 

Here he was, fucking a hooker because she looked like her, all the whole feeling pride over the fact that she’d dumped her boyfriend. 

That alone was why she deserved better than him. 

Javier really hoped, whoever she went home with tonight, realized just how lucky he was. 


	81. Kindergarten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie starts kindergarten. Set August 1998.

Six years ago this month, you and Javier had thrown reason aside. At the time, you hadn’t realized just how monumental of an occasion it was. How would you have ever guessed that one night would bring you a lifetime of joy. 

It was still surreal to think that you had a five-year-old. A bright-eyed, witty, and smart little girl who was starting kindergarten. 

Javier was _beside_ himself. He woke up an hour before the alarm went off and set up camp in Josie’s bedroom — watching her as she slept. You joined him, since you were already awake. Leaning back against his chest as he held you. 

You weren’t nearly as affected as he was. Less than a month after she was born, you were sending her down the hall to a babysitter so you could get back to work before they found a reason to fire you. You were working when she started going to preschool — leaving Javier to take her and pick her up most days. 

It touched you that Javier was so affected by Josie starting kindergarten. For all of his rough-around-the-edges exterior — he was a marshmallow when it came to his family. You’d watched him fight back tears as you rounded the final corner and parked a block down from the school. 

“Why can’t sissy go with me?” Josie questioned, looking up at Javier as she grasped tightly at his hand, walking side-by-side with him up the sidewalk path that led to the school. 

Javier glanced back over his shoulder at you and Sofía before he stopped. “Because she’s not a big girl like you are JoJo.” He told her as he crouched down to her height. “Kindergarten is for _big_ girls.”

“And I’m a big girl?”

You smiled, resting your hand on Javier’s shoulder as you nodded. “You _are_ a big girl! And in just a few years, she’ll be in kindergarten just like you.”

“Don’t remind me.” Javier grumbled quietly. “Remember everything we’ve taught you, princesa. Okay?”

“Okay, daddy.” Josie grinned. “It’s just like preschool, right?”

“Except you’ll be learning a lot more in kindergarten.” You explained. “And you have to be _extra_ good.”

“Oh!” Her eyes widened. “But I like talking, mommy. They didn’t like that at preschool.”

Javier snorted, “Yes. We are _aware_ of that. Just try to sit and listen like a big girl, okay?” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “And then I’ll pick you up and take you for ice cream.”

“You _spoil_ her.” He swatted his back lightly, before you readjusted Sofía in your arms. “I know you’re gonna do a great job, babydoll.”

“I know too.” She beamed, before she threw her arms around Javi and hugged him tightly. “Mommy?”

“Yeah?” You questioned, brows furrowed as she looked up at you. 

In her very obvious conspiratorial whisper, Josie offered, “I think daddy’s sad.”

Javier let out a strained chuckle and you rubbed your hand over the width of his shoulders. “I just can’t believe you’re already in school, JoJo. That’s all.”

Sofía kicked her legs, trying desperately to get out of your hold. She babbled, mostly nonsensical attempts at voicing her displeasure for not being able to go where Josie was going. 

“Babe,” You started, reaching out for Javier’s hand as he stood back up. “I’m gonna take her back to the car. Okay?”

He frowned, “You don’t want to see Josie off to her first day of school?”

You shook your head, “I want _you_ to have this moment, Javi.” You cupped his cheek, smiling up at him. 

Javier closed the distance and kissed you gently, “Thank you, baby.”

“I know you’ve been dreading this for… five years.” You brushed your fingers over his forehead, fluffing his hair. “Go walk your daughter to school.”

Sofía grabbed at Javier, trying to get him to take her from you. “Sorry, sunshine. Daddy’s gotta take Josie to school.” You tickled her, earning a fit of giggles, before you turned back towards Javier. “And I won’t judge you if you cry.”

“You better not.” He taunted with a grin, rubbing Sofía’s back before he looked down at Josie. “Let’s get you to class.”

As much as you might _want_ to walk her into her classroom, it wasn’t like you hadn’t already met her teacher — Ms. Bryant — at the parent-teacher night. You wanted Javier to have this special moment with his daughter.

You were still trying to make up for him not being present for her birth. Josie was his _entire_ world. These were the important memories you wanted Josie to have with her father. They were the kind that she’d hold onto forever. 

And maybe, deep down, it stirred up your own memories. You wanted Josie to have everything you didn’t have growing up. You wanted her to have those _special_ memories. 

“JoJo?” Sofía mumbled, straining to look back over your shoulder as you started towards the Jeep. 

“She’ll be home this evening,” You told her, even though you knew she didn’t really understand what you were saying. “She’s got to go _learn_.” 

Sofía seemed satisfied with that answer, trying to stick her whole fist in her mouth as she rested her head on your shoulder. 

You got her settled into her car seat, setting up the little plastic tray that sat across her seat so she could snack on goldfish while you waited for Javier to return to the car. You knew it was going to be hard on him. Which was the precise reason why you had taken the day off. You were trying, slowly but surely, to back away from your roll at the police department. 

Steve had officially parted ways with the DEA and, with his own consulting business set up, you were looking forward to partnering with him and taking a more active role Sofía and Josie. And _maybe_ you were looking at the adjunct faculty paperwork Javier had brought home for you. 

Sometimes you missed being in the field — but without Javier and Steve it would never be the same as things had once been in Colombia. You couldn’t cling to something that couldn’t happen again. 

“How about _Toy Story_?” You remarked to your daughter, glancing back at her as she pushed the goldfish around on her tray. You grabbed the cassette case from the backseat, grabbing the _Toy Story_ Read-Along tape and sticking it into the cassette player. Unlike Josie, who all the tapes were bought for, Sofía _loved_ listening to them in the car or in the nursery. 

And whatever soothed her, you were willing to try. Even still, Sofía was a difficult baby. Always on the go, even before she could walk. She started with scooting her butt on the floor, sliding herself everywhere and entirely bypassing the _crawling_ stage. 

She and Josie were night and day. 

“You like that?” You questioned as the voice on the tape started talking. You turned back around to look at her, smiling as you watched her sink back against the car seat, fumbling to get another goldfish into her mouth as she contentedly listened to the narration. 

Javier returned nearly thirty minutes into the _Toy Story_ narration, just as Sofía was starting to drift off. At least she’d take a nap when you got back to the house. He was trying to put on like he hadn’t been crying, but the distinct redness under his eyes made it _obvious_ that he had been. 

“You wanna go home?” You questioned, reaching over to take his hand into yours. 

He squeezed your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of yours as he gave a stiff nod. “I can’t believe she’s in kindergarten.” 

You exhaled slowly, chewing on your bottom lip as you studied him. “Me neither. How’d she do?”

“No tears.” He answered with a short chuckle, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “A couple of the kids from preschool are in her class. She was thrilled. Went straight over and started playing with some building blocks.” Javier sniffed quietly, “Baby, I feel like I’m gonna blink and she’s going to be off to college tomorrow.” 

“I know.” You sympathized, bringing his hand up to your lips so you could kiss each knuckle. “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think it’s going to be my first day at the DEA all over again.” You smiled softly at him. “All we can do is hope we’ve given her all the tools she needs to succeed in school.” 

“I just can’t _believe_ she’s in kindergarten.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, his gaze flickering towards the backseat where Sofía was quietly snoring with a sticky goldfish stuck to her chin. “We should take her home.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, “Javi.”

“Hmm?” He glanced back at you. 

“You’re a _really_ good father.”

Javier let out a shaky breath, “Baby, you’re gonna make me cry again.” He complained, releasing your hand so he could wipe at his eyes. “ _Shit_.”

“I’m just saying,” You started, keeping your eyes on his face. “If I could have more children, I would do it in a heartbeat, because I love how you are with our girls.” You leaned over the center console and kissed his cheek. “Guess we’ll just have to wait till we have grandkids.”

Javier gaped at you, “Baby, she _just_ started kindergarten ten minutes ago. We are not gonna talk about our baby having babies.”

You laughed, pulling your seatbelt on. “It could be worse. If we started sooner we could have a _ten-year-old_.”

“And when exactly would we have done it earlier?”

At least this had gotten him out of his funk. “I could’ve gotten behind your _vibe_ the night I bagged us Lehder.” You grinned, putting the car into reverse as you inched back, so you could out of the spot easier. “You were very… I don’t know what the right word is.”

“I was in awe of you, baby.” Javier admitted, dragging his fingers through his hair as he sank back into his seat. “You think we would’ve made it?”

You shrugged, “In my hypothetical world where we had six kids?”

“ _Six_?” He sputtered.

You snorted, “Babe. I’m just kidding.” You reached over and squeezed his thigh. “Two is plenty, thank you _very_ much.”

“Two is a handful,” He agreed, resting his hand over yours. “What would that even _look_ like?”

“Four too many kids.” You laughed quietly, staring straight ahead as you drove. “I hope you understood why I let you be the one to take Josie in.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, tapping his thumb against your fingers. “Thank you, baby.”

“You’re welcome.” You gave his leg three squeezes, before you returned your hand to the steering wheel. 

Javier leaned forward to turn _Toy Story_ down, but you shot him a look. “What?”

“She will start crying.”

“ _Really_?”

“Go ahead and test it, Javi.” You shot back. “Frankly, I was looking forward to her napping when we got home. But, go ahead.” You waved your hand dismissively. 

“What did you have in mind?”

You tilted your head to look at him as you rolled up to a stop sign. “I was contemplating a nap.” 

“A _nap_?”

“Well, the nap was going to follow a workout.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you turned to look at him.

“You don’t have to go in today?”

You shook your head, “Took off just for you.”

“You’re too good to me, baby.”

“Only because you’re good to me.” You smiled at him, before focusing on the road again. “And if she wakes up, we could take Stevie for a run and set her up in the new stroller.”

Javier pursed his lips, “We could do that while she naps.”

Your brows shot upwards, “ _Really_?”

He shrugged, “Gotta keep in shape if I plan on seeing my five-year-old give me grandkids.”

“The old man is _finally_ concerned with his health.” You punched the air with a laugh. 

“Easy there, Miss High Blood Pressure.”

“Excuse you, it’s Ms.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Alright, _Ms_.” 

“Thank you.” You smirked. “See, not so hard.”

“You should tell that to JoJo’s teacher who couldn’t fathom why you _aren’t_ Mrs. Peña.”

You scoffed, “I thought we sorted that out at the conference.”

He shrugged, “She was back at being confused about it. Don’t worry, Josie set her straight.”

“ _Oh_? She’s going to get into so much trouble.”

“She’s a carbon copy of you.”

“Well, my sass has gotten me into _so_ much trouble.” You made a face. “Did she remember the accent on Josie’s name at least?”

He nodded, “She _did_ get that right.”

You blinked twice, feeling the faint prickle of tears as you pulled into your driveway. “ _Fuck_. We have a kindergartener, Javi. It just hit me.”

“It’s fucking crazy, baby.”

Five years had slipped by in an instant. Josie had gone from newborn infant to the five-year-old who left her bike laying in the front yard after you told her twice to put it up. And that was _somehow_ the tipping point.

Another summer had slipped by. 

And Josie wasn’t at preschool for half a day. There was no rushing to pick her up. She was in school, where she’d be every day during the school year, until she was eighteen. 

And then she’d go to college and move out. 

Somehow that led you down the path about your own age and Javier’s. He’d be in his early sixties when Josie went to college. 

Before you knew it, both of your girls would have lives of your own and you and Javier would be _old_ empty nesters. 

Javier reached over and rubbed your back. “And you thought you weren’t gonna get emotional about our kid going to school.”

“Fuck off.” You laughed, wiping at your teary eyes before you slapped at his leg playfully. 


	82. Cherry Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Reader enjoy a night out with Connie and Steve. Set later summer 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Bathroom sex ‘nuff said)

“Babe,” You started, using your tongue to catch the straw, taking a sip before you sat it down on the table. “What’s your favorite color?”

Javier’s brows drew together as he leaned over to give Sofía a handful of broken up animal crackers. He pursed his lips, “It depends.”

“Helpful.” You rolled your eyes, brushing your fingers through your hair as you rested your elbows on the table. “Maybe I want to buy something _special_ …”

“Oh?” He smirked across the table at you. “Red.”

“That’s your favorite color?”

He shrugged, “You’ve got that one flannel shirt you wear.” Javier adjusted the straw in Sofía’s apple juice box, glancing back at you. “It’s red and it looks good on you.”

“I didn’t know you liked that.” You grinned a little, chewing on your bottom lip. “I don’t know if they have lumberjack chic, but I’ll check. Just for you.” You nudge his foot under the table. “You good to watch the girls for a couple minutes?”

He nodded, “Yeah, baby.” 

Josie was dipping her chicken nuggets in her Szechuan Sauce, occupied with the cassette tape she was listening to. You could take her almost anywhere, so long as she had something to listen to. 

Javier was already working on you about the Gameboy Color that was supposedly coming out around his birthday. He’d passed his Gameboy down to Josie — but she wasn’t nearly as enthralled with it as he’d hoped. She liked her cassette tapes. 

You finished your drink, rising to your feet and moving around the table to drape your arms over Javier’s shoulders, resting against his back. “Try not to pick up any women.” 

Javier snorted, turning his head to kiss your cheek. “I’m only looking to pick you up, baby.”

You grinned at him as you brushed your fingers through his hair, “You know what the _hot_ dad look does.”

“To _you_.” 

“Nice save.” You laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before you pulled away. 

“Will I be getting a show tonight?” He questioned, turning around as you took a few steps backwards. 

“ _Maybe_.” With a wink, you turned away from him and headed through the mall towards the lingerie store where you’d already bought a decent collection of intimates. 

You were looking forward to tonight. With the busyness of summer, vacations, work, and balancing everything neither of you had had much of a chance to have an evening out with the Murphys. 

Connie had been _dying_ for a night out for the past couple weeks and everything finally aligned. Monica and Nadia had agreed to watch all four girls. 

“Welcome! Can I help you find anything in particular?” The shopgirl questioned as you strolled into the store. “We have a sale on our V-String Panties.” 

You snapped your fingers and laughed, “You know… I’m not into feeling like my underwear is riding up my ass all day. But I appreciate the aesthetic.” 

She laughed brightly, “Well what _are_ you looking for? Are you shopping for yourself or a special someone?”

“Well, I’m looking for my own personal comfort… But yes, I _am_ shopping for something to entertain him.” You folded your arms across your chest, glancing around the store. “We’ve had success with everything else I’ve bought here.”

“Always happy to have a returning customer,” She offered with a smile. “If _thongs_ aren’t your style, we have a very nice collection of lacey intimates in different cuts. Boyshort, hipster, and so forth.” 

“Oh!” You hummed thoughtfully, “I suppose a boyshort cut would be nice. I’m planning on wearing this black dress of mine. It has a cute cherry print, spaghetti straps, and it lands about here.” You explained, gesturing to your mid-thigh. 

“I have _mad_ respect for you.” She told you as she guided you further into the store, towards a display of lacey underwear. “What about these?” She pointed to a pair of blue pair of lace underwear on the mannequin. 

“Does it come in red?” 

She bent down, pulling out the drawer beneath the display, “Here you are.”

“Thanks,” You ruffled through the drawer until you found a pair in your size. You could definitely see Javier enjoying these. Though, truth-be-told, he was easy to please. 

“Now, if you’re wearing spaghetti straps, you’re going to need something _strapless_.” She tapped her finger against her chin, looking around the store thoughtfully. “Oh! I know. Come with me.” 

You followed after the shopgirl, moving further towards the back of the store where there was a collection of bustiers on display. You made a mental note to return to purchase a few of the others on display — particularly a black lace up bustier that wouldn’t cover _much_. It had ribbons that were neatly placed directly over the breasts and not much else. 

“I think this should go with the panties.” The girl said, holding up a cherry-red strapless bustier. “What do you think?”

“I’m in love.” You smiled, taking the bustier from her and holding it up in front of you. It was tasteful, entirely covered cups that would actually offer a little support, and the lace descended about mid-rib. “I’ll take both.” 

“Great! I’ll ring you up.” She smiled. 

You had a feeling that Javier was going to _really_ enjoy the purchase. 

* * *

“What is your secret?” Connie questioned, holding the little straw in her drink in place as she took a sip of her fruity cocktail. 

You cocked your head to the side, “Which one?”

“How do you pull off _this_ look?” She questioned, sweeping her hand over the length of your body. “Whenever I’ve attempted the mini dress look, I end up looking like a woman in her thirties who still thinks she’s a teen.”

“I just don’t give a fuck.” You admitted with a shrug. “You know how I dress at home. Sweatpants or shorts, paired with whatever tank top is clean. At work I’m rocking a power suit.” You picked up your rum runner, taking a drink. “So when we get out — I like showing a little skin.”

Your eyes wandered towards the back of the bar, where Javier and Steve were playing pool. They needed a little _guy_ time. 

“Javier likes it, doesn’t he?” Connie questioned, curling a lock of blond hair as she leaned her elbow against the table. 

“Yeah,” You rolled your eyes. “But he also likes me in sweatpants.” You smoothed your hand over the skirt of your dress. “You should wear whatever _you_ want to wear, Connie.”

“I do!” She assured you, gesturing to her own outfit. Connie _rocked_ the mom jeans. “It’s just… Steve and I hit another dry spell and it’s driving me crazy.”

You frowned, “Shit. What happened?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted, taking another drink, before sitting it down. “And it’s not _everything_ … we just haven’t had sex. At all. All summer.”

“Okay, but if it’s not _everything_ …”

“It’s all the build up.” Connie explained. “That’s fine, that’s good. He’ll go down on me, but then seem like he’s not interested in actually _having_ sex.”

You frowned, “Have you talked to him?”

“You know how he is. He’s as bad as Javier.” Connie chewed on her bottom lip. “Steve assured me that nothing’s wrong, he’s just not really in the mood.”

“Well, if he told you he isn’t in the mood that’s probably the case.” You told her, circling your thumb around the rim of your glass. 

“My mother got me paranoid that there’s someone else.”

“Well, your mother should shut the fuck up.” You said bluntly. “If there’s one thing I know about Murphy, it’s that he’d bend heaven and hell to keep you in his life.”

“I just thought… maybe if I dressed more like you do.” She gestured to your outfit again. “Javier can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you.”

“We both have _very_ different relationships.” You sat up a little straighter. Well, now you knew why Connie had been dying for a night out. She was always more comfortable having these discussions after a couple drinks. 

“I know. But I want what you have. I want that _passion_.” Connie sighed heavily. “I just don’t understand it. Everything is _so_ good and then he just shuts down.”

“Okay.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek. “What happens after things die down? He gets you off and then what?”

“He usually says something about not really being in the mood. He’ll kiss me for a little while longer and then we’ll go to bed or get up for the day.” She frowned, “I wish I hadn’t told my mom. She’s had me stressing about this since June.”

“Have you tried making an evening of it?” You questioned, your brows drawn together. “He might be genuinely stressed with everything that’s been changing in your lives. He quit the DEA after like fifteen years.”

“We’ve been so busy this summer.” 

“Then _that_ is your problem.” You took another sip of your drink. “You’ve both been busy. I mean, at least he’s been trying to meet your needs.” You pointed out. “Props to Murph.”

Connie dragged her fingers through her hair, laughing nervously. “And what if that’s not the problem?”

“Then you talk to him.” You told her, “And maybe go see Nancy. She helped Javier and I get over our own dry spell.”

“Go buy some sexy lingerie.” You told her, glancing around to make sure no one was watching the two of you. You flipped up the skirt of your dress, showing off your red lace covered hip. 

“Oh my God!” Connie covered her mouth and laughed. “That’s gorgeous!”

You smirked at her, “I bet you Steve would lose his shit if you undressed and had on some sexy lingerie.”

“I definitely don’t have anything like _that_ in my dresser.”

“But really, you should also talk to him.” You insisted, glancing back at where the guys were. They appeared to be having a similarly serious conversation. “I’m sure he’s got his own concerns.”

“I would love to prove my mother wrong.” Connie laughed quietly, shaking her head. “She’s never really liked Steve.”

“Didn’t she stay with you guys this summer? I wouldn’t be in the mood if my in-laws didn’t like me.” 

Connie grimaced, “God, I’m glad I have you to talk me off the ledge.”

“You can _always_ call me, Connie. Or meet up for coffee. You don’t have to drink to talk sex with me.” You shrugged a shoulder, taking another sip of your drink. “Why don’t we go check on the guys?”

“Okay.” Connie finished off her drink, pausing for a second, before she slid out of the booth and followed you towards the back of the bar. 

“Having fun?” You questioned, taking a drink of your rum runner before sitting it on the ledge of the pool table, putting a little sway in your step as you approached Javier. 

Javier slid his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side, “Steve’s still shit at pool.”

“Of course he is.” You snorted, shaking your head as you set your eyes on Steve. You watched him and Connie carefully, analyzing the way they interacted with each other. Same as they always had. You leaned up to whisper in Javi’s ear, “Please tell me Steve was asking you for advice too.”

His shoulders sagged with relief, “ _Yes_. Connie too?” 

You nodded, “I figured tonight was a motivated evening.” 

Javier chuckled, “They’ll be fine.” He ran his hand over the small of your back, before his hand moved lower and he slipped it under the hem of your skirt, giving your ass a squeeze. 

“ _Javi_.” You laughed, pressing your face against his chest, snaking your arm around his waist. “Behave.”

“It’s been driving me crazy wondering what you have on under this.”

You smirked, “I think you’ll enjoy it.” You pulled away from him then, gesturing to the pool table. “Let’s get another round of drinks and play a game.”

Connie made a face, “I’m bad at this game sober.”

“That’s why it’s fun.” 

“I’ll get the drinks.” Javier said, pressing a kiss to the back of your head before he headed for the bar. 

You grabbed two cue sticks from the stand, passing one to Connie. “Good news.” You told her, “I think things are going to be just fine.”

“ _Really_?” She smiled brightly.

“What are you ladies talking about?” Steve questioned, wrapping his arm around Connie as he swung the rack in his other hand. 

“How badly team Peña is going to kick your ass.” You grinned triumphantly, taking the rack from him and moving back to the table to set up the balls. 

“Team Peña? Did ya’ll get married and forget to tell us?” Steve teased. 

“And we had a secret son and named him Stephen Murphy. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” You deadpanned. 

Javier returned with the drinks, “What did I just walk in on?” He questioned, passing you your drink. 

“I was telling Steve about our secret son.”

“Oh, right.” Javier took a sip of his whiskey. “Stephen Murphy.”

Steve looked between the two of you, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Javier questioned. 

“Just _know_ what the other was doing?”

You shrugged, tilting your head to look at Javier. “I chalk it up to eleven years of healthy banter. We’re on the same wavelength.” You bumped your hip against his, before you took a sip.

“Let me guess,” Javier scratched at the back of his neck. “Some shit about our secret marriage?”

Connie laughed, “Oh. My. God.”

You grinned, “Yep!”

“Figured.” He sat his glass down on the pool table, moving to grab his discarded cue stick. “We playing?”

“Yeah. _Yeah_.” Steve answered, exchanging a look with Connie. 

You and Javier absolutely _killed_ the Murphy’s at pool. Three rounds in and you were still the victors. Nailing pocket after pocket with ease. 

“I’m starting to think you’re cheating.” Steve remarked, looking between the two of you.

“You can’t cheat at pool, bud.” You quipped, blowing off the extra blue chalk on the tip of Javier’s cue stick. “At least not easily.”

Javier’s hand found its way under the hem of your dress again, giving your ass a playful squeeze. He was making it increasingly difficult to focus on the game. Not that you weren’t intentionally bending over to show off the hint of lace that laid beneath your skirt. 

You shot him a look, only to be met with a suggestive raise of his brows. 

“Why don’t you buy us another round of drinks.” You suggested, “You know… losers buy drinks.” 

Steve narrowed his eyes, “Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

Javier grinned, curling his arm around your waist. “Come on, Murphy. Don’t act surprised.” 

“I’m not. That’s the sad part.” He turned towards Connie, “You want another drink, sweetheart?”

“I’d like that.” She smiled hopefully, “And… maybe we could dance.”

Steve nodded slowly, “That sounds nice.”

“Come on,” You said, taking Javier’s hand into yours. “They need some alone time, anyway.”

“Yeah, they’ve got some shit to work out.” Javier agreed, following after you through the crowd, back to the hallway that led to the bathroom.

One of the bathrooms was occupied, but upon trying the second door knob you found it unlocked and empty. 

“I had this whole plan of showing off the lingerie when we got home.” You told him, watching as he locked the door behind him. “I guess I should’ve known we wouldn’t be able to control ourselves.” 

Javier arched a brow at you, “What did you think was gonna happen, baby? You wear _this_ dress and spend all night bending over…” He crowded close to you, his hands sliding up your outer thighs, until he curled his hands around your hips. “Your ass looks _divine_.” 

“You think my ass looks _divine_ in sweatpants.” You poked him in the chest, before you slid your hand up to curl around the back of his neck. 

“Maybe I just like your ass,” Javier’s hand slid around, giving your asscheek a squeeze before he swiftly smacked it. You were just this side of tipsy and entirely unable to control the yelp that escaped you. 

“It’s a pretty good ass.” You laughed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Hmm?”

You lowered your voice, leaning in close to him. “I like _your_ ass too.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Oh, fuck off.’ 

You laughed, sliding both of your arms over his shoulders as you pressed close to him. “It’s the _truth_.” You grinned, leaning up to kiss him. 

Javier’s tongue invaded your mouth, sliding over your tongue, before sweeping over the roof of your mouth. You chased after his lips as he drew back, his gaze dark with desire as he met yours. “Turn around, baby.” 

You didn’t even hesitate, turning around to face your reflection in the mirror. You glanced over your shoulder, watching as Javier worked the zipped down your spine, revealing bare skin and the cherry-red bustier that stood out against your skin. 

“Look at you.” Javier drawled out, peeling the thin fabric of your dress down your torso. He held your gaze in the mirror as you leaned back against his chest. “ _Fuck_.” 

“I thought you’d like it.” You remarked, tilting your head back to kiss his jaw. Javier was transfixed on your reflection and you watched the way his hand trailed over your ribs, tracing the lacey lines of the fabric that was wrapped around you. 

“I fucking love it.” He told you, his hands sliding downwards, pushing your dress down your hips to reveal the red lace covering your there. “You were gonna make me wait until we got back home to show me this, baby?” 

You nodded, reaching behind you to curl your fingers around the back of his head, playing with his hair. “Had to make you work for it.” You pointedly ground your ass back against him, smirking as you felt his stiffened cock. “Baby, did you bring your cue stick in here?”

Javier chuckled, the sound turning into a soft growl as he pressed his mouth into the crook of your neck. “So fucking mouthy. I should put that mouth to use.” He drawled out, cupping your jaw as he held your gaze in the mirror. He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, watching as your tongue darted out to tease it. 

“You _could_ …” You arched a brow at him. “But I think you want more than that.” You rocked back against him, “Don’t you, Javi?” 

Javier’s lips found your ear, his breath hot against your skin as he kissed you there, before dragging his mouth back down your neck. “You’re right, baby. You can’t wear this shit and not expect me to want to _fuck_ you.” 

You inhaled sharply as he roughly grabbed at your hips, holding you steady as he took a step backwards. You watched him in the mirror as his eyes raked over you. “Like something you see?” You teased, swaying your hips from side-to-side. 

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the lace, dragging them down your hips. “I like _everything_ I see.” Javier told you, crowding close to you again. He worked his hand in between you and the bathroom sink, his fingers slipping between your thighs.

You bit down on your bottom lip, rocking back against his covered cock as his fingers cupped your cunt. “Feel that?”

“ _Fuck_. Baby, you’re _soaking_ wet.” He said as he dragged his finger between your slick folds. “Goddamn it.” 

“Well someone kept eyefucking me during pool. I’m _sorry_.” You shot back with a wicked smirk as you met his gaze in the mirror. “What’s a girl to do?”

Javier abandoned his teasing, his hands moving to unzip his jeans, shoving them and his boxers down his hips. “ _Indeed_.” 

You let him maneuver you into position, arching your back as you widened your stance, knuckles going white as you clenched at the edge of the sink for support. There was very little foreplay in these scenarios. And you _loved_ it. 

The haste, the need, the desperation.

You cried out — thankful that the bar was noisy and crowded and _no one_ would care if someone was getting fucked in the bathroom. His cock filled you completely, buried within you from root to tip. 

“Watch yourself, baby.” He told you, rocking his hips forward roughly, urging you to open your eyes and _watch_ as he fucked you. “Wish you could see just how good you look on my cock.” He told you, fingers winding into your hair as he held fast to you and _fucked_ you. 

You moaned, grabbing onto the faucet as you lurched forward. “ _Javier_.” You hissed out through clenched teeth as he kept _repeatedly_ driving into that sweet spot within you. His cock hitting the deepest spots that had you seeing stars. 

Javier’s fingers curled loosely around your throat, pulling you back against his chest so you only had his arm to cling to for support as he rocked into you, burying the full length of his cock into you with every thrust. You were lost to the pleasure of it all. 

Even the way your nipples pebbled beneath the lace, the way his arm kept rubbing over them as he kept his hand securely wrapped around your throat. It was all _overwhelming_. 

“Want you to come for me.” Javier urged, his lips close to your ear as he spoke. “I want you to come for me, baby. Come on my cock.” 

Your body clenched in response to his words, your cunt tightening like a vice around his cock as he kept slamming into you. You were right on the cusp, teetering right on the edge. You could feel it throbbing deep within you, your release ready to wash through you.

“That’s it, baby.” Javier rasped out, “Want you to come for me so I can fill that pretty little pussy of yours.” He reached downwards, his fingers seeking out that little bundle of nerves just above where his cock was driving into you. “Love knowing I’m _dripping_ out of you.” 

Your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave. You cried out, the sound muffled by his hand as he wrapped it around your mouth. Your body clenched around him, but still he didn’t stop thrusting into you until he found his own release. Your cunt milked it from him, inner walls pulsing around his cock as he spilled into you. 

And only then did he slow down his pace, hips rolling languidly as he guided you both through the afterglow of your releases. Your legs shook from exhaustion as Javier pulled out of you, quick to pull the lacey red underwear back up your thighs. Putting them back into place. 

“Holy shit.” You panted out, hand to your chest as you felt your thundering heartbeat beneath your palm. “Why is bathroom sex… _so_ good?” 

“Wish I knew.” He chuckled lowly as he tucked his cock back into his boxers and zipping his jeans closed once more. It was unfair how easily he could look composed and you felt like you looked thoroughly _fucked_. Mostly because you had been. Your inner walls were still fluttering in response to just how thoroughly he’d fucked you.

Javier arched a brow at your reflection, “You good, baby?”

You nodded your head slowly, “A little out of breath.” You admitted, pulling your dress back up your body. “Do you mind?”

He stepped towards you, pulling your zipper up your back as he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck. “I like the lingerie.” He remarked, resting his hands at your hips as he propped his chin up on your shoulder — meeting your gaze in the mirror. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, laughing softly as you sank back against him with a sigh. “I’m glad.” You reached behind you, stroking his cheek lovingly. “I love you.” 

He grinned at you as he curled an arm around your waist, keeping you pressed close to him. “I love you too.” Javier pressed his lips to your cheek. “We should get back out there.” 

“Like they don’t know where we went.” You snorted, turning around in his embrace so you could lean up to kiss him. “ _Is_ everything okay with Steve?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “I love our pillow talk.” He deadpanned, giving your hip a squeeze. “Yeah, he’s good. He’s just working through some shit.”

“Well, Connie’s mother thinks he’s cheating on her.” 

He narrowed his eyes, “Connie’s _mother_ is part of the problem.” 

“I told her to talk to him.”

“ _Good_.” Javier shrugged his shoulders. “I told him the same shit. I reamed him out for letting it go on as long as he has.” 

“They’ll be okay though, right?”

“If they talk. Yeah.” He nodded. “Never thought we’d be the ones giving relationship advice.” 

“Oh how the tables have turned.” You laughed, checking your reflection in the mirror before you moved towards the bathroom door. “Personally, I think Connie’s jealous that they don’t have this—” You gestured in between the two of them. “But they’re both very…”

“Vanilla?”

“Yeah.” 

“You’ll be proud.” Javier told you, slipping his hand into yours. “I told him they should _experiment_.” Your brows shot upwards. “Don’t get too excited. I just told him they should mix it up.” 

You grinned at him, “Well that’s something. I told Connie to buy some sexy clothes.” 

“Hopefully they work things out,” He squeezed your hand tightly as you headed back out into the main area of the bar. 

You scanned the crowd, spotting Connie and Steve slow dancing to some sappy song with the rest of the couples on the dance floor. They seemed to be having a good time. And as much fun as it was to hangout with them — they needed _alone time._

“I’m gonna go close out the tab,” You told Javier as you turned towards him. 

“Yeah.” Javier nodded, releasing his hold on your hand and running his fingers down your spine. “Works for me, baby. I’ll be at the table.” 

You headed over to the bar, flagging down the bartender to close out your tab.

“Here you go.” The bartender said as he sat a drink down in front of you.

“I’m actually closing out my tab.” You explained.

“I know,” He shrugged, passing you your receipt. 

“Okay.” Your brows furrowed, following the bartender’s line of sight as a younger man approached you, settling at the bar beside you. 

_Of course_. 

“Hey there pretty thing,” The man leered, his eyes raking over your body, before meeting your eyes with a toothy grin. “Saw you playing pool over there,” He leaned a little too close to you on the bar, but you didn’t flinch. 

You weren’t about to give him the satisfaction of unnerving you. “Yeah?” You raised your brows with an unamused expression. 

“Can’t help but thinking you could do better.” He continued, “Didn’t seem like he _appreciated_ the way you blew on his cue stick.”

You snorted, “ _Wow_.”

“Just speaking the truth,” The younger man remarked, eyes flickering over you again. “I bet I could give you what you _really_ need.”

“See,” You tossed your hair over your shoulder, “Everything you just said was wrong.” You popped the cherry from the drink into your mouth. “Cause I doubt your pencil dick could fuck me like my partner just did in the bathroom.” 

He looked flummoxed by that.

You patted him on the shoulder, “Thanks for the drink. Make sure you get home before your curfew. Would hate for your mommy to worry.” And with that you headed towards Javier, sliding into the booth beside him.

“Free drink?”

You grinned at him, “It _really_ pained me to turn down the offer of sexual favors that came with it.”

Javier curled his hand around your leg, “ _Really_?”

“Didn’t seem right given what we just did.” You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, keeping your eyes on his face. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as you felt Javier’s hand curl around your inner thigh beneath your skirt. He slid his hand up higher, until his thumb dragged over your sensitive folds through the damp lace that was soaked with his come.

“We should go home.” You whispered, closing the distance so you could kiss him. “So I can give you the _full_ show.” You added as you pulled back, meeting his gaze. 

“I love the way you think, baby.” Javier grinned, brushing his nose against yours. “C’mon.” 


	83. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader pulls the trigger on the DEA article. Set in February 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Panic Attack, Recreational Drug Use (Marijuana), and Allusions to Sex.

There was no coming back from this. Hell, you’d already crossed the point of no return when Javier had handed you those files for Christmas. The DEA had made it clear that they weren’t going to take this laying down — they’d already tried to bully both of you into silence. 

And you hadn’t backed down.

They clearly hadn’t realised that you could almost die from childbirth and still come back punching harder than before. You weren’t going to let them silence you. You deserved credit for your contributions in the agency. Was that really _so_ wrong?

“And you plan to run this as a three-part series?” You questioned.

Gregory Vickers sat across from you at your dining room table. He was a well-respected journalist. He had worked for _years_ to uncover cases that were much larger than your fight against the DEA. Horrendous sexual assault scandals in the Navy. Government cover-ups. He’d made a name for himself by pursuing stories that weren’t for the faint of heart. 

Javier shifted in his seat as you passed the article towards him. Your entire career at the DEA had been reduced to a neat stack of pages that peeled back the layers on the lies, cover-ups, and ploys of intimidation that had kept you out of the public Narcos casefiles. 

“Three front page runs. March, April, May. All above the fold.” Gregory answered, folding his arms across his chest as he stared at you. “Two follow-ups either side of the April front page. I anticipate they’ll have an official rebuttal of the claims leveled.” He looked towards Javier then, before looking back at you. “Expect fallout.”

You tensed at his words, sitting up straighter. You only relaxed when Javier’s hand found yours beneath the table. He interlaced his fingers with yours, squeezing gently. “We’re ready for whatever they throw at us.” 

“You’re _certain_ your student isn’t interested in lending credence to your claims that they paid her to lie about an affair?” Gregory questioned, arching a brow at Javier then. “I’m willing to run that element, unverified, but you _know_ they’ll counter it.”

“She’s part of an at-risk demographic,” You explained to him. “I would prefer to keep her name out of this, Mr. Vickers.” 

“Well, if they bankrolled her, then the DEA knows _who_ she is.” He adjusted his glasses, before resting his arms against the table as he leaned forward. “I’m just trying to make sure you realize what _will_ happen.”

You drew in a deep breath, before exhaling slowly. Nancy had prepared you for this. She’d talked you through the process of managing your anxiety. You inhaled again. One. Two. Three. You exhaled just as slowly, focusing on the rise and fall of your chest.

Javier gave your hand three squeezes, leaning towards you to whisper, “Baby, why don’t you see if the coffee’s done _percolating_?”

“Hmm?” You questioned, turning to stare at Javier blankly. You had heard him, but you hadn’t _really_ heard what he said. The drumming of your pulse in your ears was more than a little overwhelming.

Gregory cleared his throat, “Why don’t we take a break for a couple minutes?” 

“That sounds like a damn good idea,” Javier said, knocking his knuckles against the top of the table. 

“Would you like some coffee, Mr. Vickers?” You questioned. 

“That would be lovely, thank you.” He offered you a warm smile as he nodded his head. “I’m going to take a short call in the car and I’ll be back in here in two ticks.” 

“I’ll walk you out.” Javier said, releasing his hold on your hand as he rose to his feet. He reached over, giving you shoulder a squeeze before he followed Gregory out of the dining room. You remained sitting, staring straight ahead at the wall behind where he had been sitting. 

This article _had_ to come out. Come hell or high water, you wanted the DEA to pay for all the bullshit you had to put up with. The agency was a boy’s club and as long as they kept treating it like one, people were going to get caught in the crossfire. _Women_ were going to get stuck in the crossfire. 

They had taken a “risk” on you. You still remembered the bullshit hoops you had to jump through to get the assignment. No one wanted to go to Colombia — but you _did_. You were willing to give up the comforts you had in Atlanta, the menial work you had at the DEA office, in order to go to a highly undesirable situation. 

Who knew what else was going on down there? Chris was allowed to operate, unchecked. You were almost certain you weren’t the only woman who came in contact with his misogynistic, sexist, vile bullshit. You pitied the women that weren’t in the position to call him out. 

And you were certain not every agent was like Javier when it came to getting information out of informants. You’d seen some of the redacted reports that had come out of the Mexico office. The entire DEA was filled with monsters. Omitting you from the Pablo Escobar case was the least of things. 

“ _Baby_ ,” Javier started. You hadn’t even realized he’d returned. “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” He reached out and curled his hand around your forearm, dragging his fingers up and down the length of it. “Mr. Vickers is willing to push this off for another couple of months if you want.”

“No. I want it to come out.” You met his eyes, resting your hand over his on your arm. “I can’t drag this out for another year.”

“You were a million miles away just now.” He said gently, reaching up to cup your cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m not gonna lie, there’s still… some residual stress related to this.” You gestured to the article sitting between you on the table. “But it’s gonna be okay, Javi. I think this is the sort of situation where a little anxiety is allowed.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, raking his fingers through his hair as he sank back in his seat. “I feel like my gut’s in a knot. This shit… it’s not fun.”

“Just remember, you were the one that pushed me into this. You gave me all of the tools to make this possible.” You pointed at him, before you leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Why don’t you get coffee and I’ll go check on the girls?”

“Sounds like a plan, baby.” Javier winked at you, before you both parted ways. 

“How’s it going out there?” Monica questioned as you walked into your bedroom. With the door that led out into the backyard, sequestering the girls and Stevie in your bedroom had made the most sense. If the dog needed to go out or Josie got to be too much, Monica had access to more space. 

“I had a very small episode.” You admitted, shutting the door behind you as you crouched down to pet Stevie. She barked softly, jumping up to lick at your face excitedly. “There’s my pretty girl.” You cooed, sinking down on the floor and letting her flop onto your lap. 

“ _Shit_. Are you okay?” Monica questioned, propping Sofía up on her legs as she perched on the edge of the bed. 

You shrugged, “It’s to be expected. There’s a lot of… _emotions_ tied up in this situation.” Stevie seemed thrilled with the attention you were giving her, rolling onto her side so you could reach her belly. “Mr. Vickers is great, though. He’s super understanding.”

“Did… I get brought up?” Monica questioned, glancing behind her to check on Josie who was laying on the bed listening to a Read-Along tape. 

“Yeah, but I told him you aren’t interested in having your name associated with this.” You gave her a look. “The last thing I want is your parents trying to contact you. There’s a whole world of trouble that could come from this.” 

Monica nodded her head slowly, rubbing her lips together. “I _never_ thought anything like this would ever happen to me. I still feel like an idiot for accepting the money, but I…” She bounced Sofía in her lap. “I never meant to cause you or Javier any harm. Despite what I had to do.”

“Water under the bridge.” You waved your hand. “Neither of us expect you to participate in this. It’s not your fight.” 

“I really hope this works out.” She smiled at you. “Everything you have told me about Colombia… You deserve to be there, right alongside Steve and Javier.” 

“I do.” You sighed heavily, turning your head when you heard the front door open. Through the bedroom door you could hear Javier’s muffled voice as he spoke with Mr. Vickers somewhere near the dining room. “I guess I have to go back out there.” 

She gave you a sympathetic look. “When is the article going to come out?”

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip, “From March to May.” 

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.” You pursed your lips. “It’s crazy. I’ll be a nervous wreck.” 

Monica snapped her fingers, giving you a look. “Didn’t Chucho give you a _gift_ at Christmas?”

You felt your cheeks burn with guilt. “Yep. He did.” You made a face, “I tried to broach the topic last month when the old man was lurching around because of his back.” 

“It does _wonders_ for anxiety.” Monica pointed out. 

Your lips parted to respond, but a knock on the other side of the bedroom door startled you. “Baby?”

“I’m coming!” You called back, giving Stevie one more pet before you peeled yourself off the floor. “Maybe I’ll give it a try tonight.” You told Monica as you opened the door.

“Try what?” Javier questioned, his brows drawn together as you met his eyes.

“Weed.” You answered as you moved past him, pulling the door shut behind you. “Don’t look so scandalized. I’ll call your father.” 

“That is the _first_ time you’ve threatened to get my father involved in a conversation.” Javier snorted. 

“We both know I’m his favorite.” You winked at him, walking side-by-side with him as you headed into the dining room where Mr. Vickers was waiting for you. “I’m so sorry for the wait.”

“Take all the time you need. I understand.” He assured you, offering a kind smile. “You’ve been put through an extraordinary situation. You’re allowed to need time.”

“I want this article to run.” You said firmly, gesturing to your copy of the article. “And whatever you need moving forward, I’m ready to deal with it.” 

“You’re a strong woman.” 

“I have three daughters.” You stated. “I’m doing this for them.” 

Gregory rose to his feet, extending his hand to you, “I’m proud of you for coming forward. It’s not easy.”

You shook his hand, “You’ve been great. I hope this is beneficial to your career. We need more journalists who are willing to go after these entities.” 

“It’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can assure you of that.” Mr. Vickers told you. “I’ve already received feelers for a much larger case. You’re the lynchpin.” 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, pressing his lips to the side of your head. “She’s a goddamn marvel.” He said, before he shook Mr. Vickers hand. “Thank you for this.” 

“I’m glad you reached out.” Gregory offered. “If only there were more men who were willing to speak up about what goes on around them.”

“I’m not a hero,” Javier insisted. “It was the right thing to do. I only wished I spoke up sooner about some of the bullshit that went on down there. It’s easy when there aren’t eyes on you to get away with murder.” 

He nodded his head, “You’re onto something there, Mr. Peña.” Gregory looked towards you then, “Again, what you’ve done is incredibly brave. We’ll keep in touch as this progresses forward.” 

* * *

You were going to have to call Chucho tomorrow to thank him for his Christmas gift. It had done _wonders_ to help ease all the tension you felt in your body.

In fact — what even _was_ tension? You held the smouldering joint between your fingers and took another deep inhale, turning your head as you exhaled. 

Javier definitely needed to give this a try. He’d forget he ever had pain if he’d just… smoke some marijuana. He could get away with it. 

After all, he was a hot professor hell bent on teaching his students how to dismantle the government from inside. _Inside_.

You snorted at your own thoughts. You sat the joint down on the plate you’d brought outside with you. You hadn’t had an ashtray in your house since… well, since you’d moved to Miami. 

How had that been so long ago? Josie was almost five! Sofía was almost one. 

Oh God, you were getting old. 

But happy. _Really_ happy. 

You leaned forward on your elbows, smiling to yourself as you looked around your backyard. 

Once upon a time, you wouldn’t have been able to wrap your head around having a house. You’d pretty much convinced yourself you’d live in apartments — _alone_ — for the rest of your life. And then there was Javier

“Baby?”

_Shit_. 

You fumbled with the joint, trying to hide it, but instead you accidentally burnt your hand. “Fuck! Hi. Are the girls asleep?”

His hands went to his hips, “They _are_. What are you doing?” Javier approached the picnic table with a curious look. “Are you smoking?”

“No—“

“What the fuck? I thought we both agreed to quit when Josie was born.”

“You need to bring it down… to a two, my love.” You waved your hand dismissively. “You’re killing my buzz.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He moved closer, picking up the joint and sniffing. “Weed? Really?”

You shrugged, “I _am_ your father’s favorite.”

“I thought you were joking!” 

You moved to kneel on the bench so you were almost eye-level with Javier. “You need to _hush_. I’m having a moment.” You cupped his cheeks and kissed him soundly on the mouth. 

“ _Baby_ ,” He urged as he pulled out of your grasp. “You are high.” Javier’s brows pinched together as he met your gaze. 

Your eyes wandered and you laughed warmly. “So what if I am?”

“Oh my God.” He shook his head, keeping a hand at your hip. “How long has this been going on?”

“An hour?” You frowned. “Do you mean the weed or do you mean how long I’ve been crazy about you?”

His brows shot upwards, “Alright, come on. I think I’m gonna need to tuck you in too, baby.”

You giggled, “You can tuck right into me.”

Javier rolled his eyes, “ _Really_?” 

“You should get high too!” You grabbed at the front of his shirt, toying with the buttons. “You would love it. It’s so liberating.” You grinned at him, “There’s enough left.” 

“I’m _not_ smoking marijuana.”

“Your back won’t bother you. Your knees won’t bother you.” You danced your fingers up his chest, curling your hand around the side of his neck. “And then we can have a little _fun_. If you get what I mean.”

“You’re high. The only thing we’re going to do is get you to bed, baby.”

“But I’m horny.”

Javier’s jaw clenched tightly. “Bed. To sleep.” He convinced you to get off the bench, but not before you snatched up the joint and put it out. “When did my father give this to you?”

“Christmas.” You told him, tucking the joint back into the tin box he’d given to you. “He thought you might be willing to try it.”

“Not happening.”

“Even if it’ll make you feel better?”

“It’s illegal.”

You wheeled around then, hands on your hips. “I swear to God, if you try to flush my weed down the toilet I’ll…”

“You’ll what?”

You blinked, “I have no idea where I was going with that. _Huh_.”

“I’m not going to do anything to your weed.” He assured you, holding out your hand for him to take. “C’mon.”

“So sex is definitely off the table?”

“Yes, because you’re high.” Javier huffed, letting go of your hand as you wandered into the bedroom. “You’re going to bed.”

“I don’t _want_ to sleep. I feel good. I’m gonna enjoy it.” You told him firmly, ducking into your closet to stow your stash, before you headed back into the bedroom.

Javier looked _so_ disappointed. It was hilarious — so hilarious, in fact, that you started laughing. 

“Your mustache looks funny when you frown.” You teased, moving towards him. You reached out and petted your fingers over his mustache, giggling again. “I love it.”

“ _Bed_.”

“No.” You mimicked his voice, hands on your hips. “You’re such a killjoy sometimes, babe. We could be having so much fun right now. But instead you’re all.” You dramatically pouted.

“Will you at least lay down?”

You rolled your eyes, looking over at the bed. You considered it for the moment. “ _Maybe_.” You looked back at Javier then. “Are you sure you’re not ‘in the mood’?” You questioned.

Javier arched a brow, “When have you ever used air quotes?” 

“Five seconds ago.” You shot back with a smirk, moving closer to him again. “Come on Javi… You know it would be fun.” You ran your hands up his chest, before resting them on his shoulders. “You should _really_ try it. I feel so good. Like I could just float up off the floor.” 

“As tempting as it might be, I’m gonna have to say ‘no’, baby.” He gave your hip a squeeze, “Okay?”

“ _Fine_.” You sighed dramatically. “But you’re going to have to leave.”

“Excuse me?” 

“I told you. I’m horny.” You poked him in the chest as you pulled away from him, heading over towards the nightstand. “And if you’re not going to put out, I’m gonna have to break out _ye olde trusty_.” 

“You are… _ridiculous_.” He chuckled, unable to hide his amusement. “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

“Is that how this works?” You questioned, pulling the hot pink vibrator out of the box, turning back towards him then with an amused grin. “If I want something, I get it?”

“Nice try. _No_.” He shook his head. 

You pointed at him with the toy, waving it around for emphasis. “Javier, you’re no fun!”

“I’m _plenty_ of fun, baby.” He deadpanned, hands on his hips as he watched you move towards the bed. 

“I beg to differ. You’re a grumpy old man.”

“Yeah, but you love me.” 

You flopped back onto the bed, “Do I?”

“ _Ouch._ ”

“I’m not loving that you’re killing my buzz. _Buzzkill_.” You pouted as you sat up and looked at him. “Don’t you want to _feel_ better?”

“I feel fine.”

“That wasn’t you complaining this morning about your back?” You arched a brow. “And your shoulder — totally fine, right?”

“Marijuana is illegal.”

“It’s _illegal_ for Monica and Nadia to get married.” You pointed out, sitting the toy aside on the mattress. “And yet you don’t think _that_ is wrong.”

“You’re not allowed to make valid points when you’re high.” Javier shook his head. “Alright, so _some_ illegal things are fine.”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Isn’t that why you keep me around?” You pursed your lips as you stared at him. “Are you _sure_ I can’t convince you to smoke?”

He shook his head slowly. “Maybe another day.”

“But not a hard _’no’_?”

Javier relented, “Yeah. Maybe I’ll try it some other day. But one of us had to be sober in case something happens with the girls.”

“ _Oh_. That’s smart,” You nodded. “You’re a good dad.”

“I do my best.” Javier approached the bed, sitting down beside you. He reached over and took your hand into his, lifting it to his lips to kiss each knuckle. “I’m sorry this bullshit with the article has you stressed.”

“It’s not—“ You cut yourself off. “It’s just a lot.”

“I wish I had known. Before all of this.” He sighed heavily. “So much fucking bullshit.”

“Javier,” You leaned towards him and rested your cheek on his shoulder. “Don’t kill my buzz.”

He chuckled, resting his hand atop your thigh. “Sorry, baby.”

“I should’ve told you I was gonna smoke.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “But I didn’t want you to stop me.”

“You’re an adult.” Javier remarked, “You can do whatever you want. Even if it’s illegal.”

You nudged your elbow into his ribs, “Fuck off.” A soft giggle escaped you as you curled your arms around his middle. You shifted on the bed so you could throw your legs over his lap. “Hold me.”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice, baby.” He chuckled, curling his arm around your waist. Javier took that as an opportunity to scoot back on the bed so you were at least, somewhat near the head of the bed. 

“Can you imagine if we were both high?” You questioned, stretching out so you could all but lay on top of him. You were actually kinda sleepy. “This is a nice pillow.”

Javier rubbed his hand down the length of your back, “You’re _ridiculous_.”

“But what if we were both _high_?” You poked him in the chest. 

“Quit poking me.” He laughed, grabbing your hand. “I don’t know… What do you think I’d be like high, baby?”

“Well, I hope you’d be willing to _fuck_ me then. Because I bet sex is great when you’re high.” You sighed contentedly, enjoying the feel of Javier’s hand as he ran his hand up and down your back. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this calm. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out.” Javier told you, tilting his head to press a kiss to the top of your head. “Baby, you’re drool— _Nevermind_. Go to sleep.”

You mumbled something to yourself that you weren’t even certain of. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

You let that weightless feeling pull you under into the most blissful, stress-free, night of sleep you’d ever experienced. 


	84. Girl's Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a girls night with Connie and Monica. Set in September 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussions about cancer, abusive parents, toxic family (illusions to racism and homophobia)

You knew something _had_ to be up. The girl’s night had been _your_ idea, but Connie had seized on it without hesitation. Steve and Javier would watch the girls at your house — and play PlayStation — while you and Monica would come get wine drunk at the Murphy’s. 

Connie seemed to be in great spirits for most of the evening. Conversation mostly focused on how the girl’s were doing in school, where you saw your career going, and Connie complaining about working double shifts at the hospital.

And _that_ was when the conversation veered in a different direction. 

Connie topped off her wine glass, only to chug it down like a champ. 

“Uh-oh.” You took a sip of your own wine, before sitting your glass aside. “Connie, what’s wrong?”

Just a week ago, Javier had _assured_ you that things would be fine with them. Whatever their problem was, it wasn’t as serious as Connie feared that it was.

Monica looked warily between the two of you, “Should I be nervous?”

“ _Probably_.” You shot back, before keeping your focus on Connie as she leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table. 

“Steve had a cancer scare.”

“Oh my God.” Monica covered her mouth.

You just stared, “Just a _scare_?”

She nodded, “It happened _months_ ago. In May!” Connie pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes. “I’m so fucking mad at him I could spit. But I’m relieved. I just can’t believe he wouldn’t _tell_ me.”

“Wait… rewind. When did you find out?”

“Monday.”

“ _Shit._ ” You frowned. “I’m gonna kick his ass into 2020.”

Connie laughed bitterly. “He didn’t want to _scare_ me. That was his excuse at first.”

“At first?” Monica frowned. “Why is it such a _man_ thing to hide shit from their partners? I don’t get it.”

“It’s all about their ego,” You explained. “What kind? I mean, Javier and Steve smoked like freight—“

“Testicular.” Connie answered bluntly and Monica choked. “I guess, in May he found a growth on his left testicle and—“

“Please spare me the details.” Monica groaned, sinking back in her chair. “I don’t want to hear about Steve’s _testicles_.”

You snorted quietly, trying to keep from laughing at Monica’s utterly scandalized expression. “But he didn’t tell you? I mean… that would explain the whole…” You gave Connie a look as you gestured vaguely. 

“ _Mhm_. I’m just so pissed off.” Connie admitted. “He lied about a trip he took back in May. I can’t even believe it. He just lied! He went to Tampa to see a doctor outside of my hospital network so I wouldn’t… I don’t know. I don’t get his logic.”

“He’s a man. Don’t expect logic.” Monica pointed out. 

“She’s not wrong.” You shrugged. “But, holy shit. Why wouldn’t he just tell you?”

“My mother.”

_Oh_. Shit. 

Connie’s voice grew quieter, her eyes shining with tears. “After all of my struggles with pregnancy, after all the tests, the infertility treatments, after _everything_ — she still blames Steve.” She lowered her gaze, quickly wiping a tear away. “And with her being with us most of the summer, Steve just… I guess, In his defense, he was afraid this would give her ammo.” 

“Connie, sweetie…” You rose from your seat and moved around the table to sit beside her. You wrapped your arms around her and pulled her to you, rubbing her back. 

“He lied. To my face. For months.” Connie mumbled, her voice muffled as she covered her face. “That’s why he couldn’t get it up. All summer, all my attempts to initiate and he was so _stressed_ about lying that he couldn’t even perform.”

“I’m going to grab…” Monica looked around nervously. “Chips? Salsa? Something other than this conversation?”

Connie laughed, “I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t apologize.” Monica made a face. “I’m just gonna go sit and watch TV until _this_ conversation is over.”

“I’ll call you when it’s over.” You assured her as Connie pulled back, sniffling and wiping tears away. “Did Steve tell you all of this on his own or…?”

“It was _horrible_.” Connie told you gravely. “I took your advice, I bought this really cute black teddy. I made us dinner, the girls were out of the house.”

“ _Fuck._ ” You grimaced, “Connie, I’m so…”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “It made him finally admit to everything. Full-on nervous breakdown. I guess he hated how things had been because of this secret. It was bad. It was good. He cried, which… I haven’t seen him do in _years_.”

“Are you… I mean, are you guys okay or…” You almost didn’t want to know. Steve and Connie were such an ever present force in your lives. They had always had their rocky moments, but at the end of the day they always managed to find solid ground.

“I asked him to sleep in the guest room.” Connie admitted to you, pulling herself out of your embrace as she reached for the wine bottle and poured herself another glass.

“Do you mind telling me what happened?” You questioned lightly, reaching across the table to grab your discarded glass of wine, taking a short sip of the drink. 

Connie inhaled shakily, “Well… I had Monday night off so I arranged for the neighbours to watch the girls for us. Admittedly, Steve was a little anxious during dinner. In hindsight, I realize that he might’ve been… I think he was planning on telling me already.” She frowned, rubbing her thumb over the crease between her brows as she stared down at her wine glass. 

“I had _no_ idea. If I had known the truth was something like this, I would _not_ have encouraged you to try to romance him.” You wondered if Javier had known what was going on. He _had_ to. He’d been so certain that things would be fine, so long as Steve talked to her. 

“It’s… probably for the best.” Connie shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, don’t get me wrong… I’m relieved that he _doesn’t_ have cancer, but the way he went about it. I’ve never been so pissed at him.” 

“Not to play devil’s advocate, but…” You pursed your lips. “I know how much Steve hates your mother. I mean, I know it’s a mutual emotion, but… Can you really blame him for wanting to keep it quiet? Not for months, that’s… _shitty_. But you weren’t going to kick your mother out.” 

You knew _both_ sides of the story of Connie’s mother — Ethel Gibson. You had met her a handful of times since moving to Miami and the picture Steve and Connie had painted hadn’t been far off the reality. She was a fiery woman, daughter of Irish immigrants, and forged by the coal mines of Appalachia. She was one of twelve children, mother to nine, and devoutly religious. She _deeply_ resented Steve because he whisked Connie off the mountain without marrying her first. In fact, they hadn’t married until they moved to Miami after they’d both completed college. 

And in all those years, Ethel would’ve been fine with their _sinful_ lifestyle, if Connie had only given her a grandchild. Just one. 

Last year, when Ethel came to visit, Connie had called you tears because her mother had cruelly told her that God had cursed them for living in _sin_ for so many years. That they would never have _real_ children because they had done everything wrong. 

Despite how toxic her mother was, Connie hadn’t quite figured out how to sever that connection. Ethel was useful during the summer, when everyone was working. But she was a hateful old hag. 

Connie swept another tear off her cheek as she turned to look at her, “I just can’t believe the lengths he went to hide this. A fake business trip, going outside of our insurance, and then _months_ of making me feel like something was wrong.”

“Want me to kick his ass? Cause I will.” You smiled a little at her. “I mean, he _did_ try to take care of your needs — right?”

She nodded her head slowly, “I do get it.” Connie chewed on her bottom lip as she ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. “I just hate how he went about this. I could’ve been there for him. I mean how would you feel if Javier pulled this shit?”

“There would be a surreptitious rose bush in the backyard.” You answered without hesitation. “Maybe a new concrete patio.”

“ _Exactly_!” Connie shook her head then. “I don’t want to stay mad at him. I really do get why he did it. If my mother caught wind that he had something wrong with his testicles, it would just further fuel her hatred for him. It would be _his_ fault that I’m… barren.”

You reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’re an _amazing_ mother to two little girls who think the world of you, Connie. Olivia and Emily love you both, no differently than my girls love us.” 

“I know. I _know_.” She squeezes your hand back. “I can’t believe I let her convince me that Steve was cheating! And the reality was that he just couldn’t get it up because he had been _lying_ to me.”

“I think you should let him out of the doghouse. Maybe not tonight since you are teetering on the edge of being white girl wasted when he gets home.” You sat the bottle of wine of her reach. “But I think he punished himself all summer.”

“I agree.” Connie gave you a look. “He said Javier was pretty pissed off at him for how he handled things.”

“Javier _knew_?” You glowered. “I guess the boys are allowed to keep _some_ secrets.” _That_ was going to be a discussion you had with Javier when you got home. 

Connie wiped at her eyes again, sinking back into her chair with a heavy sigh. “I spent all summer thinking something was wrong with _me_. All summer! I just couldn’t figure out why everything felt _fine_ , but he… It’s so stupid. I’m so pissed off that he put me through this, but equally pissed that I _get_ it.” 

“I know this isn’t an easy conversation to have,” You started cautiously, chewing on your thumbnail as you stared at Connie. “But I think it might be time to cut your mother off.” 

Connie started to cry again and your heart clenched as you watched her break down beside you. 

“Alright, come on. Get up. We’re gonna go into the family room with Monica and have this conversation.” You urged, giving her arm a squeeze as you encouraged her to get up out of her chair. “No more wine.” 

“You’re no fun.” 

“I get it from Javi.” You shot back, guiding Connie into the family room. 

“Are we done talking about Steve’s balls?” Monica questioned, brows drawn together as she met your eyes. “Shit, Connie. Are you okay?”

“Some tough love is about to happen.” You told her flatly as Connie sat down in the middle of the sofa, you and Monica on either side. 

Monica scooted closer and gave Connie’s shoulder a squeeze, “Do I need to get the wine?” 

“No,” Connie shook her head. “No, she was right. I need to stop. Getting drunk isn’t going… It’s just hard.”

You tucked your legs beneath you, turning on the sofa to face Connie. “I know.” You rubbed your lips together as you mulled over what the right words to say _were_. Turning your back on a parent was difficult — no matter how terrible they were. But sometimes, it had to be done. Especially when it’s a detriment to your own wellbeing. Or, in this case, your relationship. It was time to cut the ties. “How long have you and Steve been together?”

Connie brought her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she rested her chin on her knees. “Twenty-two years.” 

“In those twenty-two years, has _Ethel_ ever said anything kind towards her son-in-law?”

She shook her head, “Unless you consider the handful of times she’s complimented him on his hair cut.”

“Well, that’s weird.” Monica laughed. “Is that the only nice thing she has to say?”

Connie rolled her eyes, “Most likely. She’s _never_ liked him.” 

“We could always start a girl gang of women who hate their parents.” Monica suggested, which made Connie laugh. “I’m serious. Nadia makes these really cool pins.” She leaned over the side of the sofa, grabbing her jean jacket and showing off the pins on her lapel. 

“I might just take you up on that.” Connie quipped, before she leaned against you with a dramatic sigh. “I can’t believe Steve felt like he needed to hide a _cancer_ prognosis, out of fear of my mother. If he had just told me… I would’ve stood by him. I wouldn’t have let her use it.” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Monica pointed out, “Even if you stand up to them, they’re not going to change. They’ll always find a way to cut you down.” She shook her head slowly, “My parents always suspected I was queer. It’s why they hit me. But when I was in high school, I convinced a friend of mine — he was _so_ nice — to date me. Just to try to control the situation.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, lips drawn thin as she spoke. “But that wasn’t good enough for them. He wasn’t good for me. He wasn’t who they wanted me with. It was all about control.” 

“You know my history,” You told Connie with a heavy sigh. “If I hadn’t cut her off, I wouldn’t be where I am today.” 

Connie nodded her head, “You’re both right.” She wiped at her cheeks, exhaling shakily. “She never wanted me to leave the hollow. She wanted me to live the same life she did. In a tiny house, married to some coal miner or a long-distance truck driver. _Miserable_ and bitter like her.” 

“She wanted to control you.” Monica stated. 

“She acted like she was going to die when I told her I was leaving with Steve,” Connie recalled. “He got into college — just on the other side of the mountain. Less than a day’s drive in good weather. We’d only been dating for a couple months, but he knew I hated it there. I felt like _shit_ for weeks because my mother acted like she was just going to lay down and die because I’d betrayed her. But I wanted more. I wanted to go to school for nursing. I wanted to live in a _real_ town and not the side of a mountain. She’s never forgiven me for that.” 

“I’ll punch her in the face if you want me to.” You remarked with a short laugh. “I’ve been wanting to since she made you cry last year. She’s a _bitch_ and frankly, we both know what her real issue is with the girls.”

Monica gave you a look, “It was painfully obvious.” 

“And look, you don’t have to make it a big deal.” You reminded Connie. “You keep contact limited. You can send Christmas cards and birthday cards — but you don’t make time to call her. You don’t welcome her into your home and you don’t visit her. If you want another twenty-two years with Steve, that’s just how it’s going to have to be.”

“I know.” She sank back against the sofa, looking up at the ceiling. “I hate this. I really do. She has always been a thorn in the side of our marriage the _entire_ time. I feel so bad for Steve. He’s _never_ said a mean thing to her or about her.” 

“Steve’s a saint, but he’s not off the hook for lying to you.” You reminded her. “But go easy on him. He didn’t do it maliciously.” 

“I think… I’m going to call him.” Connie scooted to the edge of the sofa. “Are you both good to go home?”

“I just have to call a cab.” 

Monica checked her watch, “Nadia can be here in like fifteen to pick me up.” 

“Thank you both.” Connie slung her arms around both of you, pulling you towards her. “I really needed this. I _really_ needed this.” 

“I’m just glad you and Steve are going to be okay.”

She nodded, “And we will be. We will.” 

You felt _terrible_ for them. But relationships had ups and downs. It was just important that you came out on the ups, rather than the downs. 

* * *

“So you knew about Steve’s balls.” You stated as you rolled onto your side towards Javier. The bedroom was dark, but you could almost imagine his expression just from the huff he let out. “ _Well_?”

“Interesting choice of pillow talk.” Javier remarked as he rolled onto his back, reaching out beneath the covers to grab your leg. He gave it a squeeze, sighing heavily. “Yeah, he told me at the bar last week.”

“So you _just_ found out.” 

“Yeah.” He rubbed his thumb over your skin. “I hear he’s sleeping in the guest room. I told him he fucked up. Lying to her for _how_ many months?”

You reached down and rested your hand over his, “I think she’ll let him back in her bed tonight. We talked it through.” 

“And the prognosis?”

“He fucked up by lying, but she recognized that he was just trying to keep the peace.” 

“He’s scared shitless, baby.” Javier told you. “I’ve never seen him so on edge before. She blew up Monday night.” 

“Well, she didn’t know what she was in for. She cooked dinner, bought a fancy teddy, and…”

“He regrets the ‘ _I need to talk_ ’ shit he pulled.” 

“He should!” You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “He is such a sweetheart, but he’s as smart as a box of rocks sometimes.” 

Javier chuckled, “What can you expect? He shoots skeet. For fun.” 

You snorted, “He’s deeply flawed.” 

“You think they’re gonna figure things out?”

“I hope so.” You shifted closer to him, draping your arm over his chest as you rested your cheek on his shoulder. “She’s gonna cut off her mom.” 

“Fuck Ethel.” 

“ _Seriously._ ” You curled your leg around his, resting it in between his thighs. Trying to get closer to him. “I feel bad for both of them, honestly. I understand _why_ Steve did what he did, but… He shouldn’t have left Connie in the dark for so long.”

“I don’t think he planned to,” Javier admitted, running his hand over your forearm. “For what it’s worth, Steve told me he had planned to tell her once he found out whether he had cancer or not. One of the girls got sick — remember the stomach flu that went around? Connie was stressed, he’d just come back from his trip, and he put it off. Then Ethel came and…”

“Now it’s September.” You added, lifting your hand up to cup his cheek. “If you ever think you’re sick… please tell me.” 

Javier tilted his head and brushed his lips against yours. “I’d want you right there beside me, baby. I don’t know how Steve managed to get himself up to Tampa and let them remove his whole _fucking_ testicle.” 

“They removed the whole thing?” You gaped at that. “Connie acted like it was just a biopsy. Holy shit, no wonder he hasn’t wanted to have sex!” 

“Yeah, it’s a whole… _thing_.” Javier snorted. “I’ve heard more about Murphy’s balls than I ever wanted to.”

“Monica was _scandalized_ by our discussion on Steve’s balls.” 

“That poor child.” Javier chuckled. “Did she have fun?”

“She bragged about how excited she was for your Social Policy Analysis class.” 

“I think she’s the only one excited about it,” He sounded quite pleased with that. “Everyone else was grumbling about having to turn in a two-hundred page policy.” 

“That class is _only_ going to be fun because of me.” You pointed out. “Which one of us secured City Hall for your class?” You couldn’t wait to hear Monica get up at a council meeting and argue for her policy reform. 

Javier snorted, “When are you gonna start teaching yourself, baby?”

You traced your finger over his nose in the darkness, “Next semester.” 

“Wait, really?”

“I haven’t turned anything in yet, but… I think I’m going to do it. Honestly, I miss working with you.” You admitted. “I’ll still help Steve, as promised… But, I’ve had so much fun helping you with the Policy class.” 

Javier curled his arm around you and pulled you into his chest as he rolled onto his side. “Best fucking news I’ve had all week.” 

You laughed quietly, nuzzling into his throat. “I thought you’d be happy about it.” 

“My office is plenty big enough for you to set up your own desk in there.” 

“I can’t sit on your lap?” You laughed as you pressed kisses along his neck. “ _Damn_.” 

He gave your ass a playfully squeeze, “Only when the door’s shut.” 

You were seconds away from sliding your hand down between your bodies when you heard the creak of your bedroom door and the quietest little voice whispering. 

“Mommy? Daddy?”

Javier sighed quietly as he released his hold on you, rolling over and turning the bedside light on. “Hey, princesa. What’s up?”

“I had a nightmare.” Josie said quietly, rubbing at her eyes.

“Well, what are you doing over here?” You questioned, “Come here, baby girl. Get in bed with us.” 

Josie didn’t need to be told twice, she pushed the bedroom door shut behind her and bounded her way onto the bed with you. Javier picked her up, despite his bad shoulder, tossing her up in the air a little before settling her down on the bed between the two of you. 

“What was the bad dream, sweetheart?” He questioned. 

“I was all alone!” Josie said, quite dramatically, clinging to your hand. “It was dark and scary… And there were these creepy sounds and… a witch cackling!” 

“Did you leave your Halloween sounds cassette on?”

“ _Maybe_.” Josie said innocently. 

“Babydoll, you can’t listen to those at night.” 

“Uncle Steve wanted to hear them before he left! He thought they were funny.”

You rolled your eyes, “Then we’ll just have to bill Uncle Steve for the nightmare tax.” 

“The nightmare tax?” Josie questioned, wide-eyed as she looked up at her father. 

Javier nodded his head, “The nightmare tax. Now Uncle Steve will have the nightmares and you won’t.” 

“I bet he’s having nightmares tonight.” You interjected with a wry laugh. 

“Oh.” Josie hummed thoughtfully. “So I won’t have anymore bad dreams?”

“Well, surely not with your big strong daddy here to scare away the bad dream monsters.” You remarked, reaching around behind Josie’s head so you could play your fingers through Javier’s hair. “We’ve got you kiddo, don’t worry.” 

“I love you mommy.” Josie said, rolling over and clinging to you.

You wrapped your arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I’ve got you, babydoll.” 

“Lights out?”

“Lights out!” Josie cheered.

Javier shut off the light, rolling onto his side and draping his arm across Josie and you. He curled his hand around your hip, his thumb rubbing a small circle there. “Good night.” He whispered in the darkness. 

“Nighty-night daddy.” 


	85. Summer Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader wakes Javier up. Set in summer 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (somnophilia, blowjob, vibrator, multiple orgasm, and actual sex. Squint and you’ve got squirting and cock warming too)

Javier was sprawled out on his back beside you on the bed. You weren’t the least bit ashamed by the fact that you had been laying there watching him sleep. 

Uncharacteristically, you had woken up _before_ him for once. And you happened to be pretty fond of the view. His shaggy hair fell against the pillow beneath him, his scruffy cheeks looking positively _sinful_ in the early morning light. 

There was something you just… _really_ loved about that scruff. It suited him, even if it was a little patchy. And there was _so_ much grey mixed into it these days. He was getting old on you — but then again, so were you. At least you got to age together. 

Your eyes wandered over his face, down his chest, following that dark stripe of hair that dipped beneath his sleep pants. 

A throb of desire settled low in your belly, as you studied that subtle bulge in his pants. Yesterday had been too busy — you’d gone to the pool with Monica and Nadia. By the time you got home, got the chlorine cleaned off the girls, made dinner, and entertained your guests — you were both _wiped_. 

You moved very carefully, sliding down the bed as quietly and swiftly as possible, stretching out lengthways on the bed at his hip. Your gaze flickered to his face, watching him with rapt attention as you ghosted your fingers over his soft bulge. You teased him gently, stroking him through the fabric of his sleep pants. You could feel him harden beneath your touch — drawn awake by your attention. 

Biting down on your bottom lip, you popped the button on the front of his shorts, using the newly opened slot to draw his cock through it. 

Your fingers dipped back under the fabric, fingertips playing over his balls as you watched his cock rise to attention. 

A sound rose up from the back of Javier’s throat and you paused your pursuit, looking towards his face then. He was still sound asleep, though you had a feeling his dream had become a rather _good_ one. 

You curled your fingers around the base of his cock, holding him steady as you leaned over him. You flicked your tongue out over the tip of his cock, lapping up the glistening bead of come that had gathered there. 

Again, Javier made another sound — but seemed none the wiser as you spit onto his cock and pumped your fingers over his length to spread it over his skin. 

As much as you loved waking up with Javier’s face between your thighs and his tongue buried in your cunt… you loved waking him up like this. You _loved_ wrapping your lips and around his cock and taking the length of him into your mouth until he was pressed into the back of your throat. 

You still recalled just how _thrilled_ he had been the first time you woke him up like this. The look on his face? There was nothing better. 

Well, except maybe the way he looked when you fucked him. _That_ — that was good. 

Javier groaned again, hips lifting up off the bed as your mouth engulfed him. You hollowed your cheeks and pressed your tongue against the sensitive underside of his cock as you slid your mouth over his length. 

Your eyes flickered upwards, amused to see that his features remained peaceful — unbothered by what you were doing. For _now_. You leisurely dragged your lips over him, taking him in until the head of his cock hit the back of your throat and you tears spring to your eyes. 

Again and again you took him in, your tongue swirling around the solid length of his cock. Javier remained asleep right up until the _very_ end. And then — all at once — he was awake. 

Javier’s fingers sank into your hair, pulling roughly until just the tip was within the reach of your lips. You swept your tongue out teasingly, looking up at him from beneath your lashes. “ _Baby_. Fuck—“

You sucked on just the tip of him, tongue teasing over the weeping head. He was so close — even like this you could see it in the blown-eyed look your eyes met. 

“Let me.” You told him, pressing your hands against his hips as you ignored the twinge of pain from his grip in your hair, lowering your mouth back down onto his cock. You took him in until you nearly gagged, his cock pressed to the back of your throat. 

You inhaled deeply through your nose, before you started moving over the length of his cock, working him straight to the edge of oblivion.

His grip tightened in your hair a split second before he came, his hot seed hitting the back of your throat and spilling over your tongue. 

Javier looked _gorgeous_ as he came. Head thrown back, lips parted as he moaned out your name. It made your thighs clench, seeking _something_ to ease your own growing need. 

“Good morning,” You practically purred as you pulled back with a wicked smirk, your tongue darting out to lick your lips clean.

Javier grinned lazily. “Good morning.” He rubbed his hand over his chest, sighing contentedly. “Am I supposed to get up now?”

You laughed, sitting back on your legs. “You’re welcome to go back to sleep, but you’re going to miss the show.”

“The show?” He questioned as you leaned over him to fish out the toy box from the side table. “ _Oh._ A show.” Javier ran his hand over your back, down your ass and over the bare skin of the back of your thighs, just beneath the hem of your shorts. 

You shot him a look, “There might even be an opportunity to _participate_.” You told him as you withdrew your hot pink vibrator from the box. You tucked the box back into the drawer, before you flopped back onto the bed beside him.

Very inelegantly, you managed to shimmy your sleep pants and underwear down your hips, tossing them aside as you climbed onto him, straddling his lower thighs. 

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip as his eyes fixed to the apex of your thighs, “Did that get you all worked up, baby. Did you like sucking on my cock?”

You nodded, slipping your hand down to tease your fingers over your slick folds. “It got me _very_ worked up.” You told him, presenting him with your glistening fingers. 

He curled his fingers around your wrist, leaning up to drag his tongue over your fingers, tasting your arousal on them. “ _Fuck_.” He groaned, sinking back onto the pillows behind him. 

You rubbed your hand over his lower belly, playing with the hair there. “Just sit back and watch, Javi.” You told him lightly as you clicked on your vibrator, the low hum of its vibration filling the room. 

It was only the _first_ setting — pressing it against your aching clit only provided a dull sensation that fueled the fire within you. You rose up on your knees, letting him get a better view as you slid the vibe between your slick folds.

“You looked _so_ good when you came.” You told him, pressing the toy into yourself and adjusting the speed up a notch higher. It still paled in comparison to Javier’s cock — but the vibration made your cunt clench reflexively. “Wish you could see how good you look for me.”

Javier ran his hands over the tops of your thighs where they were planted on either side of him. “Don’t forget that pretty little clit of yours. I bet it’s nice and sensitive, isn’t it baby?” He praised. “Give it some attention. Wanna see you come.”

You obeyed him, cranking up the setting of the toy and pressing it right against your clit. You twitched, grinding down against his legs as you squirmed atop him. 

“Let me.” Javier said firmly, giving your hip a squeeze. “It should be _me_.” 

“Like I said, participation.” You teased as you hit the button at the base of the toy to shut it off as you passed it to him. 

Javier spread his legs beneath you, causing your own legs to part wider above him. “Lean back a little.” He urged.

You shifted your hips forward, leaning back and bracing yourself on his calf. You bit down on your bottom lip to keep from moaning as he reached down and stroked his fingers over your sensitive folds, fingers providing no real relief. 

“You’re so fucking wet, baby.” He drawled out as he picked up the toy and turned it on the first setting. He pressed the tip of the toy against your clit, making your cunt clench reflexively around nothing. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out, gripping at his calf tighter as he set a notch higher — and then another. 

Pleasure radiated through you as his deft fingers kept it pressed securely against your clit, sending vibrations straight through your pelvis. Another setting was reached — your orgasm quickly mounting. 

Javier brought you right to the edge before he shut off the toy and let you sit there, trembling above him in the wake of a robbed orgasm. 

“Oh my God.” You mumbled, nails biting into his skin as he returned. The first setting was once again used to tease the presence of your release. You could feel it deep within you, just waiting to peak. 

“You look so good like this, baby.” Javier told you, “ _Fuck_. You’re dripping all over my fingers. Are you going to come for me?”

“Fuck! Yes. _Yes_.” You hissed out, hips rocking as he set the toy to five and you felt the first ripple of your release begin. “Please.”

Javier wasn’t cruel this time. He kept the toy pressed hard against your clit, the vibrations tearing it from you. You swore you saw stars behind your eyes as you came, cunt clenching around nothing as he kept the toy pressed firmly against your clit. 

He didn’t relent. Javier gripped at your hip tightly to keep you in place as he pulled another orgasm from you. You weren’t even the least bit ashamed when you felt the slick sensation of your release sliding down the inside of your thighs. It was a body-numbingly good release. 

Even after he shut off the toy and sat it aside, you swore you could still feel the vibrations all through your pelvis. And your clit literally _throbbed_ in time with your pulse. 

Javier sat up slowly, gathering you into his lap as he wrapped his arms around you. The shift brought your sensitive cunt right against his cock which had stirred to life with new interest. He kissed the center of your throat, one hand resting at the back of your head as he met your eyes. “Can you take more, baby?” He questioned. 

You blinked at him. Staring at him like he wasn’t speaking a language you understood. 

“Is that a ‘no’?” He questioned, cupping your cheek. 

“I can handle more.” You told him, inhaling a shaky breath as you shifted your hips as dragged your slick cunt over his cock. “ _Javier_.”

Javier curled his fingers around the base of his cock told himself steady as you rose up on your knees and sank down onto his shaft. You moaned as your inner walls fluttered around him. “ _Fuck_.” He swore, rubbing at your hips tenderly. “I love your mouth, baby, but I fucking _love_ your cunt.” 

You laughed breathlessly as you leaned forward and pressed your forehead to his, dragging your fingers through his hair. “Good morning _._ ” You whispered, rolling your hips downwards slowly.

“Good morning,” He drawled out as he ran a hand up your back, the other still gripping at your hip as his lips met yours. He kissed you tenderly, his tongue playing over your bottom lip before it swept into your mouth and played over your tongue.

Javier followed the pace you set, rolling his hips in time with every grind of your hips. It matched the languid, sensuality of the kiss. Slow, steady, and _savoring_. There was no rush to the finish line — no need for rough touches. 

But _fuck_ if you weren’t sensitive. Your body teetering on a new edge as your clit was stimulated by the movement of your bodies together. You broke from the kiss, a ragged moan slipping past your lips as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sank against him, letting him take charge.

It was still slow, still tender. He ran his hands down the length of your spine, lips brushing at your neck and your shoulder where he could reach. His hips moved beneath you, driving his cock into you until you finally snapped. 

Your body clenched, pulsing around his cock as a new orgasm rocked through you. He followed you over that same peak — his cock spilling apart within you. 

And you both stayed just like that. Arms wrapped around each other, your chests flush together, as you breathed in and out in sync with one another. It felt like _heaven_. To be this close to someone, even if it was a fleeting thing. 

Javier kept you pressed to his chest as he sank back onto the bed, groaning a little as he readjusted beneath you. 

“Shoulder?” You mumbled, tracing your fingers over the curve of his shoulder and down his arm. 

“Yeah.” He rubbed the small of your back. “It’s fine.” 

You pressed a kiss to his shoulder, humming softly. “You know what would _really_ help this, Javi?”

Javier huffed quietly, “Are we back on _that_?”

“It has been _months_.” You tilted your head and nipped at his earlobe. “And I’m telling you… You’ll feel so much better.” 

“Just for the evening. It’s not a permanent cure, baby.” He gave your thigh a squeeze as he ran his hands down your legs, where they were still wrapped around him. 

“But for one evening you’ll feel _incredible_.” You traced your nose over the curve of his cheekbone, before pressing a kiss to his lips. “And I’d love to see you let go.” 

You _really_ liked the image in your mind. Javier, shirt unbuttoned, all golden and sunkissed, his hair all curly from the humidity, that scruff just begging to be touched… And _relaxed_. More relaxed than he already was with the freedom of summer. 

“That’s what beer’s for.” 

You rolled your eyes, “Drunk and high are _very_ different.” 

“And yet you get horny in both situations.”

You reached down and pinched his hip, “Oh, _fuck_ off.” You scrunched up your nose as you pulled back to meet his eyes. “Blame yourself for being so irresistible.” You leaned down to kiss him. “Wish I could stay right here all day.” 

Javier snorted softly, curling his hands around your hips as he looked up at you. “I’m pretty damn fond of it myself.” 

You drew his hands away from your hips, interlacing your fingers with his as you held them between your chests. “Wanna go to the beach today?” 

“Your mind. A modern marvel.” Javier chuckled, leaning up to kiss your chin. “Yeah, I could do a trip to the beach.” 

“ _Good_.” You grinned. You reluctantly moved to get off of him, missing the connection the moment you pulled away from him. 

Javier rolled onto his side, reaching out to his fingertips over your stomach, trailing lower. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, turning your head to look at him through your lashes as his hand dipped down between your thighs. “ _Javi_.” You breathed out. 

“Just checking on the mess we made, baby.” He closed to the distance between you and kissed your lips. “Bet we have time for a shower before the girls wake up.” 

You cupped his cheek and kissed him again, “Lead the way, babe.” 


	86. Family Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier teaches Josie to make enchiladas. Set in the Summer of 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Family Fluff and Smut (period sex, shower sex, and fingering)

You inhaled deeply as you walked through the front door, catching the scent of something _delicious_ coming from the kitchen. It smelt like roasted chilies. “I smell something good!” You called out as you kicked off your shoes by the front door, before you headed into the kitchen. 

Javier had Josie sitting on the kitchen counter beside him as he used a knife to peel the soft interior of the roasted pepper into the food processor. “Hey, baby.” He drawled out with a grin as he glanced back at you. 

“Mommy! We’re making enchinchillas.” 

Your brows shot upwards, “Interesting choice, if that’s the case. I think you’re making enchiladas.” You corrected her, biting the hair tie off your wrist and pinning your hair back into a loose bun. “How’s it going?” 

“The tortillas were a hit.” Javier told you, “Josie’s a natural with them.” 

You grinned, “Well, she certainly watched us make them when she was little.” 

“Really?” Josie asked. 

“ _Really_.” You told her, kissing the top of her head as you reached over and ran your hand down Javier’s back. “We used to put you in your highchair and set you up in the kitchen so you could be part of the action.” 

“Wow!” She clasped her hands together. “Daddy said I was good at making them.” 

Javier shrugged a shoulder, “I figured, my mother started getting me involved with her cooking when I was a little younger than Josie. She loved this enchiladas recipe.” 

“I know.” You smiled warmly at him. “I’m glad you’re passing the tradition on.” 

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “How was work?” Javier questioned as you walked towards the other side of the kitchen. 

“I’ll be honest, I feel like crap.” You told him, pulling open one of the upper cabinets and pulling down the plastic tote that contained medicine. You grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and popped two into your mouth, holding them there while you put the tote back out of reach of the girls.

“What’s wrong?” Javier asked, before turning his attention back to the enchiladas, “Alright Josie, you can put the garlic in now.” 

“I _love_ garlic!’

“It’s that time of the month.” You answered around the pills, filling up a glass of water to wash them down. “I’ve got the cramps of the century.” You washed your hands off in the sink, prepping to help them with dinner. 

“You should go lay down with a heating pad.” He offered, before the sound of the food processor switching on filled the kitchen. The smell of peppers and garlic made your stomach growl. You _loved_ when Javier cooked. You weren’t half bad at making some of his favorite dishes, but he’d really honed his skills when he stayed at home for two years. 

You ducked out of the kitchen for a minute to find the camera, wanting to capture this moment on film. Javier tried to keep the memory of his mother alive with the girls. Especially Josie, who he swore looked like her. You could see it too. 

He had been so young when he lost her and he worked hard to supply Josie with her own collection of memories related to her abuelita. 

“ _Smile_.” You urged, grinning as Josie and Javier both turned towards you and offered a confused look. 

“The paparazzi found us, JoJo.” Javier winked at her, “They’ve heard what a good cook you are, princesa.” 

Josie giggled as she pretended to hide her face from you, “No pictures please! No pictures!” She scrunched up her nose as you took two more pictures of them. 

“I can assure you, I have _full_ press privileges in the Peña test kitchen.” You told her, matching her sassy expression with one of your own as you put your hands on your hips.

You moved to the other side of the kitchen to grab the large glass casserole dish you had used the last time you made enchiladas. You sat it down on the sink beside Josie. 

“Thanks, baby.” Javier said with a warm smile as he removed the blade from the food processor bowl, passing it to Josie. “Alright, now poor this into that dish.” He instructed her.

“It’s so red!” She mused as she poured the red sauce into the bowl. 

“Alright, you’re going to have to stay over here.” Javier informed her, “Because the oil is going to be very hot and I don’t want you to get burnt.”

“Okay!” She nodded, listening intently to him. 

“You’re going to dip the tortillas into the red sauce and then let mommy put it on a plate and bring it over to me.” He passed you the plate, before he moved towards the stove and got the skillet going.

“Look at us,” You told Josie with a grin. “We make quite the team, don’t we?”

She nodded, “We do! I wish sissy could help us. But daddy said she was too small to help us.” She pouted a little as she used the tongs to place the tortilla onto the plate. 

“She’s sleeping,” Javier told you as you brought the plate over to him. “We went to the park this afternoon and she was all about chasing after Stevie.” 

“I figured you hadn’t left her somewhere,” You teased, watching him for a moment as he carefully put the tortilla onto the skillet, moving it around before flipping it over. 

“Mommy! I have more for you!” She kicked her feet against the cabinet to get your attention.

“Babydoll, I am _right_ here.” You chuckled as you returned to collect another tortilla, moving in between the two of them as the process continued. “Did you make the filling already?”

“I sense doubt in my skills,” Javier teased as you returned with another tortilla. “You’ll be proud of JoJo. She helped saute the onions and chicken.”

“But they’re not chicken nuggets.” Josie told you very primly. “I thought all chicken was nuggets.” 

You rolled your eyes and laughed, “Well, you _do_ live on them.” 

She nodded, “I love chicken nuggets.” 

Once the tortillas were done in the skillet, Javier brought Josie over to help him fill them, holding her up over the side of the counter. You opted to take photos, quite impressed with how skillfully Josie was able to fill the tortilla, roll it, and place it into the long casserole dish. 

“I think _this_ is going to be the cure for my crappy day.” You remarked as Javier worked on the finishing touches — spreading more red sauce over the enchiladas, before covering them with crumbled queso fresco and cheddar cheese. 

“I bet I can think of another way to _cure_ your bad day, baby.” Javier retorted with a wry smirk. “The kind a nice hot shower might be able to fix.” 

“ _Behave_.” You warned, picking up a piece of queso fresco and popping it into your mouth. 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as he opened the stove and placed the dish inside. “Well, JoJo. You’ve done it. You have _successfully_ made your very first enchiladas.” He turned on the stove light so she could peer inside. 

“We did it daddy!” She cheered, wrapping her arms around his leg and grinning up at him. 

“But now,” He started in a _very_ grave voice. “We have to do the most important part of cooking.”

“What’s that?”

Javier gestured around the kitchen to the various plates, bowls, and utensils that had been used to make the enchiladas. “ _Clean up_.” 

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “I’m good.” 

You snorted, smiling at the two of them. “Even Barney has a song about clean up, Josie.” 

“He says _everybody_ do their share!” She pointed at you. “Are you helping, mommy?” 

“Mommy has to go check on sissy,” Javier explained to her, before turning his gaze towards you. “Go rest.” He mouthed to you, nodding his head towards the bedroom. 

“The Tylenol’s helping.” You assured him, “But I will go check on Sof. If I were her, this smell would wake me up.” 

“C’mere.” Javier crooked a finger at you, urging you close so he could press a kiss to your lips. “Thanks for helping.” 

You ran your fingers over the exposed skin of his chest where he had three buttons undone. “I’m always happy to cook with you.” You kissed him again, before you slipped out of his embrace and headed for the nursery. 

As you had expected, Sofía was wide awake, but contentedly chilling in her crib. You scooped her up with her stuffed Scooby-Doo plush, and headed back out into the kitchen. “Look who woke up from her nap.” 

“Sissy!” Josie squealed, grabbing at Sofía’s dangling feet and kissing them. 

Stevie barked, darting into the kitchen to announce that someone was at the front door. She paced back and forth for a moment, before running back into the family room and barking again. 

“Monica and Nadia are joining us.”

“I figured.” You said as you passed Sofía to him. “You pulled out the _big_ casserole dish.” 

He chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck. “I would’ve invited Steve and Connie too, but her mother’s in town—”

“Say no more.” You made a face, before you leaned down and kissed your daughter’s belly as Javier held her back to his chest in a cradle. She giggled and squealed, patting at your head. 

Josie scurried out of the kitchen to greet her two favorite people. That child could talk a person’s ears off if they let her and Monica and Nadia _always_ let her. She was obsessed with them and they were fine with that. 

“I come bearing gifts,” Nadia said as she walked into the kitchen with a bottle of Dewars White Label. 

“You don’t have to bring us gifts every time you come over for dinner,” You told her, giving her a hug after you took the bottle from her. “But I’m not going to say ‘no’ to scotch.” 

“That’s what I thought.” Nadia laughed, waving at Sofía as she babbled for attention in Javier’s arms. “Honestly, I got it at my co-worker’s barbecue last weekend.” Nadia told you, “They played a bunch of stupid games and I won it.” 

“Games?” You made a face.

“I don’t understand people in Florida’s _obsession_ with party games.” Javier rolled his eyes. 

“You’ve both lived here for how long now? Aren’t you _Florida_ people now?”

“No.” You both answered in unison. 

“ _Mhm_.” Nadia gave you both a skeptical look. “Whatever floats your boats, party people.” 

“How’s the internship going?” You questioned as you moved to put the bottle of scotch in the liquor cabinet. “Planning to escape to space anytime soon?”

“I’m _not_ an astronaut.” Nadia reminded you with a short laugh, “I am having a blast.”

Javier chuckled, “Like _blast off_?”

Nadia groaned, “You are _not_ allowed to pull out dad jokes, Javi. It is too early.”

“ _Anyways_ ,” You gave Javier a pointed look, even though you couldn't help but grin. He could be so fucking corny sometimes. He’d always had a great sense of humor, but back in Colombia, it tended to veer into the _dark_ humor realm. “What do they have you doing?”

“Well, the internship title is ‘Molten Regolith Electrolysis Subsystem Design and Testing’, so _that_ is what I do.”

“That’s a lot of words.” You shook your head. “As long as you’re having fun.” 

“I am.” Nadia nodded, glancing back towards the family room at the sound of Monica and Josie laughing. “The distance sucks, but we’re making it work.” 

Javier bounced Sofía in his arms, “That’s what, three hours?”

“Four with traffic.” Nadia made a face, “Seriously, thanks again for letting her have your old Taurus. I don’t know what we would’ve done.” 

“We’re happy to help,” Javier told her with a smile. “We just want what’s best for Monica.” 

“I think I can speak _for_ her when I say you guys were exactly what she needed.” Nadia told you, a faint smile playing over her lips. “I obviously wasn’t there _for_ everything, but I know what she says. She needed _actual_ parents.” 

“I might not have given birth to her, but Monica is as much our daughter as Josie and Sofía.” You assured her. “She’s a hell of a young woman.” 

Monica appeared around the corner with Josie wrapped around her back, arms slung over her shoulders. “I heard my name.”

Nadia grinned at her, “I can’t embarrass you by looking at baby pictures, so I’ve got to make do with verbal brag books.”

“Oh _God_ ,” Monica grumbled, closing the distance between her and Nadia to press a kiss to her lips — which Josie provided sound effects for. 

“What a weirdo.” Nadia teased, ruffling Josie’s hair. “What did you do this week?”

You turned back to Javier with a grin, “Never a dull moment.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head, “And to think I used to picture being cooped up in an apartment alone somewhere at this point in my life.” He readjusted Sofía in his arms, letting her wrap her arms around his neck as she gurgled and attempted to add to the conversation. 

“All that’s missing is the white picket fence.” You smirked, “I think it would clash with our aesthetics.” 

He snorted, “It’s a damn good life.” 

“It is.” You reached up and ran your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead, before you leaned in to kiss him. “I think I might take you up on that offer.” 

His brows rose upwards, “ _Yeah_?”

“Something to think about.” You whispered as you kissed him again, before you turned back towards the girls. “So what are we drinking?”

“Monica’s driving. Do you have any gin?” 

“Yep, in the cabinet.” You nodded, “And lemonade, since I know exactly where this is going.” 

“Mommy, can I have gin?”

“Nope, but you may have lemonade.” You told Josie, patting her back. “Hey, why don’t you take Stevie out in the backyard before dinner?”

“Okay.” 

“I’ll go with her.” Monica told you, before looking to Nadia, “Hon, can I just have a Coke?” 

“You’ve got it.” Nadia snapped her fingers, before helping herself to the fridge as Monica departed the kitchen. 

Given your upbringing, family dinners had never really been a _thing_ that you looked forward to. Hell, family in and of itself was such a contentious topic. But that wasn’t the case anymore. You didn’t envy others for the families they had, because you had your own. You had Javier, who proved to be the most incredible partner — and you had the girls, Nadia included. 

* * *

You tilted your head back, eyes closed as you let the warm water run down your chest, rivulets running down between your breasts and falling at your feet. Despite your claims that the Tylenol had eased your cramps, you still felt the stiff knot of tension in your lower belly. This month seemed _determined_ to be a bitch. Your period just had to arrive fast and hard on a Friday — just to ruin hitting the pool over the weekend. 

The bathroom door creaked open and you smirked, “Who goes there?” You questioned with a teasing lilt, listening to the tell-tale sound of Javier’s clothes being removed. The faintest flicker of arousal burned in your core at the promise of what was to come. 

“Depends on who you _want_ me to be, baby.” Javier drawled out, peeling back the shower curtain. 

You turned beneath the showerhead, blinking as the water ran into your eyes as you watched him step in to join you in the shower. “So many possibilities.” You teased, reaching out to stroke your fingers over his chest. “But I think _you_ is the best answer.” 

He nodded his head slowly as he ran his hand over your hip, stepping closer to you. “That _is_ the best answer.” Javier gave your hip three squeezes, before he leaned down to trail a line of kisses down the curve of your throat. “How are you feeling?”

“ _Gross_.” You admitted, resting your hands at his shoulders, playing with the water droplets as they fell onto his skin. “I feel like my body is punishing me for not breastfeeding anymore.” You sighed softly when Javier’s tongue darted out against your pulse point. “I’ve got cramps, I’m bloated, and thanks to _someone_ I’m a little bit horny.” 

“I’m _very_ interested in that last one,” Javier remarked, pressing kisses along your collarbone as he ran his hands over your waist. “You gonna let me take care of you, baby?”

You nodded, raking your fingers through his wet hair, “I’m looking forward to a little relief.” You told him, letting him manhandle you as he turned you around. 

“I’ll help however I can,” Javier whispered close to your ear as he ran his hand downwards, tracing shapes over your lower belly before he dipped downwards. 

You closed your eyes, sinking back against him as he parted your folds, dragging his fingers between them. He never cared — at all. You’d had boyfriends when you were younger that treated you like a pariah when you were on your period. Javier wasn’t one of them. He took it all in stride and was _always_ willing to adapt. 

“Baby,” Javier started, brushing his lips over the shell of your ear. “Have I mentioned lately how _fucking_ gorgeous you are?” 

A little bit of praise and you felt like every nerve in your body had come to life. “I think you mentioned it last night, but I’m open to hearing it again.” You told him, turning your head to press a kiss to his scruffy cheek. 

Javier worked one and then _two_ fingers into you, dragging them in and out of you slowly. There was something tantalizing about the feel of water rubbing down your skin while he worked at your cunt. You shivered and he chuckled, scraping his teeth over the curve of your shoulder. “Bet I could bend you over right now and fuck you. Couldn’t I?” 

You couldn’t help but nod your head, your mind focused on the singular bliss of his fingers working in and out of you. He kept hooking them just right, sending little pulses of need through your veins. 

His cock was hard against your ass and you couldn’t help but grind back against him. You grabbed at his free hand, bringing it to your chest, urging him to grab at your breast. 

Javier pinched at your nipple and the twinge of pain was quickly followed by fresh pleasure as it burned through you. You were going to come. You could feel the heat radiating through your core. 

“This _pussy—_ “ Javier rasped out as he caught your earlobe between his teeth. “There’s nothing better, baby. So fucking perfect.”

You were _so_ close. 

“Come for me, baby.” He urged. “Come on. Be a _good_ girl. Just for me.”

You cried out softly as you started to come around his fingers, your inner walls clenching and pulsing as your release washed through you. 

He withdrew his fingers while you were still coming down from your high, letting the water rinse them clean before he guided your further under the water’s flow. 

You turned around to face him, tilting your chin as you pulled him down and kissed him. You balanced on one foot, wrapping the other leg around his hip, drawing him towards you.

Javier took the hint, reaching down between you to guide his cock to your center. He grabbed at your thigh, holding it to his hip as he pushed into you.

Your nails scraped over his scalp as you combed your fingers through his hair. Your cunt was still clenching from your release, drawing him into you until he could press no further. 

“How does _that_ feel, baby?” Javier questioned, rocking grinding his hips into yours. 

“ _Fuck_.” Your head hit back against the wall as he remained still within you. You swore you could feel every inch of him buried within you, your inner walls fluttering around him — making it feel even tighter. 

“Use your words.” He nipped at your jaw. “Come on, baby.”

“Fuck _you_.” You mumbled, scoring your nails down the back of his neck as you rolled your hips, clenching tight around him as you did.

Javier swore hoarsely, his fingers digging into your thigh as he tried to keep you still. “Want you to come for me, just like this.” 

Your eyes flickered open to meet his, blinking through the water droplets as they fell from his face and hair onto you. He looked _good_. It was unfair how good he looked. 

“That’s no fun.” You whispered, tightening your body around him again as you wiggled your hips. You ran your hand over your neck, before sliding it down your stomach, between your thighs to where your bodies were joined. You scraped your fingernails over his lower belly, trailing downwards towards the root of his cock, fingers playing over the skin just at where you were pressed together. 

“It’ll be very fun,” He assured you as he drew back just enough press back into you once more. He breathed out your name as he pressed his forehead to yours.

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, tilting your head just enough to kiss him as your fingers sought out that little bundle of nerves that set off fresh heat in your belly. 

He palmed at your breast gently as he rolled his hips slowly — barely pulling out of you before pressing back into you once again. You moaned against his lips, your tongue sweeping out to find his as you kissed him. 

Your first release had barely settled before you felt your second building on the heels of it. Javier kissed you so desperately as your release washed through you. He swallowed up the sounds you made, lips crushing yours. 

Javier started moving then, driving into your clenching cunt until he was able to find his own release right behind yours. He ran his hand over your thigh tenderly soothing the bruises he’d left. 

He sank against you, forehead pressed into the crook of your neck, “ _Fuck_ , baby.”

You ran your hand down his back, “Water’s getting cold.” You told him, kissing his shoulder.

He chuckled, the sound muffled against your skin. “It’s worth it.” 

You smiled against his shoulder, “It helped.” You whispered, winding your arms around him. 

“ _Good_.” You whispered, squeezing your hip three short times. 


	87. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader spends an evening out with Connie and Steve. Set in June 1988.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pining.

“ _So_ ,” Connie started with a coy look, “Steve tells me you’ve caught the eye of a certain someone at work.”

You tensed, ever so slightly, as you brought the beer bottle to your lips and took a sip. “We’ve just had one date.”

“Oh, so it _was_ a date?” She wiggled her brows. “That sounds like there might be another date, doesn't it, Steve?” Connie questioned, nudging him in the ribs.

You shot Steve a withering look. You had _explicitly_ told him not to go running his mouth about your date. And that meant Connie. 

“Who needs a refill? Oh, look you do, honey.” Steve remarked as he picked up Connie’s empty wine glass and retreated towards the bar. 

“I told him _not_ to tell anyone.” You explained to Connie as she met your gaze with a questioning look. “You know how I feel about dating coworkers.” The uncomfortable conversation the Murphys had roped you into after you started working for the DEA was still fresh in your mind a year later. 

“But he’s not _really_ your coworker.” 

“I see him at work!” You huffed a little, folding your arms across your chest. “Sure, he’s more of a work-adjacent associate.” You shrugged your shoulders, “I just want to keep this whole thing on the downlow for now.”

Connie looked _so_ excited for you. It actually kinda made your heart hurt a little. She truly wanted the best for you — and _everyone_ , really. And at least now she wouldn’t keep trying to find you a date. 

“Is there something to keep on the _downlow_?” 

You rolled your eyes and took another swig of beer, “We’re going hiking this weekend.” 

“Okay, I have to ask,” Connie started, “Did you guys sleep together?”

“ _Really_?” You let out an exasperated sound, sinking back against the booth. “No. Okay? We did _not_ sleep together.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” She slid out from her side of the booth and moved to join you on yours. “I’m not going to judge you for how you live your life but—”

“Sounds like you’re about to.” You side-eyed her. 

“I’m not. But I _am_ glad that you might’ve found someone to settle down with.” 

“We have had _one_ date, Connie. One. Date.” Your brows drew together as you turned to look at her. “I don’t know how things work in West Virginia, but…” 

“Oh, shut up!” Connie laughed, squeezing your arm as she leaned against you. “We should double date.” 

“Maybe.” You shrugged. “I meant it when I said I’m trying to keep this thing on the downlow, okay?” 

Steve returned then, sliding into the booth across from the two of you. “You two through talking about the suit?”

“You’re as bad as Javier.” You scoffed, shaking your head. “Lance is a perfectly decent person.” He was actually pretty fantastic, in your book. He was a charmer, that was for certain. A little bit of a southern accent that really suited his smooth way of talking. Strong jaw, pretty blue eyes. 

The only thing wrong with him was the fact that Javier _hated_ him. Steve did too, but Javier… _really_ hated the guy. 

The funniest thing was the fact that you were dating Lance _because_ of Javier. If he hadn’t pointed out that he didn’t like the way the ‘CIA suit’ was looking at you, you wouldn’t have noticed that Lance was hitting on you. You tried to keep work and your personal life separate. It was hard to do that in Colombia, where your work friends had become your _only_ friends. 

Javier had no idea that he had put Lance on your radar as a potential boyfriend. _Boyfriend_. It was such a juvenile term, but Lance had already put that out into the universe. It had actually been sweet. After your date, he’d walked you home, kissed your cheek, and told you that he would be _honored_ with the chance to be your boyfriend. 

But it put you in a weird position. Javier _hated_ Lance. He hated the CIA, in general, but Lance really seemed to piss him off. Every time you were stuck in a joint department meeting, Javier would _seethe_ over every fucking word Lance said. Not that it would just stop after the meeting. 

You were pretty fucking nervous about letting Javier find out about you and Lance. That was the sole reason you’d told Steve. You wanted to know what he thought would happen when Javier found out. But the man was a wild card sometimes and, as Steve pointed out, you tended to be on the same page as him. 

Which meant there was every chance you might _lose_ Javier. And that prospect _really_ sucked. Who else was going to talk telenovelas with you? 

Steve drummed his fingers against the table, shaking his head, “Let’s make one thing clear right now. I am _not_ as bad as Javier. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” 

You smiled at him, “Thank you.” 

“We’ll have to have both of you over soon,” Connie suggested. “Once you’re ready to be more _public_ about your relationship.” She nudged you in the ribs, “Don’t worry about whatever issue Javier has. You’re living your life, not his.” 

“Yeah.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you finished off the last of your beer. “You know, we’ve got an early morning, Steve. I think I’m gonna head home.” 

“ _Already_?” His brows rose upwards. “Alright, well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Are you okay?” Connie questioned as she slid out of the booth so you could get out. 

“I’m just tired.” You admitted and you were. But you also _really_ didn’t want to have this conversation. “Five gets here fast.” 

She hugged you, “I really am happy for you.” 

“Thank you,” You squeezed her back. “See you in the morning, Murph.” He offered him a mock salute, before you headed to the bar to close out your tab. 

It felt stupid to _run_ , but you really didn’t want to talk about your fledgling relationship with Lance. If you weren’t careful, Connie would already have your wedding and honeymoon planned by the weekend. 

You _really_ liked him too. He’d been an absolute gentleman during the date — the kind of gentleman that made the butterflies in your stomach swarm just from thinking back on it. It had been awhile since you felt that kind of giddy. 

* * *

Sleep was _not_ your friend. Every time you started to fall asleep, your mind would present some new topic for you to stress about. Currently, it was Javier. Of _course_ it was Javier. As if he wasn’t constantly on your mind recently, as you mulled over whether or not you’d lose his friendship. Nights like this one was _precisely_ why you didn’t want to lose him. 

You threw off your covers and padded barefoot out of your bedroom, grabbing the phone off the side table. You caught ahold of the cable, keeping it from snagging on the edge as you sat it down on the sofa beside you. 

You curled your legs beneath you as you sank back against the sofa, turning the TV on and seeking out whatever telenovela was on at one in the morning. You tucked the phone between your shoulder and your ear as you dialed a familiar phone number. 

It took two rings before he picked, “Hello?”

“Hey,” You offered quietly. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.” 

“You didn’t,” Javier assured you, though his voice sounded rather exhausted. 

“ _Amar y Vivir_ is on.” 

“Yeah?” Javier questioned, before you heard the rustle of Javier’s hand covering the receiver. “Hang on a second.” The line went quiet. He’d clearly sat the phone down. You could barely make out the sound of voices — his and a woman’s — though both were distant and muffled. 

He clearly _hadn’t_ been up. 

You were a second away from hanging up, before Javier returned. “Sorry about that, company just left.” He sighed heavily, “What’s this about _Amar y Vivir_?”

“Javier, you didn’t have to kick the poor woman out at one in the _fucking_ morning to talk telenovelas with me.” 

“It’s fine.” He assured you. “She’s already gone and I’ve already got the TV on.” He sighed heavily and you could almost picture him dragging his fingers through messy hair. 

“I still can’t believe they chose to show a car bombing,” You stated, veering your mind away from the direction it was headed. “In the current political climate? It was ballsy.” 

“I’m impressed Escobar hasn’t found a way to permeate the telenovelas yet.” Javier offered with a chuckle, “There’s nothing he won’t use to his advantage.” 

“Don’t ruin novelas for me, Javi. You can’t make them about work.” 

Javier snorted, “You’re the one who brought up car bombs, baby.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I’m not your baby.” 

“You got a preference for something else, _baby_?”

“No.” You laughed softly. “It’s fine.” 

“That’s what I thought. “Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, before sighing heavily. “You know, this isn’t a half-bad novela. I still think them having a kid was an odd choice.” 

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He’s got his _enterprise_ , she’s got her music.” He paused for a moment, humming thoughtfully. “I dunno. They just didn’t strike me as the parenting type.” 

“I guess I get that,” You shrugged. “Her own parents weren’t the best.” You grew quiet and realized you were listening to the sound of Javier breathing, instead of focusing on what Irene was singing on the screen. “Javi, have you fallen asleep?”

“No.” He answered, though you weren’t entirely convinced. 

“Javi?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re asleep aren’t you?” 

Javier exhaled slowly, “ _Maybe_.” 

“Javi, just go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“You know I’m…” He trailed off, growing quiet again. It sounded like maybe the phone had slipped out of his hold. “I’m always going to answer the phone for you.” 

Which was a _silly_ thing to say, considering he had no way of knowing that it was _you_ calling him. “I hope that’s the truth, Javi.” You whispered, even though you knew he couldn’t hear you now. “I _really_ hope you’re still going to answer when I call.” 

You started to put the phone back on the cradle, but you paused. Maybe he’d wake back up and expect you to be on the other line still. You stretched out on the sofa, tucking the pillow under your head. 

This might be the last time Javier would stay up — or fall asleep — watching telenovelas with you. Even sleeping, you weren’t quite ready to let that go. Just in case, you lost this. 

But Connie was right. You weren’t living his life, you were living _your_ life. 

Lance wasn’t going anywhere. 

If Javier cut you off, it would hurt like hell but you weren’t going to let it hold you back. That wasn’t you. You’d jumped through every arbitrary hurdle, you’d been met with thanks to men, and the last thing you were going to do was let Javier’s bad attitude hold you back from something that had the potential to be _great_. 

You heard a rustle on the other end of the line and you brought the phone back to your ear, “Javi?”

“Sorry, I uh…”

“Fell asleep?”

“Yeah.” He laughed nervously. “I’m awake now. I’m not going anywhere.”

You _really_ hoped that was true. 


	88. Beach Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader spends a day at the beach with her family. Set in Summer 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None

Javier let out a low wolf whistle as you walked ahead of him, keeping up with Stevie as she bounded ahead on her leash. She was usually pretty good about not pulling, but the promise of the beach had her tugging at her lead. 

In response, ‘ _fuck off_ ’ danced on the tip of your tongue, but Josie was hot on your heels and you were really trying to avoid ‘ _fuck_ ’ being one of Sofía’s first words. Instead, you reached behind your back and flipped him off, which earned you a throaty laugh from him. 

You had been looking forward to today for the past week. Javier had taken the girls to the beach a couple times, but you had been trapped at work — missing out on the joys of summer with your family. Monica and Nadia had been planning to join you, but Nadia’s family was having a get together and her grandmother had been amenable to inviting Monica over. How could you argue with that? 

“How’s it going back there, old man?” You questioned, hand on your hip as you paused to let Stevie sniff at something that had caught her interest. 

“My back will probably have complaints tonight,” Javier remarked as he lugged the small portable wagon that held towels, chairs, a cooler, and the colorful umbrella that would hopefully provide a little shade to the four of you. 

“At least you look good while struggling.” You quipped, raking your eyes over him before you were off again with the dog and Josie. He really _did_ look good. Sofía was strapped to his back in a carrier and he’d already shucked off his shirt after unloading the car. His swim shorts had slid down low on his hips and you tried to keep your mind from thinking too hard about that line of dark hair that was partially hidden beneath the waistband. 

“Mommy, look at the seagulls!” Josie shouted, running ahead after a flock of seagulls who took flight when she got too close to them. Stevie barked excitedly and you let go of her lead and let her go chasing after Josie.

You waited for Javier to catch up with you, keeping one eye on the child-and-dog duo as they went running down the sandbank after another flock of seagulls. “It’s the little things in life that make them happy.” 

Javier nodded in agreement, switching hands on the wagon so he could reach over and slot his fingers in between yours. “They get that from me.” 

“Yeah?” You laughed softly, “Even the dog gets that from you?”

He shrugged a shoulder, “Seems about right.”

You walked alongside him, “Remember when we used to rag on Steve for wanting to move back to Miami?”

“It was a near-constant thing.” Javier recalled. “I know it was Connie wanting to leave, but _fuck_ — he was dying to get his ass back on a beach.” 

“I think I get it,” You remarked, squeezing his hand three times. “And trust me, I never pictured that _Miami_ would become my home.” 

“What _was_ your plan?” Javier questioned lightly, “If things hadn’t worked out.”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought back on what your plans _had_ been. “Well, if they’d terminated me, I was going to come back to the states.” You shook your head slowly. “Probably try to beg my way back into a job in Atlanta or crash in Philly again.” You made a face, “This is the much better alternative.”

Javier nodded his head in agreement, squeezing your hand right. “I guess we can thank Steve for _some_ things.”

“Oh, you mean like Josie?” You teased as you headed down the beach towards where she and Stevie were bounding around in the sand. 

“Definitely, Josie.” He chuckled, letting go of your hand as he moved to unpack the wagon. Sofía was chilling on his back, content with her little perched view over his shoulder. She’d even managed to keep both her sunglasses and her floppy hat on. 

“ _Josie_!” You called out, “Come help us unpack!”

Josie came running back with Stevie trudging along beside her. Both of them were already covered in sand. You leaned down to pet the dog’s head, scratching behind her ear as she wiggled her butt in response.

“Do me!” Josie told you, tilting her head to the side so you could tickle behind her ear. She giggled like a fiend, wiggling in response. “Did you see that, daddy? I wagged my tail like Stevie.” 

“I _did_ see that!” He said, passing her beach towel to her. “Are you turning into a puppy now?”

“Maaaaaybe.” She said with an impish grin as she neatly draped her blanket over her purple gold chair. “Are we going in the ocean?”

“We are!” You told her, pulling the umbrella out of the wagon and setting it up. You angled it just right, making sure the shadow was cast over the chairs for shade. “But first we’re going to get settled.”

“Okay.” She shrugged and flopped into her chair, pushing her sunglasses up her nose in a _very_ familiar fashion. 

“Is she becoming me?”

Javier snorted, “She’s got every bit of your fire, baby. It’s like running around all week with your mini-me.”

“Odds are our grumpy baby takes after _someone_ we all know and love.” You said lightly, reaching over to rub your hand over Sofía’s back as she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s uncanny.”

You rose up on your toes and pressed a kiss to Javier’s cheek. “Do you want to eat before we let them get in the water?”

Javier nodded, “Works for me.” He answered as he unstrapped the baby carrier so he could sink down in his chair with her. 

You knelt down in the sand, opening the cooler and pulling out the plastic bags. “We’ve got a pimento cheese sandwich on white.” You remarked, passing the bag to Javier. 

“Thanks, baby.”

“And a Lunchable for a certain princess.” You passed the box to Josie. 

“JoJo, let me open that.” 

Josie pouted a little, passing the yellow box to her father so he could prep it for her. She was unsurprisingly still obsessed with chicken nuggets and with the advent of barbecue shake-up chicken nuggets — she was thrilled. 

They had been a lifesaver for Javier’s on-the-go lifestyle with them this summer. You were only a little jealous. But at the same time, you wanted her to experience these memories with her father that you would’ve _killed_ to have as a child. Not to mention, it was your own small way to make up for so much he’d missed out on in Colombia. 

“And what’s on the menu for you?” Javier questioned as he passed Josie’s lunch back to her and tore into his own sandwich bag. 

“Same as you. Without the crust.” You winked, sinking down into your chair beside his. “Lemme take her.” You offered, reaching out for Sofía.

She fussed a little at first, but was easily convinced to recline back and chill. 

Javier leaned down to dig in the cooler, passing you a Kool-Aid burst, “You’ve gotta try one of these.”

“I’m skeptical of blue drinks.” You teased, popping off the top of the plastic bottle and taking a sip. “That’s… not half bad.”

“We were out of water during our last outing,” He explained. “I had to resort to JoJo drinks.”

“It’s very sweet. I see why it’s named JoJo.”

“Mommmmy!” Josie giggled around her dramatic way of chewing the chicken. 

“This is nice.” You admitted, taking your sunglasses off and tucking them into the front of your swimsuit. “I need more of this “

“How much PTO do you have?”

“A week and a half. I was trying to save it up for when she starts school.”

Javier stared at you while he ate a bite of his lunch, “You _really_ should look into teaching. You’d have more time at home and—“

“I do like the idea of working with _you_.”

He grinned at you, “Thought that would be a highlight.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “And then next summer — it’ll be all this _all_ the time.”

“I’ll think about it.” And you would. You weren’t entirely certain if teaching was your calling, but you weren’t feeling the 9 to 5 thing you had going on currently. 

Especially with Steve’s plans to start up his own consulting firm? You could still keep one foot in the field while teaching. It was definitely worth putting some thought into. 

* * *

Sofía was out cold laying on your chest. She’d had her fill of toddling around on the beach between you and Javier, playing in the water, and knocking down her sister’s attempts at sandcastles. 

Javier was currently letting JoJo try to bury him in the sand, beneath an attempt at a mermaid tail constructed from sand. His first mistake had been laying down and falling asleep — his second mistake had been continuing to pretend to be asleep once Josie started giggling like a goofball as she packed more sand over his legs.

“Are we going to have to leave daddy on the beach?” You questioned, nudging his shoulder with your foot. “You’ve turned him into a merman! How can we take him home?”

Josie looked up at you with wide eyes. “But daddy has to go home with us!” 

“Well, what could fix this?”

Josie tapped her chin thoughtfully. “A kiss!” 

“A kiss?” You grinned at your daughter. You tapped your finger against your lips, before tugging lightly on Stevie’s leash. She roused from her own nap, moseying over towards Josie.

“Kiss daddy” Josie urged in a poor attempt at a whisper. 

Stevie was thrilled to obey, licking excitedly at Javier’s face. He startled with a laugh, kicking his feet out of the sand. 

He swiftly scooped up Josie, pulling her into his chest as he pressed kisses to the top of her wet and curly head. Stevie barked excitedly at their laughter — jumping onto Javier’s lap. 

“I’d get down there and join in on the lovefest, but…” You gestured to your sleeping daughter. 

“You ready to head home, baby?”

“Probably for the best,” You sighed, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. “Though I could watch the _view_ all day.” You wiggled your brows, eyes slowly wandering over him as he stood up. 

“And you flipped me off earlier for enjoying _my_ view.” Javier leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, they still tasted like the blue Kool-Aid you’d both drank. 

“You would’ve been disappointed if I hadn’t flipped you off.” You whispered, brushing your nose against his before you sank back in your seat. “Take JoJo down to the water one more time and then we’ll pack up and head home.”

Javier gave your leg a squeeze before he turned back, hands on his hips as he looked down at Josie. “Last one to the ocean is a rotten egg.”

“Daddy’s a rotten egg!” Josie screamed as she took tearing off down the beach with Stevie right behind her. 

“Why aren’t you running, rotten egg?” You questioned, nudging the back of his calf with your foot. 

“She likes winning.” He told you, his lips curving upwards into a lazy smirk. “And I just wanted a moment alone to tell you, you’re the goddamn hottest woman on this fucking beach today.”

You felt your cheeks warm from his praise and not just the sun. “Go chase your daughter, you sap!” You laughed. 

Javier stole one more kiss before he went jogging down the beach to join Josie and Stevie at the coastline. 

His back was _definitely_ going to be killing him tonight, but you had a feeling he’d consider it worth every single ache a day like today came with. 


	89. Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has a creative way to help Reader unwind after a stressful day at work. Set in August 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (female receiving oral, blow job, anal sex)

“Today was a _fucking_ nightmare,” You fumed, collapsing back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I wish there was a hole punch big enough to punch a hole through his smug-ass face.”

“My jaw hurts from clenching my teeth,” Javier admitted, sitting down on the bed beside you, resting his hand on your thigh. 

“If I didn’t have Josie — I would’ve killed him.” You leaned up on your elbows. “I still _could_ kill him.”

“ _Baby_.”

“Only partially kidding.” You patted his hand as you sat up. “I need a fucking cigarette.” You scooted up the bed, pulling open the bedside table to grab Javier’s pack.

He’d tried to cut back after Josie was born, but it was hard to stop when you both led such fucking hellish lives. “Or maybe five.”

You fished the lighter out of the drawer as you tucked the cigarette between your lips and lit up. You inhaled deeply, relishing the burn at the back of your throat before you exhaled. 

“Lay back, baby.” Javier urged warmly, rubbing his hand down the top of your thigh. “ _Relax_.”

“I can’t fucking _relax_.” You grumbled around the cigarette, pulling a spare out and throwing it on the nightstand beside the lighter 

You did as he told you though. You took another drag as you sank back against the pillows, watching the smoke as it wafted from your lips on another exhale. “The team in Atlanta was never this bad.”

“Yeah?” Javier questioned, the bed dipping as he moved to join you. He settled on his side, his head about even with where your stomach was. 

“It was the _casual_ bullshit,” You explained to him. “While you’re up, can you get me a coffee refill, sweetcheeks?” You mimicked the voice of George — one of your co-workers back in Atlanta. “The asshole had _grandchildren_ my age, but he was one bad day away from trying to cop a feel. I’m almost certain of it.” 

“If Chris lays one hand on you—“ Javier’s grip tightened at your thigh briefly, before his hand traveled higher, slipping beneath the hem of your sleep shorts. 

“I’ll break his hand.” You drew in another breath. “And we both know that hand is his best friend. Arrogant fucking asshole.”

“These need to come off.” Javier told you and you shivered a little as you felt his lips against the soft flesh of your leg.

“ _Alright_.” You lifted your ass up off the bed as Javier peeled your shorts down your legs. You dragged a hand over your face as you sighed heavily, before leaning over to tap off the ash on the edge of the ashtray. “I just don’t get it.”

Javier pressed a kiss to the top of your thigh, running his fingers over your hip. “What sorta shit did you deal with in Atlanta?”

You hummed thoughtfully, “Unsurprisingly, I was the only woman in the department. Shocking, right?”

His breath tickled your skin as he chuckled softly, “Who would’ve thought?” 

“What are you doing?” You questioned softly, reaching down and winding your fingers through his hair. 

“Just keep talking baby, I know how to make you feel better.” Javier promised you, settling himself between your thighs and leaning down to press a kiss to your lower stomach just at the line of your underwear. 

You bit down on your bottom lip as you watched him hook his fingers in your underwear and slide them down your thighs, until they were discarded over the side of the bed. His hands traveled over the tops of your legs, thumbs dragging along your inner thighs. 

“You know,” You started, taking another drag from the cigarette as you settled back against the pillows. “The fact that he _dared_ to call into question my work ethics. When I am _always_ on the ball with my work.”

Javier nudged your thighs apart wider, tilting his head to rest his cheek against your leg as he ran his fingers along the inside of your other leg. He trailed them upwards until he reached the apex of your thighs. “You could run circles around him, baby. He’s just pissed he doesn’t have your job.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure he’ll get it soon enough.” You reached over and grabbed the ashtray, sitting it on the bed beside you as you tapped your cigarette against the edge. 

“He’s _never_ going to be my partner, baby.” I Javier assured you as he traced his fingertips over your inner folds, parting the tender lips of your cunt. “No matter what bullshit he tries.”

You exhaled shakily as Javier shifted between your thighs and swept his tongue between your folds. His hands curled around your soft thighs, palming them roughly as he worked his mouth over your sensitive flesh. 

A quiet moan escaped you as his tongue grazed over your clit, but you composed yourself. “I thought I’d be back in the field by now.” You admitted. But you knew that had been wishful thinking. “I miss it.”

He squeezed your leg three short times and you smiled. 

“I would give almost anything to go on a stakeout with you again.” You mused, taking another drag of your cigarette as you relaxed back, enjoying Javier’s efforts. He wasn’t taking you anywhere fast — brief passes over your clit, just enough to make your stomach burn and your arousal peak, but not enough to get you towards the edge. 

Javier lapped at you, tongue dragging between your folds, dipping into your center, only to press kisses to the junction where your legs met your hips. 

“I’m useless at a desk.” You sighed, “I was useless in Atlanta too. They put me in the field once, you know. A big lead came in while the team was already out chasing a ghost. I jumped on the assignment — nailed the asshole.” You inhaled another puff from the cigarette, watching the smoke swirl as Javier kept his mouth on you. “ _Fuck_.” You breathed out as he worked his tongue into you all too briefly. “My boss got all the credit. I thought it was my day. He wasn’t even _there_!”

You reached down and scraped your fingers through Javier’s hair, watching as he pulled back up to catch a breath. His eyes were dark with his own arousal and his mustache glistened. “It’s in your file, though. I saw it.”

“You looked at my file?” You questioned, blowing out another exhale of smoke.

“I wanted to know who we were getting.” He shrugged as he lazily stroked two fingers over your slick flesh. “You’re not the only one who does their research.

Javier lowered himself back down, lips wrapping around your clit as he teased that little bundle of nerves once more. You squirmed beneath him, lost momentarily in the bliss that came from his mouth. 

“Did you…” You tapped off the ash again, taking another drag. “Did you like what you saw?”

“Your background on any jackass, would’ve had the talking heads eating out of your palm, baby.” He told you as he looked up at you from between your thighs. “I was _impressed_.”

You grinned down at him and tugged at his hair. “Past tense?” 

“Baby you _constantly_ impress me.” He remarked before he resumed his work, sweeping his tongue through your folds, delving into you. 

Your eyes practically rolled back in your head as his tongue worked in and out of you — it was enough to make you moan again, your breath catching in your throat. But then he pulled back, hot breath dancing over slick flesh. 

“It’s so _fucking_ unfair.” You complained, dragging in another inhale off the cigarette, letting the smoke slip from your lips. “I miss being out in the field. I miss long drives outside of the city with you.”

Javier groaned against your cunt and the reverberation went straight through you, sending a shudder of desire straight through you. He pulled back again, eyes meeting yours. “We could have _so_ much fun on those drives.”

You laughed softly and nodded, threading your fingers through his hair. “Want a smoke?”

“Yeah.” Javier nodded and you passed the cigarette to him, watching the way his lips wrapped around it. He exhaled slowly, smoke fanning out over your stomach. “We both know you’d be a nervous wreck. Thinking someone might see us.”

You shrugged, taking the cigarette back from him. You wrapped your lips around it and tasted the faint essence of your arousal that had been left by his lips. “Touché.”

Javier had — more or less — moved into your apartment, though there was nothing _official_ about it. He spent more nights with you than not. And you were fairly certain most of his clothes already hung in your closet and sat in your drawers. 

But he couldn’t officially vacate his apartment without drawing attention to your relationship — and you weren’t ready to own up to the lies you’d told the DEA. Not yet. 

Not when you might still be able to get back in the field. 

“You wanna come, baby?” Javier questioned, lips brushing against your inner thigh, his moustache tickling your skin. “You’re still so tense.”

You tucked an arm beneath your head, sinking back against the pillow as you took another drag and exhaled. “Yes, please.”

Javier bit lightly at your thigh, making you inhale sharply. “I could do this every day.” He told you, dragging two fingers between your folds, before sinking them into your aching center. “I fucking love this pussy.” He drawled out.

“I’m pretty fond of your mouth.” You quipped, you took one more drag off the cigarette before sitting it aside in the ashtray. You wanted to focus on what Javier was doing. 

He swept his tongue over your clit, circling the little bundle of nerves with just the tip. His fingers curled within you, always knowing _just_ how to reach that sweet spot within you.

Javier reached up and pressed his hand against the center of your lower stomach as you arched up off the bed. The pressure made a new desire coil through you, a shaky breath escaping you. 

You moaned as he kept dragging his fingers over that sweet spot within you, coupled with the way he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked and swept his tongue over it. 

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out, your cunt clenching down around his fingers as the first wave of your release took hold. Your toes curled and you dug your heels into the mattress as he kept his mouth right where it was. 

It was pure bliss as your release washed through you, white heat and a blissful tingling sensation that spread through your entire core. 

Javier pulled back, breathing heavily, lips and chin covered in your slick arousal. “I wish you knew just how sexy you look after you come.” He told you. 

You laughed softly, picking up the still-smoldering cigarette and taking a drag before offering it to him. “Bet it’s just as _sexy_ as you look between my thighs.”

Javier snorted, holding the cigarette between his lips as he climbed back up the bed and laid down beside you. “Better?”

You hummed, “Still a little stressed.” 

Javier arched a brow at you as you smoked.

“Think you still have one of those lubricated condoms in a pants pocket somewhere?”

He snuffed out the cigarette, taking it and the ashtray with him as he got off the bed. “Might have one in my wallet.”

You laughed, “Should I be concerned?”

He shot you a look, “I like to be prepared. Never know when you might want me to fuck your ass.” Javier winked at you, before he walked across the bedroom to the dresser where his wallet sat. He picked it up, opening it, and pulling out a condom packet. “Happy?”

You bit down on your bottom lip as you slid down to the foot of the bed, letting your legs hang over the side. “Almost.” You quipped.

Javier stepped in between your thighs, planting a hand on the bed beside you as he leaned down to kiss you. You tasted yourself on his mouth and his tongue and it only fueled the new bloom of need in your belly. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Your other hand traveled downwards, cupping his rather noticeable bulge in his jeans. He was hard as fucking rock — all because he’d eaten you out. And _that_ made lust spike through you. 

He groaned against your lips as you started working at getting his jeans off, fingers tugging at his belt and drawing his zipper down. Javier broke from the kiss, taking a step back to kick off his jeans and then his boxers. 

“Come here.” You urged, licking your lips as he stepped closer — his cock jutting towards you. You cupped his balls as you leaned forward and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. 

Javier’s fingers tangled into your hair, a groan escaping him as you took nearly the full length of him into your mouth. You pulled back, giving his cock another stroke before you took the condom from him.

“ _Fuck_ , baby.” He breathed out, brushing his fingers over your cheek as he watched you roll the condom onto his cock. He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, “Roll over, baby.”

You smirked up at him, “Make me.”

He caught your jaw, dipping back down to kiss you roughly. “ _Now._ ”

This time you obeyed. You pushed your palm to his stomach to get him to back up, before you rolled over. You stretched yourself out on the bed, feet touching the ground as you laid with your ass hanging over the side of the bed. 

Javier palmed at your hips, using his knee to nudge your thighs apart. “You’re still so fucking wet, baby. Did you like coming?”

You pressed back, wiggling your ass. “What do you think?” 

Javier smacked your right ass cheek lightly, making you yelp softly. “Too much?”

“No, it’s perfect.” You told him, rocking back towards him. “Come on, Javi. Don’t tease.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the small of your back. “I love you.”

You smiled, turning your head to the side. “I love you too.” You glanced back at him, breath catching in your throat as he dipped his thumb into your cunt, gathering up your slick arousal and smearing it over your puckered hole.

“Is this what you want, baby?” He questioned, dipping his thumb into you — a slow press as your body resisted. 

“Fuck _yes_.” You told him, trying to relax beneath his attention. 

He used his spit to add to your arousal as he worked his thumb into you. He teased you for a moment, before he replaced his thumb with the head of his cock. 

Your fingers gripped at the sheets beneath you as his cock pressed into you. “That’s it, baby.” He urged. “Fuck, look at you.” His voice was rough with desire, his hand gripping tightly at your thigh as he used the other to guide his cock.

A throaty moan escaped you as Javier worked the full length of his cock into you, his hips pressed into the soft globes of your ass, before drawing back and repeating the action again. 

“So fucking tight, baby.” Javier panted out, rolling his hips slowly in time with the way you rocked back into him.

He tangled his fingers into your hair, pulling on it just enough to make you arch your back. His name slipped past your lips as you moved with him. 

It felt like heaven. The faint edge of being _almost_ too much. The delicious pressure of being filled by him. You wedged your hand between you and the mattress, fingers teasing at your clit in time with his thrusts. 

“Fuck, you feel good.” You told him, clenching your body around him as he bottomed out. He pulled back, nearly pulling out of you completely before slamming back into you. “ _Holy shit_.”

“You like that, baby? Wanna hear you.”

“Yes. _Fuck_ yes. Javi, please.” You groaned out as he started to pick up the pace. 

He released his hold on your hair, using his newly free hand to smack your ass. Once and then twice, making your cunt clench around nothing and your ass tighten around his cock. “Goddammit, baby.” He hissed out. 

Javier slipped his hand around your hip, batting your hand away so he could work his fingers roughly over your clit. 

You came again. You couldn’t hold back — your back bowing towards him as your fingers gripped at the sheets beneath you. Every nerve ending in your body felt alive as you pulsed around him. 

Javier’s cock retreated from your body and you heard him grunt out your name. You looked behind you, watching him as he peeled off the condom and fisted his hand over his cock. 

He spilled out over your ass, his come painting over your skin, dripping down over your cunt. “Holy fuck.” Javier breathed out, giving your hip a squeeze. “Stay here.”

Javier drew in a ragged breath as he steadied himself before vanishing out the bedroom door. He returned a moment later with a damp washcloth, using it to tenderly clean up the mess he’d made of you. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna need that other cigarette.” You remarked, gingerly pulling yourself up off the edge of bed and climbing back to the center. “That took the edge off the day.”

He chuckled, “Thought it might do the trick.” 

“You make the most stressful days worth it,” You told him as he joined you on the bed, a possessive arm wrapped around your waist. 

“Yeah?” Javier kissed your shoulder. 

“ _Yes_.” You ruffled your fingers through his hair. 


	90. Headlines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The article hits the newstands. Set in March 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None.

> ** DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENCY UNDER FIRE FOR GENDER-BASED DISCRIMINATION  **
> 
> America was captivated by the DEA’s pursuit of the Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar. Following his death in 1993, two names became synonymous with the chase — but there was another name carefully removed from the narrative. 
> 
> In 1987, Annie Morley transferred to Colombia from the DEA’s Atlanta Division eager to make a name for herself within one of the government’s most notorious agencies. Her drive led to numerous successful apprehensions. Most notably, she led the takedown on a notorious associate of Escobar within her first twenty-four hours with the agency. 
> 
> The DEA rewarded her loyalty to the agency by burying her efforts and scrubbing her dedication from the record books. 
> 
> Following Escobar’s death, Morley entered into a quiet relationship with her longtime partner, Javier Peña. After years of fighting against the rampant sexism at the embassy, she was forced to conceal not only the relationship, but the paternity of her daughter.
> 
> The DEA’s response to her pregnancy was to place her on indefinite desk duty, prematurely ending the career of one of their best field agents. She was replaced by Chris Fiestle, a junior agent with a record for complacency, forged documentation, multiple disciplinary infractions, and at least one harassment-based misdemeanor on his record. Fiestle’s connections within the DEA agency allowed for his unowned momentum, despite his unfavourable records. While Morley found herself under increased scrutiny, harassment, and intimidation merely due to her transition into motherhood.
> 
> Once the couple’s relationship became known to the agency, the DEA swiftly severed Morley’s employment and terminated her work permit sponsorship in Colombia. Morley and Peña have provided the paper with first person accounts and documentation of numerous actions undertaken by the DEA to silence, intimidate, harassment, and even blackmail them into subjugation. 
> 
> Files obtained by the _Post_ , courtesy of the Freedom of Information Act have confirmed internal communication between several upper level members of the DEA actively conspiring against the couple. Including, but not limited to, explicit correspondence reflecting on the nature of Morley’s morals and whether other members of the agency would be willing to “share her”. 
> 
> Two years ago, Peña contacted the _Post_ to investigate Morley’s omission from official DEA records and was met by the DEA financially blackmailing one of his students at The University of Miami, orchestrating false sexual assault claims in an attempt to silence their attempts at going to the press with their story.
> 
> The _Post_ will continue coverage on these shocking allegations next month. 

* * *

The newspaper trembled as your eyes skimmed over the article. There it was. In print. The summation of your six years with the DEA. Pictures of the three of you on assignment — a copy of the one that had sat framed in your apartment for years. You had been there. You had given your blood, sweat, and tears to the agency and in return, they’d buried your contributions all because you had become a mother. 

“I didn’t know that.” You remarked, peering over the edge of the newspaper, watching Javier as he read through his own copy of the _Post_. 

“What?” He questioned, arching a brow at you. 

“That they wanted to _share_ me.” Just repeating what you had read made your skin crawl. You sat in briefings with those assholes — stupidly thinking they saw you as an agent and not as a woman. “I must’ve missed that in the FOIA files.” 

Javier nodded, “That’s tame, in comparison to what Vickers has sitting on his desk.” He reached over and gave your leg a squeeze. “You good, baby?”

“It’s just surreal.” You admitted, covering his hand with yours as you sat up. “I never thought it would come to this, you know? When we were back in Colombia — before Josie… I would never have imagined this.” You gestured to the paper. 

And it was just the beginning. Now that it was out, you were certain the DEA would retaliate. They’d dredge up something to hurt your image, to hurt Javier’s. They played dirty and you weren’t sure how swift their retaliation would be this time. 

“I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Chris reads this.” Javier said, loosely shaking out the newspaper before folding it closed and sitting it aside on the coffee table. He stared at you for a long moment and you could feel his eyes on you. “C’mere baby.” 

You sighed heavily as you sat the newspaper aside, crawling down the length of the sofa to him. Javier pulled you into his arms and you settled against his chest, listening to his heart beating beneath your ear. 

“Are you glad we did this?” Javier questioned, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

You swallowed thickly, nodding slowly. “I think so.” You trailed your fingers over his arm, drawing little patterns against his skin. “You know, it’s _really_ wild to see our relationship put to print. Because it _was_ a quiet affair, we’ve never made it into _something_.” 

Javier played his fingers through your hair gently, his other hand sliding down your back. “Do you _want_ to make it into something?”

“No.” 

“I didn’t think so.” He chuckled quietly. “But you’re not wrong, baby. Seeing the two of us in the paper like this — it’s _fucking_ weird.” Javier gestured to the newspaper on the table. “Seeing everything put so plainly, spelled out for the world to see.”

You tilted your head to press a kiss to his throat, “Thank you for this _very_ belated Christmas gift.”

Javier snorted, “Well, we had to have a baby and move first, didn’t we?” He stroked his fingers up and down your back. 

You cracked a smile, resting your cheek against his chest again. “The last year has been a blur.” 

“Make that ten years.”

“Truly.” Your eyes flickered towards the newspaper, your heart best quickening as you stared at the picture of yourself right there on the front page. 

One. Two. Three.

You exhaled heavily.

Javier pressed a kiss to the top of your head, just as the phone started ringing in the kitchen. “I should get that. It might be the daycare.” He remarked, reluctantly starting to get up. 

You pulled away from him, reclining back on the sofa as you watched him head into the kitchen to catch the call on the third ring. 

“Hey, baby?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s for you.”

Your brows rose upwards are the somewhat odd tone Javier was using. You hadn’t actually considered that people might call you in regards to the paper until _that_ moment. 

“Who is it?” You questioned, hands on your hips as you stared at him. He had the receiving pressed to his chest to muffle out your voices. 

“Lance.”

“What?”

Javier shrugged, a casual indifference that you knew _wasn’t_ indifference. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You rolled your eyes as you took the phone from him. You turned back towards the wall to press the speaker button on the phone. “Hey, Lance! You’re on speaker.”

Lance chuckled coolly, “Saw the headlines this morning, thought I ought to drop a line.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long time coming.” You admitted, folding your arms across your chest. “How’s Sheena?”

“It’s going _great_. We actually just moved back closer to her parents. She’ll need the help in about four months.”

“Congratulations, Lance.” You offered, “I know how much you wanted kids.”

“Got my wish too. _Twins_.”

Javier arched a brow at you, looking in between you and the phone. 

“What?” You mouthed. 

He shook his head and headed over to make himself a cup of coffee, eyes still flickering your direction. 

“How are your kids doing?”

“Josie’s a spitfire. I don’t know how she’s going to manage kindergarten.”

“ _Kindergarten_? No shit. How the hell is she five?”

You laughed, “She’s still got a couple months. And Sofía’s doing really well.”

“ _Sofía_. Sheena actually has that one on the name list.”

“It was my _mother’s_ name.” Javier remarked, with just the edge of annoyance to his voice. You stepped away from the phone, curling your fingers around his arm. 

“ _Stop_.” You whispered when he tried to pull his arm away from you. 

“Well then, I’ll promise to steer Sheena away from the name then.” Lance remarked with a good-natured laugh. 

Javier’s expression softened as you cupped his cheek and leaned up on your toes to kiss him. You drew back, brushing your nose against his. “You jealous fool.” You whispered just for him, ruffling your fingers through his hair. 

“I wish I was calling just to congratulate the two of you for sticking it to the DEA, but I, uh… I come with some _unfavorable_ information.” 

You stiffened and Javier reached for your hand. “What do you mean by _unfavorable_ news?”

“Looks like the DEA got ahead of your story in the _Post_ ,” Lance explained. “First thing this morning I had the public relations team at the DEA Headquarters calling me. They were wanting any information I would give them about our relationship.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Javier hissed out. 

“Easy there, Peña.” Lance warned him, “I told them we had a good relationship, but we both ultimately wanted different things. They seemed rather disappointed to find out you and I still talk.” 

Javier’s hand tightened around yours. 

“What kind of questions were they asking?” You questioned, biting down on your bottom lip as you worried about what the DEA could _possibly_ be up to. “Specific questions about our relationship?”

“Start and end date. Whether I suspected that you and Javier were _more_ than partners.” Lance chuckled. “You and I were long over before the two of you got together. I told them they didn’t have a story with me. But that means they’re going to be following other leads that _might_ be able to discredit your story.”

“We have the fucking FOID files. There’s nothing to discredit.” You seethed. 

“You’re welcome to pass my contact info along to the journalist,” Lance told you. “I’m happy to lend whatever assistance I might be able to render.” 

“You might be a fucking suit, but you’re not a bad guy, Lance.” Javier retorted, his tongue pressed into his cheek as he glared at the phone.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Peña.” Lance countered. “You make her happy and frankly that’s all I care about. You two have a good rest of your day.” 

“Thanks for calling, Lance. I’ll pass your information along to Vickers.” You offered as you stepped towards the phone to hang up. “It’s not like we should be _surprised_ that the DEA is already trying to damage control.” 

Javier gave you a look, his lips drawn thin. “So you keep in touch with Lance?”

You rolled your eyes, “You are _ridiculous_. You should be thanking me for keeping in touch with him. Otherwise we wouldn’t know what the DEA is up to right now.” You approached him, poking him in the chest. “Once again, I prove to be a better agent than _you_.” 

“And how’s that?” He questioned, curling his hand around your hip as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“I keep people close,” You answered, resting a hand on his shoulder. “People who someone might be able to turn against me. I keep that relationship — no matter how badly it ended — in good condition. The old adage is ‘an enemy of my enemy, is my friend’ and I try to keep that from being used against me.” 

“Is that why you went to coffee with Elena?” 

You shrugged, “I always liked Elena.” 

“Me too.” He admitted, “She let me talk about you.” 

You made a face, “Pretty sure I talked about you to Lance and neither of us knew _why_.” You reached down and took both of his hands into yours, interlacing your fingers before bringing them to your lips. You pressed a kiss to each knuckle. “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Look what the DEA did just because of a FOIA.” 

“Yeah.” Javier sighed heavily, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “I’ll fucking tear that entire institution down if they try to hurt you for this. I’ll burn it all to the ground.” 

“Oh, arson.” You pursed your lips, giving him an appraising look. “I hadn’t taken you for an arsonist.” 

Javier snorted, tracing his tongue over the edges of his teeth, “DEA deserves to burn. And I’ll use the embers to keep you warm, baby.” 

“I’ll get the matches.” You smirked, tracing your fingertip down the length of his nose, before you tilted your chin and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. 


	91. First Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie takes her first steps. Set in February 1994.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: So much fluff and some smut (woman on top)

“It’s going to be _so_ weird going to work without you,” You remarked as you brought your beer bottle to your lips, but you didn’t take a sip yet. “I’m sure if I could get you a job with the P.D. if you wanted to get back into the swing of things.” You added, taking a swig.

Javier’s jaw tensed and he shook his head, “I need a fucking break, baby.” He dragged his fingers through his hair, before rubbing at his cheek. “I was already in Colombia for a couple years before you got there.”

You knew it had taken a lot out of him. Hell, it had taken a lot out of you. But there was this weight on his shoulders that you weren’t entirely sure he’d be willing to let you carry some of its burden. 

It wasn’t an easy job. Tough decisions, bad decisions, too many mistakes. 

“Staying home with Josie is going to be good for you,” You scooted towards him on the sofa, resting your cheek against his shoulder. 

Javier shifted so he could wrap his arm around you, keeping his beer bottle perched on his thigh with his other hand. You watched the way he ran his thumb over the side of the bottle, the way he picked at the edge of the peeling label. 

There was still a part of your mind that hadn’t fully processed your departure from Colombia and the DEA. The trip to Texas — spending Christmas with his father — it had all felt like a _holiday_. But it was less of a vacation and more of a new beginning. This was home now. You didn’t have to live with the anxiety of your relationship anymore. You could just _be_. 

And now that Steve and Connie knew about your relationship, there was no one else you were keeping this secret from. Everyone that mattered knew. You and Javier were finally free to be _happy_. 

Josie squealed loudly, drawing your attention back to her as she chucked the baby doll that she’d been contentedly playing with across the floor. Javier snorted as she started scooting her butt across the floor to get to the discarded doll. 

“What a goober,” Javier remarked, shaking his head as he gave your shoulder a squeeze. “JoJo, are you playing fetch with yourself?”

Josie tilted her head as she looked towards both of you, babbling nonsensical things as she snatched up the doll and tossed it towards the sofa.

Again, she scooted herself on the floor towards the toy. 

“At least she’s happy about it.” You laughed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as you stayed nestled against him. 

Josie squealed, slapping her palms against the floor before she held her hands out towards Javier. 

Javier pressed a kiss to your temple, unwinding his arm from around you as he sat his beer bottle aside. In the time it took for him to sit up, Josie had concocted a better plan for getting what she wanted. She grabbed onto the side of the coffee table with one hand and hauled herself up off the floor.

“Oh my God!” You nearly dropped your own beer bottle in your haste to get up. “Shit, where’s the camera?”

“Bedroom.” 

You ran down the hall, ducking into the bedroom to grab the camera off the dresser. You took off the cap, slinging the strap around your neck as you headed back into the family room.

Javier had her by her hands, helping her stand up in front of him on the sofa. “Baby, looking at her!” He grinned and you focused the camera on his smile as you started recording. 

“We should’ve known she’d start walking because we weren’t quick enough to give her attention.”

Javier laughed and Josie echoed his laughter with a little put-on chortle of her own. “I’m gonna let go of her hands.” He explained as you approached with the camera. 

You positioned yourself on the floor a few feet away from Josie. He released her, staying close as she teetered on her feet like she might fall over. Instead she took a step towards you, wobbling from side to side as she tested the action again.

Javier covered his face as he laughed and you couldn’t help but turn the camera back on him, capturing the look of _sheer_ joy on his face. God, he was so happy. If only you could put a pin in this moment and revisit it again and again. 

Josie started to lose her footing and you quickly turned the camera back on her, catching her as she thumped onto the floor on her butt. Her eyes widened like she might start to cry, but Javier was quick to sweep her into his arms. You laughed as you watched him cradle her against his chest and shower her little face with kisses. 

“Someone’s a daddy’s girl.” You remarked as Javier tossed her into the air a little, earning him more squeals and giggles. She was beside herself with the attention and forgot all about being upset over falling over. 

Javier sat her back down on her feet, letting her clutch at his hands as she walked forward towards you. “Someone’s going to drive daddy crazy now that she’s walking.”

You laughed softly, “You’re going to be dying to get out of here in a week.” 

“ _Maybe_.” Javier held his hand out to take the camera from you so you could trade off with him. You took ahold of Josie’s hands, guiding her across the family room. 

Javier turned the camera on you, “And who’s _that_ gorgeous woman?” He questioned, “JoJo, is that your mommy?”

Josie babbled her response, an utterly ridiculous combination of sounds. 

“You know if she’s single?”

She lifted one foot and looked up at him curiously, but didn’t provide an answer. She was too busy trying to walk without your assistance. 

“Uh-oh.” You remarked, grinning at the camera. “What does silence mean?” You questioned, keeping one hand in Josie’s hold as you both moved towards Javier. 

She grabbed at his legs and you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “She’s happily _taken_.” You told him. “By a very handsome man.”

“Yeah?” He put the camera in your face again.

You rolled your eyes, pretending to push the camera away. 

“What’s his name?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, giving the camera a coy look. “Some fruit loop I picked up in Colombia.” You shrugged. “Javier Peña or something.”

“Damn and here I was thinking I had a shot.”

You snorted, “Maybe after our little walker goes to bed.”

Javier chuckled, peering the lense back at Josie. “Are you an official walker now, JoJo?”

“Mmmm!” She responded, slapping her little palm against his knee. 

You grinned at Javier, “We are officially the parents of a walker.”

The smile he offered you in return made your heart leap in your chest. 

* * *

Javier was already in bed when you entered the bedroom after your shower, “You’re not asleep already, are you?” You questioned as you toweled off your hair and tossed it over the hamper to dry. 

“I’m awake,” He assured you as he sat up, taking his fingers through his hair. “I did fall asleep in the rocking chair with Josie.”

You laughed and shook your head as you peeled back the covers and joined him in bed. “You were crying weren’t you?”

“Is it that noticeable?” Javier made a face, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he met your eyes. 

You curled up beside him, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from his cheek. “This was the giveaway.” You whispered, before stealing a kiss. “I broke down in the shower.”

“Your eyes are red.” Javier curled his arm around you. “She’s already walking.”

“And she’ll be in high school by Friday.” You remarked with a mirthless smile. 

“I’m not ready for her to grow up.”

“Me neither.” You stroked his cheek, “At least I didn’t miss it. Shit, if she had done that while I was at work tomorrow…”

“I would’ve lied and waited until she did it in front of you.”

“Sweet, but you’re a terrible liar.” You ran a finger down the length of his nose, before tracing your thumb over his lips. 

Javier narrowed his eyes, “You think I’m a bad liar?”

“It’s all in the eyes,” You kissed him again, letting your lips linger against his. “Though, it’s sweet that you’d wait until I was there for it to be the first time.” 

“You sure you’re ready to go back to work?” He questioned, brushing his nose against yours.

“It’s only three days a week. One of us needs to make money.” You remarked with a sigh, “It’s still four days with you and Josie. Which was more than I had in Colombia.”

Javier tilted his head and kissed you, “It’s been nice. These past couple of weeks.” He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb over the rise of your cheekbone. “Just the three of us.”

“It’s spoiled me.” You laughed, rubbing your hand down his chest. “I’m going to miss you tomorrow.”

“Maybe we’ll come visit you on your lunch break.” Javier suggested, covering your hand with his own. 

“ _Really_?” You grinned. “I think the Captain said lunch is usually around one. I have a meeting with their narcotics team at two.”

“I’ll be there at ten til one.” He drew you in for another kiss and this time you let it linger, slowly moving your lips against his as you deepened it. 

A low groan rose up in the back of Javier’s throat as he sank his fingers into your hair, cradling the back of your head as he slanted his mouth against yours. His tongue swept out, dragging over your own, teasing the roof of your mouth. 

You trailed your foot up the length of his calf beneath the covers before you shifted to straddle him. Javier sat up, an arm curled around your waist to keep you pressed to him. You wrapped your legs around him, settling yourself against the hardening length of his cock — rocking against him. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You breathed out as you broke the kiss, your fingers tugging at his hair. 

“Hmm?” Javier questioned, his hands sliding down your curves. “What is it, baby?”

You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip as you caught your breath, your eyes searching his. “Let me take the lead on this one, Javi.”

He nodded slightly, “Whatever you want.”

“I figured you’d be into that.” You quipped, pressing your palm to his chest and pushing him back onto the bed. You sat astride him, grinding your core against his cloth-covered cock as you pulled your tank top off of your head and tossed it aside. 

Javier groaned, his hands skimming up your stomach and waist, but not quite reaching your breasts. He was _so_ good about not touching them, even though you knew he desperately wanted to. 

Javier Peña had _always_ been a breast man. 

You leaned down, your wet hair falling into your face as you peppered kisses along his collarbone and down the center of his chest. You relished the feel of his warm hands as they trailed over your back, greedily touching wherever he could reach.

Sliding off of him, you quickly did away with your sleep pants and underwear, leaving them on the bed beside you as you moved back to straddle him. 

Javier couldn’t help himself, he tugged you back downwards so he could kiss you, curling his fingers around the back of your neck. You wiggled atop him, seeking friction as your slick core dragged against the fabric keeping you from his cock. 

“You should’ve showered with me,” You whispered, nipping at his bottom lip, pulling it back before releasing it as you sat up. “I had no luck taking the edge off alone.”

Rising up on your knees, you reached down between you and slid his boxers down his hips, letting his cock spring free. “ _Fuck_.” You breathed out as you curled your fingers around him and pumped it along his straining length. 

Javier’s hands curled around your thighs, his gaze locked on yours as you rose up just enough to sink down onto his cock. You moaned as his cock pressed into you, filling you deliciously until you were sat astride him. 

“Baby, _fuck_. You feel so good.” He told you, rubbing his hands over your skin. “Fucking gorgeous.”

You smirked, “I feel _fucking_ gorgeous riding you.” You pried his hands off your thighs, interlacing your fingers with his as you drew them towards his head, pressing them back against the mattress. 

His grip on your hands tightened as you started moving, rolling your hips as you built up a rhythm. “That’s it, baby. That’s it — _fuck_. Ride me just like that.”

Your nails bit into the backs of his hands as you moved atop him. It felt like _heaven_. And it was just the cure you’d needed to chase away the first day jitters that were plaguing you. It wasn’t like either of you could enjoy yourselves tomorrow morning. 

A flicker of pain crossed his features and you instantly released his right hand. You weren’t about to exasperate an old injury, just to enjoy the upper hand.

“Thank you.” Javier whispered as his hand moved to your thigh, brushing his thumb over the skin there. “Can I?”

You nodded, letting your eyelids flutter closed as Javier’s fingers found your clit. His thumb rubbed circles over the sensitive bundle of nerves, timed perfectly with every upward rock of his hips. 

Your release took you by surprise, a wave of pleasure washing through you, pooling hot and heavy in your core as you clenched around him. You’d didn’t stop — riding him through your release until you felt him tense beneath you.

“ _Baby_.” Javier urged, his voice tight as your eyes snapped open. The look on his face made your heart flutter — pure unabashed desire and adoration, quickly replaced by his own moment of pleasure. His eyes nearly rolled back in his head as he came apart — his cock pulsing inside you as he spilled out his release. 

You kept rolling your hips, grinding down against him even as you sank forward against his chest. You let him wrap his arms around you, your own snaking beneath him, pressed between the mattress and him. 

“Is that how much you’re going to miss me tomorrow?”

You snorted, nuzzling at his throat. “Even more.” You told him, winding your fingers through his hair as you leaned up to kiss him. 


	92. California Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier take a well deserved vacation. Set in late May 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff and Smut (cock warming, modified doggy style)

This was _the_ life. 

Top down convertible, hair loose in the breeze, Javier’s hand on your thigh as he drove along the coast. It was perfect — like something out of the movies. You could take a hundred pictures and still not quite capture the way you felt. 

And sure, you missed the girls, but you had both _desperately_ needed a little time away from everything. After the way the DEA story had landed, you both needed to get the fuck out of there for awhile. Without the kids. 

Connie had initially suggested Mexico — Cabo, to be specific. But how the hell could either of you sit on a resort beach and _not_ think about the cartels just beyond the American tourists? The DEA was the last thing either of you wanted to think about.

You reached down and rested your hand over Javier’s on your thigh, slotting your fingers in between his, you ran your thumb over the side of his hand. “I can’t get over how gorgeous this place is.”

Javier tilted his head, grinning at you as he caught your eyes. “Then you fit right in with the scenery, baby.” 

“ _Drive._ ” You rolled your eyes, squeezing his hand. 

He chuckled, running his hand down your leg, “What?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, winding your fingers through your hair as it whipped around you in the wind. There wasn’t a bad view to be found here. 

Javier looked _good_ on vacation. Even after only one night in California — which was mostly spent dealing with jetlag at the hotel — he already seemed relaxed. And relaxation suited him. 

You reached over and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. His lips drew upwards with an easy smirk as he tilted his head to look at you, “Enjoying the scenery?”

“ _Very_ much.” You grinned. Even after all these years, Javi still managed to let loose butterflies in your stomach. The way he made you feel hadn’t dissipated. 

The winery the concierge at the hotel had recommended was still partially under construction — but the tasting room and vineyards were open to the public. It was insanely gorgeous, to say the least. The Castle, as it was referred to, was an ornate mansion fashioned after the French Normandy style — and there was _nothing_ like this in Florida. In fact, it looked like something you had seen on _Travels in Europe with Rick Steves_. 

Not that you and Javier curled on the sofa on Sunday afternoons and watched travel shows on PBS. One day, you’d manage an honest to God trip beyond the realms of North and South America. 

Javier walked around the convertible to open the door for you, “Ever the gentleman.” You teased as you took his hand and stepped out of the car. You leaned over the side of the car, grabbing your purse and situating the strap across your body. “Shit, this place is _insane_.” You remarked as you interlaced your fingers with his.

“When they’re done with all the landscaping, this is going to be one hell of a destination.” He remarked, gesturing to the upturned soil along the pathway where they’d clearly recently put down seed. 

“I think they’re set to open next summer — _officially_.” You explained, shielding your eyes as you took in the scenery. “I think we might have to come back.” 

He shrugged a shoulder, “We could make it a yearly trip.” 

“Hopefully we don’t have a reason to _escape_ every year.”

“You don’t think a nice post-semester getaway — just the two of us — sounds like a _fantastic_ plan, baby?” He questioned with an easy smirk as he released his hold on your hand and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you in so he could steal a kiss. 

You pursed your lips as you pulled back, reaching up to ruffle the hair that fell against his forehead as you considered his suggestion. “I _could_ be tempted.” You grinned at him and leaned in to kiss him again, before you escaped his grasp. “Come on, the tasting starts at noon.” 

Javier pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose and followed after you up the pathway. “In all my life, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a place like this.” He remarked as he took your hand again. “I’m feeling underdressed.” 

You snorted, “You look _fine_ , Javi.” Your eyes raked over him — dark denim jeans and a short sleeve linen button up suited him. “Better than fine if I were the judge.” 

There were already several other couples and groups waiting in the tasting room when you both arrived. They offered tastes of their 1994 Estate Merlot, before ushering everyone onto a tour of the winery and the vineyard. You had never really made a study of winemaking practices and you actually found the whole thing rather fascinating. 

“The day is still young,” You remarked as you leaned against the side of the convertible, arms folded across your chest as Javier came to lean against the car beside you. “We could go to the beach.” 

Javier glanced at his watch, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “I think Bodega Bay’s probably an hour from here.” He nodded his head in agreement. “You got the map?”

“Am I not the trusty navigator?” You teased as you moved to stand in front of him. “We can eat dinner there and then head back for cocktails at the inn.” You suggested, resting your hands on his shoulders as you leaned in to kiss him. 

He rested a hand at the small of your back, as the other gently cupped your cheek. 

“Newlyweds?” Someone questioned, interrupting the moment. 

Your brows furrowed together as you turned your attention towards the woman who had spoken, “Excuse me?”

“I have a keen eye. It’s easy to spot a pair of newlyweds.” The older woman stated, smiling between the two of you. “Are you on your honeymoon?”

Javier chuckled, raking his fingers through his hair as he gave your hip a squeeze. “Sorry to disappoint, ma’am, but we are neither married nor on our honeymoon.” 

You stifled a quiet laugh, by the woman’s flummoxed expression. 

“ _Really_?” She clasped her hands together, “I could’ve sworn that was the case.” 

“We’ve essentially been together for almost eleven years.” You admitted, your fingers curling around Javier’s as you took his hand. “I guess it’s nice to know we give off honeymoon vibes.” 

“I’m the wedding planner for the estate,” The woman offered, extending her hand as an introduction. “Sheila Wise.” 

“It’s nice to meet you,” You said politely. “The grounds are going to be beautiful when things are finalized.” You gestured back towards the mansion. “I can see the appeal of getting married here.” 

“Are you local?”

Javier shook his head, “Florida.” 

“Well, welcome to California. Are you staying nearby?”

“We’re staying in Sonoma at an Inn for a few nights,” You explained, leaning against Javier. “We just got in last night actually.” 

“You two must be awfully jet lagged.” 

Javier chuckled, scratching at his jaw, “It’s no worse than having a newborn. You got any recommendations? We’re in Sonoma until Tuesday and then heading to the coast mid-week.” 

“And then San Francisco,” You added. “We fly back out next week.” 

“You should drive down to Armstrong,” She suggested. “You’re less than an hour away and with the weather today, the forest is going to look _beautiful_.” Sheila looked between the two of you. “Oh, you two really are just a lovely couple.” 

You blushed, “Thank you.” 

“We were actually considering driving down to Bodega Bay,” Javier reminded you, squeezing your hand. “You wanna hit the Redwoods today?”

You shrugged, “I’m easy. We are staying at the coast later this week.” 

“Alright, baby, let’s go look at trees.” He winked at you, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand before he turned back to Sheila. “Thanks for the recommendation. We might be back next year to see the progress.” 

“Do you mind taking a picture for us?” You questioned, releasing your hold on Javier’s hand and leaning into the car to grab your camera from where you’d stowed it under the seat. 

“Of course!” Sheila took the camera from you, gesturing for the two of you to pose. 

You cupped the side of Javier’s jaw, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek as he grinned at the camera. You didn’t have _nearly_ enough pictures of the two of you together. She took a second shot with you leaning against him, his arm curled around your waist. 

“I hope you have a _wonderful_ visit,” She said warmly as she passed the camera back to you. 

“She is a remarkably spritely old woman,” You remarked once she was out of earshot and you were settled into the car, sorting out a route on the map that would get you to the state park. 

“Hope you’re that spritely when you get old like me,” Javier quipped with a smirk, taking his sunglasses off and tucking them into the front of his shirt. He stifled a yawn as he rubbed at his eyes. 

“Wanna go back to the hotel?” You questioned, leaning over to play your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. “We can go poke around the plaza in town. Find somewhere to eat.” You brushed your knuckles against his cheek as he turned to look at you. “This is supposed to be _relaxing,_ not exhausting” You reminded him. 

“Gotta reserve some energy for tonight, right?” He remarked, tracing his tongue over the edge of his teeth as he met your gaze. 

“You mean since we fell asleep last night?” You quipped, giving his leg a pat. “We can sit on the patio and crack into the bottle we bought.” You bit down on your bottom lip as you met his eyes, “And then we can have fun.” 

Javier leaned over and kissed you, “I’m looking forward to it.” He brushed his nose against yours before starting the car up. 

* * *

“Why didn’t we settle in California instead of Florida?” You questioned, setting aside your menu as you looked across the table at Javier. “It’s not as hot as hell like Miami is.” You shook your head. “This is the right way to dine al fresco.” 

Javier took a sip of his wine and sank back in his seat, looking quite relaxed as he looked around the bustling downtown plaza area. “You know what the best thing is?”

“What?”

“We don’t have to worry about people _recognizing_ us.” He rubbed at the side of his neck. “Yeah, it was national news, but everyone knows we’re in Miami.” 

You sighed heavily and shrugged your shoulders, “It was a lot.” Dealing with the back and forth in the newspaper had been emotionally fatiguing. “I don’t know what I expected, honestly. I just wanted it out there. You know?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Javier nodded, rocking his jaw. “I don’t regret it. It needed to be done.” 

You nudged his foot beneath the table, “I know everything coming out like it did wasn’t _ideal_. But it’s not like either of us have ever pretended to be someone that we’re not.” 

“It was pretty _fucking_ clear the DEA had some _idea_ about who they thought I was.” 

A faint smile cracked at the corner of your lips, “Everyone’s wrong about you, but… I think we cleared that up.” 

Javier snorted, “On the front page in black and white. I still wish Vickers had given us a _fucking_ heads-up.” He made a face, “That was the most uncomfortable class of my life.”

You laughed, reaching for your wine. “Did they think they’d break us?”

He gestured vaguely with his hands, “ _Probably_. I mean the whole thing blew up in their faces. Painted me out to be a saint and threw a half dozen of their guys under the bus.” 

“It opened up a whole new scandal,” You pointed out. “I’m kinda glad the whole thing took the pressure off us. Elena is a saint.” 

“We should get her something,” Javier suggested. “Think Hallmark has a card for that?”

You tapped your finger against your lips thoughtfully, “We should write in with the suggestion.” 

Javier leaned forward and took your free hand into his, “Dear Hallmark,” He began, barely keeping a straight face. “Please write a greeting card for when you need to thank a hooker you slept with nearly a decade ago for orchestrating the mass confessional of Colombia’s finest.” 

Your head tilted back as you laughed, “Please put that in your autobiography. “

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “It’ll be in there.” 

The waiter came then to take your orders. Javier ordered a fancy sounding Tortellini Alfredo with prosciutto, while you opted for the Eggplant Lasagna. Despite dinner and wine being more than enough, you both managed to share a serving of tiramisu before walking back to your hotel. 

“Do you miss the kids?” Javier questioned as he stepped out onto the balcony with the bottle of wine you’d purchased at the winery. 

“A smidge.” You admitted to him as you pulled your robe around your shoulders, relaxing into your seat. “Monica assured me that she’d call if there was any trouble.” You scooted your glass across the table for him to fill it. “And she hasn’t called.” 

“I suppose that’s reassuring,” Javier’s gaze flickered to your face as he filled your glass, pushing it back towards you. “You buy that just for the trip?”

You nodded your head with a smirk. “I figured we needed a little treat.” You smoothed your fingers over the satin ruffled sleeve of the dusty rose robe. “And I don’t actually have any _robes_.” You brought your glass to your lips and took a sip. 

Javier chuckled, “It’s a good look on you.” He remarked, picking up his glass and taking a sip as he stepped around behind you, his eyes turning towards the horizon. “Hell of a view.” 

“The mountains are gorgeous. They’re so different from the ones I grew up with.” You reached up and rested your fingers over his hand at your shoulder. “I’m guessing hiking is off the agenda?”

He gave your shoulder a squeeze as he walked around and sat down in the chair across from you, “Who do you think I am?”

You snorted, “Alright, _alright_.” You took another sip of wine before you rose to your feet and moved around to sit on his lap. “Better?”

“Much better,” Javier assured you, resting his hand at your hip as he sat his wine glass aside. “Did you have fun today?”

“I did,” You said with a nod as you slipped at your wine. “That winery was gorgeous. Can you imagine living in a house like that?” 

“Makes our house feel like an apartment.”

“ _Right_?” You sat your glass down on the table next to his, shifting in his lap to face him. “Did _you_ have fun?”

“Of course I did, baby. I spent the day with you.”

“Ugh, _gross_.” You scrunched up your nose, but kissed him nonetheless. You nipped at his bottom lip, fingers cupping his jaw as you sank into the kiss. “Sometimes you say the _corniest_ shit.” 

“You bring that out of me. You’ve only got yourself to blame, baby.” He told you, rubbing his hand down the top of your thigh where the robe fell against your skin.

You scraped your nails gently down the back of his neck, fingers toying with the soft hair there, before you dragged them through his hair. “Oh, it’s my fault you make dad jokes?”

“Well, _who_ made me a father?” 

“Me. _Twice_.” You rolled your eyes. “I must be crazy or something for facilitating your descent into _dad_ jokes.” You tugged at his hair. 

Javier played with the tie of your robe, loosening it just enough for him to slide a hand inside, his fingers playing against your bare side. “You like my corny jokes. Don’t lie.”

“I _never_ lie.” You traced your finger down his nose. “Back in Colombia, you were definitely funnier than Murphy.”

“Only way to keep sane.” 

“Seriously,” You pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I think Josie is going to have our brand of humor. She’s already so sassy.”

“She’s all you.” Javier tilted his head and stole a kiss. “Sofía — I’m not sure about.”

“She’s grumpy, just like her father.” You punctuated your sentence with a kiss to his lips before you moved to slide out of his lap. You snatched up both glasses of wine and moved towards the doorway back into your room. 

Javier had loosened your robe enough so that it fell open completely as you stood in the threshold. Beneath the robe was a pair of satin shorts and soft bralet that matched, both edged with white lace. And given the look on his face — he was _thrilled_ with the choice.”

“Like what you see?”

“Goddamn, baby. Sometimes I think you’re intentionally trying to give me a heart attack.” He remarked as he slid the balcony door closed behind him. He sat the half-drunk bottle of wine aside as he kicked off his shoes, “You look fucking incredible.”

Even still he managed to make your cheeks warm. You finished off your glass of wine, before setting his down on the nightstand. “I thought you might enjoy this.” You remarked as you let the robe slide off your arms and pool by your feet. “I _might_ have another one saved for when we get to Sam Francisco.”

“You spoil me, baby.” Javier ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “Holy shit.”

You perched on the side of the bed, trailing your fingers along your collarbone as you watched him undress. He slowly worked the buttons of his linen shirt loose, before tossing it aside carelessly. “Come here, Javi.” You requested, spreading your legs as he approached you.

Javier laid you back on the bed, draping himself over you as his lips claimed your mouth. One of your legs curled around his hips, grinding against the growing bulge in his jeans. You could feel the hard line of the zipper pressing against you and you sought friction from it. The satin fabric cling slickly to your cunt, the satin darkening there as your arousal grew. 

_Fuck_. The man knew how to kiss. Lips hungry against yours as his tongue plundered you like you wished his cock would. God — you were _aching_. Wine always managed to make you horny. 

You tugged at his hair, desire spark through you at the groan that left his mouth from the gesture. “You like that, Javi?” You taunted. “Our lives might’ve been printed on the front page, but there are so many things only _I_ know about you.”

Javier grinned down at you, “To the grave, baby.”

“To the grave.” You repeated as he dipped back down to kiss you again. You worked your hand in between your bodies, fingers desperately working to get his jeans off. 

He took a step back, undoing his belt before he shoved his pants down his hips and kicked them off. Your eyes flickered downwards to his erection, clearly straining in his boxers. “I feel like I should invest in satin.” You teased, “You seem to _really_ enjoy it.”

Javier rolled his eyes, “ _Fuck_ you.” 

“Wish you would.” You retorted with a smirk, running a hand down your torso, before playing your fingers over the soaked crotch of the satin. You bit down on your bottom lip to suppress a sound as you circled your clit through the fabric. “ _Javi_. 

“Middle of the bed, on your stomach.” Javier told you, his eyes snapping to your face. You wanted to taunt him, to drag this out longer — but the flint of control in his eyes made your stomach flip with desire. 

You complied, putting a little sway in your ass as you crawled onto the bed and laid down flat on your stomach in the center of the bed. 

Javier moved to join you, the bed dipping under his weight as he moved to straddle your upper thighs. He ran his hand down the center of your back, a tender touch that came in sharp contrast with the sudden slap he delivered to your left ass cheek. You jerked, grabbing the sheets as you cried out in surprise. 

“Baby, was it too much?” He questioned, rubbing the cheek he’d just injured. “Shit—“

“It’s good. _Very_ good.” You assured him.

“You know your safe word, baby.”

“I do. And I don’t plan on using it.” You countered, wiggling beneath his weight. “Don’t tease, Jav—“

You muffled the next cry of pleasure against your pillow as he delivered a second slap to your right cheek. It was probably _wrong_ just how much you enjoyed it. The pain that merged into pleasure. 

“You’re fucking _soaked_ , baby. Fuck, look at this perfect pussy.” He drawled out as he dragged his fingers through your slick folds. The touch was just teasing at first, gathering up your arousal and smearing it all over his fingers. 

You lifted your hips towards him, desperate for more. You bit down on your bottom lip as you felt his fingers tease at your slick center — working one and then _two_ fingers into you. The angle was perfect, making two fingers feel _tight_ within you. A precursor to what you were desperate for. 

Javier worked his fingers in and out of you, dragging them right over that sweet spot without ever giving it his full attention. You could feel the pleasure coursing through your veins, but it was never enough to push you over the edge. 

You moaned into the comforter, as he kept his fingers within you and stroked them over that sweet spot. That pleasure causes you to be caught off guard as his free hand landed against your bare asscheek. 

“Fuck. You clenched so tight around my fingers, baby. Think you’re ready for me cock?”

You flipped him off in response, amused by the low rumble of laughter that escaped him. Javier slid his fingers from your cunt and replaced the with his cock. 

He fed it into you slowly, sinking inch after inch into you until you squirmed beneath him. The angle was _incredible_. You could feel every inch of his cock stretching you. 

Javier palmed at your ass, gripping them tightly as he worked his cock in and out of you. Every forward thrust had him hitting that sweet spot within you, your body so _ready_ to come for him. 

He stretched out above you, his weight pressing you into the mattress as his cock stayed seated within you. Javier took your hands into his, keeping them pinned to the bed beside your hands. “That’s it, baby. Be a good girl and stay still for me.”

You drew in a shaky breath, the roughness of his voice sending a shiver down your spine. “Keep it right there.” He ordered you, releasing one hand so he could curl it loosely around your throat. He wasn’t trying to leave a mark, they’d be too hard to hide in dresses and bathing suits. 

“Are you just going to stay like _this_?” You questioned, grinding back against him as you clenched around his length. 

Javier squeezed your hand, “Is there a problem with that?” He questioned, bucking his hips forward, “Just stay still, baby.” He soothed, dragging his fingers down the column of your throat. “You feel so good like this.”

It _did_ feel good. You could feel every inch of him buried within your cunt and the weight of him crushing you into the mattress was a relished sensation. It felt like every part of him was pressed against you. 

He released your throat, brushing your hair aside as his lips hovered by your ear, “I want you to come for me, baby. Can you do that for me?”

You swallowed thickly, “Like this?” He nodded, kissing your shoulder. “ _Javi_.” You begged, clenching around him again.

His fingers tangled in your hair, his grip tightening as he started rocking into you, a slow and steady thrust — one where he barely pulled out before he was pressed back into you.

You shifted beneath him, grinding back against his every move. “ _Fuck_!” You gasped, feeling your body flutter around his cock. “ _Goddammit_ , Javi.” You urged. 

“Do you want me to stop, baby?” He questioned, his hand moving to give your hip a reassuring squeeze. “What do you want, baby?”

“I don’t want you to stop.” You told him hastily. “I just want you to fuck me. _Please_.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Javier pulled away from you, sitting back on his knees — using the angle to drive into you again and again. 

_This_ was what you had wanted. Javier pounding you into the mattress until you forgot what your name was. Javier fucking you until all you could was come around his cock as he spilled into you. 

It was the _best_ way to start vacation. 


	93. Past Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second article hits the newstands. Set in March 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild Angst

> ** PAST CONNECTIONS SPEAK OUT IN DEA SCANDAL  **
> 
> Following the bombshell report _The Post_ released in the March 2nd issue, the DEA came forward with allegedly incriminating documentation purporting a pattern of unsanctioned expenditures, where Javier Peña had filed expense forms on evenings spent with Colombian hookers. 
> 
> During our investigative reporting, _The Post_ was able to connect with three of the women who had been paid by Peña, using DEA funds, during his time with the DEA in Colombia. 
> 
> Elena Ramierz, who was willing to go on record using her own name, was forthcoming with information concerning her time with Peña. 
> 
> “I would not be where I am today, had I not crossed paths with Javi. He was willing to sponsor my immigration request — without asking for anything in return. Javier Peña is one of the only men I worked with who was a genuinely good man. He cared about all of the girls at the brothels and would look out for us. I cannot, however, say the same about other men who abused the systems the DEA willingly put into place.”
> 
> When pressed further, Ramirez went into detail painting a picture of the systemic abuses that were encouraged by the DEA, including but not limited to brutalizing sex workers, non-consensual contact, and intentional situations that led to physical and mental harm. These claims were largely substantiated by the other two women who were willing to speak with _The Post_. 
> 
> “He hated what he had to do to get information for the DEA. You could see the weight on his shoulders. Despite the brutal situation he was in, he was always kind and gentle with me and the other girls. Whatever picture the DEA is trying to paint him out to be, it’s to hide their own misdeeds.”
> 
> At the request of the DEA, _The Post_ also made contact with Lorraine Jackson ( _neé_ Davis) who was the former ex-fiancé of Peña. Jackson, who hails from Laredo, Texas, provided details about the nature of her relationship with Peña nearly thirty years ago. Despite the DEA’s insistence that Jackson’s testimony would be detrimental to Peña and Morley’s case against DEA, her statement was to the contrary. 
> 
> “Look,” Mrs. Jackson stated, “Javier left me at the altar when we were kids. I was angry for a long time. A long time. Even after I got married and started a family with a truly wonderful man. I was still wounded by what Javier did, but it all worked out for the best. I can’t even imagine what life would’ve been like if he’d shown up. Have you met his daughters? They adore him. He’s a good man, despite what happened between us.”
> 
> Mrs. Jackson continued, “When the DEA approached me about our relationship, I let my hurt feelings get the best of me. He made a lot of mistakes when he was younger — but didn’t we all? He left, went to college and came back to work for the Sheriff’s Office. He’d closed himself off and frankly, he was an ass. I don’t pretend to know what happened in Colombia, I wasn’t part of his life then, but I could see he had changed when he came home. The DEA wants to paint him out to be a villain in all of this and that’s just not the case.”
> 
> The DEA issued a revelatory statement, rebuffing the claims previously printed in _The Post_. 
> 
> _ There is no doubt that Ms. Morley contributed admirable efforts in the war against Pablo Escobar. As the American people have now seen, her records contain multiple instances where she assisted in the apprehension of multiple associates of Escobar’s.  _
> 
> _ Despite her efforts, during her tenure with the DEA in Colombia and Ms. Morley failed to uphold the standards expected of a DEA field agent. One year after her transfer, she entered into a relationship with a CIA liaison who was an active member of a joint task force formed by the two agencies. It became clearly, early on, that she was not capable of maintaining a professional work environment.  _
> 
> _ In 1992, when Ms. Morley revealed that she was pregnant, she was immediately placed on desk duty. During a meeting with her direct chain of command, Ms. Morley intentionally concealed the identity of her child’s father. When questioned about Mr. Peña, she blatantly denied that she had any sexual contact with her partner. The following year, when Ms. Morley and Mr. Peña provided the DEA with the truth, we were forced to terminate her employment for her misconduct.  _
> 
> While _The Post_ may attempt to twist this situation into a gender-based discrimination case, it is abundantly clear that both Ms. Morley and Mr. Peña engaged in unethical practices unbefitting of federal agents. 
> 
> _The Post_ reached out to CIA Agent, Lance Collier, who Ms. Morley was in a relationship from June 1988 to June 1989, clarified that their relationship had been approved by his director prior to its beginning. 
> 
> Collier was willing to go on record with a statement of his own, “Annie was one of the hardest working agents I’ve ever worked with. During meetings, I repeatedly witnessed her being ignored and silenced by her superiors. They would ultimately use her knowledge under the guise of their own, intentionally undermining her abilities. On numerous occasions, I was also present for meetings where Javier Peña and Steve Murphy would go to bat for their partner. Annie was well aware of the risk and complications related to being a woman in a male dominated field, and despite that she persisted. I have seen men who acted as bad agents against our government still be venerated, so why are they still punishing her for becoming a mother?”
> 
> _The Post_ is dedicated to the continued investigation of this scandal. 

* * *

“You’re brooding.” You told Javier as you shut off the stove and grabbed a trivet to sit the pot of wild rice off the burner. 

Javier huffed, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter across from you. “I’m not brooding.” He rubbed at the back of his neck before he pushed away from the counter and moved to grab two plates out of the cabinet. “The timing was just less than ideal.” 

“I know.” You grabbed an oven mitt and pulled out the pan of chicken patties, sitting it on the stovetop. “I wish Vickers had told us how _thorough_ Valerie was going to be in her statement to the paper.” 

“It was fucking mortifying, baby. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through exams next week. Think it’s too late to make it a paper?” He questioned, grabbing the buns and mayonnaise out of the fridge. 

“Unfortunately,” You made a face as you shut off the oven and moved to grab a paper plate to cut the tomato on. “It’ll blow over.” 

“Not nearly soon enough,” He shook his head. “You know how much I hate looking back on that shit and now _everyone_ knows my business.” 

“It was a risk we were both willing to take,” You reminded him. “Say the word and we pull the plug.” 

“I’m not pulling the fucking plug, baby. I’m just saying — did my class _really_ need to know about my exploits with hookers in Colombia? I get that it’s tantalizing, but she pushed it too far.” 

“Even Elena didn’t realize how far it would go,” You sat the knife down and wiped off your hands on a dishtowel, turning to approach him. “I’m sure the DEA thought they could put a wedge between us — like I didn't _know_ what you got up to.” 

“You talked to Elena today?”

You nodded, “I called to thank her. Her word would’ve been enough I think, but having two ‘Jane Smiths’ reaffirm what she was saying? There’s so much bullshit going on, in the pursuit of stopping drugs that _has_ to end. We both know how they abuse those women.” You reached up and brushed your fingers over his cheek, leaning up on your toes to kiss him. 

He snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. “Think they’ll try to track down Matias next?” 

You let out an incredulous laugh at that, “God, I don’t even know what happened to him.” You admitted, “I doubt they’d be able to track him down.” He had been a sweet young man you’d spent a handful of evenings with in the pursuit of intel nearly a decade ago. “It’s not like you don’t know.” 

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded slowly, “It’s just fucking bullshit. Even if it exonerated us.” He sighed heavily, “I should’ve cancelled class. Standing up there trying to keep on topic — knowing they’ve just read an article with three women who I’ve fucked.”

“Technically five.” You pointed, clarifying when he arched a brow. “Elena, Valerie, and Mia, Lorraine, and myself.” 

He made a face, feigning disgust before he released you. “I hadn’t realized the DEA would be so determined to punch below the belt.”

“Because bribing Monica to say you’d fucked her was above the belt?” You pointed out as you moved to grab two buns out of the bag, throwing them on the plates and using a spatula to pick up the chicken patties and place them on each bun. 

“Alright, alright. You’re making valid points.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “One day the girls are going to see these articles.” 

“Then we’ll explain to them that sex workers deserve more praise and credit than they’re currently afforded.” You stated simply, “And that there’s nothing wrong about being sexually active — like we were, before we got together.” You shrugged. 

“You wanna have that conversation with them?”

You shrugged, licking your thumb clean after you got mayonnaise on it, “Sure. It doesn’t bother me.” 

Javier pinched at the bridge of his nose for a moment before he started plating up his chicken sandwich, “You got cheese?”

“Hang on,” You headed for the fridge, pulling the door open and rummaging around in the deli drawer. “Swiss or cheddar?”

“Do we have any of the pepperjack left?”

You hummed as you pulled open a drawer below, grabbing the bag of pepperjack cheese. “You’re in luck. I hid it the last time Nadia was here.” You tossed it onto the counter beside him, “That girl _loves_ cheese.” 

“Monica wasn’t in class today,” Javier stated, throwing two pieces of cheese onto his chicken patty before topping it off with the bun, “Did you hear from her today? I meant to call but got pulled into meetings.” 

“I called her this morning at work,” You told him as you stowed the mayo back in the fridge. “She’s still pretty skittish after everything that _happened_.” You explained, smiling when you returned to your plate and Javier had scooped up a spoonful of wild rice for you. “Thanks, babe.” 

He pressed a kiss to your cheek, “ _Anytime_.” Javier gave your ass a playful swat before he headed for the kitchen table. “She’s got office hours with me tomorrow.” 

“I wouldn’t make a big deal about it,” You cautioned him as you sat down across from him at the table. “Honestly, she seemed fine. She just wanted to skip today.” You took a bite of your sandwich, before washing it down with a swig of beer. “I can’t wait for all of this to be over with.” 

“You and me both, baby.” Javier retorted, covering his mouth with his fist as he spoke with his mouth full. “I want them to fucking pay for their bullshit and let us get on with our lives.” 

You nodded your head slowly, “Everyone at the P.D. has been so supportive. They’re far from perfect, but they at least recognize what the DEA’s been doing is morally and ethically wrong.” 

Javier rocked his jaw slowly as he stared at you across the table, “You still thinking about quitting?”

“All the time,” You admitted with a shrug. “I just want to get through this first. The DEA’s been such a dark shadow for _so_ many years.” 

“Once this is over, I feel like we’ll be able to _really_ live.” 

“Right?” You agreed with a grin, “Connie thinks we should go on vacation.” 

“As soon as this semester’s over.” 

You leaned across the table and took his hand into yours, giving it three short squeezes. “There’s a part of me that is _stupidly_ excited about my name finally being attached to yours in the record books. And Steve’s, of course. It’s bizarre to see our lives laid out in the newspaper, but at the same time — I love it.” 

“Me too, baby.” Javier grinned at you, “It means no more hiding.” 


	94. I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier make a big decision. Set May 22nd 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: So much fluff and also smut (missionary and vaguely tantric)

Javier’s breath tickled the back of your neck as he sighed quietly, still somewhere in between being awake and asleep. He had his arm wrapped securely around your waist, his fingers playing idly against your skin. You looked down at it as you trailed your fingertips over the length of his arm. Your eyes lit upon the ring on his finger. 

He had worn it every day since you bought it for him for Christmas — save for the week it was getting engraved with Sofía’s birthday. Marriage had never really been a topic you wanted to discuss. Thankfully, Javier wasn’t chomping at the bit to get married, despite the fact that _everyone_ brought it up. 

The entire principle of marriage had been ruined for you, as a child. How many times had your mother been married, just to get a steady fix? Who needed a piece of paper or a stupid ceremony to make a relationship _real_?

You still remembered the way Lance has hedged the topic. The panic you felt about being tied down — about giving up some part of yourself. With Javier you had _everything_ you never knew you needed. 

You had the house, the kids, the dog. A picture perfect life that actually _was_ perfect. 

“What if we got married?” You blurted out, the words escaping you before they had even fully registered with you. Or maybe they had. 

“Yeah?” Javier questioned, pressing his lips to the curve of your shoulder. “ _Alright_.”

Your brows furrowed together at his entirely nonchalant answer. “Really?” You questioned, laughing as you rolled over, draping a leg over his as you rested against his chest. “Did you hear what I said?”

He shrugged, rubbing his hand down the length of your back. “I did.” Javier’s lips curved upwards at the corners. “I couldn’t tell if you were being serious.”

“The courthouse was _really_ lovely,” You admitted, running your foot over the side of his leg as you searched his eyes. “I don’t know… I’ve been thinking about that couple that was taking photos in front of the courthouse yesterday.”

“I thought you _hated_ marriage.”

“Nothing would change. I’m still me and you’re still you…” You bit down on your bottom lip. “I wouldn’t want _anyone_ to know.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and nodded slowly, “We could finally file joint taxes.” He chuckled, running his hand along your back. “I don’t need a marriage certificate to legitimize this, baby. If that’s what you’re thinking—”

“Neither do I.” You cupped his jaw, running your thumb over his bottom lip. “But what if we did it? Just you and me and whoever they have for a witness.”

A smile spread over his lips as he held your gaze, “Let’s do it.” 

You leaned down to press a kiss to his chest, nuzzling your nose against his skin before you lifted your eyes to meet his again. “I think after everything we’ve been through, we deserve it. Don’t we? Something that’s just ours. No one else involved.”

“Connie and Steve would lose their collective shit.” Javier snorted softly, sliding his hand down your spine. “You _really_ wanna get married, baby?”

Marriage had never really been something that you wanted. It was fine for others, but not for you. And yet, if you were going to get married — it was going to be Javier. Of course it would be Javier. After six years _with_ him, you knew without a doubt that he was it for you. 

You reached behind you to catch his left hand, bringing it around to your face. “I _really_ do.” You pressed your lips to his knuckle just above the ring he wore, your thumb smoothing over the skin beneath it. “Let’s get married.”

Javier stared at you with an almost unreadable expression. For the most part you could usually tell what was going through his mind, but sometimes he caught you by surprise. He brushed his thumb over your lips, fingers featherlight as he trailed them over your cheekbone and jaw. “Hey baby?” 

“Yeah?” You questioned, shifting further up his chest until your nose brushed against his, your lips hovering just above his. 

“Will you marry me?” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, barely controlling your laughter as you nodded your head quickly. “ _Yes_.” You played your fingers through his hair as you surged forward to kiss him. His mouth slanted over yours, tongue sweeping over your bottom lip before slipping into your both to meet yours. 

Javier carefully rolled both of you over, his knee pressed in between your thighs as he draped himself atop you. He kept one hand braced against the bed beside your shoulder, while his other hand skimmed down your side, before coming up to grasp at your breast. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck as you pulled back from the kiss, sinking against the mattress beneath him. “Isn’t there some bullshit about not seeing the bride before the wedding?” You teased, tugging sharply at his hair as Javier scraped his fingernail over your nipple, making need pool between your thighs. As if you weren’t already turned on. One look and he could have you aching for him. 

“I prefer the idea of thoroughly _fucking_ the bride before the wedding.” Javier retorted, lowering his head to brush a line of kisses along your collarbone. He pulled back and met your eyes, “Never thought I’d be so at ease with the idea of getting hitched.” 

A grin spread over your lips as you combed your fingers through his hair as you looked up at him. “Me too.” You admitted, “I think it’s because it’s just for _us_. There’s no pressure, no expectations, no one to please but ourselves.” You leaned up and kissed his chin, “It’s just you and me.” 

“How many anniversaries are we gonna have now?” He teased, stealing a kiss as he slid his knee up further between your thighs. Javier’s free hand moved downwards to grab at your hip as you rolled your hips, dragging your cunt against his knee — desperate for friction. You could feel his cock hardening against the top of your thigh, pre-come smearing against your skin. 

“I don’t even know what the date is,” You told him with a breathless laugh, turning your head to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. “It’s May 22nd.”

“Sounds like a good day to get married,” Javier said lightly as he cupped your cheek, leaning back down to kiss you. His hand wandered from your face, moving downwards to grasp your breast again, his thumb circling the pebbled peak there.

He rocked forward, grinding his knee against you with just enough pressure that you moaned into his mouth. You ran your hand down his back, grabbing at his ass to pull him towards you. 

Javier pulled back, hooking his arms beneath your thighs as he repositioned himself between your legs, wrapping them around his hips. He leaned back over you, his cock heavy against your sensitive folds. 

You grabbed at the back of his head, kissing him needily as you moved against him, savoring the slow build of pleasure at your core, heat blossoming through your lower belly.

He reached down between you, guiding his cock to your center, letting just the head of him press against your entrance. His thumb grazed your clit, your body clenching around almost nothing, teasing just the tip of him. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You breathed out, grabbing at either side of his face. “Don’t tease me.” You begged, nipping at his bottom lip before kissing him again. 

Your moan was swallowed up by his kiss as he rolled his hips and sank into you. Your body fluttered around him, the precursor of a release that wasn’t quite ready to wash through you. You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, fingers toying with the hair at the nape there. 

Javier braced himself with one hand on the bed beside you, his other hand cupping your cheek as he drew back from the kiss. His dark eyes met yours, holding your gaze as he started slowly thrusting into you. You leaned up, your lips grazing against his, his breath dancing over your lips as he exhaled and you drew in a shaky breath. 

“I love you,” You whispered, dragging your fingers through his hair with one hand, while your other skimmed down his side trailing your touch of his hip and back up again. You just wanted to touch him everywhere you could reach. 

His nose brushed against yours, his eyes still holding your gaze as he whispered in return, “I love you too, baby.” 

You curled your arm around him, trailing your hand down his spine as you kept your eyes locked on his. There was something so intimate about holding his gaze as he moved within you, so perfectly in-sync with each other that you both drew in a breath and exhaled together.

“You feel so good,” You murmured, lashes fluttering as you tilted your head and brushed your lips over his. Javier cupped your cheek tenderly as he kissed you in return. There was no haste in his movements as you both just savored kissing, touching, and moving together. 

This was the man you were going to marry. You didn’t need to get married to know that every part of your heart belonged with his, but you _wanted_ something that was just for the two of you. A private moment, that belonged to only you and Javier. It seemed fitting, given all the shit you’d both gone through these past few months — having your lives printed on the front page of the newspaper for all the world to see. 

Maybe one day you’d tell the girls, maybe one day you’d tell Steve and Connie… but not any day soon. For now it was your secret. 

Javier dragged his teeth gently over your bottom lip, causing a soft moan to escape you. He caught your hand in his, pinning it back against the mattress beside your head. “Are you going to come for me, baby?” He questioned, kissing you again.

You rolled your hips beneath him, wrapping a leg around his hips, trying to keep him close to you. “I’m close you,” You whispered, trailing the fingers of your free hand along the column of his throat. “So close.” 

He grabbed at your hip, holding you tight as he started to pick up the pace of his thrusts. You arched your back, your inner walls starting to clench around his cock — the first flutters of your release. “Come on, baby. Let go for me.” 

Javier shifted the angle of his thrusts and something about the new angle was _exactly_ what you needed. You cried out his name, your fingers clenching around his own as you came apart on his cock. His pace faltered and you knew he was right behind you. 

You surged up and caught his lips, kissing him to silence the sounds rising up in the back of your throat. He came seconds later, his cock throbbing within your cunt as he spilled inside you.

His grip loosened on your hand and you slid your fingers out of his grasp, wrapping both arms around his body as he sank against you, his weight pressing you into the mattress beneath you. You felt entirely enveloped in him — his softening cock still buried within you, an arm snaked beneath you, his face buried in the crook of your neck. 

Marrying him might just be the _best_ decision you ever made. 

* * *

“Baby, sleeves down or rolled up?” Javier questioned as he fiddled with the buttons at the cuff of his shirt. He had one sleeve rolled up to his elbow, while the other was buttoned at his wrist. You pursed your lips as your eyes raked over him. It wasn’t like either of you had packed with the expectation that you’d get married. That would’ve never crossed your mind. 

“Up.” You answered with an approving nod as he rolled the other sleeve up. He looked _good_. His white linen shirt rolled up at his elbows, three buttons undone, and tucked into a pair of dark denim pants. The only thing white that you owned was a light shirt you’d brought and a cover-up for your swimsuit. 

The dress you’d chosen from your suitcase was a flowy red maxi dress with white flowers. Somehow it seemed fitting to wear red on your wedding day. _Wedding day_. That was still an insane concept to consider. You had _never_ considered what your wedding day would look like. 

Most little girls dreamed of getting married, but you had never been one of them. Even still it wasn’t so much about the wedding as it was having something that was just between the two of you. And the tax break — that would be nice next year. 

A clerk stepped out into the hallway where you and Javier were waiting to meet with the judge who was free to perform the ceremony. “He’s just finishing up with his lunch and he’ll be ready to see the two of you.” She offered, before vanishing back into her office. 

“Are we gonna do vows?” Javier questioned as he paced in front of you. “I haven’t even put any thought into vows.” He raked his fingers through his hair, “And I don’t want any of that bullshit that’s usually in vows. I don’t need you vowing to _fucking_ obey me.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip to stifle a laugh, “Babe, are you nervous?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, staring at you as he gave a stiff nod. “A bit.” 

“I couldn’t tell,” You remarked dryly, gesturing to the floor. “You’ve only worn a hole into the floor with your pacing.” You patted the bench beside you. “This is supposed to be stress free, Javi.” 

“I’m not stressed,” Javier asserted as he sank down onto the bench beside you, reaching for your hand. “I just wanna do this right.” He interlaced his fingers with yours. “I don’t want either of us to regret this.” 

You shook your head slowly as you gave his hand three short squeezes, “Javi, we’ve already lived a dozen lifetimes in these ten-ish years that we’ve been in each other’s lives. I cannot picture my life without you.” You leaned towards him, resting your cheek against his shoulder. “You’re stuck with me. _Permanently_.” 

Javier kissed the top of your head, “There’s no one I’d rather be stuck with.” 

“Not even Steve?” You teased, tilting your head to rest your chin on his shoulder. “You promise you’re not going to tell him?”

“I kept a whole baby secret from him,” He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. “I can keep this secret.” 

“Javi?” You questioned softly. 

“Hmm?” 

“You’ve always wanted to marry me, haven’t you?”

He shrugged, “A little, yeah.” 

You smiled adoringly at him, reaching up to brush your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead. “Thank you for never trying to pressure me.” 

“It was never a deal breaker.” Javier admitted, “I just know I want to be with you.” He brought your hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle. 

“I kinda got that vibe at Danny’s wedding.” You told him, chewing on your bottom lip. “The way you asked me if _that_ was what I wanted… like you were picturing our first dance or something.”

He nodded his head slowly, “I might not seem like it, but I’m old fashion at my core.” 

“I know you are _Tex_ ,” You taunted, kissing his cheek. “You’ve never pushed me to be someone I’m not and _that_ is why I want to marry you, Javier.” 

Javier’s lips drew upwards into a smile, “I love you.” 

You tilted your head and kissed him, “Those are the only vows I need.” 

The clerk stepped back out into the hallway, “He’s ready to see both of you. Do you have your license?” 

“Yes!” You rose to your feet and passed her the license you’d received just a few hours ago and both of your passports. Javier kept a hand at the small of your back as he walked with you as she led you into the judge’s office. 

“This is the Honorable R. C. Johnson,” The woman explained to you as the older gentleman sitting behind the desk. 

“Welcome, welcome,” He ushered you in and gestured to the seats across from his desk. “Please, sit. I apologize for the delay.” 

“This was all very last minute,” You offered with a quiet laugh. “We were fine with waiting.” You looked towards Javier then, your heart doing somersaults when you met his gaze. He’d always looked at you like that and it never failed to make you weak in the knees. 

The judge unfolded a pair of reading glasses and perched them on the edge of his nose as he looked over your marriage license, “I see you’re both from Florida.” 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, “We’ve been living there for four years.” 

“Are you on vacation?”

You nodded, “We decided to get married this morning.” You reached over and took Javier’s hand into yours. “It’s been a long time coming.”

“Well, in that case I suppose I shouldn’t make the two of you wait,” The judge remarked, clasping his hands together as he looked between the two of you. “Susan here will serve as witness,” He gestured towards the woman who had helped the pair of you. “I tend to perform a rather basic ceremony — all we need is a pair of “ _I do’s_ ” for things to be legalized.” He explained, “Do you have vows?”

“We’ve always been pretty good at winging things.” You remarked with a short laugh. “Neither of us is particularly religious.” 

“And none of the _obeying_ bullshit.” Javier asserted, rocking his jaw stiffly as he stared at the judge. 

“Easy enough,” He nodded. “Do you have rings?” 

You and Javier exchanged a look. “Not quite,” You explained, removing the silver bracelet you wore on your left wrist and sitting it on the desk in front of you. Javier did the same with his ring, sitting it beside your bracelet. “Will these do?”

“You two certainly are unconventional, aren’t you?” Judge Johnson remarked with a hearty chuckle, “They’ll do. It’s all about the vows, anyways.” He waved his hand as you rose to his feet. “Let’s get to it, shall we?”

Javier kept your hand tight in his grasp as you both rose to your feet, turning to face each other. “You ready to do this, baby?”

You nodded, beaming at him. “Never thought I would be, but I am.” 

“Whenever you’re ready,” The judge interrupted, “You’re welcome to say whatever vows you’d like to make to one another. Then we’ll proceed on with the necessities and get you on your way.” 

“ _Oh_.” You bit down on your bottom lip. It was like all at once you couldn’t think of a single _sensible_ thing to say in lieu of vows. “You go first.” You squeezed his hand.

Javier laughed nervously, “ _Shit_. Alright.” He scratched at his jaw with his free hand, brows furrowed. “I think… I think I always knew you were the one for me,” He started as he met your gaze. “Your damn _fuck you_ cactus. You called it a sequoia and I just…” He shook his head slowly. 

“Baby, it’s always been you.” Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “And I wish I’d realized that sooner. Could’ve spared us a hell of a lot of heartache and misunderstandings… But we wouldn’t have three beautiful daughters if things had turned out differently. Who knows what the future might hold for us, but I know you’ll be by my side and that makes the unknown worth it all.” 

“Javi, you’re going to make me cry.” You scolded him lightly, wiping a stray tear off your cheek. “I don’t know how to follow up on that.” You shook your head. “You know everything about my childhood, you know everything about me. I never pictured myself as a mother or a partner, I never imagined myself having a house and a dog in Miami. But somehow you came into my life and made me _want_ impossible things. I’ve loved you for so long, Javi.” You blinked as you felt fresh tears starting to spill from your eyes. “There’s no one else I’d rather stay up with watching telenovelas until four in the morning on a _work_ night.” 

Javier chuckled, lifting your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles. 

“You’re a _good_ man, Javier.” You said with a quiet sniffle. “And I promise to take all of our secrets to the grave.” 

He snorted, “Only you would bring that up in wedding vows.” 

You grinned at him, “All I know is that I love you. I always have and I always will.” 

Judge Johnson cleared his throat, “If you’d like to take the ring.” 

You picked the ring up off the desk, holding on to Javier’s hand. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“I know, baby.” 

“Do you take this man to be your husband?” 

_Oh shit_. It was happening. 

You held Javier’s gaze as you answered simply, “I do.” 

“You may now place the ring on his finger.” 

Javier reached out and wiped a tear away as it slid down your cheek. “I love you, baby.” 

“I love you too.” You whispered as you placed the ring on his finger. “God, I still remember when you wanted this ring and _swore_ you didn’t want to get married.” You teased with a grin. “Like I’ve said before, you’re a _terrible_ liar.” 

He shrugged a shoulder. “You’re the one who proposed marriage.” 

“Touché.” 

“If you would like to take the ring — er, _bracelet_.”

“We can never do things the normal way,” Javier remarked as he picked up the bracelet. “Think we can slip today’s date onto these?” He questioned, giving your hand three little squeezes as he met your hands.

“We might.” 

“Do you take this woman to be your wife?”

“I do.” Javier answered without hesitation, “I’d take whatever she was willing to give me.” 

“ _Stop_.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“You may now place the bracelet on her wrist.” 

Javier slid it on your wrist, bringing your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss just below the band. “We should’ve had him declare us partners for life.” He quipped, ever part of his features lit up with the grin that seemed permanently affixed to his lips. 

“By the authority vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce you to each other, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

_Holy shit_. You were married. 

You stepped towards him, draping your arms over his shoulder. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, baby.” Javier breathed out, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. Your hand curled around the back of his head, fingers playing through his hair. 

Susan and the judge both clapped for you. “I’ve officiated my fair share of off-beat weddings, but I have never officiated one quite like the two of you,” He chuckled. “I have _many_ questions about what a ‘fuck you’ cactus is.”

You snorted as you turned towards the judge, “I had this cactus that had the perfect middle finger growth on it.” You explained. “So I’d flip him off with it.”

“All the time.” 

“Well, I wish you both all the joy and happiness that comes with marriage.” He offered with a polite smile, “My wife and I just recently celebrated our thirtieth year of marriage and I have never regretted a day.” He sat back down in his seat, signing off on your license before passing it to you. “You’ll have to file this with the courthouse and have a copy sent to your mailing address.” 

“Thank you,” You looked down at the license — the ink still drying on the page. 

Susan saw the pair of you out of the judge’s office, offering to take a picture of the two of you in front of the grand staircase at the center of the building. The best part of the picture was that no part of it screamed ‘ _just married’_. You looked like a couple on vacation who had found a nice spot to take a picture. 

You had already decided it would go in a frame and hang somewhere in the house. Maybe in the family room on the wall by the TV — the day you got married sitting in full sight for everyone to see. 


	95. In the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier can’t sleep. Set early Summer 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (pretty much touchy feeling tantric foreplay and spooning sex)

“Are you asleep?” You whispered into the darkness beside you. If he was asleep, you doubted you’d spoken loud enough to wake him. 

Javier was quiet beside you, but then he stirred and rolled towards you, “Can’t sleep?” He questioned, only the faint outline of his face visible in the darkness of your bedroom. 

“Afternoon coffee was a mistake.” You laughed, reaching out to brush your fingers against his bare arm. “Did I wake you?”

“ _No_ ,” He answered on an exhale, shifting closer to you beneath the covers. “I don’t have an excuse for my insomnia.” Javier nudged at your leg with his foot, “That feels nice.”

“Yeah?” You ran your fingers down the length of his arm and back up again. It was a featherlight touch, just barely ghosting over the soft hairs that covered his skin. 

Javier reached out and rested his hand on your leg just above your knee as you bent it, sliding his hand up your leg, giving your thigh a squeeze before his fingers slid under the leg of your sleep shorts. 

You shifted closer to him, trailing your fingertips down the column of his throat as you tilted your head and met his lips. There was something arousing about gentle touches in the dark. With one sense muted, touch felt like that much _more_. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, as he played his fingers over your hair. You turned your head as his lips brushed the shell of your ear, a shiver running down your spine as his breath danced over your skin. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You whispered, your hand sliding down to rest against his chest, directly over his heart. You could feel it beating against your palm — a reassuring reminder, as steady as your own heartbeat. 

His lips found yours again, his tongue playing over your bottom lip before they parted. Javier inhaled slowly, exhaling against your lips. You mirrored him, drawing in a breath as he exhaled, only to settle into an identical pattern. You inhaled as he did, your lips lingering against his as you both exhaled. 

Javier ran his hand along your side, his fingers curling around the supple flesh of your hip as he drew you towards him. It was still such a soft touch, leaving your skin burning beneath his touch. 

Javier peeled at the waistband of your sleep pants and underwear, helping your work them down your hips until you were bare for him. 

You let him draw your leg up and over his hip, and you angled yourself towards him so you were pressed against him everywhere you possibly could be. God, you loved it. The tingle that came from the contact as your skin brushed against his. 

His forehead pressed against yours as you cupped his jaw, letting your nose brush against his, savoring the nearness without quite kissing. Javier’s hand slid upwards, fingertips playing over the curve of your breast. 

“Lay back,” You whispered, pressing against his chest — following him back as he moved for you. Your thighs rested on either side of his stomach as Javier’s hands rested at your hips, drawing little shapes over your skin.

You traced your fingertips over his lower stomach, trailing a hand upwards as you leaned forward. “I love you.” You breathed out, circling your thumb over his nipple.

His breath caught in the back of his throat, one hand running up your side to grasp your breast. “I love you too.” Javier promised, curling a hand at the back of your neck as he drew you down and met your lips.

You sighed against his lips, sliding downwards until your bare cunt was pressed against his cloth-covered cock. 

There was no haste to your movements, you sought friction — but there was no desperation. You enjoyed the leisurely pace you both used as you rocked against each other. You were leaving a slick spot against his boxers, your arousal leaking from you. 

Javier tugged your hair loose, winding his fingers through your hair as he slanted his mouth over your lips. You dipped your tongue out, sliding it over his bottom lip before you delved in to find his. 

He groaned, hips rocking upwards as his grip tightened at your hip. You raked your fingers through his hair, breaking from the kiss with a ragged breath, “I _also_ love your hair. Never cut it.”

“I won’t. Just for you, baby.” He chuckled as he grabbed at your ass. 

You tugged lightly at his hair as you stole another kiss, “Thank you.” You whispered, brushing your fingers down his cheek before you rolled off of him. 

Javier followed your lead, ridding himself of his boxers. He curled close to you from behind, his hand skimming along your leg as he drew you back firmly against him. 

You shifted slightly so you were partially on your back, your hips twisted to the side. You slid your hand along the inside of his arm, trailing it downwards to where his hand was still grasping at your thigh. “ _Please_.” You whispered as you kissed his jaw, landing kisses wherever you could reach. 

He released your leg, reaching down to curl his fingers around his cock and lead himself to your slick center. He pressed just the tip of himself into you, teasing you for a moment before he sank the full length of his cock into you. 

The angle was _perfect_. 

Javier ran his hand over your side, skimming it around to grasp at your breast, his thumb and forefinger tweaking your nipple gently. You moaned, unable to hold back the sound as he slowly rolled his hips. He barely withdrew before sinking into you again. 

His breath danced over your shoulder, still perfectly in sync with your own breathing. “You feel so fucking perfect, baby.” He told you, his hand skimming over your stomach before slipping downwards to tease at your clit.

“ _Fuck_.” You murmured as he applied pressure directly onto that little bundle of nerves that flooded you with an anxious need. You reached behind you, fisting at his hair as you dragged him in for a kiss. 

Javier kept his finger right on your clit, slowing the roll of his hips as he teased you and coaxed you towards your release. You crested gently, like a great ebb and flow as you came around his cock. 

You were still so in sync, you could feel his chest rise and fall against your spine in time with your own breathing. 

And then he came, mere seconds after your own release, his cock buried to the hilt and pulsing within you. You could feel it — the way his release spilled over, the way tension slipped from his body as he relaxed behind you. 

A breathless laugh escaped you, “I think I can sleep now.”

Javier snorted as he nuzzled your shoulder, “Comfortable?” 

“ _Very_.” You lazily dragged your fingers through his hair. “I’m taking the day off tomorrow.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s Friday and I want a lazy day with you.” You whispered, kissing his chin. “And the girls.”

He ran his hand over your ribs, “I’d like that.”

“Life’s happening too fast. I want to slow down and savor it all with my family.” You told him, kissing him again as you played with the hair at the nape of his neck. 


	96. First Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets used to her first week as a mother. Set in May 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Post-Pregnancy discussions about body changes.

“She’s _so_ little,” Javier said quietly, keeping one hand on Josie’s back as she snoozed on his chest. “I can’t believe we made her.”

You smiled at him, drawing your knees to your chest, as you leaned back against the arm of the sofa and watched him. It really was hard to believe that the two of you had made something so _perfect_. 

Josie had been home for all of a week and somehow it felt like your entire life had been changed for the better. Sure, you still felt like _shit_ after delivering an entire little human being and you hadn’t gotten more then three hours of sleep each night… but life was _good_. 

“Are you staying tonight?” You questioned, resting your chin on your folded arms against your knees.

“Yeah,” He nodded with a grin. “Gotta be up _fucking_ early, but you’ve got me for the night.”

“Maternity leave is the _strangest_ thing,” You told him with a shake of your head. “I miss being in the office.”

“It’s _fucking_ weird without you, baby.” Javier told you, stretching his leg out to nudge your foot with his. “I miss pulling faces when Chris makes an ass out of himself.”

“So _all_ the time?” You laughed, shaking your head. There was still a lingering fear that the DEA would make maternity leave become a permanent thing. That you would never return to work. 

“I should be home early tomorrow,” He told you. 

“Home _here_ or your apartment?”

“ _Here_.” Javier smiled at you, “I don’t want to miss a moment of this.”

“I don’t want you to either,” You smiled at him, before you moved to get up off the sofa. “I should probably put her down for the night.”

“You gonna feed her?”

You nodded, “If I want a couple of hours of sleep, yeah.” 

“Can I—“

You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead as you took Josie from him, “ _Yes_ , you can watch.” She rolled her eyes. 

Javier followed you down the hallway, into your bedroom, shutting off the lights in the living room and hall. 

Josie fussed in your arms, whimpering as you cradled her against your chest with one arm, fixing the pillows on the bed with your other hand. 

“Where do they have you going tomorrow?”

“Villavicencio.” Javier answered as he stretched out on the bed, raking his fingers through his hair. “We’re taking the chopper so it should be quick in-quick out.”

“Can you time with my mid-afternoon nap?” You teased lightly.

“ _Maybe._ ” He grinned at you, “When are you usually napping?”

“Between three and four.” You answered, shifting Josie into the crook of your arm as you peeled up your tank top. “I hate how they look,” You told him honestly.

Javier’s brows furrowed, “Baby, you gave birth to a baby.” He reached out and rested his hand on your stomach, fanning his fingers out against your skin. “You’re _perfect_ to me.”

Your cheeks burned and you grabbed the small pillow beside you, using it to prop up your arm as you situated Josie’s mouth against your breast. She latched on with ease, sucking at your nipple as she fed.

“You don’t fool me, Javier.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You’ve always been a breast man.”

“I won’t lie,” Javier chuckled. “They do look _really_ nice.”

“They _don’t_ look nice when I leak through my bra whenever she cries.” You reached over and played your fingers through his hair. “But I appreciate the compliment.”

Javier rubbed his hand over your stomach. “She’s going to town.”

You brushed your thumb over Josie’s cheek as she drank, “I’m hoping to get her into more of a pattern. It’s gonna suck when my leave is over. I ordered a pump yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

“Hopefully I can pump when I get back into the office.” You sighed, rubbing your lips together slowly. “I really want to keep breastfeeding.”

“If you need me to say anything…”

“I can handle it.” You assured him.

Javier leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “I know you can.” He said before falling quiet for a few minutes. He laid beside you, contentedly watching you feed Josie. “How is.. _everything_ healing?”

“I birthed a watermelon a week ago.” You answered bluntly, “A small one, but still a watermelon. With _limbs._ ”

He gave you a sympathetic look, “Are you still bleeding?”

“A little,” You shrugged. “Welcome to being a woman.” You looked down at Josie, smiling warmly. “She’s worth all the weird sensations.”

“ _Weird?_ ”

You made a face, “I called the hospital today because I felt like I was having a contraction.” He seemed to pale somewhat at that statement. “I wasn’t.” You assured him, “But apparently that’s part of this—“ You gestured to your lower stomach. “Going back to normal.”

“Jesus- _fucking_ -Christ.”

“I do not blame you if you never want to go near _there_ again.”

He huffed, “I’m looking forward to things recovering.”

“It might be different.”

“Good thing I’m here for _you_ then.”

You smiled, “You know, Javi… you’ve really surprised me.” You admitted, swallowing thickly around a surge of emotions. “Shit. _Sorry_. My emotions are still—“

Javier cut you off with a kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Josie released her hold on your nipple, fussing in your hold. “I need to burp her.”

“Can I?”

Your brows furrowed as you looked towards Javier then. He really was _trying_ to do as much as he could when he was home with you. He’d already missed so much and you hated to think of how much more he’d miss. 

The situation wasn’t ideal, but you were making the most of it. You carefully pass Josie to him, keeping a hand securely on the back of her head until Javier had his hand there. “Let me grab the towel.” You moved gingerly off the bed, not even caring that your tank was still pulled up above your breasts. 

You returned with the burping cloth, situating it over his shoulder so he could burp her. “Gentle pants and circle movements. Like you’ve seen me do.”

He nodded slowly as he followed your directions, gently stroking Josie’s back, before parting lightly. It was only a matter of moments before she burped, spitting up a little milk before sighing happily.

“I’ll be right back,” You told him as you took Josie out of his arms to put down in the nursery. You’d probably get a good two hours before she woke up again — you wanted to seize on the opportunity.

On the way back to the bedroom, you stopped in the kitchen to grab the damp cloth you kept in the freezer. “You know, Javi…” You started as you pushed open the bedroom door, smiling at his sleepy expression. “I don’t think I could have ever pictured you being so… amenable to all of this.”

“Why?” 

You shrugged, laying down beside him and applying to compress over your nipple. The cool cloth helped relieve the tenderness in your breast. It really was a strange sensation to grapple with in the wake of feeding Josie. 

“I don’t know,” You admitted. “I expected you to be very _against_ all of this. Preconceived notions and all of that.”

Javier frowned, reaching over to rest his hand against your stomach again. “I’m all in, baby. I meant it when I told you that. I’m here for the good, the bad, and the—“ He stumbled over his words, “Are you supposed to be leaking like that?”

“ _Shit_.” You sat up quickly, reaching for the burping cloth he’d used to burp her. “No. I mean, it’s normal, but _no_.” You shook your head. “This is an all day issue.”

He chewed on his bottom lip, “Why does it happen?”

“Hormones, mostly.” You explained. “I didn’t use both to feed her so… this shit happens.” You sighed heavily. “It’s a nightmare.”

“As long as you’re alright, baby.”

You smiled softly at him, “I’m just happy you’re here.” 

“Me too.” He rubbed a hand over his face, “I tried to get here last night but…” Javier’s lips spread into a thin line. “Had to work late.”

You knew what that meant. Only, it didn’t mean what it used to mean. “I don’t care how late you are. You’ve got a key.”

“I’m really hoping to be wrapped up early tomorrow. I can pick us up something on the way over. We can have _dinner_ together.”

“You’re speaking my language.” You rolled onto your side to face him, tilting your chin to press a kiss to his lips as he turned to meet you. “I’m glad you’re willing to put up with all of this.”

You gestured vaguely over your body and your heart clenched when Javier frowned. His entire expression seemed to sour and you worried that you’d said something wrong. 

“Baby, I mean it when I say you’re _perfect_. Leaky tits and all.”

“Even though I still look pregnant?” You questioned, scrunching up your nose as you met his gaze. 

“You’re _perfect_.” He repeated, cupping your cheek. “You carried our daughter for nine months and then gave birth to her.”

_Alone_.

It was unspoken, but there nonetheless. Just like it always was. 

“And if anyone says anything to the contrary,” Javier threatened with a wry smirk. “I love every inch of you.”

You kissed him again, letting your lips linger against his as you sighed and pressed your forehead to his. “You’re a good man, Javi.”

“I’m alright.” He chuckled. “We should sleep.”

“What time do you need to be up?”

“Three.”

“ _Fuck_.” You swatted his chest lightly, “You’re going to need _my_ nap tomorrow.”

“We can nap together.”

“I like the sound of that,” You smiled at him, before rolling over to face away from him. “Wake me up when you leave, please.”

“I will.” He curled his arm around you, keeping you pressed against him. “Sleep tight, baby.”


	97. Bed Invader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier enjoy a Saturday morning. Set in Summer 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff.

“We have a bed invader.” You laughed softly as Josie crept into your bedroom. She was a heavy-footed child and she was _not_ gifted at tip-toeing — especially when she had Stevie in tow.

Javier grumbled, rolling over onto his back as he threw his arm over his face. “It’s Saturday.” He cracked one eye open, before he flopped onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. 

“And we left the door unlocked,” You poked him in the ribs, making him jerk beside you. “ _Incoming_.” You warned mere seconds before Josie lept onto the bed, giggling like a mad woman.

Josie draped herself over you, “Did I wake you up, mommy?”

“Only a little bit.” You nodded your head towards Javier. “But _someone_ doesn’t want to wake up.”

“Daddy!” Josie urged, reaching over to slap her hand against his bare shoulder. “Wake up!”

He grunted, “I’m sleeping.”

“So _grumpy_.” You teased, reaching over to rumple his hair, before turning your attention back to Josie. “Wanna wake him up?”

She nodded excitedly and you settled her onto the bed in between the two of you. 

“I’m gonna go get your sister, you know what to do.” You smirked as you climbed out of the bed. Josie practically threw herself onto Javier, her little hands going to his sides to tickle him. He groused and tried to escape from her, but only halfheartedly 

“I see someone was already awake,” You remarked as you pushed open the nursery door. Sofía was standing in her crib, hands clamped onto the side as she bounced. 

You swept her out of the bed and carried her back into the bedroom with you. Fortunately, she’d had a diaper change around four and was good to go for a little morning cuddle. 

Josie was perched on Javier’s lower back, sitting cross-cross. “He won’t wake up.”

“You might’ve broken him,” You gave her a look as you shooed Stevie out of your spot on the bed. “Move, pup.”

She barked and Javier groaned. “I’m not going back to sleep am I?”

“No.” You laughed, cradling Sofía against your chest. She flopped comfortably onto her stomach, babbling as she reached for Javier.

“Daddy, wake up.” Josie insisted, bouncing on him and you noted the way he winced.

“Sweetheart, don’t do that.” You shook your head. 

She leaned back down and tickled his sides. “Wake up!”

“I’m awake.” He grumbled, rubbing at his eyes before tucking his arm under his pillow. “Get up and let me roll over, _princesa_. You’re breaking my back.”

Josie flopped onto the bed beside you, before she leaned over and showered Sofía with kisses. “Good morning sissy!”

Sofía squealed, grabbing at Josie. “Jo-Jo!”

You nudged Javier in the leg, “Wake up, _old man_.”

Javier rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as he dragged his hands over his face. “I was sleeping _good_.”

“Exhausted from all the _fun_ you had yesterday?”

He snorted, “Six hours in the pool did me in.” Javier grimaced as he sat up, stuffing a pillow behind his back. “ _Shit_.”

Josie turned towards him, “ _Daddy_!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I owe you a nickel.” He told her gently, reaching over to play his fingers through her hair. “How’d you sleep, JoJo?”

“I dreamed I was swimming.” Josie flopped onto him, keeping one hand outstretched to hold Sofía’s hand. “Can I go swimming today?”

Javier gave you a look out of the corner of his eye, “Well…”

“We’ve already got plans for the day.” You told her, holding tight to Sofía as she squirmed and tried to reach for Javier. 

He pinched at the bridge of his nose, stifling a yawn before he reached over and took her from you, “It’s all good baby.”

“Mommy, what _are_ we doing?” Josie questioned, snapping her fingers to encourage Stevie crawl further up the bed in between the two of you. 

“We’re gonna go down to the boardwalk. Maybe Monica and Nadia can join us at the arcade. Do you like the sound of that?”

Josie scrunched up her nose, “I want to swim.”

“JoJo, yesterday wore your father out.” You told her, wrapping your arm around her as you pulled her into your side. You pressed a kiss to her forehead and then her cheek, before warning her to behave. 

Sofía sprawled out on Javier’s chest, her chubby little cheek pressed against his skin. “She’s got the right idea,” He quipped. “Why don’t we stay home and watch a movie? We can grill.”

“I can grill.” You reminded him. He wasn’t a terrible cook, but he was _terrible_ at grilling. “We’ve got veggie patties in the freezer.” You jerked, “Stevie quit licking my toes, you weirdo.”

Josie promptly leaned towards you and licked your cheek. ”I’m a dog!” She pretended to bark and Stevie echoed her with her own yelp.

Sofía gurgled and tried her own attempt at a yappy little bark. 

“If _you_ try to lick me,” You warned Javier as he grinned at you.

“What’s going to happen?”

“I won’t rub your back tonight.” You told him pointedly. “You’re _awfully_ grumpy this morning.”

Javier huffed, “I was looking forward to a lazy morning.”

You gestured to the dog and the girls, “Seems lazy to me.”

“You know what I mean.”

You laughed softly, “Poor Javi.” You reached over and played with his hair. “I’m a little jealous I missed out on the pool yesterday.”

“It was not nearly as fun as it sounds. Sofía was _not_ having it. Steve and I had to trade off with her while the girls swam.”

“Olivia did cannonballs!” Josie explained to you as she scooted down the bed to pet Stevie. “Daddy wouldn’t let me try.”

“Because daddy knows that you _barely_ enjoy getting your head wet in the bathtub.”

You snorted, covering your face to stifle your laughter. “No wonder you’re exhausted.”

“Can we watch _Homeward Bound?_ ”

“Again?” Javier groaned, “Sure. _Once_. Then your mother and I are going to pick something else to watch.”

“I just bought _Fifth Element_ the other night. We enjoyed it last time we rented.”

Javier nodded, “Yeah, I’m down for watching it again.” He reached up and took your hand out of his hair, interlacing your fingers. “But I will need a nap.”

“Do you want me to grab your reading glasses too?”

He flipped you off so Josie couldn’t see him. 

“If you’re going to act like _that_ , then I’m not letting you nap at all.” You taunted with a laugh, rolling your eyes. 

Josie crawled back up the bed and flopped onto her back. “ _Mommy_.”

“Yes, baby doll?”

“I want waffles.”

“That sounds like a daddy request.”

Javier snorted, “Now I have to make breakfast too?”

Josie pouted, “I want _waffles_.”

“Then I suppose I better get up and make waffles.” Javier sat up slowly, keeping Sofía secured against his chest with one hand as he dragged his fingers through his hair. “You want blueberries?”

She nodded her head quickly, “Please, daddy?”

“I’ve got you.” Javier stifled another yawn, letting Sofía crawl squirm out of his hold, depositing her on the bed in between you. “You owe me tonight.”

You grinned, “I have plans. Don’t worry, old man.”

“ _Good_.” He winked at you. 

You crooked a finger at him, “ _C’mere_.” 

Javier leaned over Sofía and Josie, planting a hand on the bed so he could press a kiss to your lips. 

“You’re a good father, Javi.” You patted your hand against his chest, brushing your nose against his. “Even if you’re getting old on me.”

“You try being in a pool for six hours with the Energizer Bunny.”

“That’s me!” Josie announced as she stood up and bounced on the bed.

“We were _never_ getting a quiet morning.” You told him, scooping Sofía up as you got off the bed with Javier. 

You weren’t about to force him to make breakfast alone. 

“We _did_ leave the door unlocked.”


	98. Proof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final article comes out. Set May 4th 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff.

> ** IRREFUTABLE PROOF — DEA BRIBED COLLEGE STUDENT TO RUIN FORMER AGENT’S CREDIBILITY  **
> 
> The DEA has maintained that Annette Morley’s termination was related to her perfidious actions, concerning her relationship with Javier Peña. The couple sat down with _The Post_ to clarify why they chose to conceal their relationship.  
> 
> 
> “It wasn’t an ideal situation,” said Peña when questioned about why he and Morley kept their relationship quiet while working for the DEA. “We were working to take down dangerous organizations, we couldn’t risk something happening to our daughter. We suffered to keep it a secret. Annie gave birth alone, while I filed paperwork at the office. We couldn’t risk anyone knowing that two DEA agents had a child together — our daughter would’ve become a target.”
> 
> Could they not trust the DEA with that secret? Morley was quick to clarify why she chose to lie about her daughter’s paternity, “It was hard enough to be a woman working for the government. I was subjected to sexist comments regularly and I feared how I would be treated if they knew that Javier and I were together.”  
> 
> 
> It should be noted that both Peña and Morley denied that Peña was the father of Morley’s daughter, yet only Morley was disciplined. Documents collected via the Freedom of Information Act suggest that this was an intentional decision meant to minimize Morley’s participation within the agency. Correspondence between high-level authorities, conclude a pattern of suppression targeting women throughout the agency. 
> 
> The DEA ardently denies claims of sexual harassment, citing that their agents undergo a seminar about harassment in the workplace during their on boarding. Sources within the DEA have confirmed numerous reports of sexual harassment claims made against all levels of management. 
> 
> Evidence provided to _The Post_ by a source close to Peña and Morley, and verified by the University of Miami, concluded that the DEA had orchestrated a scheme to pressure one of Javier Peña’s students to falsely claim that they had been having an affair. The source showed receipts of a sizeable money transfer in return for making the claims to the University. 
> 
> Following _The Post_ ’s reporting that DEA agent Chris Fiestle had numerous disciplinary claims against him, the DEA has placed him on paid leave. An anonymous source has provided _The Post_ with information and confidently identified Fiestle as the individual who facilitated the DEA’s bribery scheme. A second source, within the agency, provided documentation of the bribery which had been signed off on by two high-level figures. 
> 
> Due to the investigative journalism of _The Post_ we are pleased to report that The Office of the Inspector General released a report that a full audit of the DEA’s inter-agency procedures, practices, and correspondences. _The Post_ is working with the OIG to corroborate the reports made in the paper. The Federal Bureau of Investigation has opened a secondary review of misconduct. 

* * *

It was done. _Finally_. With today’s issue of _The Post_ , you no longer had to dread the next front page story you’d read. Vickers had exceeded your expectations — not just by addressing what you had endured, but uncovering a whole culture of misconduct. 

“I don’t want to speak to the press,” You told Javier as you sat across from him at the kitchen table. The phone was ringing for the fifth time since you had gotten out of bed and you were certain it was the same type of call you’d already put up with. 

MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN had been hounding you since the first article — but now it seemed to have ramped up. They were all _desperate_ for a sit down interview.

“Not even Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer?” Javier teased, trying to play off the obvious distress you were in. You were appreciative. 

You laughed, shaking your head. “No, I’m not sitting down for _20/20_. I’m humbled, but no. I’ve done what I intended to do.”

Monica sighed heavily as she folded the newspaper in half and sat it on the table beside her coffee. “I’m so glad he respected my request.”

“I told him all along that the article wouldn’t run with your name in it.” You assured her. Monica had spent the night — too anxious about the forthcoming article to spend the night at her own place. “I can’t help if the DEA brings you into it, however.”

She smiled grimly, “I know. I just don’t want my parents…” Monica shook her head, “And what about _work_? How am I going to work for the government if my name gets black balled?”

Javier cleared his throat, “I won’t let that happen. No daughter of mine is going to be harassed by those fuc—“

You shot him a look.

“ _Freaks_.”

“Mommy, did daddy say a bad word?” Josie questioned as she licked the butter off her toast. 

“Freaks isn’t a bad word.” You shook your head, “Josie, eat your toast right. Please?”

Josie scrunched up her nose as she folded her bread in half and ate the center out of the toast. “But _fuck_ is bad?”

“ _Josie_!” Javier snapped his fingers, “What have we talked about?”

She tried to look as sheepish and adorable as possible, “I _sassy_ daddy.”

Monica stifled a laugh.

“That’s an interesting way to say you’re _sorry_ , Josie.” His brows rose upwards as he stared at Josie. “Josefína Selina Peña—“

“I’m sorry, daddy.” Josie stuck out her bottom lip as she slid herself off her chair and walked around the table to grab at you, pressing her face against your stomach and pretending to cry. 

“Are you _hiding_ with me?” You laughed. “Do I get to play good cop?”

Monica leaned down to Josie’s height, poking her in the side, “What have we talked about _bad_ words?”

“That they’re bad.” Josie offered quietly, before she squirmed out of your hold and dropped onto the floor as she crawled under the table.

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, giving you a look. “We’ve created a monster.”

“We’ve created a little girl who isn’t acting like she just turned five.” 

Stevie barked, padding through the kitchen and ducking under the table to join Josie. 

“I a baby again!” Josie announced, remaining beneath the table.

Sofía leaned over the side of her high chair, trying to look for Josie. “Sissss!” She made grabby hands, wiggling as she tried to get out.

“ _Josefína._ ” Javier said warningly, pinching at the bridge of his nose. 

She popped her head out from under the table, “Daddy are you mad?”

“No.”

“You sound mad.”

“He’s not mad, Josie.” Monica told her with a gentle smile. “But you can’t be saying grown up words.”

“But daddy says them.” Josie said as she crawled out, “I wanna be like daddy.”

“Good lord,” Javier chuckled, grinning at you. “Be like your mother, she’s a far better example.”

“Only because I mind my p’s and q’s.” You teased, nudging Javier’s foot under the table. “Good cop says to go easy.”

“Bad cop is going to eat Miss Josie’s pancakes if she doesn’t get back in her seat and eat them.” He warned and that prompted her to scramble back into her seat. 

Monica started laughing again, “Is this what I miss out on every morning?”

“Every. Morning.” You shook your head. “Josie’s always getting into mischief.”

Javier fixed Monica with a droll expression. “Yesterday she ate Stevie’s kibble.”

Josie clambered back into her seat, picking up her fork and shoveling a mouthful of pancake into her mouth. 

“Josie, _please_ don’t choke.” 

Javier nudged her in the ribs, “Small bites.”

“I’m stress eating.” Josie announced, making dramatic gobbling noises as she mimed eating another bite as she chewed her first. 

“What are you stressed about?” Monica questioned.

“Life.”

The three of you started laughing. Josie had a hell of a sense of humor. You weren’t sure which one of you she got it from, but she could not kill with her dramatics. 

“You know,” You started, looking from Monica to Javier. “That was exactly what I needed.” You rolled your eyes. “From the mouths of babes.”

“Who, _me_?” Josie questioned, giggling like a mad woman. 

“Yes, _you_ , goober.” You laughed. 

Javier leaned over and kissed the top of her head, “No more bad words, JoJo.”

She tilted her head up towards him, grinning broadly. “But it made mommy laugh.”

He pursed his lips, “Then it’s fine. Just this once.” Javier stood up then, moving around the table to you. He rested his hands on your shoulders, squeezing both of them tightly. “Want more coffee?”

You nodded your head, “I think I may just work for a half a day today.” 

“Do you still want me to stick around?” Monica questioned. 

“If I get home early, you’re welcome to leave.” You assured her as you watched Javier take your cup and head for the coffee pot. “Get a jump start on your weekend.”

“Honestly, I think we may just stay in.” She shrugged, “You guys still on for dinner tomorrow?”

You nodded, moving your pancakes around your plate, dabbing up more syrup. “Javier’s cooking.”

“I hope he’s not grilling.”

“What am I cooking?”

“I don’t know,” You hummed. “What _are_ you cooking for dinner tomorrow?”

Javier sat your coffee cup in front of you, “Wanna help make enchiladas?”

You shrugged, “Sounds good to me.”

“My favorite.” Monica smiled. “I can’t believe the semester’s almost over.”

“I can.” Javier sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “It’s still awkward.”

“We’re not bringing _that_ up.” She offered with a shake of her head. 

“You mean I shouldn’t invite Elena for dinner?”

Monica and Javier both glared at you and offered in unison a firm, “ _No_.” 

“Neither of you are _any_ fun.” You laughed, grinning at them. 

The situation with DEA was finally put behind you and now you could just _savor_ this little family of five you’d created despite everything. 


	99. Power Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long week at work, Reader unwinds. Set after “Inspiration” in 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (slight femdom, vibrator, cock tease, cock warming, hand job, using a vibrator on a cock, girl on top, these bbs being softies for each other)

Work was _rarely_ stressful since moving to Miami. Sure, there were definitely days that had you choosing whiskey over a bottle of beer, but for the most part — it was a stress-free environment, compared to working for the DEA. 

You missed being home with Javier and Josie, but you _loved_ working somewhere you were actually respected. Where you had control. Where _you_ had a say.

But you fucking _hated_ training weeks. You were up with the sun and usually home well after it had set. For five days in a row. Five thirteen-hour days in a row should’ve been made illegal. 

Javier pressed a kiss to the spot where your ear met your jaw. “You’re a million miles away, baby.”

You blinked, turning to look at him then. “ _Sorry_.” You rubbed at your bare arms as you glanced around the Murphy’s backyard. “I think I worked sixty-five hours this week.”

He chuckled, lazily curling his arm around your shoulders. “Yeah, you _did_. Is your brain still at work?”

“Sadly,” You admitted as you dragged your teeth over your bottom lip. “We should probably go while Josie’s down for her nap.”

Javier gave her shoulder three short squeezes before he rose up, “I’ll go tell Steve we’re gonna head out.”

Connie was pulling a weekend shift at the hospital, but Steve has graciously offered to watch Josie for the weekend. You had a feeling Javier had _something_ to do with that. 

You pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes, before dragging them down your face as you got out of your seat. You grabbed your beer bottle and Javi’s empty bottle and followed him into the house. 

“Leaving already?” Steve questioned as he looked towards you with a wry grin. “I can’t blame you. They’re working you to death.”

You shrugged a shoulder, “I’ve got a couple days off this week. I’ll rebound.” You looked towards Javier then, an adoring smile spreading over your lips before you looked back at Steve. “Thank you for watching Josie got us.”

“I’m happy to help,” Steve rubbed at the back of his neck, before gesturing around the house. “Gotta keep myself occupied while Connie’s got a double.”

“Thanks again,” Javier clapped him on the shoulder. “Call if you have any trouble.”

“Will do.” He gave a mock salute. “See you both tomorrow.”

You dragged your fingers through your hair, shaking your hair loose, walking alongside Javier as you headed for the car. “I feel bad about leaving early, but I’m _not_ feeling particularly social.”

Javier reached over and rubbed the small of your back, “It’s been a long week.”

You nodded, “I don’t know _what_ I need.” You admitted, rubbing your lips together thoughtfully. “But I would like to take advantage of our childless night.”

“Yeah?” Javier looked surprised by that. “Stress relief?” He walked around the car and opened the passenger door for you. 

“ _Stress relief_.” You stopped in front of him, turning to meet his gaze. “It’s been a week.”

“I did _try._ ” He reminded you with a smirk. “But someone fell asleep.”

You felt your cheeks warm, “I appreciated the effort. Falling asleep does reflect the quality of your work.” By the time you had gotten home Wednesday night, Javier had already gotten Josie fed, bathed, and put to bed. 

You scarfed down leftovers, hopped in the shower to save time in the morning, and had attempted to take advantage of a somewhat early night with him. Instead, you’d fallen asleep mere minutes after he’d settled between your thighs.

“I’m not gonna hold it against you, baby.” Javier assured you with a chuckle, leaning in to press his forehead against yours, brushing his knuckles down your cheek. “What do you have in mind?”

You tilted your head and kissed him, “I’ve spent all week in control and I think I’d like that to carry over.”

Javier smirked, his hand dropping to your hip and giving it a squeeze. “Here I thought you’d want to be _out_ of control.”

You shook your head, stealing another kiss. “ _Tempting_.” You brushed your nose against his before ducking into the car. He shut the door closed for you before walking around to the driver’s seat. “You know how much I enjoy taking what I want from you.”

“And I love giving it.” Javier reached over and gave your thigh a squeeze. 

“How’s your shoulder?”

His brows rose upwards as he started the car, “Not bad.” He admitted, rolling both of them to test that statement. “You planning on tying me up?”

“ _Maybe_.” You rested your elbow on the center console, angling yourself towards him as you watched him. “Did you like it when I used my vibe on you?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I did.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “It was different.”

“Might be fun.” You reached over and rested your hand on his leg. “Keep your eyes on the road.”

“ _Baby_ —“

“I’m not doing anything _you_ don’t do to me when I’m driving.” You pointed out, keeping your hand right there. Your fingers were curled towards his inner thigh, mere inches from the slight bulge of his cock. 

“You’re a menace.” Javier shot you a look as he stopped at a light.

“I’m just resting my hand on your thigh,” You said sweetly. “Can I not touch you now?”

He swallowed thickly, “You know what you’re doing.”

“I’ll remember this next time you’ve got your hand on my thigh.” You gave his leg a squeeze before releasing your hold on him with a dramatic sigh. “Now I might not be as _kind_ as I had planned to be.”

Javier snorted, “I’m sensing a power trip.”

You grinned, “Your _favorite_ kind of trip.”

He rarely admitted it aloud, but he loved when you took charge, nearly as much as you enjoyed him overpowering you. You were certain you knew _exactly_ what he got up to in Colombia and you were fairly certain you were the only who had gotten Javier to relinquish control. 

And it looked good on him. 

* * *

“You’re certain you can handle _both_ arms being tied up?” You questioned as you looped the soft fabric of your scarf around his left wrist, drawing it up above his head. “I don’t mind leaving your right free.”

“Both.” Javier assured you, using his still free hand to grab at your hip. You were still fully dressed, but he’d already lost his shirt and jeans on the way to the bedroom. “I’ll use my word if I need to.”

You nodded, “I’m using a loose knot.” You explained as you drew his hand away from your hip and bound it to his headboard beside the other arm. “You can pull free if you _really_ need to.”

“I’m not going to.”

“This isn’t just about _me_ ,” You reminded him. 

“Baby, I’m here for the show.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as he shifted beneath you. 

You cupped both of his cheeks as you leaned down to kiss him. “I promise you’ll have a good time.” You told him, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. 

“I already am.” Javier assured you.

You kissed him once more on the lips, before trailing your mouth down the column of his throat. You scraped your teeth over the curve of his collarbone before you slid down the length of his body. 

Your hands touched everywhere they could reach. Dragging over his waist and ribs, sliding back up over his soft stomach. “You’re almost as tense as I am.” You remarked, nipping at the soft flesh there beside his navel. 

“I can assure that one part of my anatomy is _very_ stiff.” Javier quipped with a strained chuckle.

“I noticed.” You smirked up at him, with the way you were laying you could feel his cock pressing against your stomach. 

You left another gentle bite against his stomach, before you moved back up the bed to hover over him. “You look good like this.” You told him, running a hand up the length of his forearm to where his wrists were bound. 

Javier ran his tongue over the edge of his teeth as he looked up at you. “Not as good as you look when I’ve got you tied up.” He shot back, rocking his hips beneath you as you strapped him. 

“The night’s still young.” You told him, before you moved to get off of him. You sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning over to pull out the box you kept in the drawer. “Though, when I’m done with you…”

He snorted, “Do your worst, baby.”

You brandished the hot pink vibrator, “Still up from me using this?” 

“ _Yeah_.” He nodded, his eyes lingering on your face as he turned to watch you. 

You knelt on the bed beside him, reaching out to rest your hand over the prominent bulge of his cock. “I love how worked up you get for me.” You told him, sliding your fingers down to tease his balls through the fabric of his boxers. 

“Did you take care of _yourself_ this week, Javi?” You questioned, squeezing ever so gently before releasing your hold on him. 

He huffed quietly, “ _Yeah_.”

You smirked, “I’m jealous that I didn’t get to watch.” You laid down on the bed beside him, shifting downwards so your head was parallel with his cock. 

“I can assure you it wasn’t _anything_ to write home about.” He drew in a ragged breath, “Happy to give you an encore presentation.”

“You’re ridiculous,” You rolled your eyes as you picked up the vibrator and switched it in the lowest setting. 

Javier’s stomach clenched as you brought the toy down against his cock through his boxers. He squirmed beneath your attention and you couldn’t tell if he was trying to get closer to the sensation or pull away 

You used your forearm to keep him pressed against the bed as you increased the speed to two. “You like that?”

“ _Yes_.”

You dragged the toy over the length of him, watching as his pre-come darkened his boxers at the head of his cock. “I can tell.” You pulled the toy away, keeping your arm draped across his stomach. 

“Baby, holy shit.” 

You smirked, leaning over to press your lips to his covered cock, letting your warm breath play through the fabric before you returned the toy to his length.

Javier groaned, a throaty desperate sound escaping him as he bucked beneath you. You switched the toy up another setting, running towards the head of his cock, keeping it there for two beats before you pulled away entirely.

“What the—“ He rocked his hips upwards. “ _Fuck.”_

You sat the still vibrating toy aside on the bed as you moved to peel his boxers down his hips part way. His cock sprang free, heavy and hard as it leaked with arousal. 

“Wouldn’t it be a shame if I didn’t let you come?” You questioned, cupping his balls in your palm as you looked up at him innocently. You curled your fingers around his cock, leaning up to sweep your tongue over the head. 

“You’re not that cruel.”

“I might be.” Your eyes flashed to his face as you brought the toy back to his cock, dragging it over the length of his cock, before switching it to a lower setting. 

Javier _keened._ He bucked beneath you and struggled with the scarf wrapped around his wrists. He looked just this side of crazed and desperate. 

“You’re going to fucking kill me.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” You questioned as you moved to straddle his legs, leaning down so you could take the head of his cock into your mouth. You swore you could feel the way that he _throbbed_ as you slid your tongue over the sensitive bottom of his length. 

Javier started to say something, but he didn’t get a chance to say _anything_ once you placed the toy against the base of his cock, letting the vibrations work through him as you took his Vick in until it hit the back of his throat. 

You retreated, just as you thought he was a second away from coming. His back bowed up off the bed, his rutting upwards. He swore— in both English and Spanish as you sat back and watched. 

“You look so fucking hot right now, babe.” You told him, reaching down and running your hand over his lower belly. He was flushed and wild-eyed, lips parted and brow glistening with sweat. 

You couldn’t help yourself. You leaned forward to kiss him, trapping his cock in between your bodies. He hissed and you couldn’t tell if it was pain or pleasure. “Javi, are you okay?” You questioned, stroking your fingers through his hair gently.

“I need to come. _Fuck_.” He grunted out, his dark gaze fixing on yours. “Baby, don’t be mean.”

You ran your finger down his nose and kissed him, “I can stop if you’d prefer.” You said coyly. “I do need sleep.” You teased him. 

“ _Baby_.”

You frowned, “Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” Javier assured you. “Did I use my safe word?”

You shook your head, before sitting back up, keeping yourself straddling his lower thighs. “Say the word and I stop.”

“I’m good.” He promised you, twisting his arms in the binding to give you a thumbs up. 

You snatched up the toy, switching it to the highest setting. Javier’s eyes snapped open as he stared down at you, which only urged you on.

You pressed the toy against his cock, right beneath the head of his cock before sliding it down the length of him and turning it off entirely.

Javier groaned loudly, fingers clenching into fists at the headboard. 

“You good?”

He grunted in response.

You moved to get off of him, peeling off your tank top before shimmying out of your denim shorts. “I had considered not letting you come at all.” You told him as you laid back down on the bed beside him, running your hand over his stomach as you tilted your head to look up at him. “But I’m not mean.” 

You shifted further up the bed until you were settled with your cheek pressed against his shoulder. “And I want to feel you come _in_ me.” 

Javier groaned, “If I had known we could’ve been doing _this_ after hard workweeks in Colombia…”

You snorted, cupping his jaw and turning his head so you could kiss him. “You knew _exactly_ what I was capable of.” You reminded him with a grin. “I love you.”

His expression softened, a warm smile playing over his lips. “I love you too.” He strained against the scarf so he could catch your lips. “I’d love you even more if you were riding me right now.”

“So _demanding_ for a man tied up,” You teased, running your tongue over his bottom lip before you pulled back. You’d needed this. The power, yes, but also the lighthearted freedom that came from exploring with Javier like this. 

You leaned up on your knees, making a show of hooking your fingers into the waistband of your entirely unsexy pair of cotton underwear. But Javier didn’t care. 

“Like what you see?” You questioned as you shifted to slide them off your legs entirely as you maneuvered yourself to straddle him once more. 

“I see a lot I like.” Javier retorted, his gaze raking over you, adding to the fire burning between your thighs. Just from teasing him with the toy, you were slick with desire — ready for _him_. 

With the toy and teasing Javi now forgotten, you curled your fingers around the base of his cock to keep him steady as you lowered yourself onto him. 

Javier cried out your name as he bucked his hips upwards, driving the full length of his cock into you as you sank down onto him. You stilled atop hunched inhaling and exhaling slowly as you kept him buried within you.

“Baby, what are you.”

“ _Shh_.” You told him, pressing a finger to his lips to silence him. Javier’s tongue darted out to sweep over your finger and you let him take your fingers into his mouth. His teeth scraped lightly over your skin, but his tongue was quick to soothe it. 

“Do you like that?” You questioned, rolling your hips, keeping him inside of your cunt as your ground yourself against him. 

“Fuck, yes.” He answered, his stomach muscles trembling with the effort he was exhausting to remain still beneath you.

“Javi?”

You pointedly rolled your hips and clenched around him when he didn’t respond. 

“Hmm?”

“Can you behave?” You questioned and he nodded. “Slide your hands out of the scarf and fucking touch me already.”

Javier chuckled, the sound a low rumble in his chest as he twisted free of your bindings easily. His hands moved to your ribs, holding you there before he trailed his hands down to your sides and grabbed at your hips. 

He let you guide the movements, watched you with pure adoration as you moved atop him. He relinquished so much to you — freely and willingly. 

So much of _this_ had been there that first night. The passion, the desire, and the love. 

You sank forward, continuing to roll your hips, grinding onto his cock as you sought out his mouth once more. You ran your fingers through his hair, cupping his jaw as you kissed him. 

“ _Baby_ ,” He started to warn you, but he wasn’t quite quick enough. Your name fell from his lips as his expression was transformed by his release. You’d teased him long enough. 

His cock pulsed as he spilled within you. Javier slid one hand up your back, grabbing at your hair as he looked up at you. “ _Fuck_. Baby, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” You brushed your nose against his as you fumbled for the abandoned vibrator. You grabbed ahold of it, prying his hand off your hip and pressing the toy to his palm. 

Slowly you sat back up, keeping the softening length of his cock within you as you circled your hips. You combed your fingers through your hair, tossing it back over your shoulders as you fixed him with a look.

Javier didn’t tease you the way you had teased him. He switched the vibrator onto four and pressed the tip of the hot pink toy against your clit.

You squirmed on his lap, your inner walls fluttering around his cock. The direct vibrations were enough to set you off. You arched your back, rutting against him as you came apart for him, milking every last drop of his own release from him. 

Javier ran his hand up the center of your stomach, his fingers playing over your breast bone as they moved higher and curled around the back of your neck. He kept his hand there as he slowly sat up, his other hand holding your hips to his as he drew his knees up behind you. 

“Keep your eyes on me.” Javier commanded softly, as he brought the toy back to your clit. 

“ _Javi_.” You breathed out as he pressed it against that throbbing little bud of pleasure and sent you careening over the edge anew. You weren’t even certain if it was a new orgasm or if he’d managed to prolong the first with an intense effect. 

You grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away. He got the message, shutting it off and tossing it aside. 

“You’re fucking incredible, baby,” Javier praised as he peppered kisses down your throat. “I’m so _fucking_ lucky.”

You curled your arms beneath his, your hands pressed flat against his back as you sank forward against him. “So am I.” You murmured, more than ready to bask in the afterglow of the cure to a long week. 


	100. Room Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier celebrate after their wedding. Set May 22nd, 1998 after “I Do”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (bathtub sex)

You traced your fingers over your name and Javier’s as you stared down at the marriage certificate that legally bound the two of you together. Marriage used to feel like a restrictive societal construct that was used and abused by people. The thought of getting married used to fill you with dread — you could still remember how anxious you felt after Lance had offhandedly mentioned his own desires to get married and have a family. 

And then there was Javier. 

He wasn’t particularly old fashioned, but you had known for awhile now that he wouldn’t mind marrying you. Hell, he wore a band on his left ring finger that was meant to _look_ like a wedding band. 

You tucked the certificate in between the pages of the travel map you had brought, before stowing it in the interior pocket of your suitcase. You’d have to get a protective sleeve for it when you got back to Miami — and update whatever needed to be updated to reflect that you were married. 

There was a knock at the door and you rose from the bed to open the door. 

“Room service.” Javier said with a put-on voice as he walked inside, brandishing two bottles of champagne. 

“Oh, I don’t remember ordering room service.” You teased as you shut the door behind him. “I think you have the wrong room.”

“I believe your _husband_ ordered these.” He winked at you, his lips drawn into a grin. 

You bit down on your bottom lip as you leaned in to him, ruffling your fingers through his hair as you lean up to kiss him. “I _do_ have one of those now.”

You took the bottles from his hands and walked over to the counter where the coffee pot was. “Champagne from a plastic cup or a coffee mug?”

Javier moved in behind you, his arms snaking around your waist as he rested his chin against your shoulder. “Plastic cup.” He kissed the curve of your neck, “I thought we might utilize that fancy tub in the bathroom.”

Your brows quirked upwards and you caught his reflection in the mirror in front of you. “What are we celebrating again?”

He cupped your jaw and turned your head so he could kiss you. You turned in his arms, draping them over his shoulders. 

You smiled against his lips, brushing your noses against his as you pulled back to meet his eyes, “I swear Javi, a five minute ceremony in the city hall has taken five years off of you.” You traced your finger down the side of his cheek, before curling it around the back of his neck. 

Javier chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m just happy. Real _fucking_ happy, baby.” 

“Me too.” You whispered as you kissed him again, letting it linger before you pulled back. “Go get the water running and I’ll pop the corks on these.” 

Javier stole another kiss before he reluctantly released you and headed into the bathroom. You grabbed the small hand towel that was sitting beside the coffee pot, covering the neck of the bottle as you twisted the bit of metal that held the cork in place. You leaned it to the side and worked the cork out. 

Somehow celebrating your wedding in a hotel room in San Francisco, with two bottles of champagne and plastic cups _screamed_ perfect to you. 

Nothing about your relationship with Javier had been particularly flashy. Even the details of it had been intentionally downplayed for the news. No one needed to know. 

Only your family — Monica, Nadia, and Steve and Connie — knew the truth. And you were content with keeping it that way. 

You placed the cups over the open bottles of champagne and followed Javier into the bathroom. 

“I’m glad we’re finally getting some use out of this thing. Right before we go home, of course.” You grinned as you sat the bottles down on the broad side of the tub. It was clearly designed to be _entertained_ in. 

Javier swept his fingers through his hair, flashing you a grin. “Better late than never.”

“The theme of our lives.” You quipped, snapping your finger and shooting finger guns at him. “You should feel very proud of yourself.”

“Yeah?”

“Steve always jokes that I _domesticated_ you, but in reality you domesticated me too.” You tilted your head as you met his gaze, a warm smile playing over your lips. “You loved me just enough to convince _me_ to pop the question.”

You took a step towards him, reaching for his left hand and bringing it to your lips. You kissed the spot just above the ring on his finger. 

“You _sure_ I can’t tell Chucho?” Javier questioned as he curled his fingers around yours. 

“ _Javier_!” You laughed as you rolled your eyes. “I guess you can tell him. _Just_ him.” You warned him. “If I find out you’ve told Steve I will be forced to divorce you.”

“ _Baby_.” Javier’s hand curled around your hip, leaning in to press a kiss to your lips. “It’s our secret, save for pops.”

You rested your forehead against his, playing your fingers over the back of his neck. “Let’s tell him when we go there for Thanksgiving.”

He nodded, “I don’t know if he’ll believe us.”

You laughed, “I barely believe it.” You tilted your head, brushing your lips over his as your hand moved downwards to work at his belt. “The water’s going to get cold.

“We wouldn’t want that,” Javier said lowly, catching your bottom lip between his teeth and applying just enough pressure as he drew back to make your body throb with want. 

He reached around behind you, drawing the zipper of your dress down your back, letting the red fabric fall around your feet as he stepped forward, causing you to step backwards towards the bathtub.

You pulled his belt loose from the loops, making quick work of the button and zipper — shoving his jeans down his hips. 

“We’re _celebrating_.” You reminded him, giving his cock a brief squeeze through his boxers before you slipped out of his grip and finished undressing by yourself. 

Javier fixed you with a ravenous look, his gaze raking over your bare skin like it as the first time he’d seen you. “Baby, you’re gorgeous.”

You grinned, watching him undress the rest of the way as you poured the champagne into each cup. “You’re pretty easy on the eyes yourself.” You remarked, biting down on your bottom lip as your gaze flickered to his hardened cock resting against his belly. 

You held out the cup and Javier took it from you. “We gonna toast?” He questioned. 

“ _Yeah_.” You nodded. “To a long life together.”

“To a _long_ life together,” Javier echoed as he tapped the rim of his cup against yours, before you both took a sip. “We’ve got, what? Another good forty years together.”

You sputtered, “Aim high, babe. Let’s say fifty.” The thought of spending a single day without him in your life made your heart ache. You sat the cup down on the edge of the tub as you stepped in, sinking down into the warm water. 

“Think I’ll make it to ninety-seven?” Javier questioned as he moved to sit across from you in the tub. 

“You only smoked for what? Thirty years?” You scrunched up your nose. “Maybe you’ll make it ninety.”

He shook his head, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “I used to think about this shit, you know? Figured I’d end up on the ranch. _Alone_.”

“Funny,” You started somberly. “I always pictured myself alone too. Living in a small apartment in a city, married to my work. I don’t even think I saw myself having a pet.” You took another sip of champagne. “Now I have everything besides a white picket fence and… I can’t picture another life.”

Javier scratched at his jaw, “Me neither,” He mirrored you as you both took another sip of champagne. “All I see is you.”

“I always used to say that I could do all of this without you. With Josie, at least. But, I don’t think I would’ve really wanted to. You’re part of what makes this life _perfect_.”

“Aw, baby. You sound like you might want to marry me someday.” He teased, nudging at your leg with his foot beneath the water. 

You flipped him off.

“There’s my girl.”

“Fuck off, Javier.”

“You’re stuck with me.”

You feigned disgust, “What have I done?”

“You were already stuck. You have two kids with me.”

“ _Touché_.” You pursed your lips as you turned to grab the bottle of champagne and moved across the tub to join him. 

You sat the bottle and your cup on the edge as you settled down beside him, leaning back against the edge of the tub. “I can’t wait to see the girls grow up. Josie’s going to be such a spitfire.”

“The older she gets the more obvious it is that she’s _your_ daughter.” Javier remarked, curling his arm around you beneath the water as he took a sip of champagne. 

“She’s a character alright,” You laughed. “We need to get her back into ballet.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck, “What? Not threatened by the dance moms now?”

You slapped his chest playfully, “I was _never_ threatened, buddy.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “And we’re _not_ going back to that dance studio.”

“She enjoyed gymnastics.” Javier mused, finishing off his cup of champagne before grabbing the bottle and refilling. 

You took the bottle from him and drank straight from it, “Sofía is totally you. She’s such a cranky little baby.”

“Oh, trust me. I know.” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “What are we doing for her birthday?”

“Something small on the Sunday before.” You took another pull from the bottle before passing it back to him. “I did set up a family photo session for the weekend after.”

Javier leaned over and kissed your temple, “Think we can pull Monica into the photo this time?”

“Oh yeah,” You grinned. “She’s got to this time.” You shifted closer to him, your leg pressed against his beneath the water. “Hey, Javi.”

“Yeah?” He turned to look at you. 

“We got married today.”

Javier’s eyes lit up as he met your gaze. “We did. Baby, you made me the happiest man alive today.”

You maneuvered yourself into his lap, straddling his thighs as you leaned in to kiss him. The water lapped at your skin at the wake of your movements. 

“You made me pretty _damn_ happy today too.” You told him, your words muffled against his mouth.

Javier ran his hand up your back, his other hand curling around your hip as he shifted beneath you, his cock pressed right against the apex of your thighs. 

Today truly had been one of the best days of your life. Everything about it had been _perfect_. From the early morning decisions, to Javier’s vows. To this moment right here. 

You loved him. With every fiber of your being. Against _all_ odds. You were both more than a little broken and yet, from those broken pieces you had created a family for yourselves. 

Javier’s hands dragged up your sides as you rocked against him, sliding your cunt against his cock beneath the water. 

He ran one hand up, fingers tangling in your hair as he grasped at the base of your head and pulled you in for another kiss. 

You grabbed at his shoulder for leverage as you worked your other hand down between you to grasp at his cock. You held him steady, rising up on your knees before lowering yourself onto him. 

Your name spilled from Javier’s lips as you rolled your hips downwards, seating him fully within you. He ran his hand over your lower stomach, sliding his hand around to grab at your hip. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”

“So do you.” You whispered, scraping your fingers through his hair as you leaned forward and pressed your forehead to his. “ _Husband_.” You teased, cupping his jaw. 

Javier moved beneath you, leaning forward to brush his lips over the valley between your breasts. He ran a hand up your stomach, skimming his fingers over your ribs before he grasped at your breast. 

He trailed his mouth down the curve of your breast, catching your nipple between his lips and swirling his tongue around the hardened peak. 

A moan rose up the back of your throat and you clenched around him in response as you ground your hips against him. 

He cupped your other breast, teasing the other nipple in tandem with his mouth. He left a row of open-mouthed kisses over your skin, before biting softly at the tender flesh. 

You inhaled sharply and tugged are the soft strands of his hair, drawing his head back as you looked down at him. “Making up for lost time?”

Javier smirked, “You know how much I love your tits, baby.” He drawled out, cupping them both as he palmed them roughly. 

“Forever a tits man.” You laughed, reaching behind him to grab at the edge of the tub, angling yourself so the bounced right in his face as you moved atop him.

He groaned, a low sound that rumbled in his chest as he thrust upwards. He grabbed at your ass, certain to leave bruises there as he left kisses on the soft skin of your breasts. 

You were close. You could feel the tight bind of desire pulling within your belly, threatening to snap. “Fuck. _Fuck_.” You hissed out as you rotated your hips, trying to get just the right angle. 

Javier dragged his mouth along your collarbone, his tongue sweeping out to taste your skin as he grasped your breast, stroking his thumb over your nipple. 

“Are you going to come for me, baby?” He questioned, his lips coming to rest close to your ear. “I wanna feel you. Wanna feel you come for me.”

The band snapped within you. 

Javier’s released your hip, hand delving beneath the water to the point where his cock was buried within you. He stroked his thumb over your clit, pushing you straight over the edge. 

You cried out, louder than you should’ve, as your body pulsed around him, your release burning hot through your veins. 

Your name was heavy on his tongue as your nails dug into his shoulders, his own release coming quick on the heels of yours. He bucked upwards, holding you tight as he came, his cock pulsing as his seed spilled from him. 

“Javi. _Javi.”_ You whispered as you sought out his lips, kissing him almost desperately. You ran your fingers through his hair, sinking forward against him as little trembles of your release continued. 

Javier curled an arm around you, keeping you pressed to him as you both basked in the moment. 

“Holy… _shit_.” He laughed, pressing his lips to the side of your head. 

“Keeps getting better.” You mumbled, tracing your finger down the curve of his shoulder. “I love you.”

He gave your hip three squeezes as he trailed his lips down your cheek. “Forever and always.” Javier promised, “ _Wife_.”

You snorted, “Get that out of your system before we get home.”

“I’m never gonna get you out of my system, baby.”


	101. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween festivities are interrupted by a ghost. Set October 31st 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Potential triggers if you have toxic family members and/or family members or loved ones with addiction. Also very mild allusions to anxiety.

“Well, aren’t you the _cutest_ little pumpkin I have ever seen.” You said with the put-on voice that always managed to make Sofía giggle. She clapped her hands together as she rocked back against Javier’s chest. She reached up and tried to pull off the headband that was made to look like the stem and leaves of a pumpkin. 

“You’ve gotta keep that on, sweetheart.” He told her, batting her hand away from the headband. “You still dressing up, baby?” Javier questioned, giving you a pointed look. 

You looked down, gesturing to your sweatpants with a grin, “What? You don’t know what Morticia wore when she was at home?” You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. “It should take me ten minutes tops.” 

“ _Mommy_!” Josie cried out as she ran down the hallway. “I can’t find my candy basket! I looked everywhere!”

“It’s on the kitchen counter.” You told her, before looking back at Javier. “I don’t know how I feel about your slicked back hair.”

Javier arched a brow, “It was your idea.”

“I know.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Josie-Jo, can you sit with your father while I get ready?”

Josie ran past you with Stevie hot on her heels. You watched, in mild horror, as she climbed over the back of the sofa to get to Javier. 

“This isn’t a jungle gym.” Javier reminded her, before you even had a chance. 

Stevie started barking, ignoring her pursuit as she ran towards the front door a split second before someone rang the bell. 

“I’ll get it.” You told Javier as he corralled the children. “It’s a little bit early for trick-or-treaters.” You commented as you grabbed the dish of candy off the table in the kitchen and headed for the front door.

“Stevie. _Hush_.” You snapped your fingers, scolding the dog with a look. She took two steps back and sat down obediently. “That’s a good girl.” You gave her a head pat, before turning to the front door.

“Happy Hallo—“ Your enthusiasm was cut short as you pulled the door open. It wasn’t a gaggle of costumed children waiting beyond the door. But it was certainly frightening. 

A different kind of ghost. 

“What are _you_ doing here?” You questioned, stepping out onto the front stoop and pulling the door shut behind you. 

How long had it been? Twenty years? And over the course of those twenty years you hadn’t once regretted leaving her in the past.

“It’s so good to see you, _sweetie_.” She clasped her hands together as she rocked on her heels. “I’ve missed you.”

“Let me ask again. _What_ are you doing here?” You kept the bowl of candy in between the two of you, like it was a shield that would keep her from getting any closer. 

“I came to see you.” She edged closer, “I’m clean, sweetheart. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, I—“

“I didn’t.” You cut her off. “The only time you ever cross my mind is when I wonder how I managed to get _through_ that part of my life.”

“I know.” She shook her head, before offering you a rather disarming smile. “I’m _so_ proud of you. You’ve done _so_ much. Who would’ve thought that my baby girl would amount to so much.”

“You have to leave.” You said without emotion, despite the storm of emotions you felt in the pit of your stomach. Even your chest felt tight as a wave of anxiety, one that had only _ever_ been reserved for your mother, washed through you. 

She held up a hand, “I want to meet my grandbabies.”

“No.” You clenched her teeth together, “They don’t need to be brought into this same toxic cycle I was caught in. _No_.”

The front door cracked open and you turned to see Javier standing there, “Baby, you good?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, giving the faintest shake of your head as you caught his gaze. You tried to convey everything without words and he got it. 

“They’ve got the girls,” He assured you softly as he stepped out onto the stoop, pulling the door closed behind you. Javier took the bowl of candy from you, sitting it aside on the small bench that sat on the stoop. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, the chill that had settled into your veins quickly chased away by his warmth as he settled a hand on the small of your back. 

“Can I help you?” Javier questioned, fixing your mother with a look, his other hand resting at his hip as he stared her down. 

“Sweetheart, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

You swallowed thickly, a humorless laugh escaping you. “Javier, this is my mother.”

“ _Shit_.” 

“It’s _so_ nice to meet you,” She remarked as she extended a hand. Javier didn’t offer his, but your mother didn’t let that deter her. “I’m sure you’ve gotten an earful about me. I’m better. I promise.”

“Married _again_ , I see.” You gritted out, catching the glint of the ring on her finger. 

“We met in rehab.” She explained, “He’s got a daughter about your age.” 

“Congrats.” You offered, leaning into Javier as he ran his hand over the small of your back. “I’m glad you’re alive I guess, but… we have plans.”

“I don’t mean to be a burden, sweetheart. It’s just… after I saw that article, I was just so proud of you. Look at you — you’re a _mother._ ”

You scoffed, “That’s _definitely_ the thing to be proud of.” You tilted your head to look at Javier. “I can’t do this. Please make her leave.”

Javier gave a short, “Whatever you need, baby.” He released his hold as you turned away, “I’ll be in, in a minute.”

You offered your mother a tight lipped smile. “Have a safe trip back to wherever. I hope you’re really clean this time, _Becky_.” 

What a fucking nightmare. 

Stevie barked as you stepped back inside, “Shh. It’s just me.” You said as you knelt down and gave her a scratch behind the ear. 

She kept close to you like she was your shadow as you headed back into the bedroom to get ready. Not that you felt particularly celebratory now. Somehow, after all those years — she could still manage to zap the life out of you. 

“It’s Monica.” She offered as she knocked at your bedroom door.

“It’s unlocked,” You told her, running a brush over your hair. 

“Hey,” Monica started. “Who’s the woman Javier’s talking to?”

You rolled your eyes, “The wicked witch of the west.” You gestured to the wig laying on the bed. “Do you still get Morticia vibes without it?”

“You look gorgeous,” Monica assured you, though her brows drew together with concern. “I’ve only ever heard you refer to _one_ woman as a witch.”

“Yeah.” You folded your arms across your chest. “There’s _a lot_ to unpack there and I just want the girls to have a good night.”

Monica sat down on the foot of your bed, smoothing her hand over the blue gingham skirt of her Dorothy costume. “Why is she here?”

“Regret? A bid for sympathy? She ran out of people to use?” You questioned bitterly. “ _Fuck_ , I hate this. It’s all because of that stupid article.” 

You sank down in the small chair in the corner, and Stevie laid down directly at your feet. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You made a face, “Yes. _No_.” You looked away, biting down on your bottom lip hard enough to taste blood alongside the taste of lipstick. “It’s been twenty years. I left and I never looked back, Monica. I had plans for my life and none of them would’ve happened if I stayed caught in her web.”

“I know the feeling.” Monica offered you a sympathetic smile, “Remember what you told me and Connie. It’s _okay_ to cut out of toxic people.”

“Apparently she’s clean.” You blurted out, still actively processing everything that she’d said in that short window of time. “But I know how it goes. She married someone _from_ rehab. I think the last one was too… twenty years ago.”

She arched a brow at you, “Is she why you’re so weird about marriage?”

“ _Yeah_.” You rolled your eyes. Your mother would show up mere months after you figured out how to overcome that hang up. “My childhood was shit. The men she brought into my life were _monsters._ I don’t want that around my girls.”

Javier walked in then and his expression was heavy when he met your gaze, “I had to compromise to get her to leave, baby.”

You pushed your fingers through your hair, looking towards the window then. “What?”

“She’s gonna come back tomorrow. I’ll take the girls the Murphys—“

“You’re not leaving me alone.”

“— and come back.” Javier frowned at you. “Baby, we don’t have to go to this. There will be other Halloween parties at the school.”

“No.” You shook your head. “Josie only gets _one_ kindergarten Halloween party. You stood up then, glancing at your reflection in the mirror. “This is good enough. Let’s just go.”

Javier looked towards Monica then, before looking back at you. “Are you sure you’re okay, baby?”

You pressed your thumb against the spot between your brows and sighed heavily. Taking account of how you actually felt. You could feel your pulse in your ears, a distinct twinge of pain in your ribs. “No. _No_ , I’m not sure I’m okay.”

You sank back down in the chair, resting your head in your hands. “Monica, do you and Nadia mind taking them on to the school? Her class is supposed to be getting together for pictures beforehand.”

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you need.” Monica walked over and gave your shoulder a squeeze. “Nadia’s got _so_ many Polaroid refills. We’ll take a bunch.”

“Thank you.” Javier offered as she headed out of the bedroom. 

You were both quiet for a long time before he moved to kneel down beside you, taking your hand into his. 

“Javi, don’t kneel like that. Your knees are going to kill you tomorrow.” You warned him, lifting your gaze but not quiet meeting his eyes. 

“ _Baby_ ,” Javier started as he reached out and brushed his knuckles against your cheek. “We’ve gotta talk about this.”

You leaned into his touch, “I’ll meet with her tomorrow, if that’s all she wants.”

“I think it is.” Javier cupped your cheek, “Just say your piece and send her on her way. But I don’t want you to…” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he shook his head. “I don’t want you to regret this, baby.”

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip, “I don’t want her anywhere near the girls. Their grandmother is dead.”

He nodded, “I know.”

“What did she say?”

Javier sighed heavily. “She had a whole bit about how she’s sober now and she’s just trying to make amends—“

“So she’s actually in NA again.” You shook your head, rubbing your hands together. “She’s been before. She gets sober, clings to someone new, and the cycle repeats.” 

“I know.” Javier rested his hand on your leg and gave it three short squeezes, “Look, I told her she could come over tomorrow. We can sit in the backyard and talk until you’re ready for her to leave.”

He reached for your hand, sliding his hand up to press two fingers against your pulse. 

“ _Javier_.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like my blood pressure is through the roof.” You reported. “Trust me, I’m aware.”

He brought your hand to his lips, his breath hot against your skin. “I just want you to take care of yourself, baby. And let me take care of you.”

You smiled, “Thank you.”

“ _Querida Mia_.”He drawled out, pressing kisses up your arm, just like Gomez did with Morticia.

You laughed, turning your hand to cup his cheek as you leaned in to kiss his lips. “I love you. I’m sorry you’ve gotten yourself dragged into this.”

“Don’t apologize, baby.” Javier’s brows furrowed together. “I’m in this together with you. Good, bad, or otherwise.”

“Those almost sound like vows,” You teased lightly, “Now stand up before you’re limping tomorrow.”

Javier snorted, chuckling as he pulled himself up off the floor. He dusted his knees off before offering you his hand, “Shall we?”

“Yes.” You stood, interlacing your fingers. “I don’t want to miss out on the festivities.” 

He squeezed your hand, “We won’t worry about tomorrow, until tomorrow. Alright?”

You agreed, “Tonight is about the girls.”


	102. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader grapples with her mother. Set November 1st 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Potential triggers if you have toxic family members and/or family members or loved ones with addiction, emotional abuse, childhood trauma, and allusions to childhood abuse.

You laid on your side watching as another minute ticked by on the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand beside your bed. For the past two hours, you had watched as the red numbers transformed from 3:00 to 3:30 to 4:00 and finally now 4:43. 

You had willed it to stay October 31st just a little bit longer, but against your wishes, it was November 1st. 

The Halloween party at Josie’s school had been fun and you had tried to live within that moment for as long as possible. 

Josie had been _thrilled_ to win the dumpster diving game, which had been a hilarious sight to witness. Javier had held her by her ankles as she dove into a trash can to find a plastic rat that was tucked into one of the empty boxes near the bottom of the can.

She had found the rat, when none of her classmates had been able to. 

Josie’s triumphant grin as she declared herself the _Rat Queen_ had been enough to chase away the anxiety that was now clawing at your stomach. 

But then you came home. Monica and Nadia departed for a party downtown. Josie’s braids came out and she traded her Wednesday Addams costume for pajamas and you no longer had anything to occupy your thoughts with. 

It felt like a waking nightmare. 

Javier has tried to console you. He kept close to you all night, one hand constantly at your waist or your hand or your knee. Like he was trying to keep you grounded. And he did. 

But there was only so much he could do to chase away the past, when the past had arrived on your doorstep — unwilling to leave. 

It had been a _real_ fear of yours. Even Mitch had reached out to you when the article was syndicated into _The Washington Post_ and _The New York Times_. Even _Good Morning America_ had rehashed the particulars of the story one Monday morning.

Monica was hiding from her parents, but you had been hiding from your own mother too. And you hadn’t seen her since you were sixteen and desperate to escape. 

Before you left for Colombia, you had used your resources to check in on her. Morbid curiosity really. You had forged your own path for yourself, against the odds, and you had wanted to indulge yourself. You _had_ to know if you truly had made the right choice.

And you had. _Rebecca_ was married yet again, settling into her fifth marriage and he had a record a mile long that you hadn’t bothered to comb through. She wasn’t your problem. There was only so far you could carry her on your conscience. 

Javier moved behind you, seeking you out beneath the covers as he snaked his arm around your waist, drawing you back against his chest. He sighed heavily, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“I can _feel_ your mind racing.” He murmured, brushing his lips against the soft curve of your neck, his breath dancing hotly over your skin. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, curling your hand around his as you sank back against him. “I have too much on my mind.”

Javier ran his hand over your stomach reassuringly, “I know, baby.”

“I should’ve known. The handwriting was on the wall.” You lamented. “She sees success — she sees _happiness_ and she tries to blot it out.”

He lifted his hand, brushing his fingers over your cheek as he tucked your hair behind your ear. “I’ll be with you. I’m not going to let you deal with her alone.”

“When I was like nine, I spent the weekend with my father.” You recalled quietly, “He would’ve _loved_ you.”

“Yeah?”

“I see _so_ much of how he was with me, when you’re with Josie.” You sighed heavily, nestling back against him more. “But he bought me this _really_ cool bike. It had a basket and a bell.” You laughed as you thought back on that weekend. It felt like a lifetime ago. “It wasn’t much, I’m sure but to a kid… it was _everything_. I took care of that bike like it was a pet. I always kept it upright when I wasn’t riding it, I would stow it in the garage to keep it safe.”

“And what happened?”

“ _Rebecca_ backed over it. Swore up and down that I had left it in the driveway behind her car. Which I _never_ would have done.” You sniffed, trying to ignore the prickle of mushed tears. “My dad bought me a new one, but I kept it at his house. I was nine, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew what she had done.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He ran his hand down your arm, taking hold of your hand and interlacing your fingers. “We’ll get through this today. _Together_.”

“I don’t know how she found me.”

“I do.” Javier squeezed your hand. “She apparently followed you from the P.D.”

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

He shook his head. “She’s certainly a piece of work.”

“I don’t want her _anywhere_ near the girls.” You insisted, your voice wavering. “I fought _so_ hard to stay clear of her path. It isn’t fair. She can’t just show up—“

“ _Shhh_.” Javier soothed you, pressing his lips to the spot right behind your ear. 

“I just _hate_ this Javi.” You swallowed thickly, rolling onto your back, but keeping yourself close to him. “I thought this year was going to be _better_. Last year was hell and I felt like I had finally overcome so many of the hang ups that existed because of _her_.”

He kept his arm wrapped around you, his fingers curled around your waist. “Her showing up doesn’t change any of that.” Javier told you. 

“I know that, but…” You shook your head slowly. “And I feel so ungrateful, shouldn't I be _happy_ that I have a mother?”

“No.” Javier kissed your shoulder. “It’s not the same and we both know it, baby. You’ve told me enough about your mother to know she gave up the right of being your _mother_ a long time ago.”

You turned towards him then, resting your forehead against his collarbone. “Thank you for understanding.”

Javier ran his hand up and down the length of your back, “I’m glad you’ve always let me in.”

He had _always_ been the one you told your deepest darkest secrets to. Even back in Colombia, before Josie was even a thought. You spilled your guts to him. You told him everything. Javier was he one person you trusted with your past. 

“I love you,” You whispered as you brushed your fingers over his cheek, drawing him in so you could kiss him. 

Javier brushed his nose against yours, “I’m here for you no matter what, baby.” He promised, “And if you want me to send her own her way…”

“No, I’ll face her. I owe myself that much.” You sighed, sinking back against the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling above. “What all did she say to you?”

He shrugged, “A few off the cuff remarks.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Apparently I’m not what she pictured for her _beloved_ daughter.”

You snorted, “Trust her to _think_ she knows me.”

“I only took _mild_ offense to it.” He chuckled, running his hand over the length of your side. “It was clear she was trying to get her hooks in.”

“Let me guess…” You rubbed your lips together thoughtfully, pressing closer to Javier like you couldn’t get quite close enough to him. “You’re too old for me?” You reached up and played your fingers through his hair. 

“Spot on.” Javier chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of your lips, sighing quietly. “How old were you?”

“Sixteen.” You answered quietly, tracing your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone. “My dad died—“

“— and you moved to Philadelphia.”

You nodded. “Mitch and the family lawyer helped me sort out emancipation and enrolling in high school there.”

“And you did that. All on your own.” He reminded you, brushing his lips against yours. 

“My dad knew what he was doing. If he hadn’t left me the money, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“You would’ve persevered, baby. Have you met _you_?”

“Or I’d be as strung out as she is.” You turned towards him once more, pressing close to him. You ran your hand from his shoulder down his arm and back again. “Is it bad that I don’t care? I know I should be more empathetic but all I feel is… apathy. I’ve been here before.”

“You’re allowed to feel however you feel, baby. I’m not going to judge you.” He kissed the top of your head. “Especially if you’ve seen this happen before.”

“She gets clean long enough to catch someone new to facilitate her habits.” You hummed softly as Javier laid back and pulled you down with him. He wrapped both arms around you, like he was trying to keep you from getting carried away by your memories. “I don’t want the girls caught in the middle of this. And that means Monica and Nadia too.”

“I know,” He ran his hand down your back, “It’s just going to be the three of us. I’ll make sure she leaves. If she shows up again, I’m _not_ against calling the cops on her.”

You let out a heavy sigh as you let yourself relax against his chest, “I just want this over with.”

* * *

“This is a lovely backyard,” Rebecca offered hesitantly as she gestured around the space. “Will I be welcomed into your humble abode? I’m _just_ dying to see where my daughter lives.”

Your brows rose upwards in surprise.

“I did say we’d meet in the backyard.” Javier interjected, reaching out to rest his hand on your shoulder reassuringly. 

“Yes, but that was _your_ decision. My little girl can make her own choices, can’t you sweetheart?”

“If I were making my own choices, you wouldn’t be here right now.” You gritted, “Javier was kind enough to extend my grace than I was willing to.”

Your mother seemed _surprised_ by your response, “I’m _trying_ to make amends for the past. Can’t you see that? How can you deny me the right to see my grandbabies?”

You scoffed, “You have no rights. _None_. You gave up any chance to have a part in my life when I was _very_ young.”

“Oh, don’t say that.” Rebecca turned her attention to Javier then. “She’s convinced you I’m some monster, hasn’t she? She was such a little trouble maker, what was I supposed to do? Let her run free?” She rocked back in her seat, looking away then. 

“That doesn’t sound like amends,” Javier pointed out. 

“ _Javier_ ,” You shook your head, reaching over to rest your hand on his knee. He was more than willing to fight this battle for you, but you could handle it. 

He nodded, resting his hand over yours. Your mother’s gaze flickered towards your hands. 

“You don’t have a ring.”

“Why would I?” You questioned, suppressing the urge to scream that you were married to the man you loved despite everything in your past that told you to _run_ from allusions of commitment. 

“Two little girls out of wedlock?” Rebecca _tsked_ , shaking her head as she set her sights on you. “I could’ve told he was bad news. Just look at him.”

You felt fire roar through your veins as you pitched forward in your chair, “You don’t get to say _one_ bad word about Javier. If there’s bad news here, it’s _you_ mother.”

She feigned injury at your words, “All I ever tried to do was protect you. But everyone else tried to lead you astray. They tried to take you away from me.”

You laughed, the sound coming out almost maniacal. “Who? _Dad_? God, I wish he had.” You squeezed Javier’s leg, like you were trying to ground yourself in your reality. 

“He filled your head with so many lies about me.” She jeered a finger at you, “He was a rotten man. Always trying to drag me into court. Trying to paint a picture that was _all_ wrong.”

“Oh, right. _Yeah_.” You shook your head. “I guess you probably thought Uldi was a better father, right? Nothing says _step-dad_ quiet like throwing beer on a ten-year-old.” 

“Well, he never tried to take you away from me!”

“He was a _drug dealer_ , mom!” You snapped, your voice cracking as you glared at her. “And the fact that I knew that — at ten — speaks volumes. How many people were in and out of our house? All hours of the day.” You looked away then. “Dad _never_ used. I don’t know how you ever ended up with him.”

“Chuck had _money_.” Rebecca answered, though she seemed like she regretted it the second she said it. 

“Is that why you’re here now?”

“What?” 

“ _Money_.” You pressed, narrowing your eyes as you focused on her once more. “I bet you saw the article in the paper — figured I was doing well for myself and you thought… there’s a money tree I haven’t tapped yet.”

“No. _No_!” She held up her hands in defense. “I didn’t think that. I only meant to come here to see my grandbabies. I had to find you again, sweetheart. I missed you.”

“You followed her from her _job_ ,” Javier reminded her, his voice tinged with a venom you weren’t sure you had heard since Colombia. “That’s not the correct way to _find_ someone you claim to care about.”

“What would _you_ know?” Rebecca gritted out. “I read the articles. You’re no saint.”

“Never once said I was.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. He released his hold on your hand and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “I do know one thing, you had to read an article to know jackshit about your daughter’s life, while I was right there beside her for all of it. So maybe you should _fucking_ listen.”

“Did you hear how he just spoke to me?” Rebecca questioned, looking to you then. “Are you going to let him sit there and disrespect me?”

You shrugged, “Are you going to sit there and pull crocodile tears? I remember they worked so well for you in court.” 

“I’m clean now, sweetie!” Her voice cracked. “Quit dredging up the past.”

“I wish it were _that_ easy,” You retorted, “I wish there were some magic switch that shut off the past. Because the past gets _‘dredged_ ’ up all the time for me.” You dragged your fingers through your hair as you exhaled slowly. “I’ve almost let the best parts of my life slip out of my hold because of _you_. Because you managed to fuck up sixteen years of my life and twenty-odd years removed hasn’t fixed me.”

“That’s not _my_ fault!” Rebecca snapped, her voice edging towards hysterics. “If you weren’t such an ungrateful little brat, things would’ve been _good_. But every time things didn’t go your way, you went running and crying to your _daddy_. Treating him like some white knight, sweeping in to save the day.” 

“Fuck you.” You growled out. 

“It’s the truth, sweetheart. Life’s not _easy_. And you made mine hell every time you made up some outlandish claim about me so you could spend more time with _Chuck_. What did he have that I didn’t have? You would’ve come running back to me the second you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“This might come as a shock to you, but all I wanted was to feel _safe_. It’s _not_ normal for a five-year-old to sleep with a chair in front of her door! And I did that. Parents should be chasing the monsters of their child’s closets, not opening the door and letting them in.”

“You were _always_ safe!”

“I saw a man OD when I was thirteen.” Your fingers curled into fists on against the tops of your legs. “I think my favorite part of dad’s place was that I had a bed. A _proper_ bed. You know, something other than a box spring.”

Javier’s head snapped to look at you, his brows furrowed together as he searched your face. Apparently, you hadn’t gotten into _these_ particulars before. 

“You think you could do better?”

“I mean I know I can.” You laughed bitterly. “Against all odds I’ve managed to raise two beautiful little girls. Despite constantly worrying that I was going to turn out like you.”

Rebecca switched tactic then, right on schedule. “And I’m _so_ proud of you sweetheart. You’ve done so well for yourself.” 

“I have.”

“I’ll admit,” She started. “I was disappointed to read about what sort of _man_ you ended up with.” She gave Javier a look askance. “He’s _so_ much older than you.”

“Mother, it’s only nine years.”

“Who do the girls look like?”

You rolled your eyes, scratching at your forehead. “We’re not having this conversation. Actually, I think we’re done.”

“Twenty-two years apart and _this_ is how you treat me? You’re still that same ungrateful little _bitch_ —“

“That’s enough!” Javier was quick to his feet. “You’re leaving, _now_.”

“Who do you think you are?” Rebecca questioned, rising to her feet like she expected to square off with Javier. 

“The person who has been there for her.” Javier gritted out. “Look, I don’t know if you came here with good intentions or not, but you’ve crossed a line. Multiple lines. If I catch you following her again or _anywhere_ near our house — I won’t need to call the cops.”

You hadn’t seen this side of Javier in a _long_ time. 

“Are you threatening me?” Rebecca actually cowered, trying to play into your sympathy. “Is this the kind of man you let near your daughters?”

“Get off my property.” You said flatly. “I don’t want you here or in my life.”

“You’re breaking my heart! You’ve _never_ cared about me.” She cried, “I hope you never know what it’s like to have your daughter turn her back on you! To treat you like a _monster_.”

“You were a monster, mother!” You snapped, coming entirely unhinged. “It is a goddamn _miracle_ that I know how to have any semblance of a happy relationship. I have been with Javier for _ten_ years!”

It didn’t matter that only half of that was an actual relationship — it was all the same to you. He was a constant fixture. 

“How long did your marriages last? Ten _months_? This is what? Seven? Eight?” You let out an incredulous sound, “I bet you have two pages in the record books. You need to figure out how to be okay with being alone, mother. Because _no one_ is going to be there for you.”

“You would just send your mother away? I raised you for sixteen years and this is how you repay me? You owe me for _everything_ I did for you. I fed you, I clothed you, I _cared_ for you. What did your daddy ever do for you, aside from die and facilitate you stabbing me in the back one more time?” Rebecca sneered at you. “You deserve all the shit you went through. That’s payback for hurting me. All I ever did was love you.”

You took a step back. “I’m going to count to ten and I want you off my property.”

“I’m just going to kill myself,” Rebecca threatened. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? You won’t rest until I’m six feet under! Denying me my right to see my grandbabies. My flesh and blood.”

“They are _my_ children, Rebecca. And their grandmother is dead.” You set your teeth together hard enough that your jaw ached. “You have no power over me, my family, or my future. I don’t want anything from you. I simply _don’t_ care.”

“I’m going to call the cops,” Javier threatened, giving you a wary look. 

“I’ll leave.” Rebecca said frantically. “I’ll go. Since I’m _nothing_ to you!” She pointed at you. “I come here to make amends and this—“

“You came to make excuses.” You fumed. “You’re fucking _psycho_ , mother! Get help. Get _real_ help.”

“Won’t you help me?”

“No.” You turned away then. “Javier can you escort her to her car?”

“Yeah,” He nodded stiffly, brushing his hand over your back as he walked past, “You’re leaving now.”

“I’m going!” Rebecca pronounced dramatically. “Since my daughter would sooner see me dead!”

You sank back down in your set, staring at the empty one across from you. She was still ranting as Javier escorted her out of the yard, but you stopped listening. 

She hadn’t changed. You had stupidly hoped, deep down, that maybe she _was_ clean. That maybe she had changed. But she was still the same unhinged abuser that ruined your childhood. 

How you managed to share DNA with her, made you wonder. Though, you knew you had traits that came from her. 

You used to use people. One night stands to make you feel _wanted_. Lance to fill a void you didn’t know how to fill. 

But it wasn’t like that with Javier. He made you want to be a better person — to love and love and be _happy_. To overcome everything that should’ve held you back. 

“She’s gone.” Javier’s hands rested on your shoulders as he leaned over the back of the car. “I told her if she came near our house again I would call the cops.”

“Thank you.”

“No gratitude necessary, baby.” He assured you, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “She’s… certainly something.”

“She’s a train wreck.” You sighed, shaking your head as you chewed on your bottom lip. 

“People like that… they’ll say anything to get a reaction.”

“Yeah.” You looked down at your hands. “I’m not like her, am I?”

“ _Baby_.”

“I know. I know. I just… that is my worst nightmare. Well, losing you or the girls… this — _Rebecca_ — is a close second.”

“Night and day.” Javier petted his hand over your head. “You’re not your mother, baby.”

“Good.” Smiled weakly. “I think I’m going to go back to bed. Today sucked.” You peeled yourself out of your chair. “Wanna join me?”

He smiled adoringly at you before he nodded. “Whatever you want.”


	103. Loses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier talk during a stakeout. Set in Colombia in 1990.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Potential triggers if you have toxic family members and/or triggers realted to parental death.

“Can you hand me the binoculars?” You requested, holding your hand out behind you as you peered out the window. 

Javier shifted in his seat, reaching into the backseat to grab them off the floor. “Do you see something?” He questioned as he passed them to you.

You brought them up to your face and looked through the lenses. You rotated the focus toggle, trying to focus in on the person who was walking out of an alley several hundred yards away from the car. “No.” You huffed, sitting the binoculars on your thighs as you sank back into your seat. “It’s just an old woman walking her dog.”

He chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Not quite a dangerous member of the cartel, huh?”

“ _No_.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “This feels like a bust.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as he glanced at his watch, “Only another six hours.”

You groaned, turning in your seat to look back at Steve. He was stretched out on the backseat, sound asleep on his backpack-turned-pillow. “I wish that were me.”

“Ditto.” Javier reached down into the pocket in between the driver’s seat and the door, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. “Want one?”

You shrugged, rolling your window down halfway. “Sure.” It might help take the edge off your frustration with the stakeout. It was shit intel and you knew it — so did Javier. But the DEA heads had been _insistent_ that they knew better. 

But Javier’s informants, and your own, had made it clear that _this_ was barking up the wrong tree. 

Javier passed you a cigarette and you clamped it in between your lips as you waited for him to light up his own. You watched him as he took a drag, sinking back into the driver’s seat like it was _that_ easy to take the edge off things. 

You leaned against the center console, tilting your chin as Javier held the flame in front of you. The lighter clicked as he shut it off and you sat back and blew a puff of smoke out the open window. “When are you flying out?”

He drew in a deep breath, before exhaling — the smoke swirling in front of his face. “Gonna fly out Friday night. I’ll be back Tuesday.”

You nodded, “A Friday night without _you_ at the bar. I don’t know how I feel about this.” You tapped the cigarette on the edge of the glass. “Is your dad okay?”

Javier shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck. “ _Yeah_. It’s not a health thing.” 

“Oh?”

“Figured that would be the best excuse,” He shrugged a shoulder, pursuing his lip to the side as he exhaled. “It’s been… thirty years since my mother passed and I figured my pops shouldn’t have to spend it alone. You know?”

Your brows furrowed together and you nodded, “Yeah. No, I get it.” You turned your head to blow smoke out the window again. “It’s been like fifteen years since my dad passed.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You waved a hand. “It’s good that you’ve got your pops.”

“Your mom still alive?”

“I guess.” You sighed heavily as you let your head tilt to look at him. “It’s complicated.”

“I’ve got time.”

You rubbed at your forehead, glancing back at Steve who was still snoring. “You’re not going to judge me, are you?” You questioned as you met Javier’s gaze.

You weren’t sure you could handle being scrutinized by Javi. 

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know,” You shrugged. “Whenever the topic comes up, people get… twitchy.” You rolled your eyes and looked at the roof of the car above you. 

“I’m not gonna _make_ you talk about shit you don’t want to.” Javier assured you, rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip before he tucked his cigarette between his lips. 

“Let’s just say, I got into narcotics because I had first-hand experience.”

“ _Shit_.” Javier shook his head. “Your mother?”

You nodded, “My parents divorced when I was three. I don’t fault my dad for getting out of that environment, but with how backwards the courts are… I was stuck with her.” You took another drag from your cigarette before tapping the ash off on the window again. 

“I had no idea.”

“I don’t exactly lead with it.” You snorted, “I didn’t even tell Lance about this shit.”

“ _Really_?”

You pursed your lips as you met Javier’s gaze, “I told him that both of my parents were dead and left it at that.” You chewed on your bottom lip, “He was a great guy, but I just had this feeling he was one of those ‘make it work’ types.” 

Javier groaned, “You can’t make something that’s broken work.”

“ _Yeah_.” You picked at a bit of fuzz on your leg. “But people don’t always _get_ that. I had an academic advisor that treated me like _I_ was the monster when the topic came up. Like how could I walk away from the woman who gave birth to me.” You looked towards him again, “I’m sorry. God, I probably sound like a bitch. I’m sorry about your mother. You're a good son for going back.”

Javier reached over and gave your leg a squeeze. “Why are you apologising?”

You looked down at his hand, which was still resting on your leg. “I’m just used to people acting like I should be _grateful_.” 

“That’s _bullshit_.” He patted your leg once more before he returned his hand to his own lap. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“I was sixteen.” You rubbed your thumb over the crease between your brows, “I never looked back.” 

Javier nodded his head slowly, “Probably for the best.”

You glanced out the window, sighing heavily. “I have an older brother,” You shrugged. “He’s a couple years older than you, I think.”

“So _ancient_?”

“He had a pet dinosaur,” You snorted. “And he went to school riding a mammoth.”

Javier chuckled, flicking ash into the ashtray in the center console. “Just a bit older than me then. Dinosaurs were extinct when I was hatched.” 

“I figured.” You grinned at him. “But yeah, Mitch took me in. Finished high school in Philly and then went to Temple.”

“You’ve never mentioned a brother.” 

You drew in another drag, exhaling smoke out the window. “I don’t really know him. He had a wife and kids. I was just the goblin that lived in his basement.” You sank back in your seat, watching the tip of the cigarette burn as you held it out the window. “It was what my dad wanted. We both loved him.” 

“Sounds like he was a good man,” Javier remarked. “Might rival my old man.”

“Anyone who puts up with your shit deserves sainthood.” You shot back with a smirk.

“You’re not wrong.” He countered, putting out his cigarette. Javier dragged his hands over his face, sighing heavily as he did. “I haven’t been back since I came out here.”

“Yeah? You do plan to come back, right? I’m not gonna be stuck with Murphy, am I?”

Javier shook his head, “You think I could just up and leave you like that?”

You laughed, “That's why I’m asking you!”

“Who else is gonna stay up and listen to you ramble about telenovelas?”

“Hey Javi—“

“Hmm?”

You flipped him off. 

“Classy.”

You grinned, “Well you know my sordid origins now. I’m _far_ from classy.”

He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, giving a short shake of his head, “You’re more than where you came from.”

“I try to be,” You leaned forward, tying your hair up into a knot at the back of your head. “Thank you for not… I don’t know, judging me for this shit.” You tilted your head and smiled at him. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re a damn good agent and the DEA’s lucky to have you.” Javier assured you, his gaze lingering on your face. “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”

You rolled your eyes, taking one last drag from your cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray with his. “Thanks.” 

“Anytime.”

Javier was such a _dick_. That too-cocky grin and glint of mischief in his eyes. You’d miss having him around for a few days. 

“What was your mother like?”

Javier smoothed his fingers over his mustache as he made a sound, like he was thinking. “I was nine when she passed. My memories are a little faded.” His brows drew together as he looked at her. “She was _brilliant_. Pops always talks about how she could’ve been anything she put her mind to. I remember her wit, she could always make me laugh.”

You smiled fondly, “What was her name?”

“Sofía Ximena.” He picked at his thumbnail. “It was an aneurysm. Came out of nowhere. She was _only_ twenty-seven.” Javier sniffed, looking towards the window then. “Pops had drove into town. She laid down to take a nap and, uh… didn’t wake up.”

“ _Javier_ —“

He shook his head, “ _Don’t_. It was a long fucking time ago. I like remembering her as she was. Alive, animated. Giving my pops a hard time. _Hell_ , I think she was better at roping horses than he was.”

“ _Yeah_?” You laughed softly. “I think she would’ve been proud of you, Javier.”

“I don’t know about that.” He huffed, looking at you then. “It’ll be good to see my pops. It’s been awhile, like I said.”

“You make me want to give Mitch a call.”

“Are you?”

“Fuck no.” You laughed, waving a hand. “You want me to call him long distance? Get out of here.” 

“Do you two always have to be so _fucking_ loud?” Steve groused from the back seat. You grabbed your bunched up jacket and chucked it at him. “Hey!”

“Shut up, Steve. We let you sleep.” 

“ _Did_ I sleep?” He tossed your jacket back at you. “All I remember is you two running your mouths.” 

Javier flipped him off, “Alright, sleeping beauty why don’t you get up here and work then?”

“It’s a bad lead and you know it,” You said over your shoulder. “I’ll nap if you’d prefer to run _your_ mouth.” 

“So rude.” Steve chuckled. “I’m good right here.” 

“I thought so.” Javier rolled his eyes, giving you a pointed look. “Thank you.” 

“I’ll be here to talk when you get back.” You reached over and gave his forearm a squeeze. “I get it.” 

Steve wedged himself in between your seats, “You got a pack open?”

Javier grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the side of the seat and tossed it back to Steve. “Happy?”

“You got a hundred bucks too?”

You snorted. 

Only _five_ more hours. 


	104. Weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader goes to therapy and Javier tries something new. Set November 2nd 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Potential triggers if you have toxic family members and/or triggers difficult child hoods. Also recreational marijuana use and fluff!

“I was _quite_ surprised to hear from you again.” Nancy remarked as she shuffled papers in her notebook, peering up at you from the rim of her eyeglasses. “When last we met, you seemed to be well on your way.” She took her glasses off and sat them on her desk, “Have we had a setback?”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you stared across the room at her, “I wouldn’t necessarily call it a _setback_.” 

“What _would_ you call it?”

“I was doing really well. After everything with the articles, Javier and I went on vacation together and things felt…” You sighed. “I felt like I had finally hit my stride. You know?”

“Perhaps you should elaborate.”

You and Javier had already decided that Nancy was a safe space to discuss your elopement. It wasn’t like she could tell anyone about your sessions. Not to mention the fact that you had discussed your aversion to the whole concept at length in previous sessions.

But it still felt wrong to tell her. 

“Well,” You drew in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. “Javier and I got married.”

“ _Congratulations_.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, picking a piece of fuzz off your leg. “It was perfect. I finally realized I had reached this point in my life where I wanted that. I wanted this thing that was just ours.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I mean, you know that Javier and I are private people. Having our lives splashed across newspapers was daunting. Which… that’s actually why I’m here.”

“Your marriage?”

“No. My mother.”

Nancy’s brows rose upwards and for the first time she seemed _shocked_ by something you had to say. “Your mother?”

You rubbed your lips together and nodded a little. “She showed up this weekend. Halloween.” You laughed quietly, staring at a spot on the floor. “Seeing her again… it brought up. _A lot_.”

“Would you like to discuss what it brought up?”

“That’s why I’m here,” You retorted, before you sank back against the sofa, raking your fingers through your hair. “For a few fleeting seconds I let myself actually believe that maybe she _had_ changed. That maybe rehab had cured her. Finally. But… then I was thirteen again. I felt so small and… scared.”

“Scared?”

“I’ve worked very hard to make sure my girls have a safe, loving, harmonious life. I even came here. I recognized I had a problem after Sofía and I… handled it. That’s what I do. I handle things.” You swallowed thickly, feeling a knot form in the pit of your stomach. “This isn’t new. We’ve talked about her before.”

Nancy flipped through the pages of her notebook, “Yes. I recall our lengthy conversation about her addiction. You made a lot of progress, grappling with those difficult emotions that grew from a _difficult_ situation. How did this encounter make you feel?”

“I don’t think I’ve slept since Friday night.” You shrugged a shoulder, “Javier’s been great. He’s… always been understanding.”

“But you’ve never fully discussed the details with him, have you?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and shook your head. 

“Why do you think that is?”

“Because it’s a lot. We used to talk about it… _before_ we were together. It’s come up before.”

“You once referred to her as a shadow on your life. Does it feel like that shadow returned?”

“Yes.” You rubbed your hands together, leaning forward on the edge of the sofa. “That’s exactly how it feels. She’s gone — I _hope_ she’s gone — but I still feel…”

“Small?”

“She pulled all the same tricks. She tried to make Javi think I was crazy. She pulled the tears and the blaming and… I genuinely don’t think she realizes how traumatized I was as a child.”

“What stands out?”

You laughed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “God, I don’t even know. There was _so_ much.” 

“I would like to try something, if you’re open.” Nancy suggested, “Would you be comfortable laying down?”

“Sure.” You kicked off your shoes and stretched out lengthwise on the sofa. “Is this the whole… introspective breathing exercise?”

“Yes.”

You dragged your hands over your face, trying to will yourself to relax. “Alright. I’m ready.” 

“Focus on your breath. In and out. As you feel the air rushing into your lungs, I want you to think back to your childhood.” Nancy advised you. “Pinpoint a moment. Just one.”

You closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing just as she had told you to. You pictured your lungs filling with air and deflating as you exhaled. How many times had you used breathing exercises to manage anxiety?

You let your mind wander back — at first you thought of Javier. Those were easy memories to reflect on. Safe memories. The way he’d held you this morning, the way he tried to chase away all of the bad memories that had returned with your mother. But you weren’t sitting on Nancy’s sofa to think about Javi.

“What do you see?”

“The house I grew up in,” You answered, digging your teeth into your bottom lip as you settled into that memory. “We lived in one of those one-level post-War houses. It was identical to the one next to us, except… we had a blue front door. She painted it when she was high, it was… It was poorly painted.”

“Who painted it?”

“My mother.”

“How does that blue door make you feel?”

“I used to dread it. Every time my dad would bring me back after a weekend with him…” You sighed heavily. “It wasn’t a welcome sight.”

“And what was beyond that door?”

“The place I lived. It was _never_ home. It was just the place I lived.” You weren’t sure if you’d ever really had a _home_ before Javier and the girls. They felt like what home had always looked like in books and movies. 

“If I was coming back from dad’s house, I knew I was going to be met with hostility. She treated me like a traitor every time I came back to the house. If she had gotten high while I was gone, she was usually passed out on the sofa — that was the _best_ time to come back.”

“Tell me about your room.”

“There was a mural on one of the walls. A butterfly.” You shook your head slowly as you pictured the poorly drawn butterfly. “I used to pretend I was the butterfly, that I could just fly out the window and never look back.”

“Did you feel trapped?”

“ _Always_.” You shifted on the sofa, trying to find a more comfortable position. “I never felt safe.”

“Why?”

“There were always people in our house. _Strangers_ — a lot of strange men.” 

“Were you ever harmed?”

“No. I’m certain I’m lucky in that regard. I slept with a chair in front of my door. My dad told me to do that. Even though he wasn’t there, he _tried_ to protect me.”

“Do you think these experiences have played a part in how you approach your life?”

You laughed bitterly, “Every day. Not even consciously. These things are so hard wired into who I am.”

“How so?”

“Before Javier and I were together, I was terrified that my daughter would be brought up into a life like my own. Torn between two people who couldn’t get along. I knew Javier was a _good_ man, but I still feared that. It makes life very confusing for a child.” 

“Let’s touch on those fears. It’s very common in adults who have suffered from upbringings like your own — they fear repeating the cycle. Is that something you find yourself faced with?”

“All the time. Everything that happened with Sofía’s birth brought up a lot of those emotions. I was afraid it would be the trigger. I had never felt that way before. I felt like a stranger in my own body.” You focused on your breathing again, trying to push aside the panic you felt. “Seeing her again this weekend, definitely brought those emotions back to the surface. Javier tried to reassure me. He was great — _so_ great.”

“What emotions?”

“She got under my skin.” You admitted. “I have worked so hard to provide _everything_ for my family. We have a home, we love each other, the girls are safe and loved.”

“How did your interaction with your mother go?”

“She showed up Saturday night. We had plans for Josie — a school Halloween party. I let Javier handle it because I just didn’t have the emotional bandwidth. I guess she said some shitty things to him, I’m not surprised. She skirted around it with me on Sunday.”

“Why did you speak to her on Sunday?”

“Javier had to reason with her. To get her to leave, you know?” You swallowed thickly. “So she came back on Sunday and we talked. She made excuses, she blamed me, she lashed out. I was thirteen again.”

“Why thirteen?”

You opened your eyes, turning to look at Nancy. “What?”

“You mentioned thirteen twice. What happened when you were twelve?”

“ _Oh_ ,” You rubbed at the spot between your brows. “My mother and her boyfriend — I think it was Greg… there were a few at the time — but, they had this party…” You closed your eyes again. “Drugs everywhere. My mother was drunk, on top of whatever she’d snorted… she hadn’t even bothered to make dinner for me. So I was in the kitchen, it was in the back of the house, and I was trying to make something to eat. There was this woman who was there and I guess she had wandered away from the rest of the party—” 

“Take your time.”

You covered your face, “She was nice. Obviously _very_ high, but she liked my shirt. It had a butterfly on it.” You pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes. “She sat down at the kitchen table and she… nodded out and then she made this sound.” You sat up slowly then, pushing your fingers through your hair. “It was like a death rattle.”

“Did she die?”

You nodded, “Right in front of me. I tried to call 911, but…” You looked at a point somewhere beyond Nancy. “My mother threatened me. She said if I told anyone what happened, she’d make sure I never saw my father again. I couldn’t sleep for weeks.”

“You have gone through a considerable amount of trauma at a very young age,” Nancy surmised, closing her notebook as she leaned against her desk. “Yet you have overcome it. You have a healthy relationship with your partner, you put tremendous consideration into your relationship with your daughters. But I do think there is more work to be done. You are not an island. You are no longer isolated.”

You pressed your lips together and nodded slowly as you weighed her words. “I know I’m not. And I do talk about these things with Javier. I always have.” 

“It is _okay_ to let go of the past. You don’t have to carry that baggage with you.” Nancy smiled at you kindly, “This is a minor setback, that you cannot let affect the progress you’ve made.”

You chewed on your thumbnail nervously, “I know. And I _am_ aware that I’m a work in progress. We all are.”

Nancy nodded, “ _Exactly._ Focus on today, on the here and now. Don’t let yourself get trapped in this moment. Your mother has no control over your future.”

“I tell everyone that it’s okay to cut toxic people out of their lives, but when it came to my own mother I _hesitated_.” 

“We all want to believe the best in someone. But some people aren’t wired to be their best. There’s no shame in disconnecting. Focus on your own family.”

You smiled back at her, “Thank you. I do think I’m going to start having sessions again. I want to get through this—“ You gestured to your chest. “I have a lot of pain that I’m still carrying. I would like to work through it with you.”

“I’m here for you. And, of course, Javier if he decides he’d like to join us.”

“I’m sure he will,” You laughed softly. “He was willing to come today if I needed support.”

“Our regular appointment time is still open. Feel free to call and get yourself back on my books.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Talking about your past hadn’t necessarily managed to cure your mild malaise, but it has helped to an extent. You felt lighter. You didn’t feel _afraid_ that you’d see Rebecca standing outside of your house when you got home. 

Maybe a few more weeks of talking with Nancy — before you packed up the car to head to Laredo for Thanksgiving — would do you good. 

You peeled off your coat as you walked through the front door, hanging it on the hook. “Should I be afraid? It’s awfully quiet.” You called out, glancing around the empty family room. 

“In the kitchen!” Javier called out and you followed his voice. “You got home sooner than I expected.”

Your brows rose upwards as you looked at the bags of chips sitting on the counter. “Are we having a party I was unaware of?”

“No,” Javier grinned at you, shaking his head. “Connie’s keeping the girls another night. She’s off today.”

“ _Oh_?” You tilted your head to the side. “Bags of chips, no kids…” 

He sat a familiar box down on the counter between the two of you, “I’m finally ready to bite the bullet, baby.”

You couldn’t help but cover your mouth and laugh, “ _Javier_!” You moved around the counter, wrapping your arms around him as you continued to laugh. “You really _don’t_ have to try weed, just because I’m having a shitty couple of days.”

“But I want to,” Javier ran his hand down your back. “You said before that it helps with stress and… I think we’re both pretty stressed right now.”

“I agree with that, but you _really_ don’t have to try something you don’t want to. I know how you feel about it.”

“I had a really long conversation with Nadia about it at the party Saturday night. She laid it all out pretty clearly,” He rocked his jaw as you pulled back to look at him. “I can see the merits of smoking occasionally.”

You smiled up at him adoringly, “And here I thought I couldn’t love you anymore than I already do.” You rose up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Better watch out,” You teased, cupping his jaw. “I might have to marry you.”

“Did you tell her?”

“I’ve never seen her _so_ surprised.” You told him as you ran your thumb over his bottom lip. “It was a good session. I think I’m going to start going again.”

“ _Good_.”

You ran your hands over his shoulders as you leaned against him, “I can’t believe you’re willing to smoke. _Finally_. God, I hope you love it.” 

“I like the prospect of being pain free for an evening.” Javier leaned down and rested his forehead against yours. “How are you doing?”

“I’m _here_.” You curled a hand around the back of his neck, playing with the hair there. “A lot of bad memories got dredged up.”

“I know you didn’t sleep last night.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, giving your hip a squeeze. “You gonna fall asleep on me if we smoke?”

You snorted, “ _Probably_.” You watched him as he moved back to the grab the box off the counter. “Don’t you have class tomorrow?”

“I’ve assigned it a research day. They’ll be working on the proposals.” He answered smoothly. “They need the time to work anyways.”

“I’m touched that you did all of this, Javi.” 

He shrugged, “I wanted to do something that would cheer you up, baby. You were pretty out of it last night.”

“Last night was rough,” You admitted as you took the box from him, “Grab the chips.” 

Javier followed you into the bedroom, sitting the chips down on the foot of the bed as he watched you open the windows to let some fresh air in. 

“What should I expect?”

You paused, hands on your hips as you turned back towards him. “It’s different for everyone, but for the most part… You’ll feel like you’re drunk, without feeling drunk. Warm and fuzzy.” You shrugged. “I just know it makes me feel _really_ calm.”

He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he nodded, “This can _never_ get out. They won’t let either of us teach.”

“Marriage, pegging, and weed. Our three dirty secrets.” You wiggled your brows at him as you moved to join him at the foot of the bed. 

You sat the box on your legs, opening it and pulling out the neatly rolled joint from the last time you’d taken a hit. “It’s a lot like smoking. Same in and out.” You explained, sitting the box aside and holding the lighter out to him. “The key is that you have to let go and _enjoy_ it.”

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded, “I think after the year we’ve had, I can let go and have fun.”

“And that’s _growth_.” You laughed, before tucking the joint between your lips. He flicked the lighter on, bringing it to the end of the joint and lighting it for you. 

You pinched it between your fingers, drawing in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. This was _exactly_ what you needed. You could already feel the first tingles as it settled. 

“Ready?” You questioned, holding the joint out between you. “You don’t have to, Javi. I don’t mind smoking if you just want to lay here with me.”

He shook his head, taking the joint from you. “I’m willing to try it, baby. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Of course you do.”

Javier brought it to his lips, tagging a drag off of it before passing it back to you. “What am I supposed to feel?”

You snatched it from him and took another breath, “Just let it happen. Don’t overthink it.” You held the joint up, smirking as he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around it. 

He had _really_ nice lips. 

Javier rubbed his lips together thoughtfully, “I feel a little tingle.” He admitted, taking it back from you after you took another hit. 

“Just sink into it,” You advised him as you took the little ashtray out of the box, leaving it on the bed as you rose to your feet. 

“Where are you going?”

“ _Nowhere_.” You gave him a look as you sat the box down on your nightstand, before returning to him to take another drag off it. “I’m just making more room.”

Javier laughed as he exhaled. “More room for what?”

You shrugged, “I was thinking a pillow fight.”

“Oh really?” He laughed again, watching you as you picked up the bag of sour cream and onion chips and sat them on the nightstand too. “Why a pillow fight?”

“Because it sounds fun.” You plopped back down beside him, taking the joint from him and take another hit off it, “Javier Peña is smoking weed.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’ve been _corrupted_.”

“Corruption looks good on you,” You told him, brushing your knuckles against his cheek. “I miss the hair.

Javier grinned around the joint tucked between his lips, “I didn’t let it go until you got your wish.”

You leaned over and kissed his cheek, ruffling your fingers through his hair. “You look _good_ when you’re getting fucked.”

“So I’ve been told,” He said as he exhaled a puff of smoke between you, before passing it back to you. “I haven’t got a bad word to say about it.”

“ _Good_.” You scrunched up your nose and laughed. “You’re so good to me.”

Javier beamed, “Have you met you?”

“I don’t know if I have.” You tucked your leg beneath you as you angled yourself towards him. “Tell me more.”

“Well,” He offered you the joint again. “I do feel tingly!” Javier snorted, “Is this what it feels like?”

“I don’t know. How do you feel?” You questioned, toying with the third button of his shirt. “I feel warm.”

“I feel warm too!” He clasped his hands together, looking towards the open windows. “I feel good.”

“That’s all I want,” You admitted to him, sitting the smoldering joint in the ashtray. “You know what?”

“What?”

“You’re hot.”

He laughed loudly, sinking back against the bed, his legs still draped over the edge. “Yeah?”

You nodded emphatically. “I remember… my first day.” You swept your hands through the air dramatically. “I walked into the office and saw you and just thought — _hot_!”

“Oh, was _that_ your first thought?” 

You laid back in the bed, settling into the crook of his arm, “ _Mhm_.” You sighed happily. “And then I quickly realized what a dick you were.” You pressed close to him, nuzzling at his neck. “That’s how I knew I was screwed.”

Javier laughed, rubbing his hand down your arm, “We were both screwed.” He hummed, his lips still drawn into a smile as he stared up at the ceiling. “Do you remember New Years?”

“Like eleven months ago?”

He shook his head, “Before Josie was born.”

Your brows furrowed as you tried to focus on the specific moment he was referencing, “I broke my wine glass.”

“Yeah!” He nodded, tilting his head to look at you. “Steve’s a funny guy.”

You shoved him playfully, “Are you going to rhapsodize about Steve now?”

“No! No.” Javier made a sound that very nearly sounded like a giggle. “He swears he didn’t know that we were orbiting each other.”

“ _Orbiting each other.”_ You mocked, sitting up to grab the joint, taking another hit as you laid back on the bed. 

“He swears he didn’t _really_ know just how bad we had it for each other—“

“Bullshit!” You called out dramatically and you both started laughing. 

“He knew. Of course he knew. That _jackass_.” He took the joint from you and took two puffs off it. “But that night — son of a bitch — he told me I was holding you back. That as long as I acted like I had feelings for you, you weren’t going to ever look for someone.”

You frowned, “He wasn’t wrong.”

“Made me feel like an asshole, baby.” He rubbed his hand over his chest, like he’d been injured. “It's why, I…”

“Was that’s why you wanted to drive me home?”

“ _Yeah_.” He shrugged, “He made it sound like I needed to set you free and…”

You dropped the joint back into the ashtray and cut him off before he could finish. You planted your hand over his mouth and scrambled to straddle him. “No. We’re not doing sad.” You warned him. “Wanna know a secret?”

He licked the palm of your hand. 

“ _Javier_.”

He nodded. 

“I wanted to go home with you.” You confessed, leaning forward so your nose brushed against his. “I got myself off thinking of you.” You slowly pulled your hand away, “I was so certain 1992 was going to be a shit year. They were thinking about leaving and everything was falling apart but, I thought — I didn’t fuck it up with Javier, I’ve still got him.”

His hands went to your hips, “And you do. I could never up and leave you, baby.”

You leaned in and kissed him, “If we weren’t married, I’d marry you all over again.”

“Yeah?” Javier grabbed at your hips and you shivered, you loved how much _more_ every little touch felt like. “I can’t wait to tell pops.”

You grinned as you laughed, “He’s gonna be so fucking excited.” You nipped at his bottom lip. “I hope we run into Lorraine at the toy store again.”

“ _Jesus Christ_.” Javier groaned, “Why bring up her? I’m feeling good baby.”

You bumped your nose against his, “Because I’m vindictive.” You grinned down at him. “And I love proving people wrong.” You traced your finger down his nose. “But I know the Javier that no one can see.”

“You do.” He parted his lips as you ran your finger over his lips. “We both know the _real_ us.”

“I really like _us_.” You mused, “I think we’ve done really well for ourselves.”

Javier nodded his head, “I do too.” He played with the hem of your sweater, “Didn’t you say you were _warm_ , baby?”

“Trying to get me undressed?” You questioned, giggling as you let him peel the sweater off your body.

“Maybe.”

“Turnabout, babe.” You quipped as you wrestled with the buttons of his shirt until it fell open. 

“You know… my knees _aren’t_ hurting.” He pointed out, running his hand over your bare arms as he looked up at you. “But I can’t tell if I want to fuck your or just hold you.” Javier laughed and you couldn’t help but join in on the pure joy that was in his laughter. 

“It’s funny isn’t it?” You questioned, playing with the hair that fell against his forehead. “Am I horny? Or do I just want to be held?”

“What do you want?” Javier questioned, running his hands over your skin anywhere he could reach. Which you _definitely_ enjoyed. 

“As tempted as I am to take advantage of your very _exuberant_ self,” You leaned down to kiss him, playing your tongue over his bottom lip. “I just want to be held. Right now, at least.”

“Whatever you want, baby.” Javier promised you, leaning up to meet your lips again. 

Somehow he managed to maneuver both of you up the bed with you still on his lap, while you clutched at the ashtray so you could stick on the nightstand. 

You rolled onto the bed beside him, staring up at the ceiling as you sank into the warmth of the high buzzing through you. Your eyes felt heavy, but you ignored it — you really _did_ need to sleep tonight. But it wasn’t _tonight_ yet. 

“Do you like it?”

“It’s different.” He held his hands up in front of his face. “I feel like there’s this… space in between me and _me_.”

“Weird, right?”

“And my pops does this?”

You nodded, “Your body gets used to it after awhile. You’re still high just not quite as… _tingly_.”

“It’s nice though.”

You rolled onto your side and draped your arm over his chest. “I want you to feel good.”

“I do.” He brushed his fingers over your hair. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.” You grinned, meeting his gaze before you both descended into laughter. “You’re so dorky.”

“Who me?”

“Yes. You’ve got this dorky face thing going on.” You gestured to his face. “You’ve taken five years off. At least.”

“Mmm, that could work in our favor.”

You swatted his chest and snorted, “Please. _No_. I can’t believe she even insinuated that! What a bitch.”

“You were incredible yesterday.” He told you warmly, stroking his fingers through your hair. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You sank into his side. “I’m just… if I rest my eyes for five minutes will you still hold me?”

“I’ll hold you until the end of time, baby.”

“That sounds like a long time.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s forever.” He kissed your temple. “Relax, baby. Just sleep. And then we can… I’m a little tired too. Hungry and tired.”

“That’s nice.” You mumbled, pressing your face into the crook of his neck, before two sleepless nights got the better of you. 


	105. JoJo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier gets up to take care of Josie. Set July 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff!

“We are going to let your mommy sleep, okay?” Javier said softly. He carefully supported Josie with one arm as he pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed one of the bottles of breastmilk off the shelf.

He adjusted her in his arm, bouncing her a little as she fussed. “I know, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head as he turned and moved to the sink to run some warm water over the bottle to take the chill off. 

“Shh. _Shh_.” He rubbed his hand over her back, “Don’t wake your mommy up, JoJo. She needs all the sleep she can get.”

Javier shut off the faucet and headed back down the hall to the nursery. 

He wished he could be there _every_ night to do this for her. She was juggling motherhood, the end of mat-leave, and working her ass off at the office. 

Last night he’d had every intention of making it over to her apartment, but he had worked late and ended up falling asleep on his sofa when he swung by his own place to grab a suit for tomorrow — well, _today_ now. 

And of course, Josie had been a little terror. Her mother had looked like shit when she rolled into the office. It killed him that he couldn’t comfort her at work. But she panicked if he so much as lingered at her desk for too long. 

Javier couldn’t risk doing something _wrong_. Not when he still considered their relationship to be a precarious thing. 

“That’s it, princesa.” Javier drawled out as he nestled her into the crook of his arm as she started sucking at the bottle contentedly. “We’re going to get you back to sleep in no time.”

Josie curled her little fingers around one of his, holding it as she drank her bottle. God, she was so precious. Even after she’d woken him up at three in the morning. 

He still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that this little squirmy baby girl was part of _him_. She seemed too precious and innocent to have a single drop of his blood in her veins — and yet he _knew_ she was his. 

That one night — the one that had been a long time coming — had given him the greatest little miracle. He had Josie and he had her mother. And even if it wasn’t forever… it was worth it to have them _now_. 

“I wonder if you’ll have curls,” He remarked as he brushed his fingers over her dark hair. There was a definite wave to her hair. “I had the curliest hair when I was a baby. My mother used to say she was _so_ jealous of how nice it was.” He chuckled at the memory.

Josie squeezed his finger gently as she pulled away from the bottle, her little tongue working at the milk that lingered on her lips. 

“Was that good?” Javier questioned. “I think you need to drink more, sweetheart.” He tilted the bottle back to her lips and she latched back onto it.

“And then you’re going to go back to sleep, JoJo and I’m going to go back to sleep.” It was so easy to talk to her, despite the fact that there was no way she could respond to him. It was _cathartic_. 

“I hope you grow up to be just like your mother, Josie. She’s a hell of a woman.” He shook his head. “She puts up with so much shit at work, just to make this family of ours work.”

Somehow, she had the patience of a saint. He didn’t know how she did it, but she did. She gritted her teeth and refrained from murdering Chris every goddamn day. 

“She puts up with a lot of shit from _me_ too,” Javier sighed, brushing his fingers over her hair. “I hope by the time you’re older, I’m a man worthy of having a daughter like you, JoJo. I’m trying. For you _and_ for her. I wanna be better.”

Javier wished that he could call his father. Chucho would know what he should do. He used to coach him through all sorts of shit that he got himself into. And he could _really_ use his advice on fatherhood. 

How did it work? How could someone like him deserve _this_? How did he become the father that Josie deserved? 

Josie stopped drinking and Javier was swift with sitting the bottle aside and cradling her to his chest to burp her. “And then we are going to sleep…” He reminded her softly, kissing the top of her head as she fussed. “You’ve got to be quiet, sweetheart.” 

If someone had told him a year ago that he’d become the father of such a perfect little girl, he would’ve laughed in their face. Him? A father? And yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world. It helped that he had a good partner too. 

She made his life better just simply by letting him be part of hers. He couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else.

“Javier?”

“Uh-oh,” Javier said lightly as he settled Josie into his arms. “I think we woke your mommy up.” 

She appeared in the doorway of the nursery, wearing one of his tee-shirts she’d commandeered during her first week of maternity leave. “You didn’t wake me.” She told you, rubbing at her eyes as she stifled a yawn. “My body did.” 

“She drank most of the bottle,” He explained, looking back down at Josie in his arms. “I wanted to let you sleep.” 

“I appreciated the few extra minutes I got,” She stepped further into the room, smiling at him. “She kept me up last night.” 

“I know,” Javier frowned. “I really did try to come last night. Had my bag packed and everything.” 

She shook her head as she reached out to stroke her fingers through his hair as she looked down at the two of them. “It’s alright. You’re here now, that’s all that matters, Javi.” She leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “Want me to put her down?”

“Sure, baby.” He passed Josie to her mother, cradling her head until she was securely in her arms. “I’ll clean this up.” He offered, picking up the bottle as he took a moment to watch her as she sank down into the chair with their daughter. “You’re a natural with her.”

“So are you.” She tilted her head to look at him, “I already know that she misses you when you’re not here.”

“Yeah?”

“And so do I.” 

“I feel like shit for not being here,” Javier confessed, working his jaw as he looked away. “I had to help Danny with the reports from last week. It was a _fucking_ nightmare.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked away. “You’ve got me all weekend.”

Her eyes lit up, “Really?”

Javier nodded, scratching at the back of his neck. “The conference today. The one at noon. The assignment got pushed off. There’s shit that needs to be worked on before we tackle it.” 

“I was afraid to ask.” 

“ _Baby_ —”

She held up a hand to stop him, “It’s weird, alright? I had months of desk duty when I was pregnant, but… I feel ready to get back out there — with _you_ and…” She looked back down at Josie. “She’s worth it.” 

“Yeah?” Javier questioned hesitantly. 

She rubbed her lips together as she lifted her eyes to meet his. “Yes. I mean, maybe in time I’ll get back out in the field.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?”

“I miss it.”

“Me too.” Javier admitted. “It’s not the same being stuck on a stakeout with Chris or Danny.”

She snorted, “I can’t imagine why.” She rose to her feet and carried Josie over to her crib. “I’ll be back in bed in a few minutes, Javi.”

He let his gaze linger on her for a long moment as he ducked out the door to put the bottle of milk away.

By the time Javier was headed back to the bedroom, she was slipping out of Josie’s nursery with a finger pressed to her lips. 

“Out like a light,” She murmured as she followed him into the bedroom. “Thank you for getting up. I’m glad she’s started taking the bottle better.”

“How’s pumping at work going?”

She made a face, “Aside from having to pump in the bathroom, it’s fine.” She explained, sinking down onto the bed beside him. 

“I’ll _kill_ Chris if he pulls any shit about it.”

She laughed as she draped her arm over his chest, “I’ll kill him first, don’t worry.” She ran her hand up his chest and neck, before cupping his jaw. “I love you.”

His heart skipped a beat, “I love you too, baby.”

She pressed her lips against his bare shoulder, her breath tickling his skin. “Our novellas should be on tomorrow.”

Javier chuckled, “It’s been awhile.”

“Too long.” She brushed her fingers over his collarbone. “I miss a _lot_ of things.”

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips. “Maybe we can make some time tomorrow while she naps.” Javier suggested, pressing a kiss to the center of her hand. “Has it been long enough?”

“It’s been about… seven weeks.” She ran her thumb over his bottom lip. “Things are still a little sensitive.”

“I would imagine so.”

She shoved him with a laugh, “We can _try_.”

“Whatever you want, baby.”

Javier could only make out her expression when she shifted out of the shadows and into the glow from the window. And he could tell that she was staring at him too. 

“Javier Peña being _so_ diplomatic about not having sex,” She teased, leaning in to kiss him. 

“Oh, fuck off.” He snorted, nipping at her bottom lip. “I’m _very_ diplomatic in the bedroom.”

“So I’ve heard,” She pressed her forehead to his and tilted her head to brush her lips against his once more. “Having you here is _almost_ as good as an orgasm—“

“What?”

“I did say _almost_.”

Javier slid his arm beneath her and pulled her to his chest. “Have you lost your mind?”

She laughed happily and pressed her face into the crook of his neck. “I’m really tired, you can’t judge me for _anything_ I say.”

“So you’re telling me to ask you anything?”

She tugged at his hair roughly, “Shut up.”

“Baby, you can’t get out of this _that_ easily.”

The soft sound of snoring came as her response and for a split second he was certain she was putting on, but he recognized the slow and steady in-and-out of her breathing. 

_Fuck_ , he wished he could fall asleep that easily. He ran his hand down her spine and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”


	106. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets home after a business trip. Set Summerish 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (not everyone gets a ‘happy ending’ but everyone is still happy)

You drummed your fingers against the steering wheel as you watched another minute tick by on the digital clock on your dashboard. You were supposed to be home almost an hour ago, but an accident on I-95 had brought traffic to a standstill before you had a chance to get onto Route 1. 

Thank God for car phones. 

You opened the center console, keying in the home phone before tucking it between your shoulder and your ear as you focused on inching forward another two feet. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” You smiled as Javier picked up the phone. “Still stuck on the road.”

“Jesus Christ,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “You got enough gas?”

“I filled up on the turnpike,” You assured him, glancing at the fuel gauge, “I’m good. _Promise_.” 

“Any movement?”

You glanced at a road sign as you inched past it. “I’m almost to 112. I’m gonna try to un-ass myself of this mess there.”

“Maybe another thirty?” He questioned hopefully. 

“That’s optimistic,” You chuckled, pushing your fingers through your hair as you grumbled at the car in front of you. “Yeah, sure. Just come on over jackass. Not like the rest of us are trying to get out of this shit too.”

“Ah, I see the road rage has settled in.” Javier teased. 

“I just wanna be home.” You admitted. “I thought I could do this whole work-trip thing, but… I’m not a fan.”

“I know, baby. Four days is a _long_ time.”

“I don’t know how you did it,” You remarked. How many times had he had to go away in Colombia? You hadn’t even considered the agony of being away from Javi and Josie until you had settled into your first night alone in a hotel room in St. Pete.

“Did you have fun at least?”

“You know me, I just _love_ public speaking to a bunch of men who think they know better than me.” You laughed bitterly, “It was fine. I actually did really well.”

“Of course you did, baby.” You could practically feel the adoration in his voice. “If it’s any consolation — we missed you. A lot.”

“I missed you too,” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I cannot _wait_ to be home.”

“Yeah?” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I made dinner. Well, I _ordered_ dinner.”

“It’s going to be cold by the time I get home,” You sighed, rubbing at your forehead as traffic came to a complete halt again. “What’d you get?”

“Chinese. General Tso’s, fried rice, your favorite egg rolls.”

“You know how to spoil me.”

“I have a few plans to _spoil_ you.”

“Momma!” Josie squealed from somewhere on the other side of the call and your heart clenched. 

“You wanna say hello, JoJo?” Javier questioned, “Hang on.” There was a rustle of noise as he sat the phone down, before returning a beat later. “I’ve got you on speaker phone.”

“Hey, baby doll!” You said enthusiastically, wishing you could see her on the other side of the call. “Did you miss mommy?”

“Mommy!” Josie clapped her hands. “Da-da! Mommy!” 

“She looks thrilled,” Javier told you. “She’s looked for you every day.”

“I’m sure she has.” You tried to ignore the ache in your chest. “I’ll be home soon, baby doll. And I’m going to read you a story and tuck you in. Everything I missed this week.” You shook your head slowly, “I don’t know how you did this, Javi.”

“It killed me.” Javier admitted quietly, before the phone rustled again as he let Josie go off to play once more, switching off the speaker. “Why do you think I’d come over in the middle of the night, even if it meant an hour or two of actual sleep?”

“I get it now. You were willing to do what you had to, to make up for what you missed out on.” The traffic let up a little, allowing you to drive further down the road without stopping. “I’m about five minutes from the exit, I think. I should be home before seven.”

“I’ll keep JoJo up so you can tuck her in.”

“Let her sleep if she’s tired, babe.”

“Baby, I _know_ how important it is.”

“Yeah, I guess you do. Thank you.” You smiled to yourself. “I can’t wait to kiss you.”

Javier chuckled, “Me neither. Four days is a long time, isn’t it?”

“And lonely. I hated sleeping in a giant king hotel bed alone.” You made a face. “You two are coming with me next time.”

“I know I slept for shit without you next to me,” Javier told you. “Who knew that after three years with someone you could get real fucking used to not sleeping alone.” 

“I know!” You laughed, “Okay, I’ve reached the exit. I should be home in twenty.” You told him as you veered off 95, taking the exit that would get you home sometime this century. 

“See you in a few.” Javier murmured, “I love you.”

“Love you too. I’ll be home soon.”

Somehow you managed to hit every fucking light on the way home, but at least you made it home before seven. 

“Next time I have a conference in St. Pete — I’m flying. It was an easy six hour drive up, but Jesus Christ…” You complained as you threw your purse down on the sofa, abandoning your suitcase by the door. “Nine hours today.”

“But you’re home now,” Javier pointed out as he greeted you with a kiss, passing a very sleepy Josie to you. 

“Hello, baby girl.” You whispered as you cradled her against you, running your hand over her back as she clung to you. “I swear you’ve gotten bigger in just four days.”

“Missed you.” Josie told you, her eyes heavy as she rested her cheek against your shoulder. “No go bye-bye mommy.”

“I’m not going _bye-bye_ anytime soon.” You promised her, kissing her forehead. You reached out with your free hand to urge Javier closer. He wrapped an arm around both of you as he hugged you. “Did daddy take good care of you?”

She nodded excitedly and Javier chuckled. “He braided-ed my hair!”

“Did he?” You grinned at Javier. “And how did he learn to do that?”

“Steve.” Javier gave your hip a squeeze. “Surprisingly good at braiding.”

“ _Impressive_.” You laughed, giving Josie’s head another kiss. “I’m going to go put her down, do you mind heating up dinner for me?”

“Do I _mind_?” Javier scoffed and stole a kiss. “Of course I don’t mind, baby.”

“Thank you,” You played your fingers through his hair, before you headed down the hall to Josie’s room. 

You barely made it through the first few pages of _The Swan Princess_ before she was out like a light beside you. You stayed there, watching her sleep for as long as your stomach would allow you.

The smell of the reheated Chinese food wafting down the hallway had your stomach in knots with hunger. If you had known how long the drive was going to be — you would’ve gotten something to eat on the turnpike. 

As much as you wanted to get back in the field, go on assignment, and travel again — you really did want to be home with Javier and Josie. You were only a little jealous that Javier had adapted to stay-at-home life so easily. He was so at ease, constantly. 

You wanted Josie to have that bond with her father — the same one you’d always craved as a little girl. But you also wanted to be there for dinnertime, bathtime, storytime, and bedtime. You didn’t want to miss a week of her life. 

“I am _starving_.” You told Javier as you collapsed onto the sofa beside him. You dragged your hands over your face, sighing heavily before you leaned forward and grabbed the plate he’d prepared for you. “Thank you.”

“Whatever you need, baby.” Javier angled himself towards you, watching you with rapt attention. “I missed you.”

You felt your cheeks warm under his gaze, “I missed you too.” You dipped your egg roll into the sauce, before you took a bite. You shifted towards him, leaning against his arm. “It was so weird.”

Javier curled his arm around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Aside from missing us, did you have a good time?”

“The conference went _really_ well. I think the force up there is going to follow the model I’ve been implementing here. They don’t understand the importance of informants—“

“No one ever does.”

“ _Right_?” You laughed, taking another bite of your egg roll. “There was a lot of evening socializing that I wasn’t really interested in.” You raised a brow as you tilted your head to look at him. 

Javier pressed a kiss to your cheek, “What? Afraid you’d have a repeat of the first night?” 

You snorted, “Yeah. I mean, I’m all for getting bought drinks, but don’t try to slip me your room key.” You made a face as you scooped up a fork full of fried rice. You chewed it down a little too fast and ended up burping and hiccuping at the same time. 

“I mean, what a _catch_.” Javier teased, keeping his arm curled around you. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, “Not bad manners, just good food.” You leaned forward to grab the beer off the coffee table, washing down the fried rice before taking a bite of the chicken. “As I was saying—“ You gave him a look. “I wasn’t looking to get hit on at the hotel bar.” 

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck, “They’d probably wonder how _you_ ended up with me.”

“ _Javier_ ,” You rolled your eyes, slapping his leg playfully. 

“Baby, you’re _gorgeous_.”

“You just want to get laid tonight.” You retorted hotly, running your tongue over your bottom lip as you met his gaze. 

“Four days is a _long_ time.” Javier pointed out as he traced his fingers over your arm, his gaze flickering to your lips. 

“Were your hands not enough, Javi?” You questioned, leaning in to press your lips to his. 

“I didn’t.”

Your brows rose upwards, “Really?”

“Figured I could wait until you got home,” He drawled out, leaning in to steal another kiss, his tongue playing over your lips. 

“I guess I should eat faster then,” You laughed, winding your fingers through his hair as you brushed your nose against his. “So _you_ can eat.”

Javier snorted.

“Though, we could always go to the main course.” You suggested, taking another bite of chicken. “My vibrator was a poor imitation of the real deal.”

“You used it?” He shook his head. 

You shrugged, “What else was I going to do at the hotel at six in the evening? Don’t be too jealous.” 

Javier ran his hand over your thigh, his fingers sliding inwards over the inner fabric of your pants. “You should’ve called.”

“I know, but I knew you’d be getting Josie ready for bed.” You sighed and pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek. “Not to mention, I was pretty stressed and it was _not_ as alleviating as I hoped.”

He pressed a kiss to the curve of your jaw, “Still stressed?”

“Two more bites of dinner and I’m yours.” You promised him, shoving half the egg roll into your mouth as you hastily chewed it down. “They’re not terrible nuked.”

“They were good when they were fresh.”

You nudged him in the ribs, “I’m sorry, take that up with the traffic gods. I would’ve _loved_ to be home hours ago.” You licked the sauce off your thumb, before leaning forward to put your plate back on the coffee table. 

“I’ll light a candle,” He taunted, his eyes raking over your face before he hesitated, “You should finish eating.”

“Are you sure?” You frowned, “I ate half a bag of pretzel sticks on the drive.” You took a swig of beer, before sitting it next to your plate. “You know I’m not against midnight breakfast.”

Javier shook his head, his lips drawing up at the corner a warm smile. “Take your time, enjoy your dinner.”

“Javi?”

He arched a brow, “Hmm?”

“I’ve been in a car for _nine_ hours.” You said slowly as you moved to straddle his lap, resting your hands on his shoulders. “And thinking about coming home to you was the one thing that kept me from partaking in road rage.”

He ran his hands over your hips, one hand sliding around to grab your ass as he looked up at you. “Who knew I had so much power.” Javier smirked, leaning up to kiss you.

You dragged your fingers through his hair as you sank into the kiss, your tongue playing over his bottom lip with a soft groan. You pulled back with a grin, “You have a _lot_ of power.” 

“Couch or bed?”

“ _Bed_.” You whispered as you brushed your nose against his, “I want out of these pants.” You rolled your hips downwards slowly, before you climbed off of his lap. 

“I love the way you think.” Javier chuckled as he followed you down the hallway. 

You walked backwards into the bedroom, meeting his eyes with a smirk of your own, “I’ve been known to have a few good ideas.” 

Javier closed the distance between the two of you, a hand at your hip and the other at your jaw as he descended upon you. It felt like a week’s worth of desire pent up into that _one_ kiss and it lit a flame of need within you.

He guided you back onto the bed and you held him wrestle your pants off your legs, leaning up on your elbows as he tossed them aside. “Still want the main course baby?” 

You nodded your head, hooking your thumbs in the waistband of your underwear and sliding them down your thighs. Javier caught ahold of them and tugged them off. 

Javier bent down and pressed a kiss to your lower belly as his hand ran up along the inside of your thigh. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, baby.”

“Then _show_ me.” You taunted as you tugged at his hair. Javier dragged his hand up higher until his fingers reached your cunt, his fingers dragging over your folds. 

You sank back against the bed, savoring the feel of his fingers as he played over your sensitive flesh, stoking the flames of arousal there. 

Javier pressed an open-mouthed kiss to your lower stomach, before scraping his teeth over your soft skin there. He worked two fingers into you, thrusting them in and out of you twice before he pulled back. 

He leaned over you to catch lips again and you managed to reach downward between the two of you to work his jeans open. Javier groaned against your lips as you worked your hand inside, palming his rigid cock through his boxers. 

“Happy to see me?” You murmured against his lips as he drew back just enough to catch a breath. 

“ _Very._ ” Javier bumped his noses against yours, before he kissed you again. 

You tugged his boxers down his hips, getting them down about mid-thigh to where his jeans were before you gave up. You were both half dressed — it didn’t matter. 

Javier’s hand curled around your hip as he dragged you to the edge of the bed. You curled a leg around him, trying to angle yourself towards him. 

“Fuck!” You gasped out as his cock slid into you, filling you so _deliciously_. “That’s it, Javi.” You urged, curling your fingers around the back of his neck as you met his eyes.

“You feel so _fucking_ good.” Javier drawled out as he leaned back, his hands gripping at your hips tightly as he started thrusting into you in earnest. 

You grabbed curled your hands around his forearms, gripping at them tightly as you rolled your hips to meet his thrusts. Your lips parted as a breathy moan escaped you. “ _Javier_.” 

“Is that what you want, baby?” He questioned, dragging his hand along the length of the leg you had wrapped around his hips. “ _Shit—_ “ Javier hissed out, his grip tightening at your hip as his pace faltered. You knew that face. 

“It’s okay.” You promised him, grabbing at his shoulder as you pulled yourself up. You tilted your head, lips brushing against his as you rolled your hips. “ _Let go_.” You whispered against his mouth as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck. 

“ _Fucking…_ baby, I’m—“

You cut him off with a searing kiss before he had the chance to finish. He released his hold on your leg, slipping his hand between you where his cock was driving into you, but you intercepted him. You interlaced your fingers with his and _that_ was all it took to send him careening over the edge.

Your own release was _just_ out of reach, but there was something _almost_ equally pleasurable about watching Javier come undone for you. To feel his cock throb as it spilled within you. 

“It’s okay,” You whispered, winding your fingers through his hair as you laid back and took him with you. You were both hanging halfway off the bed, but you really didn’t mind. 

“Is it?” He grumbled, pressing his face into the crook of your neck, his breath hot against your skin. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Don’t be.” You ran your hand down his back. “I still had fun.” You turned your head as much as you could to press a kiss to whatever available bare patch of skin you could find.

Javier groaned quietly as he pushed himself up on his hands, towering over you. “Let me make it up to you.”

You shook your head, tracing a finger over his bottom lip. “You can make it up to me by getting undressed so we can go to sleep. Okay?”

“You sure?” He questioned, lifting a hand to cup your cheek. Javier searched your eyes as you nodded, “I’m gonna grab something to clean up with. Don’t move.”

You drew in a sharp breath as he slipped out of you. The moment had _definitely_ passed, as disappointing as it was. You were stressed and _exhausted_. 

You sat up and peeled off your shirt, tossing it off the side of the bed as you waited for Javier to return from the bathroom. “I need to brush my teeth too,” You told him as he knelt down at the foot of the bed as he wiped off the mess that had been left behind. 

Javier pressed a kiss to your leg just on the inside of our knee, “Didn't mean you make your homecoming a letdown.”

“Good thing you didn’t let me down then.” You told him with a warm smile as you held him stand back up as you rose. “You’re more than welcome to wake me up _however_ you see fit… but not before seven.”

“I can arrange that,” Javier’s lips cracked into a faint smile. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too.” You brushed your fingers over his cheek. “I missed my bed… and it’s other occupant.”

Javier snorted, “Even if he’s early to the party?”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you headed for the bathroom to brush your teeth, “I only care that you were _at_ the party.” You quipped, firing a finger gun at him before you ducked into the bathroom. 


	107. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier gets jealous. Set August 1996.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (jealous bathroom sex)

Tonight was long overdue. Javier had just wrapped up his first week of teaching at the university and _you_ were ready to celebrate his new beginning. 

As much as he had loved staying at home with Josie, it had been patently clear all week that he had needed something _more_. Teaching seemed to really suit him. He was meticulous with his lecture notes and you’d helped him work on his transparencies for each class. You were only mildly disappointed that _you_ couldn’t be one of his students, because you knew he’d be a hell of a teacher. 

You glanced at your watch again. It was all of two minutes closer to six. Javier got off at half past five and it would take him half an hour to get to the bar. 

“Would you like a refill on that?” The bartender questioned as he stopped in front of you, gesturing to your half-consumed cherry martini. 

“Can you just hit me with a little more of the soda water?” You questioned, pushing the glass across the bar towards him. “Thanks.” 

“Well, look who it is.” Drawled the familiar voice of Smith Nyman, one of the liaisons with the The Narcotics Bureau that worked across the hall from you at the department. “Who knew you could clean up on your time off.” 

“ _Cute_.” You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t know you drank here. Guess I’m gonna have to find somewhere _else_ to drink.” You laughed, thanking the bartender as he returned with your topped off martini. You took a sip, before turning back to your co-worker, “How are you doing, Smith?” 

Smith tucked his hands into his trousers, shrugging his shoulders. “Looking forward to the weekend.” He settled down on the barstool beside you, ordering a gin and tonic from the bartender. “Mind if I keep you company while I wait on a friend?”

“Yeah! Of course,” You glanced at your watch. “Javier should be here in about fifteen.” 

“He started teaching this week, right?” Smith questioned, cocking his head to the side. 

You nodded, taking a sip of your martini, “Honestly, I think it’s a perfect fit for him. I’m sure it’s killing him not to be home with Josie, but it’s a great gig.” 

“I don’t know if I could do the stay-at-home-dad thing,” Smith admitted, picking up his glass as the bartender returned with it. “Hell, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be a father.” He dragged his fingers through his hair with a shrug. 

“I never thought I was going to be a mother,” You confessed, running your finger along the rim of your glass. “And I don’t think Javier ever expected to be a father. Sometimes you’ve gotta let life throw its surprises your way.” You gestured towards Smith, “So who are you waiting for? A lady friend?” You wiggled your brows suggestively.

Smith chuckled with a shake of his head, his cheeks reddening with a blush. He took a sip of his gin and tonic, tapping his fingers against the bar as he stared straight ahead for a moment. “Not a _lady_ friend.” 

Your brows furrowed together for a moment, before you read between the lines. That would make sense. Smith did tend to get a bit antsy when the other guys would run their mouths about their wives and girlfriends. “ _Oh_.” You nudged him in the arm. “Good for you.” 

“Thank you,” He seemed to relax a little then. “The rest of the guys from the department don’t usually make it out this direction.” He gestured around the bar. “I figured it was safe.” 

“It is,” You promised him, giving his shoulder a pat. “I am _surprisingly_ good at discretion. Your secret is safe with me.” You took another sip of your drink, swirling the liquid around in the glass. “What’s his name?”

“Troy.” Smith tapped his fingers against the bar nervously. “It’s a second date.” He took another swig of his drink, sitting the glass back down on the bar. “How’d it happen for you and Javier? What date did you realize he was the _one_?”

“ _Well_ ,” You made a face, biting down on your bottom lip with a short laugh. “There weren’t _exactly_ any dates. But we had been working together for about five years before our relationship began.” You weren’t _ashamed_ of how the two of you ended up together, but you tried to avoid the scrutiny of a one night stand that ended in a pregnancy. “I think I always knew he was the one.” 

Smith hummed thoughtfully, “I haven’t figured out if Troy’s the one.” 

“Maybe you’ll figure out tonight.” 

He tilted his head to look at you, “He thinks I’m the one. Well, at least that’s what our mutual friend told me.” 

“ _Oh_.” You took another sip, glancing past Smith to search for Javier. He should be there soon. “Just play it by ear. It’s always fun and exciting in the beginning. Troy’s probably just smitten with you.” You gestured to Smith as you turned your attention back to him. “Who could blame him?”

“You flatter me.” Smith winked at you and you couldn’t help but laugh, shoving at his arm lightly. 

“Just have fun.” You told him, brushing your hair behind your ears. 

“This seat taken?”

You jerked your head to the left, eyes widening as you were surprised to see Javier standing beside you at the bar. “Javier!” You grinned, “I didn’t even see you come in.” You slid off the stool with your glass. 

“You were _occupied_ ,” Javier retorted, his jaw clenched as he nodded his head towards Smith. 

“This is Smith,” You told him, reaching down to take Javier’s left hand into your hold, slotting your fingers in between his. “We work together.” 

Smith held his hand out and shook Javier’s hand, undeterred by his somewhat icy greeting. “I have heard _many_ good things about you, Javier. You’re a lucky man,” He pointed at you. “This one keeps us on our toes.” 

“What he means is, I’m a real _ballbuster_.” You snorted, shaking your head. “They all sat around eating donuts before I showed up.” You teased, trying to alleviate the slight awkward air that had settled between the three of you. 

Javier chuckled, but the amusement didn’t quite reach his dark eyes as they flickered between you and Smith. “Don’t let me interrupt.” 

You rolled your eyes, giving Javier’s hand three tight squeezes, “Smith’s waiting on his date.”

“Enjoy your dinner,” Smith offered with a warm smile. “And thank you… for the advice.” 

“ _Anytime_ ,” You said kindly, before you steered Javier away from the bar and towards a table near the back that the waiter had already set up for you. “Bad day at work?” You questioned as you sat down across from him.

“What?”

You arched a brow at him, giving him a pointed look. “If looks could kill, I’m pretty sure Smith’s date would be arriving to find a cadaver right about now.” 

Javier shrugged, his jaw still noticeably tense. “I’ve got a stack of essays to grade, but aside from that, work was fine.” 

Your lips parted, a response primed on the tip of your tongue, but the waitress appeared with two menus and interrupted you before you had the chance. You couldn’t _believe_ he was jealous. 

Except, you _couldn’t_ exactly blame him. Smith had a look about him that actually reminded you a bit of Lance. The only difference was that Smith had a strong Boston accent. He was tall, fit, blue-eyed, and had sandy blonde hair that wasn’t entirely dissimilar from your ex- _boyfriend_. Oh, and he was apparently _not_ into women. 

It didn’t help that you had just seen Lance last week — a fact that you knew had gotten under Javier’s skin. 

“ _Javier_ ,” You started once the waitress had taken your drink orders. 

“Hmm?” He questioned, lifting his eyes to meet your gaze. 

“You’re going to break your teeth if you clench your jaw any tighter.” You reached across the table, taking ahold of his hand. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“I’m not being an _asshole_.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, cocking your head. “Just a little bit.” You rubbed your thumb over the side of his hand. “You’re jealous.”

“Of _him_?” Javier scoffed, shaking his head. “I’m not.” He shifted in his seat, his gaze flickering back towards the bar where Smith was sitting. “I’m _not_.”

“You’re a _terrible_ liar,” You released your hold on his hand, winding your fingers through your hair as you sank back in your seat. “Not gonna lie, this jealousy thing could work for me.”

His brows rose upwards, “I’m _not_ jealous.”

“We’ll go with that,” You rolled your eyes, sitting up straight when the waitress returned with your drinks. “Anyways, we’re supposed to be celebrating your first week back in the workforce.” You raised your martini glass. “Shall we toast?”

Javier held his whiskey up, clinking his glass against yours. “To my first week.”

You smiled at him, nudging his foot under the table. “I’m proud of you. Your students are _extremely_ lucky.”

“I think it’s going to be a great semester,” Javier took a drink of his whiskey, rubbing at the back of his neck. “The other faculty are a bit old school, but I think I can break them out of their bullshit.”

“What? Are they still picking your brain for tales of Colombia?”

“Every _fucking_ day.” Javier huffed, shaking his head slowly. “I get it. We were part of something that they all think is exciting.”

“And it was _awful_.” You pressed lips together as you stared across at him, your eyes flickering over his face. 

“A fucking nightmare.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Do they ask you about Colombia?”

“Sometimes,” You shrugged. “I’m not the one whose name is _known_ , however.” You pointed out, “Most of the time people want to know about us.” You gestured towards the bar, “Like Smith and everyone else from Narcotics. They’re curious.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he sat his whiskey back down on the table. “I don’t think _that’s_ why they ask you about me.” 

“You _are_ jealous!” You slapped the top of the table and laughed. “Javier, you’re such a goddamn idiot sometimes.” 

“He was hitting on you!” 

“He was _not_.”

Javier knocked back his whiskey, sitting the glass down heavily on the table. “You always tell me when waitress and _fucking_ dance moms are hitting on me.”

“Smith wasn’thitting on me.” You insisted. 

“Maybe you just didn’t _realize_ he was.” Javier gritted out through clenched teeth. “But he was.”

You took a sip of your martini, before following suit and finishing it off in one drink. “I’m going to the bathroom.” You were going to take advantage of that buzz you felt from two martinis. 

“ _Baby—_ “ Javier tried to catch your hand, but you moved too quickly. 

You turned around, taking a few steps backwards as you caught his gaze, before you headed down the hallway that led to a short set of stairs that led to another hallway where the bathrooms were. 

No sooner than you had stepped inside the bathroom and shut the door, Javier was knocking at the door. He was no fool — he knew what you were angling for. 

“Are you going to admit that you’re being jealous?” You questioned as you opened the bathroom door to let him in. 

“Oh, _fuck_ you.” Javier seethed with a wicked smirk as he closed the distance between the two of you and kissed you with all the heat he had in his gaze. He pinned you back against the door, one hand at your hip as the other fumbled with locking the door behind you.

You curled your fingers around his tie, loosening the knot enough for you to start unbuttoning his shirt. “ _Jealous_.” You taunted, nipping at his bottom lip — just to get a rise out of him. 

Javier’s fingers tangled in your hair, cradling the back of your head, his mouth hot and greedy as he trailed kisses down the column of your throat. “I’m not,” He drew back, meeting your eyes. “ _Jealous._ ” 

You cupped his cheeks with both hands, grinning up at him as you tilted your head to kiss him again. “You are and I _love_ it.”

He groaned against your lips, his tongue sweeping out to drag over the roof of your mouth. Javier ran his hand down your side until he reached the hem of your suede skirt. His fingers met the soft skin there and he slid his hand up over the expanse of your bare leg to grab at your hip. 

You arched your back, pressing towards him as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck. “ _Javi_ ,” You whispered as he pulled back, his dark gaze settling on yours. 

“I just fucking _hate_ it sometimes, baby.” Javier admitted, working his jaw as he kept his eyes on you. “I don’t fucking deserve you.”

“Yes you do.” You surged forward and kissed him again as you ran your hands over his bare chest and stomach, until you reached for his belt, working to unfasten it. “I love you.” 

Javier peeled your skirt upwards, bunching it around your hips as he slid one hand in between your thighs, his fingers ghosting over your cunt through the fabric of your underwear. “Yeah? Do you?” 

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip as you sank back against the door, angling your hips towards his touch. “ _Asshol_ e.” You hissed out as you tugged at his hair, pulling him back towards you.

His nose brushed against yours, lips barely meeting your lips as he breathed out without reluctance that he loved you too. 

You worked his slacks open the rest of the way, shoving his boxers down far enough to free his cock. There was nothing _elegant_ about fucking in a bathroom — but there was something about it that you absolutely _loved_. 

This had you wondering what things would’ve been like, if you had capitalised on Javier’s bad attitude when you had dated Lance. He had been a perpetual dick those first few months and _now_ you wondered if he would’ve fucked you in a bathroom all those years ago. 

“Turn around.” Javier ordered, his voice low and rough and you felt that pool of arousal in your lower belly burn hotter. 

You rested your forearm against the door, resting your forehead against your arm as Javier’s hands skimmed over your bare legs. He crowded close to you, your back to his chest as he slid a hand around to cup you through your underwear again. He was teasing you — on _purpose_. 

His fingers pushed the crotch of your underwear aside, sliding between your folds before he worked one digit into your slick center. “ _Fuck_ , baby. Look how wet you are. Is that all for me?”

You bit down on your bottom lip as you nodded, your inner walls fluttering around his fingers as he worked a second into you, working them in and out of you. You could feel his cock pressed against your ass, hard and hot and _everything_ you wanted pounding you into that door right then and there. 

Javier’s tongue teased at your ear, his teeth catching your earlobe with just enough pressure to make you moan. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” You quipped, grinding back against his cock. He had mercy on you — he swiftly withdrew his fingers, nearly ripping your underwear down your thighs before he replaced his fingers with his cock in one rough thrust. 

You cried out, louder than you should’ve in a restaurant bathroom — but the angle had him hitting your sweet spot every time he slid into you. 

Javier curled his fingers loosely around your throat, drawing you back against him as he snapped his hips into you again and again. “You have any idea how fucking lucky I am to have you, baby?” He rasped out, his lips brushing over your jaw. “You drive me fucking crazy.”

You reached behind you, fingers gripping at his hair as you rocked back into his thrusts, “Then _show_ me.” You managed, your nails scraping over the back of his neck. 

He groaned out your name as his fingers curled around your throat tighter. Javier’s hand grabbed roughly as he picked up his pace. “ _Fuck_ , baby. You feel so fucking good.” 

“I’m close,” You warned him, letting your head fall forward against your forearm. 

Javier gave you _exactly_ what he wanted. He grabbed at your hip roughly, holding you steady as he slammed into you again and again — driving right into that sweet spot until he had you seeing stars as you came for him. 

He was fast behind you, but he didn’t stop pumping into you until your inner walls had milked every last drop of his release from him. 

“I love you,” Javier whispered, turning your head so he could press a kiss to your cheek, his breath dancing over your skin as he lingered there. 

You played your fingers through his hair as you reached behind you, “I love you too.” You laughed breathlessly. “Especially after you fuck me like _that_. Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah?”

“My legs are trembling.” You told him, biting down on your bottom lip as Javier ran his hand along your inner thigh. “Did you rip my underwear?”

Javier snorted, nuzzling at the crook of your neck. “ _Maybe.”_

“You’re a menace.”

He gave your ass a playful swat, “Which is _exactly_ what you love.” Javier reluctantly pulled free from you, keeping an arm wrapped around your waist to keep you standing. 

You turned around in his embrace, looking up at him from beneath your lashes. “It’s true, I do.” You admitted as you ran your hand over his bare chest. 

“I’m sorry I was a jackass,” Javier told you gently as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“You should be.” You tilted your head to look up at him, “Especially when we go back out there and you see Smith with his _boyfriend_.”

“What—“ Javier’s brows drew together. “Well, _shit_.”

“Mhm.” You shoved him in the chest. “Like I said. He wasn’t hitting on me.”

He dragged his fingers through his hair, “Now I really do feel like a jackass.”

“It’s a good thing I love you anyways.” You gave his cheek a pat, before you kissed him again. “Why don’t I close out my tab and we go home?”

Javier nodded, “We’ve got leftover pizza.”

“You’re speaking my language.” You winked at him as you reached out to work at his buttons. 

As much fun as it sounded to spend the night out, an evening in after a long week seemed even more appealing, especially with the mess you’d made of each other. 


	108. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally escapes her situation. This chapter is set in September of 1977, when Reader is 16.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know who I see as [ Mitch](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/54/cb/39/54cb39f4161b62c16156aff67c7b9543.gif) and [Darla](https://66.media.tumblr.com/847c22641490ad72e6d66dc427cb4336/tumblr_inline_o3n639qPlT1tae3h3_250.gif) click on their names.

“You’ll have your own room,” Mitch explained, glancing at you out of the corner of his eyes. “That’ll be nice, right?”

You nodded your head slowly, rubbing at your forehead as you watched the outskirts of the city bleed into the towering office buildings and quaint streets lined with brownstones and historic homes. You had never been out of your hometown and Philadelphia seemed like a daunting change of pace. 

Your life up until this point had been confined to a perimeter that contained your house and school. 

“And you’ll never have to live through another one of those floods.” Mitch rambled — he’d rambled a lot since he had picked you up nearly four hours ago. “That had to be scary.”

You shrugged, picking at the hem of your tee. “Not the worst thing to happen to me.” You admitted, glancing out the window again. “My mom acted like the world was going to end because she couldn’t get out of the house. Like _goddamn_ mom, people are dead.”

Mitch cleared his throat, “I’m not looking to parent you, but you know Darla and I have a Tate—“

“ _Shit_.” You laughed quietly, covering your mouth. “I’ll try to curb the cussing.” 

“Thanks.” He nodded his head. “And you know Darla and I are here for you, if you ever need _anything_.”

“I’m not looking to be a burden, promise.” You told him, winding your finger through a lock of hair as you watched out the window. “You don’t even have to feed me.”

“I’m not going to let you go hungry.” Mitch gave you a look. “Come on now, kid.”

“I can cook!” You scrunched up your nose. “I just don’t want you or Darla to feel like I’m taking advantage of your hospitality.” The last thing you wanted was to become your mother. Leeching off other people. 

“You’re my sister.”

“We share a father,” You pointed out. “Be glad you don’t share my mother.”

“Dad told me plenty of stories.” Mitch grimaced, “I don’t know how you made it out of there in one piece, kid.”

“I might have nine toes. I haven’t counted lately.” You snorted, “Think there’s a black market in toes for coke?”

“Jesus Christ.” He grimaced, before quickly changing the subject. “That’s the school you’ll be going to.”

You peered out the window at the school, “Better than Richland.”

“It’s where Darla went. It’s a great preparatory school for girls.”

“An all-girls school?” You groaned, crossing your arms across your chest. 

“You're more likely to get a scholarship there.”

“ _Fine_.” You couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that. You still had the two and a half years of school to finish before you could think about college — but a scholarship would help. “I don’t need any distractions anyways.”

Mitch gave you a curious look, “Kid, you’re allowed to be a teen, you know. Don’t hold back from living just because you’re staying with us.”

“It’s not that,” You chewed on the inside of your cheek. “I’ve never really been a _kid_ or whatever. I don’t plan on regressing just because I don’t have to deal with the witch.”

“Dad always said you were wise beyond your years,” Mitch remarked, turning down Chestnut Street and parking the car in front of a gorgeous brick townhome. 

“You live here?”

“Darla’s folks gifted it to her when they moved out west,” Mitch explained to you as he put the car in park.

“Oh so, _rich-rich_.” You gave him an amused look. “Looking at you, pitching out of your league.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Mitch rolled his eyes, climbing out of the car and shutting the car door behind him. 

You climbed out of the car, moving around to the trunk as he unlocked it. “I really do appreciate this, Mitch. I’ll do whatever you guys need me to do. Vacuuming, dishes, I’ll even babysit — I can’t promise I’m good.” 

“Kid, you’re _family_ not the new nanny.”

“ _New_?”

“We’re in-between currently.”

“Jesus.” You whistled. “Well, I promise not to bring the property value down. It’ll be like I’m not even there. _Promise_.”

Mitch shook his head, “I look forward to you warming up to us. This can be your home, kid. You don’t have to act like a visitor.”

You shrugged your shoulders as you slung your duffel bag over your shoulder. “I tried the _‘home’_ thing, but dad’s dead... so.” 

“I’m just saying, you can put down roots.” Mitch pulled the cardboard box out of the trunk, before he started up the stairs to the townhouse. Darla must’ve been waiting just behind the door, because she swung it open the second your feet hit the stop.

“Look at you!” Darla grinned broadly at you, “You’ve shot up like a weed since the wedding.”

“We saw each other at the funeral,” You reminded her with an awkward laugh, tucking your hair behind your ear as you warily looked around their house. “But thanks.”

Mitch was about thirteen years older than you. You had seen him only a handful of times over the course of your life. His mother, Patrice, had always been kind to you — your father and Patrice were the type of divorced parents you’d wished your own mother had been. They were still friends, up until his death. 

Before the funeral, the last time you had seen Mitch was at his wedding. He’d wanted you to actually be part of the wedding, but _someone_ had gone postal at the thought of someone else’s family liking you. You were also only ten — what could you do about anything?

“Tate, sweetheart, this is your aunt.” Darla crouched down beside the little boy. “Say hello.”

“Hello!”

“Hi, Tate.” You smiled at him. “And how old are you?”

“Almost six.” He beamed, “Do you like cars?”

You shrugged, “They get you from point a to point b.”

“He’s been collecting Hot Wheels.” Mitch explained to you, “I’m sure he’ll show you his collection.”

Tate nodded excitedly. “Do you wanna see them now?”

“Oh—“

Mitch ruffled Tate’s hair, “Actually buddy, I’m sure your aunt would love to see them, but we need to get her unpacked. Alright?”

You glanced at Mitch before looking back to Tate, “You can show me after dinner.”

“Why don’t you go play out back?” Darla suggested, sending Tate down the hallway. “He’s been so excited about having someone to play with.”

“I see.” You nodded, your eyes flickering around the entryway, back towards the living room area. It was different to see a house that was put together. They had nice pieces of furniture and none of them were broken or unusually stained. 

Mitch cleared his throat, “If you want to, of course. Six-year-old boys can be quite rambunctious.”

You offered a strained smile, “I’m happy to help, like I said.” 

“Do you need help with anything from the car?” Darla questioned, clasping her hands together. “That can’t be all you broug—“

Mitch made a gesture to silence her, which you caught out of the corner of your eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“This is all I have,” You gestured between your duffel bag and the box he held. “I promised I wouldn’t take up too much room.”

“Speaking of your room,” Darla grinned at you. “I hope you don’t hate purple. I went a little overboard once Mitch brought up you moving in.”

She led you up a flight of stairs lined with family pictures, which led to a hallway of bedrooms. 

“Ours is at the end of the hall, beside Tate’s. You’re over here.” Mitch explained, pushing open the doorway that led to a bedroom that was at least double what your room had been before.

“ _Wow_.” You breathed out as you stepped inside, holding your duffel bag close to you as you looked around. “Guys, I told you I didn’t need much, this feels…”

“Homey?” Darla questioned. “That’s what I was going for.”

You put on a smile as you nodded your head. You knew you had to be grateful. Mitch didn’t have to give you a place to live. Sure, your dad had wanted it, but that didn’t mean he had to. 

You were emancipated from your mother now, you could go anywhere — live…. _anywhere_. Realistically, you had three options; your mother’s, Mitch’s, or the street. 

“Homey… is a great word.” You threw your duffle bag down on the foot of the bed, watching as Mitch sat the cardboard box with your few personal items down on the floor. 

“You’ll be starting at Girls’ High next week.” Darla explained. “We can go shopping for your uniform this weekend. That’ll give you a few days to settle into your new life here.”

“Thank you,” You told her with a slightly more sincere smile. “Thank you both.”

Mitch scratched at the back of his neck, “Yeah, well, it’s what dad would’ve wanted.”

“I miss him.”

“Me too.” He nodded. “Alright, well we will give you a chance to settle in. Dinner is usually around six.”

Darla smiled at you, “No pressure. You can join us or I can bring a plate up. I know things have been a bit chaotic for you.”

You tucked your hair behind your ears and nodded, “You don’t have to make dinner for me. I would be happy with a cheese sandwich.”

She shook her head, “I won’t hear of that. I’ll bring it up to you. How’s that sound?”

“Good.” You kicked off your shoes and sank down on the side of your bed. It was a _real_ bed. Matching sheets, a mattress topper, and nice metal headboard. 

It looked _new_ , which really was a novelty. 

You waited until Mitch and Darla could be heard walking down the steps, before you sank back on the bed and finally relaxed. 

You didn’t know how long it would take you to _really_ be relaxed. Being on edge had kept you alive this long. But it was a feat not to give into the urge to grab the chair that sat at the vanity and wedge it under the doorknob. 

You covered your face with your hands, letting out a heavy sigh as you let the reality of your new life settle in. 

Next week would mark a new beginning. A new school, a new chance to _be_ someone. You weren’t beholden to anyone but yourself now. If you failed, it was your own fault. You weren’t trapped under the shadow of your mother. 

Though, the thought of having to wear a uniform until you graduated sounded like bullshit. 

You pushed yourself back upright, looking around the room for the folder you’d spotted sitting on the vanity. You climbed off the bed to retrieve the fold. It was white and yellow, with the school seal set in the center. Darla had clearly gone to great lengths filling everything out for you — the forms were mostly filled in, save for your name and signature where it was necessary. 

Apparently, you had _just_ missed the father-daughter dance. 

You closed the folder and sat it back on the vanity, before you retreated back to the bed to collect the cardboard box. You didn’t have much to unpack. 

A framed picture of you and your father that had spent the better part of its existence hidden from your mother’s sight; the trophy you won freshman year for the science fair; three of your favorite books; and bedside alarm clock. 

Aside from that, you had only taken the clothes you wore most often, not even bothering to worry about other seasons. You had enough money to buy new clothes in the winter. 

And with uniforms for school — you didn’t have to worry about other classmates judging you for repeating outfits. 

School was just a means to an end. Get good grades, get a scholarship, and do _something_ worthwhile. Something that would actually help someone. 

Your mother had screamed at you that you were worthless — that you would never amount to anything because you were ungrateful — more times than you cared to recall. You had to prove her wrong. One day, she’d see that her daughter had amounted to something. Not because of her, but in spite of her. 

* * *

“How did you sleep last night?” Darla questioned as you joined her in the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen table across from Tate. 

“The bed was super comfortable,” You offered, preferring not to tell her that you hadn’t slept at all. Though there were bags under your eyes that told a different story.

You had slept for an hour — maybe two. You couldn’t relax, despite how hard you had tried. You had gone to sleep on a comfortable bed, with clean sheets, and a full stomach, but sleep just didn’t come to you. 

The only reason you slept at all was because you had gotten up and put the chair in front of the door. The house was quiet — there were no addicts down the hall getting high, no yelling, no chaos, but your mind told you there _could_ be. 

Darla sat a glass of juice down in front of you, “Do you drink coffee?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” You nodded, taking a sip of the juice. “Cream and sugar if you don’t mind.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t mind at all. I know you think you’re a burden to us, but I’m happy to have you here. _Really_.”

“I don’t want to be a charity case.” You told her, taking another sip of your juice as Mitch walked down the stairs and joined all of you in the kitchen. 

“Well, you’re not one. So don’t worry.”

“Hey, kid.” Mitch gave your shoulder a pat as he walked past the table. “Didn’t know if you’d come down.”

You shrugged, “The smell of coffee was too strong of a temptation.” 

“Do you have plans for the day?” He questioned as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

Tate rolled one of his model cars across the table to you and you turned it around and rolled it back. 

“I thought I might check out a book shop we passed yesterday. What does a normal Monday look like for you?”

“I’ve got work,” Mitch explained before gesturing to Darla. “She’s got her committees.”

“Committees?”

“I’m on the board of the Philadelphia Museum of Art,” Darla offered. “And the Daughters of the American Revolution.”

“Don’t forget the Trocadero,” Mitch supplied, pressing a kiss to Darla’s cheek, before he circled back around to the table. “She’s very connected to the art scene here in the city. If you have any interest in the arts, I’m sure she can find you a job or an internship.”

“I don’t know what I want to do,” You admitted, playing with the end of your braid as you stared down at the glass of juice in front of you. “I never thought I’d get out of Johnstown.”

“Hopefully you can figure that out,” Darla said as she handed you your cup of coffee. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do,” She told you, “But I found a passion for art in high school.”

“Does it pay well?”

“Oh,” Darla exchanged a look with Mitch. “Technically I’m a volunteer.”

“ _Ah_.” You frowned. Given the house you were eating breakfast in and what Mitch had said last night — Darla had been born with a silver spoon in her mouth. “As nice as that sounds, I really need something _somewhat_ lucrative.”

Mitch day down beside Tate, across from you, “You’ve got plenty of time to figure out what you want to be. Don’t grow up too fast.”

You smiled a little, “I’ll try not to.” You drummed your fingers against the side of your mug, “What do you do again, Mitch?”

“I’m a real estate broker.”

Your brows furrowed together, “I have no idea what that is.”

“I work for a real estate agency as a manager.” Mitch clarified, sipping at his coffee. “If you wanted to work in real estate, I could get you an internship.”

“I don’t know if I could sell houses,” You made a face. “I’m just going to focus on high school right now. Work on getting a scholarship.”

Tate rolled his car across the table again, “Do you like my car?”

You picked the car up and examined it, “I do. It’s very cool.” You rolled it back to him, glancing at Mitch. “I’m pretty self-sufficient. I'm sure I’ll figure out what my life’s calling is.”

“Philadelphia has so much going on. It’s very up-and-coming in areas.” Darla told you. “You could make a whole life for yourself here in the city.”

“Maybe.” You took a sip of coffee then. Now that you were free — there was a whole world of possibilities. You didn’t have to stay in Pennsylvania for the rest of your life. 

You could go anywhere, be anything, make a name for yourself. 

Mitch and his little family were great, but you didn’t feel any attachment to them. You didn’t feel any attachment to much of anything, frankly. Maybe you were broken. Maybe you’d been through so much shit with your mother, that you’d just shut down emotionally. 

You knew what love was; you even knew what home and family was supposed to feel like, but you weren’t sure you had it in you to _feel_ those things. It was like falling asleep on your hand — you could feel touch, but it didn’t feel real. 

Maybe that’s what your mother felt. Maybe Rebecca was the way she was because there was a big black hole where her heart was supposed to be. 

But you weren’t going to let yourself become her. Maybe one day you could feel _something._

Wouldn’t that be something? 


	109. The Ranch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier tell Chucho a secret. Set November 1998 in Laredo.

Chucho’s gaze flickered curiously between you and Javier before he turned his back to grab something from the kitchen cabinet, “You two have been acting awfully suspicious since you got here yesterday.” 

“ _Really_?” Javier leaned against the kitchen counter, looking towards you then. “Baby, you think we’ve been acting suspicious?”

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and chuckled, “Maybe.” 

“Well, you were both awfully keen to get Josie and those girls off on a trail ride so you could ‘help me’ around the house.” Chucho chuckled, “If you’re planning on killing me, do it outside so there’s less of a mess.” 

“We’re not _fucking_ killing you, pops.” Javier snorted. “We have something to tell you. We just didn’t want everyone else around.”

Chucho turned to look at you, hands on his hips in a gesture that you recognized intimately from the younger Peña. “Well, out with it then.”

You touched the turquoise necklace that set against your chest, smiling fondly as you looked towards Javier then. “We got married.”

“ _Bullshit_.” Chucho waved a hand. “What’s really going on?” He narrowed his eyes as he looked between the two of you again. Realization slowly passed over his features, “You’re telling the truth.”

“We got married in May.” You told him, biting down on your bottom lip as grinned. 

“ _Six_ months ago?” Chucho swore under his breath. “You two are good at keeping secrets.”

Javier tucked his thumbs into his belt loops as he shrugged, “Can’t shake all those years of training.” 

You stepped towards him and rested your cheek against his shoulder. “We didn’t want to make it into a thing.”

“I’m speechless,” Chucho admitted. “Never thought I’d live to see my son get married.”

“It took the right woman,” Javier admitted with a grin as he wrapped an arm around your waist. “We’re keeping this quiet. You’re the only person aside from our therapist that knows we tied the knot.”

“Guess I ought to be chuffed you decided I was worthy to be let in on the secret.” Chucho strolled around the kitchen island. “Why’s it a secret?”

Javier looked to you for the answer. 

“You know I’m not the marrying type,” You had had _long_ conversations with Chucho about that after the first time he prompted the topic. “But after everything that happened, we were on vacation and I realized… I wanted to marry him.”

“She proposed.” Javier pointed out, grinning at his father. “I did it pops, I got married.”

“I’m proud of you son,” Chucho said warmly, before he looked at you. “I always wanted a daughter. Figured I had the closest thing I’d get to one with you.” He shook his head, “And why aren’t you telling folks?”

“I just want it to be for us.” You admitted. “I don’t want anyone else involved in our relationship.”

Javier ran his hand down the length of your back reassuringly. “So consider yourself lucky, pops. You get to be privy to our little secret.”

“And no ring.” Chucho pointed out with an arched brow. 

You laughed, taking the silver band you wore around your wrist off as Javier did the same with his ring. “We got the date engraved with the girl’s birthdays.”

Chucho adjusted his glasses as he examined the engravings, “Well, I’ll be damned.” He passed the ring back to Javier before he embraced his son. “Your mother would be proud of you, Javier. I’m proud of you.”

You smiled warmly as you watched Javier hug his old man back in return. “Javier was quite the blushing bride.” You teased, prompting Javier to flip you off.

“I never needed the two of you to get hitched,” Chucho said as he pulled back. “Anyone with eyes can see how much you two love each other, but I appreciate the principle of it. The tradition.”

Javier chuckled, “Now you can burn those old newspaper clippings from when you put my wedding announcement on page three.”

“Oh no,” He smirked. “I’m saving those for when you two have to clear this place out. I’ll be grinning down from heaven, laughing my ass off as you explain it all to your girls.”

“Now I want to see these wedding announcements.”

“It was 1970. No one wants to see _that_.”

“Oh God, I was nine.” You laughed, shaking your head. “What was so bad about it?”

“Javier had baby face and a long mane of hair back then.” Chucho gestured to a point just at his collarbone. 

“You had _long_ hair?” You covered your mouth as you snickered at that. 

“And green plaid trousers,” Chucho told you, much to Javier’s ire. 

“You’re not showing her those pictures,” Javier insisted, looping his arm around your waist as he steered you into his side. 

“Like I said, you’ll find them one day.” Chucho winked at his son, before looking at you. “Congratulations. I’m glad you made an honest man out of him.”

You laughed, nudging Javier in the ribs. “I don’t know about _that_. Your son’s still my favorite jackass.”

He scratched at the back of his neck, “You’re _not_ wrong about that.”

“Remind me that I have something for you,” Chucho told you. “Now that you’re _officially_ part of the family.”

“Should I be worried?”

He shook his head, “Not at all.”

“Speaking of family,” You started, playing with the stone of your necklace. “Would you be willing to come for Christmas?”

“Doing something special?”

Javier cleared his throat, “Attempting to.”

Chucho’s brows rose upwards, “What are you two up to now?”

“I haven’t seen my brother since I was like nineteen,” You explained. “I’m thinking about inviting his family to our house for Christmas this year, but… it would mean a lot to me if everyone was there.”

“Monica and Nadia will be there,” Javier continued, curling his fingers around your hand. “We’re thinking about inviting the Murphys.”

Chucho nodded his head slowly as he stared at Javier with an unreadable expression. “You know, Javier… I always wanted the best for you, but I never could see where you’d go with your life. You’re as stubborn as a damn mule. I couldn’t guide you, outside of the occasional sage advice, but look at you now.”

You turned to look at Javier, squeezing his hand as you took in the sight of his flushed cheeks and misty eyes. He didn’t talk about it often, but you knew how much his father meant to him. He used to tell stories about Chucho when the three of you were on stakeouts or enjoying an evening out. 

“ _Pops_ —“

“No, let me finish.” Chucho folded his arms across his chest and set Javier with a look, “I learned a long time ago, that I just had to let you do your own thing. It would all shake out in the end. Look at you now,” He shook his head. “Married with two girls — _three_ if you take into account how much Monica looks up to the pair of you — and planning Christmas dinner with your extended family.l

You interlaced your fingers with his, rubbing your thumb over the back of Javier’s hand. You pressed your lips to his shoulder, tilting your head to watch the emotions play over his face. 

“What? Did I render you speechless?” Chucho chuckled, grinning from ear-to-ear. “We ought to take advantage of this.”

Javier snorted, “Had to go and ruin the moment, didn’t you pops?” He released your hand and moved to give his father a second hug, holding him tight. “It means a lot that I’ve done something to earn your pride.”

“I’ve always been proud of you,” Chucho told him, sniffing a little. “You were a pain in my ass, but you were _my_ pain in the ass.”

You rolled your eyes, “He certainly is a pain in the ass.”

“And you married him,” Chucho grinned at you, moving to pull you into a hug. “You did good, chica.”

“He’s the best person I know.” You whispered to his father as he hugged him back. 

“He’s alright,” He chuckled as he pulled back. 

The back door opened just then with Josie calling out they were back. 

“After dinner, I’ll get you what I mentioned.” Chucho told you as he moved back to the opposite side of the kitchen, making himself look busy. 

“How was the trail ride?” You questioned as Monica herded Josie into the kitchen, with Nadia behind her. 

“We got about a mile out,” Monica explained as she shed her jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. “But _someone_ had to come back.”

“I had to go potty,” Josie told you, before she darted down the hallway to the bathroom. 

“I asked her twice if she’d gone to the bathroom before we left,” Nadia remarked as she moved to open the fridge and grab the pitcher of lemonade out of it. “She assured me she had.”

“She’s _not_ great at that.” You admitted, “We’re working on it.”

“How many times did we stop on the way here?” Monica pointed out, before narrowing her eyes as she looked between you and Javier. “Why do you two look weird?”

“We don’t look weird,” You insisted, a little too quickly. 

Javier, on the other hand, did not handle the most minuscule amount of pressure. “We were telling my pops that I _finally_ smoked a joint.”

Chucho tried to mask his surprise with amusement. 

You raised your brows as you turned to stare at Javier. And he’d made you promise to take _that_ to the grave! 

“You did what?” Nadia gave him a look. “You owe me ten bucks, babe.” She told Monica, snapping her fingers. 

“You made a bet?” Javier scoffed, “Monica, how could you?”

“ _Sorry_.” She flashed him a sympathetic smile. “But you’re such an old grouch, I didn’t think it would ever happen.”

He muttered under his breath, “An _old_ grouch.” 

“She’s not wrong.” You teased, ruffling his hair. “He did it for me.” You informed them with a warm smile. “After everything with my mother, we both needed to unwind.”

“After the girls are asleep—“ Chucho cleared his throat, “The ones _under_ five.” Monica and Nadia both laughed. “We’ll have to crack into my stash. See if you’re telling the truth.”

“Glad he finally listened to our advice,” Nadia said as she poured two glasses of lemonade for her and Monica. “How was it on your joints?”

Javier shrugged, “I didn’t really notice any pain, but we also fell asleep.”

“Best six hours of sleep.” You laughed, giving his arm three short squeezes before you peered down the hallway, “You okay in there JoJo?”

“Yes!” 

“Are you playing with the foaming soap instead of going to the bathroom?”

There was a beat of silence. “... no?”

“ _Josie_.”

“I’m coming!” Josie emerged from the bathroom and came bounding down the hallway, reeking of strawberry soap. “I washed my hands!”

“And everything else, it seems like.” Javier said as he swept her up into his arms and spun her a little, before depositing her back on the ground. “How’d you like riding on the trail?”

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, “I’m asking Santa for a pony!”

“Oh Lord.” You rolled your eyes. 

“We don’t have room for a pony.”

“Yes we do!” Josie beamed, “Abuelo, can I have a pony? _Please_.”

“You’re welcome to ride any of my horses, sweetheart.” Chucho answered with a chuckle. “But you should listen to your parents.”

“A small pony?” Josie questioned, setting her sights on Javier once she knew she wasn’t getting the answers from her abuelo. “ _Daddddddy_.”

“Your mother said no.” 

“It’s true.” You slapped him in the leg. “Your father also said no.”

Josie pouted dramatically, “But I want one.”

“How about lessons?” You crouched down to her height. “And then when you’re older, we can see.”

“I’m older now.”

“ _Josefína_.”

She stomped her foot, pouting still. “Come on Stevie.” Josie said as she clapped her hands together to get the dog’s attention. 

“Please don’t wake your sister up.” You warned her, standing back up. 

“I won’t, mommy.”

“I give it five minutes.” Javier said with a shake of his head. 

“So you really smoked a blunt,” Monica chuckled. “And to think, you acted like she had lost her mind for enjoying a hit now and then.”

Javier shrugged. “People change. Their opinions on things change.” He scratched at the back of his neck, sinking down into a chair at the table. “I’m not against trying it again,” He told his pops. “But discretion is key, alright?”

“Especially if I intend to start teaching too.” You remarked, moving to perch on Javier’s lap, leaning against him as he curled an arm around you.

“Are you really going to do it?” Monica questioned hopefully. “They’re going to love you.”

“Just one class,” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I’ve already met with the dean. They’re definitely interested in me. The article solidified it.”

“They wanted you before the article too, baby.” Javier kissed the back of your shoulder, “She’s gonna nail it.”

“What are you thinking about teaching?”

“An elective course geared around women going into government jobs. But I’d also encourage men to take the course to get a better understanding of what is happening around them. It’s easy to be complacent.”

You rested your hand over Javi’s at your waist, “It’s a boy’s club and I don’t see any chance of that changing in my lifetime. But at least I can equip the next generation with the tools to combat this shit.”

“The same thing is happening in the science field,” Nadia pointed out. “Look at the women who have worked at NASA and received little credit for their contributions.” She took a sip of lemonade. “And that’s a double-edged sword, because we all know _why_ their names aren’t widely known.”

“It’s all institutionalized bullshit.” Javier remarked, “Best we can do is hope to usher in change.” 

“Hey chica,” Chucho said, catching your attention. “I want to show you something.”

You slid off Javier’s lap and followed him down the hallway to where his bedroom was towards the back of the house. 

“I never expected Javier to get married,” Chucho told you once you were out of earshot from everyone else. “And I knew Lorraine wasn’t the one for him, so I never bothered giving him this.”

You watched him as he opened his closet and proceeded to relocate several boxes, to get to what he was looking for. 

“I’ll be honest, I never expected to get married.” You admitted with a shrug, “I didn’t need that to prove I loved him. But I knew he wanted to — even if he said otherwise.” 

“I knew too,” Chucho said with a grin, before he resumed digging in his closet. “I tried to get him to take this when I brought that necklace for him. But he was adamant you’d leave him if he gave you a ring.”

“A ring?”

“Indeed.” Chucho turned around with a small red velvet box, faded and aged. “I won’t be offended if you choose to never wear it, but I’d like it passed down to the girls one day.” He opened the box, revealing a gold and platinum engagement ring with a diamond set in the center. “Worked my tail off making enough money to buy this for Sofía.” He shook his head slowly. “Didn’t get it to her until Javier was nearly a year old.”

“It’s beautiful.” You smiled at him. “I bet she loved it.”

“Wore it every day.” Chucho took your hand and placed the box in it. “She would’ve wanted you to have it.”

“Chucho—“

“You’re part of the family now, you’re going to have to learn to take my gifts.” He teased lightly. 

You stared down at the ring, feeling a surge of emotions at the fact that Chucho was giving it to you. “It isn’t fair that you and Javi lost her.”

“No. But life isn’t fair. We’ve got to enjoy what we’re given. While we’ve got it.” He gave your cheek a pat, before he stepped past you. “Now tell me, is it true my son smoked pot?”

“He did!” You laughed, tucking the ring box into the pocket of your sweatshirt. “He was adorable.”

“Good for him.” Chucho chuckled. “Good for both of you.”


	110. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monica graduates. Set in May 1999.

“Sofía, you _have_ to sit still.” You urged as she squirmed in your lap. “Or you’re not going to get any ice cream cake.”

“Ice cream cake!” Josie leaned over and kissed Sofía’s cheek. “You’re gonna want ice cream cake.” She looked up at you. “Right mommy?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I think you’re both going to want ice cream cake after this.” You looked to Javier then. “ _Who_ thought outdoor graduations were a good idea? In Florida.”

Javier chuckled, loosening his tie as he dabbed at the back of his neck. “It’s almost time for the sociology department. And then we can bounce.”

Sofía bounced in your lap, bound and determined to escape your hold.

“Would you like me to hold her?” Nadia offered, holding out her hands.

“You sure?”

She shrugged, “I wrangle my nieces plenty.” Nadia took Sofía from you, “You look very stylish today, little miss. I wonder who got you this outfit.”

Sofía clapped her hands together as she leaned back in Nadia’s arms. 

Josie draped herself over your lap to her closer to Sofía, now that Nadia has her. “Did Monica buy it for her?”

“She did.” Nadia nodded. “But I picked it out.” She winked at her. “And if you hadn’t spilled grape juice this morning, you two would’ve been matching.”

You pushed your glasses up your nose, smirking. “Well, _someone_ thought they didn’t have to buy white grape juice.”

“ _Javier_.” Nadia grinned at you.

“Daddy!” Josie laughed, turning back around to look at him then. “Did you make me spill juice?”

“No princesa, you spilled the juice all by yourself.” He gave her a look. “I just bought the wrong juice.”

“ _Ohhhhh_.”

An older parent turned in their seat and glared at you, “Your _daughter_ is kicking my seat.”

“She’s _definitely_ not.” You shot back, gesturing to Josie who was practically laying on her chair with her body stretched out between you and Javier in the most ungraceful fashion. “But thanks for your concern.”

The woman huffed, turning back to face the stage of graduates as the School of Architecture started reading out names. 

You and Javier exchanged looks. 

“JoJo, why don’t you sit in my lap?”

“I’m bored.” She complained, scrambling into Javier’s lap. 

“Once that group of people walk across the stage, it’ll be Monica’s turn.” You explained, glancing at your program. “There’s only… about forty students before her.”

Nadia leaned towards you, “Better than being a ‘W’.” She bounced Sofía on her lap. “Did Monica tell you about her bio-parents?”

You frowned, “That they’re garbage human beings?”

“They sent her a graduation card. Well, to her on-campus mailbox.” Nadia made a face. “It was an extremely passive-aggressive congratulations.”

“Are you kidding me?” Javier questioned, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “They’re not here, are they?”

“No.” Nadia shook her head. “As dramatic as that would be, they made it clear they’re daughter was no daughter of theirs.” 

“That’s _bullshit_.” You seethed.

“Mommy!” Josie giggled.

“I know.” You reached over and gave her leg a pat. “Sometimes there’s no better word.”

“I’m sure she’ll show you the card.” Nadia told you, playing with Sofía’s curls as she sank back against her chest and sucked at her thumb. 

“Look who decided she was ready to settle down.” You said with a soft voice as you reached over to stroke her cheek. “She’s getting so big.”

“I know.” Nadia grinned. “I remember when she was just a _tiny_ thing.”

“We’re so glad you’re part of their lives.”

“Your family means a lot to Monica, for what it’s worth.”

“I know how important it is to have a family that loves you.” You told her. You’d waited a long time to accept that fact yourself. 

But if you had come to terms to your own unexpected family, you knew you wouldn’t have the ones sitting beside you now. 

* * *

“Congratulations, George.” Javier offered as he shook the hand of his former student. You recalled what an absolute tool he had been the first time you’d sat in on Javier’s class — a bit too similar to Chris. 

George turned towards you then, “I’ve recommended your class to a couple of the guys who are taking the slow route through the degree. I think they could really benefit from it.” He held out his hand.

You shook it, before readjusting the squirmy _almost_ two-year-old in your arms. “I’m glad to hear that. Luckily I’ll be teaching two units of the elective next semester. The Dean seemed quite pleased with my guinea pigs.” 

“I learned a lot,” He admitted, before his eyes flickered downwards to Josie who latched onto Javier’s leg. “Why’d you bring the whole family?” 

Before either of you had a chance to answer, Monica and Nadia appeared. 

“There’s our girl!” You grinned, keeping Sofía tightly secured in your arms as you went in for a hug. “I am so proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without your support!” Monica beamed as she pulled back, laughing as Sofía grabbed at the tassel hanging from her cap. 

“Give your sister a hug,” Javier urged, nudging Josie forward. 

“Congra… congrabulation.” Josie pouted when that word didn’t seem right. “Happy birthday!”

Monica crouched down to her height, “Con.”

“Con.”

“Grad.”

“Grad.”

“Ulation.”

Josie made a face, “Congrabulation.”

“Close enough.” Monica laughed before she stood back up to hug Javier. “Thank you for taking a chance on me… _dad_.”

Javier looked over Monica’s shoulder at you, the way his lips were purses revealing that there were tears in his eyes behind his tinted shades. 

“ _Dad_?” George questioned, arching a brow at you.

“It’s a long story.”

“Hey, Tasha!” He called out to another student that you recognized from Javier’s classes. “Did you know Monica was Peña’s daughter?”

“What the fuck?”

“Oh, Jesus.” You rolled your eyes, looking towards Nadia. “Should I bother explaining this?”

“Not worth it.” She laughed, shaking her head. 

“Is there still ice cream cake, mommy?” Josie questioner, tugging at your hand. 

“Yes, in just a bit.” You promised her, before you turned your attention back to the students that had heard George’s pronouncement.

“Monica, you never told me your dad was Professor Peña.” Tasha said, looking more than a little shamefaced at this turn of events. 

You had a feeling she was one of the ones that had a crush on Javier. And who could blame them? Even now, he was rocking a look that made you wish you were alone with him. 

“I’m not technically—“

You were quick to interrupt her, “She’s _technically_ our daughter where it matters.”

“She’s my sister,” Josie stated loudly, grabbing at her legs as she grinned up at Monica. “And she lets me have cupcakes before dinner.”

“ _Girl_! You can’t be revealing all my babysitting secrets!” Monica said dramatically as she reached down and took ahold of Josie’s hands.

“Don’t you all have parents to greet?” You questioned, shooing the curious students away. “Well, we know what _everyone_ will be talking about next semester.”

Javier grumbled, “They’re so _effing_ nosey.”

“You’re a Peña where it matters.” You assured her, pulling her into another hug. “I’m so proud of you, Monica. I knew from the start you were destined for greatness.”

“Easy!” She squeezed you back. “I haven’t even found a job yet.”

“You will.” You gestured between Javier and yourself. “We’ll make sure of it.”

“Sending the elevator back down,” Nadia pursed her lips and nodded approvingly. “With a touch of favoritism. I can jive with that.”

“Ice cream cake!” Josie whined, swinging on Javier’s arm. “I’m hot, daddy.”

“Alright, let’s load up.” Javier clapped his hands together. “No reason to bake in this heat any longer.”

“Josie, hold your father’s hand please.” You urged, switching arms as you carried Sofía. 

“Told we should’ve brought the stroller.” Javier said as an aside. 

You nudged him the ribs, “ _Behave_ , Mr. Hot Professor.”

He groaned as you followed Monica and Nadia towards the parking lot. “I bet right now they’re trying to figure out how Monica’s my kid.”

“That’s your fault for being old,” You taunted. 

“I don’t recall you calling me _old_ last night.”

“Alright, alright.” You laughed, nudging him again. “Was that the first time Monica’s called you dad?”

He worked his jaw, “Yep.”

“I know she’s referred to you that way with me, but I didn’t know if she’d said it _sincerely_ before.”

“I can’t imagine our life without her.”

He shook his head, “She was such a great student in that first class. I knew she was struggling outside of class and I wanted to help her.”

“I remember she was there when I came to tell you about Sofía.” You grinned. “And when we…” You cleared your throat.”

“ _Yes_.” Javier chuckled. 

“I think I’m gonna stay an adjunct, just to keep loitering in your office.”

“For non-nefarious reasons, I assume?”

“I certainly don’t think they’re _nefarious.”_ You slapped his arm playfully. “You seem to enjoy them.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I’m looking forward to a summer with you at home. All the time.”

“About that…”

Javier’s head snapped towards you. “ _What_?”

“You’ll have me about ninety percent of the time.”

“What did you agree to?”

“Steve needs an extra pair of hands working on some instruction manuals for a couple seminars he’s booked.”

“ _Baby_.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You assured him. “I’ll just be working on the copy for him. And… maybe I’ll be needed for a day or two — over the entire summer.”

“You just can’t relax can you?”

“It’s a flaw.”

“I’ve noticed.” Javier chuckled as he shook his head. “Well, I guess it’s not too bad.”

“Good, cause I definitely already agreed to it.” You shot a finger gun at him before walking ahead to unlock the car. 

You hadn’t had a full summer with just the four of you or even when it was just three of you. The prospect was both exciting and daunting. You’d been working every day since you turned sixteen and now you had _down_ time. 

But the girls would only be little for a finite period of time. You knew that in a blink of an eye, you’d be at Josie’s college graduation. 

You really didn’t want to miss a thing.


	111. Reunion (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch arrives for Christmas. December 24th 1998.

“When was the last time you saw your brother?” Steve questioned as he took a sip of beer, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“I was nineteen and it was Christmas.” You explained, “I went to college in the city, I could’ve easily visited more often, but…” You shrugged, tugging at the ties of your apron, moving to hang it on the hook on the wall.

“You nervous?”

You laughed, “That’s an _understatement_. It’s all very weird, honestly. Is there going to be resentment because I just ghosted out of their lives? Do they really want to come?”

“Well,” Steve scratched at the back of his neck. “People don’t rearrange their Christmas schedule if they don’t _want_ to. I’m sure after eighteen years, your brother wants to reconnect.”

“You know,” You started with a smile. “You and Connie reminded me of Mitch and Darla.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You both welcomed me into your home when I moved to Colombia.” You smiled at him. “So don’t get too jealous that my actual big brother has shown up.”

“You thought of me as a brother?” Steve taunted, clutching his chest. “I’m flattered.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You snorted. “Get the cookies out when the timer goes off.” 

“You’ve got it.” 

You headed out of the kitchen into the family room where Monica and Connie were corralling the girls. “Where’s Javi?”

“Bedroom.” Monica supplied, sweeping Sofía into her arms, much to the little girl’s amusement. 

“Thanks.” You replied, “Everything good here?”

Connie smiled at you, “We’ve got it covered.” 

“ _Good_.” You sighed, before you made your way down the hallway towards the bedroom. You pushed open the door, stepping inside and shutting it behind you. “Are you hiding?”

“No.” Javier chuckled, catching your gaze in his reflection as he held up a tie in front of his chest. “Which one?”

“You’re meeting my brother, not the president.” You rolled your eyes. “What about the burgundy button up? It’ll go nicely with my dress.”

Javier pursed his lips as he considered, “Slacks still?”

“Are you comfortable in them?” You shook your head, moving towards the closet to retrieve the burgundy button up off the hanger. 

“I’m not _un_ comfortable.” He admitted, unbutton the cuffs of his white shirt. “I just wanna make a good impression.”

“Then be yourself,” You said as you stepped in front of him, draping the shirt over your arm as you started unbuttoning the shirt for him. “Mitch was always laidback. He was actually a lot like my father, and I’ve always told you that he would’ve _loved_ you.”

“Yeah?” He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “I want this to be a good experience for you, baby.”

Javier’s brows rose upwards and he caught your hand, examining the ring on your right hand. “When did pops give this to you?”

Your cheeks burned, “Thanksgiving. Are you… are you okay with me wearing it?” 

You had meant to tell Javier about it when you were still in Laredo, but there was never a _right_ time to bring it up — Monica, Nadia, and the girls were _constantly_ around. You didn’t want it to bring up questions. It didn’t fit your ring finger, which was an unexpected blessing. But it did fit the middle finger of your right hand like it was made to be worn there. 

“Of course I’m alright with you wearing it, baby.” Javier lifted your hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. “I didn’t realize pops gave it to you.” 

“I understand he tried to give it to you before.” 

Javier huffed, “Fairly certain if I’d given it to you then, you would’ve run for the hills.”

You scrunched up your nose, “I might’ve been uncomfortable, but I would’ve stayed right here.” You cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.” He bumped his nose against yours. “What does your brother do again?”

“I _think_ he’s still in real estate brokerage.” You brushed your fingers over Javier’s forehead, playing with his hair. “Basically real estate agents work under him? I never understood it as a kid.” You shrugged, undoing the last button of his shirt. “Change. They should be here soon.”

Javier gave your ass a playful swat as you turned to walk away and you couldn’t help but flip him off. 

You pulled up the shade, peering out the bedroom window, “Pops and Stevie sure have hit it off.” You remarked, watching as the older Peña tossed a ball across the yard, only for the dog to retrieve it and bring it back to him. 

“He’s probably got himself a joint out there,” Javier quipped as he pulled on the burgundy shirt, doing up the buttons before he turned to show himself off. “Better?”

“Much.” You walked back towards him, curling your arm around his waist as you turned him back towards the mirror, marvelling at your reflections. “We look good together, don’t we?”

Javier kissed your temple, “Don’t stress it, baby. Your brother’s going to be _thrilled_ to see the life you’ve built, baby.” 

“ _We’ve_ built.” You corrected him, leaning into his side. “I’m going to go make sure Steve got the cookies out.” You glanced at your wrist watch. “Oh God, they’re going to be here in like ten minutes.” 

“Baby,” He caught your hand when you started to pull away from him. “You’ve got this. Don’t stress it.” 

“Easier said than done,” You made a face, before inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. 

“What’s your nephew’s name?”

“Tate.” You answered breezily. “And he’s like… twenty-five now, I think. Maybe twenty-six.” 

“ _Tate_.” Javier repeated, putting it to memory. “What does he do?”

“I honestly have no idea.” You admitted, “Last time I saw him, he was like ten.” 

“Damn.” Javier followed you out of the bedroom. 

“Did you two have fun in there?” Steve called out. 

Javier flipped him off. “She was helping me pick out shirts.”

“God, Peña… you’ve gone soft.”

“ _Steve_.” Connie warned him, stifling a laugh before gesturing between you and Javier. “You’re very complimentary.”

You smoothed your hands over the black and floral dress you had chosen to wear. “I didn’t know what said — merry Christmas, it’s nice to see you after almost two decades!”

“When’s Santa coming?” Josie questioned, popping her head over the back of the sofa. “I don’t know how much longer I can be good.”

“It’s true. She’s a menace.” Monica deadpanned.

“Well,” You started, reaching over the sofa to play with her hair. “Can you stay good while your Uncle is here?”

“Uncle Steve?” 

“No, not Uncle Steve.”

“Oh,” She nodded thoughtfully. “Cause daddy told me I don’t have to mind him.”

“ _Javier_!” Steve barked with a laugh. “You making trouble for me with the girls?”

Javier shrugged, “Maybe.”

Stevie started barking in the backyard a mere moment before Chucho slid open the backdoor, “I think we’ve got company.”

“Oh God.” You reached for Javier’s hand, squeezing it tight. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You’ve got this, baby.” Javier assured you, squeezing your hand three times before releasing it. 

The doorbell rang. 

The last time you had seen your brother, you had been nineteen years old and tired of feeling like a burden — even though you weren’t. Mitch and Darla had wanted you there, but you had misunderstood their generosity for pity. 

You understood that now, because you’d seen it in Monica’s eyes, you heard it in her words. That innate fear that kindness was only kindness because someone was sorry for you. 

But things would’ve been different if you’d strayed from the path you’d ended up on. Darla was keen to mold you into a mini-her. You’d gone to your fair share of charity dinners and museum fundraisers to know your life would’ve been filled with snobby rich people and blue collar crime. 

If you had stayed there, you’d probably married to some man with a country club membership and a taste for couples tennis. 

You wouldn’t be standing in Miami, surrounded by the friends that had become a family you chose for yourself. 

And in the end, you hoped Mitch didn’t resent you for bouncing without offering a forwarding address. 

You inhaled deeply before you opened the door. 

“Hey, kid.” Mitch was still Mitch. He was still all warm smiles and kind eyes, though his dark black hair had gone grey at the edges. There were lines around his eyes and lips, because time had passed. Memories stood still, but all around you the world had moved on, just like you had. 

“Hi.” You breathed out, before you stepped over the threshold and hugged him. 

Behind him stood Darla, older too, but still just as regal as she’d been in her youth. “It’s so good to see you again,” She smiled, taking you into her arms once Mitch released you. 

It felt like just last week, she’d sat on your bed and talked about how badly she wanted a daughter. How she couldn’t understand how your mother had thrown away that opportunity to have a mother-daughter relationship. 

You never asked _why_ , but you knew Tate was still their only child. 

“Look at you!” You remarked, taking in the young man loitering behind them, hands stuffed into his suit jacket. “Last time I saw you, you were this tall.” You gestured to your hip. “Do you still like Hot Wheels?”

Tate laughed, “Is that the requirement to attend Christmas dinner?”

“If you ask my daughter, yes. I made the mistake of telling her about the collection you used to have. She’s got a track in her bedroom.”

Darla nudged her son in the ribs, “He’s still got them all in his old room. I don’t think he’s ready to part with them.”

“Maybe they’d find a loving home with your daughter.” He suggested. 

“She’d be honored,” You turned and gestured through the door. “Come in, come in. Everyone’s already here.”

Mitch seemed rather surprised as he stepped inside your home, and took in the very crowded family room. 

Stevie barked softly, wrangling herself out of Javier’s hold as she curiously went about sniffing the guests. 

“This Stevie—“

“Nicks?” Mitch questioned with a grin. 

“The one and only.”

“Can’t think of anyone but you when _‘Go Your Own Way_ ’ comes on the radio.” He admitted, leaning down to pet Stevie on the head. 

You felt goosebumps rise on your arms at his words, “I completely forgot about that.”

“ _Really_?”

You nodded, laughing nervously. “I can assure you, I’m not lonely anymore.” You turned then, gesturing to Javier. “Mitch, this is my partner, Javier.”

Mitch held his hand out to shake Javier’s hand, “You’re a lucky man, you know that?”

“I consider myself the luckiest,” Javier assured him with a smile, before he shook Darla and Tate’s hands. “Thanks for bringing your family down for this. I know it means a lot to her.”

“Second she called, I knew I had to drop everything.” Mitch looked at you then, “How long had it been?”

“Too long.” You confessed. “Probably eighteen years.”

Mitch shook his head, “Time’s definitely not moving slowly.” 

“These are our daughters Josie, Sofía, and Monica.” You gestured to them. “And this is Monica’s girlfriend Nadia. Nadia’s holding Emily, who is Olivia’s sister.” You then gestured to the Murphys, “They’re our friends, Steve and Connie’s daughters.”

“And that’s my pops, Chucho.” Javier supplied, his hand smoothing over the small of your back. 

“Well, kid, you were certainly right. You don’t seem to be _lonely_ anymore.” Mitch remarked with a grin as he squatted down to Josie’s height. “Do you know who I am?”

Josie shook her head, looking up at you then. In her very unsuccessful whisper, she asked, “Is this the _not_ -Uncle Steve?”

You laughed and nodded, “This is your Uncle Mitch and his wife Aunt Darla. And their son Tate.” You played with her soft curls, “Uncle Mitch is my brother.”

“You have a brother mommy?” Josie reached up and grabbed at your hand. “I didn’t know that.”

You grimaced a little, “My past has always been a bit… verboten.” You admitted. 

“I get it.” Mitch shrugged, “No hard feelings.”

“None at all,” Darla assured you. “This is a beautiful house you have, sweetheart. I always hoped you had landed on your feet.”

“It was a little shaky at first,” You admitted. “But I think Javier and I have finally got it all figured out.”

“How long have you been together?” She questioned. 

Javier scratched at the back of his neck, “We started working together back in ‘87.” He nodded towards Steve. “That’s how we know Murphy.”

Mitch nodded as he listened. 

“We, uh… we didn’t end up together until ‘92.” Javier finished. 

“You know,” He started, “I read those articles. I just can’t believe that you put up with all of that. I couldn’t work for the government. No, sir.”

“You’re tall.” Josie said as she pointed at Tate. 

Tate chuckled, “And you're _small_.”

She put her hands on her hips, “Well that’s just because I’m five!”

“Five? I’m almost three times as old as you are.” Tate said enthusiastically. “Maybe that’s why I’m tall.” Tate stepped past his parents, “Do you have anything to drink?”

“We have beer,” Monica offered. “And non-alcoholic stuff.”

“There is _plenty_ of beer,” Nadia added. “Especially when we’re wrangling little ones.”

“I’ve gotta ask—“ Darla started, once the three young adults had disappeared into the kitchen. “She’s got to be the same age as Tate, how is she your daughter?”

You looked between Darla and Mitch then, “I know I didn’t always seem grateful when I was with you, but I passed that generosity along.”

Javier took your hand, “Monica was in a bad situation and she needed parents. Ones that actually loved her.”

You blinked rapidly as you felt tears prickle in your eyes as you watched their eyes get misty too. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, but… it’s a lot.”

“Take your time, kid.” Mitch gave your arm a squeeze. “So what are you doing these days? That’s an easy topic, right?”

You laughed, wiping at your eyes. “I’m wrapping up four-year stint with the Miami PD. Javier’s talked me into teaching at the university with him.”

“She didn’t mention that you taught,” Mitch nodded his head approvingly. “Good on both of you. The articles certainly made it seem like you’ve both got plenty to teach.”

“It’ll be a learning curve, but I’m excited to teach. Javi’s students have been great.”

“Dad would be _so_ proud of you, kid.” Mitch shook his head slowly, holding your gaze. “I know, I know. No tears. But look at you! I always had big hopes for you, but this… the house, the kids, the _partner_.”

“This is a lovely photo of the two of you,” Darla pointed out, gesturing to the picture hung on the wall over the television. The one that had been taken mere minutes after you and Javier had gotten married. 

If only they knew. 

“And those girls of yours!”

You laughed, “They are a handful. We’re so lucky to have friends who help.”

Darla smiled at you, “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” You let go of Javier’s hand, hugging Darla again. “Thank you for everything you did for me when I was a kid.”

“Of course sweetheart.” She squeezed you tight. 

Sofía squirmed out of Connie’s hold, toddling over to the two of you. 

“You wanna meet your aunt, Sofía?” You questioned as you swept her up into your arms. “This is Miss Darla.” 

Sofía seemed skeptics at first, hiding her face against your shoulder. 

“Hey, wanna see the grill I just got?” Javier questioned, “Steve just helped me set it all up.”

“Early Christmas present in hopes he learns to grill,” You called out as the four men headed for the backdoor, “Men in their toys.” You remarked to Darla, as laughter from the kitchen filtered through. 

“I worried about you. A lot.” Darla told you, “But you did good all on your own.”

“I never thought I could be this happy.” You admitted. 

“You just had to ‘go your own way’, as a wise band once sang.”


	112. Reunion (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch and co. enjoy dinner with Reader and her family. Set December 24th 1998.

The afternoon had gone smoothly. Catching up with Mitch had proven easier than you had expected it to go. He was an easy going guy, but you had still been nervous about revisiting those parts of your past. 

You and Connie helped Chucho with dinner, which proved to be a bit of a smorgasbord of different side dishes and choices. Proof of the blended nature of your families. 

“What is it that you do, Monica?” Darla questioned as she primly forked up a bite of the brussel sprouts that Connie had brought. 

“Well, I’m a student right now.” Monica answered, wiping at her mouth. “I graduate in May.”

“Oh, that’s right.” She nodded. “Have you decided what you plan on pursuing after graduation?”

“I’m considering law school.”

“She’s incredibly smart,” You boasted. “She’s got the drive, passion, and intellect to really go places.”

Javier was quick to add on after you, “She’s top of the class. She puts a hundred and twenty into every project.”

Monica rubbed at her cheeks, “Guys, come on. You’re going to make me turn into a puddle.”

Nadia nudged her, “She’s brilliant and humble. A winning combination.”

“And what are you studying?” Mitch questioned. 

“Already graduated.” Nadia explained, “I’m working at NASA. My internship transitioned into a full time job.”

“NASA?” Mitch pursed his lips approvingly. “That’s pretty impressive.”

“I’m gonna go to space!” Josie announced, shoving a piece of bread into her mouth. 

“Please don’t choke.” You chastised her gently, “I thought you were going to wrangle dinosaurs.”

“In space.” She said as she chewed.

“Mouth closed.” Javier tapped her arm to get her attention before giving her a stern look. “ _Manners_.”

She stuck her tongue out.

Mitch laughed, “Someone’s a spitfire.”

“We have our hands full,” You shook your head, taking a swig of your beer. “And _someone_ is going to go to bed without dessert.” You warned Josie.

“So, Tate,” Javier cleared his throat and took a swig of beer. “Still in college or thrust into the job field?”

“Fortunately, I’m done with college.” Tate offered. “I recently got hired at a big architectural firm in the city. Mostly working as a consultant on a few rehabs downtown.”

Javier nodded with interest, “I had a friend in college who went on to become a pretty successful architect. Designed a bunch of the Holiday Inns in Texas.”

“That’s a _sweet_ gig if you can land it,” Tate agreed. “Architecture sort of fell into my lap.”

Darla coughed politely, “Tate had initially attended Syracuse.”

“That’s a _big_ party school, isn’t it?” Nadia questioned and the face Tate made in response was answer enough. 

“We got him transferred back home sophomore year. _Temple_.” Darla shrugged. “The head of the architecture program’s wife is a dear friend of mine. We serve on the DAR board together. She put in a good word for Tate.”

“ _Fortunately_ ,” Tate shifted in his seat nervously. “I enjoy it. I always loved building tracks and Lego models.” He shrugged. “So, uh… what do you both teach?”

“I’m not teaching yet,” You answered, as you watched Mitch converse with Chucho to his left. “But it’ll be an elective in the criminology course at UM.”

“They’ve got me teaching a handful of courses,” Javier explained. “The thing people fail to recognize is just how much government overreach and bureaucratic bull you have to put up with if you wanna go into a field like the DEA.”

Steve leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “It’s not for the faint of heart. I just got out myself. Starting up my own consulting business.” He shrugged. “The government doesn’t care about the people affected by the narcos. Just look at what the US did to Mexico.”

You watched Javier then, searching his expression for any signs of discomfort. You knew he despised bringing up Colombia — but these last few months had made it impossible. 

“Is Santa in Mexico?” Josie questioned.

Chucho clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I bet he is. You gonna be good the rest of the night so I don’t have to tell him to fly by?”

“I’m a good girl.”

“I know you are.” Chucho winked at her. “But you’ve gotta be good right up until the moment he shows up… and then for a whole year after he’s gone!”

“Is Sofía going to be on the good list?” She looked at her sister then. “Sissy cries a lot.”

Javier leaned over and kissed the top of her head, “I have it on good authority that both of you are on the good list. Right alongside Emily and Olivia.”

Monica dropped her voice, “I heard that even _Nadia_ was on the good list.”

“Speaking of the good list,” Nadia gave Monica a look, “My momma’s going to be expecting us soon.”

“Oh? Are you still going?”

“Yeah,” Nadia shrugged. “She’s still a little iffy with the whole _girlfriend_ thing, but I think she’s coming around.”

“I’m glad. Still coming over tomorrow afternoon?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Monica beamed, clearing off their dishes. “Mitch, Darla, Tate — I’ll see you tomorrow. It was a pleasure to meet you.” She looked to Chucho then. “Still need a ride to the hotel?”

“Stephen here offered to give me a ride.”

“Drive safe and have fun.” You called out as they got ready to leave. “See you in the morning.”

“You two have been awfully chatty down there,” Javier pointed out as he gestured between Chucho and Mitch. “Should I be afraid?”

You chuckled, “I wasn’t going to say anything, but… What horror stories are you telling?”

Mitch gave a good natured laugh, “We’re just commiserating on how good it is to see you both happy.”

You smiled warmly, “It’s hard to believe we’ve spent seven Christmases together.”

“More if you count the years prior,” Steve pointed out. 

“Yeah, but you were _always_ trying to pair me off with someone.” You made a face. “Mitch, can you believe these two tried to pair me off with _doctors_.”

Mitch laughed, “She _hated_ the hospital.”

“I got chickenpox.” You grimaced. “No sixteen year old should have the chickenpox.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know you were in love with Javier?”

You shrugged, “It all worked out in the end.” You reached around Josie to rest your hand on Javier’s shoulder. “Can you get dessert ready, while I get Sofía down?”

“Of course, baby.” Javier nodded, scooting his chair back. 

“I’ll help,” Mitch offered. 

“He’s not bad around the kitchen.” Darla assured you. 

You scooted your chair back and grabbed Sofía out of her high chair, hauling her back to the nursery. 

Sofía was quick to fall asleep, clearly worn out after an afternoon of entertaining everyone. Josie would be quick behind her — you doubted she’d make it past dessert. 

And the sooner they both went to sleep, the sooner you and Javier could put out the gifts from Santa; and drink down the milk and eat the cookies she would leave out for him too. 

Christmas was _fun_ as a parent. 

* * *

“The bells have been put on Josie’s door, we’ll know if she tries to escape.” Javier told you as he quietly shut the bedroom door behind him and moved to join you in bed.

You rolled over to face him, reaching out to run your hand down his arm. “Do you think she’ll like the bike?”

“She’s been dying for one.” Javier smiled, “Santa did good.” He shifted closer to you, until his lips were mere inches from yours. “What did you get me for Christmas?”

You brushed your nose against his, “You’ll have to be a good _boy_ and wait until the morning,” You teased as you traced your fingers over his cheek. 

“I don’t know if I’ve been good.” He retorted with a smirk as he curled his hand around your hip. 

You cupped his cheek and kissed him. “You were _great_ today. It went so well.”

“That was all you, baby.”

“It was everyone.” You kissed him softly again. “What did you think of Mitch?”

“He’s a hell of a guy. Down to earth despite…” He made a face. “Darla’s loaded, isn’t she?”

You nodded. “ _Yeah_. I mean, our dad was middle class. But Darla is a whole different league.”

“Did you enjoy today!”

“It was so weird to see them again,” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I think I’m going to keep in contact with them.”

“They seem like good people.”

“And I want the girls to know their aunt and uncle. Aside from Steve and Connie. I want them to have a family… a big happy family.”

“I could get used to spending Christmas like this. A full house… a full belly.”

You poked him in the gut, “That's all your pops. He cooks the best holiday dinners.”

“Yeah, he was always good about making the holidays special. You know, we always had these big extended family get togethers around the holidays.” He shrugged. 

“They’re overwhelming, but they’re fun.” You stretched your legs, reaching one over to slot in between his. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Being mine.”

Javier missed your forehead. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

You smiled to yourself, remembering the first time he said that to you. 

That photo album had long been filled with photos of the two of you and the family you’d made together. 


	113. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader tries to wash away the stress of the day. Set January 1995, a few days after “Trust”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, smut (shower sex, rough sex, brief fingering, brief cockwarming, and brief thigh riding) and hurt/comfort, descriptions of bruises.

January in Florida wasn’t _terrible_. Most days climbed to the low 70s, whereas Colombia used to rarely fall below 84 on a cool January day. 

It wasn’t the heat that had made sweat soak through your shirt. _Fear_ had done it. Flop sweat, fueled by adrenaline. You weren’t just risking _your_ life — you were risking a comfortable future for Josie and the potential to have a future with Javier. 

It used to be easy when it was just _you_. 

Now, coming home at two in the morning, fresh from a sting felt wrong. You’d missed dinner, storytime, and bedtime. It made you feel for all those nights Javier missed in Colombia.

The condo was dark when you finally made it home, save for the light spilling onto the hallway floor from beneath the bedroom door. 

You weren’t the least bit surprised that Javier had stayed up. He’d been displeased with your choice to follow through with the operation, but he hadn’t stood in your way either. He was probably a ball of anxiety, like you used to be when he was on assignment without you.

But before you crawled into bed with him, you needed a shower.

You flicked the light on the bathroom, ducking inside and shutting the door behind you. You looked like shit. 

Frizzy hair from sitting inside a humid car, skin flushed from stress, and bags under your eyes because you hadn’t actually slept well last night. 

You peeled off your shirt as you turned to get the water running, setting the temperature just right. As you suspected, there was a nasty bruise forming across your ribs. 

It had been a stupid mistake. 

You stared at your reflection, brushing your fingers over the blue, purple, and red bruise that was blossoming across your skin. It hurt like shit. 

The perp had taken you by surprise. You should’ve realized that roid-raging meatheads with brass knuckles would leave a mark. 

You unzipped your jeans, sliding them down your hips along with your underwear. There was another bruise forming at your hip — that had been caused by your own stupidity. You’d been so caught up in the action, you’d failed to see a rather large statue in the backyard. 

You untied your hair, tossing the hair tie on the sink, before you stepped into the shower. The hot water felt like bliss on your sore muscles. You stepped directly under the flow, tilting your head forward as you let it soak into your hair. 

The bathroom door creaked open and you lifted your head to watch Javier’s blurry form through the frosted glass door. 

“You’re home.” Javier stated as he shut the door behind him.

You stepped out from beneath the water, sliding the shower door open. “I thought you might’ve fallen asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up twice.” You told him, angling yourself so the bruise was obscured by the frosted glass. 

“How’d it go?”

“We got one of them,” You smiled a little. “I don’t think I’m going to join them for the next sting.”

He nodded slowly, “You open to company while you shower?”

“Always.” You hadn’t planned to discuss your bruises until the morning. But the thought of Javier joining you in the shower seemed like the perfect balm for the ache you felt.

You watched as Javier shed off his pajama pants and boxers. You loved your job — you _really_ did. But you wanted to keep coming home to this. To him. 

Javier pushed the shower door open a little further as he stepped in to join you. His eyes went instantly to the bruise at your ribs, brows furrowed. “ _Baby—_ “

“Brass knuckles.” You explained before he had the chance to question you further. “Already got checked out by the EMTs. Just bruising. Nothing’s broken.”

He didn’t seem content with that answer. Javier stepped towards you, crowding you beneath the showerhead as he reached out to trace his fingers over the mark. 

“You could’ve broken your goddamn ribs.”

“I know.”

“Punctured a lung.”

“ _Mhm_.” You set your jaw hard. “But I know what I’m doing, Javi. I handled it. He wasn’t expecting the knee to the balls.”

A wry chuckle escaped him, but his expression was still stormy. “If they’d called to tell me you were in the hospital…”

“But I’m not.” You shook your head as you reached out to run your hands over his shoulders. “I’m right here.”

Javier was tense. You could practically feel the tension radiating off of him, making your own anxiety roil in your stomach. 

It reminded you of Colombia — of the night Daniel was shot. Javier had been in a similar mood, only your positions had swapped. You had been at home, uncertain if you’d see him that night or at work the next day. 

You still remembered seeing him covered in blood and not knowing…

“ _Javier_.” You breathed out, letting yourself be drawn to him. His hand curled around your hip, led by the natural pull. 

All of this inner turmoil needed _somewhere_ to go. 

“Do you want this?” Javier questioned, water running down his cheeks as he leaned forward beneath the flow until his nose brushed yours. 

You nodded, cupping his jaw as he rose up on your toes and closed the distance between you. Your lips slanted over his, water droplets caught between your mouths as they moved together. Heat and desire lanced through you as he walked you backwards. 

Javier’s hand was caught between your back and the shower wall as he molded his body to yours. 

You reached down and curled your fingers around his half-hard cock, slowly stroking your fist over his length. 

Sex didn’t solve _everything_ , but it was a great way to work through impassioned emotions. You knew he was at war — he’d fucked you _thoroughly_ just a few nights ago. He was torn — he didn’t want you to put yourself into harm’s way, but he didn’t want to control what you did in your life. 

He supported you, even when he hated the situation. All you had to do was look at Colombia to realize he’d do anything just to keep you. 

You dragged your fingers through his dampened hair, scraping your nails over his scalp as your lips parted to welcome his tongue. You moaned as he ran it over the roof of your mouth, before sliding over your own tongue.

Javier rolled his hips, thrusting into your fist. His hand grabbed at you, brushing over the bruise at your hip. The tingle of pain and pleasure making your blood run hot. 

You bit down on his bottom lip, tugging at it as you pulled back, releasing it so you could catch your breath. “ _Yes_.” You told him again as you met his gaze. 

He curled his arm around you, drawing you close as his other hand reached down to slide between your thighs. He parted your tender folds, his fingers teasing you as they sought out your center.

You inhaled sharply as he pressed two fingers into you, curling them almost instantly to seek out that sweet spot within you. You grabbed at his forearm to keep yourself steady as he stoked the need within you.

“I could’ve lost you,” Javier said roughly, pressing his forehead to yours. “I could’ve _fucking_ lost you.”

Your nails sank into his arm as you tilted your head to kiss him again. There were _no_ words to soothe that feeling. You’d been there before. 

His kiss was _bruising._ Rough, forceful, and desperate. Javier pinned you back against the wall, most of the water running down his spine as he sheltered you from it. 

“Look at you.” He drawled out as he pulled back just enough to watch his fingers working in and out of your cunt. “Are you going to let me fuck you, baby?”

You nodded quickly, “ _Yes_.” You sank back against the wall with a breathy moan as he withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his lips. 

He licked them clean, his eyes locked on yours. “Turn around and face the wall.”

“Make me.” You countered, unwilling to go easy. Not when you were still raring for a fight. 

“Turn. Around.” He invaded your space. “ _Now_.”

You smirked at him, “No.” You pressed your palm to his chest, pushing him backwards. “I’m finishing my shower.”

Javier backed down slightly, “Do you want to stop?”

You arched a brow, “Nope.”

He gave a short chuckle, “Trying to wind me up?”

“I’m looking for a bit of a tussle.” You retorted, pressing your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you met his gaze. “I’ve still got all of this adrenaline.” You gestured to your body. 

Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he sized you up, his gaze lingering on your breasts before reaching your eyes again. 

He stepped towards you, invading your space as he reached out to trace his fingers over your forehead, brushing the damp hair away. “Then I guess I ought to work all that _adrenaline_ out of your system.” He drawled out, cupping your jaw as he locked eyes with you.

Your tongue darted out over your bottom lip and you inhaled slowly. “You know what I need, Javi.”

Javier nodded slowly, holding your jaw still as he leaned in to press a quick gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered in return, before he released your jaw, grabbing your hip instead as he manhandled you back against the wall once more. 

Once he had you pinned against the wall, he grabbed your hands and held them above your head. “ _Look_ at you.” He said lowly, cupping your left breast. With your hands above your head, they were put on display for him. “ _Fuck_.”

You inhaled sharply as he slotted his knee in between your thighs, “Are you just going to tease me? Or are you going to fuck me, Javi?”

He pressed his leg more securely against your throbbing flesh, smirking as you rolled your hips, grinding against his leg. “And miss out on this?” He questioned as he leaned down and caught your nipple between his lips, swirling his tongue around the pebbled peak, before trailing kisses over the swell of your breast. 

His leg wasn’t enough, but it was friction and it still made desire pool heavy in your lower belly. You were wound up tighter than a spring and you had a feeling he might be able to set you off just by filling you. 

_Fuck_. He looked good. The water had soaked his hair, causing the edges to curl, stuck to his forehead and temples. You wanted to touch it, to delve your fingers into the damp curls, but his grip was tight like a vice. 

And his hard cock laying against his stomach — taunting you. You wanted him in you, so you could just let go and _feel_. 

He roughly palmed at your other breast, teeth joining his tongue as he teased your nipple. Every touch sent sparks of desire between your thighs, little flutters of pleasure washing through you.

“I miss it,” He admitted as he closed the distance between your faces, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. “We were good together in the field.”

You nodded your head in agreement, “We’re still good together.” You told him softly. “That’s what was wrong tonight. There was no you to rely on.”

Javier kissed you then as he reached down to urge your leg up. You knocked a bottle of shampoo off the little shelf where your foot landed — providing Javier with the perfect height and angle to give you what you _needed_.

He kept your arms pinned above your head as he slid into you and you struggled in vain to pry them from his hold. His cock felt like heaven and you clenched around him as he buried the length within you. 

“Fuck,” He hissed as he drew back. “You’re so fucking wet baby.” Javier’s hand tightened at your hip, right below where the bruise was. 

You trembled in his hold, there was no way you could help it. You were so keyed up, desperate to fight or fuck and he had stilled within you. You just wanted him to move — right up until the moment he did.

Javier withdrew and slammed back into you, driving the full length of his cock into you before repeating the action again. “Is that what you needed, baby? Is that what you want?” He questioned, lips close to your ear as he released his hold on your arms. 

He needed both hands to hold you steady as he fucked you and you needed your hands to claw at his back and shoulders. You needed to hold onto him. 

You came in a mere matter of thrusts and the rush felt electrified as he continued to slam into you, drawing out your release until he reached his own end. Your body clenched around him, milking every last drop of his release from him.

It was in those seconds as you both started to come down from your highs that some damn broke inside of you. You pressed your face into the crook of his neck and let the water wash away your tears. 

Everything had changed. You weren’t on your own anymore and you couldn’t run headfirst into danger anymore. The career you’d once dreamed of wasn’t achievable anymore, but you could make something of the one you had. 

You had a family now — one that meant the world to you, and you couldn’t just throw that away. 

Javier understood that and now you did too. 

Even after the water ran cold, Javier gently washed away the day, sweeping the washcloth over your skin, lathering up your hair, and helping you rinse the soap away. 

With the tears, exhaustion had followed. The inevitable adrenaline crash. 

Javier took care of you. Just like he always had. 


	114. Comforted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a rough Friday night. Set in October 1992, between “Adjusting” and “Missing Out”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fairly detailed descriptions of morning sickness, nausea, and throwing up.

For the past week, Javier has been in your bed _every_ night. In a short period of time, you’d already gotten used to his presence — despite your gut instinct telling you not to get used to him. It would be so easy for him to walk away. 

And given your current state, you wouldn’t blame him if he _did_ walk away. There was nothing sexy or desirable about not being able to keep anything down. 

He hadn’t called to say he wasn’t coming. But as each minute slipped by, your nausea was paired with anxiety that turned your stomach upside down. 

It was Friday night. Javier used to hit the bar on Friday evenings. You both used to. 

You sat up abruptly, snatching the garbage can off the floor by the side of the sofa. Your stomach rolled, bile rising up the back of your throat as you felt another wave of nausea start to take hold. 

The crackers you had eaten in a vain attempt to settle your stomach, came up without hesitation. You grimaced as you sat the garbage can aside, reaching for a glass of water that would cool your stomach and undoubtedly come up in a few minutes. 

Your ‘morning sickness’ liked to manifest itself at all hours of the day. Mornings were usually okay — unless the smell of burnt coffee wafted from the break room. That stench _always_ set you off. 

You peeled yourself off the sofa, grabbing the washcloth you had sitting on the coffee table and taking it with you into the kitchen. You soaked it with ice cold water before applying it to your forehead and face. 

“Kid,” You said to you stomach as you passed your hand over it. “I think you’re trying to kill me.” 

Your heart lept in your chest as you heard a knock at your door. You wiped the washcloth over your mouth once more, before you headed for the door. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, baby.” Javier said as you opened the door. “I got a bit tied up with a situation and—“ He frowned. “Are you okay?”

“ _Shit_ , do I look that bad?” You questioned, clamping your lips closed as you felt a bubble rise up the back of your throat. “Hold that thought.”

You left him standing in the doorway as you darted back into the kitchen, emptying the remaining contents of your stomach into the sink. You caught a glimpse of Javier out of the corner of your eyes as you turned the faucet in and washed the bile down the sink. 

“It’s probably not the best night for you to stay,” You told him with a slight edge to his voice. “I can’t assure sleep or anything fun.”

Not that you’d done anything but _sleep_ these past few nights with him. 

“That’s alright.” Javier said warmly as he moved around to stand behind you. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what set me off.” You admitted, leaning back against him. “I had a banana and toast.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Javier rested his chin on your shoulder, his hands skimming along your sides. “What can I do?”

“You don’t have to stay.” You told him, grimacing as you felt another wave of nausea. “ _Fuck.”_

Javier didn’t pull away as you grabbed the side of the sink and whimpered as you puked up nothing but bile. Instead, he curled his fingers around your ponytail and held it back as he soothed his hand down your back. 

“This is more than you should have to put up, Javi,” You mumbled as you grabbed the washcloth and wiped off your mouth. 

“I’m all in, baby.” Javier promised you, he took the washcloth from you, folding it over before he applied it to the back of your neck. 

You sighed as you let your head fall forward, taking in the coolness as it soothed the heat rising off your skin. “That’s nice.”

He pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “Can you drink water?”

You shook your head. 

“Do you have any lemon?”

“In the fridge.” You covered your mouth as you burped a little. “Why?”

“Lemon soothes an upset stomach.”

You gave him a curious look, but whatever smart ass remark was quickly stifled by you gagging over the sink again.

Javier rummaged in your kitchen, finding a lemon in the fridge and a knife in a drawer. He cut it in half and squeezed it into a glass of water, before presenting you with it.

“I’m skeptical.” You told him as you took a tiny sip. 

He rolled his eyes, “I’m useless at a lot of this, but I do know a few remedies for shit.” Javier guides you back into the living room, settling you onto the sofa before he disposed of the garbage can, returning with it emptied and cleaned out for you.

The water went down easily in small sips. 

“Where were you?” You questioned as you sank back against the pillows that you had piled onto the sofa. 

“Had to swing by and chat with an informant.”

You felt the color drain from your face, “ _Ah_.”

Javier frowned as he perched on the arm of the sofa. “Not like that.”

“Javier, it’s fine.” You turned onto your side, staring straight ahead as your hand went to your stomach. 

“No.” Javier reached down and stroked his fingers over your cheek. “It wasn’t like that. It was just a conservation.”

You smiled a little, enjoying the tenderness of his touch. “Are you staying tonight?”

“You’ve got me all weekend, baby.”

“Hopefully it’s not like this the whole time.” You grimaced. “The water helped.”

“My tia had hyperemesis gravidarum,” Javier explained. “I remember pops would give her lemon water and ginger whenever she was over.”

“I don’t think I have that. This isn’t constant.” You swallowed thickly as your stomach made a noise, but nothing came from it. “I’m glad you’re staying.” You reached up and took ahold of his hand. 

Javier leaned down and kissed your temple, “You ready for bed?”

You shook your head, releasing his hand as you started to sit up. “You wanna see what’s on?” You questioned, parting the sofa beside you.

Javier kicked off his shoes and sank down onto the sofa beside you. “I bet it’s easier to watch telenovelas together, rather than over the phone.”

“I bet it is.” You laughed softly as you tilted to look at him beside you. You were growing comfortable with his nearness again. Those three awkward months had been hell. Forgetting what he felt like, beside you, _in_ you. 

He leaned in like he meant to kiss you, but you abruptly covered his mouth with your hand. 

“Vomit breath.” You told him with a grimace. “Stay here and I’ll brush my teeth.” You needed to anyways, otherwise the stomach acid would give you blisters. 

Instead, Javier kissed your palm, causing his mustache to tickle your skin. 

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose before you pulled away from him and rose to get off the sofa. 

By the time you came back from the bathroom, Javier was stretched out on the sofa watching an episode of whatever rerun was on. You recognized it, but you were more focused on _him_. He seemed so at ease, laying there like he belonged on your sofa, in your apartment, in your life. 

He sat up, making room for you as you joined him on the sofa. “How are you feeling?”

You scrunched up your face, “Still a _little_ nauseous, but the lemon really did do the trick.” You reached down and stroked your stomach. “Hopefully it’s not like this the rest of the weekend.”

His eyes traveled downwards to your stomach as you settled into a position where you could lean against his chest, “Can I?”

You nodded your head slowly, your heart beating a little faster as he rested his hand over yours. There was nothing to feel yet, nothing to see, and yet the look on his face made you feel _everything_ all at once. 

Instead of letting your emotions get the better of you, you cupped his cheek and drew him in, letting your lips brush against his gently. 

You laughed against his lips, pulling back with a grin. “It’s still so weird.”

“What?”

“Kissing you.” You admitted, stealing another quick kiss. You met his eyes as you ran your thumb over his bottom lip. 

“Is that a good weird or a bad weird, baby?” He arched a brow at you. 

“ _Very_ good.” You whispered, kissing him again. His fingers found their way into your hair, cradling your head as his lips slanted over yours.

His tongue swept out over your lips, parting them gently as he deepened the kiss. 

You pulled back hesitantly, “ _Javier_.”

“I’m not.” He promised you, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. “You wanna just watch the novella?”

“ _Yes_.” You whispered, but you still leaned in to kiss him again. “Hopefully once this nausea passes…”

“Whenever you’re ready, baby.” Javier smiled softly at you. “Whatever you want.”

You mirrored his smile. You wanted _him_. You wanted this. Curled up on the sofa, watching cheesy novellas, and savoring in this newfound relationship. Or whatever it was. 

“Thank you.” You readjusted yourself, sinking against him as you rested your cheek against his chest — comforted by the sound of his heart beating beneath your ear. 


	115. Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie wakes them up in the middle of the night. Set September 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of blood.

“ _Mommy_?” A very quiet voice whispered.

You opened your eyes slowly, only halfway awake. “Hmm?” 

“ _Mommmmmy_.”

“What is it, babydoll?” You questioned, blinking a few times as you tried to force yourself awake. The bedroom was still pitch black, which told you that you hadn’t overslept your alarm.

Javier grumbled behind you, his arm still firmly curled around your waist and his forehead pressed awkwardly against your shoulder blade. 

You shifted forward as best as you could, grabbing the chain on the light and turning it on. You clenched your eyes closed as the light momentarily blinded you. 

“What the fuc—“ Javier started, but he caught himself. “ _Focaccia_.” 

“Nice save.” You quipped as you opened your eyes and took in the sight of your daughter. “ _Shit_. Josie, what happened?”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Javier said as he sat up behind you, inhaling sharply as he saw exactly what you saw. 

Josie’s mouth was covered in fresh blood and she had her little hand clenched tightly around something. 

“My mouth hurts,” Josie said quietly, offering you a grimace of a grin. 

“Do we need to call 911?” Javier panicked. 

“It’s her tooth.” You assured him as you swung your legs over the side of the bed and held out your hand. “Do you have it?”

She nodded, “I was sleeping and it just went _‘pop’_!”

You gave her a skeptical look, “And not because we talked about the tooth fairy last week?” 

Javier scooted over to your side of the bed, settling on the edge beside you. “Princesa, did you pull your tooth out?”

Josie looked rather sheepish then as she dropped the tooth into your palm. “In Mrs. Bryant’s class, Sean told me he pulled his toof out by tying a string around it and slamming a door.”

“ _Josie_!” You grimaced, “That blood isn’t just from your tooth is it?”

She shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes, “I’m sorry mommy.”

“It’s okay sweetheart,” You brought her in for a hug, petting the back of her head. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?” You said as you pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Meet me in the kitchen when you’re done,” Javier told you, before he turned his attention to Josie. “Your first tooth! I’ll have to have a word with the tooth fairy about _early_ extractions.” He teased, winking at her before he got up. 

You guided Josie by the hand into the en suite, sitting her down on the toilet seat as you grabbed a washcloth to clean her up. “What made you think this was a good idea?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Sean made it sound cool, but it hurted.”

“I bet.” You knelt down in front of her, wiping the wet cloth over her bloody chin and lips. She’d done a number to her bottom lip with whatever she’d used to yank the tooth out. “We’re just going to put a little ointment on it, okay? You can’t lick at it.”

“I’m sorry mommy,” She said, grabbing at your hand. “I wanted to be a big girl with big girl toofs.”

“Let’s not do it again, okay?” You warned her as you grabbed the ointment and applied it to her bottom lip. “Your teeth come in when they’re supposed to. What if you’re snaggle-toothed for _years_?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh no!”

“You wouldn’t want to make the tooth fairy unhappy, would you?” You pouted your lips and shook your head. 

Josie shook her head quickly. “Will the tooth fairy be mad?”

“Daddy will smooth it over, don’t you worry.”

“Does daddy know the tooth fairy?”

You crossed your fingers, “They're like _this_.”

“Like uncle Steve?”

“Exactly like uncle Steve.” You laughed, kissing your fingers and pressing them to her nose. “Come on, babydoll, let’s see what daddy’s doing in the kitchen.”

Josie took your hand and you guided her back through your bedroom, into the kitchen where Javier stood squirting whipped cream into a bowl. 

“I really _shouldn’t_ be rewarding you for yanking your tooth out, princesa, but I think it was already traumatizing, huh?”

She nodded, pointing at her lip that was split. 

“Someone’s lucky she didn’t need stitches.” Javier gave her a look, before holding out the bowl and a spoon. “This is a positive reinforcement treat. Talk to us before you try something like this in the future.”

“Thank you daddy.” Josie said with a small sniffle as she plopped down on the floor with the bowl and started spooning up whipped cream. 

“A positive reinforcement treat?” You arched a brow. “Worked wonders when I pulled crap as a kid.”

“Did it?” You gave him a skeptical look. 

He snorted, raking his teeth over his bottom lip as he arched a brow. “For the record, I could be a lot worse.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I found her contraption.”

“Oh?”

“Fishing line wrapped around her doorknob.”

You glanced down at Josie, “Swell. Where’d you put the tooth?”

“Plastic bag, your drawer.”

You nodded, hands on your hips. “Well, I wasn’t planning on getting up at two in the morning.” You laughed bitterly. 

“All that blood—“

“Gave me a heart attack.” 

Javier reached over and rubbed your hip, “I can get her back to bed and brushed, if you want to go back to bed, baby.”

“Yeah?” You smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“We’re gonna have a talk anyways,” He gestured to Josie. “A little heart-to-heart about pinching the fishing wire from daddy’s things.”

“Uh oh.” You gave Josie a look as she peered up Javier. 

“I’m sorry daddy! I was just trying to be a big girl.”

“Just was your whipped cream, princesa. We’ll talk.”

“Don’t stay up too late,” You told him, cupping his cheek and kissing him once. 

He gave your ass a playful tap as you walked away. 

By the time Javier returned to bed, it was just after three and you were still wide awake. 

“I thought you were sleeping.”

You made a face as you rolled onto your back, “Seeing your kid covered in blood kinda forces you awake.” You admitted, rubbing at your eyes. “Is she out?”

“Like a light.”

“Good talk?”

Javier shrugged as he slid under the covers beside you, “We talked about growing up too fast, doing things we shouldn’t, and then most importantly — setting an example for Sofía.”

“Good call.” You snapped your fingers. “I think I’m going to talk to Mrs. Bryant about Sean. She should be trying to mitigate any trouble like that.”

“Watch out, she might accidentally call you Mrs. Peña.” He teased as you shut off the light. 

“Every. Single. Time.” 

“She’s had it out for you since that parent-teacher conference.” Javier snorted as he scooted closer to you, curling his arm around your waist as he leaned in to kiss your cheek. “It’s pretty fucking funny.”

“If I said the sky was blue, she’d argue me on it.” You rested your hand over his, playing your fingers over the back of his hand. “The whipped cream was a nice touch.”

“I figured she’d scared the shit out of herself already.”

“There was _so_ much blood.”

“She bled a bit more after brushing her teeth.” Javier admitted. “Head wounds… fucking suck.”

You turned your head and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before seeking out his lips in the darkness. “Fortunately, I don’t think Josie’s going to pull this shit again.” You murmured against his lips. 

Javier chuckled, his breath dancing over your lips. “Me neither.”

You kissed him once more before you rolled over, fitting yourself into the curve of his body. You sighed contentedly as he curled his arm around. “ _Sleep_.”

“See you in three hours.” Javier murmured, nuzzling at your shoulder. 


	116. Steam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier gets a bad review at work. Set in January 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (slight sub/dom vibes, squirting, over stimulation, multiple orgasms, female receiving oral and fingering, and regular sex)

Javier had been in a surly mood _all_ afternoon. He had good reason to be — one of his students last semester had given him a _bad_ review. You had naively expected him to snap out of it once you were home. 

Pizza and beer used to _always_ work. 

“Here,” You said as you offered him another beer, settling down onto the sofa beside him. You stretched out, propping your heels up on the coffee table in front of you. 

“Thanks.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, sighing heavily. Javier reached for the beer, taking a swig, before balancing it on the top of his thigh. 

“It was just one bad review, babe.” You reminded him, yet again. “You had, what? Almost three hundred students last semester?”

“Two hundred and seventy-five.” Javier huffed, taking another drink before leaning forward to sit it on the coffee table. “It’s bullshit.”

“Hey,” You sat your own beer aside, angling yourself towards him as you reached out and cupped his jaw. You nudged him to face you. “You had a handful of students in your 100 that didn’t give a shit. It was probably one of them.” 

Javier worked his jaw, not quite meeting your gaze. “I could have them again. They could be in my classes _this_ semester. They could pull this shit again.”

You brushed your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead, “Or, they were a non-major who was pissy that you required them to read the course material.”

“You _read_ the review.” He fumed quietly.

“I did.” You smiled softly at him. “Like _every_ college student I’ve met, they went for the knee.”

> _ Professor Peña thinks too highly of himself. Just because he’s got “notoriety” for taking down a drug lord, he thinks he can assign 100-page reading assignments and make his students write short essays on the reading. I thought we were going to learn about stopping crime, not writing bullshit essays about government mismanagement. Spends too much time talking about his wife, or partner, of whatever she is. We get it, you’re whipped. 1/10.  _

“Javi,” You whispered, brushing your thumb over the crease between his brows. “The asshole was _trying_ to get under your skin. Don’t let them.”

Javier sank back against the sofa, sighing heavily as he shook his head. “If they learned how to manage their time, those reading assignments would be easy.” He grumbled, “I even let them write an essay on whatever aspect of the reading they enjoyed. I realize some people just skim.” 

You rolled your eyes, “You’re letting it get under your skin.” You rested one hand on his shoulder as you moved to straddle his lap. Your knees pressed into the sofa at his hips as you settled atop his thighs. “ _Stop_.”

“It’s _bullshit_.” Javier exhaled through his nose as he ran his hands up your sides, meeting your eyes finally. “For the record baby, the ‘whipped’ part didn’t piss me off.” 

“That’s because you _know_ you’re whipped.” You winked at him as you played your fingers through his hair. “You’ve got to let this go, Javi.”

“Easier said than done.” Javier gave your hips a squeeze, before dragging his hands down your bare thighs where your shorts stopped. “I fucking blew my lecture this afternoon.”

“ _Babe._ ” You shook your head slowly, cupping his cheeks in your palms. “Stop stressing about this.” You urged as you leaned in to kiss him. 

Javier relaxed beneath you as he ran his hand up your back, fingers finding their way into your hair as he cradled the back of your head. 

A quiet groan escaped him as you shifted further up his lap, your fingers dragging through his hair as you settled one hand around the back of his neck. 

He scraped his teeth over your bottom lip as he slowly drew back from the kiss, “What was that for?”

You smirked at him, “Do I need a reason to kiss you now?” You questioned as you ran your hands over his shoulders. “You need to unwind.”

Javier’s hands tightened at your hips as you attempted to grind against him, causing you to furrow your brows as you met his gaze. 

“That’s not what I want.” He said gently, sliding his hands up the legs of your sleep shorts, palming at the soft flesh of your hips. 

“What _do_ you want?” You questioned, trailing your tongue over your bottom lip as you ran your hand down the center of his chest. “Because I think you need to blow off a little steam.”

He leaned forward, cocking his head to the side as he slanted his mouth over yours in a too-brief kiss. “Think I want to get lost in you, baby.” Javier told you, brushing his fingers along your cheek.

“ _Oh_.”

Javier smirked when your thighs clenched, tightening their grip on his legs. “You know much I love eating that pretty pussy of yours.” He drawled out, lightly curling his fingers around your throat as he held your gaze. “Does that sound good to you, baby?” 

You grinned at him, desire burning hot in your veins at the slight pressure that came from his fingers around your throat. He knew _exactly_ how to wind you up. “And here I was about to offer to suck you off.” 

He chuckled, rubbing his thumb down the column of your throat. “As tempting as that is… I wanna make you come.” Javier’s gaze softened, “Safe word?”

“Do your worst, Javier.” You taunted lightly, rolling your hips. If you shifted just right, you could feel his cock already deliciously hard beneath you. 

Javier tightened his grip a fraction more as he leaned in, his breath hot against your lips. “I want you to be a _good_ girl for me, alright?” You nodded. “Get up, go to the bed room, and strip for me.”

You blinked at him, waiting for him to release your throat before you slid off his lap. As much as you loved being in control, there was something wildly arousing about letting him control the situation. “How do you want me to wait for you?”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Ass on the edge of the bed, legs over the side.” Javier caught your hand, bringing it to his lips before he let you go. 

You hyper aware of how slick your underwear was as you walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. You followed his instructions, stripping down and draping yourself over the foot of the bed. But not before putting a pillow down on the floor in front of you for him. 

Javier didn’t make you wait very long. A few minutes later he arrived, his dark gaze zeroing in on your like a predator stalking his prey. “Look at you.” He smirked, walking towards you slowly. “ _Fuck_. You’re soaked, baby.”

“What can I say?” You said as you lazily arched your back, cupping your right breast in your hand. “I like when you tell me what to do.” 

“I know you do.” Javier chuckled as he moved to stand in between your parted thighs. “I want you to touch yourself.”

You smoothed your other hand down your stomach, your eyes locked on his face as you watched him watch your hand slip between your legs. 

“That’s it, baby.” He drawled out as you stroked your finger over your clit. Javier braced himself on your thighs as he slowly knelt down on the pillow you’d supplied him. “You’re practically dripping, baby. Look at you.”

His fingers joined your own. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as he dragged one finger between your sensitive folds, parting the tender lips of your cunt. “Don’t stop.” He warned you as your pace faltered.

“ _Javi_.” You whispered as he pressed that single finger into you, dragging it in and out in such a leisurely pace that your release washed over you with a blissful unfurling of pleasure. 

Javier kissed the top of your thigh, “One.” He told you, brushing your hand away before giving your cunt a gentle pat. “Just to take the edge off.” 

You slid your fingers into his hair, scraping your nails over your scalp as you looked down at you. “Don’t go easy on me.” You said as you tugged at his hair. 

He trailed his mouth down along your inner thigh, pressing a kiss there before catching the soft flesh between his teeth and leaving a mark. 

“Who said I had any plans to go _easy_ on you, baby?” Javier questioned, his tongue sweeping out over the mark he left, before he turned his attention to your slick center. 

Javier ran his hand over your lower belly as a guide to hold you flat against the bed as he descended upon you. His tongue swept between your sensitive folds, his mustache tickling you and making you twitch. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” He swore, before flicking his tongue over your clit. “You’re dripping baby,” Javier told you as he pressed two fingers into you without warning, curling them within you briefly before he withdrew them. “Look.”

You lifted your head, your tongue darting out over your lips as your eyes fell to his glistening fingers. You watched as he brought them to his lips and sucked them clean.

“That’s hot,” You told him as you sank back on your elbows. Javier pressed those same two fingers back into you, curling them so they were pressed right against that sweet spot within you. 

“Are you going to come for me again?” Javier questioned, dipping down to wrap his lips around your clit, sucking lightly as he teased the tip of his tongue over the little bundle of nerves. 

“Keep doing that and I will.” You told him with no small amount of sass as you grabbed at his hair. 

He was _good_. He dragged his fingers over the spot every time he worked them into you, alternating between stroking that spot and drumming his fingers against it. You could feel new pressure building in the pit of your stomach. 

Javier groaned out your name as he watched you, “Can you take a third, baby?”

You snorted, “I take your cock don’t I—“ 

He cut you off as he worked a third finger into your cunt, your hips rolling towards him in response. Each time he worked his fingers in and out of you, you could hear the slick sound of your arousal. 

Javier’s mouth returned to your clit, his tongue swirling around it as he worked his fingers more urgently in and out of you. 

“ _Javier_.” You moaned as you felt the dam break. Your hips bucked up off the bed as you felt yourself gush, drenching his hand with a fresh wave of arousal as your body clenched around his fingers.

But the pressure of his fingers filling you was short lived as he lowered his head and worked his tongue in and out of your quivering cunt. It was mid numbing in the _best_ of ways. 

Javier was bound and determined to make you hold onto that release. He grabbed at your thighs hard enough to leave bruises, holding you steady as he _feasted_ on you. 

You lost track of how many releases he brought you to. Three — maybe four. But that fourth one seemed to last forever. Every time you started to think you were coasting into that blissful _after_ — Javier would stroke you just right, setting off another flutter of your cunt around his tongue or his fingers. 

“One more.” Javier mumbled, pressing a kiss to the skin just above your throbbing clit. “Can you handle one more, baby?”

You nodded.

He gave your hip a firm pat, “Can you handle one more, baby?”

“ _Yes_.” You croaked out. 

Javier helped you roll over onto your stomach, his hands grabbing at your ass cheeks as you sank into the mattress. “I fucking love this body.”

You chuckled, grabbing at the comforter beneath you. “It’s pretty fond of you too.” You told him, turning to look back at him over your shoulder. 

He had his jeans down around his thighs, his cock standing proud and erect from that dark patch of hair. Javier stepped forward, fingers curled his length at the base. “I was just going to eat out, baby. But I think you need to be _fucked_.” He ran the head of his cock between your folds. 

You moaned quietly, rocking back against him. “I think _you_ need to fuck me.” You told him, folding your arms and resting your cheek against your forearm. “Need to blow off some steam, babe?”

Rather than responding to you, Javier grabbed your hip roughly and slammed into you, his thighs flush against the backs of your legs. “ _Fuck_.” He swore through clenched teeth, “You feel like fucking heaven, baby.” 

You never tired of his praise. 

“Come on, Javi. I know you can fuck me harder than this.”

Javier drew out and slammed back into you, repeatedly driving the full length of his cock into your oversensitive cunt until you swore you were seeing stars. 

It felt like he was everywhere. A hand at your hip that snaked around to tease at your clit as he railed into you. A hand in your hair that made its way around to grab at your tits. 

You came apart again, clenching around his cock like a vice and still uncertain where the first ended and this one began. Even your thighs trembled with the intensity of the moment. 

But it wasn’t until the downward slope of your release, as Javier slowed the pace of his thrusts that he found his own release. His touch turned tender as he lavished kisses to your shoulder. 

You fumbled as you reached behind you, playing with the hair at the back of his neck as he rested his face against the crook of your neck as he pumped his release into you. 

“I love you,” He murmured drowsily. 

“So whipped.” You teased as you clenched around his cock, trying to milk every drop of his release from him. 

Javier huffed, “Fuck you.” 

“I think you already did.” You shot back, eyes going wide as he bucked forward, ensuring every inch of his softening cock was within you. “ _Javier_.”

“Yes?” He chuckled, nuzzling your skin. 

“I love you.” You offered, sinking into the mattress beneath him. 

He kept his arms braced at your sides to keep from crushing you as he remained, “I lost count.”

“Four. Maybe more.” You stifled a yawn. “That was…”

He lazily kissed your shoulder, “A good way to blow off steam.” He ran his hand down your side, “And the way you _squirted_.”

Your face burned hot, “You just _love_ being able to play my body so well.”

“I’m pretty proud of that, baby.” He gave your ass a harsh swat, before he unceremoniously slid out of you. 

You pressed your face against the mattress and groaned as Javier worked two fingers into you, pushing his come back into you. “You’re trying to kill me.”

“ _Maybe._ ” He quipped as he left you laying there as he dipped into the bathroom to grab a washcloth to clean you off with. 

Javier cleansed the mix of arousals off your cunt and wiped it away where it had run down your thighs. 

You felt utterly boneless as you crawled to the center of the bed and slid yourself under the covers. You watched him as he returned from the bathroom and stripped down to nothing to join you. 

“I’m just going to shred the review,” Javier told you as he practically curled his entire body around you, his arm curled possessively around your waist. “It’s not worth my time.”

You played your fingers through his hair, turning to press a kiss to his forehead. “You’re a good Professor, Javi. But not everyone is going to love your teaching style. 

“I know.” He sighed, kissing your shoulder. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Not going _easy_ on me.” Javier grinned. 

You rolled your eyes and tugged at his hair. “Go to sleep, weirdo.” 

Javier chuckled quietly, before he succumbed to the exhaustion that had been written all over his face as after he’d found his pleasure. 

You weren’t far behind him. 


	117. Bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is shot. Set in late November 1991.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence (mentions of gun violence, bullet wounds, blood, and medical procedures)

From where you were laying, you could see a body laying on the opposite side of the Jeep. There was shattered glass on the ground from the busted out car window. 

And there was blood — _your_ blood. Your arm wasn’t even the worst of it. A few spots were bleeding from slamming your arm into the broken glass on the way down…

But the main concern was the wet sensation pooling under your leg. 

The world was swimming around you. The pain had shifted into a numb throb, a tingling sensation radiating up your thigh, into your hip, before fanning out. 

Your cheeks felt simultaneously hot and cold — and there was sweat clinging to your brows. 

Everything felt far away. 

You closed your eyes slowly, your eyelids feeling weighed down. Something touched you and you jerked, eyes going wide as you focused on Javier who was kneeling beside you. 

“Baby, _baby…_ you’ve got to stay with me okay.” Javier urged as you watched his hands go to his belt. 

“I’m honored,” You said wryly. “But I’ve been shot.”

A faint smirk played over his lips, “Yet your wit hasn’t been affected.” He quipped as he slid his belt from the loops. “I need to cut these off.” He told you, “Shit, that’s a lot of blood.”

You shook your head, “You should see the other guy.” You turned your head, looked across the broken glass to the body of the man you’d shot. 

He had been aiming at Javier. You hadn’t even thought twice about pulling the trigger. You hadn’t even seen the second gunman. 

A soft cry tore from your lips as Javier used his pocket knife to cut your jeans off. The motion caused more blood to gush from your wound and you felt a fresh wave of dizzying nausea take over. _Fuck._

This wasn’t good. 

“Keep talking,” Javier told you as he rubbed the back of his hand over his forehead, causing blood to smear there. _Yours_. That was _your_ blood. “Baby, keep talking.”

“Buy me a drink first,” You hissed out as Javier tossed your ruined jeans aside. 

“That an offer?”

“Maybe.” You could be dying. There was a lot of blood and you felt… _off_. Was this what dying felt like? 

You’d seen death before. 

Death was a slow creeping shadow. 

One second, a person could be laughing at your kitchen table… and the next minute they could be dead behind the eyes. 

“Hey, hey.” Javier patted your cheek. “Eyes open.”

“Trying.” You mumbled, tilting your head to watch as he wrapped his belt around your thigh and pulled it taut to stop the blood flow. It hurt like a son of a bitch, your skin pinched under the leather. 

But the gaping bullet hole hurt worse. 

“Where the fuck is the ambulance?” Javier seethed as he reached for your hand, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, you’ve got to keep talking.”

“Did they hit you?”

“Baby, I’m fine. I’ll be better if we can get this bleeding stopped.” Javier squeezed your hand again, before shifting to examine the wound. “I think we’ve got it slowed. _Goddammit_ where’s the ambulance?” He looked around frantically. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” You whispered, your eyes falling closed as you let yourself sink into the strange tingling sensation that seemed to envelop you. “I don’t want to die…” 

“No one’s dying.” Javier leaned over you, patting your cheek. “Come on. Open your eyes. Let me see your eyes, baby.”

“I can’t…” 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier rubbed his hand over your cheek, “Come on. I can’t fucking lose you. You can’t do this to me. Come on.” 

You heard a car door slam shut.

“Holy shit—“ Steve swore. “The ambulance was behind me. _Fuck_. That looks bad. Is she—“

“Still… kicking.” You mumbled, though you weren’t sure how loud your voice was because Steve didn’t even acknowledge you. Javier, on the other hand, squeezed your hand hard enough to hurt. 

“She’s lost a lot of blood and I can’t…” Javier sounded like he was crying. 

You tried to open your eyes, but even that little gesture felt like it was taking too much of your energy. 

“ _Javier—_ “ You whispered, weakly squeezing his hand. “It’s okay.”

“Stay with me, okay? You’ve got to stay with me.”

“Peña, you’ve got to let go.” Steve urged, and you felt Javier’s hand jerked out of your grip. 

There were other voices — new ones. You were too tired to translate the Spanish they spoke, your brain catching one or two words as they shifted you from the ground to a stretcher. 

When had the ambulance shown up?

“Javier?” You questioned as someone peeled your eye open and shined a light into it. It wasn’t Javier. 

Someone else had your arm and you flinched as you felt a needle jab into your arm. After that, everything got a lot more confusing. Your thoughts swirled in your head, just out of reach of making coherent sense. You dipped in and out of consciousness, easily drawn into the dark nothingness of whatever shit they had pumping through your IV.

You hated this shit. 

Yet, in this situation you didn’t have much of a choice. 

* * *

Javier was sitting by your bedside when you woke up. He was sound asleep, resting on his folded arms that he had propped up on your bed about halfway down. His face was turned towards yours — like he had fallen asleep waiting for you to wake up. 

It probably meant something that in what _might_ have been your final moments, he was all you could think of. 

You knew he’d been the one to find his mother and you didn’t want to add to the tragedy in his life. Hell, you knew how he acted when things went wrong for his informants — that guilt he carried with him. 

You had been afraid that you’d be someone else he felt responsible for. Someone else he’d lost. And maybe you were putting more value on yourself, than you actually held in his life. But then again, he was sitting by your bedside and no one else was. 

“ _Javi_ ,” You whispered as you reached out and touched his cheek, before you stroked your fingers over the hair that fell against his forehead. 

“Morning.” He grumbled, stretching just arms out in front of him before he froze. His eyes snapped open and he jerked upright. “You’re awake.”

You laughed quietly, “Unless heaven is a hospital, _yeah_.” 

“You scared the fuck out of me.” Javier reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze. “Do I still have a leg?”

He nodded, squeezing your hand back. “They, uh… they said it was close to an artery. A little to the left and you’d be—“

“ _Yeah_.” You lifted your hand and rubbed at your face. “And to think that handsome face of yours would’ve been the last thing I saw.”

“I suppose that’s why you were spared, baby.” Javier snorted, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. “They should be releasing you in a day or two. Steve’s settled all the bullshit at the office.”

You smiled at him, “Tell him ‘thank you’ for me.” You stretched a little, rolling your shoulders back against the mattress. “I don’t think I can handle getting desked, Javi. You’ve gotta get me back in the field.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “I’ll see what I can do for you.” He winked. “But first, we’ve got to get you out of here.” He gestured around the hospital room. 

“Are you going to get me out of here?”

“Wish I could.” He shrugged. “Office won’t be the same while you’re laid up.”

“I expect you to call me at least three times a day to let me know what’s going on.” 

He cracked a grin, “I’ll see what can be arranged.” Javier dragged his hands over his face. “You’re gonna get to catch up on all the _good_ novellas.”

You rolled your eyes. “Which is why you’ll have to call for updates.”

Javier nodded, “Wouldn’t miss it.” 

“There goes our New Years plans.” You remarked as you rubbed at your eyes. “Shit, I don’t like whatever they’ve got me on. I feel like I’ve got cotton in my eyes.”

“You need rest.”

“I don’t need this shit to sleep.” You groused, “Are you staying?”

“As long as they’ll let me.”

You ran your finger along the side of his hand. “I don’t want you to go, Javi.” You let your eyes flicker closed, “I never do.”

Javier stood up, leaning over the bed to press a kiss to your forehead. “ _Sleep_.” He told you softly. “I’m just glad you’re still here.”


	118. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets up with Steve. Set in September 1998.

“You’re such a _fucking_ idiot, Murphy.” You remarked as you took a sip of beer, “I can’t believe you pulled that shit.”

“I didn’t want to freak her out, alright?” Steve shrugged his shoulders. “With her mother in town, it was just… it was _easier_ to call it a work thing and handle it on my own.”

“What were you going to tell her if you _had_ cancer? Do you really want to handle a prognosis like that alone? Without giving her a chance to react in real time?” You shook your head slowly. “I used to think you were the smarter one. You know, between you and Javi, but… he’s not even stupid enough to pull that shit.”

“Look, it’s been handled. It’s been hashed and rehashed at home. Connie’s not mad at me.”

“Well, she was.” You said flatly. “Do you know she thought you were cheating?”

He shifted uncomfortably, “Yeah. I’m aware.” Steve glances down at the table, running his finger through the ring of moisture left behind by his beer bottle. “Look, I recognized that it was a bullshit plan when I was doing it, but the alternative was just as unpleasant. Her mother is…”

“I know.” You made a face. “She’s a rival to my own mother.” You took another sip, swirling it around in the bottle. “I get it, I really do, but… communication is _really_ important, especially when you’re going through something like that. I mean, what would your girls have done if one day their father was just…”

You stopped yourself, shaking your head. 

“You good?” Steve questioned, resting his arms on the table. 

“I’ve told you about my father.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I just know what it’s like to wake up one day and find out you lost your father.”

Steve nodded solemnly, “Look, I recognize I fucked up. Connie reamed me out, Javier reamed me out, and now you are. I get it.”

“What did Javier say?”

“That I fucked up.” He shrugged, “Oh, how the tables have turned. I’ve lectured him a dozen times over and now he gets to do the same.”

You smirked and chuckled, “Becoming a professor has made him _extremely_ preachy.” 

“I noticed.” He took a sip of beer. “So, speaking of _work_ … have you given my offer any thoughts?”

“I did.” You tapped your fingers against the bottle. “I’ll work with you. I miss being involved in that capacity, but I have no intentions of getting back in the field. I tried that with the P.D. at the beginning and it wasn’t for me.”

“It’s going to be a _lot_ of seminars.” He admitted, making a face. “I’ve already got a handful of departments lined up, I just need help on the admin side. We both know you’re a hell of a good public speaker.”

You flipped him off, “You and Javier both…”

“Well, you are. Even if you hate it.” Steve arched a brow. “I can offer you a decent rate. I can’t match the P.D., but it’ll be a fair wage.”

“I just need a flexible schedule.” You told him. “I’m thinking about the adjunct position at the university.”

“Sounds like the three of us will _almost_ be back to working together.”

“Don’t try to get Javier in on this too,” You warned him. 

“Why?”

“Because, I know how he’ll react.” You took a sip of your beer, before finishing it off and sitting it aside. “There’s _a lot_ of baggage there and we’ve just finished packing what the articles pulled out.”

“Gotcha,” He nodded, pursing his lips together. “I thought he might’ve moved on, you know? House, two kids, good job…” Steve rolled the base of the beer bottle against the top of the table. “But I guess those ghosts don’t just go away.”

“He’s got a lot of guilt,” You explained. “And I’ve tried my best to alleviate him of that guilt, but it’s not that easy.” You pushed your fingers through your hair and sank back in the chair. “Colombia can be a real trigger for him. Getting back into that line of work… I don’t think it would be good for him.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before—“

You cut him off, “I know, it’s not as obvious anymore, but—“

Steve held up a hand, “No. That’s not what I’m saying. You and Javier used to do this in Colombia. Look out for the other person, guide people away from saying shit that might upset each other.”

You shrugged, “We’ve always been like an old married couple.” If only he knew the _truth_. 

“After the shit he went through, I guess he deserves having someone to look out for him like you do.”

“Connie would do the same, if you actually told her what was going on.” You pointed with a stern look. “And I know things are getting better, but you’ve got to make Connie feel like a Queen from time-to-time.”

“I do!” He protested with a short laugh. “ _Goddamn_. She knows she’s the only woman for me. We’ve just got chaotic schedules. Sometimes we’re just two ships passing each other.”

You lowered your voice, “Then take time to enjoy those _passing_ moments.”

“We are _not_ getting into my sex life with my wife. Nope.” Steve waved his hands. “This was supposed to be about working as a consultant.”

You snorted, “This is nothing I haven’t already told your lovely wife.”

“I’m aware.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. “We’re working on things, alright? Things have been off for awhile.” He sank back in his seat looking defeated. “You’ll understand it eventually. Kids, work, life… Marriage changes shit”

“I _do_ actually understand it, but we still make ‘us’ time a priority. Our girls are my heart and soul, but one day they’re going to grow up and move out and then it’ll just be the two of us.”

“You know I love Connie.”

“I do know that, but I do know that you two need to take your own advice and go on a vacation together. Just the two of you.”

“ _When_?”

“We could watch the girls early October. First weekend?”

Steve scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, “Alright. I like the sound of that. Where do you think she’d like to go?”

“I think that’s a question for you wife, Steve.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, “I miss how it was before the girls. Before Colombia. It was just the two of us taking on the world. It was fresh and exciting.”

“A vacation will help you with that. I promise.” You met his gaze, “And I’m certain being married doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re still the same people you were at the beginning.” Four months in and nothing had changed for you. 

Steve rubbed at the back of his neck. “I just want her to be happy.”

You nodded your head, “Me too. I adore Connie.”

“She’s pretty partial to you too.” Steve grinned. “I’m glad you two ended up being friends.”

“Me too.” If you hadn’t had Connie and Steve in Colombia, you were certain you would’ve lost your mind. They’d been the family you desperately craved. 

And the fact you could turn around and help them now made everything feel like it had been worth the difficult periods. They’d helped you and now you were helping them. 


	119. Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader handles her feelings. Set in September 1992.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (masturbation) and Angst

You were eternally thankful that it had happened at his apartment. Well — the bathroom at your favorite bar _and_ Javier’s apartment. You had almost considered bringing him back to yours, but that little voice in the back of your head had told you not to. 

Now you knew why. 

It had been two weeks since you had learned what it felt like fuck Javier Peña. After years of watching him pick up nameless women at that _same_ bar, you’d let yourself be drawn into his magnetic field and _now_ you had to deal with the fallout. 

Work was the worst. Sitting six feet away from him, hyper aware of his every movement because you _had_ to avoid him. You wanted to avoid the inevitable conversation. 

You could already imagine the gentle barbing — Javier letting you down with a kind smile and pat on the shoulder. It didn’t matter how that night had felt, in hindsight you _knew_ it was a one time thing. He didn’t want you like that. 

The coffee on your desk the morning after had solidified that in your mind. It was too obvious. A proverbial olive branch — sorry we fucked, but you’re still _just_ my co-worker. 

You had to push aside whatever lingering feelings you’d had for him. Because you _had_ stupidly let yourself feel something for him. And Javier Peña was the most unattainable man on the planet. 

He’d fucked his way through Bogotá and now you were another notch in his head board. 

Maybe Murphy had been the glue that kept everything together. Without him, the office felt like a minefield. His desk had already been given to some new government lackey who had it _out_ for you. 

This bullshit with Javier was going to throw you off your game. 

You poured yourself a glass of whiskey and used it to wash down two pain pills, hoping to kick the headache that had been splitting your head in two since your lunch break. 

It had to be the stress. 

After the first week of you ignoring him, Javier had given up trying to initiate conversations with you and now you felt even more on edge. 

You missed it. You missed him — and he was right there. 

_Shit_ , you couldn’t even turn the TV on without catching a telenovella playing and wishing you could just pick up the phone and call Javi. 

You hated that you were questioning everything. Maybe he’d never even _cared_ about the stupid telenovellas. Maybe he’d just humored you with it. 

But you knew, deep down, that he _did_ care about you. He had proven that, time and time again, and you never suspected that he had a motive beyond being your friend. 

You’d been the stupid one who let your emotions get the better of you. And that wasn’t something new. You’d caught yourself falling for him when you were with Lance. Comparing the two men, as if Javier was even a contender to _date_ you.

Why would he want to date you, when he could continue enjoying life as a bachelor? As it was, he was probably at the bar looking for someone to take home. 

If you hadn’t had a killer migraine, you probably would’ve been doing the same. Somewhere new. Somewhere they didn’t know you — where he wouldn’t be. 

You wanted to erase the memories that were ever present. You wanted to _forget_ that you knew what Javier’s mouth felt like against yours, what his hands felt like skimming over your hips, what his cock—

You groaned, downing your shot of whiskey before you retreated into your bedroom. 

Another part of you wished that it _had_ happened here. That you could walk into your bedroom and picture him draped across your bed. It would’ve been harder to leave him then. 

That morning still weighed heavily in your mind. He had looked so peaceful. Like the weight of everything had been lifted off of him as he slept. The temptation to _stay_ had been strong, but the fear of rejection had ultimately been stronger. 

But that didn’t mean you didn’t _think_ about that night — that morning. 

You sank down onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling above you as you prayed for the medicine to kick in. 

“ _Goddammit_.” You muttered, wrestling with your pillow as you attempted to find a more comfortable position. You felt like shit. If you were getting sick, you were going to lose your mind.

The last thing you needed was to be out for a couple days — long enough for Chris to horn in on your job. Men like him could smell blood in the water. 

But Javier wouldn’t let that happen. Would he?

You closed your eyes briefly, remembering the way he touched your cheek as he leaned over you and kissed you on his sofa. You ran your fingertips along your collarbone as your lips parted, drawing in a shaky breath.

That’s what you needed. If you couldn’t go out, at least you could get off. Even if it was to the memory of Javier. 

Maybe it would cure your headache. 

And you wouldn’t have to be in the same room as him for another two days, so why the hell not?

You sat up slowly and peeled off your shirt, before stripping down until you were laying bare on your bed. Your nipples pebbled in the cool air, and you were shocked at just how sensitive they were as you cupped them in your palms. 

Your hands were plenty rough, but they didn’t feel quite like Javier’s had. And you couldn’t replicate the sensation of his tongue swirling around your stiff nipple. But the thought of him as enough to make you clench your thighs together, desire pooling low in your belly. 

If things had been different — if both of you had been _different_ — you could’ve had the real deal. Javier could’ve been there, taking up all the oxygen in your room. It could’ve been his hand skimming down your stomach, sliding between your thighs.

You swore his name under your breath as you ghosted your fingers over your clit, another sound escaping you as it throbbed in anticipation.

He’d been so _good_ at making you feel good. _Special_. You were almost jealous of the informants that spent more time with him. 

That just wasn’t in the cards for you. 

A strangled sound rose up in the back of your throat as you circled that little bundle of nerves, spreading your thighs apart wider.

You pinched your nipple with your other hand, your body twitching at the shock of pleasure that went hot through your veins. 

“ _Javier_ ,” You bit down on your bottom lip as you slid your fingers lower, working two of them into your slick cunt. It wasn’t the same, but it would sure as hell do. 

It made your skin burn to think that he could be with someone else right now. Someone who wasn’t _you_. Someone who could walk away and never even know his name.

But you did. You knew _everything_ that you wanted to forget. 

He knew too much about you. You’d gotten comfortable with him, let down your defenses and let him become part of your life. And now you had to rebuild with him on the outside. 

You clenched your eyes closed as you thought back to the way he’d looked at you — that fire and… you’d wished that it was adoration. Didn’t he feel the same way?

Frustrated, you rolled over onto your stomach. You pressed your forehead against your pillow, tilting your head so you could breath as you drew yourself up onto your knees. 

“ _Please_.” You begged to the memory of Javier, trying to cling to the vivid memory of his cock driving into you, his hands touching everywhere they shouldn’t have been. 

You rapidly worked your finger over your clit, desperately chasing the first waves of your relief. You curled your fingers into yourself, your thumb rubbing over your clit until it set off your release.

It wasn’t fair that Javier had been as good as he’d been. Even when you were with Lance — when there had been a relationship and feelings… you hadn’t felt half of what you felt with Javier. 

You let yourself sink into the mattress, turning your head as you glanced at the clock on your bedside. You laid there, just watching one red number switch to a new number. 

Maybe Javier was miserable too. Maybe you’d ruined it for him, like he’d ruined it for you. 

Maybe he was laying in his bed, wishing he’d gone back to yours so he didn’t have to sleep where you’d been. A girl could wish, couldn’t she? 

All those years, you’d thought that _maybe_ you were just skirting around each other. But you hadn’t let yourself touch that live wire — those feelings weren’t meant to be felt, yet…

If the Murphys hadn’t left, none of this would’ve happened.

The office wouldn’t feel like hostile territory and you could be laying on your sofa giving commentary on your favorite novella with your favorite person. 

It was easier to blame Murphy than it was to blame yourself. But the truth was, you’d folded like a house of cards and now you had to clean up the mess you made… by avoiding it. 

It hurt like hell, but you’d suffered worse pain before. Hadn’t you?

You just wished you could go back in time and stop yourself from leaning in — from bridging that distance between the two of you. Because now that space between you and Javier was too wide to be bridged.


	120. Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier grapples with the situation. Set in September 1992. Did you enjoy Reader’s POV? Well here’s Javi’s POV!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (masturbation) and Angst

She was everywhere. 

Javier pinched at the bridge of his nose as he stared at a spot on the wall, just above his TV. 

What had he done wrong? 

Guilt gnawed at his gut, but the nausea hadn’t been enough to dissuade him from downing three shots of whiskey, straight from the bottle. 

She had taken sips straight from the bottle while she straddle his lap and kissed him right where he sat. _Alone_. 

His cock twitched pathetically at the memory of her. She’d been perfect — better than even the wildest dreams his mind had conjured up. 

How was he supposed to just forget that night? He hated her for how easily she’d returned to work and shut him out. He should’ve known. The fact that she wasn’t there when he woke up the following morning had been the start of a fresh disaster. 

Javier raked his fingers through his hair and sank back against the sofa as he thought back on that night. Had he misread her signals? Had she been drunker than him? 

It didn’t make any sense to him. She’d been the one to crawl into his lap when they got back to his apartment. She had seemed enthusiastically into the moment. But she clearly regretted it. 

_Hell_ , she wouldn’t even make eye contact with him now. There was a moment, three days after that first day back in the office, where he’d almost said something — _anything_.

She’d bee-lined to the break room after a meeting and he’d followed her in under the guise of grabbing a cup of shitty break room coffee. 

Javier shook his head slowly as he recalled the flicker of panic he’d seen on her face when she realised they were alone in the room. _Panic_.

On the face of the woman who’d fallen asleep on his shoulder on long drives, who had never flinched away from grabbing his hand, who used to be at ease around him. How many times had she called him late at night just to talk about novellas — only to fall asleep on the line. She had trusted him and now that trust was gone.

In hindsight, maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t told her how he felt _that_ night. That would’ve added insult to injury, because he’d clearly overstepped some invisible boundary he should’ve seen. 

Javier had given up on trying to reclaim what they had once had. Steve was gone, she was gone — he had _no one_ now. And maybe that was his own doing.

He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, sighing heavily as he tried to _forget_. But how was he supposed to just forget the best night of his life? 

How many years had he stifled his feelings for her? And he _had_ feelings. Contrary to what Steve thought he knew about the situation, contrary to what _everyone_ thought they knew about him… there were no ulterior motives attached to those feelings. 

If he’d been a little less drunk that night, he might’ve spilled his guts to her. Confessed that she was the only person who had ever made him _feel_ the way he felt. He’d tried to tell her, tried to confess everything in the way he kissed her, in the way he touched her, in the way he held her. He tried to show the words stuck in the back of his throat.

Maybe she’d heard him. Maybe _that_ was why she’d cut him out of her life. 

Wouldn’t that be something? A lifetime of one night stands and the one woman he wanted a lifetime of nights with hadn’t even wanted the one. 

Javier leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he hung his head. He could call Elena — work this out of his system. But Elena had always been a proxy and she knew it. If he squinted, he could picture _her_. And he didn’t want to picture her. Didn’t he?

“ _Fuck_.” He breathed out as he thought back on that night. The way she’d say astride him — _right there_ — the way she’d taken him in. 

The way she’d fallen asleep in his arms — or at least waited until he fell asleep beside her. 

How had he been so _fucking_ stupid? 

Part of him wished he’d just gotten this over with after Lance. He’d been so tempted. They could’ve both brushed it off as two friends scratching each other’s backs — but he’d respected her too much to take advantage of the situation. 

But he’d still managed to fuck it all up in the end. At least if he’d done it back then, he’d still have Steve. 

And yet, he was still certain he’d do it all over again if it meant he could hold her in his arms again. 

Javier leaned forward and grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the coffee table, lighting it up and taking a hit off of it. He laid back on the sofa, lost in his thoughts. 

God, he missed her. 

Shit was going sideways at the DEA and he couldn’t even exchange looks with her over the bullshit. He couldn’t pick up the phone and call her because he knew — he just _knew_ — she’d hang up on him. 

How did you unlearn knowing how someone felt in your arms? How did you forget what it felt like to find completion buried within them? He’d fucked so many women and… he’d never felt like this. 

_Fuck_ — maybe a shower would help. Waste of a perfectly good cigarette, but he had to do something. 

It wasn’t like he was going to go out. He’d just see her face in every woman he looked at. He’d hear her laugh. Feel her touch. 

Javier took another drag, before snuffing out the cigarette and hauling himself up off the sofa. At least the shower didn’t remind him of her. 

His bed felt like it was cursed now. The sofa too. He couldn’t look at them without picturing her. Without hearing her sleepy sighs or her breathy moans. 

She’d been everything to him for _years_ and now he had to grapple with a world where she was his closest stranger. She knew shit no one else knew about him, but those secrets were behind a locked door he didn’t have the keys to anymore. 

Javier set the shower’s temperature to just this side of _too_ hot, hoping it could scald her touch off his skin. 

That, of course, didn’t help. 

Every time he closed his eyes he could see her. The flecks of light in her eyes as she leaned in to kiss him. That radiating warmth that flooded him when she teased and taunted him. She had always been his better half, but shit if he wasn’t just fooling himself. 

Javier balled his fingers into a fist and hit the shower wall in front of him as he let out a frustrated sound, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the wall as the hot water ran down his back. 

_ “Need you.” She whispered, “Don’t stop.”  _

Fuck. She didn’t need him, but he needed her.

He grunted as he curled his fingers around his hardening cock and pumped his fist over his length. 

It paled in comparison — but he could cling to her memory. The soft touch of her lips, the way her fingers curled around the back of his neck. The way her body clenched as she came. 

“ _Baby_.” Javier breathed, jaw falling slack as he let go and gave into the need pulsing through him. He just needed to take the edge off. To soothe this need for her. 

It felt wrong to think of her, when she so clearly wanted nothing to do with him, but fuck if it didn’t do the trick. 

With a low groan Javier felt his release crest, his body going rigid as he came apart beneath his own touch. 

It wasn’t even good. It didn’t do the trick.

The pleasure was tinged with remorse, fresh guilt warring within him. How was he supposed to keep doing this? 

He used to be fine with being alone — he’d relished in it — but now it felt like he’d been ensared by it. And it was all his own doing. If he’d just controlled himself, if he hadn’t crossed that bridge when he’d been told to avoid it…

Javier tilted his head back, letting the warm water run over his face, hoping it might wash it all away.

Monday would roll around again and he’d spend another week tiptoeing around his favorite stranger. He’d just have to cling to those moments where she forgot — for just a second — that she hated him. At least until he got over this. _If_ he ever got over this. 

He should’ve heeded Steve’s warnings. To stay out of her orbit. 

Was this what heartbreak felt like? 

Javier wanted to say “fuck you” to every singer who romanticized this shit. It hurt like a son of a bitch and he’d lost someone he never had to begin with. 


	121. Morning Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is woken up in the best way possible. Set in Fall 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (consensual somnophilia)

The pair of lips brushing over the back of your neck made a quiet sigh of contentment slip past your lips. The touch wasn’t quite enough to stir you from your dreams, but it was enough to turn your dreams into something new. 

A shiver ran down your spine as you as fingers ghosted over your bare back. Your hips shifted as the figure in your dream pinned you against your kitchen table. 

One hand slid along your waist, before a pleasant weight settled atop you, pressing you into the mattress. 

Hot breath danced over your ear, causing another quiet moan to escape you. The figure in your dream transformed into Javier — you recognized his hands as they drew your arms out in front of you, keeping them pressed against the top of your kitchen table. 

“ _Javi_.” You whispered, grinding your ass back against the stiff length of his cock. 

The hand at your waist slid beneath you, coming up to grasp your breast, palming it gently as the other hand grabbed at your hip, holding you steady as he rocked against you. 

His cock slid between your sensitive folds, teasing you just as mercilessly as the figure in your dream. You were still sensitive from last night — but you craved it. You _needed_ him. You always did. 

Javier’s lips ran over the column of your throat, lingering at your ear, “You’re so fucking wet, baby.” He kissed your cheek as you turned your face, sinking into the pillow beneath you. Every nerve in your body felt like they were buzzing. 

You inhaled sharply as the head of his cock pressed against your center, your back arching as you tried to slide back onto him. Even in your dream, he teased you. 

His fingers curled gracefully around your throat, his thumb brushing along your jawline. “Are you dreaming about me, baby? Are you thinking about last night?”

A sleepy murmur slipped past your lips, but the sound got lost as you moaned as Javier’s cock sank into you, almost all the way to the root.

Your lashes fluttered, lips parting as you were pulled from your dreams into an even better reality. “Oh fuck.” You panted out, biting down on your bottom lip. 

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” He questioned, remaining perfectly still within you. “Say the word and I stop.”

“ _Don’t_ stop.” You urged, your fingers curling around your pillow as you rolled your hips backwards, taking that last inch of him into you. 

Javier’s hand slid from your breast, still wedges between you and the mattress, and trailer it downwards to your lower stomach. He drew you up, his fingers fanned out as he held you there as he snapped his hips into you. 

“ _Fuck_!” You gasped out, the angle of his thrusts had him hitting every sweet spot within you. The warmth of sleep quickly shifted into a burning need for him as you moved with him. 

You reached behind you, curling your fingers around the back of his head as you drew him down so you could kiss him. It was messy and crooked, but _exactly_ what you needed. “I love you.” You whispered against his mouth.

“Love you too, baby.” Javier grunted out as he pressed a kiss to the crook of your neck, lingering there. “You looked so fucking good laying there.” He told you, his voice rough with effort. “Couldn’t fucking help myself.” 

“Last night wasn’t enough?” You taunted, clenching tight around his cock as he slid into you again. 

“Woke up hard as a fucking rock,” Javier told you, catching your earlobe between his teeth and tugging lightly at it. “And you looked too good laying there, baby.” He drew out nearly completely, before shallowly thrusting into you. “That pussy was too good to ignore.”

You moaned as he tightened his grip on your throat, not enough to leave a mark, but just enough to make your entire body shudder. 

“Come for me again, baby.” Javier kissed a spot behind your ear.

“ _Again_?” You breathed out, grinding back against him as the length of him pressed into you. “Was that why I was dreaming of that _fucking_ mouth of yours, Javi?”

He smirked against the flat of your shoulder, “It was _hot_.” He ran his thumb over your bottom lip and you wrapped your lips around it, swirling your tongue as you sucked. “Is that okay, baby?” He questioned — always _so_ painfully aware of what you wanted. 

You scraped your teeth over his thumb, “How many times have I told you… you have my _full_ permission to wake me up, just like this.” You reached behind you, threading your fingers through his hair. 

Javier nodded, kissing your shoulder before he braced a hand beside your head. He used it for leverage to start _truly_ slamming into you. The angle let him fill you to the brim and the way he was pressed against you made you feel overwhelmed in the best of ways. 

Fireworks went off in your veins as your release crashed over you, your cunt pulsing around his cock as he slammed into you again and again. 

His breath was hot against your shoulder as he grunted out your name, his body tensing above you as he buried the length of his cock within you. Your body clenched around him, milking every second of pleasure from him as his release spilled out. 

You let out a plaintive groan as he slid out of you too soon, so he could collapse onto the bed beside you and not crush you into the mattress. 

“I wasn’t done with you,” You murmured, reaching out for his hand. Javier flashed you a lazy grin as he slid his fingers in between yours before he interlaced them. 

“Less about you and more about my lower back, baby.” He assured you, giving your hand three little squeezes. You weren’t surprised, you could see the way his jaw was taut, an obvious give for when something was bothering him. 

You rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand, “Well, we can’t have _that_.” You grinned as you scooted closer to him, nestling yourself into the crook of his arm. “Did you get that out of your system?” 

Javier snorted, “Don’t think that’s possible.” He assured you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But it did the trick.” 

You released your hold on his hand and draped your arm over him. You traced the line from his collarbone down to his navel, trailing your fingers up and down his chest. “I was having a _very_ interesting dream.”

“Yeah?” Javier arched a brow, running his tongue over his bottom lip. “You plan on sharing.”

“ _Maybe_ ,” You shrugged grinning at him. “We were back in Colombia… but I think it was before Josie was born…” You pressed a kiss to his chest. “And you were fucking me over the kitchen table.”

Javier ran his hand down your arm as he grinned at you, “ _Interesting_. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

You slapped his chest lightly, “Shut up.”

He leaned in to catch your lips in a gentle kiss, letting it linger before he pulled back, brushing his nose against yours. “Make me.”

“You’re the worst,” You rolled your eyes, stealing another kiss before you pulled away. “But I’ve got work today and we’re thirty minutes out before there’s a hungry baby crying.” You scrunched up your nose. 

Javier raked his fingers through his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck as he settled back against the bed. “Probably gonna take her to the seaquariam today.”

“I wish I could come.” You frowned a little. “I might be able to sneak away at lunch. We can grab a bite to eat at the cafe there?”

He nodded, reluctantly letting you go as you sat up. “Sounds like a plan, baby.”

“If I had known this would become a full-time job…” You pursued your lips, shaking your head slowly. “I feel like I miss out on so much shit.”

Javier sat up, curling his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest. He rested his chin on your shoulder, “One of us has to work.” He kissed your neck. “And we both know you were raring to get back in the field.”

“With you.” You pointed out. “I miss _that_.”

You regretted it the second it came out of your mouth. Things were still so weird when it came to Colombia. He had so much guilt and weird emotions about your time there and you had your own baggage. 

Sometimes you wondered how much of what you were currently doing was over-correcting for the past. You were working your ass off and he spent every free minute with Josie as her primary caregiver during the day. 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, sighing heavily. “Yeah. I miss it too.” 

You leaned back against him, resting your head against his shoulder, rubbing your hands over his arms where they were curled around you. 

Eventually it would have to be discussed. 

But this morning wasn’t the time to dredge you bad memories. 

“Next time, I’m gonna be the one waking you up.” You told him, giving his cheek a pat and a kiss before you escaped his hold and moved to get out of bed. “Grab her if she gets up, I’m gonna jump in the shower.”

Javier raked his gaze over your naked body with a smirk, “What, no offer to join you?”

“Someone’s got to get Josie when she wakes up,” You told him with a grin, before vanishing into the bathroom for your shower.

Like clockwork — Josie started crying the second you stepped into the shower, but you knew he had it handled. 


	122. Stircrazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier grapples with his feelings after Reader was shot. Set in November 1991.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst

Javier couldn’t remember a span of time in the past five years where he hadn’t looked up from his desk and seen _her_ sitting across from him. 

He knew _where_ she was — _logically,_ he knew she had been in the hospital and now she was home resting. All her shit was still on her desk, right where she’d left it that grim day. He knew she’d be back, but it still didn’t sit well with him to see an empty desk. 

She could’ve died. There was so much fucking blood and she had looked so frail laying there, bleeding out on the blacktop. 

He’d seen death. He’d _caused_ death. 

Javier wasn’t certain he could’ve coped with _her_ death. If her desk was vacant because she was gone. He’d tear the whole fucking drug industry apart with his bare hands.

It shouldn’t have gotten to him as much as it had. Steve was worried, like any friend would be, but Javier was _devastated._

And clearly it was obvious that he was fucked up, because he’d already had to sit through half a dozen meetings with the director. They could tell he was off his game. Wouldn’t anyone be if they’d seen their partner almost die?

At least he tried to convince himself that he’d feel this same way if it had been Steve instead of her. 

The second the clock struck five, Javier was on his feet and pulling his leather jacket one.

“Hot date?” Steve questioned, tucking his pencil behind his ear as he looked up from the report he was combing through. 

“ _Nah_ ,” He shook his head, keeping his face as neutral as possible as he met Steve’s gaze. “It’s been a couple days and I thought I’d swing by and check out—“ He nodded his head towards her desk.

Steve’s brows rose upwards, “You know, Connie asked me to check in on her today. These files can wait until Monday.” He stood up and tossed the pencil back on his desk, grabbing his own jacket. “I’ll come with you.”

Javier tried to mask his disappointment — because there shouldn’t have been any. This weird feeling he felt for her wasn’t a _welcome_ one. But seeing her like that had uncorked the bottle of emotions he felt and he didn’t know how to stuff it all back in. 

He cared about her and he _knew_ it went beyond the lines of friendship. If Steve hadn’t shown up when he did that day — he might’ve confessed his stupid fucking infatuation, right there as she bleed out in his arms. 

But he was the same fucking idiot who hadn’t called her in three days. He’d been there when she got discharged and then—

“You good Peña?”

He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “ _Yeah_.”

The ride over to her apartment was unnecessarily tense. Useless chit chat about work, the bullshit meetings with the director, and where Javier was headed after they left her apartment. 

In the stupid scenario he’d come up with that morning, he’d pictured himself unwinding with her on the sofa, watching telenovelas and… _nope_. He wasn’t going to let himself go down that path. 

Whatever he felt was just his brain over-compensating from the shock of it all. There was no _them_ , beyond being friends and partners. 

It wasn’t like she’d called him over the past three days. It clearly wasn’t like that for her. 

Steve leaned against the wall beside her apartment door, while Javier knocked at it. It took her a minute, maybe two before she answered — and the look on her face made it worth it.

“You _asshole_!” She shouted with a laugh as she swung the door open. “You gave me a fucking heart attack.” She hobbled forward without hesitation and threw her arms around him. 

Javier curled an arm around her, running his hand up and down the length of her back. “Hey hobble horse.” He murmured warmly, inhaling deeply as he savored the moment. 

“Oh, fuck you.” She laughed, punching him in the arm. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Better now,” She said as she pulled back, grinning at him. “Much better now.”

Steve cleared his throat and she whipped around, “ _Steve_!”

“Look at you up and around.”

She pulled away from Javier and moved to give Steve a quick hug too. It didn’t linger the way theirs had. And he hated himself for even comparing the two. 

“I’m so glad you assholes finally decided to come visit me.” She remarked, looking towards Javier then. “I fucking miss work.”

Javier chuckled, “If I’d known you were missing work that badly, I would’ve brought you a stack of paperwork to sort through.” His brows rose upwards as he spotted the gun she had tucked into her waistband. “Expecting a different type of company?” 

She bit down on your bottom lip, nodding your head towards the apartment. “Come in, we can talk.” She looked towards Steve, “Both of you. Please come in.” 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t think you were gonna leave me out here in the hall,” Steve offered with a good natured laugh, following them into her apartment. 

“Sorry it’s a mess,” She made a face, gesturing around the apartment m. “I haven’t really been up for cleaning and shit.” She grabbed up two empty beer bottles, hobbling into the kitchen to throw them away. 

“You know you’re not supposed to be drinking with the meds you got sent home with.” Steve cautioned, hands on his hips as she returned from the kitchen. “Am I going to have to tell Connie?”

Javier tensed as her gaze darted towards him warily. She was chewing on her bottom lip, trying to look unaffected as she hobbled over to the sofa, flopping down and propping her leg up on the coffee table. “The Percocet makes me feel like shit, I’m not taking it.” 

“Popping ibuprofen instead?” 

“ _Steve_.” Javier warned — he didn’t know about her past, not the way he did. 

She shrugged casually, shutting the TV off. “Ibuprofen does the trick.” She rubbed her hands together as she looked between the two men. “So, what compelled the two of you to swing by? On your way out for a drink and wanting to rub it in?”

Steve scratched at the back of his neck. “Javier mentioned that he’d be coming by after work so I thought I’d tag-along.” 

“ _Oh_ ,” She nodded, looking at Javier as he perched himself on the arm of the sofa. His teeth were clenched together so tightly, he could feel the way his muscle ticked under the pressure. “I thought he’d lost my number after I got discharged.” 

“Ha. _Ha_.” Javier snorted, shaking his head as he drummed his fingers against the arm rest. “It’s been fucking hell at work.” 

“He’s had about four-dozen meetings in regards to the shooting,” Steve admitted, sinking down into the armchair across from them. “You should be glad you’re out for the time being. You’ll get to avoid all that bullshit.” 

“I’ve had two calls with the director,” She revealed with another shrug. “And I’ve got to go through a psych eval before I’m even allowed back in the field.” 

“ _Shit_.” Javier’s head snapped to look at her, his brows drawn together. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

“After the new year probably,” She chewed on her bottom lip. “They, uh… I don’t think they want me back until I’m fully healed.” 

Steve whistled, “ _Damn_.” 

Javier was still staring at her, “Two months? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Unfortunately, I’m not joking.” She sank back against the sofa, rubbing at her thigh just above where the wraps were. “I’m gonna go fucking stircrazy.” 

“If you took your pain pills, it would help.” Steve pointed out and Javier shot him another look. 

She nodded slowly, “I’ll get right on that.” 

Javier cleared his throat, “So what have you been doing to keep from losing it?” 

“Sleeping until ten, watching novellas, and I’m thinking about trying a new cookie recipe every day.” She laughed quietly, “I’ve already lost it.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Well, stircrazy looks good on you.”

“I’m flattered.” She retorted, gesturing to her hair. “I call this the rat’s nest. I haven’t showered since I got out.”

“Why not?” Javier questioned.

“I’m not supposed to get the wrappings wet and I haven’t had it in me to do a kitchen sink hair wash yet.” She made a face, “Should’ve warned you before you hugged me.”

He shook his head, lowering his gaze to the floor, “It’s all good, baby. I think you get a free pass.” Javier was hyper aware of the fact that Steve was staring at him. “I’m just glad you’re up and moving.”

“Yeah, well… I want back in the office sooner rather than later.” She grabbed the remote again. “You wanna watch something?” She looked towards Steve then, “We can work on your language skills.”

Steve shook his head, “I’ve gotta get home to Connie.”

“Right.” She nodded. 

“And Javier and I came in the same car,” He gave him a look, an unspoken warning. 

Steve had a point. Even if it wasn’t ever verbalized. 

This was a dangerous game and he wasn’t about to go down that path. 

“So you _did_ come here to rub in the fact that I can’t go out,” She snapped her fingers. “Aren’t you both _real_ friends.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and looked away, “Sometimes plans change.”

It was probably for the best that Steve had decided to tag along — otherwise, Javier had a feeling he would’ve been tempted to take advantage of the situation. To use that strange bond that was formed after a near-death experience. He had wants that were solely centered around her and he had to let them go. 

He scratched at his cheek, tilting his head to look at her then, “I didn’t tell you where I was gonna go after. I’m not rubbing anything in.”

She hummed skeptically, “Yeah, _whatever_.”

“I think Connie’s planning to bring by a casserole tomorrow.”

“ _Ohh_. Well, maybe the three of you could come over tomorrow and we can have dinner together or early lunch.”

Javier rubbed his thumb over the crease between his brows, sighing heavily. “Yeah, maybe. I might have plans.”

“Alright, then Steve and Connie can just come over.” She corrected with a slight edge to her voice that made something wither and die within him.

_Goddammit_. He should’ve just fucking called. Then he wouldn’t have to sit there feeling like an idiot for caring. 

Caring _too_ much. 

Javier dragged a hand over his face before rising off of the arm of the sofa, “Steve’s right, we probably should get out of your hair.”

She frowned as she met his gaze, but it was a fleeting expression that was replaced with a grimace as she hauled herself off the sofa. 

“You don’t have to get up—“

“I want to.” She huffed, letting Javier help her up off the sofa. Her fingers curled around his forearm for support, her touch like a fire that burned him. 

“Just don’t hurt yourself.” Steve retorted, arms folded across his chest as he watched the pair of them. 

“Not planning on it,” She retorted with a thumbs up, releasing her hold on Javier. “Thank you for coming. _Both_ of you.”

Javier gave her a faint smile, “I’ll call.” 

She nodded, looking away from him then. “Not gonna hold my breath.” 

“I’ll let you know about tomorrow,” Steve told you, winding his fingers through his hair as he started for the door. “I’m sure Connie will want to come over.”

“You’re both more than welcome.” She told him, hobbling on her bad leg as she followed them to the door.

“You never mentioned what the gun was for,” Javier pointed out, stopping a few feet behind her. 

“If you called you’d known,” She shot back without hesitation. “I’m not stupid. I know I should be watching my back.”

Javier sighed heavily, “I’m sorry—“

“ _Don’t_.” She shook her head as she pulled the door open. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Javier.”

Javier lingered in the doorway, staring straight ahead at Steve in the hallway, before he turned back towards her. “I’ll call you tonight, alright?” He worked his jaw slowly as he looked down at her. 

“I’d like that.”

“You have a good evening, now.” Steve drawled out, cutting into the moment and dispersing whatever new tension has formed there. 

“ _The Past Does Not Forgive_ has been on every night.” She told Javier as he lingered in front of her, “I’ve been dying to hear your thoughts on it.”

Javier chuckled, “I think Esteban should cut his losses and get the hell out of that situation.”

She laughed, “Oh, he’s a fool blinded by love.”

“Aren’t they all.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing back at Steve who had propped himself up against the wall — watching them. “I should go. Take care of yourself.”

“I am.” She reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Thank you again.”

“For what?”

“Being there.” She pulled away and took a step back, shutting the door between them. 

Steve cleared his throat, “You good, man?”

Javier shrugged, “Seeing your partner get shot fucks you up.” He said dryly, “Don’t get jealous. I’d be just as torn up for you.”

He fished a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, sticking one between his lips and lighting it up. “That’s horse shit and we both know it.”

He bummed a cigarette off Steve, lighting it up and taking a drag. “I don’t know, I think if we lost you it would throw this whole shit show on its head.”

“Good thing I’m not leaving.” Steve said a little too quickly.


	123. Cruel Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a dream. Set November 1991. Set directly after Stircrazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst

Sometimes your dreams were _cruel_. Sometimes your dreams took you back to your childhood, to evenings spent hiding from your mother, summer days in the park with your father… Sometimes you even dreamed of Lance, which almost always filled you with a sense of regret, because you used him to fill a hole you _knew_ he couldn’t fill. He fell for you and you were just passing the time. 

But the worst dreams were the ones that were about Javier. Because those weren’t fragmented dreams of past follies — they were almost always dreams about what could have been. A better world than the one you lived in.

There had to be something wrong with you. You _kept_ dreaming about him and it did nothing to help that deep sense of longing you felt for him. 

“You _asshole_!” You shouted with a laugh as you swung open your apartment door, relieved to see him waiting on the other side for you. “You gave me a fucking heart attack.” You informed him as you hobbled forward, without hesitation, and threw your arms around him. 

Javier hesitated for a split second, before he curled his arms around her, running his hand up and down the length of her back. “Hey, hobble horse.” He murmured, leaving her feeling warm all the way to her core. 

“Oh, _fuck_ you.” You laughed, punching him in the arm lightly, trying to shake these new feelings you felt. 

“How are you feeling?” He questioned, giving your waist a gentle squeeze. 

“Better now,” You pulled back, grinning up at him. “ _Much_ better now.” It had been three days since you’d last spoken to him — he hadn’t called like he promised. 

“Yeah?” Javier mirrored your grin, his gaze flickering to your lips for the briefest moment, before he shoved his hands into his leather jacket and stood awkwardly there in the hallway. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Come in,” You offered, grabbing ahold of his arm at his elbow, guiding him inside your apartment. “Sorry about the mess…” You scrunched up your nose as you gestured to the empty beer bottles and the take out boxes sitting on your kitchen counter. 

“You got shot, baby… No one’s expecting you to clean your apartment for the likes of me.” Javier assured you, keeping a hand at your back as he helped you over to the sofa. 

“Just don’t tell Steve… he’ll tell Connie that I’m drinking with my meds and…” You pushed your fingers through your unbrushed hair, “Well, I’m not taking the Percocet.”

Javier nodded his head understandingly, “You taking anything?”

“Ibuprofen.” You shrugged, adjusting the pillow on the coffee table as you lifted your leg and carefully placed it there. “It works well enough.”

“As long as you’re not in pain,” He said, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he sat down in the chair across from you. “So… _how_ is it really?”

You laughed breathily, rubbing your hand over a spot above the bandage. “I’m _miserable_.” You admitted. “I miss work. I’m constantly tired, no matter how much sleep I get.”

Javier frowned, “When do you think you’ll be back in the office?”

“Probably after New Years.” You shrugged, rubbing at your forehead as you sank back against the sofa. “I’ve got some PT in a couple weeks. I’ll probably have a week or two of desk duty, but I’ll be back eventually.”

Javier scratched at the back of his neck, “Murphy’s great and all, but… The office fucking sucks without you.”

“I’m flattered,” You grinned. “I’m officially more important than Steve, but still not important enough to _call_.” 

“ _Fuck_.” He breathed out, leaning forward and resting his arms on his legs, staring at a spot on the ground. “I know.”

“Three days and only Connie has called.” You informed him, shaking your head. After waking in the hospital with Javier there, you had stupidly convinced yourself that _this_ had been the precipice of something else. That all these stupid feelings you harbored for him would come to a head… but that meant, he had to reciprocate them, and maybe he didn’t. 

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, exhaling heavily. “I haven’t got an excuse, baby. I know I fucked up.”

“Big time.” You retorted, pursing your lips. “You’re also too far away.” You gestured to where he was sitting. “Is my hair that bad?”

He arched a brow.

“I haven’t washed it since I got home,” You admitted with a grimace. “I’m sure there’s an aroma.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“Well, I’m not supposed to get the bandaging wet and I only have a shower.” You shrugged. “I could do the kitchen sink trick, but my balance isn’t the best currently.”

Javier nodded his head, resting his palms against his knees as he stared across the room at you. His expression was unreadable, but it made a heat bloom in your lower belly that you were quick to tamp down. 

It was a Friday night and he was with _you_. 

“I could help.”

“Help me shower?” You snorted. “You’ve gotta buy me dinner before you get me naked, Javi. Sorry to break it to you.”

Javier’s eyes widened and he laughed nervously, “Your hair.” You caught the way his tongue darted out over his bottom lip, the way he shifted in his seat. “I could help you with your hair.”

_Fuck_. 

You smiled warmly at him, “I’m gonna take you up on the offer. My hair is driving me crazy.”

He rose to his feet then, shucking off his leather jacket and tossing it into the seat of the chair. “Shampoo in the bathroom?”

You nodded, “The two-in-one.”

“You’re one of _those_ people?” He snorted, giving you a look before he headed down the hallway to your bathroom. “I don’t know if I can be friends with a two-in-one user.” He remarked as he returned with the bottle and a towel draped over his shoulder. 

You flipped him off, “I like the smell.”

Javier popped the lid open, sniffing it. “Smells like cherries.”

“ _Precisely.”_ You retorted as you peeled yourself up off the sofa, “And it’s cheap.” 

He offered you his arm, letting you lean on him as you limped your way into the kitchen. 

“Don’t get shot. It’s _not_ pleasant.”

“I’ll try not to,” Javier chuckled humorlessly as he sat the bottle on the counter beside the sink. “It’s not pleasant seeing your partner bleed out either.” He sighed, digging his teeth into his bottom lip as he glanced back at you. 

You ran your hand from his forearm, up to his shoulder, “I can’t even imagine.” You whispered, letting your fingers stray higher so you could casually brush them against his cheek. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your quick thinking.” 

Javier smiled a little, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Your lashes fluttered as you let your hand fall away from his face, turning towards the sink. “Try not to drown me.”

“I won’t.” 

You reached out and turned the faucet on, holding your hand under the flow as you waited for it to get to the right temperature. “Thank you for this.”

“Whatever you need, baby.” He drawled out as you leaned forward beneath the water, gripping the edge of the sink to brace yourself, taking some of the weight off your leg.

Javier stood beside you, cupping his hand beneath the faucet to splash some water onto the hair at the nape of your neck, fingers playing through your hair, before he squirted some shampoo onto your head. 

It felt like _heaven_. You should’ve prepared yourself for the sensation of Javier’s fingers playing through your hair, the way warmth fanned through every limb, making you ache in a distinct way. 

A soft moan escaped you as he massaged his fingers into your scalp. It felt ridiculously good to be touched like that. You managed to stifle the sound — at least you _hoped_ you had. 

Javier worked his fingers through your hair, lathering it up before rinsing it clean. You mourned the loss of his touch the moment he shut off the faucet. 

You leaned your weight against the edge of the counter as you lifted your head, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around your hair. “Now I won’t be an offence to your senses.” You teased lightly as you turned to look at him.

Javier was _painfully_ close to you — so close you could practically feel his breath on your skin. You exhaled shakily as you kept one hand gripping at the counter. 

“ _Javi—“_

“We—“

Your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest. “Am I crazy Javier? I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just…” You closed your eyes for a moment, “Humor me for a moment. Pretend I’m still drugged up, that I won’t remember any of this and just…” You met his intense gaze once more. “Is this all in my head?”

“You’re not crazy.” 

You leaned in to him, “I thought I was going to die in your arms and… I was glad it was you.” You admitted, “And then you were there when I woke up and I felt like _maybe_ something had changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.” Javier told you and he reached out to curl his hand around your hip as you shrank at that admission. “I’ve _always_ felt this way about you.”

You inhaled shakily as you looked up at you, “This isn’t just because I almost…” You swallowed your words. Didn’t people feel _something_ profound for the person who was there with them when they almost died? 

Javier gave your hip a squeeze as he leaned in closer. His nose brushed against yours, lips _so_ close to yours that you were certain he was going to _finally_ kiss you. 

How many times had you pictured kissing him? How many times had you dreamed of moments just like this?

“We shouldn’t.” Javier whispered, pressing his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “Work—“

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Screw work.” You tilted your head, letting your lips gingerly brush against his. It felt like sparks were tingling through your veins. 

Javier canted his head to the side, his lips dragging over yours. Your arms slid over his shoulders as you rose up on your toes and sank into the moment. 

He pulled you towards him, supporting your weight for you as he kissed you with a quiet desperation that made you _wish_ your fucking leg wasn’t cramping up on you.

“ _Fuck_ —“ You tore your mouth away, grabbing at his shoulders for support. “I’ve been upright for too long.” 

Javier stole another kiss, before he swept you into his arms, “I’ve got you, baby.” 

You pressed your face against his shoulder and laughed as he carried you back into the family room, your wet hair dripping all over his shirt, turning the pink fabric red. 

“You’re not going to run now, are you Javier?” You questioned as he helped you get comfortable on the sofa, propping your leg up on a pillow.

Javier hesitated, “Do you want me to stay?”

You gave him a look, “If you know what’s good for you, you should stay.” You patted the sofa beside you. “ _Please_.”

Javier scratched at his jaw, hovering above you for a moment before he sank down onto the sofa beside you. “I don’t know how to do this.” He admitted, rubbing his hands together. 

“I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be in the office for the next two and a half months.” You remarked, scraping your teeth over your bottom lip as you studied him. “What do you want?

Javier cleared his throat, his eyes flickering towards you, “ _You_.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “Good.”

“I don’t…” Javier sighed heavily as he reached out and curled his fingers around your hand, rubbing his thumb along the side of your hand. “You know I’m not a relationship type, baby.”

“Did I say anything about a relationship?” You arched a brow. “But I’m not going to keep pretending that I don’t have feelings for you.” 

He squeezed your hand. “Yeah?”

You grinned at him, nodding your head. “I don’t need a relationship, but I think we should _atleast_ see what’s here.” You gestured between you. 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “I think I can do that.” He rubbed at the side of his neck, shifting on the sofa. “It’s why I didn't call. I didn’t know…” He looked away, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I clammed up.”

“Well, no more clamming up.” You laughed softly, trying to mask a grimace of pain as you shifted yourself closer to him, turning your leg wrong. You turned towards him, brushing your fingers over his jaw as you nudged him to face you. “No one has to know.”

His eyes searched yours for a long moment before he leaned in and kissed you again. That first kiss hadn’t been a fluke, you felt like every nerve in your body was reacting to the feel of his lips against yours. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, practically crawling into his hold — it was awkward and uncomfortable, but worth every second of it. 

Javier reluctantly pulled away, breathing heavily as he pressed his forehead against yours. “You’re hurt.”

“I know.” You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip, grinning at him. “But if you only knew how _long_ I’ve waited for this…”

“I bet I could guess.”

“ _Oh_?” You snorted. “Try me.”

He gently dragged his knuckles over your cheek, meeting your gaze, “Records room… after you broke up with Lance.”

Your brows shot upwards, “Then why didn’t you kiss me?”

“We were at work… Steve was right there,” He shrugged a shoulder. “And you were sad and it felt like… I didn’t want to take advantage.”

You rolled your eyes, “You are a good man, Javier.” You told him, stealing one more kiss before you readjusted yourself so you could lay back against him. “I think you’re sitting on the remote.” You told him.

“Sure you don’t want me to leave and give you a call instead?” He teased as he fished the remote out from beneath him, turning the TV on. “What’s been on?”

“ _The Past Does Not Forgive_ has been on every night.” You told him, tilting your head to look back at him, “I’ve been dying to hear your thoughts on it.”

“Last time I checked in, I thought Esteban should cut his losses and get the hell out of that situation.” He curled his arm around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

You turned your head and kissed his cheek, “He’s a fool blinded by love.”

“Aren’t they all.” Javier murmured, nuzzling your shoulder. “This feels right.”

You rested your hand over his, sliding your fingers in between his. “I don’t know what took us so long…”

A phone started ringing, preventing Javier from responding to you. Jarring you awake.

_Awake_.

You groaned as you pulled yourself upright, your neck aching from the awkward position you’d been laying on the sofa. 

You twisted around and grabbed the phone off the cradle, pressing it to your ear, “Hello?”

“Hey—“

“ _Javier._ ”

“Did I wake you?”

You grumbled, “ _Yeah_. It’s fine.” 

“You should sleep.”

“I’m awake now.” You snapped, squinting your eyes as you looked across the room and glanced at the clock on the wall. “It’s almost midnight.”

Javier cleared his throat, “Yeah…”

“ _Asshole_.” You huffed. “Did you have fun?”

“No.” He sighed, “Went for a drink and came back home.”

“At midnight.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You pinched at the bridge of your nose, “Nothing. I’m just jealous that I can’t go out.” In reality, you felt a spike of jealousy go through you that was centered around the idea of anyone else being the one to kiss Javier. 

That dream had done a number on you. 

“Are you coming over tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” 

You rolled your eyes, tucking the phone between your shoulder and ear. “ _Maybe._ ” You parroted back. “Can’t give me a definite?”

“I’m gonna try.”

“Alright.” You wished it didn’t come off so harshly, but the undercurrent of annoyance was there. Your stupid dream had left you wanting something you couldn’t have. 

There was nothing you wanted more than to be curled up on your sofa with Javier. To spend the next few weeks recuperating with his arms around you. Stealing kisses, savoring moments, and having what you wanted.

You stuffed those emotions back into the box they belonged in. 

“Sorry.” You offered gently. 

“It’s all good, baby.” Javier murmured. “I’m here for you.”

You smiled to yourself, “I’m here for you too.” And maybe you wouldn’t always be, but at least you were right now. 


	124. Birthday Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to celebrate Javier’s birthday. Set October 26, 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussions of pegging and sex toys.

“I got us something to celebrate with tonight,” Javier told you as he snaked his arms around your waist, pressing his face into the crook of your neck as you waited for your bagel at the toaster. 

You slid your hands over his forearms, leaning back against him. “Is this a bad time to tell you I accidentally planned dinner tonight with the girls?” You tilted your head, grimacing a little as you looked back at him. “I thought it might be nice.”

“ _Shit._ ” Javier sighed, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

You turned in his hold, draping your arms over his shoulders as you smiled up at him, “Happy Birthday, Javi.” You whispered, rising up on your toes to press your lips to his. “Wait, did you get _me_ something for _your_ birthday?”

He rubbed at the small of your back, “Technically, it’s for both of us.”

“ _Oh_?” You arched a brow as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck. “Any hints?”

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, “I swallowed my pride and went back to see Rocky.”

A slow grin crept over your lips as you toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, “You’ve got me curious now.”

“Remember a couple months back? We talked about—” He cleared his throat. “—and if I’m gonna cut my hair for Halloween, I thought you might want to,” Javier coughed awkwardly. “ _Again_.”

Your eyes lit up, “A _happy_ birthday indeed.” You whispered as you rose up on your toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. 

“Mommy!” Josie cried out as she stomped into the kitchen with Stevie hot on her heels. “I can’t find my Tigger.”

“You get to tell her,” Javier told you as he pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose before slipping out of your arms. 

You have him a scathing look as you crouched down to Josie’s height, laughing as Stevie attempted to knock you over with kisses. “Well, I’ve got some _bad_ news about Tigger… but first, do you remember what we discussed about _today?_ ”

Josie’s brows furrowed together and she turned to look at her father, before looking back at you. “Is that today?” 

You nodded.

She leaned in close and whispered, “I forgot to make a card.”

“That’s alright,” You pinched her cheek, “Daddy doesn’t like a big fuss.”

Josie smiled, “ _Okay_. But what about Tigger?”

“Stevie ate him”. You scrunched up your nose, “But don’t worry, you’ll get a new one soon.” You assured her, “Now, go wish your daddy happy birthday.”

You snatched your bagels out of the toaster as Josie bounced over to Javier at the kitchen table. 

“Happy birthday daddy!” Josie cheered as he hoisted her into his lap and she threw her arms around him. 

“Thank you, princesa.” Javier drawled out warmly as he bounced her in his arms. “Did you sleep well, sweetheart?”

She sighed heavily, looking very serious, “I had _dreams_.” A frown fell over her features, as you glanced back at them. “But Tigger was in them.” 

“You’ve got to remember to put your toys up,” Javier reminded her, tapping her shoulder before taking a drink of his coffee. 

“Hey, birthday boy… what do you want?”

“Just cereal.” He shrugged. 

You snorted, “Just like any other day.”

“I am easy to please.” Javier told you with a crooked grin, before masking it behind another sip of coffee. 

“I had heard otherwise,” You taunted as you smeared butter onto your bagel and sat it down on the table. “Raisin Bran?”

“Works for me.” 

“Mommy I want Pop-Tarts.” Josie told you as she reclined back against Javier’s chest. “With icing.”

“They were all out of Pop-Tarts with icing.” You informed her, “But you can have strawberry Pop-Tarts without icing.” You said as you peeled off the shiny wrapping and popped them into the toaster.

“Today is the worst day.” She huffed, “No oh-fences, daddy.”

Javier chuckled, “None taken.”

Sofía squealed, slapping her hands against the top of her high chair. “Da-da!” 

“Yes sweetheart?”

She blew a raspberry at him. 

“ _Ah_ , revenge.” You chuckled, “And to think, not that long ago there was another squirmy-raspberry-blowing baby around.”

“Me!” Josie pointed at herself with a grin. 

“Yes you.” Javier kissed the top of her head.

“Daddy how old are you?”

“Old,” Javier answered before telling her the truth, “Forty-eight.”

“Oh! That _is_ old.”

You stifled a laugh as you poured the cereal and milk into a bowl and sat it on the table for him. “He’s lucky I’ve got a thing for _old_ men.” You teased, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips.

The Pop-Tarts popped in the toaster and you circled back around to grab them for Josie, before dropping them off at her seat and finding your way back to yours.

“Eat up, we need to get you to school.” You told Josie, snapping your fingers as she slowly made her way around the table to her seat. “And we’re going out for dinner tonight with Monica and Nadia so please don’t get dirty.”

Josie scrunched up her nose, “I don’t get dirty. The dirty gets on me.” She told you with a little tilt of her head as she took a bite of her Pop Tart.

“The sass.” Javier chuckled, taking a sip of coffee. “Hey baby.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve only got two students coming in for office hours before lunch.” He told you as he scooped up a bite of cereal. “Thought maybe…”

You arched a brow, your lips twitching upwards into a smirk. “I can do a half day.” 

“Can I do a half day?” Josie questioned, chewing with her mouth full. 

“ _Josie_.” Javier warned. 

She chewed quickly and washed it down dramatically with her milk, “Can I do a half day?”

“No.” You shook your head. “Little girls have to go to school and daycare.” You pointed between Josie and Sofía. “So that you can play hookie when you’re older.”

Josie pouted, “ _Fine_.” She took another bite of Pop Tart. “Why aren’t you guys married?”

You blinked, “What?”

“You and daddy are both old enough.”

Javier pinched the bridge of his nose, “Not everyone has to get married.”

You nodded your head in agreement, “And sometimes not everyone who gets married talks about getting married.”

“Are Monica and Nadia married?”

“No.” Javier shook his head, “But maybe one day they can get married.” He gave you a look. “Where’s this coming from?”

Josie drank a sip of milk, “This boy in school said he wanted to marry me and I said ‘ _ew_!’ Because he’s not funny.”

You snorted, “Because he’s not funny?”

Josie shrugged, “Daddy makes you laugh.”

Javier met your eyes with a warm smile. “She’s got a point.”

“You’re also a little girl who doesn’t have to worry about marriage right now.”

“I know.” Josie grinned at you. “I told him that my mommy knows how to shoot people.”

Your amusement died and you covered your face as you groaned, “Josie, what the hell?”

“Swear!” She shouted, pointing a finger at you.

“Hey,” Javier snapped his fingers. “You can’t tell people that, Josie.”

“Well he doesn’t bother me anymore.” Josie shrugged, looking rather pleased with herself. 

“No wonder your teacher hates me.” You sighed, pushing your fingers through your hair as you sank back in your seat. “When did this happen?”

Josie hummed, “Last week.”

“Please don’t do it again or Tigger will _not_ be coming back into the house.”

She gulped, “I was just…” Josie looked towards Javier with big wide eyes. “Am I in trouble.”

“Not yet.” He warned, before gesturing to her empty plate. “Go get changed for school. It’s not pajama day.” 

Josie finished off her milk, before she slid out of her seat and down the hallway back to her bedroom with Stevie trailing behind her. 

“She’s _your_ daughter.”

“With all the piss and vinegar of her mother.” He winked at you, “So you’re down for coming back home?”

You nodded, “As long as you don’t mind sitting funny tonight.” You mused as you licked butter off your finger, holding his gaze. 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “It’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

——

The morning dragged on for a lifetime. Every time you glanced at the clock on your wall, it felt like time had gone backwards instead of forwards. 

Things were starting to slow down at the P.D. as you started training the team that would take over your position. As much as you were looking forward to moving on — you would miss it. There was nothing quite like being in the thick of things.

But you were looking forward to having more time with Javier. Like sharing an office with him at the university — it would be just like old times. 

And Josie had a point, neither of you were getting any younger. Javier was two years away from being fifty, which was a _surreal_ realization to have.

He was also the same almost fifty-year-old that you were going to rail for his birthday. 

You beat him home, which gave you ample time to put on the newest piece of lingerie you’d picked up to celebrate with that ended up being the most expensive piece you owned. 

It was a black and silver piece; a silver satin bustier with black lace and a matching garter set that was attached to lacy black thigh highs. You had planned to wear a nice dress over it for dinner — just to drive him wild, but this was _much_ better _._

You draped yourself on the sofa, ready to greet him the second he walked through the door. And when he did…

“ _Holy shit_.” Javier laughed as he quickly shut and locked the door closed behind him, “Look at you.”

“You like?” You questioned as you traced your fingertips along your collarbone and dragged them down between the lace and satin that covered your breasts. 

“I fucking love it.” Javier said as he tossed his jacket off and dropped his briefcase without care. “And you were going to deprive me of this with dinner, baby?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, grinning at him as you sat up and patted the sofa beside you. “I had a plan… but I’m liking this change of plans.”

“Me too.” He agreed as he moved to sit down, loosening his tie and popping the first button.”

“Let me,” You whispered, moving to straddle his lap, your hands skimming his chest as you held his gaze. “So what did you buy?”

Javier shifted beneath you, running his hands over your thighs as he marveled at you. “Hmm?”

You rolled your hips teasingly, “What did you buy?” You questioned with a grin, tugging at his hair as you leaned in to brush your lips over his. “I’m starting to think you _didn’t_ buy anything.”

He gave your hip a playful swat, “It vibrates.”

“Oh?” You trailed your finger down his nose. “For you?” He nodded and your grin broadened. “ _Bold_.” 

Javier shrugged, “I got talked into it.”

“Rocky’s getting a Christmas card,” You laughed, leaning in to kiss him, letting the kiss linger. “And you’re sure?”

He nodded, his shoulders sinking as he exhaled. “I can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday.” He told you as he ran his hand up your waist, fingers telling over the curve of your breast. “And baby, I didn’t even know I was getting this today.”

You laughed softly, “I couldn’t resist.” You slid your fingers through his hair as you slowly rolled your hips. “I had this whole plan to let you see what I had under my dress before we left for dinner… just to wind you up.”

Javier snorted and shook his head, “Sounds about right.” He leaned in and caught your lip between his teeth, tugging at it lightly. “What did I ever do to end up here with you?”

You hummed thoughtfully, “I think all you had to do was be the perfect person for me.” You told him, brushing your nose against his as your breath danced over his. 

He ran his hands around to give your ass a squeeze as you ground yourself down against him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” You smiled at him as you cradled the back of his head and kissed him. 

Javier groaned against your lips as you rolled your hips, his cock hardening against you — concealed by the fabric of his slacks and boxers beneath. You reached down between the two of you, working at the buttons of his shirt as you tugged the fabric out of his pants. 

There was _plenty_ of time to work up to the main event. You had four hours until you had to pick the girls up and right now you wanted to _tease_ him. To build up the moment and drag it out. 

You knew he wasn’t the most bold and daring man when it came to sex — contrary to popular belief, and you didn’t want to waste this opportunity to explore something new with him. 

Your fingers worked the last of his shirt buttons loose and your mouth descended upon the newly bared skin. Leaving open-mouthed kisses along his collarbone as your hands skimmed over his chest and stomach. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier swore under his breath, his hands gripping at your hips as he moved beneath you. 

You leaned down, your tongue sweeping over his nipple before biting at the soft flesh directly beside it. Javier made a quiet keening sound and your entire body _throbbed_ in response. 

“Did you like that?” You questioned as you slid your tongue over the skin as it turned red from your teeth indents. 

Javier wound his fingers into your hair, tugging lightly as you repeated the attention to his other nipple, biting down a little harder at his skin. 

Something hit against the front door a few feet away from you and at the sound of jingling keys, you barely had a chance to grab a blanket to cover yourself with before the door swung open. 

Monica was in autopilot and it wasn’t until she had stepped inside and shut the door — locking eyes with you — before she realized what she’d walked in on. 

“Oh my god!” She cried out shielding her eyes. “I didn’t know you were home! Why are you home?” 

“Why are you here?” You questioned, eyeing the box in her hand.

“I was dropping off Javier’s gift.” Monica turned her back on both of you, “Oh my god… this is like walking in on your parents.”

“If it’s any consolation, we are _mostly_ dressed.” Javier told her as he helped you tuck the throw around you to keep it in place. 

“I thought you were at work—“

“We were.” You both answered in unison. 

You slid off Javier’s lap, keeping the throw tight around your body. 

Javier nudged you in the thigh, gesturing to the marks you’d already left on his chest. 

You yanked a pillow out from behind him and tossed it onto his lap. “We’re decent.”

“I’m going to die.”

“Did you think we _weren’t_ having sex?” You laughed as Monica turned around, looking absolutely mortified. 

“No! I just pretend it isn’t happening.” Monica made a face as she looked between the two of you. “I am… _so_ sorry.”

“It could’ve been worse.” Javier retorted, reaching over to give your knee a squeeze, letting it his hand linger there. “What’d you get me? Since I told you no gifts.”

Monica made a face, “That tortilla press you were coveting.” She held the box up, “I’m just… gonna put this in the kitchen and leave.”

You watched her as she heard back into the kitchen, exchanging a look with Javier. “ _Oops.”_

Javier raked his hand down his face, sighing heavily. “I share in the sentiment of wanting to die.”

You pinched him in the side, “ _Shut up_.” You leaned into him, resting your cheek on his shoulder. 

Monica shielded her eyes as she walked back into the family room, “I am… so sorry. I will buy drinks or dessert tonight… _something_.”

“Monica, sweetheart, it’s fine.” You assured her with a soft laugh. “We should’ve gone into the bedroom.”

“No! It’s your house you can… do what you want to, wherever you want to.” Her brows rose upwards as she looked at you, “Are you actually wearing anything under there aside from those tights?”

You nodded, brushing your hair aside to show the straps of the bustier, “More covered than a bathing suit.”

“I thought that reassurance might help with how traumatized I feel but… _nope_.” She covered her face and groaned. “I’m going to go use brain bleach and hope I forget this before tonight.” She told you, before she ducked out of the house and her keys jingled on the other side as she locked it back. 

You turned towards Javier and pressed your face against his shoulder, “Oh my god.” You actually _giggled_ and that sound made him wrap his arms around you and haul you into his lap sideways, knocking the pillow away. “We’ve officially scarred one of our daughters.”

“Should’ve known it would be Monica,” Javier chuckled as he kissed your neck. “Rain check?” 

“ _Yeah_.” You played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I don’t blame you.” 

Javier traced his fingers over your leg, “I can’t believe she…” He shook his head. “It could’ve been so much worse.”

You nuzzled at his throat, “Which is why _that_ was going to happen in the bedroom. Well, privacy and your knees.” You tugged at his hair. “Next time.”

He squeezed your hip, “Next time.” 


	125. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make up for lost time. Set New Year’s Eve 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (Pegging, toys, overstimulation, sex, female receiving oral)

“Are you _sure_ you don’t mind watching the girls tonight? Don’t you want to go celebrate?” You questioned as you sat a mug of coffee down on the table in front of Monica, before circling around to sit across from her. 

“If today was the weekend, it would be a different answer,” She told you as she blew on her coffee before taking a sip. “But she’s got work tomorrow. We’re probably gonna go to Disney for the weekend.”

“Oh?”

Monica nodded, “Her aunt’s got a timeshare in Orlando and they said we could use it.”

“Epcot was fun if you like to drink,” You told her, “We haven’t been back since Josie was little.”

“Did she have fun?”

“Javier and I went alone,” You explained as you sipped your coffee. “It was hot, we both had different ideas for the trip…” You laughed quietly, “But Sofía was made, so it worked out in the end.”

Monica made a face, “TMI.”

You gave her a look, “Oh, I’m sorry. Sofía just appeared one day. No idea how she came to be.”

“Didn’t you find her under a rock?”

“Actually, she was chilling with the alligators.” You snapped your fingers, “She _does_ like to bite.”

She laughed, “It would make a _lot_ of sense.”

“What are your plans?”

“Still undecided,” You confessed with a shrug. “But I think we might go down to the bar for a little revelry. With everything that’s been going on the past few months, we never got to _enjoy_ that lingerie set you unwillingly witnessed.”

Monica covered her face, “I am still _trying_ to forget.”

You laughed with a grin, “Sorry. You should just be thankful you didn’t walk in about thirty minutes later.”

“I can’t believe you played hookie! That both of you did.” She took another sip of coffee, “I am scarred for life.”

“I’m just saying — it could’ve been _so_ much worse.”

“I like living in the world where you and Javier just bake cookies and knit or something.” She scrunched up her nose. “It was bad enough when I caught you at school before I _knew_ you.”

You made a face. “ _Sorry_.”

“I mean, more power to you,” Monica laughed. “But there wasn’t enough brain bleach.” She stuck out her tongue. “I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.”

“I don’t know who was more traumatized, you or Javier. Because nothing _fun_ happened after that.” You pressed your tongue against the inside of your cheek. “For all of his _very_ public history in Colombia, it's pretty easy to make him blush like a virgin.”

“He’s _so_ bashful!” Monica leaned against the table. “He was so _clearly_ uncomfortable after dinner that night.”

“It’s _very_ endearing.” You admitted with a smile. “He can be an enigma.”

“I’ve noticed.” She nodded. “Before break, one of the students in class actually brought up the article and he looked like he wanted to die.”

“Ah, _yes_. He mentioned that,” You toyed with a lock of hair as you sank back in your seat. “I heard they seemed rather shocked that I’ve stayed in contact with Elena.”

Monica tilted her head, “I mean, I was a little shocked too. But if they knew you, it would make sense.”

You pursued your lips, “I learned very early on that it was better to keep certain connections because they could be useful in the future.” 

“Except for toxic people.” She pointed out.

“ _Exactly._ ”

* * *

Javier’s hands skimmed over your velvet-covered hips as you moved to the music with him, your bodies pressed close together. 

The bar was _packed_ with patrons drinking and dancing to ring in the New Year. You were both buzzed _,_ but not drunk because you had _plans_ for when you got home that would not work if you were both drunk. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, leaning in to kiss his lips as his hands slid under your leather jacket. 

“Tonight’s a very important night.” You told him, as you pressed kisses along his jaw and let your lips linger by his ear.

“And why’s that?” He questioned, giving your waist a squeeze as his hands wandered. 

“Tonight’s our first New Years as a _married_ couple _._ ” You reminded him with a grin as you pulled back, brushing your fingers through his hair where it fell against his forehead. 

A lazy grin spread over his lips and he cupped your cheek and leaned in to kiss you, “So many firsts with you.” He murmured, brushing his nose against yours. 

You slid your arms over his shoulders, “Seven New Years with you.” 

Javier ran his hands over the small of your back, keeping you pressed close to him, “I’m a lucky man.”

“You’re going to get even luckier when we get home.” You taunted, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Only took three months.”

“We’ve been busy,” He reminded you, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. “I’ve been looking forward to it, baby.”

You kissed him again, “Call a cab and I’ll close out our tab.” You told him, running your hand down the center of his chest. 

It took longer than you wanted it to, to close out your tab at the bar, but atleast by the time you were done the cab had arrived. 

Javier kept his hand curled around your upper thigh the entire ride home, one finger sliding over the bare skin just above the lacy top of stockings. 

After the last _disastrous_ attempt on the sofa, you both bypassed the family room and went straight back to your bedroom. 

He followed you into the closet when you went to retrieve the box of toys crowding close to you. “You have been driving me crazy _all_ night, baby.” Javier drawled out as he snaked his arm around your waist. 

You leaned back against him, forgetting the box entirely as he dragged the fabric of your dress up your thighs. He traced his fingers along the straps of the garters, up to the lacy edge of the lingerie. 

“I enjoyed dancing with you,” You told him, reaching behind you to curl your fingers around the back of his neck as you slowly pressed your ass back against his noticeably hard cock. “And I think you liked it too.”

He pushed the straps of your velvet dress off, before helping you shimmy it down your hips and discard on the floor. 

Javier’s teeth scraped over your bare shoulder, his tongue sweeping out over the marks he left as he ran one hand up along your inner thigh to cup your cunt through the lace. “Fuck, you’re soaked, baby.” He whispered, dragging his fingers over your sensitive flesh. 

He sought out your clit, circling his fingertip over the tender bundle of nerves. Your hips rocked back against him and you squirmed in his vice-like hold. “ _Javier_.”

“I want you to open the box for me,” Javier said lowly, his finger stroking you more rapidly then. “That’s it. _Good girl_.” He practically purred as he watched you open the box. 

Javier released his hold on your waist, reaching into the box to pull out the little remote control vibrator you’d purchased over the summer. “I want you to enjoy this too.” He told you, catching your earlobe between his teeth. 

“Fucking you is _very_ enjoyable.” You assured him as you turned your head to look back at him. “Don’t _tease._ ”

Javier pressed a too-brief kiss to your lips before he caught your hand and placed the toy into your palm. “You know you want to.”

You swallowed thickly as you looked between him and the toy with a slow-forming smirk. “I love the way you think.” You quipped as you handed the toy back to him. 

He mirrored your smirk, “I thought you might enjoy it.” His hand slid back between your thighs, teasing your slick flesh through your underwear before he pushed the lace aside and worked to press the toy into you. 

Javier gave you cunt a quick pat once the toy was nestled within you. “It’s only fair, isn’t it?” He questioned as he set the toy to one. 

You moaned, momentarily stunned by stimulation that was buzzing through your pelvic region. You leaned back against the shelves, cupping your breasts as you met his gaze. “I can’t wait til you feel this, Javi.” You told him, your breath coming out in shaky exhales as he brought you towards your orgasm. 

He descended upon you, his knee pressed between your thighs to give you something to grind against as the heat blossomed within you. You trembled as you came, your cunt clenching desperately around the toy as he got you off. 

Javier quickly shut the toy off, turning his focus to kissing you then. His mouth slanted hungrily over yours, his tongue exploring your mouth as he fondled your breasts, touching you wherever he could. 

“Go undress,” You told him, tugging at his hair sharply. “And grab the lube.” 

“Whatever you want, baby.” Javier told you as he stole another kiss before vanishing out the closet door. 

The harness worked perfectly with your lingerie, none of the fastenings rubbing against each other uncomfortably. 

The toy he had bought at the shop seemed larger than the first model — though not by much. A little more girthy and just a little longer. And with a quick switch of the remote it came to life where it protruded from the harness, buzzing with the same intensity as the toy within you.

It would certainly be an interesting way to bring in the New Year. 

Javier was waiting for you on the bed, a hand lazily stroking his rigid cock as he laid there. 

“Are you ready for this?” You questioned, hands on your hips as you approached the bed.

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “ _Yes_.”

“Same rules as before. Safe word or tap out with three squeezes.” You reminded him as he climbed onto the bed and laid down beside him. 

“I love you,” Javier whispered as he cupped your cheek and kissed you. 

You kissed the tip of his nose, “I love you too.” 

He chuckled, tucking hair behind your ear. “I can’t believe we’re doing this again.”

“I’ll mourn that there’s no hair to tug at,” You snapped your fingers as you gestured to his hair. “Even if it looks good.”

Javier pulled your in for another kiss, “Next summer.”

“ _Good_.” You stole another kiss before you moved down the bed and settled onto your knees in front of Javier, your gaze flickering between his face and his cock, where it laid against his lower belly. 

Javier ran his hand over his chest, exhaling shakily as he glanced downwards at the toy protruding from the harness. 

“Like what you see?” You questioned as you slid your hands up his legs where he had them bent over your thighs to accommodate you between his legs. 

He nodded his head slowly, working his jaw as he stared at you. “It’s bigger, isn’t it?” 

You laughed softly, giving his knee a reassuring squeeze. “Just a smidge. I don’t think Rocky’s led us astray yet.” You reached for the bottle of lubricant, squirting some into your palm and coating the shaft of the light blue toy. “If you hate it, we can stop.” 

It _had_ been awhile since the last time you’d played with the harness. 

“I’m good, baby.” He assured you as he sank back against the pillows. Javier slid his hand over to grab the remote that was connected to the toy nestled within you. 

You twitched as he set the toy to the first setting, a pleasant hum of desire being stoked within you. It wasn’t enough to get you _anywhere_ fast, but it was enough to make your body come alive all over again. 

You were still reeling from the first orgasm he’d brought you towards, the lacy crotch of your underwear soaked through with your own arousal. 

“ _Tease_.” You hissed out lightly as you squirted out another dollop of lubricant, coating your fingers. 

Javier smirked at you, his eyes warm with desire as you held his gaze and stroked your finger down the length of his cock, over his balls, down towards that tight pucker. 

He stiffened and you were quick to soothe him with gentle words as you rubbed the top of his thigh, “I’m good.” Javier assured your, exhaling again as he tried to relax his muscles. 

You pressed lightly against him, watching his face cautiously as you worked your two fingers into him. “Look at you,” You whispered. “ _Fuck_. Is this what you want, Javi? Do you want me to fuck you, just like this?”

Javier grabbed at your knee, his hips shifting towards your touch. 

“Use your words,” You reminded him, squirting a little more lube onto your fingers as you continued working them in and out of him. “I want you to beg for it.”

His eyes clenched closed and he let out a low moan as you pulled your fingers out of him. “Baby, _please._ ”

“Please what?”

Javier glared at you, “I’ve waited _three_ months for you to fuck me again, baby. You know exactly what I want.”

You smirked at him as you curled your fingers around the shaft of the toy, guiding it into position. You pulled the remote out of the waistband of your underwear, letting your finger hover over the settings as you prepared to work the toy into him.

“Is this what you want?”

“ _Yes_.” His back arched and you marveled at just how _good_ he looked like this. Javier looked good when he relinquished control. “Fuck, baby. _Please_.”

Another sound escaped him as you the tip of the toy brushed against his puckered center. He winced momentarily as the toy pressed into him. 

“You’re doing so good.” You promised him, grabbing at his leg for support as you continued working the length of the toy into him. You waited until you were seated fully within him before you turned the toy on. 

His cock twitched against his stomach as the toy buzzed to life within him. “ _Holy shit_.” He breathed out, shifting beneath you as he curled his hands around your legs, his fingers fanning out over the dark tights covering your skin. 

“Is that a good _holy shit_?” You questioned, remaining completely still within him. 

Javier nodded, “ _Yes_.”

You drew back until just the tip of the toy was still in him and you switched the toy up another notch as you slid back into him. You moved slowly, rolling your hips as you worked the toy in and out of him. 

The look on his face was enough to make your entire body _throb_ with want. His cock was leaking against his stomach and his lips party with unspoken words as you fucked the toy into him. 

It took you a moment to find the right angle, to reach his own sweet spot and when you _did_ —

Javier fumbled with the remote, switching it from one to four in one motion. 

Your pace faltered and you rocked forward roughly as he sank the length of the toy into him. Your head fell forward and you moaned in unison with the sounds falling from his lips. 

“Javier,” You managed. “You look so _fucking_ good like this.” You bucked your hips into him, trying to keep pace with the pulsing throb of the toy inside you. 

You fumbled for the remote, shutting it off as you let him climb down from the high that was building.

“ _Fuck_!” Javier grabbed at the sheets beside his hip as you pulled out of him completely. His eyes were blown wide as he lifted his gaze to find yours. “Baby, don’t stop.” 

You ran your hands over the tops of his thighs, “Twenty minutes until 199–“ You moaned as the toy within you continued to charge towards your own release. “ _1999_.” 

Javier writhed beneath you, “ _Baby_.”

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip as you looked down at him. “Do you want something?” You questioned as you lined the toy back up. 

Javier’s back arched as you pressed into him again and the sound he made set you alight, fanning fresh heat through your lower belly. 

You held onto his legs for support as you shifted, keeping yourself pressed into him as you moved to lean over him on your knees. 

His cock was trapped between your bellies as you planted your hands on the bed beside his chest. 

“Are you going to come for me?” You questioned, your lips barely brushing against his as you spoke. You grabbed for the remote, switching the toy back on to a pace that matched the one vibrating within you. 

Javier scrambled to touch you — fingers in your hair, hands sliding down your arms, his breath hot on your lips. 

You rolled your hips with a little more haste, chasing your own release as much as his. With every movement, the strap of the harness was rubbing the lace of your underwear right against your clit and in tandem with the vibrator you were dangling right on the edge. 

His fingers curled around the back of your head as his lips crashed into yours, his tongue unfurling against your tongue as he kissed you desperately. 

Javier stiffened beneath you, his hips rocking to meet your thrusts as he came apart for you, his cock spilling over his stomach, trapped between both of you. 

You grabbed at the remote, cranking up the setting to four — just to watch the utterly _fucked_ look that passed over his face as the overstimulation from his release flooded his senses. 

“ _Shit_!” Javier swore through clenched teeth. You sat back on your knees, keeping the buzzing toy seated within him as you watched him. 

“You’re so good, babe.” You told him, petting your hand over his thigh. 

You were _so_ close to your own release, you could feel it building. But that mounting pleasure was cut short with a wave of concern as Javier grabbed at your knee and gave it three quick squeezes.

“I’ve got you,” You assured him as you shut off the toy and quickly withdrew from him. “Hey, hey. Are you good, Javi?” You questioned as you took the remote for your toy out of his hand and shut it off. 

“Yeah,” He grunted, giving a stiff nod as he stared up at the ceiling. “Holy _fuck_ , baby.” Javier breathed out, his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath. “ _Shit_ —“

You shook your head as you brushed your knuckles over his cheek, “Don’t. I’m fine.” You promised him, tracing your fingertips over his nose. “Are you sure you’re good?”

“It was too much,” He told you, rubbing at his forehead before he let his head tilt to the side to look at you. “But _fucking_ amazing.” 

You scooted closer to him and pressed your lips to his, “Worth the three month wait?”

“Mhm.” He mumbled as he kissed you again. “It was _very_ good.” 

“I’m gonna go clean this off.” You told him as you moved to get out of bed. “I’ll be right back.”

You’d deal with the mess tomorrow, you figured as you removed the harness and sat in the bathtub to clean later. You washed off your hands and grabbed a damp cloth to clean him up with. 

“This is a good look for you,” You told Javier as you stepped back into the bedroom. “You’ve got this glassy-eyed freshly-fucked thing going on.”

Javier snorted, “I wonder why.” He jerked a little as you used the cloth to wipe off his stomach and cock, before sweeping it down between his thighs. 

“Sorry.” You grimaced, giving his leg a reassuring squeeze. 

“Baby, it’s _alright_.” Javier assured you again. “It was just overwhelming in the moment.” 

“I’m allowed to worry about you,” You reminded him as you laid back down beside him. “Last thing I want to do is accidentally hurt you during this.” You gestured between the two of you. 

Javier ran his hand over your lace-covered lower belly, trialing downwards between your thighs, “You didn’t come, did you?”

You shook your head, “Babe, it’s fine.” 

“There are _five_ more minutes of this year and I know how I want to end it.” Javier told you as he hooked his fingers into your underwear, “These need to come off.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing at the bedside clock as you sat up to unfasten the garters and slide your underwear off. You were _aching_ — even your thighs slick with your desire as you angled yourself towards him. “What did you have in mind?”

Javier ran his tongue over his bottom lip and smirked at you, “I think you know.” He retorted as he beckoned you closer. 

You moved to straddle his chest, letting him maneuver himself beneath you until his mouth was between your thighs. 

“So this is how you want to ring in the New Year?” You questioned as he played your fingers through his hair. 

Javier’s answer was to turn the toy back on, the first setting reigniting the flames that had gone cold. He held onto your hips tightly, keeping you from rolling them and accidentally breaking his nose in the heat of the moment. 

He held you steady with a grip hard enough to bruise as he wrapped his lips around your clit and teased it in tandem with the vibrations of the toy. 

You let yourself get lost in the sensation, your entire lower stomach _throbbing_ with desire as you coaxed another orgasm from you. Your thigh muscles twitched and you tried to squirm out of his hold. 

It felt like _heaven_. Your body perfectly in tune with his. It was hard to believe that yet another year had slipped by — and an eventful one at that.

“Happy New Year, baby.” Javier whispered as he lazily kissed your inner thigh, his mustache glistening with your arousal as he eased the toy from you. 

You slumped forward, grabbing at the headboard for support. “Happy _fucking_ New Year.” You laughed as you grinned down at him. 

There was no one else you wanted to spend your years with. 


	126. Christmas Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presents are opened. Christmas Day 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: FLUFF

“Mommy, look what Nadia got me!” Josie shouted, getting your attention as you looked through the viewfinder of the camcorder. She proudly held up a bright pink CD-Rom game, “It’s the fashion designer game I’ve wanted for forever!”

Javier gave you a look, “I think she just shaded you.”

You rolled your eyes, “Thank Nadia for it.”

“The kid’s got style. How could I resist?” Nadia shrugged. “Next time we watch you, we’ll play with it, alright?”

Josie nodded her head, “Thank you.”

Chucho chuckled, “Just you wait until she opens my presents.” He took a sip of coffee before sitting it aside and taking the very squirmy Sofía out of your arms. 

“Mommy!” Josie squealed. “Monica got me the nail designer too!” She beamed at the camera.

“Looks like this is a _very_ Barbie Christmas.” Javier remarked, resting his hand on the top of your thigh and giving it a squeeze. You pulled your housecoat around you tighter and leaned into his side. 

Josie moved onto her grandfather’s gifts, which included the _Barbie Riding Club_ game and a matching Barbie doll. 

“Look!” Josie brandished the doll, pouting a little. “But I still don’t have a pony.”

“ _Hmm_.” Javier tapped his chin thoughtfully, “I wonder if Santa knew. Maybe you should open your stocking.”

Josie scrambled across the floor to grab the stocking out from under the tree, before retreating back into her spot in front of the camera. 

“Clothing…” She huffed, tossing them aside like any little girl would, before she got her hands on the _big_ toy. “A horse! Daddy, I got my pony!” She ooed and awed as she stared at the package. 

“And it walks,” You told her with a grin. 

Mitch leaned over the back of the sofa, giving your shoulder a squeeze. “That smile right there reminds me of a certain sixteen year old and _Dove_.”

“Oh God.” You hid your face. 

“Who’s Dove?” Javier questioned. 

You playfully swatted Mitch’s hand off your shoulder. “The guitar I got for Christmas after I moved in with them,” You explained, scrunching up your nose “It was black and had this stupid white dove on the front.”

“She was just the _cutest_ thing,” Darla remarked from behind the sofa where she was sitting beside Mitch on the chairs Javier had pulled in from the dining table. “But she was no Stevie Nicks.” 

Javier grinned at you, rubbing his hand up and down your leg, “I didn’t know you played.” 

“Not well.” You assured him, making a face as you pressed your lips against his shoulder. 

“She wasn’t terrible,” Mitch amended. “Not great, but not terrible.” 

“Mommy, are you getting this?” Josie questioned as she tugged on a dress over her pajamas. 

Monica laughed, “Why don’t we do a fashion show later?”

“Does Tate want to do a fashion show?” Josie questioned. 

Tate clenched his teeth and grimaced, looking towards you and his parents for a way out. 

“Tate would _love_ to be in your fashion show,” Mitch told Josie, patting Tate on the back. 

“Thanks dad.” He grumbled, shaking his head. 

“Now, let’s see what mommy and daddy got for you.” Javier said, gesturing to the large box that was still sitting under the Christmas tree.

“But I’ve already got everything I wanted!” Josie announced, even as she hauled the box over and started peeling away the wrapping paper. She stopped once she realized what was in the box, her jaw dropping as she looked directly at the camera, before looking towards you and Javier. “ _Mommy_!” She grinned at you. 

“Well, let us see.” Chucho remarked, taking another sip of coffee. 

Josie quickly peeled away the paper and proudly held up the _American Girl_ doll that you had been eyeing for over a year. As soon as that catalog showed up in the mail last Christmas… you had known you had to buy it for her. 

“What’s her name?” Monica questioned, tilting her head as she tried to catch a glimpse of what the name was, but Josie was quick to turn it back around so only she could see it. 

“Her name is Josefina! Just like me!” 

“No kidding,” Chucho remarked, looking at you and Javier then. “That worked out didn’t it.” 

You laughed, biting on your thumbnail. “An arm and a leg later.” 

“Let me see,” Nadia said, holding her hand out to take the box from Josie. “Josefina Montoya.”

“Wait a stinky minute!” Josie jumped up suddenly, racing down the hallway towards her bedroom. 

You pursed your lips and looked between the other adults in the room, “Where do children get those phrases?” You laughed, sitting up a little as you looked down the hallway as she came trotting back with a book in her hands. _Ah_. 

“You’ve been reading to me about her, Mommy! You clever lady!” She jumped onto the sofa, nearly causing Chucho to spill his coffee beside you as she threw herself onto yours and Javier’s laps. 

“I wanted you to know _all_ about your new friend,” You told her, poking her in the belly. “I hope you realize you’ve been spoiled rotten today.” 

“It’s because I was a _good_ girl all year.” Josie grinned brightly at you, tucking her hands under her head as she reclined back on you. 

Javier tapped his finger against her nose, “And now you’ve gotta be a good girl for a whole new year.” 

She sighed dramatically, “Well, I’ve gotta be good for sissy.” Josie sat up and walled her way in between you and Chucho to dote on her sister. 

Mitch leaned over the sofa, “You’ve done good, kid.” 

You smiled back at him, “I’ve tried to.” 

“So what did you two get each other?” Monica questioned. “I noticed you two already did gifts.” 

Javier snorted, “That’s what happens when you’re parents and you get up before the little ones.” He curled his arm around your shoulders, “Aside from the grill, _someone_ got me the _Star Wars_ trilogy on VHS.” 

“And a couple new games for his Playstation,” You said, patting his leg. “And he got me an office chair for our office at school.” You shrugged. The real gift had been the update to the silver bracelet you wore. Hidden under the band, away from anyone’s gaze, was a special date in May — etched in alongside all the other important dates in your lives. 

You still couldn’t believe that a few feet away, unbeknownst to everyone except for Chucho — the picture of the two of you, fresh out of saying your vows, hung on the wall without anyone knowing. 

Your little secret. 

“You know, the fact that you play video games gives me hope for other people from your generation.” 

“You’re right behind us,” You reminded her with a pointed look.

“You and Javier are _Boomers_ ,” Nadia pointed out. “Monica and I are Generation X.” 

“I feel like this is a slam.” Javier remarked, his brows drawn together skeptically. “Is this a slam?”

“Now we know where Josie’s getting her zingers.” 

Josie nodded her head, “I get all the zingers, mommy.” She grabbed at your hand and kissed it. “I love you mommy.” 

“Aw, I love you too sweetheart.” You kissed the top of her head. 

“You too, daddy.” 

“Love you, princesa.” 

Josie jumped off the sofa, startling Stevie who jerked awake. “I love _everyone_ in this room!” She announced, before snatching up her American Girl doll box and heading back towards her bedroom. 

“I _so_ thought the horse would be the biggest draw,” You remarked with a shake of your head. “I guess you can’t always know.” You took the baby back from Chucho, settling her into the spot in between you and Javier so she could recline back against him. 

Chucho gave your arm a pat before he hauled himself off the sofa, “I’m gonna make another cup, now that the fun’s over with.” 

“Make a whole pot, will you? I need coffee.” You said as you stifled a yawn. 

Mitch got up from his chair and walked around to take Chucho’s seat on the sofa. “Thank you for inviting us back into your life.” He said, gesturing towards Tate and Darla. “Not a day went by that I didn’t worry about you. Hoping that you’d turn out alright, despite everything. And you have.” 

You felt tears prickle behind your eyelids as you blinked slowly, “Thank you, Mitch. I wish I’d made more of an effort.” 

“It all works out in the end,” He said with a wave of his hand. “You and your family are welcome in Philly.” Mitch looked towards Monica and Nadia then, “You two as well.” 

“Really?” Monica smiled. “I’m honored.” 

“You’re family.” Mitch said with a warm smile, before he looked back at you. “I’m proud of you and I know dad would be… God, he’d be thrilled to see how well you’ve done for yourself. That’s all he ever wanted.” 

You wiped at your eyes, “I don’t know where I’d be if he hadn’t set everything up for me. I know I’m _really_ lucky.” You knew there were hundreds of thousands of kids who went through the same bullshit you did — _every_ day. 

Monica had shitty parents. Connie’s mother was in the running for craziest mother of the year. 

“I just want to do right by my girls.” You told him. “They deserve the world I didn’t have.” 

Javier squeezed your shoulder three times as he kept his arm curled around you. “I’m glad you welcomed Mitch into our family,” He started with an amused tone in his voice. “Otherwise I’d never know you could play the guitar.” He snapped his fingers. “Steve’s got one.”

You turned your head slowly and glared at him, “ _No_.” 

“Oh, come on.” 

“No!” You laughed, slapping his leg. 

“She really wasn’t that bad,” Mitch pointed out. “If she had actually _practiced_.”

You scrunched up your nose, “I felt weird taking lessons from your _nanny_.” 

“She was paid for it!” Darla assured you. “And to think, you could be some big name musician if you’d put a little effort into it.” 

“I wouldn’t have met Javier.” You said without hesitation. “There’s no variation of my life where I’d be okay with that.” 

“I dunno,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Maybe I’d be working security for your concerts.” 

You rolled your eyes, “ _No_.” 

“You two go well together,” Mitch pointed out, drawing a line between the two of you. “I don’t think I ever saw this spark between you or any of the guys you brought home.” 

“ _MItch_!” You shot him a look. “Shut up.” 

“No, no. I’m curious now.” Javier glanced around you. “What were these men li—” You covered his mouth with your hand before he could finish. 

“Nope. We are _not_ having this conversation.” You warned him, turning back towards Mitch then. “Don’t.” You slowly uncovered Javier’s mouth. “I went to an all girl’s school, my choice of boys was narrowed down to Darla’s friends’ sons and the sons of the ladies at the DAR.” 

“They weren’t _terrible_.” Darla pointed out. 

“The were the poster boys for frat houses, college sports, and the dictionary definition of WASPs.” 

“Oh,” Javier tilted his head. “Lance?”

You made a face, “ _Unfortunately_. In my defense it was Philadelphia.” 

“The pickings _were_ slim.” Darla laughed. “But look what it’s led you to.” She patted the top of your head in a very familiar fashion, before she headed into the kitchen to get a cup of the coffee Chucho was brewing. 

“All that matters is that you’re happy, kid.” Mitch reminded you. 

“Oh, I am.” You assured him. “I think I’ve maxed out on happy.” 

“And we’ve maxed out on camera space.” Javier pointed out, setting Sofía in your lap as he scooted forward to fiddle with the camcorder. 

This was what Christmas was going to be like for the rest of your life. A stark contrast to the Christmases you remembered from years past — back when the holiday seemed like a black mark on the calendar because you never got to be with the people who actually loved you. 

Now you had that love and you were never letting it go. 


	127. Sleepy Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier comes home from a statekout. Set February 1993.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Brief allusions of sex.

You wandered out of your bedroom, stifling a quiet yawn as you made your way, barefoot, into the kitchen to find yourself something to eat for breakfast. 

Instead of heading for the cabinet with the cereal, you went straight for the freezer and grabbed the carton of ice cream out. 

You sat it on the counter and opened the fridge to find the orange marmalade that was stashed in the door. An odd combination, but something you’d be craving since the middle of the night. 

You grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet and a spoon out of the drawer and headed for the kitchen table. 

At least Javier wasn’t there to judge your eating habits — though you were certain he was starting to get used to your cravings. 

You popped off the lid of the vanilla ice cream, spooning some into your bowl, before dumping a heap of marmalade over it. You groaned as you took a bite; the sweet combination of milky dairy and fruit hitting the spot. 

A noise in the family room caught your attention and you jerked your head towards the sofa — brows furrowed as you waited to hear it again. It almost sounded like snoring…

“ _Javier_!” You shouted and he jerked bolt-upright on the sofa, nearly falling off in his haste. 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” You questioned, holding your bowl of ice cream as you glared at him. 

“Shit.” He rubbed at his eyes, raking his fingers through his hair. “I finished the stakeout at four.” Javier explained, scratching the back of his neck as he walked into the kitchen. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

You rolled your eyes, “You gave me a fucking _heart attack_.”

Javier gave your bowl of ice cream a pointed look, “Yes, I can see you’re _terrified_.” 

“Fuck off.” You flipped him off, before taking another bite of your treat. “You have no idea what it’s like to have these cravings.”

“I’m not immune to _cravings_.” Javier retorted, gesturing to what you had on. “Is this what I miss out on when I’m stuck on stakeouts?”

You glanced downwards, “I was hot. Do _not_ judge me.” You were still clinging to the clothes you’d been able to wear _before_ you started showing. The tee you had on had ridden up to show off your rounded stomach and your underwear. It was definitely a _look_. 

“Not judging.” He smirked, “I’m definitely admiring.” Javier ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “What are you eating?”

“Ice cream and marmalade.” You shrugged, taking another bite. “Nothing else sounded good.” Your brows rose upwards, “As much as I miss stakeouts, I don’t miss the ones that dragged on into the next day.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded, “I’m _fucking_ wiped,” Javier said as he stepped around you and moved to make himself a cup of coffee. “Handed our info over to Search Bloc.” 

You sat down at the table, smiling when Javier grabbed the carton of ice cream and put it back in the freezer for you. “I promise I’ll let you sleep today.” 

“It’s fine,” He assured you, stifling another yawn. “I don’t need to sleep.” Javier grabbed a chair from the table and pulled it around to sit down next to you. “How’d you sleep?”

“ _Your_ daughter kept me up all night.” You said, rubbing your hand over the swell of your stomach. 

His lips drew upwards at the corners, “Sounds like we both need a nap today.”

You nodded your head, taking another bite of the ice cream. “Wanna try?” You questioned, spooning up another bit of ice cream and marmalade and holding it out for him. 

Javier bypassed the spoon, kissing you instead. “Not bad.” He smirked, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. “And easier to manage than tracking down Cheetos in the middle of the night.”

You grinned as you took another bite and licked the spoon. “I’m a _simple_ woman of simple needs.” 

He reached out and rested his hand on your stomach, brushing his fingers over the bare skin revealed to him under the hem of your shirt. “Do you need me to bring over more of my shirts?”

You scrunched up your nose, “ _Maybe_.” You took your last bite of ice cream, licking your lips as you sat the bowl aside. “You should’ve come to bed this morning.” You told him, reaching out to fluff your fingers through his hair. 

“Didn’t want to wake you.” He told you, closing his eyes as he enjoyed you playing with his hair. 

“If I had known you were out here, you could’ve helped me with a little _problem_ I had.” You said, dropping your voice low as you traced your fingers over his cheekbone. 

His brows rose upwards, “And what was _that_ problem?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, feigning innocence. “Oh, just a dream about you.” You sat back in your seat, “Your coffee’s done.”

“You’ve caught my interest.” Javier told you, resting his hand on your upper thigh. “What was this dream about?”

“ _Well_ ,” You started, leaning back in your seat and let your thighs part. “What have I been dreaming about?”

His brows furrowed, “Last week you dreamed you were being chased by the Rocketeer. _Underwater_.” He reminded you, his lashes fluttering as he blinked slowly. 

Working until four in the morning and being abruptly woken up at seven has taken a toll on him. 

“Okay, so my dreams have been weird.” You laughed, pushing your fingers through your hair. “Just forget it.” You gave his hand a squeeze with your other hand, before rising from your seat to throw your bowl in the sink and get his coffee for him. 

“ _Baby_ ,” Javier drawled out as he rose from his seat and followed you towards the coffee pot. “Come on, you can tell me.”

You turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter as you met his gaze. Your cheeks were _burning_ hot. “I had yet _another_ sex dream.” You pointed at him. “Between being kicked in my kidneys all night and waking up from _very_ erotic dreams when I do sleep, this pregnancy is going to kill me.” 

Javier crowded in close to you, one hand on your stomach and the other at your cheek. “I’m not against _helping_ you, baby.”

“Javi,” You said warmly, cupping both of his cheeks. “Your bags have bags and I can tell you’re trying to keep your eyes open. I love you, but you’re going straight to bed.” 

He grumbled against yours lips as you pressed yours to his, “I just need a cup of coffee.”

“And six hours of sleep.” You patted his cheek, before taking ahold of his hand and leading him down the hall to your bedroom. “Come on.”

“ _Fine_.” He sighed, kicking off his shoes and ridding himself of his jeans and his shirt. 

You both climbed back into bed, sinking down beneath the covers comfortably. “Maybe this afternoon we can explore my _dreams_ and watch some telenovelas together.” You told him, playing your fingers through his hair as he rested his cheek against your shoulder. 

Javier ran his hand over your stomach, “Sounds like a plan, baby.”

You kissed his forehead, “You’re exhausted. They’ve had you out every night this week.” 

“It’s _bullshit_.” Javier huffed, his breathing evening out, despite his ire. “It’s been a hectic week.”

“Even the paper load has been doubled.” You pointed out, “Not that it's comparable.”

He rubbed your stomach reassuringly, “You do important work too, baby. Don’t put yourself down.”

“I miss being out in the field,” You sighed, letting your lips linger against his forehead as you spoke. “But I don’t see how I’d manage in _this_ state.” You gestured to your stomach.

“Baby, you’re _gorgeous_.” Javier told you, pressing a kiss to your cheeks, his breath hot against your skin as he sighed sleepily. “I don’t think I say that nearly enough.” He murmured, his voice heavy as his hand slowed its strokes against your stomach. 

“You say it every day, Javi.” You reminded him with a soft laugh, winding your fingers through his hair. “ _Sleep_.” 

“I am.” He murmured, growing still beside you. You could feel the way his body relaxed, slowly at first, but then more apparently as sleep took ahold of him. You weren’t that tired, but it was awfully nice just to lay there in his arms. 

You still couldn’t believe this was your life sometimes. How many nights had you spent wondering what it would be like to be _with_ Javier? Of course, in those fantasies you weren’t heavily pregnant. You’d never really envisioned yourself pregnant before. 

The reality wasn’t terrible, just _different_. At least Javier was understanding. _So_ understanding. The man would do anything you asked him to do, if it meant making your pregnancy a little bit easier. 

Of course, there were still things that he _couldn’t_ do. He couldn’t comfort you during the day when your hormones got the best of you and _everything_ upset you. He couldn’t be there every night — not when the DEA kept sending him on assignment every night. 

But you made it work. You lived for these moments. The ones _just_ like this. 

Even if he slept the whole day, it would be a damned good day because you weren’t alone. 


	128. Birthday Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Reader’s birthday. Set August 27th 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (slightly rough with sub/dom undertones I guess)

“Happy birthday,” Javier whispered as he snaked his arm around your waist, curling against you. You sank back against him, your eyes still closed. 

It was hot as _hell_ in Florida — but you still chased the warmth that came from him beneath the covers. “Is that what today is?” You questioned teasingly, taking ahold of his hand and interlacing your fingers with his. “You better not have gotten me anything.” 

He chuckled and pressed his lips against the crook of your neck, “Just the movies you asked for.” 

“I can’t wait to make you watch _Robin Hood_ six hundred times today.” You laughed as you reached behind you and played with his hair. “Kevin Costner at his finest.”

Javier huffed softly, “Maybe the movie was the _wrong_ choice.”

“Considering you _convinced_ me to give you something to buy me…” You ran your fingers down the back of his neck. “You did it to yourself, babe.”

He pressed a line of kisses along your shoulder, “Every year I tell you not to get me something and you always do.”

“And?” You tugged at his hair, before rolling onto your back so you could look at him. “I skipped your first birthday because it was like two weeks after we started this,” You gestured between the two of you. “The following year was a _mess_ … And last year I bought that nice watch you mooned over with Steve.”

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, “ _Touché_.” 

You reached up and traced your finger down his nose, “So it was _one_ year you told me not to get you anything.” 

“I get it,” Javier laughed as he cupped your cheek and leaned down to kiss you, “I promise I didn’t get you anything but what you asked for.” 

“Good.” You smiled up at him, before glancing at the bedside clock. It was just after six — Josie _usually_ woke up closer to seven these days. “I have another gift request.”

“Hmm?” Javier arched a brow, “I can try to run out and get it—“

God, he could be so clueless sometimes. You curled your fingers around the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss to shut him up. 

He grabbed at your thigh as you turned towards him, drawing your leg over his hip. Javier groaned against your lips, his tongue darting out to find yours as your lips parted.

You trailed your hand up and down his bare chest and shoulders, trying to touch him everywhere that you could. 

Javier caught the hem of your tank and drew it up your torso — breaking from the kiss long enough to toss it aside. “Can I?” He questioned, skimming his fingers over the curve of your breast. 

You nodded, letting yourself sink back against the mattress as he moved over your, dipping down to catch your nipple between his lips. He lapped at the pebbled peak, before dragging his teeth over the soft flesh of your breast — sending little sparks of need through your veins. 

“ _Javier_.” You breathed out as you wound your fingers through his hair. You could feel his cock against your upper thigh, stiffening within his boxers. You shifted beneath him, parting your thighs so he was slotted between them. 

His teeth scraped over your nipple and you jerked, grinding yourself against him, even with the fabric separating you. The friction was enough to make you moan, fingers tightening in his hair. 

As much as you wanted to take it slow and savor a little birthday sex, you knew it was a race against the clock and a crying toddler. The only blessing was that it was Sunday. If she interrupted you now, you’d only have to wait until her nap and not until after work. 

Javier sat back on his knees, looking down at you. “If I had known this was all you wanted, I wouldn’t have bought _Robin Hood_.” He taunted and you responded. 

You sat upright until you were almost eye level with him, “A girl can want two things.” You tossed back as you reached down and cupped him through his boxers. “But right now, _this_ is what I want, Javi.”

Your eyes lowered to his cock as you pulled down his boxers and freed it. “ _Fuck_.” You breathed out as you curled your fingers around it and stroked it slowly, meeting his eyes. There was _so_ much power that came from having your hand wrapped around his cock — it was a heady sensation. 

Javier surged forward and crashed his lips against yours as he wrestled with your shorts and underwear. It took a moment of untangling yourselves to rid yourself of the last barriers of cloth, before he shoved you back against the pillow. 

He knew _exactly_ what you wanted.

You inhaled sharply as he curled his fingers loosely around your throat, pinning your back against the bed as his hand slid between your thighs. 

“ _Goddammit_ , baby.” Javier rasped out as he worked his fingers between your slick folds. “You’re fucking drenched. Is that all from me?”

You nodded as best you could with the hand curled around your throat, but that only added to the experience. As much as you loved being in control and calling the shots — Javier could easily reduce you to a writhing mess with that little dominant streak. 

Javier replaced his wandering fingers with his cock, dragging the head of his cock over your sensitive cunt, lingering right at your aching center. 

“Is this what you want, baby?” Javier questioned as just the head of his cock sank into you, making you whimper for him. “You’ve got to tell me. I need to know this is what you want.”

“ _Please_.” You gasped out, holding his gaze as you conveyed just how badly you wanted it. 

Javier released his hold on your throat and clasped his hand over your mouth as he sank the full length of his cock into you. You arched up off the bed, rolling your hips down towards him. 

You grabbed at his shoulders for support as he started to move; driving into you again and again, barely giving you a chance to miss him before he was slamming into you again. 

He pried one of your hands off his shoulder, interlacing your fingers with his as he pressed it back against the mattress. Javier held your gaze as a slew of filthy whispers and praises left his mouth — making the heat in your lower belly burn hotter.

You curled a leg around his hips, moving with him as he filled you again and again. You were _so_ close — chasing that delicious release that was dangling just out of reach. 

His fingers tightened around your hand, his other hand gripping at your hip to hold you steady. You were right there, right on the edge. Your lips parted as you felt it start to build. 

Your inner walls fluttered around his cock, seconds away from sending you crashing into oblivion and—

Javier’s pace faltered as the baby monitor on your dresser whirred to life with the sound of Josie starting to fuss. 

“ _Fuck_.” You slammed your fist against the mattress frustratedly as you tried to wiggle your other hand out of his hold. “I’ll go get her.”

“Baby,” Javier didn’t let go of your hand. “You’re going to come.” His tongue darted out over his lips. “If that’s what you want.” 

You blinked up at him, drawing in a ragged breath as you nodded. “I was _so_ close.” You complained as you shifted on his cock. 

He ran his hand over your lower belly, dipping down to where your bodies were joined. “I’ve got you, baby.” Javier murmured as he rocked his hips slowly, shallowly thrusting into you. His thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing quick circles over the throbbing bundle of nerves. 

You tried your best to tune out Josie — just for this moment. Just so you wouldn’t spend all morning aching with this unspent desire. 

“Come on, baby. I wanna feel you come for me.” Javier urged you on, “Wanna feel your pussy come on my cock.” He shifted the angle of his thrusts, causing his cock to drag against that sweet spot. 

“ _Fuck_!” You gasped as you cupped your breasts, trying to chase that release with everything you could. 

“Look at me.” Javier said roughly, causing your eyes to snap to his. “ _Come_.”

There was something to his tone that set you off. Maybe it was the fullness of his cock, that desperate stroking of his thumb, but you were certain it was the command in his voice that sent you careening over the edge. 

Javier was close behind you as clenched and trembled on his cock. Once, twice, three mores and you felt him spill within you. 

There was no _after_ , no basking in the glowing moments that followed. “I’ve got her,” Javier said as he abandoned you to retrieve his long forgotten boxers off the floor, before slipping out the door to tend to Josie. 

You were left to lay in the center of the bed, your body still trembling as you tried to catch you breath. Even with the abrupt end, you were still floating above it all. 

“ _Princesa_ ,” Javier tsked as you listened for the baby monitor. “You’ve got impeccable timing.”

That was the understatement of the year. 

You really _should’ve_ gotten up, but all you really wanted to do was lay there and savor the last little ebb and flow of pleasure in your veins as Javier’s come leaked out of you. 

“Daddy was trying to help mommy celebrate her birthday.” Javier continued, humming to her as he tried to soothe her. 

You smirked to yourself as you listened. That right there was a gift and he didn’t even know it. He was so good with his daughter — doting and loving. 

He didn’t do anything half-hearted, even if there were still days you feared all of this going away. You weren’t sure you wanted a world where you didn’t have this. 

_Them_. 

You rolled over and stretched out your legs. 

Five more minutes of sleep and then you’d shower and start the day. 

You grabbed ahold of his pillow and buried your face in it as you let yourself succumb to that post-orgasm exhaustion, coupled with exhaustion of parenthood. 

With any luck, he could lure Josie back to sleep the same way that his humming had gotten you. 


	129. Therapy Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader goes to therapy after the holidays. Set in January 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst.

Nancy carefully removed her glasses sitting them atop her desk before opening a drawer and pulling out a glasses cleaning cloth. “How were the holidays?”

You watched her hands as she wiped each lean carefully, inspecting them for smudges. 

“Surprisingly relaxing.” You offered, shifting on the sofa as your gaze flickered towards the clock on the wall. Javier had agreed to joining you for today’s session — at Nancy’s prompting. 

“You slipped your December session,” Nancy pointed out. 

“It was a busy month.” You pushed your fingers through your hair nervously. “But a good one. We went to Laredo for Thanksgiving, came back and went headfirst into planning for Christmas.”

“And how did Christmas go?”

“Really well,” You caught your lip between your teeth, hesitating for just a second. “Mitch and his family came down from Philly. It was good to see him again. All of them, really.”

“So you _did_ follow through with that,” Nancy tilted her head, her eyes meeting yours briefly. “Did it bring any memories back to the surface?” She questioned.

“I…” You started glancing down at your hands. “There have been a lot of memories since October.” 

“And how does it feel to be addressing them again? Based on your session in November,” Nancy flipped open her notebook. “You repressed quite a bit of your childhood.”

“Yes.” You agreed. “But, Javier was _incredible_ and let me vent about the past. He kept me grounded. He was so understanding.”

She nodded, making a note in the book. “How have _you_ been managing the memories? 

You blinked, “I’m not running from them, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mentioned nothing about _running_.”

“No, but…” You frowned. “It’s just the impression I get. After the last session—“

“When it became clear that you avoided addressing deeply traumatic aspects of your life during your subsequent visits?” Nancy arched a brow at you as she replaced her glasses, peering at you over the rims. “Why is it that _you_ see yourself as running from your trauma?”

“Because I’ve moved past it.” You said with an edge to your voice, “Would you prefer that I dwell on it?” You questioned. “It would keep me coming back, wouldn't it?”

Nancy made a note in the book, “ _Defensive_.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, “I spent sixteen years living in the trauma and five trying to grow out of it.” You gritted out. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t second guess my actions out of fear that I’ve become her.”

“So you _haven’t_ moved past it?”

“No, I—“

Nancy gave you a skeptical look. “It’s not uncommon to feel like your trauma is ever present, but you have to accept and address that. You can’t simply pretend it away.” 

“I _have_ addressed it.” You retorted. “I’ve packed it up, stamped a label on it, and have it ready to ship.” 

Nancy shook her head, “Trauma is never fully overcome, it's a process you have to work at.” She jotted another note down. “You mentioned feeling like you’ve become her… Would you care to elaborate?”

You chewed on your thumbnail, looking away from her for a long moment. “I stress about motherhood. I’m consciously aware of doing everything the _opposite_ of what she did while raising my girls. I want them to have everything I didn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Love.” You answered without hesitation. “Javier and I love each other in a way my mother was never capable of loving her partners. And on top of that, I try to show them the love they deserve. That’s part of the reason why I ended up here to begin with. The way I felt after Sofía was born scared me.”

Nancy nodded, glancing down at the notebook. “The fact that you’re aware of your actions, would indicate that you’re not following the same patterns as your mother.”

“I hope I’m not.” You sighed heavily, looking towards the door as someone knocked at it. “That’ll be Javier.” You told Nancy as she got up to answer the door. 

“Welcome,” Nancy ushered him in. “We were just finishing our first half of the session.” She gestured to you, “Please, sir.” 

Javier sank down onto the sofa beside you, reaching over to take your hand into his. “How are you doing, baby?” He questioned, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

You shrugged, “We’re about ten minutes into — why I didn’t address the mother elephant in the room.”

He squeezed your hand three times.

“How have you been, Javier?” Nancy questioned as she sat down at her desk again. “How were the holidays?”

“I’ve been good.” He answered, shifting on the sofa as he got comfortable. “We went to see my pops for Thanksgiving, took the girls and the dog and made a week of it.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, glancing at you. “Did you tell her about your brother coming to visit?”

You nodded. 

“How did that go?”

“Really well,” Javier offered, shrugging a shoulder. “Christmas Eve we had friends and family altogether to welcome them, “Christmas morning was just family.” 

Nancy nodded, “We didn’t get to meet after the Halloween incident.” She flipped through her notebook. “How did you cope with the scenario?”

“How did _I_ cope?” He cocked his head to the side. “Frankly, it wasn’t about how I felt during it. I was merely there to stand up for her.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. 

“But given what I was told, it seems that her mother antagonized you. How did _that_ make you feel?” 

Javier cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together. “Not great, but after our relationship ended up in the public spotlight, I learned to ignore outside commentary.” 

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Rebecca knows where to strike.” You added. “She would’ve lashed out similarly to _any_ man in my life. She knew that my father was my lifeline and she _always_ saw any male figure in my life as a threat.” 

Javier nodded his head in agreement. “We worked through it. I listened, I comforted… everything you taught us to do after Sofía was born.”

Nancy hastily wrote in her notebook, “On a scale of one to ten, how well do you think the situation was handled.” 

He blinked, “Nine?”

You pursed your lips and nodded in agreement, “I’d say nine too.”

“ _Interesting_.” Nancy hummed and your expression fell. 

“Interesting?”

“Nothing negative about _interesting_ ,” She assured you. “And how has your intimacy been? Has it suffered during this tumultuous period?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you shook your head, “No, it’s been good.”

“A few stolen minutes when the girls are asleep,” Javier added, staring at the ground.

“There was also the night at the ranch,” You pointed out, leaning your arm against his. That had been a risky endeavor, considering you were very much _not_ alone. “And we were kid free for New Year’s Eve.”

Nancy nodded and took a few more notes before closing her notebook and looking between the two of you, “What are the faces for?”

You felt Javier tense beside you, “Nothing we’re comfortable with sharing right now.” You told Nancy, looping your arm through his. “Just rest assured that we’ve got _intimacy_ covered. No dry spells here.” 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Definitely _no_ complaints here.” 

You fought the smirk that was playing at the corners of your lips. New Year’s Eve had been all of two days ago — and the memory of Javier writhing beneath you was still vivid in your mind. 

But that was _not_ a conversation for therapy. 

Nancy hummed thoughtfully as she sat her glasses atop her notebook. “Continue addressing the situation head-on,” She advised. “You can patch the wounds of trauma, but they’ll still ache. Continue discussing it with each other.” She fixed Javier with a stern look. “I suggest opening up about your own mother.”

Javier shifted in his seat, “Alright.” 

“Have a lovely rest of your month,” Nancy said as you both rose from the sofa to leave. 

“That was—“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head slowly. “I shouldn’t have skipped December.”

“Hey,” Javier caught your hand, pulling you towards him. “December was _crazy._ ”

“I don’t actually want to rehash things.” You told him. “Mitch and I had a walk down memory lane and that’s about all I can stomach for right now. Rebecca doesn’t get to live rent free in our relationship.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “If you don’t feel like you need to work on it right now, don’t.” 

You sighed heavily, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “I didn’t even get to talk about starting at the university next week.”

“Still a good session?”

You shrugged, “It’s good to talk about everything with a third party. I cried my heart out in November, this month didn’t really have anything left to give.”

Javier interlaced your fingers and guided you out of the office building and down to the car. He was clearly trying to make up for you being disappointed with the session, because he made a point to open the passenger door for you. 

You loosely tied your hair back into a knot as you got yourself settled in your seat. “Thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to.”

He squeezed your knee briefly, before starting up the car and backing out of the parking spot. “Baby, I’ll do whatever I have to, to help you.” 

You smiled to yourself, looking out the window. “I’m really fine.” You assured him. “I’m not gonna spiral because of any of this. I did that in November and I’m not doing it again.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a stiff nod. “What else did you discuss?”

“Uh,” You scrunched up your nose. “The holidays, Mitch, my mother. Rehashed some of the last session briefly.” You shrugged. “I felt like she was hoping I might unload. But I’m so done dwelling on the past, Javier.”

“Me too, baby.” 

“You know I worry about becoming her. About curbing those impulses when they strike.” 

Javier nodded. 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and sighed heavily. “It was only sixteen years of my life.” You reiterated. “I’m pushing forty. I’ve got my only family to worry about.”

“And you’ve done a fucking amazing job, baby.” He assured you. 

“It’s just bullshit,” You laughed harshly. “Isn’t it something that I overcame my hang ups when Josie happened? I never could imagine all of this,” You gestured vaguely between. “Because I had no reference of healthy relationships aside from Mitch and Darla. Not to speak ill of the dead, because I know my mother was a monster, but my father still _left_ me with her. You know? And I just assumed it would… _repeat_.” 

“I know.” None of it was new information for Javier. 

“I mean, did Nancy want to hear me admit again that I still wake up in the middle of the night _terrified_ that you left me?” You pressed your palms over your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubbed your leg. “How about pizza tonight?” Javier questioned, expertly changing the subject.

You perked up a little, “Extra cheese.” You said, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “And you can order your monstrosity.”

“Blame Monica.”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza, Javier.” You scolded him, but ended up snorting as you started to laugh. 

“Did you just _snort_?” Javier started laughing, slapping his hand against the steering wheel as he stopped at a light. “ _Baby_!”

“Hey, pineapple… and ham pizza is a divorceable offense.” You managed to get out between laughs. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can threaten it.” You teased, wiping at the tears that had slid down your cheeks from laughing so hard. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” Javier reminded you and you felt your heart warm at those words. Still, after all this time they made you swoon. What would you do without him?


	130. Shower Quickie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier joins Reader in the shower. Set Thanksgiving 1998.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (shower sex)

“Mommy can Stevie sleep in the room with Sofía and me?” Josie questioned, her hands on her hips as she looked up at you. “She can sleep in bed with me!”

“Stevie has been walking around outside where the cows are,” You reminded her. “So no, she cannot sleep in the bed with you. _However_ , she may sleep in the room with you.”

“Thank you, mommy!” Josie beamed as she grabbed your legs. 

Your gaze flickered to Javier who was already in their bedroom, trying to get Sofía down for the night. “You good?”

He turned and nodded, “She’s being difficult.” Javier chuckled as he cradled her to his chest. “But I’ll get her down.”

“Alright,” You smiled a little. “I’m going to go ahead and take a shower.” You told him, leaning down to kiss Josie’s forehead before sending her into the bedroom. 

“Kitchen’s clean.” Monica told you as you walked through the family room. She and Nadia were curled up on the sofa watching a movie on the TV. “And I even remembered to set the pot for coffee in the morning.”

“I remembered.” Nadia retorted, swatting Monica with a pillow. “You headed for bed?”

You nodded, stifling a yawn. That trail ride zapped me. See you girls in the morning.” You offered them a mock salute before meandering down the hallway to the bedroom to grab your things.

You grabbed your pajamas and a towel from the hall closet and ducked into the bathroom. You caught your reflection in the mirror and grimaced — you looked like someone who had been rode hard and put up wet, which frankly fit. 

The trail ride had been fun — but four hours in the saddle, in the sun had killed you. 

You peeled off your tank top, before shimmying out of your jeans, leaving them both on the floor as you walked over to the shower to start up the water. 

You jumped a little when you heard a knock at the door, your brows furrowing together. “Someone’s in here.” You called out, as if that weren’t obvious from the light coming from the bottom of the door. 

“It’s me.” Javier answered back as he tried the door. 

“ _Really_?” You laughed as you unlocked the door and pulled it open. “I told you I was gonna take a shower.” 

“Which is why I’m here.” Javier’s brows rose upwards as his lips slowly curved into a smirk. “Thought we might conserve water. You know, help pops cut down on the bill this month.”

“I am sweaty and disgusting.” You retorted, hands on your hips as you stared him down. “And we are _not_ alone in the house.” 

He chuckled, “ _Trust_ me, I’m aware.” Javier stepped towards you, his hands coming to rest at your hips, fingers rubbing over the waistband of your underwear. “But we both know the pipes make enough noise to cover up any sounds.”

You swallowed thickly as you looked up at him. His hair was still plastered to his forehead from where he’d worn a cowboy hat all afternoon and you could resist reaching out fluffing it off his skin. “They are awfully loud.” You glanced behind you at the shower, biting down on your bottom lip. “This is a _terrible_ idea, but I love it.” 

“I thought you might come around,” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and started unbuttoning his shirt as you worked at unbuckling his belt and getting his jeans down his hips. 

“I’m curious,” You started as you traced a finger over the outline of his cock through his boxers. “What wound you up?”

He ran his tongue over the edges of his teeth as he met your gaze. “Started this morning.” Javier told you and couldn’t help but laugh. “ _What?_ ”

You shook your head, sniffling another laugh. “I was tempted this morning, but then I thought — _not_ at his father’s house.” You scrunched up your nose as you cupped his cheeks and kissed him. 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, “You think I haven’t—“

You slapped your hand over his mouth, “I don’t want to hear about all the women you’ve _fucked_ here.” You scolded him, holding his gaze as you kept your hand clamped over his mouth. 

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and snapped the fabric, causing you to yelp softly, taking your hand off his mouth. “And then _you_ go there.”

You kissed him again, “I don’t want to hear about anyone else or I’ll be forced to bring up Lance.”

Javier hissed dramatically, “A low fucking blow, baby.” He grabbed a handful of your ass as he pulled you towards him. 

“Yeah, _well_.” You shrugged, pressing against him. “It’s what you deserve.”

He stole another kiss as he dragged your underwear down your hips and unsnapped your bra. “Don’t be mean, baby.” He said lowly, his breath dancing over your lips. 

“ _No_.” You caught his bottom lip between your teeth, biting down gently, before pulling away to check on the water. From the corner of your eye you could see Javier touch his lip, before divesting himself of the rest of his clothing.

It was _risky_ doing this in a house full of people. But… you’d be lying if you said you _hadn’t_ been thinking about it. There was something very appealing about watching Javier do manual labor around the ranch — riding horses, mending fences, helping haul feed around the barn.

You could get used to it. 

“The water’s perfect,” You told him, pulling the shower curtain aside as you stepped in. 

Javier wasted very little time joining you in the shower, “Feels fucking good after a long day.” He remarked as he reached out to gather some water in his palm to splash on his face. 

“I’m telling you,” You warned him again. “I do not smell good.” You turned to face him as you stepped beneath the showerhead. 

“I _had_ noticed.” He taunted, following you forward until he was mostly under the spray as well. He reached out and brushed his fingers over your cheekbone, tucking wet hair behind your ears. “You having fun on the ranch?”

You nodded, “It’s a nice change of pace.” 

Aside from the handful of conversations that had come up about your mother — you’d managed to put her far from your mind. Laredo was the perfect reset. Not to mention — Chucho seemed _thrilled_ to know that you and Javier had gotten married. 

That was something no other woman could claim.

You took his hand into yours, bringing it to your lips and kissing his ring finger. The ring was sitting in your bedroom, safe and sound from getting fucked up while he worked around the ranch.

“I love you.” Javier murmured, brushing his thumb over your lips.

“I love you too.” You smiled, leaning in to kiss him, draping your arm over his shoulder as you pressed against his chest. “Luckily,” You started with a laugh. “You smell too.”

“Everything smells a bit…” Javier made a face. “It’s either horse or cattle.”

You nodded, resting your forehead against his shoulder as you ran your arms over his, tracing water droplets down his skin. 

You trailed your fingers down his chest and stomach, before reaching your intended destination. “You’ve got to be quiet,” You reminded him, lips close to his ear as you reached down between your bodies and curled your fingers around his cock. 

Javier tensed, one hand grabbing at your hip as you started to stroke his hardening cock. “ _Baby_.”

“ _Shh_.” You whispered, dragging your thumb over the head of his cock, before dropping to your knees in front of him. 

Rivulets of water ran down your face, but for the most part his body blocked the water from running directly into your face. You curled your fingers around the base of his cock as you swept your tongue out to replace your thumb. 

Javier grabbed at both of your shoulders, a low groan escaping him as you cupped his balls as you wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. 

You teased your forefinger up and down the length of his cock as you swirled your tongue over the head teasingly. 

“ _Shit_.” Javier hissed out as you pulled away sitting back on your legs and looking up at him. “That _fucking_ mouth of yours.”

You smirked, “Good, right?” 

He offered you his hands as you stiffly rose back to your feet. “But not quite what I want.” He told you as he brushed his thumb over your chin and leaned in to kiss you. 

His mouth slanted over yours, his tongue slipping past your lips to find yours. He _never_ cared about where your mouth had just been, hell — how many times had he eaten you out, while he was still leaking from your cunt. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as Javier’s hand slid between your thighs, you moaned against his lips as his probing fingers dipped into your slick center. 

“ _Javier_.” You whispered, breaking from his kiss and pressing your forehead to his. 

“You good, baby?”

You nodded, playing with the damp hair at the nape of his neck. “ _Yeah_.”

Javier pressed another kiss to your lips, before urging you to turn around and face the wall. You leaned forward, bracing yourself against it as he moved to line his cock up behind you. 

You bit down on your bottom lip to keep from crying out as Javier slowly sank into you, A throaty moan escaped you. He grabbed at your hips tightly, holding you steady as he started to move, driving the length of his cock into you. 

There was no time to take it slow — as much as you wanted to savour the sensation of him. You rolled back into his thrusts, fingers trying to keep a grip on the wet wall in front of you as he worked himself into you again and again. 

The angle was _perfect._ Every thrust had him hitting that sweet spot within you, your cunt clenching around his cock. 

Javier released his hold on your hip, his hand sliding up to grab at your breast. He fondled it roughly, his thumb dragging over the pebbled peak of your nipple.

“ _Fuck_!” You gasped, hoping you hadn’t been too loud. Javier’s pace faltered, but you reached behind you and grabbed at his leg helplessly. You were too close for him to stop.

His hand slid from your breast, back down to where your bodies were joined, his finger stroking over that little bundle of nerves that made fresh waves of heat burn in your lower belly. 

“Come on baby,” Javier urged and that little bit of encouragement was all it took. Your back arched as your body pulsed around him, mind-numbing bliss winding through your body as you came apart for him.

He was fast behind you, hips pressed flush against you as he spilled into you. His hand tightened at your hip, hard enough to leave bruises behind. 

You missed the connection the second he pulled out of you. It took you a second to stand upright, pulse thundering in your ears as you turned around to face him. “ _Hi_.” You whispered, reaching out to brush your fingers over his cheek. 

Javier’s breathing was ragged, his eyes still heated from the frenzied moment and you let yourself get lost in the bruising force of his kiss as his lips crashed against yours. Two bottles of shampoo went tumbling to the floor of the shower and neither of you gave a damn. 

There was a _very_ good chance that if Monica and Nadia had passed the bathroom on the way to their room, that they’d know _exactly_ what had gone on behind the closed door and right then and there? You didn’t care. 


	131. Stressful Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader voices her frustrations. Set in May 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst

You peered over the top of the refrigerator door, spotting Javier looming in the threshold of the kitchen. “What are you doing up?” He questioned, one brow arching upwards as he glared at you.

“What are you doing home early?” You countered, tucking the jar of pickles under your arm as you grabbed the mayonnaise as nudged the door shut with your hip, before sitting both jars down on the counter. 

“You’re supposed to be laying down.” He insisted, though he hadn’t brushed from his spot as he watched you prepping the hard boiled eggs you had made for egg salad. 

“And _you_ ,” You started, glancing at the time on the microwave. “Usually have office hours right now.” You opened the bag of white bread, throwing two slices down on a plate. 

“Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make your sandwich?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, “Why don’t you just stand there and look pretty and I’ll continue making my own sandwich?” 

Javier had been driving you _crazy_ with how concerned he was. It felt like you couldn’t do _anything_ without him deciding it was too strenuous. And it was driving you crazy. 

As much as you loved the man, you actually looked forward to him being gone at work so you could sit outside and read a book or recline on the sofa and watch soaps. 

Laying in bed was the last thing you wanted to do. 

“You know, one of the books I read suggested that eggs could be dangerous.” Javier offered, folding his arms across his chest. 

“The doctor told me to focus on eating protein, Javi.” You gestured to the half-made bowl of eggs, mayo, and pickles. “This is protein.”

“Baby, I’m just looking out for both of you.” Javier held his hands up in mock-defense and you couldn’t help the sharp laugh that escaped you. “ _What_?”

“I have another month of this and I’ll be damned if you keep me confined to that fucking bedroom.” You warned him, pointing at him with the knife you’d used to cut the eggs. “Knock it off.”

Javier frowned, but he nodded his head understandingly. “I’m just trying to take care of you.”

“I know you are.” You sighed, tossing the knife in the sink. “But you’re driving me crazy. I’m miserable enough without feeling like I’m trapped in this house, alright?”

And he was still being _so_ cautious with you. That was getting under your skin too. Javier was treating your like a porcelain doll and you fuckinghated it. 

At least you had managed to get him to finallytouchyou the other morning. That had taken the edge off the unruly hormones that cropped up, but Javier had gone straight back to _barely_ touching you. 

It was so different from when you were pregnant with Josie. It had come with its own difficulties, sure, but Javier hadn’t been this distant with you — he didn’t treat you like a _patient_. 

“I’m just following the doctor’s orders.” Javier reminded you, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “I don’t want to see you in the hospital like that again, baby.”

You sighed heavily, turning around to face him as you stirred your bowl of egg salad, folding the ingredients in. “Trust me, Javier — ending up in the hospital is the _last_ thing I want. But these past few months… I don’t know. Blame it pregnancy hormones or whatever, but I feel more like a baby incubator and less like your pregnant partner.” You sat the bowl aside, turning your focus on him. 

“I’m—“

“If that’s an apology, I really don’t want it, Javi. I get why you’re reacting this way, but it’s driving me insane.” You gestured between the two of you. “I miss _this_. I feel like every conversation we have is about how I feel, or if I’ve been too active, or what’s happening inside of me.” 

You hated to say that it felt like some of the _spark_ was gone, but it definitely felt lackluster lately. Everything was centered around the baby, leaving everything else to get lost in the background. 

“What do you _want_ to talk about?”

“I’m not going to _force_ a conversation.” You shot back, turning back to spread the egg salad onto the bread and finish with your sandwich. “Can you clean up for me? I’d hate to do anything too strenuous.”

“ _Baby_ —“

“Would you like to feed me too?” You questioned as you breezed past him. 

“I realize I’ve been overbearing.” He snapped and you were almost _thrilled_ to get some reaction out of him. “But do you have any idea how fucking traumatizing it was to show up at the hospital? To not know if I was going to lose you? To lose all of this?” He set his jaw hard and shook his head. “I saw you bleeding out in Colombia again, but this time I didn’t have a belt to stop the bleeding.”

You hesitated, turning to look back at him. “I know it was hard on you, Javier… but I’m still _me_. I’m not some fragile egg you have to protect like a penguin—“ 

Javier’s brows drew together, “ _What_?”

“Bad analogy.” You shrugged. “What I’m saying is… I have high blood pressure, but that’s not _who_ I am. I don’t know… I just had very different expectations for this pregnancy.”

He didn’t say anything else to that. He just stared at you, long and hard before he busied himself with cleaning up the mess you had made.

You headed for the sofa with your sandwich, wondering if he would even join you or if he’d sulk in the kitchen until you inevitably retreated back to the bedroom. 

Stevie barked quietly, jumping up onto the sofa beside you and sitting as close to you as possible without being _on_ you. “That’s my good girl.” You cooed, scratching at her ears. “You like ear scratchies?”

“I could do with some good _ear scratchies_.” Javier remarked as you loosened his tie and strolled into the family room.

“Ear scratchies are for good boys.” You told him, taking a bite of your sandwich as you gave him a skeptical look. “Not sure that applies.”

Javier rubbed at the back of his neck as he moved to sit down on the arm of the sofa, sighing heavily. “Baby, I don’t wanna fight.”

“We’re _not_ fighting.” You told him, shrugging your shoulders. “I’m just really not in the mood for being treated like I can’t do anything.”

“I know.” Javier slid off the arm of the sofa and onto the cushion beside Stevie. “I’m sorry, baby.”

You pursed your lips as you turned to look at him, brows drawn together. “Apology accepted.” You smiled a little, leaning forward to sit the plate down on the coffee table. “Stevie, down.” You told the dog, waiting for her to jump off the sofa and lay down at your feet before you patted your leg. 

Javier chuckled softly before he scooted down onto the sofa and rested his head on your lap. “Thank you.”

You brushed your fingers over his forehead, “You’re welcome, babe.” You told him softly, winding your fingers through his hair. “How was class today?”

“I was lecturing on the constitution.” He dragged his hand over his face and sighed heavily. “So you know how it went.”

“No wonder why you’re being such a dick.” You retorted, tracing your finger down his nose. 

Javier huffed softly, turning his head to press a kiss to your stomach. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“I know.”

“I just don’t want anything to go wrong.” He told you honestly and you _knew_ he meant well. 

“Neither do I.” You tugged gently at his hair. “But please let me do what I feel is right, okay? I know my body and my mind — I _know_ what I need.”

Javier nodded his head slowly, reaching up to catch your hand, bringing it down to press a kiss to your palm. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You promised him. “Even when you make me want to kill you.”

He snorted, “And that’s how I know you love me.” 

The last thing you needed was the added stress of being at odds with the one person who made everything in the world feel _right._


	132. Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader knows it’s almost time. Set on May 31st, 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (discussions of childbirth)

You dragged your teeth over your bottom lip as you stared up at the ceiling and focused on what you were feeling. You ran your hand over your swollen belly, smiling to yourself as you felt baby Sofía kicking beneath your palm — or maybe it was her fist. It was hard to tell, now that she was so active. 

_So_ active. 

Josie had been a livewire towards the end of your pregnancy, but Sofía was an entirely different beast. 

Except the way you felt was _very_ familiar. 

You still had a week until your due date — which was the whole reason Chucho had gotten into town the day before — but something felt _off_.

Not bad off, but _different_ off.

With Josie you’d had to deal with Braxton Hicks, which you fortunately hadn’t had to deal with during this pregnancy. A blessing in disguise considering everything else you dealt with. 

You pressed two fingers into your radial pulse point on your wrist, focusing on counting out your pulse rate. It wasn’t _too_ high, but it definitely felt elevated. 

And you couldn’t shake the feeling — the one that was deep in your gut, a creeping sensation up your spine. Your instincts were telling you that today was the day, but there was something else too. 

Something felt off, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. 

Javier knocked twice before opening the bedroom door, “Pops just took Stevie and Josie for a walk.” He told you, moving to sit on the side of the bed beside you. “How are you doing, baby?”

You tilted your head to look at him, blinking slowly as you tried to clear away the strange haze in your vision as you focused on him. You’d probably been laying down for too long — you’d gone back to bed directly after breakfast and it was after lunch now. 

“I’m okay,” You told him, reaching for his hand and curling your fingers around it. “ _Your_ daughter kept me up all night. I’m fucking exhausted.”

He chuckled and leaned down to press a kiss to your stomach just above your belly button, his warm palm skimming over your bare skin. “She’s just excited to get out.”

You laughed when Sofía kicked right beneath Javier’s palm — the look on his face was worth _all_ of the discomfort. “I can’t wait to hold her.” You said as you played your fingers through his hair. “I still remember when you first held Josie.”

“I cried.” Javier smirked, kissing your stomach before turning towards you. “I know Steve’s got bets on whether I’ll cry over Sofía.”

“Uh, yeah.” You snorted, “I started that betting pool.” You started to sit up slowly, giving his leg a firm pat. “You’re a sap and I love you for it.” You leaned towards him and stole a kiss. “You should pack the bags.”

“ _What_?” His jaw dropped a little, eyes widening as a stroke of panic marred his expression. “Wait, did your water break? Are you having contractions?”

“No and no.” You rolled your eyes. “But mother’s intuition is telling me that it _will_ be soon.” You grabbed the pillow from his side of the bed and stuffed it beneath you for support. “I just have this _feeling_.”

Javier brushed his knuckles over your cheek, before leaning in to press a quick kiss to your lips. “Anything in particular you want packed?”

The suitcase was already _mostly_ packed. Javier had fretted about it almost a month ago, to the point where you gave up the fight and let him pack everything early. “Shove _Alias Grace_ in. I haven’t read it yet, but maybe I’ll get a chance to read it at the hospital.” You shrugged. 

He arched a brow at you as he grabbed it off the nightstand and moved to shove it into your suitcase. “You think you’ll be reading?”

“You never know what might happen.” You rubbed at your forehead, frowning as you felt the faintest twinge of pain there. Was the weather changing? Maybe it was a pressure headache starting. 

“Did you already pack the uh, special _gear_ you had me pick up last week?”

“The adult diapers?” You shot back with a short laugh, “ _Yeah_. You never know, they might be the next sexy craze.” You wiggled your brows seductively. “Don’t forget your glasses.”

“Already got a spare pair in the car,” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “You think it’s gonna be today?”

You rubbed your lips together thoughtfully before nodding, “I do.” It was a little surreal to think that in a day or two you’d be coming home with your baby girl. 

Javier left the suitcase sitting close to the bedroom door before he moved back to you, perching on the side of the bed. “I can’t believe after all these months, we’re finally here.”

“I know.” You smiled brightly at him, trying to ignore the way your vision was fuzzy at the edges. You were clearly just exhausted. “After how hard it was to get here… I’m looking forward to the easy part.”

He lifted your hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle. “And you’re positive about the name choice?”

“Of course I am.” You smiled brightly at him, “I can’t imagine a better name for our daughter.” You rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand. “And we’ll just never tell Steve what her middle name is.”

“You really think Connie can keep that secret?” Javier chuckled, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. 

“She’s better than Steve is, that’s for sure.” You rolled your eyes. “You have to admit, Sofía Constance Peña sounds _right_.” 

He nodded, “Yeah, it does go together. Now we’ve just got to make sure we keep the Murphys as friends. Otherwise it’ll be awkward explaining to her who she’s named for.”

“I mean, we moved here so you could have your friend back.” You gave him a pointed look. “So it’s on you to maintain the relationship.”

“Daddddddddy!” Josie called out from the family room a split second before the sound of feet running down the hallway gave way to the bedroom door bursting open. “Mommy!”

“Hey baby doll,” You patted the bed beside you. “How was your walk with your abuelo?”

Josie grinned, “We saw an inguana!” She giggles as she bounced onto the bed. “Mommy, how’s sissy?”

“You sound like your father,” You laughed, pulling her into your side and kissing the top of her head. “I think I’m going to be having the baby _very_ soon. Are you going to be a big girl for Chucho and Monica!”

She nodded, “I’m gonna be the best girl for you mommy.” She hugged her arms around you, “I have a present for you.” Josie told you before she was shuffling out of the bed and running down the hallway. 

“I’m almost afraid,” You laughed, pressing your thumb against the point between your brows before exhaling steadily. It was _definitely_ a headache.

Josie returned with one of her Beanie Babies, “I want you to take this with you, mommy! Since daddy said Stevie can’t go with you to the hobs-stable.”

“ _Hospital_.”

“Hobspitle.”

“Close enough.” You frowned as you felt your pulse quicken, the sensation throbbing in your neck strangely. _That_ wasn’t normal. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Javier questioned softly, his expression darkening. 

“Hey, Josie… why don’t you go see if Stevie’s got water. I bet she’s thirsty.”

Josie was easily shooed away. Anything that had to do with Stevie got her attention.

“I’m alright.” You exhaled slowly as you sat up straighter, running your hand over the side of your stomach. “Just a lot of movement.” Did you really want to worry him?

“You want to get up for a couple minutes?” Javier questioned, brushing his fingers over your hair. 

You nodded, “Yeah.” 

Javier helped you out of the bed, his fingers curled around your forearms as he helped you keep steady on your feet. “You sure you’re good?”

“Well,” You lifted your gaze to meet his. “A little dizzy.”

“ _Dizzy?_ ”

“I’m good.” You assured him, shaking loose his hand so you could rub your hand over the spot where Sofía was kicking you repeatedly. You wondered if she could feel the way your pulse seemed to be off. 

“Just tell me if you think somethings wrong—“

“Nothing’s wrong.” You said quickly, shaking your head. “She’s just very active today.” You glanced towards the door that led outside. “Can I sit outside for a bit?”

Javier nodded, “Of course, baby.” He assured you as he helped you walk outside onto the patio. The weather was nice — a little too warm, but you enjoyed sitting outside after being cooped up inside for _months_. 

“So I think I’m starting to have contractions.” You told him, chewing on your bottom lip. “There’s this funny twinge every time she starts getting active and… I think it’s contractions, but we’re still far out.”

Javier sat down beside you on the picnic table, “So it really could be today?” He smiled a little, “I’m gonna be a father again.”

“Our girls are very lucky.” You squeezed his hand three times. “Even if you drive me crazy.”

He snorted, “You love when I drive you crazy.” 

You made a face, “You’re sadly _not_ wrong.” You lowered your gaze to where your hand was curled around his, “Javier, you know I love you, right?”

Javier nodded as your eyes met his, “I know you do, baby. I love you too. More than words.”

Despite sitting completely still, your pulse was pounding in your ears. Hell, you could even feel your pulse in your legs and your fingers. Something _wasn’t_ right, but you hoped it was just pre-labor anxiety and nothing worse. 

All you wanted was for this delivery to go smoothly for Javier. You wanted him to have _this_ , the experience he was robbed of with Josie. 


	133. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier grapples with the aftermath. Set in July 1997. Javier’s POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst (allusions to post-partum depression)

“Coffee?” Javier questioned as he rose from the kitchen table with his own coffee cup. His brows knit together as she lifted her gaze to stare back at him with visible indifference written on her face. 

“ _Sure_.” She pushed the coffee mug to the edge, before picking up the newspaper that had been sitting idle on the table and flipping through it.

He hesitated, words forming at his lips, but he didn’t have the balls to actually speak them. Instead, he snatched up the mug and headed for the coffee pot. 

It felt like he was living with a stranger. 

The woman sitting at his kitchen table _looked_ like the woman he loved, but everything about her felt wrong. Sometimes he still saw her — that glimmer of mischief that was followed by cold feet finding his leg beneath the covers; that raw sense of humor that meshed with his and drove their friends crazy. 

But most days it felt like she’d been replaced with a pod person who wanted nothing to do with him. She was stand-offish at best and entirely disinterested at the worst. 

Maybe he _had_ understood her correctly. Maybe she truly was done with him. 

Javier was well aware of the fact that he’d been overbearing during those last few months of her pregnancy, but he hadn’t anticipated that his worry would turn into this festering wound that wouldn’t heal. 

“I was thinking about taking Josie to the park,” He started gently as he sat the coffee cup down on the table in front of her. 

“Newborns aren’t exactly _park-friendly_.” She retorted, folding the newspaper in half and sitting it aside as she reached for her mug. “I’ll just stay home.”

Javier took a sip of coffee as he sat down across from her, “I don’t mind handling Sofía—“

“You don’t _mind_ handling her?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m perfectly capable of watching her at home. _Alone_.”

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head as he glanced down at his half eaten breakfast. His stomach turned in response to the coarse tone she’d taken with him. “Right.”

Where had he gone wrong? Was it the guilt he felt that had done this relationship in? Wasn’t that what precipitated her confession that she didn’t want to do _this_. 

Whatever it meant. 

No, he _knew_ what she meant. 

And fuck if it wasn’t tearing him up inside. 

The idea of having to rebuild his life without her scared the shit out of him. It had been bad enough when there had been a few hours where he thought he’d have to plan her funeral — but somehow the idea of existing in the same world with and _without_ her didn’t seem right. 

Javier rubbed at his jaw as he stared down at his coffee cup, brows drawn together as he considered how to navigate this perilous situation he found himself in. “I would _really_ like for you to come with us. And I’m sure Josie would like to have the two of you there.”

She chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced at him briefly, “ _Alright_.” She offered a shrug, before rising to her feet. “I’m going to take a shower, then.”

She hadn’t even touched her coffee. 

He sighed heavily as he watched her walk out of the kitchen. His gaze lingered on the empty space she had occupied, before he leaned forward on his elbows and raked his fingers through his hair. 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stood up to clean the table off. 

He’d already called his father to try to talk through the situation — to try to figure out _why_ this was happening. But even that hadn’t helped. It was like she was drifting away at sea and he was completely helpless and drowning too. 

Steve and Connie had come to visit a few days ago and she’d seemed _almost_ normal. But he wondered how much of that was just for show — she was good at putting up these false walls of emotion, to mask how she _really_ felt. 

It pissed him off that he had gone through four years of psychology classes two decades ago and it did fuck all now when it really counted. 

And she was too damn good at performing in front of friends and family, Javier doubted Steve would believe him if he brought up the way she’d been acting around him. 

“Josie,” Javier started as he walked down the hallway to her bedroom, pushing the door open. “Can you get ready to go to the park?”

“But I already am dressed, daddy!” She said as she looked up from the Hot Wheels track she was building. 

“You can’t wear pajamas to the park,” Javier chuckled as he watched her adjust the tiara she had on. “Do you need help?”

Josie pursed her lips thoughtfully before nodding her head, “I want to look like a princess, like mommy.”

Javier smiled a little, “Your mommy isa princess, isn't she _princesa_?” He said as he pulled open the dresser drawers to find her something to wear. She had a plethora of dresses with like shorts sewn into the skirts — which were perfect for the park. 

What would life look like if all of this fell apart? Would he get the girls part of the time? He hadn’t had to have these thoughts since Colombia — back when everything hung in the balance. 

His father had talked him off that ledge, the last time they’d talked. Chucho was convinced that they were both stressed after everything that happened. He’d been there too, after all. He’d seen it firsthand. 

But the thought of packing his life back into a joyless apartment was a sobering thought to consider. 

“Hey babe,” She popped her head into Josie’s bedroom, fresh out of the shower and toweling off her wet hair, “Did you use the sunblock last? I can’t find it.” 

Javier perched on the edge of Josie’s bed, “Should be in the kitchen in the junk drawer.” 

“Perfect.” She smiled, like nothing was wrong and it felt like a _genuine_ display of emotion. “Next time we go to the store, remind me that I’m out of my apricot scrub.”

“Alright,” Javier nodded, turning his attention back to Josie who was wrestling her way out of her pajama top. “I’ll put it on the list.”

“Josie, are you wearing a crown?”

Josie turned towards her mother, beaming from ear-to-ear, “I wanted to be a princess racecar dry-beaver.”

“You wanted to be a _beaver_?” She snorted. “Are you trying to say ‘driver,’ babydoll?”

Josie nodded her head, “A race dri-ber.”

“Close enough,” She grinned, looking towards Javier then. “How about ice cream after the park?”

“Ice cream?” Josie gasped dramatically. 

“I can’t say no, now.” He smirked, his heart beating a little faster. “Whatever you want, baby.” Whatever it would take to make her feel _normal_ again — Javier was willing to try it. He’d walk on Legos barefoot if it meant normalcy could return to their lives. 

Sofía started crying in her nursery and her mother’s face fell. 

“Do you want me to get her so you can get ready?” Javier offered cautiously. 

“No.” She blinked slowly as she looked down the hall, “I’ve got her. Just get Josie ready.” 

“Come on, JoJo. Let’s get you dressed.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and held out her dress for her. 

He knew he had to be patient — she’d gone through hell too. Physically and mentally. They had both built up so many expectations for Sofia’s birth and in the end it had been a nightmare. 

Javier hated to even _think_ about what life might’ve been like if they hadn’t kept trying. If they’d given up… but how could he think that way? Sofía was the grumpiest little angel — she was perfect. And if they hadn’t had her, they wouldn’t have Monica in their lives. 

Or Stevie. 

Or even the house they lived in. 

Even with the current situation, he wouldn’t give up the best parts of his life just because they had hit a rocky patch. A _really_ rocky patch. 

And then there was the added pressure of knowing what she’d gone through in her own childhood. The pain, the trauma, the instinctual reactions that came with her upbringing. It was why she soldiered through everything without speaking up — she’d rather suffer in silence than feel like a burden. 

Was she suffering now and he was just blind to it? Outside of how it inconvenienced his life. 

“Daddy, why are you sad?” Josie questioned, standing in front of him pouting. “You’ve gots to smile.” She wagged a finger at him, before poking him between the eyes. “You’ve got them wormy lines!”

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, scooping Josie up and tickling her until she squealed for him to stop, her laughter an infectious sound that warmed his heart. 

This was his family and he wasn’t going to lose his partner. He’d weather whatever storm he had to weather, if it meant coming out the other side. The good already outweighed the bad, he just couldn’t let him get caught up in his own melancholy. 

His own guilt. 

That guilt still ate him alive at night. 

She’d wanted to have a second child to give him the experience he’d missed out on. Now he wished he’d missed out on _this_ experience. 

He had wanted to experience the joy of fatherhood firsthand, but instead he got to suffer the nightly fears that the love of his life was slipping through his fingers. 

And maybe he should bring it up with her. Talk about it. But what if she confirmed his worst fears? What if she truly did want out? He was a fucking selfish man still, and he wanted to hold onto this until it was pried out of his hands. 

He wanted to roll over at night and reach out for her and not fear that he’d feel her flinch away from him. He wanted to walk into the nursery while she was feeding Sofía and not fear that she’d bite his head off about hovering. He wanted all the things he _had_ been blessed with when Josie was a baby and he’d taken for granted. 

Javier had realized the merit in the saying — you never realize how good you have it, until it’s gone. And she already felt one foot out the door of their relationship. 


	134. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family movie night is always an event. Set January 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Slight voyeurism, light smut (teasing in public).

After the girls had gotten their fill of watching _Mulan_ for the dozenth time, you and Steve helped them set up a pillow fort in the middle of the family room floor, while Javier, Monica, and Nadia ran a relay team on bringing popcorn and Capri Sun out to keep them occupied while the six of you tried to enjoy _The Mask of Zorro_. 

“I wanted sweet popcorn.” Josie huffed a little, but shoveled a handful of popcorn into her mouth, before retreating back into the pillow fort with Olivia and a full bowl of popcorn. 

“Please don’t let Sofía eat any.” You warned.

Olivia poked her head out, “Sofía is _sleeping._ ” She told you as she shushed you. 

“Hey, no.” Steve shook his head. 

“It’s fine,” You assured him before turning towards Javier as he returned with two glasses of wine and a bottle tucked under his arm. “ _Classy_.”

He winked at you, “Figured we could do something different for movie night.”

You took your glass from him and took a sip, “You read my mind.” You took the bottle from him, sitting it down on the coffee table beside your glass of wine. “Girls, do you have everything you need?”

“Yes!” They called back.

“I _finally_ got the movie rewound,” Connie announced as she flopped down onto the opposite side of the sofa, beckoning Steve to her. 

“Has no one ever heard ‘be kind, rewind’?” Steve chuckled as he sank down beside her and stretched his legs out to rest his feet on the coffee table. 

“I don’t get why Blockbuster doesn’t just _check_ every VHS,” Nadia pointed as she joined Monica on the armchair, “I kinda hope one day there’s an easier way to watch a movie.” 

Monica popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth, “You mean like your crazy idea for being able to watch movies at home with the touch of a button?”

“It’s not _that_ crazy,” Nadia protested, nodding her head towards Javier. “He agreed with me.”

“Yeah,” Javier said as he sat down beside you. “Picture it — any movie you want, right on your TV.” He draped his arm around you.

You grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa, pulling it over your lap and curling up beneath it and leaning into Javier’s side.

“I dunno, Peña.” Steve hummed thoughtfully. “Seems like it might require a lot of storage.” 

“It could work.” Javier picked up the edge of the blanket, situating it so it was over both of your laps. “You know,” He said to you. “I realized why you wanted to see this movie.”

“Oh?” You smirked at him, pulling your arm out from beneath the blanket to play your fingers through his hair. 

“Antonio.” He arched a brow at you.

You scrunched up your nose, “Like you don’t _love_ Catherine Zeta-Jones.” You teased, tugging at his hair before you leaned forward to grab your glass of wine, taking a sip. 

Monica arched a brow, “I can see that.”

“Right?” You laughed, settling back into Javier’s side, sliding your arm behind him. “Steve, who’s on your list?”

“My _what_?”

“Your freebie.” You laughed, enjoying the brief look of panic on his face as he looked towards Connie. “You know, who would you get a freebie with if the opportunity arose?”

“Uh,” Steve scratched behind his ear. “I don’t know—“

Connie interrupted her, “Mine is definitely Harrison Ford. Though, Bruce Willis has a certain appeal too.”

“Does _everyone_ have a list?” Steve looked towards Monica and Nadia. 

Monica shrugged, “It would be a fight over Kate Winslet or Winona Ryder.” 

Nadia popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth, “Definitely Winona.”

Steve gave you a weary list, “What the f-u-c-k?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, “Sorry?”

He raked his hand over his face, sighing heavily as he looked towards Connie, “Michelle Pfeiffer, I guess.”

“ _Really_?” She hummed thoughtfully. “I guess I can see that.” Connie looked towards you then, “I thought you had a thing for George Clooney?”

“I go through phases.”

Javier squeezed your thigh under the blanket, “Let’s not forget your Kevin Costner phase. I don’t know how many times we’ve watched _Robin Hood_.”

“I _cannot_ tell a lie, my taste varies.” You leaned your head against his shoulder, pressing your thigh against his beneath the cover. “You also love what’s her face from _Jurassic Park_.”

“Who?” Steve questioned.

Monica perked up, “Laura Dern?”

“ _Yeah_! Her.” You nodded, nudging Javier in the ribs.

Javier shrugged, “I came for the dinosaurs and stayed for Dr. Sattler.” 

“Now that we’ve gone down _that_ path, how about we start the movie?” Connie suggested as she picked up the remote and hit play. 

“For the record,” You interjected. “Sam Neill could get it.”

“ _Yes_!” Connie agreed with a laugh as she grinned at you. 

Steve and Javier exchanged looks and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

You pulled the blanket up around your arms as you shifted beside him. Javier wrapped his arm around your shoulders, maneuvering you so your head was resting against his chest more comfortably. 

“You should grow your hair out again,” You told Javier as you tilted your head to look at him, before looking between him and the TV screen. 

“And look like a prisoner?” His brows rose upwards as he looked down at you, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

You reached up and brushed your fingers over the hair that fell against his forehead, “I like the unkempt look.” You ran your hand over his chest as you leaned in to kiss him. 

He brushed his nose against yours as he drew back from the kiss, “Summer isn’t too far away, baby.”

“It’s _January._ ” You laughed softly, shaking your head as you dragged your fingers through his too-short hair. “I guess I’ll just have to get my fill of unkempt from Zorro.” You sighed dramatically before turning your gaze back to the screen — watching as Alejandro and Joaquin got out of their predicament. 

Javier’s hand idly stroked your bare leg beneath the blanket, his touch warming you far better than even the blanket had. 

Chewing on your bottom lip, you tilt your head just enough to catch Javier’s gaze. He canted his head to the left, a brow arching upwards curiously as his fingers trailed along your inner thigh, rising up to skim just beneath the bottom of your shorts. 

_Oh_.

You punctuated your nod with a quick kiss, before turning back to watch the TV, just in time to watch Joaquin meet his early demise. 

You shifted beneath the blanket, letting your legs part far enough to accommodate Javi’s wandering hand. His touches were teasing — his fingers skimmed up your inner thigh, barely brushing over the crotch of your underwear, before retreating back down your thigh. 

It made concentrating on the movie a little more difficult. 

And _no one_ was aware. You glanced towards Monica and Nadia — both of whom were staring at the screen and eating popcorn. Steve and Connie were whispering to each other, their gaze fixed on the screen too. 

You leaned forward to pick up your wine glass and your own bowl of popcorn. You took a sip of wine, sitting the bowl down on the blanket where your leg was pressed against Javier’s. “You want your wine?” 

“Yeah, baby.” Javier pulled his hand out from under the blanket and dragged his fingers through his hair. 

You took another sip before sitting your glass back down and picking up his. Javier brushed his fingers against yours as he took the glass from you, a smirk playing over his lips as he met your eyes over the rim of the wine glass as he took a sip. 

Both of you managed to behave yourselves as the movie progressed — right up until the scene between Elena and Zorro in the confessional. 

Your hand slid back beneath the blanket, watching him out of the corner of your eye as your fingers ghosted over his cock through the heavy fabric of his jeans. 

His ring clinked against the side of the Corelle bowl holding the popcorn between your laps and you froze. No one else seemed to notice — too focused on the film, as Love pursued Zorro. If they had noticed, Javier played it off like he was sitting the popcorn aside on the arm of the sofa. 

He relaxed back against the cushion, exhaling slowly as he gave a short nod of his head. Neither of you were bold enough to do much more than grope each other — not when everyone _and_ the children were right there, but the thrill was there nevertheless. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, your eyes fixed on the TV as you cupped him more intentionally, rubbing your thumb down the length of him. His jeans kept him confined, but you could still feel the way he hardened beneath your touch. 

Javier cleared his throat, using that as an excuse to unwind his arm from around you and tuck it under the blanket. He slid his arm beneath yours, his hand grabbing at your thigh possessively. 

“Can we pause real quick?” Monica interjected, “I need to use the restroom.”

“Yeah,” You sat up a little straighter then, “Connie do you still have the remote?”

“Yep!” Connie fumbled for it on the sofa, before hitting pause. 

Javier reached for the bowl of popcorn again, sitting it on his lap as he grabbed a few pieces and popped them into his mouth, giving you a sideways look. 

“I think I’m going to go put Sofía down,” You announced as you rose to your feet, stretching your arms above your head. 

You glanced back at Javier, watching the way _he_ was watching you. You knelt down to peel Sofía out from the pillow fort, laughing at the mess the girls had managed to make with the popcorn — kernels and pieces of popcorn strewn across the floor.

Josie whispered to you, “We were feeding Bruno.” She pointed to her Beanie Baby. 

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood,” You teased her, cradling Sofía to your chest as you stood back up. “Hey Javi, do you mind helping me with Sofía?”

You weren’t sure you had ever seen Javier move as swiftly as he did. He was up and off the sofa, following you down the hallway to the nursery. 

“I haven’t seen you move like that since 1987.” You taunted as you bounced Sofía in your arms, turning back to look at him as he lingered in the threshold. 

Javier snorted, “What can I say, baby? I’ve been incentivized.” He dragged his fingers through his hair as he leaned against the doorframe. 

You smirked, “We didn’t even make it to the kiss.” 

Javier rubbed at the side of his neck as he stepped further into the room. “It’s not like we don’t know what happens.” You pointed out as you settled your daughter into her crib. “We need to do another movie night. Just the two of us.” 

He nodded his head slowly, “That new _Star Wars_ film is out in a couple months.” 

“May, right?” You questioned as you leaned down to kiss Sofia’s head, before walking away from the bed. “Is this a date, Javi?”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I’ll never stop _dating_ you, baby.” He told you as you approached him. 

“What a sap,” You scrunched up your nose and rolled your eyes as you reached out and draped your arms over his shoulders. “Have you always been this much of a sap?”

He rocked his jaw as he stared down at you, “Back in the 80s, I met someone who turned me into a sap.”

You snapped your fingers, “I bet it was that fucking Murphy character.” 

Javier chuckled, “ _Bingo_.” He ran his hands along your waist as he leaned down to kiss you, a slow kiss that only served to stoke the fire you felt in your veins. 

A soft moan escaped you as your lips parted against his, your fingers winding through the hair at the nape of his neck. 

He squeezed your hip, “We should go back out there.”

You nodded, brushing your nose against his. “As soon as they’re gone…” Your brows rose upwards and you caught his bottom lip between your teeth. 

Javier pulled you towards him abruptly, your chests pressed together. “I’m counting the minutes, baby.” He assured you as he kissed you again, his tongue invading your mouth — winding you up, only to abandon you. 

You trailed after him down the hallway, grabbing his ass before you stepped around him and his scandalized expression, as you made your way back to the sofa. You grabbed your wine glass, finishing off the last of it. 

“Did she go down easily?” Connie questioned as she tucked her legs beneath her. 

“Surprisingly easy.” You nodded, rubbing your thumb over your bottom lip as you glanced over the back of the sofa at Javier. 

“Olivia had to go potty.” She explained, pulling your attention back to her. “Steve’s handling it.”

Javier settled back down on the sofa beside you, stretching his legs out and propping them up on the coffee table in front of him. “Should’ve known they’d need a potty break.” 

Monica laughed, “And here I thought you two were going to have your own _bathroom_ break.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” You rolled your eyes and flipped her off with a grin as you shifted so you were laying across his lap with your head propped up on the arm of the sofa. “We are capable of behaving. Shocking as it might be.”

“ _Barely_ ,” Javier admitted, stroking his fingers over your hair as he looked down at you with a smirk before turning his attention back to Monica. “You enjoying the film?” 

Monica shrugged, “It’s not a masterpiece, but it’s enjoyable.”

You feigned offense, “ _Sacrilege_. The Murphys are your parents now.”

“Rude!” She gave a look. “Did I criticize your taste in men? Because I could go there if you’d like me to.”

“Javier is sitting _right_ here.” You laughed, turning to look up at him with a grin. 

“ _Exactly_ ,” Monica shook her head. “I’m just saying, your taste is suspect. I respect it but…” 

You shrugged, “I didn’t choose to fall in love with a man who _still_ dresses like it’s the seventies, but I’ve come to terms with that.”

“Baby… Shots fired.” Javier pursed his lips as he looked down at you. 

“Are we roasting, Javier?” Steve questioned as he returned to the family room, sending Olivia back into the blanket fortress. “Because there’s a grill out back we can roast him on.”

“If you bring up the _fucking_ burnt burgers—“

“Daddy!” Josie popped her head out. “You said a naughty word.”

“JoJo, not now.”

“Mommy, he said a _bad_ word!”

You started laughing and quickly it spiraled out of control to the point that you were laughing so hard you ended up crying. 

“You better believe I’m going to bring up burnt burgers,” Steve continued. “How the hell-“

“Daddy!” Olivia popped her head out of the fort beside Josie. 

“ _Stephen_.” Connie scolded him. 

You started laughing even harder, sitting up and coughing as you tried to catch your breath. “I’m wheezing.”

“Baby, it’s not _that_ funny.” Javier complained, but that barely deterred him. “You’ve got a lot of balls bringing that up Murphy… Or, actually _not_ , come to think of it.”

“Ouch, Peña.” Steve huffed. “That’s a below the belt jab.”

Javier rolled a shoulder, “Bringing up one grilling mistake for the rest of my life sure seems like a below the belt jab.” His brows rose upwards warningly. “At least I don’t still go duck hunting.”

“Says the man who enjoys going skeet shooting.” Steve shot back. 

“I enjoy skeet when the company’s not being a jackass.”

“Javier!” You slapped his thigh.

Josie seemed to have the answer for stopping the two grown children from fighting. She emerged from the blanket fort, hands on her hips and glared at Javier. 

“Fuck!”

Everyone stopped at that. 

“ _Josie_!” You snapped. 

“Joséfina Selina Peña.” Javier hissed out.

“ _Finally_ some peas and quiet.” Josie sighed dramatically and retreated back into the fort. 

“Our daddies are such gophers.” Olivia said as she pulled the blanket entrance shut. 

“ _Gophers_.” Monica parroted, which sent all of you back into a spiral of laughter. 

“More like whack-a-mole.” You pointed out with a snort as you grabbed for the remote. “We’ve got half a movie left to watch and one of the best kiss scenes in modern film. Less bickering, gentlemen.”

“We’re _not_ bickering.” Javier insisted as he sank back down onto the sofa, dragging his fingers through his hair. “But you’re right about the kiss.”

“Thank you.” You winked at him. “Who doesn’t love a sexy sword fight followed by a _different_ kind of sword fight.”

You hit the play button, tossing the remote aside as you settled in against Javier. “Doesn’t beat our kisses, though.” You assured him as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

He turned to grin at you, “Not even close.” Javier rested his hand on your thigh, rubbing his thumb against your skin. “I love you.” He whispered. 

You grinned to yourself. “I love you too.” You told him curling your arm around behind him as you settled your cheek against his shoulder. 


	135. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier celebrate their anniversary. Set May 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (male & female receiving oral and sex)

“I know this is the first year,” You started as you say your suitcase down on the luggage rack, “But I wonder if they’ll ever realize why we go away at the same time every year.”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and shrugged a shoulder. “ _Maybe_.” He remarked as he pulled open the closet door and hung up the hanging suitcase. “Or they’ll think we get away as soon as school’s out.”

“Fair point.” You agreed with a nod, kicking off your shoes and perching on the foot of the bed. “So, a year in… how is this _marriage_ thing treating you?”

“I expected a review halfway through, you know.” Javier shot back, giving you a look before he ducked into the bathroom with his shaving kit. He returned, hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans. “I haven’t noticed too much of a change, baby.” 

“Me neither.” You admitted with a soft laugh, fiddling with the ring on your left ring finger. Just for your little getaway, you had decided to wear his mother’s ring — the one Chucho had gifted you with. “I feel like nothing has _really_ changed.”

Even at your worst, the two of you had always been solid. 

He hummed in agreement as he leaned down to inspect the mini fridge, “Baby, are we going for a classy anniversary dinner or should we pregame?”

You smirked at him, reclining back on the bed. “Have you ever known me to say _‘no’_ to pregaming?” You tucked your arms beneath your head, before turning to look towards the open window looking out over the balcony. 

Instead of venturing across the country, the two of you had opted to stay in Miami — but at the DuPont Plaza, in the honeymoon suite that overlooked the water. A little taste of luxury and just down the road from your house seemed like the perfect way to ring in one year as a married couple. 

“They’ve got peppermint vodka.” He waved the mini in front of you and you popped up to snatch it from him. 

You unscrewed it and took a sip, finishing half of it off in one drink. “We need to get some of this for the liquor cabinet.” You remarked as he sat down beside you. 

“I don’t get the appeal,” Javier retorted as he popped the lid off the shot of tequila and knocked it back. 

“Looking to get drunk quick, babe?” You snorted, downing the last of the mini and tossing it aside on the bed. 

Javier replaced the lid on his empty bottle, “ _Maybe_. We’ve just got to go downstairs to the restaurant.” 

“I think the _last_ time you had tequila was Disney.” You gave him a pointed look. 

“Oh, I’ve had it since.” He scratched at the back of his neck. 

“What do you and Steve get up to when I’m not around?” You cocked your head to the side and smirked at him, “Inquiring minds would like to know.” 

“Karaoke.” He shot back as he picked up the empty minis and tossed them in the garbage can on the way back to the mini fridge. “Want another?”

“I think you should have another,” You stared at him, “Because I want song names.”

“ _Nope._ ” He let the word pop out of his mouth as he grabbed the two new minis and passed the vodka to you. “That’s a need-to-know.”

You held up your hand, pointing to the ring with the bottle. “I think I’m at the top of the need-to-know.”

Javier shrugged, “Never forget why we moved to Miami.” He unscrewed the lid and took a small swig of his tequila. 

You rolled your eyes, “Stephen Murphy. I’m aware.” You took a sip of your vodka, rolling the bottle between your fingers. “Come on, how about a hint?”

“Halfway there.” He remarked as he brought the bottle to his lips and finished the tequila off with a hiss. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You questioned, narrowing your eyes as you finished down your own mini. “There are so many potential songs… Was it Whitesnake?”

Javier gave you a scandalized look, “What? _Is This Love_?” He rubbed his thumb between his brows. “Fuck. _No_.”

“Better not have been our song.”

“Our song?”

You glared at him, “What did we dance to a year ago in California? At that bar?”

Javier arched a brow at you, “Uh…”

“ _Javier_!”

“I don’t remember who the cover was by,” Javier admitted as he leaned back on the bed beside you. “But it was an Elvis song.”

“It was Hall and Oates.” You reached over and squeezed his thigh. “So what did you two sing?”

He hummed, “Nice try.” Javier cocked his head to the side as he looked at you. 

“Just so you know,” You scooted closer to him, draping your arm over his shoulders. “The ‘ _to the grave’_ sentiment only applies for you and me.” You cupped his cheek with your other hand, running your thumb along the curve of his jaw. 

Instead of answering you, Javier leaned in and kissed you, his mouth slanting over yours. You could taste the tequila on his lips and his tongue as you tongue met his. 

Your fingers slid from his shoulder into his hair, tugging at it as you pulled back to meet his eyes. “Nice distraction.” You bumped your nose against his before you stood up, leaving him sitting on the bed. 

“Where are you going?” Javier questioned, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he watched you with rapt attention. 

“Checking on the options,” You told him as you pulled open the minifridge to see what was inside. “Oh, M&Ms!” You grabbed the bag and another vodka mini. “Was it classic rock?”

“ _Baby_ —“

You tore the top off the sleeve of candy, popping a couple pieces into your mouth. “Now I know when you come home shitfaced from a night out with Steve, I need to question your drunk ass about karaoke.”

“You say that like it happens all the time.” He huffed, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he stared at you. 

“At least once every three months.” You popped another M&M into your mouth. “Usually I’m more concerned with getting you undressed without you thinking I’m coming onto you.” You arched a brow at him. 

Javier held his hand out and you poured a couple candies into his palm. “What can I say? After a night out, all I’m thinking about is getting home to you.”

You scrunched up your nose and stuck out your tongue, “Such a sap.” You laughed, shaking your head as you sat back down on the bed, this time reclining back against the pillows. 

“It’s your fault that I’m a sap, baby.” He retorted as he scooted up the bed to join you, tucking an arm behind his head. “Tequila’s hitting.”

“Time to interrogate you.” You smirked, sitting the M&Ms and the mini on the nightstand. 

“ _Interrogate_?” Javier arched a brow as he turned to look at you. 

“You heard me.” You shot back, rolling onto your side as you settled down beside him. You reached out and rested your hand on his chest, trailing your fingers over the patch of skin exposed where his shirt was unbuttoned. “The fact that you won’t tell me is a little disappointing.”

“Oh, come on baby.” He pursed his lips. “I tell you everything.”

“Was it a love ballad?” You questioned, running your finger down the length of his nose. “I’ll only be a little jealous if it was. But I know you and Steve have a _special_ bond.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Javier snorted, shaking his head as he rolled onto his side so he could curl his arm around your waist. “I already gave you a hint.”

“You did?” You gave him a skeptical look.

He nodded, tapping his thumb against your side. “Told you that you were halfway there.”

Your brows furrowed together. “To guessing its?”

Javier laughed and you swatted his chest, “ _Ow_.”

“Don’t laugh at me!” You said, as you laughed at his feigned injury. “Dammit Javier, just tell me.”

“ _No_.” He pulled you closer to him, until his nose was brushing against yours. “Why do you want to know so badly, baby?”

“So I can taunt you with it for the rest of our lives.” You grinned at him, playing with the hair that fell across his forehead. “Less hints and more you telling me the actual name of the song.”

Javier’s brows drew together and he ran his hand up and down your back, “I can think of better things we could be doing.”

You snorted, “I’m just going to assume it was _Never Gonna Give You Up_.” 

“In _what_ world would I sing that?”

“The one where you’re drunk on tequila.” You smirked, leaning in to steal a kiss. “Kinda wish I was there to witness it.”

“It was _Livin’ On a Prayer_ ,” Javier finally confessed, “Happy?”

You rubbed at his hair, “That’s not even embarrassing.” You shook your head, “I’m just going to pretend it was _Time After Time_ or something like that.”

Javier cupped your jaw, “You asked… or more specifically you _pestered_.”

“Javier,” You started with a too-sweet voice, “I know _everything_ about your sexual exploits prior to me, but you’re going to draw the line at get drunk and sing karaoke with your best friend?”

“I think best friend is pushing it.”

You snorted, shaking your head. “Don’t worry Javi, I promise I won’t ever tell him that you think he’s your best friend.”

“ _You_ are my best friend.”

That sobered your amusement quickly, “Really?” Which seemed like a stupid thing to be shocked by, all things considered. There had been so many times back in Colombia that you questioned whether Javier was _really_ your friend — or if you were just easy to talk to. 

“Mhm.” He brushed his fingers over your cheek. “Steve’s alright, but you _know_ me.”

You nodded, leaning in to press your forehead against his. “I know I’ve already told you this before, but I was depressed as hell when Steve and Connie left. And I remember thinking — if it were Javier leaving, I don’t think I would be able to cope. I had never had someone who just _fit_.”

His lips drew upwards into a gentle smile and he leaned in to kiss you, “Guess that’s why we’re still here… twelve years later.”

Javier slid his hand down your arm, until he could interlace his fingers with yours. He rubbed his finger over the ring you wore, his eyes never leaving your face. “I love you.”

“You do?” You teased lightly, biting down on your bottom lip as you searched your eyes. 

His brows knit together and he nodded slowly, “A lot, baby.”

“I love you too.” You ran your thumb over his lips, cupping his jaw as you leaned in to kiss him. The moment lingered, his lips brushing against yours as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. 

You let him roll you back onto the bed, a knee planted between your thighs as he hovered above you, one palm pressed into the mattress beside your head. 

Javier groaned against your mouth as you dragged your fingers through his hair, nails scraping against his scalp. You shifted, pressing the apex of your thighs directly against his leg, grinding against him. 

His grip tightened on your hand, pinning it back against the bed. All thoughts of drinking minis and eating M&Ms were quickly traded in for the heat burning between your thighs and desire in your veins. 

You sank back against the mattress, breaking from the kiss as you turned your attention to the buttons of his shirt which was a struggle with only one hand. 

Javier slid his knee forward, keeping it pressed right against your cunt as you rolled your hip against the pressure. It created the perfect amount of friction to make you moan out his name. 

He released his hold on your hand, keeping his eyes fixed on your face as he moved down the bed. 

“ _Javi_.” You complained at the loss of friction. 

“I’ve got you baby,” He drawled out as he slid your skirt up around your hips. “Just trust me.” He promised as he stroked his fingers over your cunt through the fabric of your underwear.

You reached down and played your fingers through his hair as you watched him, “I trust you.” You told him, biting down on your bottom lip as he circled his thumb over your clit. 

Javier hooked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear, sliding them down your legs. “Look at you.” He whispered as he parted your sensitive folds, leaning in to flick his tongue over that little bundle of nerves that was already throbbing with anticipation. 

He ran his hands along your inner thighs, parting them wider as his tongue swept between your folds, teasing your slick center before returning to your clit. 

“ _Fuck_.” You hissed out, your hips rocking up off the bed, angling yourself towards his mouth. His mustache tickled, making you squirm as he lapped at you. 

Javier grabbed at your hips, holding you steady as he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked lightly at the little bundle of throbbing nerves — you could feel _every_ pulse of need, heat and pleasure burning in your lower belly. 

You swore your eyes rolled back in your head when he worked two fingers into you with little warning, curling them within you as dragging them over that sweet spot that had you seeing stars. 

It wasn’t _fair_. He knew your body too well and could play you like an instrument only he knew how to play like this. Even your own fingers failed to be _this_ good at winding you up. 

Your fingers grabbed at the comforter beneath you, heels digging into the mattress as he coaxed you over the edge. He didn’t relent, his tongue replaced his fingers, greedily lapping up the arousal that dripped from you. 

By the time he pulled back, breathing heavily as he caught his breath, his mouth and mustache were glistening with you. And no part of that deterred you from tugging at his hair to guide him back up the bed so you could kiss him. 

As much as you wanted to wrap your legs around him and beg him to fuck you into the mattress — you had other plans. 

You pushed him off of you, sliding out from beneath him and readjusting the skirt of your dress. “Lay back.” You told him firmly, giving him a look that left no rumor for arguments. 

Javier sank back against the mattress in your place, his brows rising upwards as he met your gaze. “Love that look on you.”

“And what look is _that_?” You countered, reaching down to trace your finger over the outline of his cock in his jeans. 

“You’ve got this glassy-eyed ‘just fucked’ look.” Javier explained, his lips parting with a throaty sound of pleasure as you cupped him through his jeans. “ _Fuck_.”

“That’s what I call — I’m a little buzzed and _very_ horny.” You smirked, dragging the zipper down slowly, before unsnapping the button. You took your sweet time pulling his jeans open as you settled down between his thighs. “Did you enjoy getting me off?” You questioned as you circled your thumb over the wet spot at the head of his cock that had darkened the fabric of his boxers. 

“What do _you_ think?” He quipped, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he stifled another groan as he watched you lean down to sweep your tongue over the same spot. 

“That wasn’t an answer.” You pointed out, reaching into his jeans to cup his balls, playing with them as you ran your tongue over his cock through his boxers. 

His hips twitched upwards and you smirked at the way his fingers grabbed at the comforter beneath him. You loved when he _let go_ for you — both of you were shit at relinquishing control most of the time. 

You didn’t even bother pulling his boxers down, opting instead to undo the button and feed his erection through the gap in his underwear. 

“Look at you,” You parroted back what he had said before as you curled your fingers around the base of his cock, squeezing lightly as you leaned down and licked at the weeping head of his cock, tasting him. 

Javier grunted out something that sounded like your name, his hips bucking upwards. 

You pressed your palm against his stomach, “Easy there, Javi.” 

His tongue darted out to wet his lips and he nodded, exhaling shakily. “Don’t tease.” 

“ _Oh_?” You questioned, running your thumb up the underside of his cock as you wrapped your lips around just the head of his cock. 

The _sounds_ he made. 

You had always loved how unabashedly vocal he was during sex. Some men, you had found, had no interest in being loud — but Javier always let you know he was enjoying himself. 

Javier’s fingers sank into your hair, tugging sharply as you flicked your tongue over the slit teasingly. And he _really_ lost his shit when you hollowed out your cheeks and sank down to take the length of him into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. 

“ _Fuck_.” He hissed out, brushing his fingers tenderly over the back of your neck. “That’s a _good girl_.”

You moaned around his cock at his praise, sliding your free hand down between your own thighs as you kept working your mouth over the length of his cock. 

“Baby, _fuck_ —“ Javier grunted, “Are you touching yourself, baby?” He managed, tugging lightly at your hair. “That’s it.” 

You lifted your gaze to look up at him as you let his cock slide from your lips with a wet ‘ _pop_ ’. You smirked, “Maybe I am.” 

His tongue trailed over his bottom lip as he held your gaze, “C’mere.” Javier breathed out, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. 

You rose up on your knees, straddling his thighs as you moved into position above him, hands planted on his chest as you stared down at him. “Is this what you wanted, _baby_?” You questioned, mimicking his tone. 

Javier slowly ran his hands up your legs, curling his hands around your hips as you lowered yourself onto him, the slick folds of your cunt sliding against his cock. “You know it is.” He countered, reaching between your bodies to guide his cock as you moved atop him. 

There was something about being half-dressed and fucking that would never wear out for you. The toughness of his jeans against the backs of your thighs, your arousal soaking into the fabric of his boxers as you rode him. 

“I’m gonna—“ Javier managed to get out, grabbing at your hips as he moved beneath you. “— gonna come, baby.”

You leaned forward to kiss him, ignoring the slight twinge in your thighs from the stretch. Javier groaned against your lips, kissing you desperately as he came apart beneath you. He tensed, cock throbbing as his released spilled. 

Your own orgasm was just out of reach and you didn’t even care, it was enough to bask in the moment with him — his breathing labored as you let yourself slump forward against him. 

There was absolutely _no_ way either of you would be going out in the clothes you had on now. 

Javier ran his hand down the length of your back, giving your ass a playful swat. “Still got it.” He murmured as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck. 

“I should hope so.” You huffed, tugging at his hair with a soft laugh. 


	136. Baby Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier celebrate their second child with a baby shower. Set January 1997.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff

In the early hours of the morning, it was easy to forget you were in Miami now. Especially with the old case files you had been pouring through — it brought _everything_ back. Colombia had provided you with some of the best days of your life, but it had also been some of the hardest. Which was saying something. 

How many mornings had you laid awake, staring up at the still-dark ceiling listening to Javier breathe? Or listening _for_ his quiet exhales? How many days did you wonder if everything would fall apart? 

As easy as it was for him to imagine you picking up your life and leaving Colombia without so much as a goodbye, you could do the same. Javier was _Javier_. A habitual bachelor — a man that didn’t seem made to settle down. Yet, he’d given up all of that freedom to have a life with you. 

To have _children_ with you. 

Javier was a different man now. Still fundamentally the same curmudgeon you’d fallen in love with — but he was happier. Smiles weren’t just used to charm and disarm, they were genuine. His affection for you was unshaken. 

And that was how you _really_ knew you had his heart. 

You had been beside him for years, you knew how he operated — you knew his _type_. But his gaze never wandered if you were beside him. Even when you weren’t, he was more likely to get pissed off that someone had hit on him, than he was to seem amused by it. 

But going through your old files had brought it all back. Laying there in bed beside him, listening to him breathe as you ran your hand over your swollen stomach. 

This time around was different, even if your thoughts dwelled on the past. 

Javier shifted beside you, mumbling your name groggily as he rolled over and snaked his arm around your waist. “ _Morning_.”

“Hi.” You whispered, lifting your hand to comb your fingers through his hair. 

He shuffled closer to you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “How long have you been up?”

“About an hour,” You answered with a sigh. “She’s been very active this morning.”

“Yeah?” He rubbed his nose against the crook of your neck, before he slid down the bed and ducked beneath the covers. 

You bit down on your bottom lip and smiled as you felt him draw up your tank top, warm hands smoothing over your stomach. 

“Keeping mommy up?” Javier spoke to the bump, kissing a spot just below your navel. “She’s got a big day today, you should’ve let her sleep.” He cradled his hands on either side of your stomach, before emerging from beneath the covers. 

You grinned at him, reaching down to drag your fingers through his disheveled hair. “I still feel _silly_ having a baby shower.” If Connie hadn’t harassed you into having one - you wouldn’t be having it. 

“Bet you’ll have fun.” He smirked, settling back down beside you with one hand still resting at your stomach. “And you didn’t get to have one for Josie.”

“I know.” You nodded. And _that_ was why you were doing this — because Javier had missed out on all of those little pivotal moments that came with parenthood. 

The baby moved, a hand or a foot pressing against you and you quickly reached for Javier’s hand, sliding it to the place where she was moving. 

“What is it, baby?” Javier questioned, rubbing his thumb over your skin before his eyes widened as she moved again. It was a faint flutter, just enough for him to feel too. “ _Oh_.”

You smiled at him, brushing your knuckles over his cheek as you held his gaze. “Your daughter is a wiggleworm, just like her sister.”

Javier chuckled warmly as he stroked his hand over that spot, trying to coax her to move again. “Only a few more months and she’ll be a wiggleworm in our arms.” He mused, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” You admitted, chewing on your bottom lip as you rubbed at your eyes. “You slept straight through my three bathroom trips last night. My bladder is her punching bag.”

He grimaced, “You can always wake me up, baby. You don’t have to do it all alone.” Javier planted his hand on the mattress beside you so he could shift himself partially over you and press a kiss to your lips. 

“But you’re _so_ grumpy when you haven’t slept.” You reminded him, tugging at his hair as you kissed him again, “I’ll wake you up tonight if she wakes me up.” You promised him. 

Javier leaned forward and kissed you again, “You ready to get up?” He questioned, his lips brushing against yours.

“A few more minutes.” You whispered, before you both readjusted into a familiar position. Javier’s body curled around yours, your back resting against his chest and his arm curled around you so he could stroke your belly. 

“I love you.” Javier murmured as he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck, his breath warm as it ghosted over your skin.

“I love you too.” You smiled, chewing on your thumb nail as you stared out the window. “We could always ditch the shower and go house hunting instead.”

“ _Baby_.”

“You know I hate when people make a fuss about me.”

“I know.”

“You hate when people make a fuss about you.”

Javier chuckled, tapping his fingers in a rhythm against your stomach. “Connie’s promised it’ll be fun.”

“I swear to God, if Tracy and Jeff show up.”

“ _Shhh_.” He whispered, kissing your shoulder. “The six people you like will be there.”

“You, the Murphys, and Josie?”

Javier snorted. 

“I’m deadly serious.”

“The six _other_ people you like.”

You pouted a little, “I never pictured myself having a shower. I was dragged to _two_ with my sister-in-law and they were just…” You shrugged. “Tacky?”

“Yeah?” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “You never talk about her.”

“ _Yeah_.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. “I always felt like a fish out of water with her. I don’t think she meant to make me feel like I was a sympathy case, but it felt that way sometimes.” 

You _knew_ it wasn’t her intention, but it happened nevertheless. She was a socialite and you were… a scrappy teen from the armpit of Pennsylvania. 

“If it gets to be too much,” Javier started, running his hand along the side of your stomach. “We can go sit outside that house on Iguana.” 

You interlaced your fingers with his, “I _want_ that house, Javier. I know it’s not quite what we were looking for, but…” 

“But, what?”

“I think it’s _home_ ”

Javier kissed your shoulder, “You know, baby… I think you’re right. That backyard.”

“I can picture the girls playing in the backyard.”

“And that bedroom,” Javier gestured to the room around you. “The walk-in closet.”

“The bathtub.”

He chuckled, running the tip of his nose along the curve of your throat before pressing a kiss to the spot behind your ear. “You wanna put a bid on it?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded slowly, “Wanna call the realtor today?”

“I’ll call at ten before we leave.” Javier squeezed your hand. 

You turned a little so you could look at him, a grin spreading over your lips as you met his gaze. “I hope we get it.”

“Me too.” He slid his hand out of your hold to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin. 

——

“Should’ve known you’d leave us sooner or later,” Javier pressed his tongue the inside of his cheek, tilting his head as he took another swig of beer. “Could be worse than Andrews.”

Tripp rested his beer bottle on his knee as he leaned back in the lawn chair, “Probably gonna stay in another five.”

“If you stay at Andrews, you’ll be primed to go straight into the civilian side of defense.” Steve remarked, “Word of advice though, man. Peña’s known to uproot and follow you when he gets attached to someone.”

You laughed as you watched Javier flip Steve off. “Definitely _not_ moving anywhere near Washington.”

Lisa shielded her eyes as she turned to look at you, “You ever work up there?”

“I had a couple meetings in the city before I moved to Atlanta.” You shrugged your shoulders. “And back when I was in the academy, we had a couple conferences down there.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I wonder if any of them would’ve been the same conferences I attended.”

Your brows drew together as you tilted your head to look at him. “It would’ve been ‘82 or ‘83.” You pursed your lips as you thought about that period of time. “Maybe ‘84.”

He nodded his head slowly as he worked his jaw, “Might’ve been there.”

“Imagine if you’d met back then,” Lisa stated, taking a sip of her beer, before using it to point between the two of you.

Javier grimaced a little, “Don't think we’d be sitting here right now if we’d met then.” He reached over and gave your stomach a soft stroke, meeting your gaze. 

“Definitely not.” You agreed. Even you knew you had been insufferable during that period in your life. Back then, you were constantly trying to climb the ladder to your success. And now look at you — your entire career was consolidated into a stack of files that omitted your efforts. 

“So, have you picked out a name?” Lisa questioned. 

“Yeah,” Javier nodded. “And it’s just further proof that she’s too damn good for me.” He rose to his feet then, leaning down to kiss the top of your head, “You want anything?”

“I’m good, babe.” You assured him, waving him off. “We are naming her after his mother — Sofía.”

“That’s beautiful.” She smiled at you. “And it goes well with Josie.” Lisa nodded towards Javier as he walked across the Murphy’s yard. “Is Josie a family name as well?”

“His grandmother on his father’s side.” You explained, taking a drink of your water. “I don’t really have any on my side I give a shit about and contrary to popular belief—“ You shot Steve a look. “Javier’s got a soft spot for family.”

“I _had_ noticed.” Lisa laughed. “I’m so sorry that I won’t be here for her birth. The assignment came down pretty quickly.” She frowned. “Please keep in touch. I’d love to hear how things go.”

“You’ll be on a Christmas card list for sure.”

“There’s a Christmas card list?” Steve questioned, arching a brow at you. “Are we on it?”

“Nope.” You shot back. “Usually because we see you.”

He squinted, “ _Suspicious_.”

“I feel like I remember getting you a mug with you and Javier on it.”

Steve groaned dramatically, “Connie’s favorite mug to use.”

Tripp leaned forward, “Do tell.”

“There’s a store in the mall that can take pictures and put them on mugs,” You explained. “And last summer two idiots got shitfaced while we were having s’mores back here and Connie and I got some ridiculous pictures of them.”

“They’re _bad_.” Steve said as he took a sobering drink of beer. 

“It says WORLD’S DADDEST DADS.” You snorted, shaking your head. “It was supposed to say Daddys but Connie decided to be a killjoy.”

“Thank fuck.” Steve huffed, before standing up. “Speaking of Connie, I’m gonna go check on how she’s handling the great naptime.” 

“Any news on the house hunt?” Lisa questioned. 

“We just put in an offer in this morning.” You grinned with a little too much teeth. “I’m pretty sure Javier just went to call the realtor again. There was some back and forth about another potential buyer.”

“You’re brave moving during your pregnancy.” Tripp remarked. “Damn near killed Lisa when we had to move cross country when she was pregnant.”

“Slight exaggeration.” Lisa swatted him in the leg. “But stressful.”

“I’m just ready to have something like this.” You gestured around the backyard. “I love our condo, but I’m ready to have a _home_. You know?”

Lisa nodded, “I definitely understand that feeling. I’m really hoping we stick around Andrews. I wouldn’t mind that being home.” 

At the end of the day, wasn’t that all that really mattered? Having a home. Whether it was a place with four walls or a _someone_ that you called home. 


	137. Clandestine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A clandestine meeting between Javier and Reader. I want you to go along for the ride, so I’m not telling you anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut

“How about I buy you a glass of wine, sugar.” The man to your left offered as you leaned your forearms against the bar. 

You rolled your eyes and caught the attention of the bartender, “Whiskey. Neat.” You ordered, not paying any mind to the man beside you. 

“ _Whiskey_.” He drawled out, shifting closer. “Seems like you might just be my kind of girl.” 

“I promise you, I’m _not_ playing hard to get.” You gritted out as you turned to glare at the man. “Hope you’re not here for the convention,” You continued with a scathing tone. “Because you’re shit at picking up on blatant clues.”

The man recoiled then, snatching his glass of bourbon off the bar top. “ _Bitch_.” He snarled as he walked away. 

You snorted, “And proud.” 

“Here you are,” The bartender said as he sat the glass down in front of you. “If you have any issues with the gentleman—“

“I’m good.” You held up a hand to stop the man. “But thanks.” You picked up your glass and took a sip, before retreating across the bar to one of the secluded booths. 

The thought of being cooped up in your hotel room for the rest of the night was unappealing. You’d spent three hours on a train from Philly to Washington and you really just wanted to unwind and people watch. 

The jackass that had called you a bitch was across the bar with a table of equally insufferable men. He’d clearly gone back and bitched about you like a baby, because they were not-so-subtly looking in your direction.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You muttered. 

This, right here, was why Mitch had been nervous about the trip when you’d told him about it. A woman — _alone —_ at a testosterone laden convention filled with one too many of the boys in blue. 

You’d dealt with enough shit at the academy to know exactly what sort of situation you were in. It didn’t matter how well you did in your college classes or how proficient you were during training— you were still a woman that they wanted to fuck. 

A man stepped into your line of view and helped himself to the seat across from you. “Act like you know me.” 

Your brows rose upwards, a snide remark primed on the tip of your tongue but you pushed it aside in favor of offering a friendly smile. “But I _don’t._ ” You said coolly, lifting your glass to your lips and taking a sip. 

“Those assholes have been harassing every woman who has walked into the bar tonight.” The man offered, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he rocked his lower jaw.

“ _Charming_.” You huffed, sitting your glass back down. “And what do you call this?” You questioned as you gestured between the two of you.

He arched a brow at you, a short chuckle escaping him. “Guess I’ll be on my way then.”

Before you could stop yourself, you reached across the table and grabbed the man’s forearm to keep him from leaving. “ _Stay_.” 

The man’s eyes narrowed as his shoulders relaxed and he settled back into his seat. “Alright.” 

Your eyes flickered across the bar towards the table of men who were still eyeing you and laughing amongst themselves. “Pigs. The lot of them.”

“Yeah,” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, there is a law enforcement convention in town.”

“I know.” You retorted. “That’s why I’m here.”

“ _Really_?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” You shook your head. “Let me guess, you’re here for the convention too?” You questioned, gesturing to him. “The mustache and the aviators tucked into your shirt are dead giveaways.”

The man’s lips drew upwards at the corners, forming a wry grin as he stared at you. “Clever.”

“ _Oh_ ,” You lifted your glass to your lips and took another sip, “You have no idea.”

“Javier Peña.” He offered, tapping his fingers atop the table as his gaze lingered on your face. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You smiled a little. “Texas?”

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “That obvious?”

“You’ve got a slight twang to your voice.” You shrugged. 

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m with the DEA in Austin.”

“Nice.” You pursed your lips with an approving sound. “I’m _looking_.” You shrugged. “But I have a feeling that it doesn’t matter that I graduated top of my class.” You nodded your head towards the table of jackasses. “I’ll still get passed over in favor of some dick who probably failed firearms training twice.”

Javier ran his tongue over the edge of his teeth and nodded with a grim expression, “It’s a tough fucking field.” 

“I just want to make a difference.” You sighed, rubbing your thumb over the curve of your glass. “I’ve hitched all of my horses to this and the stable’s empty now.”

“How many of those have you had?” Javier retorted with a chuckle, both of his brows rising upwards.

“Oh, fuck off.” You laughed softly, shaking your head. “I’m just saying — I have two options. Either _this_ works out for me,” You gestured vaguely around the bar. “Or I go back to Philadelphia and let my sister-in-law find me a nice rich investment banker to play house with until I die of boredom.”

Javier grinned at you, “Then it sounds like _this_ has to work out for you.” He leaned against the table. “I may not know you, but the latter sounds like perpetual hell.”

You scrunched up your nose, “What’s worse than hell?”

He laughed, “That bad, huh?”

“I get that some people want _that_ life, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.”

“Yeah, me too.” Javier shrugged a shoulder as he glanced away. “You mind if I smoke?”

“I only mind if you don’t offer me one.” You countered with a smug grin.

Javier smirked at you as he leaned back and pulled the packet of cigarettes and a lighter out of his leather jacket. He pulled two out, passing you one before sticking his between his lips.

“So, did you sweep in and save any of the other women they heckled?” You questioned as you took the lighter from him. 

He blew out a breath of smoke, shaking his head. “Nope.”

“I’m flattered.” You took a drag off the cigarette, before tapping it on the side of the ashtray on the table. “As long as you don’t play white knight for _everyone_ , I’ll permit you to stay.”

“Good to know.” He chuckled as his gaze flickered over your face. “You seemed like you had it handled.”

You nodded as you watched the smoke dissipate as you exhaled. “I’m not afraid to make those assholes go home as eunuchs.” 

“ _Damn_ ,” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “You gonna treat me that way if I offer to buy you another whiskey?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, sweeping your eyes over him. “I suppose you can buy me a drink.” 

He winked at you before he slid out of his chair and strolled over to the bar to do just that. You couldn’t help but watch him walk away — the jeans he wore hugged his ass too well for you not to appreciate them. 

Javier wasn’t your _typical_ type. The last handful of men you’d gone on dates with had been ‘pretty boys,’ for lack of a better word. He seemed like he was a few years older than you — maybe ten? The mustache was weirdly appealing too and your mind wandered down the path of wondering how that might feel between your—

“All you had to say was that you were taken, sugar.” The man from the bar had returned and he was fuming with barely controlled anger. 

And they let assholes like _him_ around guns?

“Oh, I didn’t know I had to give my _reasons_ for telling you to fuck off.” You shot back. “Silly me.”

“Listen here, bitch—“

“Is there a problem?” Javier questioned as he returned.

You snatched up your purse and pulled the strap over your shoulder as you slid out from behind the table. “I’m not really feeling the atmosphere down here, babe.” You said smoothly, reaching out and running your hand along Javier’s forearm, before taking your glass of whiskey from him. “Why don’t we enjoy our drinks in our room?”

Javier played into it seamlessly, “I’m sorry you had to put up with these assholes, baby.” He said as he curled his arm around your waist possessively. “C’mon.”

You didn’t pull out of his embrace once you were out of view of the bar. You didn’t even pull away once you were safely in the elevator _alone_ with him. 

“What floor?”

“I’m on eight.” You told him, watching as he gripped his drink in his hand and used his knuckle to press eight and ten on the panel. 

“Sorry you had to cut your evening short,” Javier said lightly, his fingers brushing over your side as he released the grip he had on you. 

“It’s alright,” You tilted your head to look at him beside you. “I’m probably way off the mark here, but…” Your gaze flickered to his lips briefly, before meeting his dark gaze again. “The night doesn’t _have_ to end.”

Javier’s tongue ran along the seam of his lips as he stared back at you. “Would be a shame to waste good company when there’s still drinks to be had.”

You smirked a little, lashes fluttering as you angled yourself towards him. “I think you should get off on eight.”

“Yeah?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

“You might even _get off_ on eight.” You added, leaning in slightly. 

Javier rolled his eyes, “ _And_ you’re funny.”

“I’m a package deal.” You took a step away from him, just before the elevator dinged — announcing your arrival on the eighth floor. 

You walked backwards off the elevator, lifting your glass to your lips as you held his gaze. “Well?”

Javier pursued you, “How can I say _‘no’_ to you, baby?” He drawled out with a smirk. 

You turned your back to him as you made your way down the corridor to your room — room 87. You had _not_ intended to have any guests in your hotel room and yet, something about Javier made you throw away all the promises you made to yourself. 

“It’s not much,” You told him as you held the door open for him. “I always pictured hotel hookups happening in swanky high rise penthouses.” 

Javier chuckled as he sat his glass down on the small counter by the mini fridge, and you couldn’t help but watch him as he slid out of his leather jacket. “Better than a motel hookup.” 

“Intimately familiar with those?” You countered as you sipped at your drink. 

He shook his head, “Nah.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair as he arched a brow at you. “Is this a hookup?” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, “It’s whatever we want it to be.” You told him as you stepped past him to sit your glass down beside his. 

“What do _you_ want it to be?” Javier questioned. 

You stood a little straighter as you turned back to him, your heart beating a little faster as you met his heated gaze. “Let me show you.” You said softly as you reached out to graze your fingers along his jawline. 

Javier’s hand curled around your hip as you leaned towards him and kissed him. His mustache tickled at first, but you were far too focused on the feel of his tongue sliding past your lips to find yours.

A soft groan escaped you as you sank into the kiss, your hand curled around the back of his neck as your lips slanted against his.

He stepped forward, making you move backwards until you were pressed flat against the wall behind you. 

Javier nipped at your bottom lip, his tongue soothing the marks his teeth made as his hands slid under your shirt. Your own fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt, greedily touching every inch of skin that was exposed to you.

He broke away from the kiss to peel your shirt off of you. “Is this what you want, baby?” He questioned as he slid his knee between your thighs and slid it up until it was pressed right against the seam of your pants. 

You cried out softly, rocking against his knee as you felt the burn of arousal in your lower belly. You were embarrassingly wet — you could feel your underwear sticking to your slick folds as you ground down against the pressure of his knee. 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, dragging him back in for another kiss that was far too short lived. 

You came awake suddenly, your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. It took a second for you to get your bearings — but you recognised the moonlight spilling in through shades on the patio door.

Miami. Josie and Sofía. _Javier_. 

He was snoring quietly beside you, completely unaware of the intense dream you had just had about him.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you shifted uncomfortably, even that little bit of friction made you want to moan. You could practically feel your clit throbbing from the desire you’d felt in the dream. 

You slid you hand under the waistband of your shorts and underwear, fingers sliding through your slick folds. You inhaled sharply, the tip of your finger grazing over your clit. 

“ _Javier_.” You breathed out as you circled your finger around that little bundle of nerves, your inner walls clenching around nothing as you worked yourself towards your release. 

“Having fun without me?” Javier murmured, his voice an octave lower and still heavy with exhaustion. 

You moaned as you felt him curl his hand around your upper thigh, “I’m close.” You told him, your pace never faltering. “ _Fuck_.”

“That’s it baby,” Javier whispered, rubbing his thumb over your skin. “I can hear how fucking wet you are, baby.” He kissed the curve of your throat, before brushing his lips against the shell of your ear. “ _Come_.”

Your body obeyed him, your hips bucking upwards as you came apart under your own touch. You turned your head, finding his lips in the darkness and kissing him desperately. 

Javier broke away from the kiss, breathing raggedly, “I hope I was involved with winding you up like this, baby.” He murmured, kissing you again. 

You laughed against his lips, winding your fingers through his hair. “It was _all_ you.” You told him, running your hand down his chest and stomach, before cupping his cock through his boxers.

“Yeah?” He breathed out as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your pants, trying to work them down your hips. 

You rolled onto your side, shimmying out of your shorts and underwear, “I’ll have to tell you… _all_ about it.” You whispered as he curled an arm around your waist and hauled you back against his chest. He slid his other arm beneath your neck and reached for your breast, palming at it through your shirt. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier rasped out as his fingers found their way between your thighs. “You’re soaking wet, baby. _Goddamn_.”

You reached behind you, grabbing at his hip as you sank back against him. Javier shifted as he guided his cock to your center. Your nails bit into his forearm as he slid into you — your inner walls fluttering around him, still sensitive from your orgasm. 

Javier pressed his face into the crook of your neck, “You feel so fucking good, baby.” He murmured as he moved. 

“So do…” You rolled your hips in time with his movements. “ _Fuck_. So do you.” 

“Tell me.” Javier urged as he nipped at the soft curve of your neck. 

“We were,” You started, running your hand along his forearm. “Strangers.” You turned your head, eyes straining in the darkness to see him. “At a conference in Washington.” 

“Do conferences make you horny, baby?” Javier chuckled, kissing at your jaw. 

“ _You_ do.” You tensed as his cock grazed a sweet spot within you that made your thighs tremble and your toes curl. 

He groaned out your name, his pace faltering. “ _Shit_.” Javier hissed as he buried the length of his cock within you, “Come on, baby.” 

You clenched around him, grinding back against him as his fingers found your clit and coaxed you over the edge again. 

Javier slid out of you, maneuvering you onto your stomach before his cock slid back into you. You stretched your arms out in front of you, grabbing at the edge of the bed beneath your pillow as he fucked you into the mattress. 

That was _exactly_ what you needed and apparently what he needed too. 

Your name was on his lips as he came apart, his release spilling out deep within you as he draped himself over you. 

“Holy shit.” You breathed out, turning your head so you wouldn’t smother to death in your pillow. “Thank God tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“Hmm?” He questioned, pressing a kiss to a spot at the base of your neck. 

You laughed softly. “ _Nothing_.” You reached behind your head, playing your fingers through his hair. “I don’t think dream Javier could’ve fucked me that well.”

“Glad to know my competition is myself.”

You grinned to yourself, “Can’t even have a sexy dream about anyone else.” 

“ _Good_.” He kissed your shoulder again, his breath hot against your skin. “Fuck, that was good.”

“Mhm.” You hummed sleepily, feeling far too warm and comfortable beneath the weight of him. “The dream made me a little sad that we’re shit at roleplay.”

“Yeah?” He exhaled slowly. “Can always…”

You let your eyes slip closed. “Hmm?”

“What?” Javier ran his hand along the back of your arm. “We can try again.”

You nodded as he slid his arms beneath you, keeping you pressed against his chest as he rolled over onto his side. His cock slipped out of you and you missed the connection the second it was gone. 

But you were far too tired to protest. Two orgasms and a little mind numbing fucking had done you in. 

Even in your dreams, Javier was the one you wanted to go home with. 


	138. First Day Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader’s maternity leave comes to an end. Set after Josie’s birth.

Going back to work after weeks of maternity leave was an adjustment. Leaving Josie across the hall with the kind older woman who had been your neighbor since moving to Colombia was easier than expected. At least it was, right up until the moment you sat down at your desk and realized it would be eight hours until you saw her again. 

Javier didn’t make it any easier. You had gotten _too_ comfortable with him lately — which was easy to do, considering he frequently spent the night at your apartment and you had gotten used to waking up in his arms. But it also meant you were off your game. 

Your hopes that he would be on assignment when you started back in the office were quickly dashed when plans fell through and Javier was stuck at his desk across from you. 

Before Josie was born, you had gotten good at masking your emotions and framing your interactions with work-appropriate distance. Now you felt like every look set off a neon sign above your heads announcing what you were hiding. 

Javier was _shit_ at hiding his soft smiles and lingering looks. The kind that made your cheeks warm and your heart flutter. 

“Welcome back.” Chris said flatly as he strolled into the office and threw his briefcase down on his desk. 

“You’re late.” Javier stated as he fed a new piece of paper into the typewriter. 

“Flat tire.” 

“Pissed anyone off lately?” You quipped, shuffling through a stack of files on your desk. 

“Oh, fuck off.” Chris sneered and muttered. “As if this day couldn’t get any worse.”

You snorted, “Happy to be of service.” Ever since Chris had been assigned to the office, you had butted heads with him. Before Josie, in those three awkward months before you told Javier about your pregnancy, things had been _okay_. 

It was clear Chris hated you, simply because you were a woman who had the job he wanted, but the depths of his hatred became more apparent when the news broke about your pregnancy and your job — as far as you knew — wasn’t up for grabs.

“Peña, how was your weekend?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he looked up from typing. “Yeah.” He shrugged a shoulder. “How was yours?”

“Took my lady friend on a little trip.” Chris boasted as he sank down in his chair, stretching his arms out before tucking his hands behind his head. “You get any action, man?”

You focused on the form you were filling out to get your firearm certification approved again. 

“You know how it is,” Javier said vaguely as he shook a packet of cigarettes and tapped it against his palm. “I’ve been working a new informant.”

You knew it was a lie, but it didn’t change the fact that it didn’t sit well with you. Javier had been with you and Josie _all_ weekend. The most action he’d gotten was when you both fell asleep on the sofa at noon because your daughter had decided to stay up the night before. 

There was no _new_ informant, but your brain still came at you with — “ _What if there was?”_

“You’re a lucky bastard, Peña.” Chris drummed his fingers against the top of his desk, “I don’t seem to have the way with women that you do.”

“I wonder why.” You muttered as you signed your name on the bottom of the form and tucked it back into the folder as you stood up. “Anyone got any other forms that need to be processed? I’m taking this down to Betty.”

“I didn’t know you came back to be our assistant. Maybe this day isn’t fucked after all.” Chris smirked at you as he shuffled through his mess of a desk and tossed a file on top. “ _There_.” 

You offered him a tight-lipped smile as you snatched it up, before turning towards a Javier. “Got anything?”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth as he tucked a cigarette behind his ear. “I’ve got shit to take her before a meeting with the director. I’ll walk with you and catch you up on what you’ve missed.”

“Alright.” You tilted your head to the side as you met his gaze, keeping your expression as impassive as possible. “Hopefully I haven’t missed too much.”

“Same old, same old.” Javier pursed his lips as he got his files together and stood. “It’s nice to have you back in the office. Chris is shit company.”

“You know you love me, Peña.” Chris chided, already focused on whatever work he had piled up on his desk. 

“It’s good to be back.” You said casually, holding the folder against your chest as you walked along beside him. “You didn’t have to come with me.” 

Javier’s fingers curled around your elbow, making you stop now that you were out of earshot, “You know that there’s no informant. _Right_?” 

You blinked at him, pulling your arm out of his grasp. “Unless she’s hiding under _my_ bed, I didn’t think there was anyone else.” You looked back down the hallway towards where the desks were, before looking back at him. “It’s _fine_ , Javi.”

“Keeping this charade up—“

“Not now.” You scolded him, before starting back in the direction of Betty’s office. He was quick to catch up with you, falling into step beside you. “I just meant that I’ve had to keep up appearances here. You know?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s an adjustment.”

You nodded your head in agreement. “The last year has been an adjustment. But we’re doing what we can.” You held out your hand, “I’ll take the files to Betty for you.” 

Javier smirked at you, “Didn't need to take anything to her.” He told you as he sat the empty folder in your hand and used it as an excuse to brush his fingers over the back of your hand. “But I do have a meeting with the director,” He glanced at his watch. “In ten minutes.”

“See you _later_?” You questioned with a hopeful smile. 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” A faint smile crossed his lips, before he continued down the hall and around the corner towards the director’s office. 

* * *

You hadn’t anticipated just how _relieved_ you were to have Josie back in your arms after work. Luciana regaled you with details about the day — nap times, feedings, how curious Josie was about her nephew that she also watched. You had missed all of that and there was no way to get that time back. 

It helped put into perspective how Javier felt. He’d missed out on _so_ much — during your pregnancy, during the birth, in the days and weeks that followed. You missed part of a day and you felt guilty over it. 

But you knew better than to expect that he’d ever talk about it. He tiptoed around the more difficult topics and you didn’t hold that against him. Your entire relationship was _difficult_ and you didn’t see a path forward that made it easier.

Javier was stuck in a weird sort of limbo where he lived two _very_ different lives. 

You cradled Josie against your chest as you peered through the peephole, before pulling open the door to let Javier in.

“There’s my girls,” He said warmly as he smiled at you, before looking towards Josie. “How did she do?”

“Luciana told me she was a dream to watch.” You offered, kissing the top of her head as she cooed softly. “I think we missed her more than she missed us.”

Javier’s hands went to his hips as he nodded his head, “ _Good_.” He scrapped his teeth over his bottom lip as his gaze darted back to meet your eyes. “How are you?”

“Tired.” You shrugged, before walking towards the sofa. “But I’m _so_ glad that I’m back at work. I missed it.”

“It was nice to look across the office and see you sitting there,” Javier drawled out as he pulled off his leather jacket, draping it over the back of the sofa before he sat down beside you. 

“My firearms certification got approved.” You told him as you readjusted Josie in your arms so she could see Javier better. “I’ve got the course on Friday. I’m hoping that it means I have a chance to get back in the field… with you.” 

Javier’s lips drew upwards at the corners, “Yeah?”

“It’s one step in the right direction, at least.” You shrugged. “You wanna hold her?” He nodded and you shifted so you could settle her into his arms. “I think she missed you more than me.”

Javier chuckled, “I don’t know about _that_ , baby.”

You grinned at him, “Look at the way she’s looking at you.” You pointed out, watching as Josie looked up at him with a wide-eyed and marveling gaze. “And I seem to remember the way she was _always_ kicking when you were around.” 

He brushed his knuckles against her cheek gently, “Think we might have a daddy’s girl on our hands?”

“I _know_ we do.” You slid your hand under his arm, curling your fingers around his arm at the elbow as you leaned against him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Are you staying tonight?”

“Do you want me to?”

You squeezed his arm three short times, “ _Yes_.” 

Javier turned his head and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I won’t be here tomorrow night. I’ve got a lead to work outside of the city. I could swing by, but it would be late.”

“Javier?”

“ _Hmm_?”

You played with the soft hair that curled around his ear, “I trust you.”

“I don’t want to fuck this up, baby.” Javier admitted. “This shit isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.” He exhaled heavily as he stared down at Josie as she curled her fingers around his thumb and tried to suck on it. 

“I know.” You pressed your lips against the curve of his shoulder and let them linger there as you sighed. “But work comes first.”

Javier’s brows drew together, his lips moving like he meant to say something _more_ than a simple, “Yeah.” 

You trailed your fingers back towards the nape of his neck, ruffling the hair there as you watched his face. “I don’t mind if you show up late.”

“I don’t want to wake you up.”

“I’m getting pretty good at surviving on limited sleep.” You whispered, nodding your head towards Josie as she was slowly batting her eyes up at both of you. “I should feed her and get her down for the night.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he hesitated for just a fraction of a second before nodding. “I’ll go grab my bag out of the car.”

“Alright,” You said softly as you ran your hand down his arm and squeezed. “We’ll be waiting for you.” You promised as you took Josie from him. 

Javier rested his hand on your leg, giving it three squeezes before he hauled himself off the sofa. “We’re good, right?”

“ _Javi_ ,” You shook your head incredulously. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

He shrugged, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I’m gonna go grab my bags.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you watched him walk away, your heart aching just a little at how uncertain he still was in your relationship. You couldn’t blame him — you felt the same way most of the time, you just tried to ignore it. 

Going back to work would be an adjustment. Figuring out how to navigate the duality of your relationship — professional and private — would be a challenge. But it was worth it. 


	139. Favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie being her endearing self. Set in May 1999.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, baby doll?” You questioned as you stacked the last dish into the drying rack and dried off your hands. 

“How come daddy carries sissy around, but you won’t let him carry _me_?”

You chuckled softly as you crouched down to her height, “And how old are you?”

“Six.”

“And how old is Sofía?”

She scrunched up her nose, “Two.”

“Do you remember what I told you about daddy’s back?” You arched a brow, “You’re too big for him to pick up.” 

Josie sighed heavily, letting her shoulders sag. “But why does daddy have a bad back? Can’t he get it fixed?”

You reached out and brushed her hair away from her cheek, rubbing your thumb over her skin there. “A _long_ time ago, both of us weren’t very kind to our bodies. 

“Like when you,” She dropped her voice low and whispered conspiratorially, “got _shot_?” Josie questioned, pointing at your leg. 

“Exactly like that.” You nodded, subconsciously rubbing at the scar on your leg. The one she had seen that prompted that discussion. 

“Did daddy get shot?”

“No.”

“Then why does he have a bad back?” Josie pressed, crossing her arms across her chest. “It’s not fair that he carries Sofía around.”

“Sofía is still _little_ , sweetheart.” Your brows rose upwards as you stared at her. “You’ve gotten too tall.” You still couldn’t believe she’d sprouted up so much already. She was right at your hip now. 

She pouted, “But what if daddy loves Sofía more because he can carry her around?”

Oh, the things children worried about. You stood back up, glancing out the window and watching where Javier was playing with Sofía outside with Stevie. 

“Come here,” You held your hand out to Josie, guiding her over to the kitchen table and sitting down beside her. “You may _never_ tell your sister this.”

Josie’s eyes widened, “Pinky promise!” She said as she held up her hand with her pinky extended.

You laughed, hooking your finger around hers. “Now that you’ve promised, I can let you in on a little secret. I know this may be _shocking_ news JoJo, but you are your daddy’s favorite.” You told her, petting your hand over her head of soft curls. “That’s not to say that he doesn’t love Sofía, but _you_ are always going to be his baby. He might not be able to carry you around the house like he used to, but that doesn’t change anything.” 

“ _Really_?” She asked enthusiastically, covering her mouth and giggling. 

“Yes, really.” You tapped your finger against her nose. “So even when you’re big and grown and have a family of your own… you’re going to be his baby girl.” 

“I’m almost big and grown now!” She sat up a little taller then. 

“Not quite.” You winked at her, sinking back in your chair. “You’re still my baby too.”

“Who do _you_ love most, mommy?”

You pursed your lips thoughtfully, “Stevie.” 

“Mommy!”

“You _asked_!” You laughed, shaking your head. “Honestly, I love all of you weirdos equally.” Javier was the one that would always help JoJo get away with anything and everything. And you had a feeling the same wouldn’t be said for Sofía. 

Josie opened her mouth to say something, but the backdoor swept open and Stevie came bounding in with Sofía chasing after her and Javier lagging behind them. 

“JoJo, I thought you were coming back out to play.” He remarked, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Mommy and I were having a big girl talk.”

He arched a brow and looked towards you then, “Oh?” 

You shrugged, “It was something like that.” You turned towards Josie then as she climbed off the chair. “Why don’t you and Sofía go play in your room until lunch?”

“Okay.” Josie grinned and wiggled her pinky at you, before taking Sofía by the hand and heading down the hallway. 

“And what was _that_ about?” Javier questioned, wincing a little as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“Sorry, babe. I pinky promised our daughter.” You pushed the chair back and rose to your feet, holding his gaze. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“A little.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “Stevie got a little rambunctious and got me good while I was bending down.”

You grimaced, reaching out and brushing your fingers over his cheek. “We can’t have _any_ fun next week if you’re broken, Javi.” 

“Trust me, I know.” He huffed, shaking his head. “Are things good with Josie?”

“Yeah,” You nodded. “She was just worried about where she stands in the ranking.”

“Ranking?” He arched a brow. 

“I pinky promised her.” You ran a finger down the length of his nose, before tapping it against his lips. “How about a glass of water and some Tylenol?”

“Keeping secrets already. JoJo really _is_ six going on sixteen.” Javier chuckled as he sat down in your seat, stretching out his back. 

“One of us has to be the secret keeper in the family.” You gave him a look as you moved to the sink and filled up a glass for him. “And we both know that’s not you.”

Javier snorted, “I’ve kept one secret under wraps for a year.” 

“Which is impressive.” You taunted.

“And in Colombia.”

You grabbed the Tylenol out of the cupboard and sat the bottle and the glass of water down in front of him. “Touché.” 

Javier rolled his eyes as he popped the lid off the Tylenol and tossed two pills into his mouth, washing them down with the water. “I’m just saying, baby… I _can_ keep a secret.”

“For the most part.” You played your fingers through his hair, trailing them back to toy with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Alright, I’ll tell you… Josie was worried that Sofía had surpassed her. She thought that because Sofia’s little and easy to carry around, that you didn’t love her as much as you used to.”

“Really?” Javier shook his head. “Look, I’m not playing favorites, but it _is_ Josie.” 

“Maybe take her out for some ice cream before we leave.” You suggested, chewing on your bottom lip. “She’s a smart cookie.”

He curled his arm around your upper thighs, pulling you towards him. “Just like her mother.” 

You ran your hand over the width of his shoulders, “Flattery _will_ get you everywhere. You should’ve seen how worried she was. The things kids stress about.”

Javier chuckled, rubbing his thumb over your leg where his hand was curled. “I might take her and Stevie to the beach tomorrow, then to the boardwalk for ice cream.” 

“I bet she’d _love_ that.” You smiled down at him. Sofía and I will hold down the fort. Maybe watch _Mulan_ for the hundredth time.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” He gave your leg three short squeezes. “You looking forward to next weekend?”

“I am,” You nodded as you stepped out of his hold, “It’ll be nice to have a few days to ourselves.”

“I’m looking forward to sleeping in.” Javier remarked with a smirk as you shot him a look. “ _What_?”

“You _are_ getting old.” You clicked your tongue against your teeth. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day that Javier Peña would be more inclined to sleep in than—“ You glanced down the hall to make sure you still heard plenty of sound coming from the girls. “— _fuck_ his wife.” 

“Did I say I wasn’t looking forward to that aspect of our getaway?” His brows rose upwards. “I don’t think I did.”

“It was implied.” You retorted with a grin. “I see how it is.”

Despite his back, Javier made short work of the distance between the two of you as he crowded close to you. Effectively trapping you between him and the kitchen counter. “Are you sure _that_ is what the implication was?” He questioned, his lips close to yours. “Or perhaps I’m going to keep you up all night and we will _have_ to sleep in.” 

Your lips parted as you let out a shaky exhale, leaning into him. “That’s the alternative I’m looking forward to.” You whispered. 

Javier cradled your cheek as he leaned in and kissed you. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck and chased after his lips as he pulled back, “Bring this energy to next weekend.” You told him, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. 

“I plan on it.”

“ _Mommy_?”

Shit.

Javier was quick to step away from you and busy himself with drying off the dishes that were drying in the rack. 

“What’s up, babydoll?l

“Sofía is stinky.”

“ _Ah_ ,” Your hands went to your hips. “I guess she was having a little too much fun.” You turned back towards Javier, giving a little head nod towards Josie, before you started towards the hall. 

“Hey, princesa.”

“Yes, daddy?” Josie questioned with her sweetest voice. 

“Think you have time in your busy schedule to go to the beach with me tomorrow?”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Javier clapped his hands together. “Just you and me.”

“Can we get ice cream?”

“Of course.”

“That sounds like the best day ever!”

“I thought you’d like the sound of that.” Javier chuckled, as you stepped out of earshot and into Josie’s bedroom. 

Sofía toddled towards you, grinning from ear-to-ear. 

You scrunched up your nose, “You are far too happy to be _that_ smelly, kiddo.” You scooped her up and headed for the nursery to handle the situation. 

There was no doubt that both of you loved the girls equally, but you also knew you both had your favorites. Despite everything that had led up to and followed Sofía’s birth — there was something about her endearingly grumpy personality that made you love her just a _little_ more.


	140. Rockstar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier finally enjoy a little roleplay. Set in January 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (sex, slight sub/dom, mild roleplay, cumplay, brief cumeating, consensual choking)

“You know what we haven’t addressed yet, baby?” Javier questioned, tracing his fingertips along your arm as you turned to face him. 

“What’s that?”

“Your _apparent_ musical talents.” 

You swatted him lightly on the face, shoving him away from you playfully. “Oh, _stop_.” 

Javier curled his arm around your waist and pulled you back in close to him, “I’m being serious!” He laughed. “You _never_ told me you played the guitar.”

You pressed your palms to either side of his face, “I was a broody teenager. I wouldn’t call it musical _talent_.” You rolled your eyes. “I pawned that guitar off before I moved to Atlanta.”

“So you held onto it for awhile, hmm?” Javier arched a brow at you, “Did you play in the academy?”

“Oh my God.” You rolled onto your back and stared up at the ceiling. “I was focused on my studies, I wasn’t sitting around playing the guitar.” You narrowed your eyes as you turned to look at him, “Why? Do you have some weird fantasy of me playing guitar?”

Javier ran his tongue over the edges of his teeth. “It’s not a fully formed fantasy yet.” He turned onto his side, reaching out and resting his hand on your stomach, his fingers fanning out over your skin. “Steve’s got a guitar.”

You grimaced, resting your hand over his. “I _know_ he does. But I don’t know if he’s down for letting us borrow it to live out whatever groupie fantasy you’ve got cooked up.”

“Who said I was a groupie?”

“Oh, right… You’re my security guard.” You gave him a droll look. “Cute that you think a successful musician would be sleeping with her security guard.”

“I think _bodyguard_ is the word you’re looking for.” Javier leaned over you so he could press a kiss to your lips. 

“I bet you _guard_ my body verywell,” You teased, cocking your head to the side as you looked up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “I guess I can see the appeal.”

His brows rose upwards as he looked down at you, “You _guess_?” 

“I’m approaching this like I’m a very successful musician.” You shrugged, shifting beneath him so you could hook your leg around his. “Think about all the musicians I’d have access to.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip as you tried to keep from laughing. “I bet with enough success, I could get my hands on _any_ actor I want.”

“This is a slightly less fun scenario.” Javier huffed. 

“Only slightly?” You curled your fingers around the back of his neck. 

Javier shrugged as he pressed his knee between your thighs to keep himself hovering above you. “You’d still be here.”

You scrunched up your nose, “You’re a sap.”

“Might be.”

You leaned up and pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw, before kissing him on the lips. “Good thing I love _sappy_.” You whispered, rubbing your thumb over his bottom lip as you pulled back. “Maybe I’d have some glamorous PR relationship and then come home to you.” You suggested, trailing your fingers down his throat. 

“A PR relationship, huh?” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared down at you. “Don’t know how I feel about _that_.”

You dragged your fingers through his hair and tugged lightly at the strands, “But you’re so sexy when you’re jealous.”

“Yeah?” Javier’s knee slid higher, pressing against the apex of your thighs. “And when have I been jealous?”

You threw your head back against the mattress and laughed. “ _Javier_.” You rolled your eyes, “You get all testy every single time someone flirts with me.” You lightly shoved him in the chest. “Was that someone else back in Colombia? You were a surly asshole when I was dating Lance.” 

“Because I didn’t _like_ him!” Javier rocked his jaw as he stared down at you. “And I didn’t like that he was with you.”

“So picture that,” You started with a smirk, scratching your nails over his shoulders. “Me dating someone for my public persona and then I come home to _you_.” You scraped your nails down the back of his neck as you leaned up to catch his bottom lip between your teeth. “You’d be so pissy and I’d reap the benefits of that.”

“And what _benefits_ would that be?” Javier questioned, slowly grinding his knee against you. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as you arched towards him. “You’d have to be right there — _protecting_ me — while I’m with whatever handsome musician or actor they’ve set me up with. Watching me _kiss_ someone else.” You whispered, tracing your thumb over his lips. 

Javier’s lips parted and he caught your thumb between his teeth, his tongue darting out over the tip. “Standing outside your room?”

“ _Maybe_.” You planted one foot against the bed, using it for leverage as you wrapped your leg around his hips, pulling him down towards you. “That would kill you, wouldn’t it?”

He gave a stiff nod. 

“I don’t think I’d be _too_ cruel.” You assured him, dragging your thumb along the curve of his jaw as you stared up at him. “You’d have me all to yourself once we were out of the public eye.” 

Javier leaned down, his breath hot against your lips as he spoke. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Marking you where no one can see. Skirting around each other in public places?”

“There is a certain appeal to the _forbidden_ aspect of it.” You answered, leaning up to brush your lips against his, sucking on his bottom lip. “I just know that whatever _alternative_ world we would live in, I’d still be yours. If you’d have me.” 

“If I’d have you.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Baby, you’re _it_ for me.” Javier told you, letting more of his weight press down against you, allowing you to feel the hard length of his cock trapped between your bodies. 

“Even if I were a high maintenance musician, keeping our private affair a secret?” You questioned, shifting your leg so you could rub it against his cock. 

A soft groan escaped him as his hand moved swiftly to grab at your hip to hold you steady. “Depends on how high maintenance you are.” 

You smirked up at him, wiggling your hips despite his grip on you. “I would require a _lot_ of attention.” You told him, tracing your finger over his lips. “ _Special_ attention.”

“Not something your _boyfriend_ could handle?” Javier shot back and your heart skipped a beat at the low tone he’d taken with you. A tone that went straight between your thighs to the growing pool of arousal there. 

“ _No_.” You grabbed at his face roughly, pulling him down into a desperate kiss. Neither of you could typically handle roleplay, but this was toeing the line just right to flip all the switch roleplay never did. 

“No?” Javier questioned, his voice parroting the tone of your own. “You wouldn’t be too _ashamed_ to fuck me, baby? I’d just be some washed up, former DEA agent turned _bodyguard_.” 

“Sounds like my type.” You whispered, not quite trusting your voice as he ground his knee between your thighs, causing it to rub right against your clit with his every move. 

“Yeah? I thought you were going to be running around town with some _pretty_ boy.”

“You’re _pretty_.” You told him, winding your fingers through his hair. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think I’d care who found out about us.” 

Javier arched a brow at you as he ghosted his fingers over your throat. 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, lashes fluttering as his fingers closed around the column of your throat — not hard enough to leave marks, but just enough to make your mind go fuzzy at the edges. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works, baby. Big name musician dating her security? They’re not going to go for that.” 

“Fuck them then.” You managed, dragging your nails down his back, hard enough to leave angry red stripes in their wake. 

Javier’s eyes narrowed and you felt your pulse jump as his fingers tightened just a fraction more before he released his hold on your throat. “Wouldn’t want anyone to find out.” He whispered, kissing the curve of your jaw before sweeping his tongue down your throat, teeth nipping are the hollow spot above your collarbones. 

“I wouldn’t care who found out, Javi.” You told him, squirming beneath him as he dipped his hand beneath your tank top, his rough palm playing over the soft skin of your waist. “I don’t care.” 

Javier chuckled against the throat, his teeth scraping gently over your collarbone before he pulled back to meet your gaze. “You _don’t_ care?” He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and for a second you felt like the prey to his predator — and you loved it. “What about that PR boyfriend you were going to run around town with? Making me watch as you fell in love with him.”

Your nails dug into his forearms as you stared up at him and he didn’t even flinch. “Who said anything about love?” You scoffed. “I love _you_.”

“Mhm.” He hummed skeptically. “If you had your pick of celebrities, you’d still go for me?” 

You rolled your eyes as you leaned up to kiss his chin. “You’re it for me too, Javi.”

Javier exhaled slowly as a lazy sort of grin spread over his lips. “Now _that_ is music to my ears.” He cupped your jaw and dipped down to kiss you, before growling out an order. “Roll over.”

He gave you room to comply, readjusting above you as you rolled onto your stomach. Your pulse was drumming in your veins as Javier ran his hand down your ass, needing it through the soft cotton of your shorts, before his fingers found a patch of bare skin just at the leg and he swatted at it lightly. 

You pressed your forehead against your arms, letting out a breathy cry of delight as he repeated the motion again. 

“You like that, baby?”

“I’d like it better if your cock was in me,” You shot back, arching your back beneath him to fit your ass against his lap. 

Javier slid his hand up the leg of your shorts and beneath the edge of your underwear to grab at your ass cheek. “I’d hate it.” He told you. “It would be burn me up, seeing you with someone else.”

“And you’d never—“ Your words were quickly cut off by the feeling of his thumb brushing over the crotch of your underwear. 

“Did you get this fucking wet just thinking about making me jealous, baby?” Javier questioned, working his thumb over your folds, the fabric sticking to your slick flesh. “ _Fuck_.” 

“Yes.” You admitted, biting down on your bottom lip as his thumb found your throbbing clit. Your pulse was rushing and you swore you could feel your pulse there with every stroke of his finger. 

You grabbed at the sheets beneath you, fisting them in your palms as he kept ghosting his thumb over you, driving up the proverbial wall. 

Javier stopped — only long enough to jerk your shorts and underwear down around your thighs. “Did you like that?” He questioned, rubbing at your inner thighs. “You’re soaked.” 

“And _empty_.” You retorted, tilting your head to look back at him. You felt blood rush to your face as your eyes landed on his already exposed cock. He’d shoved his boxers down his thighs, his fingers curled around his straining length. “ _Javier_.”

“Didn’t know if you wanted this, baby.” He said lowly, his eyes meeting yours. “Thought you might have someone else.” The tone he was using was embarrassingly hot. A little edge of mocking, mixed with lust. It was definitely doing things for you. 

“Don’t be a jackass, Javier.” You gritted out, wiggling your ass to entice him. “Fuck me.” 

“You sure?” Javier taunted. “Wouldn’t want to overstep my _bodyguard_ duties.”

“Keep pushing it and maybe I’ll just get myself off.” You snapped back at him, making moves to get up. 

That got Javier to act on your needs. He grabbed at your hip to hold you steady, using his other hand to guide his cock into you. 

_God_ — you loved this position. You loved the weight of his body crowding over you, the depth he was able to drive his cock into you, the way you felt absolutely trapped by him. As much as you loved being in control — these were the moments you looked forward to surrendering to. 

Javier’s fingers found their way around your throat again, his lips close to your ear as you spoke. “You like this, baby?”

You nodded. 

He tightened his hold, “Use your words.”

“ _Yes_!” You gasped out, your eyes rolling back in your head as his cock dragged over that sweet spot within you as he slid back into you. 

“You feel _so_ fucking good.” Javier grunted out, keeping one hand at your throat, while the other gripped after your hip tight enough to bruise. His pace was rough, his hips snapping forward — barely pulling out of you before filling your cunt to the brim. 

Your inner walls were already clenching around him, the precursor to your orgasm starting to burn you straight to the core. “ _Javier_!” You moaned out, a little too loudly and he was quick to slide his hand from your throat to your mouth. 

“You’ve gotta be quiet, baby.” He panted out. “Wouldn’t want anyone to _catch_ us.” You wondered if Javier had any idea what that tone did to you. It was different — rough and almost dangerous. 

And you wondered if this possessive need would’ve been what you were met with if you _had_ lured him into your web in the aftermath of Lance back in Colombia. If he would’ve acted on his jealousy. 

You nipped at the palm of his hand and he released his hold he had on your mouth, “If _you_ didn’t feel so fucking good.” You hissed, rolling back into his thrusts. 

Javier chuckled, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. “I can feel you clenching, baby. You gonna come?” 

You grabbed at the sheets tight enough for your fingers to start to cramp as he picked up the pace of his movements, driving into you. 

It was good. It was _real_ fuckinggood. Every thrust had him hitting right against that sweet spot and that was what finally set you off. You buried your face in your pillow to keep from crying out as your body pulsed around him — desperate to keep the thick length of his cock within you. 

But Javier didn’t waver. His grip tightened at your hip and his fingers sank into your hair to hold you as he pounded into you again and again. 

You couldn’t even stop the whine of pleasure that escaped you as he finally slammed into you and _stayed_. Your name was heavy on his tongue as he rocked his hips and filled you. 

“Holy shit.” You mumbled, all but melting into the mattress beneath him. 

Javier slid out of you — sooner than you would’ve liked. “Look at you,” He murmured, his fingers stroking over your slick folds as he leaked from you. 

“ _Fuck.”_ You moaned out as he pressed two fingers in to work his come back into you. 

Javier leaned down and nipped at your ass cheek, before he slid his fingers back out of you and dragged your underwear back up your thighs and into place. 

He laid down on his back beside you — looking like the cat that ate the canary as he wrapped his lips around his fingers and licked them clean. 

You shifted enough to get your arms out from under the pillow, reaching out to curl your fingers around his forearm. “I actually drew blood.” You laughed a little, rubbing your thumb over the angry crescent moon shaped mark. 

Javier tilted his head to look at you, “I think we _both_ left our marks.” He caught your hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss the palm of it. 

You smiled, rubbing your thumb over his mustache. “I think that was roleplay.” 

He chuckled, “We finally managed.”

“I think I could do that again.” You admitted, stretching your leg out so you could hook your leg over his. 

“Me too.” Javier nodded, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “That… was hot.”

You laughed breathlessly, “Hot feels like an understatement.”

“And you’d still pick me?” 

You nodded without hesitation, “There’s no world that exists where I _wouldn’t_ end up with you. And if there is one, I don’t want it.” 

He interlaced his fingers with your hand, squeezing it three times. “Me neither.”

“I don’t want to look at the alarm clock.”

Javier made a face, rolling towards you so he could press a kiss to your forehead. “They’ll be up soon. I’ve got it handled.”

“ _Really_?”

He nodded, brushing hair away from your eyes, “Yeah. Sleep another hour or so, baby.” He smirked, “Rockstars need their beauty sleep.” 

You shoved him playfully, only to pull him back towards you so you could kiss him. 


	141. Breakfast in Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier surprises reader. Set December 1992 between ‘Used to Be Lonely’ and “Merry Christmas, Baby’.

The smell of frying bacon roused you from your sleep. You rubbed at your eyes as you stared at your bedroom door, wondering how it was that you could smell the food cooking across the hall. It had to be your neighbors, because _you_ certainly weren’t cooking bacon — unless you had started sleep cooking. 

“Bacon does sound good, doesn’t it?” You questioned as you ran your hand over your rounded stomach. Did you even have bacon? 

You had meant to stop at the market yesterday, but the sudden evening rainstorm had convinced you that the better decision was to go home and curl up under the covers. 

_Alone_. 

Javier had already left the office by the time you clocked out — you hadn’t even had a chance to discuss whether he’d be over this weekend. A contact had reached out last minute and threw them into a stakeout on the other side of the city. 

“Maybe he’ll come over tomorrow.” You mused, tracing your fingers over your stomach, drawing little shapes and patterns the way he always did. 

You jolted upright when your bedroom door started to open, years of training kicking. The quiet sleepy reverie of the morning came to an abrupt halt as you reached for your bedside table to grab your gun. 

“Baby, it’s me—“ 

Your fingers went slack around the gun, letting drop back into the drawer as you stared at him. “What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

“We wrapped up the stakeout around six and I was nearby.” Javier explained as he stepped further into your room with a tray in his hold. “Breakfast?”

You blinked at him slowly, before a small smile spread over your lips. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?” You countered, sitting upright and leaning back against your headboard. 

Javier shrugged a shoulder as he carried the tray to your bed. He sat down on the edge with it, smiling at you. “Yeah, _probably_.” He chuckled. “But I’m wide awake.” 

“And making me breakfast?” You reached out and brushed your fingers through the hair that fell across his forehead. “I thought I was going crazy when I smelt bacon.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I should’ve called.”

“ _No,_ ” You shook your head, running your hand down his shoulder and bicep. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

Javier gestured to the tray on his lap, “I stopped by the market and picked up some shit I thought you’d like. You do like lulos, right?”

“I love them.” You bit down on your bottom lip as you met his gaze. You loved _him_ too — but you still hadn’t reached a point where you felt like you could say it. “Thank you, Javi.” 

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips, cupping your cheek. “ _Eat_.” 

“So demanding,” You teased, accepting your fate that he was going to fuss over you. 

Javier settled the tray on your lap, taking the cup of coffee off the tray and sitting it on your nightstand. “It’s decaf.”

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed coffee. Where did you find it?”

“I picked it up last week,” Javier told you. “It’s been sitting in my Jeep ready to give you.” 

“You’re too good to me.” You told him as you took a bite of the bacon. “Did you eat?”

Javier gave your knee a squeeze through the covers, “I ate a slice of toast.” 

“Not good enough,” You shook your head, picking up a slice of bacon and waving it in front of him. “ _Eat_.”

“I’m not the one who needs to eat,” He gave your stomach a pointed look. “My body doesn’t recognize that it’s morning.” 

You hummed curiously, “Eat the bacon.”

“Baby, I’m not hungry.” Javier rolled his eyes, taking the slice from you and eating it anyways. “I’m running on coffee and nicotine right now.”

“That’s what I figured.” Your brows rose upwards, shaking your head as you forked up a bite of the lulo, “Did Chris drive you crazy?” 

“He never fucking shuts up.” Javier complained, rubbing at the crease between his brows. “I blew through a pack.” 

“I’m not surprised.” You licked your lips. “You made it what? A week?”

He dragged his hand over his face, nodding. “ _Yeah_.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I’ll get there.” 

“This was a nice surprise.” You told him, tearing off a piece of toast and eating it. “I was laying in bed wondering if I was gonna see you this weekend.” 

“Of course you were.” Javier rested his hand on your stomach, “How are you feeling?” 

You shrugged, wiping your mouth off. “I ate leftovers last night and they didn’t agree with me. Had some heartburn and finally crashed around eleven.” 

“At eleven I was—“ He hesitated, his lips clamping shut. 

“I bet I know,” You arched a brow at him. “Was Chris thrilled.”

“He stayed in the car,” Javier smoothed out his mustache as he stared at you. “Nothing happened.” 

“Alright.” You glanced down at your breakfast, plucking up another slice of bacon and chewing on it. 

It had only been a month since he’d told you that he loved you. A month since he realized he couldn’t keep playing the game the way he had been. You had no reason _not_ to trust what he’d said, but at the same time you knew him. You understood the temptation. 

And could you blame him, really? If something _did_ happen. You hated that you even considered the idea that — ‘ _well you’re pregnant could you blame him?_ ’ Because that wasn’t him and that sure as hell wasn’t you. 

You’d made it clear that you’d jump ship at the first sign that this _thing_ was taking on water. You couldn’t set yourself up for trouble — your baby was depending on you. 

“Nothing happened.” Javier insisted, his fingers fanning out over your stomach. “It was the most uneventful trip to a brothel.” 

“I trust you.” You said quietly as you finished off your fruit and stacked the dish onto your plate. “Now, give me that coffee.”

Javier grabbed it off the nightstand, sitting it down on the tray. 

You scooped it up and brought the cup to your lips, inhaling deeply before taking a sip. “You’re my new favorite person for getting this for me, Javi.” 

“Who was your other favorite person?”

You smirked at him, “It may have also been you.”

He snorted, “I figured.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, “I meant what I said the other day—“

“ _Don’t_.” You shook your head, giving him a warning look. “All that matters is you’re here.” You told him, leaning forward as you reached out to ruffled his hair. “I’m glad you finally used the key.”

“Seemed like a good time.” He cracked a small smile. There was something unspoken in his gaze, but you weren’t ready to address the elephant in the room. 

You loved Javier Peña, but it was easier to keep that love at an arm’s length. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. 

“What are your plans today?” 

“Making you sleep for at least three hours.” You said as you took another sip of coffee. “After I finish this coffee, I’m gonna brush my teeth, and join you in bed.”

“I’m not tired.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Your bags tell another story.” 

Javier rubbed at his eyes, “That bad?”

“You’ve been up for twenty-four hours.” You poked him in the arm. “Get these clothes off and join me.” 

“Gotta clean up the kitchen first.” Javier shook his head as he rose to his feet, leaning down to pick up the tray. “Where’s your stash?”

You scrunched up your nose, “Kitchen cabinet by the saltine crackers.” 

“Thanks.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I’ll step outside.”

“ _Or_ you could clean up the kitchen and come back to bed.” You offered, “You can do a week again. And then two.” 

“You’ve got more faith in me than I do,” He retorted, sitting the tray down on your nightstand. 

“Well, I happen to know you pretty well.” You met his eyes. “I expect you in my bed in ten minutes.” 

Javier chuckled, shaking his head. “I suppose that’s an offer I’m just gonna have to take you up on.” 

You sat your coffee aside and watched as he walked out of your bedroom. You hoped that he knew that you loved him too — even if you hadn’t said it yet. 


	142. Muted Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader grapples with her emotions and worries. Set in 1997 about two weeks after Sofía‘s birth. I literally wish I could see this chapter as a scene, because the emotions hurt while writing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Post-Partum Depression, discussion of post-pregnancy body changes, and lots and lots of ANGST.

Josie was _obsessed_ with her sister. If Chucho was holding Sofía, Josie was perched on the chair beside him; if Javier was carrying her around, Josie was right underfoot; and if you were feeding her, Josie was there asking you to hold the bottle. 

You wished you could harness her enthusiasm and feel _something_. But you couldn’t. You brushed it off as lingering exhaustion, a sort of fatigue that ran straight to the core of your being. 

Everything hurt. Worse than it had with Josie. Or at least, worse than you _remembered_. Sofía was smaller than her sister and yet it felt like you’d given birth to a water buffalo, instead of a baby. 

No one _ever_ talked about how miserable women felt after childbirth — and it wasn’t like you could even complain about it to Connie. You already felt guilty enough for feeling miserable. Like you were a bad mother for being disinterested in everything. 

Maybe it was the medicine they had you on. You’d tried to avoid prescriptions your entire life — for obvious reasons — but this was one you couldn’t avoid. 

The fact that you couldn’t feed your daughter was probably another part of it. And pumping a dozen times a day, only to send it down the drain was a depressing venture. No one talked about how much this shit fucked a woman up. _No one_. 

“Hey—“ Javier started as he walked into the bedroom. 

“Knock much?” You snapped. 

Javier froze and you watched as the warmth faded from his expression, “ _Shit_. I’ll come back.” He muttered as he moved to retreat from the room. 

“Just stay.” You said with a beleaguered sigh as you shut off the machine, unscrewing the full bottle and sitting it aside on the nightstand. “ _Sorry_.”

“I can go.” Javier offered, not quite meeting your eyes as he looked across the room at you. 

“You’re already here, just stay.”

You readjusted the pump on your other breast, attaching the second bottle before turning the machine back on. The quiet whirring filled the uncomfortable silence that had settled between you. 

Javier lingered by the door, like he was planning for a quick escape. You couldn’t even blame him. None of this was worth the hassle. 

“Pops thought it might be nice if we got out of the house and went to the beach this evening.” He suggested, rubbing his lips together as he glanced at you. 

“I’ll see if I’m up to it.” You winced when the suction of the pump pinched your skin. “ _Shit_.”

“Do you need—“

“I’ve got it.” You waved him off as you shut the pump off and pulled it off your breast, causing a little milk to spill. “Actually, can you grab me the towel?” You pointed to the hand towel sitting on the foot of the bed. 

Javier closed the distance between the two of you, snatching the towel off the bed and passing it to you. “How are you feeling?”

You rolled your eyes, “Like shit.” You wiped off your breast, sitting the towel aside as you gestured to the full bottle. “Can you throw it away? I don’t want to see it.”

“Of course,” He said softly, leaning down to kiss the top of your head, before taking the bottle into the bathroom to get rid of it. 

It was fucking defeating. 

“Are the stitches still bothering you?” Javier questioned as he stepped back into the bedroom with the empty bottle. 

You shrugged, hooking the machine back up to finish pumping your left breast. “They’re itchy.”

Javier hesitantly perched on the edge of the bed, reaching out to rest his hand on your leg. “That means they’re healing.” He reminded you. 

“I know.” You nodded slowly as you watched the milk drip into the bottle. “I hate this, Javi.” 

He squeezed your leg, “You still gonna try to hold out until you can breastfeed?”

“I don’t know,” You admitted, chewing on your bottom lip. You hated feeling weak and this shit made you feel like you were frail and stupid. Crying over not being able to feed your child. No one understood. “We’ll see.”

“I’m, uh… I’m sorry for barging in.” Javier said quietly, his brows drawn together as he looked down at where his hand was resting on your leg. “I should’ve knocked.”

“It’s fine.” You told him with a tightlipped smile. “It’s not really that big of a deal.” You reached down to catch his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “The beach sounds nice. Even if I don’t go, you and your dad should go. He’s been cooped up here for too long.” 

“He’s gonna stay another week,” Javier informed, his jaw working slowly as he looked down at where your hands were. “Then he’ll be out of our hair and things can go back to normal.”

_Normal_. 

Did you even remember what _normal_ was? Had you felt like this with Josie? You didn’t think you had — you hadn’t exactly had the privilege of falling apart when you were in Colombia. 

What _was_ normal? 

“Yeah.” You nodded, sitting up a little straighter then as you held out the second filled bottle, “Do you mind?”

“Of course not.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and took the bottle from you. He was in the bathroom longer this time — quiet. 

When he emerged with the rinsed out bottle, his eyes looked red, but you didn’t have the energy to care. You barely had the energy to care about _anything_ these days. 

“You gonna stay in here?” Javier questioned, shifting anxiously from foot-to-foot as he stood at the end of the bed, not quite meeting your gaze. 

“I need my heating pad.” You answered, sliding your legs over the side of the bed, wiggling your toes as you pressed your feet to the floor. “I’ll come out there.”

Javier pulled open the door and held it open for you as you wrapped your throw around your shoulders and made your way towards him. 

“Hey,” You whispered, stopping in front of him. 

“Yeah?” He arched a brow. 

“I love you.” You told him gently, reaching out to brush your knuckles against his cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips, before making your way out the door. 

“Mommy!” Josie cheered, as you stepped into the family room. “Sissy burped big!”

“Did she?” You laughed softly, summoning as much enthusiasm as you could for her benefit. “Did your abuelo feed her good?”

You caught sight of the wary look Chucho gave Javier as his eyes shifted between the two of you. But he was quick to put whatever _that_ was aside when he met your gaze. 

“She ate like a prize calf,” He remarked, cradling her to his chest as she fussed at the new commotion in the family room. “How are you feeling, chica?”

You sank down on the sofa and adjusted the heating pad over your stomach, “Cramping.” You offered with a shrug. “And tired.” 

“Can I kiss it better?” Josie asked innocently as she crouched down next to the sofa. 

“It might work,” You intoned, playing with her curls. 

“O-Tay, mommy!” Josie leaned over you and pressed a kiss to your stomach. “All better!”

You smiled at her and echoed, “All better!” 

Josie giggled, before prancing across the family room to the armchair where Chucho was sitting. “Sissy! You gots to get bigger so you’re more fun.” 

You tilted your head to look behind you, catching Javier’s gaze. You wished you knew what was going on behind those stormy looks, but you weren’t certain you could stomach more guilt. You knew it wasn’t fair to make him bottle it all up — but you couldn’t do it. 

Javier rested his hand on the arm of the sofa, leaning over you. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed, a genuine laugh that made your heart warm. You reached up and played your fingers through his hair. “Hi.”

“ _Hi_.” He breathed out as he peppered a line of soft kisses along your jaw, before his breath warmed your cheek by your ear. “I love you too.” Javier murmured and you swore you felt a tear slide down his cheek and land on yours, before it fell into your hair. 

——

“How was the beach?” You questioned sleepily as the bathroom light cut into the darkness of the bedroom and woke you up. 

“ _Good_.” Javier offered, shutting off the light and making his way through the darkness. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s alright.” You assured him, rubbing at your eyes as they adjusted to the lack of light. “What time is it?”

“Just after nine.” He answered as the bed dipped behind you. “I fed Sofía.”

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” Javier sighed heavily and you listened to the sound of his watch dropping onto the nightstand, before he settled down on the bed beside you. “How was your evening alone?”

“I got two children cleaned, dressed, and down before eight.” You grinned, even though he couldn’t see you. “An achievement.” You stretched your leg out beneath the covers, running your foot along his calf. “What’d you do?”

“Let Stevie run around the beach,” He explained, shifting closer to you. “Took pops down to the icecream shop on the boardwalk.”

“ _Ohh_. Now you’re making me sad I didn’t go.” You shifted closer to him too, draping your arm over his chest. 

“It was good.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Pops used to take me out on this one stretch of road when we had our serious talks. Beach doesn’t have the same feel.”

Your heart clenched in your chest. “Is Chucho alright?” You remembered all the times Javier used to talk about those long talks with his father. 

“Hmm?” Javier sniffed. “Yeah, he’s good. Fucker’s gonna outlive both of us _and_ the girls, I bet.” 

“Oh.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “Well that’s good.” 

Javier curled his fingers around your hand, squeezing it three short times. “There’s nothing to worry about, baby. We just used the time to talk. Father to son.”

“That’s _good_.” You mustered up just enough conviction in your voice to mask the way your nerves were settling in. You remembered Javier telling you about the time Chucho took him out on a drive to talk about how foolish he was for asking Lorraine to marry him. 

Were you some _mistake_ Chucho wanted to lecture him on? The thought didn’t make sense — you were pretty sure Chucho liked you more than Javier. But those fears still crept into your mind, nevertheless. 

“I bet Stevie enjoyed getting two hours of free beach access.” 

Javier hummed in agreement, “She crashed on her bed as soon as we got home.” 

You smiled to yourself as you molded your body against the side of his, wanting that skin-to-skin contact wherever you could get it. To hold onto him as tight as you could. 

“Javier?”

“ _Hmm_?” He ran his hand down your back. “What is it, baby?”

“We’re good, right?” You whispered so quietly you weren’t sure if he could even hear you or not. 

Javier pulled you in even closer to him, wrapping both of his arms around you. “Of course we are, baby.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead at your hairline. “You should go back to sleep. Two will get here soon.” 

“Yeah.” You breathed out, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. How were you supposed to sleep, now that you had something new to worry about? 

But even then, those worries felt muted in comparison to everything else. 


	143. In the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier helps Reader sleep. Set in 1997 after Cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (sleepy sex, cock warming)

“You awake?” Javier mumbled when you rolled over for the third time, unable to find a comfortable position to lay in. 

“Yeah.” You answered, readjusting your pillow under your head. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“You’re good, baby.” He reached out and ran his hand down the center of your back, before curling his fingers around your hip. “What’s wrong?”

“Just restless,” You rubbed at your eyes and stifled a yawn. “Go back to sleep, we shouldn’t both suffer.”

Javier shifted closer to you, his breath warm against your bare shoulder. “You should’ve let me _help_.” His words were muffled against your skin as his hand slid from your thin to the upper part of your thigh. 

You have a breathless laugh at that, “The moment had passed.” And even though you claimed that the moment had passed, your body responded to his touch, warming you straight through to your core.

“We’ve reclaimed moments before.” He reminded you, palming at the soft flesh of your thigh. 

What he was saying was true. How many times had you salvaged a moment that Josie had interrupted? Now you had two interrupters, a dog, a burgeoning case of depression that put a damper on fun. 

Javier pressed a line of kisses up the back of your neck until he reached your hairline. “Tell me to stop and I’ll roll back over and go back to sleep, baby.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, “I’m still deciding.” You told him, shifting back so your ass was pressed against his groin. 

Both of you were trying to reclaim a lot more than just _one_ moment. Before you started going to therapy — it had been _seven_ months since Javier had touched you like he _desired_ you. You couldn’t blame him. You were _not_ at your best, even after you’d healed from having Sofía. 

Things were just off and you’d been too devoid of emotion to care about getting it back on track. Unintentionally that void between the two of you had grown into an unmistakable canyon. 

“Think you can get it up again, babe?” You taunted, grinding back against his half-hard cock. 

Despite not being able to come yourself, you’d made sure to get _him_ off before tending to your newborn. And you’d tried to convince yourself that watching his face had been enough for you as you climbed off his cock and wrapped your lips around him instead. 

“You know I can,” Javier rasped out as he ran his hand up your side, fingers spanning out over your ribs just below your breast. “Let me help you, baby.” 

“Take your time.” You told him, reaching behind to drag your fingers through his hair. 

Javier pressed an open-mouthed kiss to your shoulder, his tongue dipping out over your skin as his teeth scraped. “You wanna fall asleep with my cock in you, baby?” His voice was still rough from his own exhaustion, but the edge in it made you burn. 

He ran his hand down your stomach, avoiding where you wanted his fingers to go. He pressed firmly, trapping you against him.

“I can’t think of a better way to fall asleep.” You told him, grinding back against him. His cock was no longer _half_ hard. “You know you love it too, Javi.” You tugged at his hair and your next words got lost in a gasp as his teeth sank into the crook of your neck — hard enough to leave a mark. And you hoped he had.

You were reclaiming all the desires you felt and this was one need help could _always_ sate. 

Javier wrestled with your shorts and underwear, tossing them halfway across the bedroom in his haste to get you naked. 

“ _Fuck_.” He hissed against your ear, his mustache making you squirm backwards, even though you couldn’t escape his hold. He’d snaked his other arm between you and the bed, pinning you against his chest. 

Your nails bit into his forearm as his other hand dipped between your thighs and discovered just how soaking wet you were. 

“No wonder you couldn’t sleep, baby.” He taunted as he dragged his thumb over your throbbing clit, two fingers parting your slick folds teasingly. “Let me take care of you.” Javier whispered, his tongue trailing down your neck. 

You nodded your head, your voice wavering, “ _Please_ , Javi.” You rolled your hips towards his touch, letting yourself get lost in the feeling of his thumb rubbing tight circles over your clit. 

Javier pressed his lips against your shoulder, “You’re so fucking wet.” He whispered close to your ear, working one finger into you — which wasn’t enough. “Is this why you couldn’t sleep?”

“ _Maybe_.” You tossed back with a smirk as you tugged at his hair again. “There’s only one way to find out.”

His fingers slipped from between your thighs and he brought them to his lips to clean them a throaty groan. You leaned back against him, twisting so you could turn your face towards him. 

You didn’t even care that you could taste yourself on his lips, your tongue sliding out to find his as you slanted your mouth against his. You dragged your teeth over his bottom lip before releasing it so you could catch your breath. 

Javier barely got his boxers down his hips before he was working to guide his cock into you. 

There was something about half-asleep in-the-dark sex. Every touch felt like _more_. You barely suppressed your moan as his cock filled you. His arm tightened around your stomach, your back pressed against his chest as he rolled his hips. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Javier started, burying his face into the crook of your neck as he moved behind you. 

You clenched around him, just to hear him groan against your shoulder. “ _Slow_.” You reminded him, grabbing at his arm. 

He mumbled something that sounded like your name as he slowed his movements, grinding into you as he cradled you against his chest. “I love you.” Javier whispered, lips brushing the shell of your ear.

“I love you too.” You let your eyes slip closed as you focused on the feeling of his cock moving within you, the friction and the stretch. “That’s it Javi.” 

Javier skimmed his fingers over your stomach, “Have I told you lately,” His voice wavered. “How _gorgeous_ you are, baby?” 

His words warmed your heart as he touched every inch of skin that you were so self-conscious about in the wake of having a baby. Just like he had after Josie. He worshiped you. 

“I can always hear it again.”

“So _fucking_ gorgeous,” He told you, nipping at your earlobe as he traced his fingers over stretchmarks. “Love every inch of you, baby.”

You stroked your fingers up the back of his neck, playing with hair at the nape of his neck. “ _Javier_.” 

“Are you going to come for me?” He trailed his fingers down your stomach, seeking out that little bundle of nerves that had your inner walls fluttering around him. “Come on, baby. Be a _good girl_ for me.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, grinding your ass back against him. You were so close and he knew it. You could feel the pressure building and all it took was one more swipe of his thumb to set you off. 

You pressed your face into your pillow to stifle your sounds as you came around him, your body pulsing around his cock — making everything feel that much tighter. He was right behind you, breath hot against your shoulder as he came apart within you. 

All the tension in Javier’s body seemed to release in that moment, his body molding against yours as he stilled. It wasn’t the most comfortable position with his arm trapped beneath you, but _fuck_ if you weren’t feeling like you were heaven laying there.

Javier traced the top of his nose over your shoulder as he lazily trailed his fingers over your stomach. “This is good.” He mumbled, “I missed this.”

You squeezed his hand three times. “I missed us too.” You ran your fingers over the back of his arm. “You’re gonna be pins and needles if you stay like this.”

“Worth it.” Javier kissed your shoulder, humming against your skin. 

You smiled to yourself. “What did I do to deserve you?”

He nuzzled his nose against you, “Touché.”


	144. Goldilocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader spends the night alone at Javier’s. Set in November 1992, before Used to be Lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: It’s very soft.

You could count on one hand the number of times you had spent the night at Javier’s apartment since you started being _together_. At first, there was some lingering weirdness about that first night — a holdover of emotions, worries, and second guessing that made being there again _uncomfortable_ , even when it wasn’t. 

It got easier the second and third time, but he always ended up at your apartment. Neither of you had put in much of an effort into make your apartments feel _homey_ — but yours always felt like home when he was there. 

And it felt barren when he wasn’t there. 

He had been gone on an assignment several hours south of the city and you missed him. You hated that you missed him. You hated how easily he’d become someone you didn’t want to go to bed without. 

You tried to keep that emotional wall up. To keep yourself focused on the reality of relying on someone who could up and decide to leave you tomorrow. But your heart wasn’t as easily convinced. 

It had only been one night (and a day in the office) without him and it was starting to get under your skin. You chalked it up to hormones — which seemed to be getting to you more and more. But that didn’t change the fact that you missed him. 

Javier was a creature of habit. Four years ago he’d told you where he kept his spare apartment key in his desk. Luckily he hadn’t moved it. 

Second drawer on the left, inside the empty stapler at the back. 

You knew where it was in case there was ever an emergency. 

And you figured being lonely, pregnant, _and_ hormonal was a good enough reason to commit a little casual B&E. You knew he wouldn’t care. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a key to your place. 

It felt weird to be in his apartment without him, but you made yourself at home. 

Unsurprisingly, his fridge was bare — save for beer and a jug of milk to go with the box of cereal in his cupboard. 

“I’ll stop at the store tomorrow and get us something better,” You remarked as you ran your hand over your stomach. “Cereal will have to do tonight.” 

You grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal and milk before making yourself comfortable on the sofa. 

Yours was _far_ more comfortable than his lumpy leather monstrosity. You tried not to think about the things that happened on it — before _you_ happened on it. 

“One day,” You started, talking to your stomach as you scooped up a mouthful of cereal. “I’ll have to decide if you were made in a bar bathroom or on your father’s horrendous sex sofa.” You shook your head. “I could also go with the story that you just sprouted up one day.”

You glanced at your wristwatch and frowned. You wondered what he was doing. Was he safe? Was he exhausted? Was he as lonely as you were?

Did he miss you? He always acted like he missed you every time he came back from being on assignment. But who could really know? 

You could only hope. 

“I never wanted this,” You said as you ghosted your hand over your swollen belly. “Motherhood never felt like the right path for me. I still don’t know if it is.” You tilted the cereal bowl and drank some of the milk, before leaning forward to sit the bowl on the coffee table. “After everything I went through I couldn’t… I didn’t want to repeat my own childhood. But I knew I had to do right by you.”

You sank back against the sofa, playing with the hem of Javier’s shirt that you’d changed into. 

“Your father means the world to me and I hope… I _really_ hope he’s going to stick around. I know what a broken home feels like and… I don’t want that for you, kid.”

It was stupid — how badly you wanted what your brother had. Minus the white collar vibe. But how the hell were _you_ supposed to end up there? 

What was the _real_ longevity for you and Javier? Not the one you wanted to believe in. The real one. The one that recognized that he wasn’t a settle down type — no matter how much he seemed like he could be. 

Then novelty would wear off sooner, rather than later. And then you’d be left to do this thing on your own. You could do it. 

You just didn’t want to. 

Which was fairly apparent considering you’d gone to his place, stolen a shirt, and were sitting on his sofa eating his cereal. 

But at the same time, you didn’t want to be one of _those_ people. You didn’t want to try to keep yourself in a situation if you weren’t wanted. If he showed any signs of being over it — you weren’t sticking around. 

If worse came to worst — you could go back to Atlanta. You’d be stuck at a desk again, but at least you’d be employed. There was no way in hell you could stay in Colombia. 

You’d have to work out the particulars of letting Javier see his daughter. You didn’t want her to grow up without him completely. Even if it was easier on you. 

“I’m so tired of hormones,” You complained as you rubbed at your eyes, trying to keep tears from falling. 

You scooted to the edge of the sofa, before standing back up and walking back into the kitchen to rinse out your cereal bowl. 

With any luck, Javier would be back in the morning. Though, with the turn in the weather there was also a chance that he’d be gone until Monday. Which sucked. 

It wasn’t fair to miss someone as much as you did. Especially when he was only halfway yours. The DEA had their claws in him and they knew how to exploit his skills. 

And it had always been that way. It was just different now that you’d been relegated to desk duty for the foreseeable future. 

Javier’s bed smelt like him and the faint scent of cigarette smoke. Which was also him. You never thought you’d become someone who buried their face in someone’s pillow, but you caught yourself doing it nevertheless. 

It wasn’t quite the same as sleeping beside him. There was no arm around you, no fingers fanned out over your belly, no leg to warm your cold feet on. 

Things would’ve been different if you’d stayed. If you’d given into all the emotion Javier had poured out that night. But you still didn’t trust that his touches meant _more_. That he wasn’t just scratching a long suffering itch. 

With your luck, he’d find some reason to dip out. You couldn’t even blame him if he did. Life was a shit show and you weren’t going to force him to part of it. 

You hugged your arms around his pillow and pulled it into your chest, inhaling deeply as you tried to convince yourself to sleep. Two more sleeps and then Javier would be home. 

_Home_. 

——

“I don’t know many nursery rhymes,” Javier murmured as he snaked his arm around your waist and roused you from your sleep. “But I _do_ recall one about a girl who was keen on breaking into houses to try out their beds.” 

You were disoriented at first. The darkness of the bedroom didn’t help you get your bearings — but you knew it wasn’t your apartment. 

“ _Shit_.” You swore, squirming a little in his hold. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s my bed.”

“Yes, but—“

“Storm blew in early.” Javier pressed his face into the crook of your neck, “You’ve stolen my pillow and _my_ bed.”

“Your shirt too.” You admitted, grinning to yourself. “I feel like I should be embarrassed.” 

Javier chuckled, “Don’t be, baby.” He ran his hand over your stomach. “It was a nice surprise.”

You covered your face with your hands and groaned dramatically. “If I’d known you were coming back tonight—“

He pulled you back against his chest. “It was a _nice_ surprise.” He repeated, kissing your neck. “I was in a bad fucking mood and…” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I saw your bag sitting on the floor by the sofa.” 

You squeezed the back of his hand on your stomach, “I was lonely and my pregnancy brain told me your bed would cure it.”

“Did it?”

You hummed, “I ended up wishing that you were here too. Looks like it worked.” 

He chuckled against your neck as he kissed you again, “I debated swinging by your place, but I’m too fucking tired.”

“I guess we lucked out.”

Javier tapped his thumb against your stomach, “I know I did.” 

You rolled onto your back, before turning to face him. “I thought you’d be mad about me breaking in.” 

“And you did it anyways?” Javier snorted, giving your hip a squeeze as he pulled you towards him again. 

“Never come between a pregnant woman and what she wants.” You whispered, winding your fingers through his hair as you leaned in to kiss him. You misjudged the angle and got a mouth full of mustache. 

Javier laughed, a warm sort of laugh that made all of you tingle. “Did you miss my mustache too?”

“ _Always_.” You grinned as he closed the distance and kissed you. 

“You’re always welcome here, baby.” Javier told you, brushing his lips against yours as he spoke. “Even if I’m not here.”

“Good.” You played with the hair at his temple. 

“Gives me something to think about when I’m stuck in a car for ten hours.”

You laughed, “Hopefully you keep those _thoughts_ tame.” You teased, trailing your fingers down his neck. 

“They vary.” He retorted, brushing his nose against yours, before he tilted his head to kiss you again. 

“Aside from the storm,” You started as Javier pressed kisses along your jaw. “How’d it go?”

He sighed against your neck, “We got eyes on the target. Total wash in the end. No confirmation of illegal activity. If the storm hadn’t blown in — we would’ve had him.”

“ _Shit_.” You bit down on your bottom lip and shook your head. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He mumbled, trailing open mouthed kisses down your throat. “How are you?” He questioned, running his hand up and down your side. “How’s our little one?”

You slid your fingers into his hair and tugged lightly. “Still a little asleep. Earlier was rough — hormones, emotions, all of that bullshit. But we’re both good.” 

“ _Good_.” He squeezed your hip. “Fuck, I’m tired baby.”

“I bet you are.” You whispered, toying with his hair. “Luckily you’re in bed, which is where sleep happens.” 

Javier snorted, “Smartass.”

“I’ve been told that a few times.” You laughed softly, laying on your back and reaching for the pillow you’d stolen. “Here.”

“Thanks.” He mumbled as he stifled a yawn. Javier shook his pillow out before tucking it under his head and readjusting beside you. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad I’m here too.” You told him as he ran his hand down your arm and took ahold of your hand and interlaced your fingers. “But you should sleep.”

He missed you too. There was no way around that. No way to convince yourself that it was all for show. It wasn’t just in your head. 


	145. The Exam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader goes to the OB/GYN for an exam. Set in July 1996. I learned something new about Reader today. So that was cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Medical procedures (female physical examination, mentions of procedures related to reproductive health) and discussions of miscarriages, infertility, and other topics related to conception and pregnancy.

You chewed at a hangnail on your thumb as you perched on the edge of the exam table, looking between Javier and the door. “You know, I ran out of a doctor’s office in a hospital gown once.”

Javier’s brows rose upwards as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest, “That sounds like a story I haven’t been told before.”

“ _Oh_ , the stories I could tell.” You laughed, though it didn’t quite reach your expression. “My mother was being… her usual self. I got fed up with her bullshit and decided to peace out. In the hospital gown.”

He snorted, “Somehow I can see you doing that.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as his eyes wandered around the room. 

The walls were covered with anatomical posters of uteruses and Fallopian tubes; gleefully pregnant women and their partners. You watched the way Javier’s face sobered — and you wondered if he was thinking what you were thinking. 

A quick knock gave you a moment’s notice before the doctor and a nurse stepped into the room. 

“I do apologize for the delay,” the doctor remarked as she introduced herself to the both of you. “We had a mother going into labor during her exam. Never a dull moment.”

“Lucky her.” You offered wryly, brushing your hands over your lap, straightening out the hospital gown. 

“Indeed.” The doctor chuckled as she washed her hands, before slipping on a pair of gloves. “Mr. Peña, you’re welcome to wait in the waiting room while we exa—“

“I’d prefer it if he stayed.” You interjected with a shake of your head. 

Javier scratched at his jaw, “I don’t want to be in the way.”

“We’re in this _together_.” You reminded him, before looking towards the doctor. “There’s nothing we’ll discuss that I won’t tell him later.”

“It’s nice to see a supportive partner,” The doctor remarked with a smile. “If you don’t mind laying back, I’m going to begin the exam while I ask you a few questions.”

Your teeth bit into your bottom lip as you laid back on the table, the paper crinkling beneath you as the doctor loomed over you. 

“How long have you been trying?”

“Two months.” You answered as the doctor examined your breasts, before moving towards your stomach. “But we’ve never really used protection outside of birth control.”

“And you’ve been pregnant before?”

“We have a daughter.”

“Any history of miscarriages?”

You nodded slightly, “When I was fifteen. I didn’t even know until I went to the hospital.” You tilted your head, your eyes meeting Javier’s. There was nothing but compassion in his gaze. 

The doctor’s fingers pressed into the soft flesh of your stomach as the examination continued. “Any history of sexually transmitted diseases?”

“We’ve both been tested over the years. We’re clean.” You winced a little as she pressed down hard on a spot. 

“Is that tender?”

“Yeah,” You shifted under her touch. “But I’ve got a bruise there.”

The doctor’s brows rose upwards skeptically.

“We’ve taken the _trying_ very seriously.” You admitted with an awkward laugh, “Javi, do you have that chart?”

“Yep.” He popped the _‘p’_ as he passed the piece of paper to the nurse, who handed it to the doctor. 

She bummed curiously as she reviewed the past two months. You’d charted out the last day of your birth control, your period, temperature changes, and indicated the days and times of intercourse. If you were thorough in your professional work, you’d gone thoroughly overboard in your pregnancy planning. 

“Now that we’ve completed the external examination, I’m going to do an internal and external ultrasound. Just to ensure that everything looks normal and healthy.” She looked towards Javier then. “I usually recommend that the male partner be tested as well. It’s a simple procedure to check semen count.” 

Javier shifted uncomfortably, “I read the leaflet.”

The nurse stepped out of the room and returned a moment later with a cart that held the ultrasound machine. 

“Did you have any complications during your first pregnancy?” The doctor questioned you. 

“Our daughter wasn’t planned.” You admitted. “Birth control, but no other protection. Easy pregnancy, aside from morning sickness.”

“Beginner’s luck,” The doctor said lightly as she adjusted the stirrups at the base of the exam table, helping your feet into them. “We’ll start with the internal ultrasound. It will feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but hopefully it will help us figure out what’s going on.”

You gave her a thumbs up, turning your head to look at Javier. “Be glad you don’t have to do this part.” You remarked. 

“Trust me,” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, nodding towards one of the posters detailing an external cephalic version. “I’m already in awe of what women go through.”

There was _nothing_ wrong with you. Everything looked healthy and functional. By all accounts — you should’ve been pregnant. But you weren’t. 

The doctor ran a panel of blood tests that would take a few days to get the results of, but she doubted that they’d reveal anything. Javier scheduled an appointment to get his swimmers counted. 

“You sure you don’t want me to drive?” Javier questioned as he settled into the passenger seat. 

“It’s a nice distraction,” You retorted, reaching across the center console to steal his sunglasses off his shirt. “What’s the process?”

Javier huffed, picking you the sheet of instructions he’d been given, “Three to five days without _activity_.” 

“Glad it’s next week then.” You rubbed your thumbs over the steering wheel, staring straight ahead for a moment before starting up the car. “I’m supposed to start ovulating at some point in the next forty-eight hours, if things are running smoothly.” 

“It seems like I’m the problem here,” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, brows furrowed as he stared at the sheet. “I figured this was coming. You know, Steve had to go through a whole gauntlet of tests when they were struggling.”

You nodded, “I _remember_. They both went through the ringer.”

“It says I can bring a guest.” Javier remarked as he turned the piece of paper over and continued reading. 

“I’m sure Steve will be _honored_ by the offer.”

“ _Really_?”

“I feel like there’s a _testy_ joke in there somewhere.”

Javier snorted, “You’re lucky I love your bad humor.”

“I’m lucky for a lot of reasons.” You told him with a smirk. “I’d be happy to _help_.” You reached over and patted his leg. “I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you either. It’s just a matter of timing.”

“Maybe.” He sighed, folding he paper in half, and then in half again before tucking it into the front inner pocket of his jacket. “How are you feeling?”

You made a face as you stopped at a red light, “A bit violated, but that’s pretty normal once the stirrups come out. You should see what happens during a pap smear.”

Javier glared at you, “I read the informational poster. I’d rather not.” 

“It’s _fun_.” You said dryly as you started through the intersection, making the turn onto the highway. “Thank you for coming today. For staying.” 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Javier told you. “Even if it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.” 

You grimaced, “I should’ve told you before—“

“ _No_.” He shook his head. “It’s none of my business.”

“True.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. “There was never a time to casually bring it up.” You pointed out, “Hey when I was fifteen I had a miscarriage and I didn’t even know what was _happening_.”

“When you were fifteen,” Javier rocked his jaw, “I would’ve been already in and out of college, and settled into the job at sheriff’s office.”

You nodded, “Sounds about right. Twenty-three?”

“Probably twenty-four.” Javier rubbed his hands together as he stared out the passenger window. “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” You told him honestly. “That was the first time I’ve thought about it since..” You thought for a second. “Maybe since I was a teenager. It never came up with Josie.” 

“I wish this were as easy as it was with Josie.” Javier sighed. “It’s gotta be me. I’m not exactly young.” 

“You’re not exactly _old_ either.” You rolled your eyes. “Didn’t Hugh Hefner just have a kid at sixty-five?” 

“True.”

“Okay, then it’s probably _not_ you.” You flipped onto the turn signal and merged into the lane for the off ramp that led to your condo. “You’re only forty-five Javier.” 

“I know.” He sighed heavily, sinking back against the seat. Out of the corner of your eye you could see the way he was clenching his jaw. 

“Hey,” You reached over and squeezed his leg. “I think the doctor was pretty impressed by our chart.”

Javier snorted, resting his hand over yours. “We’re gonna have to break our streak when I’ve got to go without you, baby.” 

“But that’s not for a couple days.” You reminded him, squeezing his leg three times. “You should’ve seen her face when she touched the bruise.”

“I’m sure she had a few thoughts on it.”

You laughed, “I’m _sure_.” In reality — you both knew that _that_ was what happened when you got fucked into the side of your kitchen table. “You know what I don’t get?”

“Hmm?”

“When the doctor tells you that they’ll give you some privacy to get changed…” You said as you turned into your condo parking lot. “As if they haven’t just had a _full_ look at your most intimate parts. Inside and out.” 

“It didn’t look fun.” Javier’s brows rose upwards as he tilted his head to look at you. “You wanna rest? I can handle Josie this evening, when Steve drops her off.” 

“I’ve been through worse.” You shrugged, pulling the keys out of the ignition. “It’s mostly just awkward. I mean, you saw the process. Mostly my stomach’s just a little sore because she prodded at me like it was a deep-tissue massage.” 

“We’ve got a couple hours before he drops her off.” Javier tilted his head to look at you. 

“I _know_.” You smirked at him. “And we’re home just in time for _General Hospital_.” It was no telenovela — but damn if you weren’t hooked. 

“You know we don’t have to do this, right?”

“But I _want_ to.” You met his gaze. “It’s probably just a matter of timing.” You wanted this to work — for him. You saw the way his eyes lingered on new mothers with their babies sitting in the waiting room. The way he made conversation with the anxious dads waiting for their partners to come out. 

He’d missed all of that with Josie and you wanted to give him that one thing, after he’d given you _everything_. 


	146. Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier continue celebrating. Set after “Anniversary” in 1999. FULL DISCLOSURE: This chapter is entirely unbeta’d and I’m not 100% sure what I’ve written makes sense. I’ve been in horrific pain since Sunday night. I’m talking on a scale of 1-10, I was at an 11 while writing this. I’m loopy, sore, and haven’t slept in two nights. I think, with my naps, I’ve had four hours of sleep over the past two days. So I have no idea what you’re walking into but, you know, I make great decisions. Enjoy????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff and shower sex.

You propped your chin up on your palm, tapping your fingers against your cheek as you looked across the table at Javier. 

He had his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek as he calculated out the tip total. His brows furrowed momentarily as he double checked his math, before he jotted his signature down and sat the bill aside. 

Javier glanced up at you, “What is it?”

“Nothing.” You shook your head and smiled at him. “I was just appreciating the view.”

He chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck as he looked away briefly, “You’re gonna make me blush, baby.”

“ _Maybe_.” You stretched your leg out beneath the table and tapped your foot against his ankle. “It’s only my first anniversary once.” You pointed out. “So I’m savoring it.”

“I think that champagne went to your head,” Javier retorted with a smirk, tapping his fingers against his temple. 

You rolled your eyes, “I’d flip you off if this weren’t a nice restaurant.” 

Javier snorted, shaking his head slowly as he nudged at your calf beneath the table. “Alright, so you were appreciating the view?”

“Mhm.” You bit down on the edge of your bottom lip as you held his gaze. “I was trying to remember what you looked like that first day.”

“About ten years younger.” Javier scratched at his jaw, leaning an arm against the table. “A little less grey.”

“A _lot_ less grey.” You teased, reaching across the table to rest your hand over his. “Still just as handsome though.” 

“Yeah?”

You cocked your head to the side, “Have I ever told you how much I love your eyes?”

“I always figured they were part of the package.” He shrugged, scraping his fingers over his mustache to neaten it up as you studied him. “They’re not that special.”

“Well, _I_ think they are.” You shrugged, “They’re kind. Even on your worst days, even chewing someone out… They stay _so_ gentle. I don’t know if you even know that.” 

“I hadn’t made a note of it, _no_.” Javier shifted again, leaning back and then forward in his seat. “You done?”

“I guess I am.” You laughed, giving his hand three squeezes, “I was planning to sit here and tell you _all_ the things I love.”

He gave you a look. “This is the last time I’m buying you champagne.”

You lowered your voice, glancing around to make sure no one was within earshot. “I can promise you this. It has more to do with you fucking me into the hotel mattress than it does the champagne.” Your brows rose upwards as you leaned back in your chair, “So we can stop _that_ if you want.”

Javier scoffed, “Now that’s just cruel, baby.” 

You shrugged, “It’s just the facts.” 

“Alright, what else is on your list?” He picked you the red and white mint the waiter had left with the bill, fiddling with the wrapper, before popping it into his mouth. 

You pursed your lips as you studied him. “Your lips are definitely on the top of the list.” You tapped your foot against his, mulling over your decision. “Your nose.”

“My nose?”

“It’s a good nose.”

His brows furrowed. “My _nose_?” He questioned again, rubbing his finger down the length of it. “So you like… my face?”

“ _Obviously_.” You laughed, reaching for your champagne glass and downing the last of it. _Maybe_ it was the champagne, but you felt happy, bubbly, and just a little bit more in love with Javier than you were yesterday. But that wasn’t something new. Every day you found yourself falling in love with him all over again. 

Even on the days where you wondered if Steve would help you hide the body. 

“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” You questioned as you stood up and smoothed your hands over the skirt of your dress. 

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, “I can _only_ imagine.” He held his hand out for you and you took ahold of it as the two of you walked towards the front of the restaurant. 

“I’ve always wanted to jump into a pool in a nice dress.”

“ _What_?”

“You heard me.” You squeezed his hand. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” 

“You’re serious?”

You stopped, turning to face him. “You can watch if you don’t want to jump in.” 

Javier scoffed, pulling you towards him. “If you’re jumping in, I’m jumping in.”

A grin spread over your lips as you met his eyes, draping your free arm over his shoulder as you leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Now you’re seeing things _my_ way.” 

“The question is… the inside or outside pool?” Javier questioned, clicking his tongue against his teeth.

“Indoor will likely be vacant since it’s nice out.” You suggested, rubbing your lips together as you considered the options. “ _Indoor_.” 

You tightened your hold on Javier’s hand, guiding him past the elevators and down the hallway — following the scent of chlorine. 

“We could go back up to the room and get our swimsuits.”

“Or we could jump into the pool _fully_ dressed.” You arched a brow at him. “You were on board a second ago.” 

“I’m still on board.” Javier shrugged a shoulder. “Just keeping our options open.” 

“You better not be keeping your options open.” You held up your left hand, wiggling your fingers. “You’re stuck with me.” 

“That is _not_ what I meant.” Javier huffed, stepping ahead of you to open the door that led into the pool room. 

As you had expected — the pool was vacant. Beyond the wall of windows, you could see that there were still people enjoying the last rays of sunlight at the outside pool. 

“We chose right.” You pointed out as you stepped past him and slid your purse off your shoulders. You say it down on one of the pool chairs, tucking your earrings, necklace, and ring into the inner pocket for safekeeping. 

“It’s silk.” Javier stated as he tugged off his tie and passed it to you. 

“And a gift from Josie.” You reminded him as you folded the tie carefully and placed it into your purse. “Have you ever done this before?”

Javier looked between you and the pool, “I was always fond of jumping in buckass naked.” He gave you an unamused look. “Can’t say I’m interested in getting arrested for _that_.”

“ _No_ , that wouldn’t be ideal.” You laughed and kicked off your heels, walking towards the edge of the pool. 

“Is this a bucket list thing?” Javier questioned. You glanced back over your shoulder, watching as he peeled off his socks and tucked them into his shoes. “Did you get a look at all of my greys and decide it was time to start on one?” He tossed his wallet onto the chair beside your purse, before joining you at the edge of the pool. 

You shook your head, “This is what happens when you pair a bottle and a half of champagne with a _really_ good mood.” 

Javier turned to grin at you, “So it _was_ the champagne?” 

“Oh, fuck off Javier!” You laughed, getting your chance to flip him off, just before you leapt into the pool. 

You resurfaced just as Javier jumped in to join you in the pool. You wiped at your eyes, laughing as he came back up with his hair plastered to his forehead. 

“Well?” Javier questioned, coughing a little as he waded in the water, keeping himself afloat. “Was it everything you thought it would be, baby?”

“Oh _yeah_.” You grinned at him as you swam towards him, reaching out to ruffle the hair that was stuck to his forehead. “Thank you.”

“For jumping into the pool with you?” He arched a brow at you. “I’d do anything you asked, baby.” 

“ _Anything_?” You wiggled your brows at him, leaning in to kiss him. “You taste like pool.” You laughed, brushing your nose against his. 

“I wonder _why_.” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you towards him. 

“Could it be that we’re in the pool?” You laughed, winding both of your arms around his shoulders. “We should do this every year.”

“ _This?_ ”

“No! Just… something spontaneous.” You kicked your legs in the water to keep your dress from dragging you down. “I mean, last year we _did_ decide to get married.”

Javier let his head tilt back as he laughed, “What are we going to do next year?”

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek, “Matching tattoos?”

“I could do matching tattoos.” Javier grinned at you, running his hand up and down your back. “Did you have a good day?” He questioned, keeping you close to him, as he guided you both towards the shallow side of the pool.

“It was perfect.” You told him with a warm

Smile, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow. As much as I love the girls, this is _really_ ice.”

“We never got to really enjoy just _us_ without being parents too.” Javier agreed with you, rubbing at the small of your back. 

“I feel guilty about it sometimes,” You admitted, chewing on your bottom lip as you searched his eyes. “But I think that’s normal. Wanting a break from reality — just for a day or two.”

“I think that’s _perfectly_ normal, baby.” Javier assured you, leaning in to press a kiss to your lips. “You ready to go back up to our room?”

You nodded, laughing a little, “Yeah. I think I’ve got my fill of chlorine.” 

—

“Cold?” Javier questioned as he stopped unbuttoning his shirt to reach into the shower and check the temperature of the water. 

Your teeth chattered a little as you wrapped your arms around your waist. “Just a bit. Know any way to fix that?” 

“I might.” He arched a brow at you, tracing his tongue over the edge of his teeth as his gaze raked over you. “I think the first step is getting you out of that dress. You’re dripping everywhere.”

“So are you.” You retorted, rubbing your hands over your bare arms as Javier crowded close to you. You turned to face the mirror behind you, meeting Javier’s gaze in the reflection. “I can’t reach the zipper.” 

Javier brushed your hair out of the way, kissing the back of your neck before working the zipper down your spine. “I’ve been waiting for this all night.” 

“Oh?” You questioned as he peeled the straps of your dress down your shoulders, letting the wet fabric drop and pool at your feet. “You already got me naked _once_ today.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “And yet I look forward to it every time.” 

You turned back around to face him, feeling much warmer now that his gaze was wandering over your naked body. “I guess I can’t judge. I’m just as bad.” You reached out to finish unbuttoning his shirt, tugging the tails out of his pants before shoving the sleeves down his arms. 

Javier cupped your left breast, dragging his thumb roughly over the pebbled peak of your nipple as he pressed you back against the counter. 

“I love you.” You reminded him as you pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw. 

He trailed his hand down your side, grabbing at your hip as he pressed his knee between your thighs. “I love you too, baby.” He murmured, kissing the hollow of your throat. 

“We’re wasting water.” You said, tugging at his hair with one hand, while the other slid down to work at the zipper of his slacks. 

Javier kissed his way up your throat, before he was nose-to-nose with you, “Then I guess we better get in.” 

You grinned triumphantly as you tugged his slacks down his hips, “I can think of something I want to _get in_ me.” You tossed back, scraping your nails lightly over his lower stomach, playing with the coarse hair that led downwards, before you slipped out of his grasp. 

“You’re a tease. You know that, baby?” Javier retorted as he shucked off his slacks and boxers. 

You narrowed your eyes at him, a smirk playing over your lips. “A tease would wind you up and offer no release.” You gave his cock a pointed look. “And I’m not interested in doing that.” 

You slid your pool-soaked underwear down your thighs, kicking them aside before stepping into shower. The warm water made you hiss softly, a sharp contrast from the icy pool water that chilled your skin. 

Javier followed you into the shower, curling an arm around your waist and pulling you back against his chest. “Even looking like this, you’re the _goddamn_ most beautiful woman.” 

“Looking like this?” You pressed your ass back against him. “ _What_? Is there a problem with runny mascara and pool hair?”

Javier snorted, pressing his lips to the crook of your neck. “It’s a good look on you.” He mumbled as his hands wandered up your stomach to cup your breasts. 

You curled your fingers around his forearm, nails biting into his skin. “ _Javier_.” 

“I’m not going to tease, baby.” He promised you releasing his hold on your right breast, his hand traveling downwards until he found his destination between your thighs. 

You let yourself get lost in the moment. The water falling against your skin, the steam rising from the warmth of the shower, his fingers grazing over your clit as he wound you up. 

You were still sensitive from before. Thighs aching from the strain, cunt tender from the way he’d slammed into you — but you wanted _more_. 

Sure, the two of you made time for each other at home, but this little respite gave you freedom from the daily demands of life. It didn’t matter if you slept til ten tomorrow because he’d kept you up all night. 

“ _Oh_.” You breathed out as you sank back against his chest, spreading your thighs wider as he stroked his fingers over your slick center.

Javier rasped out your name as you reached behind you and curled your fingers around the back of his neck, “You’re so fucking responsive, baby. Have I ever told you how crazy that drives me?”

“Show me.” You hissed, grinding back against his cock. “Don’t make me wait, Javi.” 

His teeth scraped over the curve of your neck, as he pulled his fingers away from you. “Maybe I _should_ make you wait.” Javier taunted. “Make you beg.”

You turned in his hold, water running down your back as you met his gaze. “You know, two can play that game.” You tilted your head backwards, letting the water soak into your hair. “ _Maybe_ ,” You mimicked his voice. “We should just shower and go to sleep.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as his eyes followed the path of the water as the rivulets ran down your breasts and stomach. “We _could_ do that.” He retorted, “But I don’t think either of us want that.” 

You exhaled shakily as you watched his hand wrap around his cock, slowly pumping his fist along the length. “You’d be right. _Tragically_.” You rolled your eyes, a wry grin spreading over your lips. 

“Thought so.” Javier said lowly, working his hand over his length still. “ _C’mere_ , baby.”

You closed the short distance between the two of you, reaching out to brush your fingers over his cheek. “Tonight was fun.”

“Yeah?” Javier cocked his head to the side, curling his hand around your hip and pulling you towards him. 

“ _Yeah_.” You nodded, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. “There’s no one that I’d rather jump into a pool with.” 

He gave your hip a playful swat. “You’re ridiculous.” 

You grinned, sliding your arms over his shoulders as you leaned in to kiss him. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”

Javier guided you back under the shower’s fall, before pinning you against the wall. “Right now, I’m more concerned about keeping you _off_ your toes.”

You snorted, running your hands over his shoulders. “Let me see what we’re working with.” You gave his arm a squeeze as you looked downwards. “Hang on.” 

He helped you balance on one foot as you pressed the heel of your other foot into the little built-in shelf near the faucet head. “You got it?”

“I think so.” You nodded, holding his gaze as he slid his hand down your hip, curling his fingers around your thigh and drawing your leg around his hips. “ _Oh_.”

Javier groaned out your name as you reached down to curl your fingers around his cock, holding him steady as he slid into you. 

Your head fell back against the shower wall and you bit down on your bottom lip to keep from crying out as he pulled out and drove back into you. 

“That’s it.” You urged, grabbing at his arms and his shoulders for support as he started to move. 

Javier held fast to your hip, keeping your leg firmly wrapped around him. His lips ghosted down your throat, his tongue dipping out against your skin. “You feel so _fucking_ good.” 

“So do you.” You scraped your nails over his back, just to hear him hiss. “ _Good_?”

“Fuck, yes.” Javier’s teeth caught against your collarbone, causing you to clench around him in response. 

Through the opaque shower curtain, you could make out your reflections in the mirror. Two blurry bodies moving together.

Twelve years as partners, seven years as a couple, and a year of marriage. It felt like the years had slipped by in the blink of an eye. 

You curled your fingers in his hair, a quiet moan slipping past your lips as he felt that subtle shift in the way he moved. “Come on, Javi. Come on.” You urged, nails scraping down the back of his neck as you tilted your head to kiss him.

He was there before you, his pace turning uneven as he spilled into you. His hand hastily wedged between your bodies as he coaxed you over the edge with him. It wasn’t as earth shattering as earlier — but the pleasure still warmed every inch of you. 

“ _Shit.”_ Javier huffed out as he lost hold of your hip and you slid an inch down the wall. He stumbled back, slipping from you, and you managed to grab at his arms for support, getting your foot back on the ground without falling.

“ _Fuck_!” 

“Sorry, baby.” He rubbed his thumb over your hip. 

You laughed, shoving him playfully in the chest “I mean, just drop me next time.” 

He rolled his eyes, “I’ll remember that.” He gave your ass a quick swat. “The water’s getting cold.”

“The hotel probably pulled the plug on us.” You winked at him, leaning up to kiss him. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He chuckled, winding his fingers through his hair. 

You brushed your nose against his, stealing another kiss. “ _Rude_.” 

Javier curled his arms around you, pulling you towards his chest. “I love you too, baby.” He assured you, even though you didn’t need to hear it to know it. 


	147. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier spend an evening looking for a distraction.Set in 1996 during the process of trying to get pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (kink negotiation, blow jobs, fingering, actual sex, lots of smutty stuff) and some discussions of infertilty and pregnancy issues.

You scraped your nails lightly down the length of Javier’s arm where he had it draped over your waist. You rubbed your thumb over a freckle on his arm, right at the bend of his elbow. 

If you recalled correctly, he’d gotten that freckle in Colombia. That’s what happened when you drove around with your arm halfway out the window. 

Sometimes you wished you could go back to those sunny afternoons, driving around in the Jeep with the windows down. There was never a dull minute to be found when the three of you were out in the field together. 

Javier’s breath was warm on the back of your neck as he shifted behind you, “Penny for your thoughts?” 

“I don’t know if you have enough pennies.” You teased as you dragged your fingertips through the hair that covered his arm. 

“I bet I do.” He curled his arm around you a little more securely then, his fingers fanning out over your lower stomach. He must’ve noticed the way that you instinctively tensed under his touch, “ _Baby_ —“

You curled your fingers around the back of his hand, bringing it back to your stomach. “It’s _fine_.” You assured him, rubbing your thumb over the side of his hand.

Javier echoed your touch as he rubbed his thumb over a patch of skin just below your belly button. “Was that what you were thinking about?”

“No.” You told him, before reconsidering. “I guess in a roundabout way I was.” You tilted your head a little, just enough to look back at him. “I was thinking about Colombia.”

Now it was _his_ turn to tense. “Yeah?”

“All those afternoons driving around Colombia,” You ran your fingers down his arm again, before interlacing your fingers with his. “Did you ever imagine _this_ would be your life?”

Javier kissed the curve of your shoulder, “I don’t have that good of an imagination.” He chuckled, sighing heavily. “Definitely would’ve never pictured myself scheduling out the best times to fuck.” 

You snorted, keeping his arm in place as you rolled onto your back, “ _Right_?” 

“Look, I know there’s a rhythm to this, but I _am_ missing the element of spontaneity.” He pursed his lips as he looked down at you. “It’s not just me, right?”

“It’s not just you,” You said as you reached up to play with the hair that fell across his forehead. “If I have to take my temperature _one_ more time.” 

Javier ran his hand from your stomach, up along the curve of your ribs. “Is this _that_ conversation?”

You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip as you considered it. _Were_ you ready to stop? “No.” You shook your head, stroking your fingers over his jaw, the prickle of his unshaven cheeks tickling. 

“Alright.” Javier pressed a kiss to your temple, stroking his fingers down your side. “You know, one of the books I read talked about stress being a potential factor…”

“ _Javier_ ,” You gave him a look. “I have stressed my _entire_ life. I don’t think that’s the problem.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

You sighed heavily, giving him a skeptical look, “I’m listening.”

“Let me take care of you,” Javier murmured as he leaned down to kiss you. “We’ve been so focused on the _act_ , that I think maybe we’ve neglected you.”

“What did you have in mind?” You questioned, your lips brushing against his as you spoke. “You’ve taken care of me _every_ time.” 

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life.” You told him without hesitation. 

“Wait here.” Javier kissed you once more before he moved to get out of bed.

You propped yourself up on one arm as you watched him walk over to the dresser, “Have I ever told you what a _good_ ass you have?” You questioned.

He shot you a look over your shoulder, “Not that I recall.” 

“Well you do.” You clicked your tongue against your teeth, “I’m just saying. I’m a _lucky_ woman.”

Javier chuckled as he shook his head, “Because of my ass?”

“Among many things.” You smirked. “What are you looking for?”

“Where’s your vibrator?”

You sat up then, the sheets pooling around your waist as you stared at him. “ _Really_?” You felt your cheeks warm as you pointed at the chest of drawers, “Underwear drawer in the back. Silky black bag.”

Javier nodded and turned back to the task at hand, pulling open the drawer and grabbing the toy out. “Where’s that polka dot scarf you wear?”

“The silk one?” You arched a brow at him, before you started to get up. “ _Shit_. I think it’s in the closet.” 

“Didn’t I tell you stay in bed?” Javier questioned with a short chuckle. “Might have to get one of my ties instead.”

You stopped short of the closet, turning to stare at Javier — just a _little_ dumbfoundedly. “I _do_ have to go to work in the morning.” 

The look that he gave you made your heart skip a beat. “Lay back down.” He told you firmly, leaving no room for argument. There was something about _that_ tone. It was a rough cadence that evidently had an _effect_ on you. 

You sat back down on the edge of the bed, watching him as he walked to the closet to retrieve the scarf from the storage bin on the floor of the closet. 

“Safe word?”

“Same as always.” You told him, running your hands over the tops of your bare legs as you stared at him. “What are you thinking of doing?”

“Blindfold,” He held up the scarf. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as you nodded. “But just so we’re clear,” You met his gaze. “You have taken _very_ good care of my needs. There have been no complaints.”

“I know, baby.” Javier grinned at you. “But I wanna take care of _you_ tonight.”

“I’m sure you will,” You scooted back onto the bed, before laying back against the pillows. 

Maybe _this_ would work? You were grappling at straws, but you would take it. Whatever helped your body sort it’s shit out. How was it possible that Josie had been _so_ easy and this time…

“Hey,” Javier leaned over you, brushing his fingers over your jaw to turn your face to look at him. “Stop overthinking it.”

“Have you ever met me before?” You rolled your eyes. “Look, I’m _trying_ , Javi.” You curled your fingers around his hand, giving it three short squeezes. “But you’re going to have to _give_ me a reason to stop thinking.”

He dipped down to kiss you, “I can do _that_.” Javier nipped at your bottom lip as he drew back. “Sit up.” 

You sat up just enough for him to slip the polka dot scarf around your head, cloaking your vision in darkness. 

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Javier questioned. 

Instead of answering, you traced your tongue along your bottom lip and parted them. “Why don’t you show me?”

Javier brushed his thumb along your bottom lip, “I like the way you think, baby.” He drawled out as you caught his thumb between your teeth and flicked your tongue out over the tip. “That’s hot.”

“I specialize in _hot_.” You retorted, before curling your fingers around two of his and guiding them into your mouth. The low, guttural sound that rose up from the back of his throat made every nerve ending in your body feel like it had been called to attention. 

Not being able to see him meant relying on touch and sound — and Javier had _never_ been a quiet partner. 

You slid your tongue between his fingers as you dragged your lips along them, before releasing them with a wet _pop_. “Not quite as fun as your cock.” 

“I would agree with that,” Javier chuckled lowly as he rubbed his thumb over your lips, before leaning down to kiss you. “But tonight isn’t about _me,_ baby.” 

Javier cupped your jaw as he shifted above you to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid out, playing over your lips before invading your mouth. You groaned, but the sound got swallowed up between your mouths as his tongue stroked over the roof of your mouth. 

You reached out and curled your fingers around the back of his neck, keeping him right where you _needed_ him as he kissed you. 

Sex with Javier was _never_ bad — but so much of your interactions over the past few months had been solely focused on what your temperature was, the timing, the positioning… It was fun, but it hadn’t always been _ideal_. 

It hadn’t been about this. This feeling that only Javier had ever _really_ been able to make you feel. There was no word for it, but it existed nevertheless. 

He broke away from the kiss, breathing raggedly as he trailed a row of open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat. 

Your fingers tightened in his hair as his left hand grabbed at your breast through the fabric of your tank top, causing the soft cotton to rub tantalizingly against your nipple. “ _Javier_.”

His tongue flicked out over your pulse point, teeth lightly grazing against your skin — just enough to leave a mark that you’d have to hide tomorrow. 

You couldn’t see him when he pulled back, his breath dancing over your kiss-swollen lips as he hovered nose-to-nose with you. But you could imagine him, his own lips plush with blood and his pupils blown with desire. 

There’s something about an _almost_ kiss that flips new switches for you. His nose just barely brushed against yours, breath hot against your mouth winding you up just enough that you crane your neck to chase after his lips for a kiss he doesn’t give you. 

Instead the bed shifts beneath you and you’re made distinctly aware of his absence as you heard his bare feet hit the floor. 

“Where are you going?” You sat up slowly, reaching for the blindfolds.

“Did I tell you to take that off?”

You inhaled sharply as the foot of the bed dipped and Javier returned to you. “No. But I can’t exactly see.”

“Baby, you’ve got to trust me.” Javier said gently as he curled his fingers around the hem of your tank top and tugged it up and over your head. 

In the process, the blindfold was pulled off too and you couldn’t help but laugh as you met his eyes. “Best laid plans.”

He huffed as he untangled then scarf from your tank, “It’s not like it can’t be put back on.” 

“But now I know you got your tie out.” You pointed out, reaching to your right to pick up the silver and black tie that Javier had clearly retrieved when he left the bed. You looped the silk around your wrists, clasping them together as you flopped back onto the bed and held them above your head. “Is _this_ what you were planning on doing?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he sat back on his knees and looked down at you. “Well, _now_ I’m not.”

“And we thought Josie got the obstinance from _me._ ” You retorted, unwinding the tie from your wrists as you sat up and moved towards him. “Did I derail your plans, _baby_?” You questioned, mimicking his voice as you slid the tie around his neck as you rose up on your knees and straddled his legs. 

Javier ran his hands down your sides, before roughly grabbing at your hips and pulling you into his lap. “Maybe I should’ve gagged you, instead of blindfolding you.”

You smirked at him as you slid the silken tie along the back of his neck, leaning forward to catch his bottom lip between your teeth. “Maybe you _should._ ” 

One hand slid around to grab at your ass, keeping you pressed right up against the rigid outline of his cock. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You pursed your lips, tilting your head to the side for a moment as you considered the offer, “Only if you promise to actually fuck me and not just _tease_ me.” You slid the silk tie around his throat and pulled on either end. 

Javier’s hips rocked upwards beneath you, grinding his cock right against the apex of your thighs, giving you just enough friction to make you squirm. 

“But you secretly love how _mouthy_ I am,” You reminded him, scraping your nails lightly down his chest. “Alternatively…” You dragged your thumb from the hollow of his throat, up over his Adam’s apple, before brushing it over his bottom lip. “I know you wanted tonight to be all about me.”

He gave a short nod as his tongue darted out over the spot where your thumb had just been. “Yeah?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and attempted to offer him the most _innocent_ look you could muster up, “I kinda want to suck your cock.” 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier breathed out raggedly, squeezing at your hip. “How’d you flip this on me, baby?”

“You wanted to _distract_ me.” You shrugged. “Consider me _distracted_.” You gave his cheek a pat, before you climbed off his lap and repositioned yourself on your stomach on the bed. 

Javier stroked his fingers over the back of your head as he looked down at you, “You sure?” He questioned as he stretched out his legs. 

You nodded, “ _Very_.” You kept your eyes on his face as you moved in between his thighs and cupped his cock through his boxers. “Are _you_ sure?”

He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and laughed, “You never stop, do you?”

You grinned up at him as you lightly scratched your fingernails down the length of his cock and balls, before leaning in to press your lips to the head. “ _Nope_.” 

Javier’s fingers gripped at the bedsheets beside his hips as you withdrew his cock from his boxers. 

“It’s been awhile,” You pointed out as you loosely curled your fingers around the base of him, licking your lips as you looked up at him. “Have you missed this as much as I have?”

“You know I have, baby.” Javier breathed out, his stomach muscles clenching tight as you ran your tongue up the length of him. “ _Fuck.”_

His fingers found their way into your hair, gripping at it tightly as you took the length of his cock into your mouth from root to tip. You swirled your tongue around his cock as you pulled back and released him with a wet _pop_. 

“You look good like this.” You told him, reaching up and tugging lightly on the tie that was still looped around his throat. 

Javier murmured something that sounded like your name and strained curse, but you lost track of it as the sound turned into a throaty groan once your mouth was wrapped around him again. You hollowed out your cheeks, flatting your tongue out against the underside as you dragged your lips over him. 

It _had_ actually been around. Everything had been focused on—

You grabbed at his thigh to keep him seated on the bed as his hips twitched upwards as you drew back. You glanced back up at him, groaning at the absolutely _fucked_ look on his face. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier hissed out. “Your mouth feels so fucking good, baby.” 

You curled your fingers around him, using the mess of saliva you left behind as you pumped your fist over the length of him. “I wish you knew how good you _look_ right now.” You told him, sweeping your tongue out over the head of his cock just to watch his jaw slacken. 

“Baby,” Javier started, swallowing thickly as he tried — a failed — to find his words. “ _Shit_.”

Your pace didn’t falter as you slowly sat back up, tucking your legs beneath you as you positioned yourself in front of him. “ _Look_ at you.” You whispered, reaching out to push your fingers through his hair as you rubbed your thumb over that one spot on his cock, just below the head that never failed to affect him. 

He was lost in the moment for mere seconds before his fingers curled around your wrist and he snatched your hand away from his cock. “ _Wait_.” 

“You’re no fun.” You teased as you shook your wrist out of his hold. “But I get it.” You whispered, curling your fingers around the back of his neck as you leaned in to kiss him. 

There was no hesitation in him as he all but devoured you. He cocked his head to the side, sliding his lips against yours as his tongue found yours once more. 

You moaned a little too loudly, the sound reverberating between you as he moved to lay you back on the bed, his knee slotting between your thighs and pressing right against your _aching_ clit. 

Javier chuckled as he pulled back, propping himself up on one arm as his other hand slid downwards. He trailed his fingers up the inside of your thigh, before slipping under the leg of your shorts and sneaking beneath your underwear. 

“ _Oh_.” You panted out against his lips as his fingers tease over your slick folds. 

“You know,” Javier breaths out, kissing at your bottom lip and then your jaw and then right beside your ear, “You’re never wetter than when you’ve had my cock in your mouth. Did you know that, baby?”

Your lips part to respond, but his finger catches right on the side of your clit and you feel a throb of need pulse through your entire core. You’ve been so disconnected from _this_ feeling and—

Even that thought doesn’t quite come out fully formed. You’re far too focused on the way his finger keeps skirting close to your clit but not quite there. 

Like the kiss that was just a breath away. 

Your back bows up off the bed as Javier works one and then two fingers into your soaked cunt. He’s not wrong — sucking him off has always been a certain brand of arousing and you _wouldn’t_ be putting those underwear or shorts back on when you were finished. 

“ _Javier_ ,” Your nails scrape down the back of his neck as you look up at him, holding his gaze as he curls those fingers right against that sweet spot within you. 

It’s like fireworks. 

Your body clenched tight around his fingers as you came, molten desire burning hot in your gut. 

“I need—“

“I know, baby.” He kissed you again, pulling his fingers from you sooner than you would’ve liked so he could roughly jerk your shorts and underwear down your hips. 

“I love you.” You whispered, your voice cracking on the words as you kissed him — trying your best to muffle yourself as he settled into place. 

Javier dragged his cock through your tender folds, still determined to tease you. “Tell me what you want.” He rasped out, pressing just the head of his cock into you. 

“Don’t be an asshole.” You gritted out through clenched teeth as you rolled your hips towards his cock. “I _need_ you.” 

He groaned and pressed his face into the crook of your neck as he slid into you. You were still coming down from that first high, inner walls fluttering around his thick length. 

“Fuck, you feel so _fucking_ good.” He managed, sucking lightly at your pulse point. 

“Come on, Javi,” You urged, rolling into his thrusts. “I know how _close_ you are.” You dragged your fingers through his hair as you looked up at him. “Come for me.” 

Javier’s jaw clenched and he grabbed at your hip to hold you steady as he started slamming into you. “That _fucking_ mouth of yours.”

You smirked and reminded him, “You love it.” 

“I do.” He grunted out. “ _Fuck,_ I’m close.”

“I want you to come _on_ me.”

His brows drew together and his pace faltered, “What?”

“ _Please_.” You leaned up to curl your fingers around the back of his neck, gently combing your fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck as you kissed his chin. 

Javier groaned as he slid out of you, pumping his fist down the length of his cock as he coxed himself over the edge.

You bit down on your bottom lip as you watched his release spill out over your stomach, without a care in the world about anything other than enjoying _this_ moment together. 

“ _Fuck_.” He swore under his breath as he searched the bed beside you for the little pouch bed retrieved earlier. “Where is it?”

You arched a brow up at him, “What?”

Javier snorted, “Are you laying on it?” 

“Oh!” You laughed, leaning up on an elbow and retrieving your vibrator from beneath you. “I wondered what that was.” 

“You want me to—“

“I’m… _actually_ good.” You told him, tossing the pouch aside. 

“You sure?”

You nodded, “Yeah.” 

Javier gave your thigh a gentle pat before squeezing it, “ _Alright_. I’ll be right back.” He told you before climbing out of bed to fetch a damp washcloth from the bathroom. 

You knew you had to stop stressing about it. It would happen. It would happen when you were least expecting it. 

Or it wouldn’t… and you’d both figure it out. There were other options. Not having a second baby wasn’t the end of the world. 

It just felt like it sometimes. 

Even if _you_ didn’t have your next child, you knew that both of you would love them all the same. But that didn’t change the fact that you wanted to keep trying — just a little longer. 

“Baby,” Javier brushed his knuckles against your cheek. “You good?”

“Hmm?”

“You zoned out there on me.” Javier’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You good?” He asked again. 

“I’m _very_ good.” You assured him, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips, “I am, _however_ , going to run to the bathroom real quick.”

Javier caught your hand, “Hey, I love you.”

You brought his hand to your lips and kissed each knuckle. “I love you too.” You winked at him as you took a step back, “The tie looks good on you.” 

He grinned back at you and flipped you off. 


	148. First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier spend their last day in Laredo and it’s one of firsts. Set in 1993 after A Dance Owed.

“She’s gonna say _abuelo_ before she gets either of our names right.” Javier said lightly as he walked in from the back patio, sliding the screen door shut behind him. “Wrapped around his finger.”

“Josie’s fond of her Peña men.” You retorted, glancing up at him for a second before turning your attention back to the tomatillos you had boiling on the stove. “I can’t say I blame her, _however—_ “ 

Javier arched a brow at you as he walked further into the kitchen, “However?”

“I can’t help but feel like I’m being a _little_ set up here.” You told him, reaching for the spoon and giving the pot a stir. 

“I told you I’d help.” He ran his tongue over the front of his teeth as he gave you a look. “But I know you know how to make it.” 

“I _do_ know how to make verde. It’s simple.” You retorted, setting the spoon back onto the stone holder on the counter. “But I’ve made this for the two of us, _not_ your extended family.”

You knew Chucho and Javier were just trying to make you feel like part of the family — because you _were_ , but at the same time they’d inadvertently set you up for failure. 

“Hey,” Javier said lowly, hooking his finger into the belt loop of your jeans as he drew you away from the boiling pot. “They’ll love it.” He assured you, smoothing his hand down your hip. “You made a good impression at the wedding.”

“I figured the only impression I made was — _that poor girl Javier accidentally got knocked up_.” You taunted, cocking your head to the side as you looked up at him. “I’ve never had to do the extended family thing.”

“Me neither.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

You gave him a skeptical look, “You almost married a woman, Javier. You never met Lorraine’s grandparents? Her aunt? A weird uncle?”

He scratched at the back of his neck and glanced downwards, “Touché.” 

“That’s what I figured.” You grabbed the dish towel off the counter and swatted him in the thigh with it. “If you’re going to stay in here, get the blender out.”

You’d had a handful of serious relationships in your life, and every time they got remotely close to _really_ serious you’d quickly found a reason to skirt out of it unscathed. 

Maybe you didn’t want to admit it aloud, but that was _exactly_ what had happened with Lance too. Except it was paired with the sobering realization that you wanted Javier — who had seemed unattainable. 

Who never once gave you the impression that underneath his bachelor veneer, that he _could_ be something like a family man. When you first met him you never would’ve imagined yourself standing in Texas in his father’s kitchen, making salsa verde because his tia was coming over to visit before you went home to Miami. 

“Baby, did you remember cilantro?” Javier questioned as he hauled out the blender and plugged it in on the counter by the microwave. 

“There are _so_ many knives in this kitchen.” You shot him a look over your shoulder. “And don’t the neighbors have pigs?”

“ _Ouch_.” He feigned injuring, clutching at his chest. “I might have to take my offer to take ownership of the verde off the table.”

“Ha. Ha.” You laughed humorlessly, shutting off the stovetop. 

Javier leaned against the counter opposite of you, arms folded across his chest as he watched you work. You could feel his eyes on you as you blended down the sauce in small increments, before pouring them into a bowl to cool. 

“You know, they all adored you.” He told you, once you shut off the blender. “Pretty sure they couldn’t figure out what you were doing with _me_ , but that didn’t change that they adored you.” 

You smiled at him as you cleaned up the mess you had made, tucking the dirty dishes into the sink, “They’ve all made me feel _so_ welcome. Doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.” 

You recognized that some of the kindness was probably pity. You weren’t stupid — you were _fully_ aware of the optics of the situation. 

Javier had a history of burnt bridges; a history that his entire family and the whole _goddamn_ town knew about. You and Josie probably looked pretty flammable to them. If only they knew you’d been made flame resistant from all the bridges you’d set alight while standing on them. 

They hadn’t seen him in Colombia after Josie was born. They hadn’t been there through the years that _mattered_. 

Chucho was probably the only one who actually believed that you’d still be around next Christmas.

“Just one more night, baby.” Javier reminded you as he crowded in close to you at the sink. “Then we’ll be in Miami.”

You sank back against him and sighed heavily, “I’m looking forward to it being just the three of us again.” You curled your fingers around his arm as he curled them around your waist. “I haven’t spoken to my own brother in _years_. You can imagine how navigating _your_ extended family feels.”

“You do it so well,” He pressed a kiss to the crook of your neck. “Couldn’t even tell you were nervous.”

You elbowed him in the gut, making him swear as you twisted around in his hold. “Fuck off.” You taunted, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips before slipping away from him. “I’m gonna go see what Josie and Chucho are up to.” You gestured to the cooling dish. “Finish our verde.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded, “I’ll be out there in a bit.” He told you as you slid the back door open and stepped outside onto the patio. 

Laredo was a nice change of pace from Colombia. Wide open spaces and a little peace and quiet. You almost regretted that the three of you would be moving back into an apartment in a few days. 

You tried to picture what a younger Javier looked like working on the ranch alongside his father. You’d seen the pictures in frames on the walls, the old high school graduation picture stuck on the side of the fridge alongside the pictures of his cousins and their kids. 

It was hard to picture him without the mustache, the worry lines, and the weight of life on his shoulders. 

You shielded your eyes from the sun, looking across the yard towards one of the horse paddocks where Chucho had Josie. 

You couldn’t picture Javier as a younger man, but you _could_ picture Josie growing up here. Christmases, birthdays, family reunions. Snapshots of life that you couldn’t relate to. 

All you wanted was for Josie to have a normal childhood. A _happy_ childhood. Two parents who loved each other, a stable home life, extended family members who cared. You wanted her to have everything you didn’t have growing up. 

You never wanted her to worry. 

“How are you doing, chica?” Chucho called out as he started back across the yard towards the patio. “You get that verde finished?”

“Javier’s finishing it up.” You answered, hugging your sweater around your middle as you moved to sit down in one of the chairs around the stone fire pit. “How’s Miss Josie?”

“Having the time of her little life.” Chucho bounced her in his arms and she giggled and squealed. “Give it two years and I’ll have her out there on one of my best mares.” 

You laughed, holding your arms out to take her as she tried to squirm out of Chucho’s hold to get to you. You could tell she was tired — but she was trying to soldier through it. 

“She’ll _never_ want to leave then!” You kissed the top of her head as she flopped against your chest. “You’re going to need a nap before dinner.” You brushed your fingers through her curly hair as she sighed dramatically. 

“Javier was a natural in the saddle,” Chucho recalled as he sank down into a chair across from you. He gestured out towards pasture. “Not even two and I had him in the saddle with me, going out to check on the fence line after a storm.”

“You could _probably_ convince me to let her ride when she’s three.” You offered with a short laugh, rocking her in your arms. 

“Deal.” He chuckled, adjusting his hat on his head as he sank back in the chair. “You looking forward to the big move?”

You shrugged, “I’m looking forward to being _settled_. It’ll be good to see our friends again. To get back into a rhythm.” 

“Never thought I’d see Javier _settled_.” Chucho told you, shaking his head slowly. “But it’s a good look on him.” 

“He’s a _really_ good father.” You smiled warmly, looking towards the back door, you could just barely see Javier through the glass as he moved across the kitchen. “I know the situation isn’t ideal—“

“No.” Chucho cut you off. “Things happen for a reason. They _always_ do. There’s no such thing as ideal or not. The two of you are good together.”

“Yeah, we are.” You agreed, kissing the top of Josie’s head again. “It’s all just very _new_ for me.” You admitted. “The wedding was a lot.”

“Would’ve gone better if Javier had given his old man a head’s up.”

You felt your cheeks warm, “I know.” 

“Everyone was _real_ impressed with you.” Chucho told you, “Javier was worried.”

You frowned, “He was _worried_?”

“That they wouldn’t welcome you with open arms.” 

“Oh.” You had assumed he meant that Javier has been worried that youwouldn’t fit in. But he’d been worried _for_ you. “I really appreciated being included. I mean, I did show up unannounced.”

He waved a hand, “You know what you need?”

“A stiff drink?” You laughed. 

“A joint.”

“Excuse me?”

Chucho gave you a look, “You didn’t strike me as a tight ass like Javier.”

“I’m _not._ ” Your brows furrowed together. “Just so we’re clear — you mean a joint _joint_ , right?”

“Is there any other kind?” He questioned as he stood up slowly. “Old age takes its toll on you and I’ve found a bit of marijuana helps take the edge off.”

“I would agree but,” You gestured to Josie. “I’m still breastfeeding her. As tempting as the offer is.” You glanced back towards the house, “Does Javi know?”

Chucho shook his head, “Let’s keep this between the two of us.”

You grinned, “Now I really do feel like part of the family.” 

The back door slid open and Javier stepped out onto the patio. “The verde is finished and the blender’s washed and put back up.”

“Look at that,” Chucho clicked his tongue against his teeth. “He cleans too.”

“Funny, pops.” Javier retorted as he strolled over to where you were sitting. “Real funny.”

Josie perked up the second she heard Javier’s voice, scrambling to get out of your arms. “Da-da!”

Javier stopped dead in his tracks, looking between you and Josie. “Did she just—?”

“Can you say it again?” You questioned, smoothing out her curls as you turned her in your arms so that she was reclining back against your chest and facing Javier. “Can you say _daddy_?”

Javier knelt down in front of you, grinning from ear-to-ear at Josie. “Come on, princesa. You know you want to say it.”

She clapped her hands together, rocking back against your chest. “D-d-d!” 

“Say _daddy_.” You kissed the top of her head. 

“Are you going to say daddy, JoJo?” Javier questioned, tapping his finger against her nose as he leaned in to kiss her cheeks. “Say _daddy_.” 

Josie let out a shrill squeal, “Dada!” 

You grinned down at him, “Javi!”

“Ha ha ha!” Josie cooed, tilting her head back against your chest to look up at you. “Da da da!”

Javier gave your knee a squeeze as he met your eyes, “Baby, you’re gonna have to pinch me.” He glanced back at his father then, “You hear that pops?”

“I sure did.” Chucho smiled at both of you. “You know, I think I’m gonna take the truck out and check on some work I sent the boys to sort out this week. I’ll be back before they show up.”

“You need any help?”

Chucho shook his head, “You stay right here, Javier.” He gave you a knowing look, before heading back in the house. 

“Are we _sure_ she said daddy?” Javier questioned as he scooped her up, cradling her against his chest as she babbled nonsensically. 

“I am _certain_.” You assured him, your heart aching from just how _happy_ you felt. The joy on Javier’s face made everything worth it. The nerves, the worry, the anxiety, the uncertainty. Those two people made it all worth it. 

This was the Javier that no one else saw. The Javier that was madly in love with the tiny baby girl that the two of you had brought into the world. The Javier that was looking forward to being a stay-at-home dad. 

“Now we’ve got to get you saying _mommy_.” Javier murmured to Josie as he bounced her in his arms. 


	149. Painting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier paint Josie’s room.Set in 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fluff (mild discussions of death)

“The new dresser should go over here,” Javier states, hands on his hips as he looked around the empty bedroom.

You stepped in close to Javier, wrapping your arms around his waist as you tilted your chin and looked up at him, “Hi.” 

“Hi, baby.” Javier said with a warm grin, curling his hand around your hip. “I thought we were painting.”

“We _are_.” You gave his ass a playful squeeze before artfully pinching the pocket knife out for his back pocket. “I just needed this.” You flicked it open with your thumb and brandished it in front of him. 

You stepped away from him, kneeling down by the gallon of paint, using the blade to pop open the can. 

Javier chuckled and crouched down beside you, grabbing the plastic tray liner and fitting it into the metal paint tray. “Let’s hope JoJo likes this color choice this time.”

“Not wanting to paint for her a third time?” You teased lightly as you used the wooden stick to stir the paint, “It’s a little brighter than I expected.” You pursed your lips as you watched the paint drip back into the can off the stirrer. 

Javier picked up the lid, flipping it over to compare the paint to the dried sample on the top. “I think it’ll look different once it goes up on the wall.”

“It’s a good color.” You were a little sad to see the dusty yellow walls go away. Javier had painted Josie’s room while you were pregnant with Sofía, while he was working on her nursery. 

Sofia’s room was a cool sage green, not dissimilar from the colors that you’d used in Josie’s first nursery in Colombia. You preferred neutral colors that went with _everything_. But now that Josie was having sleepovers with school friends and not just the Murphy girls — she wanted something a little more _exciting_. 

You were just glad you’d been able to talk her out of a Barney-purple into a nice shade of lavender. Josie had been a _clever_ girl. She waited until she went to Home Depot alone with her father to talk him into repainting her bedroom. She was a big girl now, after all. 

Of course Javier hadn’t been able to say no to her. 

“Hopefully we won’t have to paint again.” Javier remarked as he slid the paint roller onto the handle. “At least until Sofía’s older.”

“I already told Josie she’s gonna have to wait until she’s sixteen.” You laughed, grabbing hold of the handle and tipping the paint into the pan. 

Javier made a face as you looked up at him, “That’s still a long ways out.”

“Not really.” You pointed out, wiping the paint you got on your thumb onto your coveralls. “Blink and she’ll be graduating high school tomorrow.”

“ _Nope_.” He shook his head, picking up the pan of paint and taking it over to the wall he was starting on. “She’s staying six forever.” 

You rolled your eyes, “If only that were possible.” You poured paint into a smaller dish, grabbing the angled paint brush to work on the area around the windows. “Frankly, I’m looking forward to sixty-year-old Javier getting hit on at his daughter’s high school graduation, while he blubbers like a baby.”

“That’s an oddly specific fantasy, baby.”

“I have _many_.” 

“Yeah?”

You hummed, “Some include the dramatic reveal where we’ve been married for a decade.” 

Javier snorted, “Care to elaborate?”

“I don’t know,” You said as you dipped the brush into the paint, spreading some onto the wall around the window. “Maybe when Sofía’s sixteen and begging for a car, I’ll just tell her to go talk to my husband. Just let it settle.”

“I did have a dream once where I was telling Steve I was already married.” 

“Was he offering?” You glanced back over your shoulder, smirking at his scandalized look. “What?”

“No.” Javier rolled his eyes, turning his back to you as he started rolling the paint out across the wall. “I don’t really remember why we were discussing marriage. Might’ve been one of his rants about bachelor parties.”

“Do you feel like you missed out on that?” You questioned, dipping your brush into the paint again. 

“I think _Steve_ feels like I have.” He huffed, “I might be a few years removed from college, but I think he’s projecting.” 

“Of course he is.” You laughed. “I can’t imagine he had one when he and Connie got married.” You glanced back at him again. “Is this something the two of you discuss?”

He looked at you then, “Not really. We’ve had a couple conversations about it. Steve doesn’t get it.” 

“I mean, Connie’s never really understood the choice either.” You shrugged, “Little do they know.”

“It still doesn’t feel _real_.” Javier admitted, loosely rolling the painting stick in his grip, before dipping it into the paint and rolling more out on the wall. “I sometimes wonder where I’d be.”

“If that night hadn’t happened?” You questioned, glancing back at him to see him nod. “Yeah. I think about it sometimes too.” 

“Would we still be in Colombia?”

“ _Maybe_.” You shrugged. “If that night hadn’t happened at all… If things hadn’t changed, I’d like to think we’d still be down there putting up with bullshit. But eventually, something would’ve happened.”

“ _Yeah_.” Javier exhaled heavily. “I think I was running myself into the ground.”

“You were.” Your brows furrowed as you focused on painting the wall. “We both were. There’s only so long you can run from yourself.” 

“Look at you, parroting Nancy.” Javier teased lightly. 

You laughed softly, “I mean, she’s not wrong. I think we both hated who we became in Colombia.” 

“Wasn’t my proudest version of myself.” He agreed with a short humourless laugh. 

“What _is_ your proudest version?” You questioned, wiping paint off on your coveralls. 

“When I read the girls stories at night.” Javier answered without hesitation. “ _Yeah_. It’s when I feel like I’ve made my parents proud. You know? Always wanted to make pops proud of me.” 

“I know for a _fact_ that he’s proud of you.” You told him, sitting your paint brush in the container and sitting it down on the floor. 

“Yeah,” Javier muttered, keeping his focus on painting. “Don’t get me started on that.” 

“Alright.” You conceded. You weren’t about to push the topic of Chucho. 

During the holidays, after a long conversation about your father with Mitch, Chucho had broached the topic of what he wanted when _he_ eventually died. Javier and Chucho had sat outside on the patio and shared a joint while they discussed everything. 

There was nothing _wrong_ with Chucho, but he wanted to be prepared like your father had. But Javier had carefully avoided any conversation that could circle back to that one. 

You couldn’t blame him. Chucho had this sort of immortal spirit about him that seemed wrong to regard by mortal standards. 

“You know,” You started, hands on your hips as you turned back to look at him. “That’s something you and I should probably think about too.”

“You’re wanting to talk about _wills_ while we’re painting JoJo’s room?” Javier sat the roller in the tray and sat it down on the drop cloth carefully. “Cheery topic.” 

“After what happened with Sofía—“

“You mean the worst _fucking_ day of my life?” Javier held your gaze. “Going over things with the social worker was… something I’d rather forget.” 

“I know.” 

“I’ve seen you hooked up to shit in the hospital three times now.” Javier gritted out. 

You nodded your head slowly, “Not looking to add to that number. But it _is_ something we need to think about. I mean, fortunately we’re married now which gives us a little more control over things, but…”

“ _But_ I’m trying to paint my kid’s room.” He gave you a look. “And not plan our joint funeral.”

“At least we’re on the same page there.” You grinned. “Everyone always says they want their partner to move on, live their life, find love…”

Javier held your gaze, “I don’t know if I could do all of this without it you. I got too close to finding out.” 

You stepped towards him, “Losing you is my one fear.”

Javier reached out and curled his hand around your hip, “Pops never could move on. I don’t think he even tried. We’re _stubborn_ men.”

“Just how I like my Peña men.” You wound your arms around him, resting your cheek against his chest. “I just want to make sure the girls are okay. I want them to have the best life possible.”

He kissed the top of your head, “They will, baby.” He assured you, rubbing his hand down the length of your back. “With _both_ of us.”

You tilted your head to look up at him, a soft smile playing over your lips. “ _That_ is what I want.” You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, leaning up to press your lips to his. “You have paint in your hair.”

Javier gave your hip a squeeze, “I wonder where I got it from.” He grabbed your hand, holding it up and showing off the stripe of paint smeared along the side of your hand. 

“It’s _dry._ ” You retorted, twisting your wrist out of his hand sweeping your hand over his face. “Okay, I thought it was dry.” You tried not to laugh as you stared at the purple streak on his cheek. 

Javier shook his head slowly, “Is this how it’s gonna go?” 

“ _Maybe_.” You smirked, walking towards the can of open paint and dipping the tips of your fingers into it. “Come here.

“Oh, no!” He laughed, taking a step back. “We are _not_ doing this.” 

“Come _here_!” You pursued him, wiggling your paint covered fingers at him. “I don’t want to get this on the floor.”

“There’s an easy way to keep _that_ from happening.” Javier gave you a look, side stepping out of your reach, but laughing as you grabbed onto the back of his belt. “Come on, we’ve got painting to do.”

“Turn around then.” You urged, letting go of his belt so he could actually turn around. “You are _no_ fun.” You taunted, painting your finger down the length of his nose. 

He cocked his head to the side, “I’m _very_ fun.” 

“Are you?” You gave him a skeptical look. “I’ve seen your end of the year reviews, babe. I don’t think anyone has ever used _fun_ to describe you.” 

“That’s a _low_ blow.” Javier wiped off some of the paint from his nose, smearing it over your forehead. “You and I seem to have plenty of _fun_ in the bedroom, baby.” 

You pursed your lips thoughtfully, “I suppose that’s true. You can be _very_ fun behind closed doors.” You smeared paint down the length of his arm.

Javier moved swiftly, wrapping his arms around you and turning you in his hold to pin you to his chest. “Looks like you’ve got a little paint on you now.” He said lowly, rubbing the paint from his nose onto the crook of your neck. 

You half-heartedly attempted to get out of his hold, before sinking back against his chest. “What a shame.” You laughed, reaching behind you to get ahold of his hair. “I wonder if paint washes off.” 

“ _Ha_.” He tightened his hold on you, “Lavender looks good on you.” He whispered close to your ear, “But it looks better on the wall.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You laughed, elbowing him in the ribs. 

“The sooner we get the room painted, the sooner we can take advantage of an afternoon without the girls.” 

“What are you thinking?” You questioned, tilting your head back to look at him. “A nap?”

Javier whistled, “ _Tempting_.”

“Right?” 

He loosened his hold on you so you could turn around to face him. “Yeah, _actually_.” Javier’s lips drew upwards are the corners as he met your eyes, “It would be a long overdue nap.”

You arched a playful brow, “What? Has Sofía been keeping you up too?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “Even JoJo wasn’t this clingy at two.” 

“It’ll pass.” You shrugged. “I’m not looking to do the co-sleeping thing indefinitely.” 

“She’s lucky she’s cute.” Javier folded his arms across his chest, shaking his head. “But I could do without the foot in my face every morning.”

“She sleeps like _you_.” 

Javier scoffed, “Upside down with a foot in my face?”

“Constantly needing to _touch_ who she’s sleeping next to.”

He rocked his jaw slowly before agreeing, “Yeah, I suppose I _do_ sleep like that.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “It’s been a week.” 

You gestured around the room, “And I’m hoping that with JoJo sleeping in Sof’s room for the next couple of nights, we might get _our_ bed back.”

“Clever.”

“I have my moments.” 

“You know these coveralls are doing it for me.” Javier remarked, plucking at the fabric at your waist. 

“Oh, you _poor_ sleep deprived man.” You gave his cheek a pat before stepping around him. “I’m flattered.”

“You should be.” 

You shot him a look, “ _Paint_.”

He grinned back at you.


	150. Adventurous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier spend the night out with friends. Set the Summer of 1999.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Vague discussions of sex, banter.

Monica scrunched up her nose as she took a sip of the martini. Her lips pursed together as she dramatically swallowed it and gagged. “How does anyone drink that? It tastes like nail polish remover.”

“Do you _drink_ nail polish remover?” You questioned as you took the glass back from her and took a drink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s good.”

Connie nudged you in the arm, “You used to be all about the fruity drinks.”

You laughed, “No, I used to be all about whiskey shots and cheap beer.” You took another sip of the martini, before plucking a fry off the platter in the middle of the table. “Tastes change.”

“ _Oh_?” Connie shook her head as she laughed. “Don’t let Javier hear that.”

“ _Drink_ tastes change.” You corrected, eating another fry. “He already knows he’s stuck with me.”

Monica took a sip of the fruity concoction she was drinking, seeming far happier with that choice. “Aw, _true love._ ” She teased, “I mean, I tell Nadia she’s stuck with me all the time.”

You glanced back towards the pool table, where Javier, Steve, and Nadia were playing around over drinks. Javier must’ve sensed your eyes on him because he turned to meet your gaze. 

Javier pretended to look around, before pointing to himself. “Who me?” He mouthed.

You cocked your head to the side, grinning back at him. “ _Yeah_.”

Connie nudged you in the ribs, causing you to turn back around to the table. “Not again.”

“What?”

She frowned at you, “You two are not vanishing into the bathroom together.”

Your cheeks burned and you snatched up two fries from the dish to shovel into your mouth. “It only happened once.”

Connie arched a brow at you, “It’s happened _more_ than once.”

“Oh _yeah_.” You nodded slowly, before picking up your martini and taking a _long_ drink of it. “What can I say? We strike while the iron is hot.” 

“Hi, Javier.” Monica said with a cheeky grin. “We were just talking about you.”

“All good I hope.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, cue stick still in hand as he leaned against the booth beside you. “This seat taken?”

“It _is_.” You retorted, looking up at him with a smirk. “Handsome guy, about your height.” You recalled, meeting his gaze. “His ass looks _really_ good in the pair of jeans he’s wearing today.”

Javier tapped his thumb against the side of the cue stick, “Think he’ll mind if I steal his seat for a minute.”

“Oh good, God.” Monica groaned, hiding her face in her hands. 

“I know I won’t mind.” You rested your elbow on the table and propped your chin up on it. “But Connie has put a moratorium on any _fun_ tonight.” 

“ _Really_?” He propped the cue stick up against the side of the booth, before sitting down beside you. “And why’s that?”

Connie rolled he eyes dramatically, “Because the two of you _always_ bounce afterwards.”

“We _do_ have a dog that needs to be let out.” You pointed out, turning towards Connie, even as your fingers found Javier’s beneath the table. 

Javier pressed his leg against yours, his fingers sliding in between yours. “So is _this_ what the three of you were chatting about?”

“Not intentionally.” Monica made a disgusted face. 

You tilted your head to look at him, “I think they’re _shaming_ us.”

“I can tell.” He shook his head solemnly. Javier released your hand and plucked the skewer out of your drink, pulling the olive off and popping it into his mouth. 

“Rude.” You teased, releasing his hand giving his thigh a scolding slap beneath the table. “I was going to eat that.”

Javier smirked at you, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek before pulling back. “You want another?”

You nodded, giving his leg three short squeezes before he slid out of the booth and headed towards the bar. 

“You two are _disgusting_.” Monica pretended to gag. 

“Connie and Steve are _just_ as disgusting when they put a little effort into it.” You retorted, nudging Connie in the ribs. 

Connie pursed her lips and gave you a skeptical look, “I don’t think that’s true.” She laughed, shaking her head. “Sometimes, I really think marriage takes the shine off things.”

“I don’t know if _that_ is true.” You arched a brow at her. “Nothing actually changes.”

“If the two of you would ever get married, you’d understand.” Connie gave you a look as she sipped at her fruity cocktail. 

You rolled your eyes and finished off the last of your martini, “That’s _never_ going to happen.” You said a little unenthusiastically as you looked towards the bar where Javier was. 

A woman at the bar seemed entirely unphased by Javier’s chilly demeanor. She was cozied up beside him, trying her best to get his attention. 

“I’ll be right back.” You told them as you slid out of the booth and headed towards him. 

“Is this seat taken?” You questioned, repeating Javier’s earlier words with the same coy tone. 

Javier looked relieved as he turned to look at you, “No. It’s all yours, baby.” 

“Thank you.” You offered, running your fingers down the back of his arm as you sat down on the stool. “Waiting on your wife?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “She doesn’t know I’m here.”

“ _Oh_.” You wiggled your brows, your eyes flickering towards the woman who looked quite pressed about your appearance. “How _scandalous_.” You said as you reached for the martini sitting in front of him. 

Javier ran his tongue along his bottom lip as he watched you take the olive off the end of the skewer and pop it into your mouth. “You come here often, baby?”

“A time or two.” You said as you took a sip. “Usually there’s this one _really_ hot guy here.” You pretended to look around. “He’s a little stuck in the seventies, but he pulls it off.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to interfere with _your_ plans.” Javier drawled out, even as he reached out and rested his hand on your forearm, rubbing his thumb over your skin. “What if he shows up?”

You tried not to laugh at the look on the woman’s face as she took the hint and retreated away from the bar. “See, you _are_ getting good at roleplay.” You teased, stretching your leg out to brush your foot against his leg. 

“Stuck in the seventies?”

“It’s the mustache.” You told him with a grin. “And the hair has this _Magnum P.I._ thing going on.”

His brows rose upwards, “That would be why Steve keeps calling me Magnum.” 

You snorted, “At least you’re hot.” 

Javier scoffed as you leaned in to kiss him, “Connie’s gonna think we’re running off to the bathroom again.”

“It’s only happened… a _few_ times.” You made a face as you patted his cheek and looked back to the booth. Nadia and Steve had returned from their game of pool, lending to an animated conversation at the table. “Besides, that’s not what I have in mind.”

“Yeah?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, resting his hand on your bare leg as he turned on the stool to face you. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well,” You started, taking another sip of the martini in hopes that it would quell the sudden rush of nerves you felt. “I thought we might preserve an evening for posterity’s sake.”

“For posterity—“ His eyes widened. “Oh. _Yeah_.” Javier nodded, a lazy grin spreading over his lips. “Baby, I would _love_ to be able to revisit how fucking perfect you are.”

“I thought you’d be in it.” You laughed softly, reaching up to cup his cheek. “You _loved_ those polaroids.”

Javier chuckled lowly as he reached for his drink, “My _favorite_ part was finding them fifteen minutes before class.” He took a sip and sat it back down on the bar, giving you a look. 

“ _Oops_.” You shrugged, chewing on your bottom lip as you looked at him. “I actually thought about it a few months back… but,” You played your fingers over his hair. “I was waiting.”

“You’ve _almost_ convinced me to grow it out year-round.”

“ _Really_?”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “ _Maybe_.”

Before you had a chance to respond, Steve inserted himself between the two of you, slinging his arms over your shoulders. 

“You two get bored of us?”

Javier punched him in the stomach, “Oh, fuck of.”

“Steve, you’re interrupting a very important conversation.”

He looked between the two of you, “And what’s that?”

Javier chuckled, “We’re planning our sex tapes. When are you free to watch the kids, Murphy?”

Steve pretended to gag, dramatically coughing and clearing his throat. “I naively thought the two of you would get _better_. Still the same menaces you were in Colombia.”

“Pretty much,” You nodded, “Except he doesn’t have to hang out at brothels to have a good time anymore.”

“You’re still picking up strange men at the bar.” Steve pointed out, nodding his head towards Javier. 

“The _strangest_.” You grinned at Javier. 

Steve scratched at his jaw, “Let’s rewind. Did you _really_ say sex tape?”

Javier shrugged, “Sure seems like I did. You going deaf in your old age, man?”

He punched Javier in the arm, “Look who’s talking.” Steve mimicked pushing glasses up his nose. 

“At least I have both of my balls.” Javier countered without hesitation. 

Steve snapped his fingers, “Oh yeah? What good is two balls when you’ve had the snip?”

“ _Ouch_.” You nearly snorted your martini as you dared to take a drink. 

Javier narrowed his eyes at Steve, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he weighed the options for his next move. 

“Boys, let’s change the topic before one of you says something you regret.” You cautioned, “And it’ll all be because of a fucking sex tape.”

“Yeah.” Steve cracked his neck as he took a shuffling step back. “Sorry, Javi. I know that wasn’t a great time—“

“Don’t fucking apologize.” Javier huffed, waving his hand dismissively. “Ruins the fun of winding you up, man.” 

You groaned as you hid your face in your hands. “You’re both _ridiculous_.” 

Steve slung his arm around you again, “Isn’t that why you’ve stuck around for so long?”

“Is that way?” You laughed. “I thought it was the two kids I had with Javier.”

“That’s why you’re sticking around?” Javier rolled his eyes. 

“That and the _sex_.” You kissed your fingers. “The _adventurous_ sex.”

“I think Connie is calling my name.” Steve said abruptly, giving your shoulder a pat. “We’ll be over here.”

“He’s so easy to squick out.” You mused, watching Steve walk back to the expectant table. 

“That’s something we should record.” Javier stated.

“Making Steve uncomfortable?” You arched a brow. “I mean, I’m into _that_.”

“Adventurous stuff.”

Your cheeks burned hot and you knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol. “Yes.” You reached for his knee and gave it a squeeze. “I would love for you to see how _good_ you look…”

Javier rested his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb over the side of your hand. “Let’s make it happen.”

“I love you.” You whispered as you leaned in to kiss him. Instead of answering, he squeezed your hand three times as he kissed you back. 


	151. Lense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier make good on their idea to record themselves. Set the Summer of 1999 a couple weeks after Adventurous. Part one of two parts of their new sexploit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex on camera, shower sex, discussions of pegging, and fluff.

“You know, when you said you needed someone to watch the girls for the weekend I didn’t realize it was so Javier could mow the lawn.” Steve said, giving you a pointed look as Javier passed by the window again with the mower. 

You laughed, shaking your head slowly as you took a sip of the lemonade you had made, “It’s supposed to rain. He wanted to get it out of the way first.” 

Steve pursed his lips together and nodded his head as he arched a brow at you, “What are you two planning to get up to?”

“Do you _really_ want to know?” You rolled your eyes, glancing out the window as Javier paused to wipe sweat off his brow with the hem of his shirt. “The garden center has some Bell peppers and Serranos that were calling my name. We might go pick up a couple and plant them.”

“Without the girls?”

You narrowed your eyes at Steve, “I seem to recall watching the girls two Sundays ago so Connie could ‘ _try a new recipe’_.” 

Steve made a face before taking a sip of lemonade, “A new recipe _was_ tried.” 

“So I heard.” You smirked a little. “Only took the two of you — _what_? Two decades to get adventurous?”

“We’re not all you and Javier.” Steve retorted, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the counter. He glanced towards the hallway, where the girls could be heard laughing and giggling in JoJo’s bedroom. “I still don’t know how the two of you keep that spark alive.”

You shrugged, your eyes flickering back out the window to watch Javier. “You forget that we went an entire summer feeling like strangers. Have the two of you considered therapy?”

Steve shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah, we’ve actually been seeing one. We’re working on a lot of shit that I didn’t realize she was holding onto.”

“We tend to protect the people we love from that kind of stuff.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip, folding your arms across your chest. 

“You and Javi good?” Steve questioned, his brows drawing together. 

“ _Solid_.” You answered without hesitation. “Admittedly, I’m a little antsy not having somewhere to go and work every day. First summer off in my entire adult career.” You grimaced a little. “He’s surprisingly good at the stay-at-home thing.”

“That surprised the hell out of me,” Steve agreed. “I remember how he was at the DEA. Work was home, home was work.”

You nodded, “ _Yeah_. It all balances out.” Reaching for your glass of lemonade, you continued. “You and Connie just need to focus on what’s right for the two of you. Your relationship isn’t going to look like mine with Javier.” 

“We’re a bit more conventional.” Steve teased, giving you a look. “Not that it’s any of my business, but… I’m guessing this the _sex tape_ thing. Right?”

You snorted, scrunching up your nose. “You’re right. None of your business.” You smirked as you heard the lawnmower shut off. “But yes.”

Steve scratched at the back of his neck, “Look at that, Connie and I have done something you haven’t.”

“ _Really_?” 

He shrugged, “Shocking. Right?”

“Mommy!” Josie called out, tearing down the hallway into the kitchen, “Stevie tried to eat my Barbie.” 

“Jesus Christ.” You muttered, “Well, did she actually eat it?”

She stopped short, grinning innocently. “No.” 

“Then what’s the emergency?” 

Josie pursed her lips, “Olivia said she just got the new Barbie Fountain playset and I want to see it.”

You arched a brow at her, “Are you telling me to hurry up?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Is it working?”

Steve laughed, giving your back a pat as he stepped past you, “I’ll get the girls ready.” 

“What have we talked about lying?” You questioned as you crouched in front of your daughter. 

“But I told you the _truth_.”

The back door opened as Javier came in from mowing the lawn. Josie’s eyes went wide and she reached out to grab your forearm. 

“Don’t tell daddy.” She stuck out her bottom lip, looking sweet and innocent in a way that only ever got Javier wrapped around her fingers.

“I don’t know, he might want to ground you.” You tapped her on the nose. “Just be honest, alright?”

“Alright mommy.” She smiled at you, before flinging her arms around you. 

“Am I missing out on something?” Javier questioned, lifting his shirt up to wipe off his sweaty face. 

“Ew. Daddy! You’re stinky.” She stuck out her tongue and shied away from him. “You need to get hosed down!” She said, just like you sounded whenever Stevie got filthy. 

You stood back up, nodding your head towards the hallway. “Go get your bag so Uncle Steve can leave.”

“What’d I miss?” Javier questioned, hooking a finger in the back belt loop of your denim shorts. 

“Josie telling little fibs again.” You made a face. “And you do stink.”

“Thought you liked fresh-cut grass.” He arched a brow and gave your ass a playful swat. “I’ll shower once they're on their way.”

You leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “I _might_ join you.”

“Just the _Little Bear_ backpack?” Steve called out from the bedroom. 

“And the Esprit duffle.” You answered, swatting Javier’s hand away as you wandered down the hallway. “Two beach towels, swimsuits and spares.” You explained as you leaned against the doorframe. “Connie said you have spare wings for Sof.”

“We’ve got a dozen.” Steve assured you. 

Sofía toddled over to you, wrapping her arms around your leg. You leaned down and scooped her up. “Are you going to be a good little rugrat for Uncle Steve and Aunt Connie?” 

She nodded excitedly, “I’m gonna see a kitty.”

“That’s right,” You tickled her stomach, making her squeal. “You’re going to see Mr. Grouch.”

“His name is Oscar!” Sofía corrected you. 

You laughed, “Yes, but he’s named for Oscar the Grouch.” You reminded her, “Right Em?”

Emily nodded, “Daddy wanted to name him after Uncle Javier, but mom said no.” 

“Oh, I know _all_ about that.” You bounced Sofía in your arms before sitting her back down. “Alright, let’s clear out.” You clapped your hands. 

“It was the mustache,” Steve explained. “Have you ever seen a cat with a mustache?” 

“I thought it was the whole ‘you hate cats, but Oscar’s glued to you’ thing.” 

“That too.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, before shouldering the girls’ bags and herding them out of the bedroom. 

Stevie whined as she followed after the girls, “You can’t go with them, Stevie.” You told her, grabbing ahold of her collar so she wouldn’t try to bolt for the door. 

“Have fun, Peña.” Steve quipped, fixing Javier with a smirk as he headed for the door. “Hope you have a tripod.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “You’re lucky the girls are here.” 

Steve laughed, “Yeah, whatever Javi. Have a good weekend guys.” He said before ushering the girls out the front door. 

Once the door was safely closed, you let go of Stevie and went to lock the door. “Once she’s settled, we can let her out back to chase lizards. That should keep her occupied.” 

“So you told Steve?” He shook his head, barely able to keep from laughing. 

“To be fair, we told him at the bar last month.” Your brows rose upwards. “And more surprisingly, they’ve already tried this.”

“ _Really_?”

“I know.”

Javier gave you a skeptical look, “I don’t know if I believe that.”

“Which is more believable…” You said slowly as you approached him, putting on the most innocent attempt at seduction. “Steve and Connie making sex tapes… or _you_ taking the strap?”

He rolled his eyes, “The latter.” 

You smirked, reaching out to ghost your fingers over his stomach, before sliding your hand up his chest and curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “I figured.” 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, “Weren't you complaining about me smelling?”

“I’m holding my breath.” You teased as you played your fingers through the sweat-damp hair at the nape of his neck. “Shower?”

He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded, “Sounds like a plan, baby.” He said as he leaned in to kiss you. It was a slow kiss, one that lingered just long enough to spike a rush of desire in your lower belly. 

Javier pulled away, catching your hand and guiding you towards the bedroom. 

“Wait, let me put Stevie out.” You reminded him, shaking your hand out of his hold as you went to open the door in your bedroom that led into the backyard. “ _Stevie_!”

“I’ll get the shower running.” Javier told you, before vanishing into the bathroom. 

“Alright pup, enjoy your afternoon outside.” You told Stevie as you put her out into the backyard. You followed her outside, grabbing the hose to fill up her big green water bowl. 

Stevie barked, wagging her tail, before a scurrying lizard caught her attention and she went bounding after it. 

You headed back inside, pulling the door shut and drawing the shades on the door. The last thing you needed was for a neighbor to catch a glimpse into your bedroom _today_ — not that they could with all the flora and fauna around the fence line. 

The shower was already running in the bathroom and you could hear Javier whistling to himself as he waited for you.

“I love you just a little more for whistling ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca,’ Javier.” You remarked with a grin as you shouldered the door open and stepped inside to join him. 

“It’s catchy,” Javier told you, scratching at the back of his neck as his eyes swept over you. “You’re overdressed.”

“Or maybe you’re just _under_ dressed.” You retorted pointedly as you gave him your own sweeping look. “Someone’s got a swim tan line.” You brushed your fingers over his hip bone where there was a subtle line between his stomach and the skin that was covered by his swim trunks. 

“That’s what you get when you have mermaids for daughters.” Javier caught your hand, rubbing his thumb over your palm before lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

“I don’t know, Sofía still freaks out when I try to wash her hair.” 

Javier cocked his head to the side, “You’ve got a point there.” He released your hand, reaching down to unsnap your shorts, pushing them down your hips. 

You smiled softly at him as you leaned in to kiss him, sliding your fingers through his hair. He managed to work your t-shirt up, breaking away from the kiss long enough to rid you of it and your bra. 

“Should we film _this_?” You questioned, peppering a line of kisses along his jaw as you reached downwards to curl your fingers around his rigid cock. 

“ _Fuck_.” Javier hissed out, catching your wrist. “You want me to?” He questioned, meeting your gaze with an arched brow. 

You nodded, stroking your thumb over that sensitive spot just beneath the head of his cock just to watch his lashes flutter. 

“You gotta stop doing _that_ if you want me to grab the cam, baby.”

“Fine.” You stole another kiss before taking a step back, letting him step back out of the bathroom to grab the camcorder from the bedroom.

There was something hilarious about Javier wandering back into the bathroom — buckass naked — with his glasses on as he tinkered with the camcorder. 

“This better come out good.” Javier remarked as he adjusted the viewfinder and looked through it. “Two grand better come out looking cris—“ He stopped short as he focused the camera on your naked chest. “Worth every penny, baby.”

You flipped him off, smirking at him as he panned up to your face. “Is this gonna be a solo film?” You questioned, tucking your fingers into your underwear and shimmying them down your hips. “Because I’m not the one who needs a shower.”

“Baby, I’m _recording_.” Javier huffed, looking up from the camcorder, his brows furrowed together. 

“I’m pretty sure when we watch this in the future, I’ll remember that you were hot and sweaty… emphasis on the _hot_.” You beckoned him towards you. 

“Hang on.” Javier hit stop on the camera, before setting it up on the bathroom sink so it was angled towards the shower. He crouched down, flipping open the monitor and turning it around so he could see what was recording. 

“Are we in frame?” You questioned, resting your hand on his shoulder as you peered down at the camera. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, reaching behind him to give your leg a squeeze, before hitting record on the camera. “Definitely didn’t have the shower on our record list for the day.” 

“We’re good at making things work for us.” You pointed out, reaching for his glasses and taking them off his face and sitting them on the sink by the camera. “I think that’s a recurring theme for us.”

“ _Fairpoint_.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth as he guided you back towards the shower. 

The water was the perfect temperature for a hot summer afternoon. You stepped under the spray, winding your fingers through your hair, watching as Javier stepped in to join you. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Javier arched a brow as he curled his hands around your hips. 

“That you’ll consider keeping your hair this length.” You reached out and stroked wet fingers over his hair, slicking it back. “I may have to fight off a new crop of horny students, but…”

Javier laughed humorlessly, “I’ll _think_ about it.” 

You tugged gently at his hair, “ _Good_.”

He crowded you back against the shower wall, the water pelting down on his shoulders and sloughing off onto your chest and arms in the process. “And for future reference, you don’t have to fight _anyone_ off, baby.” Javier drawled out as he brushed his lips against yours, before trailing his mouth down your throat. 

You sank back against the wall, winding your fingers through his hair as he palmed at your breast with his left hand, while his mouth latched onto the other. You tilted your head to look towards the camera — it was weird to imagine a future version of yourself sitting down to watch this moment in time. 

You knew people watched _adult_ videos — you were entirely aware of that particular section of the sex shop. But it had never really been something either of you needed to get the wheels turning. Would you future you enjoy you staring into the camera lense while Javier’s teeth scraped over your nipple?

Javier caught you by surprise when he slid his free hand between your thighs, making you forget all about the camera on you. 

He kissed his way back up your chest and nipped at your, “Forget it’s there, baby.” He whispered, dragging his fingers through your slick folds slowly. “That’s a good girl.”

“Screw you.” You laughed, rolling your hips into his touch as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck and guided him in for another kiss. You slanted your mouth over his, your tongue sliding out to find his. 

Javier ran his other hand up your side, fingers ghosting over your breast, before trailing back down to grasp at your hip. He groaned against your lips as your own hand slid down and curled around his cock. 

You twisted your wrist skillfully as you stroked your hand over the length of him, matching the rhythm he’d set as he stroked his fingers through your slick folds. 

He slid his hand around to grab at your ass, pulling you towards him. You broke away from the kiss, letting out a ragged breath as you met his gaze. 

“Let’s not spoil _all_ the fun yet.” You breathed out, stroking your fingertips over his collarbone as you slowly dragged your hand over the length of his cock. 

“Didn’t have any plans to, baby.” He rasped out, catching your wrist and pulling your hand away. “But I do have _plans_.” Javier leaned in to kiss you, before pulling back, “Turn around.”

There was something about the tone he took that went straight to your core, fanning out fresh heat through your veins. _Oh_. 

You turned around to face the wall, planting your hands firmly on it. You glanced to your right, staring at the camera for a split second before Javier pulled focus back to him. 

He raked his hands up your legs, squeezing at your hips before one hand wandered to press flat against your lower stomach as his other hand guided his cock between your thighs. 

“ _Shit_.” You hissed out as the head of his cock slid deliciously against your clit. 

You sank back against his chest, using him for support as he started thrusting against you, dragging the heavy length of his cock through your slick folds. 

“That’s it, baby.” Javier whispered against the shell of your ear. “You're such a good girl. _Fuck_.” He loosely curled his fingers around your throat, keeping you pinned against him as he rocked his hips. 

You slid your hand behind you, fingers twisting in his wet hair as he rested his chin against your shoulder. “ _Javier_.” You gritted out, trembling in his grasp as his cock kept rubbing against your clit, causing your inner walls to clench around nothing as you careened towards an orgasm. It was just the right kind of stimulation, but still not enough. 

Javier slid his hand from your throat up to cup your jaw, urging you to turn your head just enough to look back at him. His lips brushed against your cheek, his breath hot against your damp skin as he continued to move. 

“ _Javier_!” You moaned out, nails biting into his forearm as you shattered for him. “Please.” 

“You want more, baby?” He questioned, slowing the role of his hips. 

Your eyes flickered to the camera, focusing on the red flashing record light, before your attention returned to him. “Yes.”

Javier pressed a kiss to your cheek before he adjusted himself behind you. His fingers brushed against your sensitive cunt as he lined his cock up and slid into you. 

He roughly palmed at your breasts as he kept you pinned back against his chest, his thumb dragging mercilessly over the pebbled peak of your nipple. 

“ _Fuck_. Javi— shit that’s good.” You managed, reaching behind you once more to grab at the back of his neck as you ground yourself back on his cock. 

Javier pressed his lips to your shoulder, trailing his free hand up the length of your bare arm. It was such a tender gesture in contrast to the way he was driving his cock into you. 

“I love you,” He whispered, his lips brushing over the shell of your ear. It was incredible that those three little words still sent shivers down your spine. That they still felt _new_ and exciting, even after so many years had passed. 

You turned your head, craning your neck so you could kiss him again. His pace faltered and you knew it wouldn’t be long for him. Your inner walls were still fluttering around his cock every time he buried the length of it into you, pressing against the sweet spot with every other thrust. Something snapped. 

You slapped your hand against the wall of the shower, breaking away from the kiss as you let your head fall forward. 

Right off the heels of your first release, your second orgasm washed over you and it pulled Javier under with you. You clenched tight around him as he kept driving his cock into you, groaning out your name as he _finally_ came apart within you. 

Javier braced his arm around your hips, keeping you pressed tight to him to keep you on your feet as he bucked into you. 

“I hope,” You started, your words coming out strained as you tried to catch your breath. “Future us enjoyed that.” You remarked, giving a half-assed thumbs up to the camera. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your shoulder and laughed as he ran his hands over every bare inch of skin he could reach. “I bet _I_ did.” 

You shifted onto one foot so you could use the other to rub your toes against his calf, “You know what I’m going to enjoy?”

“Hmm?” He questioned, brushing your hair off the back of your neck so he could press a kiss there. 

“ _Fucking_ you.” 

Javier gave your hip a playful swat as he slid out of you. “I don’t know, I might need to take a nap now.”

You turned around to face him, leaning back against the shower wall. “Should’ve made this tape before you got _old_ on me.” You glanced at the camera, “I bet you have to be extra gentle with the creaky old—“

He didn’t let you finish, before he scooped you up — despite a grimace — and drew your legs around his waist so you were trapped firmly between him and the wall. “What was that?”

“Oh, just thinking about how you’re going to be limping tomorrow.” You retorted as you ran your hands over his shoulders. “Put me down.”

“I’m _hoping_ I’m limping tomorrow.”

You opened and closed your mouth twice as you stared at him, “Challenge accepted.” You said as you tugged at his hair. 


	152. Recording

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Javier record her pegging him. Part two of Lense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex on camera, sex toys, anal fingering, pegging, facesitting, over-stimulation, and safe words. 

You stroked your thumb over the tattoo behind his ear, your fingers playing through the damp curls that fell against his skin. 

The late afternoon streamed in through your bedroom windows, muted by the drawn shades and pressed pulled curtains — painting the floor and bed in odd shapes. 

“This house was a good choice, baby,” Javier mused as he ran his hand down the length of your arm, before pulling you into his chest. 

You nodded in agreement as you draped your arm over his stomach and rested your cheek against his chest. “I’m sure we would’ve found an equally nice place if we didn’t get it, but… this _is_ home.”

Javier kissed the top of your head. “It’s only home because you’re here, baby.” He told you, tracing his fingers down the length of your spine. 

“ _Touché_.” You laughed, scratching your nails lightly over his chest, just to watch him shiver. “How are we setting up the next shot?” 

“I’m thinking about it.” He assured you, sliding his hand down to grip your hip. “Was also thinking we might recreate New Year’s.”

You tilted your head to look at him, chewing on your bottom lip. “ _Yeah_?” You cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. “That was a _good_ night.”

Javier smirked, brushing his nose against yours, “And maybe this time, I won’t tap out.”

“You should definitely tap out if it’s too much, Javi.” You assured him, kissing him again. “As much fun as it is to watch you _writhe_ under me.” 

He groaned a little, giving you a pointed look. “That’s because you get off on that.” 

“And you don’t?” You arched a brow, running your hand down his chest to rest on his stomach, drumming your fingers against his skin. “Because I think you do.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared at you, “You look pretty fucking hot when you’re writhing under me, baby. I’m a simple man.”

You held his gaze as you ghosted your thumb down the length of his still-soft cock. “Javi, if you could see how good _you_ look… you’d understand.”

“You wanna go handheld?” Javier arched a brow at you. 

“ _Oh_.” You pursed your lips thoughtfully as you stroked your thumb over the head of his cock. “I think I could do that.” 

“We’ll figure it out, baby.” Javier whispered, brushing his knuckles against your cheek as he leaned in to kiss you. You let him roll you back onto the bed beneath him, his body pressing you into the mattress. 

His tongue dipped into your mouth, slowly deepening the kiss. You brushed your fingers over his as you slid your hand around to tangle your fingers in his hair. 

Javier’s hand dragged down the curve of your ribcage, grabbing at your hip tightly as he slid his thigh between your legs. 

Your fingers tightened in his hair, a low groan trapped between your lips as you rocked against the solid mass of his thigh, grinding your still-sensitive flesh against him. 

His lips trailed away from yours, brushing over your jaw and down your throat. He planted his knee firmly on the mattress, even as he moved down your body. “Is that how wet you get thinking about fucking me, baby?” Javier questioned as he roughly palmed at your breasts, teeth scraping against the swell of your left. 

You bent your leg, digging your heel into the mattress for leverage as you rocked against him. “What can I say?” You breathed out with a crooked grin, “There’s nothing I love more than watching _you_ let go for me.” 

Javier swore under his breath as your fingers twisted in his hair, “Yeah? You like the power, don’t you?” He questioned, pressing both of his hands to the bed on either side of your head. 

You leaned up and nipped at his throat, your tongue darting out to taste his skin. “That’s not the best part.” 

“What _is_?” 

“Knowing you in a way,” You started, lips brushing against the shell of his ear. “That no one else _ever_ will.” You kept one hand firmly tangled in his hair, as you traced your fingers down his spine, grabbing at his ass to pull him in closer to you. 

Javier let out a throaty sound as you dragged your thumb down the cleft of his ass, stroking it over his tight hole. 

“Get the camera set up,” You told him lowly, rubbing your thumb over the same spot again. “And I’ll get the harness on.”

He worked his jaw slowly as he stared down at you, “How about you get the harness and let me _help_ you put it on.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, rubbing your foot up the back of his leg. “I’ll allow it.” You teased as he reluctantly moved to unwind himself for you. 

Javier gave your thigh a quick squeeze before he moved to get off the bed. You couldn’t help but watch him for a moment as he ducked into the bathroom to retrieve the camera. 

You sat up, swinging your legs over the side of the bed as you dug through the nightstand for the bottle of lube. You tossed it onto the bed, before heading into the closet to grab the box of toys. 

You had to keep it on a high shelf because Josie was getting a little too adventurous with her snooping. The last thing you wanted was to emotionally scar your daughter because she found mommy and daddy’s _toys_. 

Javier had the camera perched on the nightstand, angled towards the center of the bed. “Do you think you can reach this?” He questioned, glancing back at you as you sat the box down on the foot of the bed. 

“I should be able to.” You shrugged a shoulder, “It might throw me off my rhythm but…” You popped the lid off the box, pulling out the harness and the two toys that you’d rung in the New Year with. 

“We’ll make it work.” Javier said, flipping the monitor around so he could check on the framing. “Alright, I’m gonna start recording.”

“Oh, do you have plans?” You questioned with an arched brow as you moved out of frame to grab a pair of lace underwear from your drawer. “Blue or red?”

“What about that black pair?” 

“I _love_ the way your mind works.” You retorted, snatching the pair out of the drawer, before moving back to the bed. 

Javier stowed the box under the nightstand, checking the camera once more before he picked up the smaller vibrator and scooted to the foot of the bed. “ _C’mere_.”

You stopped in front of him, resting your hands on his shoulders. “I hope that whenever we watch this in the future,” You started as you combed your fingers through his hair. “You still let me have _fun_.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “There’s never gonna be a time that I’m not gonna enjoy this, baby.” 

You leaned down to kiss him, widening your stance as Javier ran his hand up along your inner thigh. He stroked his fingers through your slick folds, before he grabbed for the remote and turned the toy on. 

You broke from the kiss and glanced downwards as the toy sprang to life in his grasp. “Keep it on low.” You told him as he guided it to your center. 

Javier held your gaze as he started to press it into you slowly, “You good, baby?” 

“Babe, I’ll be better when I’m _fucking_ you.” You retorted without hesitation, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“Soon.” He promised, tapping his fingers against the base of the toy seated within you, before reaching for the lacy underwear. They were a newer pair — thick black lace, save for the delicate sheer lace that covered your ass, finished off with a cute little bow at the base of your spine. 

You smirked at Javier as you leaned past him to grab the harness off the bed. You took a step back, shimmying your hips as you pulled the harness up your thighs and fitted it into place. 

Javier passed you the light blue dildo, his jaw set hard as you watched you slot it into place. “ _Shit_.” He breathed out, scraping his teeth over his bottom lip. 

“What?”

“Has it always been that big?” He questioned with an arched brow and just a hint of a smirk. 

You rolled your eyes, looking towards the camera. “Still _not_ as big as him.” You said dryly, fixing him with a pointed look. “Get into position.”

As much as you loved being in control, with Javier you tended to relinquish that control in the bedroom — but in _this_ situation? You had all the power. And that power was an intoxicating thing to see written all over his face. The way his lips parted, the way his pupils looked blown. 

And it was only the _beginning_. 

Javier obliged you, scooting back onto the center of the bed. His cock was hard against his lower belly, glistening with pre-cum as he watched you climb onto the bed with him. 

The toy within you buzzed quietly, a warm sort of tingle radiating through your core — not quite enough stimulation to get you any closer to a release. It didn’t matter right now, you were focused on Javier. 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get over how _good_ you look like this.” You told him as you picked up the lube and squirted some onto your palm. 

“Yeah?” Javier breathed out, pressing one foot into the mattress as he drew his knee up instinctively. 

You knelt in front of him, coating your fingers liberally in the lube before reaching down to brush them over his asshole. He twitched, his hands grabbing at the sheets beneath him as you teased him lightly, applying just enough pressure to make him shift towards you. 

“Keep your eyes on me, Javi.” You told him as you applied a little more lube to your fingers before carefully working one and then two past that right ring of muscles. 

Javier’s lips parted with a throaty sound, but he kept his dark gaze locked on your face. 

You sat the lube down beside his hip, using your other hand to cup his balls as you worked to open him up for you. “You’re doing so good, Javi.” You assured him, pressing a kiss to his knee as you slid your fingers out of him. 

“ _Hey_ ,” Javier started, brushing his fingers over the back of your head. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You told him, kissing his knee again. “But I’m still going to fuck you into the mattress.” You gave his hip a firm slap as you reached for the lube again. 

You coated the toy liberally in lube before shifting into position between his legs. Your knees pressed into the mattress beneath his thighs as he draped his legs over yours. It was the perfect angle for him — you could hit all the right spots without putting any pressure on _his_ knees. 

“Safe word?” You questioned as you leaned over him to retrieve the remote for the toy, tucking it into the waistband of your underwear. 

“Same as always and three squeezes if I can’t speak.” Javier answered, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip as he looked up at you. “Don’t go easy.”

“Gotta give future us a show.” You winked at him, before turning your attention back to the task at hand. You curled your fingers around the toy, guiding it into place. 

Javier’s stomach muscles visibly clenched as the head of the toy pressed against his asshole. His eyes flickered closed as you applied just enough pressure to slip into him. “ _Shit_.”

You grabbed at his thigh, fingers digging into the soft flesh there as you rolled your hips forward, sinking the full length into him. You stayed like that, hips flush to his as you let him adjust to the sensation. “You take me so well, babe.” You murmured, shifting your hips just a little to grind into him. 

A ragged groan escaped him as you started to slide out of him, before thrusting forward again. 

“Might have to replay just _this_ , Javi.” You stroked your hand up and down his thigh. “You make the best sounds.” 

His lips parted as he attempted to shoot something back at you, but you caught him off guard as you hit the button on the remote — setting off the toy that was seated fully within him. 

You leaned forward, planting a hand beside his head as you awkwardly grabbed the camera off the nightstand. “Look at him.” You said as you flipped the monitor around so you could look down at him through the camera. He looked absolutely _fucked_ as he laid there beneath you. 

“Fuck you.” He hissed out, his fingers biting into your thigh as he rocked his hips towards you subtly. 

“I think you mean _fuck me_.” You taunted, drawing back and sliding back into him. “Javier, you look _good_ like this.” 

Javier flashed you a crooked grin. “Is that all you’ve got?” 

You thumbed at the remote again, kicking it from a one to a three as you started to move, driving the toy in and out of him as you watched him through the camera. 

There was a part of you that couldn’t wait to watch this — to relive just how _hot_ he looked when he let go for you. Just _you_. This was something no one would ever know about, save for the two of you. 

Javier’s eyes rolled back in his head as the toy dragged over that sweet spot within him. You could tell by the way his fingers clenched tight around the sheets and your thigh. 

You hit the remote again, shutting the toy off as you kept thrusting into him. His cock was already leaking out against his stomach — but you weren’t ready for this to be over just yet. 

“Hang on.” You told him as you leaned over him again to set the camera back on the nightstand. “Little too heavy to keep holding.”

“It’s alright.” He mumbled, patting your leg as he sank into the mattress beneath you. “Fuck, it feels good baby.” 

“Yeah?” You grinned, dipping down to press a kiss to his lips. “Are you going to come for me?” You dragged your fingers over his jaw, before you curled them around the back of his neck as you kissed him. 

Javier grabbed at your ass, keeping you right there as you pulsed your hips into him. He slid his hand around your hip, finding the remote tucked under the waistband of your underwear and switching the toy back on.

You kissed down his throat, running your fingers down his arms, over his chest. Anywhere you could reach. 

“ _There_.” Javier panted out, grabbing at your ass again as he rolled his hips in time with yours. “Fuck. _Fuck_!” 

“That’s it.” You sucked at the curve of his jaw, cupping his cheek as you held him there. “Come for me, Javi.” You reached down between the two of you, curling his fingers around his cock. 

The sound that escaped him was an actual _sob_ as his cock pulsed in your palm and he came apart. 

Javier tensed beneath you, fingers digging into your arm as his leg practically shook against your thighs. “Don’t… don’t stop.” He urged, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as you kept thrusting into him, the toy vibrating within him every time you bottomed out. 

“I love you.” You whispered, cupping his jaw as you stared down at him, catching his lips in a needy kiss. “We can stop.” 

He nodded, blinking slowly as let out another hoarse groan. You grabbed at his hip, holding onto him right as you drew out almost completely before driving into him — right against _that_ spot. 

Your name came out like a strangled cry as he writhed beneath you. 

“ _Rasp_ —“ Javier started, his hand weakly grabbing at your thigh; one, two, three. 

You moved swiftly, shutting off the toy before moving to carefully slide out of him. “Hey, _hey_.” You rubbed his hip, “You good, babe?”

Javier nodded, dragging his hands over his face as he let out a heavy sigh. “Jesus- _fucking_ -Christ.” He muttered. 

You grabbed the remote for the toy that was still buzzing within you, shutting it off as you moved to take off the harness and your underwear so you could take the toy out. “Javier, do you need anything?” You questioned, giving his calf a squeeze. 

“Yeah.” He nodded rubbing at his eyes before canting his head to look at you. “Come here.” 

“Let me clean this up,” You gestured to the discarded harness, “ _You_ need a breather.” 

“Come. Here.” Javier said firmly and the look he fixed you with made you clench around _nothing_ , a fresh wave of desire washing through you. 

You let him drag you into position, hands planted on his chest for support as he curled his hands around your thighs and pulled you down so he could work his tongue between your folds. 

“ _Javier_.” You moaned out, coming _impossibly_ fast under the determined strokes of his tongue. You were embarrassingly wet from the combination of watching him come and the toy — but he wore the glistening arousal on his lips and mustache too well to _care_. 

“That’s it, baby.” Javier drawled out from beneath you, circling the tip of his tongue over your clit and causing you to tremble. 

You pitched forward, bracing yourself on his hips as he tightly held you in place. 

“I—“ You started, losing track of your words as he focused on your clit again. It was just this side of _too_ much. Your nails dug into his inner thigh as you squeezed three short times. 

Javier stopped abruptly, leaving you almost wishing you hadn’t stopped him. You were practically humming with desire and satisfaction. 

“Baby?” He questioned, running his hand down your spine. “Talk to me, baby.”

“I’m good.” You promised, reaching behind you for his hand. “ _Overwhelmed_.”

“I know the feeling.”

“You said you wanted to be _limping_ tomorrow.” You reminded him as you moved off of him and sank onto the mattress beside him. “I need to clean up.”

Javier shook his head, brushing hair off your face, “Later.” You nodded slowly, smiling as he pulled you into his side. “You did so good, baby.” He told you, kissing the top of your head. 

You ghosted your hand down his arm, tilting your head to smile at him. “So did you.” He closed the distance between you, brushing his lips over yours. “I love you.”

Javier bumped his nose against yours as he curled his arm around your waist, “I love you too.” He kissed you once more before rolling away from you to take care of the camera. “ _Shit_. We used up an hour of the tape on that.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and laughed as you rolled onto your stomach and turned your head to watch him. “And forty-five minutes of that was watching you lose your mind.” You taunted. 

“That last one…” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. 

“Good?” You questioned, reaching out to brush your fingers over the small of his back. 

“Fucking incredible,” Javier told you as he pushed the camera further onto the nightstand so it was stowed away safely, before he settled back onto the bed with you. 

“Better than usual?” You asked as Javier intertwined your fingers together. 

“ _Different_.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, “Don’t know how to explain it.” 

You squeezed his hand, “As long as it’s good for you, it’s _very_ good for me.” You whispered, kissing his knuckles.

“How’s a couple hours of sleep sound?” Javier questioned, searching your eyes. He looked exhausted and you were certain you looked the same way. 

You nodded, letting go of his hand so you could comb your fingers through his hair. “And then we can order some pizza and have a _quiet_ evening.”

He offered you a tired smile as his eyes drooped closed, “Alright, baby.”


End file.
